Volume 45 - Issue 09 - Friday, December 4, 2009

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Winter 12-4-2009

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 45 - Issue 09 - Friday, December 4, 2009" (2009). The Rose Thorn Archive. 111. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/111

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2009 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 45, ISSUE 9 Portraits of women in art News Briefs Tim Ekl rial was gen- By Alex Mullans P h o t o E d i t o r erally well received. ose-Hulman often D e s p i t e Attention showcases the ac- having been seekers crash White Rcomplishments of in the field women in engineering fields, for over three House party but only rarely do students decades, Mc- and faculty look back on the Neal is more Michaele and Tareq Salahi were un- great strides women have than happy known to most Americans before Presi- made in other fields. to continue dent Obama’s first state dinner. Now, Thursday, December 3, her lecture controversy swirls around them, and Rose-Hulman hosted Harriet series as long around the U.S. Secret Service, because McNeal, Emeritus Professor of as she can. of their attendance. In the week follow- Humanities, Art, and Women’s “I love ing the dinner, it has become clear that Studies at Indiana State Uni- t e a c h i n g , the couple was trying to qualify Michaele versity, for a one-hour lecture particularly for the Bravo network’s show “The Real about the role women have with interest- Housewives of D.C.” In fact, representa- played in art and art history. ed students,” tives for the couple have already contact- McNeal enjoys giving these McNeal said. ed major television networks, saying that lectures because, in her view, the couple will speak for “a payment in the contributions of women the mid-six figures range” . Calls for the to artistic fields tend to be resignation of the head of the Secret Ser- understated. vice are beginning to appear in the news “Really, until the 70s, no- world. body knew any women artists – didn’t even know their names. They didn’t exist,” Facebook McNeal said. “In the 70s, when I began to learn that removes regional they did exist, I just had to learn about them, so I started networks teaching it.” In a move that has surprised many in McNeal taught at ISU for the tech community, Facebook is elimi- thirty years, and now gives nating the regional networks that once three to four lectures a year defined the site. Networks like that for about art history in general Rose-Hulman will remain, but Terre and artistic women in par- Haute, IN will no longer be a joinable ticular. Her specific field of network. Site founder Mark Zuckerberg expertise is the Renaissance Tim Ekl / Rose Thorn posted an open letter to Facebook us- period. ers December 1st noting that the main Several students and area Dr. Harriet McNeal lectures on the role women have played in art and art history. Dr. McNeal’s reason behind the change was to ensure citizens attended McNeal’s area of expertise is the Renaissance period, but her lecture on Thursday afternoon covered all eras that Facebook users had their privacy presentation, and the mate- of art. preserved. In addition to the removal, Zuckerberg also said that Facebook privacy settings will become easier to use; the site will offer recommendations Spreading AIDS awareness based on your past activity and privacy settings. Christine Price campus to acquire condoms intern that is a master’s stu- formed that many of today’s O p i n i o n s E d i t o r is the C-Store, as Rose-Hul- dent at Indiana University, young adults don’t view HIV man’s Health Services does presented information to a or AIDS as a real concern, EU Lisbon Treaty n recognition of the not distribute birth control. limited audience. Although despite the fact that it con- December 1 World T a b l e a mul- tinues to spread. There are strengthens bloc IAIDS Day, the Unity d e c o - t i t u d e currently over 300 HIV+ resi- Club brought in a speaker r a t i o n [The program] was of fli- dents in the Wabash Valley, The European Union has finally rati- from Planned Parenthood featured ers had and there were at least eight fied their new Lisbon Treaty which aims to talk about HIV, AIDS, and a Unity very educating and b e e n new cases in 2008. to bring the political bloc closer togeth- how to make safe sex fun, banner, p l a c e d Students learned that with er and create a cleaner decision-mak- and handed out free Durex red rib- fun. in the the medications currently ing framework. One of the most promi- condoms and information b o n s a c a - available, it is possible for nent changes is the strengthening of the about HIV and AIDS in Mo- ( w h i c h d e m i c the HIV virus to be reduced long-term president’s power. Before the ench commons. Reactions w e r e –Robert Williamson, b u i l d - to a level that return nega- treaty, the president was merely a “first to the table were mixed; like a l s o “Unity Club President ings to tive tests; despite this, once among equals” figurehead; now, he has with any promotional table a v a i l - a d v e r - a person is HIV+, they are al- greater administrative power. The trea- in the commons, many stu- able to tise the ways HIV+. ty took two years to formalize because dents simply ignored the t h o s e e v e n t , Students also participated of the sweeping changes it presented. free prophylactics and infor- interested in them). all but four (those located in in an interactive portion that Nonetheless, it took effect on December mational pamphlets, while At 4:30 p.m, two repre- the computer science labs) covered the proper steps in 1, with Belgian Prime Minister Herman some others greatly appreci- sentatives from Planned had been removed before putting on a condom, which Van Rompuy taking office as the EU’s ated the free protection, and Parenthood, Niles-Carnes lunch. The speaking event Robert Williamson, presi- first President under the treaty. picked up many condoms. from Bloomington Planned was” humorous and infor- dent of Unity, says “was very Currently, the only place on Parenthood and Debbie, her mative. Students were in- educating and fun.” In this issue of the Rose Thorn... Girls! Girls! Academic

Ramen galore GIRLS!

NEWS OPINIONS all-league

F overload LIPSIDE ENTERTAINMENT4 LIVING 6 3 Pandora vs. Letters to the 8 The warmth of fellowship 5

Grooveshark Editor 7SPORTS

8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 Puzzles & Classifieds The Rose Thorn Rose-doku By Andrew Klusman Movie Quote of the Week By Andrew Klusman Instructions: Instructions: Solve the puzzle by filling in the blanks but be careful to not re- Solve the puzzle by deciphering the following quote and figure out peat the symbols (S, T, N, I, C, H, O, L, and A) vertically, horizon- from which song the quote is. Each letter represents a different tally or within the bold 3x3 sub-grid squares. letter in the alphabet.

