Fashionp16-17 Newsp6 Featuresp18-19 Bloomsbury’s back CUSU Elect on Prev ew Tr pp ng the on the books th s meet the cand dates Footl ghts week pearls, sk rts fantast c n and str py umpers advance of the galore Spr ng Revue
FRIDAY FEBRUARY 26TH 2010 THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NE SPAPER SINCE 1947 ISSUE NO 715 | VARSITY.CO.UK
PAUL SMITH Insomnia may Oxonian cause shrinking of the brain, vandals cause study claims chaos at Clare AC I INON Chronic sleeplessness may reduce the size of a person’s brain, a recent University of Cambridge study has Students from Or el College, Oxford, concluded. The study, published in the Bio- accused of raucous behav our on swap logical Psychiatry Journal, was led by Dr Ellemarije Altena, Research and the JCR President not to talk to Associate at Cambridge’s Depart- A I ON newspapers. ment of Clinical Neurosciences. Oriel College JCR were, however, Through the process of brain imag- Students from Oriel College, Oxford, threatened with collective punish- ing, Dr Altena was able to link have been blamed for riotous and ment, in the form of a large fi ne, and insomnia to density reduction in grey drunken behaviour in hall whilst on have written a letter to Clare “to matter, which is fundamental to the an exchange trip to Clare College. apologize for any offence or trouble”. activity of the brain. A letter from Clare accused the “We understand that being invited “The fi nding predicts that chronic undergraduates, representing for dinner is a privilege not a right, insomnia sufferers may have compro- Oriel College JCR, of insulting fel- and we are regretful that some mised capacities to evaluate stimuli. lows, urinating on staircases and in members of our party took their This could have consequences for one instance physically assaulting behaviour a little far,” they wrote in other processes, notably decision- a fellow. They demanded that Oriel the letter, which was leaked to Cher- making,” Dr Altena explained. make an apology to the College as a well, Oxford’s student newspaper. The study is signifi cant because result of their actions. The exchange They acknowledged that some it begins to explain how insomnia scheme that had been running Oriel members caused interruptions disrupts the brain’s functioning. between the two colleges has been during grace, but attributed this to Whereas previous researchers have ended. “a confusion in ticketing”, which left known that insomnia disrupts the In the words of an anonymous many attendees outside of hall when brain’s functioning, the real cause of student, the letter claimed that the doors were shut, unaware that the malfunction had not been known. the Oxonians were responsible for they could be heard from inside the Students who regularly pull all- “excessive drunkenness before hall, hall. nighters, however, should rest excessive drunkenness during hall, With regards to wine, they admit- assured that their brains will not shouts and insults directed at Clare ted that Oriel students “brought too shrink. Dr Altena told Varsity that fellows during grace and the meal, much”. although “not getting enough sleep is damage to Clare property including “What we do take extremely seri- a bad idea, insomnia is a bit different urination on staircases, and physi- ously are the accusations of someone from sleep deprivation. cally assaulting a fellow”. verbally abusing and obstructing “Insomnia is a condition where you “It’s obvious that things got out of a fellow,” Mark Jesnick, Oriel JCR cannot sleep whilst getting ample hand,” one Clare student told Varsity. President, said. “This kind of behav- opportunity to sleep, which is differ- “I’m not sure who was responsible iour is certainly not to be tolerated, OK Envronmentalst ent from students not going to bed.” or who started it, but from what I’ve and from a personal point of view adiohead frontman Thom Yorke played a special one-off gig at the heard it was pretty bad. It’s unfortu- I am extremely embarrassed to be RCorn Exchange last night in support of Green Party MP candidate > nate because it’ll have consequences having to deal with this.” Tony Juniper. Yorke, an ardent environmental campaigner, commented Essayp11 8 for all of us.” “These actions are not in line with on Radiohead’s website that Juniper, a personal friend, “knows a lot 0 Both colleges have refused to the attitude of the vast majority of M chael about dealing with the murky brown waters of politics”. Juniper told 2 0 comment on what happened. Clare people on the exchange, and we are Hast ngs 0
Varsity that the party was “absolutely delighted” about the gig, adding 4
College authorities declined to speak exceptionally sorry that they should 4 that the singer was “not only a leader in terms of campaigning, but also Se ng your 4 on the matter, telling Varsity that tarnish the reputation of our college in terms of practical action”. The musician has returned to the UK from 8 5
“Clare has no comment to make. This and damage the links between our- body clock 7
Los Angeles, where Radiohead are reportedly working on a new album 1 matter is in the hands of Oriel Col- selves and Clare.” 7 and will also be appearing at the Arts Theatre on March 3rd to talk about 7
lege.” Students at Oriel, meanwhile, The immediate repercussions have 9 climate change fi lm The Age of Stupid. LAURIE TUFFREY have been asked by both the Dean already been felt. CONTINUED ON PAGE 3 2 Friday February 26th 2010 News Team Ma hew Sym ngton, Helen Mackreath and Osama S dd qu NE S www vars ty co uk news@vars ty co uk
Cambridge researchers Banking industry worker Half of all 6-year-old find promising treatment slams Cambridge Chip girls struggle with body On vars tycouk th s week for peanut allergies and PIN research image
COENT Researchers from Addenbrooke’s An employee of the UK Cards Research by Cambridge profes- Check out the arch ves of all of our bloggers, Hospital in Cambridge, are set to Association has criticized sors suggests that concerns over nclud ng Patr ck K ngsley’s “Worse by Des gn” and begin a three-year trial to desen- recent research by University weight affect girls as young as 6. don’t m ss Laura Freeman’s “You’ve never read War sitize children of Cambridge academics A televised survey also showed and Peace How hum l at ng” on overrated l terature suffering from that revealed security that half of Britain’s 12-year-old peanut allergies, flaws in the Chip girls considered themselves too after a recent pilot and PIN system. fat. The study was devised by Dr study successfully In an anonymous Terri Apter, a psychologist and ENTERTAINMENT treated children for the comment posted Senior Tutor at Newnham College, Dav d Pegg celebrates nd e wonder game Bra d fi rst time by giving them on Cambridge’s Security and asked girls aged 6, 9, and 12 and f lm fan Lou se Benson ntroduces Sam ra increasing amounts of the Research blog, the employee criti- to select their ideal body image. Makhmalbaf’s artful Iran an f lm The Apple nut in controlled conditions. In cized the research as “alarmist Half of the 6-year-olds questioned a month’s time doctors conducting opinion speak”. The original study, wished to be three sizes smaller. the £1 million government-funded led by Professor Ross Anderson of Of the girls aged 12, a majority trial will begin immunotherapy Cambridge’s Computer Laboratory, selected a body image smaller to FASHION treatment on 104 children. had uncovered vulnerabilities in the their own. The Vars tor al st reports from the f eld at C nd es and Positive results were achieved Chip and PIN system that According to Dr Apter, the New Museums S te, wh le The Two Orphans make through a similar method in a pilot could allow criminals to “It is upsetting to see a bonf re out of Jack W lls g lets study on 7- to 17-year-olds, with use stolen credit and perfectly normal girls 21 out of 23 patients now able to debit cards without feel dissatisfi ed with eat foods containing peanuts. The knowing the correct their healthy bodies, pilot study has changed the lives PIN numbers. A but the exercise VARSITV of participating families. Andrew spokesperson for also showed how End of term work compelled you to stay Clark, Consultant in Paediatric the Cards Associ- eager girls are to n th s week Charl e Lyons w ll keep you Allergy at Addenbrooke’s Hospital, ation said that engage with sensi- n the loop - check out the latest ep sode said, “Before, families were check- the anonymous ble reflections of C nd es Stor es ing every food label every time comments were about the meaning they ate food...but now they can eat being treated as a and varieties of everyday snacks and treats.” disciplinary issue. attractiveness.” Reports of a second Wetherspoon pub to come to Cambridge The Graduate pub on Chesterton Road close to be ng purchased by ‘super-pub’ cha n
the company’s website as “a verita- alone there are three other pubs, Wetherspoon may not be welcomed Barfl y, the current owner of The A A A TIN ble palace”, is familiar to students the Jolly Waterman, The Boathouse, by some. Graduate, is known for operating and locals alike as a favourite cheap and The Portland Arms. With many The news is also likely to be unwel- venues of indie rock music and for Rumours have surfaced this week nightspot. pubs in Cambridge facing an uncer- come to nearby residents, many of running famous sites such as the that J D Wetherspoon, the national The Regal pub is part of a chain of tain future, such as The Penny Ferry, whom objected to the late night noise Hammersmith Apollo. Barfl y, along pub chain, may be planning to open a newer-style bars, under the “Lloyds which is soon to close, a second at the old venue. with its parent company, the Mama second ‘super pub’ in Cambridge. No. 1” brand. These bars differ MASONS NEWS SERVICE Group, was sold to HMV for £46 The Cambridge News reported from the traditional Wetherspoon million in December 2009. this week that Wetherspoon is close pub since they play contemporary In January of last year, Barfl y to purchasing The Graduate on music, have mounted television succeeded in an application to extend Chesterton Road, raising the possi- screens to display music videos, and the pub’s opening hours to 2am on bility that a new ‘super-pub’, similar have mini dance fl oors. It is not yet Saturdays, and midnight between to the Regal on Regent Street, may clear whether The Graduate would Sunday and Friday. However, this be forthcoming. similarly be part of this “Loyds No. has not aided business at the pub, The Graduate closed suddenly in 1 brand”. which has remained shut. 2008 for “refurbishment”. The pub, News of a possible second pub Wetherspoon has recently been currently owned by Barfl y, was once opening prompted one St Catharine’s in the news for its “99p pint” drinks the biggest pub in Cambridge. In student to comment, “Super pub, offer, causing many critics to accuse its time it was hailed as “an excel- super drink, and super times!” it of encouraging binge drinking. The lent student pub, with a great However, not everyone is as enthu- company is owned by the infamous atmosphere and brilliant music” by siastic. A student from St John’s Tim Martin, whose publicised views local pub review sites. In recent years, commented, “I hate those mass include the notorious statement that however, the 250-patron capacity site chains. British pubs are meant to “this government is to common sense has remained empty and become a have charm, not just cheap booze.” what Tiger Woods is to monogamy.” target for vandals. If The Graduate re-opens under J D Wetherspoon has declined Wetherspoon’s current location in new management, local pubs are to comment on the prospective Cambridge, The Regal, described on likely to suffer. On Chesterton Road The Graduate pub on Chesterton Road takeover.
Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge College, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.
Get involved Emma Mustich & Laurie Tuffrey ed tor@vars ty co uk Avantika Chilkoti assoc ate@vars ty co uk & Paul Smith magaz ne@vars ty co uk Zing Tsjeng d g tal@vars ty co uk Matthew Symington news@vars ty co uk Helen Mackreath & Osama Siddiqui news@vars ty co uk Charlotte Runcie comment@vars ty co uk Vince Bennici & Ed Thornton sport@vars ty co uk Joe Pitt-Rashid features@vars ty co uk Alice Hancock & Lara Prendergast arts@vars ty co uk If you would like to fi nd out how Abigail Dean theatre@vars ty co uk David Pegg rev ews@vars ty co uk Matilda Bathurst, Argyro Nicolaou & Charlotte Wu fash on@vars ty co uk to write for Varsity, come to one Claire Gatzen, Gemma Oke & James Wilson sen orreporter@vars ty co uk Sita Dinanauth sc ence@vars ty co uk Rosie Corner food@vars ty co uk of our weekly meetings. Nathan Brooker, Nick Chapman, Edward Herring, Jemima Middleton, Kiran Millwood-Hargrave, Lydia Onyett, George Reynolds & David Shone theatrecr t c@vars ty co uk Eleanor Careless, Dan Grabiner, Joe Snape & Scott Whittaker mus c@vars ty co uk Katie Anderson & Victoria Beale f lm@vars ty co uk Eliot D'Silva v sualarts@vars ty co uk Zeljka Marosevic l terary@vars ty co uk Laura Freeman laura freeman@vars ty co uk News Monday 4pm, Queens' College Bar Phillippa Garner vtv@vars ty co uk Richard Rothschild-Pearson & Fred Rowson vtv@vars ty co uk Alan Young vtv@vars ty co uk Colm Flanagan product on@vars ty co uk Lauren Arthur & Angela Scarsbrook subed tor@vars ty co uk Lydia Crudge, Mike Hornsey, Joe Perez & Charlotte Sewell subed tor@vars ty co uk Dylan Spencer-Davidson des gner@vars ty co uk Michael Derringer Magaz ne Wednesday 5.30pm, The Maypole (Portugal Place) Michael Derringer bus ness@vars ty co uk Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Elliot Ross, Mr Patrick Kingsley (VarSoc President), Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye, Mr Michael Stothard, Miss Clementine Dowley, Mr Robert Peal, Mr Christopher Adriaanse, Miss Emma Mustich & Mr Laurie Tuffrey Alternatively, email the relevant NEWSPAPERS section editor (right) with your SUPPORT Vars ty, Old Exam nat on Hall, Free School Lane, Cambr dge CB2 3RF Tel 01223 337575 Fax 01223 760949 Vars ty s publ shed by Vars ty Publ cat ons Ltd Vars ty Publ cat ons also publ shes BlueSc and The Mays RECYCLING Recycled paper made ©2010 Vars ty Publ cat ons Ltd All r ghts reserved No part of th s publ cat on may be reproduced, stored n a retr eval system or transm ed n any form or by any means electron c, mechan cal photocopy ng, record ng or ideas. up 87.2% of the raw material for UK newspapers in 2008 otherw se w thout pr or perm ss on of the publ sher Pr nted at Il e Pr nt Cambr dge — W nsh p Road, M lton, Cambr dge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Ma Paper Reg stered as a newspaper at the Post O ce ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui Friday February 26th 2010 3 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewSS Moorings above Jesus Lock could be removed Boaters in uproar against controversial proposals from Cambridge City Council
BeatriCe ramsay Boaters have slammed the propos- claire gatzen als, claiming that they will “displace” the community and force families Large residential barges moored off the river. Toni Rogers, Chair of above Jesus Green Lock could be the Camboaters Association, which moved off their present sites under represents the rights of residential new proposals put forward by boaters, described the proposals as Cambridge City Council. “ridiculous”. Cambridge’s boating community “Jubilee Gardens is a very popular is in uproar following proposals to mooring spot, away from the hub introduce the controversial new of the rowing areas, convenient for mooring policy. Under the propos- families to access their cars and a als, the moorings that line the banks community within a community. of the river would be moved off the These plans will mean boaters who Cam above Jesus Green Lock and have moored above the lock for 10 wide vessels, students, single occupi- years will be displaced from their ers and people aged over 60 could be homes.” subject to higher mooring fees. She emphasised that 75m of A questionnaire has been issued allocated wide-beam mooring space by the Council to gauge views on will be removed under the new mooring licence pricing and areas plans, with no guarantee of further for mooring. space elsewhere on the River Cam. The Council claims it is reacting to This space is already in high demand, complaints from other city residents with 80 names on the waiting list for about the “loss of amenity and a residential mooring licence. visual impact caused by mooring” at Rogers also suggested that some Jubilee Gardens, a popular mooring members of the boating commu- spot upstream of Jesus Green Lock. nity would be placed in danger by Residential barges on the River Cam The Council intends to increase the changes. “It will mean that families. This is a consultation so into account. A Facebook group has been set the standard mooring licence fee for two single women will be forced to nothing has been decided.” She explained that protesters up in opposition to the proposals wide beam vessels by 50%. These moor on the far end of Stourbridge Her statement was supported “have been able to complete the called “SAVE OUR MOORING . boats span over 2.15m in width, and Common, which introduces safety by Julie Durrant, a Project questionnaire and send that in to Cambridge”. One member wrote: have allegedly prompted complaints issues with walking on the commons Support Officer at Cambridge City [them], so that will be evaluated and “Why is it that they continually from other river users due to their at night.” Council. Speaking to Varsity, she then recommendations will come out harass the peaceful boat community size. The proposals would also abolish However, Cllr Julie Smith, said, “Nothing has been decided,” of that.” However, resident boaters that is as much part of the Cambridge the 50% reduction in the fee which is Executive Councillor for Arts and adding that no comments sent to the have accused Durrant of deliber- skyline as the colleges, the punts, currently offered to students and Recreation, said: “I don’t have any Council other than those made on ately making it difficult for people to the avenue of trees on Jesus Green? people aged over 60. interest in gratuitously moving the questionnaire would be taken get their views across. Leave the boat folk alone!” €1m grant for Professor of Russian Literature Vandalism by Oxford students provokes outrage at Clare post-doctoral researchers, graduate members of the Department of ceri evans studentships and a rich interna- Slavonic Studies. Continued from front page tional programme of conferences The study will offer two fully Clare College have informed Oriel disputed the claims made by Clare, A Cambridge academic has received and events. funded PhD Studentships in that the exchange programme, which suggesting, according to one JCR what is being cited as the largest The grant is expected to be used Slavonic Studies, covering the period saw members of each college visit- member, that Clare members “were grant ever awarded to Cambridge on a study into comparative memory October 1st 2010 to September 31st ing the other for an annual dinner in many cases at least as drunk, loud in the humanities. of the Soviet era in Russia, Ukraine, 2013, which will give two students and social meeting, has been ended. and obnoxious as they claimed Oriel Dr Alexander Etkind, Fellow and Poland, entitled “A Memory the chance to work under the super- A fine could be imposed on the Oriel members to have been.” Further- at King’s College and a Reader in War: Cultural Dynamics in Russia, vision of Dr Etkind in the Faculty of College JCR in order to pay for a gift more, the Oriel Dean and Vice Russian Literature and Cultural Poland, and Ukraine”. Modern & Medieval Languages. of apology to be sent to Clare. President have asserted that “their Studies in the Department of The aim of the study is to examine In addition to the PhD student- Though Oriel have taken much perception of the level of misbe- Slavonic Studies, was recently how a myriad of texts and artefacts ships, the grant will also provide of the blame for what occurred, haviour is rather exaggerated by awarded a three-year grant of €1 perform memory of the traumas funding for a Research Associate they have maintained that they Clare.” They have nonetheless million for the years 2010-13. The of the 20th century, and how the post in the Department of Slavonic were not entirely responsible. The admitted that they were partly grant was made by HERA Consor- nation-state participates in the Studies. organisers from Oriel College have responsible for the particularly tium (Humanities in the European public sphere by promoting, revis- Dr Etkind’s current research inter- rowdy behaviour during hall. Research Area), which supports ing, or censoring memory events. ests include internal colonization The arrangement of sister colleges helen maCkreath The study hopes to employ in the Russian Empire, narratol- commonly includes the right to dine, pioneering methodology to map ogy, from Pushkin to Nabokov, and hold joint events between JCRs and memory events across Eastern comparative studies of cultural exchange invitations to May balls. European borders. Literature, film, memory. new media, history textbooks, and Dr Etkind described his “happi- public politics will all be important ness” at receiving the largest for tracing trajectories during the humanities grant that Cambridge study. has ever seen. 52 Trumpington Street It will be a multinational and He told Varsity of his certainty Cambridge CB2 1RG interdisciplinary study, and will that the “three year long study will be undertaken by five European provide a bulk of new knowledge and FREE CHELSEA BUN universities - Cambridge, Gronin- have an impact on the public under- With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop gen, Bergen, Helsinki and Tartu. Dr standing of East European affairs.” OR Etkind will be taking the leading He pointed out that “part of the FREE MORNING role of running the study. grant will go towards the dissemina- In addition to Dr Etkind, other tion of knowledge,” and detailed the COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) Cambridge fellows involved in the “number of public events connected With any cake or pastry in the restaurant project include Mr Rory Finnin from to the study”, which he hopes on presentation of this voucher Robinson College and Dr Emma students, and his fellow professors and proof of student status Dr Alexander Etkind Widdis from Trinity, who are also and colleagues will take part in. Oriel College, Oxford 4 Friday February 26th 2010 News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui NeWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Campaigns launched for 2010 CUSU Election Record turnout expected despite three of six sabbatical positions being uncontested matthew symington also features a politically active cam- Cambridge Student (TCS), to be sig- natasha pesaran & osama siddiqui paigner, Luke Hawksbee, running nificantly delayed. against a candidate with more tradi- The prospect of uncontested elec- CUSU’s 2010 election campaign tional experience, Maria Helmling. tions for half of the key committee kicked off this week amidst a flurry Hawksbee, a leading member positions has raised some concerns of hustings events and minor con- of student lobby group Education about how much choice students will troversies. Despite featuring three Not For Sale, has proposed greater actually have. uncontested races, this year’s democracy and an integrated The lack of choice is further election promises to be a lively approach to equality campaign- highlighted by the fact that no candi- debate between vastly different ing. At the first Hustings event at dates have stood for the positions of candidates. Queens’ College on Wednesday, Mature Student Officer and Mental The two candidates in contention Hawksbee said that he had no back- Well-being Officer. The lack of inter- for the presidency have each empha- ground in casework but was hopeful est in these positions has raised sized a different vision for CUSU’s that CUSU’s recently acquired full- questions about their importance to future. time case-worker would “free up the student body, especially in light Current CUSU Communica- more time for campaigning”, which of recent high-profile and success- tions Officer Rahul Mansigani has is “where my strengths lie and where Education Officer candidate Maria Helmling speaks during Hustings at Trinity Hall ful campaigns to enhance student staked out a mainstream platform my focus will be”. address the root issues of inequality, Wednesday night from the audience welfare. that focuses on traditional areas of On the same night, Helmling spoke such as the “gendered assumptions” of CUSU Council members. Both positions will remain open student concern, such as discounts, about the practical internal changes of supervisors. Peters-Harrison also Chris Lillycrop’s campaign for until March 8th, when CUSU Coun- societies, and ents. In particular, he and improvements she hoped to spoke about the need to change the CUSU Coordinator has caused cil will vote on them. has pledged to offer greater sup- make. These included more univer- image of the women’s movement some controversy within CUSU. Last year’s CUSU election saw port to Colleges and societies, and sity-wide, online lecture resources in in Cambridge, so that it was more Lillycrop originally proposed elimi- a record 21 per cent turnout, plac- to secure more student deals with every subject, as well as the creation inclusive and dynamic. nating the position of CUSU Union ing Cambridge among the top NUS Cambridge retailers. of a personalised online timetable. Three of the six Sabbatical posi- Development Manager, a full-time institutions for student voting In contrast, CUSU Mental Health She also stressed the importance of tions – Access Officer, CUSU salaried position. This proposal, involvement. Despite a lack of can- Officer Beccy Talmy has proposed a establishing an education network Co-ordinator, and the newly created which appeared in his manifesto, was didates in some categories and more overtly political platform that between students, staff and their Student Support Officer – are uncon- redacted for “legal reasons” after intra-CUSU controversy, however, stresses issues relating to equity, faculty representatives. tested this year. extended consideration on the part this year’s elections look set to be fairness, and access, as is evident For the position of Women’s Offi- The uncontested position of Access of the Elections Committee. some of the most successful in recent from her platform, which appears cer, the two candidates in contention Officer sees Andy McGowan’s second Debates about whether Lillycrop history, at least in terms of voter to tackle more activist issues, such are Sarah Peters-Harrison and Anna bid for election after he was defeated should be allowed to include the turnout. as free education, affordable rents, Goulding. Both have argued that the by Joe Farish in a fiercely competi- controversial point in his manifesto General voting will take place next socially responsible investment, and University is a long way from achiev- tive election last year. McGowan’s ran late into the night on Wednes- week, with online voting open on greater access. ing gender equality. speech was met with raucous day, causing the publication and March 1st and 2nd and paper ballots The race for Education Officer Goulding stressed the need to applause at the Hustings event on distribution of CUSU’s paper, The available in Colleges on March 3rd. Cambridge graduate on Nick Clegg subject to scrutiny at student second space mission Question and Answer session
flying at the end of the year, so the additional costs allowance whilst out on whether he would support tabatha Leggett opportunities for this kind of work matthew symington asking for the Speaker of the House the Conservative Party in the case will be dramatically reduced. to resign. of a hung parliament despite insist- Nicholas Patrick, an Engineering Cambridge students expressed Nick Clegg, Liberal Democrat “Yes I think it was entirely fair,” ing that whoever wins the strongest graduate from the University of pride in seeing one of their own Leader, came under scrutiny from said Clegg, “I’ve been very, very mandate deserves to govern. Cambridge, has set off on his second achieve such success. According to Cambridge students yesterday at a clear always that the money that I “I’ve always said that it is a matter space mission. Lukas Wong, a first-year Engineer Question & Answer session at Trin- use to maintain a second home when of principle in a democracy if a party Patrick, who works for the National at Girton College, “About five hun- ity Hall. I do a job as MP in Sheffield but also clearly has a stronger mandate from Aeronautics and Space Administra- dred people have been in space; to The event was organised by the as a legislator in London, it’s not my you the voters than any other party tion (NASA), first went into space in achieve this feat once is impressive, local Lib Dems in partnership with house – it’s yours it’s the tax payers. then that party should have the 2006, when astronauts fitted a back- but twice is even more so.” Cambridge Student Lib Dems in “You loan it to me. So it seems to moral right to seek to govern either bone segment to the International He added, “This just goes to show order to give students a chance to me right to use the money for the pur- on its own or with other parties.” Space Station (ISS). how well Engineering at Cambridge engage with the Robinson alumnus. poses for which you give it to me and When asked if he would support This time, he boarded the space- sets you up for all sorts of career Addressing a packed lecture the- when I sell that house I’m not going the party with the most seats, Clegg ship Endeavour, in order to help paths.” atre, Clegg spoke predominantly to keep any of the gains I intend to replied: “I’m never going to get into deliver two European-built mod- nasa about education at the session, elab- give every penny and pound back to that for the obvious reasons. I’m not ules to the ISS, which is worth £64 orating on his ‘Six-year plan’ policy you. That’s a fair deal.” trying to establish an arithmetical billion. The spaceship blasted off for tuition fees, under which the fees Clegg also refused to be drawn formula, I’m not a political scientist.” from the Kennedy Space Centre in would be phased out over the course Florida, and the venture will last 13 of six years. days. Tom Blackburn said: “I’m Whilst robots are used to unload impressed by Clegg’s grasp of reality, and place modules from visiting though agreeing with the sentiment shuttles, Patrick was selected to that we should bring a rapid end to spacewalk outside the space station tuition fees he acknowledges, fitting in order to connect electrical, cool- to the current economic circum- ing, and communications lines to stances, that we’ve got to take things Endeavour. more slowly.” The night before the spacewalk, The expenses scandal and race Patrick and his co-worker, Robert relations were also discussed. Clegg Behnken, will camp out in the airlock spoke of his dismay at the consis- in order to purge nitrogen from their tent use of the term ‘the Muslim bodies. This will prevent decomposi- community’, highlighting the geo- tion sickness that they may otherwise graphical and cultural variety of incur on the mission. these communities. Patrick hopes that after this mis- Speaking to Varsity after the Q & sion, he will be selected to take part A, Clegg defended his own expenses in a long-duration mission on the ISS. claims when asked if it was fair for However, the shuttle is due to stop Nicholas Patrick him to claim the maximum on the Nick Clegg, leader of the Lib Dems, with CUSU President Tom Chigbo News Team Ma hew Sym ngton, Helen Mackreath and Osama S dd qu Friday February 26th 2010 5 news@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk NE SS CUSU Candidates: Who’s who? V s t cusu cam ac uk/elect ons to see full man festos for th s year’s cand dates PRESIDENT
Rahul Mans gan Beccy Talmy ROBINSON | LAW QUEENS’ | ENGLISH
CV Robinson JCR President, CUSU Communications Offi cer, CV CUSU Mental Health Offi cer, NUS Delegate, People and Treasurer-elect of Cambridge Union Planet, Hub Team, co-founder of Disabled Students’ Libera- tion Campaign Pol c es Increased visibility and accessibility of CUSU Execu- tive including launching a CUSU blog, support for the JCRs Pol c es Free education, fairer rents, access that accounts for on issues such as rent and College facilities, Freshers’ Week prior educational disadvantage, Dignity at Study policy involvement Sound b te “I have a clear vision for how to take CUSU Sound b te “Vote for me for a CUSU that will be forward and experience organising across Colleges and realistic, and engage with students on issues from Faculties; I understand that a Union is there primarily the Sports Centre to transparency in exams: I have to advocate and campaign for student rights, providing the experience, energy and expertise to deliver.” services as a secondary function.”
