June 2018 Vol 2 Issue 6 `150
Zenia Tata The innovation hotshot is empowering entrepreneurs to solve humanity’s grandest challenges
Fighting spirit cinema at heart rebel, unveiled World champion Cardiologist-actor Niharica An Iranian girl takes Nikhat Zareen on Kumari Raizada plays a her hijab off for punching like a girl double role in real life! #WhiteWednesdays 2 | PERSONAL GROWTH
june 2018 contents
Niharica’s Double Role 06 This cardiologist has Bollywood ambitions
Glass Conscious 12 Meet artist-entrepreneur Reshmi Dey
Unveiled 16 An Iranian girl on why she took off her hijab
Flight of Faith ON THE COVER: Zenia Tata 22 This Tunisian-German is in love with India PHOTOGRAPHY: Seema Taneja
Back from the Brink 24 A near-fatal accident wasn’t the end for Anu
Ready, Set, Grow 28 Namrata Durgan wants your money to grow!
Her Blood in My Veins 42 Three women pay ode to their mothers
Happy Women Happy State 50 A photo feature on Bhutan’s jolly matrons
Brown Girl in the Ring 60 World boxing champ Nikhat Seeker of Memories Zareen gets personal 56 A visual artist collects stories of Partition june 2018 4 | letters to the editor You Said it
eShe catches your interest from the children. Thank you! cover itself and all the articles are Christine Akello Otieno, Mombasa interesting and thought-provok- ing. Showcasing women who have eShe empowers not only wom- achieved something out of the or- en but men too who read it. I was dinary is wonderful. very inspired by the story of Beeya Mala Bindra, Delhi Vohra. I’d never heard of an Indi- an woman running her own riding I am very happy to see how eShe school, a woman devoted to horses magazine helps highlight the work and teaching horse-riding. The arti- and achievements of women from cle revealed how she had turned her all over the world. I am so humbled passion and love for horses and chil- that eShe’s May issue featured my dren into her profession. Good job! story and the work I do with dis- Puja Mathur, Delhi advantaged children at Toto Afrika. The article boosted Toto Afrika’s The feature on ‘Why Men Rape’ in presence the May issue brings up a very valid online, and point: we need to start putting the is also help- spotlight on the perpetrators, and ing us raise stop preaching to the victims. funds for the Rohini Grewal, Mumbai
All letters on this page win an eShe notebook! Email your feedback to [email protected] or send by post to Coral Content, C 3/1 GF, Vasant Vihar, New Delhi 110057
Editor: Aekta Kapoor Reproduction in any manner is prohibited. Marketing and Research: Nyamat Bindra Printed and published by Aekta Kapoor on ([email protected]) behalf of the owner Coral Content. Published at Brand Managers: Amrita Nagpal, Pallavi Pratap C3/1 GF, Vasant Vihar, New Delhi 110057, India. Malik Phone: +91 9818166621. Printed at Modest Contributors: Anupam Dabral, Kay Newton, Graphics (P) Ltd, Shop No.C-53, Okhla Industrial Rabia Sooch Khandelwal, Ritu Goyal Harish Area, Phase 1, New Delhi 110020. For queries, write to [email protected]. To subscribe to All rights reserved throughout the world. the free digital edition, visit eShe.in
june 2018 editor’s note | 5
a mother’s story
his month, both my children – now adults – will travel to other countries as student volunteers. After coming back, my firstborn will again leave for her Master’s this fall. So I’mT headed for an empty nest pretty soon. On one hand, this is the moment all mothers wait for – “The child is independent! I have my life back! Now I can do the things I always wanted to do!” On the other hand, the process of parenting itself changes you, so that the child becomes your life, and the child is part of the things you want to do. The child cuts its umbilical cord and flies the coop, but the mother is forever changed. The most revelatory part of mothering someone is the value you develop for your own mother, and, if you’re lucky, mother-in-law. It is not to be con- fused with the all-encompassing awe and sense of security that little children get from mommy. It is Aekta Kapoor rather more visceral, more intimate and, yes, even Founder Editor, eShe deeply shameful, as you recall the times you took her for granted. Her pain now becomes your pain. Her compulsions and sorrows (for every mother has them) are now visible to you, stark and raw. You see her. In this issue, three mothers from UK and India share how motherhood changed their careers and lives (p.31, 64, 66), and three daughters share their mothers’ stories (p.42). We can never repay our mothers for their love, and indeed, mothers ask for nothing. All we can do is bear witness – to their limitless strength, their unending devotion to us. The best we can do for our mothers is see them.
[email protected] june 2018 6 | celebrity
june 2018 celebrity | 7 Niharica’s double role When she isn’t playing the role of a Bollywood film star, Niharica Kumari Raizada is the head of department of a heart institute in a major Mumbai hospital
t gets somewhat awkward for followed up her MBBS from Lon- Niharica Kumari Raizada when don’s Imperial College with a Mas- she is recognized at the hospital ter’s in translational medicine with a where she works. “Sometimes, thesis on cardiology. Ipeople ask me for autographs or A Fulbright scholarship took her selfies in front of senior surgeons, to Johns Hopkins University in and it’s really embarrassing,” says USA, where she researched stem Niharica, who – despite her glam- cells before flying to Mumbai on orous social-media image and film the sly (her parents wouldn’t have roles – is rather approachable and friendly. She’s also highly intelligent “people ask me for – but naturally – and a conversation with her can go from the difficulties autographs or that single women face in a city, to selfies in front of problematic marketing strategies of senior surgeons – it’s modern-day commercial films, to the need for more female voices in really embarrassing” the media. In fact, it appears that the tough- est role that Niharica has had to play allowed if they’d known). Even as a in life is being herself – in all her qualified doctor, she found it hard multi-talented, high IQ, super-per- to rent a place as a single woman, former avatars. and finally had to call her parents Brought up in Luxembourg over to help. They were under- where her dad worked in the Eu- standably upset – she’d thrown up a ropean Commission, Niharica was huge earning potential abroad – but a precocious child. Studying in a they gave in after a while. school full of Europeans sparked a A Bollywood nut and a diploma craving for India within her. She holder in dance, Niharica had been
june 2018 8 | celebrity
brought up on Meena Kumari and of the heart institute, and currently Sadhana music videos, besides songs leads a team of researchers studying by her granduncle OP Nayyar. Af- 400 heart patients. “I love my job,” ter brief stints as assistant director she says, adding that, with her back- for filmmakers Shekhar Kapur, Vi- ground experience in surgery, phys- pul Shah and Jug Mundhra while iotherapy and radiology, she is able they were on shoots in London, to cater her research to these fields she had a burning desire to join the in a practical way. film industry. After participating in Time and again she comes back a couple of beauty pageants, she was to acting. Her next film, an all-out selected to model in a fashion show commercial comedy Total Dhamaal that toured all over India, and intro- starring several veterans including duced her to the fashion fraternity. Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit, She then landed a few roles in will be out this December. “I’d love Bengali, Gujarati and Hindi films to be a top-rated actress like Meryl including the critically acclaimed Streep or Shabana Azmi,” she says Masaan. At the same time, she joined ambitiously. In either case, whether BKC hospital in Mumbai where she studies them or wins them, Ni- she works as head of department harica sure rules hearts.
june 2018 sport | 9 brown girl in the ring
Global boxing champion Nikhat Zareen’s small-town roots fire her world- conquering ambitions
ikhat Zareen had been out So she went ahead and won gold. of form for a year due to There was always something dif- shoulder injury and sur- ferent about Nikhat. Even while she gery, so not many people was a young girl in the small town Nhad expectations of any big win of Nizamabad in Telangana, she when she represented India in the was a bit of a tomboy, comfortable 51 kg boxing category at the Bel- in the company of her male peers, grade International Tournament in wearing boys’ clothes and keeping April this year. But Nikhat was de- her hair short. Curious and fearless, termined to prove them wrong. she wanted to explore the world.
