www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q1

CYMK COVER STORY Suzanne Sounds Off Comic Suzanne Westenhoefer to Play , May 17 By Mary Damiano “Chris Rock makes fun of black people, and Suzanne Westenhoefer is not interested the black people are laughing their asses off in being politically correct. She’s only because they see the truth in it. If you don’t interested in being funny. see the truth in it, you won’t laugh,” Westenhoefer will bring her comedy to Westenhoefer says. “The truth is, fags and Miami as a featured performer at Aquagirl, dykes are funny, and I think that’s fabulous. the women’s party and fundraising weekend You know what else? Blacks are funny. benefiting the Dade Human Rights Latinos are funny. Fat people are funny, and Foundation’s Women’s Fund. She will skinny models who don’t eat are funny. If appear Friday, May 17, at the Lincoln Theatre someone wants to make them funny, and you in South Beach. laugh, that makes them funny.” Westenhoefer believes that standup, Westenhoefer concedes that such like jazz, is an American art form and comedy may not fall on the politically correct phenomenon. “We invented, and it does not side of the morality fence, but being correct translate,” she says. “By it’s nature, it’s also and moral is not the point of comedy. “I irreverent. It’s not sweet and nice; it’s expect that from politicians, meaning I want supposed to be provocative and evocative them to make moral choices. I don’t want to some degree, and that’s an American way them perpetuating horrifying myths. But to be. It’s very in your face. We’re like the comics? We’re the low rung on the totem court jesters.” pole; we’re exactly who’s going to point it She did not set out to be a stand-up out.” she says. “You’ve got to remember, if comic. Her dream was to be an actress, but people laugh, that’s where the market for it she spent the bulk of her 20s as a bartender. is.” She first hopped on a stage to do comedy Westenhoefer is not above making jokes when she was 29 and was a hit. about the people she likes when they say In the beginning, she was the gay girl in something she doesn’t like, such as Melissa the straight clubs. She became known for Etheridge, who raised Westenhoefer’s ire her fresh and sassy take on the world and with her comments about Eminem and Elton kept audiences laughing with her provocative John. brand of comedy. One of her signature “I love Melissa Etheridge—as a person, routines at the time was a bit making fun at as a performer, everything—but I ripped her the idea that straight men suck at oral sex. a new one for a year when she was all, ‘I “The straight men and women laughed their think Eminem is fabulous, I’m so glad he’s butts off,” she says. singing with Elton John,’” she says. “Does One of the early turning points in her that make me anti-Melissa? Hell no! I make career was a 1991 appearance on the Sally fun of Ellen. Am I anti-Ellen? Hell no. She’s Jesse Raphael talk show. The theme of the up there, she’s in the public.” advertising and selling tickets, then decide show was “Lesbians Who Don’t Look Like Even Westenhoefer has her limits, to take a closer look and change her mind. Lesbians.” though. She will not make jokes about rape, That was wrong and inappropriate.” There Westenhoefer remembers the scouts incest or child pornography, and she will not has been no further contact with the school. for the show combing the New York lesbian laugh at comics who do. “I’ll get up and make Westenhoefer maintains a busy touring bars to try to find women who did not fit the a joke about that comic,” she says. She will schedule, but only on weekends, allowing lesbian stereotype that was most often seen not make jokes about the priest scandal in her to have a normal weekday life with her on TV then. They had a hard time finding the Catholic Church. partner of 10 years, Annie. She recently four women who would appear on TV. “They Westenhoefer has had her own run-in appeared as a guest on Politically Incorrect had to go to Baltimore for the fourth one,” with a Catholic institution. Last year, and is in discussions about various projects. she says. Westenhoefer was booked to play at an Her live performances are her top career Westenhoefer says she appeared on the auditorium at Carlow College, a Catholic priority now, and she’s looking forward to program not so much to show that lesbians school in Pittsburgh. After agreeing to the playing Aquagirl. Westenhoefer’s unique do not look like America thinks they do, but concert, the president of the school, Sister take on comedy extends to her feelings about to show that lesbians are also smart and Mary Grace, deemed Westenhoefer and her her profession. funny. “I always hated that the material “inappropriate” and abruptly “No matter what you think, you have representation was one of anger. We were canceled the show. no idea what it’s like to do standup,” she always angry, or tragic. I thought, ‘I’m not “She has every right to not have me at says. “It is not like anything else. It’s not like that, my friends are not like that.’ I wanted her place; it’s a private school. I’m really harder. It’s not easier. It’s just not like other to be there and be smart and funny and have supportive of that. She does have the right things. It’s not a learned art or craft. There strong comebacks, and that was what I did.” to say no,” Westenhoefer says. “What she are no rules. If I make you laugh, I win. This Westenhoefer’s unique stance on does not have the right to do is say yes, take isn’t Meryl Streep doing a great performance. comedy is that it’s the audience, not the the money, and then two weeks out, after This isn’t a writer trying to create a Broadway comic, who makes something funny, these women have spent so much money on play or a song that sells. If I make you laugh, believing that nothing is funny until someone I win.” laughs at it. A comic’s job, she says, is to hold up a mirror, let the audience see the most South Beach Gay Men’s Chorus to uncomfortable thing about themselves, and see if they’ll laugh. Sing at Colony Theatre “You have to be realistic about comedy,” Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Extravaganza Set for May she says. “The nature of it is not about, ‘can’t we all get along.’ It’s actually to pick The new show from the South Beach shows, David Leddick, David Vance and the thing that you do that isn’t pleasant and Gay Men’s Chorus will premiere at South Lohan Bruguera will again be featured hold a mirror to it.” Beach’s Colony Theater on May 9. soloists in the production. Westenhoefer admits that she has Titled South Beach Shore Leave: A The chorus, which is comprised entirely certain sacred cow issues, and often can’t ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ Extravaganza, the of volunteers, has added several new help herself from doing certain jokes with show is a celebration of song, the armed members for the show. certain groups of people. forces, patriotism, drag queens and the gay The chorus has already previewed some “When I know there’s a thousand community. of the show’s numbers at the Communion vegetarians in the audience, then I get all The tale of the first U.S. battleship’s Oscar Night benefit and AIDS Walk Miami. over animals: kill ’em, eat ’em, wear ’em.’ arrival into South Beach for shore leave, the The show times are May 9 and 10 at And I’m not a vegetarian, but I would never show was conceived by Mark Akens, the 8pm, and May 12 at 3pm. wear fur, I don’t use any of the make-up [that chorus’s new artistic director, with musical Tickets are $25, and $20 for the Sunday is tested on animals]. On a scale of 1-10 of director Chris Rieder and accompaniest matinee show. animal activism, I’m like a strong 6-7. For me Andrew Sargent. The Colony Theater is located at 1040 to say that is ridiculous, but because I know “This show will highlight a broader Lincoln Road in Miami Beach. they’re all 10s, I have to say it. That’s the number of the member’s individual talents For tickets or more information, visit point of comedy.” for music,” said Akens. “It should prove to www.SobeGayChorus.org or the Colony She says people should not complain be a very special event” Theater box office, or call Dave Etz at when comedians make fun of certain groups. As has become a staple of chorus 305.672.5191. Q2 www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002

