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Friday The Independent March 05, 2004 Cambridge Student Issue 598 Newspaper since www.varsity.co.uk 1947 Close Call

Streeting snatches victory by narrowest of margins

Laura-Jane Foley “everybody was well-aware that the presiden- the second preference votes from Davies who divided up Cambridge between them”. cy could be decided by one vote”. that secured Streeting his presidency; a debt The night before the election, Streeting and The initial count was in Streeting’s favour, he is more than happy to acknowledge. his supporters went to club nights in the city A mere twenty-two votes decided the with 1001 first preference votes to Shibli’s “She’s one of my best friends. Our support- canvassing for votes including some CUSU presidency on Wednesday night. 997. By the third round Shibli was leading by ers knew how close we were and her votes “dressed outrageously” with ‘Wes for Pres’ After the closest electoral battle of the last 8 votes. Even as they went into the final did make a difference”. stickers across their chests and bottoms. All thirty years, Wes Streeting of Selwyn round, the result remained too close to call. However, Streeting campaigned hard in this, claims Streeting, “was crucial when it pipped nearest rival Omar Shibli from Streeting only emerged as winner after the his own right, using a strategy he described came down to 22 votes”. Girton to the presidency and declared his votes of third placed Katy Davies were re-dis- as “guerrilla-warfare”. Techniques included He praised the other candidates for a “fair intention to usher in “big reforms” to tributed between the two front runners under plastering toilets in colleges with posters. contest”, although he told Varsity that the Cambridge’s student union. the single transferable vote system. He says that “Omar went for a more uncon- election system needs to change. “Too much As the ballot papers trickled in and the This was fitting, given the close friend- ventional route” mobilising what came to be is down to name recognition. It should be closeness of the contest became apparent, ship of Streeting and Davies - a notable called “Omar’s army”, a collection of sup- about more than simply who you know”, he those charged with the uneviable task of quirk of the campaign. According to Davies porters who went through the town with t- commented. When asked about the election counting the ballot papers triple-checked both “desperately wanted the job” for them- shirts emblazoned with his name. But rules themselves he conceded that some results, and even began the final count again selves but agreed that each other would be Streeting also had very active campaigners. were sensible “but some stifle debate”. for fear of mistakes. CUSU Academic Affairs the “next best President”. They fought a He revealed that he “had thirty people Officer Jessica Childs told Varsity that clean battle on different platforms but it was working for him, led by five team leaders continued on page 4

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News NEWS 02 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk A cup of coffee; a slap in the face Big Chief

Stanley banned from hustings after provocative speeches lead to uproar Gabriella Jozwiak that she’s a bit butch.” Tension in the explained his familiarity with women’s ted up a girl who it emerged was “not Naomi Christie room heightened during questions. issues because “of course [his] mother Stephanie, but Steve”. When asked how he would approach the was a woman…until 1987”. One of his The decision to ban Stanley from The Lord Chief Justice, Lord Woolf, more menial side of the job involved in proposed policies as welfare officer spoke at the Law Faculty on A candidate standing in the CUSU welfare, such as packing up parcels, par- includes installing a treadmill in his office Wednesday about the Government’s elections was banned from speaking at ticularly of condoms, Stanley explained “for those who need it”. Additionally, “I have experience in dealing recently announced constitutional hustings this week. The CUSU elec- he did not expect this to be a problem, Tim criticised the whole of CUSU, with minorities… reform package. Attracting significant tions committee made the decision “I’m a Catholic, I don’t believe in contra- which he says “probably isn’t doing its job my cousin’s a lesbian.” media attention, Lord Woolf spoke after a series of complaints from stu- ception.” His jokes were met with laugh- well enough” and promised simply to add against plans for a supreme court to dents who were offended by Tim ter from the crowd, but the chair contin- to the inefficiency. He stated “if someone replace the House of Lords as the top Stanley’s campaign. Running for the ually asked him to retract his statements. came to me suicidal, I could only give speaking at further hustings was taken legal body. He accused the government position of Welfare and Graduates offi- Addressing Newnham College on the them the option to kill themselves, or after CUSU received complaints from of ousting the courts from the review of cer, Stanley stated that his ‘derisive’ next Monday evening, Stanley caused not”. Later that evening at King’s students. Ben Brinded, CUSU president asylum and immigration decisions. comments about women, depressed further offence. Standing with a cigarette College hustings, Stanley was again explained, “The elections committee Lord Woolf directed much of his students, suicide, LBG students and all in hand, he thanked the women’s college asked to withdraw comments made upon asked Tim to withdraw his unacceptable attack towards Lord Chancellor Lord individuals seeking welfare support had for inviting him to speak at ‘New Hall’ - his experiences at a CUSU LesBiGay comments at these hustings, but his per- Falconer. Remarking that the not intended to cause offence. an error met with a stony silence. He night at Life. He purported to have chat- sistence in making them left us with no Chancellor was a “cheerful chappy,” he It was clear from the start of his cam- option but to protect students attending questioned a decision that would prevent paign that Stanley had something out- hustings from further offence.” Stanley access to the courts over asylum talks. standing to offer the position of welfare insists he had not intended to cause He said that plans to limit the right of officer. His manifesto, scrawled on file- offence, and apologised. One Emmanuel appeal for asylum seekers were “funda- paper, reads simply,“This is hand written undergraduate commented, “He provid- mentally in conflict with the rule of law.” because I was too drunk to write a man- ed some light hearted relief from the Lord Falconer’s department strongly ifesto. There is no better testament to my CUSU crowd who were taking them- defended the plans. A spokesman character. Let me care for you.” Similarly, selves far too seriously.” However, the explained: “Central to the bill is the prin- his benchmark slogan promised little action taken against him reflects those ciple that politicians have no place in the more effort: “Welfare the old fashioned who felt he had gone too far. Jennifer courtroom and judges have no place in way; helping you to help yourself.” Cooper, vice-president of Newnham Parliament.” He insisted that the Controversy was already stirring before JCR argued,“By attempting to make dis- changes to asylum procedures were nec- hustings began, with unusual slogans crimination against minority groups essary and would form a fair system that advertising his approach to welfare-seek- funny he perpetuates discrimination was fully in line with human rights laws. ing students as, “A cup of coffee and a instead of condemning it.” Lord Woolf, top judge in England slap in the face.” The case questions how much power and Wales, remained adamant during Emmanuel College hustings on CUSU should have over campaign the talk that the plans were unwise. He Sunday evening was the start of a run of methods. Another candidate and close said that the Supreme Court would not heated events. Stanley arrived on stage friend of Stanley’s, John West, said have the same over-riding powers as wearing thick, black-rimmed spectacles “Hustings is increasingly a ‘liberal’ other, similar institutions. It would not held together with tape. He explained, “I chive Nuremburg rally.” “Anything even have the powers to rule legislation have experience in dealing with minori- potentially offensive is shouted down by invalid, as in the US. Lord Woolf stated ties…my cousin’s a lesbian.” Electoral the chair”. Stanley agrees: “I believe in that the move would cause “the gravest

officer, Helene Williamson, LesBiGay arsity Ar freedom of speech as long as it doesn’t constitutional clash this country has seen Chair, immediately demanded a retrac- V Stanley: his speeches have divided students across Cambridge incite hatred towards others, I don’t for more than 300 years.” tion, to which Stanley replied, “It’s just believe my speech did that.” VARSITY TRUST AWARDS • The Varsity Trust offers funding to students for journalism courses in 2004-2005.

• A scholarship and/or bursary or bursaries may be awarded to students graduating at either Cambridge University or Anglia University in 2004 who are about to embark on an approved course in journalism in the coming academic year.

• The level of the award will be determined by both need and merit. The maximum value of an award will not exceed the DfEs maximum for the fees for a post gradaute course (£2870) but applications for smaller sums will be considered and are encouraged. To Apply: • Send a CV, the names and adddresses of three referees, cuttings demonstrative of your work in student journalism, together with a statement of approximately 250 words on your motives for becoming a journalist. • Please also include details of any other potential sources of funding and income; and a detailed breakdown of how it is proposed to meet the fee and maintenance costs of the course to be undertaken is expected and must be included with all applications.

Eligibility: Students may apply before any offer to study has been received, but any award will be conditional on successful applicants taking up a place on an approved course in journalism or photo-journalism. The Trustees hope to be in a position to make an election or elec- tions in the early part of the Easter term. Interviews will be held for shortlisted candidates. While experience of student journalism is a pre-requisite, applicants need have no experience writing for Varsity.

APPLICATIONS SHOULD BE SENT TO ARRIVE BY TUESDAY 20TH APRIL TO:THE VARSITY TRUST, C/O VARSITY PUBLICATIONS LTD, 11-12 TRUMPINGTON STREET,CAMBRIDGE CB2 1QA The Varsity Trust was founded by Varsity Publications Ltd, the proprietors of Varsity, the student newspaper for the University of Cambridge, with the aim of fostering journalistic endeavour among students and alumni of the Universities in Cambridge.

NEWS www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 03 New boys, New Hall? Pickets stay put

President adds voice to debate over single-sex status Charlotte Forbes absent colleagues, is the first time that the AUT has threatened to “hurt” stu- Charlotte Forbes are actually more likely to undertake colleges in later years, shown by the fact dents’ interests. The AUT has been PhD courses and frequently land top that 75% of New Hall students Tension between striking lecturers keen to stress that such action is a last jobs in employment, suggesting that achieved firsts in Maths last year, beat- and the university mounted this week resort, as they feel they have been left Despite St. Hilda’s College in ambitious women often deliberately ing their counterparts at Trinity. as an indefinite boycott of student with “no choice”. Mr Savage said, “Our Oxford recently deciding to remain For students present at the meeting, assessment was launched on Monday members regret any harm caused to a women’s-only zone, the future of Single-sex colleges no the main issue was the stigma attached by the lecturers’ trade union, the individuals, but our action is vital for single-sex colleges at Cambridge longer have a place in to single-sex colleges within the uni- Association of University Teachers the long-term interests of higher edu- has been called into question. versity. As one first year student put it: (AUT). The move may mean that cation. If the employers were to give a Earlier this month, the possibility of Cambridge “The reaction of other students when I without sufficient marking of essays genuine commitment to address the male students at New Hall took a tell them which college I’m from and exam papers, some students may AUT’s concerns, there would be no step closer to reality when a motion choose a single-sex environment, as it makes me feel like I have to justify not be able to graduate this year. need for an assessment boycott at all.” on the issue was successfully carried is more suited to their needs. myself ”. Such perceptions, however, The crisis shows little signs of abat- The university warned AUT mem- by the JCR. In an unprecedented Indeed, despite the oft-cited pres- have not been restricted to the ing, following an internal email from bers that any failure to carry out exam move this week, the college ence of the women-only colleges at the women-only colleges, with students the university threatening to withhold duties would be punished by the for- President, Mrs. Anne Lonsdale, bottom of the Tompkins Table, women from Girton and Robinson claiming pension contributions to those on decided to tackle this question actually achieve better exam results at that the same attitude is levelled strike, in a step deemed “vindictive” by The boycott...is the first head-on in an open debate with stu- the single-sex colleges than their female towards them. the AUT.This would mean that should time that the AUT has dents of the college. counterparts at mixed-colleges. Eleanor Parrot, JCR President of a lecturer die whilst on strike, their threatened to “hurt” student The JCR motion, passed by just 20 Mrs Lonsdale vigorously denied the New Hall, told Varsity “It is great to see family could stand to lose up to students, put forward the idea that accusation that New Hall might be an so many people taking an interest in the £100,000 in life insurance. Nick interests. remaining as a single-sex college was “easy way in”, saying that the college is future of our college, and the fact that Savage, Branch Secretary of the retarding rather than advancing the more likely to take a chance on stu- Anne came to talk to us on such a per- Cambridge AUT told Varsity that this feiture of a day’s pay. The union action rights of women in Cambridge. It dents, often resulting in lower first year sonal level demonstrates how open we move was “highly unconventional” and could not have come at a worse time declared the idea that women achieve results and thus accounting for the are here”. The next step for the college he claimed that employers want to for the university, currently in the better results when separated from position in the league table. However, will be a wide-ranging questionnaire, “intimidate not help”. process of preparing exam papers. the “intimidation” of men, was students from women-only colleges but for the moment, it appears that the The boycott follows a nationwide Cambridge has consistently taken a “deeply patronising” and “unhelpful become equally strong rivals to other men will have to wait. strike that saw academics from 110 hard line against the union and refuses to further progression towards gender institutions move on to the picket lines to recognise it for bargaining purposes, equality”. The student body decided in protest of a new pay restructure, a policy that has been retained under that provision could be maintained causing widespread lecture cancella- Vice-Chancellor Alison Richard. A for those who require single-sex tions throughout Cambridge last week. university spokesperson told Varsity accommodation for personal or reli- Such desperate measures demonstrate that it is “standard policy” to withhold gious reasons within a mixed-college, the frustration of university staff at a pay during industrial action, but through the creation of single-sex pay rise of 6.44% over two years, fol- claimed that the pension scandal had corridors. lowing claims that their salaries are now been exaggerated, given that superan- The debate, attended by both the up to 40% behind those of contempo- nuating payments had already been President and Senior Tutor, Dr. raries outside academia. Such claims made at the time. Owen Saxton, was designed to have been reinforced by high-profile The issue of pension contributions encourage views from a wider group examples in the national press of lectur- has incensed the AUT. A member of of students. Mrs Lonsdale denied the ers leaving academic life. Dr Karl the executive committee, Bill Trythall, idea that single-sex colleges no longer chives Gensberg of the University of labelled this a “dirty trick” and added, have a place in Cambridge and cited Birmingham quit his £23,000 a year job “such draconian threats are unprece- the example of the American Ivy as a university researcher last month to dented in modern industrial relations”. League universities, at which applica- retrain as a gas fitter, with possible He did, however, state that the meas- arsity Ar tions to women-only colleges have V earnings of up to £70,000. ures would be extremely difficult to soared in recent years. Single-sex col- The boycott, which will also include implement and are probably an attempt lege graduates from these universities “Men, you say?” One thing that hasn’t changed since 1954. staff appraisal schemes and cover for to put “the frighteners” on people. Robinson revolted by KFC rise Students boycott buttery and formal hall in protest against emerging “conference centre” mentality Zara Hayes this brought Robinson “in line with of staff are needed to cater for the to pass a motion stating that the While the action continues, stu- other colleges”. With the current increased needs of the conferences RCSA should “officially oppose the dents are finding more imaginative KFC at £110 per term, Robinson is that keep Robinson in business. boycott”. ways of feeding themselves. Both Robinson students have boycotted now on a par with other colleges. Students realise this necessity but Rumours of a movement to depose King’s and Selwyn have kindly their own canteen this week follow- The new KFC, however, will make Johnson at the weekend forced him to offered to “adopt” Robinson students ing an increase in kitchen fixed Robinson one of the most expensive The majority of students accept his loss of support and resign. He at mealtimes and take them along to charge (KFC). It was revealed that canteens in the university. The were in favour of the boycott, admits to have made a “grave mistake in their canteens. Varsity expects that the Senior Bursar plans to increase Senior Bursar declined to comment with only a few ‘braving it’ in not keeping the students fully usually placid Robinson students can KFC for the second year running. on this issue. the canteen. informed”. Other members of college learn a few lessons in protesting Students would be forced to pay Zee Ashraf, who has led the cam- have led the student body and even pro- from their more experienced King’s £405 a year on top of the college paign, explains that the average price insist that college must recognise vided their own funding in his absence. counterparts over dinner. bill. The announcement has led to of a canteen meal is £2.35. With the their different needs. They propose a disagreement in the Robinson addition of the equivalent daily re-evaluation of the canteen’s role, in College Student’s Association amount of KFC (c. £2.15), this which the students who use the can- (RCSA) that has forced its presi- equates to an average cost of £4.50 teen pay for the privilege. Students dent, Graham Johnson, to resign. per meal for a person who uses the want to be able to “opt out” of the canteen once a day. He commented, KFC system and possibly introduce a “The new KFC will make “The stated aim of the boycott is to swipe card system with higher till Robinson one of the most force college to take our concerns prices, if necessary. expensive canteens in the seriously”. The student activism has led to university.” Students argue against the can- disagreement about how to negotiate teen’s inefficient organisation, adven- with college. This climaxed with the Rents at Robinson are due to go turous dishes and excessive numbers resignation of the RCSA President, up by 8% - almost three times the of staff constituting unnecessary Graham Johnson. The overwhelm- current rate of inflation. The addi- expenditure. The canteen offers a full ing majority of students were in tional 22.7% increase in KFC, means breakfast, while only a handful of favour of the boycott, with only a few Robinson students feel they are students use this facility. This issue ‘braving it’ in the canteen. Johnson, being forced to foot the bill for a col- has been dismissed by college offi- however, absolutely refused to sup- lege that runs at a huge loss every cials in the past, fuelling opinions port the action. He called an emer- year. Last year, students reluctantly that the students are paying for the gency committee meeting on accepted the steep 30% rise in KFC, upkeep of a ‘Robinson College Monday and an inside source has because the Senior Bursar stated that Conference Centre’. Such high levels informed Varsity that he attempted Can the fortress walls of Robinson withstand the wrath of its hungry students? NEWS 04 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Ria Cooke Storming performance Ria Cooke Cambridge’s model students strut their stuff on the catwalk Bryan Coll received from the agency and was Cambridge students in a different looking forward to meeting the full light to that of the usual stereotype. team in London. Having never set “We wanted to show that Cambridge Four budding Cambridge models foot on a catwalk before, Emma was isn’t just about brains. There is so have been snapped up by Storm mod- worried that stage fright would get the much creative and artistic talent here elling agency and could soon be better of her. “I was quite nervous, but as well.” Monday’s show was not par- offered professional contracts. the crowd on Tuesday night was just ticularly well-attended with a consid- Scouts from the agency were particu- great and that really helped me”. The erable number of empty seats at the larly impressed with the talent on Guild Hall. Organisers were not dis- display at the Cambridge Fashion “There were loads of gor- couraged, however, and their optimism Show held on 1st-2nd March. geous people there!”, said a was rewarded with a sell-out show the Storm also ‘spotted’ two audience Storm spokesperson.“We next day. “The atmosphere on Tuesday members during their visit to the show night was fantastic”, commented Alex. and will be inviting the students down were so impressed.” The show was generally hailed as a to London for a photo shoot in forth- great success, although opinions of the coming weeks. The head scout for history student is unsure whether she after-show party were rather less posi- male models at Storm told Varsity he would like to pursue a full-time career tive. Held at the River Bar, tickets to was pleasantly surprised at the stan- as a model. “It’s been exciting so far”, the event cost a hefty £10 per head. dard of the models and the profession- she commented, “but I think I will Guests were greeted with a glass of alism of the show’s organisers. “There concentrate on getting a good degree complementary champagne but were were loads of gorgeous people there”, in the meantime”. The male models forced to fork out for any other drinks. he added. Encouraged by their suc- were slightly more successful than CUSU presidential candidates were cessful involvement in the Cambridge their female counterparts, with three also out in force at the party, using show, Storm is planning to launch a of them being contacted by Storm. every opportunity to canvas for sup- nationwide scouting campaign in all Andy Fenn from St. John’s, Jack port before Wednesday’s election. The major university campuses across the Guiness from Selwyn and Francis promise of a goody bag worth over £20 UK. “We were so impressed by what Fawcett from Magdalene were all may have enticed some punters, but we saw at Cambridge. We want to approached by the agency. only a few guests left with a bag in branch out and focus on the wider stu- Interestingly, none of the winners of their hands. Memories of last term’s dent community”, said a Storm repre- the Model Student competition were Fresh as Snow Ball, organised by the sentative. among those invited to London for same team as the fashion show, were Emma Burnett-Rae, a first year photo shoots and catwalk tests. rekindled. Some of the “£15 goody from Trinity, was the only female Alex Grundy, Creative Director of bags” handed out at the Fresh as Snow model selected by the agency on the the Cambridge Fashion Show, said the Ball consisted of two donuts from back of Tuesday’s show. She joins event had been “a real team effort”. Tesco and a 10p mix. One member of Quentin Jones from Fitzwilliam who “Everyone pulled together. I was really the fashion show organising team said has already modelled for Storm. pleased with the choreography espe- that the party had “put a real dampner Emma told Varsity she was “incredibly cially”, she said. She told Varsity the on the success of the show”. flattered” by the attention she had aim of the show was to portray Siobhan thinks her outfit is pants Emma from Trinity strikes a pose It pays to share Fight for the Presidency

Naomi Christie usage by the students of that particular continued from front page versially described PopSuperstars as public attention. Previous Presidents college. It is up to each college to set a “mistake”. He has plans to increase have enjoyed being in the student and limits for downloading. Moreover, it is As ever the issue of whether the “funding for university and college national media spotlight, none more so Cambridge colleges this week the decision of colleges to decide on incoming President actually has a sport” and, predictably, is “commit- than 2002 President Paul Lewis, who announced new measures to clamp what determines an “acceptable” level mandate was raised. From an elec- ted to access”. He is scathing about was described in The Guardian as down on file sharing on the university of file sharing. This depends to a large torate of 16,500 only 4,044 votes the university’s financial situation, “being in possession of a rather nice set network. Students could face sub- extent upon how much the college can were cast. Even among voters the awarding them only four out of ten of cheekbones.” There followed an stantial fines or permanent discon- afford to pay. If the university fails to majority had other preferences; uni- for financial management. Streeting “Education Idol” competition in which nection from the internet if caught uphold the JANET Acceptable Use versity wide, Streeting was the first acknowledges that the university tra- he was pitted against the Oxford sharing files from their college com- Policy, the service may be withdrawn choice of only 6% of students. ditionally has a “lot of fear of Student’s Union President Will Straw puters. from the entire institution. Nevertheless, he is determined to CUSU” and he voices a desire to in the “battle of the Oxbridge hunks”. Many students at Cambridge have at enact “plans for big reforms in “engage more constructively with When asked if his post would bring some point attempted to use peer-to- Homerton students are even CUSU”, and is “not afraid to pinch them”. stardom, Streeting played down his peer file sharing software with varying the good ideas of the others who Being the public face of CUSU chances, joking: “I don’t think there’ll degrees of success. Websites such as banned from using MSN were standing”. The key message of inevitably brings with it a degree of be a cult of the Wesident.” KaZaA offer free packages that allow Messenger his campaign was “bringing CUSU people to share their computer files home”, and central to his vision is including music files with other users “cutting through barriers between across the world, and in turn download The JANET user policy states that it CUSU and the students.” He insists files to their own computer. It seems is unacceptable to transmit material that his “door will always be open”, there is a considerable degree of dispar- that “infringes the copyright of another and he intends to be a familiar face ity and an aura of mystery surrounding person”. As yet, there have been no around colleges, attending JCR open the rules regarding computer use across major cases in Britain, such as those meetings as often as possible. the colleges. recently seen in the US, where big Streeting openly criticised the cur- The speed of many colleges’ internet record companies have launched law- rent administration, awarding them connections has made file sharing par- suits against individuals downloading only five out of ten. He is particular- ticularly popular at Cambridge. music for free. It is JANET user policy, ly critical of CUSU’s response to Students at Trinity College can however, and not simply UK law, that top-up fees. Whilst agreeing that allegedly download a whole album in dictates the response of the university. “the fight has to continue,” he argues around fifteen or twenty minutes. This means that the university is that “the methods of campaigning Students at St. John’s are charged £50 obliged to ensure students do not have to change.” He is worried that to be reconnected to the college net- download copyrighted music from the because of the emphasis on fees, work after misuse, whilst Caius have internet without paying. Many stu- “CUSU is perceived as a single issue only recently begun to warn students dents find ways around the rules by pressure group.” “People,” he against excessive downloading. concealing their computer’s location on believes, “are sick and tired of Homerton seems to dealing with the the network. protests.” problem in the strictest manner of all. KaZaA also offers a second package Instead, he would like to widen his Students at the college are not even called KaZaA light, which makes your organisation’s remit. CUSU, he permitted to use MSN Messenger on computer activity appear to be the same insists, should be “doing more than the college network. as when you are browsing a normal web ents and photocopying”. Although Each college is obliged to pay for its page when you are in fact downloading he acknowledges the importance of share of the university’s JANET net- music. Students thus avoid exceeding university wide ents and is planning work. The amount paid by the college their download quota and paying the a mini Freshers ball, he has contro- The big count corresponds directly to the degree of hefty fines dished out by some colleges. The 360° career.

