Issue 23, 2018 '
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ISSUE 23, 2018 ' - / 2ausa CREDITS EDITORIAL 5 NEWS 6 EDITOR Andrew Winstanley COMMUNITY 12 THIS DESIGN Nick Withers IS IT, OR IS THIS IT? FEATURES EDITOR Daniel Gambitsis POLITICS AND NEWS EDITOR THE POST- Cameron Leakey COMMUNITY EDITOR UNIVERSITY CRISIS Emelia Masari ARTS & LIFESTYLE EDITORS 15 ONE PIECE OF MY Rushika Bhatnagar & Chris Wong SCIENCE EDITOR HEART: VISITING JAPAN Nandita Bhatnagar & Naomi Simon- Kumar LAW SCHOOL VISUAL ARTS EDITOR & ORIGINAL DESIGN 16 Daphne Zheng PUZZLES AND TRAVEL: Courtesy of Puzzles, Riddles and Quizzes Society THE REALITY SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM Uvini Panditharatne 20 US SUPREME CONTRIBUTORS Moss Bioletti, Esme O’Rafferty, Emily Hol- land, Lachlan Mitchell, Astrid Crosland, COURT WELCOMES Amy Masari, Joseph Faitasi, Milly Sheed, Razelle Icaro, Nikolas Gambitsis, Rachel KAVANAUGH: “WE Gojak, Thomas Carr, Meg Williams, Si- mon Bridges, Hannah Davis-Gray, Nandita BELIEVE YOU, DR. Bhatnagar COVER ARTIST BLASEY FORD. WE Hazel Oh ILLUSTRATORS Hazel Oh, Kaye Kennedy, Alisha Siraj, JUST DON’T CARE.” 22 Young Kim, Georgia Wu, Jenn Cheuk CALL FOR WRITERS AND ILLUSTRATORS! ADMIT IT DRAKE, Flick us an email at [email protected] if you’re interested in contributing. PUSHA T IS THE FIND US ONLINE www.craccum.co.nz SCORPION IN CraccumMagazine @craccum THE ROOM 25 EDITORIAL OFFICE 4 Alfred Street, Private Bag 92019, ARTS & REVIEWS 28 Auckland ADVERTISING Aaron Haugh COLUMNS 34 [email protected] THE ARTICLES AND OPINIONS CONTAINED SCIENCE 36 WITHIN THIS MAGAZINE ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE STAFF, AUSA OR PRINTERS. • Great discount off the RRP on most items in store* ubiq.co.nz • We buy and sell second-hand textbooks* - instant cash if you sell • Over 100,000 books in stock* - no waiting weeks for books to arrive • Open Monday to Saturday or buy securely from our website 24/7 100% Student owned - your store on campus *See in store for details 3 Where potential meets opportunity The chance to live overseas and experience a different teaching style and new ideas was incredible.” Marcus Ferguson Bachelor of Commerce Semester exchange Aalborg University, Denmark www.auckland.ac.nz/360 4 EDITORIALEDITORIAL Where AD REQUIEM PER potential AUGUSTA meets now I am not editor any more, here is old-timey uniforms, like milkmen. • the only really dignified way to eat a full list of opinions that “The Man” • not enough money is being spent food is with your hands, like they’re would not let me publish. hunting down and killing cryptids big shovels • the inventors of tinder never figured • scooby doo is a documentary show opportunity • we should have spent all the mon- out how to make the matching tech- • cravates are about to come back in a ey we put towards building a new nology work, so they spend billions BIG way, so you should invest early. engineering building into a building a of dollars each year hiring actors and • babe 2: pig in the city is the single mini golf course actresses to go out with you best movie of all time (this one actual- • in the vice chancellor’s office there’s a • all businesses in the auckland CBD ly isn’t a joke please watch it you will magic door that only appears in times should shut down every time that it cry so hard) of great need and to those who are rains • the earth isn’t flat, but not in the way worthy • the FTVMS department should be that you think • Meryl Streep hasn’t had a good mov- forced to show the movie “harry • mermaids are real ie since 2008’s “Doubt”, and doesn’t and the hendersons”, to all first year • smells are indistinguishable from deserve to be thought of as our students, taste, it’s just that you feel them in greatest living actress (NB: this is not • The history department should the nose a goof, I believe this for real and also emancipate themselves from the rest once got kicked out of the craccum of the country and set up a sovereign i am not a crank offices for sticking to my guns on this state The chance to live one) • the linguistics department should be postscript: • we need to spend more time online, renamed the linguini department. in the VR world, learning about • chloe swarbrick’s first name should Thank you, anyone who actually reads overseas and experience a digital things be pronounced with a hard “ch”, like this editorial! This is, as you might have • dogs should be able to go to universi- in cheese guessed, my last issue as editor. It’s been ty and get a degree • we should put the entire