Book & Lyrics by Peter Sham Music by Brad Carroll Based on the Play by

PRODUCTION SCRIPT

www.stagerights.com LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL Copyright © 2006 by Peter Sham and Brad Carroll All Rights Reserved

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SPECIAL THANKS The authors wish to express their love and gratitude to Eileen & Allen Anes for their most generous support, enthusiasm & friendship. We would also like to express a very special thanks to the following: Martin Platt, David Elliott & Perry Street Theatricals; Fred C. Adams, R. Scott Phillips & Utah Shakespeare Festival; Charles Metten; Dan Slobig; Roger Bean; Jeremy Mann; Stephanie Sham; Barbara Carroll; Mark J. Ingraham; Kirsten, Olivia & Orlando Sham; and last, but certainly not least, to Tom Clark, Dan & Christine Frezza and Gualtiero “Wally” Negrini for all the Italian!

PRODUCTION HISTORY Lend Me A Tenor: The Musical celebrated its world premiere at the Utah Shakespeare Festival on Saturday, June 30, 2007 at the Randall L. Jones Theatre; Fred C. Adams, Founder; R. Scott Phillips, Festival Director. The production was directed by Roger Bean, Musical Direction by Jeremy Mann, Orchestrations by Brad Carroll, Set Design by Michael Carnahan, Costume Design by Bill Black, Choreography by Kay Andersen, Lighting Design by Cynthia Stillings, and Sound Design by Jeff Mockus.

The Original Cast was as follows: HENRY SAUNDERS ...... Joe Vincent MAX GARBER ...... Jered Tanner DIANA BATEMAN ...... Jill Van Velzer MAGGIE SAUNDERS ...... Jane Noseworthy TITO MERELLI ...... Steven Stein-Grainger MARIA MERELLI ...... Melinda Parrett BERNIE ...... Rhett Guter

ENSEMBLE: Emilie Susan Anderson, Lillian Castillo, Ian Durant, Lisa Ferris, Justin Gordon, Rhett Guter, Emily Trask, Lilian Matsuda, Keeshon A. Morrow, Jacob Hoffman, Scott Reardon; Jessica Reiner-Harris, Tro Shaw, Eric Van Tielen & George Walker

PRODUCTION HISTORY (CONT’D) Lend Me A Tenor: The Musical opened at the Gielgud Theatre, London on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 it was produced by Martin Platt and David Elliott, and Eileen and Allen Anes with Jason Grossman and M. Kilburg Reedy. The production was directed by Ian Talbot; Choreography by ; Orchestrations by Chris Walker; Musical Supervision by Paul Gemignani; Music Direction by Colin Billing; Set & Costume Design by Paul Farnsworth; Lighting Design by Tim Mitchell; Sound Design by Terry Jardine & Nick Lidster for Autograph; Orchestra Manager, Sylvia Addison; Advertising & Marketing by AKA; General Managers, Joanne Benjamin & Clive Chenery, The Entertainment Business; Production Manager, Richard Bullimore; Casting Directors, Glenn Bexfield & Jane Deitch, Bexfield Deith Associates; Press, Target Live; Associate Director, Graham Gill; Stage Manager, Maria Gibbons; Technical Stage Manager, Stew Stealey; Deputy Stage Manager, Michael Conlon and Assistant Stage Managers, Stevie Haighton, and Dave Armstrong.

The Original London Cast was as follows: HENRY SAUNDERS ...... Matthew Kelly MAX GARBER ...... Damian Humbley DIANA DIVANE ...... Sophie-Louise Dann* MAGGIE SAUNDERS ...... Cassidy Janson TITO MERELLI ...... Michael Matus MARIA MERELLI ...... Joanna Riding BERNIE GUTER ...... John Stacey THE OPERA GUILD LADIES ...... Michelle Bishop, Jane Quinn & Gay Soper DANCING BELLHOPS ...... Nick Butcher & Ryan Pidgen DANCING MAIDS ...... Jemma Alexander & Kelly Chinery TWO POLICEMEN ...... Connor McAllister & Haydn Oakley

ENSEMBLE: Jemma Alexander, Karen Aspinall, Natasha J. Barnes, Nick Butcher, Sharon Eckman, Kelly Chinery, Daniel Farrow (Assistant to the Choreographer), Andrew Keelan, Kara Lane, Connor McAllister, Haydn Oakley, Steven Oliver Webb, Ryan Pidgen, Jeremy Secomb, Emma Sewell, Robert Traynor, and Michelle White