Is taking part really what counts?

Ask the losing crews at the end of a race and “No comment” would be a Herculean example of diplomacy. Since when has losing been as good as winning? It hasn’t. Do students really get up at the crack of dawn to face the punishment of the ergo just to take part? We don’t think so. Taking part is fine, but winning is finer still. At JPMorgan, taking part equates to winning because you’re surrounded by the best in the business. Excellence, energy and challenge combine to give an all-round winning opportunity — the 360° career.

We are proud to support the Henley Boat Races and encourage the drive to success through the challenge of competition.

Henley-on-Thames, March 21. Racing starts at 1:30 p.m.

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FEATURES 06 March 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

celebrated in Moscow with fireworks and treaty engineered by the Russian general This is what President Putin, aka The sins of a parade of the president’s special army Alexander Lebed. Before 1994, when Vladimir Vladimirovitch, calls his contri- unit in the Red Square. Yeltsin’s Chechen war began, not a single bution to the international war on terror. It was also a good night out in Chechen terrorist attack had occurred on Consider for a moment that some stu- the fatherland Cambridge. In its weekly email, the Russian territory dents in Cambridge organised a vodka Cambridge University Russian Society Then a series of bomb explosions in party to celebrate Russian Defenders’ invited all to celebrate the day at a “Baltic Moscow and Rostov, which were attrib- Day this week, only a few days after the Sea Vodka Party”. uted to Chechen separatists (but none of Russian men last brutal terrorist attack on a Moscow investigated It may be news to some that 23rd which have been admitted by Chechen tube station, but also on one of many days February 2004 not only celebrates those rebels to this day), triggered off the inter- in Cambridge in which Russian conscripts are sent to who shed blood for their country but also vention of Russian troops in Daghestan are lucky they Chechnya to fight in a war with what can by Dina marks the 60th anniversary of Stalin’s and Chechnya, leading to the complete can escape the be safely described as having dubious mass deportation of the Chechen popula- destruction of the capital Grozny and tragic fate of a intentions. tion to Central Asia. Those who survived forcing women and children to flee. defender of Gusejnova were allowed to return to Chechnya in Naturally, when the Duma elections ussians in Cambridge are more like- 1956, and this generation now constitutes were held in Chechnya in December they Russia ly to go on to work at Goldman a politically active age group. Not surpris- brought back an 86% majority for Putin’s RSachs than to rape women in the n 14th March, Russia will hold its ingly, they do not partake in the festivities. Unity party. Meanwhile, women there backyard of a bombed-out house in presidential elections. In the Problems in Chechnya began after the who appeal to Russian courts for brutal Grozny. Russian men here are lucky in that Orecent parliamentary elections in collapse of the Soviet Union when sepa- rapes committed against them by military their background gives them the means to December, not a single democratic party ratist attempts prompted four years of officials are left unheard; the guerrilla war escape the tragic fate of a ‘defender of opposing President Vladimir Putin’s war. However, a degree of peace was continues and press and aid organisations Russia’, whose parents were unable to pay Unity party received more than 5% of the secured between 1996 and 1999 in a are denied entry to Chechnya. for him to escape conscription. This in nation’s vote. Putin has prepared well for Russia is commonly done by entering a the presidential ‘contest’. university course. The second path to avoid On the same day that Sergei conscription is emigration. The Yushenkov, the leader of the Liberal Cambridge student has done both, and it Russia party, registered as a candidate for Putin’s Russia: is ironic that some seem supportive of the position of the president, he was Putin’s style of leadership. assassinated. Elena Tregubova, a journal- If educated and well-informed individ- ist who recently published a book criticis- A return to the cold uals do not recognise that 23rd February ing Putin, called ‘Tales of a Kremlin deserves to be, if anything, a day of col- Digger’, only just escaped an explosion in lective shame, rather than praise for the her flat last month. history of the Soviet Union and particu- Before Christmas, the Moscow office larly the Russian army, there is little hope of the Open Society Institute, a group for greater public attention to the crimes financed by the US philanthropist against humanity that have been and are George Soros which supports democracy being committed in Russia every day. and equality, was ransacked by a crew of Nothing can be said against loving armed security officers. None of these one’s country. But participating in acts of crimes have been investigated. patriotism for a state which persecutes its To add a touch of spirituality to his own citizens, curtails the media and free campaign, three weeks ago Mr Putin came speech, enforces the Secret Service as the up with a special gift for the citizens of the country’s central institution and refuses Russian capital. Alexiy, Patriarch of the to investigate assassinations of those who Orthodox Russian Church, declared all attempt to enter the political scene by tap water in Moscow to be holy. On a cold democratic means, is truly repulsive. day in January, any inhabitant of Moscow One can only hope that there will be could for 24 hours enjoy the privilege of no vodka party before the election. It is bathing in and drinking holy water in his clearly time to change to tap water. At very own flat. Who needs a healthy econ- least here in Cambridge there is a dim omy when you can bathe in holy water? hope that it has not been sanctified by Meanwhile, 23rd February, fomerly the chive patriarch Alexiy. ‘Day of the Soviet Army and Navy’, has now officially been renamed the ‘Day of

arsity Ar [email protected]

the Defenders of the Fatherland’ and was V Harry Porter and the Cambridge comedians

n the last 50 years the face of British the club’s only senior member, Harry acted as who was visiting with ex-Footlights collab- success stories. Sacha Baron Cohen, creator comedy has changed enormously - a stalwart, friend and mentor to each year’s orator Neal Mullarkey. of the character Ali G was a regular per- Iand many of the principal protago- crop of budding comedians. Harry was a loyal defender of Footlights former with Footlights. nists in this revolution have started off At his funeral in January, an impressive comedians, and notoriously shut his door in Similarly Matt Holness, Perrier Award in Cambridge. line-up including Ben Elton and Bill Oddie the face of John Cleese’s unwanted biogra- winner 2001, has appeared in an episode of Names like Peter Cook, Douglas Adams, had personal stories of Harry’s kindness. pher, who was determined to unearth secret The Office and starred in his own series Stephen Fry and more recently Sacha Former members of the club, famous or evidence on the comic. Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place currently airing Baron Cohen have all passed through these not, still used to pop by to visit him. on Channel 4. ivory towers and more specifically, the Douglas Adams, staying at Harry’s house he Cambridge Footlights have a dis- In the forty years he was involved with Cambridge Footlights. whilst directing the summer tour show, tinguished history. Over the years the Footlights, Harry Porter was a staunch sup- Last year Dr Harry Porter, senior archivist found the name for the central character in Tclub’s summer revue has featured per- port and advisor for the hundreds of people of The Cambridge Footlights, sadly passed his book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy formers including Clive Anderson, David involved in the club. This term, to mark the away. He joined the club in 1962 and served after seeing a history book by one Arthur Baddiel, John Bird, Germaine Greer, Nick loss of Harry, Footlights have planned a Peter Cook’s as the club’s treasurer and senior archivist but Dent on Harry’s shelf. More recently, he Hancock and Clive James. series of events in his honour. Firstly they Footlights show his role extended well beyond these titles. As put up Mike Myers of Austin Powers fame, Peter Cook’s legendary show ‘Beyond the have run a new-writing competition - the is credited with Fringe’ is credited with ushering in a revo- Harry Porter Prize - which marks his legacy ushering in a lution in British comedy that was followed by giving an opportunity for an aspiring revolution in up by the Monty Python crew - comic writer to have their work performed. British comedy Footlighters John Cleese, Graham This year’s prize was judged by Stephen Chapman and Eric Idle. Fry, who described the winner, Daddy’s Perhaps the high point came in 1980 with Dead by Simon Bird, as “an immensely the show The Cellar Tapes which won impressive piece of writing” with “such Footlights their first Perrier Award, the most good jokes.” Also planned is a Harry Porter Cambridge Footlgiths prestigious in comedy. The cast included memorial gala at the end of term for alum- Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Emma ni and Footlights members featuring per- Thompson and Tony Slattery. formers both old and new to pay tribute to There is a popular misconception that the man that had such a massive influence Footlights is now in the shadow of its former on British comedy. glory days, unable to live up to the legacy of Fry and Cook etc. But the last 10 years has Daddy’s Dead, the Harry Porter Prize win- shown that Footlights is still up to the chal- ner, runs from the 10th-13th March in the lenge of exporting the latest stars. ADC Theatre at 11pm. The fortnightly smokers have helped produce some of Footlight’s more recent Matt Harvey Harry Porter with Alfred Hitchcock in Cambridge

NEWS REVIEW www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 07 Go Shortie, it’s your birthday...... we’re gonna sack you like it’s your birthday

or the past week diplomatic embarrass- ing the Official Secrets Act, but faced with her or knowing anything about it. ment has hovered over the Blair govern- defence that her actions were justified to prevent We're faced with a tough choice between not Winner Fment. On Radio 4’s Today programme, what she saw as an illegal war with Iraq, the gov- sleeping at night because of the risk of box cut- Clare Short, the former international develop- ernment dropped the case. ters being brought onto flights, or not sleeping at ment secretary, accused British spies of illegal- It came as little surprise that spies know what night because GCHQ/NSA employees are of the story ly bugging the conversations of the UN secre- Mr. Annan orders when he gets pizza. Britain watching us from space and tracking us through tary general Kofi Annan. Her outburst was has been caught being sneaky, but the interna- our phones. Finding this balance between the week swiftly condemned as "completely irresponsi- freedom to make a private phone call and the ble" by Tony Blair, although he stopped short Short’s fate has taken need for anti-terrorism intelligence is one of the of flatly denying the claims. Blair is ever-cau- major tasks facing the world’s politicians. And Crabs in general tious when choosing his words, and the master on symbolic status although it may seem that the more spying a wordsmith appears once again to be covering country can engage in, the safer they are, there is For millennia the planet has his own back. tional community has stayed silent. Why? a very real danger of isolating allies through been ruled by homo sapiens Many critics have suggested that Ms. Short Because they all have their fingers in the same unethical behaviour. For instance, in a Guardian but soon this reign of terror has simply leaked this information as part of an pie. The dilemma is that whilst the bugging of interview Hans Blix said that while he anticipat- will end. Can 10 million ongoing vendetta against Blair, and she has the UN can be seen to undermine international ed being the victim of Iraqi espionage, to be giant crabs be wrong? made no secret of her unhappiness in the way diplomacy, it seems a case of keeping-up-with- spied on by the supposedly freedom-loving US recent events have been handled. The former the-Joneses in the world of espionage. was a “disgusting” step too far: "It feels like an be far less important than the precedent it sets chief weapons inspector Richard Butler has 'Everyone else does it,' is the moan coming from intrusion into your integrity in a situation when for the conflict between ethics and espionage. backed up her allegations of UN monitoring and the anonymous intelligence community and you are actually on the same side." Ben Franklin’s words serve as a stark warning: this mess for the government comes hot on the we'd be fools not to believe them. After 9/11, Short’s fate has taken on symbolic status, and "they that can give up essential liberty to obtain heels of the collapse of the trial against GCHQ spooks in America and the rest of the world got whether or not Labour carries out its threat to a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty leak Katharine Gun. Gun admitted contraven- a real going over for not anticipating the event expel her from the party, her political future will nor safety". RM Water, water Commie crabs everywhere and not a cheap drop set to invade ussia has always been viewed by the West as a potential threat, but there is to drink Rnow a real, immediate reason to be scared. 10 million enormous Russian Red King n the world of bottled water, image is every- crabs are charging towards Britain, with their thing. Which is why Coca-Cola, makers of the 3ft claw spans striking terror into the hearts of IDasani brand, are in hot water this week, fol- anything or anyone they encounter. So far, lowing their widely publicised admission that the their unstoppable march has taken them 400 raw material for their product does not come from a miles along the Norwegian coast, devouring spring or a mountain stream, as many assumed, but everything in their path. from the Kent tap supply. Such is the devastation caused by these angry To Coca-Cola’s credit, they never actually claimed crustaceans that the trail of dead aquatic life left that they were bottling anything other than purified tap water. For anyone slightly confused about why Norway’s environmental lobby has made they should pay around 95p for a bottle of water that repeated calls for something to be done costs the manufacturers practically nothing, Coca- Cola provided some illumination of the bottling process. As well as filtering the water, they also put it behind them has been described as “an underwa- through “reverse osmosis”, which apparently is used by ter desert”. Norway’s environmental lobby has NASA, and then add calcium, magnesium, and sodi- made repeated, loud calls for something to be um bicarbonate to give it some taste. A 3rd year done to tackle the issue, although a policy of NatSci, who asked to remain anonymous to protect a appeasement seems to have been adopted by future career in marketing, said “Reverse osmosis? politicians, who are reluctant to become Sounds like bullshit to me. Although I don’t actually embroiled in a naval battle which could easily know what it means”. become the Norwegian Vietnam. The fact that Dasani is essentially filtered tap water It is difficult to view this invasion force in a

would probably never have hit the headlines were it ew James non-political light, given that their popular name not for the outraged intervention of Water UK, which is ‘the Stalin crab’, a reference to the communist

represents national mains water suppliers. A Andr leader’s decision to introduce them to Russia in spokesman said that Coca-Cola’s marketing implied order to provide much-needed food for the coastal that tap water is in some way impure and unfit to regions. Their impressive size means that one of drink, and pointed out that the water inspectorate car- Crabs are your friends, trust them, obey them, love them the crabs can feed a family. What 10 million of ries out 3 million checks to approve the safety of water them can do, though, is anyone’s guess. OR which has not undergone the mystical Dasani process. Since Dasani was launched in America in 1999, it has become the second most popular brand of bottled water. If anything like that level of success is to be achieved over here, Coca-Cola had better avoid the Shia Muslims targeted limelight and carry on quietly using those taps in Kent with the minimum possible fuss. OR 180 killed, 450 wounded in massacre on day of worship

uesday marked the height of Shia graphed attacks had killed at least 184 people and that the violence is intended to encourage civil war Loser Islam’s most important religious festi- injured 450. The bloodied streets in Kerbala and between Sunni and Shia Muslims. Tval, Ashura. For the first time since Baghdad, where a combination of mortar, suicide before Saddam took power, the festival was bombers and planted explosives brought wide- The Facts: of the allowed to take place without official opposi- spread destruction, told the same brutal story as a - Shia is the second largest division of Islam tion; under Saddam’s dictatorship, it had been street in Quetta, in South-West Pakistan, where - Shia constitute about 10-15% of all Muslims week banned, for fear that it could undermine com- armed men had opened fire on a procession of - 95% of Iraq’s population is Muslim pliance with his regime. Shia worshippers. - 64% of Iraq’s population is Shia So it was with an excited air of new freedom Agonizing evidence of the massacre was EB Coca-Cola that tens of thousands of worshippers from Iraq, observed outside the Kazimiya shrine in Baghdad, Its Dasani brand of bottled water Iran, Lebanon, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, where thousands of shoes had been laid, belong- splashed over the headlines with India, and Afghanistan made pilgrimage to the ing to pilgrims who had entered the shrine. Contributors: the news that it is basically filtered holy city of Kerbala, just fifty miles from the Iraq Inside, the courtyard was littered with the limbs Esther Bintliff capital, Baghdad. Celebrations were also planned and flesh of victims. tap water from Kent. Not cool... Rupert Myers in other cities throughout the Middle East. Commentators have called this the bloodiest Ollie Rickman But by Tuesday evening, apparently choreo- day in Iraq since the end of the war, and many fear INTERVIEWS 08 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk The spirit of the The Independent Independent man

brow right-of-centre tabloid later this year. talking points of the day.” The latest circulation figures give Indy execs In the Indy’s defence, the award judges reason to smile, showing an exceptional 15 praised its clarity in opposing the invasion of percent rise year-on-year in a wilting market. Iraq and correctly predicting its messy after- The strength of the new edition is that it is math. “We challenged the case for war from a true ‘mini-Indy’ - readers are promised every day one and we’ve been proved to be spot-on,” word and every picture they would get in the says Kelner. On the wall of the newsroom is a Editor of the broadsheet version. This requires a massive sign: “Truth doesn’t have to be the first casu- year for the logistical operation – said to cost £5m a year – alty of war.” second year and rumour is rife it will go fully-tabloid any running month now. Is Kelner willing to give up the o what does he consider the hallmark symbolic broadsheet format? Doing so would of good journalism? “Good journal- counter the promotional slogan of offering Sism is obviously about accuracy and readers choice (“like different sizes of tooth- trust, but it’s also being able to convey a men- paste”, he explained last summer). But eco- tal picture to the reader and not taking any nomics will surely prevail. bullshit from the government or whoever. It’s “Well… we’re not, we’re not thinking about cutting through the crap and getting the real that at the moment…” he trails off, in a quiet, story. Robert Fisk, for example, has all these low voice. “But you get to the point where you talents in abundance.” have to look at the costs of producing a broad- I remove the rose-tinted spectacles for a sheet and a tabloid. We’ll have to make a moment and ask him to drag some skeletons choice.” When? “Not yet.” What will the from the closet. Was the ‘trial-by-media’ cov- choice be? He avoids a definite answer, but erage of Soham pair Ian Huntley and Maxine concedes,“We’re putting a lot into the tabloid, Carr acceptable? “No. I think even we at the Editor-in-Chief of The Independent, Simon and it’s paying off. They’re outselling broad- Independent went too far in our trial coverage, sheets two-to-one in many areas.” The signs space devoted to it every day. Sometimes it’s Kelner talks to Oly Duff. are there to see, and they point one way: the difficult to have the perspective at the time, Independent’s Saturday edition is tabloid-only, but I realise that now.” ast May I found myself debating at revolutionised the quality newspaper market, and the broadsheet is no longer printed in Kelner’s worst ever mistake, he confesses, the Union, arguing, as a student turned round the fortunes of the Indy and Scotland, Wales, Ireland and the South-West. was to publish a picture of Gordon and Sarah Lhack, that the press would undoubt- won the prestigious Editor of the Year award, Murdoch is hot on his heels, and it is not Brown the day their first baby died. “I made a edly “sell its soul to sell its papers”.The facts for the second time. So how has he done it? inconceivable that by 2005 only the Guardian shocking decision,” he says. “We had a very told the story, I said: the frothier a newspa- Through “the most innovative newspaper and FT will remain broadsheet. heated editorial discussion and I decided it per’s content, the more copies it sells. Tits, wheeze for well over a decade” argues the The tabloidisation of the market is a boon was the picture of the day and so we ran with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Thierry Guardian’s Peter Preston. Kelner took a well- for serious news hacks. The Indy, traditional- it. But it’s one of those times when you wake Henry were in; hard news was on the way known commuters’ gripe about broadsheet ly punching above its weight despite limited up the next day and put your head in your out. The Daily Star was flying and that last newspapers – their inconvenient size – and readership and resources, has demonstrated hands. It was an awful thing to do.” bastion of journalistic integrity, the broad- had the boldness to pioneer a tabloid version that quality can be maintained in a smaller We only have one minute left before he sheet, was dumbing down in an attempt to of the daily. Competitors panned the idea, it “It was one of format, and the equation ‘tabloid = downmar- ushers in his third conference of the day. forestall seemingly terminal decline. But was a “desperate act”. The Independent had those times ket’, a relic in continental Europe, looks ever Things can’t always seem this damned sometimes it’s nice to be proved wrong. the lowest circulation of any national newspa- when you wake more tenuous here. But what’s with the cover- good, I suggest. What makes him see red? Leading the opposition that evening was per and nothing to lose (a “risible” criticism, up the next age of I’m A Celebrity? “Roy Keane,” he snaps back as a Man City Simon Kelner, editor-in-chief of the Kelner tells me). Yet the public response was day and put “It’s the explosion of television and celebri- fan. “And the vicious, dishonest, indefensi- Independent. He defended the quality titles so overwhelming that Rupert Murdoch ty culture… We have a society which has ble attacks on immigrants in the right- and insisted that, despite the dive in sales, rushed out his own ‘sawn-off ’ version of the your head in become a bit more dumbed down and celebri- wing press.” none would lower their standards. Last week Times and it was High Noon at the news your hands. ” ty obsessed,” he responds, blaming it on read- Time’s up, and I feel like a lapsed believer. we sat in his office at the Independent’s stands. The Telegraph has a compact dummy er demand. “Our readers pick up the paper Kelner’s pride and conscience, his willingness Docklands headquarters and I was forced to in the wings and awaits a new owner before and want to be informed. If they go to a din- to admit to errors and the reborn popularity of eat my words. wading into the contest, and Daily Mail ner party and everyone else is talking about serious journalism at least partially restore my In the intervening nine months, Kelner has columnist Stephen Glover will launch a high- Celebrity – well, we have a duty to cover the faith. Long may it last. Claire Fox

efore speaking to Claire Fox, I did to be inadequate. But LM met with contro- happened to national sovereignty?” bodies to the precautionary principle and the usual pre-interview routine. versy immediately; ITN sued for libel over an Perhaps, but does content really matter? I human health, and their current national BFind out who they are and what they article in their first issue that challenged mean, at least people are arguing about some- debating competition for sixth-formers, sug- do. Look at a biography – where born, ITN’s coverage of camps in Bosnia. When thing? “Look at what happened with Kilroy. gests that they’re succeeding. where educated,when jobless,when not and the case was finally heard in 2000, LM was He was vilified for causing offence”. Well, he Their petite offices, next to Farringdon so forth. Then look at some literature about crushed. But from the (Marxist) ashes did do that, didn’t he? “But what exactly is tube, reek of intellectual creativity. Other

ant them. How have they been received by pop- sprung the Institute of Ideas (IoI) and its sis- causing offence? I think it’s patronising to say interviewers, over-blowing the role of the ular culture – broadly speaking, are they ter company, Spiked, an online journal. I shouldn’t be allowed to read Kilroy’s article now redundant RCP, have associated the

v loved, loathed, or somewhere in between? So it should be simple: Fox is a defeated because he might offend me – if that’s what office with the stuff of Revolution: small, Claire Fox is impossible. Some facts are Marxist? Not nearly. “I don’t like the label of Kilroy believes let him say it and let’s take him squalid, tucked away, and heaving with polit- clear – but not many. Born: North Wales, Marxist – it’s a lot more complicated than up intellectually – not just silence the debate. ical erudition. But the ‘R’-word is problem- 1966. Educated: St. Richard Gwyn High that”. What then, is the ‘Institute of Ideas’ – I’d rather people were prepared to stir things atic. Fox has no problem with her Marxist School and Warwick University: 2:2 in other than the mouthpiece that LM never up a bit, to argue for what they believe in, and background, but to dismiss the IoI as a mini- English. Active within radical left-wing cir- came to be? “Our initial banner was to engage with the arguments that other peo- collective of failed Trotskys-to-be is to ignore cles in her second year. After University, ‘Expanding the boundaries of public debate’, ple raised, fascist or otherwise”. the impact she and her colleagues – all four of works as a social worker, and then teaches and that remains our chief purpose”. them – are making on public debate. Fox is a English in a Further Education College. Oh, really? Aren’t the boundaries big hen Andrew Billen interviewed regular on Radio 4’s ‘The Moral Maze’, and Votes Thatcher in 1979. Joins the enough already? “No. And in fact, they’re Fox for the Times, he gave his arti- has already got a couple of appearances on Revolutionary Communist Party (RCP) in getting narrower”. More newspapers, jour- Wcle the title of ‘A prickly opinion Question Time under her belt. her twenties. Is not married, but refuses to nals, magazines, than ever before, less censor- on just about everything’. Fox’s reputation has So much so, in fact, that suddenly she is discuss her personal life. ship of the media, more debates on telly, Jon rested on that sort of label. But she denies it, faced with hyper-fame. Celebrity parties, Throughout this period she is reading, and Snow and Alistair Campbell bitch-fight- “I’m not interested in being a contrarian. The more interviews, her own slot on telly per- w Rele occasionally writing for, Living Marxism ing… what’s narrow, or narrowing, about IoI wasn’t founded simply to stir things up; haps… Could she handle it? “I’m not inter- magazine, which is the monthly publication this? “Fighting over who said what to whom we want to interrogate ideas, challenge ortho- ested in being a celeb. Popular recognition of of the RCP. When the RCP disbands in re WMD is not the same as a principled doxy, and show that this climate of lowest the need for interrogation of ideas would be 1997, Fox and two friends set up LM – a new, debate over whether the West even has a common denominator consensus, is no good great”. Lovely. But, Claire Fox, could you dynamic monthly with the task of showing right to invade or dictate to any other coun- for progress”. A series of big conferences over handle it? “I can handle anything”.

