&3aid a positive senior named LOlZ, "I like beer that is more than just fizz. So of course I'm in favor Of Schaefer's fine flavor- What real beer should be, Schaefer is 1"
, ')?', "
With Schaefer, you get the one difference in beers toda h ., ,~'/: has an exciting, satisfying flavor that's all its y t at really matters: ~. Schaefer own. And remember, flavor has no calories.
1HE F. & M. SCHAEFER BREWING CO., NEW YORK It has come to our attention lately that certalll une1sy rU/lll)lll1gs have marred the pacific bliss of coeducational intercourse, or, more' properly, non-intercourse, at the Institute. Until now, all the action has been confined to the pages of an obscure campus journal, but it would not be prudent, we think, to ignore the incidents to date as insignifi- cant. Of course, it is no great secret that Tech men place their own co- eds only slightly higher in social esteem, generally, than inanimate ob- jects, and it has rarely occurred that a cooed has confused one of her male colleagues with Prince Charming, but never before. in our recol- lection, has either side publicly denounced the other in words. It would seem that serious consideration on the part of our keener official minds is warranted before this situation gets out of hand. As noted above, it has already been exploited by the baser element of the campus press, and, if unchecked, there's no telling what manner of trouble these glee- ful irrepressibles will foment. The very scheme of coeducation is (lues- tioned. Perhaps M.LT.,where men come to study, is no place for the traditionally frivolous and troublesome woman. Perhaps there should be a law against lady engineers, just as there are laws against book- makers, bank robbers and other public nuisances. It is well to reflect on what has come to pass, and with mature judgment, to resolve the problem sensibly. Surely it is not wise to ban- ish the women from the Institute entirely. Such procequre, among other things, would entail a reworking of the student government (no wo- men students' association, etc.) and who knows what trouble we'd have when / hOJe boys get their fingers in the pie! -A. H. S. SESIOR BOARD Vinay Ambegaokar Robert L. Burman Arthur H. Solomon
Editor (;cllcral .'IaIlGyrr .11allayilil/ Editor
JU1'-IOR BOARD Les Gordon Chick Fink Marv Tanzer Joe Tierney LlCpra ru Edito, A.rt Editur Jukc alld f;J'e/wllf/C Editor F.'at'fTr;; Editor Bernie Wl:lensch Dave S.eidel Bob Lukacik Stu Peltz Jlaloc-u)l Editor Salcs .11anagN ..1r{l'rrtlSlllg .'Iallaprr Circulation "lanayer Len Besinger Bill Northfield Frank Brown Trco.>"l1 rcr l'ultlic-it 11 -'tanagcr Office .Hanayer ASSOCIATES Literary Features Publicity l\fake-up Sales James Robertson Allan 8t>ardman Larry Wright Ted Korelitz Ron Lie ber Dave Markowitz Francis Se/vitelli Jack Endriss Phil Gruber Carl Thomas Phil Pearle Steve Fessenden Michael Schneic Joe Carty Tom Jones Advertising Elliot Framin Ralph Brown Arnie Schindler Bob Turner Irwin Dorros J. ROQer Rump Richard Hardy Mike Horsit;'l Bill Ortung Martha Eddy Roberts Did Westerhoff John Crews brtice Beandrim Chud Speer Mel Cohen J. Sylvester Teasdale Tom Stewart Hamilton Harrwe/l IIllrv Gross Hllnnibal Mulch Harry Selesky Bob Hanson Hank Melher Jokes Did Child Harry Mahn Treasury Howie Salwen John Day C. A. Gellar Circulation Art Walt Ray Dave Brown Fred Langmack Gary Rosenthal Gene Blod Betsy Alan May Bill Alexander Don Glud Norm Lerner Bob Monroe Reg Griffith Office Cat Did File Jerry Solomon Ed Roberts Lou Schmoltz Phosphorus Carla AI Hoch L. Quintus Stu Ohlson Art Frank 'Beauregard Bugleboy Hammerschlag AI Glued
All material submitted with a stamped, self-addressed envelope to the Lilerary Edi~or, a'; this office, will receive careful consideration. Copyright, 1954, by the YOa 000 Senior Board. Published by the Senior Board for the Students of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Office: 303 Walker Me:norial, Cam- bridge 39, Mass. Office Hours: 4:30 to 5:30 P.M., Monday through Friday. Published monthly from October to May. TwentY-five cents a copy. Subscription: $2.00 for Eight Issues. $53.0:> i:l Pago Pago .. Entered as second c1a~s matter at the Post Office at Cambridge. Mass.
This month's COl'er by GlInty MIT
DESIRING a little recreation "Say, by the way," he called, DON'T imagine for a moment after a hard evening of "what room is this ?" that our bright students are sliderule push i n g, a carefree "The admissions office, of letting professors get away with Techman approached the en- course," she shouted after him. sloppily presented material. Take, trance to Building Ten with the for example, the instance of the intention of making the 9: 30 teacher who mentioned that a showing of the traditional Thurs- particular plant grew most rapid- day LSC film. At precisely 9: 28 ly at 4: 30 in the afternoon. he light-heartedly vaulted the "Daylight Saving Time, Sir?" stairs of the great court. In true asked a small voice. technological fashion, he had de- A F R I END of ours ap- termined empirically the exact proached one of the candy time it would take him to enter machines in the East Campus of- the building, race up the stairs, fice the other day and plunged a buy his ticket, and find his seat. nickel into the slot under the Up to nQw he was right on sched. Her she y , s kisses window. He THE Thursday night before ule. Except ... jerked the handle as directed, and Field Day, a number of soph- Except that the door was lock- to his surprise a Hershey's almond omores were milling around Ba- ed. Lil(e all of us who at onE bar deposited itself in the tray ker House preparing to forage time or othe~ have neglected this under the row of windows. Our for freshmen when a number 'of gross source of error, this man friend is quite fond of Hershey's newcomers joined the group. of science now found his chances kisses, but has no taste at all for There was some deliberation as of making the picture dwindling almond bars. Consequently, he to whether or not they were with each passing increment of registered his complaint at the bona fide'S 7 men, but no one time. Trudging all the way desk, and Freddy, the clerk, took ~vished to risk. offending by ask- around to Building Seven would the almond bar, refunded our mg. be a confession of defeat. This friend's nickel, and advised him A resourceful sophomore cas- he refused to consider. It was a to try the Hershey's almond bar ually sauntered over to the new dark moment. slot. He did so, and, of course, arrivals and blandly inquired as But wait. All was not lost. got a Hershey's almond bar in re- to whether someone could solve Spying a light streaming through turn. Again he stormed the desk, the integral of dx/x, apologiz- a nearby first Roor window, the and again he was reimbursed by ing for his stupidity and bad hardy youth quickly amended his the obliging Freddy. As he was memory. He received blank plan of attack. With a vocal leaving the office he spied a sec- stares. The cry went up, a short flourish, he attracted a pretty sec- ond candy machine, plunked his tussle ensued, and the evening's retarial head to the window. nickel into the slot under the trouser collection had officially After some persuasion, he man- Hershey's kisses window, jerked begun. aged to get the shy young thing the handle and waited expect- to open it and, after much more, antly while the machine went he was allowed to climb through. through its motions. In due time, The clock showed five seconds out came a fresh box of Necco lacking to 9:30. There was still chocolate mints. Our friend was time! Elated, he raced out of the heard to mutter something like, A N E.E. professor in a recent room with victory in sight, leav- "Oh, what the Hell", as he electronics lecture described ing behind a distressed and slight- walked out of the office munching a triode as a cow with an eight- ly bewildered secretary. chocolate peppermints. cylinder inclined udder. 3
A friend .of ours got up one START PLANNING YOUR 1955 VACATION NOW! morning for a change and rushed down to Building One, half an hour late for his 2.001 Travel and stud, ABROAD class. Upon entering the room, he Earn full college credit and enjoy a thrilling trip through Europe or oround the discovered that others had both world via TWA-take up to 20 months to pay with TWA's "Time Pay Plan"! preceded and departed. On the center blackboard in bold red See all the sights. Live in London, Paris, Geneva or Rome chalk was an inscription which and study from 2 to 6 weeks at an accredited university. was meant for another and more You do both during one trip on a university-sponsored eminent latecomer. tour via TWA-world leader in educational air travel. And you can take up to 20 months to pay with TWA's It read, "Teachers who come new "Time Pay Plan." late to class are special. In fact Choose a tour dealing with a special field such as music, they are often in a class by them- art, languages-visit the Orient or go around the world. selves." Special arrangements for sabbatical-year travelers. See these trips in TWA's film, "Air Adventure to Europe," now available for adult-group presentation free of charge (except shipping costs). Mail the coupon now!
