Monday 26 February 2007 Published by the USSU Comms. Office. Issue Number 1109 FREE www.ussu.co.uk barefThe Universitya of Surrey Students’cts Newspaper In this 24 page edition Applications jump for 2007 WHAT’S ON THIS FORTNIGHT? University of Surrey reports an increase of 39.2% up on last year HE NTS LANNER T E P | change due to the fact (43.8%) have enjoyed dramatic increases PAGES 12 & 13 it is possible to apply in interest from prospective students. right up until the start However, the highest percentage of the academic year. increases were Culture & Media (149.3%), Across the UK the Management Studies & Tourism (93.5%) and number of applications Biological Science-based subjects (97.7%). from England increased Professor Christopher Snowden, Vice by more than 7%, Chancellor of the University of Surrey, although there were commented: “With the introduction of NION EWSLETTER U N & a fall in applications variable fees prospective students no ELECTION MANIFESTOS from Wales (0.1%) and longer see education as an end in itself THE ONION | CENTRE Northern Ireland (3% - but as an investment in the future. Surrey’s PAGE PULL OUT although this only equates long-established track record of offering to 484 applicants), academically stringent courses with

BY JOSH BATES whilst Scottish applications are up 0.9%. real-world applications ensure Surrey’s ACTING EDITOR The Chief Executive of UCAS, Anthony graduate employment rate is consistently McClaran, said: “These figures are encouraging amongst the highest of any UK university.”

read LAST YEAR MANY students were deterred for all who believe the expansion of higher Speaking at Brunel University, Prime me from university due to the introduction education is good for individuals and good Minister Tony Blair said that “More than one of top-up fees; however, latest figures of for our society. Not only has last year’s Vice Chancellor has told me that tuition fees undergraduate application to UK universities dip in applications been reversed, but have been the saviour of their university.” reveals an increase of 6.4% for the next application levels are now higher than in 2005 The NUS have said that they want academic year. Impressively, the University which had previously broken all records.” further information on how those from of Surrey’s applications have increased It was also good news for international “under-represented and debt-averse by 39.2% to a total of 11,158 with all student figures. Overseas applications backgrounds” are responding to the fees. subject areas at Surrey seeing an increase. at Surrey are up by 42.8%, UCAS figures, taken from the January 15 significantly higher than the 6.6% early closing date for UK and EU applicants, rise across the rest of the UK; show an increase of 23,624 people applying whilst Home EU applications at BF SPORT IS ON HEAT! to full-time undergraduate courses starting at the University are up by 38.1%. SPORTS | PAGE 22 UK universities and colleges this September. It is particularly encouraging Surrey’s figures represent the highest year- that key academic disciplines on-year percentage increase of any pre-1992 such as Engineering (43.1%), UK university, although figures are likely to Physics (47.8%) and Maths Bursaries bait failed to be bitten by students FOR THOSE WHO LIKE TO BY JOSH BATES unpopular subjects like science and languages. at university but does reveal pots of surplus TAKE THEIR NEWS “FAKE” ACTING EDITOR £3,000 a year top-up tuitions fees were cash in many institutions’ bursaries pools. introduced in September last year, however “The government should be ensuring higher NOT NEWS | PAGE 10 A BOOM IN bursaries have been sparked applications to university have remained education is properly funded so all students as universities compete for students “solid” according to the study. However, have the possibility to achieve their full DON’T FORGET! since the introduction of top-up fees, academics are complaining that the current potential, and that they are taught by properly INTERNATIONAL however a new report reveals that these system of grants and bursaries is confusing. paid staff in well-resourced institutions. do not always lure potential students. Sally Hunt, University and College Union “UK students already pay among the GALA NIGHT Commissioned by Universities UK (UUK), the general secretary, commented: “The highest student fees in Western Europe, UNIVERSITY HALL report claims that institutions have launched complicated system of bursaries, grants and yet we lag behind competitor countries in FRI MARCH 9TH, 7:30PM schemes to target students from poorer fees is no doubt confusing many students what we spend proportionately on higher backgrounds who had good A-level results; and their parents, and is clearly not working. education. Unless the government commits ENTRANCE FEE other universities have implemented schemes This report shows no real progress in the to greater investment we will start to fall DONATED TO CHARITY to rewards students who do not drop or study government’s attempts to widen participation behind in what we can offer students.”

Agony Sisters | Page 9 - Dr Russ Replies | Page 10 - Editor goes into Hiding | Page 2 - Puzzles Galore | Page 20 & 25 barefacts 2 NEWS 26 February 2007 Degrees continuing to pay off for graduates Students £160,000 better off with degree than just A-Levels alone

BY MIKE BLAKENEY factor in deciding whether to go on to higher education.” earn more and are more likely to be in a job than those NEWS EDITOR The report suggests that the greatest financial benefit is to without degrees, and that higher education is likely women, and those who come lower socio-economic classes. to be the best investment a student will ever make. A REPORT BY Universities UK, the umbrella body for UK “This report also highlights the economic benefits “After tax, and compared to those with the vice-chancellors, suggests that the average graduate of higher education for our wider society. As such, it equivalent of two A-levels, graduates earn, on average will earn 20 to 25 percent more than those with adds to the evidence put forward in our submission to over their lifetime, comfortably over £100,000 more just two or more A-Levels. The research carried out the Government’s Spending Review 2007, supporting when put in today’s valuation. And when you add in by Pricewaterhouse Coopers showed that medicine our call for continued public investment in higher the tax benefits this increases to around £160,000.” students may earn as much as £340,315 more than those education.” noted Professor Drummond who leave education before University, with Maths and Bone, the President of Universities UK. Engineering graduates earning an average £250,000 more. The biggest surprise from the report Diana Warwick, the Chief Executive of Universities is the backing it gives to the new top-up UK commented that “We already know that graduates fees system, commenting that although the in the UK enjoy one of the highest financial returns of visible price has risen, the real cost has any OECD country. This report provides evidence that fallen. The report suggests that despite these despite the expansion of higher education, the graduate changes, the reintroduction of maintenance premium has been maintained. Higher education is grants, and the removal of the need to pay still clearly a worthwhile investment for the individual. fees up-front, is a better offer for students. “While we know of course that the vast majority of Higher Education Minister Bill Rammell graduates don’t measure the value of their degrees in stated that in his opinion the report purely economic terms, the enhanced career opportunities “confirms what we have been saying for and employability that a degree brings is nevertheless a key some time now - that graduates, on average,

Do you have a Newspaper Editor goes into hiding complaint against this newspaper? If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about it. BY JOSH BATES worldwide of the Prophet Muhammad; first printed in the If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commission - an ACTING EDITOR Danish newspaper Jyllands Posten in September 2005. independant organisation established to uphold an editorial Code of Practice The front page of “Crucification” included the for the Press. This newspaper will abide by their decision. THE 19 YEAR-OLD student newspaper Editor of a headline: “Ayatollah rethinks stance on misunderstood Press Complaints Commission Cambridge University college has gone into hiding Rushdie”, whilst page six showed pictures of Muslims 1 Salisbury Square London following a huge backlash provoked by his attempt at holding placards reading “Freedom go to Hell” and EC4Y 8JB religious satire. Authorities at Clare College described “Behead those who insult Islam”. The Vice President Telephone: 020 7353 1248 the issue of, Clarefication, the student newspaper as of the University’s Islamic society described the edition Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 “abhorrent” and the aspiring journalist responsible, as “crude unabashed prejudice” and “hugely offensive”. Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited who has not been named, is now under investigation. The co-ordinator of the Cambridge Muslims website, Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, The ill-advised satirical edition of the newspaper, Abdul Arain, also reacted with shock commenting Surrey, GU1 1QA renamed “Crucification”, has led to the student being that: “These kind of inflammatory remarks brings removed from his accommodation to be put into about the worst kind of character. We need to rise barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the a secure place after enraged students bombarded above it. It’s one man trying to set up tensions. The University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. the college’s Students’ Union with complaints. Prophet Mohammed in the Muslim world is the most The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do President of the Clare College Students’ Union, Calum revered figure.” Mr Arain also praised the quick action not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be Davey, told the Cambridge News: “This material does of Clare College in condemning the publication, who reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, not reflect the views of Clare students” and expressed have in a rare move called a Court of Discipline, which without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions his “deep regret” over the publication for causing offence. will sit in judgement on the student responsible. must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. Senior college official have been Members of the Islamic society have also met locked in urgent talks about how with the college chaplain who has been involved Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. the material came to be published in talks aimed at trying to ease racial tension. and what action to take against the The college has cut the newspaper’s This edition of barefacts was co-ordinated by Josh Bates, Acting Editor for student. The newspaper featured the funding and its website is currently down. this issue, on behalf of Sophia Hawkins who was unfortunately unable to participate in its making due to other commitments. reproduction of the infamous cartoons that triggered violent protests [email protected] WWW.USSU.CO.UK © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2007 We would like to apologise for two incorrect advertisements in the last edition’s Ents Planner. Submitting something? Both Carnival and Chinese New Year were unforunately printed a week later than intended. Getting yourself in barefacts is easy. Just send in your submissions to the relevant editorial team member before We would also like to extend our apologies to Naveed Barakzai/Maxal Photography for Friday 2 March. The next edition is out on Monday 12 the erroneous publication of two pictures alongside the article on Page 16 that were not accredited. March (Week 9). If you’re unsure, please direct general enquiries to the Editor (and not the Editor-in-Chief!) barefacts 26 February 2007 NEWS 3 10% of Work Blair seeks US-style University donations BY JOSH BATES higher education through greater public investment.” ACTING EDITOR President of the NUS, Gemma Tumelty, “Plagiarised” welcomed the move although warned that it BY MIKE BLAKENEY LECTURERS AND STUDENTS have warned that plans must not be followed by American-style fees. NEWS EDITOR by Prime Minister Tony Blair to stimulate private UCAS has reported that the proportion of donations to universities could widen the gap applicants from disadvantages familes in England ACCORDING TO THE BBC, 10 percent of all university work between the richest and poorest institutions. has risen from 30.9% last year to 31.3% this year. from across the UK is plagiarised. Baroness Deech of Designed to promote a culture of individual giving to Boris Johnson, Shadow Higher Education minister the Office of the Independent Adjudicator for Higher higher education, the Prime Minister has pledged £200 commented that: “These figures prove the gloomsters Education said that she believed too much of modern million to universities if they raise £400 million in private were wrong. Would-be students are still willing to courses was “ticking boxes and absorbing hand-outs”, cash donations; Ivy League colleges in the US regularly reap bet their own money on a university education, and that the emphasis on creative thought was being lost. millions of dollars in donations, backed by vast endowments. and they will almost always be proved right.” “Everything is processed. Instead of students Sally Hunt, joint General Secretary of the University Liberal Democrat Higher Education spokesman, Stephen sitting and reading and listening and writing their and College Union, the lecturers’ association, said: Williams, however said: “The government must be own material, everything is presented visually. “Cherry-picking parts of the American model is careful not to take false comfort in these early figures.” “And they get to think that that is what they’ve not the way forward. What the country desperately got to do, just make sure they copy down accurately needs from government is a clear commitment to [email protected] something that is already on screen somewhere.” Bill Rammell, the Minister for Higher Education said regarding this topic, “I do think we have very robust quality assurance mechanisms in place” “Britain would not be the second highest destination for overseas students in the world, if we had a poor quality system of higher education”. Dates for the Diary barefacts Weekly Meeting, Mondays, 6pm, Union Committee Room

Student Assembly & USSU AGM Thursday March 15 2007 12noon - 2pm

[email protected]

editorial team 2006-07 It’s a Woman’s World EDITOR | SOPHIA HAWKINS | [email protected] BY MIKE BLAKENEY women have for some time been in the majority.” NEWS EDITOR He also stated that boy’s underachievement led to ACTING EDITOR | JOSH BATES | [email protected] fewer of them taking A-Levels. “We are only at the Please send article submissions and enquiries to the relevant contact READING THE FRONT page, you probably see the end of a long receiving line but it is having a very given below. If you do not receive a response, please contact the Editor! wonderful statistic that more people are going clear impact on the numbers and the proportion

