sign in sign up
<<
Home , Compassion, Hatred, I Forgive You, Suffering

I must learn to the fool in me—the one : Deep This is the sum of who feels too much, awareness of the duty: do not do to talks too much, takes of another others what would too many chances, coupled with the cause if done and hates, hurts and wish to relieve it. to you. gets hurt, promises and Dictionary.com 5:1517 breaks promises, laughs, and cries. Theodore Isaac Rubin

In cultivating compassion, When people shine a light we draw from the whole- on their monster, we find ness of our experience— out how similar most of suffering, our , as our monsters are…. My own suffering well as our and When people let their terror…. Compassion is monsters out…it turns is the grounds not a relationship between out that we’ve all done or for empathy. the healer and the thought the same things, Piero Ferrucci wounded. It’s a relation- that this is our lot, this is ship between equals. our condition. Pema Chodron Anne Lamott

Our task must be to free A person with ubuntu is ourselves…by widening open and available to others, our circle of compassion to affirming to others, does not embrace all living creatures feel threatened that others A selfless deed, and the whole of nature in are able and , for he or witnessed up close, is its beauty. Nobody is able she…[knows] he or she to achieve this completely, belongs in a greater whole like a lamp blazing up but the striving for such and is diminished when from darkness before achievement is in itself a others are humiliated or your pupils can adjust. part of the liberation and diminished…or treated as Marc Ian Barasch a foundation for inner if they were less than who . they are. Albert Einstein Desmond Tutu

To discuss I must learn to love the To discuss What role does compassion To discuss and/or the “” play fool in me—the one Self-compassion involves self- What does compassion mean to in your , spiritual practice, Compassion: Deep This is the sum of and understanding that you? How have you experienced it? who feels too much, or life ? awareness of the duty: do not do to talks too much, takes we are part of a common (and imperfect) humanity. How can you To do To do Explore the Charter for Compassion suffering of another others what would too many chances, loves practice more self-compassion? Think of a person you find website, charterforcompassion.org. difficult. The next time you are coupled with the cause pain if done and hates, hurts and To do Read about others’ compassionate with that person, practice the gets hurt, promises and Do one kind thing for yourself actions and commitments. Add wish to relieve it. to you. Golden Rule. Notice how the each day. your own. Dictionary.com Mahabharata 5:1517 breaks promises, laughs, dynamic changes when you and cries. do this. Theodore Isaac Rubin

In cultivating compassion, When people shine a light To discuss To discuss To discuss we draw from the whole- on their monster, we find What “monsters” are you hiding? How has your own suffering How does accepting yourself, with ness of our experience— out how similar most of enlarged your capacity to be To do all of your imperfections, help or suffering, our empathy, as our monsters are…. My own suffering compassionate toward others? Sit quietly. Think about those hurt your ability to relate to others as equals? well as our cruelty and When people let their To do aspects of yourself you don’t like. is the grounds Don’t judge them, but instead terror…. Compassion is monsters out…it turns Contemplate key events in your To do come to them with kindness not a relationship between out that we’ve all done or for empathy. life that caused you suffering and Observe what you say to yourself and . Return to this what that has taught you about today about your mistakes or the healer and the thought the same things, Piero Ferrucci practice when you find you are empathy and compassion. shortcomings. wounded. It’s a relation- that this is our lot, this is judging yourself harshly. ship between equals. our condition. Pema Chodron Anne Lamott

Our task must be to free A person with ubuntu is ourselves…by widening open and available to others, To discuss To discuss our circle of compassion to affirming to others, does not Do you think separate from To discuss In the Bantu of South embrace all living creatures feel threatened that others others is real or a delusion? Why? A selfless deed, What selfless deeds have you Africa, saying someone has and the whole of nature in are able and good, for he or witnessed up close, is done for or received from others? ubuntu is high praise. Is there a To do its beauty. Nobody is able she…[knows] he or she What was that like for you? concept like that in your Help a stranger today. It can be like a lamp blazing up or culture? to achieve this completely, belongs in a greater whole To do as simple as opening a door, carrying a package, letting that but the striving for such and is diminished when from darkness before Do one “selfless deed” each day To do person go in front of you in line, your pupils can adjust. for a week. Consider how you can be more achievement is in itself a others are humiliated or or saying “hello.” Broaden your affirming to others. part of the liberation and diminished…or treated as Marc Ian Barasch circle of compassion. a foundation for inner if they were less than who security. they are. Albert Einstein Desmond Tutu

