Ep 66 Eleanor Roosevelt V2
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COLD OPEN: Who was Eleanor Roosevelt? She was the niece of Theodore Roosevelt. The wife of Franklin D. Roosevelt. So much Roosevelt. She was a Goddamn super Roosevelt. She revolutionized the role of First Lady in American Politics. She didn’t just plan parties for other women of privilege - she gave press conferences with the public and wrote an internationally distributed newspaper column. After her husband’s death, she served at the United Nations, focusing on human rights and women's issues. She stood up for the oppressed in an age when most did not. She spoke her mind during a time when most women could not. She was a light in the darkness, a beacon in the storm, a cool glass of sanity and reason in a desert of ignorance and oppression. And today, she’s getting fucking sucked. Right here. On Timesuck. PAUSE TIMESUCK INTRO I. Welcome! II. Happy Monday Cult of the Curious! I’m Dan Cummins aka The Prophet of Nimrod the Suckmaster, the Sultan of the Suck, the tamer of Bojangles, and this beautiful and talented friends, is Timesuck. HUEGE thanks to the Madison Wisconsin Timesuckers who came out this past week. Three sold out shows in Madison and two others that were damn close. Thanks to Joey for being one of the best club managers in the game! All the shows were fun but over half of the Saturday first show crowd were clearly Timesuckers, and that show was ELECTRIC! One of my favorite in recent memory. More of that please! Got I love it when you guys come out. It pumps me up. Pumps more engird into the suck. I got two hours of sleep Saturday night and didn’t give a fuck as I got this episode ready. You make the sacrifice worth it! I really like how the new material is coming together for the standup show. Very Timesuck-esque. Closing out the year at Comedy Works in Denver, Colorado, December 28 through New Year’s Eve next week. Hope to see you there! Heard that clubs a blast. Indianapolis!! C’mon Indy. Be good to me again. Morty’s Comedy Joint January 5th and 6th. Get those tickets now Indy suckers! Providence, RI - The Comedy Connection January 19-20th. Chicopee, MA - Cabot Comedy Club Jan 21st Philadelphia! I’ll be at The Punchline January 25-27th. Chicago! January 31st through Feb. 3rd at Zanies in Rosemont. New York City - Gotham Comedy Club, one night only, Feb. 11th. Two live podcasts now on the books for 2018!!! Small Town Murder swap cast in Detroit on Feb. 16th, 2018 at the Magic Bag is happening! Live swap cast podcast tickets are on sale. Two shows now in one night - standup at 7PM, and the swap cast will start at 10PM. Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on March 3rd. Only $10 tickets for a live Timesuck podcast. Hopefully they’ll get those on sale soon. We can only bug them so much. And I’ll be doing standup shows there March 2nd and the 3rd as well. Check the tour date section on the website, either dancummins.tv or timesuckpodcast.com for more info. Ticket links in the episode description for all the shows I mentioned that have ticket links available. More announcements about merch and the app at the end of the show, right now let’s get to Timesuck 66 - Eleanor Motherfuckin’ Roosevelt. PAUSE INTERLUDE III. Feminist/Humanist: Eleanor Roosevelt is adored by a large number, if not by most, feminists. I took a feminism 101 course years ago and I’m pretty sure she was covered. I’d say Eleanor Roosevelt is one of the great feminists of all time, but really, she is one of the great humanists of all time. And I feel, that’s what genuine feminism is - humanism. Real feminism is not advancing women’s rights AT THE EXPENSE OF men. It’s advancing women’s rights TO BE EQUAL TO THAT OF men. And often, and certainly in the case of Eleanor, it is about bringing the rights of women to equal the rights of men and then pushing to bring the rights of everyone into balance. Bringing the rights of the have nots in alignment with the haves. It’s what Eleanor fought for her entire adult life. And let’s take a nice long look at that life, with a Timesuck Timeline! IV. Eleanor Timeline. 