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March 1-31, 2006 Volume XI Issue No. 3 Twelve Years and Counting

T.E.A.M. Security Is In The News

The United States Win Gold Medals in employees, supervisors and manag- of Country Thunder, Jimmy Buffett, the Winter Olympics. Vice President ers. Many employees now enjoy the Chandler Ostrich Festival, the Dick Cheney is a lousy shot. And the permanent shifts, regular hours and Tempe Music Festival, the World Whippet from the Westminster Dog an occasional special event to help Baseball Classic and many more Show is still running loose. spice up the week. fun and exciting events. But the Big news is that TEAM Secu- As the weather gets warmer and the Learn how you can get a $50, $100 rity made the news in the East Valley spring events start rolling in, or $200 bonus for bringing in friends Tribune. T.E.A.M. employees are looking for- and family for these events. This article was published February 5, ward to some of the best events, 2006 and highlights the need for se- concerts, sporting events and festi- curity in the valley. vals the valley has to offer. As the leader in event security, Check the web site and the news- T.E.A.M. Security is very proud of it’s letter for dates, times and locations

Page 2 ANNIVERSARIES, BIRTHDAYS AND EVENTS

March MARCH EVENTS Anniversaries

Joe Benefield 1 year

James Russo 1 year March 3 March 11

Billy Joel Chandler Ostrich Festival Steve Arambula 3 years USAC Arena Tumbleweed Park Cameron Beach 3 years

Brenda Bunch 3 years

March 4 March 12 Kathy Rice 5 years Low Rider Magazine Chandler Ostrich Festival Tim Rice 5 years Go-Lo Car Show Tumbleweed Park T.J. Sears 5 years AZ State Fairgrounds March Birthdays Dodge Theatre March 5 Vaughn Deatherage Mar. 2 Low Rider Magazine Dorsey Brown Mar. 5 Go-Lo Car Show March 17 William Harrison III Mar. 6 AZ State Fairgrounds St. Patricks Day Celebration. Walter “Kable” Evans Mar. 8 Various Location throughout Pixi Freeman Mar. 11 the city. Dirk Wilkerson Mar. 17 March 6 T.J. Sears Mar. 13 Dream Theatre Jeff Pallavicini Mar. 15 Dodge Theatre March 18 Alfredo Sosa, Jr. Mar. 18 Arizona Beer Festival David “Scott” Delay Mar. 19 Tempe Beach Park Sean McCready Mar. 19 March 7 Curtis LaBatt Mar. 20 World Baseball Classic Debra Copeland Mar. 21 Chase Field March 19 Joe Benefield Mar. 22 Arizona Beer Festival Jon Bearup Mar. 26 Tempe Beach Park Darrell Owenby Mar. 27 March 8 Lynda Benson Mar. 29 World Baseball Classic Chase Field March 25 Ralph Carmichael Phoenix Symphony March 9 Dodge Theatre World Baseball Classic Chase Field March 31 through April 2 T.E.A.M. Cents encourages all staff and Tempe Music Festival employees to submit an article about your March 10 Tempe Beach Park work experience, suggestions and ideas. E- mail your letters to: World Baseball Classic [email protected] Exhibition Game Tempe Festival of the Arts Or FAX to: Maryvale Stadium Downtown Tempe (480) 736-8252

Management has the right to review and approve all written material. Any article deemed inappro- Chandler Ostrich Festival Gay Pride priate will not be published. Tumbleweed Park Steele Indian Park

Page 3 SHIFT REPORTS. News You Need To Know.

GREAT DAY! I hope to find all of you well. From time to time things occur in , in all of ours, and WE set the tone of how these “changes” are applicable to our- selves in what we do and how we act. Respond, React, Communicate, Positively, Negatively, all of these are choices that we have to live with. If we think before we speak (something I’m continually working on) we may speak less and when we do speak, it will have more substance and meaning.