~Iy #be 'ine.#... J:LJJffA "Howald is you?" 'IIAMS WORlD AIIIUMIS
"Ah's five. Howald is you?" ••••••••••••••••••• '0' •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"Ah don't know." 1 (/I" also interested in: John H. Furhay. Ph.D., Director, T\VA Air \Vorld Tours Dept. eM, :380 Madison Ave., r-.:ewYork 17, N. Y. "Yo' don't know how old you Sal,IJatical-Y car Please send me information on tIll' Flying Educational TOllrs to he . I" Travel 0 1S. offered in 19.'5.'5. "Nope." T\\' A's "Time • NClme Po.sition _ Pay Plan" 0 Address ._ "Does women botha' you?" Film. "Air Aclt;cnture City ._. Zone._ "Nope." to Europe" C State ~ PllOne No._. _ "You's fa'."
Drunk ( stopping city bus): "Say, thish car go to Fourth Fiddler: "The leading lady Street ?" seems to have a break in her enun- A professor who comes in late Driver : "Yes." ciation this evening." is rare; in fact he is in a class Drunk : "Well, g'bye an God Orchestra leader; "Say, you by himself. blesh you." keep your eye on your music."
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Every month it is customary to time stations are as follows: give advice to the Tech man de- WKOX, WJDA, WESX, siring to sample gracious living WORL, WHIL, WBMS, in and around Boston. Touring WT AO, WL YN, WHI M. the excellent restaurants, thea- WHIM and WKOX are the best tres, museums, stores, exhibi- of these stations, but are prob- tions, concerts, art galleries, etc. ably the most difficult to receive :is wonderful sport, but it is also as they are the most distant of a good way to flunk out. We fear the stations listed here. Probably that the more conscientious peo- one of the best stations for mu- ple and the brown baggers are be- sic 24 hours of the day _is Bos- ing left out, and it is only fitting ton's WHDH. It has been re- and proper that they be instruct- ferred to as "The Tech Man's ed in the gentle art of living gra- Station" because of the good mu- ciously without leaving their sic with a minimum of irritating rooms. Now it is possible to commercials. have the following forms of en- For easy listening during the tertainment in your room; TV, late evening or early morning radio, cards, women. Cards can hours, WHDH again gets the be eliminated almost immediate- nod. At 10: 30, WHDH presents ly as a form of gracious living. the Cloud Club, followed by Mu- Women, while interesting, are sic at Midnight and Music All not necessarily a form of gracious Through the Night. WEEI also living. In addition to this they can be depended upon for music are very time-consuming and not far .into the wee hours of the inducive to good study condi- morning. Oth.er stations carrying tions. Now left with only TV decent pop music at - certain and radio, we can quickly reduce times of the' day are WVDA, the field to one form, that being WBZ, WCOP, and WMEX. radio for obvious reasons. I will Just for laughs WMGM has now carryon assuming that most good music when it isn't hand- people have radios. ling sporting events. WEE I carries If your pleasure is popular mu- the American Airlines show, also sic, the Boston area offers unlim- found on WCBS. The best pop ited -listening hours. There are music that can be found on Satur- a multitude of sunrise-to-sunset day nights is on a rather powerful . stat~ons that play the -latest if not Canadian station, CBE. often the best in pop music. They Of course don't forget your are fine to listen to if you can date with Rosemary every night stand the commercials. These day- at 11:15. You'll finq her waiting for you at WBZ, and you'll go This station operates from 5 P.lv1. Good Listening. The W C R 13 all the way with her---until until Midnight with the finest schedule lists WCRB program ac- midnight, music available. Of the other FM tivities several months in advance. Now, podnuh, if n your tastes stations, WBUR operates from 2 Last information received had it run to a western drawl and the to 10 P.M. but carries a great that this program schedule could strumming of a guitar, you'll number of non-musical programs, be obtained for student rates. find your kind of music on WERS (3-10 P.M.) is slightly Good Listening is without a WCOP every night from 9:05 better, WGBH does broadcast doubt the best schedule of fine until sign off. Of course, if you're music but is primarily an educa- music available, as it lists the fu- using something other than a tional station, and finally WP JB ture programs of all Boston sta- crystal set, try and pick up broadcasts music from 6: 15 to tions both AM and FM, as far as KMOX, XERF, WWV A, or about 11 P.M. music is concerned. Then again, WCKY. Surprisingly enough, Scattered classical music pro- if you aren't too fussy, you can these stations can easily be re- grams can be found on the A~J always buy a newspaper. The best ceived in Cambridge almost any band. Some of these are: WB~1S paper for radio programs is the night. (7: 15-8:00), W M EX (9-10 Boston Globe as it covers all sta- Now f~r true gracious living P.M.), WV D A (10:45-11:45 tions. you must learn to appreciate the A.M., 11 :05~11: 55 P.M.), WCOP By the way, don't forget that classics if you do not already do (8-12 P.M., Sundays only), WQXR, which broadcasts fine so. During the daylight hours W N A C (Sundays 3:00-3:30, music 24 hours a day, can be WCRB brings you fine music on 8:30-9:30), W H D H (Sundays heard nights here in Cambridge, both AM and FM, but presently 9 : 1 5 - 12: 00, 12 :35-1 :00, 1: 00- provided you have a good radio continues its broadcasting activi- 3 :00, 7: 00- 7: 35) . and the right weather conditions. ties into the evening hours only If you are really interested in Good luck on your listening. on FM. On WCRB the best times finding out, not only when class- and so you won't get too confused for music are 6:30-10:30, 11:00- ical music is on the air, but what trying to find stations, here is a 11: 30, 11 :45-12: 15, 12: 30-2:00, pieces are going to be played, try handy list of the stations men- 2 or 2: 30-4: 30. The evening pro- getting hold of a WCRB program tioned above. grams are entirely music. It has schedule and a subscription to Jim Robertson been recently announced that WCRB plans to extend its facili- WVDA Boston 1260 WMIT Cambridge 640 FM stations ties to broadcast on AM as well WEE I Boston 590 WCKY Cincinnati 1530 WBZ-FM 92.9 as FM during the evening hours. WCOP Boston 1150 WWV A Wheeling 1170 WCOP-FM 100.7 This is expected to occur within WKOX Framingham 1190 CBE Windsor 15"50 WNAC-FM 98.' the next few weeks. WT AO Cambridge 740 WMEX Boston 1510 WBUR 90.9 WPIB 105.1 WMIT broadcasts music from KMOX St Louis 1120 WHDH Boston 850 WHIM Providence 1110 WESX Salem 1230 WXHR 96.9 the music library daily until 5 WGBH 89.7 XERF ,Villa Acuna 1570 WL YN Lynn 1360 WEEI-FM 103.3 P.M., as well as from 9 to 11 WBZ Boston 1030 WBMS Boston 1090 WERS 88.9 P.M. WORL Boston 950 WCRB Waltham 1330 WHDH-FM 94.5 Without a doubt the best sta- WJDA Quincy 1300 WNAC ltoston 680 tion on the FM band is WXHR. WHIL Medford 1430
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Wife (to drunken husband): "Dear, let's go to bed ... Husband: "Might as well. I'll catch hell when I get home anyway.'
