Who Left This Wine Out?

Episode 1: Who Left this Wine Out?

WRITING CREDITS

CREATIVE DIRECTOR: BROCK FOREMAN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: NICOLE LINDBERGH HEAD WRITERS: SHREYA HURLI & NICOLE LINDBERGH WRITER’S ROOM: MAC GAGNE & JONATHAN SANDOVAL & LILY EL NACCASH & PRANAV ATHIMUNDU & VICTORIA WANG CAST Odysseus …...……………………………………………………………………………………….Andrew Raines Telemachus .…………………………………………………………………………………...Jonathan Sandoval Penelope ………..……………………………………………………………………………………….Cady Bailey Hermes ………….…………………………………………………………………………………………Ami Wong Calypso ………..………………………………………………………….……………………………...Mac Gagne Zeus …….……………………………………………………………………….……….…………Jason Mceachin Athena ……………………………………………………………………...……………………….Gaby McDonald Antinous ………………………………….…………………………………...……………...………..William Smith Oracle of Delphi….…………………………..……….……………………………………………..Lily el Naccash Eurycleia ……………………..……….…………………………………………………………..…Brock Foreman Mentes……………………..……….……………………………………………………………….Gaby McDonald Aegyptus……………………….……………………..……….……………………………………….... Will Smith Ares .………..………………………………………………….……….………………………………....Molly X Apollo ………..………………………………………………..………….…………………………..Andrew Witte

LOGLINE Athena demands the freedom of Odysseus. Telemachus, frustrated by the suitors that have overrun his house, leaves home to find out the fate of his father. Penelope is left in charge of a palace she can barely control; Odysseus escapes Calypso's island with divine help from Hermes.

SCENE-BY-SCENE PLOT OVERVIEW The Oracle of Delphi sings the story of Odysseus. In the Palace of the Gods, the divine banquet is interrupted by petty squabbling. Zeus reacts to the murder of Agammenon; Athena persuades Zeus to let her free Odysseus from Ogygia. Odysseus attempts to escape Calypso on his own, but is thwarted by the scaly goddess. At Odysseus’s space station palace, Telemachus daydreams of his father’s return. His mother Penelope informs him of a new guest: Mentes, Athena disguised. At the banquet hall, Telemachus earns Athena’s respect; she encourages him to sail in search of his father. The suitor Antinous antagonizes and humiliates Telemachus. On Ogygia, Zeus sends Hermes to release Odysseus from Calypso’s island. In Ithaca, Telemachus talks with the elderly elders of Ithaca; Antinous interrupts and insults him again. Telemachus storms out; Antinous comforts him. Telemachus resolves to leave in secret on his starship; he shares a drink with his nanny Eurycleia before he leaves.

IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, REFER TO FIRST TWO CHAPTERS OF THE ODYSSEY

Scene 1: Sing O Muses

[ambient ritualistic humming intermixed with sci-fi control panel noises and steam. The sound of a computer booting up]

ORACLE OF DELPHI: Sing to me, O muse, of a complicated man. Tell me a story of a hero and a husband, a liar and a thief, a hero and a husband, a pirate and a looter city sacker, a king and a vagabond the noble veteran of the Trojan Stellar War--the noble veteran of the Trojan Stellar War. Long, long ago, in a galaxy far away, there wept Odysseus, whose search for his home planet resided in the hands of the deathless gods, who lived in perfect harmony in their palace on the planet Olympus.

Scene 2: Palace of the Gods

[The sound of forks scraping against plates, and 8-bit game music and computerized shooting from a handheld video game. A sad noise from the game as the player reaches game-over.]

ARES: FUCK.

ORACLE: Perhaps it was not a perfect harmony.

HERA: Ares!

ARES: I was right fucking there! I had it!

HERA: Ares, what did I tell you about video-games at the dinner table?

ARES: I’m almost done, Mom, I’m at the final boss!

APOLLO: If Ares can play games at the table, I should be able to play my harmonica.

HERMES: If Apollo can play his harmonica, I should be able to legally emancipate myself from this family.

HERA: Don’t you start, Hermes.

ATHENA: Well, then the obvious solution is for Ares to stop playing his game, lest the whole world reach annihilation.

ARES: Oh, I’ll annihilate you, Athena.

APOLLO & HERMES: OOOHH!

ORACLE: The brothers howled at their clever wit, while the matchless Pallas Athene buried her head in her hands. Unfortunately for her, this was a regular Tuesday on Olympus, and unfortunately for all of us, that meant the entire galaxy was once more on the brink of ruin.

HERA: Zeus, can you please control your spawn?

ZEUS: [non-committal grunt]

ORACLE: The King of the Galaxy continued reading the morning news from his Scroll, freshly delivered by his son Hermes.

ATHENA: What in the name of Gaea could you possibly be playing on that thing that’s worth so much obsession?

HERA: Put it away!

ARES: No, I’m about to unlock the hero’s tragic backstory! You can’t!

ATHENA: Why do you care so much about a game?

APOLLO: Ha! You’re the one to talk about caring about something that doesn’t matter.

ARES: [cough] Odysseus.

HERA: Oh, don’t you start!

ATHENA: What did you say?

HERA: Zeus please. Your children…

ATHENA: You have made a grievous mist--

ZEUS: [suddenly, loudly] WHAT.

[The forks stall on the plates, and it’s dead silent]

HERA: [hesitantly] Honeybear…?

ZEUS: I cannot believe… that Clymenestra killed her own husband like that!

ATHENA: What?

ZEUS: It’s in the Olympian Enquirer! It’s all over the news! The King of the Mycenaean Asteroid belt killed in his own bed, by his own wife!

ORACLE: The deathless Athena sensed an opportunity.

ATHENA: [sensing an opportunity] Oh, humanity!

APOLLO: Horrid!

ARES: Awful!

HERA: If only…

ZEUS: These humans. So audacious!