There will be some changes coming up down the road, one at a time, that we will need ALL of your help with. One of these changes effective immediately will be that all of the STO employees will need to call in every Thursday to verify your schedule, even if you have a set schedule you will need to call in. This will help us to eliminate some of the mis-communications and strengthen our commitment to our clients. If you have been working a permanent shift or schedule, please call me to schedule a time to up- date your evaluation status and complete your paperwork. If you would like some permanent shifts and added responsibility, please let me know. Please call me at the office 480 829-6066 x223. Thanks TAZ Refer a friend or family member. $25.00 Bonus for every person that signs on. New employee must work a minimum of 100 hours. Attach a referral card to their application. Contact Elizabeth for more details. 480-829-8326

V.I.P. “n”* *Very Important Phone Numbers Here are some numbers to remember. (You might want to program these into your phone)

480-829-8326 The Main office. Mon-Fri 10:00 to 18:00 602-619-8326 Call this when you get to your shift location and after your shift is done. Don’t call? Don’t get paid. (Okay, if you need some directions, we might be able to help.) 602-219-8326 Scheduling pager. If you need to call off your shift. Remember, you must give a minimum of 4 hours notice. 602-481-8326 Patrol Services Supervisor. From 2100 to 0500 Questions/ concerns if you are at your job site working overnight.

GOT A NEW PHONE? UPDATE YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

Page 4 FIELD CARDS. News From The Staff.

Enjoy it! • We could learn a lot from Here are some great ways of crayons… Michael Silverman dealing with the burdens of life: Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. • Accept that some days you're Some have weird names, the pigeon, and some days and all are different colors, A lecturer, when explaining stress you're the statue. but they all have to live in the management to an audience, • Always keep your words soft same box. raised a glass of water and asked, and sweet, just in case you A truly happy person is one who "How heavy is this glass of wa- have to eat them. can enjoy the scenery on a ter?" • Always read stuff that will detour. Answers called out ranged from make you look good if you die 20g to 500g. in the middle of it. • Drive carefully. It's not only The lecturer replied, "The absolute cars that can be recalled by Kelli McQuillian weight doesn't matter. their maker. It depends on how long you try to • If you can't be kind, at least hold it. If I hold it for a minute, have the decency to be vague. that's not a problem. If I hold it for I urgently needed a few days off • If you lend someone $20 and an hour, I'll have an ache in my work, but I knew the Boss would never see that person again, it right arm. If I hold it for a day, not allow me to take a leave. I you'll have to call an ambulance. was probably worth it. thought that maybe if I acted In each case, it's the same weight, • It may be that your sole pur- "CRAZY" then he would tell me to but the longer I hold it, the heavier pose in life is simply to serve take a few days off. So I hung up- it becomes." as a warning to others. side down on the ceiling and • Never buy a car you can't made funny noises. My coworker He continued, "And that's the way push. • Never put both feet in your (Take a Guess?) asked me what I it is with stress management. was doing? If we carry our burdens all the mouth at the same time, be- time, sooner or later, as the bur- cause then you won't have a I told him that I was pretending to den becomes increasingly heavy, leg to stand on. be a light bulb so that the Boss we won't be able to carry on.” • Nobody cares if you can't would think I was "CRAZY" and As with the glass of water, dance well. Just get up and give me a few days off. you have to put it down for a while dance. A few minutes later the Boss came and rest before holding it again. • Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep into the office and asked "What When we're refreshed, we can are you doing ?" carry on with the burden." late. "So, before you return home to- • The second mouse gets the I told him I was a light bulb. He night, put the burden of work cheese. said, "You are clearly stressed out. down. Don't carry it home. • When everything's coming Go home and recuperate for a You can pick it up tomorrow. your way, you're in the wrong couple of days." I jumped down Whatever burdens you're carrying lane. and walked out of the office. • Birthdays are good for you. When my coworker (Campbell) now, let them down for a moment followed me, the Boss asked him, if you can." The more you have, the So, my friend, why not take a longer you live. "And where do you think you're while to just simply RELAX. • You may be only one person going?" Put down anything that may be a in the world, but you may also burden to you right now. be the world to one person. He said, "I'm going home too, I Don't pick it up again until after • Some mistakes are too much can't work in the dark..." you've rested a while. Life is short. fun to only make once.

Page 5 FIELD CARDS. News From The Staff.

