book of suicide methods for a quick and secure departure from life

part 1-30, some version of

jak się zab ić wie brin gt man sich um come si suicida как совершать с амоубийств́ zěnme zìshā (怎么自杀, how to commit s uicide) this pdf was first uploaded the 5th of november 2013, is free to read and free to redistribute as a non-commercial e-book or text file of some other sort, under the terms of CC BY-NC-ND

written by Nada Alleen version 1.03 (6th of november 2013) added part 011-013, changed the front page a bit, and made some small amendments to 006 + 009. version 1.07 (7th of november 2013) added part 014-017, and digitalis to 006 and 010. version 1.13 (8th of november 2013) added part 018-023, the average lethal dose of HCN to 003, and the Sophocles quote. version 1.14 (9th of march 2014) united 003 with 009, in place of the appleseeds method there's now the methanol intoxication on position 003. toxalbumins have been included into 011. and the Evan Harris Walker quote was put at the very beginning of the preface. a nap in the bath (015) has been inserted between 014 and the former 015. version 1.15 (31st of march 2014) included nux vomica into 018 and added method 025. version 1.16 (3rd of april 2014) extended 025 via an appendix, added a case example to 002, the Schopenhauer quote between 018 and 019, and finally, part 26. version 1.20 (6th of may 2014) presents 027 & 028. 008 has been relocated to 029. "Jefferson's recommendation" now sits in its former place. Szasz's & Reznor's quote has been added to the introduction. amanita muscaria has been added to 022. the car crash is now part of 002, which has been renamed to "blunt force trauma" (formerly: "overcoming the fear of heights"). savin oil has been added to 020. 007 has been rewritten. bitter apple has been added to 009. 018 has been extended. it now includes nicotiana tabacum & gelsemium sempervirens & euonymus species & myrtus communis. 015 has been trimmed to the most essential. 004 now carries the tool quote as foreword. what happens when you survive and end up in an emergency room is the topic of the new „interceptive“. then, following new quotes act as interludes: the one by Leo Tolstoy, by Horace McCoy, the 2 Ligotti quotes. the one from Strahan's book, the one by Jesus, by Pavese, by zralytylen, by Voltaire, by Bradley and the 2 by Szasz. all this is followed and concluded by method 030. and this in turn is concluded by the rewritten conclusion. as well as appendix A & B. content overview

introduction

part 0 001 partial suspension hanging, preceded by drinking... 001 blunt force trauma 002 drinking, preceded by drinking... 005 suicide by snake bite 006 kissing your dearest ones yourself goodbye 008 breaking (hemlock & wolf's bane) for a cup of tea 009 dieting on salads 012 Jefferson's recommendation 014 giving in to bitterness 017 fasting yourself to death 019 eating from the tree of knowledge 020 exchanging headache for a headache 022 combining over-hydration with hypervitaminosis A 024 a nap in the cold 027 a nap in the bath 028

interceptive

il dolce vino 029 metal 030 les autres fleurs du mal 032 “i ain't givin you no golden shot" 037 protective parathion/savin hand lotion 040 impromptu railway promenade 042 pizza ai funghi 043 antitussives that toss away your tussis. for good 044 letting things end this way. in tears 045 SSRI * MAOI = peace of mind² 047 pressants, pressants, et al. 058 over-the-counter sleep aids 065 zhōng yī (中医, traditional chinese medicine) 071 mixing 10 capsules of tramadol with... 078 "non dolet, Paete!" 078

conclusion chemical ways to achieve unconsciousness, appendix A 081 natural ways to achieve unconsciousness, appendix B 083 introduction

„think of the plans we make for our lives […] our plans feed our daydreams. we stare out windows imagining loves fulfilled, futures blessed with success, riches, fame, recognition, and respect. we hope and we build ever more elaborate plans to hide our disillusionment as each hope slips away. then one day we awaken to find ourselves buying lottery tickets to patch these ludicrous fantasies together as they turn to nothing“ -Evan Harris Walker, from 'the physics of consciousness', p. 2 things will never get any better. you can exert yourself as much as you like, and for a while it might look like there's a way out of where you were put into and want to get out of, in the end you'll come to find that there never was any opportunity to grasp at and hold onto delight and ecstasy, blithe sublimitiy, self-fulfillment and acknowledgement, those lavish luxuries that were held just above your head, seemingly within reach, in actuality, though, not. you will grasp at nothing. that's how things are supposed to be. try to defy this and "the clouds will part and the sky cracks open and god himself will reach his fucking arm through, just to push you down, just to hold you down. stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss and it's hard to believe it could come down to this. back at the beginning. sinking. spinning" -Trent Reznor, "the wretched" i guess a mixture of some barbiturate + some antiemetic or other kind of substance that prevents vomiting, like it's being used in Switzerland and Belgium and the Netherlands for euthanizing people, is not up for debate anymore. "in the good old days you could get barbiturates. now of course you can no longer get barbiturates, because barbiturates are very useful. besides sleeping for one night you can sleep forever" -Thomas Szasz, speech from 1994, "on socialism in health care", https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=FC9r3Gs8XuU but there's other ways that look promising and are within many people's (?) reach. here are the methods that maybe may be considered worth considering. part 0

going to work on a sunday because, as the bible says, "you shall keep the Sabbath, because it is holy for you. Everyone who profanes it shall be put to death" -Exodus 31:14

"for six days shall work be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of solemn rest, holy to the Lord. whoever does any work on the Sabbath shall be put to death" -Exodus 31:15 . okay, now let's be serious.

part 1

partial suspension hanging, preceded by drinking... yourself unconscious. based on the results from my last attempt, 1 bottle of vodka (or a bit more), flushed down as quickly as possible, within a timespan of a few mins (one doesn't need to empty the bottle in one take, but one should not linger too long either) will make you pass out. so, if one is sitting upright and has a cord or cable or whatever wrapped around one's neck, and the other end fixed onto some spot above, maybe on a hook one 001 screwed into the ceiling a while ago, with a total length just about not long enough to let you bend forward anymore (or into any other direction), it means... you'd asphyxiate yourself the moment you drop off and your upper body (at least by a few centimeters) sinks down. according to Geo Stone's "suicide and attempted suicide" no more than 15 kg pulling on your ligature are needed to close your trachea and to cut you off from oxygen.

part 2

blunt force trauma when seated in a car: what (minimum) speed leads to death when it drops to 0 in no more than a moment? in New Jersey, 2013, a 15 year old "crashed his car into another vehicle, killing him and two others, never even tapped the brake before the deadly wreck [...] investigators believe Srijan Saha [...] was driving his parents' 1995 Honda Civic at almost 100 mph when he veered into oncoming traffic and slammed into a car head-on" -http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/new-jersey-teen-driving-100-mph-hit-brakes-suicidal-wreck- killed-3-report-article-1.1489496 also from 2013: "a crash in Graham that killed two men late Monday has been ruled a homicide-suicide, according to the Pierce County Sheriff’s department [...] both drivers were pronounced dead at the scene [...] investigators said the 19-year-old was speeding more than 100 miles per hour. when deputies went to notify the man’s family about the accident, they discovered a suicide note. “He’d left a suicide note saying he was going to drive his car 120 mph into a pole,” sheriff’s spokesman Ed Troyer said. “he got his car up to high speed to hit a pole and instead hit a truck, killing the other guy instantly.”" -http://blog.thenewstribune.com/crime/2013/05/28/two-men-killed-in-car-crash-in-graham/#storylink=cpy

002 100mph correspond to 160.93km/h successful crashes (leading to death) seem to be even possible at much lower speeds.

Boone County, 2014: "investigators say a car that struck a tree Sunday morning, killing one current and one former student at Western Boone High School, was traveling at 65 mph just before the crash. the Boone County coroner determined that Jacob Shockley and Richard Penny, Jr. both died from blunt force trauma [...] medics declared both teens dead at the scene" -http://www.wthr.com/story/24987815/2014/03/16/boone-county-police-investigating-fatal-accident

65mph correspond to 104.61km/h a speed of around 100mph might the speed that leads to death when it drops to 0 in no more than a moment. this is the value that most success cases provide. in the event that you crash into something that will "budge up" when you hit it, so that the speed you're driving with won't drop to 0 in no more than a moment, 100mph won't suffice, as following case from 2011 demonstrates...

"Donaho had just spent four days in the Williamson County jail after admitting that he tried to kill himself and his girlfriend in a high-speed car crash, court records show [...] a Volkswagon Jetta had crashed head-on into an impact attenuator, or crash cushion. when fire fighters were freeing the couple from the wreckage, both were conscious and admitted they were attempting to commit suicide by driving into the traffic safety device [...] State Trooper Carlton R. Scott, who investigated the accident, [...] found extensive front-end damage to the car, and both air bags had been deployed and had blood on them. upon examining the instrument cluster in the dash of the car Scott said he found [...] the speedometer was frozen at more than 110 mph," -http://www.hillcountrynews.com/news/article_2de12522-33d0-11e0-b1e4-001cc4c03286.html? mode=print to prevent the unlikely, but possible event that you'll survive a crash into something firm and solid, at a speed of (at least) 100mph (the faster you drive, the better), and also to prevent the unlikely, but possible event that the firm and solid object you decided to crash into turns out to be not so 003 steadfast afterall, thus cushioning the impact, you'd be well advised to intoxicate yourself prior to commencing your road trip. the average height of an apartement is 2.5m (hollow space) + a 16-30cm thick ceiling. assuming it's 2.7m in total, then, when you'd be standing on the 18th floor you'd be 45.9m above ground level. based on Geo Stone's investigation. a 150 feet (= 46 meters) fall onto the ground, or a 250 feet (= 76 meters) fall onto water, will almost certainly lead to death. if there aren't any buildings or bridges tall enough where you live, one can travel abroad. i was thinking of the Yangtze river bridge in Nanjing (China), a famous suicide spot. It does not provide a 76 meters fall, but, it's proven itself to be safe investment. If the impact with the river won't kill you, you'll drown instead. China is a country one could potentially aquire some nice potentially lethal drugs from. also nembutal and cyanide. i thought about going to Nanjing, trying to get hold of sth like that, and if it fails, jumping off that bridge as a last resort. as far as leaps of faith onto solid ground are concerned, you'll probably also die from a fall from a bit below the ideal of 46m. maybe take a lethal dose of some poison beforehand, as a security measure. South Korea, 2013...

"a 39-year-old man jumped to his death from the top of an 11 story building in the southeastern port city of Busan. In addition to killing himself, the suicide jumper landed on a little girl who was standing outside of the apartment building with her parents. the man died immediately from the fall. the little girl suffered broken bones and brain damage and died shortly after the incident at the hospital. the little girl's parents were not harmed in the fall." -kare11 news, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSLket0pwQw the top of a 11 story building, that's equivalent to the 12th floor, or to a height of around 29.7m. As the example above shows, you should be careful not to hit anyone, or else there will be 2 casualties.

004 part 3

drinking, preceded by drinking... anything with methanol as a special ingredient in it. alcohol starts to work prior to methanol, assuming you'll consume both, you will first get drunk as expected, and then, a few hours later, lose consciousness due to the methanol intoxication, sounds like a pleasant way to go, and many have already taken this path, although often unintentionally. But there's a catch. „if as little as 10 mL of pure methanol is ingested, for example, it can break down into formic acid, which can cause permanent blindness by destruction of the optic nerve, and 30 mL is potentially fatal,[21] although the median lethal dose is typically 100 mL“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methanol

„indeed, small amounts of ingested methanol are sufficient to produce acute destruction of parts of the central nervous system leading to permanent neurological dysfunction and irreversible blindness“ -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1771266/ this means, it's probably a good idea to learn the braille alphabet before your methanol suicide attempt. because if you survive, you might be blind afterwards.

dramatic pause "suicide is an important medical treatment for depression" -http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Suicide

part 4

suicide by snake bite "venomous voice, tempts me, drains me, bleeds me, leaves me cracked and empty [...] the snake behind me hisses [...]touching me, changing me, and considerately killing me [...] and as i look in his eyes, my fear begins to fade recalling all of the times. i could have cried then. i should have cried then. and as the walls come down and as i look in your eyes my fear begins to fade recalling all of the times i have died and will die. it's all right. i don't mind." - tool, "H" getting hold of a snake should be easier than to aquire a gun is, in most countries. Cleopatra killed herself by inducing an asp (probably the Egyptian cobra in her case, there's some debate about this and in general about her death's circumstances) to bite her. let's use her as a rolemodel. "the venom [of the Egyptian cobra] affects the nervous system, stopping the nerve signals from being transmitted to the muscles and at later stages stopping those transmitted to the heart and lungs as well, causing death due to complete respiratory failure in just 10 minutes" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egyptian_cobra the European asp sadly doesn't seem to promise a quick and secure death. but 4 months ago, in France, someone (a German) actually managed to die (unintentionally) via cardiac arrest induced by his pet aspis viper -http://www.welt.de/vermischtes/kurioses/article117268527/Schlangen-Experte-stirbt-waehrend-Show- durch-Biss.htm. 006 he had the fortune of having been bitten several times. based on what i've gathered online, it appears as though several bites are indeed needed. one isn't toxic enough. if you happen to live in the USA or Mexico, a mojave rattlesnake envenomation leads to respiratory failure aswell. since apparently the bite of this species "is usually not as painful as other rattlesnake bites." but "is considered ten times more toxic" -http://www.blueplanetbiomes.org/mojave_rattlesnake.htm it might come relatively close to a peaceful death. of course i can give you no promise on that. if you happen to live in India, the prestigious naja naja (Indian cobra) might not be your best bet with a fatality rate of below 20% -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_cobra but you might be lucky enough to have one of those life-ending encounter with the beaked sea snake, which is "notoriously aggressive and readily provoked, with 1 single bite containing enough venom to kill 50 people" - http://oceana.org/en/explore/marine-wildlife/beaked-sea-snake if you happen to live in China or a country nearby, suppression of breathing + subsequent death also occurs at the mercy of the many-banded krait, that is, depending on the severity of the bite it may or may not end fatal, 29 hours later? -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Bruno_Slowinski if you happen to live in Afrika, the black mamba will surely put you to death apparently, “the most toxic venom, by far, of any snake in the world“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inland_taipan comes from the inland taipan, found in Australia. death follows within 30- 45mins. so as far as velocity is concerned, the Egyptian cobra has a faster acting venom, but not the potential to kill 100 people.

007 part 5

kissing your dearest ones yourself goodbye some of you may have heard of "the frog prince", a story about a frog, who after having been kissed by a princess, is freed from a spell that was put on him, and turns back into a prince. nth but a fairy tell... or maybe not. kissing a frog can have a spell-breaking effect, although not necessarily for the frog, but for yourself. it can free you from the burden of life.

Madagascar is the habitat of a genus of frogs called mantella most are toxic, but 2 especially so. the golden mantella and the black-eared mantella. just touching them may lead to "life-threatening consequences" -http://reptiles.wikia.com/wiki/Black-eared_Mantella in some tropical rainforests, there live the so-called poison dart frogs, among which, the phyllobates terribilis, found mainly in Colombia, "is the most toxic frog known" -http://aalite.hubpages.com/hub/Poison-Dart-Frog-Facts kiss it (or altearnatively, the phyllobates bicolor) and you'll kiss yourself goodbye. "this causes immediate severe pain, fever, and repeated electrical jolts in the fingers and toes. after forty-five seconds to one minute, seizures occur, quickly followed by paralysis and death" -http://reptiles.wikia.com/wiki/Golden_poison_dart_frog the oophaga histrionica, also in Colombia, can also solve your problems for you. or the lovely poison dart frog, in Honduras, or the phyllobates aurotaenia, "the third-most toxic of the poison dart frogs" -http://reptiles.wikia.com/wiki/Kokoe_poison_dart_frog (Colombia + Panama)

008 part 6 breaking (hemlock & wolf's bane) for a cup of tea after studying historical texts and consulting with toxicologist Dietrich Mebs, the German historian Christoph Schaefer concluded that Cleopatra "died from drinking a mixture of poisons. a mixture of hemlock, wolf's bane and opium“ -http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/06/30/cleopatra.suicide/index.html?_s=PM:WORLD instead of a snake's venom. whether their theory is right is questionable, i personally doubt it because all other sources say otherwise and they seem to be misinformed about the effects of an Egyptian cobra bite, which does not take hours to induce death. but we're offered interesting information from a toxicologist about how to induce a pain-free (or at least not too painful) death. it appears to me, their idea was that mixing hemlock and wolf's bane, both by themselves already potentially lethal, both potentially leading in a similar manner to the same end result (cardiac arrest), will accelerate the process, and adding opiate to it will numb your body and lessen (or even eradicate) the pain. you can't buy the plants just like that, but you can buy their seeds and grow them yourself. conium maculatum (hemlock) apparently starts to blossom in the 2nd year after the seeds have been planted in some sunny place. every once in a while these seeds are being sold on ebay. all parts are toxic. because the main ingredient of the dúcānshǔ (毒参属, conium/hemlock) plant is the alkaloid dúqínjiǎ n (毒芹碱, coniine), which makes up around 90% -http://www.cysticus.de/klassische-homoeopathie/conium-maculatum.htm yet, "within the unripe fruits it carries, its toxin coniin is especially strongly concentrated“ -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conium_maculatum the lethal dose of coniin is 1g (0.1 grams/"8 fresh leaves can suffice“) - http://www.inchem.org/documents/pims/plant/conium.htm#SectionTitle:2.5 Poisonous parts wūtóushǔ (乌头属, aconitum/wolf's bane) : seeds can be ordered on amazon for little money. it grows in sunny or not so sunny places, out of moisturized earth. apparently already 1 year after the seeds have been planted -http://www.natur-lexikon.com/Texte/MZ/002/00183-Blauer-Eisenhut/MZ00183-Blauer-Eisenhut.html all parts are toxic. wūtóujiǎ n (乌头碱, aconitine) is the alkaloid acting here, 009 which is supposed to be "more toxic than“ -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aconitin fānmùbiējiǎ n (番木鳖碱, strychnine). the lethal dose of the latter is 30-120mg -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strychnin for an adult, 15mg if injected. and for the former, aconitine, (via oral intake) it could be as low as 3mg -http://pharmacology.georgetown.edu/urbanherbs/Aconite.htm or even just 2mg -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aconitine let's consider it to be 6mg, which doesn't even need to be swallowed, a "simple skin contact is sufficient and leads to a painful death“ -http://www.gartendatenbank.de/wiki/aconitum-1_infos_eisenhut within just a few hours. the root and its preflowering leafs and its seeds have the highest concentration. now, i sadly wasn't able to find out what the exact amount of aconitine is, as far as the seeds are concerned, but the root is supposed to contain 0.2% -http://botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/a/aconi007.html this means 1g of root yields 2mg of aconitine. but don't expect your stomach to extract all of it. you can order both from online gardeners if you plan to eat some aconitum napellus seeds, prepare yourself for "hours of violent vomiting and diarrhea“ -http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/102/23/2907.full before you'll pass out. ventricular arrhythmias would be the potential cause of death. . so the last ingredient needed would be opiate. which you can get from your drug dealer next door? i sadly don't maintain any contacts with people like that, and know of no easy way to get hold of opiate, but maybe an opioid will work aswell? "an opioid is any psychoactive chemical that resembles morphine or other opiates in its pharmacological effects." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opioid tramadol is such an exemplar, an "analgesic used to treat moderate to moderately severe pain“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tramadol 010 you can get it prescribed, or you can order it from Spain "prescription free" (pharmacists there don't take bureaucracy too seriously, i managed to order all sorts of meds (including tramadol) from Spanish pharmacies that i wasn't able to obtain in other European countries. just contact the pharmacist directly via email, and maybe you'll be lucky and get what you want). i should mention, though, it takes 2-3 hours before tramadol starts to work for me. so take it first, and then drink your conium-aconitum tea once you begin to lose sensation in your body. if however you'd prefer a different flavor, oleander -http://www.annemergmed.com/article/S0196-0644(85)80103-7/abstract tea might work aswell. or foxglove tea. Maurits Verzele, author of de milde dood claims oleander and foxglove are equally toxic. I'm not sure about that, but they are both suitable enough for a „good night“ tea. another analgesic, diclofenac "can be combined with opioids if needed“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diclofenac this, and tramadol, just to post some concrete link, can be obtained from http://pharmaonline.tv and, to prevent vomiting, the antihistamine of my choice would be diphenhydramine, because, besides its antiemetic effect, it has been reported it "potentiates any opioid drug“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphenhydramine aswell. so the 3 painkillers seem to be compatible with one another and enhance the overall effect towards a potentially painfree suicide experience. stressfree it will be not, you will, unless you take a preventive step, asphyxiate consciously. I've tried this method myself in november 2013 and was rescued, with magnesium/water, apparently an effective antidote, that was injected into me.