A .Bostonian was showing a visiting Englishman around. "This is Bunker Hill Monument, where Warren fell, you know." The visitor surveyed the lofty shaft thoughtfully . ..Nasty fall! Killed him, of course t'
ENJOY A DELICIOUS SHISHKEBAB AND OTHER AUTHENTIC DISHES OF THE NEAR EAST During World War II, a pilot who was forced at down in Belgium was rescued by a nun. She took him to her convent, and here he was handed a nun' s Xed lez Xes/oilton! outfit and advised to put it on and make as little noise as possible. Sooner or later, he was assured, rr g I n/ ilJltl/ e. Rei (/),:in A/mos phere" the underground would get him back to England. 1222 'Washington St. Boston For all of eight weeks he spoke to no one. He DE 8-8446 Daily Including Sundays Till 1 :00 A.M. even shaved four times a day to keep up the illu- sion that he was one of the sisters. But one evening, he found h!CI1Self alone in a pantry with an ex- tremely pretty siste:, and with an irresistible im- pulse swept her into his arms. For which he swiftly received a wallop on the jaw that flattened him on the Hoar. Charlie Mun .. 'Old your bloomin' 'horses, can't yer?" said the offended one. in a deep, masculine voice. ''I've been LAUNDRY 'ere myself since Dunkirk!"
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CATERING TO M.I.T. STUDENTS FOR OVER 25 YEARS KENDALL DINER
QUALITY FOODS AT MOST REASONABLE PRICES COMPLETE 75c DINNER DAILY 125 Broadway Cambridge 000 ~ 7 Student Thllgwhistle. Harry and Sam were engaged in a mild argument and the Mean' Old Chenl Prof. about the extent of Sam's popularity. "Why," said Sam, "I know everybody-everybody knows me." Once upon a time, kiddies, there was a grad stu- Harry was inclined to scoff. "Ya know the Mayor dent named Ratifius Q. Thugwhistle. He invenped a of New York?" he jeered. universal solvent. Sam picked up the telephone and a5ked for city "What are you doing, Ratty?" inquired the kindly hall ... Bob? Just thought I'd say hello." Then he old chern prof, as he came across Ratifius in a called Washington, D. C. "That you, Ike? ... Yes, deserted nook of the lab. this is Sam ... a foursome this Saturd.:y? All right." "Inventing a universal solvent, old chern prof," Harry was properly abashed, but he still muttered (see? ... we told you so!) said Ratty. The dodder- that while Sam might know everyone in this country, ing old prof squinted at him in bewilderment. that didn't include the whole world. "But you can't invent a universal solvent." he Sam took the challenge. "Next week," he an- mumbled. "You couldn't hold the damn stuff in any- nounced, "An audience with the Pope." thing! " Sure enough. That next week, while Harry stood "On the contrary, old chem prof," said Ratty to ill the crowd, the Pope greeted his friend: "Why the gnarled old coot, "my solvent freezes at Sam, I haven't seen you in years." As Harry stared 93.75860241 0 C. I hold it in containers made of in disbelief a little bar next to him. held aloft in frozen solvent!" Ratty reached carelessly for a bottle his mother'~ arms, turn~d and said, "Mother, who's of polychloro-benzene rings. that man talking to Sam?" "How interesting," grunted the beetle-browed ol~ bugger, handing him the bottle, "but. it seems t~ m~ that there's still something that remams unex plamed in the light of your latest astonishing disclosure. (Chern profs always talk this way when they're con- fused by grad students.) How did you make the We join in paying tribute to the trapeze artist containers? who caught his wife in the act. "Don't be idiotic, old chern prof," said Ratty to the beady-eyed old codger, "I formed them in molds of frozen .whent! What else?" Ratty fished a couple of polychloro-benzene ririgs out of the bottle With a stirring rod. "Of course," snarled the evil-visaged old stinker, "I see the entire process clearly! But tell me Ratty, what can you tHe the stuff for?" He took the bottle from Ratty's negligent grasp. "Why, what else, old chern prof." answered Ratty, "but to disolve totally insoluble substances?" "What else indeed!" screamed the nasty old bounder, -bashing Ratty over the noggin with the bottle of polychloro-benzine rings and killing him dead. "What else indeed!" The kindly old chern prof disolved poor Ratty's remains with his own solvent, and then wandered off to find his kindly old colleague. "Heh, heh," chuckled the kindly old chern prof to his kindly old colleague, "Guess what, Smedley? I just invented the dandyest universal solvent for dis- solving totally insoluble substances." "Is that so?" croaked the drooling old Smedley, reaching for a 500cc. Ehrlenmeyer flask ..
