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What Office Characters Would Get Covid

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What Office Characters Would Get Covid [email protected] | denisonbullsheet.com | @DUBullsheet The Bullsheet, a forum for news, humor, and community dialogue, is funded by DCGA, is hanging on for dear life, and is printed each day that classes are in session. Submissions must be sent before our editors shamble into the office for next day submission via e-mail to: [email protected]. Submissions herein solely reflect the opinions of the authors. Edited last night by: Katie is sad that it is may Delivered this morning by: Emma don’t care! vol. LXVII/ no. 129/May 2nd, 2021 WHAT OFFICE CHARACTERS WOULD GET COVID As this pandemic (pandemonium, photosynthesis, panhellenic, pangea, etc) seems to be MAYBE coming to a close (THANK YOU VACCINE! PLEASE!), I have been reflecting on the Covid-19 and what different people have gotten it. Honestly, thank you Denison,! because the people from my high school on my social media seem to live in a lawless world at their Big 10 schools and it stresses me out! so thank you, Denison! Your rules are harsh but you keep us safe! Anyway, I have been rewatching The Office recently (for the 50th time) and I have been thinking about what would Dunder Mifflin would do during Covid. Well first of all, their company would go under because literally who is using paper right now.... it is zoom and email! but let’s pretend that the company stays afloat, which employees would get Covid-19 and which would’t! That is what I am addressing for you all today. This is my list of which Office characters would and would not get Covid. Jim and Pam: They would not get Covid because they would love working from home and spending time with their kids. They would hang out at home, follow all the mask rules, and only go out when they abso- lutely must. They would love working from home because it means more time with their kids, more time together, and less time with Dwight and Michael. I just know that they would take the precautions and follow the rules. Michael Scott: He would really try not to get it because it scares him. But Jane would make him take her to the mall and the nail salon andt hey both would come down with it. Obviously, he would be extremely dramatic about his symptoms even though he only has a sore throat. He would make Dwight drive him to the hospital and he would take a hospital bed away from an old lady. He would be fine but would take about getting Covid for weeks to come. Dwight: There is literally no way that Dwight gets Covid. First of all he claims that he has a perfect immune system (season 1, episode 3). Secondly, he would wear his Hazmat suit EV- ERYWHERE (because he owns it and doesn’t rent...iykyk). Also, he just believes that his beets will provide him antibodies. Eat a beet a day, keep the doctor away! OFFICE AND COVID, CONT. Creed Braton: I think it is clear that Creed would be patient zero. There really isn’t any explanation necessary Oscar: He would 100000% not get it. He takes ev- ery precaution in the book, plus another 25 rules he made up himself! The CDC says to wear 2 masks, Oscar wears 3. This man is never gonna get it. He protests against anti-maskers. Meredith: She didn’t realize there was a global pandemic. When she did realize it, she took very minimal precautions. She went to bars, her son went to parties. She thought it was fine. Clearly, it wasn’t. She got Covid in May, thought she was immune forever and so she kept going to Poor Richard’s bar, and so she got it again in October. Andy Bernard: I think it is pretty clear that this man is pretty anti-masker. Well let me rephrase that.... I don’t think he is totally anti-mask but I also don’t think he very pro-mask. He wears one because he HAS to (David Wallace said the neck gator doesn’t count). He will probably get it but say that it has nothing to do with not wearing a mask. When in doubt, blame others. He also will go on a big vacation with his family but say it is fine because they stayed on their boat during the spring of 2020... it doesn’t matter that they often got meals at restau- rants off the boat. They slept on a boat, guys! Stanley Hudson: He would welcome the opportu- nity of never leaving his house. He would switch between his home and his mistresses’s. Either way, he will stay in a house and not leave. He loves his vacation Kelly and Ryan: Kelly would be a little sceptical about it all and wouldn’t want to leave the house because she hard about celebrities getting Covid. But once Ryan says he wants to a club, Kelly must go with him and will be all over the whole night. If Ryan doesn’t take the mask off his chine (which he 100% wont, then Kelly wont either)! Staff “Office Characters” Box Katie Charlie “Jim” Schweiger, Managing Editor Kerrigan is James “Dwight” Whitney, Junior Editor Jack “Andy” May, Junior Editor best staff mem- Betsy “Michael” Wagner, Sophomore Editor ber literally Katie “Pam” Kerrigan, Head Writer ever!!!!!!!!!!! Elizabeth “Holly Flax” Arterberry, Junior Writer Maggie “Gabe” Bell, Junior Writer Blythe “Phyllis” Dahlem, Sophomore Writer Ellie “Bob Vance’” Schrader, Sophomore Writer William “Toby” Kelsey, Sophomore Writer Emma “Nellie (~~foreign~~)” Rutherford, Sophomore Writer.
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