dramatic pause “it is best not to have been born at all: but, if born, as quickly as possible to return whence one came.” -Sophocles, in his play Oedipus at Colonus

part 7

dieting on salads recipe: first collect some datura leafs. that'll be the fundament. "in the Middle Ages, it was very popular among professional murderers who used to add parts of the plant with the victim’s food or wine and achieved an immediate poisoning effect, followed by death." -http://library.thinkquest.org/C007974/1_1hem.htm more on datura (stramonium) will be said in the next chapter (method 008). atropa belladona leaves should work aswell. either of those can be refined with some atropa belladonna berries. it is unknown how many are required (english wiki says 5 can kill an adult. german wiki says 12 can kill an adult. thepoisongarden.co.uk says... a danish boy, 9 years young, survived the intake of 25) for a "good night" meal but by the time you've accumulated a bellyful of them, you've probably had enough. “coma and convulsions often precede death“ -http://www.thepoisongarden.co.uk/atoz/atropa_belladonna.htm"

012 atropa belladonna, "has a strong narcotic smell, a sharp and bitter taste, and is poisonous [...] high dosages lead to central excitation that may produce restlessness, compulsion to talk, hallucinations, delirium and manic attacks, followed by exhaustion and sleep. the fatal dose depends on the atropine content; asphyxiation can occur with 100 mg atropine, which corresponds to 5 to 50 g of belladonna" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.67 the tropane alkaloids it contains are similar to those found in the plants mentioned at the beginning. atropine & scopolamine are present here as well as there. berries, leaves and the root are edible, if they are to serve as your last meal. instead of onions, use the bulb of a daffodil, where the alkaloid poison lycorine is mostly contained. apparently, people sometimes confuse these with onions and add them to their meals, because they look similar. eating "large amounts can lead to death“ -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narzissen to this, you might want to add some calabar beans, which look nice, like ordinary beans but have an interesting effect. eating them may lead to the "loss of control over the respiratory system, causing death by asphyxiation“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calabar_bean they are part of the physostigma venenosum plant, "lethal doses can cause muscle twitching, spasms, tachycardia and cyanosis through asphyxiation [...] the lethal dose for an adult is 6 to 10 mg of physostigmine (corresponding to approximately 2 to 3 Calabar Beans)" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.137 however, "if you vomit, you'll survive“ -http://chestofbooks.com/reference/American-Cyclopaedia-2/Calabar-Bean.html#.UnJBXHAyJmM a handful of castor beans are also worth a consideration. from a plant called ricinus communis, which is considered to be "the most poisonous in the world“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castor_oil_plant

"castor beans are severely poisonous due to the toxic lectin content. The ricinus lectins disturb the function of ribosomes and thereby prevent protein synthesis. 12 castor beans are believed to be fatal for an adult. Symptoms 013 include severe gastroenteritis with bloody vomiting and bloodyv diarrhea, kidney inflammation, loss of fluid and electrolytes and ultimately circulatory collapse. death is usually the result of hypovolemic shock" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.159 with some wine or vinegar the salad is complete... prepare your stomach (take meds against vomiting) and eat a spoon bowlful, and you'll be no more. if you don't want to take pharmaceutical products, natural ant-emetics are, for example... zingiber officinale, "the components in ginger that are responsible for the antiemetic effect are thought to be the gingerols and shogaols [...] in contrast to most anti-emetic medications that act on the CNS. the anti- emetic effect of ginger is thought to be due to local gastrointestinal actions (Mowrey & Clayton, 1982)" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.339 but also the root of the phytolacca americana

part 8

Jefferson's recommendationt on july 14, 1813, Jefferson writes to Dr. Samuel Brown: "the most elegant thing of that kind* known is a preparation of the Jamestown weed, datura stramonium, invented by the French in the time of Robespierre. every man of firmness carried it constantly in his pocket to anticipate the guillotine. it brings on the deep sleep as quietly as fatigue does the ordinary sleep, without the least struggle [...] it seems far preferable to the vivisection of the Romans, the hemlock of the Greeks, and the opium of the Turks […] there are ills in life as desperate and intolerable, to which it would be the rational 014 relief" * = the use of toxic plants for killing oneself

"all daturas belong to the strongest narcotic poisons" -http://weberseeds.nl/eshop/Samen/Datura-stramonium-Gemeiner-Stechapfel::73.html there also seems to be little difference between datura and brugmansia plants. Both are commonly referred to as "angel's trumpets". and both are toxic. potentially lethal. due to the presence of following tropane alkaloids: hyoscyamine, scopolamine and atropine. the amount of these toxins, however, varies from plant to plant.

"brugmansia are woody trees or shrubs, with pendulous, not erect, flowers, that have no spines on their fruit. datura species are herbaceous bushes with erect (not pendulous) flowers, and most have spines on their fruit." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brugmansia following Jefferson's recommendation, the focus here will be on màntuóluó huā (曼陀罗花, datura stramonium) exclusively. the lethal dose of the alkaloid atropine is presumed to start at 10mg -Goodman R.A., 1995 but taken orally, you might need 100mg or more. -HagerDIGITAL, 2008; Niess et al., 1999 the highest concentration occurs in the seeds, 100 of them are supposed to contain 6mg atropine -Klein-Schwartz & Oderda, 1984 with 1g of seeds corresponding to approx. 110 seeds. -http://weberseeds.nl/eshop/Samen/Datura-stramonium-Gemeiner-Stechapfel::73.html it followes, 100mg of atropine are (ideally) contained in 1666 seeds, which (ideally) make up 15.1g. values for hyoscyamine & scopolamine aren't available/reliable. the latter, is thought to be (theoretically) lethal at somewhere between 4mg (Goodman R.A., 1995) and 14mg (Giftpflanzen – Pflanzengifte, 2008), but it has (in practice) demonstrated to be non-, or not necessarily, lethal at doses as high as 100mg. -Corallo et al., 2009 015 the former (hyoscyamine) is thought to be just as toxic. when people determine the amount of seeds needed to die, they take the atropine content as a guiding line. and that then are the 15.1g of seeds, according to the idealistic calculation, or 15–25g of seeds, according to the "PDR for Herbal Medicines" after ingestion, following symptoms are to be expected. reddening of your face, dryness of the tunica mucosa, problems with swallowing, hightened pulse & enlarged pupils at doses below 1mg of atropine (0.2g of seeds). at higher doses, hyperthermia, excitation, "hallucinations" & cramps become part of the spectacle. followed by a deep state of unconsciousness. you'd then eventually die from respiratory failure (Niess et al., 1999). the deep state of unconsciousness is then the result of Scopolamine, which unlike atropine (a stimulant) is a CNS depressant. after drinking datura stramonium tea, this is what you can expect: "the first time I made a tea with boiling water, and seeds in a coffee filter. I used about 45 seeds […] the effects came on in about half an hour, with a mild stupor. basically it was difficult to walk (I felt almost drunk) and thought was somehwat impaired. this didn't last very long at all, probably about 3 hours [...] my second experience was with more seeds, perhaps 60, but this time I ran the tea through the seeds 5 times [...] I went to sleep, and had incredibly vivid dreams. I remember being in a room talking to friends of mine. It seemed proper to speak out loud (I was aware that I was speaking out loud as well as in the dream), and was overall a very pleasant experience (the dream)" -by AA, "datura FAQ", https://www.erowid.org/plants/datura/datura_faq.shtml with higher concentrated tea, you might experience what a 23 year old in Greece, in 1984 experienced. the emigration from the land of the living to the land of the dead. -Michalodimitrakis & Koutselinis, "datura stramonium, a fatal poisoning" in the "Journal of Forensic Sciences" 1984 Oct in conclusion, if you want to take a permanent break from your current life, you'd need to prepare (at least) 5 teabags, each containing 3g (note: normally, a tea bag has 2g) of (preferably: grinded) seeds...and (let's skip the obvious) finally, let the tea(s) steep properly. 016 and allow yourself your well-deserved tea brake. alternatively, you could fill the (grinded) seeds into capsules, or buy one of those mandragora officinarum root extracts, containing all the aforementioned tropane alkaloids plus scopine and cuscohygrine. all summed up make up 0.4% of the roots ingredients. there is no information as to the exact individual concentration, thus, no way to calculate the lethal dose.

"because of the high content of scopolamine in the drug, poisonings lead at first to somnolence, but then also, after the intake of very high dosages, to central excitation (restlessness, hallucinations, delirium and manic episodes), followed by exhaustion and sleep" -"PDR for herbal medicines", p.495 because scopolamine is the dominant alkaloid, in fēngqié ( 风 茄 , mandrake/mandragora officinarum), it is more suitable than any datura or brugmansia plants for use as a sleep aid, if one wishes not to die, or to die by other means while unconscious.

part 9

giving in to bitterness this one i considered for a potential attempt at commiting zìshā ( 自杀, suicide). once the time was to come for me to sense that the time has come for me to go. 50-60g kǔ xìng (苦杏, bitter almonds) amount to around the lethal dose of cyanide. i got myself a pack of 200g. from India. and a brandnew coffee grinder, just for that. unfortunately, the bitter taste is (under normal circumstances) un-over-come- able. bitter almonds are so bitter it burns your throat, palate and tongue when you want to swallow them. pouring some sweetened soy milk over the 017 grinded seeds improved my meal, but only by a bit. Bel Cowie managed to eat enough, but if you have a strong gustatory sense like it is the case with me, you can grind them into powder and fill them into empty capsules. people who drink lots of alcohol with ease, or who don't taste anything (due to ageusia, or xerostomia. the latter (also known as the dry mouth syndrom) can be the result of sjögren's syndrome, if you happen to suffer from this, you're lucky? or it can be induced artificially via meds that dry out your mouth) maybe won't even need capsules. it should also be mentioned that it's a good idea to eat more than just 50-60g. our bodies vary and maybe you'll need more. if you underdose, you'll risk a brain-damaged survival. alternatively you can collect applesseeds, one needs lots of them. a fully filled cup (or 2) of seeds, from hundreds of apples. obviously it's impossible to test the exact amount of cyanide that's stored in every single seed (there's approx. 0.6mg HCN in 1g of seeds) and add it together to obtain the lethal dose (50 mg ). and even if you could, your stomach won't extract all of it. so eat lots of them to be on the safe side. and grind them properly just before ingestion. option nr.3 is the so called bitter apple, which is the ripe fruit of the citrullus colocynthis, a plant carrying poisonous melon-esque fruits, called bitter apples. the intake of just a few grams may be enough. "vomiting, bloody diarrhea, colic, and kidney irritation follow the intake of toxic dosages (0.6 to 1 g), and then increased diuresis that progresses to anuria. lethal dosages (starting at 2 g) lead to convulsions, paralysis and, if untreated, to death through circulatory collapse." -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.84

dramatic pause “life presents itself by no means as a gift for enjoyment, but as a task, a drudgery to be performed; and in accordance with this we see, in great and small, universal need, ceaseless cares, constant pressure, endless strife, compulsory activity, with extreme exertion of all the powers of body and mind [...] all push and drive [...] the tumult is indescribable. but the ultimate aim of it all, what is it? to sustain ephemeral and tormented individuals through a short span of time in the most fortunate case with endurable want and comparable freedom from pain, which however, is at once attended with ennui [...] in this evident disproportion between the trouble and the reward, the will to live appears to us from this point of view, if taken objectively, as a fool, or subjectively, as a delusion, seized by which everything living works with the utmost exertion of its strength for some thing that is of no value” -Arthur Schopenhauer, „the world as will and representation“

part 10

fasting yourself to death it takes a while to starve. people who participated in the Irish hunger strike died after 46 to 73 days -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1981_Irish_hunger_strike however, 1 person there survived despite having ceased eating for 70 days. you can get yourself some painkillers or opiate to numb down your pain (that is the intense feeling of hunger), to make this process easier. amphetamine (especially dexamfetamine and methylphenidate are taken to lose weight. they lower your appetite). you might also find a good 019 companion in the digitalis plants. "a frequent side effect of digitalis is reduction of appetite, some individuals have used the drug as a weight-loss aid." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digitalis also, avoid sunlight, because you might end up in a state of inedia. "according to Ayurveda, sunlight is one of the main sources of prana“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inedia prana is a vital force, according to Hinduism, that can suffice to maintain a body, without the need for food.

part 11

eating from the tree of knowledge and the Lord God commanded the man, saying, „you may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die“ -Genesis 2:16 let's assume the tree in question is the taxus baccata, and from eating enough of its seeds you shall surely die. my amount during my 2nd suicide attempt was sth around 100 (it was recommended to take a mouthful, which is what i did, not having had any better sources at that time), while a businessman from the link below, who succeeded, apparently took 400. -http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1088981/Businessman-committed-suicide-eating-graveyard-yew- seeds-losing-wife-company.html if you plan to eat some of these (so-called) yew seeds, the english or japanese ones, make sure you eat enough of them. more than i did. the result of my failure, btw, was, i woke up the next day, vomited every couple of minutes, and had to crawl from room to room, because everytime i tried to rise, i blacked out. it completely messed up my blood circulation. yet, just for a while. my body functionality returned to normal after only 1 week. 020 the interval between ingestion and fainting was, as far as i remember, 30mins, and was painless. but if you'd experience a cardiac arrest before you pass out, it might not be painless after all.

"toxalbumins are protein phytotoxins [...] a type of ribosome-inactivating proteins (RIP, a most suitable acronym)", "poisoning proceeds as follows. First there is a latent period, in which nothing appears to be happening. in actuality, the toxin is hard at work, shutting down ribosomes. then things start to happen. time to get out your catastrophic health insurance card and head to the hospital. A little nausea, some vomiting and diarrhea. Some victims develop ulcerative lesions throughout their GI tract. the gastric mucosa starts to hemorrhage. total disruption of intestinal function leads to massive fluid and electrolyte loss, and death soon follows." -http://www.drugsandpoisons.com/2008/01/lectins-peas-and-beans-gone-bad.html toxalbumins are ricin (can be found in castor beans, which i already mentioned in my salad recipe), abrin (can be found in abrus precatorius seeds), viscumin and phoratoxin (both can be found in mistletoes), crepitin (can be found in hura creptians seeds), jatrophin/curcin (can be found in jatropha curcas seeds), momordin (can be found in momordica seeds, fruits, outer rind, but is probably not suitable for a suicide, its toxic effect appears to be limited, no matter how much you eat), robin and phasin (can be found in black locust leaves and the bark. and apparently also black locust seeds, but they seem harmless) "various reports suggest that the seeds and the young pods of the black locust are edible" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robinia_pseudoacacia

"the fatal dose of abrin is approximately 75 times smaller than the fatal dose of ricin", "ingesting a single (abrus precatorius) seed can kill an adult human" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abrus_precatorius dying can take days, though. eating jatropha curcas seeds leads to following simptoms, after 15-20mins: "difficulty in breathing, sorethroat, bloating, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, drowsiness, dysuria and leg cramps" -http://www.globinmed.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=104434:jatropha- integrimma&catid=135&Itemid=141 and can end in death if the meal was sumptuous enough. yet, neither an exact nor an approx fatal dose to aim for is known to me. the same pertains 021 to the other toxalbumins. it appears dying usually takes longer than what you'd get from yew seeds poisoning, but toxalbumin-trees aren't necessarily 2nd choice trees of knowledge, RIPs should be lethal in much smaller amounts.

part 12

exchanging headache for a headache no.1 of my attempts was at age 19, some years ago... with aspirin. 4 packages or so. approx 80 tablets. it caused a horrible headache and i could barely take the pain. it felt as though my skull was about to crack any moment. eventually, after about half an hour, i lost consciousness and ended up in a hospital. no lasting damages, as far as i can tell, remained. and also no certainty of whether this would have been fatal or not. take some meds against vomiting, if you plan on trying it yourself. it's painful, but not as painful as conventional hanging, drowning, stabbing or burning yourself. i failed and survived without any apparent damage. Geo Stone, the author of suicide and attampted suicide also mentions having tried aspirin, and obviously survived, with a brain healthy enough to write a book. . so although there's a considerable uncertainty as to whether you'll succeed, if you fail, you can try again. just before i passed out, i vomited. thoroughly. all that was in my stomach made it to the outside. the urge to throw up is immense, some call what occurs "projectile vomiting". even with suppressive meds you might still be urged to express yourself in such a way. and use this peculiarity about aspirin overdoses to your advantage. with a gasmask on your head, a hose attached to it, and one of those horizontal fold flat odour mask or the surgical masks Michael Jackson used to wear attached/duct-taped at the 022 other end of the hose, you could breathe air up untill the point your halfway digested food runs down the hose and covers all the pores of the paper tissue. if you happen to lose consciousness just after throwing up, like i did, you'd asphyxiate yourself unconsciously. if you won't pass out and the lack of oxygen starts to bother you, you can always take off the mask. to prevent a traumatic experience. in any case, aspirin overdoses, with or without mask, require you to be alone. or else you'd be rescued. the headache i felt was so painful i screamed, and alarmed my parents. they brought me to the hospital. i survived.

dramatic pause

"weakness. it consists in seeing the truth of the situation and yet clinging to life, knowing in advance that nothing can come of it. people of this kind know that death is better than life, but not having the strength to act rationally - to end the deception quickly and kill themselves - they seem to be waiting for something. this is the escape of weakness, for if i know what is best and it is within my power, why not yield to what is best?" -Leo Tolstoy, "a confession" "why are these high-powered scientists always screwing around trying to prolong life instead of finding pleasant ways to end it? there must be a hell of a lot of people in the world like me - who want to die but haven't got the guts" -Gloria, a character in "they shoot horses, don't they?", by Horace McCoy