I S Hint (Solution = Crypto): A = J B = C C = P S A I H J FWBRH ZHF FBVRG / (GBZ’O ABL GJVH PRBQH ______/ (_ _ _’______A O ABLV / HAHQ) / J WLZGVHG OWBLQJZG N S C O _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _) / ______

T L O C N S OWUZTQ OB QHH (WBRG ABLV CVHJOW UO

S T N H ______(______

S C THOQ CHOOHV) / U’E RUXH J QWBBOUZT ______) / _’______L S O T QOJV / U’IH PBEH QB NJV / U PJZ’O TB CJPX N A _ _ _ _ / _’______/ _ _ _ _’______

Find the answers to all Rose Thorn puzzles at: OB FWHVH U LQHG OB CH ______http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Classifieds Roommates wanted House for rent Apartments for rent Roommates wanted to share nice 4 bedroom house. 5 bedroom house for rent. 20 minutes from Rose cam- Available 2nd quarter You’ll love your own space in this Quiet neighborhood 4.5 miles southwest of campus, off pus. On South Cullen Place. Asking $1,000/month but efficiency at Sharp Flats East, a student community, Hulman Street. $350 per person and utilities. Call today am flexible depending on terms we determine. Rent located the first light east of RHIT. Price includes all (812) 591-3812. terms and durations are flexible. (618) 445-1640. utilities. To see contact us at [email protected] or 812-877-1146.

Now Leasing Swags Tees and More 3 bedroom, 4 bedroom, houses, spacious Custom printed tees hoodies etc. for all events. MUST SEE! Call 232-6947 for prices. 812-232-6977 2950 S 7th Street Low Prices and Fast Turnaround [email protected]

Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff

Co-Editor in Chief Scott Gallmeier CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers Eli Baca Co-Editor in Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Matthew Bryant News Editor Noel Spurgeon Phone:(812)877-8255 Annie Bullock Entertainment Editor Ben Collins Fax: (812)877-8166 Andrew Ernster Living Editor Melissa Schwenk E-mail: [email protected] Mitchell Ishmael Alexander Mullans Opinions Editor Christine Price http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Sports Editor Tim Boyer Lindsey Saxton Humor Editor James Zhou Elliot Simon Co-Copy Editor Clint Thompson “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Hobey Tam Co-Copy Editor Carly Baehr by providing an accurate and J.P. Verkamp Photo Editor Tim Ekl dependable source for news and information.” Kurtis Zimmerman Layout Manager Cari Harper The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays first through ninth week each quarter.

Administrative Staff Cartoonist Carly Baehr

Advertising Manager Lindsey Saxton Business Manager Andrew Carlson Photographers Albert Mui Webmaster Tom W. Most Mike Reis Advisor Richard House Matt Vargo

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, December 4, 2009 NEWS 3 An all-American road trip Giving the gift of life Tim Ekl Photo Editor Tim Ekl Photo Editor Thanksgiving break is usually fairly traditional: students go Heartland Blood Center held home to their families and en- their quarterly blood drive on joy a nice turkey dinner. Simon Rose-Hulman’s campus Wednes- Liang, freshman software engi- day, December 2. This quarter’s neer and international student drive resulted in over 150 pints from China, had a much more of blood donated to Heartland active break. for use in transfusions. Liang took a week-long road Tim Ekl/ Rose Thorn Instead of being a larger event trip with his floormate Andrew held in the Union, however, this Daw, freshman mechanical en- Freshman Simon Liang, who quarter’s drive was held in sev- gineer. Together, Liang and Daw took a road trip this Thanksgiv- eral blood collection buses out- started their trip by taking in ing break side. This deviation was due to a the Pacers/Cavaliers NBA game showed up at 5am and waited in scheduling conflict: next week, at Conseco Fieldhouse. line for an hour for the chance when Heartland usually collects The trip continued with mu- to buy a flatscreen TV. from Rose-Hulman, a major tual SA Tyler Jewell, whose After his shopping adven- drive was scheduled elsewhere. house near Decatur, IL Liang tures, Liang headed up to A more modular approach had and Daw stayed at for a night. Michigan, where he met his RA, to be found, according to a The trip continued through Steve Jones, junior mechanical Heartland Blood Centers work- suburban Chicago to Gray- engineer, at Buffalo Wild Wings. er at the drive. slake, where the pair stayed two While in Michigan, Liang made Despite the unusual condi- nights. They also visited the All a point of visiting the Ford Mu- Tim Ekl/ Rose Thorn tions, Rose-Hulman staff were Time Low rock concert at the seum. A student participates in Wednesday’s blood drive. The drive resulted in very grateful to students for House of Blues in Chicago. “It was a good trip,” Liang the collection of over 150 pints of blood. their continued donations. While in Grayslake, Liang said. “Better than school.” marked a milestone: he celebrated his first American The warmth of fellowship Thanksgiving. Want to see your “I was content with the tur- Tim Ekl key,” Liang said. “We don’t really name in print? Photo Editor have Thanksgiving in China…so this was my first Thanksgiving.” Write for us! With the ﬁrst snowfall in Terre Of course, being a Rose-Hul- Haute, the winter season is ofﬁ- man student, Liang couldn’t cially upon Rose-Hulman. So why stay away from the biggest thorn-news@rose- not combat the cold with a few hot electronics shopping day of the hulman.edu drinks? year: Black Friday. Liang and That’s the reasoning behind Daw visited a Target, where they InterVarsity’s winter outreach programs, which provide hot drinks such as tea and hot chocolate to Veterans share students across campus. The outreach event took place in Blum- experiences at luncheon berg Thursday, December 3, with other events being spread across learned a lot. Diversity is about the winter quarter. Alex Mullans much more than racial and gen- “We wanted to do something Staff Writer der differences;it’s about peo- nice and loving for the triplets to ple’s life experiences, and about show God’s love for people,” Mi- The Diversity Committee what makes this world such a chael Hoerner, junior engineer- hosted its first ever Veteran’s vibrant place to be. Members ing physics major and InterVarsity Day commemorative lunch this of the military make up a size- small group leader, said. year. Over a dozen people at- able portion of our community, tended to hear veterans share and we have a lot to learn from their stories. them about who we all are.” Regarding the event, Diversity It is worth noting that Rose Committee chair Mark Minster has produced a great num- had this to say: “The Diversity ber of veterans over the years Committee is grateful to those through its Air Force and Army who attended, to the veter- Reserve Officer Training Corps ans who have given so much programs. of themselves, and I for one

Tim Ekl/ Rose Thorn Students participate in InterVarsity’s Hot Beverage Night in Blumberg hall. The leaders of the small group for the triplets put on the event so that students could enjoy some refreshments and fellowship. This week at Rose-Hulman December 4 December 5-6 December 7 December 8 December 9 December 10

