Extremists at Imperial? Still

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�� FREE No 1332 ‘I think we’re aloneThursday now...’ 27 OCTOBER 2005 One of the great joys of being a student (apart from snakebites and copious... studying), is the fantastic The student newspaper and unique nightlife. Dancing like an idiot to the of Imperial College Baywatch theme tune is one of life’s unique pleasures. In normal circum- felixonline.co.uk9 10 11 12

1 ‘Cheer up, sleepy jean ‘ Call me, call me by my name or ‘I’m the dandy highwayman who Oh, what can it mean.’ Call me by my number’ you’re too scared to mention’ 2 FUCWIT League Answers 1329 IC Virgins: An Apology with this. Coffee Break would like to 2005-2006 1. George W Bush In issue 1328 (the first of term), make it clear that we’ve got no beef 3 2. Cameron Diaz we wrote: with the Virgins. They’re lovely Darkshines 54 3. Princess Diana ‘...you could always try out for the girls who’re nothing like we sug- The Fantastic Four 52 4. Robocop ironically named IC Virgins. Just gested. Insert Name Here 49 4 5. George Foreman be sure to bring your boots, shorts, Roastings, chlamydia and a sense Cupid Stunts 48 6. Micheal Jackson and diaphragm ... Promiscuity and of humour have no place on this Bernard Scumley Porno Queen 47 7. Mr. T STDs are the key qualifications for team. They’re clean cut ladies who Cockroach On Coke 47 5 8. Uncle Albert any budding Virgin ... as any guy take their sport seriously, and cer- Me, Myself & John Sargent 47 Still 9. George Clooney will tell you, there’s nothing more tainly don’t revel in their reputation Norfolk ‘n’ Chance felix47 Obviously a very easy feature, attractive than a girl who can ... as easy lays for the boys team. Forever Throwing Doubles 45 6 judging by the fact that everyone give you the worst case of crabs of Should you be a rugby-loving The Schist Ones 17 who entered got full points! your short young life. They’re femi- laydee, and struggling to decide Extremistsninity personified.’ what club to join, we can recommend [email protected] at Imperial? Under the anti-racistThe girls weren’t best pleased namethe Virgins. Again, sorry‘Stop girls. Islamophobia’ an Islamist group attempted praying in Forget Bird Flu, Iraq and all that other miserable stuff, something far more important is going down - The vote for a Bye Bye Hoff new Coffee Break Star. If you’re a Hoff-fan, you should be worried, it’s not looking to good for the big man. I’m pretty to recruit studentssurprised at the lack of Harold-love at too.Freshers Voting closes on Monday 24th FayreOctober, so hurry up! the rain Rupert Neate Editor

Last Friday, 21 October, Islamic Random Totty Optimus Prime Harold Bishop Ron Burgundy KITT David Hasselhoff prayers were once again held on Vote Now!! [email protected] Queens Lawn. In last week’s Felix, 1331, we reported how Muslim students were forced to pray outside as there is no available space on campus. Imperial College state that as a secular institution they will not provide space for communal worship. Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, Deputy Rector, told Felix that, “The College position remains... we have made it quite clear the College does not support congregated worship”. However he did state that, “the Islamic Society can book space like any other club and society, but there will be no creation of space... no ear- marking of space”. The only suitable space in College Some people weren’t all they seemed at this year’s Freshers Fayre is the Great Hall, which was booked out last Friday for a rehearsal of Daniela de Angel claiming Bush and Blair are creat- ordinator of Stop Islamophobia, from campuses, accusing the party the graduation ceremony that took ing an alarmist “politics of fear” dis- denied links with Hizb ut-Tahir. of “supporting terrorism and pub- place in the Royal Albert Hall yes- Persons trying to secure UK stu- crediting the entire Muslim commu- However according to The Times, lishing material which incites racial terday. Felix received claims that dents’ signatures, in protest against nity so they can fight their war with- Thaqib Razaq, an active mem- hatred”. the College deliberately booked the introduction of new anti-terror out question. ‘Radicals, subversives, ber, claims to have joined Hizb ut- Despite the appeal from NUS, the Great Hall at this time to pre- laws, have been shown to be linked conspiracies, infiltration, recruit- Tahrir with Choudhury. In one of Imperial College Union (ICU) does vent the Islamic Society using it for to an extremist organisation. ment, treason, an enemy within, the meetings Razaq stated Stop not have any specific ban on mem- prayer. Upon investigation Felix has An undercover reporter from The betrayal, ideologies, terror, torture, Islamophobia, “is set up by us, but bers of Hizb ut-Tahrir. Samenna been shown evidence to refute this Times infiltrated into the group spying, deportation, protecting our we don’t actually push it like that, Misbahuddin, President of ICU, claims the Great Hall was booked ‘Stop Islamaphobia’, posing as a way of life’ are all words used by the moment they link us with Hizb said, “The Union does not support months in advance. post graduate at UCL, to discover ‘Stop Islamophobia’, describing how ut-Tahrir they’ll bring the whole in any way nor allow any group to Andrew Wilson, College Chaplain the misleading name is in fact part the government is swaying society campaign down.” The reporter was incite hatred on any group of people. told Felix, “Friday prayer is clearly a of Hizb ut-Tahrir, one of the Islamist to portray the Islamic way of life. told the party method demanded The Union has an equal opportuni- vital element of the faith of Muslims parties facing a ban under terrorist These terms were used during the complete dislocation from democ- ties policy which clearly upholds and as a Christian I can respect that. laws. Cold War Communist persecutions racy and British secular values, but this, and this policy will be enforced. The Chaplaincy explored the pos- Persons wearing T-shirts with the in America, in the McCarthy period. is non violent. However, The Times It is important that at all times we sibility of the Islamic Society using words and the palm of a hand An undercover investigator from states that one member said suicide students unite in ensuring that any large meeting rooms owned by St held in the stop position where seen The Times established that stu- bombers in Israel would go “straight incitement of hatred is not tolerated Augustine’s Church (unfortunately throughout campus during Frshers dents are being recruited under to heaven”. on our campuses”. this wasn’t possible). Imperial is Fayre, October 4. They were pre- the deceptive and politically cor- Earlier this year, Professor Imperial College expressed con- an academic community made up dominately seen in the vicinity of the rect name ‘Stop Islamophobia’. Anthony Glees from Brunel cern when informed, by Felix, of of many different view, beliefs and zebra crossing on Prince Consort Allegedly, the group campaigns University released a report on the presence of this group on cam- faiths. I hope that a practical solu- Road between the main College to, “fight anti-Muslim prejudice in Colleges being “breeding grounds pus. Deputy Rector, Sir Leszek tion can be found”. campus and the Union. Students the wake of London’s bombings”, for extremists”. He affirms extrem- Borysiewicz, told Felix; “every- Next week the Great Hall is booked were asked to sign a petition against asking students to sign a petition ist parties have “issued a number one at Imperial is responsible for out for an external event, so Prayers the introduction of the new anti-ter- against anti-terrorist legislations. of anti-Semitic statements, anti- security. If anyone has any suspi- maybe held on Queen’s Lawn for ror laws and were asked to sign-up The undercover reporter showed Hindu, anti-Sikh, homophobic, anti- cions of unauthorised persons they the third week running. The Deputy to the ‘Stop Islamaphobia’ mailing interest in the group and was sub- feminist, and resentful of Western should contact security, who will Rector has confirm that once built list. sequently introduced to members of influence on Islam”. Soon after the the new sports centre will not be ‘Stop Islamaphobia’ addresses Hizb ut-Tahrir. statement the NUS appealed to stu- Continued, page 2 available for Friday Prayers. western politics as ‘McCarthyism’, Hassan Choudhury, national co- dent unions to ban Hizb ut-Tahrir Leader, page 21 felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 OCTOBER 2005

NEWS [email protected] felix 1,332 Engineering a good career Thursday 27.10.05 Anne Winberg Baarup Internship Centre Coordinator

The Tanaka building and the Bird Flu Mechanical Engineering Foyer were “the inexorable westward bustling with engineering students advance of avian flu and how on Wednesday 19 October, when the we are preparing to tackle the annual Engineering Careers Fair potential pandemic” was held. The fair was organised by Page 5 u the City and Guilds College Union’s Internship Centre together with the A change of pace Careers Advisory Service. The aim “This week, live d’n’b and an awe- was to give engineering undergrad- inspiring set from the legendary uates a greater exposure to engi- Laurent Garnier fill these hal- neering companies, and give them The Constant Gardner lowed pages, as well as gobbets the opportunity to discuss possible institutions weren’t dominant. Careers Fair that we have had to put “There were beautiful landscape of praise for Oceansize’s live career options. The Rector, Sir Richard Sykes, some on a waiting list. shots of Africa and it should come show” Thirty companies, including Arup, and the Principal of the Faculty of “We’re really pleased to see some as no surprise that the acting was Page 8 u Network Rail, Procter & Gamble, Engineering, Prof. Julia King, were of our alumni on the stands. It gives superb. After all, Ralph Fiennes and Rolls Royce, Shell and BP, attend- also in attendance for part of the the current students a glimpse of Rachel Weisz do have the experi- ed the fair and many stands were afternoon. the exciting future ahead of them ence to carry this film to the Oscars. manned by alumni of the College. Professor Julia King said, “We when they see what our previous Nevertheless, good acting or other- Over 1500 students from the various think the careers fair will be a great students have gone on to do” she wise, it doesn’t save the plot cliché. engineering departments came to success and we hope it will encour- added. The days when we were inclined to speak to the company representa- age lots of our students to consider If you enjoyed attending the fair believe in ‘X-Files’ conspiracy theo- tives, and there was a general con- careers in engineering when they and are interested in helping with ries are over. What can I say except- sensus amongst the students that leave Imperial. Our graduates are the organisation next year, please better luck next time!” it was fantastic to have an “engi- much in demand. So many com- email: [email protected] Page 10 u neering-only” event, where financial panies wanted to take part in this

This Week News 2 Books 18 Science 5 The Union 19 Extremists Music 8 Comment 20 Funeral congestion continued from page 1 Film 10 Letters 23 Arts 12 Agony Aunt/Horoscopes 24 take the appropiate action including escourting people off-site”. Food 15 Coffee Break 25 Problems have arisen at other uni- Fashion 17 Sport 28 versities. The Guardian reported that at Middlesex University the president of the Student Union was suspended for refusing to cancel a Sudoku No 1332 debate he had previously organised with Hizb ut-Tahrir. Furthermore, Complete the six students at Lancaster University grid so that 1 8 6 faced up to 3 months in jail after every row, every being prosecuted for demonstrating column and 3 on their campus. They interrupt- every 3x3 square ing a speech by Lord Sainsbury, contains the dig- South Ken locals aren’t happy about the congestion charge extension the Science Minister, and had to be its 1 to 9. Email 5 7 4 removed by university staff. your solution to Matthew Hartfield & atives made speeches to the present Boris Johnson, editor of The felix@imperial. 2 4 8 Louisa Evans crowd, starting off with the presi- Spectator, once wrote an article ac.uk by Friday dent of the National Society, Alan for The Telegraph about a reli- 28 October 4pm. 4 6 5 9 Last Friday, 21 October, patrons of Smith, denouncing the new charge gious confrontation between the When I will the almost legendary Sandwich Shop on hearses as “no more than a tax Anglo-Catholics and the evangelical randonly select a on Gloucester Road were treated to on death and grief”, and he was Protestants that promised to explo- winner to recieve 7 9 1 an unusual sight as a mock funeral here to “represent local businesses sive. Nothing much happened in the either a 128MB procession, complete with three that will be affected by the conges- end but he received many complaints USB stick or a 7 3 6 hearses and a New Orleans Jazz tion charge extension“. about his article (perhaps due to the crate of beer. Band, walked by. Organized by the Local politicians also gave use of some slightly inconsiderate Last week’s Forum of Private Business (FPB), it speeches, with one local councillor language). However, retrospectively winner was Ben 8 was held in protest to the extension claiming that “out of 60,000 resi- he says, “The remarkable thing is Schneider. of the congestion charging zone, due dents questioned…70% or residents not how much fuss they made, but 9 8 7 to happen in February 2007. and 80% of businesses opposed the how little, especially if you think The ‘mourners’ staged the event in extension”. Newly elected MP for what we have come to expect from a bid to demonstrate the anticipated Hammersmith and Fulham, Greg some Muslims. I have in mind not ‘death’ of their trade, particularly Hands, stated that his borough was just the murders of Pim Fortuyn and as the charge was raised from £5 fully behind the campaign, “We Theo van Gogh, but the trembling to £8 per day this July. Despite the would be worse affected, as our refusal of a noted Koranic scholar to Staff event being well publicized, it wasn’t borough would get the displaced write an article for The Spectator.” Editor Arts Editor particularly well attended, with an traffic…it would be a catastrophe”. He then quoted him as saying, “You Rupert Neate Emily Lines approximate 1:1 ratio of press and Kensington and Chelsea MP Sir don’t understand. These people will police to protestors, presumably Malcom Rifkin was also planning kill me if I say what I really think. I Deputy Editor (Science) Media Editor because, rightly or wrongly, there is to speak but was absent due to the mean kill me.” Alexander Antonov James Yearsley little sympathy for the plight of the vote for the Conservative leader What politicians argue makes richest borough in London. that day. Islam so politically and socially haz- News Editor Food Editor FPB chief Nick Goulding said, The crowd were in a frenzied ardous is that some Muslims react Yu Lun Tang Hannah Theodorou “visitors and shoppers need to be mood, with constant chanting of to an insult to Islam and its follow- encouraged to come into London” “Ken out!” after every speech. One ers with a very deep personal sense Music Editor Fashion Editor Copy Editors and called on the mayor to suspend protester, speaking to Felix, said “Is of indignation. This stimulates Andrew Sykes Dolly Delanay Tristan Sherliker the congestion charge until January. this a man fit to be Mayor of London young men to become disenchant- Ryan Dee Ken Livingstone has yet to respond. with his ‘Alice in Wonderland’ poli- ed with British society and politics. Sports Editor Coffee Break Editor Local residents associations and cies?” This can further result in a minority Stephen Brown Shaun Stanworth Web Editor politicians are concerned that the The Mayor announced the exten- of cases becoming extremists and David Ingram congestion charge is “a new poll sion of the London Congestion even suicide bombers. Due to this Film Editor Ads Manager tax” and that it would “kill local Charge last month, saying that it minority, western governments, as Yuen Ai Lee Anthony Obiekwe business”. “will bring considerable benefits to Mr Johnson puts it, “are now so des- The protest started with a mock this area of London”. perately using new laws to decide Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Telephone 020 7594 8072. Fax 020 funeral parade up the Gloucester what Muslims can say about their 7594 8115. Printed by Sharman & Co Ltd, Newark Road, Peterborough PE1 5TD. No. 1,332, Road. After dismounting at the top own religion.” Thursday 20 OCTOBER 2005. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2005 of Gloucester Road, local represent- Leader, page 21 Fran Nicholaides, 19

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science [email protected] On a wing and a prayer News in Will Gates reports on the inexorable westward advance of avian ﬂu and Brief how we are preparing to tackle the potential pandemic. lready in October, out- virus, which killed 40 million peo- effort to be prepared for the numer- hideous to contemplate. Yet little “Venus Express” space breaks of a strain of influ- ple in 1918-19. It has been shown ous expected mortalities. Sir Liam more can be done, other than a ruth- probe launch delayed enza in migratory and that the Spanish flu was a form Donaldson, the chief medical officer, less policy of destroying any fowl The launch of the European farmed birds have sent of avian flu similar to the H5N1 has estimated 50,000 fatalities in the deemed to be infected. Remember Space Agency’s “Venus shock waves through strain, which mutated in order to UK. Other, more inflated estimates, the foot-and-mouth epidemic? We Express” spacecraft has been Europe.A The H5N1 flu viral strain adapt to the conditions within the predict as many as three quarters could also follow the example of the delayed after technicians from South-East Asia, which has human system. What set the 1918 of a million. Stockpiling of antiviral Netherlands and keep our poultry discovered contamination in killed over sixty people since the strain apart from the 1957 and 1968 drugs, such as Tamiflu, has begun. indoors. This could be seen as an the Russian-made launcher. first cases in 2004, has now reached strains, which both killed several The Department of Health has pub- overreaction at this stage, but it is Europe’s first mission to Venus the borders of Europe. million people worldwide, is that the licised plans to buy 120 million vac- something, which should be consid- was scheduled for Wednesday The passage of the disease from 1918 strain was a direct adaptation cines against the virus, enough to ered if Britain faced a more immi- but will be delayed for several its South-East Asian stronghold has of avian flu to be virulent in humans, protect the entire population. nent risk of contamination. days while tests are carried out been charted by outbreaks in Russia whereas the others combined with This has raised eyebrows, how- H5N1 will be a pandemic which on the Soyuz-Fregat launcher. and Kazakhstan and, most recently, existing human virus strains. The ever, as no such vaccine exists yet. spreads rapidly across the world. in a poultry farm in Balikesir, Turkey, H5N1 virus appears to be adapt- Scientists around the world have Improved transportation of humans, on 1 October. A further outbreak in ing to be lethal in humans without been working on the vaccine for not to mention the prodigious dis- the Danube wetlands in Romania having to combine like the 1957 and some time without the major break- tances travelled by migrating birds, has also turned out to be a case of 1968 strains, following the legacy of through so desperately craved. will scatter the virus across the the H5N1 strain. In both cases, all Spanish flu. One problem is that the structure world. A human infected in London birds deemed to have been exposed The similaritiy between the evolu- of the H5N1 virus, which causes could be in New York by the time to the virus were destroyed. Now Greece has become the first EU nation to confirm an outbreak of