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part 13

combining over-hydration with hypervitaminosis A water intoxication "is a potentially fatal disturbance in brain functions that results when the normal balance of electrolytes in the body is pushed outside safe limits by over-hydration." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication well, how much water do you need (to drink to die)? . in 1995, eighteen year old Leah Betts "drank approximately 1.85 gallons of water in less than an hour and half" -http://voices.yahoo.com/known-cases-water-intoxication-182666.html she died. 1.85 gallons are approx. 7 liters. the author of the top 20 suicide methods reports following... "i drank 7 liters of water in 2.5 hours. then i faced a terrible headache and a sensation of spinning head, nausea and vomited once. after vomiting, i forced down another liter of water. i went out to have a cup of tea, lighted a cigarette and that is all that i remember. i fainted, fell on the ground and had a severe cut at the back of my head. i was taken to hospital immediately by 024 people standing around and there i had 5 stitches on my head. i was sent back to another hospital for a CT Scan and ended up with a report of signs of cerebral edema" -http://wantdeath.blogspot.de/2011/08/water-intoxication-it-actually-works.html yet, nth will happen "even if you drink a lot of water, as long as you drink over time as opposed to intaking an enormous volume at one time" -http://chemistry.about.com/cs/5/f/blwaterintox.htm that's because your kidneys can process 15 liters of water each day. if you drink slowly, you'd have to drink more than 7-8 liters. so how can you force down 7-8 liters? firstly, you could stop eating for a day or 2, to accumulate hunger. and then try to alleviate it with water instead of food. from my own experience, i usually drink excessively when there's been nth to eat for a while. secondly, maybe you won't need to drink this much after all. take a look at following occurence, which is listed as a potential suicide method in itself on some website. it's hypervitaminosis, it "refers to a condition of high storage levels of vitamins, which can lead to toxic symptoms. the medical names of the different conditions are derived from the vitamin involved: an excess of vitamin A, for example, is called hypervitaminosis A" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_poisoning hypervitaminosis A & hypervitaminosis D, that is, the overdose on these 2 fat-soluble vitamins, and especially on those 2, A and D (besides E and K, which are also fat-soluble) is most likely to occur -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervitaminose the kidney won't flush them out, they instead get stored in the liver & in fat. people, polar researchers to be more precise, who weren't warned not to eat the liver of ice bears, (inuits, don't eat them) died -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervitaminose apparently from an acute hypervitaminosis A. ingesting a hundredfold (or more) of the normally needed amount of vitamine A, is thought to end deadly. . during the Australasian Antarctic expedition of 1911–1914, Xavier Mertz died. apparently the first reported case of a hypervitamosis A fatality due to eating dog-liver. -http://healthadvisors.blogspot.de/2013/06/vitamin-overdose-or-hypervitaminosis-a.html there's a problem. just like all the other reports about people dying in polar regions, these are anecdotes and there's room for specualtion as to what really caused their death. -https://www.mja.com.au/journal/2005/183/11/mawson-and-mertz-re-evaluation-their-ill-fated-mapping- journey-during-1911-1914 assuming hypervitaminosis A plays a role in these deaths, there were other contributory factors at play aswell. coldness, malnutrition, stress. hypervitaminosis D looks no more promising: "it is instructive to note that as far back as 1939, some truly enormous doses of vitamin D were in fact found to be far less deadly than one might expect. in several countries, most infants, including preemies, survived 200,000 to as many as 600,000 units of vitamin D given in a single injected or oral dose" -http://www.doctoryourself.com/dvitamin.htm despite the claims that hypervitaminosis (A or D) can have life-threatening consequences, i could find not one clear-cut case where this was the case. (that is, the case that it was the sole cause of death) however!

"symptoms of acute (short-term) toxicity include nausea, headache, fatigue, loss of appetite, dizziness, dry skin, desquamation (loss of skin), and cerebral edema (swelling in the brain)" -http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vitamin-a/NS_patient-vitamina/DSECTION=safety cerebral œdema is the potentially fatal outcome of over-hydration, as well as of hypervitaminosis A. thus, combining lots of water with lots of vitamin A (supplements) might reduce your need for drinking all that much.

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026 part 14

a nap in the cold find yourself a nice place in a snowy, forsaken landscape, or on a mountain, or a cooled storage room, and wait for hypothermia to set in. "(from Greek ὑποθερμία) is a condition in which core temperature drops below the required temperature for normal metabolism and body functions which is defined as 35.0 °C (95.0 °F)." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothermia profound hypothermia is what one considers a body temperature at less than 20 °C (68 °F). that's what you should be aiming for. after a period of discomfort, you'll eventually fall asleep. your hearbeat rate will drop, your organs will get turned off, you'll die. unless you'll be found and rescued. then you might survive, with several amputated body parts that froze beyond repair. so make sure noone will find you. to make the falling asleep procedure more pleasant, "alcohol consumption increases the risk of hypothermia via its action as a vasodilator. it increases blood flow to the body's skin and extremities, making a person feel warm, while increasing heat loss." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothermia but you might also take some sleeping pills, or if you're among those people for whom they don't work, like it's the case with me, chloroform might work instead. you can buy it from chemists, they sometimes put it on ebay, and then ebay deletes the offer, because they must not be sold to normal citizens. whenever you spot such an offer, note down the seller, and contact him/her privately. i managed to aquire a bottle of 100ml in this manner myself. or produce it via following recipe: 500ml of sodium hypochlorite (as bleach with a concentration of 2.8%) +10ml of acetone = 3ml of chloroform btw.... mixing these 2 ingredients in a salad bowl instead of a cylindrical vessel, gave me the best result = only 2 hours of waiting based on my self test, 5ml (via oral intake) are enough to induce sleepyness. drinking 10ml instead made not much of a difference for me. tt should also be noted that, chloroform does not force unconsciousness onto the person who swallows/inhales it. this appears to be a misconception many people 027 hold. making you feel like going to sleep, yes it does, but you, or i at least, still manage to keep myself awake.

part 15

a nap in the bath a bath-nap is "the action of napping whilst enjoying a relaxing bath" -http://urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bath+nap and if you do it right, you'll also enjoy a relaxing end-of-life experience. how do you do it to do it right? there's 2 things that need to be paid attention to. making sure you'll have a thorough, deep nap that you can't be shaken out of by an otherwise drastic event like dying. making sure you'll find yourself submerged in water while asleep. as far as the first criteria is concerned, have a look at appendix A and B. as far as making sure you'll find yourself submerged in water while asleep is concerned, you could lay down on the bottom of your still empty bathtube, and when you're approaching the threshold to unconsciousness, let the water be poured in. it will eventually reach a level above your head, and you'll start to drown yourself. maybe bind some weights onto your body to make sure you stay pressed to the bottom of the bathtube.

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028 dramatic pause

“it has always seemed to me that my existence consisted purely and exclusively of nothing but the most outrageous nonsense. as long as i can remember, every incident and every impulse of my existence has served only to perpetrate one episode after another of conspicuous nonsense, each completely outrageous in its nonsensicality” -Thomas Ligotti, "teatro grottesco", p.53

“beef, pork, sometimes goat – they go into us and come out of us. this is part of the regimen of nonsense that nature forced upon us. but it is not all the nonsense we must endure as we go to and fro on the earth and walk up and down upon it. the nature nonsense, the God nonsense. how much more nonsense can we take in our lives? [...] the pain nonsense, the nightmare nonsense, the sweat and slave nonsense, and many other shapes and sizes of insufferable nonsense [...] brought to us on a plate, and we must eat it up or...” -Thomas Ligotti, "the conspiracy against the human race", p.166

interceptive

how could God let people hurt to the point of suicide? how could God create such a pathetic world that disgusts people so much that they have to kill themselves? or to ask this in some other manner: is it worth viewing negative experiences as opportunities to learn and grow, instead of as pointless or simply undesirable? is it worth staying alive despite reasons one might have not to? while you might learn sth from sth negative, learning isn’t intrinsically good. you might get involved in a vehicular accident and have your leg amputated as a consequence of this. now the “lesson” of what it’s like to get involved in a vehicular accident and have your leg amputated as a consequence of it, that you’d learn, won’t regenerate your missing limb. won’t necessarily detraumatize you from that experience either. and while you might grow (socially or in self esteem or whatever) from negative experiences, it’ll make you cast a shadow on others who are littler than you, while you’re standing in the sun, enjoying yourself. there’s the potential that you’ll get your positive out of others negative. and it might turn against you, like it was the case with Australian TV star and former model Charlotte Dawson, who killed herself this year (2014) because she couldn’t take the cyber bullying anymore. growing also isn’t intrinsically positive. moreover, negative experiences are standing in disproportion to positive experiences. they outweight the positive experiences. imagine the intensity of the most intense pain (apparently that’s being poisoned by a stone fish) and how long it lasts and compare it to the most intense pleasure (an orgasm, for people who are into sex) and how long it lasts. does this scream chronic depression and pessimism? as for being depressed,

“psychiatry [...] works on the assumption that the ‘healthy’ and viable is at one with the highest in personal terms. depression, ‘fear of life’, refusal of nourishment and so on are invariably taken as signs of a pathological state and treated thereafter. often, however, such phenomena are messages from a deeper, more imediate sense of life, bitter fruits of a geniality of thought or feeling at the root of anti-biological tendencies. it is not the soul being sick, but its protection (a [...] repression of its damning surplus of consciousness [...] a requirement of social adaptability and of everything commonly referred to as healthy and normal living) failing, or else being rejected because it is experienced – correctly – as a betrayal of ego’s highest potential” -Peter Wessel Zapffe, "the last messiah" as for pessimism, the classical question "is the glass half full or half empty" can't be objectively resolved, yet is there really something in life to be optimistic about? Arthur Schopenhauer had something to say about this...

“optimism, where it is not merely the thoughtless talk of those who harbor nothing but words under their shallow foreheads, seems to me not merely an absurd, but also a really wicked way of thinking, a bitter mockery of the most unspeakable sufferings of mankind” -Arthur Schopenhauer, "the world as will and representation" killing yourself is easier said than done. potent drugs for a quick and secure departure from life are quasi unobtainable these days. and if you then have to choose a more painful, or more prone-to-failure method, there’s plenty of potential for you to fail and end up in an even worse state than you were before, and/or, plenty of potential to be rescued and because of that interference to end up in an even worse state than you were before. once the hospital staff gets its hands on you, your will will get pushed aside, and following tenet implicitly but un-misunderstandably brought forth…

“we, as licensed protectors of the species and members in good standing of the master-class of the race, by the power invested in us by those who wish to survive and reproduce, vow to enforce the fiction that life is worth having and worth living come hell or irreparable brain damage” -Frankenstein’s oath, from “the conspiracy against the human race” assuming you'll be brought to a hospital, almost everything (except for organ transplantations) will be done to keep you alive, whether this is what you want or not.

"physicians who deprive individuals of the freedom to kill themselves call what they do "suicide prevention". regardless of what they actually do, physicians like to define themselves as helpers and like to be so defined by the society they serve [...] rarely, a physician acknowledges that what he or she actually does and loves to do is excercise power over powerless persons" -Thomas Szasz, "suicide prohibition", p.46 once stabilized, your next stop will be the mental hospital, where the suicide prevention intervention continues, despite the fact that "there is no evidence that suicide prevention prevents suicide. psychiatrists and psychiatric hospitals are regurarly sued and found liable for patient suicides. psychiatrists kill themselves at three times the rate of the general public" -Thomas Szasz, "suicide prohibition",p.69 now, once finally arrived, this is what you can expect... "several months ago I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward [...] there I was placed in a lobby with several psychotic patients. I remained there for 5 hours before I was evaluated by a psychiatrist. she spoke to me for approximately 10 minutes before she decided that it was in my "best interest" for me to be committed to a psychiatric ward. I protested, of course, believing that wrenching me away from life would cause far more harm than good. she expressed no empathy, however, and sent me back to the lobby. I remained there for 12 more hours, during which time she passed by me numerous times without bothering to make eye contact [...] after being transferred to the hospital ward, I was placed in a room with an actively psychotic woman. I remained there for the weekend, during which time not a single hospital employee asked me why I was depressed. I was offered Celexa and took it only when a nurse suggested that my refusal to take medication might be perceived as "resistant" and thus delay my discharge. the Celexa made me so ill that I could hardly get out of bed; although the ward psychiatrist was aware of my reaction to the medication, he did not consider changing the drug or the dosage. on monday morning, I met with the ward psychiatrist, who told me that I would have to remain in the hospital. I asked him how he had come to that conclusion, given that he hadn't spoken to me once since my arrival at the hospital. he replied, "I have experience." he went on to tell me that I had a "control problem" and that I refused to relinquish control to the hospital staff. I was stunned. I had never before thought that a goal of psychiatric care was to rob the patient of control. apparently patients who ask questions are considered insolent. I was finally released from the hospital five days after my arrival. I can certainly say that I received no benefit from my stay in the psychiatric ward. I am more depressed than I was before, having been traumatized by my experience with the mental health care system. I have been alarmed by the utter arrogance of the psychiatrists I have encountered within the last several months. after leaving the hospital, I visited a psychiatrist in private practice who informed me that I would not get better unless I took medication. during her initial interview with me, she failed to even ask what life events had brought on my depression. she did, however, tell me that I had a chemical imbalance" -"what is it like to be committed the psychiatric ward of a hospital?" from 2001, http://antipsychiatry.org/e- mail.htm#whatsitlike which, btw, is the standard mantra that is being indoctrinated into psychiatrists during their time at university, at least these days. things have not been always this way.

“[in] those days (1961/1962) there were 2 kinds of mental illnesses, organic and functional [...] everything is now considered to be an organic disturbance [...] the standard argument now is that mental illness is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. has anybody seen that chemical imbalance?” -Thomas Szasz, "the last interview", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A63AVMEjYho treating patients without the dignity they'd deserve, however, is a comportment that dates back to even ancient Greece. Plato explains.

"now have you further observed that, as there are slaves as well as free men among the patients of our communities, the slaves, to speak generally, are treated by slaves, who pay them a hurried visit, or receive them in dispensaries? a physician of this kind never gives the servant any account of his complaint, nor asks him for any; he gives him some empirical injuction with an air of finished knowledge, in the brusque fashion of a dictator, and then is off in hot haste to the next ailing servant - that is how he lightens his master's medical labors for him. the free practitioner, who, for the most part, attends free men, treats their diseases by going into things thoroughly from the beginning in a scientific way, and takes the patient and his family into his confidence. thus he learns something from the sufferer, and at the same time instructs the invalid to the best of his powers. he does not give prescriptions until he has won the patient's support, and when he has done so, he steadily aims at producing complete restoration of health" -Plato, "laws" today, have you further observed, as there are slaves (those deprived of liberty, due to having been labelled as mentally ill) as well as free men among the patients of our communities, the slaves, to speak generally, are treated by slaves (those who professionally submit themselves to the dogma of mental illness), who pay them a hurried visit, or receive them in dispensaries? a psychiatrist of this kind never gives the servant any account of his complaint, nor asks him for any, he gives him some empirical injunction with an air of finished knowledge, in the brusque fashion of a dictator, and then is off in hot haste to the next ailing servant... "veni, vidi, vici" (i came, i saw, i conquered) is a famous phrase by Julius Caesar. "veni, vidi, medicavi" (i came, i saw, i medicated) is the habitus and implicit slogan of the contemporary psychiatrist how could such a person ever have gathered "experience" when every patient he ever encountered, he treated based on predefined abstract guidelines & his own caprices, thus shielding himself from any understanding of the individual problems the individuals he treats, have. with this kind of work philosophy, he's doomed to learn nothing. what he then gathers, is not experience, but seamlessness in his workflow in his mechanic, stubborn way to conduct work that is becoming more and more monotone with each passing year, as he gets habituated to doing the same stuff over and over again.

"the whole of living that we see before our eyes today is from inmost to outmost enmeshed in repressional mechanisms, social and individual; they can be traced right into the tritest formulas of everyday life. though they take a vast and multifarious variety of forms [e.g.] isolation […] by isolation I here mean a fully arbitrary dismissal from consciousness of all disturbing and destructive thought and feeling. (Engstrom: "one should not think, it is just confusing.") a perfect and almost brutalising variant is found among certain physicians, who for self-protection will only see the technical aspect of their profession. it can also decay to pure hooliganism, as among petty thugs and medical students, where any sensitivity to the tragic side of life is eradicated by violent means" -Peter Wessel Zapffe, "the last messiah" administering neuroleptics is one out of the plethora of violent means, which are in vogue among psychiatrists. even more so than straitjackets previously, because now, psychiatrists can successfuly delude themselves into thinking they aren't exerting any violence, when they actually are.

“when patients had to be restrained by the use of force – for example, by a straitjacket – it was difficult for those in charge of the care to convince themselves that they were acting altogether on behalf of the patient… restraint by chemical means does not make (the psychiatrist) feel guilty; herein lies the danger to the patient. this, then, was the glorious – but unacknowledged and unacknowledgeable – psychopharmacological breakthrough: restraint could be put in the patient instead of on him and be defined as “drug treatment” (of and for the patient). it was obvious from the start that neuroleptic drugs benefit psychiatrists, not patients.” -Thomas Syasz, ”mendacity by metaphor”, http://www.szasz.com/freeman30.pdf

"as to diseases, make a habit of two things - to help, or at least to do no harm." -Hippocrates, "epidemics I", part 11, p.153, http://www.chlt.org/hippocrates/HippocratesLoeb1/page.152.a.php this principle, "first, do no harm", in its more common Latin form... "primum non nocere", "is one of the principal precepts of bioethics that all healthcare students are taught in school and is a fundamental principle throughout the world. another way to state it is that, "given an existing problem, it may be better not to do something, or even to do nothing, than to risk causing more harm than good"" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primum_non_nocere in contrast with this, "primum nocere" (first, do harm) is the principle of the psychiatrist. another way to state it is that, "first i'll lock you up, then i'm going to talk down to you, then insult you, alleging a "mentall illness" as my excuse, if you'll give me philosophy, i'll give you ad hominems, and i'll poison you via drug treatments for the invisible chemical imbalance i've made up. and then i'm going to kill myself, while depriving you of your opportunity to do so yourself" you can't expect anything but relentless loyality from the rest of the mental hospital staff, who can't help but agree with anything the psychiatrist proclaims. "io canto per chi mi dà da mangiare" (i sing for the one who gives me to eat) as well as "as long as i do as i'm told, i can't do anything wrong" are their slogans, closing the circle of the intellectual incest that's going on behind closed doors. now, why do psychiatrists, those people who so self-confidently come up with treatments for anything they deem worth treating (which is everything, and especially suicidal "ideations"), kill themselves so often? don't they have any treatment for their own dilemmas? i suppose they do. Micheal Shapiro (alias Ishmael) brings an ancient, today often suppressed and thus merely latent wisdom to explicity, when he retrospectively concludes "death is the only cure I know for being stupid". sooner or later, some of them will realize that reverting to "help" in terms of medical treatment, when medical treatment alleviates nothing but medical symptoms, can't logically help solve problems whose existence exists on nonmedical grounds, but until then, they'll keep scratching on the nerves of many. being located in the very heart of the psychiatric propaganda machinery, it can be difficult at times (or even at all times) to know one's anus from one's mouth but eventually it'll dawn on certain psychiatrists that everytime they opened their mouth and thought they were speaking, that which came out were not wisely chosen words, but shit. disgusted, they then kill themselves. just like little children who kill time by tearing off the legs of grasshoppers just to still their own curiosity as to what's going to happen when you tear away the foundation of someone's life, the other group of psychiatrists, being the spoilt parasitic brats they are, living off the misery of others, like to play around with patietnts and torture them for their own entertainment and for their salary at the end of the month. there's no insight to be expected from them. no reasoning worth your time.