-Rose-Hulman -Robert Rea memorial -Explore Engineering -Mathematics Semi- -’Up Till Dawn’ fund- Swimming and Diving service meeting nar, ‘Aviation Security’ raiser Invitational -Intramural bowling -Software Intellectual -Professional Devel- -Swing Club Winter tournament Property Seminar opment Seminar, ‘Or- Gala ganizational Skills and -Preforming Arts Se- -Women’s basketball Time Management’ ries: Cherryholmes’ versus Webster Uni- Christmas Show versity 4 Entertainment The Rose Thorn “Ninja Assassin” a must- “Blackest Night” see martial arts thriller Eli Baca “Ninja Assassin” are compara- Hobey Tam Staff Writer ble to “The Protector.” Though Staff Writer the main character in “The Pro- The latest in crossover events from DC Com- tector” comes from a different ics comes in the form of creepy dead people and Finally, the drought of martial background than Raizo, the ac- black rings in the limited series titled “Blackest arts action thriller pictures has tion is very similar and shot in Night.” The series is planned to end in April 2010 ended with the release of James the same fashion – fast, high and is said to involve a personified force of death McTeigue’s “Ninja Assassin.” impact, intricate, executed with resurrecting deceased superheroes and seeking This motion picture is the epit- precision, and plain badass. to eliminate all life and emotion from the uni- ome of a martial arts thriller. None of that acrobatic duck and verse. Besides the limited series, Blackest Night is The plot is fairly straightfor- dodge slap comedy common in also being published in Green Lantern and Green ward and linear but still rich Jackie Chan films. 99 minutes of Lantern Corps, as well as having other tie-ins with conflict and tension. There limb flinging and blood drench- across the DC Universe. is abundant subtle humor ing. If any of you have played Green Lantern #46 and Green Lantern Corps complementing the adrena- PS2’s “God of War” series, Raizo #40 serve as a middle of the series, with events line pumping action with every is the Asian equivalent of Kra- already unfolding and Lanterns all over being frame of footage. As you step tos and there is only one word faced with friends and loved ones thought long into Raizo’s (Ji Hung Jeong — to describe a level of action deceased. The two comics stand apart from each rogue ninja assassin) world that high – sublime and of the other but both serve to deliver more of the Black- through excellently spliced utmost brutal caliber, brutally est Night storyline, just in multiples parts of the flashbacks, his past is plagued badass. universe. In Green Lantern, Hal Jordan is trying with harsh training, failed love, I had my doubts going into this to gather other “colors” of the spectrum, getting and betrayal. Common themes movie but a gut feeling told me his (maybe?) lady from the Star Sapphires, Carol, of valor, honor, pride, love, and that this movie had the poten- as well as his *cough cough* old buddy, Sinestro, ultimately vengeance are intri- tial to be completely badass. The of the yellow team. They are recruited by Indigo-1 cately built into the storyline. opening scene confirmed this and on a mission to find the other 3 colors to stop the You sit in your little theater seat it was like “Taken” all over again — black lanterns. Chaos ensues when the indigo girl as the camera takes you on his anticipation of how the next guy takes the group to Sinesto’s home, where Mongul journey to truth and justice is going to be utterly dominated. has tried to take control of the planet—cue ma- through spilling the blood of This picture is a definite must-see jor fight scene. On the other side of the universe those in his way. for any action thriller junkie or a is the Green Lantern Corps, and boy are they in The action and storyline in martial arts fanatic. need of some help. The three main characters fo- cused on are Kyle Rayner, Guy Gardner, and Arisia Rrab. Each of them come face to face with dead http://reikanorakuen.files.wordpress.com/ lovers, dead parents, and dead beer buddies, and the battles that ensue are pretty horrific. The en- Patrick Gleason for the Green Lantern and Green tire corps is trying their darndest to stop the black Lantern Corps, respectively. Both of these guys lanterns, but the emotional trainwreck that is the do an awesome job with the art, from the deadly battle scene really takes the fight out of the Green Black Lanterns to the deep-seated evil of Sin- Lanterns. estro’s face, both artists do well with their comics. Geoff Johns (Superman, The Flash) took point Mahnke’s detail of each character is downright on writing the Blackest Night series, and he’s also brilliant and Gleason’s just overall artwork is awe- the writer of the Green Lantern comic while Pe- some—these Lantern dudes practically come off ter J. Tomasi (Nightwing) does the writing for the the page with the fighting and the blasting and Corps. Each of these guys do a good job for the the darkness! And the blood spatters in some of Green Lanterns—the writing is ‘50s-ish over the the scenes are so totally wicked. The fight scenes top with more lines like “you will lose!!!!!” then are a highlight of the series. awesome little one-liner comments—but that’s Blackest Night is the current threat to the DCU, just fine, because the Green Lanterns are never and it’s pretty much all having to do with the over the top, they’re the Protectors of the Uni- Green Lanterns. There are other heroes involved, verse!!! Yes, they’re all a little full of themselves, but as all of these Black Lanterns are trying to ex- but in these comics, it’s ok. The writing flows tinguish the colors and emotions of the universe, throughout the comic storyline well, and both it’s up to the Green Lanterns and all the rest of the storylines keep the overall arc going, but these spectrum to defeat these guys. It’s a pretty epic fight scenes would be totally awesome on a com- battle, and so close after Final Crisis, it seems like puter screen. DC Comics just doesn’t wanna take their foot off Opposite the writers are Dough Mahnke and that gas pedal, but we’ll keep reading regardless. http://reikanorakuen.files.wordpress.com/