CYMK www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q3

CYMK Pumping It Up with By Ian Drew Maximum Volume New Album Releases Loud Timo Maas Circuit Alive Kevin Aviance (Perfecto/Kinetic/BMG) Music from the Motion Picture (Emerge) Just when listeners were beginning to doubt whether (Emerge) The diva himself returns with this latest 2002 could turn out a new dance music sensation, out Don’t judge pumping ditty, this time putting real vocal pops this eclectic debut album from a trance purveyor an album by its power into his performance more than ever who has already earned his stars producing remixes for cover. before. some of the world’s biggest artists. While circuit While Aviance is not as cutting edge Timo Maas, who has taken tracks by Madonna, parties have a here as he has been in the past, this latest Kelis, Fatboy Slim, Placebo and Azzido Da Bass to new reputation for No. 1 Billboard Dance Single makes up for it heights, has dropped an album that is equal parts being bland and all in its sheer likeability. transcendent and revolutionary. one-note, this Aviance lets go of being threatening to In the spirit of Moby, Massive Attack and Beck, sound track defies revel in the moment, dropping off his “Din Loud doesn’t stick to the sound one might expect. It what listeners Da Das” and need to be “Cunty” to truly feel mixes elements of every musical genre into a might expect from “Alive.” cacophonous a movie about the lifestyle. Produced by Grammy-winning DJ Tony delight that is The sound track to the new independent film Moran and newcomer Warren Rigg, the track unique without Circuit, which is currently making its rounds at gay is also mixed on the album into tribal, funk, forcing that fact film festivals and local theaters, displays every and break-beat versions by Aviance cronies onto the listener. possible angle of the versatility and diversity that exists Victor Calderone and Junior Vasquez. This brew of in the throbbing beats that drive the hedonistic Aviance has always been known more the infectious and gatherings. as an “entity” than a genuine vocalist, but the inspiring Legendary circuit DJ Tony Moran, who co- he is now stepping out with his most blatant brings out some of produced the album, mixes classic circuit party attempt to cover all bases and a the tunesmith’s anthems with numerous surprises to create something widespread credibility. He has already been famous friends of that is exceptionally listenable out of the usual fodder. showing off this new direction in recent live remixes past, with While the basic glitter-and-roll-over theme of performances, appearing with a live band, Kelis and Finley circuit mayhem is expressed in such tracks as Taylor including a horn section and backup singers. Quaye dropping by to return favors on the deep funky Dayne’s So Many and Kevin Aviance’s Ready Set If this effort doesn’t establish him as To Get Down and the raucous Caravan. Meanwhile, he Go, the album also features lush ballads (Toni Ann the reigning presence on the dance music throws it all up to reexamine darker territory on Like Martinez’s Love in the Shadows) and clever remakes scene, nothing else will. Love and the funky Old School Vibes. (the stunning dance version of Jefferson Airplane’s Maas then flips it up again with two soaring house White Rabbit by China Cat). tracks featuring Martin Bettinghaus (That’s How I’ve Also interesting is the mixing of different musical Been Dancin’ and Ubik: The Breakz). styles into the thumping circuit noise, like the Latin The album is finished off with the mellow Bad Days. infusion mixed into Paul Lekakis’s Assume the Position. The understated trance on the album’s closer resonates The songs on this collection can be uplifting, Bjork’s latest efforts with its winding and lightly spirited dark or even reflective. While they are meant to go underpinnings. along with the story to the new film, the album also This album is like 14 cutting-edge, understated and creates a new story of its own by redefining circuit perfectly styled underground parties in one, mixing music and painting the sonic picture of what could be subtle grooves and jolting licks into the most startling one very wild night on the town. new release of the year.

Q4 www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002

CYMK Interview Living the Circuit Life New Film’s Director Talks with The Express before Florida Premiere By Ian Drew appealed to me because it is a hot issue ID: Has your recognition Circuit is taking over South Florida, that nobody else has covered. changed your personal life? and the man behind the film is coming right ID: What were you trying to DS: Not in Los Angeles. along with it. demonstrate through the characters in It is my hometown now. I have The premiere of the film at the Miami the film? lived here so long that Gay and Lesbian Film Festival on May 3 DS: I was trying to show the human everybody knows me, and will bring director Dirk Shafer to town, and aspects behind what they do. They want nobody is impressed with me. the Fort Lauderdale premiere of the film what we all want. They want to be liked, I am still single, and I am will take place at the Gateway Theater on beautiful, and admired. For these happy being single right now. Friday, May 10. characters, it is their time to be queen of I tend to be in relationships a An exclusive afterparty will take place the prom. They come from a background lot and I like them, but this is following that screening at Fort where they didn’t feel attractive, and that nice. Lauderdale’s Cathode Ray Club with cast is so typical among gay men. The drugs ID: Are you surprised at members Paul LeKakis and China Cat and and the scene give them a feeling of the unconventional path you producer Michael J. Roth. confidence, security and their moment in have taken? The film has earned mixed reviews so the spotlight. That’s why the circuit scene DS: I was so naive when far for exploring the artistically is so seductive. I got out of film school and unchartered territory of the circuit party ID: How did you create the story? rolled into LA. I think I have culture. It tells the story of a naive cop DS: I have dabbled in that scene a learned patience the most. who falls into the scene and struggles with little over the years. From the period of Everybody in LA wants the its oft-characterized rampant narcissism, time that we started writing the script in same thing. You get there by Dirk Shafer excessive drug use and nonstop partying. 1997, I had time to research it and interview never giving up and hanging Shafer was last seen in his 1997 circuit boys. All of the specifics in this in there. I have been at this since 1985, DS: I think there are a lot of people directorial/writing/acting debut Man of the film are taken from true stories, from the and I’m still at it. I appreciate the Circuit historically in the gay community that Year, a ‘mockumentary’ about his use of plastic surgery to heavy drug use. I process more now because of the time it have stories that haven’t been told. I am experiences as an outed coverboy. This am not making an anti-drug statement, but has taken. When I first moved here, I working on a romantic comedy that is one film marks the highly anticipated it is a cautionary tale. Partying can be a thought that by 25 I would have a lucrative example. It is about a gay man who falls in sophomore effort from the University of great and wonderful experience, but it film career and be a major player. That was love with a woman and can’t consummate Oklahoma film school grad who has had does require responsibility. obviously not the case, and I have run it. In the end, he goes back to his boyfriend quite the unusual career path. ID: Why did you wait so long to into so many paths and turns. I never as a better lover because of what he learned release a film after the success of Man of dreamed I would be a part of gay film from being with a woman. There are so Ian Drew: What was your inspiration the Year? culture or a centerfold, but I enjoy the path many things like it that are realistic in the for doing this film? DS: I have been developing several I have taken. I am curious to see if I will be gay community but haven’t been touched Dirk Shafer: It was really about the things since then, but it is just so tough to accepted by mainstream Hollywood. I on. We have already seen too many stories challenge. As a director, I felt hindered by get an independent film made. I thought I would like to, but I have so many gay about coming out at 17, and Circuit is one the documentary format of Man of the could do it much quicker after the hype of stories that I want to tell that I will always film about being out in the gay culture the Year. I wanted to make a movie that allowed Man of the Year, but it is all the nature and have a hand in telling them. way it is right now. These are the kinds of me more creativity as a director. It also the climate of the business. ID: Do you think that is important? things I want to explore.