The daughter smiled as she tasted get better and change the situa- Marianne Morrison its rich aroma. The daughter then tion around you. When the hour asked, is the darkest and trials are "What does it mean, mother?" their greatest, do you elevate Carrot, Egg, and Coffee yourself to another level? How Her mother explained that each of do you handle adversity? Are A carrot, an egg, and a cup of cof- these objects had faced the same you a carrot, an egg or a coffee fee...You will never look at a cup of adversity: boiling water. Each re- bean? coffee the same way again. acted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. How- May you have enough happi- A young woman went to her ever, after being subjected to the ness to make you sweet, mother and told her about her life boiling water, it softened and be- enough trials to make you and how things were so hard for came weak. The egg had been frag- strong, enough sorrow to her. She did not know how she ile. Its thin outer shell had protected keep you human and enough was going to make it and wanted its liquid interior, but after sitting hope to make you happy. to give up. She was tired of fighting through the boiling water, its inside and struggling. It seemed as one became hardened. The ground cof- The happiest of people don't problem was solved, a new one fee beans were unique, however. necessarily have the best arose. After they were in the boiling water, of everything; they just make they had changed the water. the most of everything Her mother took her to the kitchen. that comes along their way. The She filled three pots with water and "Which are you?" she asked her brightest future will placed each on a high fire. Soon daughter. "When adversity knocks always be based on a forgotten the pots came to boil. In the first on your door, how do you respond? past; you can't go forward in life she placed carrots, in the second Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee until you let go of your past fail- she placed eggs, and in the bean? ures and heartaches. last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit Think of this: Which am I? Am I the It's easier to build a child than and boil, without saying a word. carrot that seems strong, but with repair an adult. pain and adversity do I wilt and be- In about twenty minutes she turned come soft and lose my strength? off the burners. She fished the car- Am I the egg that starts with a malle- rots out and placed them in a bowl. able heart, but changes with the

She pulled the eggs out and heat? placed them in a bowl. Then she Did I have a fluid spirit, but ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, after a death, a breakup, a financial she asked, "Tell me what you hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does see." FOR RENT my shell look the same, but on the 2 bedroom upstairs apart- "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she inside am I bitter and tough with a ment in Mesa for only $550 replied. Her mother brought her stiff spirit and hardened heart? closer and asked her to feel a month. Have you worked the carrots. She did and noted that Or am I like the coffee bean? The for T.E.A.M. for 30 days or they were soft. The mother then bean actually changes the hot wa- more? If the answer is yes, asked the daughter to take an egg ter, the very circumstance that you are pre-approved to and break it. After pulling off the brings the pain. When the water move in! If you are new to shell, she observed the hard boiled gets hot, it releases the fragrance the company but are looking egg. Finally, the mother asked the and flavor. If you are like the bean, for an apartment, please daughter to sip the coffee. when things are at their worst, you don't hesitate to call Jeff at

(480) 235-9115

Page 6 EMPLOYEE AND SUPERVISOR OF THE QUARTER

Employee of the Quarter Supervisor of the Quarter October through December, 2005 October through December, 2005 Steve Ortega Jeff Pallavicini

Steve is a very professional, highly dependable em- In addition to running Cricket Backstage, Barrett ployee. He is currently posted at the Mesa Marriott Jackson and numerous other event venues, Jeff is a Hotel on a STO and works additional shifts as full time graphic artist. His hard work and profes- needed in all festivals and special events. sionalism are benchmarks for the many employees Congratulations Steve. he supervises. Congratulations Jeff.

SCHEDULING FOR YOUR SHIFTS

THIS IS A SURVEY. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SCHEDULE YOUR SHIFTS 2 WEEKS IN ADVANCE, PLEASE GO TO THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: [email protected] RESULTS OF THIS SURVEY WILL BE POSTED AT THE MAIN OFFICE.

MARLIES MEINHOLD

Health Insurance Health Insurance I have come across some Health Insurance Policies, which are reasonably priced, and may be beneficial to our employees. There are approximately four different types I have available. Please give me a call if you are interested. Or stop in, and I can give you copies of the paperwork.

TAXES, TAXES, TAXES, TAXES, TAXES, TAXES I have decided to put help out, for anyone who needs help doing their taxes. I will help any T.E.A.M. employee do their taxes at no charge. Please call me and make

Page 7 POST ORDERS. LETTERS FROM THE OFFICE.