EDUCATION OFFICER
Luke Hawksbee Mar a Helml ng KING’S | PHILOSOPHY CORPUS CHRISTI | MUSIC
CV Democracy Coordinator of Education Not for Sale, CV Faculty Rep, School Rep of Arts & Humanities, work with co-founder of National Campaign Against Fees & Cuts, Cam- former CUSU Education Offi cers bridge NUS Compositor Pol c es Creating an education network that will bring Pol c es No fees, no cuts, greater democracy, integrated together students, Faculty Reps, College Academic Offi cers approach to equality campaigning, public class lists, super- and University committees to coordinate campaigns and to visor training share best practices, better online resources
Sound b te “I’m offering both day-to-day commit Sound b te “Vote for me so that I can make these ment and a broader campaigning vision; together changes happen for YOU - in your lecture, your Fac- we are strong.” ulty, your College.”
WOMENS’ OFFICER ACCESS
Anna Gould ng Sarah Peters-Harr son Andy McGowan NEWNHAM | ARCH & ANTH MURRAY EDWARDS | THEOLOGY TRINITY HALL | LAW
CV Women’s & LBGT Exec, JCR, links with CV CUSU Women’s Welfare Campaigns Offi - CV JCR Access Offi cer, CUSU Target Schools national campaigning groups cer, JCR Women’s Offi cer, Women’s Welfare Offi cer, Campus Organiser for NUS HE Fund- Co-Chair, UNIFEM activism ing Campaign, CAMbassador S gnature pol cy Women’s Tutor in every College S gnature pol cy Addressing Pol c es Improve support for Access Offi cers, gender grade disparity offer training to any student who wants to do Sound b te “Women should vote Access work, monitor effects of A* and publicise for me because I have consistently Sound b te “I have the information, E-mentoring, support for incoming upheld concrete, progressive insight, experience and vision students policies throughout my extensive to make these ideas an effective involvement in the autono- reality, so for an inclusive, Sound b te “I have the passion, dedica- mous campaigns and in these dynamic and effective tion and wide-ranging experience to do elections.” campaign, vote for me.” this job, and to do it well.”
CO-ORDINATOR STUDENT SUPPORT ETHICAL AFFAIRS
Chr s L llycrop Morgan W ld Jam e G bson & Soph e Hemery ST CATHARINE’S | RUSSIAN & FARSI SIDNEY SUSSEX | PHILOSOPHY FITZWILLIAM | GEOGRAPHY & EMMANUEL | GEOGRAPHY
CV CUSU Chair, TCS Associate Editor, Elections CV CUSU Mental Health Offi cer, JCR Green and CV: Both campaigned with People and Planet as well Committee 2007-2009 Ethical Affairs Offi cer, Faculty Rep as numerous other campaigns such as ‘Ditch Dirty Development’ Pol c es Budgetary prioritisation S gnature pol cy Creation of stu- of student support, Welfare and dent-run Student Advice Service Pol c es: Furthering the Education social and environmen- Sound b te “I am a committed tal commitments of the Sound b te “I will ensure that and devoted campaigner on wel- University the CUSU executive works for fare issues and will provide students and that core spend- sensitive and caring support Sound b te: “Vote for ing will be protected during for the diverse welfare us for a more ethical the imminent budget crisis.” needs of students.” ‘bubble’!” 6 Friday February 26th 2010 News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui NNeWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]
NewS iNTerview Hi! Society (Red) diamond in the rough
spring 2009 issue 1
Imponderabilia
Sometimes, it seems like we only read in order to pass exams, and we only write in order to complete course essays. But, have you ever wanted to write about something that really interests you and doesn’t just appear on the syllabus? Imponderabilia, a new multi- disciplinary student journal, offers you the opportunity to do just this. Two social anthropology students have founded the student journal, which focuses primarily on anthropology but has previously included articles by historians, English students, Labour livewire Ken Livingstone talks to Dominic Self about 2012, the Tories theologians and psychologists, alongside many others. The and why an independent London should join the G20 journal is based in Cambridge, but its contributors and editors In an era of relentlessly Frank Dobson the second?” youngsters trying to run govern- have gone straight for discrimina- have come from as far afield as on-message machine politicians, I push for a firmer answer. For ment for the first time... and tion and damages if the Met hadn’t Istanbul. programmed by press releases and the benefit of any doubt, if he there’s a really hard-faced nasty accepted the verdict. There was Alice Hertzog, the journal’s party whips, there’s no doubt that doesn’t get the nomination, he group of swines lining up to get also pressure from Blunkett. I editor, told Varsity, “It’s so the last London mayoral elections won’t run? “There’ll be a straight- on the Tory benches, who look might have been prepared to dig easy for postgraduates to were a breath of fresh air for fans forward vote of party members like they’ve done very well out in, if it had been my decision, but it publish work, but much harder of the political maverick. and I’ll accept the result of that of the last great surge of banking wasn’t.” for undergraduates. That’s But whereas Boris was then ballot.” Which seems clear enough excess.” Does Livingstone not accept, what Imponderabilia aims to known mostly for his stints on on the face of it, although seasoned Ah, the recession. I put it to then, that Dizaei was able to use provide: a space for undergrad- Have I Got News For You and Ken watchers will have their Livingstone that two years ago he the BPA for his own ends? “No. uates to publish their research upsetting Liverpool, Ken Living- doubts. was predicting that there wasn’t We ignored the BPA, because and express their views.” stone’s career stretches back If he did end up back in the going to be one, and half expect their demands were unreason- The journal strives to blur decades. A constant thorn in the mayoral chair, it wouldn’t be he’ll get defensive and quibble with able. They went right off the rails the gap between postgradu- side of Thatcher during the 1980s much fun without any money to my wording. But he doesn’t. “So in the last couple of years of my ates and undergraduates, and as leader of the Greater London spend, would it? “Well, if there’s what was wrong in that analysis?” mayoralty, and that was the end of it encourages its readers to Council (at least until she went for a Tory government, I should “I’d come to think govern- them – they lost their influence.” contribute to upcoming issues the nuclear option and abolished imagine I’ll get very big rewards ments had got better at working He does follow up by predicting by responding to previously it), Livingstone has courted contro- from the Prime Minister and the the cycle, but of course, they their likely recovery, post-Dizaei, published articles and propos- versy on everything from the Cabinet for having got rid of Boris. always pump money in but they and stresses the importance as an ing counterarguments. IRA to bendy buses, and famously Because he’s a threat to them.” never take money out, so they organisation to have around. But The journal’s title translates became The Sun’s “most odious created this huge bubble. When Livingstone has clearly lost none of as “all the bits of information man in Britain”. you’ve been predicting a great his willingness to speak out against that can be gathered but not I’ll declare my interest upfront: “If there’s a Tory crash for twenty years and it former allies, which I suspect has clarified”, which fits in perfectly I’m a fan, and could even be hasn’t happened, you do begin to been a crucial part of his political with the journal’s primary found back in 2008’s drizzly April government, I think that you might be wrong. longevity. objective of providing a space evenings handing out leaflets to Just then, just as I gave up, it Underneath this hard-nosed for all the interesting things commuters on behalf of Living- should imagine happened.” streak, however, lies a refresh- that don’t necessarily fit into stone’s (sadly doomed) re-election Another great crash in London ing willingness for imaginative course essays. campaign. But even if you hate his I’ll get very big recently has been that of the thinking and a sense of fun. What The journal aims to bring guts, you can’t deny that he speaks rewards from the career of Ali Dizaei. A Metropoli- other mainstream politician, still anthropology to life: to make his mind. tan Police commander, Mr Dizaei aiming for electoral success, would the subject easily accessible “I’d most probably have been Prime Minister was convicted and jailed earlier be willing to muse happily on the and thus encourage people to smoother if I’d gone to university,” this month on corruption charges, prospect of a ‘United States of engage in conversations and Livingstone admits. “My parents’ and the Cabinet including assault and false arrest. Europe’ or an independent city- debates about the world we live only ambition wasn’t that I should (He has since declared his inten- state of London? “We’d be in the in. Anthropological reflection be the first in our family to go to for having got rid tion to appeal.) The founder of the G20 – and we’d be exactly at the involves reflection on anything university, it was that I should be Black Police Association (BPA) mid-point in population terms of related to culture or society, the first to have a pension.” of Boris.” complained that Dizaei had used 200 countries in the UN. The rest and thus Imponderabilia covers Mission accomplished, then, but the organisation as a ‘fig-leaf’ to of the United Kingdom would a vast range of material. Livingstone is still not planning This might seem rather outland- deflect any criticism as the product have to change their money and The last issue included on retirement. It’s well known ish, but then again, it’s not exactly of bigotry and institutionalised their watches as they came over articles based on students’ that he plans to run again for the hard to imagine a cabinet full of racism. the border from Surrey... and we’d research, photographs, essays, mayoralty in 2012, and I wonder if ‘day-dreamers’ wishing to succeed “No no no...,” Livingstone insists, be happy.” And then, without poems, cartoons and interviews another election as an independent Cameron and wanting Boris safely “he got away with it because a pausing for breath, he’s back to with established anthropol- might be on the cards if he doesn’t out of the way. jury cleared him of corruption in how Manchester might improve its ogists. As such, the journal secure Labour’s nomination. “The So a Tory victory would be a 2003. Most people at the top of the tram system. encourages the exchange of problem isn’t going to arise,” he rather good thing for Livingstone, Met, and myself, were surprised he Ken might be out of power for knowledge and independent assures me, referring to the ‘ballot- all things considered? Unsurpris- got away with it.” So Livingstone the moment, but even his stron- thought through numerous rigging scams’ of 2000 when Blair ingly, he isn’t complimentary had his own concerns? “I think gest detractors would be foolish to mediums. TABATHA LEGGETT desperately sought to prevent about the prospect. “You’ll everybody who worked with him write off this long-lasting maverick his candidacy. “Who wants to be have completely inexperienced was worried about him. But he’d for good. News Team Ma hew Sym ngton, Helen Mackreath and Osama S dd qu Friday February 26th 2010 7 news@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk NE SS
VARSITY PROFILE Cambridge Asiimwe Santo Spies Reflect ons on l fe n Cambr dge from a Commonwealth Scholar
ALASTAIR APPLETON It’s true. People in Britain arm the key word. Santo “didn’t eat for themselves with an impenetrable almost a week” on arrival. “I only shield of courtesy that blocks out took the porridge I came with. Unlike any ray of candid sincerity that may, here, where possibly everyone knows on the off chance, escape them. With how to cook, at home our mothers and Santo, this obstacle simply wasn’t an sisters cook for us.” Nevertheless, issue. “Morning, I’m Avantika. From the solution he has reached isn’t so Varsity.” “Avantika? Oh, I thought different from most students here: you were going to be a boy with a “Now all I eat is pasta”. name like that.” No one has ever What else struck him? Sure, the actually said that to me before. No weather came up, but most interest- doubt they’ve thought it, but every- ing was Santo’s experience of nearby one has always just been too polite (or villages. “I was surprised because Nubile uptight) to say it. there is electricity everywhere and Undergraduate Seeks Where from the typical, awkward every place has tarmac and you call Brit such comments might have that a village.” Two New Friends proved uncomfortable, from Santo The Jesus student was also For Not-So-Discreet they came out with an open warmth surprised that “people here are only Liaisons most welcome amidst the hungover mindful of their own business”. He Monday morning chill. And that’s was surprised by British music, too. Last attempt a fl op, fed up with why interviewing him was so very “I like to dance,” he admits. But on priggish boys who refuse to interesting. being taken to Cindies, Santo, again touch each other. Palatial shag- Cambridge, with its gothic archi- like the rest of us, found the music pad preferred, GSOH optional, tecture, cobbled streets and archaic was just “no good”. sexual stamina essential. All traditions, feels alien, an “experi- He continued, “if there is anything enquiries to Queens’ College. ence” to all but the ascetics that spend I’m enjoying in the UK, it’s my course.” Previous applicants need not more than a few years here. But for His previous degrees include a degree apply. Commonwealth Scholar Santo, here in Swahili and a BA in Communication for a one-year MPhil in Development Skills and Organisational Studies. The Studies, the Cambridge experience is Commonwealth Scholar was “very Forthcoming all the more bizarre. much dissatisfi ed” with these courses President of Santo had never left Uganda before but is clear that the places he has been Prestigious coming to Cambridge, and his impres- to are “equally as good as Cambridge” Cambridge sion of British culture perfectly fi ts and were important for “shaping” his the stereotype. “I was reading an “interests”. Institution Seeks Indian philosopher and he said, ‘if So what does the 32-year-old scholar Dining Companion you can’t avoid rape simply lie down have planned for the future? Again, and enjoy it’. And because I couldn’t his answer is not so different to most The last one called me on a avoid the food here, I just lay down of ours. “I probably should know; but point of order after I slipped and now I enjoy it.” “Now” really is I do not.” AVANTIKA CHILKOTI a fi nger in her yoni... during a celebratory team gathering... at a much-frequented Italian eatery. All I had to do was ask, UniversityWatch she said. Captain Ahab Seeks Moby Dick, Dignity UC Berkeley Oklahoma University Tufts University Last seen outside Van of Life. A new sport is rising on campuses across the Students at Oklahoma University who misbe- Tufts University has begun accepting short Distinguishing features: large, United States. As strange as it sounds to those have or break policy in the classroom should videos as a portion of students’ applications. cetacean, local. Known to sport who have read J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter watch out if their professor is Kieran Mullen. The According to Lee Coffi n, the university’s dean a nipple ring. Embraced her series and who know that the sport is supposed professor noticed that a student’s laptop usage of undergraduate admissions, 1,000 of the piercing with aggressive lingual to be played fl ying on broomsticks, Quidditch was causing distraction during his lectures and, 15,000 applications the university received massage before thrusting my is being taken up by “muggles” throughout the instead of taking the more conventional route this year contained a video portion. The idea harpoon between her gaping country. The latest to join is the University of warning the student, planned a scene to send behind allowing applicants to submit videos is jaws. And still, my energies sucked dry, she escaped, her of California at Berkeley, a message to all laptop users in his classes. that it allows students to express themselves ample form disappearing into where the fi rst trials He poured liquid nitrogen over a and be creative. It also allows the university the night. for a Quidditch decoy computer, which resembled to gain a better fl avour of who their applicants team have just the student’s own laptop, before are than they do on paper because it allows the For Sale. Book: How taken place and throwing it to the ground, where it admissions offi ce an insight into the lives of ap- to Blow Her Mind in were attended by shattered. Mullen then told the student to plicants. Part of the Tufts application process 36 students. Trials for the four have the University’s IT department fi x the used to give students the option of creating Bed positions of Seeker, Keeper, Chaser and Beater “computer”. Some students did not realise the something using just one piece of paper. Now Unused though slightly soiled. occurred. There are now more than 200 colle- scene was just a hoax intended as a warning this optional section has been expanded to in- Uncovered, by ‘her’, after giate Quidditch teams in the United States and and thought it to be a genuine punishment, clude sharing a one-minute video. However, long months of concealment the Berkeley campus is the third University of even though Mullen the institution feels underneath mattress. Excel- California branch to take up the sport. Middle- is generally consid- it is important to note lent bedtime reading, though bury College in Vermont set up its collegiate erate of students. In that videos will never perhaps not in a toilet cubicle, team in 2005 and is largely responsible for the any case, demonstra- replace writing as the ‘her’ mind more occupied with popularity of the sport today. It also now hosts tion echoed a similar the considerable task of keeping main form of com- ‘your’ hair out of the bowl than the Quidditch World Cup. The Intercollegiate display the profes- munication between it is by the earth-shattering Quidditch Association was set up in 2007 in sor put on fi ve years applicants and the ad- orgasm you’re failing to give order to support and organise competitive play ago in order to stop missions offi ce. her. of the growing sport. mobile phone use during his classes. ESMÉ NICHOLSON 8 Friday February 26th 2010 News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui NeWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Award winning photo for Cambridge Thom Yorke fans gather scientists outside Corn Exchange Picture of ant carrying 100 times its own body weight from 5am jessica king travelled from Vienna, said: “Thom A team of researchers from the matthew symington hasn’t really performed solo like this Department of Zoology at the before so we had to see it.” University of Cambridge has won Crowds began to gather outside the Other fans had travelled from first place in a science photo compe- Corn Exchange from 5am yester- less far afield. Next in the queue tition for snapping a picture of an day morning in order to get closer was a lady from Wakefield, West Asian weaver ant carrying a weight to Thom Yorke when he took to the Yorkshire, and another from Hove 100 times its own body mass in stage at 7pm. Fans travelled from all in Sussex. its pincers, while hanging upside- over Europe to attend the unprec- Students too were getting very down. edented event. excited about the concert. Emma The remarkable image, which was Umbrellas and aluminium foil Harrison, an Emmanuel student taken as part of a project research- blankets were used to shield the who managed to obtain a ticket, ing the “biomechanics” of ants and dedicated fans from the elements said: “I’m really excited about this other insects – namely, their sticky during their 14 hour wait, whilst gig because his gig appearances are feet – won first prize in the opening rations and flasks had been brought quite rare and I’m really pleased he’s Biotechnology and Biological along so that they would not have come to Cambridge. Sciences Research Council (BBSRC) to leave the queues to eat. Touts “If he played any Radiohead that Science Photo Competition. were also advertising their tickets would be fantastic. He’s really influ- Dr Thomas Endlein, who was to passers-by. ential and he’s really individual in responsible for the photo, won £700 Varsity spoke to four particularly that he tries to stay out of the celeb- worth of photographic equipment. avid fans who were first in the queue rity spotlight. He’s actually really According to the BBSRC, it is not for the much-anticipated concert. talented. He relies on his music to just the scientists’ artistic ability Barbara, who had travelled from sell records, not the media.” but the science behind the image Milan to see Yorke perform, said: “I Not all students were so excited that earned the prize. In particular, love Thom, I’m a huge fan of Radio- by the performance, however. One it is hoped that the findings may head but I love Thom specifically; I student from Corpus Christi College help in the development of new heard about the concert when it was asked, “Why would you wait for types of glue. announced on his website.” half a day to watch such an awfully According to one judge: “The Her friend Maggie, who had depressing performer?” composition juxtaposes the ant’s emma mustich delicate structure with the solidity of the weight, inviting questions about the research it illustrates.” Dr Endlein has made enduring contributions to the project, which hopes to develop a new kind of insec- ticide based on the research into the mechanism by which insects attach Award winning photograph of an ant clinging to glass surface whilst carrying 100 themselves to surfaces. times its own body weight Student use of ‘smart drugs’ should be investigated, says Cambridge professor
According to Sahakian, “Students of students are taking these drugs Fans of Thom Yorke who waited outside the Corn Exchange from 5am fi vickerstaff say they feel it is cheating, and it before examinations in order to puts pressure on them to feel they increase their attention spans. “This Hot Off The Press Urgent debate is needed to address have to use these drugs when they is really something that universities the issue of students using cogni- don’t really want to. If these drugs should at least discuss. They should tive enhancement drugs to gain become legal, it will be difficult to have some kind of strategy, some advantages in exams, according say you can’t use them for a compet- kind of active policy,” Sahakian to a professor at the University of itive exam.” asserted. Cambridge. Although Sahakian’s work is at One student commented, Before a recent lecture at the the forefront of research on the “Students who use such drugs Royal Institution, Barbara Sahakian, effects of such drugs on healthy undermine the hard work of the Professor of Clinical Neuropsy- people, their long-term effects are many that don’t. Although exam chology at the Department of not yet fully known. Nevertheless, periods may be stressful, there are Psychiatry, observed that the use Sahakian maintains that urgent other ways of coping, like friends of smart drugs such as Ritalin and debate is now needed on the ways and university support services.” Modafinil had “enormous implica- in which society should deal with Such concerns have raised tions for universities”. “smart drugs” as a form of “cosmetic questions about the viability of Such “smart drugs” are usually neurology”. using investigative methods, such prescribed for neurological disor- “The big question is, are we all as random dope testing, in univer- ders including Alzheimer’s disease, going to be taking drugs in the next sities. “Should there be urine ADHD, and narcolepsy. However, 10 years and boosting our cogni- testing?” asked Sahakian. “These they can also be procured over the tion in that way? And if we are, questions have to be looked at.” Internet and used to increase the will we use them to have a shorter Nevertheless, another student brain’s alertness. working week, so we can go home, stressed, “I think that to subject According to surveys conducted spend more time with our families all students to drug testing is in the United States, one in six and have a good work/life balance? unfair. This issue should be tackled university students are currently Or, will we go headlong into a 24/7 on a wider level, such as enforc- skylightby David Hare using such drugs, prompting fears society where we work all the time ing a complete prohibition on the that usage can afford unfair advan- because we can work all the time?” purchase of prescription drugs over tages in exam situations. At present, an increasing number the Internet.” 2 - 6 March 2010 | Corpus Playroom Comment Ed tor Charlo e Runc e Friday February 26th 2010 9 comment@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk CO ENT
“We are 24-hour beasts.” Comment MICHAEL HASTINGS The media’s Brown-eyed whirl
Br t sh soc ety s well and truly broken Does the press th nk the r preoccupat on w th JAMES COUNSELL Gordon Brown’s peccad lloes can f x t