No the old distinctions between Left and Right try – with or without WMD. Whatever the past two years on everything from dead Amol Rajan OPINION www.varsity.co.uk Mat 05, 2004 09

intended to parody his ‘character’ (a sort of best pompous and at worst dictatorial. The slightly substandard upper-class Alan trouble is, people who run for student posi- Partridge) and what he perceives as tions feel strongly about things, and are at Archie CUSU’s misguided welfare provision, least partly motivated by a desire to Get rather than to abuse those groups he men- Involved and Do Something About It. Bland tions. And every time he made one of This is in itself entirely admirable, but it can these jokes, he is asked to withdraw it, and lead to a culture of nannyism. Take Nick usually he makes another similar joke in his Griffin’s visit to the other Union last year, withdrawal, and then he is asked to with- for instance, and the ‘No Platform’ policy: WEASEL WORDS AND THE PROBLEM draw that, and the process starts again, and can an organisation like CUSU, which can- OF STUDENT SENSITIVITY the whole thing descends into farce. not claim to even have the attention of the

ustings aren’t terribly interesting. are rapists,’ it’s true, and while I still take They chiefly consist of Access issue with the statement, and the philosophy Hcandidates saying they want to that informs it, it’s at least within the No offence, but improve access, Welfare candidates saying bounds of reason. Besides which, after a they want to improve welfare, and Ents protest from a huster (is that the right noun? candidates saying they want to improve Who knows), the comment was withdrawn. ents. Then someone asks a question, The plot thickens. I draw your attention which can generally be approximated to, (this is the point at which, if I was a TV CUSU elections and do you think it’s important to improve lawyer, I would whip out my dossier and access? or welfare? or ents? and the answer dazzle you all with my research) to CUSU’s is generally, yes, and I’m really passionate! standing order A11, ‘Restrictions on and enthusiastic! about it. Offensive Comments’: ‘Anyone making a That’s how it usually goes, anyway. racist, sexist, homophobic or other bigoted Things were a bit spicier in King’s this year, remark shall be asked by the Chair to with- manners don’t mix though: principally because Jo Read, the draw that remark and, if they refuse to do so, incumbent CUSU Women’s officer, who ran can be asked to leave the meeting.’ What’s peculiar about the two cases is majority of its constituents, let alone its unopposed to retain her position, said that This is absurd. What it means is, ‘we can’t that the one was an expression of what approval, really justify such vigour on what one advantage of attending an all girls col- regulate you thinking horrible things, unfor- someone who will be representing our stu- is ultimately an entirely subjective question? lege is the reduced fear of being raped on the tunately, but we can regulate you saying dent body really thinks, and the other was This is not a question of freedom of way to the shower. them: but not to worry – if we can just all pre- simply a big, slightly unfortunate joke, and a speech – Stanley can still say what he wants, Cor. Worthy of a new paragraph, I think, tend it never happened and you act as if you joke which may even have had a serious and and no-one will throw him in jail – but it is just to let that sink in. Try extending that didn’t mean it, we’ll let you off.’ Consider the entirely unbigoted point, at that. Yet they certainly a question of what kind of union reasoning for a moment, and you’ll find a case of Tim Stanley, whose tongue-in-cheek Can such overbear- have been dealt with in the same way proce- we want CUSU to be. This seems an appo- remarkable new set of solutions to a range of campaign for Welfare Officer has led to gen- durally, and it is Stanley who has attracted site time to ask that question: given (anoth- ing proscription on problems. Like racism, for instance, which eral vilification, including president-elect all the flak. Now, if you think he’s a joke, er) low turnout in this year’s election, and a could be wiped out a stroke if only the PC Wes Streeting investigating whether any fur- a fuzzy moral issue presumably it doesn’t matter what he thinks; common complaint that no-one knows police would let us get back to apartheid. ther action can be taken. possibly be justified, on the other hand, if you think he’s making what CUSU does, can such overbearing Perhaps this isn’t entirely fair. Context is Stanley has done little more than make a or mandated? a joke, you don’t care anyway. So why the proscription on a fuzzy moral issue possibly all, and without having been at King’s, it’s series of bad jokes, and it is difficult to see nuclear response all round? be justified, or mandated? President Wes hard to know precisely what the intended how they could be taken as anything else. This is the by-product of an entirely seems like a good man, and one with a implication was. More likely ‘women Any offensive power they might have is wrong-headed CUSU dictat: to force peo- strong sense of the direction he wants should be able to live in an environment in utterly defused by his parodic delivery, ple to curb their unpleasantness - when it is CUSU to head in – but he’s going to have to which they feel comfortable’ than ‘all men which makes it quite clear that these are in fact no more than unpleasantness - is at do a lot to persuade me on this one.

Davies insisting that the number of ‘scare-mongering and distortion.’ ‘We are Eastern European migrants to Britain a stronger and better country,’ he told his will far exceed the government’s esti- Lancashire audience, ‘rich in our cultural Dan mates, Labour could at least turn to asy- diversity, because of the immigrant com- lum to reassure Daily Mail readers that it munities that have settled here.’ Matlin was doing something to keep the for- Fine words. But how did Mr. Howard eigners out. propose to stem racial antipathy and the That newspaper’s attitude to asylum rising support for the BNP in towns like was made plain when Robert Mugabe Burnley and Oldham? ‘The general pub- ASYLUM APPLICATIONS ARE DOWN. BUT began to evict white farmers from their lic want to know that immigration is WHO’S CELEBRATING,AND WHY? land in Zimbabwe in summer 2002. being controlled,’ he explained. ‘It would How, the Daily Mail’s editorial column be a tragedy if the failure to respond to asked, would these genuine asylum appli- people’s concerns led to a decrease in cants stand a chance against the bogus respect for and tolerance of our immi- hordes from countries with ‘no substan- grant communities’. tial cultural ties’ to our own? Fear of In other words, Mr. Howard implies, Fewer asylum seekers? racial, ethnic and religious difference the solution to racial antipathy is less a dominates popular attitudes to both asy- fundamental change in public attitudes lum and immigration, encouraging both to differences of ethnicity and religion major parties to spar on ground tainted than control of the number of people by prejudice. who are ‘different’ through tighter immi- Only Daily Mail readers With the annual cost of administering gration regulations. the asylum system rising to £2 billion, The same logic underlies the French the fall in applications might be seen as government’s move to ban religious good news for the British exchequer. But clothing from public schools. How the evidence does not suggest that the should governments cope with hostility could be proud of that government’s asylum policy is driven pri- in areas of ethnic and religious differ- marily by financial considerations. ence? Apparently, by pretending as far as Tony Blair has admitted that Britain possible that difference does not exist. or once, the Prime Minister’s existing rights to judicial appeal are hav- entered negotiations to persuade Both strategies in fact credit the BNP’s official spokesman thought he ing the desired effect. Tanzania, a country genuinely ‘flooded’ underlying message - that difference, Fhad good news: a massive 41 per So for whom, exactly, is this year’s by refugees from disaster areas of Africa, rather than prejudice, is the root of hos- cent fall in asylum applications over the decrease in asylum applications good to accept those turned away from Britain. tility within multicultural societies. It is last year. ‘We have turned the corner, news? As pleasing as it would be to think For this scheme, which incensed many of difficult to sustain the argument that cul- but we are not complacent,’ he said, that the figure signals a similar reduction Fear of racial, ethnic his own backbenchers, Mr. Blair was tural diversity is an asset to British soci- adding that 41 per cent represented in political persecution and humanitarian and religious differ- happy to pledge £4 million. Tanzania ety while welcoming the news that fewer ‘work in progress.’ crises, our newspapers remind us on a ence dominates politely declined; the British government foreigners are attempting to join that Progress towards a fall of 100 per cent, daily basis that the reverse is true. popular attitudes to turned its hopes to South Africa. Political society. And with an ICM poll showing perhaps? Refugees might well arrive at Not good news for refugees, then. But both asylum and opportunism remains the motivating that 20 per cent of the British public such a conclusion. The government’s good news for New Labour in the murky, immigration force behind Labour’s asylum policy. would object to having a Jewish Prime message is getting through to them loud toxic cauldron of asylum and immigra- Minister, Mr. Howard, the son of Jewish and clear: Britain is no longer the hos- tion politics that misleads public opinion ence the rare applause from the immigrants from Eastern Europe, may pitable place it once seemed. Talk of off- and panders to the chauvinism bred by Left for Conservative party find that the bigotry stoked by political shore processing camps, the reality of ignorance. With ten new member states Hleader Michael Howard when manipulation of the asylum issue does his whole families detained at Oakington joining the European Union on 1 May he entered the charged arena at Burnley to own aspirations more harm than good. and new legislation which will remove and Conservative spokesman David denounce the British National Party’s

EDITORIAL 10 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Ahead by a whisker

94% of Cambridge students didn’t vote for Wes Streeting. That is a strong indictment. Not of him, not even of the stu- dent body but of CUSU itself. Asking around friends at differ- ent colleges on the day of voting I was shocked at the level of apathy. “I’m not interested in petty student politics”. “I don’t care who wins. It doesn’t affect me”. “I’ve never voted in a CUSU election”.

If students feel unaffected by the daily workings of Trumpington Towers it is the role of their Union to change things. Streeting has identified this as an urgent issue to address and plans to tackle it under his Presidency. He has stat- ed his desire to “cut through the barriers between CUSU and the students” before the former becomes totally out of touch with the latter. But what will bring CUSU to the students? a central union building? better ents? It is what CUSU Presidents have been promising for years. Each year we elect a new President, fresh-faced, energetic, ready to take on the might and tradition of the University and champion student issues and each year Varsity writes about hopes of a new begin- ning, how this President will be the one to deliver. Tentatively we’ll say it again. We are impressed by Streeting. His cleanly fought campaign, solid issues and proven track record point to a successful presidency. Varsity wishes him well. But Brinded’s time isn’t over yet. A year ago he promised great things and he still has a term to deliver them. Fashionably Cantab

Varsity was proud to support the Cambridge University Fashion Show earlier this week. The event was a huge success and show- cased the talents of some of Cambridge’s finest fashion designers as well as modelling the creations famous designers. Over 40 students modelled and over 2,000 students will have seen The Week in Words the show. Since the show four students have been contacted by top modelling agency Storm, who represent the likes of Kate Moss and Sophie Dahl. The organisers promised it would be one of the biggest and most exciting events in Cambridge… and it was. “As someone who was educated at London University, I am happy to say that the Lord Chancellor was edu- “Do you believe in the ‘dictatorship of the proletariat’ cated at Cambridge” and that a ‘revolution’ is desirable?”

Lord Woolf speaking this week at the Law faculty show- Simon Radford, of Peterhouse, putting a tricky question Chocolate winners ing clear signs of increasing tension in the relationship to the Presidential candidates at the e-hustings. between the country’s two most senior lawyers. “I won’t let you down” “BA Hon-ies” Congratulations to the following winners of our Get It 1st Chocolate competition. Each lucky winner will receive a selection CUSU President-elect Wes Streeting promising he’ll do of chocolate goodies to whet the appetite for the Easter period. How the tabloids described Cambridge students in the his best for Cambridge students. They all correctly answered last week’s question which asked University’s Fashion Show which film will be showing at Christ’s on the 11th March. The “My criticism is about her pretending to have a status answer was The Girl Next Door starring the delectable Elisha she has not got” Cuthbert. “I realise that women have a lot of emotional issues”. The outspoken Professor Gillian Evans criticising the The lucky few are: Duncan Barrett, Rosie Clift, Richard Probably not the best thing to tell a room packed full of University for referring to Alison Richard as “Professor” Kowenicki, Kate Oliver, M.P.Richardson, Alex Nice, Peter women. Tim Stanley, who ran for CUSU Welfare Officer when she has only had the status conferred on her at Smye, Yin Yan, David Turton, Robert Paton, Graham (of all things) inflaming Newnhamites earlier this week. Yale and not at Cambridge. Appalling. Morrison and Tim Paterman. Well done!

If you would like to contribute to Varsity please Arts/News Photos ([email protected]) Lifestyle ([email protected]) Thanks to all our sub-editors for their hard e-mail the relevant section editor. To submit a Andrew Gillespie, Jack Chiles, Ella McPherson Alex Grundy, Vicki Booth work. letter to the editor please email Sports Photos ([email protected]) Fashion ([email protected]) [email protected] ot drop your letter into the Andrew Sims Ronojoy Dam Web team: Tom Wilkie, Mohammed Ali Azeem, offices at 11-12 Trumpington Street. Chief News ([email protected]) Theatre ([email protected]) Lizzie Ostrom and Tom Simonite Editors ([email protected]) Bryan Coll Chris Adams, Charlotte Holden Laura-Jane Foley News ([email protected]) Music ([email protected]) Business Manager [email protected] Reggie Vettasseri Aisleigh Sawyer, Gabriella Gozwiak Henry Bowen, Edwin Lane Sam Gallagher Radio News ([email protected]) Film ([email protected]) Web Editor ([email protected]) Benjamin Bland Oliver Tilley Email the Business Manager to enquire about Jonathan Wood Comment ([email protected]) Classical Music ([email protected]) placing adverts. Production Manager ([email protected]) Amol Rajan Ciaran Jenkins Ifti Qurashi National News ([email protected]) Visual Arts ([email protected]) Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd Chief Photos Editor ([email protected]) Ollie Rickman, Esther Blintiff Dawn Tunstall and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All Ria Cooke Features ([email protected]) Literature ([email protected]) copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Deputy Editor (News) ([email protected]) Tom Cahill Zoe Organ Publications Ltd. No part of this publication may Archie Bland Interviews ([email protected] Sport ([email protected]) be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or Deputy Editor (Arts) ([email protected]) James Dacre, Will Gallagher Rajan Lakhani, Sam Richardson transmitted in any form or by any means, with- Ellen E Jones Page Fourteen ([email protected]) Editorial Cartoonist out the prior permission of the publisher. Alex Rushmer, Dave Fawbert Andrew James /05/03/04/LISTINGS/ Welcome to Varsity’s Listings pull-out.With our expert’s top recommendations below, Listings is your essential weekly guide to what’s on in Cambridge over the next seven days. THEATRE FILM WORLD MUSIC VISUAL

One of Brecht’s best-loved plays, Murnau’s other film (the one with- World music performances are rare Patrick Wolf has the torso of an Taxi Gallery, Cambridge's most un- The Threepenny Opera, is brought out hamster-faced vampire, in this town, as are opportunities to Adonis and the hair of a girl. He conventional exhibition space is fea- to the stage by Homerton Amatuer Nosferatu) is on at the hear artsists of Traore's stature. also plays more bizarre turing an installation by artist Ruth Theatrical Society, replete with Picturehouse this weekend. I Hopefully the sublime purity of Scandinavian instruments than Claxton until 27th March. A series of Kurt Weil’s original score. Those know, I know, it’s got no car chas- Rokia Traore's Malian voice should Fatty ‘Fat-face’ McFat has had hot isolated Romantic ornaments, all who self define as ‘capitalist bour- es or special effects. It hasn’t even inject some warmth into this cold dinners. Grimm Brothers narra- blinded in some way, are the latest geois’ may find some scenes dis- got talking! But it does have an Cambridge spring. tives meet street urchin aesthetics to take up residence in the beloved tressing. Homerton College Oscar for ‘Artistic Production’, an Rokia Traore, Cornex Wed 10th Clare Cellars Friday 5th £3/4 English cabbie. Open all day, see original score and female vamps. Auditorium 6th - 9th, 7.30pm. 7.30pm. Tickets £14.50 357851 www.clare-ents.com www.taxigallery.org. for details Fri 5th - Thur 1th 01223-50 44 44 TUNE INTO THE VARSITY RADIO SHOW

EVERY FRIDAY AT 6pm on CUR 1350 L2 LISTINGS 05 MARCH 04

Sunday CU Chabad Society: dertie promotion: FILM MISC CU Hellenic Society: Yiddish - learn the language of your drink offers - entertainers - que jump Greek Culture Evening: shadow the- grandparents. Chabad House - 19 for clubs and shows. Ishca, quay side. 8pm. Regent Terrace, 8pm. Sunday atre, live music, dances. contact Friday Kick Bo: Christ's Films: [email protected]. CU Hellenic Society: CU Karate Club: Non-contact aerobics using the Sunset Blvd. University Sports and Social Club, Greek Culture Evening: shadow the- Squad Session. dynamic kicking and punching moves Christs College, New Court Theatre. Mill Lane. 6pm. £6 for members £8 atre, live music, dances. contact Fenners Large Gym, 8pm. £2. of Martial-Arts. New Hall, Long 8pm and 10.30pm. £2. non-members. [email protected]. Room. 5:30pm. £2. University Sports and Social Club, Tuesday St John's Films: Mill Lane. 6pm. £6 for members £8 CU Karate Club: A Funny Thing Happened: Wednesday Ned Kelly - starring Heath Ledger, non-members. Beginners Class-beginners to 7th Kyu. Brilliant New Stand-Up Comedy. A Funny Thing Happened: Orlando Bloom & Geoffrey Rush. Fenners Large Gym, 2pm. £2. Corpus Christi College, Curpus Brilliant New Stand-Up Comedy. St. John's College, Fisher Building. CU Karate Club: Playroom. 9:30pm. £5.50/£4. Corpus Christi College, Curpus 7pm and 10pm £2. Beginners Kumite. CU Karate Club: Playroom. 9:30pm. £5.50/£4. Queens' College, Squash Courts. Advanced Class-6th Kyu and above. CU Ballet Club: Thursday 6pm. £2. Fenners Large Gym, 4pm. £2. Improvers ballet. 1hr for grds 4-6ish. CU Karate Club: Christ's Films: CU STAR (Student Action for Kelsey Kerridge, . 8pm. £1.00. Kata Session-Kyu grades. The Girl Next Door. Culanu: Refugees) : Fenners Small Gym, 7pm. £1. Christs College, New Court Theatre. Jewish Cambridge's unmissable week- PHOTOVOICE: Photo exhibition and CU Ballet Club: 10pm. FREE. ly social...eat, drink and be merry! . Beginners jazz, all welcome!. Thursday The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, jazz concert depicting refugee life. Pembroke College, New Cellars. Queens' College, Bowett Room. A Funny Thing Happened: Queens' Films: between Oxfam and The Galleria 10pm. 7pm. All Donations Welcome!. 4:30pm. £1.00. Brilliant New Stand-Up Comedy. The Pianist (UK 2002, Dir. Roman Corpus Christi College, Curpus Polanski), 9pm. Saturday CU Wu Shu Kwan: CU Ballet Club: Playroom. 9:30pm. £5.50/£4. Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall. CU Ballet Club: Chinese Kickboxing -the ultimate art Performance class (advanced). 9pm. £2. Intermediate ballet. Free class for grds Contemporary classical dance 1.5hr. CU Ballet Club: 6-7ish. Queens' College, Bowett Room. of self-defence. Fitzwilliam College, Queens' College, Bowett Room. 2:30pm. £1. Reddaway Room. 7pm. £3. Beginners ballet, all welcome!. 5:30pm. £2.00. Queens' College, Bowett Room. CU Ballet Club: C.U. Ta Chi Chuan Society: 6pm. £1.50. CU Chabad Society: Advanced ballet: Free class for grds Tai Chi Chuan: Hand-form; Self- Beginners Talmud Class - no previous CU Karate Club: 7/8+. Kelsey Kerridge, 4:30pm. £1. defence; Pushing-hands; Weapons; Nei Kung. Fitzwilliam College, Reddaway knowledge necessary. Chabad House Intermediate Session-6th Kyu and - 19 Regent Terrace, 8pm. CU Hellenic Society: Room. 2pm. £2/3. above. Queens' College, Old Kitchens. TALIAN Greek Culture Evening: shadow the- 8pm. £2. I CU Karate Club: atre, live music, dances. contact Monday ESTAURANT Beginners Session-all welcome. C.U. Tai Chi Chuan Society: R [email protected]. Buddhist Meditation: Fenners Large Gym, . 8pm. £2. MEZE HOUSE University Sports and Social Club, Samatha Trust, Tai Chi Chuan: Hand-form; Self- Mill Lane. 6pm. £6 for members £8 Thai breath meditation. defence; Pushing-hands; Fitzwilliam Party bookings up to 50 available CU Wu Shu Kwan: non-members. [email protected]. College, Reddaway Room. 7pm. £2/3. Pembroke College, Chinese Kickboxing -the ultimate art Downstairs Cocktail Bar of self-defence. Christs College, New CU Karate Club: Seminar Room, N 7. 7:30pm. Friday Court Theatre. 8pm. £3. 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT Beginners Class-beginners to 7th Kyu. A Funny Thing Happened: Fenners Large Gym, . CU Ballet Club: Brilliant New Stand-Up Comedy. C.U. Tai Chi Chuan Society: 17 Hills Road, Cambridge 2pm. £2. Performance class (Intermediate). Corpus Christi College, Curpus 01223 566900 Contempory classical dance experi- Tai Chi Chuan: Hand Form; Self- Playroom. 9:30pm. £5.50/£4. ence! 1.5hr. Queens' College, Bowett defence; Pushing-hands; Weapons; Nei Room. 3pm. £2. Kung . Clare College, Bythe Room. CU Karate Club: 7pm. £2/3. Beginners Kumite. Queens' College, CU Ballet Club: Squash Courts. 6pm. £2. Beginners pointe, 0.5hr. Live your C.U. Tai Chi Chuan Society: dreams!. Queens' College, Bowett Chi Kung: Breathing exercises for CUY: Two Boats in the Thames - Room. 4:30pm. £0.50. relaxation, health and fitness. Yachting trip for all. East Coast Great tasting, great value New Hall, Long Room. 2pm. £2/3. (Harwich), 12am.

pizza for [email protected] MUST SEE Need a kosher meal of Pesach? " a spectacle the likes cambridge has never seen" delivery Varsity review January Nowhere to go for Seder? and collection Go and see sketches, photos and costumes Please contact Ofra Gilinsky from the Magic Flute in the flesh! DOMINOS CAMBRIDGE: 01223 355155 01223 354825 Simon Fujiwara's exhibition of the sell-out magic flute are on show until the end of term in the dept. of architecture, scroope terrace, from today 27 HILLS ROAD, CAMBRIDGE, CB2 1NW entry free, information 07799898223\[email protected]