DEPUTY EDITOR (PROMOTIONS) | TOBY SHANNON | [email protected] to university. What you might not see though is of each and we are concerned about that.” DEPUTY EDITOR (SUBMISSIONS) | ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA | eep1aa@ that that statistic is bolstered by an increasing Commenting, the Higher Education Minister number of women applying for university Bill Rammell said “In the Pre-Budget Report, the NEWS EDITOR | MIKE BLAKENEY | [email protected] places. There were nearly 50,000 more female chancellor announced an additional £10m in 2007- ARTS EDITOR | PATRICK HUNTER | [email protected] applicants than male ones in the January deadline 08 to develop more effective guidance to schools ARTS EDITOR | JAKE SOUTH | [email protected] this year, with 6.5% more on improving boys’ attainment. FEATURES EDITOR | SOPHIE IREDALE | [email protected] applicants on last year for “In addition the Department FEATURES EDITOR | SAFFRON WREAKES | [email protected] women, and 6.2% for men. for Education and Skills has PG TIPS EDITOR | MARY YIP | [email protected] Malcolm Grant, President introduced a number of strategies SCIENCE EDITOR | ALAN TERRY | [email protected] and Provost of University to address the gap in gender SOCIETIES EDITOR | ELEANOR TYLER | [email protected] College London commented achievement and to raise the SPORTS EDITOR | MATT CHEETHAM | [email protected] that he believed this was performance of all pupils.” SPORTS EDITOR | ANTHONY HANSON | [email protected] partly due to women applying PUZZLELORD | COLIN EVERETT | [email protected] for courses which generally Fancy writing for the barefacts COPY EDITOR | PAUL SANDERSON | [email protected] used to be male-dominated. News Team? If so drop us a line on WEBMASTER | PETE NATTRESS | [email protected] “I can remember when [email protected] medicine was an unusual choice for further information! MARKETING CO-ORIDNATOR | AARON SALINS | [email protected] for a woman. Engineering is EDITOR-IN-CHIEF | GREG SCOTT | [email protected] still a little behind, but in law Bill Rammell MP barefacts 4 LETTERS 26 February 2007 Letters to barefacts Letters must be received by midday on Friday 2nd March to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity. [email protected]

it likes, I feel the tone of the front page article “Stand Up the way in previous years they had, in effect, always taken Electronic Election & Communicate” was neither news nor needed given the an active role in co-ordinating and laying up the newspaper. previous letter to the Union Executive (or for that matter, in One might question how this problem came about, but the Dear barefacts, light of the response printed only two pages later)! answer is relatively straightforward: previously barefacts The front page has traditionally been occupied with news, was known as “The University of Surrey Students’ Union The front page article on January 29th asked whether the not soapbox. By all means, start a petition for a cause you Newspaper” (where the VP Comms was actually the Editor!) promised online voting for the forthcoming sabbatical believe in but at the very least please communicate the although this was at some point changed to “The University elections was still going ahead. I can confirm that this system, reasons behind it sufficiently… of Surrey Students’ Newspaper” the level of involvement developed by the Department of Computing’s Electronic and interaction from the VP Comms did not change to reflect Voting Research Group, will indeed be used to run the Union Yours sincerely, the newspaper’s move away from being a Union oriented elections this week. The system is in fact `electronic’ rather MR A. SMITH publication. than `online’, which means that the election will still be run Those running the “Stand Up & Communicate” do not through the polling stations, but will be carried out using barefacts Acting Editor, Josh Bates, responds: want to see a return to the VP Comms of the past – what computing technology. the petition is mandating the Union to do is to bring back a The voting system has been designed by researchers at the Dear Mr Smith, full time position that can address what is a full-time issue. University of Surrey jointly with the University of Newcastle For a VP Comms to be representational, they need to actively over the last couple of years, and this is the very first time Your letter regarding the recent front pages is welcomed; as engage with students and should not be stuck all day in an it is being used in a real election. The voter fills out a paper always, the Editorial Team appreciates the student opinion and office. If this means a VP Comms spends a portion of their ballot form in the normal way with their preferences for we are happy to address your concerns about the content of time on campus speaking to students directly and making candidates, but instead of posting it into a ballot box, the vote barefacts. Unfortunately our Editor, Sophia Hawkins, is unable them aware of what their Union offers them, working with will be scanned into the electronic voting system. Speed and to answer your letter personally at this time however I would focus groups and consulting with relevant student and national accuracy of counting under the complex Single Transferable like to take this opportunity to respond to your concerns on representative bodies then so be it. The purpose of this Vote rules will be an obvious benefit, but the system has also her behalf. campaign is not only to raise awareness of the communication been developed with security in mind. One novelty is that The front page last issue announced the launch of the issues that have persevered for many years now, but to try voters will take away half of their ballot form as a receipt, so “Stand Up & Communicate” petition in collaboration and find a suitable resolution that can take the USSU forward they can check that their vote really is in the system - this has with GU2 Radio; the purpose of which is to mandate the in giving more to the students it represents. never been possible before. Despite this, the ballot will still Union Executive to reinstate the role of Vice President of be secret: the receipt can’t show anyone else how a vote has Communications in the full-time sabbatical team. You rightly been cast, as the key information is encrypted. pointed out that the article fails to fully expand on the reasons Fundraising If your readers want to see the system in action, and if they behind this; however I do wish to point out that this should Dear barefacts, want to be involved in making history, then they should come not be viewed as a response to the Union Executive letter along and participate in the election this week. printed on page three of the same issue. On April 22nd I’ll be running the 26.2 miles of the Flora At a recent meeting of the Communication & Media London Marathon! I will be running for MacMillan Cancer PROF STEVE SCHNEIDER, Standing Committee (made up of members from GU2 Radio, Relief. I’m sure most of you have been affected by cancer E-VOTING RESEARCH GROUP barefacts, the USSU web team and other interested members) at some point in your life (and are likely to in the future). DEPARTMENT OF COMPUTING there was unanimous agreement to begin the petition due MacMillan provide valuable support to the thousands of to the nature in which the members of this committee feel familes around the country affected by this terrible disease. communication between the Union and it’s students has not £11 could give 50 peolpe a copy of the MacMillan Cancer Standing up on been sufficient this year. These key figureheads in student Guide which helps recently diagnosed people understand the soapbox? media here at Surrey all agree that whilst efforts are being cancer, its treatment and the help available. Please help these made to improve communication (such as the launch of the people by sponsoring me - it’s easy to do online at: new USSU web site) that they feel a lot of the methods being Dear barefacts, explored so far are passive and that the Union should be www.justgiving.com/chrishummersone I would like to complain about the continuing theme of the endeavouring to find more ways of actively involving and front pages of “our” student newspaper. Whilst I understand engaging students. I hope you’ll help me to reach my £2000 target! that barefacts is perfectly within its rights to print whatever The VP Comms role was nicknamed “VP barefacts” due to CHRIS HUMMERSONE Phil Brown vs. Duncan Wilson Saturday March 3rd 2007 10pm - 3am, Rubix www.teaseguildford.co.uk barefacts 26 February 2007 COMMENT 5 esSO Slick BY BEN MILLER sabotage international negotiations on the issue and block Hardly the flag-bearer of the green movement the agreements which would reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Economist stated in December 2001, “ExxonMobil, the ON MONDAY 29 January 2007, ExxonMobil, the parent company Esso funds multi-million dollar propaganda fronts to dismiss biggest (oil company), is also the world’s most powerful it likes, I feel the tone of the front page article “Stand Up the way in previous years they had, in effect, always taken of Esso and Mobil gave a presentation at the University of the case for action to protect the climate. Esso has funded think- climate change sceptic. If the world’s biggest purveyor of Electronic Election & Communicate” was neither news nor needed given the an active role in co-ordinating and laying up the newspaper. Surrey for students to “discover the diverse and dynamic tanks and lobby groups to the tune of $12 million since 1997, fossil fuels ever accepts openly that global warming is real, previous letter to the Union Executive (or for that matter, in One might question how this problem came about, but the opportunities awaiting graduates who choose a career with which are involved both in lobbying governments directly and that may turn out to be more important to the planet than Dear barefacts, light of the response printed only two pages later)! answer is relatively straightforward: previously barefacts ExxonMobil.” The university’s careers department went on appearing in the media as ‘independent experts’ who question any Kyoto deal.” The front page has traditionally been occupied with news, was known as “The University of Surrey Students’ Union to tell us: “as a global energy company, they have a range of the reality of climate change and oppose efforts to address it. The university must stop inviting companies that do The front page article on January 29th asked whether the not soapbox. By all means, start a petition for a cause you Newspaper” (where the VP Comms was actually the Editor!) opportunities across all areas for graduates,” and “you will be This is despite the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate so much harm to people and the planet to come to the promised online voting for the forthcoming sabbatical believe in but at the very least please communicate the although this was at some point changed to “The University supported by an excellent training scheme, and the prospects Change (IPCC), which consists of the world’s leading university and encourage Surrey students to work for them. elections was still going ahead. I can confirm that this system, reasons behind it sufficiently… of Surrey Students’ Newspaper” the level of involvement for international projects and global work are outstanding.” scientists stating that it was almost certain that human The university mustn’t give unethical companies the platform developed by the Department of Computing’s Electronic and interaction from the VP Comms did not change to reflect What they failed to mention is ExxonMobil has done emissions of greenhouse gases are warming the planet and to propagate their myths and the veneer of credibility Voting Research Group, will indeed be used to run the Union Yours sincerely, the newspaper’s move away from being a Union oriented more than any other company to stop the world from the planet’s temperature is rising. This also comes shortly they so desperately desire. The university must invest elections this week. The system is in fact `electronic’ rather MR A. SMITH publication. tackling climate change. The burning of oil as fuel is one after the UK’s Stern Report on global warming from the in renewable energy and invite clean energy companies than `online’, which means that the election will still be run Those running the “Stand Up & Communicate” do not of the biggest single contributors to climate change. UK’s leading scientist, which stated the need to for the world instead. The university must support action on climate through the polling stations, but will be carried out using barefacts Acting Editor, Josh Bates, responds: want to see a return to the VP Comms of the past – what According to Greenpeace it accounts for over 23% of to act now to halt future catastrophes. change and the development of clean energy technologies. computing technology. the petition is mandating the Union to do is to bring back a global greenhouse gases. Yet Esso refuses to accept the link Global warming and the damage we are causing to the The voting system has been designed by researchers at the Dear Mr Smith, full time position that can address what is a full-time issue. between its business and climate change and uses dodgy environment are clear, yet for some reason this university University of Surrey jointly with the University of Newcastle For a VP Comms to be representational, they need to actively science to make its case. Esso claims the science remains invited an organisation that is doing more to undermine the over the last couple of years, and this is the very first time Your letter regarding the recent front pages is welcomed; as engage with students and should not be stuck all day in an ‘inconclusive’ and refuses to accept that changes to the existence of global warming and our future on this planet. it is being used in a real election. The voter fills out a paper always, the Editorial Team appreciates the student opinion and office. If this means a VP Comms spends a portion of their climate are as a result of the burning of fossil fuels such How can this university invite such an unscrupulous company ballot form in the normal way with their preferences for we are happy to address your concerns about the content of time on campus speaking to students directly and making as oil. Instead Esso is aggressively expanding its oil and gas to the university? It’s time to take a stand against Esso and candidates, but instead of posting it into a ballot box, the vote barefacts. Unfortunately our Editor, Sophia Hawkins, is unable them aware of what their Union offers them, working with production, and lobbying for access to search for new oil. other unethical companies the university invites. Write will be scanned into the electronic voting system. Speed and to answer your letter personally at this time however I would focus groups and consulting with relevant student and national Esso gave $1.3 million to the Republican Party in the to the careers department now and let them know you accuracy of counting under the complex Single Transferable like to take this opportunity to respond to your concerns on representative bodies then so be it. The purpose of this 2000 election and more than any other oil company in don’t want any more unethical companies at the university. Vote rules will be an obvious benefit, but the system has also her behalf. campaign is not only to raise awareness of the communication 2004, with around 90 percent of its political donations been developed with security in mind. One novelty is that The front page last issue announced the launch of the issues that have persevered for many years now, but to try going to the Republicans. Not surprisingly, when George Fancy writing a comment article? Are you capable of voters will take away half of their ballot form as a receipt, so “Stand Up & Communicate” petition in collaboration and find a suitable resolution that can take the USSU forward Bush became president, he pulled the United States out writing a good, well structured argumentative point on a they can check that their vote really is in the system - this has with GU2 Radio; the purpose of which is to mandate the in giving more to the students it represents. of the Kyoto Protocol - the only international agreement Greenpeace activists painted “STOP” on Esso controversial subject? Contact the Editor for more details! never been possible before. Despite this, the ballot will still Union Executive to reinstate the role of Vice President of to address climate change. Esso has attempted to storage tanks. Image ©Greenpeace/Morgan. [email protected] be secret: the receipt can’t show anyone else how a vote has Communications in the full-time sabbatical team. You rightly been cast, as the key information is encrypted. pointed out that the article fails to fully expand on the reasons Fundraising If your readers want to see the system in action, and if they behind this; however I do wish to point out that this should Dear barefacts, want to be involved in making history, then they should come not be viewed as a response to the Union Executive letter Dear International Students... printed on page three of the same issue. along and participate in the election this week. On April 22nd I’ll be running the 26.2 miles of the Flora HERE ARE OUR lucky official winners of the 1st wave: has increased the bandwidth of the internet connection (as arrival in the UK. The University will continue to address At a recent meeting of the Communication & Media London Marathon! I will be running for MacMillan Cancer reported in barefacts on 29th January) and has started a this issue with local banks, as well as providing information to Standing Committee (made up of members from GU2 Radio, PROF STEVE SCHNEIDER, Relief. I’m sure most of you have been affected by cancer Zhongyu Zhang (China) £100 network access project to ensure that the service provided students prior to arrival about the information required. barefacts, the USSU web team and other interested members) E-VOTING RESEARCH GROUP at some point in your life (and are likely to in the future). Mehrdad Shariat (Iran) £100 continues to improve. 3. Worship facilities – the University Executive Board there was unanimous agreement to begin the petition due DEPARTMENT OF COMPUTING MacMillan provide valuable support to the thousands of Nathalie Clarke (Mexico) £100 2. Setting up a bank account in the UK – a number of you approved in January a long-term plan to develop worship to the nature in which the members of this committee feel familes around the country affected by this terrible disease. YuJing Liu (China) £50 mentioned how hard it was to set up a bank account on facilities on campus. Given the sentiments expressed in the communication between the Union and it’s students has not £11 could give 50 peolpe a copy of the MacMillan Cancer Seoungha Shin (South Korea) £50 survey, the University will be looking been sufficient this year. These key figureheads in student Standing up on Guide which helps recently diagnosed people understand Katerina Ioannou (Cyprus) £50 to see how it can improve its media here at Surrey all agree that whilst efforts are being cancer, its treatment and the help available. Please help these current facilities in the short-term. the soapbox? made to improve communication (such as the launch of the people by sponsoring me - it’s easy to do online at: The winners will receive their cash prize new USSU web site) that they feel a lot of the methods being Dear barefacts, from the Pro-Vice Chancellor Bernard On the other hand, the survey also explored so far are passive and that the Union should be www.justgiving.com/chrishummersone Weiss on the International Exhibition showed that 86% of you would endeavouring to find more ways of actively involving and I would like to complain about the continuing theme of the night on the 5th of March which will mark encourage other students to engaging students. front pages of “our” student newspaper. Whilst I understand I hope you’ll help me to reach my £2000 target! the opening of the 2nd wave of the SAY come to Surrey and that 92% of The VP Comms role was nicknamed “VP barefacts” due to that barefacts is perfectly within its rights to print whatever CHRIS HUMMERSONE project. This means, that YOU get a 2nd international students were very chance to WIN! (Login @ www.ussu. satisfied with the panel of expert co.uk/say) lecturers Surrey offers.