Finn’s “Red Wine Bottle” and Tim Ben Smith Finn’s “Riding the Wave”, while Monkey Writer nice, aren’t particularly memo- Music: Movies: Games: rable, and the instrumental “3 7 Worlds Collide is slightly differ- Worlds Collide” doesn’t really seem The Bravery Armored Rogue Warrior ent from other supergroups. 21 art- to have a purpose other than to Stir The Blood (PC, Xbox 360, PS3) ists came together in New Zealand make both discs 12 tracks long. Brothers over 3 weeks to record an album to Still, these are minor faults in an benefit Oxfam, and the results are overall solid album. The eclectic Allison Iraheta Might and Magic: fairly impressive; all 24 tracks of range of singers and styles pro- Just Like You Everybody’s Fine Clash of Heroes the double-disc set feel cohesive vides something for everyone. in sound while retaining (DS) their own eclectic touches. Juvenile Translymania “Too Blue,” a collaboration Cocky & Confident between Johnny Marr, Jeff James Cameron’s Tweedy, and Neil Finn, and Avatar: The Game “Reptile,” Lisa Germano’s R. Kelly DVD: (PS3, Xbox 360, quirky contribution, shine Untitled on the first disc. Scottish Terminator: DS, PSP, PC) singer-songwriter KT Tun- Salvation stall really shows herself on Mr. Hudson MX vs. ATXV the album both “Black Silk Straight No Chaser Ribbon,” a collaboration Night at the Museum: Reflex with Bic Runga, and “Hazel Battle of the (PS3, Xbox 360, Black,” her contribution on Yellow Fever Smithsonian PSP, DS) the second disc, are excel- Yellow Fever lent. With any double album, World of Zoo though, there’s bound to be (DS) some filler. Tracks like Liam http://www.amazon.com Friday, December 4, 2009 LIVING 5 Late November thoughts Ladies’ Man Mitchell Ishmael pretty mad. I cherish the sounds, Thanksgiving is an important Elliot Simon get me started on why divorce is Staff Writer smells, and tastes of Thanks- time to think about friends and Staff Writer rarely healthy for any of the par- giving so much. It is one of the family and how truly blessed ties involved. Hooray, we’ve made it to one of few times where I get to see the we all are. It is a time to be with Dear Ladies Man, There is no set time period af- the best parts of the year! Christ- whole side of my father’s family. loved ones and share our grati- I’ve been noticing more and ter which couples typically mar- mas time is upon us; there are Many of my favorite memories tude. It is not merely a meal on more couples on campus get- ry, the main criterion instead be- only two weeks of school until are of Thanksgiving, a holiday a Thursday afternoon meant ting engaged or married. I feel a ing the level of communication. break, and school hasn’t got- that is quickly turning into noth- for disregarding. Thanksgiving million years from even thinking If you spend most of your time ten tough yet. The weeks that ing but Christmas’s doormat. deserves to be celebrated to its about popping the question to with your girlfriend logged on come between Thanksgiving I understand that compa- fullest extent, not overlooked my current girlfriend, but should to an online server (WoW, LotR, and Christmas are awesome. nies everywhere are having a because Christmas is looming she be expecting a proposal? Eve, pick your poison), I’m going Christmas music plays softly and tough time, and sales during large in the background. -Way too fast to postulate that you aren’t ready everyone is cheerily spreading the Christmas season gener- Ok, that is enough complain- quite yet to consider it. Christmas joy. Almost everyone ate ridiculous portions of lots ing for one article. Basically Dear Too Fast, On the other hand, if you find I’ve talked to says that this is their of companies’ profits. They are what I’m asking for you to do is At last count, somewhere yourself spending time with your favorite part of the year. Rightly ready to extend the Christmas make sure that you appreciate around 5% of the graduating S.O. outside of school (going on so, as Christmas time truly brings portion of the year to help them Thanksgiving like it deserves. class is en- vacation to- out the best in everyone. generate more profits. What Cherish all the things that you gaged or mar- gether), have But I have a problem with bothers me most is our propen- truly have to be thankful for. ried, so your If you spend been asked to Christmas. The problem is the sity or willingness to get caught And when Black Friday comes, observation is call their par- way that it creeps into Thanks- in the marketing ploy. then you can go wild. certainly on most of your ents by first giving time. By mid-November the mark. Your names (don’t I saw Christmas lights on hous- reluctance to time on WoW, unless they in- es in my neighborhood, and a make such sist, it’s rude), few neighbors had their fake a large com- you probably and have a trees glowing in their windows. mitment (it is solid friend- Christmas commercials were for the rest of “aren’t ready for ship with their already populating the airways, your life, or at siblings (yes, and every store I went to had least it’s sup- marriage. buying their some kind of sign or announce- posed to be) is kid brother a ment of a Christmas sale or certainly un- laser pointer Christmas decorations. derstandable. I sometimes have for his birthday counts) then you Christmas is on December 25. a hard time just picking out my are probably capable of discuss- I don’t know if everyone forgot shirt in the morning (I usually ing the matter without one of the or just had their dates mixed up. just decide on the top one, which two” of you fleeing the room for Who knows, maybe everyone is not quite applicable here). fear of the commitment. thought that the date had been In the words of the best grand- The pair of you can decide moved from last year, and this is mother ever: make sure you get a whether you want kids young, all just a big misunderstanding. few samples before making your don’t want to be stuck with Honestly, the fact that Christ- decision. But assuming that you someone while you travel after mas has begun to overshadow are quite content with your cur- graduation, or want to get a fam- my favorite holiday makes me rent girlfriend, there is no perfect ily started before leaving on a guide to say if you are “ready” to tour of duty. Just don’t go onto http://liveinnyc.com/blog/?tag=sale get married. Nuptials are a tall eHarmony looking for a spouse After the turkey is eaten, the Christmas season begins. Shoppers waited outside stores for hours to get the best order and not to be taken lightly. and marry the first person you deals on Black Friday. Sure, you can get a divorce or see, just to keep up with your an annulment, but don’t even classmates. How to: start the quarter off right Authentic(ish) ramen Andrew Klusman work off. Not only will it lower your Elliot Simon Co-Editor in Ch i e f grade (homework is almost always S t a f f W r i t e r part of final grades), but not doing Break is over, fun has been had, it will show the professor you just A common staple of college life, ramen noodles, are a quick and easy way of getting a hot meal. sleep has been caught up with, don’t care for his class. He (or she) Having spent time in Japan, I often crave a warm bowl of delicious soy sauce ramen, so the classic mi- and classes have begun. Regard- won’t like that, and if you’re riding crowave variety (“cup ramen,” if you will) just doesn’t cut it anymore. The following recipe is my best less of how your fall quarter went, the line between an F and a D, you current attempt to recreate the taste of real ramen. Note that I use the instant ramen noodles; they’re you should make a goal of doing can kiss that “pass” goodbye. cheap and easy to come by, compared with the Chinese noodles that you’d have to hunt down at an well this quarter. Third, go to your professor’s of- Asian market. First, to be blatantly obvi- fice hours, even if you understand ous, attend class. Rose actually the material, just to pester them. Ingredients: helps you do this. If you miss two I can pretty much assure you that 2 packages of noodles (get rid of weeks of class, you automatically at Rose, professors enjoy talking the flavor packets, you won’t need them) fail. Plus, aside from learning, to students. At the very least, you 2 cloves finely chopped garlic the professor typically will make can learn something interesting 1 tsp finely chopped fresh ginger important announcements, and from the professor or become pro- 1 tsp sesame oil cover what will be on the exam. fessional “friends” with them. If 2 cups chicken soup stock Second, do your homework. Se- you’re needing a job in the future, 1 tbsp white wine vinegar riously. The homework is designed they can probably help you out 1 tsp salt to help reinforce concepts of the with finding one. 1 tsp sugar course. If you do these, you’re Good luck with the quar- 3 tbsp soy sauce pretty much set. If you need help, ter. Only two weeks to the next get it right away. Do not put home- break! Toppings: Chopped green onions Dried seaweed (a little harder to find, not Do you like necessary, but adds to the authenticity) Pepper

Preparation: • Heat the sesame oil in a deep pan, sautéing ginger and garlic. cookies? • Lower the heat, adding the soup stock. Bring to a boil, and then add sugar, salt, vinegar, and soy sauce (several variations use Japanese sake in place of the vin- Do you have ﬁfteen min- egar, but it’s harder to come by). • While the soup stock is coming to a boil, boil water utes you can sacriﬁce from for the noodles in a separate pot. • When the noodles and soup are done, drain the WoW? noodles and strain the soup, and combine into two bowls. • Add chopped green onions and seaweed on top. Serves two.