deological opposition to big party can govern with dictatorial Two things are made immediately Blair, whose ability to charm his way democratic discourse of elevating government in its most respect- power for fi ve years on a mere 35% apparent by the above consider- beyond the reach of scrutiny led to the personality above the institu- Iable form is founded upon the of the vote; party whips determine ations; fi rstly, there is something such appalling consequences in Iraq. tions within which it works. Ignore recognition of the chaotic nature the membership of the committees very wrong with our society. Allegations of Brown’s offi ce for a moment the quivering heap of human interaction. In an island tasked with holding our rulers to Secondly, nothing short of a cautious bullying have now emerged from of self-indulgent fl atulence that is with 60 million inhabitants, any account, whilst the second House (but ultimately radical) overhaul of a critical book that names the Leader of the Opposition, statements concerning the causal is packed full of sycophants, aristo- our social institutions is suffi cient to no sources. In response and suppose that a fantasy relationships that government is crats and deluded priests. meet these challenges. to Brown’s denial of scenario prevails in which constituted to regulate are bound to We’ve recently ended one war, It is these two points that make these allegations, Britain has its own be at most half-truths. waged against the largest demon- our media’s perpetual fascination the National Obama waiting in the Any appreciation of these limits stration of popular opposition in with the character of Gordon Brown Bullying Hotline wings. Does it seem on human understanding demand world history, and remain embroiled so infuriating and mind-numbingly decided to wade likely that this fi gure humility and caution as we appraise in another; our current efforts are so irrelevant. in and violate its would be able to do how it is we are to confront the Brown is not a salesman of ideas. avowed confi den- effective battle with challenges that face our society. The In his own words, he “thinks about tiality, doing itself the inequality, corrup- solution cannot be to shy away from “Our society is how we do things, not how we say irreparable damage tion, war and pollution collective effort for fear of falling things.” He fails to smile enough to in the meantime. It that blights the nation? short, as the political right would deeply sick, and satisfy the voracious lenses of the turns out that the calls We need only look to the have us do, but must instead be a restless paparazzi, and his attempts they supposedly received United States for the answer; perpetual national debate as to what it is so because to do so on cue from his aides warp from Downing Street did not in the imaginations of the left, their we are to prioritise, and how we are his features into a painful grimace. mention bullying by Brown in any idol - Obama - was deifi ed, and while to learn from the shortcomings of of its institutional This latter feature is largely due to way, leaving the book’s claims of the masses indulged in fantasy our endeavours. constitution.” an injury from his youth that has outbursts looking like little more the lonely mortal at the top was Inequality today is vast and left him blind in one eye - a mortal than the description of a dedicated, ultimately paralysed by the system. growing, and the consequences are weakness for which he is relent- stressed man performing the most Our society is deeply sick, and a vivid reminder of the human cost constituted that meaningful victory lessly punished. When meeting the demanding job in the country. it is so because of its institutional of greed. The children of manual is both undesirable and impossible. female spouses of world leaders, Nonetheless, for the last four days constitution. By obsessing over the working parents are twice as likely Our leaders devote their efforts to Brown’s awkward, stilted advances the media spotlight has been obses- fl aws of Brown, our media allow us to die before reaching adulthood dragging us into a new confl ict in towards kiss to cheek connection sively focused on the ‘offi ce dynamic’ to abdicate responsibility for the as those whose parents are in top the Middle East, and meanwhile we lack any semblance of ease, let alone through which Brown wades. radical change we need. In reality, professions; if they do survive, they glide towards our inevitable failure grace. And he must forever live with This national obsession gradu- no personality, however fl awless, can expect to live seven fewer years. to meet our obligations under the the comparisons to his vile prede- ates from triviality to active harm could solve the challenges we collec- Our electoral system is such that a Kyoto Protocol. cessor, the consummate performer when we consider the effect on our tively must face. The thrill of a pill Smart drugs expose do not ncrease our product v ty they expose our anx et es students who buy them illegally isn’t sustainable. These drugs cocaine. and we want it now, but we’re not NATASHA PESARAN online. present an enticing alterative, But it’s not just our physi- always willing to work for it. We’re It’s not diffi cult to see why a way to make the impossible, cal well-being that we should an MTV generation, with high students are popping pills to get possible. be concerned about. What’s aspirations and short attention t’s every student’s dream. through their degrees. Particularly But are ‘smart drugs’ really more worrying is the mindset of spans. The way these drugs are When you’re hung-over and at Cambridge, where the terms offering freedom from our human somebody who feels the need to used is surely a product of these Iabout to pull all-nighter, forget are so short and the workload so limitations and at what cost? I take such drugs. More often than values, not of some higher ideal. coffee and red bull. Taking just demanding that we are left with can’t help but question the reason- not, they’re not being used by It’s hard to say which is more one small pill will improve your little choice but to cram as much ing behind a decision to buy drugs those seeking a surge of genius or unhealthy – the illegal use of memory, concentration and ability as we can into 24-hour days. With illegally online. For a start, there a fl ash of inspiration. The reality is prescription drugs or the fact to focus, as well as preventing you so many demands on our time, is a long list of side effects associ- far more mundane. They’re being that we’re willing to go to such from falling asleep. sleep becomes a luxury rather ated with these drugs – insomnia, used out of desperation, by people extremes to shirk responsibility Sound tempting? Well, research than a necessity. I sometimes agitation, anxiety, heart problems, who’ve fallen behind on their work, for our actions. These drugs don’t has shown that a growing number wonder if what we’re really being unstable moods and blurred vision. and are frantically cramming for offer us freedom from our human of university students in the US taught at university is how to live Not to mention the fact that exams; by people who are seeking imperfections. They only expose and the UK are taking just such an impossible life. As much as we there’s no guarantee that the a quick-fi x before our shortcomings and anxieties, pills in the form of prescription may want to do it all - become a pills you receive do what a deadline; even which cannot be solved by a quick- drugs Modafi nil, Ritalin and member of a dozen societies, act in they say on the packet. by those who fi x, want-it-all attitude to life. The Adderall. These so-called ‘smart countless plays, play sport, go out Illegal drug use is still want maintain truth is that there is simply no drugs’ are a group of cognitive all the time, maintain a long-term a potentially harmful a lifestyle that substitute for hard work. Perhaps enhancers, which are usually relationship and still have time to and risky business, leaves little time for we would be better to learn to live used to treat conditions such as study for a degree - there’s only so even if it involves studying but still with our human imperfections and narcolepsy and ADHD, but are much physical and mental exertion prescription drugs want to get a good accept what we can and cannot do, increasingly being abused by the human body can take. It just rather than crack II.1. We want it all, rather than turning to drugs. 10 Friday February 26th 2010 Comment Editor: Charlotte Runcie CoMMENT aNd EdiToRial www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]
olly watsoN
Established in 1947 Issue No 715 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 State of the Union
The candidate-list for this year’s CUSU Elections is representative of nothing more than the tyranny of apathy. The fact that 50% of sabbatical positions are uncontested is disappointing. It means that, in many cases, we have little or no choice about the future leaders of our student body. What kind of a democracy does that make CUSU? At least this year’s Presidential race is much more interesting than last year’s, with two serious candidates who each have experience and definable positions. Rahul and Beccy are each experienced, although they have extremely different platforms: Rahul’s highly pragmatic, Beccy’s – despite her protestations – distinctly leftist. It is encouraging that there is real competition for this important post. The most interesting other ‘race’ (though it’s hard to call it that, given its sole candidate) is that for CUSU Co-ordinator, where Chris Lillycrop, who stepped down as CUSU Chair in Michaelmas term, is running unopposed. The past two days have seen confusion in the CUSU office, as the production of TCS has been delayed (as far as Varsity can discern) due to issues with Lillycrop’s manifesto and the reporting of his campaign in Have I Got News For You. I thought Connie Scozzaro’s that newspaper. The fact that Lillycrop has caused such a debate within Letters to the So, anyway, Newswipe is mad critique of Newswipe was excellent the walls of CUSU - skipping out on at least one hustings event due to the funny, includes an excellent - I agree that Charlie Brooker is a ramifications of the manifesto problem – raises questions as to whether Editor platform for Tim Key and features tiresome, try-hard presenter, whose Lillycrop is an appropriate candidate for CUSU Co-ordinator. some genuinely interesting and spoon-feeding method of political Students should not avoid voting ‘RON’ out of apathy or a lack of informed essays. Plus, he’s not your commentary just adds to Britain’s education about the candidates and their issues; in fact, if you have any Does the sourpuss who gave the “piteous, try-hard uncle,” he’s my overwhelming cynical attitude. doubts at all about the qualifications of a certain candidate, we encourage Newswipe review even have a piteous, try-hard uncle. Will Savill you to ‘RON’. We couldn’t muster enough candidates for this election, but television? The reason I ask is He’s not really. Corpus let’s show that we care enough to vote, no matter how we cast our ballots. because a glimpse at the TV Times Nathan Brooker It’s the first step to a more perfect Union. would have lead Ms Scozarro to Jesus If Hugo Schmidt feels that criticis- ing the ‘huge unsupported claims’ I’m convinced Connie Scozzarro Islam makes for itself is the defini- was watching a different show, and tion of Islamophobia then he is Super-pub or feel the rub not just because she got the time grossly mistaken. Benny Morris has wrong. Newswipe is an incisive been accused of Islamophobia not The news of a second ‘super-pub’ opening in Cambridge could be a further realize that Charlie Brooker’s commentary on the history of for criticising the more question- nail in the coffin of the city’s traditional pubs. J.D. Wetherspoon, the Newswipe actually premieres at journalism and its place now. It able claims of Islam, but for making company that run The Regal, may be staking a second claim on the city’s 22:30 on a Tuesday and not 01:00 on is presented by journalists with wild assertions about that faith, drinkers if their bid for The Graduate is successful; a move which would, a Wednesday, when it is repeated. decades of experience in the field; such as claiming that Muslims undoubtedly, further deplete sales for Cambridge’s well-established Also, she failed to have the vaguest presenting items including a skilful have less respect for human life independent watering-holes. idea that Newswipe is part of a excoriation of the phenomenon of than those in the West do. This is Certainly, the inflated prices at many of these older bars is a big put-off litany of Brooker shows that stem 24-hour live news and an exami- patently untrue and it is wrong to for students. But, simultaneously, what these pubs lack in budget-friendly from his hilarious ‘Screen Burn’ nation of the fuzzy line between take the actions of a small minor- drinks, they make up for in atmosphere. While The Regal may have the articles in the Guardian. Therefore, rubbernecking and need-to-know ity of Muslims as a guide for the pints for under a pound, it doesn’t have the cosy charm of The Eagle or the it’s nothing like 8 Out of 10 Cats reporting. The news is slowly opinions of the whole of Islam. hidden-secret feel of The Free Press. because, and here’s the bloody rub, preparing for suicide, and Brooker’s Chris McKeon The problem ultimately comes down to personal preference. For those it’s not a critique of current affairs team is pulling it from the brink. Gonville and Caius favouring post-swap, pre-Cindies entertainment, The Graduate may well but a critique on the reporting of The show is intelligent and well- soon become a firm favourite. However, for those who prefer the antique current affairs. And Brooker’s not made, perhaps Ms Scozzarro would appeal of a back alley local, a second Wetherspoons in town may be cause shallow or reactionary. In fact, Ian so well to watch more carefully if Email [email protected] for the to drown sorrows. The choice is paralleled in other establishments; another Hislop even described him as “the she is going to continue to write chance to win a bottle from the Starbucks could bring forward the date of the Indigo Cafe’s closure. Enjoy cleverest person that I’ve ever sat such journalistic comment. Cambridge Wine Merchants. Letters may be edited. the cheap drink (responsibly, of course), but not at the ultimate expense of next to” when Brooker appeared on Claire Thurncote the independent pubs that make Cambridge what it is. his team on her (rightfully) beloved Queens’
Underrated Lama confessed that he has no controversial task. It admittedly stability: meditation. Some will aspect of Buddha is his modesty. idea who Mr Woods is. involves dispelling some ill-formed immediately dismiss meditation He always claims that he is only Similarly, though, I expect that thoughts, like the misconception as belonging to new-age acolytes human. I’ve heard it said that Week 7: Buddha most people reading this don’t have that he is some crazy philosopher or yoga devotees, or maybe even Buddhists think that Buddha a substantial idea of who the Dalai concerned only with obscure Sufi mystics; but in my experience created the universe. Ironically Lama himself is, except perhaps metaphysical issues of karma and meditation stands to the mind enough, this is genuinely offensive. via disappointing descriptions like reincarnation, or the hazy intuition as exercise does to the body, as a Buddha as ‘the Creator’ is the last ‘that political monk from Tibet’. I that he is an ascetic. Still, collaps- perfectly natural and obvious form description that most Buddhists believe, also, that most don’t have ing distorted visions of Buddha of training. Notably, some contem- would offer, simply because Buddha clear or even murky thoughts about as advocating a semi-hippy, exclu- porary therapeutic and medical is concerned mainly with human- the more important man that the sively ‘lifestyle’ ideal is pretty practitioners also recommend it. ity as a psychological species, and Dalai Lama indirectly represents. straightforward. I can’t emphasize If you aren’t convinced, you less with the universe as a whole. Siddartha Gautama, or Buddha, enough that Buddha wasn’t merely should probably try it out yourself. I hope, overall, for a little more is seriously undervalued and a permanently spaced-out mystic, That’s another point borrowed illumination with respect to this misunderstood, especially in smitten with a neat sitting position, from Buddha: he always empha- excellent and incomparable teacher. Europe, and very specially in our a suggestive stoner face, or false, sized that experience was the Bertrand Russell once thought arlier this week, eminent little town-cum-university. Here irrelevant ideals. ultimate judge of truth, and that that, along with Socrates, Buddha golfer Tiger Woods attrib- people tend to care and talk almost Rather, Buddha was the first authority, revelation, or tradition might well be the best of all men, Euted his recent marital always about Christianity, Islam, major religious figure to develop a could never rightly replace experi- ever. I agree, but wish more people mishaps to deviations from his and atheism, if anything. practical and accessible psychologi- ential knowledge and personal understood both who, and what, Buddhist faith. In reply, the Dalai Defending Buddha is not a very cal practice that leads to mental perception. A final excellent Buddha was. Nat RudaRakaNchaNa Comment Editor: Charlotte Runcie Friday February 26th 2010 11 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk CoMMEnt
thE ESSAY Clocking off: the new science of sleep Not-Sci
ife inhabits a 24-hour martha rawlinson world, and to stay tuned to Lit, plants and animals live to a 24-hour beat. Leaves open in the day, harvesting sunlight, and close at night to retain water. We are active in the day, with an elevated body temperature and heart rate, but withdraw from the world to sleep in the cocoon of night, our temperature and heart Talking in their sleep rate at baseline. But are these dramatic and regular cycles simply a response to the world? Does If I were to communicate with the leaf wait until dawn before it a dead Elvis Presley, there are moves? several things I would want to In 1962, Michel Siffre isolated know. Did he really work for himself in a cavern, and for several the FBI? Did he die naturally weeks monitored his bodily or was he murdered? But more rhythms. He discovered that they importantly I would want infor- did not stop but continued running mation that could be verified, in the absence of external time information that I could not cues. He concluded that an internal have known without his help, timer must drive them: a ‘body that can be checked so I know it clock’. Like all things biological, Does your body run like clockwork? As Week 7 fatigue really is him. I’d want evidence. our clock is approximate, hence is The national press is currently termed circadian (circa – approxi- sets in, Michael hastings writes on what recent awash with stories about the mate; diem – day), running between fact that Rom Houben, a Belgian 23.8 and 24.5 hours, depending on discoveries in genetics mean for our sleeping patterns who has been in a coma for 23 the person. Dawn and dusk light years, cannot in fact commu- correct any slight error, keeping us keeping you awake now. A direct to an even more revolutionary changes, developing ‘circadian- nicate via a speech therapist exactly in synch with the world. nervous connection from the eyes discovery: the circadian mechanism savvy’ medicines. and typewriter, despite initial Laboratory studies show that keeps them in synch with the light/ is active throughout the body. The And what of the ultimate rhythm, reports that he could. this clock governs everything dark cycle. In turn, their circadian heart has a local circadian clock, sleep? The SCN controls when The media became excited measurable: alertness of mind, time signals, a biological equivalent as do the lungs, liver, and ovaries; we can sleep and when we can be by the idea of Houben typing secretion of stress hormones and of Big Ben’s chimes, are encoded as even human skin cells can be awake. But what happens in sleep? out thoughts while the thera- detoxification of drugs. What a daily rhythm in electrical activity: cultured and shown to carry this Recent studies emphasise the role pist “guided his hand”. These our body and brain can do in the high activity marks day and low clockwork. No longer do we see our of sleep, especially the non-dream- thoughts included statements daytime is very different from marks night. Nervous and hormonal inner clockwork as a hierarchical, ing state, in the formation of new claiming he felt “powerless- what our clock equips them to pathways relay these chimes top-down process with the omnipo- memories and restoration of older ness. Utter powerlessness.” In do at night. We should think of throughout the body, orchestrating tent SCN directing every detail ones. The riot of new experiences other words, sentiments that an ourselves as 24-hour biological our daily life. of our circadian lives. Rather, our that occurs during the day has to observer would easily guess, and machines. Evolution has favoured An astonishing property of bodies contain myriad clock cells, be sorted against existing memory, that turned out to be from the clocks because, by anticipating the SCN cells is that they sustain each keeping its local time, but filtered for relevance and, where therapist rather than Houben their rhythm of electrical activity synchronised to all the other clocks necessary, encoded into our brain himself. when they are isolated in a dish: a by the ‘chimes’ of the SCN. circuitry. A brain region called the Houben’s neurologist, Dr “24/7 living is ‘ticking’ body clock in a test-tube. This breakthrough offers unprec- hippocampus is critical for this Steven Laureys, never publicly But how can individual cells tell edented insights into disease. For process, and its local clock controls supported these stories, but a major health the time? The answer lies in ‘clock example, clocks control the time of biochemical activity necessary for interestingly he is part of a team genes’. A landmark breakthrough day when a cell can divide. If the learning. For us to learn effectively, working with researchers at issue.” was the identification of the genes cell misses that open door today, it therefore, all areas of the brain The University of Cambridge’s that make up our clockwork and the must wait until tomorrow for the have to work in unison, running to MRC and Cognitive and Brain demands of day and night, they biochemical mechanism of how they door to re-open before it divides. the same clock time. This temporal Sciences Unit who have recently make the machine more efficient. define time. Clock genes and the In this way the clock slows down coherence delivers the cognitive shown that some patients in a A more general awareness of our proteins they encode are entwined cell division, and hence is a natural and emotional restoration of a good vegetative state can communi- internal gearing arises with flight within a negative feedback loop: the suppressor of cancer. In cells or night’s sleep. In contrast, mismatch cate, but by other means. between time zones, or shiftwork. activation of the genes produces animals with disturbed clocks, cell perturbs the brain’s machinery, Dr Adrian Owen and Dr The discomfort, fatigue and confu- proteins, which accumulate in the disturbing memory formation and Steven Laureys have discov- sion are commonly attributed cell and then inactivate the genes. mood. ered that a different patient to lack of sleep, but they have a The cycle can only restart once “The body clock We are 24-hour beasts. We live in a vegetative state for five deeper origin: the scrambling of our the proteins have been degraded, better and for longer if our lives run years can communicate if their internal daily programme. Indeed, re-releasing the genes from is a natural in tune with our inner clockwork, brain is scanned and they think the drive to 24/7 living is becoming negative feedback. synched to the solar day outside. of ‘tennis’ to answer ‘Yes’ to a a major health issue. A working life Biochemical delays between suppressor of Having discovered the genes and question and ‘home’ for ‘No’. spent on rotating shifts increases the various stages mean that the biochemistry that make up our What makes this conclusion the risks of cancer and cardiovas- whole loop takes approximately 24 cancer.” countless body clocks, we can now more credible is that the patient cular diseases, and shortens life hours to complete, but this varies division and the growth of tumours look to exploit that knowledge to was asked specific questions expectancy by several years. Circa- between people. In early risers is accelerated. The epidemiological target diseases when their circa- about his family, and these dian control over our attentional with ‘lark-like’ habits the proteins data showing more cancer in shift dian variation makes them most answers were interpreted by a abilities can also have devastating are less stable and the cycle runs workers suddenly starts to make vulnerable. We can also optimise strict protocol measuring brain consequences. The disasters of faster. The extreme is Familial more sense, and the aim now is to lifestyles and work schedules to activity, eventually giving a ‘yes’ Bhopal, Chernobyl, Three Mile Advanced Sleep Phase Syndrome, develop treatments that enhance mitigate the worst consequences or ‘no’. Island and Exxon Valdez share a in which people with a 22 hour clock the oncostatic role of the clock. of circadian misalignment. As for When communication and common feature: operator error awake in the small hours but cannot Local clocks are also important Varsity life, it is good to work hard consciousness are entwined, crept in when the operator was resist falling asleep around 5 pm. in metabolic diseases – mice and and play hard, but be kind to your questions unique to a personal- working in the circadian ‘atten- In contrast, ‘night owls’ have slow hamsters with defective clock clocks: keep to a regular beat! ity are the only thing that can tional dip’. clocks because their proteins take genes are more prone to severe differentiate between knowl- Dr Michael Hastings is a Cambridge So where is the clock? It is a pair longer to clear. Differences in clock obesity and cardiovascular disease. neuroscientist, based at the MRC edge from another source and of pinhead-sized clusters of about genes can also make people more If we can find out how local clocks Laboratory of Molecular Biology, fabricated information from 10,000 nerve cells at the base of the or less susceptible to the negative boost fat metabolism or keep heart specialising in the molecular human imagination. brain: the suprachiasmatic nuclei, effects of sleep deprivation. rate low at night, we can alleviate neurobiology of circadian body SITA DINANAUTH or SCN for short. The SCN are Identification of clock genes led diseases by boosting these circadian clocks. the mays submit deadline: midnight on 31st march, 2010 The mays xviii are now accepting submissions for this year’s anthology. Submissions might include (but needn’t be limited to): poems, short stories, dramatic pieces, vignettes, comic strips/graphic short stories, cartoons, paintings, photographs, drawings, visual poems, illustrated children’s stories and creative non-fiction. make a film deadline: midnight on 26th april, 2010 We are inviting film submissions, under one hour in length (though they can be much shorter), for the inaugural mays short film competition. These may be narrative, documentary, impressionistic or otherwise.
for details on how to submit and more information, go to http://mays.varsity.co.uk/submit
-Varsity “one of the best nights of my cambridge life” The Varsity Trust -The Tab “spectacular” Take your passion for -TCS journalism further...