The 1st wave was the first of three surveys I hope to see you all on the 5th March aimed at investigating your experience as at the International exhibition night an international student at the University. or during International week. With a total of 845 students participating (32% response rate), the 1st wave has given Kind regards, the project some clear messages about things you wish to improve: OLIVIER REY INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS’ OFFICER 1. The internet connection for the UNION EXECUTIVE residences – since the survey the University SAY Project Co-ordinator barefacts 6 COMMENT 26 February 2007 Islamophobia is becoming the new racism Islamophobia is slowly becoming an acceptable proxy for racism, and if we don’t do something about it soon, it will cause deeper divisions within our society, argues Chris Ward.

could be applied at the hands of conflicts to those who have between Catholics and “Is our level of tolerance a fear and hatred Protestants – subsets of and willingness to towards Muslims, Christianity, a religion but realistically, it is which is shrouded understand so ridiculously so much more than around the concept that. In order to be of mercy and “turning low that when a terrorist scared of something CHRIS WARD the other cheek”. A you need to know minority within these “Islamophobia is not attack occurs in our exactly what that religions have committed borne out of hatred or something is. atrocious crimes over country, we do not fear of Islam; it comes Homophobia is clear the past few decades, from the hatred and – it is a hatred and but that doesn’t mean seek to find the cause fear of what people fear of those who we wince every time we perceive to be Islam.” are gay or lesbian. walk past a church. It and deal with it, but Racism is clear – it is applied to those doesn’t cause the authorities who discriminate on the grounds of to spy on the coffee mornings instead we grab the most IN 2005, after 52 people were murdered race. However, many people in this at the church near my house, obvious scapegoat and in the 7th July bombings, there was a small country do not understand Islam. They do just in case they’re planning shred of hope that the aftermath of such not know the difference between Shia and some sort of terrorist plot. alienate hundreds of a tragic event would unite everybody. Sunni. They do not understand what Muslims Just because a group of people Immediately, Muslims from around the believe. Therefore, it is almost impossible claim to be fighting for their thousands of innocent globe condemned the atrocity. There was for them to discriminate on the grounds of God when they commit acts of a very genuine concern that those within belief. The best way to describe Islamophobia terrorism does not mean they people in the process?” that community would be targeted and is for me to simply reproduce what I heard are; it means they victimised as a result. Many of us hoped being uttered on a bus not so long ago by are simply projecting that due to this highly-publicised concern, a couple of youths talking about a man their anger and hatred for once the anger and hysteria arising from wearing a turban: “He looks like a terrorist”. on innocent people an act of terrorism would be directed at Islamophobia is not borne out of hatred and using religion as those who were responsible as opposed or fear of Islam; it comes from the hatred their scapegoat. The to the religion they claimed to be a part of. and fear of what people perceive to be Islam. sad thing is, people Nearly 20 months on, the divisions that have The way they discriminate is not on the basis accept that scapegoat been perpetuated by the populist media and of Muslim belief, but on the basis of whether and as a result, an various government figures are wounding the person “looks like” a Muslim or not. In entire community our multicultural community more than ever. short, islamophobia has become a proxy in is demonised The idea of islamophobia has a particularly this country for people to produce what are and alienated, Is our level of tolerance and willingness to broad definition. From a literal sense it truly malignant racist views and to target fuelling even further the divisions understand so ridiculously low that when vitriolic discrimination against that may have caused such acts. a terrorist attack occurs in our country, “Just because a group whoever they deem to “look like Centralised discrimination condoned by we do not seek to find the cause and a terrorist”. The ignorance of the the government hit a new low three months deal with it, but instead we grab the most of people claim to be government and the media, and ago when the Department for Education obvious scapegoat and alienate hundreds their careless escalation of this drew up an 18-page document detailing of thousands of innocent people in the fighting for their God situation will serve to tear the proposals to tackling potential terrorist process? Yes, terrorism is a threat, but it’s fibres of acceptance and tolerance violence that could be brewing on campuses something we have to deal with by looking when they commit that a vast number of people over around the country. In it, university staff were at ways to clear up the mess and close up a number of years have carefully advised to spy on “Asian-looking” and Muslim the gaping divides between communities acts of terrorism does and tirelessly worked to weave. students. The stereotyped idea that only within our society. Not only is it absolutely Those who believe they are “Asian-looking” people could cause terrorist wrong to treat somebody as guilty when not mean they are; it fighting terrorism when they offences is seemingly now condoned by the they are innocent, but as is the way with means they are simply attack Muslim women for wearing very people who are supposed to be running many societies, those who are treated like veils, or when they point out the this country. What hope is there for equality criminals often become criminals. It is a projecting their anger intolerances that the Muslim when such boiled anger is fired up simply shame that the actions of a few men can community have themselves, because of cultural differences? The majority cause so much long-lasting devastation in and hatred on innocent seem to forget that our own of these students may not even be involved in society, but the even bigger shame is that Western religions are seeded with political activism, never mind a terrorist plot. we have allowed that devastation to pass. people and using religion discrimination and intolerance Is it so difficult for us to view people of a too. We have had many more different appearance to us as fellow human [email protected] as their scapegoat.” deaths in the United Kingdom beings that stand in the same community? barefacts 26 February 2007 REFERENDUM 7 Should the USSU continue it’s membership with the National Union of Students (NUS)? With the annual USSU sabbatical elections upon us, the Union is also asking students two very important referendum questions. The first of which is regarding the USSU’s affiliation with the National Union of Students. The argument for staying affiliated with NUS

BY STEPHEN BROWN, NUS NATIONAL SECRETARY Major NUS lobbying campaigns have included: • Official representation to government and national EDITED BY GREG SCOTT, UNION PRESIDENT • The National Student Survey – which gives applicants bodies more information about the institutions that they are applying • Over 100 training and networking events, This week, you will be asked if you want the University of to before they get there conferences and speakers annually to allow students from Surrey Students’ Union to remain affiliated to NUS and • The creation of the Office of the Independent across the UK to come together. continue to benefit from the array of services that a national Adjudicator – to ensure that students have an independent • Training to empower your elected officers with the union membership provides. place of appeal outside of their own institution skills and knowledge they need to represent you. NUS helps 100s of students’ unions every week… each • Changes to the housing bill – to ensure that there • Publications and briefings for union officers, giving discussion affecting 1000s of students. Students need a was a national tenancy deposit scheme to protect students them the latest advice to help them represent you. National Organisation. Teachers, nurses, coal miners, elderly from scurrilous landlords people and hundreds of other groups all have a national union. • Top-up fees – to fight the lifting of the cap on tuition So as you can see, being a member of NUS does matter and Students need one too! As Edwina Curry said in 1992, if the fees to students makes a difference to your everyday life – from supporting National Union of Students did not exist there would be a USSU directly, to lobbying the government on student need to create one. It is absolutely essential that students Your NUS, as dedicated and professional staff who work issues. have an organisation that defends, extends and promotes the alongside the committed and passionate elected officers, rights of students. deliver for you and your Students’ Union: Join 5.2 million other students and vote YES to stay a part NUS is not just a National Executive Committee. The NUS • Automatic access to purchasing consortium NUS of NUS. is each of its constituent members. It is the member unions Services Ltd (NUSSL). NUSSL operates on behalf of USSU that make the NUS what it is, and it is those member unions to achieve the lowest prices for their services. That means, that benefit from the work of the NUS. In the same was that CHEAPER BEER, BETTER PROMOTIONS and BIGGER At a recent meeting of the Union your local executive defend your rights to your institution, EVENTS. The benefits USSU gets from NUSSL FAR outweighs Executive Committee, there was a NUS defends, extends and promotes your rights to the the cost of affiliating to NUS. majority vote in support of the Government, national press and national education agencies, • Materials, support and advice to run campaigns and to whom you could never be represented if you didn’t have provide union officers with the tools they need to get the USSU staying affiliated with the NUS a voice. best deal for YOU while at University. The argument for disaffiliating from NUS

BY RACHAEL COX NUS discount card. However, just to add insult to injury, now Four years ago, only two universities were disaffiliated from NO CAMPAIIGN CO-ORDINATOR individual students have to pay an extra £10 for an NUS Extra NUS. Now there are six, and people are voting in massive card. Why should you have to shell out more of your money numbers to send the NUS their strongest message – that The NUS is the largest student representative organisation to pay for their negligence and incompetence? they want change and they want it now. Make sure the NUS in the UK. According to their website, they aim to provide The NUS claim that the training and advice USSU get from listen to you, and that they realise they can no longer take “research, representation, and training” for over 700 them is invaluable, and that alone is a reason to stay affiliated. students of the University of Surrey for granted. Vote NO universities around the country. For the cost of the affiliation fee, as well as the additional to NUS. The NUS has never been truly representative of students. costs (including the ~£450 your Union pays for each national Instead, it is largely made up of party-political careerists who conference delegate), USSU could run its own training scheme. Voting takes place on: are involved simply to boost their chances of being given a There are many members of staff in the Union who were safe parliamentary seat once they leave student politics. Not previously sabbaticals here. They have much more valuable Tuesday 27th February only does this pretence cause irrelevant infighting among the experience in running your Union than the NUS do. Wednesday 28th February supposed representatives, it also means that they have little We believe that a national Union is needed, but it needs to Thursday 1st March interest in campaigning for student rights. Their commitment be representational and transparent; not party-political and to the aims of the NUS seem to dissipate as they clamber up corrupt. Ask yourselves, what has the NUS ever achieved the political ladder, because if all former Presidents of NUS in for you? Those who claimed to fight for student rights when 10am - 8pm each day at: Parliament voted against top up fees, you would not be paying they led the organisation went on to stab students in the Library, Lecture Theatres, them right now. back when they voted for top-up fees. Isn’t it a massive Management School & Rubix The NUS are unbelievably poor at managing the vast amount shame that the only time you will ever meet an NUS elected of money your Union pays to be affiliated to them. Currently representative on campus interested in speaking to you is they are experiencing severe financial difficulties, and have during the referendum where they may lose our affiliation overspent their budget significantly. The University of Surrey fee? You deserve better, and it’s become clear over the years Students’ Union pays between £35-45k a year in affiliation that the NUS understand only one form of communication fees at present. In the past, this would entitle students to an – referendum votes. barefacts 8 REFERENDUM 26 February 2007 Do you agree with the University’s Fairtrade policy as the final step towards Surrey becoming a Fairtrade University?

University of Surrey Fairtrade Policy c. Fairtrade coffee and tea will be served at all meetings e. Organising events throughout the year to promote hosted by the University and USSU, and will be served in all Fairtrade. 1. The University of Surrey (“the University”) together with University and USSU management offices. f. Organising a series of events in support of Fairtrade the Students’ Union (“USSU”) has made the commitment d. The Steering Committee will examine options for raising Fortnight. to achieve and sustain the status of Fairtrade university awareness and for increasing Fairtrade consumption (accredited by the Fairtrade Foundation). amongst students and staff. 4. The Steering Group shall meet as regularly as necessary, but not less than once per semester. A review meeting will be 2. The University and USSU will begin by following the 3. In addition to the requirement to introduce Fairtrade held annually to assess this policy and to approve the annual guidelines laid down by the Foundation. In addition to the products to specified locations on campus, the Fairtrade report which must be submitted to the Fairtrade Foundation. requirement to form a Fairtrade policy: Steering Group will be responsible for: This report will also be submitted to the University Senate a. A Fairtrade Steering Group has been established. a. Liaising with the Fairtrade Foundation for attaining and and to the USSU Executive Committee. b. Fairtrade foods will be made available for sale in all maintaining Fairtrade status. campus shops (OneStop, Union Shop). Fairtrade foods will b. Liaising with local Fairtrade affiliated organisations (for 5. A forum will be established to allow the wider membership also be sold in Roots, Rushes, Seasons, Wates House and example Guildford Borough Council). of the University (both staff and student) to contribute to the Chancellors. At this time, it is not possible to use Fairtrade c. Educating staff and students within the University as to ongoing commitments outlined in this policy. The forum will products in The Lakeside Restaurant, UniK/Youngs or the existence of this policy and the purposes and reasoning then forward suggestions and plans to the Steering Group. Pizzaman. The Steering Group will examine ways in which behind our adherence to it. the range of products used can be extended and products d. Publicising Fairtrade through the staff bulletin UnisLife 6. This policy will be reviewed annually as part of the reporting introduced into the remaining restaurants. and the student newspaper barefacts. process. The next review date is May 2007. The argument in favour of the University’s Fairtrade policy

Vote Yes! Fairtrade isn’t about charity and handouts. It is about paying policy encompassing these goals. (The University has already • To help disadvantaged people in the developing world get producers a realistic stable price, one which is guaranteed to accepted a Fairtrade policy) a fair, sustainable price for the goods they produce be above production costs. • A commitment to campaign for increased Fairtrade • To give you the choice of buying more Fairtrade products At the G8 events in Edinburgh, 2005, Raymond Kimaro consumption on campus. (The University is committed to – this isn’t about banning non-Fairtrade products from (General Manager of the Kilimanjaro Native Co-operative promoting Fairtrade) campus Union in Tanzania) said “Just pay us a fair price for our coffee http://www.fairtrade.org.uk – Find out more about • To give the Students’ Union a clear mandate to support and we will make poverty history for ourselves.” Fairtrade and over 2000 Fairtrade products Fairtrade Becoming a Fairtrade University involves meeting five goals, Visit the University’s Fairtrade webpages at http://portal. and we’re almost there! surrey.ac.uk or email [email protected] to find out Why? The Fairtrade Mark guarantees: • Fairtrade foods available for sale in all campus shops/ more about where you can buy Fairtrade and to get involved • farmers get a fair and stable price for their products restaurants/bars. with Fairtrade on campus • extra income for farmers & estate workers to improve • Coffee and tea served at meetings hosted by University their lives and USSU should be Fairtrade certified. At a recent meeting of the Union Executive • greater respect for the environment • Set up a Fairtrade Steering Group to help meet these Committee, there was a majority vote • small farmers a stronger position in world markets goals. against the University’s Fairtrade policy • a closer link between consumers and producers • USSU and the University should both create a Fairtrade The argument against the University’s Fairtrade policy