Then write for the Living Section and If you have a recipe you like or have something you’d like us to attempt to make, send it in. You might send it to see it here. Ramen pictures courtesy of http://www.kingofcollege.com/blog/archives/33 and http://spar- klette.net/travel/ [email protected] 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn seriously. MarkM ark MinsterMinster My favorite stop in London ness of Crumb’s Genesis is all its Letter to the editor is the British Library. It’s free. own, and the genius is that Crumb In the November 6th, 2009, issue of the Thorn Ben relationship is certainly not the same as sex with a And because it’s right by King’s plays it perfectly straight, letting McDonald wrote an article justifying Christianity’s pagan prostitute for worship. The reading I’ve done Cross, from which the train de- the violence and intimacy shine condemnation of homosexuality. This was a response on this passage gets a bit over my head so I’ll leave parts for Hogwarts, it feels espe- forth without irony. to Dr. Minster’s article that discussed just that. The the interpreting at that. But, Leviticus in general is cially magical. The other new version I thought main point I got out of Minster’s article was that Bibli- not followed by modern Christians, so I always fi nd This summer I went and gaped was a joke, and then I hoped it was cal ethics should be viewed in a historical context; he it curious that Christians jump to this passage to and choked back tears. It wasn’t just a joke, and then I lost three hours just used homosexuality as an example. That being condemn gays. Leviticus 19:19 says “…neither shall Magna Carta and Shakespeare’s to rage. I kept gasping out loud. said, I do feel the need to respond to several points in a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon First Folio and Da Vinci’s elegant You’ve heard of it on The Colbert McDonald’s article. Note that most of my quotes are thee.” Yet we don’t go stoning people who manufac- backward handwriting. It was Report, perhaps: it’s the Conserva- from my King James Version of the Bible. ture cotton-polyester blend clothing. Leviticus 12:1- Bibles. Here, in brittle scraps, the tive Bible Project, which laments He claims that saying the “Bible does not con- 8 says that a woman is ritually unclean after giving Codex Siniati- that “liberal demn homosexuality implies either ignorance of or birth; one week for a boy, two for a girl, and she will cus, the old- Crumb’sCrumb’s illustrillustratedated bias” has misinterpretation of the Bible.” As Minster, who at- not be pure until she menstruates again. After she is est surviving “emasculated” tended a seminary, referenced in his article the two pure she can bring a lamb as an offering to her priest, Greek manu- “Book“Book of Genesis,”Genesis,” ... and “dumbed main passages (Leviticus 18:22 and Romans 1:26-27) then she will be clean and can enter the temple script. There, down” the that McDonald cites, I doubt this was a case of “ig- again. Christians (to the best of my knowledge) don’t a Gutenberg. warnswarns wiselywisely,, ““adultadult Bible, which norance.” On the other hand, claiming that to not wait the full month after childbirth to go to church, Here, the il- supervisionsupervision rrecom-ecom- must be re- read the Bible as anti-gay is a “misinterpretation” and they rarely sacrifi ce lambs. So why is Leviticus l u m i n a t e d translated implies that there is only one true interpretation. An 18:21 “applied” if Leviticus 12 isn’t? regalia of the mended for minors.”minors.” according to interpretation is “an explanation of the meaning of I want to conclude with some passages that can be Lindisfarne “conservative another’s work;” there can never be just one right interpreted as pro-gay. First is the Book of Ruth. The Gospels, ornamented“ in fi ne. principles,” including “free market interpretation. story of Ruth and Naomi Here, the oldest version translat- parables.” You can fi nd more infor- The fi rst thing I want can easily be seen as one ed directly into English from the mation at http://www.conserva- to address is the story of of great love between two original Hebrew and Greek, for pedia.com, though I’d rather you Sodom and Gomorrah, women. Ruth 17-18 says which William Tyndale, not quite went to http://www.bl.uk/ to see as it is one of the main “And Ruth said, ‘Intreat fi ve hundred years ago, was stran- the” Tyndale Bible that belonged to stories used to persecute me not to leave thee, or gled by authorities and burned Anne Boleyn. The purpose of the homosexuality. Nowhere to return from following at the stake. Within a hundred Conservative Bible, brainchild of in the story is homosex- after thee: for wither thou years, ironically enough, Tyndale’s archconservative Andrew Schlafl y uality mentioned. Eze- goest, I will go; and where translations became the backbone (to whom Wikipedia is a conspira- kiel 16:49 says “Behold, thou lodge: thy people of the Authorized Version, also torial bastion of the liberal media), this was the iniquity of shall be my people, and known as the King James Version, is to retranslate the Bible in or- thy sister Sodom, pride, http://www.gurney.co.uk thy God my God: Where which some fools believe to be the der to fi nd there what he already fullness of bread, and thou diest, will I die, and Alternate interpretation: it actually says “Koly Bible.” most, even the only, authoritative knows he’s looking for, to “fl esh abundance of idleness there will I be buried: the Talk about revelation! version of the Bible. It is gorgeous out—and stop—the infi ltration of was in her and in her Lord do so to me, and prose, with phrases and rhythms churches by liberals pretending to daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of more also, if ought but death part thee and me.’” This that operate on me intravenously. be Christian,” and to “debunk the the poor and needy.” (Iniquity means “gross injustice sounds a lot like wedding vows to me: “till death do But there were Bibles before 1611 pervasive and hurtful myth that Je- or wickedness,” good GRE word.) In the Book of J (a us part.” Then at the end of the story (Ruth 14-17) the and Bibles aplenty since then, sus would be a political liberal to- translation of what many believe to be the source for town’s women praise Ruth to Naomi, because she has many of them as beautiful to hear day.” This may come as a surprise, Genesis, Exodus, and Numbers) Yahweh says, “The provided Naomi security and a son. It is even more as they are to see, and in beauty is but the fact that liberal Christians noise from Sodom and Gomorrah grows; as their obvious in the New Oxford Annotated Bible where truth, if Keats is to be believed. exist is not infi ltration: fundamen- contempt grows heavy, it rises. It weighs on me to go the passage reads: “The women of the neighborhood You can see the British Library’s talism and socialism arose at the down, to see what contempt this disturbance signi- said, ‘Naomi has a son.’” The son was born to Ruth, versions online, which is almost as same historical moment, wrestling fi es. If brought down to fi nd offense, I will pull them however, so these women are recognizing Naomi as pleasurable as seeing them under twins whose mother was the gos- down.” Both of these quotes seem to indicate that the the mother as well as Ruth. plexiglass. And online you can pel and father was 19th-Century sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was not homosexuality The second story I want to briefl y mention is that read scores of versions of the Bible, positivism. That ancient Palestine but pride and contempt for God and his laws. Inter- of David and Jonathan in the fi rst Book of Samuel. from the Wyclif, the Coverdale, and was markedly politically different preting this in historical context (as Minster’s article Traditionally their relationship has been seen as one the Douay-Rheims, to the boldly from modern Palestine, and from indicated we should), we would need to know that of brotherly love and strong friendship. But is it such colloquial NEB, the tendentiously America, is true enough, but that to house a guest was a sacred duty, which the Sod- a leap to see it as a story of two men in love? (1 Samu- evangelical NIV, and the contro- doesn’t make an expressly politi- omites were trying to refuse. Leviticus 19:33 says “and el 18:1) “…the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul versially (why?) ecumenical RSV. cized supposed redressing of an if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” In the last few months, I’ve imagined wrong any less illogical, not vex him.” Breaking this law is what provoked God (1 Samuel 20:41) “And as soon as the lad was gone, learned of two new versions of disingenuous, specious, or fl at- into destroying the city. Another issue I have with as- David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell the Bible, or parts of it, which out ugly. suming this story is about homosexuality is this: why on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three have evoked in me very differ- Compare the versions yourself. I in other passages that seem to more directly address times: and they kissed one another, and wept one ent reactions. I originally thought think you’ll fi nd that even though homosexuality is Sodom not mentioned? with another, until David exceeded.” And fi nally in both were jokes. The fi rst is R. Crumb himself fi nds much to fear Another passage that McDonald cites as proof that 2 Samuel 1:26 “I am distressed for thee, my brother Crumb’s illustrated “Book of Gen- and loathe about Genesis, his ver- “God sees homosexuality to be detestable” is Leviti- Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy esis,” which warns wisely, “adult sion has power and beauty and cus 18:22 (“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with love to me was wonderful, passing love of women.” supervision recommended for above all, respect. And Schlafl y womankind: it is an abomination”). This one seems No doubt many of you do not agree with the in- minors.” Crumb, the great illus- and Co. fi nd only what they set out to right out say that homosexuality is terrible. But terpretations I have presented here. But I think it is trator of Zap Comix and Fritz the to fi nd, neither surprises nor room one interpretation put this passage in context with important to point out that there are many interpre- Cat, the main artist behind the for grace, just a crabbed, cracked the one immediately before it. Leviticus 18:21 dis- tations possible. The Bible can be interpreted as anti- American Splendor comics, has mirror that refl ects hard hearts cusses worshiping the Canaanite idol Molech. As- gay or pro-gay; a particular interpretation may say always drawn works that require and dim wit, treasure laid up suming these two passages are related then this may more about the interpreter than the Bible itself. adult supervision, with sexually where rust and mothes corrupte mean that men should not be having sex with men and racially charged fetishes and and where theves breake through in pagan temples (a common interpretation), which Robert Williamson drug-trippy themes. But the raci- and steale. was a form of pagan worship. Sex in a committed gay Biomedical Engineer and Comp Science, 2010