“Yet why the hysteria? Fourth bird flu victim in This seemingly Indonesia, disease spreads Indonesia confirmed on innocuous virus has Tuesday a fourth person in the country had succumbed to bird taken the world by flu while China said hundreds of farm geese had died, the lat- metaphorical storm.” est outbreak of a disease that bird flu, although it is not yet clear seems to defy efforts to halt whether it is of the deadly strain. its spread. The deadly H5N1 Yet why the hysteria? This seem- virus first surfaced in Asia ingly innocuous influenza virus has but appears to be spreading taken the world by metaphorical quickly to the West. Russia storm. It’s big news in the Far East: confirmed more bird flu cases in Thailand’s daily Bangkok Post in poultry on Monday, further a day without a story on bird flu raising fears the disease could is exceptional. The World Health spread across Europe on the Organisation (WHO) is desperately wings of migratory birds. trying to investigate the potential this virus has for causing a global pandemic. The Netherlands, a country thousands of miles from the near- est bird flu outbreak, has ordered all poultry to be kept indoors to avoid potential contact with infected wild- fowl. All over the world scientists are frantically trying to create a vaccine and understand the organism itself. A lot of people are very worried. Since the outbreak in South-East Asia in 2004, which caused a mass cull of birds in China, the H5N1 strain Essentially, the worry is caused by of avian flu has killed over sixty people. Bird flu has reached the borders of Europe this month with possible the perceived ease with which the cases being reported in Turkey, Romania and Greece. It is not yet clear whether it is of the deadly strain. Scientists draft blueprint to H5N1 virus could mutate into some- protect world oceans thing far more dangerous. The sixty tion of H5N1 and Spanish flu lies the pandemic, cannot be accurately they started developing the first Scientists are mapping out a or so people who have already died in the mutations of the three-gene forecasted. We cannot say precisely symptoms. plan for a network of marine of the virus had direct, prolonged sequencing for RNA-polymerase, what its defining genetic attributes In many ways, though, the fact parks to save the world’s contact with infected birds, and the a three-protein complex. This was are. A vaccine against a generic that H5N1 has now reached Europe oceans from fish stock deple- virus could have been transmitted the key for the Spanish flu’s mur- strain of H5N1 would not prevent does little to increase the risk to the tion and growing pollution. from the birds to the victim through derous success – it mimicked the infection and may have limited British people. The virus still needs Achim Steiner, director-gen- saliva, nasal secretions and faeces. RNA-polymerase structure found to mutate, and this is more likely to eral of the World Conservation Once successfully within a human in other human influenza viruses. happen in the unsanitary conditions Union, said a conservation plan body, it is deadly – about half of H5N1 hasn’t so far exhibited muta- “A human infected in of poverty-stricken South-East Asia, for the unregulated high seas those infected die. While the virus tions that would make its RNA- London could be in where humans and poultry share a would be produced by 2008. can currently only be contracted polymerase structurally similar to roof and are in a more direct con- from contact with birds, it is thought the Spanish flu one, but it is showing New York by the time tact. It is true that the more people that it could mutate into a form that some of them in some cases. that are exposed to H5N1, the more could easily transmit from human When the pandemic arrives – and they started developing favourable the circumstances would to human. Once this happens, it the general consensus is that it is be for it to mutate and spread; yet could spread like wildfire through not if, but when the virus mutates the first symptoms.” the risk is lower in Europe. This is the human population. to be capable of human to human capabilities to counter the effects. no reason to be complacent; rather, Much of the hypotheses surround- transmission – what defences will Even the antiviral drugs are scarce, we should see European H5N1 as ing bird flu have been vindicated we have? The virus’s relentless due to the difficult manufacturing a herald of what might come, and by recent research, which has res- westward surge has the govern- processes. A pandemic that hit this strive to be prepared for the storm urrected the notorious Spanish flu ment pulling out all the stops in an winter would be a nightmare too when it breaks. felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 November 2005

SCIENCE [email protected] Vague science Kath Nightingale and Christine Dimech have dinner I, science at the Dana Centre with Prof Brian J Ford pparently monkeys like cognitive thought processes. These as Prof Ford charmingly put it), I, Science is your student to throw snowballs and new skills are also passed between should learn to show some humility. bears enjoy toboggan- individuals, showing an awareness However, it seems natural for us ing. These were just a of fellow members and groups. to look for human characteristics magazine. Get involved couple of the stories that Prof Ford encouraged us to ques- in nature – we only really have one ProfessorA Brian J Ford used to try tion the anthropocentric view of life, frame of reference. And Ford him- to convince his audience that ani- as many animals were here long self, by using a title like ‘Do Fish now! We need editors, mals experience a range of feelings, before us and have been thinking, Fall in Love?’, was clearly inviting just like us. His talk, ‘Do Fish Fall in learning, communicating and, in the comparison and applying a ‘human’ writers, cartoonists, proof- Love?’, took place last Wednesday, case of amoebas, even flirting, long construct, love, to fish. 19 October, at the Dana Centre – an before we had worked it out. So Following a serving of lasagne, we informal forum for discussing sci- perhaps we humans, with our over- moved on to a question and answer readers, an advertising ence without getting baffled by tech- sized brains (or ‘cerebral cancer’ session, where the audience thor- nical jargon. There was also the oughly tested Ford’s arguments. added bonus of a drink and a meal. Although we all seemed to agree manager, and an image and Carrot and coriander soup was with his ideas and the motivation swiftly followed by Prof Ford’s infor- behind them (expressing superior- graphics editor. E-mail now mal lecture. Drawing on his book ity over a tobogganing bear would Sensitive Souls, Prof Ford used probably have invited boos from examples of animal behaviour to the audience), it became clear that explain how we, humans, should there was very little experimental not set ourselves apart from other evidence behind Prof Ford’s asser- science.felix@ animals on the basis of language, tions. Call us old-fashioned, but isn’t consciousness or self-awareness. science based on interpretations of Indeed, some animals and even experimental observation rather imperial.ac.uk single-cell organisms were commu- than anecdotal references? nicating long before we managed At times we veered off the subject so much as a grunt. The behav- with talk of bird flu, robotic dogs, ioural adaptations that some spe- the colour of egg yolks and a bizarre cies demonstrate, such as crows diatribe against supermarkets, Issue 3 released on dropping walnuts onto concrete, or which while unrelated was nonethe- blue tits opening milk bottles to get less interesting and entertaining. at the reward inside, show that they Altogether, a thought-provoking and 1 December 2005 might not necessarily react purely Prof Brian J Ford – does he enjoyable evening, as long as you on instinct but are also capable of enjoy tobogganning too? ordered the vegetarian option.

Magniﬁcent Desolation A persistent force of habit Competition Amber Bauer on the latest habit-breaking research. There’s a saying that it takes 21 days in response to auditory cues. The ingless. This change made every- to make or break a habit. However, correct choice led to a chocolate thing in the maze relevant again, And the winners are: according to a study published in the reward. causing the neurons to revert to 20 October edition of Nature, hab- During the process of trial- high activity during the run. The its may be gone but not forgotten. and-error learning, researchers rats eventually stopped running the Alexander Haupt Researchers at the Massachusetts observed that neurons were active maze because of the lack of reward, Institute of Technology (MIT) have throughout the maze run, the rat’s breaking their habit and changing Simon Overell released data that suggests that brain being on high alert because the new habit signaling pattern in habits are hardwired into a specific anything might be important for their brain cells. However, as soon Tevong region of the brain. This wiring is achieving a positive outcome. While as the reward was returned, the changed when habits are broken but the rats learned which cues indi- learned neural pattern, with the Hyowon Kim will re-emerge when something trig- cated the correct arm of the maze beginning and ending spikes, reap- gers the old pattern of behavior. to take to find the chocolate, the peared. Joseph Jezicvongesseneck “It is as though somehow the neurons in the basal ganglia were Graybiel speculates that the spikes brain retains a memory of the habit being trained too. in neural activity at the beginning context, and this pattern can be and end of the maze reflect the Thanks to everyone who entered. The answer to ‘How many triggered if the right habit cues nature of routine behavior. Once we people have walked on the moon?’ is ‘12’. Please come by the come back,” said Ann Graybiel, the “This is familiar to get started, like the rats, we run Felix oﬃce to arrange for picking up your tickets. Walter A Rosenblith Professor of anyone trying to lose on autopilot until we stop. Specific Neuroscience in MIT’s Department neurological disorders also seem to of Brain and Cognitive Sciences, in a weight. Just the sight be linked to these spikes in neu- statement released by the MIT news ral activity in the basal ganglia. office. “This situation is familiar to of a chocolate resets all Parkinson’s patients, for example, anyone who is trying to lose weight have difficulty starting to walk, and or to control a well-engrained habit. those good intentions” people with obsessive-compulsive Just the sight of a piece of chocolate Once the cues had been learned disorder have problems stopping an cake can reset all those good inten- thoroughly, the neurons attached incessant activity. tions.” to the task only fired intensely at “We are hopeful that this may The basal ganglia is the region of the beginning and end of the maze. be a key to understanding how the brain linked to habits, as well as In the rest of the maze, the rats to treat bad habits like addiction, addiction and procedural learning. appeared to work on autopilot, their and also how to encourage good Researchers in Graybiel’s labora- neurons becoming quiet. It was also habits that benefit health and hap- tory studied the neural outputs from observed that other ‘disinterested’ piness,” Graybiel said. “We think this region in rats. neurons were silent during the that these patterns will also help In these experiments, rats were maze run, seemingly in order not to researchers understand the funda- put through a T-maze. At the end hinder the critical neural signals. mental problems in disorders such of a long corridor, rats had to Researchers then removed the as Parkinson’s disease, OCD and decide whether to turn right or left reward, rendering the cues mean- Tourette syndrome.” felix Thursday 27 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

SCIENCE [email protected]

A summer of science Everyin summer ImperialAmerica sends five water-skis, and a family connected or so students across the Atlantic to to government, so there were a few the University of Delaware on the things to benefit from (in addition to east coast of the United States, as just meeting a nice person!). part of the Undergraduate Research Don’t forget that there is some Opportunities Program (UROP). I exciting project work to be done was one of the fortunate few to have as well. There is a wide variety of this experience – a chance to have projects available, with work varying a stab at some real-world scientific depending on your choice. You may research while having a lot of fun. work closely with a research group The University of Delaware is situ- or have your own project. I chose ated on a beautiful, green campus to do mine in a condensed mat- a short drive away from New York ter physics group, playing around City, Philadelphia, Washington, DC with some helium theory. Whatever and the seaside. Even though the placement you choose, there will exchange takes place over 8 to 9 always be plenty of help and advice weeks during the summer months, available and a chance to carry out there is never a lack of activity, and some quality research. trips are organised to all of the above Perhaps the best cultural expe- places. To complement this, campus rience was the two-week home- life is lively – there are hundreds of stay, where I got room and board American students still on campus, with a local American family. The carrying out similar research place- worst was possibly the distinct lack ments, so there are always parties of my mate, Marmite; I strongly to go to, and plenty of poker to play. advise that you take a jar with you. The campus surrounds Main Personal issues aside, the exchange Street, the place to be when in is an excellent opportunity for extra Newark, DE, and is home to a vari- travel, as the placement takes up ety of bars and eateries. It’s also only the first two months of the sum- a short drive away from the malls, mer, leaving you free to explore on providing ample opportunity to rake the cheap. in the benefits of the ‘strength’ of the The experience is highly recom- US dollar. mended by each and every one of us During the first seven weeks, I who went! stayed on campus in student dorms Benjamin Withers and got to meet a variety of strange but extremely friendly people, To find out more, come to the including my American roommate, presentation in Lecture Theatre 3 Alfred Gordon Smith III. Despite his on Level 1 of the Blackett Benjamin (far right), along with Chi Hui Lim, Steven Johnson, Julia Li (left to right), and Elena Phoka remarkably silly name, AGSIII did Laboratory (Physics) at 13.10pm, (missing), was lucky to be selected for a two-month research placement at the University of Delaware. have a beach house in New Jersey, Tuesday 8 November.

SSETI-Express Launch Today By the time you read this, we will been entirely done by students. Verification (AIV) of the satellite. already have put a satellite into It has had a record development Our third project, the European orbit. time of only 18 months from kick- Student Moon Orbiter (ESMO) is Today, 27 October, at 07:52:26 off to flight readiness review, which undergoing feasibility studies now, (BST), SSETI-Express has been probably makes it the fastest and we have thoughts of a fourth launched into orbit by a Cosmos spacecraft design and construc- mission, a Moon Rover. rocket from Plesetsk, Russia, in tion project ever, hence the name We hope the launch today will the DMC-3 flight of Surrey Satellite “Express”. Its cost contributes to give our project a boost in terms of Technology. its rarity: by using donated materi- not only students interested in the SSETI-Express is a low Earth als, equipment and expertise (from project, but also opinions on our orbit (LEO) spacecraft, which ESA, universities and industry), work. The scientific community weighs 62 kg and has the approxi- the total hardware expenditure by and the public have been watch- mate shape and size of a washing ESA’s Education Department has ing us for some time now and are machine. It is the first satellite in been kept below 100,000 euros. not yet sure how we manage to do orbit, which has been designed, As with all space projects, ours it. We astonish space profession- built and tested entirely by univer- hasn’t followed an easy path to als by continuing a project with sity students across Europe. launch. The first launch was no funding to speak of, no recog- SSETI-Express is an educational scheduled for 25 August. It suf- nized expertise and almost never mission. Beyond its technological fered a month delay due to minor meeting the other members face developments, its most important problems with the main passenger to face. Indeed, we do this and a purpose belongs down on Earth: of the flight. After a 3 day delay in degree at the same time, while the students behind it. It has September, it was delayed again the professionals keep up with us encouraged, motivated and trained for another month, only 5 days because it’s their full time job. students across Europe in a real before launch, due to compatibility If you are lucky enough to aerospace project. How many of problems. Finally, the launch was have picked this issue today in you will have put a satellite in orbit set for today, and all looks good as the morning (or, even better, before you graduate? I’m writing this, D-day minus 5. If Wednesday night as you leave Besides this, SSETI-Express the weather turns out to be hor- the Union), you are still in time also has physical payloads and rible, the launch will be postponed to come see our launch! The live objectives. It will deploy CubeSat until tomorrow. But a good thing transmission starts at 7.30am in picosatellites developed by three about launching with Russia is that the Blackett Laboratory, Level 8 different universities (in Norway, their rockets are tougher, and the Common Room, and there will be Canada and Japan), take pictures weather has to be truly horrible to repeats of the launch at 10.00am of the Earth and test hardware and postpone the launch for one day. and 12.00am in the Union building technology that will be used in our The launch of SSETI-Express (Beit Quad), Seminar Room 1. next satellites. It also involves the has only been our first milestone. radio amateur community in the Our second project, the European Cristina Rodriguez Trobajo downlink of the data and, once its Student Earth Orbiter (ESEO) SSETI Team Coordinator nominal mission is over, it will act is currently in its design phase. as a transponder for them. The Imperial College team is an For more information about SSETI-Express is a rarity in the active member, being in charge SSETI, visit www.sseti.net or space field, not only because it has of the Assembly, Integration and e-mail [email protected] Washing machine or satellite? The SSETI-Express launched today. felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