-/11'1 Schultz THANKSGIVING
1 2
3 4
5 6 DINNER
,\1/ 8 _." 7 / .- 9 ()
9 10 ~ voo
TIJe Studentl Paradise
I had entered ThurmunJ Quincy's room to renew of scotch from the carton on the desk but Thurmond our previous semester's friendship. The summer was faster than I was, and pushed the carton to the haJ obviously changed Thurmond. I saw a brood- other' end of the desk. I shrugged and opened a mg. nervous. Jegenerate remnant of what had on«: fourth can of beer. At times Thurmond can be very h<:en a temperate:. neat and cheerful nature. The irritating. f(ll)m itself save the impression of complete devasta- "Doubtless," he began. when we had finished tion. Cigarettes, only partly finished, covered the the toast, "doubtless you do not know Jennie (' HI)Ur tu a depth of one and a hal f inches. \X/here rhe Doubtless I told him I didn't. cigarettes parted to reveal the floor, rhere lay beer- "I have led a perfidious life," he declared solemn- cans. Two cartons overtlowing with empty whiskey ly, "a life of which you, my best friend, are totally bottles stood in the corner. Books and papers over- unaware." Here he wiped his mouth with his sleeve Howed the desk and classes hadn't even started yet. and lowered his head to my shoulder. I patted him Clothes were scattered allover the room; under- on the back, and snagged a bottle of scotch from the wear hung menacingly over the windowsill, soaking carton. in the r:lin that poured Jown upon the bleek cam- "Old friend, tried and true" he said as he un- pus. ceremoniously grabbed the scotch from my hand, Thurmond leaped three feer out of his chair as "let me unload' my sorry saga upon your worthless he heard the Joor open, but as soon as he saw that head, and you' shall judge whether or not my miser- it was only me, he sank back with a sigh, grabbing able condition is justified." a half.filled bottle of scotch From a carton on the Here he reached into a drawer and drew out a desk. I watched, fascinated, as the liquid trickled box of used paper matches. Taking a rubberband past his lips down to his whiskey stained shirt and off his wrist, he litted it into a fold in one of the his throat bobbed up and down in rhythmic motiol~. matches, and propped it between his second and Could this be the. Thurmond lance knew, the fourth lingers. With my Technical Education, I im- happy-go-lucky companion of my freshman year? mediately saw that he had prepared an elementary The boy who everyone referred to as "The craziest. weapon .. happiest. half-assed sonofabitch you'd ever want to Thurmond musingly eyed the wall where a med- know"? Disbelief and horror stood out on my face ium sized fly was on reconnaissance. Without any like goosepimples. warning, the paper match left the rubberband and Thurmond waved me to a seat with a beer can the world was minus one more fly. Sadly I took the which he tossed into my lap. pillow off my head and placed it over my heart. We "A toast to Doris," he commanded. Not wishinJ:! observed a minute's silence. to offend, I toasted Doris and opened another can "Practice," explained Thurmond. of beer. .My shock at seeing Thurmond thusly, did "As YOll know," he began, "I was in the navy two not impair my reason and I realized that I had years before I came to this glorious institution." I better humor him.' I opened a third can of beer. picked up a dirty polo-shirt and waved it. Doris was Thurmond's love. Last semester not a "While doing my stint for the glory of our weekend went by but Thurmond could be found glorious country, I absorbed some of the traditions out at \\1 partaking of the solace that can of that glorious organization." only be found at girls' colleges. Not a weekday went I waved the polo shirt again and began singing by but I was subjected to at least a fifteen minute the Star Spangled Banner. We both stood up until discourse upon the excellence of the female sex in I had fil11shed, and then Thurmond resumed his general and Doris in particular. After a while this story. got boring, but Thurmond was one of my best "Among the traditions of our glorious navy," (I friends so I stood it as best I could. Thurmond has cheered), "stands one which I believe is the back- a car. bone of the morale of our fighting forc~to wit: a "A toast to Jennie," he suggested. Jennie I did girl in every port." not know, but what the hell. I reached for a bottle 1. cheered again. 11 DOO ~
"Having always been respectful of tradition," he "But when vacation came, I went home to the continued, "I carried this particular one away with waiting arms of my hometown childhood s\veet- me after I retired from the active defense of our heart, lovable Jennie." nation's standard. When I came here, I resolved to "This went on for about four months, and then I put this principle into practice, as the situation was realized that I was in love with lovable Doris. just crying for practical applications." "The only trouble was that I was in love with He tore another paper match out of the little box, Jennie also." fitted it to a rubber band, and walked to the center "By not thinking about it," he continueJ, "I was of the room where a fly was doing immelman rolls. able to preserve a reasonable semblance of sanity. "My home is in the midwest, a thousand miles I saw Doris every weekend, and wrote faithfully from here. To take a hometown girl (all of which every Wednesday to Jennie. When the semester are of surpassing beauty) to school affairs out here ended, and summer vacation began, I went home to would require more time and money than I can at Jennie--dated her faithfully every weekend, and present accumulate. It was natural therefore, that I wrote to Doris every Wednesday. I did not dare should search this barren countryside in quest of ac- to think about the future. ceptable female companionship. The search cul- And then it hit. minated as you know in the discovery of lovable "Jennie's parents' decided that she needed to Doris over at W--- broaden her outlook. So she sent applications to four The fly settled on the wall and soon joined his eastern colleges. Of course then and there I knew brother in the great beyond. Thurmond. walked back what was going to happen. I got the sensation of to the desk and sat down. A tear coursed down his an inevitable closet, moving in closer-but why talk left cheek and splashed into his scotch. about it? The day I heard that, of all the colleges in .-- -~--_._-. ------the country, she had picked W---, the world lost reality. I moved about in a dream. The thin~ seemed so inevitable, I never doubted it would happen. How,' I did not know, but the denouement was certain. I didn't even fight against it; I couldn't. It was fate. "Still, a small bit of hope remained. W--- IS a big school. Perhaps they'd never meet, never get to comparing boy friends. ,.Five days ago, vacation ended. And two days ago, I got these two letters, one from Doris, one from Jennie." He waved the envelopes in my face, and when I t~ok them, opened a drawer and took out a bottle of gm. I just glanced at the envelopes. One glance was enough. In the upper left hand corner of one, a small, neat feminine hand had written: Doris L--- Esmerelda Letitia Brockton Hall Room 207 W---, Massachusetts. ' ' In the upper left hand corner of the other, light green ink proclaimed the existence of: Jennifer S----- Esmerelda Letitia Brockton Hall, Room 208 W---, Massachusetts. "It is only a matter of time," he said sadly, "just a matter of time." Silently I placed three bottles of scotch back in the carton I had taken them from. The misery of 12 ~ voo
