On Being Brave with Flora Bowley + Melody Ross

Flora: Hi everybody. Welcome back. I am thrilled and just so excited to be here at the beautiful Oregon coast behind us here, with a dear friend and fellow artist and teacher and just all around amazing person, Melody Ross. Thank you. Melody: Thank you. I’m happy to be here. So honored. Flora: What actually happened to bring us here to this moment is pretty funny. We tried to do this chat online a few times and failed miserably. Melody: It was funny. But it didn’t work out. Flora: It was funny, but bad quality. And so we just discovered that you were going to be at the Oregon coast, and so I decided to hop in my car and come here so that we could actually sit and be together. And it’s so lovely. Melody: It’s amazing. It’s kind of a miracle, how it all happened. Flora: Kind of a miracle! Melody: We’re glad it didn’t work out before. Flora: It was really a blessing. It really was. And I walked in and Melody’s here with some artists having a week of art-making and I walked in and some other people I love and know. And it’s just been really sweet. So, here we are! When I was considering who I would talk to for the theme of being brave, you were just the first person that popped into my mind. I didn’t even go any further, because you just personify bravery in so many ways, both in art and in life. One amazing program that Melody runs is called “Brave Girls Club.” And this is an in-person gathering that happens five times a year. Melody: For women, yeah. Flora: For women. On her beautiful ranch in Idaho. And it’s all about empowerment. Melody: We say it’s a safe place to figure things out. And so we provide tools through art- making to help you figure out really what you want to do with your life. What you want to do with the transition that you’re in. Just how you want to move forward and who you are. It’s very quiet. We don’t have phones or computers. It’s very unplugged. Flora: That sounds great. Melody: So you can really get into... We take care of all your needs so that you can just focus on figuring things out. Lots of times we just can’t figure things out. I think that we all have the answers in us if we... if things get quiet enough to be able to hear them. Flora: Absolutely. Melody: We create an environment and also have a curriculum that really helps you pull out everything you want to do, how to be brave enough to do it, and be kind to yourself through it. Flora: Right. So, yeah, beautiful. I’ve never done it, but I want to. And you also offer online “Brave Girls Club.” Melody: Yes. Flora: As well as “Soul School,” which is like a monthly subscription. Melody: Yup, soul work. Flora: So we’ll add links to all her amazing offerings. I want to just dive right in because we are on week four in the course. And you’ve taken the course. Melody: I have. Live and online. Flora: Both versions. And so you understand this place that we’re at in the process, which is potentially frustrating, potentially confusing. Maybe really chaotic, messy... Melody: Ready to quit. Flora: Ready to quit. Ready to get out the gesso. Melody: Or paint over it. Ready to just abandon the whole thing. Flora: Exactly. And this is why this week is the “be brave” week. Because this is the time in the creative process, and in life, when we get to these moments where... Melody: The middle. Flora: The middle. Melody: The ugly, scary middle. Flora: The ugly, scary middle. The “awkward teenager phase” is what I like to call it. This is when we need to be brave the most. This is when we need to call on all of our, I think, past experiences where we had a block or had a fear. We were brave, we moved through, we survived, we made it to... Melody: No matter what it was in. Not just in art, but in life. Flora: Yeah, in everything. Melody: Everything has the same feelings and the same energy and requires the same place within us to make it keep going, whether it’s art or running a business or parenting or whatever it is. Flora: Yeah. And I always think that it’s just a practice. Like, being brave it’s... Melody: It’s a decision. Flora: It’s a decision, yes. Melody: Just like with everything else, it’s a decision. Flora: Really, one of the first things I say in my in-person workshops is that, you know, we’re all... let’s just accept the fact that we’re all going to have moments where we want to abandon, where we want to start over... Melody: You will make ugly things. Flora: You’ll make ugly things. Melody: Yeah, you will. Flora: You won’t know what to do next. You might just feel really bad. You might start to let that become an internal story about what it means about you. Melody: “Just like everything else! Everything like this happens in my life!” Flora: Right. Nothing works out. Melody: You start equating it to everything else that’s happened in your life. Flora: So I just say, let’s accept the fact that that’s actually a very important part of this process. Melody: Yes. It is. Flora: And so when that inevitable moment happens, instead of abandoning or feeling stuck or whatever the emotion is, we can actually say, Oh, hello. This is the moment. I knew you were coming, and here you are. How can I be with that? Melody: Yeah. Like you were talking about planning for it. You could even write a list, “This is what I will do when I get to a place where I do not like this at all.” Or “I’m even embarrassed of how it looks,” or whatever. Or, “I’m sick of it. This is what I will do.” “This is what I will do when it happens.” So that you can plan. Plan for difficulty. Expect difficulty. Flora: Can you share some of the things that you do in those