www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q5

CYMCKYMK Theatre Preview SoFla Q Goes North Already Broadcasting Locally and in Brazil, the SoBe TV Favorite will Join with Canadian Gay Network By Ian Drew landscape in South Beach and around the In an effort to extend its focus on bringing world have made him one of the circuit’s most gay travelers to South Florida, local gay seasoned arbiters. television show SoFla Q TV has licensed its After running a popular Baltimore coverage of nightlight, fashion and lifestyle restaurant, Lynch experienced love at first sight programming to Pridevision TV, the world’s with the area while vacationing there. He moved first gay cable network in Canada. down immediately, gaining a presence by The programming licensing agreement will becoming a local columnist and managing also create an opportunity for SoFla Q to produce editor for Wire, South Beach’s longest running original programming specifically for the network, weekly gay publication. which has already announced plans to broadcast It was through that affiliation that he made in the U.S. by the end of the year. his foray into television as the producer/ The announcement is just the latest anchor of a public access TV version of the development in the continuing growth of the magazine called Live Wire. He was surprised popular television program, which shines a by the show’s immediate success. weekly spotlight on the bustling gay scene of “We thought nobody would watch it at South Beach and beyond. first, but they did,” Lynch reflects. “We covered Past shows have featured local retail and all of the parties and cool things that happened dining outlets, as well as entertainment and on the beach, but the show was terrible in terms high-profile social events such as the Winter of quality. It had a huge cult following.” Party and White Party Week. Lynch subsequently launched his own The shows will begin airing on Pridevision series, BoyToy TV, in an effort to raise the in September. production quality. Lynch soon closed that “PrideVision TV is pleased to have series, however, after he says the name tuned- acquired this series for our fall season, as it out potential advertisers. He vowed never to will enable our Canadian community to check work in television again. out what’s happening in South Florida,” says He didn’t stay down for long, though. Angel Narick, director of acquisitions at Shortly thereafter, he was dragged out again PrideVision. “It’s part of our continuing by multimedia company Swen Entertainment strategy to offer more diversity from a worldwide perspective, and SoFla Q will help to make that happen.” The outsourcing fits into SoFla Q’s mission from the beginning to promote gay tourism in the area. “There has been a waning gay tourism in South Florida, and I want to preserve it as I know it to be,” says SoFla Q mastermind David Lynch. “This is a chance to give back to community by targeting the show to potential David Lynch interviewing Michael Tronn at Crobar gay tourists.” Since its debut in September 2001, Lynch to bring SoFla Q to life. The company and SoFla Q cofounder David Lipnik have sponsored the new show because of its belief already expanded the show’s reach to select in what the show could accomplish. markets in Brazil. Both tourists and locals now religiously Lynch has been a South Beach scene watch the show every Friday and Saturday staple since he moved to the area eight years night at 11:30pm on Miami Beach’s channel 3. ago. He is a known presence at every event It also shows at other times on Broward that counts, and he is seen out nightly channels 19 and 49, as well as in other major hobnobbing with South Florida’s most cities such as New York, Los Angeles and renowned residents. His observations and Chicago. commentaries on the social and entertainment In addition to their new international airtime, global Internet users view individual segments on the show’s website, www.soflaqtv.com. The expansion is not where Lynch plans on stopping. He would like to do a spin-off show called Q Television geared to a more mainstream audience, and he would like to expand SoFla Q’s coverage of Broward County. “My passion is to keep gay tourism coming here,” says Lynch. “The vibrancy of the nightlife here is really hard to depict unless you Interviewing door god Vito at Crobar have experienced it, but people have said that when you watch the show, you feel like you have been to party. Older couples come up to me and say that although they don’t go out anymore, they feel like they have after seeing our show. That is rewarding us. This is about preserving our gay tourism in South Florida. That is the ultimate goal, and it is a gift of love.” For more information on SoFla Q, visit www.soflaqtv.com. Interviewing DJ/Producer Tracy Young Q6 www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002

CYMK Aquagirl 2002 Annual Women’s Weekend Hits Miami May 16-19 In just three years, Aquagirl has become Mall and enjoy fabulous food, wonderful South Florida’s premiere party weekend for people-watching, a great Aqua Girl discount, women, attracting beautiful ladies from all and lots of warm fuzzies knowing that our over, ready for fun and to froliic in the sand restaurant partners will contribute partial and surf. proceeds from every Aqua Girl’s dinner to And women can be assured that they the DHRF Women’s Fund. are partying for a good cause. Aquagirl, which takes place on Miami Beach Saturday, May 18 May 17-19, benefits the Dade Human Rights Aqua Girl® Beach Ball, 11am-5pm Foundation’s Women’s Fund. Featuring Halcyon and DJ Pride Aquagirl is the main fundraising event for The Doubletree Surfcomber Hotel, the DHRF Woman’s Fund, which works to 1717 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach raise awareness gay, lesbian, bisexual and This is an event for women who like their transgendered community. Money raised by fun wet and wild. The women of Aqua Girl Aquagirl helps the Women’s Fund continue take over the oceanfront Surfcomber Hotel their work to strengthen, empower, educate pool for a pool/beach party and a fun-filled and foster the women’s communities in South day of music, frolicking, cool seaside Florida. cocktails, and girls, girls, girls, dancing to This year’s lineup features the comedy the tea-style sounds of DJ Pride. There will of Suzanne Westenhoefer, a beach/pool also be a special live performance by one of party, Champagne Brunch, Aqua Tea Dance, the Southeast’s foremost women’s bands, the big Sweet Charity party, a visit to a Miami Halcyon. Sol game, a performance by Halcyon and Sweet Charity Albion Hotel, 1650 spinning by DJ Pride. James Avenue This year’s sponsors for Aquagirl This is Aquagirl’s signature event, a high include The Express, She Magazine, The energy dance party that will start the Advocate, GayLauderdale.com, TWN, Curve, weekend of parties off with a bang. This Pandora Events, Miami Sol and Ultra Events. year, Sweet Charity will be held at the Albion For tickets to Aquagirl 2002, call Hotel, 1650 James Avenue, Miami Beach. This 305.572.1841 elegant dance party has become notorious for its hot DJs, spectacular lights and sounds, breathtaking women, and distinctive and exciting settings. This year, the ultra-hip Albion Hotel will be overrun by gorgeous women ready to party by the rooftop pool, the Zen waterfall, or the courtyard garden. Whatever the locale, the vibes will be hot. WNBA Basketball—Miami Sol v. Phoenix Mercury, 7pm American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Boulevard, Miami Root, root, root for the home team as the Miami Sol take center court for some women’s basketball action against the Phoenix Mercury. Aquagirl 2002 AfterGlow—The Afterparty, 10 p.m. The Schedule of Events Loft at 1771, 1771 West Avenue, Miami Thursday May 16 Beach Welcome Party The end of the Sol game is just the Doubletree Surfcomber Hotel, beginning of this super-sexy vibe party 1717 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach featuring the sultry and tropical dance Aquagirl 2002 kicks off the festivities sounds by DJ Pride, a live performance by, with its Welcome Party, 7:30pm-10pm at the Rachel Panay, and, of course, girls galore, at Doubletree Surfcomber Hotel.. This is the one of South Beach’s trendiest hangouts. perfect opportunity to meet and greet those This is a limited capacity event, so buy sweet ladies in town for a good time. Enjoy a tickets early. starlit night poolside with cocktails and a special live performance by the acoustic duo, Sunday, May 19 CommonBond. This is a free event. Women’s Brunch, 11am -2pm Friday May 17 Indian Creek Hotel, 2727 Indian Creek Come Out Laughing: A Night of Comedy Drive, Miami Beach with Suzanne Westenhoefer Relax poolside at the lushly Lincoln Theatre, 541 Lincoln Road landscaped, wonderfully restored Art It’s time to come out laughing with one Deco landmark hotel with all your new of the nation’s favorite lesbian comedians. Aqua Girl gal-pals at this limited capacity Suzanne Westenhoefer will perform at the. party. The party features fabulous food, Westenhoefer has appeared on Arliss and live jazz with Lela Lombardo, and Policially Incorrect, and her HBO special wonderful, just-what-the-doctor ordered was nominated for a Cable ACE Award. She mimosas to get the day started just right. tours frequently and is known for her Aqua Tropical Tea, 2pm-6pm original, brash point of view. Presented in Indian Creek Hotel, 2727 Indian Creek cooperation with the Miami Light Project. Drive, Miami Beach Dining on Lincoln Road, Friday and This sensational tropical tea dance Saturday Nights will cap off a festive weekend in style. One Lincoln Road Mall, Miami Beach of last year’s favorite events—it quickly The Lincoln Road Mall has it all—a bevy became a classic—and a must on your of restaurants offering a feast of mouth party schedule. Sip cool drinks and dance watering cuisine sultry palm trees swaying poolside to the hottest sounds from in the breeze, and even sultrier women National Circuit DJ Alyson Calagna. strolling and strutting their stuff. Visit any Capacity is limited. Tickets are available of the Aqua Girl partner restaurants on the for this event alone, or as part of a brunch stylish, open-air Pedestrian Lincoln Road pass.