[email protected] musicA change of pace This week, live d’n’b and an awe-inspiring set from the legendary Laurent Garnier ﬁll these hal- lowed pages, as well as gobbets of praise for Oceansize’s live show tus among admirers he played a LIVE REVIEWS mash up of every sound around. With appearances from heavy D&B tunes, warm old school bass lines Laurent Garnier from Common Factor, bouncy elec- The End HHHHH tronica Da Beep, menacing and dangerous subliminal bleeps with a huge bass drive from The Angry Laurent Garnier has been a seri- Ghost by Hug and even the hot new ous DJ before I was out of nappies. dance track Day Break from the He was the forerunner in the acid indie rocker Daso. During the whole house explosion as well as lead- set, Laurent never stopped acting ing the world in the exploration of like a demented monkey on speed the outer limits of electronic music, but held a clear connection with the earning the respect of the earliest crowd. This was a truly mad set, ‘godfathers of techno’ in Detroit. and absolutely deserves a top rating Being the first Ambassador for from Le Ros Bif. the French house/techno stylee, George X entering the scene well before the Daft Punk duo from Paris, his music touched an ever-expanding fan base London Elektricity throughout Europe, creating a whole Bristol Fiddlers new French electronic scene. In the HHHHI late 80’s he was the only Frenchman to be playing sets at the legendary Hacienda superclub in Manchester, More preview than review this, with earning himself the title ‘Flying DJ’, the live drum’n’bass act storming while also spending many years back to London later this month to playing Europe-wide sets in some launch their second album - Power of the hottest clubs and festivals, Ballads. Powerful they certainly including ‘Wake Up’ in Paris’ Rex are, pulling the crowd with them in Club and also making appearances all directions from the first beat to Oceansize - you’d cross the street if you saw them coming. on radio shows including his spe- the last; getting the crowd to sing cial project at Pedro recordings. His along, and huddle up, and perform ing out of their own energy, or being flings himself about the stage with like the onstage antics of one (Sir) efforts have been revered by crit- countless silly finger movements, engulfed by their own lunacy. There reckless abandon, his ‘cooler-than- Matt Bellamy. While he may not ics, earning himself the title ‘Best all the while grinning away as if are moments that make you think thou’ haircut thrown in hitherto have reached the Queen’s ears International DJ’ on many occa- truly electrified. This is a unique live you are watching the result of lock- unknown directions as he feels the yet, there is not doubt in mine that sions. drum’n’bass experience. The live ing up the school remedial class for full force of his bands multi-layered Muse have been crucial in defin- Laurent was up for a mammoth drumming of the exceptionally furi- ten years in the music room. No explosive force tearing through flesh ing Oceansize’s sound, which comes 8 hour set on Saturday. This was ous Jungle Drummer overwhelmed natural light, just speed. This tour, and concrete like a wrecking ball across as a more human and less no problem for the legendary the venue and feet of the crowd, like the new record, features BBC cut loose from its chain: “I wanna ‘space opera’ Muse. This impression Frenchman; his relentless pro- while Andy Waterson’s live double Jazz Vocalist Of The Year Liane cut you to the bone” – Meredith. is not helped one bit by the pres- gramming and red-hot mixes pro- bass somehow kept the beat and Carroll, with MC Wrek and Tony The band tear through such a vari- ence of one Dominic Howard, the vided perpetual electric shocks kept it loud. London Elektricity per- Carroll taking other vocal duties ety of musical genres - prog rock drummer with the aforementioned to the dance floor and crazy bass form without laptops or pre-record- and any ranting opportunities. The through to hardcore via gospel - that space-rock gods, who hangs around lines, turning sober one o’clockers ed material on stage, preferring the result is sometimes beautiful, as on it sometimes becomes hard to find after the show willingly signing auto- into debauched dance-floor fill- unpredictability of a group who at The Strangest Secret In The World, a discernable pattern amongst the graphs and having his picture taken ers. Playing up to his mythical sta- times seem on the verge of explod- and frequently chaotic and confus- noises. As the singer notes of their with fans. Let’s hope he spreads ing, as on Different Drum. However, wide ranging appeal - “This one’s for the word to Sir Bellamy about the the atmosphere generated is insist- the metalheads” - but beneath the exciting new avenues down which ent, a lightning storm, transform- theatrics of his performance and the Oceansize have taken the familiar ing the drum’n’bass sound into an bands sometimes seemingly ran- Muse sound so that their currently- experience that flows up and down dom mish-mash of styles, they seem in-development fourth LP can be all as erratically as the umbrellas they so confident in themselves that it the better for it. wave around. ‘Wired up’ doesn’t almost seems like they are asking Verbal communication by the band even begin to describe it. us to trust them on this one. What is kept to a minimum (although Simon Bennett really impresses about the band’s frontman Mike Vennart does invite performance tonight is their abil- the crowd to come and get pissed ity to never lose the crowds inter- with them at a local boozer), but est. Sure, some of the older punters this doesn’t seem to bother anyone Oceansize standing at the back, enjoying the as the music speaks so personally Islington Academy HHHHI refreshing air-con, over-priced pint to everyone there. The band end in hand, may take time during the with finale to end all finales, build- quieter moments of the show to ing a song up for what seems like Oceansize are a band with noth- discuss how Oceansize are the best an eternity until they are all on the ing to prove. They already have a thing since sliced bread, but those point of collapse, then each taking loyal fanbase, devotees of the rarer of us here to appreciate the music a bow and leaving to a rapturous kind, who have turned out in force remain entranced throughout. applause one by one until finally all tonight. However, an eventful sum- Love, joy, pain, fear, hope. These that is left is a pulsating whine of mer with several festival appearanc- are the emotions that the band and high pitched static. Upon leaving es, of a higher profile than they were the crowd experience as one, bound the venue, and realising the whine is previously used to, added to the fact together by the music, which as still going – in my ears – we are left that their new album Everyone Into much as I would like it not to be, with a feeling that tonight we wit- Position contains several potential can’t help but feel slightly famil- nessed something oh-so-special, but indie radio-friendly hits means this iar. Watching Mike wrestle with his somehow indescribable, so I urge could be their chance to break into guitar behind his head as though to seek these musical masters out the bigger leagues. And don’t they it were a venomous snake inches for yourselves and discover the joys just know it. away from striking, while enter- which lie within. London Elektricity - Tony Carroll. Singer/guitarist Mike Vennart taining enough, seems a little too Toby Prudden felix www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005 9

MUSIC [email protected] Beards, bad reggae, and anti-folk My Morning Jacket branch out, The Dead 60s prove worthless, and the Lewis brothers rock standout tracks from Z. It’s proving ALBUM REVIEWS hard to describe Off The Record, so bare with me. The opening riff My Morning Jacket is stolen from Hawaii Five-Oh, the Z verse is a bit like snotty SoCal punk (BMG) slowed down until it’s very, very HHHHI slow, and the chorus is a little reggae, as Jim sings “Off da rekkid, off Allegedly, Tennessee’s long-haired da rekkid” in an oddly childish voice. country rockers My Morning Jacket And at the end it sounds like Zero 7. have gone weird. This is not strictly Seriously. true, but they have certainly veered Into The Woods is in stilted waltz- away from their standard, tried and time, like a fairground ride. There tested song writing method. are lyrics about kittens on fire and MMJ’s previous three albums babies in blenders. Children giggle have been full of a mixture of sparse in the background, and things pop and haunting songs, and a few full and whistle around your head. As blown stompin’ rock outs, full of gui- it builds it sounds like they have tar solo’s and whatnot. Believe me, employed a drunk one-man-band it’s better than it sounds, especially on percussion, and sloppily played with front man Jim James’ plaintive Theremin scoots along merrily, voice, always wreathed in reverb before they are hi-jacked by finger- (they used to record in corn silos!). picking gypsies. From the moment you pop simply As the album closes on the 8 monikered Z in your hi-fi you can minute Dondante, Mr James tests tell that something has changed. his falsetto again, as well as a good Opener Wordless Chorus starts with scream as they break into one of throbbing bass synth, short sharp their trademark huge prog-country mellow organ stabs and a simple freak outs. While Z is certainly not drum pattern. As the song breaks weird by some peoples standards, it into its, um, wordless chorus you marks a startling evolution in sound think you are back to the familiar, for the band. A brave and bold album with aahs and oohs over heavy cym- for which My Morning Jacket should My Morning Jacket - all real men have beards. bals, but underneath it clicks and be applauded. warbles away oddly. And at the end James Millen Riot Radio was released as with the heavy bassline and catchy such as British Sea Power, Radio 4, it mimics Prince, as Jim James tries a single a week prior to the self- vocals making you nod your head Cornershop and the Fiery Furnaces, goes all falsetto and white-man funk titled album; however it has had and dance in your seat without you Jack & Jeffrey Lewis are hoping to on us! Experi-mental. The Dead 60s months of extensive radio play and even noticing. The rest of the album reach a wider audience with City & What A Wonderful Man and Lay Dead 60s has been filling indie dance floors is startlingly unimpressive. The Eastern Songs. Low are extensions on their clas- (Deltasonic) for months, making the Dead 60s a album has strong reggae influences, Brought up in New York listening sic formula, being upbeat and fun, HHIII house-hold name within the NME giving it a chilled, mellow feel, which to both folk and punk, it is no sur- with the tune carried by a guitar crowd. Hailing from Liverpool, the unfortunately, I found quite bland. prise that their music encompasses riff and bright piano. As per usual Having been branded with the ‘pop- Dead 60s are refreshingly different Ghost-Faced Killer stands out in a wide variety of genres, with seem- with the band the drums sound like ular in America’ label and securing from the Coral/Zutons clones that that its ska-punk nature is strikingly ingly no connection in style from they were recorded in a big hollow the opening slot on the Other stage you expect to come out of the city similar to Madness, however unlike one song to the next, apart from room (because they probably were), at Glastonbury, things are currently and their album was one of the most Madness the repetitively results in Jeffrey Lewis’s distinctive croaky and the vocals echo around for a looking rather rosy for the Dead 60s. promising and anticipated of the its skankability plummeting sharply. voice. The songs on City & Eastern second after Jim stops singing. This Having said that, they were on tour summer. The latter half of this album Songs take you on an emotional is pretty much where the comfort with the Bravery in the US, who The album wisely starts with Riot appears to be an extended jamming/ journey through Lewis’s life and zone ends. found out the hard way how fickle Radio, and due to putting such a experimental studio session. Many experiences, feeling so intimate and Gideon could be Mercury Rev, and fame can be, and they didn’t actually strong track first, you can’t help but of the songs are amazingly similar to personal that you want to carry on if there was one band MMJ never get to perform at Glastonbury, due expect more of the good stuff to fol- Hard-Fi, and you would be forgiven listening and find out more. used to sound like it was Mercury to the stage being struck by light- low. The fast and furious A Different for thinking that that was the band Don’t Be Upset is a heart-wrench- Rev. But they pull it off and it sounds ning during the torrential down- Age will undoubtedly continue the you were listening to. Due to the ing, tear-jerking folky tale of loving very impressive, making it one of the pours prior to their set. mainstream success of the Dead 60s spouting of opinionated, semi-politi- someone so much that you just want cal based babble, Hard-Fi somehow them to feel better, and whatever is managed to slip through the net that upsetting them to just go away. This filters the good from the rubbish and song will make anyone who is in love achieve mainstream success, whilst grateful that they are, and anyone being labelled the voice of the youth who isn’t wish that they were, simply of Britain today. The Dead 60s have so that somebody was there to make no such label, and as a result, have everything better for them. to depend on the strength of their Williamsburg Will Oldham Horror songs alone. deals with the self-doubt and insecu- This album has no continuity, rities that Lewis feels with regards resulting in the feeling that this is to his own artistic ability. This tells a a band who doesn’t know who they story about how an encounter with are yet and are still experiment- somebody unexpected can lead you ing in order to discover their iden- to questioning whether what you are tity. Perhaps like Hard-Fi, they’ll doing is worth it, and looking back get lucky, however a couple of good at your achievements and asking songs is unlikely to compensate for whether they are as credible as you this, a collection of dull drivel. would have liked. Jenny Gibson Other stand-out tracks on this album are the reflective Anxiety Attack, punk-driven They Always Jack & Jeﬀrey Lewis Knew and the escapist and bizarre City & Eastern Songs Time Machine, a reflection on (Rough Trade) Jeffrey’s alternative creative outlet HHHHI as a comic artist and author. This is an album that everybody can relate Having released a selection of solo to, dealing with the trials and tribu- material on Rough Trade Records, lations of life, drawing you in more Jeffrey Lewis decided to team up and more with every listen; a must with his brother to form the Jack for anybody, which is everybody, that & Jeffrey Lewis ‘band.’ Having has felt any element of self-doubt toured extensively around Europe and worthlessness during their life. and America, on both headline Great stuff. Jack & Jeffrey Lewis - pretty boys they ain’t. tours and bills shared with bands Jenny Gibson felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

ﬁlm [email protected] Disappointing start for LFF The Constant Gardener fails to impress on opening night

upon setting foot in Kenya. The situ- The Constant Gardener ation is further compounded by the Director: Fernando Meirelles death of their baby boy. Heartbroken, Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Rachel Tessa throws herself into investigat- Weisz and Hubert Kounde. ing the pharmaceutical companies Length: 129 minutes operating in Kenya. Certificate: U Perhaps some things are better left alone because not long after, Released:17 September 2005 Tessa is found brutally murdered. HHHII Justin’s usual peaceful equilibrium is knocked off balance and he sets out to discover the reasons behind ady Luck must be shining his wife’s death. Holding on to his down on Ralph Fiennes faith in Tessa, he overcomes all because he is none obstacles (death threats and multi- other than the lead in ple beatings) to find out what Tessa the opening film for the had given her life for. LondonL Film Festival, The Constant Firstly, the storyline was good. Gardener. I have to admit I was a bit However, conspiracies are getting baffled by the title (especially since a little old. It surprises me that a I have yet to read John le Carre’s film with such a plot was used as works). The title indicates a film the opening one. There were some similar to stories such as Tuesdays uniquely beautiful scenes that must with Morrie, and as meaningful as be mentioned though. The direc- that might be, it’s not my cup of tor did a fantastic job in the devel- tea. To my surprise, The Constant opment of the love affair between Gardener was very far from a philo- Justin and Tessa. To put it simply sophical textbook. (without gushing), it was intimate, Justin Quayle (Ralph Fiennes) poignant and beautiful. is a passive, reserved diplomat for There were beautiful landscape the British High Commission with shots of Africa and the movie did a passion for gardening. Before he help highlight the plight faced by sets off for Kenya, he chances upon the people in Africa. And it should Tessa Abbott (Rachel Weisz). Unlike come as no surprise that the acting him, Tessa is loud, wild, passion- was superb. After all, Ralph Fiennes ate and outspoken. Perhaps it is and Rachel Weisz do have enough the old adage of opposites attract. experience to carry this film to the Regardless, Justin and Tessa fall Oscars. Nevertheless, good acting madly in love, get married and move or otherwise, it doesn’t save the to Kenya. plot cliché. The days when we were However, it’s not a simple movie of inclined to believe in ‘X-Files’ con- ‘happily-ever-after’ because things spiracy theories are over. What can I go downhill after the wedding. say except- better luck next time! Unfortunately for Justin, his wife Yuen Ai Lee The couple that plants together, stays together...or not? becomes increasingly estranged Film Editor Kinky boots on the silver screen? Shoe fan Noora investigates the crime scene

he title itself is a big atten- Lola, also a show-girl, rescues the theme they explored thoroughly. tion grabber. Kinky Boots shoe factory from bankruptcy. Lola Nevertheless, I found answers to does not just refer to a helps save Price & Sons, a compa- questions I had had about men who Tslightly perverted sexual ny known for making quality men’s liked to dress as women (I’m not tell- pleasure but also to the shoe fetish- shoes that last a lifetime, by con- ing you the questions or the answers ism common among women today. vincing Charlie, the son, to tailor - go see the movie yourself). I also After having spotted the Selfridges women’s shoes for men. learnt that “the sex is in the heel”, window display that further illus- The shoes in this movie are tacky something which I will keep in mind trated this grand fantasy, I just had and gaudy to the max (that explains the next time I need to dress to to go watch the movie. the presence of Elton John at the impress. Without a clue to what the movie premiere). The highlight was per- This is definitely a movie to see if entails, I expected to be enchanted haps the pair of plastic, red, snake- you like shoes and are in need of a by millions of shoes that you only get skin, thigh-high boots (sounds like a few laughs. There have been several to see on the catwalk of haute cou- good idea for Halloween? Not). complaints that Kinky Boots should ture fashion shows. Little did I know Strange enough, this duo (an highlight the plight of the company that it was a film about transvestites extroverted transvestite and a con- that is about to fold instead of kid- singing and dancing amidst the set- servative gentleman) is so success- ding about cross-dressing. Like I ting of a glum shoe factory. ful that they are soon showcasing said, don’t expect a soul-searching The presence of a plot was surpris- their collection in Milan (the land of movie. Just don your highest heels, ing despite its predictability. Father fashion gods and goddesses)! (which by the way is in this sea- owns shoe factory, father dies and Although the film has a classic son) and sing your heart away this son takes over factory. The differ- Hollywood storyline (with a happy Halloween! It’s time to kick in some changes around here. ence here is a transvestite named ending), transexuality was not a Noora Hussein felix Thursday 27 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 11