moments? Melody: Well, sometimes I just walk away. Sometimes I start working on something else. Sometimes I change the music. You know? So you can change the energy. Sometimes I’ll go look at things that inspire me. We have Pinterest and all these beautiful places to go to look at beautiful things. Often I’ll go look at nature. I know you taught me to go find a unique leaf or something and paint that as one of your marks. There’s inspiration everywhere. So just go look at beautiful things and get inspired again. That’s what I do. And sometimes I just need to eat something. You know what I mean? Flora: Totally know what you mean. It’s like, Oh, I’m actually just thirsty! Melody: Yeah, exactly! So just walk away from it and say, “I need to do something for myself right now.” Flora: One thing – I’ve never actually done this, but I’ve always thought it would be a great thing to do – is to write all these things out and, like, put them in a hat so that when you hit the moment... Melody: That’s a good idea! Flora: I know, right! You could just draw it and say, like, okay there’s an idea. Melody: Crummy moment hat. Flora: Crummy moment hat. Melody: Yeah. I feel lost. That’s a good idea. There’s just so many things you can do instead of just abandoning the whole thing. We were talking before about putting things in perspective. Because you get so into your art – I do, you do, you guys do, I’m sure – you get so into it that you start forgetting that anything else exists. And that’s the beautiful part of making art, where you get lost in it. But also it can really mess with your perspective. It can make you think this painting is the meaning of my life. Flora: It’s so important. Melody: You know, and if this doesn’t work out... Because you’re so in it, which is exactly where you should be, but it’s really not your whole life. The painting isn’t. Flora: No. Melody: It’s such a great catalyst for so many things and it’s just... You might end up with the masterpiece of your life, but you have this whole life outside of it. Sometimes you just have to go, Wait a second. This is just canvas and paint. It’s not gonna ruin my life. Flora: Exactly. Melody: You know? You just have to get some perspective. Flora: That’s something I shout out in my workshops sometimes, “Remember it’s just paint.” Like, “Remember it’s just paint!” Melody: Yeah. It’s not going to ruin any of your most important parts of your life. Flora: And I think – I mentioned already – but this idea that these challenging moments are actually important parts of the creative process. And why that is, in my opinion, is that it demonstrates that we’re actually putting ourselves out there on the edge of something new. Like, being in a place of bravery versus being in our comfort zones, where we’re doing all of the tricks of the trade... Melody: Everything we’ve always done. Flora: Yeah, everything we’ve always done. We know it’s going to look this certain way because it’s always looked that way. You know, it’s like why would you want to stay in... Melody: Because you’ll get burned out. Flora: You’ll get burned out. Melody: Yeah, you’ll get tired of it. Flora: I always think of it as we’re constantly collecting new tools for our “tool belt.” So that we have all those comfort zone things, because they sure are nice to use a lot. Right? Melody: Yeah. Were you going to say... tell me your trick that...? What you do every day? That’s amazing. Flora: Yeah. One of the things I do as a person who’s been painting for over 20 years now, is I challenge myself every time I do a new painting, which is often, to do something new in every single painting. And it might just be a new color. It might be mixing a new color or buying a new color, using a new tool, making a different kind of mark, trying a different kind of imagery, working on a different scale with the size of things. It can be anything. Melody: Yeah anything. Anything that makes it exciting to begin again, because you have to begin again every time you sit down. Flora: Begin again... absolutely. Melody: You have to go, Okay. I’m beginning again. Flora: And there’s so much energy that comes when you’re out on that edge. And it can feel scary, for sure, but it’s actually... You know, you can think of a moment in your life where you were uncomfortable. You were doing something for the first time. You were doing something that’s our of your comfort zone. But you probably, at the same time that you were feeling the fear, you’re feeling really alive. There’s a real energy in being out there on the edge. Right? And that’s the energy of being alive and... Melody: Growth. Learning. Flora: And it translates right into your piece of art. Melody: Yeah, it does. Flora: You can feel it. You can feel it. Melody: And that’s amazing that you can create that. Where a lot of people think you have to have some big life-changing experience to have these moments of growth. You can create them right in your own space. And that’s probably the most important part of making art. I always say, I make art to tell my soul that I’m listening, because often you go into that beautiful space of just timelessness. And when you start to really get in the flow, and you start to hear yourself and you start to converse with yourself, and then you have this relationship with the canvas, it’s almost like this language... When you’re creating, it’s this language of your soul and whatever you’re hearing in your soul, you’re making it into a language. You’re translating it. Translating it onto whatever it is. It could be music. It could be dancing. It could be cooking. It could be painting. And it’s just