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M. FAE GLASGOW if i needed someone multumÎÎÎÎ in parvoÎÎÎÎ pæanÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ to priapus ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ v ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ an anthology of multi-media fiction Volume five ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ ÎÎÎÎ PÆAN TO PRIAPUS V: MULTUM IN PARVO ÎÎÎÎ 1 ÎÎÎÎ M. FAE GLASGOW if i needed someone multumÎÎÎÎ in parvoÎÎÎÎ pæanÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ to priapus ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎv warning: this anthology contains same sex, adult oriented material. it will not be sold to anyone under the age of eighteen. ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ an anthology of multi-media fiction Volume five ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ ÎÎÎÎ PÆAN TO PRIAPUS V: MULTUM IN PARVO ÎÎÎÎ 1 ÎÎÎÎ if i needed someone M. FAE GLASGOW ÎÎÎÎ ÎÎÎÎ Pæan to Priapus V is available from www.oblique-publications.net or in printed form from the publisher. Send an email to [email protected] or send SASE to the address below for further information. AGE STATEMENT REQUIRED WITH ORDER OBLIQUE PUBLICATIONS P.O. BOX 43784 TUCSON, AZ USA 85733-3784 Also available from Oblique Publications (Note: All publications are slash and require an age statement with order.) the OBLAQUE series (Blake’s 7 slash) Oblaque Oblaquer Oblaquest Oblaque IV: to be taken intravenously Oblaque V: in venery veritas Oblaque Sextus the BENT COPPERS series (The Professionals slash) …As a £3 Note …As Two £3 Notes …As Three £3 Notes the PÆAN TO PRIAPUS series (multi-media and literary slash) Pæan to Priapus, volumes I, II, III, IV the BENE DICTUM series (well put, well said, well dicked) A Dickensian Christmas by M. FAE GLASGOW. The fiction word count for Pæan to Priapus V is 68,101 Pæan to Priapus V is an amateur publication, copyright Sept., 1993 by Oblique Publications. All rights reserved. This copyright is not intended to infringe upon or conflict with other holders of copyrights. No reprints of any type are permitted without express written permission of the publisher and individual contributors involved. ÎÎÎÎ 2 ÎÎÎÎ PÆAN TO PRIAPUS V: MULTUM IN PARVO ÎÎÎÎ M. FAE GLASGOW if i needed someone ÎÎÎÎ TO THE READER ÎÎÎÎ Multum in Parvo—much in little. Pæan to Priapus V is a bit shorter than our normal zine, so we thought we’d subtitle it just to let you know that good things do come in small packages. Or rather, it’s not the size that counts. (Hmm, a very appropriate sentiment for a slash zine.) The stories this issue fall into four different universes. There are three Professionals tales, two Blake’s 7, and two Sherlock Holmes. The eighth is from The Crying Game. There is also a general theme of music appearing in many of the stories. Without a word about it to me, M. Fae decided to use Beatles’ songs as inspiration. She is quite familiar with my opinion that, other than the Beatles, popular music is not worth listening to. In fact, whenever I come to visit, she very kindly turns off the loud noise emanating from her CD player. A true friend indeed. Anyway, M. Fae figured I would know the lyrics to the songs she chose. She’s right, I do. So readers, if you don’t, then I suggest you get hold of the songs and check them out before you read the stories. In fact, you might even play them in the background as you read. Wonderful inspiration. Say M. Fae, I have an idea for another Beatles’ tune. How does Come Together sound to you…? The usual suspects are to be thanked: Kota, M. Fae, and LDM—the last two in particular for hosting a party for tons of people while I packed up the computer and sneaked off to work elsewhere. —Caroline K. Carbis, editor CONTENTS The Professionals And All the Secrets 5 Tallis The Earth That They Inherit 19 Shoshanna If I Fell 27 Edi N. Burgh Sherlock Holmes A Thrice-Daily Injection 47 Jane Mailander If I Needed Someone 52 Emma Scot The Crying Game Lavender Blue 66 Gael X. Ile Blake’s 7 Revolution 74 Cally Donia Head in Hands 83 M. Fae Glasgow ÎÎÎÎ PÆAN TO PRIAPUS V: MULTUM IN PARVO ÎÎÎÎ 3 ÎÎÎÎ ÎÎÎÎ TALLIS and all the secrets ÎÎÎÎ TALLIS ÎÎÎÎ AND ALLTHE SECRETS ÎÎÎÎ This is the first of the Professionals pieces. Tallis says it was inspired by constant daily listening to U2’s song Love is Blindness. After a year or so of subjecting herself to the song, And All the Secrets just erupted from her brain. And so somewhat like Bodie in the story, Tallis didn’t have a choice. She had to write! Ray Doyle