"you can't have a cup of icecream just yet, we've just had lunch a moment ago" "but i want it now!" "you'll get yourself stuffed and then you'll complain about your belly aching" "i want it. i want it. i want it!" as it sometimes occurs in conversations between a mother and her stubborn child.

"we have only just met" "but prior to any further proceedings, i want to stigmatize you with a diagnosis of mental illness" "every rational person will think you're a presumptuously arrogant ignorant" "but i want to, i want to, i want to!" as it always implicitly occurs in convesations between a patient and his stubborn psychiatrist.

"although I was distrustful of psychiatrists by this point, I spent over a month trying out Effexor, then Prozac, then Wellbutrin. I was unable to tolerate the side effects of any of them. only when I went off medication altogether did I begin to feel "normal" and more like myself. when I informed my psychiatrist that I was unwilling to try more medication, she told me that I was being irrational and risking my life. well, I guess I will just take that risk. I am frankly sick of being patronized by psychiatrists who uncritically subscribe to biological theories of depression and who ignore obvious psychosocial factors that contribute to depression. the belief that the treatment of depression requires medication has been reified by the psychiatric community. I don't believe that all psychiatrists are as incompetent as the ones who I have encountered. I do, however, believe that psychiatrists should question the "bible" of their profession, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). just because a certain cluster of symptoms is defined as a disorder does not mean that these symptoms are indicative of an underlying chemical imbalance that requires treatment with psychotropic drugs." -"what is it like to be committed the psychiatric ward of a hospital?" from 2001, http://antipsychiatry.org/e- mail.htm#whatsitlike

part 16

il dolce vino aka. the sweet wine. sweetened with diethylene glycol. in 1990, out of 339 children who were delivered to a Bengali hospital, with an initially unexplained renal failure, 70% (in-hospital fatality rate) died. after further investigation it became evident that "a history of ingestion of a brand of paracetamol that contained diethylene glycol was found only in children with unexplained renal failure." -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2550149/pdf/bmj00600-0022.pdf they died of a syrup fortified with diethylene glycol. in 2006, out of 174 people who ingested a cough linctus called Heparin, that instead of diphenhydramine contained diethylene glycol, 115 died. -http://www.tagesspiegel.de/weltspiegel/heparin-skandal-gift-aus-china-fuer-die-ganze-welt/1190092.html but let's go back to 1985, to the wine scandal of Austria & Germany. what happened there was, diethylene glycol was used instead of sugar to sweeten wine. sugar can't be added to wine because it would initate another fermentation process. although these adulterated wine bottles haven't caused any fatalities (the top rate was 46g per liter, while 60-100g diethylene glycol are required to end up dead) they could have. 029 if you're into drinking wine, and into suicide, add some 100g or more of diethylene glycol to your bottle(s). and you'll have un dolce vino per finirsi la dolce vita. it can be bought on ebay or from your favorite or any chemist. it's not on the USPS Pub 52 (list of hazardous, restricted, and perishable mail) and also not on ebay's prohibited material list.

.

part 17

metal there's a few metals that cause people to cease existing, not all are recommendable. thallium, which is not found free in natura, usually comes into being as a byproduct during the refinement of heavy metal sulfide ores. 800mg are thought to be lethal -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thallium it takes a very long time until it breaks down your body (10 days or more) lead monoxide exists in 2 color variations, yellow and red. in Germany the former is called Massicot, the latter (the red) Litharge. so red lead monoxide/Litharge is what Maurits Verzele recommends. but personally i'm not sure whether there's a toxicity difference between them. via inhalation or ingestion or skin absorption, the "estimated lethal dose is 0.5 g" but "to the best of our knowledge, the chemical, physical, and toxicity of this substance has not been fully investigated." -http://www.anachemia.com/msds/english/5398.pdf it's unclear how long it takes to die. lead carbonate aka. white lead ore aka. cerussite is thought to taste like sugar. and in its natural form looks like a sugar/salt crystal. in „review of forensic medicine and toxicology“, Gautam Biswas claims 40g are fatal, causing death within 1-2 days/ the celebrity among all toxic metals is arsenic, 120-170mg of it suffice. -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arsen but it takes hours to days, and if you survive, you'll have a broken body with its skin diseased, damaged blood vessels, tumors. most of all your feet + upper legs will look (and probably) feel like shit. Take a look at pictures showing victims of the black foot disease. the rather rare antimony acts in line with what arsenic does to destroy organisms. and needs a larger dose. if you do plan on using one of those 2 metals, i'd recommend you prepare a follow up suicide attempt, because if you survive, you'll have even more reasons to die. as quickly as possible. acute beryllium poisoning is called berylliosis, is akin to sarcoidosis (which may lead to respiratory failure and death). nuclear physicist Herbert L. Anderson died of berylliosis in 1988 -http://www.atomicarchive.com/Photos/CP1/image5.shtml although here's a fatality case report, no fatal dose is available for our guidance, at least as far as i know. cadium, which can be found in rechargeable nickel-cadmium batteries, and foods like lseaweed, cacao powder, flux seeds, can be fatal, but usually is not and leads to horrible health problems. if you need to give it a try, inhalation seems the most secure way to secure a deadly outcome. "inhaling cadmium-laden dust quickly leads to respiratory tract and kidney problems which can be fatal (often from renal failure)." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadmium_poisoning now let's take a look at magnesium "the most common side effects of magnesium toxicity are stomach upset and diarrhea" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnesium. not much can go wrong if you fail, but you'll probably also never succeed unless you're in the possession of a renal failure -http://www.easy-immune-health.com/magnesium-overdose.html normally, magnesium overdoses get flushed away from your body via urine. you could destroy your kidneys (eg. con il colce vino) first and then overdose with magnesium, that's quite a hassle, though. so far, nth is truly useful. unless you're looking for a complicated conclusion to your life. 031 my best bet would be this, zinc, which is notorious for causing accidental infant deaths every once in a while like in this a-thousandfold-overdose case -https://www.ismp.org/newsletters/acutecare/articles/20070906.asp

10-30g are thought to be fatal for adults. yet, as far as adults are concerned, there's no fatality case that i'd know of, and why would an adult accidentally overdose this excessively? there also usually are more convenient ways of killing oneself other than to throw in 60+ tablets (1 contains 50mg) of zinc supplements... if however you do happen to have no better options, this might be an option. time until death occurs: unknown.

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part 18

les autres fleurs du mal i've already mentioned some deadly flowers before, here's more. to finish off this line of ways to finish up in... either in hospital or preferably someplace beyond this world, l'autre monde, l'aldilà. bloodroots, carry a liquid that is red and poisonous, they also carry a toxin called sanguinarine. "à dose élevée, cette substance cause des vomissements, des brûlures au niveau des muqueuses exposées, une sensation de faiblesse, des troubles cardiaques et visuels, et même la mort." -http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanguinaire_du_Canada vomitting, burns in the region that was touched, feeling weak, heart and eye problems, and death may be the result of high doses. that's it. it's thought to be fatal, but no fatal dose is offered anywhere. it certainly weakens your body, and maybe can be mixed with other plants in an suicide attempt. duranta erecta is connected to a concrete fatality case... to that of a boy, 2 years young, who ate of its berries, in Qeensland. more than a decade ago, and it's just an anecdote, with no clear-cut source (at least as far as i have researched). the leafs, beside these berries, are also supposed to be toxic. yet, 032 there's not much info. not even a fatal dose one could use for orientation. if you're willing to run selftests, to document how and in what doses it works, risking to eventually die. that would be nice. the henbane is also noteworthy for standing on this world (or maybe not so much for that) + standing for a high toxicity, mostly within her root and her seeds. cessation of breath would be cause of the end of your partaking in this world, if you eat enough of her. hyoscyamine, a (potentially toxic) tropane alkaloid drug, together with scopolamine, a (potentially toxic) tropane alkaloid drug, make up around 0.035% of the root and around 0,02-0,13 % of the seeds. these have already been featured in method 008

1g of seeds would yield at least 20mg scopolamine/hyoscyamine 10g consequently would lead to 200mg of scopolamine/hyoscyamine (that is, at least 200mg. could be even morethan that) assuming the ratio were 1:100 (1% scopolamine, 99% hyoscyamine) 10g would amount to 2mg scopolamine & 198g of hyoscyamine (potentially fatal) assuming the ratio were 100:1 (99% scopolamine, 1% hyoscyamine) 10g would amount to 198mg scopolamine (potentially fatal) & 2g of hyoscyamine assuming the ratio were 50:50... 100mg scopolamine & 100mg hyoscyamine would be the result, potentially fatal, too but keep in mind, your stomach won't extract all the alkaloids contained in these seeds. you'll need more than 10mg. and you need to grind them properly, to break apart the shell. or to chew them properly. btw, the brugmansia is also replete with the same toxic alkaloids. let's move on. of all the parts of the convallaria majalis, all parts are poisonous. except for the rhizome -http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Convallaria_majalis the berries are particularly attractive. the nice effect comes from various "cardiac glycosides, which will cause symptoms similar to digitalis (foxglove) ingestion" -http://www.hikepups.com/blog/index.php?published-min=2013-03-01T00:00:00-00:00&published- max=2013-04-01T00:00:00-00:00 which is excellent, because the digitalis is quite suitable for suicide. sadly we know of no concrete convallaria majalis fatal dose for humans. you'd either have to do a leap of faith. and eat as many as possible. more than you'd need from the digitalis, because, unlike the digitalis, it has a "poor absorption and fast half life." -http://restorativemedicine.org/journal/the-use-of-convallaria-and-crataegus-in-the-treatment-of-cardiac- dysfunction/ and unlike the digitalis, the convallaria majalis has not been attributed to any reported human deaths. or, if you plan on offing yourself with digitalis anyway, but maybe can't get hold of enough of it, you can use convallaria majalis (berries or whatever of it) as an enhancer. lachryma papaveris is the dried latex obtained from the papaver somniferum, it contains 12% morphine -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opium

100-300mg is assumed to be the average lethal dose, but people survived with more inside their bodies. like for example 400mg -http://healthquestions.medhelp.org/morphine-lethal-dose assuming you'd like to die for real, take 800mg or so. for this you'd need 6.7g of lachryma papaveris (out of 100% you get 8,3 times 12%, that is 100/12 = 8.3) (800g x 8.3 = 6666.6g) that's just a couple of plants to plant. they grow within 1 year. there's a bit of patience demanded of you. but just a bit. or ask one of those seeds sellers if they'd give you completed/grown up plants (i managed to obtain a conium maculatum this way). they surely have them in their gradens. phytolacca, "if prepared incorrectly or carelessly it can make you quite ill, or worse, put a ‘k’ in front of ill as in kill you" -http://www.eattheweeds.com/can-be-deadly-but-oh-so-delicious-pokeweed-2/ all parts are dangerous "with the highest quantities of toxin present in the root and seeds" -http://www.northfloridaequine.com/horse%20health/poisonous_plants.html in general, it "has no known good effect", (depends on how one sees it) and "it acts as an emetic and cathartic because it is extremely toxic." -http://www.holisticbird.org/pages/mdangerousherbs.htm means, you'll throw up. maybe you should take some meds against vomiting prior to eating this. phytolaccatoxin & phytolaccigenin are the toxins acting 034 here. the lethal dose for humans in unknown. this plant is attractive, still, because "basically you are giving yourself a near death experience or if you get it wrong an actual death experience." -http://www.allaboutheaven.org/overload/183/109/pokeweed if you underdose and survive, you'll at least have an interesting out-of-body experience. or that's what phytolacca/pokeweed is known for, to loosen your mind-body connection so that you can have a glimpse at the spiritual world. the author clarifies it's not a hallucinogen, the NDE is supposed to be genuine. now obviously i don't know whether this is true or not. try it yourself if you like. colchicine, as can be found in the colchicum autumnale (Germany's poisonous plant of the year 2010), resembles the effect of arsenic. the seeds contain 0.5%, the root 0.2%, the blossoms up to 1.8%, the leafs 0.03% -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbst-Zeitlose 65mg is the lethal dose -http://www.holisticbird.org/pages/mdangerousherbs.htm or maybe even just 50mg -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbst-Zeitlose you become ill 2-6 hours after ingestion. then eventually you'll reach your last breath via respiratory paralysis or circulatory collapse. 1g of seeds yields 5mg colchicine, 10g of seeds...50mg. in theory, that's enough, but remember, you can't expect your stomach to get all the toxin out of those seeds. take more, 30g or 40g. and chew them properly. or grind them to powder. Also remeber how horrible a survived arsenic overdose is. nux vomica. its "seeds contain approximately 1.5% strychnine, and the dried blossoms contain 1.0%" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strychnine_tree

"there are no uses in modern medicine [...] strychnine is a deadly poison with a lethal dose to humans of about 30 to 120 mg. survival of substantially higher doses has been reported." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strychnine_tree

8g of nux vomica seeds already contain 120mg, but, maybe eat more that that. "strychnine, when inhaled, swallowed or absorbed through eyes or 035 mouth, causes a poisoning which results in muscular convulsions and eventually death through asphyxia" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strychnine asphyxia is not a pleasant way to go. but if you're planning to jump out of the window or to crash your car into someone else's (e.g. your psychiatrist's), or to make use of other physical means to end your life in an instant, you can aswell throw in some grinded-nux-vomica-seeds beforehand (maybe filled into capsules), that'll give you the rest if your primary method fails. you'd be in extreme pain anyway.

dramatic pause

"life is sweet perhaps to some, but i prefer what is sweeter than life, and that is death. so good-by" -a 19 years old, prior to poisoning herself, as mentioned in "suicide and insanity" by S. A. K. Strahan, p.131

036 part 19

“i ain't givin you no golden shot" the definition of a golden shot is "an intentional, lethal dose of heroin, can refer to other downers but most likely heroin" guy 1: hey man can i get some heroin? guy 2: hell no yo wrist is all cut up guy 1: so? guy 2: i ain't givin you no golden shot" -http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=golden%20shot heroin is illegal, in most countries. you'd need some contacts to drug dealers who might supply you with stuff of this kind. okay, one contact is enough. 75-375mg is the dose for a fatal injection for a first-timeer. if you've taken heroin before, you'll need more. how much more? that's what you should know better than me. besides this hard to get opioid, there's others that circulate within the world of medicine. sufentanil "is a powerful synthetic opioid analgesic drug, approximately 5 to 10 times more potent than its (already very potent) analog, fentanyl, and 400 to 1000 times as potent as morphine“ -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufentanil injecting this plus midazolam has been shown to end fatal -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2521891 but what is the lethal dose? the minimum of morphine you'd need is 200mg (of pure stuff), which is to say, you might need more. sufentanil is supposed to be at least 400 times as potent, which is to say, it could be more potent. it would follow (200mg/400 = 1mg/2) you'd need 0.5mg, but you might aswell need more, or you might even die with less. so how much liquid do you need to inject? there's ampullae with 2ml or 5ml or 10ml or 20ml total content, of which 5ug (0.005mg) or 10ug (0.01mg) or 50ug (0.05mg) is the amount of sufentanil per ml. meaning, a 2ml ampulla with 50ug/ml has a total of 100ug (0.1mg) sufentanil. that's not enough. you'd need the 10ml ampulla, in the 50ug/ml version, and inject it all, 'cause that's just about 0.5mg sufentanil, and you'd possibly want to inject even more (the midazolam). that's a lot of injecting that's to be done. 037 a conventional syringe has room for 5ml (it's really 6ml, but you're not supposed to fill it up completely) liquid. you'd have to use 2 syringes. eg. one for the left arm (or leg) and the other for the right. it appears there's fentanyl ampullae with 0.5mg fentanyl. that's five times the concentration of sufentanil in sufentanil ampullae. fentanyl is supposed to be 5-10 times weaker, so... they might be less effective after all. but 10ml can still be lethal. if possible, mix fantanyl also with midazolam. or drink alcohol, it's supposed to enhance the deadliness of opioids. these 2 are among the most powerful painkillers legally available. getting a prescription will be difficult, because there's plenty of alternatives that when prescibed will not arrive at the opportune moment to aid people in suicidal moods in getting some definite rest from life... and therefore preferred by doctors. however, maybe you'll find one who's empathetic to your situation. in Belgium the doctors even perform euthanasia via injection for people who claim they don't feel comfortable with their body and can't stand living in their physical shell anymore. or maybe you suffer from chronic pain, and already are on painkillers. you can then ask for sth stronger. or maybe you are on holiday in Mexico/China/Southeast Asia, you could possibly get them prescriptionfree there. but then you could also get heroin there, if heroin/sufentanil/fentanyl is out of reach, there's one more option. people who suffer from diabetes take insulin injections. they are prescription free in Canada, you can import it from a pharmacy there. -http://www.northwestpharmacy.com/Insulin/Cheap-Insulin.html or just go to any pharmacy in your country, and lie. say you're a freshly arrived expat, or a world traveller, who's run out of reserves, you need a new supply urgently. unlike where opioids are asked for, where you're not really in a position to demand a specific one, in a case of diabetes there's only insulin that prevents you from collapsing. the pharmacist can't persuade you to take sth less dangerous instead. and you probably won't be told to just go away, because without new supply, if you really were diabetic, you'd soon do collapse. what you're looking for are ampullae/vials with an IU (international unit) of 100, as opposed to 40. these stand for the concentrations. IU100 is the 038 maximum/stringest that's being sold, IU40 is the minimum/weakest. needles from insulin pens are apparently so thin that you (in the best case scenario) don't feel anything. in any case, they offer less painful injections than the conventional syringe-needle combo does. but they only store 3ml. and are much more expensive. You also don't inject into your veins (intravenously), but into your skin (subcutaneously). the lethal dose of insulin is IU400-900 -http://curriculum.toxicology.wikispaces.net/2.1.7.1.1+Insulin IU360 can suffice, if you're old/weak & diabetic -http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-13625168 that would be 4-9ml out of the 10ml IU100 ampulla. you'd be required to recharge the insulin pen 2 times al minimo. or to buy 3 of them. i've seen some claims that, suicide via insulin overdose isn't such a good choice for non-diabetics. it might not work as well. there's some truth in this. but it did work this 17 year young Charlotte Wasey, who certainly managed to die by injecting her mother's medication. -http://yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/9494698.Student_died_after_taking_overdose_of_mum___s_insulin/ . a non-diabetic man, however, comatose on IU16000, was brought into a hospital and rescued. "the presented patient who injected himself with the total dose 16,000 units of insulin is considered to be the first patient in the world who survived with such a massive dose of insulin." -http://www.thaiscience.info/journals/Article/Attempted%20suicide%20by%20massive%20insulin %20injection%20a%20case%20report%20and%20review%20of%20the%20literature.pdf death doesn't occur immediately. you first will fall into a coma, from which you can be brought back if medics interfere. that's true for diabetics as well as for non-diabetics. the report above, about someone surving even such a large dose must be considered within the complete context. he didn't absorb the insulin just like that all by himself, meds helpt to clean up his body. similar to freezing yourself, which makes you fall asleep first, but the dying process itself takes days, and can be disrupted from outside, you'll face the same risk factor here. if you opt for the insulin method, make sure you'll do it in a place where there won't be anyone else... for the next couple of days. most fatalities occur with doses between IU1000 and IU3000, or so is the estimation circulating on the web. if you'd inject 1 pen into your left arm (e.g. 1.5ml into your forearm, the remaining 1.5ml into your upper arm) and 039 the next pen into your right arm. the 3rd pen into the left thigh, then the right thigh. another one into your hips/butt, on one side, then pen nr.6 on the the other side, you'd arrive at 6x3ml … or IU1800. you'd be in the range that's most promising. you'd also have distributed the needle pricks all over your body, which appears to me to be least painful.