FILM [email protected]

FelixBreakfast catches up with the directors at Soﬁtels at the London Film Festival stood at a corner of the Tube Jia Yun, the director of Ox Hide. One taboo. However, according to Bipin, car, watching the people look at the title and it makes you Indian society is changing and the around me. It’s the London think about cowboys and extremely critics are anxious not to be branded IFilm Festival and I just got cold weather. However, the truth as narrow-minded buffoons. Hence, THE TIMES back from breakfasting with the is far from it. It’s a documentary of they are now more than willing to directors at Sofitels. Last Friday, I her family and the problems they embrace anything new and shock- had the opportunity of meeting Yvan are going through. Family problems ing. That probably explains why the Le Moine. Acclaimed director of the are one and a dozen but her family’s film received an award from the bfi eccentric The Red Dwarf, he’s back constant optimism was what shone President of India. this festival with a shocking version through and she received an award Dreaming of Space is another one of Robinson Crusoe titled Friday or in the Vancouver Film Festival. of those films that some might find Another Day that includes cabaret Unfortunately for her, due to some perplexing. It’s a film about a man in 49th annual singing (yes, cabaret). organisation mess-up, there was no transition. Set in the 1950’s when the According to him, what he does one to show her around London. Soviet Union still existed, this man as a director (as he points to a glass It was a Sunday and I had nothing Viktor tries to break free from his of sparkling water) is to show the better to do. Hence, I got to spend dead-end life as a waiter by imitat- LONDON world the story of one bubble’s life the afternoon with her. She’s not ing his worldly and out-going new- as it fizzes to the end of its life at much older than most of us and found friend, Gherman. Director the top of the glass (right…). Maybe she carries a toy bunny with her. Alexey Uchitel said he would like he meant to imply that our lives However, I was pleasantly awed by the film to motivate people so that FILM are short just like the bubbles and her story of how her personality has they can make positive changes in he’s simply telling the story of one changed since she entered the film their lives. human being. At that point, I started competition. It’s a film rich in symbology that to wonder, what makes one human The Film Festival has its share of might strike a strong chord among FESTIVAL being’s life so interesting that it’s foreign romantic comedies too. One the Russians. “It’s not a film about worth telling the world about? of them is the film Uttarayan from politics” he says. “It’s just a story There’s a cute little girl standing India. Uttarayan is a film about a about a man who wants to achieve next to me. She has a stuffed rac- widow and a widower finding love his dreams.” 19th Oct- coon in one hand while the other for the second time. What makes The London Film Festival is a col- holds on the blue railing for dear this film so unique that it made it lage of films about people. Hence, it life. I look at her (and hopefully, she into an international film festival? wouldn’t be too far off to say that it’s didn’t notice) and saw her smile at During my short chat with the direc- a film festival that celebrates life. As 3rd Nov her mother. Her mother is perhaps tor, Bipin Nadkarni, and the pro- producer of Uttarayan said, “Once 40 years of age with smile wrinkles ducer. They told me that the story you stop falling in love with any- around her eyes. I loved her smile appealed to them because of how thing, you stop living.” Therefore, wrinkles and if I were to ever make laid-back and relaxed it was. be prepared to fall in love with the a movie, it’ll be a collage of moments I was a bit surprised by the word films in the London Film Festival. just like that one. “relaxed”. It was partially because Oops-here’s my stop! Ciao! Last Sunday, I joined the directors in a conservative society like India, a Yuen Ai Lee for breakfast and met up with Liu remarriage should be a little close to Film Editor Free tickets!

DiveWith the beautiful ‘Into Jessica Alba.....the Blue’

Into the Blue Director: John Stockwell Starring: Jessica Alba, Paul Walker and Scott Caan. Length: 110 minutes Certificate: U Released:19 October 2005 HHIII

t’s a simple story. Jared (Paul Walker) and Sam (Jessica Alba) are a lovely couple who live a simple life by the sea. Sam is happy but Jared isn’t andI he dreams of discovering a fantastic wreck one day (all for Sam, of course). Enter the cunning, greedy and malicious Bryce (Scott Caan) and his current lady-of-the-week Amanda (Ashley Scott). Bryce is Jared’s he Times Movie Mania to Kentucky when his father passes older brother but they couldn’t be is at it again! Thanks to away. Who could have guessed that more different (yes, that includes them, Felix has two free on his flight back, he meets and falls their height.). Ttickets to give away to in love with the quirky but oh-so-lov- On a leisure diving trip, the four Elizabethtown (the latest Orlando able Cate Colborn. of them discover a shipwreck and Bloom film)! I know you girls must Be the first person to tell Felix a plane wreck crammed full of be drooling but don’t drool just yet! what Cate Colborn works as in the A-grade cocaine. Jared and Sam Find out how you can get your hands film (guys - it’s Kirsten Dunst!). (being the typical couple they are) on these tickets! Email Felix at [email protected] want to leave the cocaine alone but Would you give up wealth for her? Elizabethtown is Orlando Bloom’s with your answer, name and depart- Bryce and Amanda are not about to first foray into romantic comedy. ment! walk away from millions of dollars’ ing but it is fitting for its targeted from Hollywood because it’s based Playing an anally uptight Drew worth of cocaine. demographic. The costumes...what on a commonly used principle (that Baylor, he is forced to return home Stop drooling and start emailing! To begin with Into the Blue is a can I say? Less is definitely more for is, beautiful people sell movies). late summer flick. Nobody should their target audience. However, The Times Movie Mania An Apology expect a life-changing experience. Form your own opinion about gave out free tickets to it. How bad Film Felix would like to apologize for the act of plagiarism committed last The storyline is simple and easy to Into the Blue. I wouldn’t lie and can it be? week for the review on Howl’s Moving Castle. The person in question will be follow. The soundtrack is not inspir- say it’s something new or special Yuen Ai Lee temporarily suspended from reviewing films due to their misjudgment. felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

arts [email protected] The Turner Prize 2005 Sorting the worthwhile from the downright weird However, ignoring my prejudices Art about it, I went down to the Tate The Turner Prize 2005 Britain to form an objective opinion Tate Britain on the exhibition. The first artist, Millbank Simon Starling, has presented three Admission £5 works, each with narratives behind Until 22 January 2006 them. The first is Shedboatshed, a 10am-5.50pm shed which is apparently a work of art because it started life as a shed, became a boat, and was then a When you think about the Turner shed again. Who is he trying to kid? Prize what comes to mind? The He attempts in Tabernas Desert forefront of young, exciting British Run and One Ton, II to create an art? Pointless piles of bricks? environmental message, but miss- Something high-brow and conceptu- es an opportunity to make a real al that no-one seems to understand? comment, instead attempting to get Well, its back, and this year its full more involved in the process of cre- of black squares, shiny junk-shop ation of objects. He may have learnt birds, sheds and bottom portraits, how to make an electric bicycle, but although lacking the controversy that doesn’t make it a piece of art, that has become all-too inevitable and I was disappointed by his inclu- with this competition. sion in the exhibition.

Below Left: Darren Almond, If I Had You 2003, Four-screen video installation, Melody by Richard James

Below Right: Gillian Carnegie, Red 2004, Oil on board, 22.8 x 33 cm Cranford Collection, London Above: Simon Starling, Shedboatshed (Mobile Architecture No.2) 2005, Mixed media

Finally we are presented by the installation The Kinks by Jim Lambie. Named for an ill-fitting and rather pointless silhouette of the band on one wall, it resonates in the psychedelic black-and-white flooring, created with vinyl tape. At once organic and clinically modern, it confuses the eyes and, although flowing into the imposing figure of Black Kestrel (Six Rorshach) by the black paint splattered over the floor, it clashes with the other works on display. The three sculptures here are oversized junk-shop models of birds. The others are colourful and shiny to the point of vulgarity, although comical in their general cheapness, and the whole installation seems bitty and unimpressive. As you may have noticed, I was not exactly dazzled. So, are Simon Starling, Darren Almond, Gillian Carnegie and Jim The next work, a video-audio instal- Next is Gillian Carnegie, the only Below: Jim Lambie, Installation view, Mental Oyster Anton Kern Gal- Lambie really the best young con- lation by Darren Almond, is much woman in the shortlist (the prize lery New York, 2004,Courtesy of The Artist temporary artists in Britain today? more impressive. If I Had You, con- has been won by just 2 women in They do provide immense variety- sists of four screens placed around its 21-year history). Famous for her many aspects of modern art are the room playing looped videos with ‘bottom portraits’, she is an artist of represented here. They are all adept a soundtrack of piano music and extraordinary observational skills, at their chosen craft, and present us dancing feet. It celebrates his grand- and has developed a distinctive and with complex and well-thought out mother’s memories of honeymoon- impressive relief-style of painting. images. However, I leave the exhibi- ing in Blackpool, with images of her Her strokes are well-considered and tion feeling less than affected. watching a couple dancing in the developed, and although her palette None of the artists has truly tower, an illuminated windmill, and is generally rather dingy and her moved me, nor have I seen great a fountain. Moving about the room, subjects completely lacking in spon- originality in many of the works. you are captivated by the combi- taneity, they bring fire and drama to Perhaps commenting on the world nation of the images, completely her paintings. These are more than is out of fashion in artistic circles. immersed in the observation and subjective studies; these are attacks They seem not to be innovating, reflection mirrored in the grand- on accepted formats for academic merely repeating and improving. I mother’s face. Almond is sensitive painting. From her portraits of bot- have come to expect more than this and attentive, yet somehow man- toms to her superb black paintings from the Turner Prize, but maybe ages to avoid an all-too easy descent of forest landscapes, Carnegie suc- with all art has been through in the into an emotional agenda, instead cessfully challenges and subverts last 20 years, it has become near leaving the viewer to reflect on this how we look at classical subjects. impossible to surprise. I sincerely objective documentation of a tempt- Her paintings are absorbing, and hope not. ingly personal subject. This was, in the volume on display proves her The winner of the Turner Prize my opinion, the most impressive abilities and expertise in a wider 2005 will be announced by the panel single work in the exhibition, and mix than any of the other artists of judges on 5 December. truly deserves to be here. here. felix Thursday 27 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 13

ARTS [email protected] Whose head is safe if a queen’s is not? great? Or is it all just hype? I went McTeer shows us her frivolous, ly emotive and articulate speech. The production is flawless. Largely Theatre along to find out. emotional side in the company of Elizabeth simply cannot match the minimalist in style, it uses colour, Mary Stuart Mary Stuart is an 18th century her nurse, and her strong and noble passion of the Scot, who now has costume and effects only when Apollo Theatre play by Fredrich Schiller, and was front to her enemies, the English. nothing left to lose. At the end of they produce the most impressive Shaftesbury Avenue revived for the Donmar by Peter Elizabeth, played by the equally effects. Tudor dresses for the two Until 23 December Oswald. Schiller’s portrayal of the brilliant Harriet Walter, holds the “Why does the women highlight their stark con- Tickets £10-£40 extraordinary relationship between power to decide whether Mary trast in the eyes of the world with Student Standby £17.50 Mary, Queen of Scots and Elizabeth lives or dies. However, as the play sight of her make the sharp-suited men who surround I is not entirely historically accu- progresses and Elizabeth’s advisors and advise them. They merge into rate, but it is a fascinating and com- pull her harder and harder in each me ashamed?” the background, a grey wall of advi- The Donmar Warehouse, famous for pelling story of power, passion, faith direction, she displays less and less sors for the two queens, with only its outstanding and daring produc- and honour. the strength of character that the Leicester wearing any distinguish- tions, has moved its show Mary Centring on Mary, Elizabeth, situation demands of a queen and the play it is Mary, not Elizabeth, able colour.. Stuart into the West End. People Elizabeth’s lover Leicester and the which is so amply shown by Mary. At who is able to overcome the schem- This is theatre at its best. It will have been queuing around the block fictional English noble, Mortimer, their single meeting in the gardens ing Leicester and rise up to what is make you laugh, it will make you at its 250-seater theatre in Covent who is sympathetic to Mary, the play of Mary’s prison, Elizabeth attempts asked of her. Elizabeth is left alone, think, it will involve you and enlight- Garden to get tickets, and critics charts Mary’s last few days locked to crush her and make her humble, trusting no one and ashamed by her en you. Go and see it. have been raving. So is it really that up in prison. The excellent Janet but she is thwarted by Mary’s high- actions. Jeﬀ Wall: Art imitates life Photography recreates the moment in his studio Jeff Wall: Photographs 1978-2004 using amateur actors, costumes and Tate Modern digital technology. Some of these Until 8 January 2006 staged compositions have taken more than a year to perfect and one Tickets £7/£5.50 Students of his most well known pictures, A Sudden Gust of Wind (1993), is composed of more than 100 photo- The exhibition of work spanning the graphs, blurring the line between entire career of Jeff Wall (b. 1946, document and fabrication. He has Canada) reinforces the role he has described his own work as being played in establishing photography either ‘cinematographic’ or ‘docu- as a contemporary art form. mentary,’ using techniques normally When Wall first started experi- associated with film production. menting with photography, he The multiple layers and elaborate wished to avoid the obvious truth- detail of his pictures add depth, telling dimension of this medium encouraging the viewer to closely and use technology that had not inspect an image thus allowing hid- been previously exploited. He was den elements to reveal themselves. inspired by brightly illuminated bill- For example, at first glance there boards similar to those found at bus seems only to be one person in Forest shelters and started using colour (2001), but as you look between the transparencies mounted in wall- branches it is possible to make out hung light boxes. These are often the figure of a man. There are also scaled to life size so it feels like you shadowy corners that recede into are able to step inside the frame and the background and half-open doors stand on the fringes of the action, that let the viewer use their imagi- being physically and almost voyeur- nation to explore what is beyond. istically involved in the images. Despite his images being manipu- Adding to his originality as a pho- lated snapshots, they appear realis- tographer, spontaneity does not tic. Wall wished to create characters interest Wall. If he sees an image he that do not embody his point of wishes to capture, instead of taking view, but are based on situations a photograph there and then, he he has witnessed and represent

Above: A Sudden Gust of Wind (after Hokusai) 1993, Photographic transparency and illuminated display case, 2500 x 3970 mm, Tate.