A major scholarship and/or bursary may be awarded to students graduating from the University of Cambridge or Anglia Ruskin University who are about to undertake an approved course in journalism in the coming academic year.
For further details on the Trust and to check eligibility, visit www.varsitytrust.org.uk, or email [email protected] for an information pack.
Deadline for Applications: April 26th 2010
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The Varsity Trust offers funding to students planning to undertake journalism courses in 2010-2011. Registered Charity No. 1012847 £6.50/8.50 FRIDAY FEBRUARY 26TH 2010
HISLOP HARD AT WORK
Have you got news for me! KATHERINE SPENCE
KATHERINE SPENCE
14 Friday February 26th 2010 Magaz ne Ed tor Paul Sm th MAGAZINE www vars ty co uk magaz ne@vars ty co uk Victoria Beale: Self-Help KATHERINE SPENCE Wee 7 The Jo of Sex
veryone takes their sex life grandfatherly foreplay. While she the row in front of you, occasionally seriously. No matter how tells this story with amused disdain, looking worriedly behind him. This Ecutely self-deprecating your it is clear that a large part of her is more diffi cult if you do English friends might be about every other looks back with fondness on that and the only people in your lecture aspect of their lives, they harbour whiskey tasting marathon. Because are anaemic girls with a line in arch the enduring belief that they are sex is probably the best thing there neuroticism and fur coats. But if snakey-hipped love geniuses. Their is, apart from Nesquik chocolate- undergrads hold no illicit appeal thrusting endeavours are to them fl avoured milkshake mix, the lamest then look elsewhere in the univer- as steamily erotic as a Cambridge sexual encounters take on a kind of sity hierarchy. based Bertolucci fi lm. Even in the fi lmic quality. Even on the way back The power of the imagined also an audience member on The Big to chuckle even when you make a tawdriest moments: lurking in Boots from two minutes in heaven with extends to a night out, when often Fat Quiz of The Year, who hotly pretty brilliant post-coital joke, and to purchase a new bottle of Pina a goofi ly drunk fi rst year, you can your idealised vision of how the questioned why he had settled who you can’t even sustain conver- Colada lube, wiping that stain off convince yourself that, as you stroll evening develops beats the reality down and was no longer prolifi - sation with while they’re getting an Edward Hopper print, or doing through the moonlit streets, you are hands down. You start out gently cally buggering his way around the dressed. By all means, fuck around the Walk of Shame in a tutu and like a beautiful sex rogue, breaking tipsy, wearing your best shorts and female population, ‘But I got round until you have a fearsome reputation heels, we are all convinced that, hearts and never taking numbers. tingling with wit and confi dence. as many of you as I could! And and a stash of antibiotics. But keep while everyone else’s love lives When there’s a lull in Actual You’ve been swapping barbed besides, there was the crippling a lookout for the kind of lust object are a banal litany of mini disasters, Proper Sex, like during lectures or one-liners with a crazy beauti- loneliness of an evening.’ Few of us who’ll also write you a limerick, ours constitutes a heady romance. more puritanical supervisions, you ful historian, and you can already are lucky enough to shag our way to make you a mixtape, and not tell I know a girl who tells the story of can keep yourself distracted with see how you’ll hate-fl irt your way oblivion quite as effectively as Mr everyone when you let them bum being lured back to an archaeology the next best thing: implausible into bed. But four hours later Brand. But most of us can recognise you. It’s soothing to wake up with grad’s room and plied with seven sex fantasies. During the course you’re drowsy with double vodkas, his point, that there are few things someone who understands your fear varieties of whiskey, which he of a lecture series you can conjure eyelinering your forehead and more isolating and soul numbing of sharks and your love of 30 Rock, insisted on analysing at length for up an entire imaginary affair with booty-calling a Regrettable. than sharing a bed with someone rather than with a stranger who’s fl avour, expense etc. like horrible that strong-jawed boy who sits in As Russell Brand protested to who doesn’t quite get you, who fails never heard of Sarah Silverman.
TIGGER/SYLVESTER favour te Canad an super group s glad we got adm ed back n the day then Reported to be flee ng the Corpus’s Cat Dav son has ra sed back w th a del ghtful new s ngle of 3 As EMINEM Mak ng country asap over £1,300 for h s l ve return
Ha t by dress ng THE CHARLIE LYONS FAN CLUB BIG DOGS We love them Woof th s summer LYNX You can keep Who would have thought a st nt
as the cartoon w th a str ng of Keeley, Lynx Your NOT present ng C nd es Stor es could t gers Donate DISSERTATION European fest val v ral campa gn, now at ustg v ng spark such a frenzy for the Deadl nes dates Exc ted We l nger ng around HOT WOE com/keepcat ex-Vars ty Fash on ed tor are loom ng, your aren’t e ther Spot fy l ke a bad dressedsat ger ‘VKaaayyyysssss’ bra n s blank, t me smell, reeks of s runn ng out Best ASHLEY COLE AND lazy ‘sex sells’ BROKEN SOCIAL 3 A* OFFERS h t the the l brary THE SEX TEXT Is there a advert s ng Scary stu We’re ust SCENE Our for some alln ghters, more hated man n Br ta n r ght now
SEARCH: zordon+is+a+racist RYD COOK 23, CINEMA BOY
Wh ch words do ou most overuse L ter ll If ou weren’t n C mbr de, where would ou l e to be Br hton - t h s cool shops Wh t s C mbr de to ou Week 7 A Tr p To The Careers Fa r It’s re t for m n f lms here Wh t do ou dre m bout I h ve we rd dre ms, mostl Out st - ‘ t up t out’ bout school, even thouh I “What are you going to be when you grow up? Policeman, Fireman, Astronaut?” Time’s running out to decide. Graduation’s in four months. Still harbouring a secret don’t o to school n more ambition to become the next Mighty Morphing Power Best w to surv ve l fe n M rv Wh tne - ‘You’ve ot to h ve ob’ C mbr de Mooching about the UL tearoom, you encounter a poster: “Find the Ranger? We’re not so sure Just h ve fun right job for YOU.” The smell of employment is frankly overpowering. anymore, now that it transpires chief Zordon is a racist. Who would pl ou n the f lm of our l fe St V ncent - ‘Actor Out of Wor ’ Ever one s s I loo l e P pp n from A teary theatre director is giving a speech. “If you want to do theatre, Lord Of The R ns, but I’d prefer think again. There’s no jobs, crap pay and I just became unemployed.” Overheard Johnn Depp The Cl sh - ‘C reer Opportun t es’ Tell us secret bout ourself You get chatting to a lady who works in TV. “Like, then I went to I love mus c ls Australia for a year and cleaned toilets and then I like came back here “I’ll just pop into my and got the job.” “How did you get that?” you ask. “Ummm, slept with And f n ll, dos or c ts someone.” “Great.” time machine and it Dos will be fine, right?” T l n He ds - ‘Once In L fet me’ Leaving the careers talk with an armful of forms and leafl ets, a possible (3pm, Market Square) career in McDonalds management doesn’t look on the cards. Yet. katherine spence
Features Editor: Joe Pitt-Rashid Friday February 26th 2010 15 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk FEatuREs Me, Myself and Eye Joe Pitt-Rashid and David Pegg meet feared hack, caustic satirist and respected documentary-maker Ian Hislop Paul Smith
joe pitt-rashid ne shouldn’t kid oneself. Being dull is not really “Oforgivable,” Ian Hislop murmurs, slightly sternly. His office in the Private Eye building is strewn with back issues, newspa- pers, pictorial jokes about Fox News, a piano and, one imagines, an unspeakable volume of unsorted legal papers that have made his life and career anything but dull. The building itself is shabby, run-down and oddly quaint, an appropri- ate setting for the production of Britain’s leading satirical publica- tion – a magazine that has become an institution in its own right, reluctantly adored even by the hacks, politicians and actual institu- tions that it scorns. Despite his busy schedule, Hislop is relaxed and affable – perhaps because it’s Tuesday. “Private Eye is fortnightly”, he tells us, “which is just the most fabulous setup. Origi- nally set up that way by people in the 60s because they were very lazy, whereas for us it works that we get to do other things. Nearly everyone here does something else as well, because I don’t pay them enough. The week accelerates from about Tuesday, and gets worse and worse until Monday, when we go to press. That’s a very hectic day. That’s a day when many of us behave a bit like Gordon Brown.” Whilst studying English at Oxford, which he professes to have “My greatest achievement is that so. “Sometimes I think, what’s In the face of exorbitantly be able to go through, from ‘He’s loved, Hislop began a stint as a it’s still going. Just surviving in the the point? Other times we can expensive libel cases, one wonders more or less God’ to ‘He’s this faggy student journalist. “I interviewed print media I think is pretty good.” sometimes crystallise the debate, what could possibly motivate him. liberal Commie who’s trying to Richard Ingrams, who was Editor Despite the woes of Fleet Street, kick it forwards – and we can Righteous anger? Social justice? destroy the United States’”. of PE then. My mother then saw Private Eye’s sales figures have certainly break stories that nobody “Deep psychological problems, Asked whether he thought an interview with Ingrams in gone from strength to strength in else wants to run.” Good journal- probably. I really don’t like being News Corp was a threat to British which he said he was looking for recent years, with the latest statis- ism or good business? We ask how told what I can and can’t print, well-being, he replied, “Yes, they new blood. So I wrote to him and tics suggesting it’s more widely many times he’s been hauled into that’s partly why I hate the privacy always have been. That’s a fairly said, ‘I’m here and it’s high time read than The Economist (although court. “Oh, I don’t know… 40? 50? thing so much. Getting a note from simple answer. If I defend the BBC, you employed me.’ He said ‘Why I’m not averse to legal action, I’d a lawyer telling me that a story’s people say it’s because you work don’t you send me something?’ so be mad if I was. Most sued man not for public consumption makes for them, but I’ve always defended I started sending him jokes. That’s “[Monday’s] a in Britain? I don’t know anymore, me think that it should be, almost them and I believe in public service how I got my foot in the door and because the libel’s slightly tailed by default.” broadcasting, whatever its faults. sort of… hung around.” very hectic day. off and privacy’s taken over.” He We discuss the coming election, A version of Fox News in Britain With his natural humour and That’s a day is unsurprisingly derisive about and whilst he’s tight-lipped as to is deeply…” he tails off. Would the prolific writing Hislop flourished the UK libel laws. “Libel becomes how he’s voting, he’s adamant that Brits consume it, were it offered? “I at the early Eye, although it was when many of us stupid when you’re stifling scien- he will. “I do think it’s everybody’s have an awful feeling they might. partly down to his friendship with tific debate, free debate and general duty to vote. I get very pompous I’m sorry, I don’t think that badly… comedian and owner Peter Cook behave a bit like public interest, just because a few and shirty about this. Someone It’s not that The Times or Sky that he became editor. “A lot of libel lawyers have become very said it’s as important to vote as it News never do anything good. It’s people thought I shouldn’t take the Gordon Brown.” specialist in persuading judges to is to laugh at your politicians, and the ambition, and the desire to job. A lot of people who thought it close things down.” I do try to get the mix right. I try murder everything else. I like Sky should be theirs. Lots of 40-year- And what about privacy? “What to vote for the party that I think is Plus. It doesn’t mean I think right- old men were very unhappy. And less than Freemasonry Today), the public is interested in isn’t least worst.” His criticism of Labour wing lunatics should be allowed they tried to stop it by taking Peter perhaps due to its humour in other- necessarily the same as the public is surprisingly measured, however. to tell lies, live on air, and then Cook out to lunch. They made the wise bleak times and determination interest, and I totally accept that. “They were just a bit timid. There pretend it’s balance.” classic mistake with Peter, who to confront head-on the forces that What I’m for is a defence that says: was none of that boldness, that His distaste for American media liked lunch, but not food. They can and do restrict other papers. this is information that should bonkers energy. They’ll look back is tempered by a seeming affection all had a huge amount to drink, “The best thing about the Eye is be presented to the wider public and think, ‘Well, we got in, but what for our own. “Britain’s broadcast- especially Peter. He came back to that it’s a club. You can read it and because it affects the way they did we do with it?’” Is this kind of ing is not hugely logical but it has the office, completely forgot what say, ‘I’m not entirely impotent carry out their public life. What’s impotence the cause of Obama’s worked hugely well. A lot of things they’d told him, shook my hand and because my local councillor has the top case in privacy? Oh God, midterm poll wobbles? “Yes, but that you think are part of the said, ‘Welcome aboard!’ So the coup done this’ and write in. We will read it’s Max Mosley being spanked. It’s he wasn’t helped there by massive BBC aren’t. They’re just part of a petered out. And then I sacked it, and get someone to put the boot hard to present a serious face about over-expectation. Yes, everyone culture of quite good broadcasting. them.” in if necessary. For readers that’s the evils of a privacy injunction sang when Blair got in, but they It’s always been dysfunctional, but Hislop has been at the helm very empowering.” He’s enthu- when you’re talking about a man didn’t think he was the Messiah. that’s true of a lot of things that for over two decades now, but he siastic about the Eye’s influence dressing up in a German uniform In America there’s this zigzag of aren’t planned. That’s Britain for prides himself on simple victories. too, although not unrealistically and having his arse paddled.” emotion that the public seems to you, isn’t it?” 16 Friday February 26th 2010 Fash on Ed tors Mat lda Bathurst, Argyro N colaou and Charlo e Wu FAS ION www vars ty co uk fash on@vars ty co uk
Betw n.
Virginia wears blue chinese silk dress: Mook Vintage, blue stockings: American Apparel. Vanessa wears cut-off trousers: Ark Vintage, silk robe and shirt: model’s own. Vita wears coat: Mook Vintage, faux-snakeskin shoes: Ark Vintage. Roger wears knitted jumper: Mook Vintage, tweed scarf: The Old Chemist Shop, jacket and trousers: model’s own. Duncan wears knitted jumper: model’s own, shirt and tie: Ark Vintage, shoes: Mook Vintage. Fash on Ed tors Mat lda Bathurst, Argyro N colaou and Charlo e Wu Friday February 26th 2010 17 fash on@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk FAS ION
The Acts.
Virginia wears blue chinese silk dress: Mook Vintage, blue stockings: American Apparel. Vanessa wears cut-off trousers: Ark Vintage, silk robe and shirt: model’s own. Vita wears coat: Mook Vintage, faux-snakeskin shoes: Ark Vintage. Roger wears knitted jumper: Mook Vintage, tweed scarf: The Old Chemist Shop, jacket and trousers: model’s own. Duncan wears knitted jumper: model’s own, shirt and tie: Ark Vintage, shoes: Mook Vintage. 18 Friday February 26th 2010 Features Ed tor Joe P -Rash d FEATURES www vars ty co uk features@vars ty co uk
Peter Cook verbally there and then. Cook would go on offered to buy the tapes; then offered to buy PEMBROKE, FRENCH AND GERMAN to befriend and form a long-lasting comedy fresh tapes. He was refused both requests. relationship with Dudley Moore, attaining Only eight out of twenty-two episodes remain: “Hitler was a very ou know, I go to the theatre to stardom in Not Only…But Also. The duo a great loss for comedy. LAURIE COOK be entertained. I don’t want to produced long-standing characters Pete and “Ysee plays about rape, sodomy and Dud, the wannabe-prigs whose pseudo- peculiar person drug addiction...I can get all that at home.” intellectual chats were undercut by Fellow comedian Barry Humphries was a satire on the pretence of intel- wasn’t he? He reportedly a little put off by Cook’s apparent ligentsia. In one sketch, The Art disinterest in literature in the arts. Such was Gallery, Pete, with a magiste- Cook’s humour that no sphere of life was left rial air of grandiloquence, was another untouched; no aspect of existence saved from declares that you can know his piercing comic touch. a good painting “if the Peter Cook started his comedy career eyes follow you round the dominator you gracing the stage of the Pembroke Players, room”. in between which he read French and Cook, also sometime know — Hitler. German at the College. By 1960 he’d become owner of Private Eye, head of the Footlights, and was already sadly died in 1995. Seen writing for Kenneth Williams, resulting in now as something of And he was a successful West End show One over the a tragic fi gure, there Eight. Teaming up with Jonathon Miller, is only one thing truly Alan Bennett and Dudley Moore, Cook took tragic about his life. In the a wonderful Beyond the Fringe to the Edinburgh festival; 70s, following their usual now widely accepted as the birth of British practice, the BBC went ballroom satire. In one infamous show Cook, during a erasing the videotapes used particularly near-the-knuckle sketch featur- to record episodes Pete and ing an impression of Prime Minister Harold Dud in order to free up space. dancer.” Macmillan, spotted the PM in the auditorium, Somewhat egocentri- PETER COOK PETER COOK and (legend has it) proceeded to abuse him cally outraged, Cook fi rst
Stephen Fry enough to have seen Fry change. He’s now a QUEENS’, ENGLISH national treasure, perched on his QI throne, not an exciting tephen Fry was my teenage role model. comedian. And fat, ostentatious thirteen-year-old I don’t Send Sreaders of PG Wodehouse fi nd them think hard to come by. He combined just the right level of pomposity and silliness to make me purr. I applied to Cambridge because I thought Fry had trodden a path I could follow – I, like him, was tall, with a big nose and an ability to pull extremely smug faces. Not only in the did I feel this made us soul mates, I also felt like this was at least equivalent to being a member of the Royal Family, and that my place at Cambridge was utterly assured. Luckily, the interviewers ignored how much of a dick I was, and I got in. Now, three years down the line, I think STEPHEN FRY I’ve got some perspective. What I always clowns fi nd interesting is seeing the direct infl u- ence he has had on the current Footlights anyone could claim that A Bit… or Fry’s atmosphere. Particularly in Michaelmas, subsequent output was boundary-pushing for S nce t was establ shed n 1883, the Footl ghts auditionees come in, just as I did, with British comedy, but the effect it’s had on the comedy club has been the tra n ng ground for sketches featuring characters called Footlights in my three years is unquestion- Margery about a smug barber or a weird able. I suppose the question is this: is Fry’s some of Br ta n’s favour te comed ans We put shop owner that feature word play almost comedy old news now, and should we view shamefully reminiscent of A Bit… him merely as the nation’s favourite uncle? together a sma er ng of stars from ts famous The thing is that Fry is perhaps the Maybe. But I still laugh psychotically when I fi rst infl uence many comedians here can watch clips of Fry “dancercising” or talking boards remember having, but we’re also now old about this left nipple, “Sheila”. JAMES MORAN
Emma Thompson and she was a fabulously sympa- runway, and works to publicise NEWNHAM, ENGLISH thetic Sybill Trelawney in those the Helen Barber Founda- glasses. She’s also put her tion for survivors of “Thankfully, t’s the dream of every Cambridge thesp: English degree to mighty gross human right to secure an acting contract one year into fi ne use, adapting violations. She’s Iyour degree. It must have been pretty Austen’s Sense and put her life where there were no special to see Emma Thompson stomping the Sensibility for Ang her sentiment ADC stage, or performing as vice-president Lee, and bagging lies, visiting dogs and no of the Footlights, developing that wry an Oscar in the ActionAid English charm of her own. You can resent process. Female projects in Thompson for her student-romance with fi ction was always South Africa children. The Hugh Laurie, but it’s impossible to resent her a fascination; and adopting for her talent. She, too, struggled with epic Thompson wrote a teenage reading lists and felt overwhelmed by the her dissertation Rwandan gowns were Footlights competition, which inspired her to on George Eliot. refugee, “bloody well practise hard”. It’s now more Tindye- middling.” Thompson is the quietly comedic Footlight, common to hear bwa, in 2003. EMMA THOMPSON known more for her serious acting than her Thompson’s name Still, when comedy. A sketch series for BBC bombed, related to charity she speaks, the and Thompson never glanced back to her work than the silver comedy remains; Footlights style. She broke your heart during screen. A Greenpeace EMMA THOMPSON giving advice to the was adamant that they “should not go out that lonely breakdown which made Love activist, she’s pioneered girls of Newnham in a with a rower. They never have the energy for Actually the darkest Richard Curtis comedy, against the third Heathrow past Pudding Seminar, she anything else.” ABIGAIL DEAN Features Ed tor Joe P -Rash d Friday February 26th 2010 19 features@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk FEATURES