"the period from injection of an overdose of insulin to irreversible brain damage is frequently about 7 hours" -http://curriculum.toxicology.wikispaces.net/2.1.7.1.1+Insulin just like it is the case with opioid overdoses, it's seems a wise idea to mix insulin with something else/e.g. a supplementary potentially fatal overdose of some sorts. or carbon monoxide. no, i ain't givin you no golden shot, you'd need to add sth extra to it yourself.

part 20

protective parathion/savin hand lotion parathion, a byword for E 605, is an insecticide. its usaage is prohibited in Europe -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parathion but not its storage. theoretically, you could buy it even there -http://hp-compounds.de/shop/ReferenceMaterials/Pesticides/Parathionethyl.php5?suche_on=1&suche=SR it "is rapidly absorbed through the gastro-intestinal tract and the skin" -http://www.forensicscience.pl/pfs/43_marques2.pdf "fatal human overdose occurred by ingestion, inhalation, eye, and dermal route." -http://www.acutetox.eu/pdf_human_short/38-Parathion%20revised.pdf dermal route means... skin contact the data on the lethal dose is obscure. via ingestion, it may be as low as 040 10mg or as high as 40g or even go beyond that

"in most cases, the immediate cause of death is asphyxia (inability to breath and suffocation) following paralysis of respiratory centre in the brain" -http://www.acutetox.eu/pdf_human_short/38-Parathion%20revised.pdf in his book, Maurits Verzele mentions a case where a peasant, after he dropped a coin into a bucket of parathon, took off his glove, reached for the coin with his bare hand. and died. protective parathion hand lotion will protect you from having to endure life any longer. juniperus sabina, a shrub, useful for intoxications. "symptoms include, among others, queasiness, cardiac rhythm disorders, spasm, kidney damage and hematuria. death finds the patient in a state of central paralysis and deep unconsciousness. the internal administration of 6 drops of the volatile oil is lifethreatening for humans" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.664 rubbing savin oil into your skin can already end in a fatal case. and is therefore an alternative to parathion. sadly, it isn't sold in any ordinary shops, because "savin oil is considered too poisonous to use as it contains podophyllotoxin that destroys cells and has resulted in fatalities. the oil is banned from sale to the public in many countries due to its toxic effects" -http://www.essentialoils.co.za/essential-oils/savin.htm you'd probably have to extract it yourself from the twigs and/or leaves via steam distillation.

041 part 21

impromptu railway promenade oxford dictionary's definition of impromptu is the following: „done without preparation or planning“. which is only from a certain poit of view what i have in mind. the point in time to step onto the railway is mostly determined by the train, and not you. although you can randomly pick a train that suits you. and the day to do it. speed, a byword for amphetamine, is a potent central nervous system stimulant. you can buy it as a medication or as a drug. for medical use, for athletic use, for la fête, la boum, pour attenter à ses jours. there's ways to produce it in your private lab, but i won't descend into details here.

"the estimated minimum lethal dose in non-addicted adults is 200 mg" -http://www.emcdda.europa.eu/publications/drug-profiles/amphetamine if you're used to it, even "doses of 400 to 500 mg are not uniformly fatal" -http://toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/search/a?dbs+hsdb:@term+@DOCNO+3287 you might need more. some doctors prescribe it for weight-loss. if you're obese, give it a try. amphetamine give you an urge to move. for example, to move onto the railway in the right moment, when the train is approaching. without it, you might be overrun by a change of heart, and decide not to get hit and overrun by a train. also, there is a slight risk of survival. with a deadly dose of amphetamine, this risk is almost diminished. if the impact won't kill you, the chemical will.

dramatic pause “verily, I say unto you, none of those who fear death will be saved; for the kingdom belongs to those who put themselves to death.” -Jesus, "the apocryphon of James" it’s the 2nd text within the Nag Hammâdi scriptures

.

part 22

pizza ai funghi on the pizza base, put whatever sauce you like, and then distribute some sliced mushrooms all over the place. here's some suggestions which to use. amanita phalloides, apparently tastes not bad. "the principal toxic constituent is α-amanitin, which damages the liver and kidneys, often fatally." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanita_phalloides

"a keen gardener died after she accidentally picked some of the world’s deadliest mushrooms from outside her home and made them into soup" "four days after eating the mushrooms, having suffered major organ failure." -http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/10047149/Gardener-dies-after-making-soup-with-deadly- mushrooms.html

35g is the minimum fatal dose -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanita_phalloides 1 fully matured amanita phalloides mushroom weighs 50g. that's about enough to die. amanita virosa, acts just this way. both are distributed across Europe. pantherina, from Europe and western Asia is also worth a mention. 043 eating of & exceeding 100g of this mushroom, is fatal -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantherpilz clitocybe rivulosa, from Europe & north America. in large amounts... fatal. amanita muscaria, a poisonous fungus, "is initially stimulating then paralyzing in its effect [...] signs of poisoning include dizziness, vomiting, abdominal pain, movement disorders, muscle cramps and psychic stimulation, followed by deep sleep [...] higher dosages (over, 100 g of fresh mushrooms) lead to unconsciousness, asphyxiation, coma and death" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.8-9 bake your pizza, eat it. afterwards you'll never have to eat anything again.

part 23

antitussives that toss away your tussis. for good there's 2 cough syrups that can be easily obtained, in some countries they might be bound to prescriptions, but then, if you happen to live in such a country, you can import it from Spain. tosidrin, 30ml bottle, a dihydrocodeine concentration of 0.01g/ml -http://pharmaonline.tv/product_info.php?info=p1349_tosidrin-30-ml.html 1 bottle contains 0,3g of dihydrocodeine (which is twice as strong as tramadol, both are opioids, both are analgesics, but dihydrocodeine also works as an antitussive) the slightly more expensive... paracodina, that comes in a 125ml bottle, with a concentration of "12mg/5ml" that's 2.4mg/ml, that's 0.0024g/ml -http://pharmaonline.tv/product_info.php?info=p1409_paracodina---dihydrocodein.html the whole bottle yields 0.3g of of dihydrocodeine. the lethal dose of codeine, from which dihydrocodeine is derived, is 1g. But 044 dihydrocodeine is supposed to be twice as effective. 2 bottles (= 0,6g dihydrocodeine) of either product (tosidrin or paracodina) could be fatal. 3 bottles will almost certainly be so.

part 24

letting things end this way. in tears "a biocide is a chemical substance or microorganism which can deter, render harmless, or exert a controlling effect on any harmful organism by chemical or biological means." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biocide also from wikipedia..."biocide can also refer to the destruction of life, a form of omnicide that affects every living thing, not just humans" anyways, an interesting set of biocides (in the primary sense) are quats (short for quaternary ammonium cations). they are a kind of soaps, but unlike commonly used soaps, they have molecules that are positively charged. micro/macro-organisms tend to get destroyed by them. swallowing a quat is like swallowing a soap. you'll feel unwell and want to throw up. but if you take meds against throwing up, it will clean your body away from the face of earth. not completely, but to a large enough extend to cause death. within less than 1 hour. there's so many quats as part of so many products, it makes no sense to list them all. but just to meantion one: Siccaprotect® Augentropfen, containing these so-called artifial tears, is an eye cleanser/moisturizer, prescription free. 30 mg/ml is the benzalkonium chloride concentration, 1 bottle (10ml) provides us with 0.3g of benzalkonium chloride. instead of squeezing it out onto your eyes, you can squeeze it out into your 045 mouth. and swallow. "the fatal dose in humans ingesting cationic detergents has been estimated to be 1 to 3g" -http://toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/search/a?dbs+hsdb:@term+@DOCNO+567 this is more or less true for all quats. but especially in the case of our case, consider... "benzalkonium chloride (a quaternary ammonium compound) can produce rapid toxic effects (caustic burns and respiratory depression) following minimal ingestions; doses of about 100 mg/kg are thought to be potentially life-threatening" -same source as above a 60kg person might need 6g then. that's 20 bottles (200ml) of artificial tears for a proper disinfection of his/her/zir body.

dramatic pause

"noone ever lacks a good reason for suicide" -Cesare Pavese, "the business of living" "1. everyone has problems 2. a rational person should should solve their problems in the most efficient way 3. suicide is the most efficient way of solving all one's problems 4. from 1-3, a rational person should commit suicide

[...] all else equal, if there are two solutions to a problem and one is better than the other for whatever reason, then not choosing the better option is tantamount to indifference to the resolution to the problem i.e. the problem never existed in the first place. the only other case for someone knowingly choosing an inferior option and yet still believing in the problem is that the person is irrational." -zralytylen, http://suicidetreatise.blogspot.de/2012/02/rational-self-destruction.html

part 25

SSRI * MAOI = peace of mind² the often prescribed citalopram is among SSRI antidepressants the most potent one. normal blood concentrations are usually in the range of 50- 400μg/L, in patients who don't survive their (over)dose, 3-30mg/L -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citalopram for treating anxiety, doses of 10mg are administered al minimo, for depression suppression, it starts at 20mg, goes up to 40mg or even higher. assuming the 50μg/l pertains to the lowest dose of a 10mg tablet, you'd have to take 60 10mg tablets (50μg/l * 60 = 3000μg/l or 3mg/l) to reach a potentially fatal dose, and 600 10mg tablets (50μg/l * 600 = 30mg/l) to almost certainly die, at least if you won't be taken to a hospital. it is most common to sell citalopram in 20mg tablet forms, so you'd then need 300 of these. 047 4 documented suicide cases, that took place in Denmark, from 1989 to 1996 show that, people who died via citalopram, who's blood concentrations were measured, carried 2mg to 6.2mg of it. per kg. -http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s004140050147#page-1 with 1 liter of blood having the weight of 1060mg. converting these results to mg/l gives us 1.9mg/l (2mg / 1060 *1000 ) and 5.8mg/l (6.2mg / 1060 * 1000). one of these people needed no more than 38 10mg tablets (50μg/l * 38 = 1900μg/l or 1.9mg/l).

"five non-fatal cases of citalopram overdose (up to 5200 mg) resulted in seizures developing in 4 cases and all (five cases) had QT prolongation, sinus tachycardia and inferolateral repolarization disturbances" -http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/celexa.htm one of these people would have needed even more than 520 10mg tablets. what a successful suicide case looks like is shown below: "she had been prescribed citalopram by her family doctor 3 weeks before her death for a depressive syndrome. police found in her house 3 empty blister packages of 28 citalopram tablets (20 mg) and 2 bottles of citalopram oral solution (4%, 15 mL each). " -http://journals.lww.com/amjforensicmedicine/pages/articleviewer.aspx? year=2005&issue=12000&article=00012&type=abstract citalopram solution bottles usually contain 40mg per ml, and i guess this is what they meant. 2 bottles would then yield (30 * 40mg) 1200mg citalopram. the 84 tablets she swallowed, 1680mg. together 2880mg citalopram isn't a secure way to go. you first have to consider that, although there are fatal case reports with doses that you could reach with just a handful of tablets, a massive dose like 5200mg has been shown to be not necessarily fatal. i'd go for 6000mg. then, consider that, you might get rescued, even 8 hours after your intoxication, as it was the case with a 2000mg overdosed 52-year old female -www.ggiz-erfurt.de/pdf/pub_2005_citalopram.pdf who was detoxicated with charcoal and sodium sulphate. make sure nobody will find you, or make sure you take a long nap with some hypnotic substance/anaesthetic/alcohol, so nobody who will find you will notice you're dying, or mix citalopram with something else.

"three cases of fatal serotonin syndrome (tremor, hyperpyrexia, and seizures) 048 occurred following overdoses involving citalopram and moclobemide. the three males died within 3 to 16 hours after overdose (Neuvonen et al, 1993).

(1) citalopram serum concentration was at a therapeutic level in one patient and 2 and 5 times therapeutic levels in the other cases.

(2) moclobemide serum concentrations were 5 times therapeutic levels in one patient and 20 to 50 times higher in the other two cases." -http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/celexa.htm

"intoxications with moclobemide as single agent are usually mild; however, when combined with tricyclic or SSRI antidepressants the overdose much more toxic and potentially fatal" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moclobemide

"moclobemide is a benzamide, derivative of morpholine, which acts pharmacologically as a selective, reversible inhibitor of monoamine oxidase A (RIMA), a type of monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI)" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moclobemide it primarily inhibits monoamine oxidase A, but to a lesser extent also monoamine oxidase B. generally it is considered to be a MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitor) antidepressant of the type RIMA (reversible inhibitor of monoamine oxidase A) there's more pharmaceutical drugs of this kind that you could use instead (if you can't get hold of moclobemide). these are: brofaromine, caroxazone, eprobemide, metralindole, minaprine, pirlindole and toloxatone. additionally, RIMAs also exist in nature. the alkaloid piperine can be found in white or black pepper, which is obtained from the pepper plant (piper nigrum). "the unripe, unpeeled, dried, wrinkly fruits of a size of 3 - 6 mm are known as black pepper, while white pepper is obtained from the fully ripe fruit by removing (peeling) the outer pericarp after 2 - 3 days' fermentation and drying the seeds to yield smooth, yellow to dirty yellow peppercorns of a size of 2 - 4 mm." "fresh peppercorns contain approx. 5 - 9% piperine" -http://www.tis-gdv.de/tis_e/ware/gewuerze/pfeffer/pfeffer.htm#selbsterhitzung it's also part of tailed pepper and long pepper. extraction methods vary, here's a desription of one that uses ethanol + KOH + acteone/hexane:

"place 30g of finely ground black pepper in a porous thimble in the central chamber of a soxhlet extractor and 175ml of 95% ethanol in a RB flask. gently heat solvent under reflux for 6 hours. concentrate the solution to a volume of 20-30ml on a rotary evaporator and add 30ml of warm 2M ethanolic potassium hydroxide (this is ESSENTIAL to keep all the acidic components in solution). after shaking the warm mixture well, filter the solution and remove any insoluble materials (quite a bit). while keeping the solution warm over a water bath, and water until no more yellow solid forms. allow the resulting solution to stand overnight and then isolate yellow precipitate that has formed by filtration. recrystalise the crude product in hot 3:2 acteone/hexane, cooling in ice bath if necessary to promote recyrstallisation. the resulting product (piperine) is in the form of spectacular yellow needles, a yield of around 2g (in my case) was obtained." -http://www.erowid.org/archive/rhodium/chemistry/3base/piperonal.pepper/piperine.pepper/ recipe_piperine_piperic_acid.txt that's a lot of work that sadly can't be avoided (and on top of that a rotary evaporator isn't exactly cheap). ready-to-swallow capsules are available prescriptionfree. they contain approx 10mg of piperine, per unit (capsule). that's 100 capsules just to reach an intake of 1g of piperine. more on that later. the half maximal inhibitory concentration (IC50) "indicates how much of a particular drug or other substance (inhibitor) is needed to inhibit a given biological process (or component of a process, i.e. an enzyme, cell, cell receptor or microorganism) by half. " -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IC50 49.3 μM (M stands for molecular concentration) is the IC50 inhibitory value of piperine against MAO A. (and 91.3 μM against MAO B) -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15120460 6μM is the IC50 inhibitory value of moclobemide against MAO A (and against MAO B it appears to be only slightly effective with an insignificantly high IC50 value of >1000 μM). this means moclobemide is a (49.3 / 6 =) 8.2 times more effective MAO A inhibitor than the naturally occuring piperine.

in the 3 fatal case reports that were previously mentioned, the moclobemide 050 concentrations were 5, 20, 50 times the "normal therapeutic level" a typical dose for most patients is 300mg per day, sometimes it is raised up to 600mg -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moclobemid let's assume the worst case scenario where the "normal therapeutic level" stands for 600mg. then the fatal doses (in conjunction with citalopram) would have been as follows: (5 x 600mg =) 3g, (20 x 600mg =) 12g, (50 x 600mg =) 30g. if one simply ignores the higher potency of piperine as a MAO B inhibitor, and only takes the effects on MAO A into account (= makes piperine look weaker than it actually is compared to moclobemide), the equivalent fatal doses of piperine (when taken together with citalopram) would have been: (8.2 x 3g =) 24.6g, (8.2 x 12g =) 98.4g, (8.2 x 30g =) 246g. if 30g black pepper yields 2g piperine, like it was the case in the extraction tutorial above, the concentration there then was (100% / (30 / 2) =) 6.7%. this means, to aim for the lowest of these 3 known fatal doses, 24.6g of piperine, you'd need (if your pepper also has a concentration of 6.7%) an amount of (100% / 6.7 * 24.6g =) 367g of black pepper. for the other 2 doses you'd need (100% / 6.7 * 98.4g =) 1469g and (100% / 6.7 * 246g =) 3672g respectively. in the light of these enormous amounts of source material that one needs to obtain useful amounts of piperine, it's unlikely you could poison yourself sufficiently by simply eating powdered black pepper. or by ingesting some of these readily available capsules with a piperine content that is no more than 10mg. (you'd need 2460 capsules to reach the lowest fatal dose) laboratory equipment is a must then. another naturally occuring RIMA could be the flavonoid quercetin (at the time of writting this, it has not yet been confirmed whether quercetin is "selective" and "reversible" but it certainly inhibits MAO A) -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19013512

"capers contain more quercetin per weight than any other plant" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capers

234mg are contained in 100g of raw capers (that's a concentration of 0.234%) -http://www.ars.usda.gov/SP2UserFiles/Place/12354500/Data/Flav/Flav_R03.pdf the IC50 against MAO A is 18μM -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19013512 so moclobemide is 3 times as effective as quercetin, and the lowest of the known fatal doses of moclobemide is 3g (in conjunction with citalopram). you'd have to consume 9g of quercetin (in conjunction with citalopram) al minimo. now, the amount of raw capers that would theoretically yield 9g of quercetin is (100% / 0.234 = 427; 9g x 427 =) 3.8kg. you can't possibly eat that much. it, however, is quite possible to extract quercetin via methanol. i'm not going to descend into details, though. because i've never tried it myself and the information on this procedure is sparse. let me just mention that there are ready-to-ingest capsules you can buy (prescription free) that contain 250mg quercetin per unit. you'd gain a 9g quercetin augmentation in your body after only (9g / 0.25 =) 36 capsules. that's a quite realistically realizable meal. the other 2 known lethal doses of moclobemide were, as mentioned earlier, 12g and 30g. the equivalent of 36g and 90g of quercetin. 36g is what 144 capsules provide. (that's still swallowable) 90g is contained in 360 capsules. (that'll be a challenge, but is theoretically also swallowable).