There are two significant arguments for why you should vote non-sustainable economic infrastructures which are more NOT be approved by the students it affects. NO to the University’s Fairtrade Policy: prone to instability. We need to concentrate on helping these countries improve the ambient economic conditions that It is for these reasons, and a number of others, that you (1) FAIRTRADE IS NOT AN ECONOMICALLY enable their farmers to compete on an even footing. should vote NO to the University’s Fairtrade Policy. FEASIBLE CONCEPT • Despite what Oxfam and many organisations advocate, free • The countries it is trying to help need major reform to trade is fair and just, however because of this, it can never To join the NO to FAIRTRADE campaign, email us at ensure a better infrastructure that will enable them to be kind. [email protected]. compete against developed countries in the free market. This reform is not helped by creating a false sense of well-being. (2) WRITING OF THE POLICY DID NOT HAVE THE • Fairtrade falsely maintains artificially high prices. The price of INPUT OF THE STUDENTS’ UNION EXECUTIVE a traded commodity is dependent on the principles of supply • Issues that affect students should have, at the very least, the and demand, which naturally cause an equilibrium price. By involvement of the only organisation on campus that truly artificially increasing this price, we are causing these countries represents the students of the University of Surrey. to concentrate on building a skewed agrarian economy. They • The policy MANDATES that the Union follow specific rules become even more dependent on the whims of western and guidelines. However, since the Union had no opportunity countries, which create the demand in the first place. to amend the policy before it was approved and rendered • Therefore, developing economies concentrate on building unchangeable by the Fairtrade Steering Committee, it should barefacts 26 February 2007 FEATURES 9 Agony Sisters To The Rescue Kiss and tell? much either! Any suggestions as to what I can do? you do do shall not be productive enough as your mind shall not be really ready for it. Good luck, and distress! SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: THE PROBLEM: Messy room, messy mind! The more you leave your room in a ISTER AFFRON SAYS My best friend has been with her boyfriend for just over S S : mess, the more stressed your going to be! A bedroom should Chill! All the time you spend stressing about stuff could be more three months, and she’s really fallen for him. I really liked be a place of sanction, so get tidying! If not, you may lose your usefully spent actually doing stuff! You need to take time out him, until a week ago when he tried to kiss me. I was boyfriend as well, because I am sure he doesn’t like having for yourself too, you never what inspiration might just hit you shocked and asked him what the hell he thought he was to step in your dirty undies and unfinished assignments! as you have a well deserved soak in the tub with a face pack! doing, and he said I had been after him for ages and that Go out, buy some extra storage (it sounds like you need if I told my friend then he’d say it was all me! I just don’t it) and just do one big tidy, and then keep it that way!. know what to do because I don’t want to lose my friend. Boyfriend troubles SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: You obviously have issues with more than just being THE PROBLEM: You can’t let her carry on going out with that creep! He able to see carpet! Get yourself on one of those life I am such a busy person, involved in many societies and sounds like a complete jerk and you need to tell your friend laudry programmes and get it all sorted at once! If your have lots of coursework and exams looming over my head. exactly what happened. If you are good friends then she shall application gets overlooked by the production company This time of year is tough, and my boyfriend is not making believe you over him, and if she doesn’t then maybe she’s not why not see if a mate or even your bloke will help you out? it any better! He keeps trying to take me out places, the friend you thought she was. Just be honest with her, and be and feels left out when I tell him I have too much to do. her shoulder to cry on when she needs it, and she will need it. He’s not at uni himself so doesn’t know what I am going Dissertation stress through. How can I let him down gently without losing him? SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: Sister Sophie is right, if she’s a true friend she’ll believe what THE PROBLEM: SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: you say. However we all know that sometimes lurve can cloud My dissertation is due in in four weeks and I am completely This time of year is hard, and your boyfriend needs to our judgements and maybe we dont see as rationally as we stressing about it! I know I haven’t done enough for recognise that. You just need to reassure him that it’ll all be usually would. therefore how about playing at Super Sleuth? it, and time is just slipping away from me. I am up late over soon and then you have a whole summer together! If Get hold of one of those digital dictaphone things, slip it in at night, and early in the morning, but I still just don’t you don’t manage to get your work done, or do badly in your pocket and confront him again. when he admits it was seem to be able to find time to do it, plus all the other your exams, then you may resent him for pestering you. him and that he’d make out it was you, etc record what he’s assignments due in. How do people deal with this?! Just gently tell him how you feel and he should understand. saying and use it as evidence!! Deer stalker hats are optional! SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: ISTER OPHIE SAYS S S : Talk to him! He should be supporting you not making you feel As someone whose dissertation is due in at the same What a mess! bad. Could you maybe involve him in your uni life more so you time as yours, I know what you are going through! And I could combine the two? Or maybe bargain with him. tell him THE PROBLEM: bet many people are feeling the same. The dissertation to give you a few hours peace to get some work done and then I am a really messy person, but I just can’t help it! is a massive part of your degree, and therefore it needs promise him your undevided attention to do whatever he likes! I just can’t find time to tidy it, but the state it is in to take priority. Make a schedule and stick to it. Also, stresses me out! And my boyfriend doesn’t like it too make sure you get enough sleep, otherwise the work [email protected] Embarassing Moments the house, so I quickly did my mascara and left. It was an hour trying to get off, and none of my friends would help Bogies! a windy day so it took me a little bit longer to walk it, me, so a random stranger came along and gave me a hand! so as soon as I got there I ran into my lecture. Turns The worst thing was that my friends were recording it on I was at an interview, doing pretty well and listening to out I should have gone and looked at myself in a mirror my video camera! Don’t think I’ll ever live it down now! other people presentations, when I felt something hard up first, because I was sitting there with big black spiders my nose. Thinking that it may be bogey on show, I tried to around my eyes! The wind had blown my eyelashes Got an embarassing pick it out. However, it wasn’t just a little hard bogey, but back and the mascara had left marks all around my moment of your own or a long slimy one! I had no idea what to do with it, so just eyes! Now I always make sure I let my mascara dry! others that you want to held it until the end of the interview. As we were leaving, share in barefacts? Or I knew I would have to shake the interviewer’s hand, so perhaps you fancy writing I had to get rid of this bogey! I tried flicking it off, but it Rocky moment! a feature of your own? wouldn’t move so…I had to eat it! It was the only way! I was on holiday with some friends and we were taking a And I didn’t even get the job…gutted! Then let our Features walk around a massive lake. Around the lake were many Editors, Sophie Iredale rocks, with one big rock in the middle. My mate bet me and Saffron Wreakes £10 that I couldn’t get to the big rock, so I took that bet! I Spider eyes know by writing to: climbed there and got on it ok, but when it came to getting [email protected] I was running a little late for a lecture when I was leaving off, it proved a bit more difficult! I was there for about half 10 NOT NEWS Zombies demand Union representation

BY PETE NATTRESS ever be able to integrate with the rest of the NOT NEWS EDITOR students on campus due to “vast, insurmountable cultural differences”. Equal Ethics and THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey’s zombie student populace Opportunities officer Jason Yates explained to has demanded representation from the Student Union, Mortis that the Union works tirelessly to ensure after years of going unrecognised and unrepresented the rights of every person at the university in any form of the Union body. Fred Mortis, Head of are represented. However, he added that the the Organisation for Ordainment of Zombie Equality Union does not consider zombies to be people. (O.O.Z.E.), appealed that the Union Executive “People have the mental capacity to do more immediately grants the same rights to undead than shuffle around moaning incoherently,” students as it has to living students since its inception. he said. “Unless they’re drunk I guess.” “We living dead are tired of being treated like second- Determined to hold his ground, Mortis rate citizens,” Mortis moaned as chunks of flesh fell off rebutted the suggestion that zombies are his rotting body. He added that zombies at the University mentally incapacitated. “Some of us can even of Surrey exist in a state of complete segregation from open doors and grab necks,” he spouted angrily, living students, fuelled mainly by outdated stereotypes going on to posit that humans may as well be and baseless fears about the undead. “It is complete zombies in the way that they brainlessly yield untrue that zombies eat brains,” complained Mortis in to their own routine and societal mandates, subsist on a diet of cranial juices. What a crock of shit. his statement. “That is a practice that was abandoned wandering from one day to the next in a haze of Fred Mortis should shut his zombie mouth, if his jaw several years ago,” he said, staring wistfully at the heads senseless priorities and soul-crushing mundanity. bones are still there that is. I’m going to watch TV.” of several Union members whilst salivating blood. “Humans are not zombies” Yates responded. Union executives are not convinced that zombies will “Humans don’t disintegrate in sunlight and we don’t [email protected] barefacts spends thousands on logo redesign

BY PETE NATTRESS to compete in the modern market of student newspapers. anything,” said an angry student talking specifically NOT NEWS EDITOR “We needed an animal mascot, really,” she told a Not News about the barefacts rebranding and nothing else. interviewer. “Gair Rhydd have a dragon which is pretty cool. The costs of the redesign were not just financial. Locally THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey’s student newspaper, barefacts, I think Loughborough has a tortoise of some kind. Put renowned wildlife photographer Chris Langham was eaten today unveiled its new logo, completing an extensive simply, we needed an animal to prevent barefacts vanishing by the bear featured in the logo shortly after taking the redesign process which cost thousands of pounds. The into obscurity. And I like bears so we chose a bear.” photograph. logo features a polar bear staring knowingly at the reader, Despite the excitement of having a new logo featuring Eyewitnesses reported that Langham was carrying alongside the words “Newspaper of Barefacts”. Whilst a majestic bear, many students feel the money could have several tins of tuna at the time of the incident, and that his some have marvelled at the artistic qualities of the new been better spent on other endeavours. For instance, the farts “smelt like warm cod”. The savage bear attack was logo, others have questioned the need for a rebranding, £50k could have been use for a combination of: bubble witnessed by a close friend who did not give his name. “It especially given the huge costs incurred in the effort. baths in every hall of residence, an on-campus fairground was very brutal,” he said. “I can’t believe the zookeepers barefacts PR co-ordinator Winona Scatterbox claimed complete with hilarious clowns, or even useful academic just stood there. One of them even looked like he was that the rebranding, thought to have cost fifty thousand equipment. “I think this futile rebranding is an abhorrent, goading the bear on.” pounds of student fee money, was necessary for barefacts tactless waste of student’s money which would have been The new barefacts logo has launched at the same much better spent on time the University of Surrey itself unveiled a strikingly improving the quality similar logo featuring a deer. This was a total coincidence of the university itself. and the two new logos have “nothing to do with each Frankly I don’t see other” according to the university. “We are hoping how adding a picture that prospective students all over the world will of an animal and a be unable to resist the lure of a deer,” they added. serif font to a logo makes the blindest Got an idea for Not News? bit of difference to [email protected]

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Flirt T-Shirts - Save £4 / Now only £7.99! Flirt Mugs - Save £3.50 / Now only £2.49 Flirt Retro Bag - Save £3 / Now only £9.99 Flirt Ladies Strap Top - Save £3 / Now only £6.99 Flirt Hot Pants - Save £2 / Now only £5.99 Flirt Beanies Hats - Save £2 / Now only £3.99 Flirt Ladies Thongs - Save £1 / Now only 2.99 barefacts 26 February 2007 FEATURES 11 Dr Russ Replies Advice on doing a PhD

I am thinking about doing a PhD. How do I Directory, a copy of which can be you would be eligible to have your fees paid but would know I would be suited to it? seen in the Careers Library. This not be eligible for government funding. International I have lost count of the number of PhD students I have will give you some idea of the kind of students are only eligible for support from one of the seen over the years who have wanted to give up. In research going on in different parts government funded research bodies if they can prove many cases, they simply hadn’t realised how different a of the country. The next step would that the UK is their home country. However, most PhD would be from a first degree. Apart from one or be to send your CV with a covering universities have their own scholarship schemes, which, two special doctorates, most PhDs involve no lectures, letter explaining what you would although highly competitive, do provide an alternative. no revision and just one single 2-3 hour exam at the end. like to do and why. You may be sent