Ma hew Holness swiftly gained a cult following. A spin-off comic talents around, Holness is also one of Dav d M tchell TRINITY HALL, ENGLISH followed, Man to Man with Dean the most underrated. For a chance to PETERHOUSE, HISTORY Learner, in which Ayoade inter- see him, he is currently doing hose of you already familiar with the viewed a different comic live performances as his here are more important things,” name Matthew Holness will probably character every week, character Merriman Weir, said David Mitchell during his Trecognise it for one of two reasons: as demonstrating both an atypical folk singer, “T Desert Island Discs interview, the IT guy from The Offi ce, or the creator Holness’ exception- and will shortly “than being cool.” After years of performing of Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, one of ally versatile comic be appearing in at the Edinburgh Fringe, writing freelance the most signifi cant cult comedy series of acting and his Ricky Gervais and appearing in sub-par sketches, Mitchell’s the past decade. At Cambridge, Holness ability to spoof and Stephen role as uptight and socially awkward pessi- studied English at Trinity Hall and was vice- anything from Merchant’s new mist Mark Corrigan in Sam Bain and Jesse president of the Footlights during Richard racing drivers fi lm Cemetery Armstrong’s hilarious cult hit Peep Show Ayoade’s year as president. His subject to celebrity Junction. Of raised him out of obscurity – and was where makes it befi tting that his biggest comic mediums. In course, as would his self-depreciation, deadpan cleverness and creation is an author, the “dream weaver addition to these be expected from bank manager’s haircut could come into their and visionary” Garth Marenghi. Holness credits, Holness a talented Cantab, own. fi rst took this character to the Fringe in has also appeared Holness is not Also starring is his close friend and 2000 and was nominated for the Perrier in Channel 4’s limited to comedy comedy partner, Robert Webb. The two have Award, which he won the following year Free Agents and and has also had for another show based around the horror- Armando Iannucci’s work published, from writer. This success spawned Darkplace, a Time Trumpet. If these MATTHEW HOLNESS short horror story collec- spoof of low-budget 80s programming that credits are alien to you, tions to pieces for Black proved a showcase for talented Cantabs it will be due to the fact that Static magazine. CHLOE MASHITER “Isn’t it just the such as Ayoade and Alice Lowe, which whilst being one of the greatest usual dead eyed R chard Ayoade “Maybe if men fucking ST CATHARINE’S, LAW dead eyed yoade is one of those sickening people everyone who’d who seem to excel at everything to which Athey turn their hand. ever been close women in a The London-born comic, best known for his role as the bumbling, endearingly oblivi- ous computer nerd Moss in Channel 4’s The to you had desperate world IT Crowd, got his start during his time at Cambridge, where he acted as the President of pain?” of the Footlights from 1997 to 1998. After died, you’d be graduating, he won the 2001 Perrier Award for DAVID MITCHELL DAVID MITCHELL co-writing and performing in Garth Marenghi’s sarcastic.” Netherhead with Matthew Holness at the MATTHEW HOLNESS Fringe, and later broke into television when, in 2004, Channel 4 picked up the off-kilter Garth worked together ever since Webb saw Mitch- Marenghi’s Darkplace. Despite poor viewing ell performing sketches when at Cambridge fi gures, the programme soon garnered a cult “An original and asked him if they could put on a two-man following and helped to establish Ayoade as one show. of the channel’s key comedic actors. Since then, The Salisbury-born, Abingdon-educated he has also played the role of the eccentric idea. That can’t Mitchell knew how diffi cult it would be to shaman/DJ Saboo in two series of The Mighty make a living from comedy when he left Boosh. Comedy, however, is not the only outlet be too hard. Cambridge in 1996. (He had crammed and for his mercurial talents. In the past few years, scraped a II.2 in history; as a Footlights he has directed music videos; particularly president, academic work had inevitably worth a look is his recent video to Yeah Yeah The library taken a back seat.) In an apparent, anxious attempt to retain the conditions of the penury present earlier on in their partner- must be full of ship, he still writes with Webb in the “Well, it’s bedroom of his Kilburn ex-council fl at that he shares with a lodger. HELEN YOUNG RICHARD AYOADE them.” impossible STEPHEN FRY to define, N ck Mohammed Quarters (repeated during March this year), and played with CUMS for two terms MAGDALENE, GEOPHYSICS received rave reviews and he is currently before stopping because of rehearsals clash- despite what recording his second series, Nick Moham- ing with the Smokers. TOM BECKER Nick studied for an undergraduate degree med In Bits, to be aired in Autumn. He has in Geophysics at St Aiden’s College, performed as part of the lead ensemble in dictionaries University of Durham, where the Durham BBC comedies Horne & Corden and Reggie Revue failed to give him a place for two Perrin and is currently fi lming new BBC would have us years running. However, after starting a Three comedy The King Is Dead, along- PhD in Geophysics at Magdalene College, side fellow Footlights Simon Bird and Cambridge in 2003, he became involved Jonny Sweet. He also appeared in the believe.” with the Footlights and featured in the tour double-BAFTA-nominated sketch show, RICHARD AYOADE show Beyond A Joke (2004) and assistant Sorry, I’ve Got No Head and recently directed Under The Blue, Blue Moon (2005). performed at the Royal Albert Hall in Nick has also performed several solo shows aid of the Teenage Cancer Trust. Yeahs’ ‘Heads Will Roll’. He has also forged an at the Fringe, including Back In Town Since the age of fourteen, Nick especially strong relationship with the Arctic Again: - Waltzing out of town (2005), The has been a member of the Northern Monkeys, directing three videos and even their Forer Factor (2006), 4uarters (2007), Nick Magic Circle and became President of 2007 live DVD, At The Apollo. Mohammed Is A Character Comedian Bradford Magic Circle for 2008/09 with The pace of Ayoade’s output shows no signs (2008) and Apollo 21 (2009). During his whom he still performs professionally. of relenting in the near future. He is currently Fringe solo show in 2005, Nick was spotted Nick is also a talented musician, playing busy directing his fi rst feature fi lm, Submarine and signed by his current agent, one of three violin and piano since he was nine. He NICK MOHAMMED - for which, obviously, he wrote the screenplay audience members on the day. played with the University Orchestra at himself - and will soon commence fi lming of the Nick Mohammed’s debut Radio 4 series, Durham, conducted Durham Hill Orchestra fourth series of The IT Crowd. DONALD FUTERS 20 Friday February 26th 2010 Arts Editors: Alice Hancock and Lara Prendergast Arts www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] The Artist’s Manifesto it is often said that great art arises out of dark times but how have dictators manipulated, controlled, used or even simply ignored the arts? Varsity writers dig into dicatorships from all over the world and across the political spectrum China
hink of art and communist dictator- used traditional forms, like the popular ship, and it doesn’t take long for yangko plays, or the Chairman’s own poems, Tcertain images to spring to mind: big, widely distributed (and naturally adored) in block-colour propaganda posters, and the his home country. singing of hearty revolutionary songs. Both Not only was censorship rigorously were of course widespread in China under enforced, the Cultural Revolution (1966- Mao. 1976) held as one of its explicit aims Yet the relationship between art and the the destruction of ‘Old Culture’. This dictatorship was arguably deeper and more entailed everything from the destruction theoretical in China than in Russia. As early of centuries-old temples and mosques, to as 1942 Mao had expressed his views in the suppression or destruction of classical his Forum on Literature and Art: art was writings by figures such as Confucius. It was either capitalist (bad) or proletarian (good), meant to be a clean break – China’s incred- and the function of the good sort should be ibly rich pre-revolutionary artistic heritage to “educate” the people, and “obliterate” was seen as contaminated and worthless. the enemy. Thus all art was to be entirely The long-term effects of such a drastic move subservient to the theories of Marx, Lenin have yet to be fully understood. and Mao himself. This was true even if it Paul MerChant
noRth KoRea ll In the Name of Art. 1978. South art (for which ‘landscape’ is a recently- Korean film director Shin Sang-ok approved subject), if one is not chosen to Ais bundled onto a ship leaving be ‘sent to work’ in the hinterland, one from Hong Kong’s docks. It is destined will spend the rest of one’s life producing for Pyongyang, Democratic People’s artworks glorifying the Leader and his Republic of Korea. On arrival, Kim regime. Jong-il, Supreme Leader proudly reveals In every room, on every floor, of his vast VHS collection: many thousands every building in North Korea, there of Hong Kong action films, several copies is a portrait of Kim, and his father Kim of each James Bond, and taking pride of Il-sung. Direct sunlight must not hit place, Rambo. Shin is told he has access to the portraits, nor must they be defaced $2.5 million to make movies for the Dear in any way. Frequent floods afflicting Leader. The result: the Socialist Godzilla North Korean countryside have killed masterpiece, Pulgasari. many thousands of workers; it has been As for fine art, a strict programme must claimed that many of the deaths can be be followed by aspiring artists in DPRK. attributed to people trying to save their After around a decade in a Fine Art portraits from getting wet. All In the University, in which one is taught various Name of Art. techniques for producing Socialist Realist anDrew SPyrou
Soviet RuSSia rt is just a word”. Perhaps. But for tradition, to a portrait of Lenin made from “A Soviet Russia it became an envelope human hair. Not merely aesthetic interest, for messages of love, respect and thanks to but desire to show gratitude and to ignite Soviet leaders and socialism itself. some sense of intimacy with their lauded Now displayed in a vast exhibition, gifts leaders drove such excessive creations of sent from Russian workers countrywide patriotic art. to their leaders range from intricately Not dictated then, but empowered, decorated china to dolls made in the local workers’ gifts of local craft served to raise katherine spence their profile to the eyes of those dictat- ing their lives. Minute patriotic details on teacups of industriously farming peasants reveal how such art succeeded to qualify firstly for this sense of connection between uganda worker and leader, and later to achieve national display. It is the emphasis and rt, like the rest of Uganda, suffered Amin Dada: A Self Portrait displaying glorification of the everyday, and the immensely under Idi Amin Dada’s the dictator in all his jocular barbarity. public’s ‘dictation’ of these gifts of art, Adictatorship. A large number of Candidly showing Amin’s military in action, it that demarcates such art from that of a respected members of the Ugandan art appeared in two cuts; a shorter one for release regular gallery. Always an ambiguous community moved to Nairobi. Two Ugandan in Uganda and an extended version for global category, art being valued here through artists, Henry Lutalo Lumu and David release. Amin, displeased with the extended love not materiality, awarded it an agency Kibuuka, refined batik art (textile based art version, forced Schroeder to make additional utilised by the workers that leaders had that uses resist-dyeing techniques) here, cuts by holding 200 French citizens hostage. no reason to condemn. Furthermore, these paving the way for the Modern Batik style. After Amin’s fall from power, Ugandan art artworks being given everyday importance Government sanctioned art was the only began to blossom again, albeit with a politi- engineered a sense of debt on the part of artistic form that flourished under Amin. cal focus; contemporary Ugandan artists are the leaders, thus throwing into question the In 1974, French director Barbet Schroeder currently campaigning for more recognition solidity of Soviet dictatorship. created a documentary film General Idi for the Gulu holocaust. Deborah Farquhar Cottia thorowgooD Arts Ed tors Al ce Hancock and Lara Prendergast Friday February 26th 2010 21 arts@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk ARTS
GERMANY Through the guidance of Goebbels, the Reich Culture Chamber exploited all forms nder Hitler’s Nazi dictatorship, of art and culture to strengthen the Third brutal censorship was imposed. Reich and purify the nation. From fi lms UHowever, culture and artistic and posters, to the neoclassical Olympic expression did fi nd an outlet as they merged stadium complex, all emphasised the with political aims and became part of the superiority of the Aryan race. Modern art Nazi propaganda machine. was out, classicism and romantic realism was in. Paintings were to explore The Art st’s Man festo KATHERINE SPENCE Nazi values of militarism and racial It s often sa d that great art ar ses out of dark t mes but how have d ctators man pulated controlled used or even purity, depicting traditional pastoral scenes and themes of childbearing. s mply gnored the arts Vars ty wr ters d g nto d catorsh ps from all over the world and across the pol t cal spectrum Art was utilised to portray Jewish people as inhuman and inferior, while Nazi fi lm The Eternal Jew followed maps showing the migrations of Jews with scenes of teeming rats. Jazz music was banned, but the music of composers like Wagner that alluded to Germany’s heroic past was sanctioned. Meanwhile painters such as Conrad Hommel and the sculptors Arno Breker and Josef Thorak were endorsed by the Nazi regime. As an offi cial artist, some of Thorak’s pieces reached sixty-fi ve feet, emblematic of the attempted grandeur of a regime Hitler prophesised would last 1,000 years. AURORA HORWOOD
IRAQ
n 1958 there were only three sculptures helmets adorn the structure’s two support- in existence in Iraq’s capital, two of ing plinths. Grafting his image onto Iraq’s Iwhich were swiftly destroyed in the cultural landscape, the Hands of Victory revolution. By the end of the Baathist dicta- were modelled on casts of the dictator’s own torship Baghdad was full of monuments. The forearms and contains an impression of his most prominent of these are known as the thumb on one of the arches. Hands of Victory. Saddam Hussein’s micromanagement The triumphal arch, the ultimate emblem of of monument development in Baghdad imperialist architectural propaganda in use provides a window into his mind, refl ecting since the time of Caesar, was commissioned to his totalitarian attitudes to the exploita- celebrate Iraq’s victory over Iran. Completed tion of national art in order to consolidate in 1986, two years before the war fi nally his public image. The invitation card to the ended in a stalemate, the monument is a monument’s opening ceremony in 1989 said: virtuosic example of how art under dictator- “The worst condition is for a person to pass ship can become complicit in mythologising under a sword that is not his own or to be the history of a regime. The monument’s forced down a road that is not willed by him.” 140 foot long blades are composed of metal A sentiment echoed perhaps by many artists from the guns and tanks of Iraqi soldiers and individuals who lived under Saddam. killed in the war, whilst fi ve thousand Iranian OLIVIA CRELLIN
ITALY its propagation, accepting election to the he Futurists were a movement Italian Academy in 1929. Many Futurists dedicated to modernity: industriali- dreamed of a state-sponsored art which Tsation, urbanisation and the power would help revolutionise decaying Italian of machinery. They glorifi ed the strong society, but increasingly their artistic vision elements in society at the expense of the confl icted with Mussolini’s conservative weak. An excerpt from their manifesto political ideals, and some suffered consider- (1909) runs: “We will glorify war – the able repression. JESSICA KING world’s only hygiene...and contempt for woman.” Many stress the link between Futurism and Mussolini’s Fascist party, which Futurism’s founder Marinetti helped create when they merged in 1919 (though a number of revisionist historians are these days questioning this traditional assump- tion, arguing that many Futurists were ZIMBABWE disabused of their love of machines by their experience of WWI, going on to found the n 2007 the Harare International as the lifeless actors were carried offstage, ‘Vorticists’). Festival of the Arts staged a daring which then changed to Tracy Chapman’s Whatever the case, much of the art and Irebellion against Zimbabwean oppres- ‘Talkin’ Bout a Revolution’. The Master of architecture commissioned by Mussolini sion. Taking the form of a danse macabre, Ceremonies addressed the audience in a was distinctly ‘futurist’ in style; in 1926 he men dressed in dark suits and sporting grim mockery of Mugabe’s addresses, saying: defi ned the creation of a ‘fascist art’ that glasses attacked a group of young actors in “Tonight I am your leader. I will tolerate no would be based on a cultural synthesis as it a moving and disturbing enactment of the opposition.” was politically “traditionalistic and at the murders executed under Mugabe. People During the festival, more anti-government same time modern”. Nowhere was this link shouted “March 11” from the back of the uprising characterised Zimbabwe. The more evident than on October 28th 1932 group, alluding to the savage attacks carried police mistakenly believed rumours about an at the Exhibition of the Fascist Revolu- out on opposition activists. This attracted an ‘Orange Revolution’, beating and maiming tion, which the government alleged was so audience of 6,000 exhilarated supporters. street vendors they suspected to be selling popular it was repeated in 1933 and 1934. Music played a vital part. A sultry female poison citrus in a ploy to bring down the Marinetti continued to play a key role in Boccioni’s ‘unique forms of continuity in space’ singer sang ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’ government. CONNIE SCOZZARO 22 Friday February 26th 2010 Arts Ed tors Al ce Hancock and Lara Prendergast FEATURES www vars ty co uk arts@vars ty co uk
Arts Comment Classics Revisited
‘Be ut ’ s ll ver well but where At the end of the nineteenth LARA PRENDERGAST century, when industrialisation h s the ‘Honest ’ n rt one had reached a critical point, an art movement emerged instigated by ‘Honesty’ – don’t hear much of new iPhone. That lower case ‘i’, so particularly bad William Morris. The Arts and her these days. ‘Beauty’, well, she eminent in today’s society. You think at promoting this Craft Movement advocated crops up frequently. We’re reminded it stands for individual. Look around idea. The result honest use of materials, Ariel Dorfman how lucky we are that our culture you. iPod. You pod. He pods too. We of this attitude traditional craftsmanship Death and the Maiden is graced by her. The ‘It girl’ of art all bloody pod. though will be and economic reform. If (1990) is among us. A new Renaissance is This is why we need honesty back. our own devolu- our country is going to dawning. Unfortunately though, To give us a sense of dignity. To tion. Eventually regain its dignity in the Powerful responses to dictator- ‘Beauty’ has become horribly remind us that we don’t have to be so a point will be art world, we all need to ships often emerge afterwards, standardised. She used to be an orthodox. Conformity has replaced reached where have the courage to rely as a harrowed society searches ephemeral, abstract concept. Now consciousness, but the positive spin anything creative has on ourselves a bit more. Art for answers. In the aftermath she’s just a photoshoped image tells us the world’s in order. So how to be out-sourced. Even students need to be taught how of the Pinochet regime, Paulina, on the cover of your favourite do we restore our dignity? Simply Britain’s artists seem to be to draw, not how to replicate the a former dissident, meets the magazine. She’s concrete, and what’s revive our ability to make good losing the ability to use their hands. abstract expressionists. Children genial Roberto. She recognises more, she’s conformist. quality products on our own turf. Since Andy Warhol, the idea of the need to be taught how to sew and his voice as that of the man who This isn’t an article about the Human evolution has been factory has allowed artists to get knit, and that mass-consumerism had raped her in captivity. She status of women in our over-sexed away with all manner of crimes. will never be an effective way of captures him, binds him to a society. It’s one about ‘Honesty’ and During the nineteenth century, a mending a jumper. We could all do chair, and symbolically places her demise in British art, design and “iPod. You pod. similar situation arose. Ever more well from learning how to grow a him on trial, manipulating and manufacturing. If there’s one thing preoccupied with prefabrication few vegetables. torturing him in the hope of the arts can do, it’s narrate a story He pods too. We and mass production, society had This may seem backwards. But extracting a written confession about the condition of society. And virtually annihilated the merit of the we’ve digested so much force-fed of his crimes. what does our art say about us? That all bloody pod.” individual as craftsman. And now, ‘Beauty’ we no longer know what the The play refuses to endorse we’re distinctly anti-enlightened. one century down the line, our ethics term really means. The hyper-refi ned, Paulina’s behaviour – we are We’ve whored ourselves out to linked to our ability to use tools. and our aesthetics still need to be media obsessed ‘Beauty’ can step aside never sure Roberto is guilty. the mass-produced object. We’re But nowadays, a career in any questioned. The ethical concerns of for the time being. We need the more Dictatorships are appalling but sluts for a quick fi x, whether it be sort of craft is seen as an inferior mass production get a lot of cover- earthly ‘Honesty’ to remind us of our life after them can be worse. Sacchi’s latest artist, another badly option. It is the unintelligent age these days. And rightly so. But ability to pick up a pencil, trowel or GEORGE REYNOLDS made dress from Topshop or the choice. Cambridge students are what about the aesthetical ones? needle and put our hands to good use.
FOOD & DRINK The Bodybuilder Diet Rosie’s Diet Plan
HELEN MACKREATH Th s wee, Ros e Corner puts three s nn fr ends on h h-prote n d et Behold the results
d! It’s half eight, didn’t exactly play by the book: six here’s an excerpt from his daily I’ve brought your meals turned into eight and they diet plan: “Ebreakfast.” did add sauce to the admittedly “10:30 a.m. is my fi rst meal I have “Urghhhhhhhhhhaaaarghhhh- vile Sainsbury’s chicken fi llet. Part 3/4 cup of grits (??) with cheese and hhh! Yeah cool.” of me felt truly cruel for forcing 2 cups of egg whites. I have my “Right, the eggs are in the only Sainsbury’s basics tuna and BSN Nitrix before this meal about kitchen and your packed lunch is in salmon on three growing boys who 6 tablets, after I eat my fi rst meal I the fridge. I’m going to the UL but just wanted to ‘get big’, but they have 6 BSN Betalin capsules, I wait I’ll see you later to give you your did sign up for it. about 2 hours and before I work out tea.” Ultimately the I have 3 scoops of NO Explode… “What!? We have to make them aim was to create I’m a single guy who lives alone ourselves? You said last night you three Ronnie so I tend to clean up around my were making all the meals!” Coleman look-a-likes house from time to time, I wash “I’ve made you fi ve (pictured) but a day clothes, wash the dishes, sweep and meals Ed! If you of almost pure protein mop the fl oors. A lot of my time is Tough men, tender steaks. like I’ll put and not a single spent eating and driving to eat, not the eggs steroid can’t including the workout so my day is Meal 1: 1 x hard boiled egg. on to boil possibly make still very full.” 2 x fried egg whites. before anyone An in depth analysis of Ronnie’s 1000mg fl axseed oil. I go. that beef. day reveals a disappointing truth: If you Though, Ronnie Coleman spends almost his Meal 2: 1 x can of tuna. don’t of entire waking life eating, driving 1000mg fl axseed oil. have course, to places to eat and working out. your eggs Mr. The average Cambridge student Meal 3: 2 x 6 oz chicken breasts. now your Coleman spends their life working, cycling 200g wholewheat pasta. fi rst meal of the is pure, to places to eat and working out 1000mg fl axseed oil. day’ll be a can of natural how much of the nation’s money tuna.” muscle; they have wasted by skipping Meal 4: 4 oz steak And so the day of their morning lectures. Students the bodybuilder diet simply can’t get big; there just Meal 5: 8 oz steamed salmon and salad. challenge began; aren’t enough hours in the day. three boys, six meals Instead why not eat your salmon Meal 6: 1 x hard boiled egg. and four times the with sauce, have your steak with 2 x fried egg whites. recommended daily onion rings and swap the bedtime 1000mg fl axseed oil/a protein shake. intake of fl axseed protein shake for mug of Horlicks? F nger, leg, torso-l ck n good oil. The boys Pumping iron. Grrr. Yeah buddy. Rev ews and L st ngs Ed tor Dav d Pegg Friday February 26th 2010 23 revews@varstycouk wwwvarstycouk LISTINGS
Listings Pick of the Week PAUL LABELLE Camerata Musica: Pinchas Zukerman PETERHOUSE COLLEGE, MON 20:30 £5/15/30 Double Grammy Award-winning violinist Pinchas Zuker- man performs with the Zukerman Chamber Players. He has recorded over 100 works, studied at the Juilliard School, worked with Itzhak Perlman, and currently tutors at the prestigious Manhattan School of Music. Students hoping for a ticket must enter a ballot at: admin@camerata- music.org.uk. Don’t expect just to waltz up on the night.
