Just Trying to Live My Life As a Normal Bloke”
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“JUST TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE AS A NORMAL BLOKE”: A QUALITATIVE EXPLORATION OF STRAIGHT MEN’S EXPERIENCES OF BEING CHILDFREE JENNY DROUGHTON A thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements of the University of the West of England, Bristol for the degree of Professional Doctorate in Counselling Psychology Department of Health and Social Sciences, Faculty of Health and Applied Sciences, University of the West of England, Bristol August 2020 1 Declaration I agree that I have exercised reasonable care to ensure that the Work is original, and does not, to the best of my knowledge, infringe any third party’s copyright or other Intellectual Property Rights. Where permission is required I confirm that I have gained third party copyright permission for all relevant material and that I have attributed copyright permissions within the thesis where required. This may relate to images or extracts copied from journals, books or from web pages. 2 Abstract Background: Increasing numbers of straight people in the west are choosing not to parent. The existing voluntary childlessness or childfree research evidence focuses almost exclusively on women in this obscured population with little consideration of the experiences of men. Aims: The purpose of this research was to explore the experiences of living as a straight man who decides not to have children and how these men build, maintain and make sense of their masculine identity. Methods: A convenience sample of 69 mostly White, middle-class self-identified childfree men completed a virtual qualitative interview or online qualitative survey on living as a childfree man. The data were analysed using Thematic Analysis (TA) from a predominantly social constructionist perspective informed by critical theories of gender and masculinities. Findings: The data revealed some resistance to the ‘childfree’ label and an orientation to being perceived as selfish, deviant, irresponsible or uncaring. The analysis identified an overarching theme of ‘just trying to live my life as a normal bloke’ which captured how participants engaged in extensive identity work to present themselves as conforming to expectations of traditional hetero-masculinity including independent-mindedness, rationality and responsibility. Paradoxically, stories of resisting pronatalist and traditional masculine norms and re-working masculinity also permeated the accounts along with substantial interplay of contextual and/or intersectional factors. Three themes nested beneath the overriding discourse of hetero-normativity: Theme 1: Variable alignment with the ‘childfree’ label, Theme 2: Rational and responsible decision making and Theme 3: Complexities of ‘chosen’ non-fatherhood Conclusion: The stories portrayed by the men indicate that their ongoing investment in identity work enabled them to maintain their sense of masculinity in the face of a non- normative life choice. Some accounts reflected aspects of more contemporary masculinities including compassionate and inclusive masculinities. Implications for counselling psychologists, limitations of the study and suggestions for further research are considered. 3 Acknowledgments Thank you to all the men who gave their time and interest to this study and shared their views and experiences so generously. My thanks are also extended to Professor Amy Blackstone and Professor Kimya Dennis for their generosity of spirit in sharing their work and research on childfree living and circulating my calls for participants across their networks. I am also indebted to various childfree relatives and friends – some no longer with us – whose joyfulness, creativity and kindness has been a source of inspiration. My sincere appreciation also goes to my two Directors of Studies (one of whom was initially my second supervisor), Professor Victoria Clarke and Dr Miltos Hadjiosif whose fortitude, scholarly expertise, dedication and commitment have been invaluable in supporting me through the different stages and practical challenges of this thesis. Finally, my deepest heart-felt gratitude goes out to Kevin and Becky whose sheer patience, love and encouragement have sustained and motivated me throughout this demanding yet incredibly rewarding process. 4 Table of contents Title page 1 Declaration 2 Abstract 3 Acknowledgements 4 Table of Contents 5 1.0 Literature Review and Background 7 1.1 Increasing Rates of Childlessness 7 1.2 Terminology and Scope 8 1.3 Pathways to Voluntary Childlessness 12 1.4 What is it like to be childfree? 