june 2018 10 | sport
Nikhat’s father, an avid sportsper- her male peers. “I lost my first game son himself, had never encouraged and came home with a black eye his four daughters to take up sports. and a bleeding nose,” the 21-year- He himself had had to give up his old laughs in retrospect. “I didn’t passion in order to raise a family cry. In fact, I was furious.” Upon and he felt it was not a viable career. seeing her daughter’s face, Nikhat’s But when Nikhat was 11, she par- mother cried: “We didn’t let you go ticipated in her school’s sports day boxing so that you spoil your face! and managed to beat much older Who will marry you?” The teen-
L-R: Nikhat shows off a coffee-table book featuring her; with professional American boxer Tyriesha Douglas
girls. It was her first taste of sporting ager stuck her chin out, defiantly: victory. There were more to come. “Once I am a success, there will be She got involved in school ath- a line of grooms waiting for me.” letics, and her father couldn’t help Nikhat’s first big win happened feeling proud when she won laurels. in 2010 at the sub-junior national Then, at 13, she noticed that the championships. “I prepared a lot. district’s boxing centre had no girls. Those were long days. I had school, “I found it odd,” recalls Nikhat. The plus training, plus homework. My adolescent took it up as a challenge, body was always tired,” she recalls. and began training. Despite facing a more experi- Finally, it was time to spar with enced player in the finals, Nikhat
june 2018 sport | 11
struck gold. The tournament win matches everywhere she went spurred her international dreams. – from Assam to Bulgaria and Ser- In 2011, she travelled to Turkey bia. She was one of three boxers to participate in the Junior World picked for JSW’s Sports Excellence Championships. In her first round, Program, and – when she dislocated she defeated her Russian opponent her shoulder in 2017 – the compa- with a knockout. Then she won ny got her the best treatment, phys- the semi-finals against Ukraine, and iotherapy and even brought down then the finals against the home global players to train with her and
L-R: Nikhat in the gym; after the World Championships this year, she’s got her eyes on the 2020 Olympics
country Turkey. “It was such a proud keep up her fighting skills. But even moment for me when the referee so, many months after her surgery raised my hand and our national and recuperation, there were many anthem played. I wanted to cry,” she in the field who doubted if Nikhat recalls. She was 15 years old. would ever get her mojo back. Nikhat was a national celebrity Her Belgrade win this year shut after her return, and her photos fre- all her critics up, of course. quently appeared in newspapers. She She’s also won over naysayers at completed her Bachelor’s in public home. Now, when Nikhat comes administration, political science and in with a black eye, her mom says, psychology, while continuing to nonchalantly, “Put some ice.”
june 2018 12 | entrepreneur Glass conscious
june 2018 entrepreneur | 13
Glass designer and founder of art studio Glass Sutra, Reshmi Dey wants everyone to learn and be inspired by the possibilities in glass
he fire element – this is the Reshmi practically ran away to term that comes to mind Delhi and took up a job in a travel when Reshmi Dey begins agency to support herself while she to speak. Dressed in yellow prepared for MBA. She got admis- whenT eShe meets her on a hot, sion in two private colleges but the sunny summer day, handling the fee was prohibitive. Not wanting to bright yellow-orange flame in her be a financial burden on her par- pioneering glass-art studio, Glass ents, Reshmi tearfully gave it up. “I Sutra, animatedly shaking her head decided that there was something of curls or railing at the delivery man who is several hours late and will set her entire workday behind schedule, Reshmi’s feisty personali- ty looms larger than life. It is apparent that the designer and entrepreneur has channeled all her feminine energy and passion into creating a business concept that celebrates creativity. Born to Ben- gali parents in Assam, Reshmi was always a rebel. She never combed her hair, fought bullies back, and was defiant in the face of author- ity. Her teachers and relatives lost no opportunity to taunt her parents about Reshmi not “acting like a else waiting for me, something cre- girl”. But her mother told Reshmi, ative,” she says. “As long as you are good in stud- Having come across beautiful ies, I can face the complaints.” De- glass products in luxury stores in termined to do her parents proud, Delhi, Reshmi’s interest in glass- Reshmi scored well in academics. ware was piqued. She took a train After her Bachelor’s from Cotton to Firozabad, Uttar Pradesh, in College, Guwahati – concerned that 1999 (“I had to stand four and a her father, a railway officer, would half hours in the unreserved cate- push her to become a professor – gory; there was no reserved com- june 2018 14 | entrepreneur
Reshme Dey teaching workshop participants how to make glass using different techniques
partment”), India’s epicenter for As if the universe was manifesting glass and glass products. The idea her desires, over the next few years, was to learn more about glassmak- she got several opportunities to ing, while also producing her own study from the top centres for Eu- glassware for retail from the luxury rope’s glass industry (“I am destiny’s chain of stores, Good Earth. child,” she says with a bright smile), But, after spending several hard from the International Glass Centre months in Firozabad learning to in Dudley, UK, to Murano in Italy, brave the 55°C furnace heat, blend- Austria, Germany, Sweden and the ing into the community, winning Czech Republic. She ventured into the trust and respect of male work- both glassware retail and installation ers who had never had a woman in art, with her work representing In- their midst, she came to an dismay- dia at prestigious museums around ing realization. the world including New York. The “Most of the glass was being ex- International Labour Organisation ported or being used for architec- also consulted her for their skill de- tural purposes. The craftsmen were velopment programme. either lacking in aesthetic sense or In 2015, driven by a bug to take did not understand the reason for India’s glass industry from function certain steps in the production pro- to design to art, she began pro- cess,” she says, explaining why she curing state-of-the-art equipment decided to go abroad to study the and set up a large studio in Delhi’s nuances of glass art. Chhattarpur. In 2017, her vision-
june 2018 entrepreneur | 15
L-R: Older children also host birthday parties at Glass Sutra; an item made by one of her many artisans
ary Glass Sutra was launched. The leges and schools across India. One only centre of its kind in India, it is of her most popular offerings is the open to the public to learn, explore corporate ‘team building’ workshop, and study glassmaking and glass art. and she has held ‘Glassperience’ Workshops are held and artists are events for teams from Ikea, Goo- gle, Grey Goose and LG, among “I dream of making an several others. With prices ranging from `2,000 to 3,500 per head, educated community of Glass Sutra is also quickly emerg- Indian glassmakers who ing as an appealing alternative to birthday parties and pub-hopping can take this passion sessions, where young people can forward globally” develop cognitive skills while en- joying themselves, and taking back self-made souvenirs. invited from abroad. Classes of up “I dream of making an educated to 10 people at a time can study five community of Indian glassmakers to six types of glassmaking – from who can take this passion forward kiln-formed glass to flame-work – globally,” says the go-getter Resh- and she often hosts events for 70 to mi. For someone who has shattered 100 people at a time. numerous stereotypes and charted She has also developed a mobile her own path, there is no such thing studio that can go to various col- as a glass ceiling.