Music Talks Film & Nightlife Theatre Arts & Events From Paris with Love S turd Febru r 27th The Merchant of Venice On o n Exh b t ons Fr d Febru r 26th VUE, DAILY 11:50, 14:10, 16:30, 18:45, 21:00 EXCEPT Messiaen’s Quartet for the ADC THEATRE, FRI SAT 19.45 £7/9 Modernism and Utopia The Moving Image: WEEKEND 16:30, 18:45, 21:00 . FRI, SAT AND WED 23:20 End of Time Caustic Shakespeare CHURCHILL COLLEGE, SAT £50 Reconfiguring Spaces of A reinvention of the Pick BATEMAN AUDITORIUM, CAIUS COLLEGE, 13:15 FREE Pick sets 1930s Venice If you’ve got fi fty pounds to throw good cop/bad cop Loss and Mourning in the of the Iconoclast and synaes- of the alight, as Mussolini’s away and too much time on your scenario. Instead we 21st Century week Pick thete, Messiaen was week sphere presides over hands then these illustrated talks have straightlaced, of the MILL LANE LECTURE ROOMS, 20:00 £15 Film inspired to write this Theatre the trading of pounds of might just be for you. The event by-the-book cop and week This CRASSH lecture examines piece by the birdsong fl esh and lovers’ hearts. will be introduced by Lutz Becker, manic, unhinged cop sporting a Music the aesthetic treatment of mourn- he heard in a prisoner- More brutal than a bad episode of the man responsible for the dodgy ing and bereavement in fi lm, and kooky facial hair number (John Modern Times exhibition at of-war camp during the The Apprentice. how celluloid can communicate grief Travolta has got to keep up with Second World War. An excellent Kettle’s Yard, and it will last all day. the kids somehow). as well as psychoanalytical accounts example of the composer’s utterly of familial loss. So depressing you singular style. Netsuke: Japanese Art in The Crazies Miniature can almost hear the Radiohead VUE CINEMAS, 12:00, 14:20, 16:50, 19:10, 21:30. WEEKEND FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM, 23 FEB 30 MAY FREE echoing off these very words. ALSO 09:50 AND FRI, SAT AND WED 23:50 Orff, Beethoven, Albinoni, Run-of-the-mill small town America and Mozart This small exhibi- Pick tion brings together Mond M rch 1st gets a reinvigoriating dose of GREAT ST MARY’S, 19:30 £7/12 of the Roughly Translated – Anne psychotic insanity. Neighbours, Christ’s College Music Society week 200 superb examples friends and family all join in this perform Orff’s Carmina Burana, of netsuke – a form Enright Arts RYLANDS ROOM, KING’S COLLEGE, 17:30 18:30 £5/7 murdering tour de force. And which with fi ve percussionists and of miniature sculp- The novelist discusses how we people say suburban life is dull. two choirs, should be as much a ture originating in visual spectacle as a sonic 17th-century Japan. These often communicate experience verbally, Leap Year one. Beethoven’s Fidelio elaborately carved items were focusing on how this affects our VUE CINEMAS,11:00 Overture, Albinoni’s designed to function as ‘toggles’ for ideas of what constitutes ‘self’ and EXCEPT WEEKEND , ‘home’. 13:20, 15:50, 18:10, 20:30. Concerto for Two the silk cords upon which Japanese FRI, SAT AND WED 22:50 Oboes, and Mozart’s men strung their pipes, purses or So a woman is only Tuesd M rch 2nd 38th Symphony writing implements. Systems Biology: What allowed to propose also appear. to her boyfriend Glitz and Glamour General Principles rule our on a leap day? Sund Febru- CAMBRIDGE COUNTY AND FOLK MUSEUM, 25 FEB Genes? 18 MAR FREE Amy Adams does r 28th Medics Review: The Pick WINSTANLEY LECTURE THEATRE, Why not welcome some sparkle into TRINITY COLLEGE, 18:15 FREE her best to show of the Cambridge Exorcyst a grey winter day by visiting this Dr Sarah Teichmann that feminism really ADC THEATRE, FRI SAT 23.00 £4/6 week University fun accessories exhibition? Featur- from the Laboratory is dead. Heads will rotate. Events Chinese ing a range of accessories and of Molecular Biology The Lovely Bones Orchestra: Prelude “Wit” adornments from the early Victo- delivers this enlightening talk. VUE CINEMAS, DAILY 11.20, 15:20 21:20. FRI SAT AND CORPUS PLAYROOM, FRI SAT 19.00 £5/6 rian era onwards. This exhibition is More importantly, refreshments THU ALSO 18:20 to Spring WEST ROAD CONCERT HALL, 19:30 £7/9 a must see for all you magpies out provided. Peter Jackson overdoses on CGI Dying John Donne scholar faces up there! in this tragic tale of a murdered The society’s annual concert, mixing to her own life’s end. No man is an Wednesd M rch 3rd 14 year old girl who continues to Chinese and Western instruments island, but it looks like some women tune into life on earth. Heaven is, and tonalities. Features the well- might be. ‘Love & Revolution’ known Butterfl y Lovers Violin Reading group: with apparently, a tree in a cornfi eld. I The Bald Prima Donna must say I had higher hopes. Concerto by Chen Gang and He Raymond Geuss WEST ROAD CONCERT HALL, FRI SAT 21.30 £5/6 Zhan-hao as well as various adapta- RYLANDS ROOM, KING’S COLLEGE, 17:30 18:30 £5/7 Aliens in the Attic tions of traditional songs. The Fletcher Player Freshers take Philosopher Raymond Geuss on Ionesco’s parody of absolutely VUE CINEMAS, SAT AND SUN 10.10 discusses three short works by Matrix spoof fi ghting scenes with a Caius Jazz: Nigel Hitchcock bloody everything. Celan (A Conversation in the and Ralph Salmins granny and her cane? Hilarity. Scatpack Mountains), Büchner (Lenz) CAIUS COLLEGE BAR, 20:30 £3 and Kafka (Excursions into the For those of a funky persuasion, a ADC THEATRE, TUES 23.00 £5/6 MicMacs Sleek and sexy as that Rat Pack Mountains). All are welcome, even ARTS PICTUREHOUSE,FRI 11:45 16:20 18:50 21:15. SAT 11:15 set by these prolifi c session legends. those of you not especially inter- 15:50 18:20 20:45. SUN 16:20 18:50 21:15. MON 11:45 16:20 Saxophonist Hitchcock has played themselves, Cambridge’s newest a 18:50 21:20. TUE 12:00 14:10 18:50 21:15. WED 11:00 15:50 capella group promise to grind this ested in mountains. 18:50 21:15. THU 11:45 16:20 19:15 21:15 with Ray Charles, James Brown, From the director of Amélie, Kylie (!) and others, while drummer one night stand to dust. Or to mass off-beat weird is taken to whole hysteria, at least. Thursd M rch 4th Salmins has recorded for over an Fundraising Football new levels as a man miraculously hundred movies. Sounds like a Footlights Spring Revue survives a bullet to the head. groove party workout! Formal! 2010: People Watching PEMBROKE COLLEGE, 19:30 £10/12 ADC THEATRE, TUE THU 19.45 £6/8 Wednesd Febru r 24th Life Drawing In March, the Street Child World Beverley Kills It’s here. It. Is. Here. The big Lent Cup will take place in South Africa, comedy event says that God has THE SHOP, 26 FEB £2/4 PORTLAND ARMS, 20:00 £5 Following their wicked cool Skins- ahead of the Football World Cup. Cambridge’s all-female bubblegum been watching you, and he is hugely esque part towards the beginning Help raise money to support this punk assault get ready to demolish unimpressed; in fact, he’s had of term, this Friday the Cambridge worthy cause by getting utterly the Portland. (That joke is OK now enough. Tickets are like gold dust; Architecture Society will explore irreparably trashed at Pembroke. because the Portland isn’t actually if you can’t get one, just head for the artistic potential of human skin. Thank God for charity. Reserve going to be demolished anymore.) confession instead. tickets in advance.
TO HAVE SOMETHING LISTED ON THESE PAGES, E MAIL DAVID PEGG AT LISTINGS VARSITY.CO.UK BY NO LATER THAN MONDAY ON THE WEEK OF PUBLICATION. 24 Friday February 26th 2010 Reviews Editor: David Pegg REVIEWS www vars ty co uk [email protected]
MUSIC Boxed In PAUL SMITH more focused on enlivening their live sound, having brought along a brass section, the Blackjack Horns, enriching the gravitas of songs such as ‘Wall of Arms’. Another unexpected addition to the usual Maccabees’ fare was their bouncy cover of Orange Juice’s ‘Rip It Up’. While the music was spasmodi- cally good, drama was lacking. The Bicycles’ Jack Steadman hop-danced in front of the mike in a manner only superseded by The Week 7: The Bubble Bees’ Orlando Weeks’ awkward shuffl e-step. Another (incidental) note of sameness: both these front- f Celebrity Big Brother is men were sporting unforgiving Heat, The Bubble is The pudding-basin barnets and white ISpectator. Like its middle- t-shirts. Yet by the middle of The shelf bredrin, it involves three Maccabees’ set crowdsurfi ng was celebrities spending four days rife. This energy did seem a little in a media-free zone. The trio out of kilter with the sounds being are then brought into the studio produced; ‘Toothpaste Kisses’ and shown a variety of media lends itself more to waltzing than snippets. If the cuttings and clips moshing. were about their own experi- There’s noth ng l ke a n ght of wh te-boy nd e Amongst this unvaried white- ences over the last four days and boy indie rock amassed by NME, if Davina McCall were fl ashing there is much that is good, her silky bob around the studio, but nothing truly great. Their t’would be familiar territory. No ltern tive? moments, when they come, are the Instead, the contestants take more rewarding for having been myriad titbits and sort the true absent before but they are followed from the forged. At no point did fl ower, it’s trampled on the ground, highlight of the night. by lengthy longueurs. These bands the producers fall into the trap NME Shockwaves Tour it reminds me of who you used The ten sprightly young men are not new and their audiences of reviewing the panel’s stint in CORN EXCHANGE to be” verging dangerously close that constitute Bombay Bicycle know and love them, which is not isolation – fi shing for calumny to hormonally-charged teenage Club and The Maccabees do what to be disparaged. But this is not and confl ict. And there’s a while poetry. Despite some fl eeting they do well, but they haven’t much what we have come to expect from to go before they have to worry moments of prettiness, The Drums’ more to offer on stage than they the NME tour, which has managed, about running out of willing, he NME know how to cater Cure-lite sound failed to excite do on record in terms of excite- previously, to air exciting new acts legitimately eminent names. to their audience. Beneath all but the youngest audience ment. What energy there was came alongside little-known but diverse It’s like seeing yourself at the Tthe projector screens adver- members. courtesy of their enthusiastic, support bands. A few glimpses of end of term when we leave our tising the new Skins series, the Looking just about as waster- almost entirely teenage audience, ephemeral brilliance, but lacking very own Cambridge ‘Bubble’ to Corn Exchange was fi lled with a ish as a band arriving onstage who knew all the lyrics to every- otherwise. LAURIE TUFFREY & ELEANOR have ‘real world’ friends tell us crowd of expectant Topman-clad to Cypress Hill’s ‘I Want To Get thing. The Bicycles were received CARELESS gossip and play us songs that are, teens elated at the prospect of High’ can, The Big Pink’s waves of with a cacophony of screams; the apparently, all the rage. Often seeing their favourite Topman-clad static and rock star posturing were Maccabees even more rapturously. we feign familiarity, sometimes indie rockers. an immediate improvement . The The effect was uplifting, even if we let slip that we’ve been in Things admittedly started band’s ear-serration tactics turned you are one of those who don’t a ‘Bubble’ of dissertations and badly. The Drums seemed on a the set into a continuous wall know all the lyrics. Melodic art-pop pub chat for eight weeks, but we mission to incorporate every- of noise from beginning to end, hooks in songs such as Bicycle always believe whatever comes thing bad about indie into one the gaps between songs stitched Club’s ‘Always Like This’ spin out our way. Hoxton-cropped, skinny-jeaned together by decibel-wrenching their ‘distinctive’ sheet The whole thing is really quite half-hour set. Emerging into a feedback. Undoubtedly the set of sound over the diffi cult. Currently, splayed single spotlight, frontman Jonathan highlight was the majestic ‘Velvet’, quiet bass. across my desk is an image Pierce’s peacock posing would have though ‘Too Young To Love’ was When they cycle of Precious starlet Mo’Nique made Vince Noir blush, a situation transformed into a feedback- off on a tangent, BBC took proudly fl ashing her hairy legs at only made worse by his terrible drenched deafener, with Robbie some surprising revolutions, the Golden Globes. Were I sitting groovy-dad dance moves... Taken Furze’s vocal barely cutting like a brief middle eight in in the studio, I know I’d think it out of the studio and set on stage through Milo Cordell’s pierc- ‘Emergency Contracep- a Photoshop job. The stories last the bare-bones arrangements ing sample snatches. A euphoric tion Blues’, but such week were tricky. Thomas the exposed Pierce’s regrettable lyrics, version of single ‘Dominos’ closed moments were fl eeting. Tank Engine series giving our with lines like “I see a beautiful a set that may well have been the The Maccabees were PAUL SMITH favourite automotive a gay friend for PC purposes? Alan Sugar winning a diplomatic poll of the Thee Silver Mt. Zion This approach does especially Lightspeed Champion territory, the choir booming “Oh sexiest gent in the House of Memorial Orchestra well on propulsive standout ‘I LIFE IS SWEET! NICE TO MEET YOU just stop complaining!” being a Lords? Penelope Keith bitten by KOLLAPS TRADIXIONALES Built Myself A Metal Bird’. Build- particular highlight. a mongoose? What I really want ing from a venomous one-note Sadly the set-piece swoons and to know: which ingenious hero guitar riff into a polyrhythmic grand theatrics are offset by the fabricates these stories and what breakdown and a noise-laced ukulele-twee we’ve come to expect would a psychologist have to say coda, it packs a lot into six from London’s nu-folk scene which about them? minutes. Efrim Menuck has Mr. Champion hasn’t quite escaped They’ve whisked Celebrity become more comfortable with as yet. Big Brother up with Have I his unusual, reedy voice: once It’s too careful, too restricted Got News For You and added a whiny and yelping, he now woozily in its absurdity. We are only dollop of Mock the Week. What’s slurs. It allows for more vocal allowed the most petite glimpse not to like? Well, the BBC has expressiveness, differentiating of the musical saw on ‘There’s suggested that their audience his apocalyptic lyrics. Kollaps Nothing Underwater’ and while have the IQ of a kettle, refusing Tradixionales therefore points in ‘Middle of the Dark’ nearly to supply fake news clips for an interesting new direction. captures a Motownian grandeur, their own show. Sky News and rising from a side-project, Unfortunately, SMZ’s reinven- his is a peculiar record. Haynes is careful to use a Patrick ITV are contributing but the these avant-rock stalwarts tion isn’t always followed through. LIS!NTMY is more Starlight Wolf-inspired vocal to keep it BBC will only provide archived Ahave come far from the Unlike previous epics, ‘There Is A TExpress than Test Icicle, a contemporary. We should be grate- footage. Despite the fact that the mannered chamber music of their Light’ doesn’t justify 14 minutes. vaudevillian record kept commer- ful for Haynes’ prolifi c output and crux of the show is to sort these fi rst albums. Indeed, a slim new While they hint at tantalising cial and chic. It’s packed with for this eloquently surreal record. falsehoods from the truth? Pah. quintet line-up has resulted in possibilities, SMZ need to shed the choruses and crescendos I just wish it was a little bolder, a AVANTIKA CHILKOTI their most punk-rockin’ incarna- their previous skin to make the we’ve come to expect from Rufus little more willing to stray from its tion yet. most of them. SCOTT WHITAKER Wainwright or Queen’s operatic pop boundaries. DAN GRABINER Rev ews Ed tor Dav d Pegg Friday February 26th 2010 25 rev ews@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk REVIEWS
FILM Art & Literature
F sh n for compl ments The Body in Women’s Art Now, Part 1 – Embodied hackneyed generalisations about baffl ingly trite. I spoke to a friend NEW HALL ART COLLECTION Ponyo love and the environment. ARTS PICTUREHOUSE who is a fan of Miyazaki, and he This fi lm had none of the strange- told me that anyone disappointed ness and boundless imagination of with Ponyo should be recom- aked ladies?” Spirited Away – rather it relied on mended Howl’s Moving Castle as chuckled the onyo is a visually impres- the cute factor of Ponyo to carry it. a true Miyazaki masterpiece. He New Hall porter sive fi lm which is hindered In slow moments Ponyo would run also said that perhaps with Studio “N wryly. While he could be by a lack-lustre script and into a glass door to provide some Ghibli and this director in general P forgiven for inferring nudity unoriginal storyline. Another comedy distraction, and the rest you have to adjust your expecta- feature-length animation from of the cast would chuckle heartily. tions. The fi lms are less about from such a title, his quick-fi re Hayao Miyazaki, creator of Obviously this fi lm is aimed at a character and linear storyline summary shows exactly the Spirited Away, it follows the story very young audience, but the best and more about beautiful art on kind of attitude which these of a chubby-faced goldfi sh named children’s fi lms cater to adults as an epic scale, an imagination let artworks seem to kick against. Lagunas Para Verte Me or (2005) Ponyo, who escapes from the ocean well. I recently watched the Oscar- loose to tell an allegorical moral- As it happens, this exhibition is to befriend a boy named Sosuke. nominated Coraline, which I urge ity tale. This fi lm has received never pornographic, if pornography is being defi ned as the presen- Perhaps it is unfair to judge this anyone to see as a children’s fi lm excellent reviews, and I am sure tation of nude women with the intention to sexually arouse. Its Japanese import on its translated which doesn’t patronise or simplify, that its gurgling target audience dialogue, but one of the most basic and also has truly incredible will enjoy it. But I was looking to approach to nakedness is too political and too heartfelt to appear fl aws in the fi lm was the strange production values and design. It is be distracted from a dissertation degrading. Instead, in the photography and video installations of banality of its speech. While the beautiful, intelligent and always meltdown and it was one of the Sigalit Landau, Regina Jose Galindo, Jessica Lagunas, and Lydia images on screen were haunt- tightly plotted. In comparison most uninvolving fi lms I have seen Maria Julien the body is exposed as a place in which to talk about ing, characters would react to a this offering from Miyazaki looks for a long time. VICTORIA BEALE being human, bridging the gap between the fl eshy and the abstract, tsunami, for example, by saying the exterior and interior dimensions of female life. Cr t c s ng Ponyo l ke shoot ng f sh n a bowl “This is very, very bad,” or to a By engaging with modern society’s ‘beauty myth’, Guatemalan goldfi sh turning into a girl with injustice towards women, and Israeli identity in bodily terms, the mechanically uttered “Life these artists have expressed complex topics in a language that is mysterious and amazing.” There were so many lines which the viewer simply cannot shy away from, with the exception of were jarring for a native English Julien that is. Predictably trendy but intellectually soft, Julien’s speaker to hear that had evidently photographs freeze models and students in shadowy and robotic been directly translated without frames, limbs bent as though about to break. On a technical any thought to the way they would level they’re decently crafted, but seem rather wanting in social sound colloquially. Disney, the honesty; depicting the body demands truth and detail, not fashion fi lm’s US distributor, have clearly and artifi ce, as Sigalit Lindau’s Barbed Hula makes screamingly thrown away vast sums of cash on clear. The best occasion in a gallery this term, Barbed Hula is a getting a star studded voice cast performance-video in which a woman stands on the seashore, a to re-dub the fi lm, i.e. Tina Fey as Sosuke’s mother, Liam Neeson and coil of wire rotating about her pelvis. Refusing to frame the shot Cate Blanchett as Ponyo’s parents. in any conventional way (the subject’s face is never visible on But their talents were wasted on screen), Lindau generates questions about borders for the viewer: painfully prosaic dialogue and the borders of the body created by the skin, and the borders of Israel created by the sea. Drifting foam is paired with pierced fl esh in an artwork of political charge and lyricism. ELIOT D’SILVA The Lovely Bones started off so reassuringly well, crying out for; instead it reminds ARTS PICTUREHOUSE the acting was good and I even me more of a theme park (of the The 2010 Cambridge Book Fair found the teenage Susie surpris- Thorpe Park variety, Alton Towers THE GUILDHALL ingly endearing considering her is far too atmospheric). The transi- propensity for mustard-coloured tions between this limbo land and ourteen year-old Susie clothing. All too soon though we Susie’s family feel uneasy and are n the ages of exploration, when travellers returned from exotic Salmon is brutally murdered enter very gushy, very predictable a constant source of mild irritation. expeditions, they would bring back weird and wonderful oddities, Fon her walk home from territory. None of the characters actually get astonishing those at home. The 2010 Cambridge Book Fair had school and we are left to witness Director Peter Jackson appears enough screen time to really make I something of the same atmosphere. Transforming The Guildhall not only how her family deal with to have developed a little habit. an impact either. Susan Sarandon the fall-out of her death but how Whilst this could be brushed under (Grandma Lynn) initially felt like a into an old curiosity shop, the book sellers exhibited an array of she struggles herself as revenge the carpet in a fantasy epic like godsend with a bottle in one hand, antiquities brought back from a travel in time. This meant books eludes her from an ethereal limbo The Lord of the Rings, lingering in fag in the other. Here, I thought, like they just don’t make anymore: ivory covers, marbled pages, gold world. It sounds like it might tread the darker pits of CGI depravity, is a woman who will drink some clasps, and a collection of books so small they came stacked along some dangerous ground for the here it feels grossly out of place. sense back into this family. But their own miniature wooden shelf. These books spanned a consid- more emotionally fragile amongst Susie’s limbo has none of the other- alas, no sooner is she presented to erable chunk of publishing history, from a fi rst edition of Birthday us, doesn’t it? Think again. It worldly quality it is desperately us she is snatched away. Letters (circa 1998), to a fi rst edition four volume, leather bound Now I am no book traditional- Middlemarch (circa 1874). But this was by no means the oldest offer- Sus e cursed by a moral spruce-up ist on the fi lm/book crossover debate but I do think that some ing. Or the most expensive; a copy of Isaac Newton’s writings was of the fi lm’s emotional anaemia up for grabs at a cool £2,600. can be attributed to missing out Perhaps for a serious book collector such prices would have key moments in the novel. The seemed reasonable or appropriate. This wasn’t the case for the mother’s affair with the police- student who could hear only spare change jingling in her pocket. man, the fact that Susie and her But, really, buying books wasn’t the main appeal here. The Fair crush have sex rather than share was a chance to appreciate the book through time and a reminder a peck when she briefl y re-enters that, as bibliophiles panic over the rise of the e-book, the regen- the world and the rape scene itself: eration of books has been happening as long as the book has casually forgotten. It’s as though an evangelical Christian has given existed; we are over-sentimental in assuming that the book has the whole thing a moral spruce- never changed its form, and won’t continue to do so. If you missed up and effi ciently fi ltered out the the Fair, don’t panic. Cambridge boasts its own collection of even story’s impurities to give us a more greater treasures in the UL and its college libraries. Go out and family-friendly number. To stay do some exploring for yourself; deep in the bowels of St Catha- saccharine in the context of child rine’s College, I discovered a book so big, you could sleep in its murder is, frankly, a miracle. It is pages... ZELJKA MAROSEVIC also a grave error. KATIE ANDERSON 26 Friday February 26th 2010 Theatre Ed tor Ab ga l Dean T EATRE www vars ty co uk theatre@vars ty co uk
