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The Experiences of Eight Lesbian Public School Administrators with District Personnel, Students and Their Parents

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The Experiences of Eight Lesbian Public School Administrators with District Personnel, Students and Their Parents University of Missouri, St. Louis IRL @ UMSL Dissertations UMSL Graduate Works 5-11-2010 "It's no secret": The experiences of eight lesbian public school administrators with district personnel, students and their parents Kelly Marie Grigsby University of Missouri-St. Louis Follow this and additional works at: https://irl.umsl.edu/dissertation Part of the Education Commons Recommended Citation Grigsby, Kelly Marie, ""It's no secret": The experiences of eight lesbian public school administrators with district personnel, students and their parents" (2010). Dissertations. 485. https://irl.umsl.edu/dissertation/485 This Dissertation is brought to you for free and open access by the UMSL Graduate Works at IRL @ UMSL. It has been accepted for inclusion in Dissertations by an authorized administrator of IRL @ UMSL. For more information, please contact [email protected]. ―IT‘S NO SECRET‖: THE EXPERIENCES OF EIGHT LESBIAN PUBLIC SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS WITH DISTRICT PERSONNEL, STUDENTS AND THEIR PARENTS BY Kelly M. Grigsby B.A. Criminology, University of Missouri – St. Louis, 1997 M.A. Special Education, University of South Florida, 2001 M.Ed. Educational Administration, University of Missouri – St. Louis, 2002 Ed.S. Educational Administration, University of Missouri – St. Louis, 2008 DISSERTATION Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Metropolitan Leadership and Policy Studies In the graduate School of the University of Missouri - St. Louis, 2010 St. Louis, Missouri ABSTRACT “…These questions are always hard to answer because when you’re living gay, you don’t know which decisions you’re making because you’re gay or because you’re living” (Adrian 596 – 598). The purpose of this phenomenological study was to explore the ways lesbian school administrators in K-12 public schools answer questions about their sexuality from students and their parents and how their feelings, experiences and this partial or potential closet affect their leadership. I completed a series of three in depth interviews with eight European American school administrators that identify as lesbian. I begin by sharing a snapshot of the participants‘ experiences with coming out to family, friends and district personnel. I found, that while all participants considered themselves implicitly or explicitly out with district personnel, their timeframes for disclosure varied and were influenced by seven common factors. All but one participant positioned themselves as closeted with students and their parents; there were six themes found in their responses to students and their parents and factors affecting their choices regarding revealing their lesbian identity. Participants‘ positioning on the out continuum with district personnel and with students and their parents affected their leadership as school administrators. ii Acknowledgments When I began this life changing journey, there was light but just a speck at the end of the tunnel. Many times, the light was fleeting and I was uncertain about presence at all, but family and friends never let me lose sight and pushed me to keep moving in that direction. The list of supporters is long, too long for this space, yet appreciated beyond words. To my partner, Jen, the love of my life, I dedicate this work. She spent countless hours next to me in our favorite study space, Mokabe‘s, processing to the point of having nothing left to say. As I spent the year consumed with my thoughts, never far from the participants or my findings, she patiently waited, never complaining, always my biggest supporter. She also knows all too well the struggles and triumphs of being a lesbian school administrator. I would like to thank my parents, siblings, grandparents and friends for their unyielding support from the time I began the program through the dissertation defense. I would especially like to thank my Grandpa for his genuine interest in my education and for pushing me to continue without even knowing it. He cultivated the high expectations in our family for education - expectations maintained by my parents. There was never a time when I spoke with my Grandpa on the phone or face to face that he did not ask about my school work, more specifically my research. At times, when I wanted to give up, I could hear his voice in my head challenging me to battle through. At times, I continued because I would never want to disappoint him. The support I received from my committee, Dr. Matthew Davis, Dr. Susan Kashubeck-West, Dr. Carl Hoagland, and Dr. Jason Heisserer was amazing. There is iii always a risk when one tackles queer issues in academia, but their courageous support endured. Words cannot capture my feelings of gratitude for my advisor, Dr. Matthew Davis, who knew I was going to write a dissertation exploring the experiences of queer administrators long before I did. Matthew is a true ally and friend who understands the importance of exploring queer issues in education; always willing to support my work, believing in me when I did not believe in myself, pushing me when I thought I would break. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION……………………………………………… 1 Personal Orientation……………………………………………….. 1 Situated in the Scholarship………………………………………… 3 Research and Guiding Questions………………………………….. 3 Scope of Study…………………………………………………….. 4 Definition of Terms……………………………………………….. 5 Significance of Study……………………………………………… 7 CHAPTER TWO: REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE……………………….. 10 Introduction………………………………………………………… 10 Queer Past in Education …………………………………………… 10 Queer Politics………………………………………………………. 18 Queer Present in Education………………………………………… 20 Literature on Queer Administrators……………………………….. 22 CHAPTER THREE: METHODOLOGY……………………………………… 32 Overview…………………………………………………………… 32 Design of Study……………………………………………………. 32 Role of Researcher………………………………………………… 33 Limitations of the Study…………………………………………… 35 Participants………………………………………………………… 35 Data Collection…………………………………………………….. 39 Data Analysis………………………………………………………. 43 v CHAPTER FOUR: ANALYSIS AND FINDINGS: PARTICIPANTS‘ JOURNEYS…………………………………………………………….. 45 Purpose……………………………………………………………… 45 Participants‘ Personal Journeys…………………………………….. 47 Out or Open: Choosing the Words to Disclose Our Sexuality…….. 71 Summary of the Findings………………………………………….. 77 CHAPTER FIVE: ANALYSIS AND FINDINGS: FACTORS AFFECTING PARTICIPANTS‘ POSITIONING WITH DISTRICT PERSONNEL… 79 Purpose……………………………………………………………… 79 Factors Influencing Participants‘ Positioning on the Out Continuum with District Personnel……………………………………………… 80 Summary of the Findings…………………………………………… 135 CHAPTER SIX: ANALYSIS AND FINDINGS: FACTORS AFFECTING PARTICIPANTS‘ POSITIONING WITH STUDENTS AND THEIR PARENTS……………………………………………………………… 138 Purpose………………………………………………………………… 138 Factors Influencing Participants‘ Positioning on the Out Continuum with Parents and Students…………………………………………….. 140 Summary of the Findings…………………………………………….. 178 CHAPTER SEVEN: DISCUSSION, IMPLICATIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS……………………………………………….. 182 Discussion of Results………………………………………………… 182 Implications for Practice…………………………………………….. 189 Recommendations for Future Research……………………………… 193 Personal Implications………………………………………………… 194 REFERENCES………………………………………………………….. 201 vi APPENDICES…………………………………………………………… 205 Appendix A: Participant Demographical Information………………… 205 Appendix B: Interview Guide………………………………………… 206 Appendix C: A Sample of Participant Profiles / Reduced, Punctuated Narratives………………………………………………………. 210 vii CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION Personal Orientation I am out at school explicitly; I have been for eight years. By out, I mean that I have few fears about disclosing my sexual identity as a lesbian to the staff I supervise, to my colleagues, or to my boss. My office is decorated with pictures of my partner; I talk and others ask about our time together outside of school. While discussing my sexual orientation with staff has not been difficult, coming out and being out to students and their parents remains a painful challenge for me. Consequently, my lesbian identity informs my professional identity every day: I respond uneasily to inquiries from students about my sexuality; I scrutinize carefully my haircut and clothing in order not to cross the invisible, fine line of being too ―butch‖ (Levitt & Horne, 2002). In many subtle yet excruciating ways, even though I want to be ―out and proud,‖ I struggle to be ―The Right Kind of Queer‖ (Tooms, 2006).1 My experiences are similar to the experiences of Tooms‘ (2006) participants, only with my students, not adults. Every time a student admires the ring I wear on the fourth finger of my left hand, asks me who gave it to me, and I reply ―a friend,‖ my heart aches. A small piece of that out and proud queer administrator wears away, and I feel ashamed. Not of being a lesbian, but of not being strong enough to say that I am one when it counts, when others, maybe even the inquiring student, need me to have the courage to say it. 1 In using the word queer, I am participating consciously in the appropriation of a formerly derogatory term that is now used counterhegemonically by in-group members. In the Definition of Terms below, I will expand on the history of the usage of the word queer as a signifier of those in a particular group by those both inside and outside that group. 1 As I look toward a future where queer educators can live, love and work openly without fear or shame, I see an opportunity to expand on the limited research literature that is available. In this study, I offered a venue for
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