Trinity College Music Society: CU Hindu Cultural Society: 8:30pm. £4 full/ £2.50 students/Free Wednesday Sunil Manohar and Oliver Lallemant Mastana: Dream of Asia in the of to SCMS members. CUMS: Tchaikovsky and Borodin. MUSIC direct Trinity Players. Trinity College, Cambridge. www.cuhcs.org.uk/ Violin, Jamie Campbell. Robin Ticciati Trinity College Chapel. 8pm. £5, £3 mastana. Gulidhall, 6pm. £9. Songs In The Dark: Acousticmusic conducting. West Road Concert Hall, . concessions, £1 TCMS members. from Simon Mastrantone and Jeremy 8pm. £6/4. Friday Elm Tree Jazz: Modern Jazz, Andy Warmsley. Clowns Café, King Street. afrocubism: Afrocuban jazz and per- Saturday Bowie Quartet with Paul Stubbs. 8:30pm Jesus College Music Society: cussion jam session. Cuban food. cafe Clare Ents: Utah Saints spin bootlegs Elm Tree, Orchard Street near Free Members of Jesus College Chamber afrika, sturton street. 7pm. £5/£4 NUS. and breaks, support from Loz Wild. Press. 8:30pm. St Catharine's Music Society: Orchestra perform fabulous chamber Clare College, Cellars. 9pm. £4. Kellaway Series Concert: Colin Currie music. Jesus College Chapel, 9pm. Respectable Groove: Jazz interpreta- Fitzwilliam College Music Society: (percussion) plays Reich, Norgaard etc. tion of Purcell's Dido and Aeneas. GCMS: Matthew Pritchard, piano; NewFitz Trio in Concert. St. Catharine's College, 11:30am. £6/4/2. Pretty Vacant: Quality rock/pop cov- Mumford Theatre, APU, 1:10pm. Edward Wallace, violin; Oliver Fitzwilliam Chapel. 8pm. ers for your guitar thrills. Newnham Gascoigne, cello: Débussy, Schumann. Monday College, JCR Bar. 9pm. Indie/Alternative/Retro/Rock. Caius College, Bateman Auditorium. GCMS: May-Lin Lui, soprano; Robin Beatnik: SNOWBOY - UK Latin The Kambar, opposite Corn Exchange 1:15pm. Ticciati, piano: Handel, Mozart, Legend with Live performances from Selwyn College Music Society: box office. 9:30pm. £3. Strauss, Barber Caius College, Manteca and Ladino. The Fez Club, Selwyn Senior Organ Scholar Timothy LIVE ELECTROBREAKS: Bateman Auditorium. 8:30pm. 8pm. Morgan performs works by Bach, Christ's College Music Society: dj/laptop/guitar (DJMona & Ru). dnb, Vierne, Walton and Yon. Selwyn "Our Early Song": an evening of hip-hop, downtempo, electronic . Kettles' Yard: Emmanuel College Music Society: College, The Chapel. 9pm. .FREE. Springtide music and readings. Clare Hall, Antony Low Building (till Coffee concert, Sans Souci Trio. Coffee Liszt - Piano Concerto No.1 Christs College, Chapel. 7:30pm.£5/£3. 2am). 9am. £2 before 11, £3 after. served from 11.30, Kettle's Yard, £3. Faure - Requiem. Emmanuel College, Thursday Queen's Building. 8pm. CUMS: Handel and Bruckner con- Clare Ents: Patrick Wolf (+support) New Hall Ents: King's College Musical Society: ducted by Stephen Cleobury. Electro-folk. Clare College, Clare 'VIBE' Feat. 1Xtra's Rampage. New works by Rowland Moseley and Tuesday King's College, 8pm. £20/15. Cellars. 9pm. £4 (£3 Clare). New Hall, New Hall Dome. 9pm. £6/7 Peter Foggitt plus works by Britten. Christ's College Music Society: King's College, The Great Hall. Bach's Cantatas 4 & 131, and motets. St Catharine's College: Kettle's Yard: Sunday 8:30pm. £5, £3 concessions, £2 King's The Byngham Consort. Christs Term Concert: Music by Bach, Lunch time concert, lasting approx 40 Cambridge String Players: members, £1 KCMS Cardholders. College, Chapel. 8pm. £#6/3. Hummel and Poulenc (Organ mins. Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm. RVW Lark Ascending, Mozart Sinfonia Concerto). Emmanuel United Reform Concertante, Rachmaninov Vocalise, Selwyn College Music Society: TCMSwGeoffCoombe: Church, 7:30pm. £3. Newnham Ents: etc. West Road Concert Hall, Songs from Europe including Jazz Record Listening Sessions: Why The Spitfires - Classic 7:30pm. £5 students on the door. Schumann's Dichterliebe performed Jazz Matters. Music Faculty, West Rd, Trinity College Music Society: Rock/Blues/Funk band. by Alex Ashworth with Helen Collyer. Lecture Room 4. 7:30pm. £6/4. Trinity Singers' performance of Verdi's Newnham College, The Bar. 7:30pm. Selwyn College, The Hall. 'Requiem'. Trinity Chapel. 8pm. £5, VARSITY FOOTBALL MATCH CXX Special pullout section Special able changes sincelastseason.able changes Dark hasundergone Blue sidewhich consider- Andtakeon theLightBlueoutfitwill a tion. sweetinthelightofOxford’s relega- ticularly ispar- which from theirBUSAleague-aprize sealedpromotion recently Cambridge men. teams repectively. Cambridge’s second andthird and Kestrels, wasfollowed fortheFalconsdefeat bydefeats year’s Last 1-0 drab Varsity hands ofOxford. atthe fourandahalfhoursofdefeats after against theoldenemy.against matter-victory onethingwill only 13th, ofUptonPark turf hallowed onSaturday outontothe players run astwenty-two But, history. fixtureinfootball longest running the Varsity remains the match football ing, oldandcount- years At ahundred andtwenty Sam Richardson But theomens are Fairbairn’s good forChris Football shouldbereeling, atCambridge If the Light Blues can get the ball wideandon gettheball If theLightBluescan strength intheair andsheerpaceon thefloor. look on will torely whileOxford of football, something tosay ifhedoesn’t start. have surely Hugheswill Harry the fiery but skipper, forthephysical the idealpartner MikaAdams Thepacey couldbe problem. FairbairnChris hasanenviable selection captain Infront ofHarding, Varsity occasion. tothe expectHarding torise shoulders, from his lifted the pressures ofcaptaincy Reinvigorated thisseason with the middle. Oxford. thetalenttohurt have they settleearly, can ButifCambridge goals. no thatalsobrings football ofno-risks brand temptation istoplay on theseoccasions the The ofhistory. sign themtothedustbin con- will on butdefeat Saturday this season, football played someLight Blueshave terrific For the game isinmanyfrustrating. ways Cambridge are likely toplay are aculturedCambridge likely brand Harding isDave in manperhaps The key besodefinedbyoneThat aseason can Kick-off 2pm Upton Park Saturday March 13th Mach 120th Varsity the travel details. Be there to support theteam. Bethere tosupport details. the travel are though, Mostimportant United. Cambridge recent by 2-0defeat onreport theBlues’ anda oftheseason sofar, thestory the captains, with interviews find profiles theplayers, ofall season asawholehasdeserved. thattheir thevictory Fairbairns mentoclaim shouldallow Chris at lastyear’s defeat, combined withbitterness These characteristics, torotate thesquad. ness andtheopportunity if itwasn’t offit- fortheircommendable level theBluesexhaustedby Varsity, left could have teams type tional fixtures against ‘old boys’ theoverreliance on tradi- Furthermore, sions. ses- totakemostofthetraining the captain leaves ofacoach And thelack Bluessquad. size below avacuuminexperience theover- causing theFalconsprevents from inBUSA, playing underfunding Not least, considerable obstacles. into theirhands. theUpton Park shouldplay pitch the ground, nieti pca ulu eto,you can section, Inside thisspecialpullout beinspiteof will But LightBluevictory VARSITY FOOTBALL SPECIAL F2 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Blues desperate for ‘Third time lucky’ Falcons’ star man on the day, shored up 2nd Team Varsity 3rd Team Varsity central midfield with an exemplary dis- dson OX CENTAURS 3 OX COLLEGES 3 play in ‘borderline’ challenges. Hopes of a famous comeback, how- CAM FALCONS 0 CAM KESTRELS 1 ever, were dashed ten minutes from time: after a free-kick was only half- Sam Richar John Russell important covering interceptions. Up cleared the ball fell for the Oxford front Tom Cairns showed flashes of striker to grab his second, a sweet volley brilliance but never really shone, while that rose into the top far corner. Even at On the far side of Iffley Road stadium, Danny Griffiths’ pace was under-used. that late stage Cambridge had opportu- Oxford, two pole-vaulters practised Nevertheless, good chances fell to nities to reply: substitute Dan Murphy their skills. One wasn’t bad, but the Cairns and Captain J Vollbracht, but twice came close, before a late break second looked distinctly out of place. both shot straight at the keeper. away goal put the contest beyond So it came as no surprise when anoth- Oxford broke the ice just before doubt, adding a generous gloss to what er ill-timed belly flop prompted ironic half-time: a failure to clear saw the ball was a deserved Oxford victory. cheers from the crowd. The Falcons come straight back to the feet of the The Kestrels were slightly more performance last Saturday - against a Oxford striker, who rounded the last unlucky to slip to a 3-1 defence against strong Oxford side - was sadly little man and neatly chipped over the an Oxford Colleges XI. Two soft early better than that of the unfortunate advancing Sam Richardson. goals did Steve Kemp’s team no pole-vaulter. Cambridge were simply The second-half started brightly: favours, but when Rich Payne scored a not up to the mark. good work down the left resulted in a cracker before half time a comeback From the start the Falcons were chance for Nick Pantelides, whose shot looked on the cards. With Tim Swain unable to play their usual patient, pass- was well saved. Oxford threatened, as pulling the strings in midfield, the ing game. Oxford harried, chased and Richardson made two fine saves to keep Kestrels were able to start playing their closed down quickly, stopping Cambridge in the game, but for most of trademark flowing football. Payne near- Cambridge moving the ball wide. Loose the second period Cambridge looked ly bundlet in an equaliser just before passes at the back gave Oxford a couple like they might claw a way back. Cairns half time. But sadly it was not to be, as of early half-chances, but Steve Bailey - and Vollbracht continued to move well Oxford scored their third goal of the Payne in the Arse: Kestrels’ Rich Payne nearly eqalises strong in defence all afternoon - made forward, while David Mills, the day on the hour mark. Blues women set to shine Captains Comment Sam Richardson previews the for the whole of the ninety minutes’. He Cambridge’s ...But Oxford cap- further suggests, though, that if they do manage to keep their concentration, all women’s Varsity match should be well. ‘We still have a few tal- skipper Chris tain Arran Yentob ented players of our own, although it will The Women’s Blues play league foot- tions. They also have home advantage. always be a team effort.’ He anticipates a Fairbairn expects is a dangerous ball at a higher standard than the Many experienced players from the hard fought low scoring win, and a tense BUSA competition offers and usually Cambridge team of the previous season encounter. A good amount of travelling Varsity victory... man to ignore win their Varsity Match against the have departed and, from his point of support would be much appreciated. BUSA restricted Oxford, and win quite view, it has proved hard work instilling This year’s Blues captain, puts it as comfortably. Last year, for example, good habits in (and removing bad habits follows: ‘With a run of four consecutive We’ve had a fantastic season so far. The 2003/2004 season began under a they won 3-0 and the time before 4-0. from) the new players in time for the big Varsity match wins behind us as well as Winning promotion from our BUSA cloud of mass summer departures. However, Cambridge coach Pete Dyer game. a solid season of league games this year league was brilliant. I think overall With only one player added to the says that this year promises to give rise He says that Cambridge are capable so far, we will be travelling to Oxford we’ve won 17 games, drawn four and squad after trials, I looked to last year’s to a tricky encounter. of very good performances but under the confident in our ability to produce some lost three. This is a fantastic record, second team to step up. He explains how Oxford still have a pressure of the occasion, or going a goal high quality football. We also know that and I think we should be taking loads As the team took time to gel, the sit- couple of British University players in down, there is a very real danger they Oxford will be tough opponents. Varsity of confidence into the Varsity match. uation was not helped by injuries to key their side, have retained almost all their will lose focus on what they are supposed is about what happens on the day.’ I’ve always said it’s a shame that the players. A string of home draws saw the good players from the 2003 match, and to be doing. ‘They must be on their The women play their Varsity match on Varsity match takes on so much impor- side fail to kill games off, and underper- benefited from one or two talented addi- guard against lapses and play ‘properly’ March 13th. Venue to be confirmed tance in the context of the season as a form in their BUSA league group. whole. I’ve realised over the last few Despite solid defensive displays, a lack of Comparisons are sometimes trite but, years that a captain’s success is judged firepower upfront was a worry. Sam Richardson on the problems for information, the men’s team (full primarily by the result of the game However, this term has seen a signifi- blue since the beginning of time…) have against Oxford. cant improvement in form, our record facing women’s football in Cambridge been rather less successful; knocked out However, I’m not going to be able to has been extremely promising. (won 5, of BUSA in the very first round this aca- try and change this and, given the pres- drawn 1, lost 1, I think) The Women’s Blues football team the sort of high-quality league the Blues demic year for instance. tige attached to the Blue, the pressure In what has been a testing season for seems to be constantly faced with insti- compete in. Dyer has not achieved all this without on the Varsity result is inevitable. One the Oxford squad, the Varsity match tutional and attitudinal hindrances at One could carry on listing obstacles to sacrifice.To get the team to away match- problem, though, is that, given our represents the final hurdle for us to Cambridge. the flourishing of the university women’s es he once had to sell his car in order to enviable strength in depth, as the squad climb. Particularly this term, the Recently, for instance, the Newnham football club at Cambridge endlessly. buy a mini-bus. He has had to beg and gets cut down some players will have to improvements we have made have been JCR decided, in the hope of financial The great surprise is, however, that the cajole students to travel to Cambridge miss out. I will be absolutely gutted for extremely satisfying, and it’s been a gain, to charge the Blue’s an exorbitant women’s football team is one of the most long before term starts since football them, and it will be the most difficult pleasure to be part of it. fee for making use of the Newnham successful we have. It has won the league fixtures in England start the sec- decision of my captaincy. We come into the match with a rela- pitch one hour per week for training Eastern Region League three times and ond week in August. Many times he has Having said that, it’s been a pleasure tively inexperienced side, but the spirit purposes.The players could not afford to spent two seasons in the Combination used his own money to finance club to captain this team during the season, and determination that has developed pay this and the team now no longer has League (the equivalent of Nationwide expenses such as that for pitches, train- and I’m confident that, come the big day, will stand us in good stead. Nerves and a ground on which to hold its Division One) dropping out only ing facilities, fuel and sets of football kit. we’ll rise to the occasion and claim vic- adrenalin can affect the quality of such Wednesday practice. Such events, it because of the simultaneous graduation He’s given up his weekends (he has a tory. Last year’s guys hold the defeat very occasions, but if we play the football and turns out, are fairly typical of the sort of of seven of the team – another obvious full-time job), and devoted countless bitterly, and that should provide any show the commitment we have done at barrier thrown up against the women’s difficultly in building and maintaining a numbers of hours in coaching to main- extra motivation that we may need. times this season, I am certain we can do team, a side ostensibly representing the top performing side. tain the team at the height to which it We were lucky not to lose many play- ourselves justice. university. How has all this success been possi- has risen. ers at the end of last season. With expe- Sadly, I will, once again, not be fit for The Blues actually have no ground at ble? It seems that it is largely down to Incredibly, all this has been done while rienced players like Dave Harding and the match, a blow, but I’m confident we Cambridge on which to play matches. the effort, dedication and coaching abil- fighting serious health problems. It is Sion Lewis staying on, with Tom will finish our season on a high. They have to contest with college sides, ities of one man, Peter Dyer who, over a these that are now catching up with him, Cairns arriving from Oxford, and with both men’s and women’s, and town clubs period of thirteen years has managed the leading to the inevitable conclusion that a strong influx of freshers coming in, we in order to secure a college pitch each team onwards and upwards to its present he must soon step down. His fear is that were well placed from the word go. Last week for their fixtures. In this sense the level. When he first arrived at the uni- all the progress made by the club could year anyone who was fit would normal- Getting There university team are, paradoxically, not versity some thirteen years ago he quickly be reversed and he’s hoping that ly play. This season I’ve been lucky part of the university at all. College sides remembers there being no properly someone can step forward and, at least, enough to have genuine selection deci- The match kicks off at 2pm at always have priority for their ‘own’ pitch, organised college soccer league and a few maintain the sport at full blue status sions every game. Upton Park, on Saturday 13th of course, and the university team is girls getting together around this time to within the university after he has gone. Upton Park should provide a superb March. charged like any other town club vying form a team to represent the university All his work, at least in this respect, will venue for this year’s match. We’re getting The nearest tube station is for the use of scarce university resources. against Oxford. From this point Dyer not then have been in vain. some practice this week on big, flat, sta- Upton Park (District Line) It turns out further that few college has taken the club through to half blue Peter Dyer tells the story of his time as dium pitches, and we’re confident that Get tickets from college foot- pitches are available matches on a status and, after overcoming years of coach in the novel, ‘The Cambridge the location should suit our more flow- ball captains, or by emailing Sunday, and no college ground’s chang- entrenched opposition - often from University Women’s Football Team & Me’, ing style of play. But it will be our skill [email protected]. ing or post match facilities are up to the women - to full blue status five years ago, under the pen name of Peter Kernow and and passion on the day that I am confi- standards expected for a team playing in on the back of various league successes. published by Vanguard Press (price £6.99). dent will win us this match.

VARSITY FOOTBALL SPECIAL www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 F3

Joe Garrood The team Emmanuel Goalkeeper 2003-04 Season Strengths: Shot-stopping Chris Fairbairn introduces (oddly enough) Weaknesses: Staying inside the 18-yard box. his Light Blue side. 11 Oct A Army Crusaders F.C. 11-0 Fairbairn (6), H Hughes (2), Luke McNally Alex Mugan J Hughes, Adams 15 Oct A English Prison Service 7-1 Lewis, Waistell (4), Fitzwilliam Girton Full-back Full-back Fairbairn Strengths: Tackling and fitness Strengths: Pace 22 Oct A Royal Navy 2-1 McNally, Harding Weaknesses: Jonny Hughes Weaknesses: Cycling and chat 25 Oct A Cardiff University 1-1 Waistell 29 Oct H Leicester Uni (BUSA) 1-0 Harding 5 Nov H Derby Uni (BUSA) 2-2 J Hughes, B Allen 9 Nov A London University 3-2 Harding, Fairbairn, J Chris Turnbull Jon Darby Hughes Christ’s Vice captain 12 Nov A Northampton Uni (BUSA) 0-0 Full-back Queens’ Strengths: Tackling Centre-back 19 Nov H Lincoln Uni (BUSA) 2-1 Lewis (2) Weaknesses: Shaving Strengths: Heading and tackling 1 Dec A Lincoln Uni (BUSA) 0-1 Weaknesses: ‘Ave it! 3 Dec A Derby Uni (BUSA) 5-0 T Hall (2), Chalmers, Adams 6 Dec H Old Blues 2-0 Fairbairn, Pantelides Sion Lewis Andy Hall 11 Dec A Amateur Football 2-3 Lewis, Mugan St John’s Trinity Combination Centre-back Left midfield 13 Jan H Arthurian League 2-1 Adams, Fairbairn Strengths: Heading and, er... Strengths: Dribbling and step- strength overs 20 Jan A Southern Amateur League 0-0 Weaknesses: What are you try- Weaknesses: Excessive use of ing to say? step-overs 3 Feb H Amateur Football Alliance 0-1 8 Feb A RAFFAA U25’s 5-0 Fairbairn, Harding, H Dave Harding Gary Devine Hughes, Pantelides (2) 11 Feb H Northampton Uni (BUSA) 4-0 Fairbairn (2), Adams, St John’s Hughes Hall OG Centre-midfield Centre-midfield Strengths: Touch and vision Strengths: Fitness and 13 Feb H De Montford (BUSA) 1-0 Darby Weaknesses: Taste tackling 14 Feb A Leicester Uni (BUSA) P-P Walkover to Blues Weaknesses: Anger manage- 15 Feb A De Montford (BUSA) 3-1 Fairbairn, Adams (2) ment 17 Feb H London Legal League 2-1 Adams, Lewis 21 Feb H Honourable Artillery 2-1 Fairbairn, Darby Tom Cairnes Mark Chalmers Company Hughes Hall Downing 24 Feb H Lloyds FC 1-0 Fairbairn Centre-midfield Centre-midfield 25 Feb A Warwick Uni (BUSA 0-1 Strengths: Awareness and Strengths: Tenacity and com- Shield) passing posure 0-2 Weaknesses: First year girls Weaknesses: Height 3 Mar A Cambridge United FC

Tim Hall Jonny Hughes St John’s Fitzwilliam Winger Right-midfield/centre-forward Quotes of Strengths: Dribbling and Strengths: Skill and dribbling crossing Weaknesses: Luke McNally Weaknesses: Fine wines the season

“We don’t just want to win the league, we want to win it in style” Harry Hughes Captain Chris Fairbairn before the season. His team did win the league Preparations near completion - on goal difference The Blues faced a stern test on Wednesday against a Queens’ Cambridge United XI sprinkled with first team regulars. Left-midfield/centre-forward “Remember that name. You’ll be hearing a lot more of it” United, professionals every man, might have expected to seal Strengths: Touch and skill Alex Mugan introduces himself to Varsity a comprehensive victory. Not so. The Blues resisted the obvi- Weaknesses: Temperament ous quality of the full-timers, with Lewis and Darby particu- “It’s just a soft tissue injury” larly outstanding against an inventive attack. Fairbairn’s aeri- Grange Road first-aider on the horrific injury that put Dan Waistell al efforts and Adams’ abundance of pace consistently created out for the season problems for a defence with Premiership experience. The first half was characterised by excellent movement Chris Fairbairn “We’ll keep that in our heads and thump them at ours” from the professionals, cancelled out by the work rate and Fairbairn after the BUSA promotion push stalled at Northampton. The cohesion of the Blues. Indeed, despite the pace of the game, Captain Blues did indeed win the home game, 3-0 it took the majority of the half and a dubious set piece to Pembroke divide the teams. On the half hour mark, a quick delivery Centre-forward “God, we’re rubbish” tempted Garrood from his line, a dodgy challenge put him Strengths: Heading and touch The Oxford team after BUSA relegation. May be a made up quote. on his backside, and a brief scramble saw United ahead. Weaknesses: erm... scoring The Blues exerted greater control, though the equaliser “We need more love in this team” proved illusive, and after Fairbairn flew in the face of Sepp Harry Hughes on the eve of Valentine’s day - and a sending off Blatter’s regulations by introducing seven new players. Undisrupted by the wholesale changes, the Blues continued “Sometime’s Harry’s brilliance is nor so brilliant” to play excellent football. But poor concentration from Mike Adams Fairbairn after his fiery frontman got sent off and threatened to quit another set-piece, a corner, saw a twelve-yard shot leave St John’s Garrood no chance.The final minutes saw Adams once again Centre-forward “I’m confident we’ll finish this season on a high” terrorising the professionals, almost to the point of a conso- Strengths: Pace and finishing Oxford captain Arran Yentob on the approach to Varsity lation goal, but his low cross was not met, and so it was that Weaknesses: Cocktails the Blues had to be content with a credible defeat rather than “We’ve had a fantastic season so far” a great upset. By Axman Luge Chris Fairbairn again

05 MARCH 04 LISTINGS L3 rock the boat ë04 THEATRE The Official 150th Boat Race Party Friday CUADC: RICHARD III - Shakespeare's hunch- back monarch at the ADC. ADC Theatre, 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50.

Pembroke Players: Tickets on sale @ The Real Thing by Tom Stoppard. Pembroke College, New Cellars. www.theboatrace.org 7:30pm. £5. (or CUBC & Hawks Club) Pembroke Players: Dinner With The Inlaws, a new one- act comedy. Pembroke College, New Cellars. 10:30pm. £3/4.

Smorgasbord: Cambridge's annual creative writing th festival. A feast of theatre. Venue: CC Club, Piccadilly Circus | Date: 28 March 2004 Corpus Playroom, .8:30pm. | Time: 8pm ñ 2am | Pre Sold Tickets @ £32 | Accommodation available from £30 per person Twelfth Night (Marlowe Society): Shakespeare's bitter-sweet comedy about desire and adventure. Cambridge Arts Theatre, (7:45pm. £5-15) or (2.30pm £6)

Saturday CUADC: RICHARD III - Shakespeare's hunch- back monarch at the ADC. ADC Theatre, 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50.

AUDITIONS for the ADC Edinburgh Show, “Five Visions of the Faithful,” a piece of New Writing by Torben Betts. ADC Bar 1-6 (arrive early).