16 1.5 A failure to focus on men 20 1.6 Masculinities, Identity and non-fatherhood 23 1.7 Counselling, Masculinities and Childfreedom 33 1.8 Conclusion of the Literature Review 34 2.0 Methods 36 2.1 Aims of the Research 36 2.2 Research Design 36 2.3 Recruitment, Sample Size and Participants 40 2.4 Procedure 42 2.5 Ethics 50 2.6 Reflexivity 50 2.7 Data Analysis 51 5 3.0 Analysis 53 3.1 Overarching Theme: ‘Just trying to live my life as a normal bloke’ 53 3.2 Theme 1: Variable alignment with the ‘childfree’ label 57 3.3 Theme 2: Rational and responsible decision makers 71 3.4 Theme 3: Complexities of ‘chosen’ non-fatherhood 86 4.0 Discussion 102 4.1 Summary of Findings 102 4.2 Procedural challenges and limitation 106 4.3 Critique of the research and method of analysis 112 4.4 Reflexivity and Reflections on the Research process 115 4.5 Implications for Future Research 120 4.6 Implications for Practice 121 4.7 Conclusions 123 5.0 References 125 6.0 Appendices 152 6.1 Appendix 1: Participant Information Sheet 153 6.2 Appendix 2: Consent Form 157 6.3 Appendix 3: Demographic Questionnaire 158 6.4 Appendix 4: Interview Guide (Original version) 159 6.5 Appendix 5: Interview Guide (Amended version) 163 6.6 Appendix 6: Online Survey Questions 165 6.7 Appendix 7: Ethical Approval from UWE FREC 166 6.8 Appendix 8: Journal Article 168 6 LITERATURE REVIEW Background This literature review presents and discusses the existing research evidence regarding the experiences of straight men who choose to be childfree. In line with the research study which this thesis reports, the literature review will focus on any studies and theoretical perspectives which illuminate childfree heterosexual men’s experiences of building and retaining their masculine identity and how they ‘do’ family (Blackstone, 2012; Oswald, Blume & Marks, 2005). Counselling psychology often draws on evidence produced by disciplines beyond its boundaries as does reproductive research (British Psychological Society, 2005; Clarke, Hayfield, Moller & Braun, 2019; Lohan, 2015). Therefore, given the limited amount of psychological literature on childfree men, this review will also examine research from other academic disciplines and research fields including work produced by sociologists and health researchers. Increasing rates of childlessness Rates of childlessness – both voluntary and involuntary – are increasing in the western world with an estimated 25% of UK women born in 1973 remaining childless, while the level of UK male lifetime childlessness is one of the highest in Europe (Miettinen, Rotkirch, Szalma, Donno, & Tanturri, 2015). Voluntary childlessness – “an active and permanent decision not to parent”– has been growing incrementally both absolutely and as a proportion of the overall childless population in the UK, the rest of Europe and the US with more men, women and couples than ever before choosing not to become parents (Basten, 2009; Moller & Clarke, 2016: 206;). Data on trends in and current levels of childfree men remain elusive as statistics on childfree living i.e. voluntary or intentional childlessness were traditionally aggregated with figures for involuntary or unintentional childlessness. Even when voluntary/intentional childlessness is disaggregated and measured in its own right the data predominantly capture only women’s rates of voluntary childlessness or conflate childfree “people” or “couples” so that data regarding the specific rates of childfree men is largely invisible (for example, Durham & Braithwaite, 2009; Matthews & Desjardins, 2017; Mawson, 2005) 7 The exceptions to this rule are demographic analyses conducted by Miettinen & Szalma (2014) and Waren & Pals (2013) which drilled down into national government survey data to report separately on rates of male voluntary childlessness respectively across the Euro27 nations and in the United States. The first of these analyses revealed that in 9.8% of men between 18-40 years of age in the UK in 2011 were voluntarily childless compared to 3.7% in Ireland (one of the lowest rates) and 19.1% in the Netherlands (the highest rate). Collectively all the 27 pre-Brexit European nations which had a mean rate of 7.7% of men (and 5.2% of women) identifying as intentionally childless and intending to remain so (Miettinen & Szalma, 2014). The second analysis identified 6.4% of all men aged 21-44 in the United States as voluntarily childless compared to 4.7% of women in the same age group and highlighted the voluntary childlessness rate of 7.8% among white men was nearly double that of Hispanic, African-American and Pacific Islander men (Waren & Pals, 2013). Terminology This phenomenon of people who neither have nor desire to have children is variously described as “voluntary childlessness” or “childless by choice” or “childfree” by choice (Gold & Wilson, 2003; Tessarolo, 2006; Healey, 2016). Such language emphasises the intentional nature of these people’s decision not to have children, regardless of their physiological capacity to do so (Agrillo & Nelini, 2008) Although