Left: After the book Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, The Prologue 1999 - 2000, Transparency in lightbox, 1740 x 2505 mm, Emmanuel Hoffmann Foundation

people of modern life. He conveys from an apartment (2004 – 2005) social observations, for example, in is a domestic scene that was set Mimic (1982) where the simple rac- in an apartment especially rented ist gesture reveals the meaning of for the purpose, where one of the the photograph, but he tries to avoid women in the picture was asked to a moralistic attitude. Many of his furnish it and live in it as if it were everyday life pictures seem bleak, her own. The scene is heightened such as the street scenes and his through its meticulous composition panoramic landscapes of suburbia, and the documentary material is where he has used locations around transformed to that of a cinemato- Vancouver that he knows well. graphic image, creating an interface My personal favourites include between truth and fiction. Dead Troops Talk (1992), a purely All photography contains an ele- imaginary vision where soldiers ment of reportage, but Wall has that have been killed in the battle- developed this and uses references field engage in conversation, each to film, literature and the history of responding differently to their death. art. His elaborate, staged creations The Flooded Grave (1998 – 2000) as well as his more traditional pho- depicts a cemetery and a close-up tographic projects deserve recogni- of sea-life submerged in an open tion and make him one of the most grave, the brightly coloured starfish influential artists working today. and anemones a stark contrast to what you expect to see in such a place. His most recent work, A view Helene Myrvang felix Thursday 27 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 15 food & drink [email protected]@imperial.ac.uk ThisA quickieweek Ping and Paul investigatebefore SW7’s ﬁnestcollege? greasy spoons For some of us, the situation is all well cooked bacon and eggs and and we’re talking a satisfying fryup. erwise the cashier dude won’t be too too familiar: it’s Sunday morning, the good old-fashioned thick chips. We have to complain about the pleased. your head’s hurting and you turn However, the sausage was German eggs however; thick white and a The hash browns and sausages over to find an unrecognisable girl and watery, so if you’re a fan of con- runny yolk. As for the additional £1 are tasty, although sizes and varie- (or guy) lying in your bed. There’s tinental breakfasts then you’ll prob- charge for tea! The tea consumption ties vary from day to day. The bacon no milk in the fridge and the bread’s ably like this place more than us. of this reviewer vastly increased is not recommended due to its lack turned mouldy. Where the hell are the cost of an otherwise good value of crispness and its comparatively you going to take them for break- La Brioche, 40 Old Brompton breakfast. expensive price. The kippers make fast? Relax, Ping & Paul have the Road, SW7 3DY (8/10) the JCR stand out, injecting some answer. £3.50: Sausage, 3 bacon, fried egg, JCR, Main Walkway (7/10) English pride into our college - but mushrooms, beans, 2 toast, (tea, Sausages, bacon, egg (fried & only if you’re awake early enough to Seasons, 24 Thurloe Street, SW7 optional £1 extra) pictured on left scrambled), hash browns, beans, get them. hilst I like to think 2LT (5/10) We arrived bright and early Sunday tomato, mushrooms, toast, black If you like a little bit of grease on I’m the bee’s knees £3.00: Sausage, 2 bacon, egg, morning (i.e. noon) to be greeted pudding, kippers, porridge, cereals, your sausages, hot baked beans and when it comes to beans, chips, toast, tea. by a friendly Spanish lady who fruit, tea have a fetish for hash browns, then cooking, I accept that Seasons, for those of you who don’t promptly took our order and started Why not start the day with a quick the JCR is for you. my attitude towards know, is the fish n’ chip shop near making us tea. The café was quiet brekkie before lectures. The JCR is Wfood may lean precariously close to South Ken tube. Despite being in the but the food was turned out very known to all on campus, although its Next time with Ping and Paul: pretentious. Though in the morn- centre of South Ken, the food here quickly. The toast arrived first and food has a reputation for being pret- On our way to La Brioche, we ing I prefer my eggs delicately could have been served on Brick was devoured instantly; breakfast ty unhealthy– it’s only unhealthy if saw this new place near Organic poached with a sprinkling of herbs Lane to some down-and-out art stu- followed shortly and was definitely you eat it everyday... Pizza in South Ken, so we popped on granary bread and a side of fried dents cruising the retro markets. less greasy than other more typical The JCR breakfast is a lot better in to look at the menu. When the tomatoes, other people have very Inside it’s dark, gloomy and full of English breakfasts. The highlight than most students who buy expen- waitress walked over and asked if different ideas. The charming Ping builders which is normally a good of Brioche’s breakfast has to be the sive French pain au chocolat from she could help, I looked up and my and Paul have risked coronaries and sign since builders tend to like their mushrooms – something a little dif- the JCR shop tend to think. It’s a jaw dropped. It took me a minute to grease stains by sampling some of greasy breakfasts. Unfortunately, ferent from the ordinary and nicely great place to hang out with your engage first gear, by which time she K&C’s best breakfast spots. Enjoy the builders in South Ken must be a flavoured, they were definitely the mates, so why not munch on break- had gathered I wasn’t just looking at with a strong cup of builder’s tea, little out of the ordinary as well. magic ingredient in this breakfast. fast at the same time. The prices are the menu. Embarrassed I promptly something even I can appreciate...... The breakfast had many good fea- Couple this with freshly fried bacon all student friendly, but don’t forget left, but I’ll be back- look out for it in Hannah Theodorou, Food Editor tures, mainly the cheap prices, the and a meaty Lincolnshire sausage to bring change in the morning oth- a future edition.

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felix add.indd 1 25/10/05 10:50:29 felix Thursday 27 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 17

fashion [email protected] This month show some TLC From Marks and Spencer to Ralph Lauren, everyone’s in the pink Cancer. October is Breast Cancer port by adorning their waxworks Pucker up! Awareness Month and many can- with Cancer Research UK’s pinkie cer charities have seen their profile rings. “The Pinkie”, the new must Benefit are opening a new shop increase dramatically since Kylie have accessory for the season, in Westbourne Grove, W11, and announced she was suffering from is a pink ring engraved with the to celebrate they are giving away breast cancer. Apparently she has message “All Women Together”. free cosmetics to readers of the been cheering herself up by mimick- London’s glitterati have been bring- Evening Standard. If only readers ing Catherine Tate’s famous catching Wellington boots into vogue and of Felix could get the same. In the phrase, saying “I have cancer-am I stomping all around town in theirs. meantime, amble into the closest Dolly Delaney bovvered?” For those lady rowers, give your counter for your free make over Fashion editor I was lucky enough to see Kylie at usual wellies a kick and step out and dinky sample pots- perfect for Earl’s Court, where she dazzled the in Asda’s ‘Tickled Pink’ variety. All travelling and slipping into your audience with her fabulous outfits of the profit from the £10 boots is handbag. I started working at Marks and and stage sets (however my view split equally between Breast Cancer Spencer when I was 16 and left for was obscured by 2 lovely boys in Care and Breast Cancer Campaign. Benefit’s university 3 years later, returning cowboy hats). No doubt many were Visit www.cancerresearch.uk.org Winter Pink once again this summer to earn sad to hear of her illness, but it is for more information. Keep it pink! Lipsticks, £12 more money. So naturally I was a dab wonderful to see how she’s refused available at se- hand at fitting bras, talking to the to hide away and her courage has elderly and date rotating. Over the given many sufferers hope. Think you’re lected depart- past few years M&S have been going So this season pink seems to be ment stores breast cancer mad, with various pink in, with pink GHD’s (£11 goes to fabulous? this Season. items in the lingerie department, Breakthrough for every one bought) Do you think you’re more fashion- Alternatively, selling pink pins at every till point and Ralph Lauren’s Pink Collection. able than me? Send me a picture pop into Boots and doing sponsored walks. This M&S have a lovely vest and short and with you name and depart- for their great Saturday sees the staff at Brighton’s set in their lingerie department for ment. If I agree then you could be own range, M&S doing a sponsored walk along Breast Cancer Month (£10+£8). in the next issue of Felix! from £4. the seafront, which will hopefully Madame Tussauds and a host of [email protected] raise £2000 for Breakthrough Breast celebrities will be showing their sup- “I have cancer- am I bovvered?” © 72% of ideas turn up when you least reserved. rights All Accenture 2005 expect them. It makes you think.

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accenture.com/ukgraduates felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

[email protected] Powerfulbooks and shocking - Reviews in brief A Shite History of The Prison House Nearly Everything by John King a work of brilliance by A Parody depressing. It will make you laugh, Gross Britain Hugh Stickley Mansfield that I can guarantee to every reader by Taffy St George McScot The God of Small Things who knows how to laugh, but it will by Arundhati Roy be the kind of laughter that can only be accompanied by tears. Ms Roy’s Hugh Stickley Mansfield Retesh Bajaj viewpoint demands a completely new style of writing to portray the innocence of the young girl and how In recent years it has become de she views the world, and she deliv- rigeur for any cinematic or liter- y two pence: this is ers marvellously. Ms Roy allows the ary phenomenon to have a parody powerful and shock- reader to be fully aware of the loss knocked off and published as soon ing; a work of bril- to come very early on. She gets rid as possible in order to cash in as liance that will leave of the ‘standard’ cliff-hanger that is effectively as possible. you in awe at the used by so many authors to drop the As such, it is somewhat bemusing depthsM of thought that could possi- ‘bad news’ as a proverbial bomb- to encounter a recently published bly have crafted such a novel full of shell and make emotional capital “parody” of Bill Bryson’s A Short laughter and tears. A very original out of the reader’s unsuspecting History of Nearly Everything, itself style of writing – stick with it, it is mind as it reels to the sudden pain published some two and a half years definitely worth it. Told from the inflicted upon the story’s charac- ago, and although selling well, hard- perspective of a small girl, one of a ters. Stepping out of this trend with ly a publishing phenomenon even at pair of “two-egg” twins separated at an obvious flair, she daringly flaunts the time. a young age. This is a story of the every secret to the reader, in what It soon becomes clear, however, destruction of a small happy family, may be considered a risky step sure that this is not a parody in the truest the society that smiled and nodded have been expected and ‘normal’, in to lose the reader’s interest, instead sense - beyond sending up the title, in approval at the pain it saw as the literary world. What Ms Roy has of keeping them guessing. However, this book bears no resemblance to right and a victim who inevitably actually given us is a piece of litera- the effect if quite the opposite; with that which it is, apparently, lam- became more useful to the world ture (and I certainly mean literature the tragedy already revealed, every pooning. Where its predecessor is dead than he ever was alive. Winner in every sense of the word) that puts happy moment viewed in hindsight an in-depth tome detailing physics, of the Booker Prize 1997 it is, in a forward an incredibly human story, is tinged with the pain of what is to chemistry, geology and the like, this word, different. brimming with sad humour and gut come. As we get to know our char- is a collection of inane, pointless The Prison House centres around Ms Roy has done something quite wrenching tragedy, told through the acters better, the pain becomes all trivia about stuff, things and other Jimmy, a convict held for reasons extraordinary in the writing of this most innocent of voices. In telling us the more real. Laughter and tears such weighty matters. left unspecified until the end, and novel. She has attempted to ruth- this simple and incredible story, she indeed. Inside are found the same collec- recounts both his incarceration in lessly open our eyes to the hypoc- brings to life every single injustice Comparable in passion and nar- tion of poorly chosen facts, although the hellish Seven Towers prison and risy that exists in society, in an and pain she rages against. This is rative to To Kill a Mockingbird by this time the subject matter is more events from his past. uncompromising and brutal man- the real power of the narrative. It Harper Lee but on a wider scope constrained focusing, as the title Understandably, those who do not ner, with no sense of hope or silver never attempts to anchor the reader of themes and issues, this beauti- suggests, on Britain. appreciate distressing or unpleas- lining to her dark cloud, while, at the down to a particular theme, be it per- ful novel left this reader reeling. It is quite inconceivable that any- ant subject matter would best be same time, endeavouring to tell us sonal tragedy or political angst. It The refreshing pace, writing style one would buy this sort of novelty tat advised to avoid John King’s works. a story. No, this novel is not political combines so many things and under and comfortable, oblivious bliss for themselves, so the target market The Prison House in particular rhetoric about social justice or free- Ms Roy’s masterful hand it succeeds of the central character all add to would appear to be those panic-buy- starts off bleak, dark and nasty then dom, in its blatant sense, nor is it the and leaves the reader with a tap- the overall power of a simple story ing presents for unpopular relations continues in this vein until the end. kind superimposed onto a story to estry of what it is to be human and which leave the reader questioning and vague acquaintances in the last Yet nonetheless it is not an espe- oh-so-subtly put the author’s politi- what it means to love. the meaning of love and the value few seconds before Christmas. cially depressing read (if you can cal ideology into the reader’s head. This book is certainly centred on of life. Worth giving a miss, on the whole. get past the various acts of sadism No, something of that nature would a tragedy, but it is by no means and the like that occur throughout) given that a central theme of the novel is hope there are moments of levity and a sense of humour pre- vails that is not always as bleak as one might expect. King makes few concessions Wanted toward accessibility. The reader is somewhat thrown in at the deep end Colour TV with regards to the story, beginning as it does with a none too pleasant Must work rape scene. The cheaper the better But if one can cope with such WEYVANS obstacles, there is a rewarding, edi- fying read at its heart.

Imperial College Union runs a ﬂ eet of vehicles to help our clubs and societies carry out their activities as easily and cheaply as possible. We have a team of dedicated staff who love our minibuses, land- Westwood rover and trailers and they are looking for people who love vans as Rbk joined forces with Radio 1 DJ much as them to join them. Ideally you will be over 21 with a full Tim Westwood on 7 October at our For Sale driving licence (but that isn’t essential). More than anything you will students Union to promote the lat- Microwave love vans as much as us! est range of Rbk trainers, known as the DJ collection. Rbk has created Panasonic If you are interested in helping maintain our ﬂ eet of vehicles, please a great looking trainer and turned Category E /800W contact: it into a DJ’s must have shoe, com- Hardly used Dan Lehmann (Transport Manager) - [email protected] plete with a record on the sole, decks Almost brand new, being Robin Pitt (Head of Student Services) - [email protected] on the inner sole and headphones sold reluctantly. woven on the heel. Shoes available at your local Schuh store. Imperial College Union Transport

T - 020 7594 8066 E - [email protected] [email protected] www.union.imperial.ac.uk/transport News from the Union... Sameena Misbahuddin - President Union Website Yoursay

So what do you think of the Union Website? Ever visited it? Think that it needs If you have any comments about anything the Union does at all, then use the Yoursay improving? More user- friendly? More eye-catching? Think that it could be more feedback system to get your opinions heard. Feedback and replies are online at www.un- suitable to giving you the information you want, when you want it? ion.ic.ac.uk/yoursay and email [email protected] or ﬁ ll out one of the forms in the Union.

Well last term communications was discovered as a problem through the strategic re- If you have any questions about this service, contact Tim Aplin, Deputy President (Fi- view survey that we did www.union.ic.ac.uk/strategicreview and the website is seen nance and Services) on [email protected] , who administers this service. as a key tool to improving this. University of London This year we are undergoing a complete overhaul of the website. Not just changing the A reminder that if you have any views on the issue of Imperial leaving University of Lon- way it looks, but completely redesigning the functionality of it, bringing it inline with the don, come along to the ﬁ rst Union Council meeting of the term tonight – Thursday 27th 21st century. 7pm Mech Eng 220

This term we are gathering feedback to what students want from the website…what Surgery hours: if you have any questions or want to chat to me about anything, pop along info is not on there that you would fi nd useful? Do you want more info about who your to the Union building anytime. However at the following times I will defi nitely be around reps are? And what your reps are actually doing for you? What events are going on at the to answer queries: Union? Help for clubs and societies? Discussion forum? More eye-catching design? Monday, Wednesday and Thursdays 12pm-1pm in the Union offi ces. Next term will see the actual production of the website after all the user requirements have been collated. [email protected] If you have any ideas or want to get involved there are various ways you can:

Email [email protected]

Focus groups: Get involved in a focus groups that are happening in early No- vember. Email to volunteer yourself.

Online: Check out updates on the website www.union.imperial.ac.uk (the web- RISE WEEK 7-11 Nov 2005 site we currently have). A week of events including:

Or simply come and chat to me or one of your other Union representatives. Overseas Societies Football World Cup (OSC) Debate on cultural diversity in London (Debating Society) Civil Liberties Talk

LOOK OUT FOR MORE DETAILS IN NEXT WEEK’S FELIX & ON POSTERS AROUND CAMPUS.

What’s happening at the ICSMSU? Danny McGuinnes - ICSMSU President

All of a sudden it seems inherently wrong that I’m not waking up every day with a stink- Speaking of manifestos, I did enjoy reading all those in last weeks issue. It’s amazing that ing hangover and a sense of impending doom. Now that freshers’ fortnight is well and there are so many people determined to make council ‘Representative, democratic and truly over there seems to be a void in my life. Not feeling rubbish is unsurprisingly a won- efﬁ cient’. It’s also nice to see the pledges for ‘increased clubs and society budgets and derful feeling. With a heavy heart I’ve had to stop living the dream that is event organis- greater sabbatical accountability’. I do indeed hope that all these things do happen this ing and start living up to the reality that is running the medics’ union properly. year and that council doesn’t turn into a bitch-fest and ego-stroking debacle it has been in the past. As I sit at the desk trying to create helpful responses to the four thousand emails I get each day (90% being for porn and Viagra that I can only imagine my predecessors signed Here’s to the future of democracy! up to) I can’t help but think that being president before the advent of emails was a truly wonderful thing. Honestly, what must they have done with their time? I can only imagine that meeting manifesto pledges was much more attainable in the olden days.

Not happy with the Union website? Got views on how we can improve?