Pembroke Players: The Real Thing by Tom Stoppard. Pembroke College, New Cellars. 7:30pm. £5. Pembroke Players: Dinner With The Inlaws, a new one- act comedy. Pembroke College, New Cellars. 10:30pm. £3/4. Christ’s College May Ball Committee 2004 Smorgasbord: would like to announce the opening of Auditions Cambridge's annual creative writing for entertainers to perform at the Ball on festival. A feast of theatre. Corpus Playroom, 8:30pm. Tuesday 15th June 2004 Saturday 6th March Twelfth Night (Marlowe Society): 10a.m.til 5 p.m. Shakespeare's bitter-sweet comedy Christ’s College New Court Theatre about desire and adventure. Cambridge Arts Theatre, 7:45pm. £5- Please email [email protected] to arrange a time slot. Bands: 15. Bring along instruments and/or demos. Tuesday CUADC: ANNIE GET YOUR GUN - sharp shooting, musical fun. ADC Theatre, 7:45pm. £6 - £8.50.

Footlights: SMOKER - last stand-up night of term. ADC Theatre, 11pm. £4.

Queens' Contemporary Dance Group: 'Sprung!' - A celebration of dance. Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 7:45pm. £3.

Wednesday CUADC: ANNIE GET YOUR GUN - sharp shooting, musical fun. ADC Theatre, 7:45pm. £6 - £8.50.

Footlights: HARRY PORTER PRIZE WINNER - a new comic play. ADC Theatre, . 11pm. £3 - £4.

Queens' Contemporary Dance Group: 'Sprung!' - A celebration of dance. Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 7:45pm. £3.

Thursday CUADC: ANNIE GET YOUR GUN - sharp shooting, musical fun. ADC Theatre, 7:45pm. £6 - £8.50.

Footlights: HARRY PORTER PRIZE WINNER - a new comic play. ADC Theatre, 11pm. £3 - £4. THEATRE ADVERTS AND AUDITIONS

Auditions The Fletcher Players for the May Week Production of Announce Auditions For: EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2004 ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’ Making Space Solve your accommodation problems by calling Carole Easter Term Week 2 Show Smith/ Anne Goring 2-4pm 6 March And on 01620 810620 in the Hughes Hall email address: [email protected] Garden Seminar Room. The Merchant of Venice May Week Show to be performed in or write to Monologue optional the Old Court of Corpus Christi Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages, no prep. necessary College Room I4, Corpus Christi College Gifford, East Lothian, EH41 4PE queries to Katie: ksb27 Saturday 6 March 2pm - 6pm Sunday 7 March 2pm - 4pm Take the best possible first step on your career path Applications now welcomed for position of Varsity Business Manager

A full-time salaried position. £14,000 - £19,000 p.a

The perfect opportunity for anyone wanting a year’s experience in the world of business, media management, advertising, marketing or media law March Deadline: 9th March

Application details now available from Sam Gallagher 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge, CB2 1QA 01223 353422 [email protected] OPINION www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 11

I couldn't find out any hard facts about an oven. Someone falling hundreds of feet its origins, but I've heard rumours. The into a rocky gorge. Ned ITV executive who created it, they say, is now straightjacketed in a Swiss mental ou might think that these people institution. He desperately implores the have got the wrong idea; after all, Beauman staff to film him while he's undergoing his Ythe show is supposed to be funny. electroshock treatment. 'It'll be funny!' he But, in fact, they understand the show even mewls. 'We can send it in! WE CAN SEND better than the producers themselves. Only VOYEURISM IS BEING SUPERSEDED IT IN!' The staff have taken to putting a toy they truly grasp this pornography of suffer- BY A DRILL IN THE EYE ing. I've been, for reasons I'd hey say watching violent television Watch You've Been Framed (or America's prefer not to go into, to a live makes children violent. So why Funniest Home Videos or Kirsty's Home recording of Trisha. The stu- Tdoesn't watching You've Been Videos or anything similar) with the sound You’re being framed: dio lights are so bright you can Framed make children clumsy? off, so there's no laugh track or comedy feel them evaporating your I'll tell you the real reason why today's sound-effects, and it's as if Burroughs, humanity. The show feels very children are such savages. Whenever you Dostoevsky and De Sade got together and different when the partici- use a computer, your dead skin is being produced some kind of apocalyptic video Square eyes are the pants don't just appear as vac- sucked into the fan that cools the hard disk. art. For best effect, add a soundtrack, uum-tube cattle, but are actu- So most kids today grow up with a constant Chopin's Funeral March perhaps, or maybe ally in the same room as you. subliminal odour of seared human flesh, some epic post-rock like Sigur RÛs or You can't laugh any more. which stimulates the feral, cannibalistic Mogwai. It's a more profound and shocking window to our souls Talk shows of this kind have impulses in their brains. Make fun of a vision of human folly and degradation than a long history, but they were modern teenager, and don't be surprised if any poet or novelist could ever produce. The always doomed. And I predict the little Carhartt caveman cooks you over horror is in the banality. 'This is life,' it's Hasbro camcorder on the desk next to him they will soon disappear entirely, to be a fire and eats you. saying. 'This is the human race.' during the procedure to shut him up. He's replaced by 24-hour accident and idiocy at a You've Been Framed is not to blame for the You've Been Framed, hell's MTV, has been to that chair so many times he doesn't machinegun pace. Tragedy is to slapstick as madness of our society - it's just a bleak reflec- been running for fifteen years. It has been Tragedy is to slap- have any fingerprints left. It hasn't worked. romance is to pornography. We don't want tion. Its cultural significance can hardly be presented by Jeremy Beadle, Lisa Riley, and stick as romance is Those videos, were they ever made, to get emotionally involved; we just want a exaggerated. If, somehow, you've never seen the now Jonathan Wilkes (Robbie Williams' would take their place in a hidden archive flickering tide of everday pains. Voyeurism is to pornography programme, it's largely made up of videos, sent flatmate). Frankly, I'm not interested in at ITV. Every few weeks they will get a tape bad enough, but now we're too lazy even for in by viewers, of their friends and family falling belonging to any species that lets those that's more unpleasant than usual. that. You've Been Framed is a television, over and breaking things. Drunken brides- creatures in; I'd rather be a tsetse fly or Someone losing an eye to an electric drill, falling on a human face, forever. maids and lackwit children are its speciality. something. for example. Someone stuffing mice into

Letters should be submitted no later than midnight on Wednesday, and be as concise as possible. The editors reserve the right to edit all copy. Write to: edi- Letters [email protected] are all working very hard in their own ways to bring about these changes. It can’t be easy motivating yourself Lost letters for Laura when your college is languishing at the bottom which Ms Foley, is why I think these reps deserve all the more credit for continuing their work. So what are the chances of you now ever receiving a let- ter as like one proposed by your editorial of 20/7/2004? Anon “Marry me - and I will conquer the world and lay it at your feet”. Do you suppose anybody would chance Even sloppier theology sending you (of all people - a journalist) such a letter after your prior comments? A brave or stupid person? Or somebody who never read your article? Dear Editors,

I am sure there are many letters meant for your eyes I was amused last week to read an attack on a letter in that are now burnt. which your correspondent dubbed the original writer an ‘ignoramus’ for claiming the Bible condemned But such is life - unfair. homosexuality due to a verse in Leviticus, and chastised him for not realising that the New Testament invalidat- K. Harding ing this prohibition. In true biblical fashion, I suggest he take the beam out his own eye. The famous verse in Letter from a RAG rep? Leviticus is only one of the seven ‘texts of terror’, con- demning homosexuality. Three of them are in the sup- posedly superior New Testament (Romans 1:26/27, 1 Dear Editors, Timothy 1:9-10, 1 Corinthians 6:9/10 for your CICCU readers). If you are desperate to absolve I am writing in response to your article, ‘Stingy Christianity of outdated bigotry, it is possible to per- Cambridge’ on Page 12 of last weeks Varsity. Most stu- form the intellectual gymnastics required to invalidate dents donate money to RAG via taking part in the the seven passages. However anyone who wants to pre- events that the reps work hard to provide. Therefore tend that Christianity suddenly became flawless once the colleges with the largest donations are the ones that its Glorious Leader arrived on the scene really should have the larger, more frequent events, and these are read the book they claim to believe in. possible because the colleges in question have a strong tradition of RAG events, and indeed prepare for them Michael Dnes, every year. The smaller colleges do not have such tradi- Trinity College tion and so the reps are currently working very hard to establish one, but the only way that can be started is a Eau de pensioner bit at a time over several years. If you look the current colleges at the bottom of the table have all already improved on their previous years totals. Dear Sir/ Madam,

In colleges such as Trinity Hall and Caius they have a May I send my thanks through your paper to the entire long established tradition of RAG events and the col- cast of Little Shop of Horrors. It was a truly sensation- lege sets aside times for RAG bops. There are also gen- al show. They made this senior citizen very happy eral events that occur ever year that people look for- indeed. ward to and expect. In other colleges the reps may be starting afresh with no support from previous reps, no Sincerely, college traditions, and no precedance from which to get Nick Carter people along to events which may sound strange but end up giving everyone a good time. P.S. Please tell Ms. E.E Jones – NOT ALL OLD PEO- PLE SMELL OF URINE and if it wasn’t for ‘old peo- You are justified in pointing out the gaps between col- ple’ – she wouldn’t be enjoying he freedom to write leges who have strong RAG traditions and those who such CRAP journalism. don’t, and hopefully it will lead to an increase in chari- table donations over the next few years, but I don’t feel any of the current reps can be criticized as I know they

FASHION 12 March 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Rez wears Addict parka from Cult, Stussy t-shirt & G-Star jeans from Dogfish, Gangstarr t- shirt & Nike Air Vandal Supremes Sir Lecta wears Oeuf cap & Carhartt jeans from Dogfish, Def Jam jumper & Nike Airs Sketchy wears hat from Cult, Nike jumper & G-Star jeans from Dogfish & Nike Air Vandal Supremes Jenna wears visor, top & combats from Cult & trainers from Hoax Rachel wears Stussy t-shirt, Carhartt jeans & Nike Air Vandals from Dogfish & Adidas top Photos: Lika Liks Stylist: Dam83 Thanks to Zanatan the Great for good red wine & late night chit chat

Oh yeah, and this week saw the University Fashion Show hit town. The hard work, patience and dedica- tion of the committe really came through along with a bunch of posey self-obsessed students strutting their ‘stuff’ to provide two nights of spectacle and fun. While the event itself exceeded expectation, the aftershow party (tickets more expensive than the actual show) left attendants hardly pissed and hugely pissed off with the complimentary champagne cocktails short in supply and promised goodie bags fail- ing to materialise. The after-show left a bitter after-taste. The actual show was a sweet success. LIFESTYLE www.varsity.co.uk 5 March, 2004 13

greasy kebab house 3. A proper, y won- dies is a truly, trul Sacrilege! Yes, Gar ket ful place. And the vans in Mar 2. Eccentric dons der ments too. But when Square have their mo y Where are they all? OK, y home from a booz so you’re on your wa - there’s a few. But weren’t we al eally want is a disgust l night out, what you r ’s expecting spindly, almost per ks like it - ingly greasy, fatty kebab that loo Turk, manently tweed-clad (though k of a sweaty been peeled off the bac salad- occasionally nude), scarecrow- yonnaise-enveloped, a-like nutjobs flaunting their and not a ma oughly appetising) fringed (though thor n. ‘unique’ theories on the ec ered Greek concoctio hoes fetta cheese-cov of Keats on Eminem’s latest di’s staff.) (Apologies to all the Gar tains album and generally just being a 1. Hills/moun bit weird/creepy/gay/predator Cambridge is as flat as a topless S i- Which means ly sexual?! No? Oh right, Club 8 photo-shoot. just e to go sledging when it me then... there’s nowher And some 4. Chilled people Which is rubbish. snows. ovide We need people who respond to y our slightly misinformed opinion o snow-capped peaks wouldn pragainst up fees/the war in Iraq/the theme tune to n top- me protectio ‘Dangermouse’ with a disinter some welco ested shrug, rather than an o - andinavian winds... verwhelmingly well-informed and eloquentl those icy Sc delivered tirade of abuse beginning y What , “I think you’ll find...” does Cambridge Lack? By Tom very ed scallies on e Williams. acksuit appa-tr , and e at home Large gangs of K eel mor aditional 6. ner. orth f illiance eet cor om the N eal taste of tr 5. A tradition of popular musical br str e get a r o that those of us fr wher Liverpool has The Beatles; Manchester has S om else . The Smiths, the ‘Baggy’ scene and Oasis; those of usban fr fear ass; UCL British ur Oxford has Radiohead and Supergr vin Gaye, has Coldplay. In the words of Mar ‘What’s goin’ on?’

9.Beautiful nak ed w through the str omen running eets. And why not?

or foot- 8. Sufficient respect/veneration f ball players Rugby? Rugby? Now that the rest of England ugby all 7. A c has realised that it didn’t actually like r ommonly held studen idge fol- Wouldn t inferiority c along, isn’t it about time that Cambr ’t it be great to be surr omplex humble/unambitious/stupid people? Oh toounded be a big byfish genuinelin a smal lowed suit? pond again... y l

Last Week’s Date Date of the Week Your chance to date Cambridge’s most eligible singletons! Laura-Jane... Willie Our date of the week is Walied Elamien (aka. Willie) , a second year engineer from Clare.

From: The Emirates Favourite song: Life of the Party by Jackson 5. Favourite book: Life of Pi by Yann Martel. Describe yourself in 3 words: 100 percent cool. I’m best at: Breakdancing, cooking, making people laugh. I’m worst at: Bitching. To pull me: Impress me.

...has To date Willie email [email protected] with ‘Willie’ in the title by ...Percival Sunday. Send answers to the same questions, your contact details and a found photo if possible. true love with... Blakeney PAGE FOURTEEN 14 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Page Fourteen Careers CUSU ‘Rings’ - The Changes After the runaway success of the final Lord of the Rings film at the Oscars, reports have emerged For all you lucky lucky finalists,the time is rap- that Computer Scientists and Physicists voted in unprecedented numbers in the CUSU elections on idly approaching when you will have to do that Wednesday. The results of this bloc vote only became apparent yesterday as the residents of The thing that you always thought Daddy would (Cambridge)Shire were swept to CUSU power in a landslide victory. Normal students, worried that ensure you didn’t have to do – get a job. Well, their chosen candidates have mysteriously disappeared to be replaced by mythical fictional charac- it’s a jungle out there (especially in the north) ters have the chance to be reassured as Page Fourteen has gained exclusive information about the and it would not be fair of us to let you out into main players in the new CUSU committee. that strange world outside - where furrowed brows are formed at the mention of ‘superhalls’ Mr Frodo Baggins, new CUSU president, adopt- - without giving you some guidance on where, ing a general position of looking scared at every how, what and why to do that w-word (no, not opportunity, has appointed his chosen team. the one you’ve spent most of your ‘study time’ doing, the other one) – work. Gandalf the White-Middle Class takes up the There is a veritable myriad of career paths to reigns as Access Officer, pledging to increase choose from and Page Fourteen has compiled access from all over middle earth. this handy careers guide to give you some options for life post-Cambridge. The dangers of unemployment... Meanwhile, Samwise the Brave aims to show Anne Campbell the way to honesty by repeating over and 1) Investment Banking – Yes, you too can 6) Musician – Sadly, Cambridge has pro- over ‘I made a promise Mr Gandalf, no top-up fees’. sell your soul, your time and your morals to be duced nothing apart from Pink Floyd’s Syd rewarded with loadsamoney, flash cars and Barrett so I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Entertainments officer is Treebeard, King of the beautiful women. In the old days you just Anyway, he lives with his mum now after tak- Ents, and he is promising great things for became a rock star to achieve all of this but the ing too many drugs so perhaps it’s best that way. Cambridge with ‘One Bling to Rule them All’ bottom has fallen out of the market since pencilled in as the freshers’ event next year. Freddie Mercury died (boom boom). 7) Daily Mail Journalist – A working knowl- edge of Asylum seekers, ‘health tourists’, Women’s officer, Arwen, is pledging to concen- 2) Charity Work – Perfect for all you Princess Diana and the Nazis is all you need. If trate on women’s elf issues, whilst sitting around Magdelene students. Who knows? If all goes anyone does make it in this vocation can they looking beautiful and fainting a bit. Meanwhile, well you could raise enough to send an entire do the world a favour and give Lynda-Lee Aragon, known for being a diplomatic fellow, has blanket to Ethiopia. Potter a good kicking from us? been assigned the post of ‘well fair’ officer.

3) Security Work – For Blues who flunk 8) Advertising Executive – Cambridge is Frodo has also announced plans to move CUSU their exams - you never needed a degree any- clearly full of untapped potential for effective headquarters to Games Workshop on Bridge way. Make a living out of being big and hard. campaigns. Slogan writing and chant compos- Street, but has admitted apprehension at the per- ing has been a strong point for a number of ilous journey ahead. ‘Oh Sam, you’re so brave’ he 4) More Study – Can’t think of anything years with classics such as “sexist, racist, anti- was overheard saying to his good friend as he useful to give this world? Scared of real peo- gay: you can’t take our rights away” and the offered to escort the CUSU files through the king- ple? Stay here, get greyer, grow more hair quite superb “Say no to primate labs”, which dom of IsenGardies on Rose Crescent. (ladies too) and go slightly insane surround- repeated ad infinitum obviously had the desired ed by books, your real friends. The world effect. Dwayne the compsci casts his vote before scurrying away to Students have reacted with worry, simply saying needs a book on the mating rituals of yet play with his orcs ‘bollocks’. The statement speaks for itself. another Papua New Guinean tribe, number- 9) Unemployment – Yes, join the elite 0.4% ing less than 20 (including 18 elephants and of graduates who can’t be arsed getting a job 1 anthropologist). (who else didn’t believe that rubbish about that bird applying and not getting jobs – she just 5) Actor/Actress – Cambridge has produced didn’t bother trying) and simply sponge off the a plethora of luvvie dahlings. Can you imagine taxpayer for a few more years. Pros: You don’t how much fun it’ll be to spend the next 30 years have to pay off your student loan, Cons: An on stage, crying after every performance, telling even longer period of subsistence on toast, and everyone you meet how wonderful they are, and it may be time to start appreciating the bouquet not meaning a word of it? Becoming a celibate of Tenants Super. Extra pros: New friends near queen at the age of 60 is a prerequisite. the Portland Arms.

Lynxhave released a new fra- grance,Touch, this month and once again have launched an advert to take the UK by storm. The new ad demonstrates the power of Touch with our Lynx man bringing a sensual reac- tion from each and every gor- geous Lynx girl. As he unzips his bag, a girl’s leather boot unzips itself. He tweaks the dials on a radio and we witness the very obvious effect it has upon a girl’s nipples! The advert reaches its cli- max with our Lynx hero finally realising the power of Touch, open- ing his book to awesome effect as a girl’s blouse pops open.

To coincide with the launch Lynx are offering you a chance to win a funky plasma ball. Just send you answers to the question below to [email protected]

Competition Question

Question: "What is the name of the new Lynx variant?"

The prize is a funky retro plasma ball

05.03.04 varsityarts

Lydia Wilson their difference on the one hand, and an intense but the most of us don’t have the bollocks to be o you wanna be in my gang, my gang, need to belong, on the other have traditionally outrageous without some kind of emotional sup- my gang? Do you wanna be in my found sanctury as Bloods or Cripps, Mods or port. We all need a partner in crime (or six) - a “Dgang? Oh yeah.” Erm…you know Rockers, Sharks or Jets or whatever the kids are Morcambe to your Wise, a Big Boi to your Andre what, Gary, I think I’m gonna have to pass on calling it these days. Last year’s hit-that-wasn’t, 3000 a Rosie to your Jim. It’s me and you vs the Me and You that one, but y’know, cheers for asking. Mind Never Be Alone ( Justice vs Simian), for instance, world, babes, me and you vs the world. you, criminal behaviour aside, the bouffant- brilliantly distilled the whole club culture ethos haried deviant may just have been on to some- into one mildly sinister chorus - “We are your The VarsityArts Guide to Gangs and Double acts thing. Being an artistic genius can be a lonely friends. You’ll never be alone again.” 1.The Marx Brothers - ”I don’t want to belong to business at the best of times. Those long nights any club that will accept me as a member” Groucho on the road to recognition, when even your trusty ven when we’re not directly involved (and Marx in a telegram. vs muse deserts you and all you can do is stare at a that’s a shame), there’s still something 2.Magnum Photos - a photographic co-operative blank computer screen, a blank canvas, or into the Eintensely aesthetically satisfying about owned by its members (including Henri Carter blank eyes of an unreceptive audience. Even suc- witnessing well-excecuted group work. The high- Bresson and Eve Arnold). Responsible for some of cess, if it comes, is no real salvation, because while light of the annual MTV or Brit awards extrava- the most enduring images of the last century. champagne was not meant to be drunk alone, few ganza is always a collaboration between two or 3.Wu Tang, D12, So Solid, Roll Deep. are noble enough to celebrate the triumphs of more pop titans and the enduring popularity of 4.The Rat Pack - “We have more laughs than the The others with quite the same enthusiasm that they heist films rests on those climatic sequences audience” Dean Martin, 1959 celebrate their own (even if they do get free booze which demonstarte that its only through every- 5.The Beats and The Bloomsbury Group - "It is a out of it). The solution? Collaboration. one performing their individual tasks so expertly very fascinating, queer, self-absorbed, fantastic set of As a timely antidote to all that tiresome sex (“but Knuckles is the best getaway driver this side people. " Ray Costelloe, (1909) stuff, this week VarsityArts celebrates platonic of Croydon!”) that the whole thing comes 6. Rock Supergroups and Charity concerts World friendship and all its creative endeavours, from together. Ah, to be but a cog in a slickly function- 7. The rise and rise of Ant and Dec sprawling South London garage collectives to ing machine! A single-headed, multi-tasking, 8.Wannadies - Me and You Song, Space – Me and dysfunctional comedy double acts to self-aggran- creative beast. You vs The World,Lee Hazlewood and Nancy dising literary coteries. And it’s not just the cre- And it’s not just that working in groups is more Sinatra - Jackson, Justice vs Simian- Never Be Alone ators of art that have found more to be merrier: , pleasant, often it’s more productive too. To be 9.The Goonies, The Ladykillers, Magnificent Seven, our old friends, the disaffected youths, also tend genuinely uninhibited by the opinions of others, Reservoir Dogs, Quadrophenia, The Warriors Ellen E. Jones to hunt in packs. Those who find themselves torn the true pre-requisite of creative innovation, is 10. Dogme ‘95 - mad men, brilliant films. apart by contradictory urges – a desire to assert hard. Nutters and geniuses can sometimes do it,

Theatre Film Visual Arts Double Acts Join The Gang Female Solidarity Page 18 Page 16 Page 19 FILM 16 Mar 05 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Only 21 Grams to go... Oliver Tilley drools over Iñárritu’s latest weighty drama