1. October 11th, 1884. Anna Eleanor Motherfuckin’ Roosevelt was born in Manhattan, New York. She was the first child born to Elliot Bulloch Roosevelt, brother of Timesuck 53, Teddy Motherfuckin’ Roosevelt. That’s how she got that extra middle name of hers that I just made up. And her mother was Anna Rebecca Hall, wealthy socialite. Eleanor was born into money and privilege, her family being part of the wealthy East Coast elite, the Platinum Privileged class the rest of the country began to refer to as The Swells. Ha. The “Swells”! I love it. (late 19th century/ early 20th century musical voice) “Life sure would be grand if I were swell! I could be the Big Cheese! A real live wire, the Real McCoy yes please! I could be the Cat’s Pajama’s and live so well if only I could be a Swell! Chase the gals with the grandest gams, only time will tell if I will be a Swell! There actually was a real song - song with a melody that stays in key and follows musical theory - that was later made about the Swells. A little ditty sang by Judy Garland and Fred Astaire. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hrzo5SPaOvg - start at 0:13, play to 0:28. (So good) a) Mom: Her mother was a Manhattan socialite noted for her physical beauty and vanity, a woman born into multigenerational wealth. Old money! And, she apparently was an asshole. More on that in a bit. b) Dad: Her father was also part of a very wealthy family. Eleanor came from the same line of Roosevelts as Teddy Roosevelt - the Oyster Bay Roosevelts. This side's rise to wealth (19th century) was via banking, namely Chemical Bank, now known as Chase/JP Morgan. Chemical Bank was a bank with a headquarters in New York City from 1824 until 1996. At the end of 1995, Chemical was the third-largest bank in the U.S., with about $182.9 billion in assets and more than 39,000 employees around the world. For more on that old Teddy Roosevelt money, listen to Timesuck 53. Aside from being rich, Elliot was also a raging alcoholic. More on that in a bit as well. And, like his wife, he was known for being quite the looker. A handsome man from a wealthy family! What a catch! What a swell Dandy! Not really. Dude comes across like a pathetic, emotionally unstable, lazy deadbeat. However, Eleanor adored her father and, when he was around and sober, he seemed like a good dad who reciprocated that love. Only, he wasn’t around and sober very often. He was known to be charismatic and made his presence felt when he walked into a room. He didn’t seem to ever hold a real job, or need one. Eleanor, when asked what her father did, would describe him as a “sportsman”. Not a professional athlete. A sportsman. A guy who has lots of time for big games hunts and tennis and the polo club because he never needs to get a real job. Eilliot’s father had left him a lot of money when he’d died. He was able to afford doing stuff like traveling to and climbing the Himalayas, bouncing around in Asia for awhile, then coming back and regaling other socialites with his tales of adventure. He played lots of Polo at the Meadow Brook Club on Long Island. Finally, he got a job working for New York’s leading real estate establishment, the Ludlow Firm where he wasn’t terribly successful because, he didn’t earn it. Family connections basically just gave him a new place to drink and chat with other rich people. Instead of a bar or a polo club, it happened to be called an office. He didn’t stay there long. Took a later job at his uncle’s Investment firm. Didn’t show up much around the office. Traveled extensively through Europe. Drank a lot more. Elliot was, essentially, the movie character of the rich aristocrat that no one has any real respect for. His brother Teddy is out there using his family connections and wealth for good and he’s wasting his life on booze and decadent travel, which Lucifina tells me I should do if I ever fall into money. Get drunk on beaches, eat the finest meals, and never give back to those less fortunate! Hail Lucifina!!! I mean, begone Lucifina! Don’t do that! Hail Nimrod! c) Bad Mom: Eleanor preferred to be called by her middle name, probably because her mother’s name was Anna, and she wasn’t a huge mom fan. Her mom called her “Granny” as a young child because she was such a serious child, and because she was so plain looking (and not nearly as pretty as her mother). What an asshole! I can’t imagine teasing one of my kids about their looks. And I could’ve easily been doing that for years. Both of my kids, Kyler and Monroe, are VERY ugly. REALLY ugly. Painful to look at really. But I don’t go around calling them trolls and goblins even though they look more like those creatures than actual humans, ‘cause that’s not cool.