We are currently re-designing it and want and need your input. You can volunteer to be part of a focus group or just tell us what you think. Either way just E-mail: [email protected] www.union.imperial.ac.uk Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. T: 020 7594 8060 www.union.imperial.ac.uk felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

No wet T-shirt contest = empty soul saw Pride and Prejudice last Sunday, and chin. We came to the conclusion that it’s approxi- men used poetry instead of alcohol as a method my flatmate and I were getting annoyed mately three feet. to get into our pants? Romance, guys, romance; with all the lovey-dovey couples around When the film ended we were in low spirits. that is what women truly want: a 21st century Ius. They were all cuddling in that gentle The director had evidently wanted to avoid cli- Mr Darcy. Oh, and he was rich too. darkness that invites people to do very naughty chés and make the film as realistic and fresh as In some ways, however, I am glad I don’t live in things, as all is allowed in the dark (except possible, but did this creative ambition justify the 19th century. The truth is that women were mobile phones). Naughty things like what? Well, the lack of Colin Firth and kissing in the film? objects then, in different and more diverse ways loud handjobs for instance, and pissing on the Also, the film ended, not with a scene of the wed- than they are objects now. Austen portrayed back of the necks of the people in front of you ding, but with that of an old fart mumbling some- powerful and intelligent women who were, to an and then pretending you had an accident with thing to himself. The most anti-climactic ending extent, in charge of their own destinies, but what your Fanta, which just happened to be very in the history of cinema, ever! happened to the weak ones, the ugly ones, the warm. Nevertheless, the film made me think; think ones that didn’t care for marriage or housekeep- Irene Lahde However, these sad, sad people were more about how relationships between sexes have ing? They were simply outcast. The position of a annoyed with us than we with them, and just changed. They have improved in a way, as there woman was determined by the man whom she because we spent the entire movie discussing, is more equality and freedom nowadays, but stood by (or behind). This still happens, but I quite loudly, the differences between the film wouldn’t you prefer to hear “I ardently love and believe (I want to believe) that we have come a and the BBC adaptation, and trying to estimate admire you” to “How’s about a shag”? Wouldn’t long way since Lizzie Bennett’s times. the distance from Keira Knightley’s lips to her it be better, girls, if we got more respect, and I should write for the Daily Mail irstly this week, I would just like to say hearted article about my plans to take the idea deported automatically if they commited a that the new Darkness single is really of no win-no fee from lawyers and introduce it crime, then I don’t think many of them would growing on me! I really tried hard not into football but unfortunately due to a story I be so willing to risk it, especially if they really Fto like it, I really did! I decided a long saw in The Times the other day I have instead have sought asylum because they fear for their time ago that The Darkness were going to be a decided to get all heavy and political. The story lives in their own countries. I’m not saying this one album wonder, well not even a whole album, concerned two Albanian men and a Lithuianian would solve the crime problem. Most crimes are a couple of songs really, because everything woman who had been convicted of tricking commited by British people and unforunately we apart from ‘I believe in a thing called Love!’ and Eastern European girls into coming to Britain can’t get rid of them so easily (unless Australia ‘Growing on me’ was, frankly, crap! and then selling them to people who forced them agree to accept them again which I doubt they Their Christmas single, ‘Don’t let the bells end’ to work as prostitutes. They were all sent to will, although they are, apparently, desperate for was one of the worst ever. It wasn’t even funny! prison. The woman, Vilma Kizlaite, got 11 years hairdressers). So on hearing they were releasing a new album and the two men, Tasim Axhami and Emiljan We can, however, send foreigners back to their Iain Heaton I was resolute; it would be appalling. At first this Beqirat, got 16 and 21 years respectively. What own countries for their own governments to deal seemed to be the case. I heard ‘One way ticket’ annoys me though is the fact that both men had with as they see fit. That might help reduce the and I laughed, how I laughed, because I really previously been granted asylum in this country! crime level a bit. It would also make it look like didn’t like it, I thought it sounded like a tortured Now I want to make it clear that I have no prob- the Government is actually trying to do some- cat! Then I heard it again, then again, then again lem with geniune asylum seekers but it seems to thing about the numbers of asylum seekers and and before long I decided it was okay, not great, me that if they are convicted of crimes (especial- illegal immigrants, whereas at present they but it certainly didn’t involve subjecting felines ly crimes as serious as these ones) they should seem willing to let the system carry on until the to various cruel devices! Since then I have heard be sent back to their own country, which is not, country is actually full to bursting point. it quite a few times more and now I am forced to as far as I can make out what is going to hap- I suppose the only good thing is that with the admit that it is actually very good, probably right pen. Instead, they will sit in a British prison for Government’s new early release scheme ( put in up there with ‘Growing on me’, which means the next 10-15 years costing the taxpayer many place because of prison overcrowding), the two I was wrong, The Darkness were not a two hit thousands of pounds (more about taxpayers next Albanian gentlemen will be out within about two wonder, they have at least three good songs! week when i discuss work paydays). weeks, so they won’t actually cost the British This week I was going to write you a light If asylum seekers knew that they would be taxpayer much at all.

A The response to Omarjoys Hashmi’s of “Can enlightenment anyone lead the Tories” in Felix 1331 n Omar’s column he questioned the by the powers that be. that the US (and to a lesser extent Europe) is accepted truths and values of the European It is simply not true that Enlightenment itself selfishly pursuing its interests with a total disre- Enlightenment and contrasted them with becomes a religion just as intolerant as other gard for these principles as it has done continu- Iother models of society in which religion religions can be. Nor is it true that it is hostile ously since World War 2. is more prevalent. Much as I agree with a lot of to, or incompatible with, other religions. In fact I wasn’t intending to engage in the routine what he says, my views (which are by no means some of the advocates of this once revolutionary (fully justified) practise of Bush bashing but conclusive) differ crucially on some aspects. philosophy were themselves intensely religious at this point I can’t resist. While George Bush Though first envisaged by the philosophers in their own way. The “marginalisation” of reli- (Tony Blair and other ‘free world’ leaders are who inspired the French revolution, the ide- gion which Hashmi observes in our society has far from exempt) is sanctimoniously preach- als and values of the Enlightenment are not less to do with the imposition of secular values ing human rights, freedom and democracy his “European” or “Western”. They should not be and more to do with the dominance of capitalism actions all point in a diametrically opposite viewed as the product of a particular historical – a system that glorifies materialism. direction: indefinite imprisonment without trial, period or situation but rather as the common What the politicians in power are doing in this torture and humiliation inflicted on prisoners heritage of humanity as a whole, as something country and across the world in the name of pur- of war, pre-emptive war, attempts to undermine everyone across the world should (and some- suing ‘our values’ is sheer hypocrisy. It is, in my democratically elected institutions and gov- times does) cherish and aspire to. It is mon- view, in direct contrast to the doctrines espoused ernments, the list is endless. They are hardly strous to suggest that human beings should be by philosophers from Voltaire to Rousseau. examples of a doctrine of democracy, self-deter- Michael Pittoni denied the right to self-determination or that Sadly most of the political, economic and social mination and the rule of law. Thus George Bush anything other than human conscience should changes we have witnessed over the past few is a champion of Enlightenment secularism one be at the centre of decision-making and legisla- years – wars, erosion of civil liberties, removal moment and a fanatical bigot when it suits him tion. of protection for those left behind by society better. Such, it pains me to say, is the opportunis- A community/society should be able to opt for etc. – are actually taking us back to the bad old tic nature of modern ‘democratic’ politics. a more religious life-style but these decisions days of “the Raj, Africa and Slavery” as Hashmi The pursuit of the ideals of the Enlightenment should nevertheless be taken democratically and puts it, rather than pursuing a more progressive should not be left in the hands of the selfish, cor- self-determination in religious and other matters model of society. rupt and narrow-minded politicians to use for should remain paramount. Thus Enlightenment It would be very desirable if the world’s only their own ends. It is we the people who should principles can and must be upheld even in a superpower, aided by its servile, bribed allies (no tirelessly invoke and aspire to the legacy of the society with a religious majority. Spirituality names), was attempting in good faith to spread French revolution and of all progressive thinkers and belief is not within the domain of the state. freedom, democracy and human rights across and societies that have come since. The alterna- Religion should not be imposed or discouraged the world. Unfortunately, any scrutiny reveals tives are too dreadful to contemplate.

*The views expressed in these columns are not neccassirly those of Felix Liked it or loathed it? Let Felix know which columist you like and which you hate: [email protected] felix Thursday 27 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 21

No 1332 Thursday 27 October 2005 [email protected]

felixa specific ban why does our Union This is the Leader not see fit to apply such a ban. I Apparently it isn’t clear that this is know ICU feel they are above the the leader column of Felix. Well it NUS, but surely in this case they “ is. For those of you that don’t know should follow the NUS’s example. a leader is where the newspaper A specific ban on the group would I don’t expresses its views on the news. So surely send them a stronger its also an editorial. message than a blanket equal understand opportunities policy. why our union Although they were present at Extremists at Imperial Freshers’ Fayre there is nothing does not have a to suggest that there is an active Its quite worrying that such presence at College. So please don’t specific ban on persons were at our Freshers worry unnecessarily, although if Fayre. The fact they were posing as you do have any specific concerns Hizub ut-Tahir something else is even scarier, one contact College authorities or the of them actually stopped me asked police. if I wanted to sign their petition. I don’t normally sign petitions as a rule (journalists should try not Congestion charge to have strong views), but people ” could have been signing what they The western extension of the thought to be a harmless petition congestion charge to include the only to discover later that in fact area surrounding Imperial’s South they were putting their name to Ken campus must surely be a good something else entirely. thing for both students and staff. It seems that Imperial is no the Nearly all students use public only university with this problem, transport to get to College, a large the issue made the front page number of those using buses. of The Beaver, LSE’s student Since the introduction of conges- newspaper, last week. But it is a tion charging in central London, problem we should be working on. bus journey times have decreased I don’t understand why our Union dramatically. As a result we should does not have a specific ban on all be able to spend a few more pre- Hizub ut-Tahir. If the NUS view cious minutes in bed. them as such a problem to place Dear Freshers and Sharks

I am utterly disappointed to see Take the high road and walk it, not a single one of you wanting that’s what – I’m not going to be to pay the good Mr Wright a branded a homewrecker when just visit; I thought Imperial students sweetness and light are at stake. were opinionated and energetic I’d think twice if better grades, in creatures. Clearly, I’ve caught you the case of a course examiner were on a bad week – I’m aware fresher’s the goods on offer. Or a fully-funded flu and glandular fever are doing black Amex card, come to think of the rounds. The kissing disease can it. be a very distressing thing if you’re Material concerns aside, I anywhere near as capricious as I unexpectedly ran into mystery am! *sigh* man II. He came in the shape of a Those were the days.. my Sagittarian sex-god renowned for gregariousness is very much a playing drums in one of the world’s thing of the past. A bout of the best metal bands. His rhythm was abovementioned flu put paid to my intact, and his Atlantan drawl got sex drive, and as a result, I’ve not me all flustered. When hearing that been able to spread myself around he wanted to hang out with me town as liberally as I’m known to be come his next visit to the UK, I wet capable of ;) my pants. Supposedly my accent However, not baring my Brazilian had got him in a spot of bother! I’d has led to adventures of another rather not wonder what sort of tizz kind. No, not the romantic kind – his wife would be in if she heard just the flirtatious; romance is dead, of my dulcet tones – she’s one of Stormy Woods as Lisa Simpson let us know on my personal heroes, I’ll have you Valentine’s. It’s been homogenised know, so I’d hate to be the one to and commercialised by Hallmark, break her life when she inspired me the way in which two thousand greatly into making mine. years of Indian culture has been Fallen idols aside, there’s little compacted into one bite-sized keeping my hands busy. I’ve got Walkers’ tikka masala crisp. the Travel Channel’s Zay Harding My adventures began when I got to think of when I close my eyes allocated an extremely attractive and go to sleep. Felix and IC Radio placement partner. Mr T, as he haven’t produced the goods this shall be known, has indie hotness year – there’s only one member of oozing out of every pore. His tight the music team I’d like to get my pinstriped drainpipes do wonders hands on! To my dismay, everybody for his slender (convex) buttocks, else would like to get their hands on and his dark curly mop and cheeky him too, so I’ve got a funny feeling dimples make my world go round. that a certain trumpet-playing All very well, until I discover that third- year medic at Chelsea is Mr T has got a girlfriend. A long going to have to play lust object for distance one of three years and me once again. Life goes in circles, counting. What’s a lady got to and circles make the world go do when her pride is at stake? round. room for a view We will be running a series We have places available for people of events on Wednesday 2nd to come and participate in workshops, November and Thursday 3rd discussions and informal conversations. November in London for you to If you are interested in registering for meet our people from around a place, please apply online at the world, learn more about www.mckinsey.com/mckinseyoncampus McKinsey and give you some by Friday 28th October. experience of the way we help For further information on McKinsey clients solve complex business & Company please visit our websites problems. www.mckinsey.com for information about all our ofﬁces or www.mckinsey.co.uk for London speciﬁc information.