21 Grams meshed together with deliberate disdain Penn, too, delivers a tour-de-force of performances (notably Naomi Watts’ process in order to create a grainy, On UK release from 5th March for chronological order. The viewer is powerful understatement, carefully and occasionally histrionic technique). scrambled quality, while the colour, then left reeling for the first 25 minutes, brilliantly pushing the film along and The photography is seminal, light and mise-en-scène are suitably the film demanding extensive detective propping up any messiness in the other Iñárritu manipulating the developing commendable. Indeed, Iñárritu com- work in order to piece together some pounds all this with his vertiginous 21 Grams is a startling production from sort of coherent plot and structure. camerawork and fast cutting speed, Iñárritu, progressing from Amores Various distinct points in the film allowing the chronological complexi- Perros and once more challenging the echo back and forth throughout and ty to impress itself yet further. boundaries of cinema technique and future, past and present become inverted Despite this slightly drooling the very nature of narrative. and less fixed: that Iñárritu manages to praise however, there is much to crit- The film centres on the converging weave in a successful, profound narrative icise. The story, though in many ways lives of three principal characters: math- without recourse to any real linear struc- sophisticated, does not really reach ematics professor Paul (Sean Penn), the high dramatic intensity it seeks to housewife Cristina (Naomi Watts) and a successful, and the montage structure perhaps reformed conman and born-again restricts the full realisation of the Christian Jack (Benicio Del Torro). profound narrative characterisation and narrative signif- They are drawn together through a deci- icance, drowning the essential subtle- sive car crash which kills Cristina’s hus- ture is an awsome accomplishment. ty of the narrative in all its ostenta- band and two daughters: Jack was driv- Iñárritu is indeed discoursing on big tious splendour. Indeed, Penn’s mis- ing the car and Paul receives Cristina’s issues, such as religion, death, identity guided voice-overs and the rather husband’s heart as a transplant to replace and the convergence of life and he is – underdeveloped relationship between his own failing ‘culprit’ as he refers to it. apart from the occasional lapse into Paul and his wife are - perhaps nec- Paul and Cristina subsequently embark melodrama and clumsy dialogue – very essary - casualties of such an ambi- upon a passionate love affair after Paul successful in interrogating these ideas. In tious method. abandons his wife and it culminates in particular, Benicio Del Torro’s rendering In the end, although the work the attempted assassination of Jack. of Jack and his emotional struggle to rec- sometimes falters under the weight of Confused? You will be, but, as Iñárritu oncile a cruel world with God’s presence its experimentation, it is rare to see would attest, this is the point: he very is entrancing - Del Torro’s monolithic such a skilful rendering of life in all its concertedly and effectively explodes the presence commanding the screen at each sprawling excitement. This is what narrative into a collection of fragments, point he appears. modern cinema should really be about. Short but sweet... Join the Gang Claire Witham assesses Churchill short film By Laura Allsop he fifth annual Churchill examined personal loyalties originality also went to Marinos College Short Movies Night and the repercussions of Kallikourdis for Après Mai, Le Ttook place on Tuesday, actions all in the guise of a Deluge (May is Over) for the showcasing yet another batch of porn-film set-up clever cutting and editing of You wanna be in my gang…? Sure! bad 70’s Italian film-making, check superb student film making talent (although, whilst others this very-short short exam- Doesn’t everyone want to be part of a out Il Giorno della Civetta, a Mafia in Cambridge. were discussing the ining the intense feelings gang, whether a group of likeminded movie set in Sicily and showcasing a Six short films competed for the obvious creative editing experienced following the friends,or (in the case of A Clockwork gang of hilariously fat, Rayban-sport- lucrative Gold and Silver Cigar skill, I did find myself break-up of a relationship. Orange), a group of like-minded ing Mafiosi jabbering away incompre- prizes for best overall and most orig- wondering why the lead David Whitehead’s first miscreants? If it’s havoc-wreaking hensibly in Sicilian dialect. so desperately wanted a and very well executed nar- you’re into, film has proven that it’s Yet as with all gangs and tribes, They ranged from blue condom...). rative piece The DC and best to do so in groups. self-government rapidly gives way to The Silver Cigar went Charlie Bray’s highly engag- Reason 1: you can pool you’re col- demagoguery, as shown in Lord of the abstract to the to Federico The Troll by ing Never Judge a Book were lective wits and discover a clever way the Flies. And even in the case of Richard Morgan and also favourites of mine. of being depraved individuals and, double acts, there is usually a kind of downright raunchy Richard Clarke. Cleverly Even considering a slightly Reason 2: when the shit hits the fan, dialectical struggle between the two filmed in one take on loca- prolonged technical hitch you can all run in different directions – one man always wants mastery tion in Ghent, Belgium, the mid-evening, the event was a and thus lose the feds. over his double. inal film. These ranged from the film narrated the "spine-tin- great success and hopefully Crudely put, this is the basic prem- In conclusion, given that we are slightly abstract to the downright gling" folk tale of the troll’s helped to foster new projects by ise behind organised crime, and where social animals, it is natural that we raunchy, with a good nod to deeds. It was one of the drawing filmmakers and judges better to find reliable examples of such should do things in packs: hunt ( like Hollywood in the guise of a portray- most unexpected of the alike into conversation in the a thing than in film? Obviously, the Deadly Viper Assassination al of Japanese culture from the eyes evening and managed bar afterwards. They, and you, Goodfellas and The Godfather trilogy Squad), make money ( illegitimately, of a Westerner in Kansai Anthology. adroitly to walk the line now have a whole year to get are a good place to start, giving exam- as in Goodfellas) and find love among a All of the films were of a high between farce and pom- writing, planning, and shoot- ples of wide-ranging firms of organ- group of equally desperate friends ( quality, but the winner of the Gold posity. ing for next year’s ised crime. For a dose of amusingly American Pie). Cigar was Wait... by Caroline Special mention event. Harvey. This cleverly crafted film under the category of GOOD BYE LENIN! COMPETITION

"A brilliantly original comedy with a truly inspired premise…a real gem of a movie" (Heat magazine) "Funny, moving, charming and original" (Empire magazine)

Available to buy on DVD and rent & buy on DVD and Video from 1st March 2004 from UGC Films UK & Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, GOOD BYE LENIN! tells the funny and moving story about one man’s attempt to make history stand still.

Directed by Wolfgang Becker, GOOD BYE LENIN! begins in 1989 Germany with the East and West still divided. Alex (Daniel BrÚhl) and his sister, Ariane (Maria Simon) live in the East with their fanatical socialist single mother Christiane (Katrin Sass). When Christiane unexpectedly witnesses her son being beaten up and arrested whilst on a peace march she suffers a massive heart attack and falls into a coma… during which time the Berlin Wall comes tumbling down along with all of the East German ideals Christiane so fervently believed in. On awakening eight months later, the doctors warn that any further sudden shocks could bring on a fatal attack causing Alex to decide to pretend that communism has in fact not been overthrown and convince his mother it is still thriving in the East.

We have five copies of this wonderful film to give away. To win please send an answer to the following question to [email protected] Q: In what year did the Berlin Wall fall? THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 17 It’ll be alright on the Twelfth Night James Drinkwater takes a look at The Marlowe’s latest offering...

Twelfth Night a sense of void in which the life of the formance as Malvolio, whose Basil- Arts Theatre, 2-6 Mar, 7.45pm text tends to languish. esque demeanour was hilarious Twelfth Night is one of Shakespeare's throughout. The production simply most characteristic ‘ensemble’ plays, as lacked the cohesive vision necessary to the program notes, and the individual bring these individually successful ele-

The Marlowe hen I asked director Tom performers were of a very high stan- ments together. Wright what he hoped to dard. The cast had to battle with a par- David Holmes' approach to lighting Wachieve with the Marlowe ticularly unresponsive first night audi- was a simple one, and unlike a number Society production of Twelfth Night, ence, but did so admirably. Caroline of the production's other subtleties, it he replied, 'I wanted to see how lively Horton excels as Viola, enduing some was tremendously effective. Particularly a production one could make.' of Shakespeare's finest lines with a per- delightful was the ingenious use of However, the production that graced fection of expression entirely proper to lighting in the scene between Malvolio the boards of the Arts Theatre on the them. Kirsty McQuire's rendering of and Feste acting the part of Sir Topas. play’s opening night was one sadly lack- the beauteous Olivia is a joy to watch, Perhaps my expectations were unrea- ing the vitality required by as she moves effortlessly between the sonably high, but after being praised for Shakespearean comedy. Wright's roles of haughty seductress and excited an 'aesthetically charming' debut, approach is commendable, his main youth. The part of Sir Toby, one of Wright and Bausor's bare set approach objective being to convey Shakespeare's Shakespeare's most loveable rogues, is to Twelfth Night does little to charm, or text to the audience, doing everything placed in the capable hands of Max assist the movement of the play. in his power 'not to get in it's way.' Bennett, whose sensitivity to the mood Hopefully this production will gather Unfortunately, the essential physicali- variations inherent within pace as it gets further into its run, as it ties of theatre do not receive adequate Shakespeare's comedy makes for one of is obvious from the dedication of those attention, and although the actors all the play’s most rounded performances. involved that they really are striving to convey the text well orally, the sheer John Cleese fans would have been please. amount of barren space on stage creates delighted with Duncan Harte’s per- A Genuine Article... Henry V: The V is for Very average

The Real Thing brought this play to life, and made the Henry V The highlight is the excellent decon- weight of words, struggling to sketch out Pembroke, 2-6 Mar, 7.30pm bad bits bearable. Two sofas at oppo- Queens’ 2-6 Mar, 7.30pm struction of the famous St. Crispin’s Day two-dimensional characters. Perhaps it site ends of the space, along with two speech, when the production’s lofty is an artistic choice to focus attention on central stools representing train seats, ambitions are fully realised. Delivered Henry, but it’s not much fun to watch. provided good opportunity to clarify into the lens of a camera, Henry (Miles My one allowance is the first night The Real Thing is a play about art where each scene was taking place. enry V revolves around the Bullock) begins the speech with the roughness may be smoothed out by the within life, life within art: relation- With the action sandwiched between events leading to one of the familiar words, ‘Once more unto the weekend. While set design is good, and ships, life and love, in a web of playful a separated audience, the tension built Hgreatest English victories, at breach dear friends…’ but falters part- the television footage of the conflict an theatrical games. up nicely as the play progressed, and Agincourt, and containing, in Henry, excellent idea, the result only occasional- Henry, a playwright and intellectual, the music used reflected the mood of one of Shakespeare’s most rounded “only occasionally ly rises above the mediocre. weaves his words for a living, but the piece perfectly. characters. There is one final annoyance: the where does the boundary between It was clear that the rehearsal While it has traditionally been seen as rises above the Chorus is made into a character with the writing and living lie? Why does a process had been thorough, and apart the definitive work of English patriot- ability to step out of the action. OK. man so engaged with his art find it so from some first night technical hitch- ism, more recent criticism has suggested mediocre” This is simply an expansion of the hard to express love? In general, this es, Stoppard’s writing shone through that the play is far from nationalistic Chorus’ role. But why does he have to play was full of clichéd acting; emo- as every ounce of meaning and subtext propaganda. Rather, it shows a monarch way through, and stops. Take 2. A prance around like a demented ringmas- tionless, amateurish and boring. was brought out; after the discovery of with a dubious claim to the throne of thought provoking analysis of what our ter, hand-clapping and finger-snapping, However, the sheer strength of the two Annie’s attraction to Billy, and the France, and who leads his country into leaders have become. Unfortunately, this pretending to control the play? leads, Annie ( Jenny Lee) and Henry subsequent destruction of her posses- what, he admits, will be a costly and is the only time that the production’s Why, for all love? (Ali Nunn) made this play a joy to sions, the line, ‘you can’t put things bloody war. In this production, the more ambitions live up to themselves. While This production ultimately left me with watch. Their subtle, moving charac- back, they won’t go back’ had a strong recent line of reasoning is pursued, and Bullock is a good, if uninspiring Henry, little except the beautifully designed terisation, along with intelligent direc- emotional punch. For me, this play the setting updated for the ‘media age’. It the rest of the performances are poor map-table and its ambitions. And that’s tion from Cat Mariner, which made was the Real Thing. shows Henry as a grim politician, sur- quality. As is usual in Cambridge pro- not enough. superb use of the space available, Fiona Symington rounded by journalists and TV cameras. ductions, the actors drown beneath the Sam Bostock Too Smug-asbord? A Threepenny bit of sleaziness

Smorgasbord jazz café. This feeling is augmented by The Threepenny Opera ending is a great twist to a production no’, Polly’s marriage doesn’t quite go as The Playroom, 2-6 Mar, 8.30pm the inclination of the various writers Homerton, 6-9 Mar, 7.30pm that keeps the audience watching to the she – or her parents – planned. towards humour rather than drama in last. The director’s great sense of comic their material, a decision which occa- The piece is narrated by Amanda timing (Polly: ‘Can you feel my heart sionally pays off, for example in He and Fernando-Stevens, who also plays Jenny, beating?’ Mac (groping her): ‘Oh, I can had better things to do on Tuesday Whore, which balances dark humour and Homerton Amateur Theatrical one of the whores who betray Mack. feel it.’) combined with the choreogra- night - celebrating a sports win, genuine feeling quite successfully, but Society’s production of Brecht’s first Polly Wormington is the young, inno- phy and music by Kurt Weiss from the Ienjoying a friend’s birthday, wash- often feels forced. commercial success The Threepenny cent (?) daughter of the beggar king and six-piece live band and piano makes for ing my hair - and at several times dur- Several of the offerings wallow in Opera presents a London you may not his wonderfully sour wife. Along with an unmissable production from a society ing Smorgasbord I was reminded of Pinter-esque ambiguity over what the recognise: the world of ‘Mack the Jenny, Lucy, and probably many more, which is rapidly gaining respect on the this fact, most acutely when the writing hell is actually going on, which can get Knife’ and his regime of busty whores, Polly is in love with Mack. Seduced by Cambridge theatre circuit. dwelt on existential vagaries more suit- quite tiring after two hours. But this street lads, a suppressed gay policeman the man who ‘didn’t ask so she didn’t say Louise Janes ed to drunken philosophising than tendency certainly benefits Lying, which and the family of the beggar king. entertainment. quickly gets to the heart of its matter and One of the society’s most ambitious However, as a chance to sample the does so with palpable skill. There are productions so far is well worth the walk. future fruits of Cambridge writing, act- some excellent ideas, even if not fully A musical where the songs are refresh- ing and directing, Smorgasbord is an developed beyond their initial concep- ingly un-Sound of Music (‘It’s something interesting and effective showcase and tion. None of these plays have the time you can’t deny / That life’s a bitch and ultimately worth the effort if only for the to offer answers or develop beyond the then you die’) and an outstanding cast few quality moments of innovation and initial concept, but their originality and who don’t really wear very much make style. This year the creative directors talent are nonetheless apparent. this show the ideal skive from any end of have attempted to fashion cohesion Smorgasbord is not so much an term essay crisis. between the pieces. In light of the broad evening’s entertainment as a lesson in Ed Aldcroft is perfect as twenties ranging subject matters of the playlets theatre ‘dos and ‘don’ts’, but the beauty is gangster Mack the Knife, managing to (and film), this was an ambitious plan, in the subjectivity of where the bound- be both seductive (I was asked what only really successful in terms of the aries lie, and I would recommend it to underwear I had on) as well as down- well-chosen background music, which anyone interested in finding out for right scary: ‘let heaven smash your fuck- gives the audience a sense of experienc- themselves. ing faces’ he declares when he is finally TS ing pretentious cabaret in a laid-back Hannah Kowszun hung. Or is he? The unexpected, ironic HA

THEATRE/CLASSICAL 18 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Footlights: Double the Fun? Richard III Rules

ootlights have turned out a Douglas Adams as a double act on the Richard III lorn Richard. In what is considered by good percentage of our grounds that they both wrote the bril- ADC Theatre, 2-6 Mar, 7.45pm many as Shakespeare’s ultimate ‘charac- Ffavourite comedians, including liant Meaning of Life. Fry and Laurie ter play’, Richard’s character is ultimate- some of britain’s favourite double-acts... were quickly followed by Steve Punt and ly eclipsed. This is no sign of ineptitude, Highlights Effortlesly funny Footlighter Peter Hugh Dennis (currently to be heard as a however, but rather the result of a defi- Cook met Dudley Moore who was at double act on The Now Show), David Shakespeare does a pretty good line in nite directorial decision. The production Best of the rest... Oxford when working on Beyond the Baddiel and Rob Newman. who were villains; Iago (Othello), Shylock is spectacularly symbolic: the eminently Fringe. Similarly, TW3’s David Frost briefly a very successful pairing. (Merchant), Aaron (Titus): he’s done able Gérald Garutti creates a stark the- It’s been a busy week in the and Timothy Birdsall also met when The only example I can find of a them all. And Richard III is supposed, atrical space full of grand statements and world of theatre - full reviews for they were in a Cambridge show. Monty proper female double act is Mel and Sue by many, to be the best. gestures weighted with an importance these plays can be found on our Python writing double team John and I was tempted to leave them out. It is notable, therefore, that Sam beyond the immediately apparent. website... Cleese and Graham Chapman were in Those ‘Kingsmill’ ads were rubbish. The Kitchener has not been type-cast as a The humble mask becomes a means Footlights (as was Eric Idle). Not really fact that Miriam Margolyes and villain. Fluffy haired and looking not of inflicting death, reflecting the face- ‘Moving Pictures’ a double act in the performing sense, but Germaine Greer have very similar hair is unlike Will Young, he is sometimes lessness of the puppets that Richard (The Playroom, 7pm, til Sat) a partnership nonetheless. The same simply not enough to qualify. hard to reconcile with Shakespeare’s directs. The aesthetics of the play – so “farcical encounters with reli- applies to Graeme Garden and Bill Chris Knight “bottled spider”: this is the kind of vital to a production as symbolic as this – gious cults, fascists, eccentrics Oddie. Those two joined ex-Footlights Richard you wouldn’t mind taking are particularly pleasing. The use of and kiwi cults...a smooth and President Tim Brooke-Taylor to form home to your mother. sound is impressive, although perhaps seamless performance” the Goodies, which is only prevented However, Kitchener performs well: he slightly heavy-handed on occasion. Clare Diacono from being a double act by one person. quickly establishes a rapport with the However, it is the lighting – and its com- The earliest actual example of a prop- audience, and is a thoroughly amusing, if bination with an abstract, and slightly ‘How to Philosophise er Footlights double act is that of John not Machiavellian, Richard; indeed, his cumbersome set – that makes the show: with a Hammer’ Bird and John Fortune, who with performance is only surpassed by the it is, at times, simply divine. (Queens, 11pm, til Sat) Bremner are at the very peak of satirical outstanding George Igler This is a production that has benefit- “A play about Neitzche, set in form. The early 1980’s gave Cambridge (Buckingham). Yet there is no denying ed from a strong directorial and concep- 2036? It sounds questionable the double act of Stephen Fry and Hugh that ‘cheeky chappy’ Richard does pose tual vision. Although the emphasis on ...but it’s a thought-provoking Laurie, who are famous enough already problems, especially towards the end of symbolism means that the finer details piece of theatre.” without needing me to list their success- the play: we simply don’t see the other of the text are untouched, it remains Patrick Bannister es. The 1981 tour show starring Fry, side of the coin; the pathos of the play’s nonetheless a success. Like the set of the Laurie, Emma Thompson and Tony climax is eclipsed by the victory of Aryan play, it may occasionally wobble – or www.varsity.co.uk Slattery (directed by Dead Ringers’ Jan super-king Richmond (an impressive seem a little impractical – but ultimately Ravens) must rank as one of the best Arthur House), throwing an insur- it holds up to pleasing effect.

Footlights shows ever. Slightly sneakily, Nick Hayes mountable barrier between us and a for- A.C. Berwick I’m also going to count John Lloyd and Cohen’s exquisite C

CUCO/Cohen cial was the performance of Haydn’s sages of the outer movements to the Reviews West Road, 28 February Cello Concerto in C Major that fol- gentleness of the work’s centre, his lowed. I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard phrasing was always sculpted. Two anything more exciting. The perfor- moments were particularly stunning. mance’s only imperfection came at its The first was the short but thrilling constant danger for student very opening, as with Cohen directing first-movement cadenza. The second reviewers is that we’ll revert to from his cello-stool and with his back came in the Adagio, as Cohen let his Ahyperbole for the sake of an to the players, my misgivings about left hand fall away from the fingerboard interesting write-up. And yet despite soloists conducting were confirmed by to allow his right to freely bow an open this danger, I have no qualms about the orchestra’s hesitant entry. This was string. The result was a huge and beau- describing this concert as astounding. the tiniest of blemishes though. In tiful sound that left me with mouth CUCO were joined for the fact, Cohen gave very little gesticulat- open and eyes agog. evening by Robert Cohen, who has ed direction to the players during the The evening ended with turned his hand to conducting having rest of the piece and an extraordinary Beethoven’s Symphony No. 7, and this John Tavener - A Portrait Blake Wilner- The Repreive long established his international rep- musical responsiveness was built up too was remarkably accomplished and Naxos Ant Records utation as a cellist. The programme between orchestra and soloist. hugely enjoyable. The orchestra’s opened with Ravel’s multi-faceted Le Cohen took the outer movements at sound was consistently controlled and For devout Tavenerites this CD is a This album by the London based Tombeau de Couperin. an uncompromising pace and CUCO full, with perhaps the odd exception of necessary purchase, for those whose Australian guitarist finds him in a quar- It was not only the warmth and rich- showed itself fully capable of meeting an overly enthusiastic violin. It did musical taste extends beyond the evoca- tet setting with some fine young ness of the CUCO strings and the strong the demands being made of it, produc- feel that Cohen rather laboured the tive modalities expressed so wonderful- London players. characterisation of the prominent wood ing a quite remarkable string sound at opening of the piece and the middle ly in Tavener’s music, this CD is still Saxophonist Simon Allen is a partic- wind parts that made this performance times. Equally impressively, in the con- of the Allegretto, so that some of highly recommended. ularly talented playing partner who puts so impressive. What also struck me was certo’s exquisite central movement, the Beethoven’s most powerful symphon- The aim of this production is to in some solid solos. The opening New the success with which the orchestra orchestra responded with enormous ic writing didn’t achieve its full force. explore Tavener’s life and music, in this York Trilogy is the strongest track; a good moved from the wash of colour that sensitivity and control to the serenity of But the finale was very well handled his 60th birthday year. The extent to composition by Wilner with slick playing characterises the evocative Prelude to the Cohen’s playing. It would seem a great and this was ultimately an enormous- which recorded interviews with the com- from the whole group. The record lacks rather more pointed and disconcerting challenge for a student orchestra to ade- ly impressive performance. poser and comprehensive liner notes will the originality needed to make it stand second movement. It was in the combi- quately respond to a soloist of Cohen’s Overall, this was a quite wonderful interest the ordinary listener is question- out from the crowd but it is still a good nation of warmth and disconcertion that rank, and yet soloist and orchestra creat- concert. Hyperbole or no, the perform- able, yet there is no doubt that this CD session that will please many listeners. the orchestra seemed to express the spir- ed a musical relationship that left no ance of the Haydn shall stay with me contains some inspiring music. Jon Opstad it of this piece, whose movements are sense of their being any serious imbal- for a very long time. I’m not sure if I was struck by the powerful Prayer of dedicated to the friends the composer ance. The product was hugely expressive music gets much better. the Heart sung by Icelandic pop star lost during WWI. music-making. Björk. This fifteen minute track com- And yet, however impressive the Cohen’s playing itself was quite Jonathan Gross posed especially for the performer utilis- Ravel, what made this concert so spe- astonishing. From the galloping pas- es every nuance of her earthy, primal untrained voice. Björk does Tavener’s music supreme justice, and draws out the Fitz String Quartet shine emotion and tension central to the com- position: rarely have I been so moved by Fitzwilliam String Quartet hear, such is their knowledge of each around the building. The Fitzwilliam a recorded performance. Fitzwilliam Chapel, 29 February other’s playing style. Less pleasurable String Quartet certainly preserved their The CD also contains favourites such on the ear was Antonio Rosetti’s reputation for performing varied and as The Lamb superbly executed by St Robert Mitchell’s Panacea - Voyager Haydnesque Quartet in C minor, unusual repertoire, yet it was in the John’s College Choir under Christopher Dune which despite the FSQ’s exquisite exe- familiar territory of Purcell and Mozart Robinson’s direction. Less well known rom the clarity and purity of cution could never be a compositional that they truly shone. are the instrumental works, such as The Mitchell’s debut album is one of the most Purcell’s incidental music to equivalent to Mozart’s B flat Quartet The Fitzwilliam String Quartet and Protecting Veil for cello and orchestra, original, well crafted jazz statements of FKing Arthur to the harmonics The Hunt which followed. friends play Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto which provide a more abstract medium recent years. Mitchell’s playing, compos- and strange portamenti of Liz Fitzwilliam Chapel provided the No.3 and Corelli Concerti Grossi Numbers for Tavener’s sound. This CD is brim- ing and arranging abilities are all show- Johnson’s recent composition Intricate perfect acoustic for the Purcell, whose 1 and 3 Op.6 in Fitzwilliam College ful of quality performances and intrigu- cased. The use of voice and, often very Web, the Fitzwilliam String Quartet music for King Arthur was undoubtedly Chapel on March 7th at 8pm. Tickets ing music which I am certain will contin- subtly, percussion further expands the displayed a virtuosity and sensitivity the highlight of the evening. The £10/5/1 available on the door or in ue to fascinate new audiences. musical palette. This is one of Britain’s which imbued the music with tran- brightness and harmonic intensity of advance from Fitz P’lodge 01223 finest jazz piano albums. scendental brilliance. the music flew from the FSQ’s bows 332000. Ciarán Rhys Jenkins Jon Opstad Their corporate sound is a joy to and may still be echoing timelessly Ciarán Rhys Jenkins VISUAL ARTS www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 19 Dare to paint about South Africa? Laura Pechey A Daughter’s view on the Truth and Lies of the Artist