mankind stood out on Thurmond's face. I was in DANCE AND BE POPULAR the presence of Suffering. ALL THE LATEST BALLROOM DANCES I stepped over the cigarettes and beercans, opened the ooor, and closed it quietly' behind me. BRING A FRIEND SAVE 500;0 There was nothing I could do. Free One-Half Hour Private Lesson The Dormitory felt the magnitude of Thurmond's Call CO 6-0520 Problem and walked silently passed his door. A few Moved to New Location enterprising businessmen took bets and gave odds Shirley Hayes Dance Studio on the date of Thurmond's denouement. The rest of 1068 Boylston Street Boston, Mass. us saw the futility that lined Thurmond's careworn face, and we respected it. Only a few old friends such as myself ever presumed to surmount the bar- rier that lay between him and humanity. THE FINEST IN FOOD Three weeks had passed, and the novelty of new classes had about worn off. We were all seated in F & T DINER Thurmond's room that fatal Thursday. Thurmond had assumed an attitude of hopeless $5.50 Value For $5.00 waiting. He jumped at every sound, and never $3.30 Value For $3.00 smiled or partook in any of our conversation. I had jokingly offered him a date for the coming Satur- WE CATER TO STUDENTS oay which, I regret to say, was not an offer in good taste. The room was silent for a few seconds, and Kendall Square Cambridge I I was about to uneasily apologize, when the tele- phone rang. Thurmond jumped and answered it. The room was silent. "Thurm" we could hear the boy at the switch- board," "There's two females from W--- been chewing my ear off, and burning up the wires for JACK AND MARION'S the past ten minutes trying to get you at the same DESIGNERS AND BUILDERS OF time. Which one should I plug in first on the out- side phone?" SKYSCRAPER SANDWICHES You could have heard a cork pop. Thurmond turned white. "Either one--doesn't matter," he mumbled into the house phone, and At Coolidge Corner, BrookUne shakily walked into the hall to the outside phone booth. I shut the door. Open Till 2 A.M. He was gone ten minutes. In all that time none of us spoke. Words were insufficient. All of a sudden, the door banged open, and in .:;the ()neomparable J'
.~ -"- mention a date for Saturday night?" 410 Massachusetts Avenue SAVOY CAFE Boston, Mass. Phil Pearle LOW FIDELITY FOR THE LAYMAN
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Or you might say the idea was roaming unexpectantly in the air, sort of a remnant of the last time they had carried it out with the thrill of the previous skirm- ish sustaining it, just waiting for the boys to breathe it in, because they had only wandered in out of boredom and suddenly they knew why they were his bottle of Chianti and I figured it was my desk gathered there-why they must have gathered there so I had a. right to be there .. He offered me some -though nobody had mentioned it and in fact so I took a few sips. It's a little stronger than water everybody seemed to have avoided putting it into but not much. I noticed the type of deck they were words, either through fear of having it rejected or playing with and decided to join the game. My perhaps fear of having it accepted since it had losses were slight and entirely due to lack of con- backfired once already. But there it was like a vapor centration on the game. and as inevitably as exhale follows inhale it filled A few guys lolled around on the bed~ at the the minds of each one individually and all fifteen other end of the room drinking beer and discussing or twenty of them as organs of an aggregate or- the vital problem of British infringements on our ganized being and then emerged in the form of rights prior to the Revolutionary War. This led to action. And it hadn't appeared; it just was. the immediate causes of same. This led to same, Fol- lowed by a list. of our heroes. Like Nathan Hale and G. W. whose name has been immortalized by Once conceived, a movement of that sort gains a brand of coffee. Also Paul Revere. From there it momentum until it gets all out of proportion to was one short mental step. to a midnight ride. The the way it started. If often happens that a few of clock said 10:45. Okay, so we'd get an early start. the fellows get sick of manipulating the slide rule I took only one sip of Chianti. K. X., in a rare for hours or whipping up their roommate's theme mood, passed around the bottle. We emptied it, so it'll come closer to fitting their topic or juggling pocketed all the rope we had; and started off. On figures on their data sheet so their results will the way we picked up a few cars, a few fellows, agree with what the theory proclaims them to be and a few cans of beer. to at least the first significant digit.. But tonight all That's how it started. their individual periods of "the hell with home- work" and "screw the Institute" depressions were ex- actly in phase. You make sure you've got strength and secrecy First they started a harmless poker game. It w~s on your side. The latter especially. Last time they on my desk so I had to leave. Then K. X. got out anticipated the raid and you turned out taking a /7 short walk in the moonlight instead of them. Mere and we took off. preponderance of numbers is not the determining So this was going to be a solo flight on my part. factor. Not in their case. They've got them. That's \Y/ ell, maybe I'd have better luck hitching a ride all there is to that. You rustle up all the fellows back. They don't pick you up too easily when you're you can and attack. Now you can do one of two in pairs. Not this late at night. I wondered where things. You can either louse it up by attacking they'd drop me this time. too many at one time. Or you can pick them off in I hoped it wouldn't take too long. I still had a their rooms two or three at a time or catch them theme to write for nine o'clock the next morning. singly or in small groups strolling through the halls. But once the signal is given that they've been in- vaded, if they realize that you don't have the entire The last time I called Rita, she practically told sophomore class on their tails and if they can get me to shove my excuses back up the other way. I organized rapidly, then they can reverse the roles of swore she'd have to call me up before I'd talk to hunter and hunted on you. So you've got to work her again if she was going to act that way about quickly and noiselessly. it when she knew how sincere I was. The slut. When the fellow outside hollered that I was You don't put up too much of a struggle. Not wanted on the phone, I was elated. Who the hell when eight or ten of them jump you and have your else would be calling so late? She was probably hands tied behind you before you figure out that going to apologize. Well, I'd be very sweet about there isn't any outside phone call. It would be nice it. I might even forgive her if she was repentant if you could warn the guy next door but that's an enough. Who knows, maybe I'd go so far as to ask idle thought. As soon as he opens the door a crack, her out for next weekend. And then if she was ... he's in the same mess as you and maybe he's think- And then they grabbed me. I had hardly opened ing how he could contrive to warn you before he the door an angstrom before four of them piled notices that's you tied up next to him and that he in on top of me with about four more as reinforce- needn't bother thinking up impossible schemes. ments if needed. I slugged one of them and {elt You're it for tonight. his jaw give way a little. He went to wash out his If only there were a way for the others to find mouth after hc thrcw in a couple of punches of his out. This isn't quite a freshman dorm but on this own. My eye began to swell up. They removed all floor and the two above there must be close to two of my identification and money and then marched hundred frosh unaware of the situation. Yeah, this me out. is the place if you're a soph looking for somebody Of all the halfassed things to do, I cursed my- to whisk to the wilds of the surrounding country. self. I have to open the door to an idiot who says It's also the place if you're a soph looking for an outside call. Ohmyachin. If I had any more brains, easy way of getting away from where it's hard getting 1'd flunk out. That dirty Rita, I thought irrelevantly. back to. Damn her anyway. They covered my head with my pillowcase and My roomie gave up before anybody laid a hand hustled me down the two flights of stairs. I nearly on him. I met him on the way down to the car tripped a couple of times but they held me up and and he immediately noticed I wasn't in the peak of jockeyed me out the back door where I heard the health. Clever fellow. Then he remarked who was motor warming up. with me. All eight of them. He murmured some- 'Watch your head,' the fellow holding my right thing unintelligible, executed a perfect about face, arm said as he shoved me into the car. I felt some- and trotted along beside me like a faithful dog. body slide next to me on each side. The dog. He practically offered to tie himself up 'Can you fit another one in there?' somebody and pay for gas. He even mentioned a nice out of asked. the way spot for them to consider dumping us. They 'What are you, a comedian?' the guy to my left knew about it already. They also agreed it was a answered. 