*Olivier Award Nominee

CAST (in order of appearance) HENRY SAUNDERS: Executive director of the opera house, 50s. BERNIE GUTER: Stage manager of the opera house. MAX GARBER: His assistant, late 20s/early 30s. OPERA GUILD LADY #1: Lady of the Opera Guild, 50s-60s. OPERA GUILD LADY #2: Lady of the Opera Guild, 30s-40s. OPERA GUILD LADY #3: Lady of the Opera Guild, 20s-30s. DIANA DIVANE : Diva of the opera house, 40s. MAGGIE SAUNDERS: Saunders’ daughter, mid-20s. TITO MERELLI: The international opera star, mid/late 40s. MARIA MERELLI: His volatile wife, late 30s/early 40s. ENSEMBLE to play: Maestro, Opera Cast Members, Reception Committee, Reporter, Photographers, Mayor Of Cleveland, Harry, Bellhops, Housemaids, Young Tito, Young Maria, Mickey, Joe, Beppe, Silvio, & Gala Guests.

PLACE & TIME Cleveland, Ohio; A Saturday in September, 1934

COSTUMES Mostly 1930's style dress. Hotel staff uniforms. Tuxedos and formal wear for the Gala. Two policemen uniforms. Various period costumes for Verdi's Otello. Important Note: 3 Identical Otello costumes.

PROPS Luggage (preferably two suitcases that can be tap-danced on), flower bouquets, hotel room tchotchkes, champagne bottle, over-sized platter of "Shrimp Mayonnaise," stationery for notes and autographs, notebook.

SCENE/SONG BREAKDOWN

ACT I 1. Overture ...... Orchestra Scene 1 – CLEVELAND GRAND OPERA HOUSE – STAGE 2. Pagliacci – Orchestra Rehearsal ...... Orchestra 3. Where The Hell Is Merelli? ...... Saunders, Max & Ensemble 3A. Transition to Scene 2 ...... Orchestra Scene 2 – GRAND BALLROOM OF THE CLEVELAND HOTEL 4. Fling ...... Maggie & Max 4A. Where The Hell Is Merelli? (Reprise) ...... The Opera Guild Ladies 5. How ‘Bout Me? ...... Max & Saunders 5A. Transition to Scene 3 ...... Orchestra Scene 3 – CLEVELAND HOTEL, VARIOUS LOCALES 6. For The Love Of Opera ...... Ensemble Scene 4 – THE PENTHOUSE SUITE OF THE CLEVELAND HOTEL 6A. For The Love Of Opera – Part 2 ...... Ensemble 6B. For The Love Of Opera (Reprise) ...... Ensemble 7. Facciamo L’Amor ...... Tito & Maria, Young Tito & Young Maria 8. The Last Time ...... Maria 9. Be You’self ...... Tito & Max 10. Before You Know It ...... Max & Tito 10A. Before You Know It (Tag) ...... Orchestra Scene 5 – PENTHOUSE SUITE, THREE HOURS LATER 11. How ‘Bout Me? (Reprise) ...... Saunders & Max 12. Act I Finale ...... Saunders, Max & Ensemble

ACT II 13. Entr’Acte ...... Orchestra 13A. Pagliacci – Final Moments ...... Canio, Nedda, Silvio & Ensemble Scene 1 – OPERA HOUSE – BACKSTAGE 14. Il Stupendo ...... Saunders & Ensemble Scene 2 – PENTHOUSE SUITE 15. Lend Me A Tenor ...... Maggie & Max 16. May I Have A Moment? ...... Diana & Tito 17. Il Stupendo (Reprise) ...... Maggie, Max, Diana & Saunders Scene 3 – GRAND BALLROOM CORRIDOR 17. Il Stupendo (Reprise – Cont’d) ...... The Guild Ladies, Tito & Ensemble Scene 4 – PENTHOUSE SUITE 18. Knowing What I Know ...... Max 19. The Last Time (Reprise) ...... Maria 20. Finale – Part 1 ...... Max & Ensemble 20A. Finale – Part 2 ...... Company 21. Curtain Call ...... Orchestra & Company 22. Playoff Music ...... Orchestra LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 1

ACT I

SCENE 1

SONG #1: OVERTURE

Near the end of the overture the show curtain opens to reveal a painted drop of the front of The Cleveland Grand Opera House. The marquee of the opera house reads "TONIGHT ONLY: TITO MERELLI, THE WORLD’S GREATEST TENOR, IN PAGLIACCI". Another sign pasted across the door reads: "SOLD OUT." At Overture’s end, the backdrop rises to reveal…