• How come when you duck Everyone here works so hard, they call you chicken? and we wouldn’t be able to ELIZABETH GILL • If a Smurf chokes, what even have these contracts if it color does he turn? weren’t for all you put into this. • When a car is for sale and it Again, I thank you. And feel has a balloon attached, do free to ponder any of the above Since I think is has been fairly well you get to keep the balloon thoughts at your leisure. If you established that I am the…. How too? need more, let me know, my shall I say it nicely…? Off center • Why isn’t it called a “near craziness knows few limits. member of the office staff, I hit” instead? thought perhaps this month I would • If someone could walk thru change the type of article that I walls, wouldn’t they fall thru write and give you a brief glimpse the floor? BONNIE RANDOLPH inside my head. What keeps me from being truly crazy is the fact • Can a hearse with a corpse that I am able to recognize that use the carpool lane? these thoughts make me a touch • What would Geronimo say It’s my one month anniversary! strange. Oh well, as the quote if he jumped out of a plane? This has been a fun, hectic and slightly crazy learning experience. says; “it is better to laugh at your- • Why do they use sterile Thanks to Ray and Robert for self before anyone else has a needles for lethal injec- tions? teaching me all the scheduling chance to.” As such here are things; Even though Ray calls me some things for you to ponder one. • If someone with multiple a “red neck” ‘cuz I like country mu- Disclaimer: although I think personalities decides to sic. them sober, I would recommend 2- commit suicide, is that a 4 beers BEFORE reading these. hostage situation? It has been fun meeting so many of you an putting faces to names • And finally, how do they get and voices. • What is the point of saying the deer to cross at those Okay. Some serious scheduling _ “may I ask” and then follow- little yellow signs? _ it. (S.S.S.) If you take a shift, ing it up with the question? work it. I would not send you to a • Why “it goes without say- location, then tell you that your job ing” -you already said it. Perhaps now you understand why I has changed and you now have to When does it go WITH say- am usually laughing about some- put in twice as much work as origi- ing? thing, it’s complicated to be me. nally planned. Why then, would Yes, I actually have lists of these you do this to me? Security • How come only your toes guards have lives; they have plans and fingers get wrinkly in types of thoughts; it started as a joke several years ago, and sort of and obligations and every time the shower? someone cancels a shift, shows up • What was Capt. Hook’s became habit to record them. My late or decides (yes, it is a con- name before he lost his eventual goal is to say something cious decision) to no call, no show, hand? profound and be quoted forever, I have to disrupt some ones life to and I am taking a quantity not qual- • How come you can’t hum if cover the open shift. ity approach to that end. Besides, you plug your nose? I firmly believe it is better if people I also realize that many of you are • Do illiterate people get the think that you are a bit crazy, they not from here. Yes, it gets cold at full effect of Alphabet soup? tend to be wary of messing with night. Marrianne and T.J. told you • What would happen if you you. it would get cold. 2:30 in the morning is too late to do anything made microwave popcorn As an aside, I am sure you “this side DOWN”? about it. Calling the scheduling all are aware of the impending bru- pager and complaining to me will • If you die with a broken leg, tality of the next month’s schedule. do they take the cast off? get you the worlds smallest violin I want to thank you in advance for concerto. Do it twice and you • Who keeps the change in all the hard work, and commiserate might find yourself scheduled to the fountains? with the exhaustion. work in an area that has no cell phone reception.

Page 8 POST ORDERS. LETTERS FROM THE OFFICE.

Anyway, enough about work. I You may remember my trepidation ATTORNEY: What is your date like country music, (already said about diaper changing, but actually of birth? that), I have a little boy, enjoy it's been a piece of cake. It's true WITNESS: July 18th. working out, Taco Bell rocks and that it's different when the baby is ATTORNEY: What year? looking forward to being single. your own. Of course odor hasn't WITNESS: Every year. become an issue. Yet. That comes ______Remember, call in for your shifts. later. Thanks to Miss Bonnie for ATTORNEY: What gear were handling things in the scheduling you in at the moment of the im- Bonnie office in my absence. And thanks pact? to you once again for doing a great WITNESS: Gucci sweats and job in the trenches. Reeboks. RAY (new dad) GARCIA ______ATTORNEY: This myasthenia DEANN BARKER gravis, does it affect your mem- I have been christened into the ory at all? world of fatherhood. Wow, nine WITNESS: Yes. Hey to all in TEAMland. I would just months is a long time! But it was ATTORNEY: And in what ways like to remind everyone out there well worth the wait. Little Alexan- does it affect your memory? der Sebastian Garcia was born on that ANY employee can submit an WITNESS: I forget. article to the TEAM newsletter, not Saturday, February 11 at 5:39 pm. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can just office staff. Email your contri- He weighed 7 lbs. 13 oz., and was you give us an example of butions to Lane at measured at 20 3/4 inches long. It something you forgot? [email protected]. All articles was later confirmed at his first ap- ______are due mid-week before publica- pointment with his pediatrician ATTORNEY: How old is your tion on Monday...which means any that he was miss-measured. He is son, the one living with you? submissions for the April newsletter actually 20 inches long. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty- needs to be in by March 21 or 22. If If you would to see some pictures, five, I can't remember which. you do not want to submit an article check out his online photo album ATTORNEY: How long has he but have ideas or issues you would at: lived with you? like to see addressed in the news- http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ WITNESS: Forty-five years. letter, email your suggestions to liveinsf17. His is the 2nd of the 23 ______Lane as well. Now I give you all albums, and is titled Alex-THE ATTORNEY: What was the first some funnies and a little trivia. En- LIFE PURSUIT. As of the time of thing your husband said to you joy! writing, there are 50 pictures. that morning?