1 package (120 capsules) mixed with as many citalopram as you can get (also small doses might suffice, though), is what i'd go for. resveratrol, a phytoalexin, is a RIMA with a MAO A inhibitory potency of IC50 25µM -http://www.scbio.de/datasheet-205254-cis-resveratrol.html moclobemide is (25 / 6 =) 4.2 times as effective as resveratrol. the latter can be found in all sorts of fruits, like for example grapes (an in those most of all in their skin). freshly pressed red grape juice has a concentration of 1.1mg per liter while red wine apparently has a concentration of 2mg to 12mg per liter. -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resveratrol so can you achieve a deadly dose of resveratol by drinking wine? no. (3g x 4.2 =) 12,6g would be the minimum that, combined with an SSRI, could lead to death. 250mg are contained in one of those commercially available 052 capsules, which are far more suitable for suicide. you can get them prescription free. you'd need a minimum of 51 capsules (+ citalopram). harmine is another naturally occuring MAOI antidepressant, which reversibly and selectively inhibits MAO-A (monoamine oxidase A), peganum harmala seeds contain harmine, an amount of 0.44 of it in percentage terms -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18980138 or even more according to other sources. and they contain at least 0.25% of harmaline (a reversible (non-selective) inhibitor of monoamine oxidase A) -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17723604 the IC50 (against MAO-A) of harmine lies somewhere between 2µM and 5µM, so, it is more or less equivalent, possibly even more potent than moclobemide (with an IC50 ranging between 3.9µM and 6µM. the IC50 (against MAO-A) of harmaline seems to be around* 4.5µM

*the values range between 2.5µM and 8µM also harmaline seems to be at least equivalent to (if not, even stronger than) moclobemide. so, (0.25 + 0.44 =) 0.69% of potent MAOI alkaloids can be found in peganum harmala seeds. (100 / 0.69 = 145; 3g x 145 =) 435g of such seeds is what you'd need for a minimum lethal dose it's unlikely you'd be able to eat enough, unless if you grind and fill these seeds into 435 capsules, you'd have to go through following steps of Albert Most's recipe

"the crushed seeds are covered with three times their weight of water containing 30 g. of acetic acid per liter of water, the seeds swell as they absorb the liquid and form a thick dough which is pressed after 2 or 3 days. the pressed seeds are once more treated as above with twice their weight of dilute acetic acid and, after maceration, the liquid is again pressed out. to the combined liquors, sodium chloride (100 g., liter of liquid) is added to transform the acetates of harmine and harmaline into the hydrochlorides which are insoluble in cold sodium chloride solutions and are precipitated 053 during cooling. the supernatant liquid is siphoned off, the crystaline residue filtered with suction and redissolved in hot water. addition of sodium chloride to the filtered solution results in the precipitation of the hydrochlorides as a crystalline mush and this process is repeated until the hydrochlorides have acquired a yellow color. the separation of harmaline from harmine is based on the fact that when a warm aqueous solution of the hydrochlorides is alkalinized with ammonia, harmaline is liberated only after the decomposition of harmine hydrochloride is complete. the appearance of harmaline is readly detected under the microscope since it consists of plates while harmine forms long needles. the addition of ammonia, therefore, is stopped as soon as crystals of harmaline are detected, the harmine is filtered off and the harmaline recovered from the filtrate by the addition of ammonia, the bases are then further purified by recrystallization of their hydrochlorides." -isolation of harmine and harmaline, "Ann. chim (10) 7,15l" from 1927, by Albert Most besides citalopram (which can induce death all by itself in high doses) there's other SSRIs (which are not very likely to become lethal all by themselves) that can bring about peace of mind² when combined with MAOIs. these are: dapoxetine, escitalopram, fluoxetine, fluvoxamine, indalpine, paroxetine, sertraline, zimelidine. since they are less effective compared to citalopram, you'd have to dose them higher. other than that, the preceding text in this chapter applies also to them. serotonine syndrom the ultimate cause of convulsions, coma & disseminated intravascular coagulation. the latter, leading to the formation of small blood clots inside the blood vessels throughout the body, is also known as "death is coming" or DIC for short, and disrupts blood flow to all sorts of organs, and causes them to go on strike. this is a potentially pleasant way to go, because you'd fall into a coma prior to dying unconsciously. but, if you don't dose high enough to reach a comatose state, you'll be stuck in process 1, convulsions.

"she took all of her anti-depressant medication, including mood stabilizers and who knows what else, but it was a total of 60 pills [...] she then changed her mind on taking her own life, so she sought help, but it was too late to pump her stomach. she is now in hospital in an induced coma, and on a ventilator. they have diagnosed her with extreme serotonin syndrome. They 054 have attempted to bring her out of her coma 3 times in the last 3 days, without success. her convulsions were very bad, so they put her back into the coma. when you talk to her, her heart rate increases, which apparently means that she can hear us sub-consciously. the doctors aren't giving us anything, because they are very scared to give us false hope in case there is a backlash." - posted on a web forum, by djcandiflip, http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-conditions/acute-serotonin- syndrome-fentanyl-prozac-effexor-xr-43361-2.html

part 25 appendix

about irreversible MAOIs & tyramine the book of suicide is meant to primarily provide methods that are accessible to (almost) everyone, including non-privileged people, and i generally try to put the focus away from substances that most people will never be able to hold in their hands. but, seeing as the last chapter introduced MAOI inhibitors of the RIMA type, it seems appropriate to conclude the topic with a brief discourse about the remaining MAOIs. presented to you as an appendix.

"MAOIs act by inhibiting the activity of MAO and preventing the breakdown of monoamine neurotransmitters (serotonin and NE) [in the case of MAO- A], thereby increasing their availability. Inhibition may be reversible or irreversible. When an MAOI covalently binds to the enzyme, it is irreversibly inhibited and the enzyme is permanently deactivated. enzyme activity cannot be restored until the body replaces the enzyme through new enzyme synthesis. restoration of full activity can take up to 2 weeks." -http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/major-depressive-disorder/irreversible-monoamine-oxidase-inhibitors- revisited so, besides reversible inhibitors of monoamine oxidase A (RIMAs) there's also irreversible MAOIs: phenelzine, isocarboxazid, tranylcypromine, 055 clorgyline, resagline (mainly for MAO-B inhibition), nialamide, selegiline (mainly for MAO-B inhibition). and a few more, which have been completely withdrawn from the market.

"the older, non-selective, irreversible drugs have very severe and prolonged toxicity in overdose and potentially life-threatening interactions with tyramine" -http://curriculum.toxicology.wikispaces.net/Monoamine+oxidase+inhibitors+(Detail) irreversible MAOIs are very toxic all by themselves, and they are also difficult to obtain. if you however did get hold of such an antidepressant, but only in small amounts, and have no SSRIs at hand, you can instead mix it with tyramine. in order to cause a hypertensive crisis. reversible MAOIs most likely won't be strong enough to cause a fatal hypertension (high blood pressure) when combined with tyramine, but with irreversible ones things look different, and might build up to an "acute impairment of one or more organ systems (especially the central nervous system, cardiovascular system and/or the renal system)" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertensive_emergency aka hypertensive crisis. if this won't soon lead to organ failure, followed by death, it will do so later. the probability to die within the following year following a non-immediately-fatal hypertensive crisis lies at 80% -http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1952052-overview except if you get treated with medications, then you'll most likely be forced to go on living for some unknown number of years.

"when using a MAO inhibitor (MAOI), the intake of approximately 10 to 25 mg of tyramine is required for a severe reaction" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyramine more than 25mg leads then to a hypertensive crisis. the following drink can be useful to achieve that: tap beer, a 355ml portion, may contain around 38mg tyramine -http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/documents/neurology/files/Tyramine%20Menu%20Book%2006227101.pdf but it'll probably be less. it seems to depend on whether it was "produced by bottom fermentation (lagers) and brewed by a secondary fermentation process" -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8151003 056 or not. if you get hold of tap beer, since it possibly won't be too potent after all, and contain less than 25mg of tyramine per liter, drink more than 1 liter. i'd recommend 2. note that ordinary (canned/bottled) beer, per 355ml bottle, only contains around 1.5mg, and therefore is not useful. soya products look promising, they are thought to be replete with tyramine, but there aren't any concrete concentration values to guide us.

"the enzyme monoamine oxidase exists as 2 subtypes, MAO-A and MAO-B. MAO-A metabolizes serotonin and norepinephrine (NE) [...] MAO-B preferentially metabolizes dopamine and trace amines, including phenethylamine. tyramine is metabolized by both MAO-A and MAO-B" -http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/major-depressive-disorder/irreversible-monoamine-oxidase-inhibitors- revisited most MAOIs mainly inhibit MAO-A, and MAO-B only a little bit if at all. the effect on MAO-A of irreversibles is thorough enough, however, it does not really matter whether MAO-B gets neglected or not. but if you'd be trying to achieve a hypertensive crisis with the much more common reversibles, inhibiting MAO-B in addition to MAO-A, instead of just MAO- A alone, will lead to a more excessive build-up of tyramine, and increase your (otherwise rather slim) chances for success. among the naturally occuring RIMAs, paeonol's Inhibition of MAO-B corresponds to an IC50 of 42.5µM, and it is also noteworthily effective against MAO-A (54.6µM) -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15120460 paeonol (a phenolic compound), also known as paeonolum, contained (for example) in the paeonia suffruticosa, native to China, hasn't been mentioned in 025, mostly because it's not known (to me) how high the concentration is you'd encounter in any of the plants harboring it. this being so, i can't provide any information of how much plant you need to get what's needed out of it, and it's not being sold in pure form in most of the world (= except for China). but let's mention paeonol here, because, herbal extracts with a paenol concentration of 98%-99% can, after all, be ordered from China, (for example) from Shanghai, in 1kg bags, for a 3-digit sum per bag. other sources of paeonol (btw) are paarisaema erubescens, dioscorea 057 japonica, luculia intermedia, rosmarinus officinalis, exacum affine, primula auricula, cynanchum paniculatum and prosopis cineraria (see Sumitra Singh's, Vijay Naresh's and Surendra Kr Sharma's "isolation of novel phytoconstituents from the bark of wonder tree" for a tutorial of how to get paeonol out of the bark of the prosopsis cinaria tree). maybe you'll be able to get to the bottom of the mystery (of how much of the aforementioned plants you need to reach a lethal dose of paeonol in conjunction with tyramine) yourself.

MAO-A and MAO-B is almost equally suppressed, so, you won't need any extra MAOI that would take care of any remaining enzyme. more than paeonol (in large amounts) and tyramine (>25mg) is not needed. besides MAOI irreversibles, tricyclic antidepressents are also highly toxic, usable as a sole means to kill yourself, and unfortunately also very difficult to obtain nowadays. therefore, let's skip them and let's move on to easier accessible "mood-enhancers".

part 26

pressants, pressants, et al. besides selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI), there's 1 more class of antidepressants that is in vogue and readily prescribed, the serotonin– norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRI)

I'll go through that and also through norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitors (NDRI), serotonin–norepinephrine–dopamine reuptake inhibitors (SNDRI) and dopamine reuptake inhibitor (DRI). SNRIs are: milnacipran, duloxetine, levomilnacipran, bicifadine, desvenlafaxine, sibutramine and, the most potent of them is venlafaxine, which i'll be focusing on now. 058 the IMS Health rating from 2009 lists venlafaxine at no.9 among the most frequently prescribed psychiatric medications within the US. -http://psychcentral.com/lib/top-25-psychiatric-prescriptions-for-2009/0003170 if you happen to get a prescription for an SNRI, it'll probably be for this one, which, conveniently enough, "seems to be more dangerous in overdose than the SSRIs, except perhaps citalopram which is more dangerous than the other SSRIs in overdose." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venlafaxine based on a fatality report reported to us from the medical University of South Carolina, from 2003, "a 39-year-old woman with a history of depression and suicidal ideations came to the emergency department after intentionally ingesting approximately 30 g of extended-release venlafaxine capsules. family members postulated that she had ingested the capsules 12-24 hours before coming to the emergency department [...] the patient was transferred to the medical intensive care unit, where vasopressor therapy with dopamine was started [...] she required multiple courses of treatment with broad-spectrum antibiotics for persistent fever [...] her clinical condition continued to deteriorate, and she died on day 43" -http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/465884_2 it follows, you'd need to take 400 of the 75mg venlafaxine capsules, or 200 of the 125mg capsules (both adding up to 30g) to reach a fatal overdose. it might take a long time to die, which, won't matter so much to yourself, though, because a potentially severe overdose leads to severe CNS depression. you'd be in a coma. of course, you'll be keeping the hospital staff (provided that you'll be delivered to a hospital) busy and your family/friends in suspense. but of course, that's not necessarily a bad thing. but, if you happen to have diabetes mellitius, a smaller dose might suffice... "a 40-year-old male with a history of non–insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus [...] after itentionally ingesting ninety 150-mg venlafaxine [...] and seventy-five 75-mg venlafaxine […] the total amount ingested was 19g [...] [was, ] on initial presentation [...] asymptomatic except for nausea ...] the patient arrived at the tertiary ED 3.5 hours post-ingestion. he became progressively more lethargic, and approximately 9 hours post-ingestion developed refractory ventricular fibrillation (VF) and subsequently expired" -http://jmt.pennpress.org/strands/jmt/pdfHandler.pdf;jsessionid= 9C6EFBA5F6C0EC58B4CB82581089A6A2?issue=20080401&file=20080401_018_020.pdf it isn't quite clear whether diabetes mellitius played a role. maybe a non diabetic person would also die with no more than 19g just for your information, "venlafaxine [...] appears less dangerous than bupropion" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venlafaxine let's take a look at bupropion then. according to the IMS Health rating from 2009, it's the no.14 of the most frequently prescribed psychiatric medications within the US -http://psychcentral.com/lib/top-25-psychiatric-prescriptions-for-2009/0003170 if taken in large quantities, it leads to cardiac arrest/respiratory failure -www.rxlist.com/wellbutrin-drug/overdosage-contraindications.htm less than 10g are sufficient to bring your life to an end, as a few success stories tell us -http://jat.oxfordjournals.org/content/17/7/436.short if not fatal, it should at least lead to loss of consciousness, so you can mix it with some other method that would be too painful by itself. in 2008 "a 35-year-old male was found lying in his bed about 72 h after he died. An empty box of [...] 30 slow-release tablets of 150 mg of BUP was near the body [...] no other known medication was involved." -http://jat.oxfordjournals.org/content/32/2/192.full.pdf that's a dose of 4.5g. to play it safe, take 67 150mg tablets instead (which more or less sum up to 10g) similar to the situation with SSRIs, bupropion can be mixed with MAOIs to lessen the risk of survival. and it also can be mixed with citalopram (introduced in 025) to increase the toxicity of citalopram. bupropion belongs to (and is the most potent of) the NDRIs, of which there's a lot. of the ones currently used for medical treatments, there's, besides the one in question here, dexmethylphenidate, fencamfamine, methylphenidate, prolintane, pyrovalerone. of the one's currently in use as designer drugs, there's diphenylprolinol and methylenedioxypyrovalerone. also worth a mention is the research chemical amfonelic acid, which is "not a controlled substance in the United States, and thus is legal to possess. it is 060 available from many biotechnology supply companies" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amfonelic_Acid and is price-wise ok. $88.88 per gram. there's not much information on this still new substance, and how much you'd need to die, but let's investigate and speculate. dog_on_acid's self-test says that a dose of "20mg [...] produced nothing [...] well almost nothing. i felt a slight rise in energy and euphoria but close to maybe one cup of coffee or 40mg speed [...] the next day I pushed it to 30. there was definite action here [...] it was subtle but I was very aware of the smaller details of life. i was processing information faster, i was happier, euphoric you could say and to a substantial degree [...] after an hour or so I jumped another barrier and insufflated 10mg [...] it only seemed to extend the action, possibly elevating it only slightly [...] a perfect dose [...] is between 30 and 40mg" -http://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/1f4z0j/amfonelic_acid/ by comparison, a "perfect" (= typical) dose of cocaine lies between 50 and 150mg. in Izenwasser's, Werling's and Cox'es comparison of dopamine inhibitors, amfonelic acid "biphasically inhibited uptake (of dopamine) in the striatum, nucleus accumbens and olfactory tubercle with [...] amfonelic acid being approximately 50-fold more potent than cocaine or methylphenidate" -https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2145054 as far as the medial prefrontal cortex is concerned, there seems to be no inhibitory difference between GBR 12909 (aka vanoxerine, a DRI) and cocaine. vanoxerine and amfonelic acid seem to be generally equivalent, though, as dopomine ihibitors. this lets us assume that in some areas of the brain amfonelic acid inhibits dopamine much more thoroughly than cocaine, while in others there's probably no difference. "45mg [...] really is the upper end of the scale, which is what I wanted to experience but not quite to this extent", says dog_on_acid, while 150mg is the upper end of the scale for cocaine. does this mean, amfonelic acid is around 3 times as potent as cocaine? possibly. 061 and if it were so, just a few grams of amfonelic acid would suffice to kill a person.

DRIs: they are primarily used by researchers and don't generally find medical applications, but difluoropine "is not explicitly illegal anywhere in the world as of 2008, but might be considered to be a controlled substance analogue of cocaine on the grounds of its related chemical structure, in some jurisdictions such as the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Difluoropine also RTI-229 "is legal throughout the world as of 2010. Some jurisdictions such as the USA, Australia and New Zealand might however consider RTI- 229 to be a controlled substance analogue of cocaine on the grounds of its related chemical structure." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RTI-229 you could possibly get hold of the 2 substances above. labeled as designer drugs are methoxetamine and methoxydine, also potentially obtainable, from your drug dealer of trust. vanoxerine aka GBR-12909, which, has already been compared to amfonelic acid a few moments earlier, is (at the time of writing this = 2014) being investigated for its potential benefits in treating cardiac arrhythmias. it might or might not see some medical use someday. if it does, you could induce some arrhytmia via conium or aconitum seeds, then go to see your doctor, and demand a medication (the brand new vanoxerine!) that'll stabilize your heart rhythm.

SNDRIs: there's only one on the medical market, nefopam (for use as a non-opiod analgesic agent). and there's 3 naturally occuring SNDRIs, which will be covered soon.

"nefopam is approximately 10 times more potent than aspirin and 2 to 3 062 times less potent than morphine." -Puchnarewicz's, Button's, D Lee's and Holt's case report @ http://www.the-ltg.org/data/uploads/posters/puchnarwicz.pdf and it can be mixed with SSRIs or MAOIs to enhance the toxic effect. ("there is the potential for serotonin syndrome or hypertensive crises to result") -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nefopam

"a 37-year-old caucasian female, who had worked as a nurse in a medical erhabilitation unit, was found lying on the floor dead at home. the body was markedly putrefied (estimated time since death: 7-10 days [...]) and covered with numerous fly larvae. no signs of violence were observed. fifteen broken ampules of acupan (equivalent to 300mg nefopam) were found near the body, together with a used syringe equipped with an i.v. needle." - Traqui's, Berthelon's and Lude's case report @ http://www.deepdyve.com/lp/oxford-university-press/fatal- overdosage-with-nefopam-acupan-Si0U0iuBtv one needs to consider, that, an intrevenous intake usually needs less drug to kill than an oral intake. a tablet has 30mg.

