Cultivating Compassion & Connection

Holly Gayley, Associate Professor of Buddhism Department of Religious Studies

Health & Wellness Summit | CU Boulder 2020 All the joy the world contains Has come through wishing happiness to others. All the misery the world contains Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself.

- Śantideva, The Way of the Bodhisattva

His Holiness the Dalai Lama: Global Icon of Compassion

Silkscreen by Shepard Fairey (2000) What is Compassion?

The Dalai Lama once said, “If you want to know what compassion is, look into the eyes of a mother or father as they cradle their sick and fevered child.” (Feldman &Kuyken, 2011)

“Although there is no single definition of compassion that will suffice in all situations, both scholars and laypeople would widely agree that compassion involves:

• ‘connection’ to others (either cognitively through perspective taking or affectively through empathy) & • ‘caring’ for those others (often in communicative or behavioral ways).

Compassion involves a focus on the other (Solomon 1998) and a desire for the other to have good things happen or to overcome adversity” (Miller 2007).

Green Tara: Miller, K. (2007). “Compassionate communication in the workplace: Exploring processes of noticing, connecting, and responding.” Journal of Applied Communication Research 35 (3): 223-245. Female Buddha of Compassion (Himalayan Art #59224) What is Compassion?

The Dalai Lama once said, “If you want to know what compassion is, look into the eyes of a mother or father as they cradle their sick and fevered child.” (Feldman &Kuyken, 2011)

Four aspects of compassion from Jazaieri et al. 2012: 1. an awareness of suffering (cognitive/empathic awareness)

2. sympathetic concern related to being emotionally moved by suffering (affective component)

3. a wish to see the relief of that suffering (intention)

4. a responsiveness or readiness to help relieve that suffering (motivational)

Jazaieri, H. et al. (2013) “Enhancing compassion: A randomized controlled trial of a compassion cultivation training program.” Journal of Happiness Studies 14, doi: 10.1007/s10902-012-9373-z. Green Tara: Female Buddha of Compassion (Himalayan Art #59224) Why Cultivate Compassion?

While empathy helps us resonate with other’s feelings and vicariously share in their experience, it can lead to burnout and emotional overwhelm. Repeated exposure to intense pain can lead to stress and burnout. By contrast, compassion is “characterized by feelings of warmth, concern and care for the other, as well as a strong motivation to improve the other’s wellbeing. Compassion is feeling for and not feeling with the other.” As a positive emotion, compassion can help foster a sense of well-being, personal resilience, and a prosocial response to suffering.

“Several weeks of regular compassion training can have a beneficial impact on self-reported feelings of positive affect, personal resources, and well- being during everyday life. Interestingly, the beneficial effects of compassion… can also benefit others… Participants who undergo loving kindness and compassion training increased their helping rates towards strangers.”

Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki, “Empathy and compassion,” Current Biology 24:18 (2014) How to Cultivate Compassion

Compassion practices originating from Buddhism are now being studied scientifically and propagated through secular training programs, such as the Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) from Stanford University and the Compassion Institute founded by Thupten Jinpa, a Tibetan scholar and translator for the Dalai Lama.

TONGLEN FROM TIBET (“sending and taking”)

• sending compassion and relief from suffering • taking in (not taking on) the suffering of another

Tonglen is based on the exchange of self and other, which recognizes common humanity and the diversity of human experience. We recognize that all of us want to be happy and seek to be free of suffering, while also understanding that we suffer in different ways and to various degrees.

While we can never truly know the experience of someone else, the journey to imagine the joys and sorrows of others is nevertheless a worthwhile endeavor and crucial aptitude to bridge difference. In this sense, tonglen encourages perspective taking: the ability to see the world from another’s point of view. How to Cultivate Compassion

Compassion practices originating from Buddhism are now being studied scientifically and propagated through secular training programs, such as the Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) from Stanford University and the Compassion Institute founded by Thupten Jinpa, a Tibetan scholar and translator for the Dalai Lama.

TONGLEN FROM TIBET (“sending and taking”)

1. Filling the Body with Light 2. Sending Light to Someone Suffering 3. Taking in but not Taking on Suffering 4. Expanding to Others and All Living Beings

This is a secular adaptation of tonglen which I developed for the Mindful Campus initiative. You can find the script for self-guiding this practice at:

Holly Gayley, “Grief in the Time of Covid: Sharing in Compassion and Resilience” (2020) https://arrow-journal.org/grief-in-the-time-of-covid-sharing-in-compassion-and-resilience/