I appreciate the support that I've WITNESS: He said, "Where am received from my fellow managers **************************************** I, Cathy?" in the office, and from you in the ATTORNEY: And why did that Disorder in the Court field. It's an incredible time in mine upset you? and Shannon's lives right now. WITNESS: My name is Susan. These are from a book called Dis- Things are even more hectic than ______before. But I'm still here. Some order in the American Courts, and ATTORNEY: Do you know if are things people actually said in people have been surprised to your daughter has ever been court, word for word, taken down hear from me lately and a few involved in voodoo? and now published by court report- people even thought I had left WITNESS: We both do. ers who had the torment of staying T.E.A.M. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? calm while these exchanges were Yes, I've been in the office less WITNESS: We do. actually taking place. lately as my parents have just ATTORNEY: You do? completed their first visit from the WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ------San Francisco Bay Area to meet ______ATTORNEY: Are you sexually ac- their first grandson. ATTORNEY: ALL your re- tive? sponses MUST be oral, OK? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

Page 9 POST ORDERS. LETTERS FROM THE OFFICE.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of A dime has 118 ridges around the true that when a person dies in his your autopsies have you performed edge. sleep, he doesn't know about it un- on dead people? A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. til the next morning? WITNESS: All my autopsies are A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. WITNESS: Did you actually pass performed on dead people. A goldfish has a memory span of three the bar exam? ______seconds. ______ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for. 1/100th of a second. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, that you examined the body? A shark is the only fish that can blink the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: The autopsy started with both eyes. WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.. around 8:30 p.m. A snail can sleep for three years. ______ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was Al Capone's business card said he was ATTORNEY: Were you present dead at the time? a used furniture dealer. All 50 states are listed across the top of when your picture was taken? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the WITNESS: Would you repeat the the table wondering why I was $5 bill. question? doing an autopsy on him! Almonds are a member of the peach ______family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ATTORNEY: So the date of con- ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to Babies are born without kneecaps. ception (of the baby) was August give a urine sample? They don't appear until the 8th? WITNESS: Huh? child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. WITNESS: Yes. ______Butterflies taste with their feet. ATTORNEY: And what were you ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. doing at that time? performed the autopsy, did you "Dreamt" is the only English word that WITNESS: Uh… check for a pulse? ends in the letters "mt". ______WITNESS: No. February 1865 is the only month in re- ATTORNEY: She had three chil- ATTORNEY: Did you check for corded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals dren, right? blood pressure? have been domesticated. WITNESS: Yes. WITNESS: No. If the population of China walked past ATTORNEY: How many were ATTORNEY Did you check for you, in single file, the line would never boys? breathing? end because of the rate of reproduction. WITNESS: None. WITNESS: No. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible 6 months waiting at red lights. ______that the patient was alive when you It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes ATTORNEY: How was your first began the autopsy? open. marriage terminated? WITNESS: No. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scis- sors. WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: How can you be so Maine is the only state whose name is ATTORNEY: And by whose death sure, Doctor? just one syllable. was it terminated? WITNESS: Because his brain was No word in the English language ______sitting on my desk in a jar. rhymes with month, orange, silver, or ATTORNEY: Can you describe the ATTORNEY: But could the patient purple. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag individual? have still been alive, nevertheless? flying over the Parliament building is an WITNESS: He was about medium WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that American flag. height and had a beard. he could have been alive and Our eyes are always the same size ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a practicing law. from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. female? Peanuts are one of the ingredients of ______dynamite. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance ****And now....a little trivia******* Rubber bands last longer when refriger- here this morning pursuant to a Well perhaps you don't know eve- ated. deposition notice which I sent to rything but with this possibly more "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and your attorney? than you ever wanted to know. "lollipop" with your right. WITNESS: No, this is how I dress The average person's left hand does when I go to work 56% of the typing.