do have the choice whether to live happily, open and hon- ing anything. Paul was talking about straight people in love- est with themselves or to suffer as miserable liars. We do lots less perversion. Letter to the editor of math here: if homosexuality is sinful, and it and lying are Homosexuality is no more wrong than heterosexuality, The Bible is not meant to be used as a weapon. To do so is equal, and thus cancel each other out; the choice is narrowed but both can be done wrong. Then again, both can be done a mockery of its message. down to being happy versus being miserable. It’s obvious. right! Biblical laws regarding sexual purity are intended to The November 6 article states, “the Bible says homo- The beauty of Christianity, however, is that our salvation is preserve the value in every human being. Lust and anony- sexuality is wrong.” Indeed, the New International Version not dependent upon our ability to be good. Salvation comes mous encounters objectify a person who was made in the Bible, in Leviticus 18:22, says, “Do not lie with a man as to us through the grace of Christ which forgives us of all image of God, thus those things are wrong. To falsify hetero- one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” But only newer wrongs should we acknowledge Him as our only source of sexuality would likewise objectify both the pretender and the translations explicitly use the word “homosexuality.” The returning to God. Because I belong to Christ, I do not want victim by reducing them both to no more than a male and original text is saying that a male is not to engage in sexual to hurt Him, so I try to think and act in love. Love is righteous female component in a sham relationship. If it is considered intercourse with another male, as he would with a woman, because love is of God. No matter what you believe, every- more socially acceptable for an innately gay or lesbian per- implying that straight guys are not to do gay things which one has some form of conscience. son to forcibly engage in a “heterosexual” relationship, we are unnatural to them, as was often done ceremoniously in So maybe the teachings in the New Testament tend to really must be animals. Love makes us human. pagan societies neighboring the Israelites. In this context, be more immediately relevant. Let’s go there. Jesus Himself Christianity is not a book of rules. It is the philosophy of we’re talking about an entirely different class of homosexual never made any explicit statement regarding homosexuality peace, love, and of inclusion. It promotes individuality, ac- activity than the innate homosexual orientation we know according to the four books of the gospel. In Matthew 19, He ceptance and forgiveness. It teaches the importance of lov- of today. quoted scripture regarding the spiritual sanctity of the mari- ing oneself and others and searching for betterment. Chris- Modern Bible believers tend to focus on some com- tal commitment in response to a query on divorce. He went tianity is the faith of love, because God is love, and through mandments, but disregard a multitude of others. For in- on to say that some people are born with a type of exception Christ, holds no record of wrongs. That is the example Christ stance, we trim sideburns, eat oysters and fatty meats, and to traditional marital practices; that to an extent, the right taught us how to live by. Through Him, we can be forgiven the Sabbath…forget it. We habitually break the law, ignore way to go is subject to the individual. Makes you think… for all wrongs; and because we have been loved and forgiv- this fact, then we pick and choose which laws are person- The apostle Paul stated in Romans that men “abandoned en, we must love and forgive. ally relevant, like how some use the verse quoted above if natural relations with women and were infl amed with lust That is what the Bible says. gays gross them out. We tend to forget that all violations are for one another.” It can barely be put into words how weird equal (James 2:10). and wrong it feels for most gay guys to even think about Brandon Shavers This leads me to an interesting point. Gays and lesbians having “relations” with a woman, so they’re not abandon- Mechanical Engineer, Class of 2010 Friday, December 4, 2009 SPORTS 7 Engineers lead HCAC with 37 Academic All-League awards Rose-Hulman News honor is named in recognition of en’s tennis players. Brad Foulke, Men’s Soccer Leah Pelzel, Volleyball the league’s first commissioner, The 2009-10 Rose-Hulman ac- Mark Herber, Nick Race, Men’s Soccer The Rose-Hulman Institute of who served the role from 1998- ademic all-conference fall award Men’s Cross Country Luke Reichert, Men’s Soccer Technology athletic department 2008. list is below. J.D. Hill, Football Thomas Reives, Football led the Heartland Collegiate Academic all-conference stu- Tim Hollingshead, Molly Rice, Women’s Soccer Athletic Conference with 37 aca- dent-athletes must follow the Derek Bischak, Men’s Soccer Molly Richardson, demic all-league awards during stringent criteria of carrying a Men’s Cross Country Ben Hopf, Football Women’s Soccer the most recent fall sports sea- 3.50 cumulative grade point av- Andrew Bower, Men’s Soccer Mitchell Ishmael, Men’s Soccer Klara Schroederus, son, in results released today by erage and be in at least their sec- Julie Brennan, Mark Jenne, Men’s Soccer Women’s Tennis the league office. ond year at the institution. Women’s Soccer Matt Kennedy, Andrew Siekmann, Football The Fightin’ Engineers also The men’s soccer team led the Calvin Bueltel, Football Men’s Cross Country Annmarie Stanley, lead the HCAC