www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q7

CYMK Heard It Through the Gayvine Queers, Quotes and Quips of Interest Too Good for Florida’s Largest Gay Newspaper? Eminem Still Melting in Weak Hands ‘People’ Star Just A Little Too Big For His Britches! That rapping homophobic honkey is back! There is an age-old axiom our publisher lives by and posts in a sign above his desk: “He who Eminem, the Grammy-winning rapper who offended laughs at himself will never cease to be amused.”. millions just a few years ago with his hateful and homophobic As the gay community’s newspaper of record, we have interviewed a wealth of local notable lyrics, is back with a new album, aptly titled The Eminem Show. Eminem media figures, such as Neil Rogers, and even more recently, Steve Rothaus of The Miami Herald. His first single, “Without Me,” is already blasting out of These revealing portraits have also included sit downs with PR honcho Bob Gray, photographer car stereo speakers across the country. The track is the first Pompano Bill, So Fla Q’s David Lynch. Even the unpredictable Jason Bell indication that Em is not done lashing out at his critics and has had his story told on these erstwhile pages. But a couple of declinations family on this first release since the multi-platinum Marshall lately has sent us reeling. We may just have to interview the guy hawking Mathers LP. papers at the corner of Broward and Federal. He notably uses it to take a stab at dance music maestro First, People Magazine style guru Steven Cojocaru turned down a Moby, saying that “nobody listens to techno anyway.” cover interview in our popular Q feature section. Eminem’s third solo album has already set the industry Cojocaru has recently gained pop icon status through his jocular, buzzing again for another song, which is rumored to address the ultra-effeminate presence on The Today Show and other TV outlets. duet between himself and Elton John played two years ago at Coming on like an alarming cross between Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler and the Grammy Awards. Joan Rivers, the fashion editor comically runs down the list of current On another, he threatens to put anthrax on a woman’s trends and fads over the airwaves. Tampax and slap her with it.. The three main ladies in the white A representative from the magazine called The Express this week to rapper’s life — his mother, ex-wife and daughter, Hailie — are say that Cocojaru is a “real journalist” and doesn’t want to focus attention reportedly focal points of his lyrics once again in many of the Steven Cojocaru on himself by doing interviews. songs. Real journalist? This guy is a cross between Liberace and Paul Lynde. The Eminem Show debuts in record stores on June 4. He spends his on air journalism skills choosing what Julia Roberts will wear to the Spiderman premiere. We do agree, however, that his flaming personae Clinton Could Follow Jerry Springer’s Footsteps draws him enough attention on its own. Former President Bill Clinton is reportedly talking to television bigwigs about hosting his own In a further offense, The Weekly News writer Loann Holden was talk show. approached for an Express interview because of her local media coverage The Los Angeles Times reports that Clinton met with NBC of the community. executives in Los Angeles last week about hosting a possible television Holden, who won a 2001 GLCC Stars of the Rainbow Award for show. The paper quotes sources as saying Clinton is so serious about it Media Personality of the Year, scoffed at the offer, saying it would go that he has whispered “of becoming the next Oprah Winfrey.” down like a “lead balloon” to her bosses. A Clinton spokeswoman told the Associated Press on Thursday Oh well, the offer was extended and still stands. Holden has our Loann Holden that the former president has met with several key entertainment phone number. Meanwhile, we have lined up some great upcoming features executives about television projects, but he did not demand a talk show. with Eric Bogosian, authors David Brock and Michelangelo Signorile, and maybe even a sit-down While Clinton doesn’t yet know what kind of show he wants to with the governor of our fair state. So stay tuned for our occasional sarcastic bites here in the Vine, host, the amount he is asking for could stop the executives dead in their and our full and in-depth coverage of our lives on other pages. tracks. He is reportedly calling for $50 million to even step foot onto a The Mission statement from our esteemed publisher, when he is not out at a soundstage. baseball game, is to cover the full breadth and dimension and heart and soul of our The asking price might not be unreasonable. The former president community. is bringing in $15 million a year doing speeches, and he recently scored So if you have a suggestion, idea, inspiration, or just feel someone has been left out that should a $12-million book deal, one of the largest in history. be included in, send an email to the managing editor at [email protected]. Tell him to Bill Clinton go to hell if you like, but tell him something. He feels very alone.

Q8 www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002

CYMK Comedian Goes from Openly Gay Comic to Openly Gay Novelist By Mary Damiano garnered him a book deal. He had already Bob Smith has been a successful collaborated with the Funny Gay Males to standup comedian for about 20 years. He produce Growing Up Gay, which was has written several books. He’s starred in an published in 1995, and Smith had been writing HBO special. But no matter what Bob Smith comic essays on his own in the tradition of does, he’ll always be known as the first James Thurber. He wrote some magazine openly gay comedian to do a set on The articles and his editor, Rob Weisbach, Tonight Show. decided there was enough material for a book. Smith spoke with The Express from Openly Bob, published in 1997, was Buffalo where he was performing at a sold- well-received and won a Lambda Literary out benefit for Empire State Pride Agenda. Award. Smith’s second book, Way To Go, For Smith, who grew up in Buffalo, it was a Smith, came out in 2000. case of a native son returns. Smith is currently concentrating on a Smith says the two comedians who had novel that combines his own experiences the most influence on him as a boy were writing on a television show in Los Angeles Woody Allen and Lily Tomlin: “They were with time spent in Alaska while writing an the two who really made me want to do it.” article for Out magazine about gay fishermen. Smith will be in a unique position at an He enjoys writing the fiction and finds upcoming benefit in Palm Springs, which similarities between his fiction and his more Tomlin is hosting. Smith will be introduced autobiographical essays. by his idol. “I never do this, but I’m bringing “It is different in the sense that you’re my Appearing Nightly comedy album to get making up the story as you go along, but the her to autograph it,” he says. process in terms of putting together He began doing standup at a jazz club sentences to make a story seems the same,” in Buffalo in the early 1980s. When Smith he says. moved to New York around 1986, he made Smith says he is most proud of his books the decision to be openly gay in his career, a and considers himself a writer at heart. “If I fairly radical decision which, according to had to choose between the two, between Smith, made him the only openly gay standup and writer, I’d definitely pick writer,” comedian in New York. He believes there is he says. He finds an interesting common less stigma about being openly gay now. ground between the isolation of writing and “I think it’s all changing,” he says. “Ellen the community of standup. “You’re isolated just went from a canceled TV show; now in front of all those people, because it’s just she’s going to do a talk show. I don’t think it you,” he says. “When it goes really good, will matter as time goes on.” it’s great. You get to a point where it’s rare if By the time Smith made his you totally bomb.” groundbreaking appearance on The Tonight Smith still remembers his worst moment Show, he was touring extensively and had on stage. He was playing a sold-out 250- built up quite a following. The studio seat comedy club in Seattle. “By the time I audience, however, was filled with fans of got off the stage 45 minutes later, half the another guest, country singer Brooks. people had walked out. That was pretty “That was hilarious,” he says. “I hadn’t nightmarish.” noticed that they were all wearing cowboy These days, Smith is devoting himself hats.” to his writing more than anything else. He The audience turned out to very already has a future book idea, envisioning receptive to Smith’s comedy, and he believes humorous, historical essays about his it was one of the best sets he’s ever done. family’s deep roots around the Niagra River. “It was a weird show,” he remembers. “The He still uses a picture book he created as a lineup was Garth Brooks, me and Wendy child in his act. The book is a hysterical and Wasserstein. I’m sort of a cross between revealing look into Smith’s psyche. He’s also Garth Brooks and Wendy Wasserstein. I like working with a friend on some ideas for to think of myself as their love child.” commercial comedy. “Writing something for The appearance on The Tonight Show film or TV is such a crap shoot,” he says. became a turning point in Smith’s career, and “My main priority is to finish this book.”