incredible. But it’s incredible to me that you could create that for yourself instead of going to some big self-empowerment workshop or whatever. You really can create those moments in your own space. Flora: Absolutely. Melody: Just from painting. If you show up all the way. Flora: Exactly. And I love how tangible art making is. Because, you know, we could sit around... We could sit here on the dock all day and talk about courage. But there’s something about putting paint to canvas, or whatever it is you’re creating, that actually allows you to practice in, like, real time. It’s like real practice. It’s like going to the gym. You’re practicing the muscle flexions. It’s like, we get to show up and practice being brave. We get to practice showing up, first of all. Melody: And that’s big. Flora: That’s huge. Melody: Don’t discount how big it is that you are taking this course. And that you showed up – you’re on week four... Flora: That’s true. Yeah. You made it to week four. Melody: Some people don’t even make it past week one. Flora: That’s so true. Melody: So don’t discount how huge the showing up is. Especially showing up in the middle. Because at the beginning you’re excited and towards the end you can see the end. But the middle you kind of can’t see anything and you’re just like, I don’t know where I’m going. And I don’t know where I came from and I don’t know where this is headed. Flora: There are so many layers on this canvas and I’m starting to freak out. Melody: Exactly. So, being brave enough to just power through this middle part is a huge analogy to everything good in life. Because everything good requires sacrifice. I mean, nothing that’s really worthwhile or good comes just super easy. Flora: Right. And there’s a middle to all of it. There’s always a middle. And mostly it’s the middle. Melody: A lot of people bail at the middle. They go back to where they came from, or they just stay in the middle and cry. They never make it all the way to where they intended to go when they started at the beginning. The middle is the scariest place to be and the place that requires the most bravery. You might think it was the beginning when you started, but it’s really the middle because the middle is tedious, it’s thankless, it’s weird, it’s... You know? Flora: When you start to get anxious for it to come together. Melody: To be something. Yeah. Flora: And as you know, as a person who has made a lot of art in your life, we don’t know the timeline of our art creations. You were saying that you were working on a face last night. Melody: Yeah. It was crazy because I haven’t done a lot of faces and it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for so long. And I’m here with one of my favorite face painters and she was sitting with me, and she just kind of showed me what to do. And it took me probably ten evolutions of looking like a different person. And probably at about face seven – because I kept changing the colors and the shading and... At about face seven I was like, “I just don’t have what it takes to do this.” And she said, “No. You just need to keep going through.” And she said, “Just keep adding more shading and then more contrast. And just keep looking at your source picture and just keep going.” And then there was this moment where I got the nose how I wanted it, and then I started to shade the highlights and it came together. And all the sudden it was beautiful and it was done and I loved it. And that moment lasted, like, 30 seconds. But it was all the layers underneath that created the environment for what was exactly on top. Flora: Yeah, you couldn’t have just done it all on that one layer. Melody: No. And it was amazing. I almost quit. I just thought, You know some people can do this and some people can’t. Flora: And then you were, like, wait a second! Melody: Yeah, wait a second! Yeah. I teach this stuff. So I think if you stick with it and also don’t put a timeline on it. Don’t say, “I’m going to be done with this painting by eight o’clock tonight.” Flora: No. Melody: Don’t ever put a... I mean, if you want to. I’m totally being bossy. Flora: Be bossy. Melody: I would suggest to not put an expectation on just about anything in life. Just say, “I’m going to do something here with this stuff and I know it’s going to turn out great, but I have no idea what it’s going to be.” Trips, businesses... Flora: Relationships. Melody: Relationship. Yeah. All of it is going to surprise you big time. Flora: Yeah. And this is a woman here who has five children. Melody: Yeah, they’re amazing kids. Flora: Two... a grandchild... Melody: Two of my children are married and I have one-and-half grandchildren. Flora: That’s so... I’m like bowing down to that. I think that’s amazing. And I know, you know, you have just gone through it. Like, you’re not an old person and you have lived so many life times. Melody: I have. Flora: And you have really... I feel like it’s where you’ve learned all of this... Melody: It is. Flora: Do you want to just speak to a little bit of, like... Melody: Well, it’s interesting because when I was a little girl, all I wanted was to be an artist. And it’s interesting what ended up happening in my life, how it brought me to my purpose. That my purpose is to use art to translate your purpose. That’s what I teach women to do through art, is to figure things out. It’s all about figuring things out because none of us can figure anything out for each other no matter what we teach each other. But we can teach each other skills to figure things out for ourselves. And that’s really what I do. So, my life... I got married really young. I had