awoke unceremoniously on Doyle’s supine form. to the sound of rain Doyle stared at him with narrowed eyes. pattering unrelentingly “This is your wake up call, petal. Half five, as ÎÎÎÎ on the window pane requested.” Bodie plucked a slice of toast from the and the smell of bacon frying. One slender hand tray and managed to stuff most of it in his mouth. snaked its way out of the untidy mass of covers “Time to rise and shine and greet the new day. To piled on the bed to scratch drowsily at his nose. He say nothing of Cowley who’ll be here in twenty opened his eyes just long enough to read the time minutes.” He grinned as Doyle struggled to sit up on the watch on his wrist. Three hours he’d been without upending the tray all over himself. asleep. Shouldn’t’ve slept so long, ought to get up. “Shit.” Doyle scrambled to untangle himself He yawned and scrunched back under the warmth from the huge pile of bedclothes, fettered by the of blankets, ready to drift back for a few more tray and Bodie. “Get off the covers, you lug, and minutes of uninterrupted half-sleep. His head lemme out of here.” sinking contentedly into the pillow, he was periph- “What’s your rush?” Bodie asked, poking a large erally aware of the thud of footsteps clumping up strip of bacon into his mouth as Doyle, still clad in the stairs, the creak of the door swinging open and yesterday’s rumpled jeans and T-shirt, finally the rattle of china and silverware. The smell of extricated himself from the bed and stood on firm, bacon grew stronger, insinuating itself into the cozy if naked, footing in the chill of early dawn. warmth surrounding him. A muffled grunt accom- “Oh,yeah,” he said dropping to his knees and panied by a dangerous swaying of the bed almost reaching under the bed. “We’re supposed to be rolled him onto his side and announced the arrival minding this Chelten bloke—” his muffled voice of his very awake and very bulky partner. drifted up from underneath the coverlet. “Oi, Doyle.” Bodie chirruped brightly. “Rise and “—sleeping like a babe—” Bodie pointed out. shine, sleepyhead.” Doyle pulled a sock and two trainers from under “Go ‘way” Doyle grumbled, trying to fumble the the bed. “—from all and sundry villains and blankets over his head. But his big lump of a nasties—” partner was sitting on a corner of them and they Bodie eyed another strip of bacon. “—if babes were going nowhere, pinned by the sheer mass of snore and wheeze in their sleep—” Bodie. “—and the Cow’ll walk in,” Doyle popped out “Now is that any way to treat room service, from under the covers, second sock in hand, “and mate?” Bodie asked amid the rattle of crockery. find us having a nice little lie in instead of keeping “Brought you brekkers in bed.” And he watch on his prize witness.” Sitting on the cold plopped a laden tray of eggs, bacon, and toast floor he jammed a foot into the balled up sock. ÎÎÎÎ PÆAN TO PRIAPUS V: MULTUM IN PARVO ÎÎÎÎ 5 ÎÎÎÎ and all the secrets TALLIS ÎÎÎÎ ÎÎÎÎ “Don’t know about you mate, but I want to live gaze toward his sullen agents idling in the small long enough to leave this fucking safehouse and—” kitchen. “Oh, is that what this is?” Bodie sighed as he “How did he find you?” Cowley asked Doyle, lifted the last broken bit of bacon to his mouth. “I’d who only shrugged and grimaced, hands stuffed been wondering what we were doing here, up all into jacket pockets. night with guns and all.” “Dunno, sir,” Bodie answered for his partner. “Bloody hell, Bodie,” Doyle said angrily as he “No one knew where he was and we kept our viciously yanked tight the laces of his trainer. “Why heads down getting here. By the book, sir.” didn’t you get me up sooner?” He glared up at Cowley grunted. Chelten was the key witness in Bodie who sat on the bed, wide-eyed, licking a case they had all put interminable hours into and thumb and forefinger in turn. his death was going to cripple it. Wasted effort, “What? And have you lose a single, precious Cowley thought angrily. But what gnawed at him moment of your beauty sleep? Tut, tut, was how the gunman had known where they were Raymondo...” There was a sudden squeal of tires keeping him. As Bodie had said, by the book, and he outside and the sound of a revving engine. Before knew the two of them would have been scrupu- thought had time to register, the two men were lously careful. He didn’t like loose ends like this. racing out onto the landing and down the stairs, He walked over to the mute gunman, wishing the guns drawn and faces intent. The roar of gunfire man could speak.

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