SONG #2: PAGLIACCI – ORCHESTRA REHEARSAL

THE CLEVELAND GRAND OPERA HOUSE STAGE. It is early afternoon on a Saturday in September, 1934. The stage is set for the opening of Leoncavallo’s PAGLIACCI. The backdrop is a village square in Calabria, Italy, festively decorated for the Feast of the Assumption. Its centerpiece, an enormous statue of The Madonna. The orchestra “rehearses” the PAGLIACCI Finale. AT RISE: BERNIE GUTER, the stage manager, enters. He calls into the pit as the orchestra finishes. BERNIE Thank you, Maestro! We’ll start the dress rehearsal as soon as “Il Stupendo” arrives. MAESTRO Bernie, he’s three hours late! MAESTRO climbs out of the pit and onto the stage. BERNIE Shhh! Please, Maestro. We don’t want to create a panic. MAESTRO Then, what are we going to do? What’s the plan? BERNIE I notified Rupp, his understudy, I told him he should probably sing the dress rehearsal. MAESTRO Rupp!? No. Please. He’s a walking disaster, Bernie. The man is bad luck! BERNIE At the moment, sir, he’s all the luck we’ve got. MAESTRO Do you remember the last time he went on? BERNIE Who could forget? Stage left still has the faint smell of charred curtain.

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MAESTRO Please! I beg you! Find somebody else! Anybody but Rupp!

SONG #3: WHERE THE HELL IS MERELLI?

MAX GARBER, mid-thirties and somewhat rumpled, enters. MAX is the personal assistant to the Executive Director and the opera company’s all around dogsbody. He wears glasses. MAX Hey fellas! BERNIE & MAESTRO Max! MAX Any sign of Merelli? BERNIE No, not even a phone call. MAX Alright… well— listen… stay calm. MAESTRO Calm? Max, tonight the entire city of Cleveland is coming to see the world’s greatest tenor, Tito Merelli! What if he doesn’t show? MAX He’ll show. MAESTRO What if he doesn’t? MAX He will! BERNIE & MAESTRO But, what if he doesn’t?! MAX I just spoke to the train station. He arrived five minutes ago. MAESTRO Oh, thank God! I’ll go and tell the company! MAX Great. MAESTRO hurriedly exits. BERNIE Did his train really come in? MAX Yep.

LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 3

BERNIE He wasn’t on it, was he? MAX Nope. Have you spoken with Rupp? BERNIE Yes. After tonight he’ll be the only happy person in Cleveland. MAX If he’s still alive— the man is bad luck. Don’t worry, Merelli will be here, I promise. BERNIE Well. Whatever you do, don’t tell Mr. Saunders. HENRY SAUNDERS, mid-fifties, authoritarian, enters. He is the Executive Director of the Cleveland Grand Opera House. SAUNDERS Don’t tell me what? BERNIE Mr. Saunders! MAX Nothing, sir. SAUNDERS Where’s Merelli? I came to meet him. BERNIE He’s not here yet, sir. SAUNDERS Not here? What do you mean “not here”? BERNIE He wasn’t on the train, sir. MAX Bernie! SAUNDERS What do you mean he wasn’t on the train? Where is he? MAX I’m not sure, sir. We haven’t located him yet. But we will. SAUNDERS Oh, God, I’m gonna be sick. MAX Bernie, call the cab companies! BERNIE exits. SAUNDERS What are we going to do without the star of the show, Max?

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MAX Sir, please… SAUNDERS Tito Merelli. MAX Calm down. SAUNDERS “Il Stupendo.” MAX Relax. SAUNDERS “The World’s Greatest Tenor”… MAX Breathe. SAUNDERS …Is Late! (singing) WHAT DO WE DO? SOMETHING’S AMISS, ASSIST ME, SOLVE THIS MYSTERY! THROW ME A CLUE, THE CASE IS OPEN. WHAT DO WE SAY? HOW DO WE SPILL THE SWILL THE TENOR’S NOT ON THE BILL ON THE COMPANY’S BIGGEST NIGHT?

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? I’M TAKING THE BASTARD TO COURT! I’LL SUE! THERE’S NO WAY I CAN SERVE THIS RAGÙ WITH A SAUCE THAT’S A MEATBALL SHORT!