june 2018 16 | rebellion unveiled
Melika, the Iranian girl in this viral picture, shares why she stopped by the side of the road in Tehran one evening and took off her veil ne chilly evening in Feb- my sister took a picture. I was care- ruary, I was walking down ful to keep my face turned away – the street in Tehran with for I can be arrested if I am identi- my sister when I sudden- fied. Passers-by mostly ignored me Oly realised it was Wednesday. I was but many smiled, and some said, wearing a hijab – the compulsory “Bravo,” quietly. dress code imposed by Ayatollah #WhiteWednesdays is a cultur- Khomeini on Iranian women. It al girl code that was launched last happened to be white. Impulsively, year by my icon, the feminist jour- I took it off and stood there while nalist Masih Alinejad, who founded
june 2018 rebellion | 17 the online movement ‘My Stealthy are equally qualified – we are con- Freedom’ to protest the mandatory sidered second-class citizens of our dress code for women in Iran. I sent own country. Masih my photo and she posted Our men support us – they are it on her Instagram page with her also aggrieved to see their friends, watermark (facing page), where I am mothers and sisters struggling with proud to see it among several other insane rules every day. We resent the such photos of rebellion against the Islamic dress code. We resent that government’s sexist policies. we’re forced to learn Arabic just Iran was once one of the most because it is the language of the progressive societies in the world Quran. We resent Arabs for their renowned for its intellectual and influence in our lives and the way cultural prowess. The Persian civi- the conflicts in Palestine and Syria lization is one of the oldest in the drain Iran’s resources. world, and has contributed im- We resent Islam itself – we are mensely to human knowledge in Muslim by force, not by choice. science and arts. I believe reli- Our mothers were “We resent the gion is the biggest brought up in a problem for wom- time when women Islamic dress code... en, and I refuse to had equal person- We resent Islam itself pray. Iranians are al freedoms: they – we are Muslim by an inherently kind, could wear any- intelligent and self- thing they want- force, not by choice” aware people – but ed, marry whoever anything that is they wanted, and forced on us only live the life of their own choice. makes us hate it. Just like the hijab. But, since 1979, the Islamic gov- Until I was 17, I dressed up like a ernment has stripped us of our free- boy and kept my hair short to avoid doms and made us prisoners of its wearing the hijab. Now, at 24, I am own agenda. Women have to keep forced to. But I take it off when I themselves covered head to toe, and travel abroad. I have been to Turkey, wear a hijab and coat at all times in Azerbaijan and India, and I dress up public. We aren’t allowed into foot- in the most modern clothes there, ball stadiums, or to ride motorcy- my hijab tucked in my bag. cles. Though women contribute as But the resistance has begun. An- much to the system as men – my other Iranian revolution is taking mother is a professor, I am a hos- place. “They buried us, but they pitality professional and my sisters didn’t know that we were seeds.” june 2018 18 | cover story cover story | 19 driving innovation With her work at XPRIZE Foundation, Zenia Tata is enabling and accelerating new technologies to solve humanity’s grandest challenges Text by Aekta Kapoor. Photograph by Seema Taneja
he past few months have time taken for emergency ser- been busy for Zenia Tata. vices to respond is nine to 18 The chief impact officer at minutes. Besides, three billion XPRIZE Foundation has people in the world do not have beenT testing the prototypes of the access to an emergency number finalists in the race for the Wom- at all,” says Zenia, who looked en’s Safety XPRIZE, the winner for a community-based helpline for which will be announced this system before launching the proj- month. “We’re talking about a ect, and tied up with the maker whole new cadre of devices,” says of the free app, Guardian Circle, the US-based Zenia with charac- which enables neighbours and teristic enthusiasm. friends to protect one another. Launched two years ago, the Zenia’s concept of the wom- innovation award carries prize en’s safety prize benefits men, money of US$ 1 million spon- children and the elderly as well. sored by entrepreneurs Anu and “When women are safe, societies Naveen Jain. It requires compet- thrive. The real-estate value of ing teams to develop a GPS-mon- those neighbourhoods is higher, itored device under US$ 40 that they are more desirable to live a person can wear on their body in, and businesses are open till and trigger without using hands late – it works for everyone,” she in case of a personal emergency. says, adding that if an equal num- It should transmit information to ber of women as men joined the community responders, and also workforce, they could potentially alert the victim that help is on the add US$ 19 trillion to the world way, all within 90 seconds. economy by 2020. “Even in the US, the average Having spent over two decades 20 | cover story
working for non-profit organiza- tions across 20 countries, Zenia is well-versed in diverse issues from water and food scarcity, to land rights, healthcare, education and child welfare. Her clients include MIT’s D-Lab and the Bill and Me- linda Gates Foundation. With her commanding presence and amiable personality, she is also frequently invited as a speaker on various fo- “When women are safe, societies thrive. The real estate is valued higher, Businesses are open late – it works for everyone” Zenia Tata with industrialist Ratan Tata
rums, and to give lectures on so- many prizes that the foundation is cial entrepreneurship at institutions famous for – besides challenges like like Harvard Business School and space exploration, creating water Stanford, among others. from air, and turning carbon emis- The Mumbai-born Zenia has sions to valuable products – the also been uniquely positioned on women’s safety prize took Zenia the cusp of social entrepreneurship back home to her birthplace, India. and technology. During her work The only child of a “brilliant as executive director of Interna- mother” and a “serial entrepre- tional Development Enterprises neur” engineer father, Zenia did (iDE), she helped pioneer mar- her graduation from Mumbai’s St ket-based approaches to double the Xavier’s College, and then headed income for over 22 million impov- to the US to attend flight school. erished farmers in Asia and Africa. But she faced an immediate setback Which is why, five years ago, the as an acquaintance took a loan in donor-funded XPRIZE Founda- her name and absconded with the tion approached her to take forward money. She had to work two or their global strategy. One of the three jobs at a time to fund her stay.
june 2018 cover story | 21
But the experience opened up took her to India, besides other something inside her. She picked countries in the developing world. up several languages – including After her wedding, she moved to French, German and Italian – and Crested Butte, Colorado, with her became a follower of Paramhan- American husband, a financial ad- sa Yogananda, devoting herself to visor, former pilot and “armchair kriya yoga. “I became more at- astronomer”, and the two live a tracted to Eastern spirituality af- “cerebral and adventurous life” af- ter leaving India. When you’re out ter work hours, reading science fic- there, all alone, and have to make tion or going hiking, biking, horse harsh choices, seeds of old values riding, and scuba diving. planted inside you in childhood ei- Meanwhile her work at XPRIZE
L-R: Zenia attends XPRIZE Visioneering 2014; she is frequently invited to speak on social entrepreneurship
ther blossom or submerge,” she ex- continues. Industrialist Ratan Tata, plains, adding that she feels blessed her cousin a few times removed, to be born to a family with strict was keen for her to bring it to In- codes of conduct – “You can’t use dia to solve some of India’s biggest
tata or abuse a name like Tata.” challenges including women’s safe-
If her dream of flying couldn’t ty, and lent his name to it. work out, Zenia decided to fol- As always, Zenia is excited about low in her grandmother’s footsteps the possibilities: “We’re trying to , zenia xprize . org ,
: and become a social activist. She capture the world’s imagination in worked across the US – including order to accelerate the rate of pos- in Alaska, where she met her life itive change. It’s all about innova-
credit photo partner – before her work at iDE tive thinking.”
june 2018 22 | global traveller Flight of Faith German flight attendant Mariam Jouini was teary-eyed the first time she flew to India – and now she can’t get enough of the country and its gods
ver since I was a little girl, I now and I love my job. I love to see always wanted to become a the world. I love travelling to beach flight attendant. Born in Düs- destinations – my favourite is Koh seldorf, Germany, to parents Samui in Thailand – and of course, Eof Tunisian descent, I was a dream- my home country, Tunisia. It is in er, a rebel and had a deep desire to my blood, after all. travel the world and meet people But deepest of all is my love for from different backgrounds. India. I can’t describe it. I under- After completing my education stand that there is much injustice in and working for a year in the hotel Indian society towards women and industry, I applied to be a flight at- lower castes – and I wish I could tendant with a German airline and help – but I still love India in inex- made it. I’ve been flying 19 years plicable ways. The food is the best