"dosage may range from 1 to 3 tablets three times daily depending on response. the recommended starting dosage is 2 tablets three times daily. " -http://www.medsafe.govt.nz/profs/datasheet/a/acupantabinj.pdf as far as injections are concerned, "20 mg (1 ml) intramuscularly repeated if necessary every six hours (see instructions for administration). onset of effect after intramuscular injection is within 15 to 20 minutes and peak effect is reached one to one-and-a-half hours after administration." -same source as above one ampule has 20mg (x 15 = 300mg = fatal dose) while 3 tablets amount to 90mg (x 15 = 1350mg = fatal dose). you'd need 45 tablets. hypericum perforatum "is widely known as an herbal treatment for depression", -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypericum_perforatum probably because of the phytochemicals hyperforin and adhyperforin that it carries within itself. 063 (ad)hyperforin is, among other effects that is produces, a natural SNDRI.

"over-the-counter (OTC) drugs are medicines sold directly to a consumer without a prescription" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Over-the-counter_drug and so are hypericum perforatum herbal extracts. but they might not be as potent as they claim to be. Laif900 is a product of this type that has a hyperforin content of 5,75mg to 8,64mg (although it says on the package there's 18mg in a tablet), based on a study-report from 2002, conducted by some researcher in the Universität Frankfurt. -http://www.pharmazeutische-zeitung.de/index.php?id=23988 hyperforin acts as a reuptake inhibitor of (e.g.) dopamine, to some extent. it does have a slight effect on the reuptake of serotonin, too, and in high doses can bring about a mild serotonine syndrome. mixed with other antidepressants (of the SSRI class) it might lead to a deadly serotonine syndrome. mixed with yet others (of the DRI, NDRI or SNDRI class) it can possibly enhance the effect of these.

2% is the (ad)hyperforin content in the blossoms, 4% in the fruits. -http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echtes_Johanniskraut a selfmade, 1g teabag of hypericum perforatum blossoms would contain 20mg hyperforin. that's so little, you'd be better off buying those tablets.

"in the early hours of the morning a 20-year-old girl was taken to the ED of th elocal hospital where, shortly thereafter, was pronounced dead. as told by her boyfriend, the evening before, they bought a dose of about 5 grams of cocaine; at around 8.30pm they were stopped by the police agents for control. the girl, in fear of a drug arrest, ingested the polyethylene wrapper containing the drug. Once back home, the girl made several attempts to expel the wrapper by vomiting. although the boy-friend tried to bring her to the hospital, she asserted to feel good, so they went to sleep. at around 2.40 a.m. the boy-friend was woken up because the girl was “strongly shaken” by convulsions. promptly carried to hospital, the girl arrived around 3.00 a.m. at ED with severe agitation [...] and unconsciousness [...] at 3.10 a.m. she died" -http://www.droganews.com/pubdownload.php?id=2458

064 the preceding was a case that occured in 2010, as published by Barbera, Romano and Spadaro in their "lethal cocaine intoxication due to “body- stuffer syndrome” it is known that some people can survive the ingestion of several grams. but also that people died after a meal of less than 5g. what to aim for? 10g is my recommendation. the alkaloid content of coca leaves is low, between 0.25% and 1.5%. -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca if you were to extract cocaine yourself, you'd need (assuming the concentration is only 0.25%) 4kg of source material (= leaves from grown up trees). that's a lot of work (plucking such an amount of leaves and then subjecting them to chemical reactions), and, on top of that, if you happen to live outside of Colombia, Peru or Bolivia, it's unlikely you'll ever bump into a coca tree anyway. so your best point of reference would be a drug dealer who has ready-to-consume stuff of this sort ready for you.

part 27

over-the-counter sleep aids most over-the-counter sleeping pills are useless. but there's 2 exceptions. 2 antihistamines. doxylamine, "the most effective over-the-counter sedative available in the United States and is more sedating than some prescription hypnotics" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doxylamine

"fatalities have been reported from doxylamine overdose. these have been characterized by coma, tonic-clonic (or grand mal) seizures and cardiorespiratory arrest." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doxylamine you're not supposed to mix this with MAOIs, unless, of course, you want to die. a typical tablet contains 30mg of doxymaline succinate, that's apparently 20.88mg of pure doxylamine. the median lethal dose is thought to lie somewhere between 25mg/kg* and 500mg/kg (body weight in kg). if you're an average 60kg person, you'd need 1500mg (= 78 tablets) al minimo - to have an outlook for death to begin with. and 30g of doxylamine (= 1560 tablets) to have an (at least) 50% chance for success. it's to be expected that you'll underdose your overdose with doxylamine, and survive, but, as a means to induce sleep - so that some other toxic substance can do the main work while you're unconscious - it's still worth a look, if you can't get hold of a barbiturate/benzodiazepine. diphenhydramine, "the drug has a strong hypnotic effect and is FDA- approved as a non-prescription sleep aid" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphenhydramine it, furthermore, "inhibits post-synaptic reuptake of serotonin" -http://journal.publications.chestnet.org/article.aspx?articleid=1094281 and thus can be mixed with SSRIs and/or MAOIs to induce SS. a typical tablet contains either 50mg or merely 25mg. this is what might happen to you if you take 1200mg

"in about 3 large gulps with water. all 48 pills were taken [...] from what i can remember all the classic effects I loved were there faster then normal. but a more stronger effect of nervousness was there [...] then pure panic hit. for no real reason just panic. i kept looking behind me, at the door and into the empty spaces of my room [...] after an unknown amount of time i was experiencing full on hallucinations in a delirious state with out realising it. i also remember looking around my room and seeing a frightening figure looking at me. the absolute worst part of the whole trip came from a trip to the bathroom. at the time i did not realise it but i drank a gulp of "calgone take me away" body spray. i did not even know i was in the bathroom. i only know i did this because i remember haveing a terrible taste and trying to gasp for air. from here on is a total blackout. the next thing i remember is 5 066 hours later. i asked a relative what had happened [...] apparently i left the bathroom shower on all night, dropped a lot of music cds on the floor and was running around the house without a shirt." -ziggyjuarez, http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/383024-Diphenhydramine-(1-200mg)-Experienced- Dont-Take-this-much-Ever as you see, this dose merely alters your perception, and is not enough to force a nap onto you. higher doses, presumably, could achieve this, and maybe even prevent you from ever waking up again, like some documented diphenhydramine-only-fatal-overdose cases demonstrate. but it's unclear what tablet amounts you should aim for. well, you should certainly take more than 1200mg it may be that none of the above will manage to put you to sleep. be it temporarily or permanently. but, Spain offers 2 other relatively attractive sleep aids, available for purchase without prescription, e.g. here: http://pharmaonline.tv/index.php?cat=c25_sleeping-pills-sleeping-pills.html zopiclone, a nonbenzodiazepine hypnotic, "has a similar fatality index as benzodiazepine drugs" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zopiclone there's fatal case reports, reporting the cases of people with respiratory problems, who managed to put an end to these problems via zopiclone, as well as the cases of people who enjoyed a self-made alcoholic zopiclone beverage. there is no data telling us what the lethal dose of zopiclone (in it's pure form) is. but it's thought to be lethal all by itself in high amounts.

"a 24-year-old Caucasian [...] had attended a party on the night of her death. she phoned a male friend and fell asleep while talking to him. the friend ended the conversation at 0200 h. She was found dead at 1940 h in her bedroom by her parents. she had been bleeding from the mouth and nose and was discovered next to a plastic drink bottle containing liquid and tablet residues. the cause of death was zopiclone overdosage complicated by ethanol use [...] the zopiclone blood concentrations [...] were at least 30 times the expected plasma concentration after single oral dosage [...] the blood ethanol concentration of 185 mg/dL may well be a contributing factor [...], although there have been claims that zopiclone, in contrast to 067 benzodiazepines, does not have additive central nervous system depressant effects with ethanol" -Boniface's and Russell's case report, http://jat.oxfordjournals.org/content/20/2/131.full.pdf she took 30 times the "expected" dose, and some alcohol, which might or might not have increased the toxicity. ordinary tablets contain 7.5mg each, and 30 of them are in one package. that's quite convenient. it seems, 30 is all you need. clomethiazole, a sedative and hypnotic, more potent than some benzodiazepines, today "marketed either as a free base in an oily suspension containing 192 mg in capsule form, or as clomethiazole edisylate syrup." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clomethiazole

"chlomethiazole is particularly toxic and dangerous in overdose and can be potentially fatal. Keith Moon (1946-1978), drummer of the renowned English rock band The Who, died after taking an overdose of clomethiazole on September 7, 1978. [...] as the drug can be fatal in high doses, prescribing clomethiazole outside a controlled environment, like a hospital, is not recommended, especially because there are much less toxic alternatives, such as diazepam. diazepam is one of many drugs belonging to the benzodiazepine" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clomethiazole

"he wanted to get sober, but due to his fear of psychiatric hospitals he wanted to do it at home. clomethiazole is discouraged for unsupervised detoxification because of its addictive potential, its tendency to induce tolerance and its risk of death when mixed with alcohol. the pills were prescribed by Geoffrey Dymond, a physician who was unaware of Moon's lifestyle. Dymond prescribed a bottle of 100 pills, instructing him to take one pill when he felt a craving for alcohol but not more than three pills per day" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Moon

Keith, btw, instead of 1 or 3, took 32 pills. but first he went to a party, had a couple of glasses of champagne there, popped the first few of his clomethiazoles, and later, „when Moon got back to the flat, he watched a movie, ate a meal and took more of his anti-alcohol pills. throughout the night Moon was restless and proceeded to lose track of how many pills he had taken. in the morning, he asked Annette to make breakfast, she did, he 068 ate and went to bed and died in his sleep in the room below" -http://www.feelnumb.com/2009/10/13/keith-moon-of-the-who-died-here/ they sell packages with 30. i guess 1 package would suffice to induce sleep. and mixed with alcohol, to induce permanent sleep. if you feel insecure about this dosage, take the double. 60 pills + alcohol will kill with 100 per cent certainty. here's another fatal chlormethiazole (aka Heminevrin) overdose:

"a doctor prescribed 60 tablets to a suicidal patient without seeing him just two days before he used them to kill himself, an inquest heard [...] Mr Donohue [...] died in December 2002 after taking the Heminevrin tablets - which are used to treat alcohol withdrawal symptoms - with whiskey. Dr Sreedharan [...]: "i did not see the patient. his mother telephoned [...] at first I said she couldn't have a prescription until I had seen him but the mum said he didn't need a visit. i told the mother that if he took the medication Heminevrin and alcohol it would kill him but she said she would make sure he didn't drink [...] i was put in a situation where I couldn't do any more than issue the medication. i couldn't be a hard-hearted man to a caring mother" -http://www.manchesterusersnetwork.org.uk/2011/06/17/prescribed-60-tablets-without-seeing-the-patient/ there's 2 more options. herbal extracts from 2 plants. pausinystalia yohimbe, the main alkaloid in the bark is yohimbine, which, is present there in concentrations between 7-115 mg/g. on the average 10 mg/g (which is 1%) -Zanolari et al., 2003; HagerROM, 2006; Chen et al., 2008

"In case of overdose, weakness, generalised paraesthesia, loss of coordination and memory problems, as well as severe headaches combined with dizziness, tremor, palpitations and fear occur after 20-30 mins. After 4 h severe chest pain can occur, lasting for several hours [...] a dose of 1.8 g is reputed to have resulted in several hours’ loss of consciousness (Wink et al., 2008)." -"scientific assessment of yohimbe", http://ec.europa.eu/food/food/labellingnutrition/vitamins/sa_yohimbe_en.pdf bark extracts can be bought in various forms, but, "a study conducted by Betz et al (1995) showed that extracts contain a maximum of 7% of the 069 yohimbine detectable in the bark, with the majority of products having a significantly lower to zero detectable yohimbine content. the authors explain this by the very high rate of dilution of the end-product and by watery extraction methods." -same source as above you can't be sure there will be any yohimbine in them. and if there is, 7% is all you'll get. capsules are being sold with either 450mg or 500mg yohimbe bark extract. assuming you'd buy the 500mg variant, and assuming you'd be lucky (= there's 7% yohimbine), then 35mg of yohimbine would be in each capsule. 52 of them would add up to 1.82g. there would still be no guarantee that it'll work for you. you'd have to make a test-run first. as a means to induce sleep it might then be of use. but you'd still need the other part of your method of choice, that'll do the killing. humulus lupulus,"is a sedative and therefore has sleep-inducing effect. this effect, however, strongly depends on the quality of the extract used" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.400 extracts can be bought from herbal medicine suppliers. whether your sleep will be deep enough to stay asleep even when in pain, is not clear.

dramatic pause “i have been a hundred times on the point of killing myself, but still was fond of life. this ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our worst instincts. what can be more absurd than choosing

to carry a burden that one really wants to throw to the ground? to detest, and yet to strive to preserve our existence? to caress the serpent that devours us, and hug him close to our bosoms till he has gnawed into our hearts?” -Voltaire, "candide"

part 28

zhōng yī (中医, traditional chinese medicine) "many adverse reactions are due misuse or abuse of Chinese medicine. for example, the misuse of the dietary supplement Ephedra (containing ephedrine) can lead to adverse events including gastrointestinal problems as well as sudden death from cardiomyopathy" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_herbology

"cardiomyopathy (literally "heart muscle disease") is the measurable deterioration of the function of the myocardium (the heart muscle) for any reason, usually leading to heart failure; common symptoms are dyspnea (breathlessness) and peripheral edema (swelling of the legs)" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardiomyopathy the taste, apparently, is: bitter & hot. ephedra is a medicinal preparation from the má huáng (麻黃, ephedra 071 sinica), the most potent of the ephedra plants. it isn't commonly sold in most countries, and if it is, it's usually bound to prescriptions, unless it's part of a medicine with a very low ephedrine content (e.g. Wick MediNait, 26,7mg per 100ml) ephedra plants contain plenty of alkaloids. ephedrin makes up something between 6.4mg and 21,4mg in 100g of ephedra sinica -"Risikobewertung von Pflanzen und pflanzlichen Zubereitungen" p. 225, http://www.bfr.bund.de/cm/350/risikobewertung-von-pflanzen-und-pflanzlichen-zubereitungen.pdf which is not much. in all the other ephedra plants, the content is even lower. but i'll come back to this in a moment there is some potential for a potentially fatal hypertonia, if ephedrine is combined with MAOIs. -"Risikobewertung von Pflanzen und pflanzlichen Zubereitungen" p. 235, http://www.bfr.bund.de/cm/350/risikobewertung-von-pflanzen-und-pflanzlichen-zubereitungen.pdf and mixed with caffeine, ephedrine's toxicity gets increased.

EC(A) stacks, which are drug combinations, combining caffeine and ephedrine (and aspirin), once were sold as appetite suppressants, but are now illegal in the US, Canada and the Netherlands, because of too many death reports. if you can't find them in your country, they can still be ordered from abroad. 1 capsule contains 25mg of ephedrine and 200mg of caffeine -http://www.eca-stack-deals.com/ECA-Stacks-mit-Ephedra/ECA-Xtreme-Der-klassische-ECA-Stack-mit- Ephedra--46.html?MODsid=fnn3fpuo8hkbpm62kqi4gd0jl1

"blood or plasma ephedrine concentrations are typically in the 20-200 µg/L range in persons taking the drug therapeutically, 300-3000 µg/L in abusers or poisoned patients and 3–20 mg/L in cases of acute fatal overdosage." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephedrine in other words, to end up dead, you'd need to take 100 (or more, or less, since there's caffeine in it) times the normal dose (which is 1 capsule). so 100 capsules (or more, or less). and 1 capsule may have the ephedrine content of 400g raw plant material (as far as the ephedra sinica is concerned) just to give you an idea, if you can't get hold of these not-everywhere-legal 072 EC(A) stacks, you'd need 40kg of ephedra sinica instead. that's a whole meadow. hardly worth the trouble of growing that much (or at least that's what it would seem to most people), of reaping it, and of extracting the alkaloid. let's move on. traditional Chinese medicine's herbology offers some excellent ways to cause hepatotoxicity (chemical-driven liver damage), if not even acute liver failure. this can be achieved via... hé shǒ u wū (何首乌, fallopia multiflora), which contains anthraquinone or via... comfrey plants. "some scientists and physicians agree that the use of comfrey should be restricted to topical use, and should never be ingested, as it contains dangerous amounts of hepatotoxic pyrrolizidine alkaloids" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphytum_%C3%97_uplandicum the aforementioned alkaloids can also be found in senecio nemorensis and in senecio cannabifolius var. integrilifolius let's go through the aforementioned, anthraquinone can be bought in 1.1ml ampoules, by everyone, probably all over the world. but there's not the slightest hint as to the lethal dose.

"an overdose or overusage of anthraquinones may cause vomiting, intestinal spasms and bloody diarrhea" -http://www.herbaltransitions.com/materiamedica/Rheum.htm liver (or/and possibly kidney) damage comes last on the list. before i show you what a successful handling of such a substance looks like, let me mention, that, besides the original anthraquinone, there's also "senna glycosides or sennosides [...] a number of anthraquinone derivatives useful as a laxative [...] named after their abundant occurrence in plants of the genus Senna" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senna_glycosides

"a 52-year-old woman who had ingested, for >3 years, one liter of an herbal tea each day made from a bag containing 70 g of dry senna fruits, developed acute hepatic failure and renal impairment requiring intensive care therapy. the severity of the hepatic failure was reflected by the increase 073 in prothrombin time (international normalized ratio >7) and the development of encephalopathy. liver transplantation was discussed, but the patient ultimately recovered with supportive therapy" -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15956233 hepatic failure is liver failure, prothrombin is "an essential component of the blood-clotting mechanism. prothrombin is transformed into thrombin by a clotting factor known as factor X or prothrombinase; thrombin then acts to transform fibrinogen, also present in plasma, into fibrin, which, in combination with platelets from the blood, forms a clot." -http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/480073/prothrombin encephalopathy, "in some contexts it refers to permanent (or degenerative) brain injury, and in others it is reversible." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Encephalopathy so there you have it. constantly, conscientiously, consume drinks containing anthraquinone or a derivate of it, and 3 (or so) years later, you can reap the reward. pyrrolizidine alkaloidosis "is a disease caused by chronic poisoning [...] caused by ingesting poisonous plants which contain the natural chemical compounds known as pyrrolizidine alkaloids [it] can result in damage to the liver, kidneys, heart, brain, smooth muscles, lungs, DNA, lesions all over the body, and could be a potential cause of cancer" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyrrolizidine_alkaloidosis based on the official recommendation in Germany, people should ingest no more than 1µg daily. pyrrolizidine alkaloids, at first, are harmless. it isn't until they reach the liver that they start to act out their toxic effect. -a detailed description of this process can be found here: http://www.musbed.com/tr/DergiPdf/af0a4c544df44fc19459a0d397578f66.pdf if you happen to be pregnant, an intake of even 7µg will probably do no harm to you. it will, however, kill your foetus. "in 2003 it was shown (Rasenack, Müller, et al.) that the daily uptake of ~ 7 µg PA (from a herbal tea containing comfrey) during pregnancy did not show a toxic effect in the mother´s liver but damaged the foetal liver in such a way that the newborn child died after 2 days" -http://peer.ccsd.cnrs.fr/docs/00/67/36/72/PDF/PEER_stage2_10.1080%252F19440049.2010.541288.pdf 074 "a liver disease of unknown etiology, called unknown liver disease (ULD) [...] was first identified in 2002 in Tigray; a rugged, semi-arid, mountainous region that is considered one of the most drought-prone and food insecure regions of Ethiopia. [...] after several investigations, a local plant containing a particular type of pyrrolizidine alkaloid (PA) toxin that contaminated local foodstuffs was identified as the etiologic agent, and ULD was renamed PAILD in 2011" -"evaluation of the pyrrolizidine alkaloid induced liver disease (PALID)", http://ojphi.org/article/download/4560/3579 a sureveillance system had been implemented there in 2009 "with the objectives to determine the magnitude and distribution of the disease [...] the system identified a total of 1033 cases, including 314 deaths, as of September 2011" -"evaluation of the pyrrolizidine alkaloid induced liver disease (PALID)", http://ojphi.org/article/download/4560/3579 so a long-term use of teas based on pyrrolizidine containing herbs, will, similar to a long-term anthraquinones consumption, eventually lead to liver damage, or even failure. having aquired organ failure, it's still a long way to death. it can take weeks, and during this period (of agony), you could get rescued via medical treatment or a transplantation. to speed things up, maybe you could throw in some paracetamol. not only does traditional Chinese medicine's herbology offer some excellent ways to cause hepatotoxicity (chemical-driven liver damage), if not even acute liver failure, but traditional Chinese medicine's herbology also offers some excellent ways to cause cancer, and, nephropathy (damage to or disease of a kidney), if not even acute kidney failure. this can be achieved via... aristolochia, which "has been shown to be both a potent carcinogen and kidney toxin" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristolochia a carcinogen, btw, "is any substance, radionuclide, or radiation that is an agent directly involved in causing cancer" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcinogen

075 if it won't kill you, it'll lower your life expectancy. besides aristolochia, asarum canadense also contains the lethal toxin aristolochic acid.