If only we can overcome cruelty, to and Cultivate compassion If you want others to animal, with love and all day and everyday. be happy, practice compassion we shall stand Now, when things compassion. If you at the threshold of a new are difficult, it’s time want to be happy, era in human moral and spiritual —and to practice. practice compassion. realize, at last, our most His Holiness the Dalai Lama unique quality: humanity. Jane Goodall

Only other wounded I am the Lorax. Although the world people can understand I speak for the trees. what is needed, for the is full of suffering, I speak for the trees healing of suffering it is full also of the for the trees have is compassion, not overcoming of it. no tongues. expertise. Helen Keller Rachel Naomi Remen The Lorax / Dr. Seuss

“

True compassion is born of the truth that we are one; that separateness is The greatest distance illusion; that we are infinite in the world is the beings…. From this place 14 inches from our of deep , we can minds to our hearts. draw limitless strength, and endless compassion. Agnes Baker Pilgrim charterforcompassion.org ”

To discuss

If only we can overcome What have you learned about care To discuss and compassion from animals cruelty, to human and To discuss Why is practicing compassion and other living beings? Cultivate compassion If you want others to animal, with love and Who are your role models of more important when things are all day and everyday. be happy, practice To do compassion and why? difficult? What one thing can you compassion we shall stand commit to do each day to be at the threshold of a new If you have an animal, give it To do Now, when things compassion. If you your full for ten minutes more compassionate to yourself Write down when you’ve been a era in human moral and today. If you don’t have an animal, and others? are difficult, it’s time want to be happy, role model of compassion and spend some time appreciating the —and how that felt. To do to practice. practice compassion. natural world: visit a park, look at realize, at last, our most Do that one thing. Karen Armstrong His Holiness the Dalai Lama the nature you pass on the way to unique quality: humanity. school or work, or out a window. Jane Goodall

To discuss To discuss How do you navigate news and To discuss Only other wounded experiences of suffering each day? How do painful experiences I am the Lorax. Who or what might you “speak your capacity to be people can understand Although the world for” who has no voice? I speak for the trees. To do compassionate toward others? what is needed, for the is full of suffering, To do Think of someone you know or I speak for the trees know of who is suffering in some To do healing of suffering Do one thing this week to nurture it is full also of the way. Try to imagine what life is like Observe, without judgment, how for the trees have an animal or help preserve the is compassion, not for them. See if you can come up you react to your own and others’ overcoming of it. natural world. expertise. no tongues. with one thing you can do to make suffering today. Helen Keller today better for them. Then, do it. Rachel Naomi Remen The Lorax / Dr. Seuss

To discuss “ To discuss

True compassion is born Share an experience when you listened to your mind over your To discuss of the truth that we are heart. When should you listen to What role does humility play in one; that separateness is The greatest distance your heart? Your mind? acting compassionately? illusion; that we are infinite in the world is the To do To do To do beings…. From this place List some recent situations when 14 inches from our Commit an anonymous act of deep humility, we can your heart or your mind dictated minds to our hearts. of compassion. draw limitless strength, your actions. Note instances when Agnes Baker Pilgrim you might allow your heart to lead and endless compassion. more of your actions. charterforcompassion.org ”

When you cannot forgive, We must develop and you are a prisoner of the maintain the capacity Never forget that to hurt done to you. If you to forgive. The one who forgive yourself is are really disappointed in is devoid of the power to release trapped someone and you become to forgive is devoid embittered, you become of the power to love. energy that could be incarcerated inside that Forgiveness is not an doing good work in feeling. Only the grace of occasional act. It is a the world. forgiveness can break the straight logic of hurt and permanent attitude. D. Patrick Miller embitterment. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. John O’Donohue

For both parties, Every day you don’t forgiveness means the The past is over. forgive, it’s as if you freedom to be at peace Forgiveness means are ingesting tiny inside their own skins giving up all bits of poison. and to be glad in each of a better past. Harold Bloomfield other’s presence. Jack Kornfield Frederick Buechner