You may find yourself working alone for long periods. You an application form in reply, but the DR RUSS CLARK Am I too late to apply? may meet what appear to be insurmountable problems or good news is that you can make as CAREERS SERVICES Although there are generally no closing dates for applications you may simply fail to obtain the results or information many applications as you like. If you for PhD programmes, many applicants will already have made which you need. You are therefore more likely to would like to stay at Surrey, all you need to do is mention contact with their preferred universities. It is therefore succeed if you are determined, patient, have good time your interest to the member of staff with whom you would a good idea to start this process as soon as possible. management skills and the ability to solve problems. It like to work and they will tell you what might be available. also goes without saying that you should have an enquiring What degree class would I need? mind and a love for the subject you are studying. Do you What about finance? In most cases, a 2.1 is the level of degree which is most likely think you fit the bill? If you have serious doubts about If you are a UK resident, you would be eligible for funding to secure funding though some highly competitive areas these requirements a PhD might not be right for you. from one of the government funded agencies known may require a First. A free booklet in the Careers Service, as research councils. Your fees would be paid as well. Prospects Postgraduate Funding Guide, contains some How should I go about it? However, all you need do at this stage is apply for a place. useful information about all of the main funding bodies. A good place to start looking is on www.prospects.ac.uk. Your potential supervisor will tell you what financial This information is also available in Prospects Postgraduate options might be available. If you are an EU student, [email protected] Almost Accurate Astrology Aquarius Gemini Libra (January 21 - February 20) (May 21 - June 20) (September 21 - October 20) You’re feeling a little left out this week, but don’t worry as it’ll Bed may seem like a saviour but you need to get out of it and Stop treating that someone the way you are and start recog- soon all blow over. You need to stop stressing and start living get your arse in gear. There is too much going on for you to nising their true potential. People around you may think they as you never know what is around the corner! Look out for sit back and relax, as if you do you shall miss out on what you are helping you, but they’re not and you need to tell them someone in a hat, their advice could be valuable. are really after. that. Keep on top of things as they’ll soon creep up on you. Lucky Day: Sunday | Lucky Colour: White Lucky Day: Monday | Lucky Colour: Green Lucky Day: Sunday | Lucky Colour: Pink Pisces Cancer Scorpio (February 21 - March 20) (June 21 - July 20) (October 21 - November 20) You’re looking forward to a certain event coming up, but An unexpected present given to you shall make you see Stop pushing that someone away and show them that you make sure you enjoy it to the full and don’t let anyone rain someone in a new light. Don’t throw it back in their face, but need them. Take a chance on someone you don’t really know on your parade. Use your talents to get your way and you’ll take it for what it is. Don’t be afraid to show your true feel- as they shall help you in the future. See the funny side of life. be admired for it! ings about a subject, get over it and move on. Lucky Day: Saturday | Lucky Colour: Gold Lucky Day: Friday | Lucky Colour: Turquoise Lucky Day: Wednesday | Lucky Colour: Purple Sagittarius Aries Leo (November 21 - December 20) (March 21 - April 20) (July 21 - August 20) There are people who look up to you so don’t let them Take your time and concentrate on what you want to achieve. Friends are a valuable asset you need to recognise. Don’t down, however they need to realise that you have your own If you rush into it, the result will not be what you want. Seize push people away, but use them as your crutch, they shall help life too. Take a look at others and learn from them too, as you the opportunity that comes your way as it may change you you throw whatever you are going throw, as they are prob- could learn a lot. life forever! ably going through it too. Lucky Day: Friday | Lucky Colour: Blue Lucky Day: Friday | Lucky Colour: Brown Lucky Day: Thursday | Lucky Colour: Silver Capricorn Taurus Virgo (December 21 - January 20) (April 21 - May 20) (August 21 - September 20) Speak your mind, as if something is bothering you that much There’s a lot going on at the moment so you need to make Smile and the world smiles with you. There are people who then you need to sort it out and get over it. Take care of a sure you keep on top of everything, without sacrificing your shall be needing you this week, so make sure you are there to friend in their time of need as one day you may need their fun lifestyle. If you want something bad enough, you have the cheer them up. Live uni life to the full as it is almost over. support too. ability to achieve it, so go for it! Lucky Day: Monday Lucky Day: Tuesday Lucky Day: Saturday | Lucky Colour: Black Lucky Colour: Yellow Lucky Colour: Red barefacts 26 February 2007

barefacts 14 PG TIPS 26 February 2007 Any contributions to this section should be sent directly to the PG Tips Editor at [email protected]

with a sprinkling of snow earlier. room-sized machine to predict their thoughts! February festivities are almost to an end, I think a lot Valentine’s speed-dating was a laugh, personally I met some of people are looking forward to the Easter holidays now great guys with some great musical tastes (i.e. similar to mine (or maybe it’s the odd subliminal feeling from the shops…). – yay 65daysofstatic!). It was a fun laugh beforehand mainly, This being my first year of PhD life, I think it seems odd to where we all met up for drinks and chats. Our social secretary, be working in an environment where everyone else is on a Claire, is regailing us with the fun of it all this issue. Don’t different schedule. forget our monthly Laser Quest session, take the anger of Something I read the other week was that scientists have your work out on people you don’t know! You’ll feel so much PG Tips Editorial managed to develop a method to predict what you’re thinking closer for it! Or maybe you want to bring your supervisors of. This is with MRI, and people fear that this may possibly along and hash out those certain things with the fun of fake Hey guys, this’ll be my last editorial for a couple of issues as be used to find out what criminals and terrorists are thinking guns?! Go on, you’ll never know until you ask ‘em! I’m off to Hong Kong (yay!). Halfway through and everything before they actually carry out crimes for example. Now, I’m Don’t forget, if you’ve anything you wanna get out there, seems as busy as ever, time for those lovely 6-monthly reviews not sure how many people have seen an MRI machine, or whether it’s about llama-dancing or your own gig, write about (my personal first). Let’s see, what’s been happening? Well it maybe I’m being pessimistic about these things, but it’s not it and I’ll put it up for you. Take care guys and keep the flu largely looks like the ‘flu’s engulfed half of the campus, along exactly a covert mission if you can get said criminal into a big away with blood oranges! PGA Speed Dating Tid Bits

BY CLAIRE HOBBS made any matches in heaven? It is only time that can tell. THIS ISSUE’S Tid Bits is filled with random facts and things Not everyone was there to find that special someone; people have sent me, they always entertain me, so if you have WELL IT WAS time for our first speed dating event of the year. We many people took part to meet new friends as well as anything you want to add, let us know! had quite a good turn out for the 3 minutes date to take place raising money for charity. It was an all round fun event over the candle lit, table clothed tables with the background for everyone that attended. However, maybe some new - Eating a packet of crisps a day is equivalent to drinking five music of love songs. So was it to be love blossoming as drinking buddies have emerged from this quick fire event. litres of cooking oil a year. the couples gazed into each others eyes over the tables? The event raised £90 for the British Heart overall. So, not - The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. Everyone seemed to be enjoying their quick flirtatious only have the people who attended met some new friends - Men can breastfeed babies moment with each other. Conversations ranged from the odd but they can also go away with that warm glow that they - A newborn expels its own body weight in waste every 60 to the wonderful, all in all everyone looked like they were having have helped a very worthwhile cause. I’d like to say a big hours. fun. It gave people the chance to chat to people they may never thank you to everyone who attended, and there will be a - When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from its dream of talking to and may have in fact made them consider certificate displayed in Wates to show your achievement. eyes. new things and getting involved with different activities. - Pogonophobia: The fear of beards Comparing the score sheets which were handed in It was great to see some new faces who have not come - The name Google started as a joke boasting about the at the end of the night it would seem that some of our along to previous PGA events that we have held. So, we amount of information the search-engine would be able young singles did indeed seem to find some new friends. are hoping that they had a good time and will spread to search. It was originally named ‘Googol’, a word for the Many people got several matches from the night and e-mail the word to their friends about coming along to our number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.After addresses have been exchanged, so we can wait and see if other events and we will see you again in the future! founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and anything happens. There was a high standard to beat last Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor, they years where 2 relationships resulted. So can this year’s have received a cheque made out to ‘Google’

PG Tips PGA Social Editor Secretary Mary Yip Claire Hobbs

m.yip@ c.hobbs@ surrey.ac.uk surrey.ac.uk

PGA Events

Friday 16th March - St. Patricks Day Party (Details TBC)

Friday 4th May Doctors and Nurses Party Raise money for Red Cross Day and dress up. Details TBC

Wednesday 9th May Theatre Trip (Details TBC) barefacts 26 February 2007 PUZZLES 15 Brought to you by our very own Puzzlelord, Colin Everett, what would you ever do without his masterful puzzle skills? Answers for the pseudoku can be found on Page 20... along with a special travel word search! The Big Frickin’ Maze P S E U D O K U

Crossword Clues Across: Clues Down:

1) Breaks, rests. (6) 2) Keen David beheaded. (Cryptic) (4) 5) Yorkshire city, home of the Bulls rugby- 3) Deactivate; cease paying attention. (5, 3) league club. (8) 4) Protect; escutcheon. (6) 9) Shrink car in bowl. (Cryptic) (8) 5) Beside Peter Pan’s nemesis or next to 10) Frequently broken component of a shepherd’s staff by any means necessary. manifesto. (6) (Cryptic) (2, 4, 2, 2, 5) 11) The need for a toilet break. (4, 2, 6) 6) Reference section at the end of a writ- 13) Sport played on horseback; the mint ten work; apparently useless thing found at with a hole. (4) one end of the colon. (8) 14) Ridiculously expensive cooking ingredi- 7) Nimble; navy. (5) ent when compared to the sunflower and 8) Janitorial star of the Space Quest series vegetable variety. (5, 3) of adventure games. (5, 5) 17) Mandatory equipment needed to score 12) Movement; appallingly bad dance song an albatross. (4, 4) covered by Kylie Minogue. (10) 18) Rubber ice-hockey disc; servant of 15) Unusual method of capturing a pawn in Oberon. (4) chess. (2, 7) 20) Precarious structure that’s prone to 16) Yellow halogen gas. (7) collapse. (5, 2, 5) 19) Huge indentation on a planet or satel- 23) The itsy-bity teeny-weeny yellow polka- lite. (6) dot item of clothing the woman was wear- 21) Portion of a cake; hit a golf ball to make ing in the 1990 song by Timmy Mallet. (6) it spin. (5) 24) Very, very, very, very, very angry. (7) 22) Badger’s burrow. (4) 25) Automatic, unthinking reaction. (4 - 4) 26) Spin junk in fish eggs. (Cryptic) (6) Send your submissions to:

Arts Editors Patrick Hunter & Jake South barea ts [email protected] FALL OUT BOY BENEATH THE SURFACE Infinity on High Various Artists Universal A BELLA UNION SAMPLER

It has to be said I was a closet Fall Out As far as indie labels go, Bella Union are Boy fan, so would go as far as to say that I neither as giant as Rough Trade nor as cool was mildly excited about listening to their as Fierce Panda or Transgressive. Anyone new album. This was quickly replaced with that offers a home to unheralded Scottish disbelief when the first voice I heard was geniuses My Latest Novel is definitely actually that of Jay-Z. After double-checking worth attention, though. Their Belle & the CD cover, yes, it was actually Fall Out Sebastian/Magic Numbers style epic “Sister Boy. Everyone makes mistakes though, I Sneaker Sister Soul” opens this sampler and thought, so I decided to let them off. When sets the tone for much that follows, with the second track started to play I was Stephanie Dosen and Fionn Regan offering surprised to find that the chorus was remarkably similar to that of John Legend’s ‘Ordinary their own pretty folk and Midlake’s dusty Americana even more vulnerable than either. People’. Now, this may just be my personal opinion, but this seems (my housemates agree as Casting their net across Europe and beyond has paid some other dividends too. Fans well) slightly odd. I had begun to lose my Fall Out Boy faith, but gave them one last chance. of Mew will be delighted by their fellow Danes, The Kissaway Trail, and might just like This is when track five ‘Hum Hallelujah’ rolled around. I was appalled, yes appalled when Under Byen’s clattery prog too, while Texas’ Explosions In The Sky live up to both their I heard the familiar tune of Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ (Leonard Cohen if you want to be name and status as the labels biggest name. They also have current press darlings picky). I think a line has been crossed in this album, and one is not amused. It was always Howling Bells on their books, though in offering their relatively subdued ‘This City’s going to be hard to top their last album, and ‘Infinity On High’ has seemed to try its very Burning’ rather than one of their more dramatic moments they’ve surely missed a trick. hardest, so at least deserves a gold star for effort. Aside from trying to make a statement Not everything works: Dustin O’Halloran’s minimalist piano piece is striking through the use of Jay Z and Jeff, underneath they are still true to their ‘roots’, and are but too limited and perhaps Bella Union should have kept quiet about releasing making some pretty good reliable stuff. My favourite track is number eight: ‘The (After) Life The Dears’ utterly disappointing last effort. But it’s hard to begrudge the Of The Party’. For as much as I can moan about this album I still like it…secretly of course. interesting acts they showcase even when they don’t shine and while this album is not an essential listen in itself, it might well turn you onto some that are. 3/5 | Rachael Fitz-Patrick 3/5 | Iain Forrester

