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By Kelly Coombes This is about as exciting as the story gets. Except for, of gerous Liaisons.” The major difference between the two h course, the wager between Kathryn and Sabastian. If he “Liaisons” was a decent movie The problem with “Inten­ The Lumberjack does not sleep with Annette, he loses the bet and Kathryn tions” is it was not intriguing, surprising or sexy. Instead, it Making this movie was a cruel intention. wins his car. However, if he does take Annette’s virginity, was funny when it was meant to be serious, sickening when 1 have painfully and stubbornly sat through bad movies. I then Kathryn will sleep with him. it should have been sexy, and all around bonus! Very e;irly have seen movies that were the exact definition of every­ This should be when a cast member from an NBC’ sitcom on 1 found myself bored with the characters ;md loo busy thing a filmmaker should not do, but did anyway. I was con­ appears on the screen and says. ‘“If you. or a person you laughing at their fantasy sex world. vinced that “She’s All That" was the worst movie I would know, is contemplating incest, you sh»>uId know that you The people who made “Cruel Intentions” assumed it they review this semester. In fact, it has been used as a point of are not alone and there is help, just call 1-800...” The more changed the characters to young people, but kept them rich reference when deciding ratings for other films. Just when I you know. and beautiful, it would automatically attract a young audi­ thought things could not get any more pathetic and miser­ There was not a single redeeming quality about this film. ence that the lilnun;ikcrs assume have poor taste in films able than “She’s All That,” the queen bee of stupid films, The only reason I gave it half .of a star was because I did not They predicted if Ciellar and her clevage were thrown into “Cruel Intentions” emerged onto an innocent movie-going want people to think I forgot to rate the movie entirely. the lilm. WI3 fans everywhere would desperately fUxk to audience and stung everyone. “Cruel Intentions” left audi­ Every character was ridiculous and stupid Gellar and the film chanting, “sex. breasts ..Buffv'” ence members stung and running quickly to scatter to the Phillippe tried desperately to portray upper class, homy Once again, the audience was underestimated It is comi­ nearest exit and hide their beads in shame before being rec­ snobs. Their upscale accents and wealthy demeanor were cal that some filmmakers will make a horrible movie, but ognized by anyone. laughable, and it was obvious that the roles did not come disguise it with sexy actors and beautiful clothes to tty and “Cruel Intentions” features another batch of young teen naturally to the actors. Also, it is luud to picture “Bully” asconvince themselves that what they have completed is a work idols trying to be sexy and mature. Sarah Michelle Gellar a manipulative evil brat who only wants to have sex and of art. stars as Kathryn, a snobby rich girl who has nothing better trick people. - But even after all the pain and agony ol sitting through this to do than seduce and makes wagers with her stepbrother The only character that was somewhat believable was film that seemed to drag on for years, after the humiliation Sabastian, played by Ryan Phillippe. Both characters have Annette because she was not trying to be fake ;uid superfi­ of saying to the guy in the box office, “one lor *( ruel Inten been around the block a few dozen times and basically de­ cial. She was just her pretty, pure, innocent self. Even though lions’ pka.se.” after people telling me to “be quiet'’ because vote their time to being rich and taking advantage of inno­ Annette did not have cruel intentions, it is disappointing when 1 was the only person laughing during the dramatic climax cent people, specifically Annette, played by Reese she eventually falls for Sabastian because her character is when Sabastian Marts to cry. I can still say that every penny Witherspoon. Annette has every intention of saving her vir­ meant to be intelligent and have higher standards 1 spent on this movie was well worth it because of oik* rea­ ginity until she falls in love. Itis Sabastian’s mission to make However, the screenplay was the even more pathetic p;irt. son, and one reason only: the new “Star Wars" trailer that the virgin fall for him so he can deflower her. “■Cruel Intentions” is simply the trendy teen version of “I )an- was shown before the lilm I don't ask for much Analyze This mands to become his patient. I)e Niro bril­ moment occurs when ( 'ryslal attempts to ex­ in the criminal kingdom. Although not to his liantly plays a mobster. Paul Vitti. with deep plain Freud's Oedipus complex. Vitti is un­ "Usual Suspects” performance. l*alnunteri ★ ★ ★ emotional stress. able to comprehend I-rcud’s theory of moth­ does a gixx1 |ob playing a stupid mobster It Vitti is faced with taking over the leader of erly love and mis understands what he is sup­ is unfortunate he and many other Italt.in ac- By Kelli Donley New York’s crime family when a close friend posed to feel lor his mom. Simple psychol­ Hirs in the movie seem never to Imd other roles. The Lumberjack and previous mob boss is gunned down. Sud­ ogy terms come to life and are given an un­ denly he can’t sleep, starts crying during expected interesting twist. ( >vcrall. IV Niro is the star “Analyze This ” It is haul to describe his soft side, consider­ Who would have thought Billy Crystal’s sappy insurance commercials and can’t per­ ( )ther actors also graced the screen to add ing the inan has played psychos in ‘Taxi comedic sense and Robert De Niro’s dra­ form sexually with his wife, or girlfriend As to the comedic effect. Lisa Kudrow plays I>river,” “( ’ape I-ear.” “This Boy's I ife." and matic talent could ever combine to create a mob boss, Vitti cannot allow his other Crystal’s very understanding fiancee I heir “Jackie Brown ” lie has made his mark in something worthwhile? friends in crime know about his problems, wedding in llorida is ruined by the mobster Hollywood by successfully pm raying the The pairing of these two acting giants in so he searches for a “head doctor” to fix the when a man “jumps” Iroin Vitti’s hotel win Cia/y mobster, (.trunk ami drug addict that “Analyze This” is more than funny -it’s in­ problem. dow onto the wedding below. When the' wed­ no one w.ints to mess with Seeing him at­ credible. When I)r. Sobol is approached by Vitti and ding is rescheduled several weeks later. tempt to cry in this movie is bizarre, yet The story of a psychiatrist who is con­ his henchmen, he knows he won’t be able to Vitti's henchmen kidnap Crystal moments amusing fronted by a mob boss to overcome child­ escape this relationship alive, unless he fixes after taking his vows, ruining the romantic “Analyze llns” is a great movie Crystal hood angst, kept the audience rolling in the criminal's emotional distress. moment yet again. and l>e Nuo form an uncanny tnendship laughter. Dr. Sobol fBilly Crystal) is over­ As the plot thickens, there are humorous ( ’hau 1’aim iMen plays Vitti's nemesis. Ihc which make the experience mcmurahk* whelmed by his new acquaintencc. who de­ moments around each bend. The funniest mobster wants Vitti dead so he can advancc