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THIS IS A QUIET LIBRARY, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S NOT 1 “This Is a Quiet Library, Except When It’s Not:” On the Lack of Neurodiversity Awareness in Librarianship Zachary Tumlin Master of Library and Information Science student College of Information Studies University of Maryland 4130 Campus Drive College Park, MD 20742 [email protected] THIS IS A QUIET LIBRARY, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S NOT 2 Abstract While much has been written about diversity, disability, and specific neurominorities in information studies and music, the subject of neurodiversity as a whole has remained relatively untouched since it first appeared 20 years ago. This paper briefly reviews what few writings do exist, then begins to fill that gap by laying a foundation for future scholarship. The history and vocabulary of neurodiversity are outlined, concepts from Disability Studies are introduced (like identity-first language and models of disability), and neurodivergent voices (besides the author’s own) are promoted. Note: As a neurodivergent person, the author’s writing style may not meet traditional (i.e., neurotypical) standards, especially in academia, which can be an especially exclusionary and ableist environment. While he does not wish to be a “bad writer,” he also does not believe in altering his authentic, disabled voice simply to make it more palatable for the able-bodied and minded. He would like to thank the editors of this journal for their inclusivity and encourage readers to always seek out and privilege the voices of actual members of marginalized communities. THIS IS A QUIET LIBRARY, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S NOT 3 “You’re like a vampire.” It is a few years ago. I am in my mid-20s and in my first full-time teaching job after searching for two years post-graduation. I am a middle school band director in a county with no stoplight and the sixth person to hold this position in four years. As per usual, I had spent the morning teaching three hours of middle school general music to students who were required to see me while the teachers of their core courses had their planning period. My dream is to become a high school or college director of bands after going to graduate school for conducting, but I only have one band class a day for 45 minutes. I am eating lunch alone at my desk in my bandroom while NPR softly plays in the background, and the only light sources are a small table lamp on my desk and two windows with their curtains drawn. Middle school students are loud, especially in my room with its tile floor, concrete block walls with no acoustic treatment, and seven-foot drop ceiling, and the nine banks of fluorescent lights are loud to my eyes. When I close my eyelids, I can feel pressure in my head and buzzing in my ears. I am across the street from the main school building in a smaller structure that I share with the weight room, which is on the other side of my storage room (football is king around here). The physical education teacher/head football coach will sometimes lift then use the bathroom, which is on my side. Today is one of those days. I do not remember the exact quote because this is not the first time that he has noticed and commented on my accommodations, but I believe that this is the first time that he has compared me to a monster. This makes it stand out and crystallize in my memory. He is only trying to poke fun as a friend might, but we are not friends—not like that. THIS IS A QUIET LIBRARY, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S NOT 4 I look back on that day with a mix of anger and sadness. At the time, I grasped that my working conditions overstimulated my senses (which is why I tried to give them time to cool off), but I only suspected that I might be Autistic. Now that I know for certain and have learned much more about myself and Autism, I am better able to understand what was happening neurologically and why. I am also able to see his remarks for what they are—microaggressions spoken out of ignorance. I confused him, but I was confused too. I did not know why I had always seemed to be different from most other people, which made it difficult to know how to respond when someone would point out a difference. Had I done something wrong? Was something wrong with me? Because of that lack of self-knowledge and awareness, I did not do myself any favors. I did not defend myself or take advantage of teachable moments. This occurred frequently in the past because I was not formally diagnosed until shortly before my 28th birthday a couple years ago. I sought it out because of the trauma that I endured while at that job (which I still sometimes feel the effects of), and going forward I wanted any possible protections, services, or accommodations that an official diagnosis would unlock. I paid hundreds of dollars out of pocket because I had no health insurance at the time, and it was difficult to find a psychologist willing and able to diagnosis an adult. The burden was on me in every way. I am writing this because the burden is still on me. I am a former music educator going to graduate school/in debt to become a music librarian. I am a disabled person living in an ableist society. I am an Autistic self-advocate trying to do more than just survive. Music Librarianship Like the rest of humanity, neurodivergent people use every kind of library, which is why it is important for every kind of librarian to be familiar with neurodiversity. However, for subject THIS IS A QUIET LIBRARY, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S NOT 5 specialists in the performing arts (especially music), such knowledge maybe be even more essential because of the nature of the subject and its relationship to neurodiversity. As Neil Learner and Joseph Straus point out in their introduction to Theorizing Disability in Music: Many of these essays demonstrate the advantages of working with a nonverbal medium. Music can represent mental states directly, including those classified as illnesses or disabilities, without the medium of language. That expressive capacity may explain in part the unusual emphasis in this volume on cognitive impairments and mental illness compared to most work on disability.1 For example, Autistics are more likely to have absolute or relative pitch than the general population,2 and several famous musical figures appear to have had at least some characteristics of Autism. A very strong case has been made about Glenn Gould,3 for instance, although such investigations of the past can be counterproductive. They can contribute to the pop culture myth that savant abilities are a common Autistic trait in those who are not intellectually impaired, and the person being investigated does not have the opportunity to be an active participant in the discussion, either to defend themselves or provide additional evidence. Instead, it is better to speak with and listen to living Autistics who know that they are Autistic. Well-known self-advocates like Dr. Stephen Shore,4 John Elder Robison,5 and Donna Williams6 have written memoirs that mention the role that music plays in their lives, and Dr. Michael Bakan, professor of ethnomusicology at Florida State University, recently published a book that “re-presents” conversations he had with ten Autistics about “how they make, experience, and find meaning in music and why it matters to them that they do.”7 THIS IS A QUIET LIBRARY, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S NOT 6 Music has been at the center of my life too, and there have been times when being involved in it has been beneficial to me, especially when I was undiagnosed. In her memoir Pretending to Be Normal, Liane Holliday Willey writes of a similar feeling: I think cultural and performing arts types must be Aspies [slang for Autistics who’s form of Autism used to be labeled Asperger’s syndrome]. If not, they are surely the next best thing. They are at least amenable friends of Aspies. I found great acceptance among my drama peers, most of whom were extremely tolerant and appreciative of diversities and personal visions. I was able to flourish in such a warm and supportive environment, finding it to be the best place for me to turn many of my AS traits into real and viable assets.8 Performing arts libraries can and should be this kind of environment, especially if performing arts librarians actively seek to make them so. Neurodiversity in LIS Literature When I saw the call for papers for this special issue on diversity and inclusion, my initial thought was to write about neurodiversity, but when I brought it up to the head of the performing arts library at my university (who I was working for at the time and had disclosed to), he asked me what I was talking about. After I explained, he excitedly expressed his support and curiosity about what had already been written, particularly in music. That interaction led to this literature review, which is purposely cursory because this article was first drafted for an accelerated summer course in music librarianship. I limited exploration to merely two databases (Library and Information Science Source and RILM), but to get as many hits as possible, I performed a simple search using only the word “neurodiversity.” For this editorial, I will focus on only the results from LISS.