SOUND THE BELL FOR MERELLI. CLIENTELE WANT MERELLI. THIS AFFAIR’S BEEN PLANNED FOR OVER A YEAR NOW. EVERY ASS IS CANNED IF HE DOESN’T APPEAR NOW! SEARCH THE LOCAL BARS AND THE DELI, SHOW AND TELL— WHERE’S MERELLI? (speaking) Come on, Max! You’re “the prompter.” MAX So?

LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 5

SAUNDERS So. Start prompting, damnit! MAX Sir, I’m sure it’s just a little Italian tardiness. Maybe he’s on Mediterranean Standard Time. SAUNDERS What? MAX I don’t know. Anyway, look on the bright side. SAUNDERS There’s a “bright side?” MAX (scrambling) Of course! I mean, everything’s right on schedule. The cast is ready, the costumes are beautiful, and— and… the set— look at the set! The “Madonna” looks beautiful, don’t you think? SAUNDERS She looks like Eleanor Roosevelt. MAX Sir, please— stay positive. SAUNDERS You’re right. MAX Good. SAUNDERS But what if he missed the train? MAX That’s not positive. It’s also not probable. Grand Central reported that he and his wife boarded the train right on schedule. SAUNDERS (disturbed, this is new information) His wife? You told me he was coming alone. Remember what happened in Buffalo? MAX That was an accident, sir. I mean, his wife thought that gun was a prop. SAUNDERS I’m gonna throw up. MAX Don’t worry, sir, he’ll turn up. Besides, as long as the “Ladies of the Opera Guild” don’t find out, we’ll be fine. SAUNDERS Too late.

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Three Guild Ladies, THE ANNAS, enter, wearing ostentatious “socialite” prints. ANNA #1 HENRY, HE’S LATE! ANNA #2 HENRY, HE’S LATE! ANNA #3 HENRY, HE’S LATE! THE ANNAS AND YOU CAN GUESS THE STRESS IS, YES, DEPRESSING US. ANNA #3 WE’RE IN A STATE OF TOTAL PANIC! ANNA #1 & 2 THIS WAS OUR CHANCE TO BE THE TOAST OF MOST OF EAST OHIO ANNA #3 AND BOAST ANNA #2 & #3 TO OUR HOST THE ANNAS IN THE OP’RA GUILD! WE’LL BE THE LAUGH OF THE NATION; THE GOSSIP OF LOUELLA “P.” WE’RE THROUGH AS AN ORGANIZATION IT’S TRUE, ‘CAUSE OUR TENOR’S AN ABSENTEE! NO ONE SELLS LIKE MERELLI; WEAVES THE SPELLS LIKE MERELLI. SAUNDERS EVERY PATRON’S HEART IS GONNA BE BROKEN. THE ANNAS AND YOU KNOW WHO’S NECK THEY ARE GONNA BE CHOKIN’? SAUNDERS, MAX & THE ANNAS OUR CONCERN HAS REACHED A CRESCENDO! WHAT BEFELL— IL STUPENDO?! DIANA’S VOICE (OFFSTAGE) HENRY! MAX takes THE ANNAS aside to calm them down as DIANA DIVANE enters. She is forceful and voluptuous, the diva of the opera company.

LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 7

SAUNDERS (referring to Diana) There she is! “The Queen of the Opera Company,” “The Goddess of Song,” “The Voice That Launched A Thousand… ” DIANA Oh, cut the crap, Henry. SAUNDERS …Ships. DIANA Let’s not start that again. Where the hell is Tito Merelli? (noticing Max) Oh. Ciao, Max. SAUNDERS He should be here any minute. DIANA He isn’t here yet?! But we’re ready to start the dress rehearsal! SAUNDERS I know, I know, Diana. DIANA Where is he, Henry? SAUNDERS Somewhere between here and Poughkeepsie. DIANA What? SAUNDERS He’ll be here any minute, I promise. DIANA Good. I’m dying to meet him. SAUNDERS You will, Diana. You will. DIANA HENRY, MY PET, I HAVE A DATE WITH FATE, NO USE DEBATING IT; YOU’D BETTER GET HIM HERE, AND PRONTO! TITO’S THE KEY— WITHOUT A SWEAT I BET HE’LL GET ME SEEN AT THE MET. IT WILL BE SUCH A DREAM COME TRUE! SAUNDERS HERE’S WHERE YOUR DREAMS WERE IGNITED.