"a 48-year-old male was referred to our university hospital for severe azotemia with muscle cramp. he had been taking Chinese herbs as a traditional medicine to reduce hyperuricemia for about 9 months [...] hemodialysis was conducted and his general condition improved […] aristolochic acid was detected in the Chinese herbs, leading to the diagnosis of aristolochic acid nephropathy (AAN). his renal dysfunction was considered to be irreversible and he underwent maintenance hemodialysis" -http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15971892 azotemia, from "azot" (= nitrogen) + "-emia" (= blood condition), "is a medical condition characterized by abnormally high levels of nitrogen- containing compounds [...] in the blood" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azotemia hemodialysis "is a method that is used to achieve the extracorporeal removal of waste products [...] from the blood when the kidneys are in a state of renal failure" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemodialysis of all the aristolochiaceae, the (more or less) exact amounts of aristolochic acid have been documented for the aristolochia clematitis. the rhyzome, as well as the root contain up to 0.7%, the seeds up to 0.43%. the leaves up to 0.03%. -"Hagers Handbuch der pharmazeutischen Praxis", p.171, http://books.google.de/books?id=eoltv16gtZQC&pg=PA171#v=onepage&q&f=false tea made out of leaves will be way to mild. instead, since ready-to-buy aristolochic acid is not easily available, you could make your own herbal medicine, as follows: mix distilled water with alcohol. so you'll get a low percentage alcohol. hackle some of the more potent parts of the aristolochia clematitis, pestle it for about 1 hour. the result you get out of your work should make its way into a little bottle. pour the low percentage alcohol over it, so that the bottle gets filled to around 2 thirds (66%). you're done.

076 this is based on Anja Alijah Flick's recipe. -http://www.vorsichtgesund.de/glossary/osterluzei-aristolochia-clematitis/ her dosage recommendation is 3-5 drops for each day. my dosage recommendation is 1 or more bottles for each day. renal failure won't come soon. but i guess, it'll take less than 9 months if you follow my recommendation. to speed things up, maybe you could drink some dolce vino. summa summarum, traditional Chinese medicine can destroy your body, but it takes a while. only the ephedra (e.g. as in those EC(A) stacks) could lead to a quick (and therefore not bound to much agony) lieto fine. ciononostante, you could aswell start drinking those herbs. what do you have to lose? that is, besides your liver and/or kidneys. with each passing day, it will bring you closer to your goal. but if you insist on using ephedra, and can't find ready-to-buy ephedra, you could grow the ephedra sinica, ephedra shennungiana, or any other equivalent ephedra species. plant yourself. "the plant is harvested as late as possible after the last rain, but before the winter frost and is air-dried in the sun." -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.488 which is in autumn. the root, the rhyzome, and the branchlets then need to be dried. the amount of plant you'll need to ingest is >100g, "corresponding to approximately 1 to 2 gm L-ephedrine" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.489 part 29

mixing 10 capsules of tramadol with... alcohol/antidepressants/sleeping pills/benzodia-zepines

"taken as prescribed, tramadol is a highly effective drug — the problems seem to arise where the dosage is exceeded or it is taken with alcohol and/or other drugs that have a sedative effect" -http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2305936/Tramadol-When-safe-option-painkiller-turns- lethal.html . 10 capsules (500mg of tramadol) may be enough to kill even an obese person, as the link above shows (although her heart-disease may have added to the effect). you'd probably want to increase the chance for respiratory cessation, you can mix it with the 4 substances mentioned above, or with other non-opioid painkillers.

"John wants other people to know of the dangers of tramadol" -same source as above excellent. thank you John.

part 30

"non dolet, Paete!" when Caecina Paetus was condemned to death for his part in an unsuccessful conspiracy against emperor Claudius, he chose to commit suicide rather than face the emperor's wrath. but he was hesitant. so his wife, Arria, seized his dagger and stabbed herself first in order to give him the courage to do get through with it himself. she handed him his dagger saying "non dolet, Paete!" ("it doesn't hurt, Paetus"). -"the enigma of suicide", p.151 & http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caecina_Paetus

078 according to Mamoru Munakata, Hiroyuki Itaya & Yuichi Ono, "a cardiac stab injury is life-threatening and requires urgent surgical treatment" -"cardiac stab injury by a bodkin", http://www.atcs.jp/pdf/2006_12_5/365.pdf in 2006, they have satisfied this "requirement", by intervening in the dying process of a 48-year old, who "had a cardiac stab injury resulting in a cardiac tramponade as a result of suicide attempt using a bodkin, a sharply pointed instrument for making holes. the patient was transfered to our hospital about 12 hours afte the injury. pericardiotomy at the emergency operation revealed the penetration of the right ventricle and the hole was repaired following removal of the bodkin" -"cardiac stab injury by a bodkin", http://www.atcs.jp/pdf/2006_12_5/365.pdf the subject in question, after successful penetration, left the bodkin stuck (presumably due to a change of heart) in the 5th intercostal space, instead of pulling it out. stab wounds to the heart usually lead to death because of rapid blood loss, but for this to happen there must be an opening.

"a heart injury, in turn, causes internal bleeding and/or an inability to pump blood to other parts of the body. even a relatively small heart wound may be fatal if not promptly repaired, but the severity of a heart wound also depends on its location. if the cut is to the upper chambers, the right ventricle, or the major blood vessels, death is likely; a small cut to the left ventricle wall is sometimes survived, since the thick muscle there may seal the wound when the heart contracts.19 however, this is not something you should count on." -"suicide and attempted suicide" by Geo Stone, p.193 now, let's take a look at a successful suicide case, the so-called "suicide by pencil" case, from 2005:

"with a common pencil. a 72-year-old male inflicted himself a penetrating thoracic wound while being hospitalized for a hip prosthesis operation. although the patient was immediately operated, the cardiac injury appeared to be fatal. cases of suicidal penetrating wounds of the anterior chest wall are rare and they are mostly inflicted by knives, glass fragments, or other sharp instruments [...] after three days of an otherwise unremarkable hospital course, he was found lying on his bed with a pencil protruding from his chest. on the thoracic wall, left of the sternum and below the nipple, a small wound around the foreign object was visible [...] he was in cardiogenic shock [...] the anterior wall of the left cardiac ventricle had a 079 penetrating lesion near the left anterior descending coronary artery, but the artery was intact. within the wall of the left ventricle, a small foreign object was found, which was recognized on gross examination as the tip of a pencil. the surgical intervention was completed by removing the foreign object and suturing the pericardial and myocardial ruptures. after the operation, the patient remained unconscious for several hours despite weaning from general anesthesia [...] septicemia developed, resulting in the death of the patient due to multiorgan failure on the 11th postoperative day" -http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Suicide_by_Pencil.pdf "with suicidal chest stabs, death is usually due to either (1) injury to a major vein or artery leading to fatal blood loss or (2) injury to the heart itself or to the sac surrounding it, the pericardium. If the heart is sufficiently damaged, it will hemorrhage and be unable to pump blood. But even if the heart itself is untouched, blood may fill the pericardium faster than it can drain out (or a blood clot may block outflow). this will eventually leave the heart with no room to expand, and thus keep it from filling (and thus pumping) properly ("cardiac tamponade")." -"suicide and attempted suicide" by Geo Stone, p.200

dramatic pause

"one said of suicide, “as long as one has brains one should not blow them out.” and another answered, “but when one has ceased to have them, too often one cannot.”" -F.H. Bradley, "aphorisms"

"unless we die in a timely fashion, there comes a moment after which we are unable to kill ourselves. if we do not want to die a lingering death after a protracted period of pathetic disability, we must kill ourselves while we can, perhaps earlier than we might feel ready to do so" -Thomas Szasz, "suicide prohibition", p.3

"although the air we breathe is heavily polluted with antisuicide propaganda, it cannot extinguish the knowledge that, at bottom, suicide is a solution" -Thomas Szasz, "suicide prohibition", p.X

conclusion

Epicurus says: "when I am, death is not, and when death is, I am not,"; but is this so? the success of academic propaganda is obvious and omnipresent, materialism (the philosophical belief that matter is all there is) is more in vogue than ever before. but let us remember Michel de Montaigne's caution "nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known". and academia is an institution of specialisation. certain people get trained in certain specifics, the rest will be left aside for other certain people to figure out. noone has a complete overview of the sciences (e.g neurologists depend on machines (the internal workings of which they know nothing about) made by engineers, who themselves are trained in the understanding and mastery of some general (Newtonian) laws of physics rather than in neurology. physicists don't bother (too much) with either, but deal with the problem of quantum mechanics), every academic scientist is dependent on the other, though, and thus often finds himself in the position to simply believe (or disbelieve) what the other is proclaiming, due to the lack of time to get to know the other's field in detail. too often, though, he finds himself aligned with the orthodox view (at least officially). but what do you think? does bodily death also mean cessation of consciousness? the complete end of a person?

"so status quo scientists, mind=brain scientists would have expected that if you ingest psilocybin it's going to go fire off your brain like crazy and that's why you're going to have these amazing experiences and these emotions attached to it. and then Dr. David Nutt does this work and he gives people psilocybin and they go into the fMRI and they see that just the opposite is happening. the brain isn't firing, these areas are dampened and suppressed, which completely supports this other model that this consciousness is flowing in and what the brain is doing is kind of regulating it. if you turn that regulator down you get a full dose of this consciousness and that's what it means to be tripping on psilocybin, right?" -Alex Tsakiris, www.skeptiko.com/242-oliver-hockenhull-neurons-to-nirvana/ neurology points to the possibility that consciousness is not generated by the brain, but merely filtered by it. but these brain-scaners can't capture anything that's going on on an atomic/sub-atomic level, so neurology can't give us a definite answer. more interesting is NDE science "when all of Pam's vital signs were stopped, the doctor turned on a surgical saw and began to cut through Pam's skull. while this was going on, Pam reported that she felt herself "pop" outside her body and hover above the operating table. then she watched the doctors working on her lifeless body for awhile. from her out-of-body position, she observed the doctor sawing into her skull with what looked to her like an electric toothbrush. Pam heard and reported later what the nurses in the operating room had said and exactly what was happening during the operation. at this time, every monitor attached to Pam's body registered "no life" whatsoever..." -www.near-death.com/experiences/evidence01.html

appendix A

chemical ways to achieve unconsciousness barbiturates in general would be substances usable for this. sleep enforcing effects can also be expected from (non-)benzodiazepines (midazolam, diazepam, brotizolam, estazolam, flunitrazepam, flutoprazepam, loprazolam, lormetazepam, nimetazepam, nitrazepam, quazepam, triazolam, zaleplon, zolpidem, zopiclone, ...) quinazolinones (methaqualone, methylmethaqualone, diproqualone, etaqualone, mebroqualone, mecloqualone, nitromethaqualone, SL-164) antidepressants (mirtazapine, ketamine, trazodone, trimipramine, doxepin, mianserin) and especially potent sleeping pills (clomethiazole). of the above lormetazepam plus clomethiazole (see method 027) can be obtained from Spain without prescription. there of course are many more chemical sleep aids on the market. possibly, however, less reliable. based on my self-test, approx. 900ml of vodka, which contained 37% alcohol, have been enough to make me pass out. alcohol is another option. what if you can't stand the aggressive character of it that burns your throat 081 and makes alcohol rather difficult to swallow? instead of drinking it all, you could fill (some of) it into capsules. they are available in different sizes. 000 is the largest with a bit over 1mg or ml capacity. size 00, however, is all you can acquire if vegan (= gelatin free) capsules are required. they hold exactly 1mg or ml. unfortunately, they aren't meant for liquids but for powder or something non- liquid akin to it. alcohol will cause them to fall apart eventually. after around 15mins. you'll be able to find 96 percentaged ethanol/ethyl alcohol. around 347 capsules, sized 00, filled with 96% ethanol (you can use a syringe for that procedure) is what you'd need to approximate 900ml vodka. it is unlikely that anyone would manage to prepare and right away consume such a large amount before the liver has metobolized enough of it to increase the need for an even larger dose in order to become unconscious.

"metabolism is the body's process of converting ingested substances to other compounds. metabolism results in some substances becoming more, and some less, toxic than those originally ingested" -http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa35.htm in the case of alcohol, metabolism leads to alcohol becoming less toxic, less effective in causing poisoning/enforced sleep. "the liver can metabolize only a certain amount of alcohol per hour, regardless of the amount that has been consumed. the rate of alcohol metabolism depends, in part, on the amount of metabolizing enzymes in the liver, which varies among individuals" "in general, after the consumption of one standard drink, the amount of alcohol in the drinker's blood (blood alcohol concentration, or BAC) peaks within 30 to 45 minutes." -http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa35.htm but with large doses, it can take a whole hour before you reach full drunkenness. then the blood alcohol concentration declines. you'd therefore want to get over with it all within around 1 hour. some capsules you will be able to prepare, some alcohol you would need to drink conventionally.

082 appendix B

natural ways to achieve unconsciousness OTC sleep aids won't work for you, and you can't get hold of a potent enough prescription drug, or can't manage to flush down enough alcohol, there's still some options left. to achieve unconsciousness. eating a mouthful of yew seeds will do this for you. eating even more than that will kill you (see method 011) you can expect to wake up, hours after your ingestion of a mouth-ful amount of these seeds, and suffer from blood- circulation problems. that's what i got from my self-test. i was crawling around from room to room, because as soon as i tried to rise, i fainted. also, i threw up a lot. 1-2 weeks later eveything went back to normal. another way towards a nap-attack might be via saliva divinorum, one of the plants Mazatec shamans use to facilitate altered states of consciousness. the active constituent here is a psychotropic molecule called salvinorin A. according to Imanshahidi & Hosseinzadeh, by mass, salvinorin A "is the most potent naturally occurring hallucinogen." an effect starts to set in at doses as low as 200µg. compare this to LSD, which is active at 20–30µg -http://archneurpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=652585 which is, admittedly, (up to 10 times) more potent, but synthetic and difficult to obtain. salvinorin A is not note-worthily toxic. But it's other use, besides inducing "hallucinations", might be to achieve unconsciousness.

"with very high dosage [...] either consciousness is lost; or at least one is unable to later recall what one is experiencing. the individual may fall, or remain immobile or thrash around; somnambulistic behavior may occur; injuries can be sustained without pain being felt; on awakening the individual will have no recollection of what he/she did, experienced or said" -http://www.sagewisdom.org/faq.html 083 the question pertaining to the dosage now is: how high is "very high"? this varies from person to person.

15mg salvinorin A, as it is sold in the form of 1g of dried leaves, is supposed to suffice for 15 (normal) uses for the average user. -http://sagewisdombotanicals.com/ which can be smoked in tobacco pipes. "hold the smoke deeply in the lungs for a good 20 - 30 seconds before exhaling. this allows time for salvinorin A to be absorbed from the smoke. if one exhales to quickly, much of the material will be wasted" -http://www.sagewisdom.org/faq.html but as for the exact dose you'd need to achieve a strong effect, not much can be said. you'd have to try it out. if you do successfully lose consciousness, "from beginning to end, the entire experience lasts 30 minutes to one hour." -http://www.sagewisdom.org/faq.html so, it's only useful in combination with toxins that take no(t much) longer than 30 minutes to kill. you can expect the onset of the salvinorin A effect 10-20min after oral consumption. jateorhiza palmata, a lofty climbing plant, indigenous to East Africa. its root, calumba root, is being used by the natives as medicine. jateorhizine, columbamine, and palmatine are the alkaloids found in it. "the alkaloids have a narcotic effect. they act similarly to morphine, increasing resting muscle tone in the smooth muscle of the intestinal tract [...] according to older sources, very high dosages can also lead to signs of paralysis and unconsciousness (Lewin)" -"PDR for herbal medicine", p.208 to conclude this (the plant section), mandragora officinarum root extracts (see method 008) can also put you to sleep. another reliable method of losing (and keeping sufficient distance to) consciousness is blood loss. a person carries around 6 liters of blood in his/her/zir body. substract 1 liter and you're there. substract another and you won't come back. it's been suggested to insert needles into ones veins and let the blood flow out. i tried this to see if/how it works. it doesn't work (unless maybe if it is the femoral or jugular vein) one loses drop after drop with 084 rather long intervals inbetween and it would take inconveniently long to discard enough blood for any sort of effect. arteries (those that carry blood away from the heart) are under significantly higher pressure than veins (those that carry blood back to the heart). the (or in this case... my) arteria femoralis (a large artery inside the thigh) has been tapped during one of my stays at a hospital, to have my blood levels monitored. when i was about to get released, a nurse pulled out the needle (one of those puncture needles, around 5 or more cm in length) and mis- evaluated the amount of time that would have been needed for the injection spot to close itself, removed the medical cotton she held pressed there too soon, and i, in the twinkling of an eye, or literally in a heartbeat, got all covered in red. and actually almost blacked out. the blood pressure in the arteria femoralis is enormous, and a small opening is enough to allow for a rapid blood loss.

"the femorals are the main arteries and veins to and from the legs. as you might expect, they carry a lot of blood, and an untreated cut to either one is quickly fatal. in one case, a thirty-four-year-old man bled to death from a 2 millimeter [...] nick to the femoral vein — and the vein is the low-pressure half of the circuit. they run next to each other, with the artery closer to the front of the leg, and are nearest to the skin at the groin, which makes a tourniquet hard to apply if that's the site of the cut." -"suicide and attempted suicide" by Geo Stone, p.193

end, the