Often the most difficult part of forgiving another When we refuse to give I heard a wise saying is facing the fact that ourselves permission to once that has helped we don’t actually want be anything but perfect to forgive them. Yet the me: ‘Negative —as if failure did not process of forgiveness also are like stray cats. bring its own lessons requires that we experience, The more you feed in life—we certainly within ourselves, the fact them, the more they are not able to forgive that we are not so different hang around.’ from those we are so ready anyone else. Joyce Rupp to judge. Joan Chittister Ezra Bayda

When you cannot forgive, To discuss To discuss What kinds of things do you We must develop and Is it natural (i.e., logical, sensible) you are a prisoner of the tend to hold onto—mistakes, To discuss to forgive? What is the most maintain the capacity hurt done to you. If you , slights, On a scale of 1-10, how easy Never forget that to common incentive for forgiveness? to forgive. The one who are really disappointed in hurts, etc.? do you find it to forgive? Why is forgive yourself is forgiveness so difficult? is devoid of the power someone and you become To do To do to release trapped Look truthfully at one hurt that embittered, you become Identify a situation you wish you To do to forgive is devoid you have not been able to forgive. had handled differently. Imagine Think of something or someone energy that could be incarcerated inside that Are certain feelings or activities of the power to love. how you would feel if you no you have forgiven. Were you able feeling. Only the grace of not possible as long as you do Forgiveness is not an doing good work in longer thought about it. Redirect to forgive once and for all time? If not forgive? Reflect upon how not forgiveness can break the the energy you are devoting to not, forgive again. occasional act. It is a the world. forgiving is constricting your straight logic of hurt and replaying that situation to a more permanent attitude. D. Patrick Miller ability to move forward. embitterment. positive . Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. John O’Donohue

To discuss To discuss In what areas of your life do you To discuss What are some physical For both parties, tend to seek “do-overs”? When have you felt the release and symptoms associated with an Every day you don’t forgiveness means the The past is over. peace of a reconciled relationship? inability to forgive? Recall a time To do when you experienced one of forgive, it’s as if you freedom to be at peace Forgiveness means Live in the present. Practice To do them and the cause of it. inside their own skins speaking in the present tense. Visit, call, or write someone you are ingesting tiny giving up all hope Avoid phrases such as if only, have forgiven, and celebrate your To do bits of poison. and to be glad in each of a better past. could have, should have, would having repaired the breach in Pay attention to how you other’s presence. have, could be, should be, must your relationship. feel physically when you Harold Bloomfield Jack Kornfield be, will be, going to. forgive someone. Frederick Buechner

Often the most difficult To discuss To discuss part of forgiving another To discuss What role does empathy play When we refuse to give What are some negative feelings is facing the fact that I heard a wise saying What lessons have you learned in forgiveness? When have you ourselves permission to that you find very easy to feed? from failure, especially in your been able to put yourself in we don’t actually want once that has helped What cultural and/or familial be anything but perfect relationships? another’s shoes? to forgive them. Yet the me: ‘Negative feelings make them hard to resist? —as if failure did not process of forgiveness also are like stray cats. To do To do To do bring its own lessons Make a list of major grievances Bring to mind a person who has requires that we experience, Identify one grudge or old The more you feed in your life. Highlight all those that hurt or offended you. Ask yourself: within ourselves, the fact in life—we certainly argument that you can let go. them, the more they spring from your need to avoid What qualities does this person Resolve not to pay it any that we are not so different are not able to forgive failure and feel successful. possess that I would like to hang around.’ more attention. from those we are so ready anyone else. eliminate in myself? Joyce Rupp to judge. Joan Chittister Ezra Bayda

Forgiveness makes us Contemporary culture puts The stupid neither one with the human family a premium on . forgive nor forget; and allows us to live in the Retaliation is portrayed as the naive forgive sunlight of the present, not a mark of strength, a sign the darkness of the past. of equality, and a way to and forget; the Forgiveness alone, of all exact our due. Yet the truth wise forgive, but our human actions, opens is just the opposite. Only do not forget. up the world to the miracle the brave can forgive from of infinite possibility. the heart. Kent Nerburn Dolores Wood