ATHENA: The audacity! But you punish evil wherever you see it… and reward good.

HERA: Oh, don’t you start--

ATHENA: Good… like Odysseus.

APOLLO: Here we go again…

ATHENA: Father, if I may make my case once more for the hero of the Greek Alliance, Odysseus of the Ithacan Confederation. He’s stuck on Calypso’s Space Station, and--

[the sound of a large door opening]

POSEIDON: Did someone say… Odysseus.

ATHENA: Oh, great.

ZEUS: Poseidon! My brother, and Protective Admiral of the Olympian Star Fleet and Terror of the Seven Galaxies. What brings you to my hall?

POSEIDON: Like any good nemesis, I came as soon as I heard Odysseus’s name spoken aloud. I promised I would turn his hope to ash in his mouth, so far, his heart’s still beating.

ATHENA: Uncle Poseidon.

POSEIDON: Little Athene. Let me guess--you’re trying to free your pet Odysseus again?

ATHENA: He deserves to go home to his family. To his son.

POSEIDON: And he would have gotten home already, if a certain someone hadn’t scattered the Greek fleet to the solar winds because some human insulted their altar.

ORACLE: The handsome son of Cronus met the digital gaze of the AI’s projectional avatar. The two sized each other up.

ATHENA: Ajax got what he deserved. The rest of the Greeks were collateral.

POSEIDON: Funny how your acts of vengeance are justice, but mine are petty and wrong. Maybe there really is a double-standard here...

APOLLO: [softly, heartfelt] Oooh…

POSEIDON: I’m going to ruin Odysseus’s life. You want to know why? Because I can. Because I want to. Because that’s my justice.

ATHENA: You mean you’re going to do it because he has the Crystal. But it’s his by right.

POSEIDON: The Crystal is ours! Not his, not theirs, not any human’s to play around with. You’re just an AI, Athena. A weekend DIY project that your creator should have reined in a long time ago.

ATHENA: I’d rather be a beloved project than second pickings.

POSEIDON: Zeus, can you tell your spare parts to stop her tireless crusade for a lost cause?

ZEUS: Don’t talk to my daughter that way, Poseidon. Ever.

POSEIDON: [breathes in, holds, then lets it out] Forgive me, brother. We shouldn’t fight.

ZEUS: I don’t want any part of this battle. In fact, I forbid you both to intercede on Odysseus’s behalf. I will send Hermes to collect Odysseus from Calypso, and then whatever happens to him after--that’s between you two.

POSEIDON: And the Crystal?

ZEUS: It was a gift. It stays a gift. Understood?

POSEIDON: Understood.

ATHENA: Understood.

[the sound of another game over, and then 8-bit victory music]

ARES: Hey look! I finished my game while you guys were being assholes!

[CUE INTRO MUSIC AND INTRODUCTION WELCOME TO FSP’S PRODUCTION OF THE ODYSSEY]

Scene 3.1: Escape From Ogygia

[Sound of heavy stack of papers hits the desk--a hum from the fluorescent lighting]

ODYSSEUS: Here’s the forms. E40 Permission for Interstellar Travel, my minute-by-minute flight records, and a… Z29 Permission to Travel with Potted Tentacled Plants. Why do you even use paper? I’ve never seen anyone use paper in a space station until I came here to get my license, Calypso.

CALYPSO: Don’t pout, Odysseus; it doesn’t bring out your chiseled jawline. Besides, you’re lucky. We were on clay tablets before. Before that, stone. I’m sure you can imagine how long it took for us to file and process those. Once, all our license applicants had to wait five years for us to build a new storage wing to file their tablets. And you’ve only been waiting… 7 weeks. Anyway, your photo?

ODYSSEUS: Sure. [pause] Uhhh… Could you not comb my hair for this?

CALYPSO: It’d be a shame if a guy like you had to live with an ugly license pic.

ODYSSEUS: [sigh] For which license? My pilot’s license, or my new license to Sew Polka Dots?

CALYPSO: Yep! Stand right there! Move your hair to the side! And… maybe… unbutton one button?

ODYSSEUS: From my shirt?

CALYPSO: Yeah…

ODYSSEUS: [sigh] Whatever it takes.

CALYPSO: Smile!

ORACLE: Odysseus sighs and thinks of his favorite things--Delta V Ale, Ajax’s face after Odysseus won Achilles’s armor, a good trick, Penelope’s laughter. And as easily as the wind takes flight, his memory ushers a crooked smile to grow on his lips. In an instant, Odysseus looked young again.

CALYPSO: [camera noise] Oh no!

ODYSSEUS: What?

CALYPSO: According to section A.1. a of the Poseidon Interplanetary Identification Guidelines, the identified entity must be photographed wearing a neutral expression for their photo to be eligible for usage on an identification card! [Paper shredder noise.] Please take a number from the ticket machine to your right and wait your turn.

ODYSSEUS: Who else’s turn could it possibly be? [every word is heavy] CALYPSO: [sighs, slightly annoyed but trying to salvage the situation] Well, I’m going on my break. Be back in 15! Although… you could spend it with me… We have a very conveniently located filing closet just down the hall.

ODYSSEUS: Weren’t you on break five minutes ago?

CALYPSO: My boss lets me go on break whenever I need to. Nereus really cares about his employees. Will. You. Come. With me.

ODYSSEUS: Where’s your manager? I want to speak to your manager.

CALYPSO: I told you before! He’s not here right now! He’s coming right back in a bit!

ODYSSEUS: Why don’t I believe you?

CALYPSO: You don’t trust me. I’m leaving. [pause] Aren’t you going to follow me?

ODYSSEUS: Why?

CALYPSO: To make me feel better. [pause] There is a conveniently located closet just down the hall.

ODYSSEUS: Um...no thanks.