The Noisettes / Foals that it’s not the best idea artist we saw was a one man band who went by the name The Boiler Room, Guildford to say “this is our last of “Mayor McCa” who was interesting. Downing a pint after Tuesday 13th February song” as all that did was and during each of his songs/ramblings of his life experiences result in a huge roar from he amused the crowd for half an hour or so, at one point Jake South speaks to Dan the crowd. Great. even tap dancing whilst playing the harmonica amongst the (One of the guitarists of Noisettes) J: Did you reach the audience, warming them nicely for the next band; Foals. I have depths of dedicating one to say that the performance of this group was my highlight On Tuesday 13th a small group of of your songs to Muse? of the evening, their electronic, indie, disco anthems were us braved it out into the open air of D: Oh yes. *chortle brilliant and what’s more they really got involved with the Guildford, set out for chaos, turmoil chortle* audience which is always nice to see. Definitely check them and untamed events, we were ready. J: So how are you bare-readers. After these guys left the tiny stage I felt like I The reason for our trip away from our finding Guildford? had already seen the headline band, BUT NO the Noisettes homes was to witness the Noisettes live in performance Have you taken a tour round the Friary? Or visited the were yet to appear. at Guildford’s increasingly popular venue, the Boiler Room. Tunsgate Square? Both hotspots of the town centre. The headliners, as promised, finally emerged from the Before any of the supports hit the stage, we were guided D: Sadly not, haven’t had the time to visit those spots, backstage area. Shingai (the lead singer/bassist/guitarist) was in upstairs by the guitarist of the Noisettes; Dan. After settling only from Croydon myself though so I’m not too far fact drinking a strange looking mixture of fluids from a pyrex in a cramped bedroom full of guitar cases, drums and stools, away. Looking forward to the gig here tonight though. water beaker! Amusing. Smashing straight into their opening a spaced out looking Dan composed himself: J: Very small place the Boiler Room, what are your thoughts? number “Don’t Give Up”, the whole performance was fast D: Yeah love the smaller gigs, it’s all about those. paced, manic and extremely loud. At one point Shingai jumped J: So hows the tour been going then? J: I agree. We’re in agreement. onto Patrick’s back, (fellow arts editor) who carried her to D: Yeah the tours been going great actually really enjoying it. D: We are. *smiles and grins* the bar before she then jumped onto that and continued to J: Is this your first headline tour? J: Well just one more issue I need to address. We’ve heard finish the song! Outrageous. The band continued to play a D: No we’ve done two before this one in Jan 2006 was really a rumour that there’s an island somewhere that inhabits six great set of hits from their recent record release “Whats the good, pretty much every show we did in that was sold out. foot high crabs, do you believe? *giggles and laughter* Time Mr Wolf?”, as well as some timeless classics from their Then we did another tour just before our single “scratch D: Well ive never ruled out the possibility of a six foot crab. If other compact discs. The entire evening left my ears ringing your name” came out but it got miss handled, and we ended I was confronted by a six foot crab, well I don’t know what I’d and eyes rolling, the Noisettes show was plenty pleasant and up having to cancel the tour. Had a pretty rough time on that do, probably the same kind of thing id do if I was confronted each of the supports thoroughly enjoyable also. one. by a six foot guitar! Would have to be on a lot of drugs. Another valuable evening of great music and what’s J: Sounds pretty rubbish to me that, yet I’m sure touring with J: Say no to drugs. more, get involved with some of these bands my friends Muse and playing at Wembley made up for that one eh! eh! and you too could be carrying females to the bar. I’m not eh! eh! eh! After our short chat with Dan, a top bloke, we shuffled sure what advantages this might have but it may happen. D: Yeah that was mad! Really made us up our game also, seeing downstairs to watch the show of which was quite eventful as everyone we were playing to was waiting for Muse. Learnt to say the least. After missing the first support, the first [email protected] barefacts 26 February 2007 BAREARTS 17 Flid, flid, flid BY BEN MILLER shows to entertain people. It wasn’t long before they the actors to do an impression of him. Most of them stood were put in institutions and never seen. But disabled aghast, Anna, did a full on impression of him without arms. IF YOU WANT an evening of escapism, with all its trappings of people started to reclaim their own lives, rights and This showed she was comfortable with him and the issues fluffy light hearted entertainment and mental titillation - then independence. Mat’s way of raising awareness of disabled that the play dealt with. In the musical Mat reclaimed the stay away from Mat Fraser. ‘An audience with Mat Fraser’ people was by pissing on it and allowing the audience to word flid which hurt him when he was younger. He wanted pulled no punches as he knocked the audience off their laugh at him and with him, which explains the rational the audience to feel his pain when he was seven. It’s the comfortable seats, with Mat’s variety of comedy, cabaret and of his shows which he described as porn for the disabled. ability to make the audience laugh and cry that Mat finds frank talking, which was at times painfully close to the bone. The way people deal with disability in this country has the most powerful form of entertainment. Mat got the The show started with carnival music and a compère clearly changed quite dramatically since Mat’s been alive. audience to shout ‘flid, flid, flid’ before he went on to do a offering us the chance to see a freak show, including Stanley His awareness of his physical difference began as early rendition of ‘Talk to Flipper cause the face ain’t listening’. Berent – aka Sealo: the Seal Boy. Then Mat came running as he can remember. But it was at seven years old, when Mat said Clinton proved it was cost effective to enable down the stairs and stated he wanted to “weird us out.” someone called him ‘screwed up arms’ that he realised it disabled people into the work place and it maddened him Mat Fraser, 45, was born in London and came to fame thanks affected other people and was made to feel crap. At school that we live in a world where: “we can afford landmines to a combination of comedic, musical and acting talent and a Mat was binned, which involved having his shoes tied but we can’t afford a ramp.” Mat believes he wouldn’t strong militant streak in him. This came about as a result of together and being put in a bin. He was called flid and spastic be where he is if it wasn’t for his disability. He said: “I can him having, Phocomelia, (a condition acquired at birth which at school. But Mat never wanted long arms he’s wanted talk about a chip on my shoulder but I need to get over gives very short or absent bones and a flipper like appearance thumbs sometimes; he’s always felt whole – the frustration it.” Mat’s genuinely hurt by injustice and he’s managed of hands) which was a result of his mother taking Thalidomide. is social. If people treated him as normal then he’d feel no to find a nice recipe of mixing it with his artistic talents. His short arms and the difficulties he’s faced in life difference. Mat use to avoid kids because they always asked Mat doesn’t want to be seen as the spokesperson for disability. are of course an inescapable part of Mat’s life, making his him about his arms but he’s use to it now and likes kids now. He said: “you’re on a hiding to nothing if you do that. However show very raw, gritty and at times, shocking. Mat delivers a Mat explained how his mum came to take Thalidomide. In I am causing an effect and changing perceptions of disability. burning passion about disability rights and social injustice the 50s and 60s people believed in, and didn’t question, the I talk about what it is like for me. Whatever I do, advertently with an ability to entertain through humour and music. medical profession. Thalidomide was the cure to his mother’s and inadvertently, I’m doing it for disability but also for me.” Mat started out as a drummer in a band but too many morning sickness; which was to become the cause of his Mat’s work is shocking, indeed, he wants people to be drugs and the undisciplined nature of the scene led Phocomelia and a life time of social challenges. A number of shocked; he wants a reaction; he’s confrontational, he doesn’t him away from rock and roll. He was drawn towards years ago he got £1,500 compensation. He blames Distillers want to be patronised. Mat would be mortified if he upset his love of acting, which he was distracted from by the company that produced Thalidomide. They knew for quite a disabled person but said eggs get broken when making his teacher at school who froze with embarrassment some time about its harmful effect and should have pulled it omelettes. He said: “I cause shock to cause thought but I when he said he wanted to appear in the school play. from circulation six months earlier but chose to chase money don’t want to alienate people.” Mat believes it’s his mission Mat wants to be as good as possible but realises, “to be half as and maximum profits. He said he would have got about to change people’s hearts through art for an inclusive society. good, you need to be twice as good.” He learnt if you put the ‘D’ £2million now. Indicative of his ability and desire to hit the He ended the evening with a thought you may want to word in front of a show no one will turn up and those that do audience he said: “where’s that Thalidomide pill. I’ll have one.” take or leave. When you’re about to have sex and you’re show up will clap because it’s the politically correct thing to do. Mat’s recent work, ‘Thalidomide the Musical’ stared Anna struggling to put a condom on, think of him, and shut up. In Victorian times disabled people were used in freak Winslet-(yes the sister of Kate) and in the audition he asked

PATRICK WOLF soul on previous releases. Nevertheless, Short Q&A with Mat Fraser UK has a strong disability culture”. The Magic Position there’s still enough on offer to please existing Loog / Polydor Wolf fans as Patrick goes down-tempo. Gravel Mat has many talents – musician, Favourite musical – The Producers in voiced Sixties heroine Marianne Faithfull particular the ‘Springtime for Hitler’ song, actor and performance artist. Which This 23 year old has been developing a lends her haunting vocals to the mysterious and Jerry Springer the Opera does he enjoy most and why? unique sound since his early teenage years. fairytale “Magpie”, while the soaring melodies Favourite film – Tall Guy He enjoys the immediacy of comedy With two albums and bundles of critical of “Augustine” bewitch and hypnotise the which makes him feel good. acclaim already under his belt, Patrick has listener. Blackening up - Mat used the phrase Music hits his soul. now attracted the interest of the major label Patrick has always employed an ‘blackening up’ to describe the use of But when he’s praised for being a good big guns. Drawing upon influences from the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink attitude to non-disabled actors taking on disabled writer that’s when he feels best. realms of indie rock, folk, and electronica, music making. As a result of his continuous roles, in the same way white actors use the result is a stunningly original and varied experimentation, “The Magic Position” to be blackened up to play black actors. Best role to date approach to pop music. is an epic creation full of meticulously ‘Every time you look at me’, which was The album’s title track is undoubtedly crafted grandeur and wonder - just check Disability in the UK compared with on BBC 2. It was a feature length film one of “The Magic Position”’s high points. out the fireworks rocketing skywards on other countries Mat’s been to: and a “glorious process.” When he gets Together with dizzying “Get Lost”, this is the “Bluebells”, or the euphoria of “Accident In the US in 1968 every public building bouncers saying: “that’s deep, that’s love,” sound of Patrick falling head-over-heels in and Emergency”. There are occasions had to have disability access but you don’t he knows he’s made an impact. love. Gloriously when the musical journey see disabled people in films or on stage. upbeat, whilst becomes too self-absorbed Europe is behind and Catholic countries Greatest achievement to date still managing - the barrage of foghorns, are twice as behind. Australia is the best Two degree black belt to retain that all alarms and other assorted place to live as a disabled person as you important ‘indie noise on “Secret Garden” is have disabled people on stage together Aspirations/hopes for the future cool’ factor, it all too much! But despite the with the necessary access and support He wants to be in a film that wins an seems a million occasional glitch, this album provisions. Mat found Brazil hard because Oscar and have sex in it. More realistically miles from is still Patrick’s most cohesive of the mix of disability and too much he’d like glory like any aspiring actor and the tortured and accessible work yet. poverty, which was tragic. He said “the win a Bafta. adolescent we’ve 4.5/5 seen bearing his Jason Reed barefacts 18 BAREARTS 26 February 2007 Brit, Brit Hooray! BY PATRICK HUNTER I like to think Spandau Ballet’s award for MASTERCARD BRITISH ALBUM INTERNATIONAL MALE SOLO ARTS EDITOR Technical Excellence in 1984 went some way Won by: Arctic Monkeys – Whatever People Won by: Justin Timberlake to achieving the same disastrous effect… The Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not Nominees: Beck, Bob Dylan, Damien Rice Well, the time has come again to vote for all 2007 BRITS were also meant to be broadcast Nominees: Amy Winehouse – Back To & Jack Johnson your favourite bands and artists to become live, but sound dips and ad-libbing by the Black, Lily Allen – Alright Still, winners of a lovely, lovely BRIT Award… charming Liam Gallagher proved that this Muse – Black Holes & Revelations & INTERNATIONAL FEMALE SOLO actually, you’re too late. The nominations may not be the case… Snow Patrol – Eyes Open Won by: Nelly Furtado have closed, the votes have been counted, the But anyway. Enough of the factually Beyonce Knowles, Cat Power, Christina winners have been announced, the eagle has fascinating waffle – here are the nominations BRITISH SINGLE Aguilera & Pink landed, and the ground is moist… and results from this year’s awards, hosted Won by: Take That – Patience For those of you who with absolutely by the extraordinary Russell Brand at Earl’s Nominees: INTERNATIONAL GROUP no sense of current popular music affairs, Court… I think a fair assessment of today’s Corinne Bailey Rae – Put Your Records On Won by: The Killers the BRIT Awards is an awards ceremony popular music, although I’m extremely The Feeling – Fill My Little World Flaming Lips, Gnarls Barkley, Red Hot Chili celebrating British music. disappointed with the absence of Chantelle’s James Morrison – You Give Me Something Peppers & Scissor Sisters Founded in 1977, originally named BPI masterpiece… maybe next time… Kooks – She Moves In Her Own Way Awards marked the Queen’s Silver Jubilee Leona Lewis – A Moment Like This INTERNATIONAL ALBUM and in that year, saw The Beatles win Best BRITISH MALE SOLO ARTIST Lily Allen – Smile Won by: The Killers – Sam’s Town British Album for “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Won by: James Morrison Razorlight – America Nominees: Bob Dylan – Modern Times Hearts Club Band’” Cliff Richard win Best Nominees: Jarvis Cocker, Lemar, Paolo Sandi Thom – I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker Gnarls Barkley – St Elsewhere British Male Solo Artist, and Queen win Best Nutini & Thom Yorke Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars Justin Timberlake – FutureSex/LoveSounds British Single for “Bohemian Rhapsody” (this Will Young – All Time Love Scissor Sisters – Ta Dah actually came joint first with Procol Harum’s BRITISH FEMALE SOLO ARTIST ‘A Whiter Shade Of Pale’ – interesting huh?). Won by: Amy Winehouse BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH ACT INTERNATIONAL BREAKTHROUGH In 1989, the name changed to the Nominees: Corinne Bailey Rae, Jamelia Won by: Fratellis Won by: Orson Britannia (or BRIT) Awards, which is also a Lily Allen & Nerina Pallot Nominees: Corinne Bailey Rae, James Nominees: Gnarls Barkley, Raconteurs, Ray ‘backronym’ for British Record Industry Trust Morrison, Kooks & Lily Allen Lamontagne & Wolfmother (incidentally). BRITISH GROUP Apparently the BRITS always used to be Won by: Arctic Monkeys BRITISH LIVE ACT OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION broadcast live until Samantha Fox and Mick Nominees: Won by: Muse Oasis Fleetwood hosted a disastrous show in 1989 Kasabian, Muse, Razorlight Nominees: George Michael, Guillemots, where everything went wrong, although & Snow Patrol Kasabian & Robbie Williams bf. [email protected]