Page 10 POST ORDERS. LETTERS FROM THE OFFICE.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches We have shots fired in the south park- and very complicated. The for each gallon of diesel that it burns. ing lot. No one was hurt and all turned whole process only takes about The microwave was invented after a re- out well. But after it was over then we searcher walked by a radar tube and a a 30 minutes max, and you’re think man that was too close, that was done with your taxes. *** You chocolate bar melted in his pocket. right behind me. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps This can be a dangerous job. Most of do need to have a valid email over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the address and all W2’s. alphabet. the time we show up, do our job and go home, but in the day and time we The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. live in we can't just come to work and The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are think it won’t happen to me. We need the same whether they are read left to right to always be on our toes, looking RICHARD ZAHN or right to left (palindromes). around and thinking dose something There are 293 ways to make change for a not sound right. So here is the way I dollar. try to always be. WHEN IN DOUBT, There are more chickens than people in the CHECK IT OUT and WHEN IT I had a thought the other day as world. There are only four words in the English DOUBT, WRITE IT OUT. I was talking with one of my language which end in "dous": Remember we are here to protect sons. He was reflecting on a tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and each other as well as everyone we time last year when he was in hazardous. come in the hospital recovering from There are two words in the English lan- contact with. shoulder surgery. His comment guage that have all five vowels in order: There are a lot of things coming up "abstemious" and "facetious." this month as well as next, and train- to me was, “the simplest things There's no Betty Rubble in ing we take for granted when we Chewables Vitamins. so keep up the great job you’re doing. can’t do them when something Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. like surgery keeps you isolated TYPEWRITER is the longest word that Keep your eyes open. can be made using the letters only on one STAY SAFE AND I'LL SEE YOU OUT for a little while”. row of the keyboard. THERE As I thought about this 16-year- Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room old young man standing in front ROBERT during a dance. of me and the comment he Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of made, I realized that most peo- mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will Tax Season Hint #1 ple do not ever get the concept digest itself. of being thankful for what we ...... Now you know everything For all those who are doing their have. He did, and for that he will own taxes; and that aren’t overly appreciate life in a more com- complicated, I have this site to plete manor. direct you to. If your income is less 50,000 you can e-file for free, If you woke up this morning or have it all filled out online and with more health than illness, just print it to mail by the USPS. you are more blessed than the ROBERT RUSSELL Go to www.taxes.mn.gov in the million who won't survive the top center of the page click on the week. “file for free if your income is less than $50,000 ” It will bring HEY ALL, If you have never experienced you to another government page the danger of battle, I always wait till the last minute to do that lists a variety of online tax the loneliness of imprisonment, my newsletter because you never programs. I found that the Turbo- the agony of torture or the pangs know what is going to happen or what's Tax site is by far the easiest and of starvation, you are ahead of new. most user-friendly. Just follow the 20 million people around the So this month what I've seen and heard link and it is wickedly simple. It world. in the field is that we have become works just as tidily even if you complacent, and what I'm saying is: are have to file multiple returns. (i.e.; If you attend a church meeting you aware of what is going on around you moved from another state last you at all times? I'll use Park n Swap as without fear of harassment, ar- year.) Caution: you MUST get an example. This is not to point a finger rest, torture, or, you are more at anyone or say they did something to this site via the links; if you go blessed than almost three billion wrong. to TurboTax directly it is not free, people in the world.

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If you have food in your refrigera- Chicago tor, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to *The Amazon rainforest produces * Next to Warsaw, Chicago has sleep, you are richer than 75% of more than 20% the world's oxygen the largest Polish population in this world. supply. the world.

If you have money in the bank, in * The Amazon River pushes so Detroit your wallet, and spare change in a much water into the Atlantic Ocean dish someplace, you are among that, more than one hundred miles * Woodward Avenue in Detroit, the top 8% of the world's wealthy. at sea, off the mouth of the river, Michigan carries the designation one can dip fresh water out of the M - 1, If your parents are still married and ocean. named so because it was the alive, you are very rare, especially first paved road anywhere. in the United States. * The volume of water in the Ama- zon river is greater than the next Damascus, Syria If you hold up your head with a eight largest rivers in the world smile on your face and are truly combined and three times the flow * Damascus, Syria, was flourish- thankful, you are blessed because of all rivers in the United States. ing a couple of thousand years the majority can, but most do not. before Rome was founded in 753 Antarctica BC, making it the oldest continu- If you can hold someone's hand, ously inhabited city in existence. hug them or even touch them on *Antarctica is the only land on our the shoulder, you are blessed be- planet that is not owned by any Istanbul, Turkey cause you can offer God's healing country. touch. * Istanbul, Turkey is the only city * Ninety percent of the world's ice in the world located on two If you can read this message, you covers Antarctica. This ice also continents. are more blessed than over two represents seventy percent of all billion people in the world that can- the fresh water in the world. Los Angeles not read anything at all. * As strange as it sounds, however, * Los Angeles's full name is El You are so blessed in ways you Antarctica is essentially a desert. Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Re- may never even know. The average yearly total precipita- ina de los Angeles de Porciun- tion is about two inches. cula --and can be abbreviated to So………we all should take a mo- 3.63% of its size: L.A. ment to reflect and remember the • Although covered with ice (all times we have struggled, and in but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is New York City turn appreciate what we have. the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower * The term "The Big Apple" was Be safe out there….TAZ than the Gobi desert. coined by touring jazz musicians of the TAZBOX Brazil 1930s who used the slang Sometimes you just never know __expression "apple" for any when your brain might be chal- • * Brazil got its name from the town or city. lenged to grow….enjoy. nut, not the other way around. Therefore, to play New York City Canada is to play the big time - The Big Interesting & Amazing Geographic Apple. Facts * Canada has more lakes than the Alaska rest of the world combined.