june 2018 global traveller | 23 in the world, and, oh, the way peo- crazy. I couldn’t understand myself. ple smile! So raw, so true, so deep, But I felt so damn happy, I had tears and so full of hope. It just makes my in my eyes. And then we landed, heart and soul glow. and I couldn’t stop crying – even Airline crew have a saying: “You the pilot asked me if I was okay. I either love India or you hate it. just couldn’t describe the emotion. There is nothing in between.” Many “Oh god, I am in India,” I kept re- years ago, my first two long-dis- peating. My whole body was lit up. tance flights happened at the same I stayed in Kolkata for two days, time: the first to New York and the and it opened my eyes. It was the other to Kolkata. best layout, ever! After that I visited I got my schedule and danced Hyderabad, Chennai and Delhi. like crazy at home: “I am flying My job is a superficial one, but to India!” My if you open your dad looked at heart, it can also me like I was teach you to re- nuts. He said, spect cultures all “You’re flying over the world. I to New York.” can feel people. I said, “Yes, but I walk through I am also flying the plane and to Indiaaaaaa!” catch the vibes Nobody under- and feelings, the stood me. sadness, the love. New York was We all carry a lot nice – it was my of grief, and we first time in America, and it was should be good to one another. cool, but there was no big excite- India has never left me. Till to- ment. There ends the story. But on day, my protector is Hanumanji! my second flight to India – oh my Of course, I love Ganesh too, and god! I never met so many Indian adore goddess Lakshmi. All are fan- people together. All the passengers tastic. I listen to Vedic mantras very wanted something – water, hot often (and Bollywood music too). water – and everything had to be But Hanumanji is my favourite. He served “Quick, quick!” But I didn’t makes me feel full of life! I smile mind. I was so excited. when I hear his mantras. I love his As the flight approached Kolkata, story. He is young at heart, and full my body felt changed. I got goose- of hope. He seeks truth. bumps. My heart began beating like And like me, he flies. june 2018 24 | journey
Back from the brink
A near-fatal accident and the loss of her closest confidantes only reinforced Anuradha Jhunjhunwala’s fighting spirit and zest for life By Rabia Sooch Khandelwal ne sultry day in June 2015, best buddy, and as the journey re- while returning to Kolkata commenced, both dozed off. Mo- from a weekend getaway ments later, the car crashed into the in Puducherry, Anuradha rear of the truck ahead of them. O‘Anu’ Jhunjhunwala and her friends Two days later, when Anu woke stopped their car on the way to the up in a local government hospital, airport to have a coffee break. Anu, she guessed that something had who had been sitting at the rear left gone wrong but her immediate window, exchanged seats with her concern was the flight they were
june 2018 journey | 25
going to miss. It was one of her get up to go to the washroom – it friends’ parents who told her what was when she failed repeatedly that had happened. The girl in the front the extent of her injuries truly sunk passenger seat died in the accident. in. She had a dislocated hip, frac- Anu’s best friend – whom she had tured spine in the neck, a broken exchanged seats with – had slipped nose and lots of wounds and bruis- into a coma. Two others, besides es. Whether she would walk again Anu herself, had extensive injuries. was a big question mark. And yet, What makes a woman a super- she did not for even a moment woman? Her ‘never say die’ spirit. doubt her ability to recover 100 Even in the face of insurmountable percent. Against medical advice, she
L-R: Before the accident; her buddies who were in the car with her (one is still in coma); after the car crash
odds, she never gives up and instead flew back to Kolkata in two weeks. challenges the universe. Unknow- From there on, she fought every ing of what lay ahead, the young prognosis the doctors gave. Kolkata girl turned superwoman It was a lifelong habit for Anu. almost overnight. Born 20 years after her parents’ Anuradha was moved to a private wedding, she had had to face all hospital in Bengaluru. All the while, kinds of challenges right from she was sure that she would soon childhood, with health being the be patched up, and all the nonsense greatest. Diagnosed with bone tu- that doctors were telling her about berculosis at two, childhood thyroid not moving and using a bed pan disorder at five, and PCOD at pu- was hype. Stubbornly, she tried to berty, life could not have been easy
june 2018 26 | journey
for a young girl, but Anu learned to his face, like he did all his life. He live with discomfort as companion. always said, live life like it’s your last Despite her parents being a gen- day and I make sure I make the most eration older than the parents of of every moment,” she says. The loss her peers, she grew up in a liberal set her back in her career path and and modern environment to be an thwarted her plans to launch her ever optimistic and confident girl. own startup. And then, just when Always amongst the toppers, she she was getting back on track in her passed out of La Martiniere Girls, career, the car accident derailed her Kolkata, graduated from Delhi’s once again. Shri Ram College of Commerce, “Every doctor strongly recom- cleared her chartered accountan- mended getting a hip replacement
L-R: Anuradha and her brother with their father; she was on bed rest for 10 months after her accident
cy exams, and has been working in so that I could walk with a limp, if top advisories in the country for at all. But I knew, once I went un- the past decade. Her work has tak- der the knife, I was done for,” she en her around the world and also narrates. One doctor was willing to brought along with it challenges of give her body a fair chance to heal constantly maintaining her health. on its own provided she did not When Anu was 28, her father move even an inch for six months. passed away. She was heartbroken “I agreed, but I had one condition: for she was daddy’s little girl. “I I wanted bathroom privileges. The remember my dad’s face after he bed pan was not for me,” says Anu passed away. He still had a smile on with a brave smile.
june 2018 journey | 27
Anuradha with her mother Sushila, whom she considers her greatest source of inspiration and support
And so, allowed to go to the ed wholeheartedly by her mother bathroom twice a day, Anuradha lay – who had fought adversities all her absolutely still in braces for the next life and, at the age of 68, had started three months. As her body healed, her own business. “My mother in- she was allowed to go to the hospi- spires me every day with her fight- tal in a wheelchair in the car once ing spirit,” says Anu. a month. “I always planned some Today, at 33, Anuradha actively short outing with friends after these works out and is back to her fitness visits. We’d go to a pub or restau- levels before the accident. She has rant. I needed to feel alive again. moved to Delhi for a high-profile That one day of the month kept me job with an MNC. She misses her going,” she recalls. best friend who till date is in coma Ten months later, Anu was able and prays for his suffering to end. to walk again. But the long conva- There are activities she will never lescence took a toll on her fitness. be able to do again, but that does “Nothing lasts forever. Good times not stop her from exploring life or bad, they all come and go. And further. She is ever optimistic: “No you only get better at life with each one is going to come and fix your phase,” she philosophises. Through life. It is up to you to be happy, so her tough times, she was support- keep your spirits up.” june 2018 28 | finance
ready, set, grow A chance encounter led investment consultant Namrata Durgan to a new direction in her career: to help Indian women find financial freedom
amrata Durgan was at a “How much did your Louis Vuit- dinner party when the ton bag cost?” she asked the wom- hostess introduced her as an. “About eighty thousand,” the an investment consultant woman replied. Nto other guests. One woman com- “And what about your lipstick? mented airily, “Oh, I’ll invest once I How much did that cost?” have money.” Namrata stared at the “Twelve hundred,” the guest said. woman, somewhat stunned. “Well, then,” said Namrata, “you
june 2018 finance | 29
can definitely start investing. You ing women. She started working on only need five hundred to begin a her female employees and domestic systematic investment plan (SIP).” help, cajoling them to invest their The woman thought Namrata money in mutual funds instead of was joking but after a few minutes tucking it inside mattresses. A few of hearing Namrata out, the woman months later, she was invited to give said, “You’ve opened my eyes.” a talk at India International Centre “Likewise,” said Namrata, won- to an audience full of women en- deringly. Taken aback at the lack of trepreneurs, many of whom had information even among educated never considered investing their upper-class women about finance own money themselves.
L-R: Namrata (in red) giving a talk to Avani employees in Pithoragarh; at India International Centre, Delhi
and investments, Namrata went “Why hand over your money to home and looked at the client list husbands or dads? Take full respon- at her husband’s firm Abundanze, sibility for your money. Let your where she heads administration. It money earn for you,” she said, “In- had 80 to 90 percent male names. dulgence is freedom. Take the step “What are the women doing with from financial independence to fi- their savings?” she wondered. The nancial freedom.” Within months, same night she told her husband: “I scores of women started coming know what I have to do.” up to Namrata to advise them on And so, her firm MIRR was born. where to invest. And then they The 46-year-old gave the profes- came back with success stories – sional exam to be an independent and a newfound sense of power. financial advisor, and began educat- “When you leave the earth, leave
june 2018 30 | finance
it more beautiful than before.” vestment],” she narrates. She used Namrata came across this Osho examples the villagers could relate quote early in her life and took it to: “The money you earn is a seed. to heart. The youngest of four sib- Keep it idle, and it serves no pur- lings, she was raised in Nairobi and pose. But plant it in the ground, and later moved to Delhi. Her journalist it will become a tree and give shade father and homemaker mother had to your whole family.” joined Osho’s spiritual movement Not only the women but their in the early 1970s, and Namrata was men too started investing in small brought up with large doses of the SIPs based on Namrata’s advice. international guru’s philosophy. Today she consults almost 100 peo- She practises it even today; last ple from all walks of life – from
L-R: Namrata in her Greater Kailash II office in Delhi; with her husband Sanjay at a conference in Jaipur
year she went for a 21-day retreat her 32-year-old housemaid to an at Osho’s meditation centre. “Now, 82-year-old housewife. “What you my work is my meditation,” she do is amazing,” they tell her. “We says, her eyes twinkling softly. “I have an extra source of income, and want to be a medium, the catalyst our husbands are proud of us.” for change in these women’s lives.” Spreading the message is now A few months after launching Namrata’s mission. While in Pithor- MIRR, Namrata was invited by the agarh, a craftswoman asked her: founder of Avani – a women-led “You came all the way from Del- craft collective in Uttarakhand – to hi to talk about making our money give its employees in Pithoragarh a grow? What for?” talk on money matters. “I first had With her warm smile, Namrata to explain nivesh kya hai [what is in- shrugged and replied, “For you.”