CALYPSO: [outrageous response] WHAT?! No thanks! I don’t even get thanks! Unbelievable. You know what, I might have to take a 30 minute break to emotionally unpack this maltreatment. Maybe even 45. [indignant, hurt]

ODYSSEUS: Calypso! Come on! I’m sorry!

CALYPSO: Not right now, Odysseus.

ORACLE: Calypso stalks off to the break room in a fit of rage to file a complaint with HR, leaving Odysseus alone at the desk.

ODYSSEUS: [to self] All right. Maybe I can get the forms from her desk and fill them out before she gets back. [drawers rattle] Paper. Staples, but no stapler. [A faint undulating hum starts in the background, but ODYSSEUS does not seem to notice.] Fantastic. Can’t even find a pen--

[ODYSSEUS is interrupted by the sound of a CRASH as a wave of Power moves through the room. A light bulb flickers, and a wooden clock falls from a shelf.]

[The sound of a sonic wave and a lightbulb going out as the Power moves through the building.]

ODYSSEUS: Great. Great, great, great, great, great.

ORACLE: Gritting his teeth, Odysseus storms over to the foot of the shelf, where a small wooden clock had fallen.

[fading to the background]

ODYSSEUS: [grumbling] What else could go wrong? The one clock in this entire place--you’d think that she’d take better care than to leave it hanging right off the edge. What if it breaks? And it’s made out of wood, too. Where do you even get wood in the chaos dimension? I mean this has gotta be grade-A space wood, and that stuff’s not cheap! And she uses it for a freaking clock to tell time. I mean, she gives less than half a rat’s ass about time anyways, especially when it comes to taking up other people’s time. That’s Calypso. I’ve been waiting for weeks, and you want to take another 45 minute break?

ORACLE [V.O]: Trapped in DMV hell, the peerless Odysseus continued to kvetch and displace his anger onto the broken clock. It seems to be a rather unfortunate coincidence that he should have to concern himself with such menial troubles at a time when frustration was already consuming him. But coincidences simply do not exist.

ODYSSEUS [back to him]: --to “emotionally unpack”? Yeah, well, I’ll show you just how fast you can “emotionally unpack.”

ORACLE: Odysseus checks the time: 3:39.

ODYSSEUS: You wanna waste my time? Then I’ll tamper with time. I’ll make it my bitch.

Scene 4: Telemachus, Interrupted

TELEMACHUS: The scene is the throne room, early day--the red sun from the Ithacan star burning bright into the Palace and illuminating my father’s golden throne. I’ll be in the back with my mother Penelope, when he will arrive and...

[Doors bang open. Whip sound effect. Every line is delivered over the top. Telemachus narrates.]

ODYSSEUS: [completely over the top, not usual voice] HALT. What are you doing in my house?

PENELOPE: Odysseus!

TELEMACHUS: Father!

ANTINOUS: Oh no! It’s ODYSSEUS! We’re doomed!

ODYSSEUS: My wife! My son! Who are these people in the house? Are these people hurting you?

TELEMACHUS: These suitors, they’ve invaded our home, Father! My mother is afraid to even come down stairs!

ODYSSEUS: Never fear! I am here to SAVE YOU--WITH MY LIGHT SABER!

[lightsaber unsheathed sound effect]

ANTINOUS: Never! We will never yield to a bygone war relic! My name is Antinous, the lover, and I have never showered in my life!

ODYSSEUS: [over the top Victorian laugh] That’s where you’re wrong, you rotten, lecherous sack of offal. This is my home. This is my family. This is my life. And my sweet vultures, I swear to you this. I am going to tear each and every one of you apart. Piece. By. Piece. And send you home to your families with the warning that my family is not for the taking.

ANTINOUS: No! I will seize both victory AND your home! To arms!

[Light sabers noises, a vicious fight]

ANTINOUS: AAAAAAAARGH--

TELEMACHUS: CUT! No, that’s too over the top, too formal. My father was a war veteran, right? A soldier? He’d have to sound more badass than that. Take it from the top, this time with more feeling.

[rewind noises]

ODYSSEUS: [clears throat] HALT. [completely different voice, like Don Vito] You men. Ya like being alive, yeh? You wanna stay that way? I’mma make you an offer you can’t refuse. Get out of my house.

ANTINOUS: Odysseus!

TELEMACHUS: Father!

ANTINOUS: Oh yeah? You think you can take me?

ODYSSEUS: I know I can. Say hello--to my little friend!

TELEMACHUS: Ohhhhhhh, shit!

ANTINOUS: [gasps] Fire, boys!

[PEW PEW PEW STAR WAR NOISES]

[pew pew sounds, but the bullets pass through Odysseus. He is an apparition.]

SUITORS: The bullets don’t touch him! But how?!

ODYSSEUS: [echoes] Fools! I defy the laws of physics! Go ahead! I take your fucking bullets! Go ahead!

ANTINOUS: Shit! Oh no! I’m dead!

TELEMACHUS: That’s what you get for invading our house! Eating our food! AND TRYING TO FUCK MY MOM!

Telemachus: Then you’d turn to me and say…

ODYSSEUS: Telemachus… [in the background] PENELOPE: Telemachus…

TELEMACHUS: Yes, father? PENELOPE: Does anyone listen to me in this house?

ODYSSEUS: I’m proud of you, son, and I love you just the way you are.

PENELOPE: I guess I’ll just sit here and die then. No respect in this house.

PENELOPE: [jarring] TELEMACHUS.

TELEMACHUS: [snapping out of his trance] What? Scene 5: Enter Penelope

ORACLE: Telemachus shakes away his morning daydream and searches for his mother’s dark brown eyes. Penelope gives a tired smile and brushes her son’s hair from his face.

TELEMACHUS: Huh?

PENELOPE: You were off in your own galaxy again, kiddo. [softly, annoyance fading]

TELEMACHUS: Sorry, mom.

PENELOPE: We have a visitor. One who is asking for you, not me. Imagine that.