university really cool being in charge of this oper- different teaching style and • all commerce students should be on a giant train and that train should ation for the last few months, I’ve met forced to live in a network of tunnels travel around the whole world at top a lot of really fantastic people - many new ideas was incredible.” underground until everyone else gets speed constantly in order to save us of whom I’m sure will become lifelong equitably funded from the horrors of global warming friends. • the labour party and the national • the north island is actually 5-10x party should be forced to say sorry to larger than the south island. no one I’m really proud of the work that every- Marcus Ferguson each other every time they have an talks about it because it will hurt the one who has contributed to the maga- argument feelings of everyone who lives there. zine. There’s been some really fantastic Bachelor of Commerce • We should pave over the entire ocean • no one really knows where babies work put out this year - for which I can Semester exchange so that we can walk on it come from - it ISN’T through sex, only take partial credit. • auckland council should be spelt though Aalborg University, Denmark auckland “councel”, so it’s spelled like • trucks ain’t boats I also wish the best of luck for next it sounds • the titanic was sunk on purpose as year’s incoming editorial team, which • there’s nothing illegal about breeding insurance fraud includes a number of returning faces, an especially big dog and then riding • we should have spent more time as a who I am sure will do a fantastic job. it around like it’s a horse species figuring out a way to domesti- • If they had museums open at night cate the pig Have a great exam period, an even time, the ghosts of all the mummies • Most of the books in the General better summer, and a great 2019! www.auckland.ac.nz/360 would come back to life and kill Library don’t have any words in them everyone inside. • dinosaurs are still alive on stuart • Mankind? More like Man Un-Kind island. Stuart island is named after • uber drivers should be forced to wear stuart little. 5 NEWSNEWS 15 MINUTES WITH SIMON BRIDGES Simon Bridges appeared on campus last as an issue that needs to be ad- on the dumb stuff but also working with Monday for a coffee chat at the Davis Law dressed? them and being positive. We are working Library Café. The chat included an intro- together on climate change. But more New Zealand universities are not getting ductory speech, followed by Q&A from than that we have come up with our own worse; other countries are getting better. students. Craccum ventured into National positive plans. In 2020, we will be really It’s not all money, it comes down to other party territory to speak to Simon, but only clear about what we stand for and I feel factors as well, but in Australia they do for fifteen minutes. that one of the biggest problems of the invest more and the same is true in China. government is that they weren’t ready and China now has several universities in the How did you find the coffee chat? they didn’t do the hard yards in opposition top 50 which they did not have previous- I expected to walk in to a room with four to come with the plans for New Zealand ly when I was a student. We cannot be people so to have many more attend was and that’s why we are drifting and in fact complacent about that and that means fantastic. What always impresses me is going backwards. We need to make sure investment and thoughtfulness about not how the younger audience have so many we have done that work so that there is only how we stem the slipping but also questions, how they follow politics and a real contrast at the election and people how we try and enhance our positioning. how they really care about the future of will know exactly where we stand when We are in a global battle for talent and New Zealand. There was really good they buy into a National lead government. deserve universities that can compete with discussion going on and good conversation the best and we will be prioritising that. Recently Winston Peters has made about the future of the country. some pretty disparaging comments What do you think about the Fees Why should tertiary students be vot- about you. What is your relation- free policy for universities? ing for National next election, what ship with NZ First and do you still are your plans to make students life I’m pretty cynical about the two billion think you would be able to enter a easier and better? plus fees free policy.