june 2018 work-life | 31 where the heart is
UK-based American writer and columnist Christie Drozdowski uses her personal experiences as a woman and mother to inspire her work
s a child growing up follow that yes anywhere in the in a tiny, rural town in world,” she says. the American state of Eventually, she did. North Carolina, Christie In Christie’s early years, her father ADrozdowski sensed that she would was an overnight truck driver, so he be an adventurer, that she would would be gone for days at a time do things no one else in her family and her stay-at-home mom raised would have. “I remember a specific the two children singlehandedly. moment when I said ‘yes’ to wher- Later in life, after both her parents ever life would take me. I literal- furthered their education, her dad ly knew in my heart that I would became a Christian minister and june 2018 32 | work-life
her mom a teacher’s assistant. to the UK last year. “I suppose it’s Religion and spirituality were all about following that ‘yes’ I had part of Christie’s growing years. promised myself!” she says. “But I made the choice for myself The young family’s decision was when I was 15 to truly know God treated with apprehension, but for myself and not for my family,” Christie learnt to trust her instincts. she explains. In University, she took “In the process of coming to the up religious studies at first, but then UK, we lived in Germany for six switched to writing and mass com- months first,” she shares. “My hus- munications. “And I was hooked,” band speaks German, but I do not, she says, on finding her true path. so it was daunting and sometimes She now has a personal connection overwhelming. However, we met with God that is unlike the one that some amazing people there, and my her family told her about. heart was able to understand even Christie later married an English- more clearly that people around the man, and after a few years living to- world all feel the same things.” gether in the US and having a baby Eventually they settled in En- together, they decided to move gland, and – with a baby girl keep-
june 2018 work-life | 33
ing her days full – Christie’s writing 21st century feminism should be turned towards motherhood and wary of isolating stay-at-home the experience of being a woman. mothers, and instead seek a way “I especially love interviewing peo- to value and honour both women ple to communicate truths about and men without diminishing one parenting,” she says, referencing a or the other. She is also passionate recent piece on maternal mental about being a part of a generation health, specifically about postpar- and a tribe of women who support tum rage, and the insight she gained one another. from interviewing a therapist and a “There is so much healing and psychiatrist. “I was able to find vali- freedom and power when women dation in my own feelings of anger come together,” she says. “We have in the beginning of my motherhood so many walls that build up around journey through writing this piece, our hearts, but tearing them down and it was life-changing.” Christie and continuing to let people in will and her husband are expecting their give our lives so much more mean- second child this autumn. ing. Life is truly about loving other Christie writes often about why people and being loved.” june 2018 34 | overcoming obstacles
keep walking Her first day of college turned out to be the turning point for teenager Medha Saha – she lost a leg but earned the heart of a hero ven after the bus wheel had 2017 – the first day of engineer- gone over Medha Saha’s leg ing college for 18-year-old Medha, and left it crushed and bleed- who had left home excitedly that ing, she remembers being morning to start a new phase of her Ewide alert, taking out her phone, life. But fate took her in an entirely unlocking it and dialing her moth- different direction. er. It was 9.30 am on 21 August, Her blue leggings in tatters, her
june 2018 overcoming obstacles | 35 blood splattered everywhere, and bed rest for at least four months, but her left foot limp leaving her unable Medha had been a jolly, gregarious, to move, Medha recalls in crystal extroverted child all her life, and clarity the ensuing pandemonium hated sitting in bed all day. as people shouted in horror around So, two weeks after her accident, her. “I was very strong. I didn’t cry. I she got up and went to college. was completely aware of everything The college provided her with a going on,” says the brave student. wheelchair, which she used to get She was shortly moved to a hospital around while she made new friends. by the traffic police, and admitted “Everyone in the engineering col- to the emergency ward. Her uncle was the first to arrive and, seeing him, Medha sighed in relief that she was no longer alone. Soon her friends arrived, and then her mother and aunt. “Seeing my mom, all my strength just left me,” she says. Her brave face crumpling, she broke down in tears, wailing like a child in her mother’s arms. The doctors asked her family to move her to another hospital as she required a complicated surgery. On the way, in the ambulance, Medha remembers screaming as her pain intensified. By 7.30 in the evening, she had had X-rays and was rolled in for surgery. Mercifully, the doc- tors gave her an injection to make Medha at the Kolkata Marathon in December 2017 her unconscious, so that she had a brief respite from her pain. lege appeared so intelligent to me! When she woke, it was to a dev- I met people from different parts of astating new reality. Her left leg had the country, who were all very sup- been amputated below the knee. portive and helped me get around,” Medha adjusted bravely to the she recalls. Her cousin would pick hospital routine, and by the time her up in a car after college, and she she was taken home a week later, learnt to walk with a walker and she had reluctantly accepted her crutches when at home, building destiny. Doctors had advised her her upper-body strength. june 2018 36 | overcoming obstacles
Medha continues to pose for Instagram photos, her smile intact. Top right: With her parents and brother
Exactly four months after her ac- It’s a word she still hasn’t come cident, Medha got fitted with an to terms with, though. “I react very Ottobock prosthetic leg. It was ex- badly when someone calls me dis- pensive but her businessman father abled. My parents and friends never and homemaker mother were de- say it,” she says vehemently. But the termined to give her anything she very next moment, she softens: “At needed to walk unaided. “I started least I’m still alive. And I can still using it 18 hours a day, and adapt- walk and look normal – no one can ed to it very quickly,” says Medha. tell I have a prosthetic leg.” The trainers from Ottobock – who These days, she is busy with her taught her how to use it – also first-year examinations. In her encouraged her to participate in spare time, she reads up about her the upcoming Kolkata marathon. new icons, Paul Martin, an Amer- “Twenty days after I got my new ican amputee athlete, Paralympian, leg, I participated in the marathon. I speaker, and author; and Arunima didn’t have much practice but I just Sinha, the world’s first female am- ran the best I could,” Medha smiles putee to climb Mount Everest. She describing the day. She completed is also active on Instagram, like any the two-kilometre distance marked other girl her age. Her heroic jour- out for the disabled. ney has just begun.
june 2018 psychology | 37 and still I rise... In Supernormal, her groundbreaking new study of trauma and survival, Meg Jay tells the stories of people who overcome trauma in their childhoods to go on and live successful lives as adults
hen Mara was a new- born, her mother had an urge to throw her against the wall. She Wrocked her in a nursing chair each day and night, and all the while she stared at a spot across the room, a tar- get where she imagined hurling her baby girl. One evening when she thought she could resist no more, she turned out the lights so she would not see the spot and wedged herself tightly in a corner, knees to her chest, squeezing Mara hard. This is how Mara’s father found them, both wailing. Don’t turn on the light, Mara’s mother said, confessing everything between terrified sobs. Mara’s father crouched in frozen : P ixabay fear as mother and baby screamed together and, before he could act, his wife’s shrieks reached a piercing simply turned off, she went from crescendo and the baby fell silent. being a squirmy, squealing baby to a Both parents thought Mara had limp and quiet, eight-pound source died when in fact, she had fallen fast of warmth. That night, Mara’s
u rtesy co image R epresentative asleep. As if a switch inside her had mother was hospitalized with what
june 2018 38 | psychology
the doctors at first thought might They resist being defined or en- be postpartum depression – except gulfed by whatever ails those near that after she came home and Mara to them. went from being a baby to a tod- According to psychologists Su- dler, it only got worse. san Folkman and Richard Lazarus, Once a busy caterer who loved there are two ways of coping with to try out new dishes on her family stress: problem-focused coping in and friends, Mara’s mother became which the individual works to fix more irritable and unpredictable with each passing year, and Mara and her father never knew if din- ner would be on the table or on the ceiling. More than once, Mara packed her child-size suitcase to run away, but because she was not allowed to leave the yard, she sat in the farthest corner of their large wooded lot and stared at the sky. It seemed so empty, it was like look- ing at nothing, except for the birds and the planes that flew whichever way they wanted. Watching them, Mara could sit out there for hours. n response to fear, our brains are hardwired for fight or flight. I Yet when fighting back is not an option and neither is physi- cal flight, many supernormal chil- dren stick around and comply with what the situation demands while, on the inside, they find ways to es- the problem, and emotion-focused cape. Maybe they fall asleep when coping in which the individual they become overwhelmed, or they manages his emotional response. flee without leaving the yard. Even Problem-focused coping and emo- when their bodies must stay put, tion-focused coping are somewhat they take their minds somewhere akin to modern forms of fight or else. This is one of the key survival flight, and neither approach is in- strategies of many resilient children: herently better than the other. One way or another, they get away. Rather, much like the Serenity