www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q9

CYMK Naked Curiosity Expressions Penetrating Questions By Dennis Scott-Bush

Jonathan was impatient. subscribe to his theory? kind of sex means I haven’t had sex at all.” “Four dates and we still haven’t had sex,” I turned to some sexually active friends David took that a step further: “It’s like my fretful friend complained. to get their perspective. those guys are still teenagers categorizing I asked the usual questions about how My eminently quotable friend, Jay, was what they do by what bases they get to. They they’d met and what about the new man had the first to sound off: “If I’m alone, it’s don’t score unless they get all the way caught his eye and launched his libido. masturbation and if someone else is there, it’s around the bases. Maybe it’s about what “He’s got a hairy chest and a cute bubble sex.” they think is intimate and what is casual, but, butt,” Jonathan related, noting the two Tom was of a similar mind: “If genitals are for me, whether a guy’s penis has been in my attributes he valued most in the men he dated. exposed and more than one person is there, mouth or my butt, we’ve been intimate and “But his blow jobs leave a lot to be desired.” it’s sex — penetration or no penetration. And we have definitely had sex.” I paused for a minute, to let my brain try mutual masturbation is definitely considered “But Jonathan has a right to believe what and wrap around the inconsistencies in his sex in my book.” he wants about what is sex because it really comments. The early returns fed my feeling that the doesn’t affect anyone other than himself, “I thought you said you haven’t had sex vast majority of my gay brethren were of a since he’s single,” Gary argued. with him?” I asked. “Is your knowledge of his single mind and that Jonathan was the I’m not so sure the guy Jonathan has oral sex skills based on word of mouth from exception to the rule. been dating would agree. From his other men who’ve been in his mouth?” I was too quick to claim unity in the perspective, he and Jonathan were already Jonathan was perplexed. Sure, they’d community. The dissension in the ranks came having sex. What they weren’t having was swapped blow jobs and done mutual swift and loud. communication. Neither of them had masturbation a few times, but he didn’t Darius got right to the point: “If my dick bothered to ask the other about which consider that sex. hasn’t been up a guy’s butt, I haven’t had sex activities they enjoyed and which ones were I’d only ever heard that kind of skewed with him. All we’ve done is fooled around.” off limits. Had they done that, Jonathan logic used by coupled men who were trying Derrick agreed. “I don’t consider oral sex would have learned that he was dating an to rationalize the kind of screwing they were or mutual masturbation to be sex. I think those oral-only guy. doing outside their relationship. Jonathan are things we do to learn a person’s body How we define sex and what kinds of was single and, for the record, not a politician. before we get to that point.” things we will or won’t do in sexual situations “There has to be anal penetration for it The point of entry. are important issues that can’t be left to to be sex,” he verbalized, revving up his But what’s to be gained by limiting our chance in the hope that it will all work out in rhetoric. “The other things are like fun stuff definition of sex to the old in-and-out? And the end — rear end or otherwise. to get ready for the actual sex.” where does that leave gay men who aren’t fond Sexual synergy can’t be left to chance. If there isn’t a poke, is it all just a joke? of anal sex? Clarify definitions. And ask questions. Felatio is fun, but penetration makes it serious? “There are a lot of us who believe that not The more Jonathan articulated his mind- all sex has to be up the butt,” Lance testified. Dennis Scott-Bush’s work set, the harder it was for me to believe that he “I’ve never had anal sex,” Greg chimed appears in publications throughout could really think that way. I wondered if he in. “And I’ve been way too slutty to delude the country. E-mail may be directed to was alone or if there were other gay men who myself into thinking that not having had that him at [email protected]

Q10 www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002

CYMK www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q11

CYMK CYMK Live Theater • Dance Music • Art Exhibitions QCultural Events Radio • Television