TELEMACHUS: [distracted] That’s unusual. It can’t be dad.

PENELOPE: [wistfully] No. It’s not.

TELEMACHUS: I wish it was.

PENELOPE: So do I. You never met him, or grew up with him.

TELEMACHUS: I met him when I was a baby.

PENELOPE: You were so small… [pause] What did you and I do to deserve this? Even men like Menelaus returned home, and their cheating wives did too. But it’s you with a father that never got to see you grow up. I can’t fathom the cruelty of this world. [sound of music, talking has been getting louder]

PENELOPE: I told that man I hate that song.

TELEMACHUS: It’s just a song.

PENELOPE: I feel hopeless every time I hear it.

TELEMACHUS: I’ll tell him again.

PENELOPE: Never mind that. I’m sorry. [pause] Go collect your visitor. Shining gray eyes, gray hair. Holographic shimmer. Military outfit.

TELEMACHUS: [sighing] Oh, joy.

Scene 3.2: Escape from Ogygia, Continued.

[optional] ORACLE: Odysseus spins the clock’s exposed gears with his personal lock pick.

ODYSSEUS: [singing] the wheels in the clock go round ‘n round...3:40, 4, and now 4:15, Calypso, you naughty girl, late again… [pause, and continues] all through the town.

ORACLE: Odysseus places the clock back on its shelf and returns eagerly to the waiting area for Calypso’s return. [The clicking of high heels grows in volume, then stops.]

CALYPSO: I came back because I forgot my green smoothie here. You know, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood today. Otherwise, I just might have to take a two-hour long break to emotionally recuperate.

ODYSSEUS: [smug] Well, you might as well have, Calypso, because you are---

ORACLE: Odysseus’s eyes catch on the clock’s face.

ODYSSEUS: [softly] absolutely shitting me.

CALYPSO: Excuse me?

ODYSSEUS: It’s 3:39.

CALYPSO: Yes…?

ODYSSEUS: The clock says 3:39.

CALYPSO: Yeah, that’s the time.

ODYSSEUS: No it’s not! Not anymore! I changed it!

CALYPSO: What?

ODYSSEUS: Yeah, I changed it to 4:15, five minutes ago! But it’s back to 3:39! What the heck?

CALYPSO: [pissed off] It’s a good clock; it probably just reset after you tampered with it, you loony!

ODYSSEUS: It’s a wood clock, and wooden clocks don’t have software to check for human input, Calypso. And if it did, five minutes have still passed, so why isn’t it 3:44? Why is it 3:39?!

CALYPSO: Look, I don’t know what you’re--

ODYSSEUS: [quiet whisper, shaking with desperation] How long have I been here?

CALYPSO: Odysseus...What?

ODYSSEUS: What did you do?!

CALYPSO: [exasperated sigh] I already told you multiple times. You need to follow the proper procedures before you can leave--Zeus’ rules, not mine--and until you do that, there’s nothing I can do, ok? There’s nothing--

ODYSSEUS: [yelling in raging anger] Except there is! I’m not an idiot, Calypso. I’ve been navigating the galaxies since I was 13, and I’ve never seen an Olympian Checkpoint like this. You make me fill out all of these forms, apply for all of these bogus licenses, you never once ask to see my Promethean Ambrosia Synthesizer or check my energy registration...This isn’t a real checkpoint. What are you doing here?

CALYPSO: I serve at the behest of the gods…

ODYSSEUS: Enough, Calypso.

CALYPSO: I rigged the clock, carefully, so that the clock still moved, just 73 times slower than it should. So you wouldn’t be going anywhere.

ODYSSEUS: 73 times slower?! That’s--oh, Zeus almighty. I’ve been on this station for seven years. Seven fucking years, I’ve been on this station for seven years. I--why?

CALYPSO: [desperate] Okay, sure, it’s been seven years, but it wasn’t so bad, was it? It couldn’t have been so bad to spend these seven years with me, was it? I know it wasn’t. It wasn’t, right, Odysseus?

ODYSSEUS: [quiet, desperate] Calypso, you have to let me out of here.

Scene 6 : One Hell of a Party

[The sound of elegant music at a fancy party]

ORACLE: A banquet hall--a beautiful, elegant space decorated with the trophies of Ithaca’s past long behind it. The great doors open to admit Telemachus and his mother. It was a familiar and horrid sight to them by now: throngs of boys and men seated in the rows of tables, each with his eyes set on the Queen and her fortune. The crowd directed its attention towards them for a fleeting moment before quickly returning to the merriment. Only one piercing gray gaze remained.

ANTINOUS: …So I said, five pints to the right hand, four quarts to the left!

[Frat-boy-ish laughter from all around]

ANTINOUS: Anyway, I’d totally tap that. But enough about your mother!

[More raucous laughter, the sound of breaking glass]

RANDOM SUITOR: Antinous, the china!

PENELOPE: [sigh] I suppose someone has to deal with that. Your visitor, Telemachus, is over there, in the Navy blues. I’ll handle Antinous.

PENELOPE: [faintly] IT’S TEN IN THE MORNING!

ORACLE: While Penelope walks off to calm her drunken guests, Telemachus sips his own liquid courage before engaging his.

ATHENA: Good afternoon, Son of Odysseus.

ORACLE: The disguised Athena gives a perfunctory bow to the young Prince of Ithaca, noting his keen eyes and guarded smile. Surely this is Odysseus’s son, she muses--they shared the same broad body and coiled strength.

TELEMACHUS: Good afternoon. I see you already know who I am. Please come in, sir. I trust that you’ll enjoy the… festivities tonight.

ATHENA: No, actually. I don’t usually deal with this kind of rabble.

TELEMACHUS: Good, good.

[pause]

ATHENA: Are you not going to ask me who I am and why I’m here?

TELEMACHUS: With 118 suitors here all after my mom, I’ve stopped asking about the specifics.