june 2018 psychology | 39
Prayer taught in Alcoholics Anon- the chaos around. Distancing is a ymous – God grant me the serenity to form of emotion-focused coping, accept the things I cannot change, the one based on the recognition that courage to change the things I can, and while we may not be able to change the wisdom to know the difference – the bad things that happen to us, the art of adaptation is choosing the we can change how much we pay right way to cope at the right time. attention to those bad things and Many resilient children find ways how much we let them affect us. In psychology, the oldest and broadest term for such distanc- ing is dissociation, a word that re- fers to a wide variety of strategies that allow us to disengage from our surroundings. The most extreme forms of dissociation are associated with post-traumatic stress disorder, and tend to be sensationalized and pathologized in books and movies. Maybe this was why, as an adult, Mara wondered what her life- long tendency toward dissociation meant about her mental health. The most common forms of dissocia- tion, however, are not necessarily sensational or problematic but are typically used as creative and tem- porary forms of coping. Knowing how and when to separate ourselves Meg Jay from our surroundings may sound sophisticated, but psychologist Har- to minimize the impact of their ry Stack Sullivan argued that such difficult surroundings, often first distancing is “the most basic capac- by trying to fight back, to change ity of the human mind to protect things somehow and improve their its own stability,” and its use can be lot. If that does not work, they do seen even in very young infants. not necessarily accept their situa- Excerpted from Supernormal: Child- tion but they accept that, at least in hood Adversities and the Untold the moment, they cannot change it, Stories of Resilience with permission and they distance themselves from from Penguin Random House june 2018 40 | author interview
Woman of Her Word “Our traumatic experience shape us the most,” says novelist Shuchi Singh Kalra. She shares her views on gender bias and social taboos
uthor of the very popular chi spent most of her childhood in novels I’m Big. So What!? Libya. Later, she studied optometry and Done With Men, Shu- followed by a Master’s in English chi Singh Kalra’s views literature from India. Aon social injustices and body im- “Both my parents are doctors,” age find their way to her columns says Shuchi, who tried writing her and books. Born in Lucknow, Shu- first book – a work of science fic-
june 2018 author interview | 41 tion – at the age of 10. “There is How can society fix this prejudice? no ‘literary gene’ in the family, so Infertility is not a curse. There is no to speak. I am most likely an aber- need to wrap so much trauma and ration or a genetic mutation.” Her taboo around it. The only way to new novel, A Cage of Desires, has fight this prejudice is to talk candid- just been released. We talk to Shu- ly about these issues and encourage chi about life and work. other people to share their experi- What is a lasting memory from child- ences till they begin to be perceived hood that left a great impact on you? as normal. Conversations also help The first memory that comes to my build support groups. mind upon reading this question is Your columns take on gender biases in not a very pleasant one, but I guess the way girls are raised. What has your it is our traumatic experiences that experience taught you in this regard? teach us the most, and lend depth to We women live in the same world, our understanding but our realities are of the world. While very different. I was there are memo- brought up by very ries I wish I could progressive parents let go of, they have who never discour- definitely helped my aged me from voic- expression as a writ- ing my opinions. er, and I often find Gender biases exist- myself drawing from ed all around me but those experiences not in my immedi- while writing. ate environment. It How did marriage and took me a while to motherhood change realize that the way I your writing journey? was brought up was I started writing my With her new book, A Cage of Desires not the norm. My first published book relationships with after my daughter was born, so mar- men opened me up to a lot of grim riage and motherhood have never realities. A large number of women been a hindrance. In fact, mother- in India continue to struggle with hood has not only been inspiring, gender biases on so many fronts ev- it has also made me more focused, ery day – it is insane. I want to be a disciplined and driven. voice for all these women and write You once wrote about going through in- about issues that affect our every- fertility treatment, and how badly wom- day lives. As a woman writer, I feel I en are treated if they can’t have kids. owe this to my tribe. june 2018 42 | relationships her blood in my veins It’s only well into adulthood that we realise how important our mothers are, and how we’ve inherited their histories and memories. Three women trace their mother’s lives, and see a mirror to their own truths
village of Bhurkamunda in Odisha’s jasho Jharsuguda district. She cleared fifth By Anita Panda grade but discontinued her edu- cation. Betrothed to Abanish since y father Dr Abanish Pan- childhood, she got married in the da was always the celeb- summer of 1947 at the age of 16. rity in our family – the They had their first son in 1955 eminent paper technol- and the second in 1957. Her hus- Mogist that he was. But my mother band got the opportunity to work Jasho was his driving force and was in Finland on an international ex- the true ‘shero’ in my life. change fellowship and young Jasho Jasho’s story is that of an ordinary, primary-school educated woman from a nondescript village, who be- came the ‘Rock of Gibraltar’ for her ambitious husband. It is the story of her metamorphosis from a shy, sim- ple girl into being the driving force behind her illustrious husband’s success. It is also the story of ‘The Beauty and the Nerd’, which proves that marriages can still work despite vastly mismatched educational and intellectual disparities in a couple. Jasho hailed from a family of za- mindars and freedom fighters in the Jasho and Abanish, 1997
june 2018 relationships | 43 was left behind with two little sons his post-doctorate in Norway, but at her maternal home. One year of being heavily pregnant with their her husband’s stay abroad turned to third child, Jasho couldn’t go. Aban- seven as he decided to pursue his ish left for Oslo soon after their PhD from Germany. Jasho stoical- third son was born in 1964. ly bore all the trials by fire, pangs The family relocated to Delhi in of separation, social ridicule and 1972, five years after my birth, and wild speculations from the villagers Jasho adapted quickly to the urban lifestyle, socializing with the elite at parties, attending to her home, raising kids studying in top schools. Her lack of formal education was no deterrent to her playing host- ess to numerous European guests. Later, we moved to Kolkata, where she continued to be the motivating factor behind her husband’s soaring career graph. Abanish took Jasho on an unforgettable European tour and – despite her inability to converse in English – she made her husband proud with her charm. In 2005, Jasho was diagnosed with cancer; a lump in her left breast had Jasho and Anita, 2017 been found to be malignant. She and her family went through hell about being abandoned by her hus- but she bore it and survived with band. But she had unflinching faith her trademark grace and resilience. in Abanish, toiling hard to achieve Earlier this year, her husband was his dream, the first Asian to earn a felicitated with a ‘Lifetime Achieve- doctorate from the Darmstadt Tech ment Award’ for his exemplary, 60- University, Germany. plus years of contribution to the The couple kept their love alive global paper technology industry. As by exchanging long, sentimental his wife of 68 years looked on, her letters every month. When Aban- eyes moist behind her smile, their ish returned in 1963, his two young youngest born and only daughter sons reacted to him as a strang- looked at Jasho with pride. Here’s to er rather than as their father! He an exceptional woman and mother: wanted to take his wife along for “Maa, tujhe salaam!”
june 2018 44 | relationships
my mother’s cancer was diagnosed, studying and getting a good grade Rupa was frankly the last thing on my By Reeti Roy mind. When I think back about n 2008, when I was in my sec- it now, the entire year was a blur. ond year of college, my mother I did not fail, but ended up simply was diagnosed with renal car- scraping through the exams. It was cinoma, or cancer that afflicts a sureshot setback in my academics. Ithe kidney. I remember sitting with But as far as I was concerned, I had my brother, both of us holding each pulled through in what was one of other, and sobbing, because we did the hardest moments of my life. not know what to do, how to react My mom Rupa Debi is my big- in that situation. I also remember gest inspiration. Born and brought my mother asking me to take my up in Kolkata, she studied mathe- exams that year, no matter what. matics in Presidency College, and Incidentally, for the first semester was one of only five women in her of my English literature examina- batch. She also accomplished an- tions, I had topped class. But when other rare feat: she was a CA rank
Rupa, 1986