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DIANA I’M SORRY; IT’S TOO SMALL A STAGE. SAUNDERS (on one knee) DON’T LEAVE, WHEN I’M SO UNREQUITED. DIANA DON’T GRIEVE, BE A BIG BOY AND ACT YOUR AGE! Suddenly, BERNIE races in with a telephone. He is followed by a train of COMPANY MEMBERS. All are in villager costumes, ready for dress rehearsal. BERNIE Mr. Saunders! Mr. Saunders! SAUNDERS What is it now, Bernie? BERNIE The president is on the phone! SAUNDERS The president of the Board?! He grabs the phone and blares into it. Now listen, Ken, you sonovabitch, I know he’s missing but don’t blame… BERNIE No, sir! THE president! SAUNDERS (mortified cheerfulness) Mr. President!!! Yes, sir. Tonight? Two on the aisle? You and Mrs. Roosevelt? Everyone on stage looks up at the Madonna statue, then back to SAUNDERS. Of course, sir. Consider it done. He hangs up the phone. Bernie, ixnay Maria! MAX!!! SAUNDERS, MAX, DIANA & ENSEMBLE WHERE THE HELL IS MERELLI? WHERE THE HELL IS MERELLI? THIS BEHAVIOR’S BOUND TO RUIN THE GALA. DOES HE PULL THIS CRAP WHEN HE’S PLAYING LA SCALA, OR ONLY ON THE ERIE CANAL?

GERIATRIC WOMEN WILL BE TRAMPLED IN THE SQUARE! OPERAPHILES WILL HUNT US WITH THEIR TORCHES IN THE AIR!

LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 9

SAUNDERS, MAX, DIANA & ENSEMBLE (CONT’D) THEN, AS A BONUS, CLEVELAND WILL STONE US BEFORE THEY STRAP US INTO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR!

WE’RE SOLD-OUT BUT WE’VE NO ONE TO THRILL’EM! IF HE AIN’T DEAD, WE’RE GONNA KILL’IM! SEND OUT THE BLOODHOUNDS, STOP THE PRESSES, CALL THE F.B.I., MERELLI MUST BE FOUND TONIGHT!!! ALL scatter offstage.

SONG #3A: TRANSITION TO SCENE 2

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SCENE 2 THE GRAND BALLROOM OF THE CLEVELAND HOTEL The room has been transformed into a shrine to Tito Merelli, in honor of his impending visit. Overhead, banners read: WELCOME “IL STUPENDO.” A banquet table is prominent in the room, as all make ready for gala night. MAX (entering) Maggie? Maggie?! You here? MAGGIE enters with a life-sized cut-out of Tito Merelli. MAGGIE Oh. Hi, Max. How’s the dress rehearsal going? MAX It’s a disaster. Merelli’s still a no show, and Rupp is throwing up in the wings. MAGGIE Max… in his whole career, Tito Merelli has never missed a performance. MAX ‘Til tonight. MAGGIE Don’t worry. He’ll be here. (indicating the decorations all around the room) So? You haven’t said anything. What do you think? MAX Well, to tell you the truth— it’s a little creepy. MAGGIE You’re jealous. MAX Jealous? That’s ridiculous. MAGGIE Oh, Max, just think of it. Tonight. The curtain rises and he walks onstage. And suddenly there's nothing else in the world but that… that voice. Pause. MAX I can sing, too, you know. MAGGIE Not like Tito Merelli. MAX Someday. Okay? MAGGIE You don't.

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MAX In your opinion. It's a matter of taste. MAGGIE (trying to be kind) It is not! I wish you wouldn't fool yourself. He's a star, Max. And he's very sensitive. MAX How do you know that? MAGGIE stops, realizing she's caught. MAGGIE (casually) Because I met him. Last year. MAX You did? You never told me that. MAGGIE It was no big thing. When I was in Italy with daddy, we went to La Scala. He was in AIDA. Afterwards, I snuck backstage and… well, there he was. He was wearing a sort of— loincloth… (getting lost in the memory) …and his whole body was glistening… with perspiration… (snapping out of it) Anyway, he looked up and saw me, and do you know what he did, Max? He kissed my palms. MAX So? He's Italian! They kiss everything! MAGGIE Max! MAX What else happened? MAGGIE Nothing. (reluctantly; embarrassed) …I fainted. MAX You fainted? MAGGIE We were talking and he— stared into my eyes, and I just— blacked out. It must have been from the heat and all the excitement. MAX Oh, great. I mean, this is terrific. My fiancée meets this… this big, sweaty Italian guy and she keels over. MAGGIE I’m not your fiancée, Max. MAX Did I ask you to marry me or not?