'I can hardly breathe now.' pretty good suggestion. I was waiting for him to 'Okay, don't get one on,' the questioner whined. offer them the keys to his car. 'We don't have a surplus of cars. I thought maybe We flipped ourselves into the back seat of a since they're tied up, you can handle two of them.' Chevy convertible and all this time they hadn't 'This, as you may have noticed, is not a Cadillac,' touched him while somebody sure as hell was get- retorted the driver as he threw the car into gear ting his licks in on me every time I turned my back. ~ voo 18 It's a nice car. I thought. \Xfonder how well it'll The driver's eyes strained at the mirror. ~et Mound on four flat tires, 'He made a U,' he announced, 'and he's following us, ' l i\h.. roommate was unusually sociable, He told our escorts a few dirty jokes to while away the 'See if you can shake him. There's plenty of side time. The\' asked him if he'd like to drive but he roads along the way that you can turn off on.' said no rhanks. the back seat was just swell. The driver accelerated noticeably and hunched a 'Say fellows.' he chirped. 'put the top down, will little closer to the wheel. !'ULl. I \\ ant t,) get the full enjoyment of the open 'Take it easy,' warned his buddy. 'There are some a1r. sharp curves along here,' They pwmised not to let him down. 'I'll shake him in a second. Already I'm losing I decided the trouble with him is he's got too him, I'll take the next turn off.' mLlch of a sense of humor. He's the only crackpot Behind him the pursuer slow Iy fell back. I k!1\)\\, who appreciates a joke on himsel f. Some joke. How he missed the sign is beyond me. Maybe he thought it said keep right or no passing. Anyway, They had systematically emptied one entire wing by the time he realized his mistake, he was halfway of the first Hoar and were about to bid a fond fare- through the curve and furiously breaking the car wcll when somebody sounded the call to arms, Like below 50. It never made the other half. Damn thunder. '57' crashed through the corridor and like shame it was such a narrow road. Otherwise they its ccho, the hoofbeats of an enraged freshman might have had a chance. As it was they skidded battle brigade resounded after. about twenty feet along a grassy indentation until In men\ory of those poor unfortunates . , , they hit a low-hanging limb. The roof rolled up like Having arrived upon the scene too late to save the top of a sardine can and the driver was heaved any of their cohorts. the freshan hordes were only out like a herring being flipped to a deserving seal. able to pick off a few misguided stragglers among The car came to a rest locked in the embrace of an the opposition, and these were poor compensation oak tree which shed a few leaves like tears upon the for the number of their own casualties. ruins. The tree itself never stirred. Having only this small number of sophomores A few' seconds later, the little roadster screeched lIpon which to concentrate their attention, the home past. A smaller car can corner better than a monster team decided to do it up brown and really show the like an aids. They thought the other car had hoys a few of the more exclusive sections of town crashed but in the darkness they didn't at first spot like the eight mile long dirt road which traverses it. Then as they sped past, they caught a glimpse of Plum Island or perhaps Revere Beach at high tide. the wreckage. Of course they first tied pillow cases around their 'Holy mack,' murmured the driver, 'I wonder guests' heads so that they wouldn't know how th(:'y how bad they're hurt.' l~ot where they were going when they got there. 'Watch for a place to make aU,' urged the other That would spoil the surprise. shakily. 'We'll have to go back and help them.' And a good time was had by all. They sloweq down and were about to turn around when another car came down the road from the They spotted each other about five miles from the other direction. Island. one going, the other just on its way back 'It's a police car. Flag him down and tell him after having made its deposit. The freshmen with tHere's been an accident. Hey, hey, what are you two of the enemy captured were setting a healthy doing ?' pace in their aids while the sophs were returning 'I'm getting the hell out of here,' he spat, clamp- from the wars in their front seat roadster. ing his foot down on the accelerator. 'They're not 'Say, isn't that Z. W.'s heap eating up the pave- going to mix me up in this mess. The cops'll take ment?' asked one of the frash as the speedy little care of 'em.' demon rocketed past. 'You crazy bastard, turn around. Jesus, now we're 'Damn straight, and guess where he's been,' in for it. Now we've got to dig out of here.' 'This is okay, we'll trade a couple of their boys They raced aimlessly on, going toward nowhere for a couple of ours.' in particular, but more compellingly away-just 'Sure, we'll drop these cookies off and pick up our away. crew on the way back.' .. Somewhere an animal stirred, perked up his ears, DOO ~ ] 9 Shrll~i!ed and \'"(,Ilt back to sleep. are searching the city streets for a likely looking Th~ Ilio~m smiled. ,girl who might consider making a few dollars. They're brave. This time they won't run away. '\Vhen we gOt ro them, the Jriver was sprawlell And somewhere a police car" is cruising alon5 the out on the grounJ unconscious, about twenty feet road to Plum Island. fr()ll~ the car ,broke'll ieI',0 brl)ken arm, sume cutS and And a tree- IS cr)'In~. hruises. \x!(:' ktww he was the dri\"er because of thl' And an a;liIllal is srirrin,c. pthers who were in the fWllt seat, the une nearer ArId the ll1lll)Jl i~ .';Illilin~. the \\'heel had his hands tied ill fwllt of him and the uther had beell thruwn a~aiIlst the windshield which had shattered tou far fr~;m the steering wheel for him tu have been driving. No idea why in hell ('11(' uf them should have been tied up, because nOlle ()f them is \\'ell enough yet t() ta Ik. Shock is a big \\'l)rry. Buth had broken Iloses, severe facial cuts alld bruises, slight bddy injuries. Both unconscious. 'There were three ill the back seat spraw led out ill variolls painful positions. A few broken bones, head concussiolls, delirium. All in all, it \vould have been a miracle that so few really severe injuries oc- curreJ considering the terrible daJ~lage intiicted on the GH and the speed it must have been doing.' '\VouIJ have been?' 'Yeah, one of the guys in the back seat, who ll1- cidentally was also tied up, died of, of all illogical things, Sll Hoca tion.' 'What ?' 'Yeah, the poor SOil of a bitch had a pillow case tied over his head.' They starteJ a poker game, low stakes at first; later Oil they may raise them. Over at the other end of the room sprawled out on my bed are a few guys discussing the Constitution. 