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WHO, ME, an ELDER? an Adult Tapestry of Faith Program

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WHO, ME, an ELDER? an Adult Tapestry of Faith Program HINDSIGHT, HUMOR, AND HOPE: WHO, ME, AN ELDER? An Adult Tapestry of Faith Program Author: Karin Peterson Developmental Editor: Gail Forsyth-Vail Copyright © 2015 Unitarian Universalist Association, Boston 1 Table of Contents Workshop 1: Elderhood – A Work In Progress .................................................................................... 12 Workshop 2: Solitude and Connection – The Stuff of Life ................................................................... 23 Workshop 3: Diving Through the Layers – The Fabric of My Life ....................................................... 33 Workshop 4: Creating New Visions – Building on Experience ............................................................ 42 Workshop 5: Making Friends with Mortality......................................................................................... 49 Workshop 6: Hindsight, Humor, and Hope .......................................................................................... 58 Note: If you add or delete text in this program, you may change the accuracy of the Table of Contents. The table of contents is an auto-generated list; if you change content and want an accurate representation of the page numbers listed in the TOC, click the table and click “Update field.” Then, click “Update page numbers only.” Click OK. 2 About the Author Karin Peterson, a Unitarian Universalist minister, is a spiritual director who has served as a college chaplain, parish minister, Unitarian Universalist Association Massachusetts Bay District Administrator, and affiliated community minister with First Parish Unitarian Universalist Church in Framingham, MA. She has created and led adult workshops on aging and spirituality for several UU congregations. Now retired and living on the Massachusetts coast, she appreciates a relaxed schedule that allows her to write, paint, explore the natural world, and connect with family and others. Karin holds a B.S. in Art Education, an M.A. in Counseling Psychology, and completed the training in spiritual direction group leadership at the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation. 3 Preface A decade ago, when a parishioner asked if I had any good books on aging, I replied with confidence, “Yes, I’ll bring some from home.” When I searched for resources, I was surprised to find that I had purchased many good resources on aging at least ten years earlier. I had bought them when it felt safe to buy them—meaning: “Oh, these are interesting writings on aging. I am glad to have them for reference, but personally I don’t need them now—I won’t be an older person for a long time.” Well, that long time happened while I wasn’t paying attention! It was a jolting epiphany to reread them and reflect on being age sixty-seven. I had a fresh and unexpected understanding about my human lifespan. Until then, I hadn’t paid much attention to my age as I moved into higher decades. I was busy doing other things. Then, for the first time, I had to honestly acknowledge my personal accumulation of years lived on this planet, and I didn’t particularly like it. I didn’t feel old, but maybe my calendar age was. The status of being an elder was not appealing because our society has a negative outlook on being older. Folks in their senior years are not considered important resources despite their earned treasure of wisdom. So, of course I didn’t want to think about my growing older. I had thought of myself as middle-aged, living a very busy, multitasking life. I began to realize that somewhere, sometime along the way I had morphed into that next developmental stage called “older person.” For the first time, up close and personal, I realized that I am living at the further end of my lifespan. Whatever your life circumstances, be aware that elder years are spiritually creative and wait for you as a gift. In talking with other elders I’ve learned to keep the door open to life’s possibilities. Even one’s limitations invite exploration and invention. So, forgive the old hurts and let go of grudges and feelings of guilt after you have done what you can to make amends. They are too heavy to carry. Elder years can be an enriched time of personal reflection and perhaps an opportunity to mentor someone younger. If you are retired, stay tuned for your further development. I invite you to walk with me for a while and use your own personal hindsight, humor, and hope. With thanks Almost a decade ago I found that personally taking hold of my life experience was a creative challenge. It led to the development of the Hindsight, Humor, and Hope program. With deep appreciation I acknowledge the congregations that graciously welcomed me to lead workshops: First Parish Unitarian Universalist in Framingham, MA (two times); the UU Congregational Society of Westborough, MA; the Unitarian Church of Marlborough and Hudson, MA; First Parish in Dedham, MA; and