Why Stop Lusting? that lust had become a bigger problem than the problems we were trying to avoid. Many of us came to Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) driven to total despair by our The medicine became our poison. Our “solution” became the problem. We were destructive sexual thoughts and behaviors. Within the meeting rooms of SA we out of control.

discovered, to our surprise, that lust was the driving force behind our acting out. Sexual Lusting, for us, is like riding a roller coaster. Once started, it is nearly im- Sexaholics lust is an inordinate thought or feeling that drives us to use ourselves, others, or things possible to stop. Therefore, lust must be for self-centered destructive purposes. The stopped where it begins, with the first Anonymous spiritual sickness of lust wants sexual drink. Getting out from under the influ- ence of lust, therefore, would require us to stimulation at that moment instead of what a Higher Power or God of our understanding avoid getting on board in the first place. is offering us. Later we come to see that lust That meant forsaking the thrill and the

wants anything other than what is offered us risk-taking. But how could we turn our backs on something that we had allowed each moment. At first it was hard to believe. As we began to accept this fact, we won- to dominate our lives for so many years? How could we succeed now where we had Why dered how we could live without lust. It be- came clear that we had to give it up, yet we failed a thousand times before? doubted that life without lust was possible. Stop Our addiction to lust is like the alcoholic’s problem with alcohol. Just as the alcoholic In this fellowship of SA, we met people Lusting? who had found a way to stop their cannot tolerate one drink of alcohol, we destructive sexual behaviors. That too was sexaholics cannot tolerate even the SA International Central Office (SAICO) unbelievable. Yet, by their honesty and smallest drink of lust. Lust always leads to PO Box 3565 shining faces, we knew it was true. They more lust, eventually making us drunk Brentwood, TN 37024-3565 with it. Once drunk, the urge to act out USA had the answer we desperately wanted. sexually is impossible to resist. Even Office: 866-424-8777 Why Can't I Lust, Just A Little? worse, lust keeps taking us deeper and Fax: 615-370-0882 deeper into behaviors we promised E-mail: [email protected] From the earliest days of our disease, we ourselves we would never do. The shame thought lust was our friend. We used it for that these behaviors caused us required Web site: http://www.sa.org more and more lust to mask it. Just a little many reasons: entertainment, as a refuge from pain, or to escape dealing with prob- lusting simply doesn’t work for sexaholics like us. Copyright © 2001 by Sexaholics Anonymous, Inc. lems. Somewhere along the way we realized All rights reserved. How Can I Stop Lusting? people around us. Lust drives us deeper and the power of lust was removed. Therefore, How do we know these tools work? The deeper inside ourselves and leads to isola- members of SA are encouraged to share experience of thousands of recovering First, we accepted that our entertaining lust tion, loneliness, and despair. But, as we honestly both in and out of meetings. Sexaholics indicates it is working in their leads to sexual acting out. The idea that we break the cycle of lust by taking the Steps of lives, one day at a time. could stop the undesirable sexual behaviors recovery, our experience of life begins to Avoiding Triggers – Many things can while allowing lust to live in our minds had change dramatically. trigger lust: movies, magazines, swimming There Is Hope! to be destroyed. The conclusion was in- pools, the Internet, even some things in the escapable: lust had to go if we were to quit As we begin to recover, we gain a new morning newspaper. Certainly there are Progressive victory over lust is possible. the sexual acting out. sense of integrity that makes us happy to be endless opportunities to lust. By examining We call on the God of our understanding alive. No more hiding! No more lies! No our personal lives closely and honestly, we for help; we lean on the fellowship for Second, we admitted we did not have the more double life! As the burden of guilt and can identify the thoughts, persons, places, support; and we take the Steps of SA to strength within ourselves to stop and that shame is lifted, we have more energy avail- and things that regularly cause us the most recover. Anyone who follows this plan is we needed a power greater than ourselves. able for family and friends, work and play. trouble. Having identified them, we now sure to find great relief from the onslaught Recognizing our weakness, we acknowl- A troubled and dark countenance gives way make decisions to avoid them, thus reducing of lust. edge our need for the 12 Step recovery to a life that is happy, joyous, and free. our temptation to lust. process, the support of other recovering Remember, lust will not disappear members, and a Higher Power or God of Breaking The Lust Habit Prayer – We use prayers of all kinds to overnight. Take it one step at a time, one our understanding. drive away lust. One quick prayer is, “God, day at a time. Lust is tenacious; it does not From personal experience we know lust is help me.” Many of us ask God to bless the give up easily. Our experience, however, Third, we made a decision to follow SA’s cunning, baffling, powerful, and patient. In person we are wanting to lust after. We ask has shown that anyone afflicted with simple program of recovery. the day-to-day grind, we wonder how might God to provide that person with all the good sexaholism can get better if he or she is we win against such a foe that never sleeps things we desire for our own lives. By willing to be honest about the problem and These became the keys to experiencing pro- and never quits? doing so, we stop making that person a lust follow the Twelve Steps and Traditions of gressive victory over lust. We stopped object, but rather a child of God. Another SA’s program of recovery. A life of fighting lust and started surrendering it to In the past, when lust came knocking, we simple prayer requests, “God, whatever I freedom is available to all. our Higher Power. Having moved beyond always opened the door. It was as if we had am looking for in that person, may I find in the point of despair, we were finally able to no other option. But today in recovery we you.” Remember, you are not alone! There are give ourselves completely to this program do have a choice. There are many tools that many others who share your problem but of recovery known as the 12 Steps. we can use to keep the door closed to lust. Sponsorship - A sponsor is a more experi- are in recovery and are waiting now to help Here are a few: enced recovering person who guides us you walk down this path. You need never But What Will Happen To Me? through the Twelve Steps of recovery. Ide- be alone again. Honesty – For so long, we were afraid to ally, a sponsor is working the Steps, going We who have lived with the problem of lust tell anyone what was really going on in our to meetings, and has a sponsor himself or Come, join us. know all too well what it does to us. Lust is heads. By keeping it a secret, we allowed herself. A sponsor can help us use the Steps a wall that separates us and keeps us from our addictive thinking to grow and spread. to surrender the obsession with lust in order enjoying full relationships with God and the By sharing our thoughts and actions with to live a balanced and joyful life. others in SA, we discovered that much of