Ordinary people forgive best if they go at it in bits and

Anger is the great It is never too late to go pieces, and for specific acts. They bog down if they try to impediment to quietly to our lakes, rivers, forgive people in the grand forgiveness. When oceans, even our small streams, and say to the sea manner, because wholesale is rooted out, gulls, the great blue herons, forgiving is almost always love and forgiveness the bald eagles, the salmon, fake. Forgiving anything arise naturally. that we are sorry. at all is a minor miracle; Brenda Shoshanna Brenda Peterson forgiving carte blanche is silly. Nobody can do it. Lewis Smedes

“ Please forgive me. Within six months of her murder, all three of us I forgive you. Thank children said that we forgave you. I love you. These the person who did this. This four simple statements is a testament to my mom are powerful tools and dad and to the teaching for improving your that they successfully relationships and conveyed. Forgiving was your life. honoring her. Ira Byock Everett Worthington on the murder of his mother ”

To discuss Forgiveness makes us Contemporary culture puts To discuss Do you tend to be optimistic or To discuss Who can serve as mentors of pessimistic about the future of the What kinds of things are best one with the human family a premium on revenge. The stupid neither forgiveness in our society? How human family? Share a story of not forgotten? forgive nor forget; and allows us to live in the Retaliation is portrayed as can you get them some press? forgiveness that gives you hope. sunlight of the present, not a mark of strength, a sign To do the naive forgive To do To do Create a memory collage. the darkness of the past. of equality, and a way to Monitor TV and movie listings Repeat a slogan to remind yourself Include pictures or drawings of and forget; the Forgiveness alone, of all exact our due. Yet the truth to see how many story lines of the possibilities opened up things you want to remember, wise forgive, but our human actions, opens is just the opposite. Only revolve around revenge. Talk through forgiveness. For example: being sure to represent difficult up the world to the miracle the brave can forgive from with your friends and family We shall overcome. When I situations along with the do not forget. about the dangers of this trend. forgive, I am free. Change happy times. Thomas Szasz of infinite possibility. the heart. everything: love and forgive. Kent Nerburn Dolores Wood

Ordinary people forgive best To discuss To discuss To discuss if they go at it in bits and What are some examples of How do you feel about making What are some of the different Anger is the great It is never too late to go pieces, and for specific acts. wholesale forgiving that seem amends to the Earth and other types of anger you have witnessed quietly to our lakes, rivers, They bog down if they try to fake to you? What are some beings for how have just today? impediment to small specific acts you can harmed them? oceans, even our small forgive people in the grand forgiveness. When easily forgive? To do streams, and say to the sea manner, because wholesale To do Make a list of ways that anger anger is rooted out, gulls, the great blue herons, forgiving is almost always To do Go to the nearest body of water, manifests in your life—both from love and forgiveness fake. Forgiving anything Practice forgiving little infractions, stand on the shore, and apologize. you and those around you. What is the bald eagles, the salmon, such as someone dialing the Make amends by contributing to causing it? For each example, ask arise naturally. that we are sorry. at all is a minor miracle; wrong number or bumping into the work of an environmental yourself: How would forgiveness you in a crowd. or wildlife organization. change this? Brenda Shoshanna Brenda Peterson forgiving carte blanche is silly. Nobody can do it. Lewis Smedes

To discuss “ To discuss Please forgive me. Within six months of her Are any acts unforgivable? murder, all three of us If you think so, give examples I forgive you. Thank children said that we forgave and explain. To discuss you. I love you. These What, if any, other statements the person who did this. This To do would you add to these four? four simple statements is a testament to my mom To do Acknowledge the difficulty of are powerful tools and dad and to the teaching forgiveness. Read accounts by To do survivors of the Holocaust and Use these four simple statements for improving your that they successfully the Rwanda , relatives at least once today. relationships and conveyed. Forgiving was of murder victims, and others honoring her. about their struggles to forgive your life. horrible . Ira Byock Everett Worthington on the murder of his mother ”

The roots of love sink down Don’t tell me you You can heartfully and deep and strike out far, will love me forever. evoke the Billy Joel and they are arteries that Tell me that you will feed our lives, so we must : ‘I love love me Thursday see that they get the water you just the way afternoon at four and sun they need so they you are.’ can nourish us. o’clock. Dean Sluyter Merle Shain W.H. Auden