Events Saturday, May 11: Classic Car Show & Through May 19: “Falsettos” - The Shores Sunday & Monday, May 12 & 13: Jethro Car Wash - This event is from 12 noon –4 p.m. at Performing Arts Theatre proudly announces the final Tull – This Broward Center concert features two of Tuesday, May 7: “A Salute to Judge Sigler” 2266 Wilton Manors Drive. For information call show in its 2001-2002 Season. “Falsettos” is a the original band members: (flute and - South Florida supporters and friends of the Gay and (954) 565-2526. To enter a car in the show, email: seamless pairing of “March of Falsettos” and vocals) and (guitar). Joining the original Lesbian Victory Fund invite you to join us for an [email protected]. “Falsettoland,” acclaimed off-Broadway musicals members are on drums; Andrew Giddings evening of dinner, tapas and drinks to support the re- Sunday, May 12: Mothers Day written nearly a decade apart, “Falsettos” won 1992 on keyboards; and Jonathon Noyce on bass. 8 p.m. at election of Judge Victoria S. Sigler of the 11th Judicial Tuesday, May 14: GayLauderdale Lunch - Tony Awards for best book and musical score. It is the Broward Center’s Au-Rene Theater, 201 Circuit (Miami-Dade County). Judge Sigler is one of Join us for Business Networking at its best from11:30 the jaunty tale of Marvin who leaves his wife and Southwest Fifth Avenue. For information and tickets only a handful of openly LGBT judges in the state of a.m. - 1:30 p.m. at Costello’s Restaurant. Featured young son to live with another man. His ex-wife call (954) 462-0222 or 1-800 564-9539. Florida. She was appointed to the 11th Judicial Circuit speaker: Shelly Meyers of Meyers Capital marries his psychiatrist, and Marvin ends up alone. Friday, May 17: Diana Krall - Diana Krall’s in 2000 and is currently facing her first election to Management. Admission is $21 in advance & $25 at Two years later, Marvin is reunited with his lover on classic style blends equal parts artistic vision, hard retain her seat on that court. The event will be held the door. For information visit the eve of his son’s bar mitzvah, just as AIDS is work, and determination. The first jazz artist in 25 at the home of Jim Pepper, 5601 North Bayshore www.gaylauderdale.com/lunch or call (954) 938-5226. beginning it’s insidious spread. Show Times: Fridays years to be nominated for an Album of the Year Drive in the Morningside neighborhood of Miami. Thursday, May 16: Meet Diana Krall – If you & Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 2 p.m. Ticket Grammy and one of only a handful to go platinum, Sponsors: $500 (max allowable by law); Patrons: are a fan of Grammy winner Diana Krall, you can find prices: $30 Evenings/$28 Matinees. For tickets call Krall has literally changed the face of the genre. A $250; Hosts: $100; Attendees: $75. Make Checks her at Barnes & Noble at 6 p.m. signing your favorite (305) 751-0562. Shores Theater, 9806 NE 2nd wide array of celebrities declared their admiration, payable to: Sigler for Circuit Court. 100% of the net CDs from her collection. This is a free event. Barnes & Avenue, Miami Shores. from Harrison Ford and Sarah Jessica Parker to Elton proceeds go to Judge Sigler’s campaign. To RSVP: Noble is located at 2051 N. Federal Hwy, in Fort Through Sunday, May 26: “Rodgers & Hart, John and Sting. Her music has been featured on “Sex Please contact Jennifer Jones at Lauderdale. For more information call (954) 561- 3732. A Musical Celebration” – From their first hit song in and the City,” and in such films as “Midnight in the [email protected] or call (202) 842-7301 with Friday, May 17: “Dare to Lose” – Author Shari 1925 through their final show-stopper in 1943, Rodgers Garden of Good and Evil,” “Autumn in New York,” credit card information. Lieberman mixes humor and common sense and dares & Hart continually redefined the musical theatre with “Random Hearts” and the 2001 Robert DeNiro Thursday, May 9: A Literary Coffeehouse you to give up dieting and learn to eat right for life. This their wit, freshness and intelligence. This show features film,”The Score.” 8 p.m. at the Broward Center’s – Louise Hudson presents her book, “Can’t Keep it free event is at 7:30 p.m. at Barnes & Noble, 2051 N. their songs and a brief narration highlights their success. Au-Rene Theater, 201 Southwest Fifth Avenue. For to Myself” at The Mangrove Café. Books are available Federal Hwy, in Fort Lauderdale. For more information Performances are at The Broward Stage Door Theatre, information and tickets call (954) 462-0222 or 1- for sale and signing and a local lyric soprano provides call (954) 561- 3732. 8036 W. Sample Rd., Coral Springs in theatre #2. Tickets 800 564-9539. entertainment during the first half of the program. Friday - Sunday, May 17 – 19: Aqua Girl 2002 are $27. For performance times and tickets call (954) Friday, May 17: Paul McCartney - Join Light refreshments are served and the 6 – 8:30 p.m. - A packed weekend of lavish parties, including, the Aqua 344-7765. GayLauderdale For A Gay & Lesbian Group For Paul program is free. Groups should RSVP to (954) 357- Beach Ball, the Aqua T, Miami Sol WNBA Game, Sweet Through May 27: “Art Metrano’s Accidental McCartney in the comfort and luxury of our Lexus 7514. For more information call (954) 926-2480. Charity, the Champagne Brunch, the Lincoln Road Dine Comedy” – This play is a hilarious and moving evening Club Level Skybox Suite Including North Suite/Club The Mangrove Café is at the Anne Kolb Nature Center Around, and “Come Out Laughing” with Suzanne chronicling the life of actor/comedian Art Metrano. VIP entrance, comfortable, roomy seats, cash bar, at West Lake Park, 751 Sheridan Street in Hollywood. Westenhoefer. Party alongside girls from all over the Metrano was a familiar and frequent guest on television private restrooms, and more! Tickets are $195. Friday, May 10: “An Evening with country as they descend upon South Beach to experience shows such as the Johnny Carson Show, Laugh-In and Groups of 4 or more receive a free VIP Parking Pass Richard Grayson” - Richard Grayson, author of all Aqua Girl has to offer. Entertainment includes Halcyon, The Jonathan Winters Show. He has numerous other ($15 value), all are welcome! Friday, May 17th at 8 “I Survived Caracas Traffic,” “The Silicon Valley DJ Kimberly S. (Girl Bar/L.A.), DJ Pride, Maryell Epps, T.V. credits and has appeared in many films, but is perhaps p.m. at National Car Rental Center. Diet,” “I Break for Delmore Schwartz,” “With Lela Lombardi and more. All proceeds benefit the Dade best remembered for his role as Lt. Mauser in the Police www.gaylauderdale.com . Hitler in New York” and “Lincoln’s Doctor’s Dog” Human Rights Foundation Women’s Fund. For more Academy movies. Performances are at the Hollywood Sunday, May 19: PINK – Double platinum will read from his works. Free and open to the information visit www.aquagirl.org or call (305) 572- Playhouse, 2640 Washington St. in Hollywood. Tickets best selling pop star Pink brings her “Get This Party public. 