* More than half of the coastline of * Canada is an Indian word mean- the entire United States is in ing "Big Village." Alaska.

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* There are more Irish in New York Sahara Desert City than in Dublin, Ireland; more LANE HONDA Italians in New York City than in * In the Sahara Desert, there is a Rome, Italy; and more Jews in town named Tidikelt, which did not New York City than in Tel Aviv, receive a drop of rain for ten years. Putting together this newsletter Israel. has become one of the high- Spain lights of my job. I really enjoy • Percentage of Africa that is wil- the many articles and the great derness: 28. Percentage of * Spain literally means 'the land of feedback I get from everyone in North America that is wilder- rabbits.' the field. I hope to continue this ness: 38. responsibility and ask that all St. Paul Minnesota who read this, please take a Ohio moment to send a note ex- * St. Paul, Minnesota was originally pressing some thoughts or * There are no natural lakes in the called Pigs Eye after a man named share a humorous anecdote. state of Ohio, every one is man- Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant who set made. up the first business there. There is also a dark side of my job. Every HR manager has Pitcairn Island Roads had to face it and I’m no excep- tion. It has to deal with the em- * The smallest island with country * Chances that a road is unpaved ployees who cannot/will not ful- status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at in the U.S.A.: 1%, in Canada: 75%. fill their obligation to work. just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km. Texas So let’s keep it short and sweet. Rome * The deepest hole ever made in If you accept a shift, please * The first city to reach a popula- the world is in Texas. It is as deep work the shift. If you cannot tion of 1 million people was Rome, as 20 empire state buildings but work a shift, 1). Don’t take it, 2) Italy only 3 inches wide. call off in plenty of time so we in 133 B.C. can replace you. The em- United States ployee handbook and your ori- • There is a city called Rome entation supervisors have told on every continent. * The Eisenhower interstate system you what the requirements are. requires that one-mile in every five But to make life a little clearer, Siberia must be straight. These straight let me re-state this information. sections are usable as airstrips in * Siberia contains more than 25% times of war or other emergencies. You are required to call NO of the world's forests. LESS THAN 4 hours prior to Waterfalls your shift. If your shift begins at S.M.O.M. 0700, have the courtesy to call * The water of Angel Falls (the the night before. World's highest) in Venezuela * The actual smallest sovereign To further emphasize the seri- drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). entity in the world is the Sovereign ousness of this situation, I have They are 15 times higher than Ni- Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M.). a database that contains all the agara Falls. It is located in the city of Rome, various infractions. It used to

Italy, has an area of two tennis be that a late call or cancella- courts, and as of 2001 has a popu- tion was dealt with through HR. Remem- lation of 80, 20 less people than Well, folks, I think the best thing ber………………………….TAZ the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity I can do for you is to send you under international law, just as the through orientation again. Vatican is. You can absorb 8 hours of fun