Commissioner’s award list with 11 honorees, fol- Megan Chann, Tyler Kreipke, Women’s Soccer Cup and both the Men’s and lowed by men’s cross country Women’s Tennis Men’s Cross Country Kyle Stevens, Football Women’s All-Sports Trophy races with nine. Seven student-ath- Corbin Clow, Men’s Soccer Clayton MacCrindle, Football Sara Telezyn, Volleyball following the fall campaign. letes represented the football Justin Druba, Josh Manore, Will Terrill, Men’s Soccer Mount St. Joseph ranked sec- team on the all-league squad, Men’s Cross Country Men’s Cross Country Ame Turner, Women’s Soccer ond in the league with 31 awards with awards also earned by five Josh Elkins, Clark Moser, Morgan Williams, Volleyball in the Tom Bohlsen Academic women’s soccer players, three Men’s Cross Country Men’s Cross Country Michael Zero, All-League honoree list. The volleyball players and two wom- Eric Fiedeldey, Men’s Soccer Eric Myers, Men’s Soccer Men’s Cross Country Last second shot rims out as If you’re reading this, you men’s basketball falls to Franklin like sports! Rose-Hulman News edge at the 1:29 mark. points. Franklin held Rose-Hulman Other key contributors for Write for the Thorn! Rose-Hulman rimmed out a without a basket on its next Rose-Hulman included junior potential game winning three- possession, before Clay Starrett Spencer Harlan with nine points pointer in the final seconds and missed a jumper with 22 seconds and seven rebounds; Knotts with Franklin hit four free throws in left. Junior Blake Knotts grabbed seven points, five rebounds and [email protected] the final two minutes to claim the rebound and Rose-Hulman five assists; and senior Jeff Mc- a 57-54 victory in the Heartland advanced with a chance to take Cartney with five rebounds and Collegiate Athletic Conference the lead. four assists. men’s basketball opener on Sophomore Jason Haslag Conoley led the Franklin of- Engineer Scoreboard Wednesday. rimmed out a three-pointer with fense with 15 points and five re- Rose-Hulman claimed the lead four seconds left, and Conoley bounds. Gunner Erwin added 13 Men’s Basketball at 54-53 on a layup by freshman hit two more free throws in the points, including a three-pointer Women’s Basketball Jon Gerken with 2:26 remaining final second to secure a 57-54 at the 5:02 mark that turned a 50- 3-3 (0-1 HCAC) 0-5 (0-1 HCAC) to gain its seventh lead of the win for Franklin. 50 tie into a 53-50 Franklin lead. game. Freshman Nate Gissentanner Rose-Hulman dropped to 3- November 15 Rose-Hulman 58 November 20 Franklin tied the score for the led the Rose-Hulman effort with 3 on the season, while Franklin Rose-Hulman 37 seventh tie on a free throw by 15 points and eight rebounds on improved to 3-3. The Fightin’ at Milikin University 68 at Wilmington College 61 Will Conoley with 2:07 left. An- 7-16 from the field. Gerken also Engineers return to action at November 21 other free throw by Scott True- reached double figures for the Defiance College on Saturday blood gave the Grizzlies a 55-54 first time in his career with 10 afternoon. Rose-Hulman 56 November 21 vs. Southwestern Univ. 50 Rose-Hulman 50 November 22 vs. Marian University 60 Rose-Hulman 60 Women’s basketball second half vs. Univ. of Chicago 79 November 28 Rose-Hulman 37 November 24 at Washington Univ. 75 rally falls short in final minutes Rose-Hulman 70 Rose-Hulman News at Rob. Morris-S’field 64 forced 16 Franklin turnovers in rebounds and a career-high six November 29 the final 20 minutes. steals to spearhead the effort. November 29 Rose-Hulman 48 Rose-Hulman Institute of Franklin maintained a 40-21 Baca recorded eight points Blackburn College 63 vs. Univ. of LaVerne 65 Technology rallied from a 23- advantage with 11:55 left in the and six assists, while sophomore at Rose-Hulman 72 point first half deficit to close second half, before Rose-Hul- Alisa Dickerson contributed six within four points in the final man held the Grizzlies to two points, three assists and three December 2 December 2 minute before falling 49-43 to points over the next eight min- steals. Klass also poured in Rose-Hulman 54 Franklin College 49 Franklin College in the wom- utes to close within 42-35. five points, and junior Rebecca at Franklin College 57 at Rose-Hulman 43 en’s basketball home opener on Franklin pushed the lead to Bowermaster provided seven re- Wednesday night. nine points once again, but bas- bounds to the effort. Franklin jumped out to a 31-8 kets from juniors Eli Baca, Donna Brittney Wilson led the Frank- Swimming and Diving advantage with four minutes left Marsh and Nicole Klass brought lin offense with 11 points and six in the first half, before Rose-Hul- Rose-Hulman to within 47-43 in rebounds, and Lippold added November 7 man closed to within 33-14 at the final seconds. Franklin an- 10 points and five steals for the Milikin University the break. The Grizzlies held the swered with two free throws by Grizzlies. Decatur, Ill. Engineers to 32% from the field Traci Lippold to secure the six- Franklin improved to 4-1 on Men 1st to build the advantage. point victory. the season and 1-0 in HCAC play, Women 1st The second half featured a Marsh led the Rose-Hulman while Rose-Hulman dropped to completely different game, as comeback with her 15th career 0-5 and 0-1 in league games. The November 20-21 Rose-Hulman shot 48% from the double-double. She finished 5-8 Engineers travel to Defiance Col- floor and held Franklin to just from the field and 6-6 from the lege for another league matchup Wabash College Invitational 25%. The Fightin’ Engineers also free throw line with 16 points, 10 on Saturday. Crawfordsville, Ind. Men 6th Women 5th