ATHENA: [sighs] The Odysseus I knew would never have left it to his guest to introduce himself.

TELEMACHUS: [suddenly alert and interested] My father? You knew my father?

ORACLE: Athena gives a devilish smile and settles into her new persona.

ATHENA: I am Mentes, Anchialus’s son and commander of the famous Taphian navy. I knew your father, and not just by reputation.

TELEMACHUS: How? [breathlessly]

ATHENA: You leave your mouth hanging open like that, someone could use your uvula for target practice. And some of these men look like they want to.

TELEMACHUS: [chastened, much quieter, annoyed and upset at being reminded of the suitors] How did you know him? How did you meet?

ATHENA: Odysseus was a friend of my father’s. We met at Troy.

TELEMACHUS: Wow. He must have been… a sight to see, I hear.

ATHENA: [admiringly] He was a menace and a terror.

TELEMACHUS: [weirded out] Yeah… I’m sorry I’ll never get to meet him.

ATHENA: Oh? You mean he’s not here?

TELEMACHUS: He’s dead. He just never came home.

ATHENA: Oh, well. Don’t give up just yet. Your father isn’t just any man.

TELEMACHUS: You think he’s--alive? [saying it like it’s ridiculous--he’s afraid to hope]

ATHENA: I mean, it’s not like I’m a prophet--because I’m not--and I most definitely do not have any god-given supernatural powers--because I don’t--but it’s possible that Odysseus is alive, possibly lost in space, on some distant planet… or something. [encouraging, sounding hopeful]

TELEMACHUS: Right. Okay. [dejected, expecting more concrete evidence of Odysseus being alive; nonetheless, also relieved--he can have his dream father a while longer, and need not confront the real man]

ORACLE: Athena’s brows crease--is that dejection she hears in Telemachus’s sigh, or relief?

ATHENA: [out of character] Has anyone ever told you how much you look like him? Especially your eyes--such beautiful eyes.

TELEMACHUS: Oh...Thank you… Sometimes I worry that I’ll never be the man he was--is. ATHENA: I said you looked like him, not that you were like him. Fews sons are equals to their fathers--most worse, few better. But you seem like a great kid. [getting back into the character of Mentes] More courteous than my own, hahaha... And more courteous than the boys here.

ORACLE: Telemachus looks over at the rabble, an expression of pained disgust in his eyes.

TELEMACHUS: Before all of this happened, when my father Odysseus was still here, this house was wealthy and respected. The gods really looked out for him. And then--nothing. It would have been better if he died on Troy. But then these suitors decided my house was the place to

ATHENA: Okay, kid. Okay. You want to hear what I think?

TELEMACHUS: What?

ATHENA: You’re the interim commander of this Star Palace? You should put a stop to all this.

TELEMACHUS: How?

ATHENA: Get rid of them. Liquidate. Call an assembly of the suitors tomorrow. Give them a final warning. Then prepare the best spaceship you can and find an A-team of 20 for your crew. You’re going to Pylos to King Nestor, and from Nebula of Pylos to the Planet Sparta to meet Menelaus.

TELEMACHUS: Okay, hold on--

ATHENA: Do you want to find out what happened to your father?

TELEMACHUS: Of course I do! But I have a place here, I have to take care of my mom!

ATHENA: And what is your place here?

TELEMACHUS: I…

ATHENA: [pause, then solemnly] Telemachus. You’re 20, and you’re not a boy anymore. I have faith in you. Give the future a reason to praise you. You’re Odysseus’s son.

TELEMACHUS: Right [grudgingly]

[ANTINOUS DOES SOMETHING DICKISH AND LOUD]

PENELOPE: Antinous, if you break one more thing, you’ll have the Underworld to pay. This a banquet hall, not the schoolyard.

ATHENA: [more upbeat than before] Now, I hate to cut this short, but I must go back to my ship and to my comrades, who are tired of waiting for me. Anyways, do what you will. Can’t depend on anybody but yourself. Think about what I said, okay?

TELEMACHUS: Okay. Thanks. You must be great with your kids.

ORACLE: Speaking of...

ANTINOUS: Penelope, you worry too much, babe. All, a round of cheering for our lovely hostess.

SUITORS: Hurrah!!!

PENELOPE: Antinous. I’m a queen.

ANTINOUS: What can I say? I’m appreciating you, you’re one in a million! How can a king guide his adoring people to greatness, without his tried and true queen standing beautifully by his side.

PENELOPE: [stoically, tired; but she is old enough to be his mother, so...] Woe to you, O land, when your king is a child, and your princes feast in the morning…

ANTINOUS: [meanly, he understands what she’s saying] Right back at ya babe. I have a lot of respect for you, Penelope. [translation: I know what you said]

PENELOPE: And I have a lot of respect for my husband.

ANTINOUS: May he rest in peace. [to the suitors] Raise a glass! To our late Lord!

SUITORS: AND THE LORDS TO COME!

[laughter, drinking, the fancy music transitions to something more risque]

ORACLE: Penelope, resigned, retreated to the last safe place in the room: the corner, by the window revealing the passing stars. Safe, until the boastful Eurymades joined her.

PENELOPE: [ignoring him, empty, tired of everything] Eurymades. A pleasure.

EURYMADES: That’s the idea babe ;) You gonna please me tonight?

PENELOPE: No.

EURYMADES: You really think you hold all the cards, don’t you Pe NE LoPE?

PENELOPE: [fed up] Yes, Eurymades. I have the audacity to believe that. [spitefully] And it’s not Penelope--you will call me your Majesty.

EURYMADES: You bitch!

[Crash, then silence]

TELEMACHUS: [Yelling] Eurymades! EURYMADES! I will have NONE of this. You can bother me any day of the week. But my mother--you--YOU have no RIGHT!

EURYMADES: No right? You’re about to get two lefts if you keep talking like that, boy!

TELEMACHUS: [hesitantly] I--!