Sometimes the easiest way One of the deepest longings to appreciate ourselves in the human heart is is by looking through the the to be loved for eyes of someone who loves Any love dependent yourself alone. This longing us…. One of my clients on someone else’s awakens you completely. realizes he is lovable when behavior wasn’t love When you are touched by he remembers how his in the first place. love, it reaches down into grandfather used to delight your deepest fibre. in his boyish Paula D’Arcy John O’Donohue and inventiveness. Tara Brach

Love is the only force We must love them capable of transforming Seasoned love is both—those whose an into a friend. We not a monotone of opinions we share, never get rid of an enemy simple liking but an those whose opinions by meeting hate with hate; we don’t share. They’ve we get rid of an enemy by emotional symphony both labored in the getting rid of enmity. By its that includes discord search for Truth and very nature, hate destroys and . have both helped us and down; by its very nature, love creates and Sam Keen in finding it. builds up. Martin Luther King, Jr.

To discuss What song lyrics convey something To discuss

The roots of love sink down Don’t tell me you To discuss you know to be important about What kinds of activities serve as You can heartfully and deep and strike out far, will love me forever. At what time and place recently did loving yourself and others? water and sun for your ability to and they are arteries that evoke the Billy Joel someone do something that made love yourself and others? Tell me that you will you feel loved? To do feed our lives, so we must mantra: ‘I love Use your favorite lyric as a “mantra” To do see that they get the water love me Thursday To do this week, reciting it while you are Do one simple thing to nurture you just the way Make a specific time and place and sun they need so they afternoon at four walking or standing in line. See another person’s feelings of being you are.’ commitment to someone you love. if repeating a thought helps you loved. Hint: Try something that can nourish us. o’clock. remember it when you hit a difficult helps you. Dean Sluyter point in a relationship. Merle Shain W.H. Auden

Sometimes the easiest way To discuss One of the deepest longings to appreciate ourselves What conditions do people often To discuss put upon being able to love? To discuss What qualities of your true self do in the human heart is is by looking through the (These conditions often come from Through whose eyes do you most you need to have recognized by a the desire to be loved for eyes of someone who loves Any love dependent family backgrounds, religious often see yourself as lovable? lover, a family member, or a friend? traditions, or cultural norms.) yourself alone. This longing us…. One of my clients on someone else’s To do To do awakens you completely. realizes he is lovable when behavior wasn’t love To do Look in the mirror. Acknowledge Write a letter of to When you are touched by he remembers how his Make a personal list of the what the people who love you see someone who has affirmed who in the first place. conditions you sometimes put in you. love, it reaches down into grandfather used to delight you really are. Paula D’Arcy upon your willingness to love. your deepest fibre. in his boyish curiosity Which ones can you give up? John O’Donohue and inventiveness. Tara Brach

Love is the only force We must love them To discuss To discuss To discuss capable of transforming Where do you see evidence of Who has been a teacher of Truth What kinds of emotional both—those whose an enemy into a friend. We enmity in your community and Seasoned love is for you? How have you, or could challenges have you experienced country? Brainstorm specific opinions we share, never get rid of an enemy you, express your gratitude and in your family life, partnerships, not a monotone of ways you can reduce the amount those whose opinions by meeting hate with hate; love to them? and ? simple liking but an of in the world with your we don’t share. They’ve we get rid of an enemy by support, money, and time. To do To do emotional symphony getting rid of enmity. By its both labored in the To do Make a list of people you agree Endure the next conflict, with and another of those you disagreement, or uncertainty in that includes discord search for Truth and very nature, hate destroys Find an organization or a cause disagree with. Contemplate them your love relationship without and tears down; by its very that you can join that is working to and ambivalence. have both helped us all with love. assuming it is a problem. nature, love creates and transform into friends. Sam Keen in finding it. builds up. Thomas Aquinas Martin Luther King, Jr.