JESSICA LAMBERT enough to portray a society on the View from the The Merchant of brink of enacting murderous anti- Semitic policy. Groundlings Venice No line of verse seemed to ADC MAINSHOW have been engaged with; except for being draped in some thin s soon as you step into the gauze of pre-war glamour, the ADC for another mainshow, many thoughts expressed in the Alimp, perhaps, with programme failed to manifest antithalian sag, you snap up your onstage. Throughout, the classy shred of ticket and expect to be gramophone-fare yearned asymp- left alone with your own expecta- totically toward providing a unique tions. But, pray, what is this? Not contextual trick. Yet one felt that only are you wracked with any something more could have been malice you might nurture toward done; a subverted gondola tableaux student Shakespeare, you’re also from Top Hat (1935) perhaps? Atlas-weighted with a programme The brat pack of Italian hedonists heftier than Clarissa, freighted failed to be played with any Cambridge Theatre with essays on performance suitable aplomb; Ned Carpenter’s history, production decisions and Antonio and Luke Rajah’s Bassanio heatre is a religion in Simon Haines’ theatrical CV. provided autumnal staggers of the Cambridge, a little like the However, this should not be middle-aged. Only Nick Ricketts’ TUnion and caffeine. This begrudged. The Merchant of Gratiano managed to inject some week we deliver the command- Venice is a play impossible to put ments of the audience member, on without becoming bogged down upon the top of Mount Great in what readings are and are not “Threat became St. Mary’s . Thou shalt rupture suitable for today’s post-Holocaust organs in hysterical laughter. audience. Director Patrick Garety subtle to the The cast of the Footlights has, in his programme piece, Spring Revue put on a fabulous displayed a welcome sensitivity to point of non- show last Sunday at their these issues, detailing the thoughts Comedy Fest, which featured developed behind his new mainshow. existence.” an outrageous on-stage disrobe- There seemed, however, dispar- ment. Penis and all. Thou shalt ity between these meticulously drool in anticipation of similar chewed-over choices and the way Mediterranean verve into the amusements. For nudity is in which they were staged. Garety proceedings, necking his prop wine funny. claims to set the play in 1930s with full-blooded bravura. in simultaneity. Portia balanced the soulless, and this effort follows Thou shalt revel in the Fascist Venice atmospheres, a Shylock (Theodore Chester) was pyjama-party logic of girlish suitor suit. The director inscribed himself naughty. Honour Cherry and world “threatened by the chilling powerfully portrayed. His fi rst pranks with refi ned depth. Antonia on this production with invisible Blossom, storming the Corpus shadow of the Holocaust”. Yet appearance, quietly sifting through Eklund proved she was far more ink, palming a sure-thing script Playroom stage next week. The within the cream plush of Portia’s his work while a single overhead than a moon-faced beauty in a slip. and plucking only the ripest of duo’s jazz romp from the 20s to rooms or the ivory-fi ngered wine beam offered a particle of light, These performances were the acting talents instead of soliciting the 60s comes with sensationally bar, such threat became subtle to was unexpectedly simple. Chester’s only memorable aspects of what any sense of ‘edge’. Garety and co. desireable costumes and the the point of non-existence. The subsequent handling of Shylock’s was a somewhat hollow affair. should perhaps try practicing recal- devious warning: “Men, hold potency of the contextual set up ‘villain’ function was measured Garety’s The Madness of King citrance instead of ensuring ticket onto your hats. Women, hold stopped at the surface-texture; enough to avoid a damaging stereo- George III last term was a bland sales, but perhaps this wasn’t the onto your men.” Thy boyfriend bow ties, baggy pants and extant type, yet never lost the spite or example of a conservative commis- play with which to do so. shalt probably contemplate recordings of 30s jazz were not lonely ‘otherness’ the role requires sion, technically faultless yet EDWARD HERRING adultery. Thou shalt take up the Charleston and make sure that thou, too, look good in garters. ome the central it has sweet as the kind Thou shalt groove. people The Bald Prima Donna character, stolen a Wit nurse Susie, if a Second pioneers of the Swill CORPUS PLAYROOM Mr Smith, Wmarch on CORPUS PLAYROOM little too gormless. ‘We’re-So-Outrageously-Sexual- laugh at announces all fatal disease/ Micah Trippe gave That-You’ll-Be-Glad-You’re- anything. to his wife famous poet mash- an entertaining The-Ones-In-The-Dark’ stance For nearly 75 minutes, I found that the market opens solely on a ups by taking on two of the biggest but deeply odd performance as a are Scatpack, whose musical myself encircled by an audience Tuesday and Thursday, only for hitters at the outset. As engaging researcher; type ‘Dr Spaceman Prophet Joachim Cassel guaran- falling about the place at the her to pensively murmur, “So just as an AIDS/Milton cross-fertili- Medical Moments’ into YouTube for tees sleek, smoky jazz with a profundities of the banal. Luckily, three days a week then”. More sation would be (you could call it a clear source of inspiration. universal appeal. Gather, those the people on stage – the induc- often, however, stupid is stupid. Of Man’s First Disobedience), it’s Thank goodness, then, for who follow the way of the grind. ers of this hilarity – were more Allotting incongruous words to unlikely to steal the crown from Katherine Alcock as dying Donne Thou shalt not be afraid of likeable. Ionesco’s absurdist piece make a sentence isn’t witty, but this tale of a professor meditating scholar Vivian Bearing, bringing The Musical. For The Musical is is a prickly, awkward creature, when delivered as though worthy on death by ovarian cancer, via the real quality to this riddled curate’s a joyful thing, and thou knows and the Fletcher Player Freshers of pant-wetting amusement, poetry of John Donne. egg. She masterfully controlled her that thou watches Glee every were brave to set it free. Never- the expected reaction will be a So far, so bonkers. I’m not famil- character arc, beginning as a bitch Monday on 4oD. And it is good. theless, this production remained bemused furrowing, and not a jolly iar with Margaret Edson’s work, you didn’t really mind seeing die Gypsy opens at Magdalene come unconvincing. uplift, of eyebrows. The perfor- and nor should you be. I noted slowly, and stripping layers away Wednesday, in a fl urry of comedy The cast appeared all too mance veered wildly from down my favourite phrases: would from her glacial exterior. Her last and tragedy and big American aware of themselves. Nonsen- hilarity to monotony, which any professor you know refuse moments, wracked by pain, were hysteria. For quieter, controver- sical lines were delivered gave my eyebrows a jolly a student an extension on their extraordinarily raw and diffi cult sial drama, see The Last Five with a calculated sense good work-out. essay when their grandmother had to endure; they were matched Years at Queens’. Whosoever of their senselessness, Don’t get the wrong idea died? Does Donne really “make beautifully by a cameo of muted can resist a play which had to and affecting the – I did laugh, and actually Shakespeare sound like a Hallmark assurance from Jenny Scudamore be adjusted because the writer’s absurd became ridic- quite often. Isabella card”? Is it possible to watch as Bearing’s sole bedside visitor. wife sued? ulous in constant Baynham-Herd and John- someone dying of cancer say “hard Alcock almost single-handedly Thou shalt not be afraid of recognition of the Mark Allen seamlessly things are what I like best”, and rescues this play from its writer vision. For if a student is afraid absurdity itself. If embraced the bizarre, and refrain from laughing hollowly in and occasionally patchy supporting of vision, he will enjoy very few you know you’re the direction and interpre- their pompous, metastasized face? cast – had the play ended with her productions in Cambridge. Max being silly, then you tation was often inspired, As Edson’s loopy academia gave delicate fi nal soliloquy I’d have left Barlton’s No Magic will bring aren’t; if you daftly though not fl awless; the way to an equally improbable feeling quietly devastated. Instead, together “the past and the perform daftness, classic condition of creative hospital ward, only the cast carried a clunky fi nish took the gloss off present, the personal and the then it isn’t daft. Of fl air combined with uncertain the writing: Christopher Poel gave something I’d defi nitely urge you universal, and the sane and the course stupid can realisation, so commonly found a solid turn as Dr Kelekian, and to see. Certainly over reading the insane”. If he succeeds, he shalt sometimes be funny: in a Freshers’ play. RHYS JONES Laura McDonald was appropriately fucking thing. GEORGE REYNOLDS FIONA BROHAMER be the Lord thy God of the ADC lateshow. Amen. GUIDE TO STAR RATINGS SHAT ON BY BIRDS IN ST MARK’S S UARE SYPHILIS FROM A COURTESAN ATTRACTION UEUE ABIGAIL DEAN SIPPING CAMPARI IN A GONDOLA BYRON IN VENICE Theatre Editor: Abigail Dean Friday February 26th 2010 27 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk THEATrE
The Footlights set was – well, pretty thin actually. got their set going. They should you could often see the punchlines Clad completely in black (the funni- have opened with it, no doubt. coming from down the M1. Also, Incoming Comedy Fest est of the colours), they ran through So, Durham were up next, and I they had a penchant for one-liners cambridge arts theatre a handful of mediocre sketches. was kind of hoping they were going which, though they may work on There was a rather disgusting to turn the thing around. Erm, the page, fall flat when they need sketch about poop, which was well... a blackout, a burst of music, the ere’s a question for you: vaguely funny, and one about some They weren’t all dressed in black; lights to come on and everyone to why are the Footlights a posh people who spent their gap instead they all wore white shirts, get into position... just to set up. Hbit like Lassie? You have year on a housing estate. Okay, I with the chaps in braces. I say At the interval, it all felt rather a think about it, and we’ll come suppose. Hands-down best sketch ‘chaps’, and I don’t want to get all like an epic fail. Thankfully, the back to it later. Firstly, let me of theirs was the physical theatre personal, but at least half of the Footlights were on next. Why are tell you about the massive logisti- workshop run by Neville Spanks. Durham Revue looked like they they like Lassie? Because they cal balls-up that was staging the Bizarre, expressive, lanky: the chap weren’t old enough to buy matches. saved the fucking day. That may Comedy Fest at the Cambridge who did it was great, and it really There were a few nice touches, but sound like bias, but it’s not. Believe Murder in Play Arts Theatre. Essentially a daniel strange me: the Footlights weren’t only great big rip-off, tickets for the in a different league, they were evening’s entertainment cost up playing a different game. Sketches rom Hamlet to Moulin to a sky-scraping £20. The result were edgier, characters more Rouge, the play-within- was that the audience was almost finely drawn, and situations much, Fa-play phenomenon has entirely made up of people who – much funnier. Particular favou- intrigued audiences for centu- how to put this delicately? – could rites include Adam Hollingworth’s ries. ITV’s recent two-for-one have got their free bus pass, no brilliant Sir Ian McKellen sketch, approach in their experimental problem. Now, there’s nothing where I was laughing so hard I Moving Wallpaper drama series, wrong with octogenarians per se, couldn’t even tell what was going however, took things a little too but they hardly have a reputation on, and Katy Bulmer’s death poem, far. Following the making of for liking edgy, undergraduate which she delivered at mach three. the less-than-innovative soap humour, do they? Case in point, the It’s not blowjobs for all just yet. opera Echo Beach was a bit chap next to me looked like a jolly A lot of the sketches I’d seen a too gimmicky, even for student sea captain, and did not laugh once. few months ago at a Smoker, and tastes. Okay, onto the acts. The show if you’re charging £20 for a ticket Most writers, like Timberlake was divided into two halves: then I’m not sure that’s on. Still, if Wertenbaker in the exquisitely Oxford were on first, then Durham you’re the All Blacks and everyone moving Our Country’s Good, pre-interval. Cambridge nabbed the else is playing hopscotch, it’s pretty are more interested in explor- second half to themselves. Oxford’s hard to criticise. nathan brooker ing the power that theatre has to metamorphosise everyone involved, rather than revealing t was rather Bennet need be, and ’m still ‘Conkers’ the bitchy, back-stabbing world odd to walk Loving Leticia Ben Slingo evoked confused The Exorcyst instead of behind the scenes of a glossy adc lateshow Iinto an exact Pembroke new cellars some genuine Iabout the Dizzee’s television drama. Even Baz replica of my great- laughs as the disil- title of the Medics ‘Bonkers’, ‘The Luhrmann, transforming Satine grandmother’s lusioned priest, Revue: apart Fireman Song’ from courtesan to respectable living room to an Father Flect. The from two minutes and ‘A Whole actress, exposed a glamorous up-tempo version of ‘Rule Britan- fact that the funniest character in of Blair Witch Project video at the New Girl’ were favourites. Despite depth rather than focussing nia’. It was even more perplexing this play was largely unscripted beginning, and a themed cross- some vocal wobbles, the songs did upon a seedy underbelly. Of to sit in said living room for 45 speaks volumes about the quality word in the programme, there allow for confidence-building as the course, if you’re anywhere near minutes, watching as a two-minute of the writing: as the forebod- is no reference to The Exorcist, laughs got louder, and were some of as gossipy as me, the latter’s skit from a 1970s smoker was ingly macabre butler, Christopher or indeed Exorcyst, at all. But james polyblank great fun, too. dragged out and beaten to death Stanton had his audience tittering judging by the rather shambolic Shakespeare provides the from every possible angle. Loving with some decent facial expres- nature of the ensuing sketches, most notorious plays-within-a- Leticia, the latest offering from sions alone. The central problem perhaps that’s a good thing. There play. His brilliant depiction of the Pembroke Players, is a ‘comic’ was Leticia herself: Annwyn Eades are some good, even brilliant, performance through Pyramus pastiche that draws out every undermined any potential titters flashes in this production, but there and Thisbe creates an uproari- ubiquitous, hackneyed Pride and she might have won by persistently are also moments which made me ous finish to A Midsummer Prejudice cliché in the name of smirking and repressing giggles. want to gouge my eyes out with Night’s Dream, but it’s Hamlet’s farce. To summarise, the epony- If there’s ever a sure-fire way to my biro. Don’t look for any discern- notorious rewriting of reality by mous Leticia likes to read books irritate an already unimpressed ible thematic thread to tie these the players’ murderous perfor- and is in love with some generic reviewer, laughing at your own bad sketches together, because the only mance that’s most renowned. fop who wants to join the navy (cue jokes will do it. consistent feature is their complete Simon Brett takes it all up some raunchy sailor jokes). She’s I suppose the saving grace of and utter randomness. in his hilarious Murder in Play then kidnapped by a lustful villain, Loving Leticia was that it never You will see La-La tell Po to where “the play’s the thing that whom her fop promptly wallops on pretended to be great. Its fatal flaw get a grip, the Go-Compare man will the answer to whodunnit the shoulder with a plastic sword, was that it pretended to be funny: getting shot, two lifeguards leaving bring”. Following the cheap and and all is well again. What fun. cheap, easy gags, pantomime someone to drown because she’s tacky Boris Smolensky Theatre The cast’s energy made the play humour and a lack-lustre script do “rank” and two boxes having a Company, who are producing at least watchable, rather than not good comedy make. Though the conversation based on increasingly a murder mystery because just painful. Leticia’s nightmare play is presented as a bit of light- dire cardboard puns, amongst “anything with murder in the mother (Madeleine Hammond) hearted fluff, farce can, and should, other equally inexplicable things. title sells”, back-stabbing is was as shrill as any copycat Mrs be better than this. lydia onyett Now random isn’t necessarily bad, combined with insight. The cast edward quekett but the first half of this show is is truly awful and the bitchiness james appleton often painful (it’s never good when the best displays of comic writing is bitter; backstage arguments audience members don’t even in the show. The standard displayed in a theatre surpass any studio. bother to whisper the words “what from the sketches varied, veering When the biggest ego of all is the hell?”). It looked at first as if from wince-inducing (what on earth murdered, it’s hardly surprising, cast members were quite literally was the RAG blind date sketch and two of the cast members making it up as they went along, about?) to out-of-the-blue funny, decide to rewrite the script in which made for some very uncom- the strength of which often lay in order to force the killer to reveal fortable viewing. the brevity of the pieces, leaving himself. True Shakespearean As the cast gathered confidence, the audience puzzled but wanting style. Murder in Play might the sketches got quicker and more. be the flip to the moving side slicker, and although the laughs Performances needed to be of most metatheatrical produc- often veered towards bewilder- more convincing from the start, tions, but it’s more fun and, ment, they were an improvement rather than inflicting torture on more importantly, a hell of a lot on cringe and more cringe. Hooray the audience for 20 minutes before shorter than Hamlet. for Andrew Melville, consistently gathering momentum rapidly melissa hussey hilarious whether dead-pan, silent towards the end. If all else fails, do or half-naked. Oh alright, yes, he the crossword until they hit their melissa is directing the heywood society’s ‘murder in Play’ at the Friends has a very tasty torso. Farcical not-perfect-but-still-quite-enter- of Peterhouse theatre, 4-6 march. songs were amongst the highlights: taining stride. jemima middleton
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Varsity Crossword no. 523 Sudoku Kakuro
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ble of writing (8) The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 total in the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 26 Fragrant plant shrub ground ab- box must contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 1-9, and never use a number more than once per run (a sorbing the content of hoses (4,4) number may reoccur in the same row in a separate run). 27 Illustrate how to remove some old Scots? (6) 9 5 7 6 9 10 28 Renounced pig and ate outside (8) 29/11 14 Walker approaching Ed? (6,7) 3 1 26 4 19 11 7 2 7 6 5 4 6 22 12 13 Down 5 1 8 2 29 A convulsing Delia fried up 14 14 1/4 8 9 6 7 (8,3,5) h Moor E h 17 6 2 Oratory choir right, somehow, 9 7 3 1 ET 15 4 10 Moor E h about half of Eton (8) ET 3 Check up on notice following six 1 6 2 8 5 14 16 17 deliveries (7) 4 2 27 5 Badgers old horses (4) 18 19 20 6 Jack, taken in by fake love-in, is to 24
5 8 4 7 G Ar BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com marry (7) / MADE BY G Ar BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com 21 22 7 At the heart of Jospin’s ultimate criticism (6) The Varsity Scribblepad
23 24 8 Sir Philip is kind of to deny calumny (6) 11 See 29 Across Hitori 25 14 A (rather wooden) way to bow without negating English Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more 26 27 educational institution (7) than once per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares 16 Could perhaps, that is, resolve to must form a single area. start with more force (8) 17 Collection of soldiers in storage 28 29 room not quiet but loud (8) 19 Sun god in knot, as Noah saw (7) 5 7 5 3 6 3 4 20 Gold to follow after cheat unfairly built a place in the country (7) 6 1 3 2 1 4 7 13 Keeper of goat almost a fake (6) Across Loved wine after a party (6) 15 Hang about - latrine odour not what 21 1 14, young woman hides bottom but it seems (6,6) 22 Snacks Christopher mentioned, by 4 3 4 5 7 6 7 gains weight? (6) the way (6) 18 Keenness for public relations ballot 4 See 1 Down consumes princess (12) 25 One point - the French must be 1 5 7 6 3 4 2 9 Pleasant, short time entertaining completely surrounded by water (4) Last issue’s solutions 23 Briefly radical revolutionary to suc- Moor E h Eastern relatives (6) ceed for 14 (6) 4 2 4 3 7 1 5 ET 2 1 9 4 7 3 6 5 8 10 Anguished, a deity embraces online 12 24 23 10 3 1 2 3 6 3 5 The fear of being trapped, loveless 9 16 5 3 8 9 2 6 7 1 4 24 1 8 20 9 7 5 6 5 7 4 3 2 vice, the wrong way? (8) 32 7 6 4 8 1 5 3 9 2 and not British renders one incapa- 8 9 5 7 3 6 4 3 6 7 6 1 8 2 6 7 5 9 1 4 3 13 6 8 6 3 King Edmund to smooth out edge (8) 3 4 2 5 4 9 7 1 7 5 1 6 12 Crossword set by Hisashi. 3 7 1 2 22 14 7 4 6 4 4 5 7 24 4 5 3 1 6 8 2 7 9 17 7 4 8 5 6 3 2 2 5 2 4 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 522): 19 6 4 5 2 9 7 8 3 1 1 Dulcet, 4 Mephitic, 9 Grater, 10 Scarcely, 12 Ibis, 13 Monarchist, 15 Hugger-mugger, 18 Leopard’s-bane, 21 Broadcloth, 22 Cult, 24 Stagnate, 25 Palate, 26 Recreant, 27 Revere. 1 Dogfight, 2 8 3 1 5 2 1 4 4 5 3 7 6 1 8 2 5 3 4 9 6 7 Across: Down: 13 16
Leavings, 3 Ever, 5 Exchange rate, 6 Hard cheese, 7 Thesis, 8 Coyote, 11 Cosmopolitan, 14 Dependence, 16 Maturate, 17 Aesthete, 19 Abuser, 20 Mosaic, 23 Wane. 9 4 9 7 2 5 7 1 1 1 3 3 9 7 6 8 1 4 2 5 3 4 2 1 2 7 5 G Ar BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com Sport Ed tors V nce Benn c and Ed Thornton Friday February 26th 2010 29 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SPORT
COMMENT Sport in The athletes of this University Brief deserve reasonable facilities Rowing Hardy Cubasch, a rowing Blue, caused a splash in the The Un vers ty s not tak ng the needs of ts sport ng students Land Economy faculty this week when he replied to an CHARLOTTE ROACH ser ously but t wouldn’t take much to br ng about change angry supervisor’s message. The supervisor and lecturer’s court? The basketball team are only is responsible for fundraising within administrative offi cer of the Univer- email was calling into question nother year has passed in able to rent Kelsey Kerridge at 11 pm the University, but for a fundraising sity, is all for improving the facilities the work ethic and attitude of Cambridge’s long history; to train. In an institution that prides campaign to succeed, there needs in Cambridge. He intends to com- the current undergraduate body Aanother year of fairly mini- itself on achieving the very best to be a lump sum of £10-15 million mission a report into the state of and berated them for not turn- mal change. Despite Cambridge’s results and striving for excellence to kick start it, preferably coming the facilities and use the fi ndings to ing up to lectures. Cubasch did grand ‘800 Years’ celebrations, most this is almost shameful. from the University itself to show determine what needs to be done. not take lightly to the offence sporting students are still largely In Cambridge, being an athlete its support; without this, large Unfortunately, to go ahead, the and swiftly replied sending an unaffected by the £1 billion of funds means that you inherit not only donors will see it as a non-starter report needs a chairman; one is yet email to the supervisor, and the raised. Our great University has the strain of combining training and withhold their donations. to be found. rest of the undergrads list, stat- many things: a reputation to envy, and study, but also a fi nancial and Secondly, the uninspiring rallying University sports clubs abound ing his feelings and letting his a motivated and hard-working logistical nightmare. University cry for support, with famous alumni: Tom James superior know that he would student body, and some of the fi nest hidden in the MBE (Olympic Gold Medallist, not be attending for the rest of minds in the world, all set in a beau- backwaters CUBC); Stephanie Cook (Olympic term. tiful city; quality sports facilities, it of the PE Gold Medallist, CUMPC); Gavin has not. Depart- Hastings (Scotland and British We are far behind our academic ment Lions, CURUFC), to name three. rivals, both in the UK and overseas, website, is There are also countless athletes of Rugby and even some of our academic international and Olympic standard “inferiors” in terms of sporting cur- facilities. There is concern amongst The competitive nature of this the University hierarchy that this year’s Cuppers has taken a will lead to top students choosing blow as both Hughes Hall and to study in institutions where their St Ed’s have been knocked out. needs are best catered for. If Cam- St Ed’s were toppled by Queens’ bridge doesn’t invest in its facilities, players often 44-21 in their fi rst match whilst it stands to lose some of the very fi nd it more expensive Homerton were offered a walk- best applicants to, in particular, Ivy and diffi cult to hire over by Hughes. League schools. Something must be and afford facilities Both of these grad College done. than their College teams, who don’t play in any counterparts. This league, had the potential to lack of facilities often challenge for the Cup and “If Cambridge prevents people from their most signifi cant enemy is playing the sports always organisation. St Ed’s, doesn’t invest in that they would have who boast around half the Blues previously pursued before The plans for the University Sports team, could threaten any Col- its facilities, it coming up and prevents new- Centre which have been discarded lege side but this relies on them comers from being able to gain for over a decade. fi nding enough players to make stands to lose new skills and experiences. Surely up the numbers. some of the very this is not the epitome of the Cam- rently studying and representing The challenge is now set for the bridge University life, which should hardly likely to attract any interest. us, and without doubt a top qual- teams who rely on consistency best applicants” be the opportunity for all to excel? With the high quality Cambridge ity sports centre would increase rather than fl air, such as CCK In 1999, plans were drawn up and graduates that are aching to put this number. But on top of this, who face next face Homerton The lack of sports facilities in approved for a Sports Complex on something back into the next gen- the huge number of students who in the Quarters, to compete for Cambridge was recognised in the the West Cambridge site to serve eration of Light Blue sportsmen take the time and pay the price to the top spot. If there is to be an Krum Report in the 80s; however, the whole student population. Sadly, and women, raising £50 million for represent their University, deserve upset this year it will be coming even as early as the 20s it was men- the largest step taken towards con- to be valued as signifi cant parts not from the grads but from the tioned as bizarre that many of the structing the Sports Centre is the that count toward what makes unexpected lower divisions. public schools from which students model that sits in Fenners recep- “To ignore this Cambridge so special. Not to men- came could boast better facilities tion. Rather ironically, the section tion the infi nite number of College than the University. Laughably, or about the Sports Centre on the PE vital missing players who would be able to use perhaps tragically, this is still the Department website is hidden as the facility: healthier, more rounded case; in order to pull on the Light an option in the ‘Facilities’ area. To piece of the students surely make better Rugby Blue and Red Lion, most University attract sponsors directly, the follow- students. teams rent facilities from schools, ing message is a direct quote: “The Cambridge jigsaw Representing the University of Colleges or councils – often at great University is seeking sponsors in is a disservice to Cambridge at sport, any sport, is Blues Captain Jimmy Rich- cost. order to capital fund this project. never anything less than an honour. ards and teammate Will Jones As an example, the swimming The facility which can be built in the University’s To ignore this vital missing piece have been honoured with a club spends £22,000 p.a. renting three seperate (sic) phases may be of the Cambridge jigsaw is a dis- selection for the Barbarians. 