june 2018 relationships | 45 holder and set up her own char- taneous people I have ever come tered accountancy firm, which has across in my life – with a passion for worked with several pioneering or- life, a love of travelling and learning ganisations since. Along with all this, new things, and striving to make she has raised five children, looked the world a better place every sin- after her own parents in their old gle day. age, has a large number of friends My mother healed from cancer, who turn to her for love and sup- port, and is a true moral compass for me. She introduced us to art at a very young age. She’s also taught us the value of compassion, kindness and hard work. She would give us all books after our exams ended as a reward for trying hard. She was a true feminist, and cre- ated an egalitarian environment at home that was not gender-specific: both my brother and I played with the same toys. Our mother even made fake shaving-foam beards for both of us together! She’s also had a very tangible hand in shaping my career, for it is my mum who still does all my tax- es! Were it not for her, launching a startup would definitely have been Rupa and Reeti, 2013 super difficult for me. What most people don’t realise is how diffi- and is doing well. She always told cult and isolating being an entre- me to absorb and observe and learn preneur can be. Having a positive, from each experience that came my strong force in your life can really way, good or bad. shield you against the outpouring What I’ve learnt from her is em- of backlash, criticism and negativity bracing failures and the curveballs that comes your way. that life throws at you with as much I’ve just learnt so much from her dignity, courage and strength as you just by observing how she conducts can muster. Tell stories, and help herself: with grace, with dignity. others around you tell stories. And She’s also one of the most spon- so I’m starting with hers. june 2018 46 | relationships
my life. As if holding her hand or sari was the only thing keeping me Kamla alive. Even if others didn’t care for By Meenakshi Alimchandani my presence, I was somehow very e lived in a joint fam- sure about my mother’s love for me. ily in Delhi when I It was not something she said, but was born. My relatives it was a given. brainwashed me into Years later, I would learn that my Wbelieving that – as the second girl mother, Kamla Wadhwa, was herself child and a dark-complexioned one a victim of her circumstances. She at that – I was unloved, unnecessary. was not very educated and it was When my brother was born a easy for others to boss over her. The few years later, he was lavished with eldest daughter-in-law in a family attention and affection especially of 10 siblings, the eight-year de- from our grandmother, the matri- lay between her wedding and first arch, and my belief in my own su- child meant that she already had perfluity was cemented. to face much social pressure and So I would cling to my mother, ostracism. By the time I was born, our family’s financial situation was precarious. My docile mother had to make do with whatever little she had, wearing hand-me-downs from her relatives, and taking permission for every little expense. My childhood was marred with low confidence and lack of motiva- tion. After my education, though, I had a burning desire to be a ‘work- ing woman’ and delay marriage. And I found support in an unex- pected source: Kamla. My relatives chided her: “You’ll let your daughter go out to work? She’ll get out of hand. She’ll run away with someone.” But my moth- er had faith in me. The love in her eyes gave me the courage to set off on my career. Ashok and Kamla,1965 Over the next decade, I grew by
june 2018 relationships | 47 leaps and bounds in my workplace, the smile on her face as she said it: married and had a son. Life was beatific and pain-free. I felt like I full and busy. In 2009, facing vari- had been blessed by a divine pres- ous workplace challenges, I began ence then. looking out for a new job. At the The doctors once again asked us same time, my mother fell seriously to shift her to a third hospital with ill. After two or three days in a near- an in-house dialysis facility. The by hospital’s ICU, her condition moment my mother entered the became worse. The doctor advised building, she sighed with content- us to take her to a bigger hospital. ment: “Now I will be fine,” she told There, tests revealed her kidneys us with a weak smile. I finally went were 90 percent damaged and her lungs severely infected. She needed dialysis before they could perform surgery. On the first day of her di- MY relatives chided her: “You’ll Let your daughter go out to work? She’ll get out of hand.” But my mother had faith in me. Meenakshi, Kamla and Ashok, 2000 alysis, she said to my father: “You’ve home, relieved. brought me to my death bed...” The same afternoon, she passed After that day, she stopped talking away. She was just 57. much. She did, however, insist on I was shattered with grief; my calling all her close family members confidante was gone. But she had to visit her – as if she wanted to bid left me with a heartful of gifts: cour- them all goodbye. But after they age to face loss, resilience to bounce left, she would lie back in silence. back after pain and suffering, and One day, she asked me about the will to keep moving forward. my job search. I told her I was still I got a new job a few months lat- looking. She put her hand on my er, and have grown even further in head and said, “You will get some- my career since then. It is a given. It thing very soon.” I cannot forget is the blessing she gave me. june 2018 48 | business
A bite of good health It took vision and reinvention for former television producer Shradha Aggarwal to launch her own startup offering healthy gourmet snacks t was cheese that did it for Shrad- a range of ready-to-eat, all-natural ha Aggarwal. A blob of 30 kg of snacks that “reimagine international fine cheese lay in front of her, flavours for the urban Indian.” And sweating and melting under the the journey has been as sweet and Iharsh studio lights. “I wish I could spicy as the sauces and chips she’s fa- learn more about food so that I mous for. could treat food better,” the young After graduating in media studies TV producer thought that day in from The New School, New York, 2010. “Food should be respected.” Shradha, the Delhi-born Modern Two years later, the media pro- School alumna moved back home, fessional launched Miss Chhotee’s, where she joined Discovery channel.
june 2018 business | 49
The next four years were highly ed- hotee’s struck her. “I’d come home ucative as she learnt all about brand- tired and in no mood to cook some- ing and gained an insight into the thing elaborate, yet my palate craved changing consumer mindset. fresh gourmet food,” she says. Soon after she’d watched the The idea bore fruit in 2012, when cheese being tortured at her Delhi she set up her home-business in Del- workplace, Shradha was on a holi- hi with her family’s help. She offered day to Goa when she came across a a variety of preservative-free, baked, quaint Italian restaurant. Impulsive- vegan snacks – including peri-peri ly, she applied for an apprenticeship. dips, pesto sauce, kale chips, and “You’ll leave your glamorous TV ca- beetroot and spinach lavash – to reer to work in this little restaurant?” gourmet-food stores. the owner asked her incredulously. The product line kept evolving But Shradha persisted, and he even- and her packaging design won glob- tually gave in. That’s how Shradha al awards and recognition. Ananda started on her food education, learn- in the Himalayas consulted her to ing on the job. develop preservative-free foods, and
L-R: Miss Chhotee’s range of healthy snacks; Shradha launched her label at a gourmet food festival in 2012
Over the next couple of years, she her startup was shortlisted for incu- worked with the Lite Bite Foods bation by NITI Aayog. chain of restaurants, The Table, and “Being an entrepreneur is a lone- the Four Seasons in Mumbai, un- ly journey,” admits the 32-year-old. derstanding kitchen politics, quality “But it’s your own vision, so you have assessment and customer relations. to just motivate yourself and keep re- It was while she was working in inventing the curve.” The big game Mumbai that the idea of Miss Ch- has begun. Say cheese, Shradha.
june 2018 50 | photo feature
happy women = happy state Bhutan’s people smile easily. And it’s no wonder – their country is considered the happiest place in the world. Perhaps one of the reasons is that women have equal rights and opportunities – in property, education, employment, and personal freedom. A frequent visitor shares snapshots Text and photos by Ritu Goyal Harish
Angay (grandma in Bhuta- nese) and I in her daugh- ter’s kitchen, warmed by a traditional bukhari (heater). She is 82, and has only one desire – to live longer.
june 2018 photo feature | 51
This woman was on her way home after offering prayers at the Chime Lhakhang temple (known for its phallus symbol). I asked if her children looked after her. She beamed: “Yes. I am happy,” she said. It showed.
june 2018 52 | photo feature
The elderly in Thimphu flock to the National Memorial Chorten to circumambulate the temple 108 times and offering prostra- tions. The administration has made it easier to prostrate by installing wooden boards.
june 2018 photo feature | 53
Festivals are a big part of Bhutan’s religious and spiritual fabric, and include traditional dances. These village girls in Paro smile as they get into form during practice for an upcoming spring festival.
june 2018 54 | photo feature
Monks and nuns are a common sight in Bhutan’s towns, shopping for essentials or visiting other monasteries – such as these nuns in Changankha Lhakhang, Thim- phu. Some even renounce their vows and get back to regular life.
june 2018 photo feature | 55
Every person in a Bhutanese household contributes towards its day-to-day running, even the elderly and visitors. Unperturbed by the growing urbanisation, they prefer to walk home, carry- ing groceries in their hands.