Gandhi used to put If you want to know if you the matter bluntly: We cannot love really ‘love the other as when another person’s issues, but we can yourself,’ ask yourself if means more love people, and the you have done everything to you than your own, you can to make sure that only then can you say love of people reveals everyone else in society has you love. Anything else to us the way to deal what you have—and take is just business, give- with issues. for granted: insurance, food, housing, a job, education. and-take. Henri J.M. Nouwen Joan Chittister Eknath Easwaran

In taking good care of There are so many yourself, you can take good wonderful I can give care of your beloved one. If the person you are those I love, but the one Self-love is the foundation talking to doesn’t appear that lingers when all the for your capacity to love the to be listening, be others are gone, the one other person. If you don’t that knits the brightest take good care of yourself, . It may simply be threads into life, is the if you are not happy, if that he has a small piece of time—the gift of you are not peaceful, you of fluff in his ear.” one’s self.” cannot make the other Winnie the Pooh / A. A. Milne Sue Monk Kidd person happy.

Thích Nhˆ at´ Ha.nh

Love allows your There is an old South beloved the freedom African proverb that says to be unlike you. the two antelope Attachment asks for walk together is so that conformity to your needs one can blow the dust and …. Love from the other’s eyes. imposes no demands. This sort of Attachment expresses an enables . overwhelming demand: Mark Nepo ‘Make me feel whole.’ Deepak Chopra

To discuss Gandhi used to put To discuss If you want to know if you To discuss What issues are important to When have you been the the matter bluntly: really ‘love the other as What are some of your favorite people in your community? beneficiary of selfless giving? We cannot love slogans or rules about love? Joan when another person’s issues, but we can yourself,’ ask yourself if Chittister shows how to make the To do To do welfare means more love people, and the you have done everything “Golden Rule” concrete. Do the Choose one group of people Throughout the day, put others to you than your own, you can to make sure that same with your favorite. you are committed to. Talk to before yourself. This may be them about the issues that are as simple as stepping aside love of people reveals everyone else in society has only then can you say To do important to them and what they so another can enter or exit you love. Anything else to us the way to deal what you have—and take Duplicate for another person today would like to see happen. Know before you. It may mean giving for granted: insurance, food, one thing that you do to make that this is one way of showing up something you want so that is just business, give- with issues. yourself happy. someone else can have what housing, a job, education. your love for them. and-take. Henri J.M. Nouwen they need. Joan Chittister Eknath Easwaran

In taking good care of To discuss

There are so many yourself, you can take good What roles do listening and To discuss patience play in your close To discuss wonderful gifts I can give care of your beloved one. Do you feel you give enough time If the person you are relationships? How might you What do you do to make yourself to your primary relationships? those I love, but the one Self-love is the foundation cultivate patience and learn to happy and peaceful? talking to doesn’t appear Why or why not? that lingers when all the for your capacity to love the listen more deeply? to be listening, be To do others are gone, the one other person. If you don’t To do Engage in some self-care. Go for a To do patient. It may simply be Spend an hour today or plan a that knits the brightest take good care of yourself, Practice quieting the chatter run or walk. Take a nap. Play ball. half-day later this week when you that he has a small piece in your own mind, limiting Attend a concert or a movie. Read threads into life, is the if you are not happy, if can give your undivided attention distractions, and deeply for . Relax. gift of time—the gift of you are not peaceful, you of fluff in his ear.” to your loved ones. listening to each person you one’s self.” cannot make the other Winnie the Pooh / A. A. Milne encounter today. Sue Monk Kidd person happy.

Thích Nhˆ at´ Ha.nh

Instructions Love allows your Incorporate more love, forgiveness, There is an old South beloved the freedom and compassion in your life through To discuss thought, discussion, and action. To discuss What are some other differences African proverb that says to be unlike you. Use these cards on your own or with What kindnesses has a friend between love and attachment? friends, family, students, classmates, shown you? When has a friend the reason two antelope Attachment asks for or colleagues. walk together is so that conformity to your needs To do helped you with a difficulty? Select a card. Read the quote On a continuum from love to To do one can blow the dust and desires…. Love aloud; then turn the card over for attachment, assess your own Get together with a friend. Help suggestions on what to discuss tendencies in your relationships. from the other’s eyes. imposes no demands. him/her deal with some need, no and how to take action. Contemplate how you can move matter how small. This sort of friendship Attachment expresses an Special thanks to Frederic and Mary Ann closer to love. Brussat of spiritualityandpractice.com and enables joy. overwhelming demand: Roselle Kovitz for their contributions to this project. Mark Nepo ‘Make me feel whole.’ Deepak Chopra