I HATE NIGHTCLUBS | I Was A Cub Scout | Albeano CONNAN AND THE MOCKASINS Sneaky Sneaky Dogfriend EMI Records This is not quite as instant as their debut “Pink Squares”, and sadly lacks a rant on its title subject. Adding revving guitars to their intricate indie electronica makes for a grower with “He’s a sneaky sneaky dogfriend” – not my words, but those sung by New Zealanders Connan a great climax though, and confirms them as one of the new bands to watch for this year. et al. With a lazy trombone solo, multiple out-of-tune voices and a recording most likely conducted in the bath, this track is simply outstanding. Simple, strange, sexy, brilliant. B-side, ‘I 3.5/5 | Iain Forrester Nude You’ is equally as fantastic. Blimey I love these guys. 5/5 | Patrick Hunter SHINY TOY GUNS We Are Pilots THE DECEMBERISTS Mercury Records The Crane Wife Rough Trade Records Despite the title of their debut album, Shiny Toy Guns are clearly not pilots. Well they may be, but I doubt it. Despite being out for a while (Released late 2006), the latest offering from The Decemberists Touring with the likes of Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, they’ve made quite an passed many people by and I think it definitely deserves a mention… impression on the American music scene, and hope to bring their success over here. Having But first, a brief history: The Decemberists are a five-piece band from Oregon. a male and female lead singer is one of their selling points, and to be honest, it’s all they’ve The Crane Wife is a beautiful pop/rock/folk album inspired by a Japanese Folk tale about got. an injured Crane and a wife (abridged version), and also features another song cycle (The So I’ll get straight to the point. If you like bands with a ‘style’ – pretty much most bands you Island) which is based on The Tempest by William Shakespeare. The opening track ‘The Crane can think of – then I doubt you’ll like Shiny Toy Guns. Listening to their album is like hitting Wife 3’ is a glorious mandoliny folk song with the soothing voice of Colin Meloy gently telling ‘random’ on an obscure iPod playlist… the story. The opening track ‘You Are The One’ has your traditional disco/indie feel to it with haunting Track two (The Island) is a twelve and a half minute epic split into 3 movements, and shows organs and quite a good pop chorus, whilst ‘Le Disko’ is like a Peaches/Goldfrapp hybrid with the band’s ‘rockier’ side. Generally, there are almost similarities to Badly Drawn Boy, although guitars. ‘When They Came For Us’ sounds a little bit like Danish rockers, Mew, ‘Don’t Cry The Decemberists make everything sound far more established and folky. Out’ could be a bonus track on the new Killers album, ‘Chemistry Of A Car Crash’ could be The fantastic Laura Veirs features on ‘Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then), turning a a bonus track on the Get Cape… album, and ALL 12 tracks could easily be confused with great song into something magical. Another stand out track, ‘Shankill Butchers’, is a gentle less-than-original B-side rock ‘club remixes’. acoustic harmony-ridden masterpiece – so delicate but with a real bite to it. Shiny Toy Guns are a combination of dance and rock, and while it’s a good idea in theory, The Decemberists fourth album has a very mature sound and seems to have sharper most of the tracks just don’t cut it. There’s definitely some potential as a live act, but approach production whilst still maintaining ‘their sound’. If anyone is looking for a subtle transition ‘We Are Pilots’ with caution. from rock to folk, then this album would do you nicely. 2/5 | Patrick Hunter 4.5/5 | Patrick Hunter barefacts 26 February 2007 SOCIETIES 19 allan wells sports lecture presents [email protected] on

an evening with sir steve redgrave

Wednesday 7th March 2007

Drinks Reception - 6.15pm Lecture - 7.00pm hosted by BBC’s Gary Richardson Reception and Lecture - School of Management, University of Surrey Tickets £10 (concessions £5) available from the University Box Office (open from 8am - 8pm, Mon - Fri) Submit your society’s article, notification of AGM or event to or event AGM notification of article, society’s Submit your

Eleanor Tyler, Societies Editor Tyler, Eleanor Telephone: 01483 686876 Email: boxoffi[email protected]

BY DAN LOADER over 90 regularly active members, meetings every week and your skills professionally, earning money at external events at least one event a day, usually many more. for which Stage Crew are contracted. YOU DON’T HAVE to have been at the University of Surrey We provide training to anyone from any background and Not at all technical? It doesn’t matter; Stage Crew is also an very long to have heard of Stage Crew. Our posters are course, regardless of experience (not just geeks and engineers) outlet of creativity for budding set designers, musicians and everywhere and everyone seems to have a mate who is, or and even girls- of which we had a record intake of 3 this producers – every light rig and set needs a design to be seen knows someone who’s a member of Crew, but quite what we semester. Straight out of basic training you can volunteer for and every band and DJ needs a good mix to be heard. do, and why we exist is unbeknown to a lot of students. virtually any gig that we’re running, from creating a Fetish We meet every Monday in the Helyn Rose Bar (Underneath To put it bluntly, Stage Crew are responsible for providing night lighting and DJ rig to mixing sound for 10,000 people at Rubix, next to UniK/Young’s Kitchen) at 18:00. Meetings lighting, sound, video and rigging for the vast majority of Guilfest – half the training is on the job. typically last half an hour. entertainment events that occur on campus, and a lot of gigs Besides the enjoyment that can be had from building elsewhere. We’re the largest, most active USSU society, with things out of 20 feet tall, 3 ton Meccano kit or testing 20kw subwoofers with your mp3 player, you also get something out of Stage Crew in the form of a Crew card. Provided a card holder works at least one event a week, they can use the card to gain free entry to Rubix, the HRB and USSU events held elsewhere on campus. This includes the most popular nights of the year, as long as you can show you’ve worked for crew in the preceding week there’s no need to buy a ticket. Stage Crew experience is invaluable for your CV and for many technical courses such as Electronics and Tonmeister it provides a lot of hands-on experience with professional equipment that you otherwise wouldn’t get outside of a placement year. We also have many opportunities to apply barefacts 20 MISC. 26 February 2007 deceive you. For the first time this year, here are some of Stuck with the Pseudoku on Page 20? Your eyes do not Pseudoku Answers those answers you’ve been looking for...

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Can you find twenty-five cities visited HONGKONG by Michael Palin in his 1989 attempt to INNSBRUCK circumnavigate the globe in 80 days. JEDDAH LEHAVRE ALEXANDRIA LONDON ASPEN LOSANGELES ATHENS MADRAS BOMBAY NEWYORK CAIRO RIYADH CHICAGO SINGAPORE DOHA SUEZ DUBAI TOKYO FELIXSTOWE VENICE FOLKESTONE YOKOHAMA GUANGZHOU barefacts 26 February 2007 SPORT 21 La Perla Mexicana BY ALEX DODD impact on me that I have only ever experienced once before, world. He’s a good friend to me and a superb example, he and when I watched a precocious 16-year old smash a long range Lionel (Messi) have taught me a lot, most of all the rewards to There is a phrase that is used really rather often in modern volley in for Everton all those years ago. Wayne Rooney has commitment and hard work showing that if you play well you sports journalism. It is phrase that pops up every couple of since become a global superstar and it is my belief that what can progress through the ranks fast and deservedly.” months when, on some wet and windy mud caked Sunday Dos Santos will achieve inside the next decade will shape He is mentally and technically poised to break into the league football pitch, a scout or a journalist, or even some the global game indefinitely into an even more attractive Spanish Primera and I hope his entrance into league football overweight, over zealous fan whose best friend is a computer, panorama. He has that beautifully ostentatious, colourful skill will not be postponed much longer. With very little first team posts somewhere, in some form the words; “He’s going to be so many Brazilians have showcased on the world stage before action in comparison to the experience other talented young the next……….”. It is a phrase that drives me so mad that on him but Dos Santos has more. His first goal was the first of players such as Lionel Messi had received at his age, Dos some occasions I have seriously considered standing on the three the Spanish side would score against Aarhus but Dos Santos is uncomfortable with the lack of top class professional sidelines of said reserve games and U21 matches with a large Santos claimed by far the best of them. Picking the ball up on football he is being exposed to. Moves to Lyon and some and very mean looking piece of wood, savagely beating down the edge of the area he moved swiftly into the Norwegian Italian clubs were rumoured through January but Lyon were every fan taking notes at a football match. I have been to penalty box, knocking it to the left of two defenders he raced not prepared for the youngsters 30 million euro buy out several football matches and all those who have also enjoyed passed one and with a slight change of pace he slowed down clause and with no better chance of first team football in Italy the spectacle of live football will agree that it is not a location enough to brilliantly lift the ball goal-wards between the two the youngster remained at Barca. to pursue a need for literature! However, the exception to looming Norweign centrebacks with the outside of his left He is unique in his kaleidoscopic range of talent and the rule has been discovered, the next generation in not only boot. He then managed to almost instantaneously squeeze unquestionable skill. He is not a Spanish Walcott, the next football but athleticism has been un-earthed, he will make his tiny 5ft 8” frame through the gap after the ball only to Pele or a new Ronaldinho. To say that he is “the next” men with “BIRMINGHAM CITY TILL I DIE” tattoos on their unleash a thunderous shot from the acutest of angles with his anyone would be an insult to both his talent and his humble foreheads cry and subsequently write poetry such is the right foot into the opposite top corner. personality, he is not the next, nor the new, he is the only raw fluidity of his skill! His name, is Giovanni Dos Santos With all this talent, all this fluent flamboyant football, you Giovanni Dos Santos. Ramirez. would have thought that very little else from this miniature He has that flamboyant ball control we have come to know Mexicana would shock you. He has been set apart from the [email protected] and love through Ronaldinho, the shot power and accuracy child prodigies of his generation through skill and aptitude of Eto’o and all this combined with a red hot rapid pace that alone but there are a lot more strings to this 5ft 8” magicians makes Theo Walcott look about as talented as Jonny Vegas’s bow. He has adopted a more than impressive humility and dietician. Working alongside the best players in the world Dos rational level-headed attitude to football, always remaining Santos has adapted and moulded an unrivalled god-given talent astute to the minefields of the professional game yet around the skills of his Barcelona team-mates to create what always looking poised to crash onto the world stage at the the Mexicans have dubbed “La Perla Mexicana”: The Pearl of slightest oppurtunity. His physical similarity to Ronaldinho is Mexico. His first outing in the blue and crimson of that famous remarkable, as are parts of his game, but when the similarity Barcelona shirt was in a friendly against Danish side Aarhus at was brought to his attention by the media he responded with, the end of last season. His debut was one that would leave an “It’s great to be compared to him; he’s the best player in the Surrey Ladies Squash In Top Form

BY MAINE “LIL’ MISS MANIAC” LIM gruelling 5-setter in her last BUSA match against LSE, which Maine managed a fine comeback to win the match after going down 2 AFTER PLAYING AGAINST LSE two weeks ago when we whipped them games to 1 and looked like she was going to lose the 4th game, 4-0, the final match of the BUSA tournament saw the Surrey Ladies she had a pretty easy match in comparison. Maine’s opponent had Squash team head up to Essex to play. Missing from our team was our some fine serves but after getting her act together and with some no. 1 player, Rachel “Lil’ Miss Twinkle” Willmott. However, we were winning cross-court shots Maine raced to a 27-4 victory! Vicky’s back to our old team from the first year consisting of Kirstie “Lil’ opponent had no answers to her powerful serves and fine shots Miss Giggles” Thompson, Amanda “Lil’ Miss Trouble” Goodworth, down the line. Vicky showed no mercy and won 27-0!! With that Vicky “Lil’ Miss Sunshine” Smith and Maine “Lil’ Miss Maniac” Lim. we won 4-0 again and headed back to Guildford feeling fantastic! After a long 2 hour car ride to Essex, we were all a bit knackered Recapping the whole BUSA tournament, we’ve beaten but yet roaring to get on court! After a quick warm up session, LSE, Essex, UCL, Sussex and Kings. We drew with Reading first on courts were Amanda and Kirstie. Amanda was as accurate and Imperial. We are second in the league table which means as ever with her precise drop shots and her opponent could do we’ve qualified for the knockout stage. By the time this nothing but be amazed! Manda won her game easily 27-4. Kirstie article has been published we will also have played against on the other court was driving the ball all the way to the back Plymouth at home. Wish us luck and fingers crossed, we’ll and her opponent didn’t have any answers to such great shots. make it to Birmingham again this year for the semi-finals!! Kirstie won 27-4 as well. Next up were Maine and Vicky. After a