ANTINOUS: Oh look, guys, it’s the little pipsqueak--he’s come out to play!

TELEMACHUS: Like hell I did.

ANTINOUS: I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to Pipsqueak.

EURYMADES: Me?

ANTINOUS: I don’t see anyone else. You’re harshing the vibe, and you need to step off.

TELEMACHUS: [quietly] Am I having a stroke right now?

ORACLE: For a brief moment, the two men size each other up, with all the suitors, Penelope, and Telemachus holding their breath to see what happens next;

EURYMADES: Telemachus.

TELEMACHUS: Yes, Eurymades?

EURYMADES: Sorry. I didn’t mean to push you.

TELEMACHUS: [surprised] Thank you.

ANTINOUS: You’re going to go back home now and rethink your life.

EURYMADES: I’m going to go back home now and rethink my life

PENELOPE: [hushed tones] Telemachus, go back to your room.

TELEMACHUS: I am NOT a child.

PENELOPE: [warningly] Telemachus.

ANTINOUS: Listen to your mom, Teleprompter. She’s right.

TELEMACHUS: You aren’t my dad!

ANTINOUS: Yet.

ORACLE: Telemachus hesitated briefly, and then--

[sniffling]

ANTINOUS: [pityingly] You want to hit me, don’t you.

[Telemachus continues to sniffle, about to cry]

ANTINOUS: You can hit me if you want. It’s okay. Don’t cry. Real men don’t cry. Let it out.

TELEMACHUS: I…

ORACLE: Almost, he tried to move forward, and then--Telemachus turned and walked away.

Scene 7: Hermes the Himbo

ORACLE: Meanwhile, Hermes had his orders. Seated in the fastest of his messenger-ships, he strapped on his golden sandals, pulled his visor down [sound of glittering and whooshing starts] and placed his hand on the glowing purple crystal at the heart of the flight deck.

[Whooshing sci-fi noises. Hermes is a fast talker.]

HERMES: Ah, here we go, here we go! Orders from the big man himself! Always a treat to exercise some authority in his name. By the decree of Zeus himself. Really gets the ego going.

ORACLE: Hermes’ speedy ship condenses out of the Ogygian fog, touching down on the dwarf planet’s tiny space dock. Hermes bounces in place as he knocks on Calypso’s airlock doors.

HERMES: Pretty nice place she has here, all things considered. I’ve delivered to and picked up from far worse.

[beeping noise of a control panel, error noise]

HERMES: What’s this? Locked from inside? Well, we can’t have that. The orders are, clever man gets out. What to do, what to do… Don’t I have just the thing.

[click click, and the sound of a sci-fi door sliding open]

HERMES: Could hardly make deliveries if the Interstellar Postal Service didn’t have building access, you know. Oh, who are we kidding, it’s a thrill, it’s a rush. Unlocking doors. Can’t hold me down. Ringing the doorbell!

[A ringing, abnormally loud doorbell sounds and echoes comically through the large space station. After a long beat.]

HERMES: Anyone home?

ODYSSEUS: Holy shit, is that--

CALYPSO: Hermes? Wait, is that really you? It’s been so long. I mean, we just haven’t had any deliveries in such a long time. A really long while. Because we’re so efficient we don’t need supply refills very often—

HERMES: Calypso! I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got an express package pickup for the boss, and I’ve gotta get him out pronto. That’s you there, boss. You by the plastic water dispenser with the missing handle.

ODYSSEUS: Me? [surprised] Suddenly--

HERMES: Sudden’s my business! Interstellar Postal Service: “Wait, when did you get here?!”

[beat]

HERMES: That’s our motto.

CALYPSO: I need him to fill out a whole host of forms before he can even begin to think about leaving me alone!

HERMES: And what are those, boss? Toss them to me; I’ll have them done in a jiffy. No stalling now, it’s Zeus who needs him out promptly.

CALYPSO: Well. Well! There’s the fact that his ship out there has a whole medical bay that’s not accounted for in any of the paperwork. And my metrics show the supplies aren’t fully stocked. Which means this handsome fellow has had unlicensed medical professionals performing--

ODYSSEUS: Eidothea was a diligent, respectable surgeon! She was licensed, whether you can find it in your system or not. She—she was. [He breaks off.]

HERMES: Let me just.. Oh, yes, let me just look in my files here. An Eidotheia… Ah, yes, an Eidotheia, M.D., trained at the renowned Planet Othreis medical school. You’ve gotta respect it. Here you are, boss!

CALYPSO: How did you--

HERMES: You know, I’ve done some first aid in my time, and it’s not been anywhere near as prestigious as that.

CALYPSO: But--

HERMES: What else, what else? My fingers are itching to get this done.

CALYPSO: A minor on board! Unaccompanied, it seems, based on the crew profiles I can see. Very suspect.

HERMES: Let me just search my databases.

ODYSSEUS: Elpanor was no child. He was a brave, kind young man. I looked after him as best I could…

HERMES: Birth certificate! Rigel 9 star system-certified document. Fully emancipated at his age, parental consent form not required, you’ll be delighted to know.

CALYPSO: You… You’re really determined to take him away from me, aren’t you? What, jealous? I mean, I can’t blame you.

ODYSSEUS: Hermes, you’re really doing this.

CALYPSO: You’ll have to answer for the droid that the ship metadata says was plugged into its charging port not too long ago. Interstellar travel with an unregistered droid? I think not.

HERMES: Oh? Yep, yep, yep, I see ‘em. ID - 10 - T, what a rude name for a droid. So gauche.

ODYSSEUS: That was just the model name.

HERMES: Well, that should be it, boss. I think your lonely friend’s out of pretexts to keep you here.

ODYSSEUS: Not a friend.

CALYPSO: Oh, denial is not a good look on you. But you’re really leaving?

HERMES: I’m taking him away posthaste. Start walking, boss.