1 am writing a theme that was due a couple of weeks ago. When I finish that, I may have enough ambition to write up last Tuesday's lab report. Wonder how much finagling I'll have to do this time. Dp-.QYL Play is getting rough. They're cursing allover the place. If YOli can't stand to lose, don't play. "This is the one I shot from the rear." Oka)', but this is the last bill I'm letting you have and Jon't forget me the next time you get a check from home. As soon as K. X. gets out his bottle of Chianti, which is as inevitable as my flunking the next math exam, I'm gonna kick the whole goddamn bunch of .ern out. And somewhere a guy is waltlllg for a phone "Nfr. Jones, I'm afraid your son is spoiled." call that won't come, and if it did he'd be afraid to "He is nOl, !vfr. Smith, and I resent your saying go allswer it anyway, and cursing Rita and his such a thing." roommate and life in general. "Well, have it your way, but come and see what And somewhere two fellows in a little" roadster the steamroller did to him." ~ voo A very pretty Vassar girl, president of the 6.t0 Kc. 640 Kc. school's Science Club, asked the biology professor to address the group. The professor rose:. "I have WMIT worked closely with your president for a number of "Voice Of The Students" years," he said, "and during that time we have been intim~te .. :" The group giggled and the profes- Don't Forget Your All Request sor trIed valIantly to cover his slip: "And when I "NITE OWL" say intimate, 1 mean, of course, in a biological . Fri. 10 :30 p.m. - 2.a.m. Sat. 9 p.m .. 2 a.m. way. " 6.t0 Kc. 640 Kc. DINE AT THE HONEY BEE CAFE A young draftee had been in the army only three fast table service-air conditioned weeks, but he had learned the gentle art of loafing. He was carefully following this occupation when the CHOICE WINES AND LIQUORS sergeant came around the corner and saw him sprawled across the steps, 700 Mass. Ave., Cambridge "Whadda ya think yer doin?" demanded the sergeant. phones: EL iot 4-8683, 4-8835 The boy leaped to his feet. ''I'm. , ' er , , , pro- crastinating, sir." The sergeant frowned for a moment, then said gruffly, "All right, just so long as you keep busy," CI 1-8833 JACK LIPTON, Inc. APPAREL FOR MEN LJRESS CLOTHES FOR HIRE, STUDENT RATES 122 MASS. AVENUE BOSTON DOO ~ 21 A matronly woman visiting New York was wan- dering through Central Park when she encountered one of the hansom c~bs which people rent for a ride around the park. Interested in the picturesque na- ture of it all, she examined the horse from head to tail, feeling its mane, and examining its legs. After studying the animal she turned her attention to the driver. "Are you the cabbie?" she asked brightly. '~No, I'm the horse; we're often mistaken for each other." , , I ~WIE W The traveling salesman. found himself far out in THE CONVENIENT DRUG STORE the country. It was bedtime, and he was very tired. READY TO SERVE YOU On coming to a farmhouse, he stopped and asked the farmer if there might possibly be a place where he could sleep that night. . . The farmer frowned thoughtfully, then. replied THE MILLER DR UG CO that he didn't have a spare room. However, if the traveler would like to ,go upstairs and sleep with 21 Mass. A venue Telephone the redheaded school teacher, it was perfectly all Boston right with him. KE 6-2769 The salesman drew himself up and said, "Sir, I will have you know that 1 am a gentleman." To this the farmer answered, "So is the red- headed schoolteacher." By Popular Demand! Now Servin/{ Their Famous Sandwiches Until MIDNIGHT SUNDAY THROUGH SATURDAY 391 Washington St. Brighton, Mass. Tel. AL 4-9854 TYPEWRITERS . SALE~RENTAL~REPAIRS The Only Modern Shop .in Harvard Square We Carry The 1 O'illetti "Lettera 22" Portable Typewriter UNIV.ERSITY TYPEWRITER CO. lO'Boylston St. at lIarvard Sq. KI7-2720 Passion in the Post Office Dear Sail\', Bill ha~ told me so llluch about you I thought I'd drop you a line and introduce myself. I'm Bill's room mate. Naturallr~ being a sophomore, I feel a rarher fatherly interest toward him, As a matter of fact, some of my friends and I are planning a little surprise party for him. We're sure he'll enjoy it vcry much. , , (Ltlck of .\(ltlre Clnd grolring n(lI/Jetl (1J'('/'fJ// 11.\ fro)// reproducing /be leI/a in itJ ell- /ire/y.-Ed,) Hoping ru hear from you soon, Robert Hamiltun. Dear Bob, I'm awfully glad you carne down, It really was a lovely weekend. I'm terribly sorry 1 couldn't spend Sunday with YOll, but we always visit Cousin Emily that day, She's so shy and has so few friends that, in spite of all that mOl1ry. she's horribly lonely .. Love, Sally. < ~'\ < ~ D<:ar Sally, Our letters have been so much fun that 1'd like to meet you. Some friends of mine are driving to Ne\\' York next weekend and we could spend Sat- urday and Sunday together. I may even have some U,S. money; I wrote my father that my slide rule broke. rve on I)' broken' three so far; he should be good for another ha If-dozen. [v:1AIL You don't have to worry about Bill objecting to m)' taking you out, He did mutter something when I mentioned it. but we had another little party for him. , ' See you Saturday, Bob. Dear Cousin Emily, Sally has told me so much abour you .. , - Vigdor Te/J/itz RASKOLNIKOF THE SWAN-BOAT TENDER A BALLET FOR SOLO FLUTE, GLOCKENSPIEL, ) ) AND SEVERAL THOUSAND DANCERS The scene of this balld is the Boston Common anJ surr0uf1din~ slrl"{:IS. Several taxicabs must be constantly weaving up and JOWI~ the theatre aisles (or authenticity, and a stream of recorded obscenities is to be played over a public address system in the theatre to represent the illusion of Boston traHic. Occasion,dly a scream, tinkling of glass, and crunching of fenders wi II be hearJ, The author realizes these effects may be hard to come by, but then agair. things are bad allover. It is a rainy night in Boston, and Raskolnikof the swan- boat tender is asleep under an overturned boat, awaiting the return of the last few boats rented out several days ago to a couple of sailors and their girl friends. Our hero is no sloucher though, he does not sleep alor.e. No indeed, hdJ close to his bosom is a large panJa Joll l('ft bel1ll1J by a \ ( group of M.LT. students on the town. The panda's name is Sasha, a lovely name. Jumping to his feet, Raskolnikof (who we will refer to Raskolnikof is a restless sleeper and while he thrashes as Pete hereafter for brevity's sake) proceed ... to strip in the about, his toy panda (name of Sasha) falls into the lake. approved boy scout manner in a valiant attempt to save Realizing th,at he is sleeping alone, Raskolnikof wakes with Sasha who, you will remember from the previous panel, has a start and realizes with anguish that Sasha's in the cold, fallen into the lake. cold lake. ,\ ," At the sight of the swooned swan, Pete realizes he has come upon something. Drop-kicking ~asha back into the :\t this point a mangy moth-eaten swan (picture this if lake, and whipping out a small hip flask of brandy, he pro- YOLl (.In) glides gently up to the pier with Sasha in her beak. ceeds to minister to the swan. Dropping the panda at Pete's feet the swan utters an utterly charming sigh. and swoons. , ) No sooner does the brandy begin to ta!;:e eftect than th~ mar:gy swan turns into a beautiful young princess. Pete, who is rather taken aback by this queer turn of events, de- cides he had better try some of his own brandy and downs the remainder of the flask in several tasteless gulps. (Ah! \X/hat a waste of good brandy.) After all is calm agaIn, JI1((Pete realizes this is bIg stuff. Suddenly the flute breaks into the pas de deux in a minor the swan-princess tells her story. It seems she is a Wellesley key to announce the arrival of the wicked instructor. He girl who has been enchanted by one of her instructors be- .brings with him a large group of swans who mill about cause she flur.ked a course in Japanese literature. All this of aimlessly (somewhat like people at an acquaintance dance). course is related while Pete and the princess engage in a It seems the swans are more Wellesley girls-the course in marvelous pas de deux accompanied by the solo glocken- Japanese ~it was very tough this past term. spiel. \.l \. Pete and the instructor proceed to bargain over the prin- cess. The registrar insists she stay a swan if she is to get any <. credit for the course, and naturally our hero wants her all to himself. While the two bargain, the princess leads the other swans of the corps de ballet in a soul searching dance