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MAGGIE You asked. MAX Well? MAGGIE I’m just not ready yet. I need something special first. Something different— something— let’s be honest, Max…

SONG #4: FLING

MAGGIE DO YOU HEAR BELLS AND WHISTLES WHEN YOU KISS ME? MAX I think so. MAGGIE AND WHEN WE EMBRACE DO ROCKETS HIT THE SKY? MAX Maybe. Yes! No? MAGGIE DO YOU BELIEVE THAT LOVE SHOULD FEEL LIKE STARS WHEN THEY COLLIDE? SHOULDN’T IT BE A WILD, ROMANTIC RIDE? MAX I’m romantic. MAGGIE Max. MAX DIDN’T WE TAKE A SLEIGH RIDE LAST DECEMBER? MAGGIE YOU LOST MY COAT. MAX REMEMBER I TOOK YOU FISHING ON THE LAKE. MAGGIE YOU SUNK THE BOAT. MAX But… MAGGIE I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR, MAYBE I’M TOO NAIVE, BUT COULDN’T I HAVE A LITTLE FUN BEFORE MY FUN DAYS ARE DONE?

LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 13

MAX You want fun? We’ll go to Chock Full o’ Nuts! MAGGIE LATELY I’VE BEEN FEELING CURIOUS, HOT AND COLD AND GLAD AND FURIOUS— AND I WONDER WHAT THIS FLURRY IS FOR? EVERY TIME I TRY DEFINING IT I CAN FEEL ME CROSS THE LINE A BIT, MAKING MY EMOTIONS PINE A BIT MORE.

IT’S A FEELING THAT I LINGER ON, SOMETHING I CAN’T PUT MY FINGER ON, SOMETHING THAT’LL SET MY DINGER ON “DING” THOUGH IT MAKES MY HEAD DELIRIOUS IT’S NOT SOMETHING SO MYSTERIOUS. ALL I REALLY NEED’S A SERIOUS FLING MAX I’VE BEGGED YOU TO FLING WITH ME FOR YEARS! MAGGIE I KNOW, MAX. BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME. MAX What? MAGGIE I GOTTA HAVE SOMEONE WHO’S— FORCEFUL. MAX I can be forceful! SAUNDERS (OFFSTAGE) MAX!!! MAX Coming, Sir! (turning back to Maggie) Hold that thought. MAX exits. MAGGIE pulls a chord revealing another enormous Tito Banner. She basks in its splendor. MAGGIE WHEN THE CURTAIN RISES UP TONIGHT MY POOR HEART IS GONNA TAKE A FLIGHT LIKE A DIZZY, GIDDY KITE ON A STRING. WHO’D HAVE EVER THOUGHT I’D MEET A MAN THAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL LIKE TITO CAN— TIME TO FOLLOW MY LIBIDO AND FLING!

14 LEND ME A TENOR: THE MUSICAL – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

MAGGIE (CONT’D) I’VE ALWAYS BEEN WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE… IT’S TIME TO BE A LITTLE B-A-D! SO I’M SETTING MY SIGHTS ON A LOVER THAT LIGHTS UP THE SKY. IT’S MY INDEPENDENCE DAY TODAY ‘CAUSE MY ROMAN CANDLE’S ON THE WAY.

I’VE GOTTA SWING OUTSIDE OF MY CAGE BEFORE THAT ENGAGEMENT RING. GOTTA TAKE WING BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE AND TITO’S THE THING THAT’S RULIN’ MY FATE. OF HE I SING— I NEED A FLING! SAUNDERS enters hastily, with MAX trailing. SAUNDERS (in progress, all business) …And one more thing, don’t forget to schedule a photo shoot with the president. Unless, of course, Merelli is a no show at which point you can schedule my funeral for next Wednesday. MAX Yes, sir. MAGGIE Oh, Daddy! I’m so glad you’re here. (indicating the surrounding decor) What do you think? SAUNDERS (glancing around the room) Well— it’s a little creepy. MAGGIE Daddy, honestly— I want your opinion. SAUNDERS Don’t become an interior decorator. Max, let’s get moving! We’ll wait for him at the train station. MAGGIE That’s wonderful! Great idea! Let’s go! She starts to go. SAUNDERS (to Maggie) Stop! Where the hell do you think you’re going? MAGGIE To greet Mr. Merelli. SAUNDERS Wrong.

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