7 p.m. at Stonewall Library and Archives, 1841. are $25. Performances are Wednesday through Saturday Started Tour” to the Au-Rene Theater. This ambitious 1717 N. Andrews Ave. in Ft. Lauderdale (in the Friday – Sunday, May 17 – 19: Hot Air at 8 p.m., Sundays at 7p.m. and Wednesdays, Saturdays singer/songwriter will be performing songs from her front lobby entrance of the GLCC complex). For Balloon Race and Festival – This 3rd annual race and Sundays at 2 p.m.. Call the box office at (954) 922- new album “M!ssundaztood,” as well as favorites like further information call the Library’s info-line: includes balloon glow, pancake breakfast and more at 0404 or visit www.hollywoodplayhouse.com to purchase “There You Go” and “Just to Be Loving You” from (954) 763-8565. Lake Ida Park in Delray Beach. Fri 7 – 10 p.m., Sat tickets. her freshman album. Don’t miss the party! The show Friday, May 10: B.E.A.C.H. - The PWA 6 a.m. – 5 p.m. and Sun 6 a.m. – 11 a.m. For more Through June 23: “Victor/Victoria” – starts at 7:30 p.m. at the Broward Center’s Au-Rene Coalition will host the 9th Annual Broward information call (561) 278-0424. Matinees are Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun at 2 p.m. Evening Theater, 201 Southwest Fifth Avenue. For Educational and Action Conference on HIV (BEACH) Saturday, May 18: Miami SOL vs. Phoenix performances are Thurs, Fri & Sat at 8 p.m. and Sun at information and tickets call (954) 462-0222 or 1- on 2002 at the Signature Grand in Davie, Florida. Mercury - This is our WNBA home team’s first pre- 7 p.m. Tickets are $27. To order contact the Stage 800 564-9539. The conference will feature its traditional curriculum season game. For tickets and information go to Door Theatre at (954) 344-7765. The Coral Springs June 15th and 16: “Those Good Old Days”- focused on the latest treatment, care, and quality of www.aaarena.com or call (786) 777-4SOL. Stage Door Theatre is located at 8036 W. Sample Rd. The June Pride Concert, “Those Good Old Days,” life information for people affected by HIV and AIDS, Sunday, May 19: J’s Third Anniversary Friday - Sunday, May 17 - 19: “Smile” - will be a 50/50 concert. The first half will be and will offer continuing education units for health Party - J’s is located at 2780 Davie Blvd in Fort This all singing, all dancing musical extravaganza primarily classical with works by Mozart, Ron care professionals. For more information, to register Lauderdale. For information about their party plans chronicles the lives of sixteen “typical high school Nelson, Morely, and others. The second half will for complementary admission as a person with HIV, call (954) 581-8400. seniors” as they rehearse, perform and compete for be a USO show with music from the 40’s or to hear about continuing education opportunities the title of California’s Young American Miss. The accompanied by a dance band, featuring the music for health care professionals, please call the drop-in winner will go on to the national finals in New Orleans, of Duke Ellington, Harold Arlen and their center at (954) 565-9119, or visit the coalition online Live Theatre and Dance but only after enduring “the very best week of her contemporaries. Something for everyone! For at www.pwa.org. Through Sunday, May 12: “Swingtime life.” 8:15 p.m. at the Broward Center for the information and tickets call (954) 565-2620 or Saturday, May 11*: 9thAmerican Red Canteen”- This is a nostalgic tribute to Marion Performing Arts, 201 Southwest Fifth Avenue. For visit www.lambdachorale.com. Ribbon Awards - Get your tickets immediately Ames, an MGM movie star, and her all female band information and tickets call (954) 462-0222 or 1- for the first major “Gayla” to be held at the who entertained American troops during WWII. Over 800 564-9539. http://www.curtainup.org/ beautiful brand new Weston Diplomat Hotel in 30 vintage classics like “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy”, Art Exhibitions Fridays: “Separate Checks”- This Comedy Hollywood, Florida in their Grand Ballroom. The and “Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree” are featured in Through May 17: “Out of the Asher: New Improv Troupe performs every Friday night at 9:30 hotel is thrilled to have a list of celebrities of this this musical comedy. Playing at Stage Door’s 26th St. Visions in Glass” – Works by artists Drew Cobb, p.m. at the Hollywood Playhouse, 2640 Washington magnitude at their new magnificent facility. This Theatre, 1444 NE 26th St. in Wilton Manors. Tickets Shawn Lipe, Thomas Strang and James Thibeaux will St., (954) 922-0404. years honorees are International recording star are $27. To order by phone (add $1 per ticket) call be on display from 6 – 10 p.m. at Crystal Vision Dionee Warwick, who is celebration her 4th decade (954) 344-7765. Studio and Gallery, 1400 NE 4th Ave, Ft. Lauderdale. in show business, and acclaimed singer, song writer, Through Sunday, May 12: “A Lesson Music For information call (954) 764-0469. and actor, Sam Harris. Local honoree Joey Wynn, Before Dying”- This powerful play by Romulus Through June 23: “Our Sinatra” – This is Ongoing: Jazz Memories- Works by will be receiving the Gary L. Steinsmith Award for Linney, based on the Book by Ernest Gaines is about a musical celebration of and tribute to Ol’ Blue Eyes. Herman Leonard features photos of jazz greats such his commitment and edication to the HIV/Aids the search for grace and dignity in Louisiana in 1948, Performances are Wed, Sat, Sun at 2 p.m. and Thurs, as Ella Fitzgerald, Duke Ellington, Frank Sinatra, community. A special Benefactors Cocktail Party when an innocent young black man is being executed. Fri, Sat at 8 p.m. Tickets are $27. Stage Door’s 26th Billie Holiday, Charlie Parker and many many more. will be hosted at 7 p.m. to meet and mingle with “Passionate! Powerful!” - New York Times. St. Theatre, 1444 NE 26th St. in Wilton Manors. 12 noon – 7 p.m. at the Barbara Gillman Gallery, the evening’s celebrities. For further information “Flawless!” - New York Magazine. Playing at the For tickets and information call (954) 344-7765. 5582 NE 4th Court #5, Miami. For information call contact CHC at (954) 537-411 ext. 111. *This is Gable Stage in the eastern section of the Biltmore Thursday, May 9: Vienna and the Savoy - (305) 759-9155. a revised date. Hotel, 1200 Anastasia Avenue, Coral Gables. Valet The Florida Philharmonic Orchestra performs The Espanola Way FESTIVART- Every Saturday, May 11: The Next Generation parking is available. Free parking is available in the tonight in part of their “Starlight Series.” 8 p.m. at Friday and Saturday, 7 p.m.- midnight at Washington – This writing workshop is: “Point of View: Whose Biltmore parking area west of the hotel. For more the Broward Center’s Au-Rene Theater, 201 Ave. and Espanola Way, Miami Beach. Live music. voice is that on the pages?” Writing workshops at information or to purchase tickets, call the Southwest Fifth Avenue. For information and tickets For more information call (305) 673-4166. Stonewall are always free, but participants are asked GableStage Box Office at (305) 445-1119 or visit call (954) 462-0222 or 1-800 564-9539. http:// to pre-register by calling (954) 763-8565. www.gablestage.org. www.curtainup.org/ Radio Stonewall Library and Archives, 1717 N. Andrews Through May 18: “Shoot” – Miami Light Friday, May 10: “Summer Doo Wop II” – The Alternative Radio Show - The only Ave. in Ft. Lauderdale (in the front lobby entrance Project presents a Mad Cat production of “Shoot.” Rock and roll never forgets and you’ll remember GLBT Talk and Entertainment radio program in South of the GLCC complex). This is a viscerally powerful drama by local playwright/ how good the music makes you feel when “Summer Florida, the Keys and the Bahamas. Live every Saturday, May 11: “Memoir” – Writers actor David Cirone about three teenage girls who plot a Doo Wop II” comes to the Au-Rene Theater stage. Thursday evening at 9 p.m. on WAXY 790 AM and share unique moments in their lives through the sinister revenge on their teacher in a small southern On hand to rock around the clock will be Bill Haley’s worldwide on the Internet at written word, through memoir. This workshop will town high school. Performance days are Thursdays, Comets (“Shake Rattle and Roll”), The Buck Ram www.radioalternative.com. show you how to write effectively bout your Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. There is a special Platters (“Only You”), The Penguins (“Earth experiences and tell your story so that others will performance Monday, May 13. General Admission is Angel”), Walt Maddox’s Marcells (“Blue Moon”) want to read it. 10 a.m. – 1 p.m. at the Main $10 plus the roll of a single die. Students are $7 with valid and the Angels (“My Boyfriend’s Back”). 8 p.m. at Television Library, Bienes Center. $40 in advance, $45 at the I.D. All performances are at The Light Box, 3000 the Broward Center’s Au-Rene Theater, 201 SoFla Q TV- Television for the alternative door. For information and registration call The Biscayne Boulevard. Call (305) 576-6377 for more Southwest Fifth Avenue. For information and tickets lifestyle. For information call (305) 534-3975 or Florida Center for the Book at (954) 357-7401. information call (954) 462-0222 or 1-800 564-9539. visit www.soflaqtv.com. Q12 www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002