McK on Campus London 264x172mm lnscpe.indd 1 26/09/2005 16:24:48

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have happened in the past five days Ramadhan people is in fact a group of Muslims could be put to better use; half Star Letter at uni have included getting my IC opening their fast in each-others’ the amount of the bursary and login password changed without Dear Editor, company! This is where you come give it to twice as many people for being told about it, being able to get in. example. Possibly use some of it to Students still in but not out of the biochemistry Have you ever passed the JCR at We, your Islamic Society, invite further subsidise rent for first years UNITED in worry building and oh, the new printing around sunset and seen a large you to come and join us when we in halls. As a side issue, would system that did not recognise me. mass of people eating food together open our fast to eat. Come and it not be fairer for the College to Dear Felix, You see, when you go away for or praying? Ever wondered who pop in, buy some food (yummy means test for the amount of rent a Re: your story in issue 1328 a year people forget you. They they were and what exactly it is chicken and rice) and have a feel student pays. I would readily leave regarding the new UNITE halls: assume that because you are that they are up to? Ever seen your of the atmosphere, or if you have my finances open to scrutiny if it ‘Students UNITED in worry’. It not in uni for the academic year, friend Aliya or Hasan get some any questions about fasting why meant I would have to pay less rent seems that you have missed out on you’ll somehow disapppear and dates out of their bag and eat them not come down and we’ll be more than some Tory rich kid. half of the issue: Orient House, over never come back or have probably during a late lecture and think than happy to share with you our I throw my full weight behind in Fulham. While it is considerably graduated or failed. But I haven’t! to yourself “Boy, he/she must be experiences. raising money to balance out the closer to the South Kensington I’m still registered and get full use hungry”! If you are interested in joining class disparity here at IC, but I campus than Picadilly Court, it is so of my card you twits! I have another Well never fear your ICU islamic us in opening our fast during feel the money could be spent in a far from any convenient transport gruelling year to go thank you very society is here to fill you in on all this special month of ours manner that would benefit a wider routes that regardless of whether much. But you know, there are those mind-boggling questions! please do contact me on nadia. number of students, and as a result, one takes the bus, tube or merely some places that never forget you. For over one billion Muslims [email protected] the College as a whole. walks, it is likely to take over forty They never forget you because you throughout the world, Ramadhan is Yours truly, minutes during rush hour. owe them £10 on book fines. I love a special month of the year, much Nadia Khalid Carl Nash In short, it is as inconvenient to the library. loved and anticipated by all. During ICU Islamic Society Vice President 3rd Year reach college from Orient House When I was told I was an the month of Ramadhan, Muslims 05/06 as it is from Picadilly Court, and unrecognised user, the kind library fast from dawn to sunset every Swimming considerably less so to reach help desk person told me to ring day. We as Muslims believe that Student Opportunities anywhere else in central London. the ICT on 49000 and ask them Ramadhan was the month in which Fund So now that the complete chaos Add to this that the amenities about the new printing system and the first verses of the holy Qur’an of fresher’s week has calmed to the in the hall itself are pitiful in the to get me activated to use it. The (Words of God) were revealed to the choas of term I thought I’d go for a extreme: there are three washing accented voice didn’t answer my final messenger of God, Prophet Dear Felix, nice swim (or as nice as St Mary’s machines and driers amongst request and instead said to, “come Mohammad (Peace be upon him- gets). I went on the internet before nearly two hundred students, the to the ICT room 348 and I’ll sort you pbuh). The sighting of the new The Student Opportunities Fund I left to check it would be open, and showers flood the bathrooms (and, out”. moon at the end of Ramadhan (SOF) has started another Fund- sure enough it said, often, the carpet outside them) as Do you know how terrifying the heralds the celebration of Eid ul- raising Telethon. For those who “Casual Swimming Opening a matter of course. One of the lifts Mech eng building is? He’s gonna Fitr. are not aware of the SOF, its aim Times: has been out of service since the sort me out?! What the f***? so I Fasting is nothing new to Islam. It is to give money to students from Monday - Friday first day and the other is slow and went up there and the guy (the is indeed the practice and tradition underprivileged families who are 7:00am - 9:00am frequently makes disconcerting third guy I got shuttled to, I don’t of many pious predecessors who extremely academically able. This, 12:00pm - 2:00pm noises and there is only a small know if he was the ‘sort you out attained piety through fasting. For I’m sure you will agree, is a very 3:00pm - 7:00pm common area which doubles as the guy’) said, “Right, well the new example: the Qur’an mentions that laudable cause. However, the Fund Weekends entrance hall, which makes it an printing system involves using just Prophet Moses used to fast for only supports a very small number 9:00am - 6:00pm” unpleasant place to spend much your swipe card” and I had to cut 40 days and Prophet Muhammad of students (around 20, although Excellent, so off I went. Sadly when time. him short before I kicked his shin, (pbuh) said that Prophet David this varies from year to year). Each I got there I found that the security Worse still, the kitchens have “I know how it works, it’s just I’m used to fast for half of the year. of the UG’s gets £5K a year and guard, while knowing the pool was been cleaned only once so far, not a recognised user”. “Riiiiight”. Also Prophet Jesus used to fast each PG gets £10K, for the duration closed, had no idea about opening despite assurances that they would He then asked me to email them for 40 days. So we find that both of their course. times for this term, and when I be every day, and vermin have been the exact wording of the error Christians and Jews recognize I’m all for getting as many able found a timetable it turns out the spotted in some. message. Well after a while of fasting as part of their worship people, from whatever background pool is closed all weekend. This is a Yet nonetheless there is faffing about, I became an officially (Christians primarily during Lent, into IC, and the fewer posh people real annoyance. I have lectures from no budget allowed for any recognised user of the new printing and Jews during Yom Kippur). that come here the better, as far as 9am until 5pm or 6pm most days so I improvements that have been system at 5.45pm. Whilst topping For Muslims fasting is not I’m concerned. However, I would can’t get to the morning, lunchtime suggested, although Picadilly Court up, the librarian told me that the only abstaining from eating and suggest that the amount of money or evening swims and the only day has been granted an expensive ICT printing service wouldn’t drinking, but also from vain speech given to each student is unfair. I would be able to make would be swathe of improvements. They are be working from 6pm until the and foul language. Also, by cutting Presuming that each of these thursday for the late night swim- given precedence, being so far from following morning. Run little lady oneself off from worldly comforts, students will get the maximum ming, but I have meetings then. I South Kensington despite, as I say, before I pull your wig off. even for a short time, a fasting student loan, possibly a government appriciated being able to spend the Orient House being as lengthy a After pouring my heart to a person gains true sympathy with bursary of around 2K, and no fees afternoon swimming on Saturdays journey away, and a higher rent. dear friend I was not any happier. those who go hungry as well as to pay (under the current system last year and it seems ridiculus to The wardening team and hall No, you see, this friend was a growth in one’s spiritual life. Not to anyway), £5K seems more than stop us using the pool at weekends manager are doing an admirable management year student from mention the various health benefits enough to get by. There are plenty especially while the sports centre job in coping with this situation but last year who got 1000 free printing from fasting! It is therefore a time of IC students who are practically is still closed. When it reopens with at the end of the day the residents units per term. My swipe card for inner reflection, devotion to God financially independent from their the free swimming will we still be are still left in a very unfortunate had £5 worth of printing units but and self-control. parents; working every day they’re restricted to during the week? position. low and behold, I found out that So next time you walk pass the not in college. this was in fact a loan that would JCR you will know that this mass of I feel that the money raised Name and Department Supplied Hugh Stickley Mansfield be repayed, by me, from the 1st Re-app, Orient House of November at a rate of £1 per week. Great, add that to my over Technician Required How things change draft and student loan why don’t ya. The perks of the department Dear Editor, are limited. Sorry I meant non- Glendower Prep School in South Kensington is looking existant! I take a year out to do a placement Oh I did miss IC. I really did. for an IT technician for a part time vacancy (approx 8 and boy have things changed! New BB buildings, new buildings in the hours a week). Responsibilities will include process of being built, no Southside Sport Felix (I repeat no friggin Southside bar!), maintaining the school network, file and mail servers new entrance desk stuck under Dear Stephen (Felix’s sport Editor), the stairs in the Sherfield building as well as ongoing maintenance of the 30 computers and a brand spanking new printing I wanted to say that I really enjoy service involving just the swipe reading your column every week. used throughout the school. Knowledge of active directory, card. Your column is short and sharp, Exchange server and Windows XP essential. For further details, Waterstones don’t do the free and a damnsight better than those year planners anymore. You should ghastly columnists on the opinions please email the school at the following address, including a CV have seen my face when they told pages. me. I was too shocked to slap the Keep up the good work, and any other relevant information: shop assistant. Manny Bennett Some of the funnier things that [email protected]

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Dear Miss Conﬁ[email protected] Mystic stars Scorpio (Oct 23rd – Nov 21st) Taurus (Apr 21st - May 21st) you and has never heard of subtlety; obviously cares about you and had 4) She’s obsessed by you and you the same previous impression of Someone or some- It may be a good idea may soon see her following your men that I did, that you’re all out for thing giving you the to keep a low profile every move, asking where you shop one thing. As you’ve said that due to creeps this week? My this weekend, as there and turning into your clone. In medical circumstances (just slightly suggestion is this, are some creatures any case, the solution is the same, curious…..) she can’t really oblige carry plenty of sweets of the night, baying talk to her!!! I mean if she’s taken you in that sense, so she’s giving and loose change in for blood. Hopefully to harassing you via msn mere you an easy out. This is your chance preparation for confrontation with with a heafty frying pan and a bulb minutes after hanging up there is to stand up and be a man and show a knee high pumpkin bearing a of garlic you can stop it from being a slight problem, there is also only you care by staying put!! Maybe lightsaber. yours. so much you can say to one person it’ll work out, maybe it won’t, but especially if you see them all the at least you’re giving it a chance. Sagittarius (Nov 22nd – Dec 21st) Gemini (May 22nd –Jun 21st) time. This is almost as near to Oh by the way nice comment about stalking without stalking as you can your sexual prowess, just what Trick or treating will I know how you love get. There is that solution, or you the entire of IC need to know!! release your inner this time of year, al- can go for the drastic option which Honestly! Men! child, and you’ll be on though I rather think is to have plastic surgery, change such a high. How- you enjoy tricking your name, phone number and put To Screw or Not to Screw ever you’re attentions more than treating. on a French accent…it’s up to you! will be focused on a Enjoy all in modera- Dear Miss C, certain mysterious stranger as you tion thou, as if you laugh too hard Should I Stay or Should I Go? What should I do... The guy I’m in find yourself relishing this piece of your head may fall off. Hey guys. I’m back again, and I’ve love with - I don’t think he wants eye candy, and I’m not talking about got good news, the best letter I Dear Miss C, a relationship with me, but he the sweets. Cancer (Jun 22nd –Jul 22nd) receive next week will win a copy I’ve been kinda seeing someone for definitely wants to screw me. I’ve of PC computer game Blitzkrieg a few weeks now. Due to medical been holding out because I want Capricorn (Dec 22nd – Jan 19th) You’ll find yourself in or a CD albulm of their choice circumstances we’ve been unable something more with him but now unfamiliar surround- from the Felix pile-o-crap. to have sex for the last month and I feel it’s becoming clear that will Who says Michael ings this week, scared [email protected] she just wants to be “friends”. In never happen. Should I just fuck Myers was dead, and alone. But all is another few weeks she’ll be able the shit out of him in order to move you will embrace the well, the library will be Miss C. to have sex again and well, when on OR maintain my pride and Halloween season as the one place you are we were doing it, it was amazing. dignity and let us walk away from you’re mind opens up truly safe. Strange but true... Attack of the Killer Telephone. I mean, she screamed the house each other? It’s not like I don’t think and you become less down and came five or six times about sex with him a lot! cynical about the world. Leo (Jul 23rd – Aug 22nd) Hey Miss C, on each occasion. She says it’s Torn Apart I just don’t know what to do. I’ve really tough for her right now to Aquarius (Jan 20th – Feb 18th) Hubble bubble, toil made loads of new friends at uni, make physical contact with me Dear Torn apart, and trouble…..watch one of whom is great, only problem without wanting it to lead to sex, You said its’ becoming clear that’s This week may be your step or you’ll see is that she won’t leave me alone. I which is frustrating. So I’m staying all he wants from you?? How do you your chance to prove double. Keep your spend all day with her, during and non-physical and we just hang out know?? First and foremost you need to all that you are not wits about you, as the in-between lectures, but she’ll still instead. The thing is she doesn’t to talk to him and find out what he the evil witch they time is right…..for you call me every night and just won’t want me “waiting around” for her actually does want from you. If it all think you are. If to have a terrible fright! stop chatting for hours. She’s now to be able to get physical again, but ends up that all he wants is a shag anyone mentions the even taking to msn-ing me just I’m not interested in chasing other buddy then you need to walk away. wart you can always turn them into Virgo (Aug 23rd – Sep 22nd) after we’ve hung up. It’s not that I women. I’ve found one I really like Sleeping with him is just asking a toad. don’t like her but I’m running low and would prefer to stick with her, for trouble but hey maybe that’s The spirits have an on things to talk about and she’s whatever’s going on. I’m pretty what you’re looking for. Be warned Pisces (Feb 19th – Mar 20th) interesting plan for just beginning to wear me down. sure she’s not looking at anyone though, going down that track has you this week, but des- What do you suggest?? else, as we spend a lot of time every chance of you ending up as a Be warned this week tiny cannot be fulfilled Stalked Scientist together. My question is: if I just psycho obsessive stalker. If you’ve you may find eerie by staying indoors. A stick with her and be there until really built up that much sexual strangers testing your dark stranger sport- Dear Stalked Scientist, she’s ready, will she think I’m a frustration then a one night stand resolve. Avoid dark ing a devilish mask is just what the Oh dear what have you got yourself pussy? is an option, but I wouldn’t advise lecture theatres and ghosts had in mind for you, so be into?? Well there are several CoolNCaring going into any relationships until keep your wits about sure to go tricking or you won’t get explanations for the way that she you are defiantly over him or else you your treat. is acting: 1) she’s just being overly Dear CoolNCaring, this could end up as a long term friendly and doesn’t realise that No! Oh my god, I didn’t even think problem. My main advice is talk Aries (Mar 21st - Apr 20th) Libra (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd) her constant phone calling can be that people like you existed! You to him, you never know, men can taken as harassment; 2) She’s got have completely managed to take surprise you. Maybe he’s sitting Ah. Was it just the Fair is foul and foul is no friends and she’s you as her my cynical nature by surprise, there pinning for you…..waiting for wind….? If your fair...hover through fog last chance to join the world of which is no easy task!! No she you to make the first move. feeling a little more and misty air. Keep socialising; 3) She has a crush on won’t think you’re a pussy. Mate she than spooked this your broomstick close week, don’t take any to hand; you never chances. know when you may [email protected] need to fight more than dust. felix Thursday 20 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 25

[email protected] coﬀ ee breakDAVID OPTIMUS VS ‘THE HOFF’ PRIME HASSELHOFF THE CONTENDER THE CHAMPION PLACE YOUR VOTE NOW - [email protected] CAN THE PLUCKY YOUNG CHAMPION FOR A YEAR - AUTOBOT FROM CYBERTRON BUT IS THE OLD MASTER UP REACH HIS ULTIMATE GOAL? TO ONE LAST CHALLENGE? 3RD NOVEMBER 2005 - IMPERIAL COLLEGE, LONDON You’ve been voting for the past fortnight... and we can reveal the result - A Draw. Balls. Well thanks for all your votes. Over Unfortunately, all this time has ning the competition for another few the past few weeks we’ve received been wasted, as the vote finished days. You’ve got until next monday literally tens votes, and spent far too with a dead heat. to choose between The Hoff and much time counting them. So, to make things fair we’re run- Optimus Prime. Good Luck. Vote Now - [email protected] Monster Mash It’s Halloween soon, and to celebrate with thrown together this hastily compiled quiz. We’re going to test your knowledge of films this week. We’ve given you pictures and you have to tell us the name of the bad guy (or girl, or thing) and what film or series they appeared in. There’s two points for each correct answer. Send your emails to coffee.felix@imperial. ac.uk 1 2 3 4

8 5 6 7 8

Answers 1330 FUCWIT League And now, the end is near... 2005-2006 1. New Scotland Yard Write For Coffee Break! 2. 1983-87 Darkshines 54 3. GlaxoSmithKline The Fantastic Four 52 Are you 'funny'? 4. Mitch Insert Name Here 49 5. Richard Whitely Cupid Stunts 48 Girls! Do you have far too much free time? 6. La Sagrada Família Bernard Scumley Porno Queen 47 7. 70,000 Cockroach On Coke 47 Want to spend it working on Felix's most popular section?* 8. £1.90 Me, Myself & John Sargent 47 Norfolk ‘n’ Chance 47 Booze! Smarty Pants Forever Throwing Doubles 45 Coffee Break is looking for extra writers. If you’d like to help, send 1. 12 The Schist Ones 17 an email to [email protected], and we’ll get back to you. 2. Army 3. Oscar Wilde [email protected] Typing! 4. Yep *(maybe a lie) 5. Tails 6. One in 200 7. 53 felix 26 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

Sport [email protected] Sixths take QM from Why oh Wye? Jessica Bird and rather sketchy beginning the 80 minutes of Rugby that followed was behind RVC Ladies XV 83 enjoyed by all our players. Although Wye Ladies XV 0 we never managed to break through there tough line of defense to score Andrea Faggiani to confusion when he handled the er than Jordan’s bra strap, but the a try we battled hard and never ball, gifting QM with a free kick in momentum remained one sided. Our We arrived in lovely Hertfordshire gave up. Some tough performances Imperial College 6ths 3 our box. The quickly taken set piece second came in similar fashion when to find out that our forward fresh- were given by all, especially by the Queen Mary 4ths 1 was swiftly converted, but it was keen Mr. Skeen whipped in another er had got stuck...... in London, late arriving scrum half, Suzanne through their premature climax that cross for the hustling Hasted to swoop Finsbury Park. Great!! Of course Horn, who kept the team together we were left unsatisfied, and like a like a vulture on a Redbull overdose somebody had to go and pick her in a hard first match of the season, The day began with something of non-sixth team player’s girlfriend, to nod the ball home and double our up, so off went our fly half and as well as putting some awesome an exodus to Chislehurst. Frodo got us digging deep inside ourselves lead. scrum half... wait a sec aren’t they tackles in and making some fantas- Baggins himself could not have to grind out the result. As the pres- Despite our obvious aerial prow- quite important players? Who tic decisions. She was given Woman imagined a dirtier trek, to a more sure mounted exponentially against ess from corners, their defensive allowed them to leave? After arriv- of the match by her own team. Lucy barren wasteland, where lay in them, our midfield trio of Hamish, approach changed little. Our abuse ing at the bus depot and realising Le Cocq was given Woman of the wait a hoard of marauding minions, Ben and Yong began working the of their naivety would have made MJ that this wasn’t the bus stop they Match by the Vets because of her yearning for your dark ring. And midfield like beer working a stu- proud as James delivered the ball found themselves panicking as amazing ability to accelerate away it was with the same unease felt dent’s bank account. from the corner flag towards the lurk- kick off was now ten minutes away. from the opposition with the ball by Wayne Rooney’s grandma, and ing McNelly. The keeper’s attempts After a few detours they eventually and her ducking skills. We took four through previous encounters of the to claim the ball lead to his ‘packet- managed to find the fresher. new freshers with us, of which three absurd kind that compelled captain of-crisps-like’ hands (probably ‘Skips’ Scrum half and fly half reas- played. They all did a fantastic job Andrea to deploy the diamond for- “Skeen delivered the since they seemed to melt in the goal sured the fresher after her apolo- after attending only three practices mation. mouth) spilling the ball. It eventu- gies, that the game wouldn’t start and it became apparent that they ball into the G-spot” ally fell to the head of the Mook, who without these two essentially would become important dedicated nonchalantly lofted the ball over the important players. However noth- members of the team. Mary and The second half saw the introduc- stranded defence to seal the victory. ing could be further from the truth. Hetty, both members of the Scrum “The game grew tens- tion of Jack “and his beanstalk” QM rallied on in the closing stages A panicking Vets team and referee found themselves taking on the Yip and Choy “the Duracell Bunny” of the game but like a pair of silicon who was worrying about it getting Vets and each other as they fell er than Jordan’s bra Yong, who was eager to maintain enhanced shoulder boulders, our cen- dark had somehow managed to over our try line leaving our two his record of having covered more tre backs, Ricky and Tom, stood firm. persuade the Wye College team to members slightly dazed after hit- strap” grass than Rizla. Our first goal At times our movement was fluid, start the match with only 12 play- ting eachs heads and sadly not the came via a corner minutes from the our passing crisp, our flair so down ers. The missing players arrived to opposition, whilst the rest our team restart. James “and his giant peach- right sexy, ours weren’t the only long find a rather nasty scene greeting stood around chatting. It is felt that The match began crisply with both es” Skeen delivered the ball into balls climbing skyward. Such was our them , a 6 v 8 player scrum. This no more detail is needed on the sides sharing possession until when the G-spot allowing McNelly “the pornographic display that QM left the made us all later question in the match as we embarrassingly lost 10 minutes in, QM took the lead elephant dater” to rise like a binge pitch with precious little Viagra to last pub whether the rules were less 83-0 despite of all our valiant efforts through a goal as dubious as they all drinker’s stomach content to glance them their communal showers. All in like actual rules and more like but we may yet appeal due to the are when scored against us. A throw- the ball inside the far post. With the all, an encouraging team perform- guidelines? unfairness at the beginning of the in, played back to keeper Andriy, led score line level, the game grew tens- ance. Anyway, after all the panicking match.