performed o to the melody of a solo flute and snare drum. As the ?ancc o ends, the corps exits onto Charles St. and the pflncess retires to the lake. o Meanwhut the brandy has been takin,g its effect on Pete. He is in no position. to ba~in. As a matter of fact he can hardly stand up. o The 'Instructor takes full advantage of this lapse and pro- ceeds to turn Raskolnikof (I shall use his full name-the end is near) into a swan. This may be difficult to picture, but never mind, on with the story. ---- -~ II" The princess and RasKolniko{ glide off in the moonlight and the wicked instructor herds his other swans to the M. T.A. for the trip back to school. All is quiet once again on the common and a new swan-boat tender is hired. Goat nacht kiddies. ~ voo An Alabama farmer passed away and the CROSBY'S HOBBY SHOP preacher came to his wife to get some information MODEL PLANES, MOTORS, SHIPS, ~bout the unfortunate to use in his eulogy at the RAILROADS and ACCESSORIES church service. "Was he an Elk, a Mason, a Woods- man? Did he belong to the Chamber of Commerce, LARGE ASSORTMENT OF MATERIALS FOR the Ku Klux Klan?" asked the preacher. SCHOOL AND LABORATORY PROJECTS "\X/hat is the Ku Klux Klan?" asked the be- reaved wife. 9 A.M. - 6 P.M. Daily Thursday and Saturday till 9 P.M. "Well, you might say that's the devil under a 1704 MASS. AVE., CAMBRIDGE sheet," explained the preacher. "That he was!" she replied with a timid smile. -naturally YOUR BANK Son: "Daddy, did grandpa spank you when yOll were a little boy?" KENDALL SQUAR-E OFFICE Dad: "He sure did~" Son: "And did great-grandpa spank grandma HARVARD when he was a little oay?" TRUST COMPANY Dad: "He certaini\' did'" Member Son: "Well, don't' 'yOU think that with a Ettlc Ft>deral Deposit Insurance Corporation co-operation from me you (an overcome this inher- ited sadism?" Exactly nine months after their wedding the Browns headed for the hospital, where Mrs. Brown was rushed into the maternity ward. Mr. Brown, like all good expectant. fathers, paced the floor in the anteroom awaiting the. joyous tidings. In due time the nurse put in her appearance. "Congratu- lations!" she said, "you're the father of a dandy seven-pound boy!" "Fine!" exclai1l1ed Brown as he consulted his watch carefully for the time. "It's exactly nine o'clock! 'Isn't nature grand?" In a matter of minutes the nurse put in her ap- pearance again. "What a lucky man you are," she said, "you have been twice blessed. Now you are also the father of a fine baby girl!" "Great!" exclaim;d Brown, again consulting his watch carefully. "It is now exactly nine-thirty o'clock. Isn't nature grand?" And with that remark he started off down the hall. "Just a minute!" called the nurse, "where are you going?" "Oh, I just thought I'd go for a little stroll," ex- plained Brown. "The next one isn't due until ten HAlready? You mean I'm a week behind already?" forty-five. " DOO ~ A ~t(anhattanite and a Suburbanite got into a spirited discussion about the relative merits of bit: city life versus suburban dwelling .. ,At least you'll ad~llit." said the Suburbanite, "that living in 'Nlan- hattan during the summer is pretty rough." "On the contrary," retorted the urban OIH':, "1 consider conditions' ideal dLlril~g the summer. The city isn't crowded, nobodr intrudes on your pri- vacy, there's plenty of room to park your car and the weather's nice and warm." "\Xf ell," conceded the Suburbanite, "I guess you're right about that-and you could sa!' exactly the same thing about the Sahara Desert." Question: "What's the best way to keep a horse from frothing at the mouth?" Answer: "Teach it to spit." A cashier who had embezzled $25,000, was given a big break. Because of his many years of service, he was not prosecuted but instead merely fired. The next day, he reapplied for his old job. Calmly he brushed aside .the stuttered protests of .PfMUf.- ~1Uf-!Jt the indignant personnel director. "~1y wife and I," he pointed out, "have everything we want-a home, Cor. Mass, Avenue and Marlborough St. a car, nice clothes. Why hire somebo~y who has to CLEANING - SHIRTS - LAUNDERETTE start from scratch and might be. tempted to steal?" FLAT WORK 30 MINUTE SERVICE Boston, Mc1ss. KE 6-7667 Three times an enthusiastic patron made his \vay to the ticket window to place he~vy bets on a horse named Bluebells in the third race. On the fourth r pilgrimage a man tapped the bettor on the shoul- SKI EQUIPl\'IENT der. FOREJ.GN AND DOMESTIC "Brother," he said, "it's none of my business but SKI REPAIRING if I was you, I wouldn't bet so heavy on that Blue- SQUASH RACKETS bells. He's not going to win the race." Restringing A Specialty "How do you know that?" asked the other. ONE DAY SERVICE "Because I own Bluebells and I know he isn't going to win." TENNIS and SQUASH SHOP "W/ ell," said the bettor, "then all I can say is that 67A Mt. Auburn Street, Harvard Square it's going to be a mighty slow race--I own the Phone TR 6-5417 other four horses." 28 A man with a very small puppy in his arms at- tempted to board a train in a small Wyoming town. THE HAMPSHIRE PRESS, INC. The conductor saw the dog and denied the man en- trance to the coach unless he took the pup to the baggage car. The man walked down the train a ways, unbuttoned his coat and shirt and tucked the little dog inside. All this was observed by a lady passenger .through the window of the car. OFFSET - LETTER PRESS Once again the man attempted to board the train, this time with success, since the pup was l~ot within sight of the conductor. Unfortunately the man with the dog took the seat ahead of the woman \\'i.') had Completely equipped to render the seen him hide it. Highest Quality Craftsmanship and The train pulled out of the station. In a few m:n- Service in All Printing Requirements. utes the man commenced to wiggle around nervously in his seat. As he twisted this way and that the woman could not help but find amusement in his evident discomfiture. Thinking to tease the man about his hidden secret, the woman leaned forward, tapped the man on the shoulder, and inguired: 28 Carleton Street Cambridge. Mass. "What's the matter? Isn't he housebroken?" "Don't know about that," answered the man grimly, "but I Tel. Kirkland 7-0194 don't believe the little cuss has ever been weaned." BYRON Two businessmen were having lunch at Lindy's. One ordered chicken noodle soup and the other or- dered borscht. When the waiter returned, he brought the chicken noodle soup. But he placed a bowl of potato soup before the man who had or- dered the borscht. "The kitchen is all out of on Life Savers: borscht," he apologized, "but just taste this potato soup. It's terrific!" The man tasted it. "It's out of this world!" he exclaimed delightedly. His friend pushed his chicken noodle soup away. "Why," he demanded, "didn't you bring me some of that potato soup, too, if it's so wonderful?" "Sir!" said the waiter loftily. "Did you order borscht ?" "Give a\vay thy breath!" From My 36th Year, line 36 Sipping cocktails, smoking fags, Taking long and langourous drags, Blowing smoke into my eyes, Exhaling with those dreamy sighs; Are all these enchanting ways- Is your deep and passionate gaze- -I Really from a love of me? Still only o~ Or do you. dreamboat. have TB? --- . --- BLOOD DRIVE DUPLICATIIVG SERVICE RELIGIOUS SERVICES TCA FUND DRIVE NOV. 29-DEC. 3 PROJECTOR SERVICE ~ lfD~~~lI- W TRAVEL AGENCY BOOK AGENCY ~OlD-~( POSTER SERVICE TECH HOUSE TICKET SERVICE WESTGATE LAUJ\lDRY New filter cigarette! NSTON brings flavor back to filter smoking! Winston tastes good-like a cigarette should! • Winston is the new, easy-drawing filter cigarette real smokers can enjoy! .Winston brings you real flavor - full, rich, tobacco flavor. Along with finer flavor, you get Winston's finer filter ... it's different, it's unique, it works so effectively! Winstons are king-size, too, for extra filtering action. Try a pack of good-tasting Winstons! R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO., WINSTON.SALEM, N. C. WINSTON ...the easy-drawing filter cigarette!