First Parish Church in Beverly, MA. As proof of the expanding average lifespan of humans, the lowest age for the workshop has now moved from 50 to 55. I have always had someone representing the ninth decade of life in the workshops as well. What warm and caring interactions transpire when a multiage group comes together to grow! 4 I am grateful to Gail Forsyth-Vail, my editor at the Unitarian Universalist Association Faith Development Office, for her interest and thoughtful critiques, and to my colleague, the Reverend Kelly Weisman Asprooth-Jackson, for his encouragement to give this workshop its wings. To my family, now three generations of adults, thank you for being you and for your love and interaction. —Karin Peterson June 2015 5 Facilitator Feedback Form We welcome your critique of this program, as well as your suggestions. Thank you for your feedback! Your input improves programs for all of our congregations. Please forward your feedback to: Faith Development Office Ministries and Faith Development Unitarian Universalist Association 24 Farnsworth Street Boston, MA 02210-1409 [email protected] Name of Program or Curriculum: Congregation: Number of Participants: Age range: Did you work with (a) co-facilitator(s)? Your name: Overall, what was your experience with this program? What specifically did you find most helpful or useful about this program? In what ways could this program be changed or improved (please be specific)? Did you enrich the program with any resources that you would recommend to others? What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your life going forward? What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your congregation going forward? 6 Participant Feedback Form We welcome your critique of this program, as well as your suggestions. Thank you for your feedback! Your input improves programs for all of our congregations. Please forward your feedback to: Faith Development Office Ministries and Faith Development Unitarian Universalist Association 24 Farnsworth Street Boston, MA 02210-1409 [email protected] Name of Program or Curriculum: Congregation or group: Your name: Overall, what was your experience with this program? What specifically did you find most helpful or useful about this program? In what ways could this program be changed or improved (please be specific)? What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your life going forward? What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your congregation going forward? 7 The Program For some people, retirement from the workforce means that their adult identity and day-to-day life Imagine … that you are having your portrait appear to vanish as familiar habits and connections made, your face carved in beautiful wood. are no longer there. For some, a lessening of family Not all of us would feel comfortable, or work commitments opens time and energy for especially as we grow older, with someone trying new roles and experiences. Hindsight, noticing our wrinkles and spots. At times we Humor, and Hope journeys with people as they fear that our faces will betray us, showing begin to redesign their later years into a time of our soft spots and weak places … reflection, discernment, soul stretching, and new But if we trust in the force that created us— life possibilities. This gift of extended years finds the force that knows us at our core and many people becoming elders with deep personal cherishes us the way an artist cherishes her questions such as, Who am I now? and What will I creations—we may feel less afraid. If you’ve do that is meaningful? In six two-hour workshops, ever made anything, you know that this program invites participants to develop deeper mistakes can lead to new discoveries and understanding and appreciation of their elder stage unintended beauty. If you’ve ever carved, of life and the path they traveled to reach it. you know that the grain, the natural material Demographers say there will be a large increase in you work with, is as fascinating as anything the number of people reaching elderhood in the you could imagine. — Eliza Blanchard, in years ahead. Older people have an opportunity to The Seasoned Soul: Reflections on redesign their personal time from doing 24/7 to Growing Older being 24/7. They may still be employed, often part Unitarian Universalist congregations are actively time, but for many the senior years present a gift of intergenerational. We value and encourage reclaimed time to read; experiment with personal interaction between the age groups. But, sometime expression like painting, photography, and music; after the age of sixty, adults begin to sense having connect with family and friends; engage in a hobby; moved over a threshold into older folk territory. That and/or discover new ways to reach out to others. can be startling to the soul and the ego! They may People hold attributes in their senior years that be contemplating retirement from paid employment young folks have yet to develop. There is no fast and find it a difficult adjustment.
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