june 2018 56 | oral history seeker of memories Artist and author Aanchal Malhotra studies the personal histories of the refugees of Partition through the belongings they carried with them
hile doing her Mas- during the Partition. Simply talking ter’s in studio art from about those items transported their Concordia Universi- owner to a different time, recalls ty, Montréal, Canada, Aanchal, who wondered, “If one WAanchal Malhotra took a break to person has this reaction to the past, what about the others?” And so began her personal ex- ploration of memories. “I found it interesting how no one had ever studied migratory objects,” says the alumna of OCAD University, To- ronto. “So I decided to do my thesis
on objects of the Partition.” e) ag It was a one-woman show. Aan- c ing p a
chal did the research, photography, (F interviews, translating and writing all by herself. “You have to become a kind of ethnographer for some- thing like this,” says the 28-year-old. Aanchal at her studio in Montréal, Canada “You have to learn to deftly extract ra e); R ajni mal hot ag
memories, which are sometimes (th is p return to her hometown, as she had painful. You have to learn to ask “no idea what to do for her thesis.” personal questions respectfully.” While in Delhi, where her fami- Aanchal’s own family had crossed ra M al hot ly runs the 65-year-old Bahrisons over to India during the Partition. chain of bookstores, she happened And yet she admits she is one of the to come across two objects that a rare young breed who is showing
family had carried across the border an interest in this slice of history. “I A as h na c r e di t: photo
june 2018 oral history | 57
Aanchal at Udaipur City Palace
june 2018 58 | oral history
was tired of being from the gener- people who remember the time of ation that is slowly forgetting the undivided India are not going to be past,” she says, acknowledging that around much longer.” the study of history has so far been Aanchal began working on her dominated by older researchers. thesis project, ‘Remnants of a Sep- “But this kind of work ages you aration’, in 2013 under the guid- beyond your years,” says the bright- ance of Canadian photographer eyed Aanchal, who – having trav- Raymonde April. She presented it elled across India, and to Lahore in 2015 at Concordia University’s and Karachi in the course of her re- Galérie FoFA, having designed the search – feels she has seen a glimpse viewing area as a 120-foot long, of the other side and come to the 10-foot wide gallery with a glass on realization that we’re all the same. one side to create a sense of “walk- “I hope my work will be the start- ing along a border and surveillance ing point for cross-border conver- from the outside”. Visual arts theses sations,” she says. “It may be a naïve are usually light on text, but Aan- way to look at it, but the truth is, chal’s was 25 pages long. “I wanted we share a common history, and the to provide a context,” says Aanchal,
Aanchal putting the final touches on her presentation at the Galérie FoFA, Concordia University, Montréal ra rajni mal hot c r e di t: photo
june 2018 oral history | 59
Clockwise from top left: Portraits of lawyer Bakshi Tek Chand and his wife taken at the home of their daughter, Sumohini Bhagat, as part of Aanchal’s The Hiatus Project; the cover of her book Remnants of a Separation features a photo of her grandmother Bhag Malhotra wearing the maang tikka her own mother had carried with her from NWFP to Delhi in 1947; Aanchal signing copies of her book at Bahrisons
who also works as an editor in her of Impossible Longing, and Haruki family’s literary agency, Red Ink. Murakami’s 1Q84, Aanchal believes Her thesis was expanded on and “all fiction is some sort of non-fic- published as a book in 2017, and tion”. “You’re creating a whole new
te n s oo fi has been very positively received world, putting together pieces of aus across the subcontinent. reality,” she says. ank y Having grown up surrounded by Meanwhile, her study of the ob- books and authors, Aanchal has the jects of Partition continues on her and ma knowledge of a librarian, and – un- photoblog, ‘The Hiatus Project’. like her grandfather, the founder “The younger generation is only
ra mal hot of Bahrisons, who famously never informed through text books. But read the books he sold, but sim- we have to publish these personal ply understood his customers very stories of people, which make them well – she is monstrously well- more humane, especially the stories read. Deeply appreciative of litera- collected from the other side,” she
t: A an ch al c r e di t: photo ture such as Anuradha Roy’s Atlas says. “It’s our duty.”
june 2018 60 | fashion
the statement These five jewellery designers allow their eclectic designs to speak for them By Anupam Dabral
en inde and diamond jewellery. Modern, edgy and daring, her pieces take Influenced by her global travels and hints from patwa, an ancient tech- India’s mystique, Anupama Sukh nique of winding thread in tribal Lalvani launched En Inde in 2004. jewellery. Retailing out of presti- Architectural shapes and geometry gious stores in US, France, Austra- being the focal points of her cre- lia and Japan, the En Inde label is ations, Anupama has taken a com- proof of evolving tastes in jewellery. plete detour from traditional gold Shop at: Eninde.com
june 2018 fashion | 61
Misho Trained as a sculptor at Goldsmiths, University of London, and having honed her skills under architect and interior designer Ashiesh Shah, Suhani Parekh’s understanding of metal, shape and the global consumer manifests in her label Misho, launched in 2016. She has already earned prestigious fashion awards, and has created pieces for the likes of Rihanna, Deepika Padukone and Sonam Kapoor. Suhani is now all set to make headway in the fine jewellery market. Shop at: Mishodesigns.com
kichu Kichu Dandiya’s eponymous label finds meaning in artisanal, handcrafted pieces. After completing her Bachelor’s in jewellery design from Central Saint Martins, London, Kichu returned to Jaipur to work with artisans. Her aim was not just to understand the trade but, based on the nuances of various ethnicities, create something as dynamic as today’s changing society. A retro take on traditional Rajasthani anklets, eagle-inspired rings and a bison-inspired pendant are some of her signature pieces. Shop at: Kichu.co.in june 2018 62 | fashion
atelier mon Launched in 2012 by mother- daughter duo Monica Sharma and Meher Rohatgi, Atelier Mon encapsulates contradiction. Experimenting with unconventional Western forms while looping in Eastern references, the label retails from prestigious stores such as Harvey Nichols, Anthropologie-BHLDN, Saks, Lou and Grey, and has been embraced by the likes of Sonam Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. Shop at: Ateliermon.com
Lara Morakhia Lara Morakhia’s contemporary take on classics sets her apart. What began as an artistic pur- suit, after Lara was recommended bed rest following an injury, has now become a sought-after label. An eclectic mix of precious and semi-precious stones, precious metals, jadtar, kundan, mother-of- pearl combined with batik bone, leather and beads help shape up Lara’s artistic jewellery pieces. Heritage structures such as In- dian temples coupled with con- temporary culture form a distinct narrative for Lara as a designer. Shop at: Laram.in
june 2018 CONTEST | 63 Share Your Views & Win! Do books by female authors in India get equal visibility in stores, online, and in media reviews?
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Deadline: 12 June 2018 june 2018 64 | PERSONAL GROWTH Mindful Motherhood Allow your children to find their own paths – like the practice of a martial art, it may just lead you to grow yourself By Kay Newton t was the Spanish Champion- on the floor. Our son had won. ship finals and our youngest When I look at my son’s life, I can son was on the tatami mat, one see defining moments when he be- judo throw away from losing came the man he is today. Judo was Ithe match. His coach shouted an one of them. Not only did it teach instruction and something switched him many lessons from the moment in his demeanour. In the next 30 he first stood in a dojo, it taught his seconds, the reigning champion was parents many lessons too. on Unsplash A rnold E xconde : credit P hoto
june 2018 PERSONAL GROWTH | 65
Kano Jigoro said of judo, “If there family is also a must for young peo- is effort, there is always accomplish- ple. One life-defining aspect of judo ment.” Our son has applied effort for our whole family was the fact to all parts of his life, his studies, that our son had another male role friends, maintaining a long-term model in his life apart from his fa- distant relationship with his girl- ther. A mentor who not only taught friend and being a role model. Our him judo’s discipline and focus, he effort as parents has been to let him also taught him judo etiquette and go free, to fly the nest and to ex- behaviour. Parents can find it hard perience life with all its ups and to teach their own children such downs for himself. life skills. The rapport this surrogate At times this has been hard for father figure had with our son cer- all parties. When things go wrong tainly took away many stresses of you want to step in and be the par- the teenage years. ent. And yet, holding back and let- Last month, our son turned 21, ting our children sort ‘stuff’ out for and, on the same day, graduated themselves in their own way is the from University. Judo lessons re- greater skill. main permanently in all our lives. There is also another judo phrase Before and after practising or en- that’s equally meaningful for par- gaging in a match, opponents bow enting: “The less effort, the faster to each other. Bowing is an expres- and more powerful you will be.” sion of gratitude and respect. In ef- Too many parents these days are fect, you are thanking your oppo- ‘helicopter’ parents (doing every- nent for giving you the opportunity thing for their kids, so that they do to improve your technique. not have the basic skill sets to live I bow to my son with gratitude away from home such as preparing and respect. a healthy meal, balancing accounts, washing clothes or using public transport). Releasing the apron ties can be an anxious time, even if you know it is part of the natural cycle. Making sure that your child has basic life skills can take away some of the pain when they leave. Self-sufficiency is not a skill taught in schools, it is something they need Kay Newton is a personal development coach to learn from home. based in UK. She’s an author, confidante andT ai Chi Finding a mentor outside of the instructor. Follow her on www.Kay-Newton.com june 2018 66 | screenshot A Mom’s Trade-off Rabia Sooch khandelwal, 33, Delhi
was born in Amritsar. At the age of six, I was sent to board- I ing school, and later moved to Chandigarh to live with fam- ily. My parents are both doctors, and my younger brother and his wife are both dentists and live in Toronto. Unlike my family, I studied B.Com from Delhi University and then went to the Warwick Business School in UK for my Master’s in marketing and business strategy. My husband and I were dating then. We got married many years later. In our Indian context, mar- riage is a great deal of adjustment and sacrifice on the girl’s part, but I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. I worked as a brand planner in Delhi after returning from UK. The greatest workplace challenge for a woman is to be heard. You may be talented but men don’t take you seriously. After seven years, I had to quit my job to raise a family, but I plan to go back to work as soon as my kids are a little older. Motherhood has set me behind in my career but it has also taught me empathy. It changed the way I looked at my mother-in-law, especially since I have two sons myself. It also made me a bit of a worrier: I think about my kids all the time. I want to be remembered as a loving person; I have a lot of love to give. If only I knew how to express it best.
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june 2018