kids... I had my 5th baby pretty much on my 30th birthday, so I had five children before I was 30. And I have this incredible husband who I’m madly in love with. And when I was 33, he got a brain injury from a surfing accident and he changed into a completely different person. It took him six hard-core years of being in bed to recover from this. And the worst part wasn’t that, it was how his personality completely changed from a frontal lobe brain injury. And a lot of people used to ask me, “What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?” And I would say, “My marriage, staying married through all of that.” It will be 11 years this year since that accident. And it’s been a long, long, long recovery. He’s totally recovered now. But it’s been very, very long and very difficult. So I was so proud of staying with my marriage. But then after he was recovered, I got sick. I got adrenal fatigue. I got these horrible hives that have lasted for about two-and-a-half years. They’re much better now, but I used to have them every day. In fact, the first day I got them was the first day I met Flora. We were at this incredible gathering and I almost didn’t go because I woke up and I had these welts all over my face and I was really disfigured and I was finally going to this gathering with these women that I admired and I thought, Really? I have to show up like this? Yeah, I almost didn’t come. Flora: Right. I’m so glad that you did. Melody: It changed my life because I met my true tribe there. And I was met with so much love and so much compassion through that, that it was almost silly that I was worried about that. But I really was. Well, I got sick and I lost all of my energy. And I got depressed. I got sicker and sicker and sicker and sicker, and I couldn’t do all the things... I’ve always been a super ambitious person, “I can do anything.” Although I’m a very afraid person I would go and do stuff anyway. But then I lost my energy. I lost my creativity. I lost the way that I looked – like, I looked like a monster. I had these big welts. And so I just had to make a choice whether I was going to stay with myself or whether I was going to numb out with medication, with food, with alcohol, whatever. Because going through that experience was so painful. And I thought, I’m just going to stay with myself. I’m going to be kind and compassionate. I’m going to meet myself with love and patience. And that’s really what has healed me is being very, very honest with myself. So now when people say, “What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?” I started a couple of international businesses. I’ve been in business since I’m 25. I’ve done a lot of stuff that’s been really, really hard. But my marriage was the hardest until I became this sick person that I didn’t like. I didn’t like, you know what I mean? And so now the bravest thing in the world for me that I’ve ever done is staying with myself over these last couple of years. And I think that’s such an important place we have to get to. I think, for a lot of us, that happens in our middle age. I hope it can happen before that for everybody. Where you just get to a place where you, like, No matter what, I’m going to like myself. And I’m going to accept of myself. And I’m going to approve of myself. And I’m going to be there for myself. And I’m going to champion myself. Because when you get there, all the outside things in life just don’t rattle you. It doesn’t matter what drama’s going on because it has nothing to do with you. Even when people are trying to make the drama have something to do with you, it really has nothing to do with you. And so it doesn’t rattle your core of who you are. It doesn’t make you ask, Does that change who I am, that this is happening? No. Nothing does. And so that is really when... Painting has so much to do with this – staying with that painting. That’s a way of staying with yourself. Flora: Absolutely. Melody: I love myself enough to stick with this painting and to keep coming back and showing up. Flora: Thank you for sharing that story. I love that. It just reminds me of... You know, when I was writing my book and I was creating this course I did a lot of deep soul searching around, like, What am I really teaching here? What is this really about? It’s not just about painting. We know this, at this point. So, when I go through all the layers I come down to this core piece that I’m trying, hopefully, to teach people to love themselves. Melody: Yeah. Who knew that you could do that with paint and a canvas. Flora: Right? It all comes down to that. Just to trust yourself... Melody: And if you look at the evolution of a painting, it’s so much like our own evolutions. And it’s that middle place again. Flora: Yeah. Melody: Whether it’s a fitness journey or a business journey or a relationship journey, you’re still going to get to this middle place where everything is just... The honeymoon is over. You know what I mean? Flora: Yes. Melody: But getting to the end is really where it has to be important enough for you to go through all of it. And, we were just talking about how probably people think that since we’ve both been making art for 20 years, that we never make anything ugly, and we do all the time. Flora: All the time. Melody: Yeah, all the time! Where you’re just like, What the heck? Like, how did that even happen? And it’s just, you expect it. Flora: Yeah and if it doesn’t happen. If I do a painting that’s easy from the beginning to the end... Melody: Yeah, it just flows. That’s weird. Flora: I am like, I’m not walking the talk. I’m not being brave. I’m not really coming from