Page 13 POST ORDERS. LETTERS FROM THE OFFICE. and learning; with T.J. or Marianne So much in our lives is part of shift- That is the direct result of a shift- glaring at you all day long. ing baselines. Are you sure that ing baseline. We have become your Big Mac tastes the same to- less tolerant, because it was I would much rather spend my time day as it did 40 years ago? A 1960 suddenly acceptable to be a little doing crossword puzzles or playing quarter was pure silver. It still is a intolerant. We do not need to blackjack at some casino than sit- quarter today, but is not worth the respect the President of the ting behind my desk going over the same, nor will it buy you as much. United States, or the office he same issues for the third and forth Morals, acceptable behavior, his- holds, we do not have to respect time. toric sites and national parks, even the flag, God, Christmas. What the landscape of our cities. How do we respect? Ask yourself – So let’s work together. Have some many of you have complained Who or what do you respect? I fun, please think about your ac- about how much Phoenix has was talking to someone a few tions and keep a professional atti- grown, how there used to be farm weeks ago, and asked him that tude when you are out on post. fields here or there, how desert question. He responded that he landscape has disappeared? really respected a professional Change is often good, but not just athlete. It does not matter which for the sake of “progress”. Often one. Pretty good chance that the change is called progress, because only reason he might have a col- it is just one of those terms that is lege degree is that someone easily embraced. How can you be pushed him through the system against progress, right? Kind of like because of his athletic skills, can MICK HIRKO how can you be against the Patriot barely speak English, calls women ho’s, and treats them Act? That would be unpatriotic. De- accordingly. SO, I asked this stroying coral reefs, desert and person why he respected this How many of you are familiar with farm fields for the sake of more athlete, and the answer I got the concept of the shifting base- room for people or houses, or for was: “Because he is king of the line? It was a concept that I first the sake of entertainment is not field, and he makes some seri- became familiar with though a progress. Embracing more extreme ous bank”. Yup, that is the rea- group of activists, who are trying to sports, acting immorally or without son you should respect some- save the few remaining coral reefs thought or regard of consequences one. Those are some good val- though out the world. The basic is not progressive. Once you shift ues. Now I know why we are in idea of the shifting baseline is that the baseline, it is almost impossible trouble. I know I promised as a things change so gradually, that no to move it back. Once you build a new years resolution that I one notices the change, and eve- house on what used to be farmland would stick to issues that truly ryone excepts the way it looks as or desert, it will likely never again had to do with work, and not use always having been that way. In be farmland or desert. The same the newsletter as a political plat- the example of the coral reefs, can be said about morality of be- form or an outlet for my opin- they compare pictures taken 50 havior. I constantly see things that ions. Notice how I have not years ago with the exact same make me worry. The hatred and mentioned the incompetent TSA stop today. The reefs are beautiful mob mentality I see in the face of or the idiotic French once? I am in the current pictures, full of color Arab protesters who would love an very proud of myself, and my and fish. Then you look at he pic- opportunity to kill an American, I restraint! tures from 50 years ago, and see have seen in the faces of Ameri- How does this all relate to how alive they were back then cans trying to start lawn fires at T.E.A.M.? Respect. We ask you There was much more coral, and Cricket Pavilion or trying to provoke to be respectful towards each the colors were incredibly vibrant. the police and riot on Mill Avenue. other. We ask you to be honest There was so much marine life, There is so much hatred in our and to conduct yourself in a you could not even count all of it. It world, in a world where people get moral manner. I have been was amazing, comparing the two. killed for looking at someone the asked repeatedly over time to Both are very beautiful, but the old wrong way, for being in the wrong make it easier to come work for one was overwhelming in compari- neighborhood, being the wrong someone, to sign off on a train- son. color or the wrong religion. ing verification, a

Page 14 POST ORDERS. LETTERS FROM THE OFFICE. even if someone has not gone to full class, to lower standards, make exceptions, etc. I will not compro- mise standards. I have made re- cruiters cry because of it (Sorry Clear, just make more grem- lins….), but I will not compromise the principles that this company was founded on. I have been told repeatedly that I need to have spe- cial consideration and sensitivity towards certain “Generation X” members. (I actually saw an inter- view where a guy said: “Hey, I don’t need a #*@%ing job. I’m a gen-xer!”) Yeah, sensitivity towards self centered, self absorbed and lazy people is one of my strong points. Especially towards excuses why someone cannot, will not and does not want to work. No worries people – The baseline is not shift- ing here. The values, principles and morals of this organization are solid, and shall remain so. If we make any changes, those changes will be made for the betterment and improvement of all of us, and not to cut corners, or to make it easier at the cost of our core val- ues. We believe in certain values, and we do not desire to be part of a shifting baseline. We have evolved as a company over the years, and have re-invented ourselves again and again. You can be assured that whatever changes we make, they are to make us better, more efficient and more professional.

One last word of warning – Dickie Soup is on vacation for several weeks. As a result, we have all been free of his influences and his aura. Consequently, look forwards to next month’s newsletter being a lot clearer, the subjects more thought provoking, the words a bit longer – all in all, just a bit smarter. Be safe, keep the peace, and I’ll see you out there.