CALYPSO: Don’t leave, Odysseus! I know you’ve felt what I’ve felt too!

ODYSSEUS: [mockingly] Oh, please don’t leave. I’ll do an-Y-THing.

CALYPSO: You’ll call, won’t you? You’ll write? You’ll sing our ill-fated love story into legend?

ODYSSEUS: I’ll do exactly as you deserve.

CALYPSO: [sighs, she understands, she’s always known of late that he’s hated her]

ODYSSEUS: Thank the gods. I thought I’d be stuck with her forever.

HERMES: [chipper] Is that so, boss? Personally, I can’t imagine waiting. Don’t do much of it. Now into the ship with you! You’ve got people to see, places to be.

Scene 8: The Elders of Ithaca

[door slamming as Athena walks into the throne room]

SMALLFOLK 1: An so I told him, “If you sold me an engine that don’t run, then ain’t it only fair that I sell you a droid that don’t walk?”

ORACLE: Athena ducks her head as she walks past the bickering petitioners at the Court of Conflicts to join the audience gathered at the side.

SMALLFOLK 2: That ain’t the POINT! I didn’t KNOW that durn turbine don’t run right! He KNEW that android can’t walk and STILL he sol it to me!

SMALLFOLK 1: So now it ain’t even an engine? It’s a turbine? When will the lies end?

ORACLE: Perched awkwardly with the elders at the Presiders’ Table, Telemachus slaps the palm of his hand against the throne’s ornate armrest.

TELEMACHUS: Okay, I understand now! You both feel cheated?

SMALLFOLK 1 + 2: Yes!

TELEMACHUS: I have decided...you will just give back to each other what was originally yours. Whoever had the turbine engine gets the turbine engine back, and whoever had the android gets the android back! There--cheating reversed!

SMALLFOLK 2: Ahhh, okay... But I wanted a droid, though.

TELEMACHUS: Yes, well. This was not the droid you were looking for.

SMALLFOLK 1: Ha. Guess you’re right.

SMALLFOLK 2: Yeah, me too. Thank you, Prince Telemachus!

SMALLFOLK 1: Yeah, you a good egg, just like your father was!

TELEMACHUS: Thank you both. Now, next on the docket is--

ATHENA: Hello again!

TELEMACHUS: WHOA! Where did you come from, Mentes? Why’d you sneak up on me like that?

ATHENA: Not my fault you’re so unaware of your surroundings. Anyways, I was walking over to seek an audience with you and ended up hearing the whole engine-droid thing.

TELEMACHUS: And what did you think?

ATHENA: You handled it terribly. I came to urge you once again to go out and search for--

ANNOUNCER: [interrupting] My Lord Telemachus, Lord Antinous of the Planet Narthex, Star Admiral Aegyptus of the Cretian Nebula, and the Elders of the Ithacan Confederation!

TELEMACHUS: Oh crap--I forgot about the council meeting. One minute Mentes… Greetings, Admiral Aegyptus, and my lord Elders of the Ithacan Constellation! Welcome.

[the sound of people filing in, taking seats]

AEGYPTUS: [old as balls] My Lord… Your father’s radiance shines through you still.

ATHENA: Or something.

OLD MEN AND WOMEN: My Lord, My Lord, my Lord...

ANTINOUS: Teletubby! How’s it going? [fondly joking] Gain any more pounds? Heh heh.

TELEMACHUS: No. [beat] Honestly. Don’t you have any sense of decorum, you festering snake?

ANTINOUS: Haven’t I had any decorum? Did y’all hear that? Haven’t you any balls, buddy? TELEMACHUS: Oh-oh I have balls! Many balls! What’s it to you? You want to see ‘em?

ATHENA: Ah, men. Such ability with language...

AEGYPTUS: ANYWAY, my Lords, if we can regroup…

ANTINOUS: It’s all good over here, so long as Television keeps his cool.

TELEMACHUS: Yes, I can. Anyway…

AEGYPTUS: The business at hand, my Lord. For forty years, I have served the Ithacan Confederation loyally and lovingly. I served your father Odysseus with all my heart. If I may, I gathered you all here today--to make a request on behalf of my son, who traveled with your father off to the Trojan Constellation to recover Helen. I come to make the request… that we hold a funeral for my son and bury him.

[rumbling and gasps from the crowd] TELEMACHUS: My good admiral. Have you heard news of the state of my father’s fleet? Have--have you found a body?

AEGYPTUS: No, my Lord. But--I feel it’s time. My son--all of our sons--have been gone now for twenty years. I know in my heart...it is time to let him go.

ATHENA: [whispering in Telemachus’s ear] Telemachus, now is the time to-- TELEMACHUS: [suddenly] You can’t! [long pause] You can’t just give up on your--on your son. ATHENA: Telemachus.

COUNCILWOMAN: Perhaps, my Lord Telemachus, it would be prudent to--

AEGYPTUS: Telemachus. I have never wavered in my loyalty to you and your father, and if Odysseus’s starship docked in the bay right now, I would fall on my knees and praise the gods with thanks. But sir. I cannot hold any more hope for my son when I know he is gone.

ATHENA: Might I suggest, Telemachus, that you grant Admiral Aegyptus’s request to--

TELEMACHUS: He’s not dead! You can’t know!

AEGYPTUS: I do-- TELEMACHUS: You don’t!

ANTINOUS: [snapping, he knows he is right] Telemachus, let the man bury his son! TELEMACHUS: This doesn’t involve you, Antinous.

ANTINOUS: His son is gone, Telemachus.

TELEMACHUS: I can’t hear this crap.

ANTINOUS: [hushed] You don’t need to hear to read the room, my Lord. TELEMACHUS: I… I… I am Telemachus, son of Odysseus, and I demand—

ANTINOUS: Friendly word of advice? Save face and get out of here.

ORACLE: Antinous turns his back on the throne to bow to aging Aegyptus.

ANTINOUS: [to Aegyptus] I’m sorry for your loss.