Riﬂe

November 7 Akron University Akron, Ohio 2nd of 3

November 14 Wabash College Invitational Crawfordsville, Ind. 2nd of 2

Luke Woolley / Rose Thorn The Rose Thorn V III FLIPSIDE Hello? Hey... can you read me now? How about now? Wacky prof quotes

Plans for Victoria’s Secret “The noise level in here is going down, so either you must be close to answers Fashion Show 2010 to be at Hose or almost out of BS.” Hobey Tam cording to new President Mra- — Dr. Clifton, who can nam, will “hopefully get these also predict the weather Legit journalist students out of their rooms, based on how much noise In its latest ploy to try and away from their computers, and is outside. increase school function atten- out into the real world. With dance as well as student body luck, they will see the world “This moment diagram’s got hygiene, Rose–Hulman admin- outside that God[freaking dang] some cleavage.” istration has petitioned for the World of Warcraft and they will — Dr. Morris, having a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show shower and maybe even go out productive moment. next year to be held in Hat- to buy a stick of Great Value® field Hall. Student attendance deodorant if there are more “I’m going to Amsterdam…. at events has been dismal, and females on campus. I know I No, not that; I’ve got a personal hygiene has been at an will.” 2-year-old.” appalling all-time low, with stu- For the sake of Rose’s social — Dr. House, who has yet dents barely able to distinguish prowess reputation and olfac- to hear of a nanny. the stench of the Terre Haute tiory organs, we hope this latest atmosphere from that of their attempt by the administration “I’m just doing this just to own dorm rooms. will not fail horribly like every reassure you guys that if This psychological ploy, ac- other administrative ploy. you think yours is bad, www.victoriassecret.com you can look up and see how much mine sucks.” — Dr. Sutterer, in Finger- Top “10” Ten Painting 101. Fat? “I like to have something Ways rose corrupts your mind to chuckle at when I’m Matt Melton grading.” A bad influnce on your children — Dr. Sutterer, after Fin- ger-Painting 101. 10. You look at a doorstop and think “the doorstop will only function if the static friction coefficient of the wood multiplied by the force of “Small things are easy to the door pushing on it is greater than the torque exerted by the door manage. The long ones hinge… are harder.” — Dr. Bohner, enemy of 9. You see a girl back home and immediately run up to her, ask her if epic coding. she needs help, and wonder if she’s single or not. “You can’t do it with MOM. 8. People back home talk about their awesome new computers and Sizè Zëro That’s just not right!” you internally scoff, knowing it’s probably not water-cooled nor ca- — Dr. Fine about. What a pable of calculating pi to the pi millionth digit in pi seconds. complex finite statement.

7. You go home to the Midwest and constantly remind people how “You’re allergic to the room? much Purdue sucks, despite the fact that a large number of your No, I think you’re allergic friends and family are Purdue alumni or current students. to me.” — Dr. Bunch. The next 6. You take a graphing calculator with you at all times. Including vaca- day, everyone came down tion. Just in case. with H1N1.

5. You automatically assume everyone you meet uses Firefox or “You could compare Hitler Chrome, can do basic programming, and has seen “The Boondock and Mother Theresa. Saints.” They both made a differ- ence.” 4. You watch “Star Trek” and every time they mention warp speed, you — Dr. Martland, who sees begin to ponder if it’s more viable via wormhole manipulation or ac- no lines, only points. Don’t worry; even you can slip into a Sizè Zëro. celeration via light. “So, as we’ve just proved by 3. Yet when you watch any other action movie, there’s a ninety percent hand-waving...” Baconlicious chance you’ll object to certain action sequences due to “invalid phys- — Dr. Inlow, these are not James Zhou ics.” (Turns out this is a really fun drinking game with the 3 a.m. SyFy the explainations you movies…) Inventor of meaningful words were looking for. Rose professors are known 2. Six hours of sleep is AMAZING. Let me begin by saying this: paper money sucks. In this age of the credit for saying wacky things, so card, paper money is rapidly becoming useless as a medium of exchange. write them down and send 1. You’re sitting at home during trimester break, relaxing, and instinc- It is not as durable as coins, nor as useful as impromptu projectiles. As a them in to flipside@rose- tively think, “what homework should I be doing right now?” matter of fact, they are can not even be used to light a cigar. If you want to hulman.edu verify my claim, dip a dollar bill in a 50% alcohol/water solution and light it; the bill would look like it is burning, but after a few seconds you will just be left with a damp dollar bill. (Don’t burn your fingers!) In addition, paper money costs a lot to make; they need very carefully engraved printing plates to stamp them with the correct patterns and they are loaded with dyes and various other potentially hazardous and expensive chemicals to prevent forgery. Thus, I believe it is time for us to phase out the usage of paper money and convert the US Mint to produce bacon instead. There are many advantages to using a bacon based currency. For example, most people use money to buy food. It would be more efficient to simply give them tasty bacon to reward them for working, saving them a trip to the grocery store and giving them that instant gratification they so crave. In addition, the smell of bacon is almost universally loved, and thus would be an acceptable substitute for deodorant, perfume, and air fresheners. It also works as a great lubricant for most applications. And, if you ever get into trouble, bacon can be used to distract bears or police- men whenever you need to make a quick getaway. You can even power your getaway car with bacon grease! Some people may object to the difficulty of converting the Mint to produce the volumes of bacon required. The conversion is actually fairly simple. The Mint’s presses already are lubricated and are heated. By simply replacing the fluid reservoirs with vegetable oils and increasing the heat produced by the plates, the presses can easily be covered to bacon frying skillets. Petition your congressman for a real pork-barrel project and let the age of bacon begin! Carly Baehr - The world’s most evil recruiter This is the Flipside disclaimer, where I, your esteemed and possibly sane editor disown this week’s issue. If some of this offends you, our bad. All unattributed content was written by James Zhou. The stuff that appears on this page does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn, Rose-Hulman, the people who wrote them, or of anyone in this or any other universe. Do not, under any circumstances, take advice from the Flipside. The Flipside is not a place of serious business. The Flipside is hungry for writers, clever writers full of all their inky goodness.