CYMK Top 10 List by Mary Damiano Just for Laughs A Movie Lover Lists Favorite Comedies

I am a cinematist. I love movies. They great sight gags to mention, but it all comes are my passion, my religion, my lover and my down to a sweet love story. The scenes friend. I am never so at home than when I am during the credits are hilarious, too. Double sitting second row center in a movie theater. Your Pleasure: Animal House, 1978. My father was a big movie fan, too, and some of my earliest memories are of movies. The In-Laws, 1979: Peter Falk stars as a Back in the days before multiplexes, he’d take mysterious government agent who sucks mild- me to two different theaters in one day, mannered dentist Alan Arkin into a crazy scheme because that was the only way to get a the weekend Falk’s son is to marry Arkin’s double feature. I remember staying home on daughter. This is nonstop laughs. Double Your rainy Saturday afternoons and watching old Pleasure: A Fish Called Wanda, 1988. black and white movies, and, in the pre-VCR days, setting my alarm for 2:30am, because The Palm Beach Story, 1942: Claudette His Girl Friday, 1940: Arguably the gay confidant. It’s a crime he wasn’t nominated that was the only way I could see Great Garbo Colbert loves her husband Joel McCrae so much fastest-talking movie ever made, the for an Oscar. He steals every scene he’s in and in Ninotchka. she’ll do anything to make his dream of building wisecracks and sophisticated one-liners fly even some he’s not in—that’s how good he is. While I love all kinds of movies, I love an airport come true, even divorcing him and furiously in this comedy starring Rosalind Double Your Pleasure: Pretty Woman, 1990. movies that make me laugh the best. I love passing him off as her brother to the millionaire Russell as a star reporter ready to give it all screwball comedies and romantic comedies she plans to marry so she can get the money to up for a boring husband and a white picket What’s Up Doc?, 1972: Barbra Streisand and sophisticated comedies and even gross finance said dream. The screwiest of the classic fence, and Cary Grant as her editor/ex- stars as a free-spirited girl who causes lots out comedies. I’m not one for stupid comedy, screwball comedies. Double Your Pleasure: husband who’ll do anything to get both his of trouble for the mild-mannered professor though, and I do not possess The Three Some Like It Hot, 1959. story and his girl. Double Your Pleasure: she’s in love with, played by Cary Grant. Her Stooges gene that makes that strange Arsenic and Old Lace, 1944. pursuit of the professor offers lots of excuses threesome’s antics funny to people. A girl’s The Odd Couple,1968: Jack Lemmon and for chase scenes in San Francisco. Ryan got to draw the line somewhere. Walter Matthau were at their peak in this Neil My Best Friend’s Wedding, 1997: O’Neal is the perfect foil for Streisand’s The following list of my favorite Simon comedy about a divorced slob who Gorgeous, adorable Julia is at her goofy best quirkiness in this wacky salute to classic comedies is by no means complete—it would opens his home to his fussy friend after the here as she tries to steal her best friend away comedies of the 1930s. Double Your take several entire newspapers to list friend’s wife kicks him out. Classic moment: from his bride during the weekend of the Pleasure: Bringing Up Baby, 1938. everything— but these are a few of the Matthau, as Oscar, offers two kinds of wedding. Rupert Everett is fabulous as Julia’s movies that hold up viewing after viewing, sandwiches to his poker buddies, green or movies that make me laugh and make me feel brown. When one man asks what the green good. Note the use of the pronoun ‘me.’ sandwiches are, Oscar tells him it’s either very That’s very important, because comedy is new cheese or very old meat. Double Your subjective. What makes me laugh may make Pleasure: Barefoot in the Park, 1967. you go, ‘Huh?’ But hey, you’re entitled to your opinion. This just happens to be mine. Analyze This, 1999: What could be funnier than Robert De Niro spoofing himself The Producers, 1968: There’s a reason in just about every role he’s ever played? the Broadway version is one of the hottest Not much. De Niro plays a modern day crime tickets in years—this is Mel Brooks at his boss who seeks help from a psychiatrist, best. Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder scheme played by Billy Crystal. Hysterical. Double to make a fortune by staging the biggest flop Your Pleasure: Meet the Parents, 2000. on Broadway, Springtime for Hitler. Just seeing these two Jews listening to a Nazi Annie Hall, 1977: No list of comedies playwright reminisce about the good old days would be complete without a Woody Allen with der Fuhrer is worth the rental. Double movie, and this is my personal favorite. Allen Your Pleasure: A Funny Thing Happened and Diane Keaton are the ultimate New York on the Way to the Forum, 1966. couple having the ultimate New York relationship. The lobster scene is funny and There’s Something About Mary, 1998: the cocaine scene is funny, but look for How could I not love a movie with my name Christopher Walken as Annie’s brother. He’s in the title, especially when Mary is played scary and funny. Double Your Pleasure: by perky Cameron Diaz? This has too many Manhattan, 1979.

www.ExpressGayNews.com • May 6, 2002 Q13

CYMK By Charlene Lichtenstein For the week of 5/06/02 Our traffic copter sees a pile-up on the cosmic highway when Venus conjuncts rowdy Mars and collides with sourpuss Saturn. This convoy then opposes powerful Pluto. Check your roadmap lest Pluto drops you into a cosmic pothole. Hellooooo down there....

ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 20) Fiscal opportunities multiply and you feel in the pink financially. Is it a pink elephant, though? Do your homework, ask (and follow) the right advice and you will have more than peanuts to feed you in your golden years. TAURUS (APRIL 21 - MAY 21) What do you truly value? That question won’t answered to your satisfaction now gay Bull. The planets overturn what you believed was tried and true. That’s this week; next week brings a renewal of faith. Hey, it’s good to have a reality check.... Not! GEMINI (MAY 22 - JUNE 21) The spotlight is there for the basking if you use it wisely and judiciously. There is a temptation to play the Gay Duce but remember what happened to Mussolini. At least, let others think that they live in a democracy before you stuff the ballot box. CANCER (JUNE 22 - JULY 23) Pink Crabs feel the need to rub their crystal balls for inspiration. Don’t prognosticate too loudly; As a randy band of planets oppose Pluto, some of the things you’ll come up with are pretty far off the mark. It would be a shame not to live up to your billing. LEO (JULY 24 - AUGUST 23) Expect social over-commitments when Venus conjuncts Mars and Saturn and opposes Pluto. Although they say you can never be too thin or too rich, proud Leos shouldn’t spread themselves too thin now. Saturn has a way of reminding you if you forget. VIRGO (AUGUST 24 - SEPTEMBER 23) Queer Virgos have been clawing at that corporate ladder for so long they can smell the boardroom. But with this planetary zetz, your claws may be dropped in a pot of boiling water and feasted upon by sharks in pinstripes. Give ‘em indigestion next week. LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 24 - OCTOBER 23) Don’t haul it to court this week, gay Libra. The Venus, Mars and Saturn conjunction and their oppostion to Pluto tips your scales over. Even “escape” may not escape the unescapable. Find some balance with more intimate escapes. Ahem. SCORPIO (OCTOBER 24 - NOVEMBER 22) Expect some between you and lovers when Venus pokes Mars and Saturn. Queer Scorps think they have reached self actualization. This too shall pass; Pluto reminds you that eating a bologna sandwich before bedtime produces such hallucinations. SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 23 - DECEMBER 22) Partners demand more from you than you are prepared to give. Before you raise the roof, step back, take a deep breath and hold off on any major decision for a week. Saner minds may prevail and you can play the happy homemaker once again. CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 23 - JANUARY 20) The planets careen otherwise sane gay Goats into insanity at work. There is an evil smell in the air but you toss the rogues out... eventually. Keep your wits about you and don’t react to nonsense. Query: Are you able to recognize nonsense? AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21 - FEBRUARY 19) It may all seem like one big tea dance but Saturn, the planet of lessons gets into the act as does demonic Pluto. Aqueerians may yearn to lambada with the best of them but wait until next week. For this week at least, the lambada is the forbidden dance. PISCES (FEBRUARY 20 - MARCH 20) Guppies yearn to burst Out. Venus’ mosh with Mars and Saturn puts a damper on your family debut but so what? Pluto sez you don’t need permission. Don’t hold up the pride parade waiting for a nod from the judges. Tell the judges where to get off.

© 2002 MADAM LICHTENSTEIN, LLC., All Rights Reserved.For Entertainment Purposes Only. Check out her site www.AccessNewAge.com/Stargayzer for egreetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. Her book “HerScopes; A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is available at bookstores and major booksites.

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