n February 1988, my mother, non-representational (albeit non- delstein’s photographs are man of colour cast in the colours of Nola Clendinning, wrote in her abstract) and apparently at a remove black and white. Their col- Ethiopian art. It is, of course, an Ijournal: ‘Theme? Any theme. from this world and its politics. The Elective title, Truth and Lies, immense irony that St George whose Try painting about South Africa difference between them is, however, and the Truth and Reconciliation flag is so cherished by British Neo- and Namibia? If you dare’. These only apparent. Commission to which they allude Nazis was not a white man but one are the words of a South African Kumalo, a self-taught photographer, are not: the TRC was a social and émigré-artist trying to negotiate who began his work in the 1950s, has ethical space in whichEdelstein pho- “All colours can be all the responsibilities of her craft. photographed most of the prominent tographs the perpetrators who Her words must ventriloquise the South African political leaders from pleaded for amnesty and the victims things, and all things feelings of other South African artists, the past few decades: Biko, the who were asked to grant it. like photographers Alf Kumalo and Mandelas and Mbeki to name but a She is, like the perpetrators, a South can be all colours.” Jillian Edelstein. These artists’ media few. Kumalo’s photo-journalism of the African "taking responsibility" for the and modes may be different: Kumalo 1960s and 70s took into its own hands actions of her fellows and, like the vic- who hailed from what is now Turkey. and Edelstein’s work is overtly repre- the power to represent, to tell the truth tims, involved in the delicate process St George and the Dragon and St sentational, political and "South or, at least, a truth that was not being of coming to terms with the legacy of Anthony in the Desert, another non- African" where my mother’s work is heard by the world. In October 2003, apartheid: death, pain, tension, separa- white central to the history of he opened a photographic school in tion, grief. To what extent can South Western beliefs, perform the func- Diepkloof, Soweto for aspiring pho- Africans like Eugene de Kock and tion of adding colour to the white- tographers from under-privileged Dirk wash of Western Christianity or backgrounds. The legacy of social Coetzee, two notorious commanders modernity. In the context of an of the counter-insurgency unit at apartheid system upheld and justi- “truth gave way to Vlakplaas and Joe Mamsela, a former fied by a highly distorted Christian ANC undercover agent, be seen to ethic, this re-colouring is not purely An Exhibition of Two South African lies and lies gave way take responsibility for their brutal aesthetic. Photographers: Jillian Edelstein & Alf and murderous actions? Coetzee, De Kumalo. 3-29 March. Clare Hall. to truth” Kock and Mamsela were, they stat- he truth of Edelstein’s and Mon-Fri 9am-5pm. Free entry. ed, just following orders from above. Kumalo’s social documentation Opening with Jillian Edelstein: 3rd documentation by those largely mar- For so many South Africans, T(that is also, of course, art) does March 6-8pm. Drinks provided. All ginalised by the powerful (even in an "white"and non-white, taking not make paintings like my mother’s lies. Things Can be All Colours:An ANC-run ‘new’ South Africa) contin- responsibility is not easy and often In the words of my mother, so perfectly Exhibition of Painting by South African ues. If photographs are, to borrow the impossible. balanced between her personal artistic artist, Nola Clendinning. 1-29 March. words of CNN’s Christine Amanpour, Until recently, I never would have and politically committed beliefs: ‘All Michaelhouse Centre. Mon-Sat ‘the first draft of history’, then Kumalo described my mother as a South colours can be all things, and all things 9.30am-5pm. Free Entry. Opening has taken responsibility not only for African artist or a political one. The can be all colours’. with guest speaker, celebrated South the first draft but the second, third, exhibition has changed all this. African novelist, Dan Jacobson: 4th fourth… Mum’s St George and the Dragon is a March 6-9pm. Refreshments available. Slotover @ the Visual Arts Soc Women

he inaugural cover of Frieze growing interest in movements in ous as Cologne, Paris, Turin and New United magazine netted a delicate but- British art. York. Multitudes of pavilions chorused Tterfly, Damien Hirst’s early From the outset Frieze was an ambi- contemporary updates from around the work, 'Life and Death’, pinned to a tious project, and consistently built on its world. Art Fairs offered a variety of Heather Welsh-Sarin’s exhibition royal blue background. An adapted successes, examining art and popular experiences further to their obvious Recent Indian Paintings is testament to version of the Émigré 'Triplex Serif' culture with a fine tooth critical comb, commercial and professional value, the diversity of exhibitions that are font in lemon yellow spelled out yet not in the exclusive language all too mobilizing a contagious excitement in shown in New Hall. Recent exhibitions Frieze, a name that, according to their host cities. London had never at New Hall have included the works of Founder Matthew Slotover, would not “most of the art on before entertained a full-scale art fair Roberta Booth, and the late Birgit immediately codify it as yet another art with such a strong international presence Skiöld. world publication. This marked it out show was really some- before Frieze. Slotover, armed with the Welsh-Sarin’s work is made up largely from contemporary rivals such as magazine’s established network of con- of her acrylic paintings and silk collages, ArtForum, FlashArt. Frieze was the what ‘obscene’.” tacts and supporters was more than which are typified by their bright opti- perfect title for a London based cultur- equipped to realize the city’s potential. mism. In addition to her exhibition, her al publication with an international often spoken by art publications. Although London could not, mid cushions and greetings cards are on sale in perspective - an elegant composition of Independent, accessible yet critical, cov- October, possibly offer sun and sand, support of the charity Conserve the elements; a balanced critical voice and ering art to non-art and with an enthu- there were the vast Royal Parks. Regents Elephants. Naturally then, elephants are a informatik for the visual arts and its siastic interest in platforming the talents Park agreed to host the maiden landing recurrent feature in her work, appearing extended cultural family; the worlds of of younger artists in a critical context, of David Adjaye’s triumphant white in a variety of contexts including her fashion, architecture, and design. Frieze magazine was a triumphant proj- tent, hosting the first Frieze Art Fair and colourful renditions of Indian street Frieze arrived back in 1991 when ect. As Slotover was quick to empha- in those frantic four days, over 27,700 Tate invested in a smaller scale Eliasson. scenes, and more naïve, textile-based Hirst was fresh from successes of exhibi- size, the magazine should never be seen visitors from all over the world. Editor of Dazed and Confused Jefferson designs. While some of her compositions tions Modern Medicine (1989) and as an appendage to the Fair, which is The Frieze Art Fair was instrumental Hack with girlfriend Kate Moss, capture the vibrancy of Indian life, such as Freeze (1988), Nicholas Serota was just perhaps better known internationally. in introducing British talent to the inter- Richard Hamilton and Tracey Emin the charming Boatrace, pictures such as three years into his significant appoint- Concurrently, the somewhat odd phe- national arena. Leading UK architect were all spotted. As well as attracting Happy Birthday and Kia Ora My Valentine ment as Director at Tate, and Tate nomenon that is the modern art fair, that David Adjaye designed the temporary these recognizable figures, it welcomed have about them a more sentimental Modern was still Giles Gilbert Scott’s hybrid of trade fair and public exhibi- structure that housed the show, and everyone from the informed collector to quality, depicting elephants bearing flow- derelict power station. Frieze arrived and tion, had expanded throughout Europe London based design company GTF the curious public, some of whom had ers and hearts in a child-like, colourful subsequently expanded alongside a and the USA, with destinations as vari- were responsible for the graphic schemes found Adjaye’s tent blocking the route of style. authoring the Fair’s brand. Liverpool’s habitual Sunday afternoon wanderings. While in New Hall, make time to have It also administrated an educative pro- a look at some of the works in their “a balanced critical gramme for local schoolchildren, who Women's Art Collection. This is the were most vocal in commenting that largest collection of art by women in voice and informatik most of the art on show was really some- Europe and the works are hung all over what ‘obscene’. the college. It aims to cover a wide range for the visual arts” ‘…And as for this year?’, a voice in the of the art being made by women at the audience ventures… The man sat calm- moment and includes works by Barbara White Diamond Projects selected a pro- ly at the front of the room, requisite Hepworth, and Maggi Hambling, with gramme of film and video screenings white ibook unfolded before him nods. works on loan from the Fitzwilliam and food was provided by Mark Hix of Matthew Slotover, publisher of Frieze Museum by such figures as Bridget Riley London's Ivy and Le Caprice restarants. magazine and co-director of the Frieze and Vanessa Bell. My personal favorite is Frieze duly welcomed the tread of the Art Fair smiles, and reminds himself Hambling’s thought-provoking Gulf great and good of the collective creative that October is now only seven months Women Prepare For War, which hangs in worlds to its chocolate carpets. Nigella hence. All the world’s a stage. the dome. and Charles were spotted perusing Ruth Roberts Warhol’s lithographs for his infamous Hannah Barry Recent Indian Paintings is being exhibited in cookbook Wild Raspberries whilst the New Hall until March 7th. MUSIC 20 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Amy Winehouse whines Nabeela Ahmed talks to the ambitious North-London singer

n today’s bland market-orientated Elliot”. This blend of classic and cutting- “I wrote poetry from about the age of six, music culture it’s hard to see the edge influences works to create a sound picked up the guitar at thirteen, and

IBritneys and Beyonces strutting which is unique, even within the group of started writing songs at about fifteen”. ild PR their musical prowess free from record new artists such as Kate Melua and Jamie It’s clear that Amy’s passion is for music, company and press compromises. Amy Cullum tagged as ‘jazz-revivalists’. In not attention, when speaking about her Winehouse, however, looks and response to whether she likes being cate- Brit nominations, “The minute you start sounds like she’s doing exactly what she gorised along with such artists, she says, thinking you’re a ‘superstar’ is when wants, making music in a way that’s “The press can say what they want, but you’re dead. It was obvious which kind true to her soul. Her debut album what I do is completely different to those of artist would win those awards and I Courstesy of W Frank showcases her unique brand of people. Joss Stone sticks to old-school wasn’t one of those types, and to be hon- soulful jazz fused with contemporary soul, and Jamie Cullum does jazz. My est, I don’t think much of the winners beats and is winning critical acclaim. stuff is more ‘beats-rhythm’.” Indeed, her anyway”. Fresh from a British tour and a double lush, classic soul grooves layered over Amy plans to build her own studio this Brit nomination, it’s proved that ‘frank’ is garage and hip-hop beats are not a style year and is excited by the possibility of an extremely apt moniker for not only favoured by many current artists. She collaborations. “There are loads of people the album but her persona when she stresses that as her output grows people I’d love to work with, Mos Def, Missy talks about herself. “Everything is inspir- will realise how different she is from Elliot, Timbaland… not the Neptunes ing to me, the way you talk to people, the artists she’s currently banked with. though, they’re too boring now”. This way you have sex with people…even What is most awe-inspiring about aversion to the current scene’s saturation ild PR walking my dog! I find anything and Amy Winehouse is her sultry, sexual by the over-exposed production duo is everything can be inspiring”. voice, imbued with shades of Billie testament to Amy’s artistic independence An illustrious array of jazz, blues and Holiday and Sarah Vaughn… and the and unique attitude. Despite being hailed soul artists are regularly name-dropped in fact that she is less than two decades old. as a ‘hot, young talent’, Amy doesn’t care reviews of Winehouse’s work. “I’m influ- The sardonic wit and love-worn wisdom about the current trends, and as her debut

Courstesy of W enced by Sarah Vaughn, Thelonius which exudes from her stunningly album will go on to show, “trusting life to Monk, Dinah Washington, but I also lis- mature song-writing is rooted in a life- the ear” rather than the raptures of the ten to a lot of Beastie Boys and Missy time love-affair with all things musical. zeitgeist will always prove timeless. Garage Flowers Competition George FitzGerald witnesses a rare event LateNightTales -Turin Brakes

aking my way across Market Rip, Blaze and Wesley C did not disap- Square on an icy Wednesday point, armed to the teeth with accom- LateNightTales provide artists with the opportunity to choose a selection of Mnight, heading towards plished selections and blends. Having laid back tunes for, erm, late night listening. Although I find them best suited to Kambar for a night of “Pure Garage”, I expected very little indeed, I was pleasant- those moments when you find yourself staring through a smoky haze at four in felt the distinct pain of loneliness; the ly surprised by the way this night rose the morning thinking you’re on a spaceship, it recently occurred to me that they decision to attend left me totally devoid above the limitations of the venue that may also be ideal for hard-working students in the grip of an all-night essay cri- of mates, a sensation that is, I assure looks and feels like an abattoir, with a sis. Whichever side of the Cambridge spectrum you prefer, you should check the you, hideously alien to me. Pleading in crowd of dedicated ravers firmly rooted to latest release in this long-running series, selected by Balham bluesmasters Turin the bar with randomers I received the the dancefloor throughout. That said, the Brakes. From Scandiavian cowboy laments to upbeat latin jazz tracks, the selec-

standard rebuff, “Kambar? Garage? Courstesy of Amit Gudka night was essentially undermined by its tion is incredibly diverse but still consitently good. You even get a cover of the Shite. Let’s go to Rumboogie’s and inability to match the level of its crowd’s Rolling Stones’ Moonlight Mile done exclusively by Turin Brakes boys them- dominate”. How could I blame them? dedication with real numbers. selves, and it’s all rounded off by a story read by the great British baritone MC Like drum ‘n’ bass, garage has now enced d ‘n’ b producers such as Zinc. Cambridge is not renowned for its Brian Blessed. Best of all, we have 3 copies to give away! To enter just send the returned underground and become a far Thankfully, as a result the anaemic beats receptiveness to developments in the to answer the following question: more simplified, dance-based medium, of yesteryear have now been brutally sub- musical world, yet for a student commu- viciously stripped of its vocal and instru- stituted for hard-hitting drums and dis- nity so hypnotized by the charms of drum What was the LateNightTales series previously called? mental frills. As organizer DJ Rip point- gustingly huge bass-lines. ‘n’ bass, it should be suited to this new a) Another Late Night ed out, “Garage is now dance music. It’s “Pure Garage” offered the refreshingly wave. As one of the 100 or so garage- b) Ladies of the Night just pure energy.”This energy stems from unique chance to witness this new direc- heads present lamented “What a heavy c) Nights of the Round Table a cultivation of the drum ‘n’ bass influ- tion. Having said that, no self-respecting night, I wish Cambridge would wake up ences that existed in 2-step, originally garage night would be complete without to new-school garage.” Amen: more Answers to [email protected]; closing date: March 10th provided by the crossing over of experi- a seasoning of classic bangers, and DJs garage and less pole-dancing. Babylon Shall Fall Katy Wells @ the Silver Mt. Zion Reviews he Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Hands and Throw Them in the River were Courtney Love – Mono Orchestra & Tra-la-la Band enough to drive all thoughts of current Virgin, March 15th Twith Choir, as they are suc- affairs from our minds. Amy Stockwell cinctly known, have only played fif- It’s easy to be sceptical about post- If KISS was right and God gave rock and roll to you, then Courtney Love uses teen gigs. Begun in 1999 by Efrim rock bands’ ability to entertain at live Mono, the first single from her debut solo album America’s Sweetheart to call the Menuck of ‘Godspeed You! Black shows but Mt Zion never bore, and have Almighty to account. In a blistering tirade, Love bemoans the probable death of Emperor’ fame, reputedly to help him about them a freshness and informality Rock and demands that God owes her "One more song/ So I can prove to you get over the death of his dog (a that is lacking in the more established that/ I’m so much better than him". Fortunately, the song works: it has an addictive Polaroid attached to his amp presum- Godspeed…. Rather the songs act as the hook and some decent satire that is showcased by the sneering rock that Love deliv- ably depicts the unfortunate canine), ideal form of escapism. The ‘orchestra’ ers so well. "Did you miss me?", Love asks a little too literally at the start of the the band’s commitments to other and ‘band’ elements combine to give a track. I guess it turns out that I did. projects has left little time for tour- sparse but fluid structure which swells ing. But in the wake of their latest and subsides through the course of album This is Our Punk-Rock, Thee lengthy instrumentals, while intermit- Paddy Casey – Living Rusted Satellites Gather & Sing, the tently overlaid are mantra-like lyrics Sony, March 15th seven Canadian musicians have final- repeated to extraordinarily powerful Amy Stockwell ly graced London with their presence. effect.The leading voice is that of Efrim, Living is the second album from Irish singer/songwriter Paddy Casey. The Scala provides a perfect venue, whose thin and desperate tones sit on With an acoustic guitar, a heartfelt, folkish voice and some fairly hackneyed intimate enough to allow the audience to top of the melody, addressing his usual lyrics, this guy covers the same kind of ground as fellow countryman David catch every last note emanating from the themes regarding the decay of his socie- Gray – which doesn’t see him aiming very high. While Casey has some stage, as well as to engage with the band ty and surroundings: “Hang on to each impressive support gigs under his belt (REM, Ani Di Franco, The Pretenders) between songs in what became a rather other/any fucking thing you love”, and as it’s rehashed, overdone and repetitive folk pop. Which probably means he’ll heated political debate. But it wasn’t the we stumbled reluctantly back out in the be absolutely huge. politics the audience came for, and the cold February air, it was the last two first thirty seconds of opener Take These hours we would be hanging on to. MUSIC/LITERATURE www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 21 Get Warmsley Seachange Live @ The Portland Arms, 1st March Meet songwriter Jeremy Warmsley erhaps it’s the brain-stabbing tedly daunting combination of an air full jokes or a bit of poetry. I think Akira tinnitus left ringing in thirty of tension and an audience full of non- are great, and I think Simon is Ppairs of ears by the unspeakably chalance. Four-fifths of the band look wicked, but apart from that I don’t awful scream-core sensibilities of and sound born for bigger things, yet really know many other student tonight’s opening act. Possibly, it’s Easton repeatedly insists on making bands. The bassist in my band, Dan down to half the audience’s early embarrassingly humble patter - con- Terrins-Rudge, plays these really departure, having only ever been there stantly thanking us all for coming; even sweet acoustic songs. You wouldn’t to carry the drums for the aforemen- attempting to hawk CDs and T-Shirts think to look at him because he looks tioned noise-merchants. I’d personally mid-performance. just like Jack Osbourne, but he’s my like to think it more attributable to the With a large amount of luck and a tip for next year in Cambridge. He’s crowd’s mutual shock on realising dash of self-confidence, Seachange and got some really top songs. vocalist Dan Easton’s astounding their imminent Lay of the Land LP could resemblance to that Big Issue seller deservedly go far. Equally, Kelly Jones How would you describe your from opposite Barclay’s who makes up might develop bird flu, or my neigh- sound? rhymes. But for whatever reason, the bours might stop existing. atmosphere inside the Portland Arms’ Unfortunately, these things just don’t, I’ve got these two ways of playing, backroom for Seachange’s second and won’t, happen. acoustic gigs and full band gigs, and recent Cambridge appearance is verg- Jon Swaine I do try to make them sound really ing on non-existent. different, the songs I play and the Which is a damn shame, because

msly way I play them. A lot of people Seachange are a fine band, earnestly lug- ar have said my new stuff sounds like ging their impressive repertoire around Talking Heads, XTC, 80s new wave, such venues as this with, truth be told, which I suppose it does. I try not to scant apparent prospect of either com- emy W

Jer have any particular ideas about what mercial success or cult indie favour, sort of songs I write. despite their being signed to the presti- Where are you going with all gious Matador imprint - home to such Jeremy is a singer-songwriter from along to it because they thought it this? luminaries as Guided By Voices, Yo La Churchill. He runs a fortnightly was an old man singing jazz songs. Tengo and Cat Power. night at Clown’s Cafe with Simon Then I started playing solo gigs with I want to live my life playing music, While not nearly as limited as my Mastrantone called Songs In The Simon, and I would say it’s snow- and it seems to me that the only way I unforgivable, irritatingly restrictive Dark, as well as playing assorted gigs balled but it hasn’t gone anywhere can do that is if lots of people listen to means of description might suggest, the throughout Cambridge. yet. my music and give me money for it, band’s sound is locatable somewhere and the best way to do that is to sign to between the clipped-bass sparseness of How did you start out? What do you think of an established record label. We’re Ikara Colt and the naggingly beautiful Cambridge as a scene for song- thinking of taking Songs In The Dark orchestrations of Hope of the States. I picked up a guitar and started writers and bands? to London when we graduate and try Easton’s disgusted, anglicised vowel playing two chord versions of Beatles and get a little scene going there. I’ve sounds recall both in the fantastic Do It songs when I was about sixteen and The night I’ve started with Simon, still got a lot to learn, but isn’t that All Again, while Johanna Woodnutt’s got more and more into it. I was in Songs In The Dark, has definitely what we’re here for? violin strains are chillingly affecting in a bunch of shit bands but from that I started feeling like something’s hap- Glitterball and News From Nowhere, put on these nights at the County pening. We get another person to The next Songs In The Dark is this Sunday at surely a must for a single release. Arms and called it Jeremy Sings The come and play every week, and we Clown’s Cafe. Unfortunately, the band seem at an Classics, but people didn’t come get someone to come and do some absolute loss when faced with the admit-

Cam Stories Beats Defeated

Caroline Roberts feeds off Hughes and Plath’s Alex Runchman exposes the cool hell of Naked Lunch vampirism in her poem T.H.S.P saw the best minds of my gen- talking literary inhibition here. eration destroyed by madness, William Burroughs probably went ‘Istarving, hysterical, naked…’ furthest. Naked Lunch with its graphic, Her: You betrayer and you It’s the best-known line to come out maniacal chaos of needles, blood, het- deceiver, of the Beat Generation, and any liter- ero and homosexual sex, giant cen- I hate, hate you. ary-minded would-be-revolutionary tipede, and sperm-filled water pistol My poet, my passion, adolescent of our own generation etc. transgresses all that would have My eternal muse. (probably repressed by sanity, well- seemed acceptable to 50’s middle twist.lib.uiowa.edu/beat I would reverse this: fed, middle-class and groomed) is America - ‘A cry from hell.’ Escape me in this life likely to be able to quote from Newsweek called it echoing what But never in my death. Ginsberg’s long and terrifying poem William Carlos Williams wrote in his My rival, my heart. at length (though it’s such a relentless Preface to Howl: 'Ladies, we are going Him: You haunt me, my punishment diatribe that to memorize the whole through hell'. It’s no wonder that Never ends. Regret colours my thing would be quite an achieve- attempts were made to suppress both day ment). works on grounds of obscenity. And And self hatred burns my night. Madness, hunger (for drugs, but also it’s a shame that much of the hellish Too much emotion, too much for writing and for some missing spir- shock has now been lost, partly to give itual condition), hysteria and naked- because these works have become It drove me away as ness (of the body, of the soul): these clichéd through their association with The grass was greener but maladies are definitive of Beat writing. teenage rebellion. Hell now seems kind I choked on it; forever Take Kerouac, for example, as Sal of cool, not horrifying. Stained with your juice. Paradise at the beginning of On The Her: I loved fiercely as you Road: ‘the only people for me are the partly victims of their own popularity. way that gave it some meaning. Trying Stood aloof with intelligence, mad ones, the ones who are mad to ‘Ladies, we are going It’s easy to forget that they were as to find values… that were valid. And it Burning with potential. live, mad to talk, mad to be saved.’ through hell’ addicted to literature as they were to was through literature that all this was Knew as I bit your lean cheek Madness has always fascinated writers, drugs; that they were infatuated with supposed to be done.” You were mine if I could keep... and for the Beats it has to do with If I sound merely cynical about Rimbaud and Blake, and influenced by And it was through literature that Him: You claimed me, branded me defying convention, both social and lit- Ginsberg and co.’s reactionary readers, American writers such as Whitman they made their mark, even if, ulti- My cheek bore your mark, my erary. Dean Moriarty, Paradise’s hero this is because the Beats suffer, more and Theodore Dreiser who had been mately, their writing seems limited. Soul followed suit. I was trapped and taboo-blasting road-companion, than any other writers, from being just as radical in their own time. (I And it is in part thanks to the Beats In domestic bliss, hating, and wonders ‘How to even begin to get it associated with a way of life, to the suppose most readers encounter the that these days, in literature, anything yet all down and without modified extent that their writing becomes Beats before these others: I certainly goes. They collapsed the boundaries My love, my only love... restraints and all hung-up on like liter- compromised. It’s partly their own did). Lucien Carr, part of the gang between the acceptable and the unac- Her: ...you. ary inhibitions and grammatical fault - the drug-addled raving and though not a remembered writer, ceptable, and we are now more or less Him: ...you. fears…’ This is just what Beat writing egomaniacal narration eventually recalled that they were a “rebellious unshockable, which is both a blessing attempts, and, of course, we’re not just becomes monotonous. But they’re also group trying to look at the world in a and a curse. SPORT 22 Mar 05, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Creme de la Prem poised to reign again