a space of embracing the mystery. Because if I was, it honestly wouldn’t be so easy. Melody: And it feels like you cheated yourself on this. Right? Flora: A little bit. And usually those paintings... From my experience, those paintings, they lack that energy that we were talking about before. It’s just straightforward. It’s whatever. So one thing that happens in my workshop is when people get really closed down, afraid to – don’t know what to do next, everything’s like “Ahhhhh!” I’ve often told people, “Okay, this is what we’re going to do. I’m giving you a bunch of paint, two brushes, one in each hand. I’m giving you a minute and I want you to just go wild on the canvas. I want you to paint this emotion that is somehow blocking you... Melody: Yeah. Throw a little bit of a fit, right? Flora: Throw a fit. Like, let it come through because this conversation is not about not honoring our feelings, right? It’s about not letting those feelings take you down. Meghan: You really need to – when you’re in a negative space – you need to listen to it and honor it because it will turn into something else if you don’t. You can’t just stuff all that down. A way of loving yourself is saying, “I feel angry right now.” Or, “I feel discouraged right now.” And letting yourself feel it for five or ten minutes. And then you move on with your beautiful life. You know, like, do something that expresses the anger. Whether it’s... You know, I’m not an angry person at all and it made me really, really sick. I never knew how to express anger. And so I started to do things that don’t hurt anybody else. But, like, I’ll get in my car and I’ll scream and I’ll yell and I’ll punch things, which is so counterintuitive to who I am. But there is all this stored up energy that was turning into sickness. You know? If you could put that on canvas, even if it’s just part of your bottom layer – I don’t know how it happens, but don’t you agree that a painting that you have made still has the energy of the way that you felt when you were making it? Flora: Absolutely! Yeah. Melody: Like, I think that, even when I’ve licensed products, I feel like the ones where I’m really, really into it, they sell better. People identify with them more. It’s like all the energy of the creation got transferred with the product. I don’t know how it works. I wish I did. Flora: Well there’s a realness to that and that’s something that people can really sense, I think. Melody: Yeah, they can. Flora: It’s just like if you were sitting here having a conversation with someone and they weren’t being authentic, you would know it. You know? Because we’re tuned in that way. And so I think... Many of my most interesting paintings have been the most challenging ones in that middle part. And I had to just, you know, do something drastic. There’s a whole lesson in the course called, “Brave moves make bold paintings.” And it’s because that energy translates, and then even if you get out the black and you go wild, and then you come on top of that and you do something more subtle... Melody: That contrast. Flora: The contrast is so yummy! Instead of just being safe, and safe, and safe. And that’s a singular energy. Right? Melody: Well and that transfers into life, because I’ve noticed – because I’ve had some really dark times in my life – that an ordinary, beautiful, perfect day is so exquisitely delicious to me now, because I know what it... I have this contrast. I have this contrast of knowing what it’s like to not just have an ordinary... you know. Just everything is so delicious to me now. And it’s because I’ve been on the other side of it. Flora: Yeah. It’s like being sick and then getting better. You just are like, “Thank God!” Melody: You never take a good day for granted again after you’ve been sick. You don’t want to waste one second of it. So it’s the same thing in a painting; that contrast is important. Flora: Absolutely. Embrace the contrast. I want to... this is so lovely just chatting with you, and our sun is setting behind us. It’s so magical! But I just want to know if there’s any last thoughts or words you have. Melody: Something that is interesting about bravery – because I talk a lot about bravery – is that a lot of people think being brave is not having any fears, or just being completely whole in your courage. And bravery really has nothing to do with showing up with absolutely no fears. In fact it’s the opposite of that. It’s feeling discouraged, scared, like you don’t belong, being in the middle and doing it anyway – that’s what bravery is. Bravery is looking at your humanity and acting from your divinity. It’s things that... Everything that’s difficult about your life – not letting it stop you from living the most amazing, beautiful life. It’s doing it even when you’re discouraged, even when you’re tired, even when, you know, you’re getting sucked into an addiction on the computer or whatever. It’s getting up and doing it anyway. That’s what bravery is. Flora: I remember when I met you, you gave me this card that just says, “Do it anyway.” And it’s still on my altar. And it’s just such... Do it anyway. Melody: Yeah, that’s one of my mantras, because you can make up 50,000 excuses all day long. And a lot of them are really valid. It’s just, “Do I want to live this beautiful life or not?” Bravery is a minute by minute by minute decision. It’s choices. It’s one choice after another. So, that’s it. Flora: Thank you so much. Melody: So be brave! Flora: So be brave everybody! Thank you. This was awesome. I love you and we love you. Melody: Thanks, you guys. Flora: And we are signing off from the Oregon coast. Bye.