Keep your sports articles coming in to Matt Cheetham and Anthony Hanson on: [email protected] We accept all types of Sports articles; whether it be writing in about your own sports club here at the University, entering one of our great competitions or responding to one of the topics discussed here already! barefacts 22 SPORT 26 February 2007 barefacts Sport - Bringing the Heat! BY ANTHONY HANSON minutes, but the actual length of a match is nearer to two hours. SPORTS EDITOR This is because the match clock stops when the ball is not in Guildford Heat Tickets play, for example after a foul. This is in addition to intervals IT’S SHOWTIME! such as time-outs and breaks in between the quarters and at Guildford Heat – Editor’s perspective half-time. However, even when the basketball players are not Tickets are on sale strutting their stuff at these times, the action keeps rolling. The NOW from the GUILDFORD HEAT KINDLY invited barefacts Sport down to the cheerleaders display polished performances to keep the fans Students Guildford Spectrum to watch their title-winning team, and geed up. The club often invite their younger fans to participate having never attended a live top-level basketball game, we were in competitions during these breaks in play, and these can be Union Shop intrigued to say the least. With our interest piqued, we made supported as vociferously as the actual match itself! All of this is Price: £5 our way down to the home of the Heat, the Furnace, located in allied to entertaining array of pumping music throughout, which Includes free return the Guildford Spectrum. maintains the crowd’s suitably frenzied state. And we must give bus travel to the The first thing that struck barefacts Sport was just how well a special mention to Scorcher, the team mascot, who showers supported the Guildford Heat is. We were expecting crowds of the crowd with sweets and attempts spectacular trampoline- Spectrum Arena from around three or four hundred, but were pleasantly surprised to assisted slam dunks and impossible backward throws from the Uni or town centre find out the numbers were regularly exceeding 1000 people, and half-way line. Often unsuccessfully. are growing all the time. This may be in part due to the fact the If you have never attended a Guildford Heat match and Heat have already won the British Basketball League (BBL) cup, are stuck for something interesting and affordable we would Next home games: and are also on course to win the league, currently with a two definitely suggest you check out one of their matches at their point lead over their nearest rivals (at time of print). This makes home down at the Spectrum. The atmosphere is electric, the Sunday 11th March for an intimate and intimidating environment in the Furnace, pace is frenetic and most importantly the action is of a high Leicester Riders and the supporters cackle with glee as unnerved opposition quality, tense and enormously entertaining. And because they players buckle under the pressure of the immense noise levels have such a great team this year more often than not you leave Tip-Off 3pm generated by the fans when taking free throws. The next thing with a curious warm glow of satisfaction. Even if you do not we noticed was that the crowd consisted of all types of people of believe yourself to be a basketball fan this is an experience you Sunday 18th March all different ages. This is sporting entertainment that is available should try at least once. and appealing to everyone. It was pleasing to see the number Worcester Wolves of families and young children in attendance, able to enjoy high- Tip-Off 3pm quality, clean action, making a change from some of the more industrial scenes you may see at, for example, a football match. With a squad size of eleven, you get a sense of the camaraderie Wednesday 4th April that exists within the squad, and get a feeling they players are Chester Jets out there playing for each other. The playing and non-playing Tip-Off 7.30pm staff are very accessible and accommodating towards their supporters, and are easy to talk to. There is a tangible sense of community at the Guildford Heat, with everyone pulling in the Sunday 8th April same direction. London United Our experience of a match is that it is not just a sporting Tip-Off 3pm spectacle, but a show. A match consists of four quarters of 10 Picture courtesy of Andy Bowler

BBL League Table Competition To win one of five Guildford Heat t-shirts simply complete this sentence. “Guildford Heat are so hot…” The winner and his/her answer will be posted in the next issue of barefacts.

www.guildfordheat.com www.ussu.co.uk/heat barefacts 26 February 2007 SPORT 23 Football Talk BY MATT CHEETHAM have all been described as small teams during their time at SPORTS EDITOR the top level. But they have all had good league finishes, all have finished in the top ten of the Premier League, and some Welcome to Football Talk. Over the past few weeks the FA have played in Europe. Does that not make them a big club Cup has returned, leaving us an interesting Quarter-final line at that time? What’s your opinion, would a current match up. One of Plymouth or Watford will find themselves in the between Portsmouth and say a Leeds or a Nottingham Forest Semi-finals thanks to the recent draw, certainly providing a see Portsmouth as the smaller side involved? Surely not? highlight of the season for one of the two clubs. Chelsea banked another home tie, but surely have a much tougher Champion’s League test against a possibly revived Tottenham (after their display As Sir Alex Ferguson recently said, the Champion’s League against Fulham in the previous round). England played against really starts from now. The smaller teams are out and the Spain, and - the pain - we looked hugely mediocre, lacking any giants begin facing off. By the time you are reading this, form of firepower, and bar Foster in goal and the defence, Liverpool and Barcelona will have clashed, as will Real Madrid there were few positives to take from the game. and Bayern Munich. These are certainly two huge fixtures not to be missed for football fans. So is there actually a point to Response - England them slightly behind Liverpool and Manchester United due to the extensive group stages of this tournament? In my opinion I have had a few e-mails saying Matty Taylor should have heritage and attendance. Certainly now, Arsenal’s attendances no, the bigger teams don’t take it as seriously, players are made the England squad. I agree there should have been are bigger than Liverpool’s, with the fabulous new Emirates rested, and it’s just another reason for managers to complain experimentation, if not Taylor then Leighton Baines or Gareth stadium. In fact this season, Manchester United lead the way about match congestion if their team does not win. If these Barry should have been tried at left back. It was a friendly; as in attendance charts, then Arsenal, then Newcastle (big team?) big teams faced off in the group stages, it would probably be well as Phil Neville has played this season, we have seen him before Liverpool finally come in fourth, with over 15,000 fans over-hyped, players would be rested, and the game would be rack up 50 odd caps, we know what he can do. It was the fewer than Arsenal get. Yet that has only just occurred, and dull, both sides would know that they would both be highly perfect chance to give someone an opportunity. Neville will Liverpool are also after a new stadium in the near future likely to qualify in the end. Whereas now, in the knockout probably play England’s next game at left back if Ashley Cole that will surely boost their attendances. The season before stages, the teams have to post their best XI’s as results have and Wayne Bridge remain absent, someone should have been Arsenal were only sixth on the list, behind Manchester City, to occur. I would play a continual two legged qualifying round, given the opportunity to come in and provide competition. whereas Liverpool were third. The Gunners would have that would eventually leave sixteen teams such as the ones As for in central midfield, I can forgive McLaren for having been behind Liverpool in this chart for many seasons before left in the competition. The bigger teams would enter much another go with Gerrard and Lampard if it was just to finally this as well. later based on a European ranking system. Therefore matches realise they cannot play together in central midfield. I would would always be knockout, which should provide excitement, argue it is a similar situation to Chelsea’s, as Ballack and Arsenal fans surely cannot put one season of greater and there would not be quite as many games for the bigger Lampard naturally want the same role, and struggle in the attendance, and a great heritage; (13 League titles, 12 teams likely to go all the way. same team - though Lampard seems to perform perfectly domestic Cups and 2 various European trophies), but never- well for Chelsea, seemingly crowding out the German. Either the-less a heritage less than that of Liverpool’s (18 League Again I just finally want to say, if you enjoy reading and writing the system (drag Gerrard out to the right) or the personnel titles, 11 various European success – including 5 Champions into Football Talk, then I’m now on GU2 with presenter must surely change. Suppose England possessed two of the League wins – and 14 domestic Cups) and also Manchester Barny Leavers. He has a sports show every Monday 3-4 and best right backs in the world, McLaren would have to drop United’s (17 League titles, 13 domestic Cups and 5 European Thursday 2-3 that I now join him on, and we talk over all one, you cannot have such similar, dominating, attacking achievements). Clearly these are not reasons to be ranked things sport. On Thursdays we discuss the Uni team’s results midfielders in central midfield, both of whom are used to as highly. Just my opinion, but keep the debate going Arsenal as well. Any call ups or emails into the show would be well running the show at their clubs. Put in a Carrick and on fans. Some people feel it is all down to heritage in determining received and discussed on air. paper the side looks exciting, but it limited us to barely a shot big clubs, clubs like Nottingham Forest and Leeds will always against Spain. Possibly having a ball winner like Hargreaves in remain big. Surely diminishing attendances and recent success Keep your responses to these topics and any topics you want there is a last solution to the problem; otherwise a line must tarnish this perception though. Keep these debates raging, brought up in future columns coming in, as well as any sports be drawn under the issue. there are many sides to the story. related articles to [email protected]

Response - Big Teams Small Teams? Any general enquiries should be directed to either Matt Cheetham I have also had a lot of response over the ‘What makes a To spice it up further, what makes a small club, teams like or Anthony Hanson (Sports Editors). big team’ debate. Many Arsenal fans are incensed that I put Wimbledon, Southampton, Charlton, Portsmouth and Wigan

Question Third PLACE DRINK With Caption Third’s popularity slightly waning we have League? (question provided by P.Gomez) HERE decided to spice things up and create QUESTION THIRD… answer these tricky sporting question, and receive exclusive Which is the only team in the Football League where it is prizes for all correct answers impossible to ‘fill in’ any of the letters?

Name the only player to have played in the Manchester, Who was the first German born man to win Wimbledon? Merseyside, and Old Firm derbies? Send your answers to [email protected] ... good luck!! Name one (possibly the only) player to have won the Champions League, UEFA Cup, FA Cup, and Premier barefacts 24 SPORT 26 February 2007 Premiership for sale? BY WALAA KHUBIEH owned club tally to seven out of twenty Premiership teams. IN JUNE 2003, a little-known, Saratov-born billionaire by the Although the profit-driven motives of name of Roman Abramovich, put pen to paper and signed a international investors for buying shares contract to purchase a West London football team named in football is seemingly clear-cut we Chelsea. Little did we know that this event would utterly cannot help but speculate as to why clubs transform the look of English football. Perhaps the scale of seem almost too eager to accommodate this revolution is best understood by acknowledging that these advances. Liverpool Football Club’s before the arrival of the Roman Empire, Chelsea had only ever Chief Executive Rick Parry has been topped the league a meagre once - and that was in 1955. quoted saying that the approaches of In his first season Abramovich, managed to clinch 2nd Dubai International Capital LLC and the position in the Premiership; not content, however, Roman Hicks-Gillett partnership are ‘the latest traded in Italian Blues manager Claudio Ranieri for a much step(s) on the road of finding the long more, shall we say, ‘colourful’ character, José Mourinho. Since term investment the club needs’. Is this then Chelsea F.C have topped the league in two consecutive not the same club that publicly rejected years, and although they currently trail Manchester United, former Thai PM Thaksin Shinawatra’s they are still serious contenders to attain the trophy again attempt at buying the club two years this season, thus extending their run to three wins. In the ago, citing that the deal would have been space of nearly four years Roman Abramovich has established too difficult to sell to the English public, this London club into one of the biggest European household particularly the club’s loyal army of fans, for top clubs could only be bad news for smaller, local clubs, names. as one of the primary reasons? especially newly promoted sides. Whilst a glance at the With each passing year it seems that yet another English But the reality of the matter is that it is a daunting uphill bottom of the Premier League table momentarily confirms Premier League club falls to foreign ownership. And it is not struggle for clubs that have to compete with a club like these fears- promoted side Watford, who are seven points hard to identify what attracts this horde of potential buyers; Chelsea. Abramovich relentlessly spends more on his team away from safety, unfortunately seem to have all the odds after all, no other football league is as globally popular or than any other man ever has on any club- he is estimated stacked up against them to stay up- it would, however, be comes with quite the glamour factor as the Premiership. Clubs to have cashed in over £440 million of his own money into unfair to assume that this theory reflects the situations of with a fruitful tradition behind them and with lucrative TV Chelsea, and with that kind of spending power, very few, if all promoted sides. Sheffield United, despite a slow start to deals are attracting billionaires looking for a sporting chance any, football clubs can challenge his financial dominance. He their season, are currently in 15th position, and five points to make more profit by marketing the game and promoting has the ability to price any other team out of the market. clear of the relegation zone, whilst Reading, having surpassed their businesses. It seems that Mr. Abramovich has sparked off Not a great number of other clubs would have been quite expectations, occupy the 6th spot- if they manage to uphold a ‘takeover’ trend with a string of Premiership clubs yearning as prepared to shell out a hefty £30 million for 30 year old their position Reading will be competing in European club for their very own multi-millionaire to come along and thrust striker Andriy Shevchenko; and I feel it is safe to presume football next season. In my opinion, it is highly refreshing to them into the throes of success. that not many clubs would gladly fork out £21 million for a witness a club like Reading, without the same resources as In 2005 American tycoon Malcolm Glazer, much to the young, promising Shaun Wright-Phillips, only to nonchalantly some other top Premiership clubs, surprise sports followers despair of countless fans, took control over Manchester relegate him to the bench and watch his talent waste away. with their impressive football displays. I feel that if a team United, and soon this route was followed by other clubs; Randy This process of pumping sky-high sums of money into football manages to hold its own in a league that consists of some of Lerner purchased Aston Villa in 2006, Russian-descendant- begets the growing concern that the sheer power of money is the richest football clubs in the world, then we have a cause turned-French-businessman Alexandre Gaydamak secured destroying the beautiful game. How can competition survive for celebration. Portsmouth F.C the same summer, and more recently, when an oligarch like Abramovich is able to wave off the Another question we may need to consider is how long will Icelandic Eggert Magnusson joined the growing bevy of foreign millions he has lost in a single season, as if he were merely ‘resistant’ clubs, such as Arsenal F.C and Newcastle United, investors with his acquisition of West Ham United. Alongside paying a parking fine? Who can blame a club like Liverpool avoid this fad before succumbing? These developments over Fulham F.C owner, Mohammed Al-Fayed (who, by making his F.C. for jumping on the bandwagon when it appears to be the the last few years confirm what some football fans may hate move back in 1997, was way ahead of the gang) and Liverpool only means of maintaining their status as major competitors to hear- that football is becoming a brand, and a winning F.C, who have just been bought by American partners Tom for silverware? brand speaks louder than what happens on the pitch. Hicks and George Gillett, this brings our internationally- You would think that this sudden fever of foreign investment On the road to greatness? A polite notice

BY ANTHONY HANSON he remains at number 13 in the world. On his way Once you’re done reading this issue of barefacts, please recycle it. SPORTS EDITOR to this ranking he has beaten the likes of Lleyton Hewitt, Andy Roddick and the seemingly invincible You can use the recyling bins in your halls, or the ones located in ON THE 19TH of February Britain’s 19-year old tennis Roger Federer. If he can avoid a poor run of form most departments. Thank you! star Andy Murray, won the second ranking ATP title similar to that which befell him after his maiden of his career, win from last season, he has an excellent chance of Getting yourself in barefacts is easy. Just send in your submissions after retaining breaking into the hallowed environs of the world’s to the relevant editorial team member before Friday 2 March. the title he top ten in the coming weeks and with it bearing had won last the associated pressure of an expectant nation. The next edition is out on Monday 12 March (Week 9). If you’re unsure, year in San We’ve had Henman Hill. There’s been please direct general enquiries to the Editor (and not the Editor-in-Chief!) Jose. Murray’s Rusedski Ridge. Are we about to embrace successful title Murray Mountain? This year, brace yourself defence means for Murray Mania at a Wimbledon near you. barefacts. be heard.