Rajan Lakhani It is a poor return from an era in The success of the likes of Valencia, with Terry and Cudicini superb to Arsenal and Man Utd. With which Serie A, and then La Liga, have AC Milan, Juventus and Borussia throughout. Newcastle’s young team emerging, dominated European competition. The Dortmund were all predicated on a The second factor in the lack of suc- competition for the Premiership will be For years fans have argued that the reasons why the Premiership clubs have strong defence. English clubs have cess for the Premiership in European more intense than ever before as the Premiership is the best league in the struggled in the Champions League are struggled in this respect. It was only competitions has been the lack of duopoly finally seems to be coming to world but the evidence to back it up has twofold. The first is the lack of quality with the expensive signing of Jaap Stam competition for the league. In the 10 an end. Those who say that this season been wafer-thin. in defence. The sides that have been that the Man Utd defence was strong seasons of the Premiership so far, has been the worst in Premiership his- The Champions League has only had most successful in the Champions enough. His partnership with Ronny Manchester United has won the tory need to have their heads examined. one Premiership winner (Manchester League have been built on strong Johnsen together with the goalkeeping league on 7 occasions, Arsenal twice Not only have we had three teams com- United in 1999) as has the UEFA Cup defences. of Peter Schmeichel was one of the and Blackburn once. In contrast, the peting for the Premiership title, the race (Liverpool in 2001). Arsenal is the only Some might argue that Real Madrid major reasons for Man Utd’s success. Italian league in the same period has for the final Champions League spot other club to have reached the final of a is the exception, but however much flair The Red Devils are now struggling in seen four different winners, and the and the fight to avoid relegation are European competition. They claimed a and creativity their attacking players the absence of Rio Ferdinand, which was Spanish five. Manchester United and both going to right to the wire. final berth in the now defunct Cup such as Raul, Ronaldo and Figo pos- especially the case in Porto where the Liverpool completed their remarkable The Premiership can safely claim to Winner’s Cup on two occasions, losing sess, they failed to win the Champions side was thoroughly outplayed. Except treble wins in those seasons where the possess some of the great players in the second final famously as Seaman was League last season because of deficien- for the debacle against Inter Milan, the competition for the Premiership went world football today. It has been too long lobbed from the half-way line by Nayim, cies in defence, especially in the absence Arsenal defence has looked solid to the final stages. since England’s top division dominated and the club lost the UEFA Cup final to of Claude Makelele, who was suspend- throughout the competition, while Thanks to Roman Abramovich’s the European competitions, but their Galatasaray in 2000 on penalties. ed in the semi-final against Juventus. Chelsea’s defence has been imperious, money, Chelsea has emerged as a rival time just might be around the corner. John’s and Fitz in final as Girton stay no. 1

second Cuppers game in a row will be College Football welcomed by Fitz, who face John’s in the final after beating Girton in the other Girton went top in Division 1 this semi, writes Gavin Versi week, although Jesus and Catz remain Fitz reached the final by outclassing firmly in the title race. Meanwhile in archrivals Girton 2-0 yesterday after- Cuppers, St John’s and Fitz booked a noon. It was a huge reversal after the place in next week’s final. Green had triumphed 4-0 at Oxford Girton ousted Catz from the summit Road earlier in the season. of Division One to move within touch- Fitz began the game in stunning fash- ing distance of the championship, cour- ion, as captain Matt Clamp explained: “I tesy of a pulsating 1-0 victory, writes thought that we had a good chance if we Gavin Versi could make a fast start and catch them “I’m over the moon,” said Girton cap- on the back foot.” Johnny Hughes and tain/manager Bob Griffiths. “Catz put Luke McNally were a class apart early up a good fight but we created more on, while the movement of their team- chances and deserved to win.” Indeed, mates caused chaos in the Girton the home side showed enough attacking defence. verve to have won by more convincingly, John Cheshire and Danny Griffiths thanks largely to the classy triumvirate of went close in the opening twenty min- Rohit Trivedi, Paul Touil and Joel utes before Griffiths gave Fitz a richly Turner. deserved lead on the half hour, lifting the In the first half, Girton stopper Rob ball over Rob Jones, whose handling was Jones produced one of the saves of the abysmal throughout. season as he leapt, salmon-like, across his “Forty-five minutes to die for your goal to deny a header by Bal Ghoman. college,” was how Girton’s Mickey Villa Girton launched wave after wave of summed up the situation his besieged attack in the second period, but the troops faced at the break. The visitors game stayed scoreless until ten minutes were a different side in the second peri- from time when Greg Smyth lashed od as they bossed the opening home from two yards out after Trivedi Midfield general Greg Smythe pounces to score Girton’s winner against Catz exchanges, but when Donald Davidson had hit the post. Smyth let out a war cry headed over when it would have been as he celebrated his seminal strike, while just in the right place at the right time.” With the final whistle approaching it probably be remembered for the chances easier to score, one sensed the outcome the typically strong Girton support col- His teammates will be hoping the man seemed that both sides were resigned to that fell at his feet and went begging. It was inevitable. lectively ejaculated. from Londonderry can repeat the trick a draw, but Trinity made one final attack. is a wonder that John’s were just 2-0 up The match had been scheduled for a There had been plenty of bad blood when they square off against Jesus Ogilvie summed up his side’s determina- at the break, the goals coming from neutral venue, but Girton chief Bob between these two teams: last season tomorrow, in another titanic clash. tion when, crying out in pain from Mike Adams and Mike Gun-Why. Griffiths conceded home advantage to Ghoman violently assaulted Girton stal- Meanwhile there was a big match at cramp, he made a last-ditch effort to Jesus came more into the game in the his Huntingdon Road counterparts wart Mickey Villa after their Cuppers the bottom of the table as Trinity beat keep the ball in down the right wing, second half but never really looked like rather than face a trek to Clare pitches. quarter-final blockbuster, an act he apol- Pembroke 2-1, writes Shanaz Musafer. before collapsing to the ground. While scoring until, almost out of nothing,Tim He may live to regret this decision: the ogised for before this game. Weeks later, Billed as the crunch relegation battle most eyes were on him, Stocker was busy Swain hooked a ball back into the box vociferous home support victimised Alex Catz desperately tried to arrange their between two sides both desperate for winning the match for Trinity. for Darren Turner to volley home. The Mugan, the revelation of the season, and final game of the season, from which points, not to mention pride, this clash John’s defence was suddenly rattled and, caused nervousness throughout the they needed a point in order to wrap up did not disappoint. It was only settled by “forty-five minutes to with five minutes to go, gave away a Green line-up. the league title – against Girton – but a last gasp winner from Trinity’s Anil penalty, when speedy substitute Steven Cheshire sealed it ten minutes from then captain Smyth refused. In light of Stocker that sent the home fans wild and die for your college” Pike was hauled down in the box.Turner the end, as he rammed the ball home this historically volatile relationship, the condemned Pembroke to almost certain held his nerve and converted the spot after Hughes’ header had cannoned off serene disposition of the visitors’ players relegation. The win lifts Trinity above Pembroke kick, sending the game into extra time. the crossbar. and fans was laudable. Rob Ogilvie’s men dominated the first in the table and they still have matches Jesus tails were up and they looked the Afterwards, Clamp put his team’s On the pitch veteran Lee Everson half but could not make the pressure tell, in hand. Pembroke, however, played hungrier of the two teams. So they turnaround down to being able to field a presented with a golden opportunity at despite the lively work of Thomas their last league match on Wednesday, would have kicked themselves when full-strength side for the first time this the death, but to their utter despair his Cheongvee up front, and were punished drawing 2-2 with fellow relegation can- they conceded an absolutely shocking season. “Unbelievable,” he enthused. free header went over. Captain Dave when Pembroke took the lead. Whether didates Long Road to take them level on goal. Keeper Sam Richardson flapped at “I’m absolutely chuffed. It was a brilliant Mills responded after the game, “If or not Trinity keeper Jack Willis was put points with Trinity but with a far inferi- a cross, and the Jesus defence combined performance from every player.” Girton were as good on the pitch as they off by the cry of “Ian Walker” from a or goal difference. to bundle the ball into their own net. talk themselves up off it, they’d already Pembroke fan we’ll never know, but his The Cuppers semis also got under- The Jesus players had not given up hope have the title secured”. flap at the ball caused mayhem in his way, with John’s winning a thriller though, and supersub Pike popped up Pl GD Pts Luckily for the home side, Smyth own box and Dan Chambers capitalised against Jesus. ‘A game of two halves’ is with a header from another Swain cross Girton 6 12 20 found it easier to locate the net than he to scramble the ball into the net. probably one of the most over-used to make it 3-3. Catz 8 16 19 had a bed only twelve hours earlier, for Yet the game turned on one minute of clichés in football, but this tie really did Just when it seemed that the tie was Jesus 7 7 16 the amiable Irishman had enjoyed less jam-packed action in the second half. warrant the phrase. Having beaten Jesus heading for penalties, an unlikely hero St John’s 8 14 15 than satisfactory preparation for this six- Pembroke almost doubled their lead 4-0 in the league earlier in the season, appeared in the form of John’s defender Fitz 7 -7 8 pointer: having played in the Kestrels’ from a corner but the ball was hit John’s played some superb football in the James Bryan. A ball over the top found Darwin 8 -13 8 Varsity match the previous day he found straight at Willis, whose quick clearance first half which suggested that a repeat him in space on the left and he calmly Downing 7 6 5 himself wandering around Oxford at found Cheongvee on the halfway line. scoreline could be on the cards. slotted it into the net. Try as they might, Trinity 6 -9 3 1am looking for a place to sleep. The long-haired forward made straight The Jesus eleven, in comparison, had Jesus could not muster another equaliser. Pembroke 9 -24 3 “They all count,” said Smyth, with for goal, beat the last defender and fired a former Finnish Under-12 internation- They left with a sense of being robbed. Long Road 4 -2 0 characteristic self-deprecation. “I was the equaliser. al playing up front, although he will The news that John’s struggled for the

SPORT www.varsity.co.uk Mar 05, 2004 23

Varsity Games Victory Sport in Brief Varsity Games Women’s Rugby OXFORD 37 This week sees the climax to the Blues’ and Tigers’ (second team) Andy Sims Varsity preparations. Both teams were in action this week, the Blues CAMBRIDGE 40 taking on a Birmingham side hoping for victory in the BUSA knock- out competition. The Tigers took part in a friendly against old rivals Sam Richardson, in Oxford Doncaster. The Blues were victorious by 26 points to 12, taking them into the last 8 for another match against hot favourites UWIC. The Tigers, in their third match together, battled strongly and had a Cambridge snatched victory from the try disallowed to end up losing narrowly by 12 points to 10. Both jaws of defeat with a sensational sides hope to move on to achieve victory on March 7th against comeback in the Varsity Games. Two Oxford. weeks of games came down to the final event, the Men’s Basketball, Varsity Squash which Cambridge had not won for years against an Oxford side tradi- Friday the 20th of February saw the Varsity squash match, and anoth- tionally packed with Rhodes schol- er victory for the Cambridge women’s team. Emma Pickwell, the ars. Cambridge reserve, set the tone for the match with her win, which pre- But, as hundreds of spectators ceded two swift 3-0 victories for Cambridge by the number 5 seed, Ann crammed into the gym on Oxford’s Babtie, and the number 4 seed, and captain, Hettie Briscoe. The match, Iffley Road sports complex, it was the it transpired, was to be decided by the number 2s. Nicky Dee, despite Light Blues who stormed to a Fred Pauquay tastes Varsity glory in an emphatic win losing the first game, came through in a very convincing manner to win deserved 79-69 victory. the match three games to one, and the Varsity trophy for Cambridge, 3- As news filtered through that this A clean sweep at table tennis competing at the top level, the 2. Had protocol not determined that the winning team decide the man meant overall victory for Cambridge, delighted captain Andy Sims who attempts to provide renewed sports of the match from the losing team the trophy would most certainly have members of the other Light Blue said, “Team spirit was the key factor. facilities must kick into top gear. belonged to Nicky. teams were able to revel in their victo- We worked hard for the win and it was As the Varsity games return to ries. clear we wanted it more”. Cambridge next year, Varsity would Most impressive were the results in The victory was all the more sweet like to urge everyone to get behind Lacrosse Oxford’s stunning new pool, where because Cambridge took a substantial them. Last year’s event was bailed out Cambridge won the clean sweep of points deficit into the final weekend. from financial ruin by the generosity This Saturday (6th March) promises to be a thrilling display of water polo and swimming. The Light Oxford had the significant home of the Ospreys. This year we would “the fastest game on two feet” in its various forms. The women’s and Blue men won a thrilling victory by 6- advantge, and the benefit of an Iffley urge potential sponsors to get behind mixed teams are defending their Varsity titles, whilst the men’s teams 5 in a pulsating match. Meanwhile the Road sports complex which is rightly this most inclusive of Varsity events, look to avenge last year’s double defeat. Return coach tickets available women blew theor opponents out of the envy of any Cambridge sportsman. and make it three in a row for from hcd25 - supporters will be well nourished... the water by 13-2. If Cambridge truly expects to continue Cambridge. Oxford in a different League? tionally tight contest looked small. motion glory by the Sky commenta- Rugby League That early jolt shocked the Cambridge tors, signalled the recommencement of OXFORD 29 team to life and the cutting edge that battle. Equally powerful, but more Oxford had allowed a glimpse of legal, tackles were called for, and deliv- CAMBRIDGE 16 seemed dulled by complacence. The ered, as Cambridge dug deep into Cambridge forwards relished the con- reserves of determination and disci- Mike Henson frontation, running hard and direct at pline. Oxford had returned to the fray their opponents. Bennett, Forrest, with a new drive and purpose, looking Bettinson and Thomas all fought to stretch the lead beyond the means Clashing with popular conceptions manfully for the hard yards. Perhaps of Cambridge. A pair of trys did just of what Oxbridge should be alerts inhibited by nerves from the occasion that as a valiant defensive effort finally those media hounds who are so keen and Oxford’s evident ability to exploit ran out of numbers and energy. and quick to catch the scent of a fresh any mistakes in free, open play, The game opened up as Cambridge story. Cambridge’s game was, however, more took on a higher risk game in pursuit As such Varsity Rugby League was perspiration than inspiration. Too of the higher rewards they needed. packaged up in full Super League glitz often sets of six were completed, leav- Keeping the ball alive and spreading as the Sky cameras came to investigate ing the Oxford defence pounded but play to the flanks, they searched for the collision of a game seen as not penetrated. any hint of a way back into the game. Northern, dour gritty and two institu- At the fifth tackle possession was Forrest’s neat step wrong-footed two tions who rarely attract such adjec- returned cheaply as, with options opponents and earned him his second tives. Amid the fireworks, cheerleaders exhausted, Marchand was forced into a try of a fine captain’s performance. It and soft-rock, they found a full-blood- series of indecisive kicks allowing any was, unfortunately, too little, too late ed game that crackled with the emo- momentum or pressure gained to leak for his team; their courage and aggres- tion and passion. away. Buoyed by close-range trys from sion ultimately undone by the greater As Oxford’s Bradshaw, one of a host Forrest and Rusling and trailing by firepower in the Oxford side. The vic- of high profile Union converts in their just six points, there has foundation for tors’ superiority was marked by a drop side, launched into a showboating, the hope that the Light Blues could goal at the death and the painful con- swallow-dive under the Cambridge snuff out the flair they faced. trast of defeat and victory inevitably posts inside 45 seconds the chances of Andy Charlton’s high, straight-arm followed. It needed none of Sky’s arti- the audience being served up a tradi- tackle, savoured in all its brutal, slow- ficial additives to enthrall.

mountain biking championships in 3 weeks time. The club would welcome On yer bike Oxford! any riders wanting to compete, and The 2004 Varsity Mountain Biking got early on and went on to win in a very would especially welcome any female off to a good start on Sunday 22nd Feb, respectable 1hr 19mins. Sarah Todd riders wanting to represent the a warm, but changeable day. The race finished 3rd with Rachel Fenton coming University. was organised by Gorrick MTB club 4th. A great ride for the ladies team and took place on a standard length overall. XC circuit through Eversley forest, In the men’s category (4 laps), Reading. Andrew Cockburn came in with a John Binham from Oxford got off to strong first position having overtaken Bumps a swift start, hotly pursued by Andrew most of the category in front and finish- Cockburn with the rest of the team fol- ing in 1hr and 20mins. Cockburn was Charts lowing not far behind. By the beginning followed swiftly by Steve Fancy, chased of the third lap it was obvious that by a close pack consisting of Joe Grundy, Caius retained their domina- Cambridge had a strong lead over John Binham(Oxford) and Jon Ellis. Jon tion of the men’s event, although Oxford, and then went on to annihilate Blackburn took sixth position with Ash their women were displaced at the opposition with victories in both the Bown in 8th. A big thanks to those who the Head of the River by male and female categories. In the ladies participated and made the day a success- Downing. See the back page for event (3 laps), Mathilde Pauls pulled ful event. more details. well away from her fellow competitors Training is underway for the BUSA SPORT 05.02.04 www.varsity.co.uk BOATIES IN BUMPS BLOOPERS .co.uk .eadenlilleyphotography www

Jono Airey is ejected from his seat in the Jesus II boat after catching a crab. But nothing could eject Caius men from the headship. Downing, however, dominated the women’s bumps, in a year when crashes and fines were more common than ever. See the full charts inside. Shock for men but women stick Oxford point the standard of umpiring was Frith and Helen Wheeler. Both sides advancing keeper and across the line to questionable, with Williamson tem- Women’s Hockey struggled to create opportunities in make the score 1-0. For the next 10 Men’s Hockey porarily suspended from play by a the ‘d’ and the game was scoreless at minutes the Dark Blues fought hard OXFORD 3 dubious yellow card. Meanwhile OXFORD 0 half time. and pinned all but Sissons and Lees into Patchett and Morley endured exces- At the beginning of the 2nd half defence. The Cambridge girls were CAMBRIDGE 2 sive yet unnoticed physical pressure CAMBRIDGE 2 Oxford again asserted themselves well, equal to the challenge, defending with from the Oxford defence. won an early short corner and came assurance. From defence Frith, Wheeler Charly Lester Despite Cambridge’s confident Mary-Louise Daly close to deflecting a wide ball into the and ‘man of the match’ Tibbitt linked on start it was Oxford who were first to goal. Minutes later Laura Kots was on the right to release Reeve. Once again score, as the light Blues gave away a hand to save a direct shot from another the fit Cambridge blues bore down on 22 hockey sticks; 104 years of rivalry; short-corner that was Oxford’s On Varsity day the women of CUHC short corner with Helen Wheeler com- the Oxford circle. Eyre-Brooke received far too many short corner opportu- Frampton was quick to put away. were filled with excitement, hope and a pleting the clearance. After 20 minutes the ball again, deftly evaded her marker nities. With five minutes of the first half steely resolve to perform to their coach Dave Richardson introduced and shot on goal. This was saved initial- Sitting comfortably at the top of remaining Cambridge were punished potential. Since New Year they have fresher Jen Lees to the fray and gave ly but the blonde number 10 followed up the East Premier League, the light a second time, the opposing captain, progressed well and have climbed to some tactical advice to the forwards. to score her second goal of the match. Blues were firm favourites in the lead Dan Fox, this time whistling finishing third position in the Eastern Premier Cambridge began to look truly danger- There were only 5 minutes left. up to Tuesday’s game. Their dark a second corner, and securing the league. Indeed Oxford had studied a ous now and dominated possession. In A deflated opposition became error Blue counterparts were described in Oxford lead. video of a Cambridge match in an the 55th minute a clever ball from prone and Cambridge continued to drive the Telegraph as displaying ‘moderate Fresh from the half-time break attempt to ensure a third consecutive Rachel Wheeler released Reeve, who forward. Parkinson came close in the last mid-table form’. Further reason for Cambridge retorted with an impressive Varsity victory. accelerated past two Oxford defenders seconds from a short corner but the goal any pre-match confidence could be shot by Rob Lancastle from the top of A last minute injury to Old Blue with Eyre-Brooke and Sissons. At the tally was irrelevant when the final whistle drawn from the line-ups. While the D. The other Blue side was howev- Sandra Healy brought alterations to the top of the circle Reeve drew in the last blew. The elation of all squad members Mikey Williamson’s side lost only one er quick to respond, making full advan- starting line-up with Helen Lloyd slot- defender before passing to Eyre-Brooke. was evident for all to see. Hard work and of last year’s starting eleven this year, tage of an uncharacteristic lapse in the ting into defence and the speedy Emma Showing confidence, she controlled the commitment had brought the sweet the Oxford side were ten men short. Cambridge defence, which saw a corner McIlroy playing up front. After the for- ball before pushing it neatly under the reward of a Varsity victory. It was with this confident expecta- poorly cleared, and duly punished. malities were over the Light Blues tion that the crowds flocked to Despite admirable play by Dickie seemed relieved that the hard work was Southgate. The sun sparkled over a Little and Rob Fulford, only one of to begin in earnest. Typically the early sea of egg-shell blue scarves and hats, the six corners given away by the exchanges in the match were tense. and the weather only furthered the Oxford side was used to full advan- Oxford showed ambition and after 5 carnival spirit which had drawn tage. With a trademark drag-flick, minutes won the first of two short cor- coaches of ‘tabs’ away from seventh Fulford lifted the score to 3-2, yet as ners. Keeper Laura Kots made solid week blues, to London for the week’s the minutes slipped away and the ten- saves and the danger was cleared by her first battle of the Blues. Amid the sion mounted, the team were unable able defence. After this Cambridge

masses the Wanderers, content with to finish any more of the nail-biting began to find their passing rhythm. In Thanks to Jenny Parkinson last month’s Varsity draw, rallied the opportunities Oxford offered them of the middle Parkinson endeavoured to crowd, and heckled the ‘scum’ with the equalising. work the ball from defence to attack. help of a megaphone. As the final whistle blew the light Quick thinking and passing by the cap- The game opened well for Blue crumbled to the ground, deject- tain herself and by Rachel Wheeler Cambridge. Faster and more intense ed. The crowd echoed their under- released inside forward Jo Tibbitt on than most of the league games at standable disbelief, as arguably the two occasions. Tibbitt fought hard to Wilberforce Rd, the light Blues strongest Blues side in Cambridge retain possession and was able to link appeared unnerved made good use of saw the cup in Oxford hands once with McIlroy and Sissons to take the their superior experience. Almost again. The frowns were short-lived ball to the Oxford endline, putting their immediately pressure was applied, however. As blazers were donned and defence under considerable pressure. seeing Jamie Parker, on top form as wine corks popped, talk turned quick- After this, the game evolved into a ever, hit the back of the net as the ly away from what some had joked of series of midfield tussles. Any Dark whistle blew; and then hit the crossbar as the Blues’ least important game, Blue attacks were stifled with aplomb just minutes later. From an early and to the National League. by the calm and brave tackles of Claire