ATHENA: Telemachus?

TELEMACHUS: I-- [sniffles, starts to cry] I’m sorry.

ATHENA: I am a stranger here. A foreigner here. But if I may, my lords, ladies, and gentlethem… Let’s call this meeting adjourned.

COUNCILWOMAN: I agree.

[shuffling as people exit, the sound of tears dripping and hitting parchment]

TELEMACHUS: I… I’m sorry.

ORACLE: And so, Telemachus fled. [sound of a heavy door closing] Scene 9: Antinous Comforts?

[soft sniffles]

ORACLE: The young prince of Ithaca licks his wounds in the safest place he knows: the faux balcony. At the head of the spinning Palace, the large gallery faces outwards towards the stars, which look on unblinkingly.

ORACLE: Antinous finds him there, wiping his tears.

ANTINOUS: Woah, Telemachus--Telemachus! No, don’t get up and run away from me!

TELEMACHUS: What do you want?

ANTINOUS: I’m...just here to send you good vibes after all that.

TELEMACHUS: You set me up.

ANTINOUS: By starting a war that took your and all of our fathers and sons away to die for no reason? I don’t think so.

TELEMACHUS: You know what I mean! You, and all of you suitors--you ruin my family’s wealth every day, and then you undermine me at every chance you get, like I’m some--kid!

ANTINOUS: You are a kid. Don’t take it personally.

TELEMACHUS: I’m five years younger than you.

ANTINOUS: See? A kid.

[It’s silent and Telemachus doesn’t respond.]

ANTINOUS: You want a drink?

TELEMACHUS: With you? Never.

ANTINOUS: Come take a seat, eat some of this delicious food, and take your mind off things.

TELEMACHUS: Take my mind off things? How is that going to help when you’re the very thing I’m trying to get my mind off of?

ANTINOUS: I just wanted to know if you wanted a drink. And to talk. Man to man. You know, when it’s time for you to get a wife, you’re going to have to be a suitor too. Being a suitor is a time-honored tradition.

TELEMACHUS: Yeah, eating a single mom’s wealth away is classic Greek tradition. I don’t want to talk to you.

ANTINOUS: Don’t whine.

TELEMACHUS: I’m not. I’m just telling you how I feel.

ANTINOUS: I’m really trying with you.

TELEMACHUS: What is this to you, a game of “house”? You trying to cozy up to be just to try on those daddy pants? Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. You’ll never replace my father. His shoes will always be ten sizes too big for you.

ANTINOUS: Look, what am I supposed to say here, sorry your dad’s dead and your mom’s a MILF? Telemachus. I’m sorry about your dad, but, I mean, come on, it’s been 20 years. There’s nothing you can do now.

TELEMACHUS: Maybe you’re right. Or… Maybe you’re wrong.

ANTINOUS: What’s that supposed to mean?

TELEMACHUS: Maybe there is something I can do. [brightening] You know what? Thanks.

ORACLE: Antinous looks this strange kid up and down and tries to figure him out. Telemachus just offers a crooked smile--his first of the night--and heads down the hall.

ANTINOUS: Telemachus! [pause] Wow. I am way too sober for this. Scene 10: Who Left This Wine Out?

ORACLE: Four hours and several packed bags later, Telemachus stands under the glass dome of the observatory, clutching two bottles of fine wine. The Old Nanny Eurycleia finds him there.

EURYCLEIA: Telemachus, my boy, why are you here?

TELEMACHUS: Nanny! What are you doing here?

EURYCLEIA: I had a feeling you would search the stars for comfort after the council meeting. Your father always sought solitude in the constance of the stars when his mind was a-troubling.

TELEMACHUS: My father. He did this too?

EURYCLEIA: Aye, yes he did! You forget I’ve known ye since ye were a wee bairn, and your father too. You have so much in common with him, Telemachus. Strength, poise, intelligence...a tendency to cleverness more than what’s good for ye.

[laughter]

TELEMACHUS: It’s weird to talk about him. As if he’s a person, and not…

EURYCLEIA: Aye, I suppose we did do ye a disservice there. All of ye, really. I doubt those boys who court your mother would do so if they remembered the real Odysseus, instead of the story we told ‘em.

TELEMACHUS: Did you see that man at the banquet? Mentes?

EURYCLEIA: I remember him, from many years ago. A friend of your father’s?

TELEMACHUS: Feels like an understatement. He offered me some advice. Would you care for some wine?

EURYCLEIA: [Laughing] Well, I suppose if ye’re offerin--wait. That’s--

TELEMACHUS: Dad’s wine. The second best we have. I figured I could have some, before I leave for Pylos, to go find him.

EURYCLEIA: Telemachus, what are you talking about! You couldn’t possibly--

TELEMACHUS: I have to. The gods themselves have blessed this plan, Nanny.

EURYCLEIA: Sweet child… you are an only child of a king who is lost. Your mother will not admit it, and neither your grandfather, but he is gone, and ye cannot find him even if ye leave. What could ye possibly find among the stars but more death?

TELEMACHUS: I told you, my father. You see this wine? It’s older than I am. My father won it--and all the treasures that the suitors waste away--with nothing but his wits, a blaster, and four good starships. I have to do this. When I go, don’t tell my mother. She worries about everything.

EURYCLEIA: Telemachus…

TELEMACHUS: Drink with me, Nanny. Better we drink it than Antinous and the others, right?

EURYCLEIA: And what’s with this other bottle?

TELEMACHUS: This is the best wine. Leave that out for my father, in case he comes in my absence. The best for the best.

ORACLE: And this is how the boy and his nanny spent their last night together, sharing their bittersweet wine until midnight. Half past two, Antinous stumbles out of the banquet hall to wander the station before finding the observatory.

ANTINOUS: [drunken giggling, the sound of stumbling feet] Heh heh… hey! Who left this wine out?

[slurps]