6.5 hours of pool time a week – a subject to ammendment (sic) when mighty service to the University’s mighty Both players will run out phenomenal sum of money. The an appropriate donor is identifi ed. reputation. The project is ready to against the Bedord Blues in the Badminton team, unable to fi nd a Any one (sic) wishin (sic) to discuss reputation” go and the journey will be easy, but 83rd annual Mobbs Memorial venue in Cambridge, played their the sponsoring (sic) the develop- ‘every great journey starts with a Match on March 2nd. “I never Varsity Match in a small village hall ment should contact the Director a high quality sports centre should single step’. We need the University thought I would be invited,” where the ceiling was too low to of Physical Education in the fi rst pose no problem. However, after to commit and take the fi rst step, said Richards, adding “Will has perform a legal serve. The success- instance.” Hardly likely to have the a decade of astonishing inaction, otherwise we’ll spend another 801 deserved it massively.” ful Cambridge lacrosse teams have millions fl owing in... many alumni are not aware that years getting nowhere. The selection was especially no adequate training venue; can As it stands there are two obsta- this project exists, let alone has important to the players as their you imagine any other contact sport cles to funding this project. Firstly, approval. This has to change. [Thanks go to Pat Crossley for co- fi nal Blues match of the season having to train on a College tennis the University Development Offi ce The Registrary, who is the senior writing this piece.] against the Wooden Spoon AAs was called off. Think you could do be er? If you’d like to work for us, get in contact Head to varsity.co.uk for more sport, with our Sport Editors at [email protected] including women’s rugby and basketball 30 Friday February 26th 2010 Sport Ed tors V nce Benn c and Ed Thornton SPORT www vars ty co uk sport@vars ty co uk
ROWING Tension mounts as Lent Bumps get underway Vars ty takes a look at the state of play so far and what we can expect today and Saturday
divisions. Emmanuel M4 and Christ’s may well bump Magdalene on the Christ’s, starting in seventh, will Downing M2 made the most places, A I C A N M4 will be looking to hold their own fi rst day, leaving Queens’ chasing be looking to get a lot higher, with managing an overbump on Corpus amongst the second and third boats, the overbump on an inexperienced blades a possibility for the crew M1 whilst Pembroke M2 bumped Attention has been turned to the after already beating many to qual- Fitz if they want blades. Peterhouse, that fi nished second at Pembroke Darwin M1 in between. Emmanuel Cam this week as Lent Bumps got ify. On the women’s side, Newnham after an excellent Bedford head will Regatta. Clare W1 will also be look- M3 also managed to gain an over- underway on Tuesday, and contin- W3 will be confi dent of moving up also be looking to carve up the divi- ing to replicate their Pembroke bump on Downing M3 in the Men’s ues to run on until Saturday, with after a strong term so far, includ- sion ahead of them. Regatta victory over LMBC W1 and fourth division. In the women’s races, the great and the not-so-great crews ing recording a faster time than St In the Men’s second division, bump on the fi rst day, using that as a a bizarre mistake from the ARU W1 bidding to outdo each other and to Edmund’s W1 at Newnham Short whilst FaT M2 were the fastest M2 stepping-stone to move higher up. cox was the talk of the river as she end up with the coveted “blades”, Course. But part of what makes the at Pembroke regatta, Selwyn M1 Tuesday saw the fi rst of the action, cost her boat the bump on Pembroke whilst those above their station will lower divisions of Bumps great is the and Robinson M1 are both quicker as the top division sat out the fi rst W2. To make matters worse, Murray be looking to avoid the shame of sheer unpredictability of the events – unless Robinson get Selwyn on day. In the Men’s second division, Edwards W1 then bumped ARU. “spoons”. For those uninitiated into to take place, and it is diffi cult to pre- the fi rst day then FaT M2 should be FaT M2, Selwyn M1 and Robinson Girton W1 managed the row-over the delights of bumps, Lent Bumps dict what will happen, though there bumped at least twice. Catz M1 will M1 all looked closely matched as thanks to Magdalene W1 bumping provides a foretaste of what is to will be a lot of crews happily holding also be looking to move a long way Selwyn came away with the bump Jesus W2, but Magdalene will be con- come in the Mays. blades come the end of the day. up the second division, and should on FaT M2, leaving Robinson with fi dent of the bump come Thursday. In Designed to allow competitive Looking at the top divisions, get blades. the row-over. A strong St Catz M1 the Women’s third division, Downing racing along rivers as narrow at the where the racing is the most compet- On the women’s side, Jesus W1 caught Caius M2, whilst there were W2 also earned an over-bump with Cam, the aim of a boat in bumps is itive, FaT M1 are looking good for remain an enigma as they too have row-overs for the crews above and their male counterparts, catching to catch the boat in front of you. All holding on to their headship, though not been seen on the Cam all term. below them, LMBC M2 and Jesus M2. Emmanuel W3. boats start at the same time, and Downing will push them hard all the JAMIE GUNDRY once you have caught them, known way. With the clear water granted to as a bump, you and the boat that has the head, I fancy that FaT will hold been bumped drop out of the race. on. It looks to be a double headship At the same time, the boat behind too, as FaT W1 are almost certain you is attempting to catch you and to bump an Emmanuel W1 that avoid being bumped by the boat have been disappointing this term, behind them etc. If you bump a boat and could plummet as low as fourth. more than once place ahead of you Downing W1 will come snapping at in the chart, then you earn an over- FaT’s heels on the Friday and Satur- bump. The boats are organised into day, looking like a FaT-Downing 1-2 divisions, from the order they fi n- in both the Men’s and Women’s top ished last year – with the boat at division. Further down the Men’s the top of the fi rst division being top division, LMBC should hold on to known as Head of the River – their third, whilst Clare M1 may well get aim is to row over (not get bumped spoons as Pembroke (fi fth) and Trin- and to row the whole course) every ity Hall (seventh) have been better day. Boats at the top of the second than them throughout this term. division and below are known as Jesus M1, starting in sixth, remain sandwich boats – they have to race an enigma as they have yet to be twice in a day, and attempt to bump seen on the Cam this term, though the lowest boat in the division above should hold their own. Queens’, to move into that division. starting in 13th will be confi dent in The getting on race took place last making great strides up the division, Friday to determine which boats will and Fitz, Magdalene and King’s will make up the lower half of the bottom be trying to hold them off. King’s In d cult cond t ons college boats took to the water as Lent Bumps started on Tuesday
ATHLETICS Men and Women destroy Oxford in indoor Athletics Cambr dge w pe the floor w th Oxford n both track and f eld compet t ons
jumps respectively and breaking the the Cambridge women showed 100m. Rory Graham-Watson also The pole-vault was the highlight of C A individual record in the high jump their talent, with Rose Penfold and had a tough day running solid legs the men’s fi eld for Cambridge who with a leap of 1.69m. In the shot, Christie Noble both achieving half in the 4x200m, 4x400m and 4x800m not only broke the team record, but After their double victories at all four of the Cambridge competi- Blue standard in the 3x800m. In the respectively. In the latter of these would have still won without their top Freshers’ Varsity in November, tors threw further than anyone from 3x1500m the women lapped Oxford he ran six seconds quicker than scorer counting. Nate Sharpe vaulted there was a feeling of excitement Oxford demonstrating the quality in three times with Rosemary Pringle any other competitor in the event. the blues standard height to take the in the University athletics team as the team. The women showed their breaking fi ve minutes for the fi rst The prize for the most inspirational Cambridge men to a convincing vic- they travelled to London for the strength in the fi eld, winning fi ve time on the opening leg. performance has to go to Eamonn tory, ably supported by Tom Wagner, annual Indoor Varsity Field Events out of the eight team events. The men’s track team faced much Katter, who pulled out a superb leg Josh Mouland and Alex Bates. and Relays Match. On the track, the Cambridge harder competition but still came out in the 4x200m to move Cambridge The Cambridge women claimed The team made an excellent start women were even more dominant, on top, winning all but two events. into pole position, as well as running victory in the match for the fi rst time winning both the men’s and women’s losing only one event, the 60m Hur- In the 60m the Cambridge men a strong leg in the 4x400m. in fi ve years, but know they will face hammer competitions. In the latter, dles. Women’s captain, Kate Laidlow clinched victory with Mark Dyble, In the fi eld, Oxford also displayed a much stronger Oxford side in May. Laura Duke of Newnham broke the had a superb day, breaking the indi- Louis Persent and the fi rst Oxford some strong performances as a At the start of this academic year, individual record with a phenomenal vidual record in the 60m, anchoring athlete breaking the previous indi- reminder to Cambridge that they Cambridge men’s team was seen as throw of 45.31 in the second round, the 4x200m team to a convincing vidual record. Dyble had a stunning cannot be complacent going into the a development squad that would not which also contributed to the team victory and running the fastest leg run in the 4x200m to secure victory Varsity Match in May. The Dark pose a strong challenge to Oxford, record. Duke had a busy day, also in the women’s 4x400m. The Cam- by just a few tenths of a second. Blues had fi ve individual victories in but they are already proving that winning the shot, fi nishing second bridge ‘B’ team also beat Oxford Persent, a world junior silver med- the fi eld compared to Cambridge’s they have the quality to cause a big in the pole vault and long jump, in the 4x400m demonstrating the allist, showed his class on the fi nal three. Ayo Adeyemi made a huge upset in May. Travelling to Oxford and competing in the discus and depth of the Cambridge women this leg of the 4x400m teasing the Oxford jump in the men’s triple jump to will bring new challenges, but for 60m Hurdles. Another Newnham- year. In the middle distance races, runner by easing round the first clinch victory for the youthful Cam- now there is great confi dence within ite, Emma Perkins had a successful the Oxford teams were extremely lap just ahead before comfortably bridge team, as well as contributing the team on which they hope to build day winning the high, long and triple poor, but even without being pushed striding away from him in the last to the team success in the long jump. over the coming weeks. Sport Ed tors V nce Benn c and Ed Thornton Friday February 26th 2010 31 sport@vars ty co uk www vars ty co uk SPORT Cuppers Round-up: Football
Round 1 Round 2
Some of the luckier sides received Churchill beating Peterhouse 7-3. A second consecutive bye allowed coming out on top, the fi nal score byes in Round 1 (Downing, Jesus, In the two top division encounters Semi-Final PWC Division 1 leaders Downing to being 3(0)-3(3). CCCC almost Sidney, and St Catz), but elsewhere Emma sent Christ’s crashing out 5-2, Draw cruise into the quarter-fi nals with- caused a massive giant-killing when the remaining Colleges began their and Fitz destroyed Pembroke 5-1, out kicking ball. Aside from that, they took on Trinity, despite the Cuppers campaigns last term with a hat trick from Blues’ star Danny this round will be remembered for gap of three whole leagues. CCCC the hope of Lent term glory. Kerrigan helping them on the way Trinity/Emma vs Selwyn its big encounters and shock results. pushed them all the way to extra There were not too many upsets to the second round. An almost all-Blues affair time, fi nally going down 4-3. in the opening round, the favou- Teams knocked out at this stage Homerton vs Downing between Fitz and Jesus ended in 3rd Division Sidney narrowly rites generally coming out winners automatically entered the Plate, a 4-2 Jesus win after extra time. defeated the impressive sixth-form against weaker opposition. There giving them another shot at some Girton vs Homerton also went past college Long Road 3-2 to set up were some high scoring affairs: silverware. the 90 minute mark with Homerton, an even tougher contest against Trinity thrashing Corpus 9-0, and from the lower division, eventually Downing. Quarter-Finals Semi-Finals
Only eight sides were now left in the college from the north stole a This weekend should see the at least, the remaining PWC Divi- the competition, all the remaining 1-0 victory to progress to the next completion of the semi-fi nal stage sion 1 sides are the favourites to sides fairly confi dent of progress- round, knocking out a Catz team of Cuppers, lower league Homerton claim the cup, but the surprise pack- ing to the semi-fi nals. Three teams boasting Blues top-scorer tasked with derailing Downing’s ages of Homerton and Selwyn will from outside the top division faced Matt Stock. In another push for a league and cup double, have other ideas. For those sup- the daunting task of knocking out a closely fought cup-tie, as well as a season in which they porters expecting the form guide Division 1 heavy-weight college. Selwyn pulled off a remarkable win every single game. The odds to predict the outcome of the semi- Homerton faced last year’s cham- result by overcoming Jesus 2-1. are stacked against Homerton, fi nals, it would seem that Trinity pions Catz, Sidney played Division 1 3rd Division Sidney, however, but if they were to pull off the should beat Emma and then Selwyn leaders Downing, and Selwyn were were unable to match the heroics of unthinkable and sink the seemngly to set up an intriguing fi nal against pitted against favourites Jesus. Homerton and Selwyn , falling 3-0 unstoppable Downing, the other Downing. Downing have won every In true cup style, two of the three to the mighty Downing. side of the draw would be very game, whilst Trinity have only lost underdogs upset the form books While Selwyn’s domestic cam- grateful. once this season, at the hands of and disregarded the league tables paign looks destined to end in Emma vs Trinity has been delayed Downing. Do not write off the other to knock out supposedly superior mid-table mediocrity, Homerton by the weather, their quarter-fi nal sides though, in particular Emma, opposition. are currently challenging for encounter needs to be played a very well-organised and talented In a tight match between Catz promotion to the top fl ight, some- in order to decide who will face side who could well infl ict a second and Homerton (pictured right) thing that may affect their cup run. Selwyn in the last four. On paper defeat on Trinity.
Varsity Bio Varsity SuperSports Varsity Bio 7 Sports 5 Events 1 SuperSport The Events Week 6: Lacrosse
Five events put our athletes through This is Week 6, Sport 6, of Varsity disputes; it is a fast paced, physi- their paces, testing vital sporting Sport’s newest competition. Each cal game, requiring strength, speed, attributes. We record the results for week we’re taking a male and a female and, particularly for the midfi elders, each athlete then send them to the competitor representing a Blues a high level of stamina”. mathmos at Varsity who work out sport and putting them to the test. This ferocious combination of an overall SuperSports score for Five events assess specifi c sporting strength and fi tness should prove to each competitor. The Standing Jump attributes: speed, strength, stamina be a perfect match for our assess- tests lower body strength. The Bag and fl exibility will all be measured. ments. However, both athletes Name Ph l Hall Throw tests upper body strength, as As we’re now approaching the struggled in the strength events, Name Laura Plant the athletes hurl a large cylindrical fi nal week of our SuperSports com- their efforts in the Bag Throw and Sport Lacrosse tackle pad as far as they can – awk- petition will anyone be able to knock Standing Jump falling short of many Sport Lacrosse ward as well as heavy. 100m sprint Rugby off of the top spot? This week, of our other competitors. Hall faired College Tr n ty is designed to discover speed, whilst Lacrosse try their luck, as Phil Hall slightly better in the Limbo, man- College St John’s He ght/We ght the Bleep Test is all about endurance. and Laura Plant are selected to rep- aging to break the 100cm mark, but He ght/We ght Finally, Limbo tests fl exibility – and resent their sport. couldn’t equal Webb’s effort of 80cm 167cm/66kg is generally just quite amusing. Playing in two different leagues last week. 180cm/65kg each week the Lacrosse team have to In the Speed test both Hall and stay in top condition to ensure they Plant notched up respectable scores Leader Board are able to compete at the highest and ensured that they would place RESULTS level whether it is midweek or on the relatively well overall. The stand- RESULTS weekend. Both sides are enjoying a out result of the day came from Hall SPORT Stand ng Jump 195cm SS SCORE fantastic season in their respective in the dreaded Bleep Test, the man Stand ng Jump 169cm leagues, the women in particular from Trinity reaching an incredible Rugby 25.604 L mbo 90cm remaining unbeaten with only a few level 14 before eventually giving up. L mbo 100cm Bag Throw 285cm Hockey 24.327 games left to go. That puts him top in that fi eld. Bag Throw 127cm Phil Hall argued that Lacrosse is Next week is our final Super- 100m 14 03 secs Pentathlon 24.15 the most physically demanding of Sports where you will be able to 100m 14 97 secs Bleep Test Level 14 our sports because, “originally it was fi nd out which sport and which ath- Bleep Test Level 11 3 Lacrosse 23.78 played by the Native Americans as letes will be crowned as SuperSports Box ng 23.238 training for war and to settle tribal champions. SuperSports Score: 2 7.07 SuperSports Score: 20.49 Football 22.998 You can watch v deos of th s week’s compet tors by check ng out h p //www vars TV co uk 32 Friday February 26th 2010 Sport Ed tors V nce Benn c and Ed Thornton Sport www vars ty co uk sport@vars ty co uk
Catch up All the w th all the act on from Cuppers the r ver as act on lead ng Bumps get to the sem s underway Footballp31 SPORT Rowingp30
FOOTBALL Women sneak victory in Varsity Match Women’s f rsts and seconds have m xed fortunes n th s year’s Oxbr dge clash
RACHEL CHEW CAMBRIDGE 1 OXFORD 0
ANNA T NC
By the time the 25th Women’s Varsity football match began, the sun had scorched away any remain- ders of frost at Oxford’s Iffl ey Road pitch, but there was nevertheless a distinct iciness in the stands and on the pitch between the Dark Blues and Light Blues. Both teams had everything to play for, although the pressure was on for Cambridge to prove last year’s 2-0 loss would not be repeated. From the fi rst whistle, it was the Light Blues who dominated play. Swift movement down the right wing in the early minutes of the game showed Cambridge’s confi dence, and they continually mobilised attacks on the Oxford defence, even getting in a few early shots. In contrast, Cambridge’s midfi eld and defence cut off Oxford’s moves time and time again. Helen Bellfi eld was a reliable presence at the back, producing a The tackles were flying in as Cambridge firsts and seconds took on Oxford. solid defensive show throughout the match. opposition defences. always going to be hotly contested. effort from both sides. A fearless As both teams tired, it was An early chance came with a free As the game progressed the Play started off evenly, although shot from Marion Gale ten yards Oxford’s seconds’ day in the end, as kick after a foul on the Cambridge tackles starting flying in, the understandably it took a while for outside the box meant Cambridge a striker broke through the defence Captain Leesa Haydock. Emma competitive tussle between the two the Eagles to acclimatize to Oxford’s took the lead, but not long after, a and planted the winning goal 15 Eldridge’s powerful shot from just sides reaching fever pitch. Momen- ridiculously small, bizarrely shaped, long distance goal from Oxford minutes before the fi nal whistle. outside the penalty box was well tarily, Oxford managed to establish and incoherently blue-lined pitch. A ensured both teams were back on Despite Oxford claiming a narrow 3-2 defl ected by the Oxford keeper, who themselves a bit more in Cambridge’s momentary lapse of concentration an even footing. The Eagles’ Lizzie victory, the fi ercely contested game did well to keep the scores level. half. Consequently, Oxford increased in the early stages was capitalized Robinshaw worked determinedly to could have gone either way, Oxford Several more chances followed, but their possession in the centre of the on by Oxford as they took a 1-0 lead. provide chances on the wing. coming out the fortunate winners. whilst it was clear that Cambridge park, the midfi eld struggle swing- Despite this, the Eagles’ goalkeeper, dominated ball possession and won ing in Oxford’s favour. Although Hollie Booth, deserves praise for an Cambridge Women’s Firsts (4-4-2) Cambridge Women’s Seconds (4-4-2) Goals: Robinson Goals: van Thorenburg, Gale the majority of exchanges, the goals there were some impressive attacks, outstanding performance through- Subs: Clarkson (Byrne), Nelson (Grimes) Subs: Mawer (Dudgwala), Trench (Hadley-Brown), seemed destined not to reach the when the fi nal whistle blew it was out the match. Adriaenssens (Du on) back of the net. Cambridge who were wholly deserv- Some aggressive encounters Thirty-five minutes in, out of ing of their hard-fought win and a followed, with strong pressure from nowhere it began to snow. And then, result Coach Lee McGill should be both sides. Clare Longden’s powerful also out of nowhere, Cambridge’s extremely proud of. headers and Captain Rachel Folwell’s HANZI BOOTH Maisie Byrne stole the ball and Earlier that day, the Eagles, the crucial sweeping at the back fended sprinted down the right, before Cambridge second team, fought an off Oxford chances. Cambridge began ELDRIDGE BELLFIELD GALE FOLWELL TOOZE DUDHWALA passing to Kate Robinson who equally physical match against the to dominate play more, and before GRIFFITHS MURPHY planted it beautifully in the top right Furies, the Oxford seconds, in their the half-time whistle blew Manon corner, proving that Cambridge were Varsity match. With the Furies van Thorenburg had equalized. With BYRNE HAYDOCK TRIGG SMITH GRIMES SNELL ROBINSHAW LONGDEN DUTTON the Blues in control. The Cambridge having stolen a tight win from the the scores level at the break both duo have proved to be a threat all Eagles last year, but the Eagles sides were confi dent of stealing the season, Byrne and Robinson’s electri- having beaten the Furies in a friendly game in the second 45 minutes. HADLEY VAN THOREN ROBINSON WINSLOW fying pace posing problems to many earlier this season, this game was The second half saw a determined BROWN BURG