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‘PIMPERIAL’ also available felix Thursday 27 October 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 27

Sport [email protected] A star is born! Brown on Sport Eoin O Colgain male and female teams in differ- of our friendly alcohol fuelled grop- City banks and won’t be coming back ent divisions. Numbers are usually ers away in Germany and the other to play in the mud with us again. Wednesday 19th October brought good with Parliament Hill this year one keeping a rather low profile I Of the 25 men who donned a sin- Stephen Brown us back to Parliament Hill; a sweep- attracting 99 males and 44 females can vouch for their safety. At the glet (or a vest as the natives call Sports Editor ing panorama of London, shower of an assortment shapes, sizes and moment, we are just a few women them) for IC, there were many solid dodging in changeable weather, abilities. short of a very competitive x-coun- performances and hectic sprint fin- I ask you before reading this weeks’ fond nostalgia for a seasoned few, In the women’s race a Harriet- try team and a new golden era of ishes. Too many to mention but par- column to forgive me for indulging especially the soon to be anointed Angharad-Harriet sandwich ensured women’s running at Imperial. It ticularly noteworthy was new club in a topic very close to my heart. Dr. Daisley, and wide-eyed looks that IC finished 4th in the race stand- must be stressed that x-country at helmsman Tarik Amer, who skipped As a member of the esteemed IC from the intrepid but nameless ings. Harriet Scott, the star of our Imperial is a very sociable, inclusive around the course wearing head- Football Club since the start of term Freshmen. It was the first race of title, had a very composed race and and friendly experience. Nowhere is phones while holding hands with I have been regularly attending the London Colleges’ League series: led the race from start to finish in a this more in evidence than with the his fellow competitor and girlfriend training at Harlington on Monday a team event spun out over 6 events very uncompromisingly strong dis- jovial greetings of Chris Mullington. Anjali. Final mention goes to Pete nights. “Good for you son. So what?” with several colleges battling it out play of grit. Unfortunately Harriet Chris, bronzed and just back from a Dickenson, who gets his name in ink I hear you murmur. The College for second place after St. Mary’s, not was such an undiscovered gem that Hawaiian triathlon was far from shy for a recapture of the coveted “King website proudly boasts of the floodlit unlike boring Chelsea, have usually we didn’t even get a photo of her and in treating everyone to a glimpse of the Hill” title. Uncontested to the astroturf of which our hockey teams taken the laurels. Not surprising for people in the club are still stand- of his tan-lines by pulling down his summit, Pete graciously accepted takes full advantage. This is fantas- an institution that offers degrees in ing about scratching their heads shorts. If it wasn’t for a girl called the plaudits of the St. Mary’s run- tic; if you happen to play hockey. running quickly, perspiring, calorie mouthing “Harriet who?”. Hopefully Lisa and her vodka-fuelled drunk- ners before gentlemanly stepping For those sportsmen and women counted diets and stretching! The we’ll be able to bring you a picture en, and indeed lewd accounts of aside to allow them and 72 other who are in either a football or rugby landscape of last season looks as of photogenic Harriet in action in bedroom antics with Chris, we may runners by in a very charitable dis- squad Monday night training ses- follows: top three teams for males, the next race at Richmond Park. well be worried sharing the same play. Dave X had a closer shave last sions fail to reach their full potential St. Mary’s, IC, UCL and for females Angharad Care, a veteran from changing room. A little effeminate year, when young Irishman Vinnie owing to the lack of floodlights. Both St. Mary’s, UCL and IC. As you may previous seasons, also had a fine peacock though he may be, Chris is O’Sullivan almost collapsed a lung groups have to share two semi-lit guess, we have a particular soft spot race and seems to have discovered an athlete of the finest caliber and in an effort to shadow Dave to the grass pitches, some of which only for University College. some extra gears to finish a very was first IC man home in a very top, duped into thinking that Dave owe the light they do get to their Cross-country is a team sport impressive 7th. Harriet Kirk and commendable 13th, helped in no was some running machine. adjacency to the astroturf. with the first 6 to score in the men’s Anjali Chakraborty also had very small way by the enigmatic Dave So just to recap: Imperial were 3rd More floodlights at Harlington and 3 in the women’s (luckily few for fine first outings for IC bringing the X selflessly pacing him through the in the men’s and 4th in the women’s. would prevent attendance at training us). The league takes us to excit- total number of women to 4. Without first lap and a half. Although Dave’s All in all, a concrete start but much dropping off as players become dis- ing wildernesses such as Richmond, them we would have been looking mate Will was trying to get us to buy work to be done! I promise that enchanted with giving up an evening Reading and Victoria Park to com- at the disappointing prospect of not that the “X” was actually short for we’ll have our cameramen trailing for little or no benefit to their game. pete on trails, hills, woodlands and being able to field a women’s team. x-rated necrophilia in the pub later Harriet Scott next time for our next This would benefit teams as they roads. Spikes or fell-shoes are the We applaud them. On a serious note, that evening, it turned out on race report. Hopefully she’ll be a motiva- would have a fitter, more technically accessories of choice, though races I would like to use this opportunity day that the only “X” we could con- tion for other women to come and proficient squad and would also help are also good for getting trainers to ask all women with a low rest- sider was the eXorcism of the ghost compete. Finally I look forward to clubs ailing finances as we would muddy and thus upping the wearing pulse rate to consider compet- of one Sebastian Venus from Dave. the next race and the subsequent have more paying passengers to er’s street credentials. Men are ing. The endorphins can be most Seb spent much of last season taunt- report when the pen will be passed, offset the cost of coach hire. I will be usually expected to run 5 miles rewarding and there are many fit ing Dave for his race impotency. and those who have had their toes pressing this issue with our Union while women escape with 2.5 miles. blokes about who would be delight- Although Dave finished well up the trampled can exact some revenge. representatives in the hope that one Somewhere between ten and twelve ed to receive a little of their atten- race order, unfortunately Seb has day all teams may train under glori- colleges are represented by both tion over post-race drinks. With one become an automaton at one of the ous artificial golden beams! Polyversity Netball ladies snatch narrow victory Medic Win! punished! Helen Gill threw passes away unnecessarily weren’t far behind, and also realised Katie Gossage but we slowed down and got a few we could win and should win as we Andy Wright goals back. When the whistle blew were playing very well. ICSM Netball 1sts 38 King’s College 1sts 44 for quarter time we were one goal Hertfordshire 1sts 30 Imperial College 1sts 45 down but had the next centre pass “The main thing is ICURFC 3rd XV 10 to regain a level score. Canterbury Christ During the second quarter we that we won and The first BUSA match of the season Church College XV 7 On the afternoon of Wednesday 19th raised our game and started com- for ICSM’s first team. New faces October the netball club 1st team municating better on court. We are developing as a Machine, Goldilocks and The Wall made their way to King’s College played more like a team, our pass- joined our squad as we trekked up Having been sent to the wrong pitch- sports ground in Berrylands. I don’t ing became stronger and there were team” to Hatfield for a match we did not es by the boys from the aforemen- know exactly where it is; only that it’s some good interceptions from the think we would win. Captain MRSA tioned polytechnic we started play a long way from South Kensington! defence, some of which we convert- The 4th quarter had a bit of a however, got us there an hour early 15 minutes late. The match started After warming up and having a ed into goals. We were ahead as we lethargic start (we were all very and we looked a lot more profes- well with IC dominating their obese team talk we were ready to “win” as went into half time. tired) but we energised our game sional than we felt. Hertfordshire excuse for a pack at the break down according to Jen we had to win as On Tuesday at training we started and put a few in the net. The last were looking small and dumpy after and some great breaks from Matt le she’d told her friends we were really zoning/zone marking for the first quarter was quite intense and none the summer and our spirits began Bang, Johnny the Jock and Rob ‘Odd good (no pressure)! time but hadn’t put it into our game of us knew what the score was until to rise. We won the first quarter and Job’ Gaskell led to us being camped so far. However it was decided we the final whistle was blown. It was it became clear to all that Machine in their ’22. A lucky interception try “We were all very would try it on King’s first backline 45-44 at the end and I think most of was unbeatable scoring every goal. by their off side centre meant that pass. Out on court again for the the team thought King’s had won, so She doesn’t even waste time blink- they took the lead. At this point tired – but we ener- third quarter and we used the first it was amazing when we found out ing! Second quarter we drew, prob- Sachin ‘Brown Bullet’ Amin came available opportunity to try out our that the win was ours! ably due to the conditions. Indoor on and the dominance continued but gised our game and zoning. It was quite interesting but The main thing is that we won and netball is not a pretty sight: sweaty, we lacked the precision to convert not too successful – something I’m are developing as a team. We cer- smelly and claustrophobic. Our Chav this into points meaning that the put a few in the net” sure we will work on at training! tainly have a few things we need to switched from attack to defence and first half ended 7-0 to them. Unfortunately we seemed to lose our practice at in training (including not we took the third quarter. Cheeks The second half saw Sam, Ben The whistle blew and the first concentration for a period, throwing running into the same space –Jen made some fantastic moves link- and Chrissy G come on. A change in quarter began. After a few min- the ball away unnecessarily and we and Thea, who we thought might ing with Goldilocks and Optimus the game plan led to excellent pick utes, with goals on both sides, we weren’t converting enough of our pass out in the 4th quarter after Prime. By this time Chimney, as and goes, particularly from James started settling into the game, get- interceptions into goals. So we fin- a spectacular head-on collision!) ever, was getting aggressive and Davies, Sam the fresher and the ting accustomed to King’s style of ished the third quarter several goals but the team looks very promising. providing plenty of physical abuse Brown Bullet. This allowed Paul play. There were times when the down. Watch this space! – certainly not a ladies game when Tench to beat his man and score passing was a bit erratic and we Pep talk time! We knew that we she’s around! Into the final quar- under the posts which was con- ter we went hungry for a victory. verted James ‘Wilko’ Fletcher. More Optimus Prime stepped up, more pressure led to their hooker being active than we have ever seen her sin binned for being an off-side dick- before. MRSA near exhaustion head and the resulting penalty was Please send your sports reports, reviews and comments to pushed on and Gobby fouled her slotted home by ‘Wilko’ to make the way to the end. The lead was ours final score 10-7 to ICURFC Trees. [email protected] and the final whistle went. Well done ladies…bring on Reading. felix 28 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 27 October 2005

sport [email protected] Eastern Promise Sevenths victory march continues

Adrian Doyle held their breath in trepidation. A captain’s goal by Sam was then Imperial College 7ths 5 scored to put the result beyond SSEES 1sts 1 doubt when a loose ball from a corner was allowed to bounce around in the box without being properly With the sun barely having set on cleared. It was then cannoned into our majestic 5-2 friendly victory over the goal on the volley, leaving the UCL 7s last week, IC 7’s went with SSEES keeper wondering where renewed vigour to Harlington for his defence had gone. With 20 min- our opening league match against utes to play, no subs and an injured SSEES 1st’s. SSEES were relegated defender, Sam decided to put the last season, so it fell to us to remind injured AD upfront, in what SSEES them just how harsh and unforgiving must have thought to be a damage football can be at this level. Team limitation exercise. How wrong they captain Sam made some changes to were! After a couple of runs were the team from the friendly victory to rightly given offside against AD, he ensure we started the season with decided to punish the opposition our strongest possible line-up. AD by scoring a fantastic goal. Captain was brought back into the defence Sam won the ball in the left of mid- having previously scored in the 6’s field, spied Matt on the wing and friendly loss to UCL 6’s last week, passed to him in space. Matt then a slightly strange feat given that he saw the run into the box by AD and had never previously scored at 7th crossed the ball just over the one team level. defender in the box. AD was then IC were playing at a level not seen left in a dangerous predicament. since last year. We were dominat- The ball looked too low to head when ing central midfield and creating it came to him, and with an injured chances while SSEES were reduced misery on the SSEES defence as he and add to the first half goal fest. the SSEES striker. It looked an easy right ankle he risked a lengthy lay- to lofting balls over the top, which picked the ball up in midfield, spied At half time changes were made win for the IC man who is normally off if he tried to volley it and injured the speedy centre backs AD and the keeper off his line and produced with Ian coming in to pair AD at cen- faster than a speeding bullet over himself further. In a split second he Paul were dealing with easily. With an excellent lob from twenty yards tre back and Paul being shifted to half a pitch until, in his eagerness to decided to launch himself at the ball Sam and Sandy in central midfield to put distance between the teams. left back. Tuan, last year’s captain, win the contest, he pushed himself with a diving header. From the pen- and two forceful wingers Jack and With ten minutes left in the half, was brought on for Pas, who was still just a little too far and his ankle alty spot he connected beautifully Matt, pressure was applied in end- AD latched onto a long throw-in wondering how he managed to miss twisted, leaving the SSEES striker and somehow managed to lob the less quantities on the SSEES goal near the SSEES corner flag by Matt two of the easiest chances he’s prob- to poke the ball over the onrushing keeper with a diving header from and after less than 10 minutes the and produced a powerful low cross ably ever had. However it is clear Ario, who had so far had an excel- the penalty spot to score his first inevitable happened. Jarlath was which Jack was left to tap in easily that Pas has many a goal lurking lent game in the IC goal. Soon after, league goal for IC. sent clear by a beautifully weighted at the far post for 3-0. Even with all inside of him ready to be unleashed, Tuan thought he’d try and score the A brilliant start to the season pass from Sam. He controlled the the action going on at a frightening so future opponents beware! own-goal of the season by slicing the and an encouraging performance ball and opened the scoring with a pace there was still time for Pas, our The second half seemed to be ball from outside the penalty area against a competent side, there will powerful drive into the bottom cor- speedy striker, to round the keeper starting in much the same fashion onto his own crossbar. He claims be tougher challenges ahead this ner leaving their keeper helpless. and hit a shot at the lonely defender as the first with IC playing the better it was a brilliant tactic to play the year, but with more performances Still our appetite for goal remained who was standing on the line not football and controlling the game, ball out of danger but few believed as polished as this and a few more undiminished and five minutes later once, but twice when it was easier however a routine ball over the top him and every time after when he spectacular goals, the sky’s the limit it was Jarlath again who heaped just to roll the ball either side of him of the defence left AD in a race with touched the ball the entire team for IC 7’s this year.

Quick Crossword by Fishface

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down 1. At the top of a car (7) 1. Fumes (5) 8. In the open air (7) 2. Indentation (5) 9. 180 degree rotation (1-4) 3. Woodwind instrument (4) 8 9 10. Repeat (4) 4. One who predicts your future (7,6) 11. European country (8) 5. Large fish (8) 13. Naughtily (13) 6. One, four, nine, sixteen... (7) 15. Doubtful (8) 7. Dream (7) 10 11 16. Incite (4) 12. Mathematical statements (8) 20. Beggar (5) 13. On horseback (7) 12 21. Large ferocious cat (7) 14. Female voice (7) Watch 13 14 22. Athletes (7) 17. Stage of development (5) 18. Travels (5) 19. Thug (4) this space 15 16 17 18 19 Big 20 21 changes next week 22