The Fantasists the Fantasists

THE FANTASISTS

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A one-act comedy by Randy Wyatt

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Have a question about copyright? Please contact us by email at [email protected] or by phone at 424-703-5315. When in doubt, please ask. CAST OF CHARACTERS The Fantasists THE ANCIENT, a mighty, mighty old guy. Mysterious. Inhabits the Cave of Stories. FLORIAD, young, sunny, chipper. Hoping to become a Fantasist. SOMNIA, gloomy, cynical, sarcastic. Not above cheating. Planning to become a Fantasist. TENBROOKE, Floriad's mentor. Wise and knowledgeable. A good storyteller. SHAMBALA, Somnia's mentor. Assertive, earth-mother. A good storyteller. The Visions THE PRINCE, a prince. Young, dashing, adventuresome. THE ICE QUEEN, mean as an icicle. THE GNOME, also goes by "The Gnome-Who-Lives-in-a- Lake-But-Doesn't-Know-Why." Short, hairy, cranky when he's in his natural, un-enchanted state. Probably from Jersey. THE SNOW LION, strong, fierce, majestic. A force to be reckoned with. Likes table games. THE SUN WOLF, energetic, hyperactive, eager to please. Likes licking people. SETTING The Cave of Stories on Fantasist Island in the Covish Archipelago.

TIME Now.

NOTES A fantasist is an official storyteller imbued with magical powers, allowing them to bring the elements of their stories to life. It is a great honor to be a fantasist. The people of the islands of the archipelago understand the great importance of storytelling and how it brings enrichment and enjoyment to their lives. The show has been cast successfully with varied ethnicities and genders. I suggest that The Ancient, Tenbrooke, The Prince and The Gnome be male and The Ice Queen be female, but really, this is not a play about gender. Have a blast with it. The Fantasists premiered March 24th, 2012 and ran until May 13th, 2012 at The Conservatory by Corn Productions in Chicago, IL. It was directed by Pete Navis and stage managed by Alex St. John. The cast included David Coupe, Nichole Green, Denise Hoeflich, Alex Martin, JT Michaels, Stephanie Palko, Shannon Riley, Erin Schmidt, Jordan Leigh Wakefield and Seth Wanta. Fight choreography was designed by Orion Couling, and production design by Sarah Ballema, Jodi McGrath, Kallie Rolison and Christian Vernon. The production manager was Richard Anderson. The playwright would like to thank the Cornservatory cast for a fantastic workshop, which was invaluable for the evolution of the script. Thanks also go out to workshop readers from Minnesota State University at Mankato (including Micah Kronlokken, Claire Wellin and Mollie Fischer) and students from the Grand Rapids Civic Theatre Phase II program. The Fantasists 7

(A cave. Dark and dripping, as all caves should be. Sitting on a rock is THE ANCIENT, dressed in a simple robe and sporting a mighty long beard, as all good storytellers should, the male ones anyway. He sits with his legs crossed and his eyes closed, blissful in meditation. Nearby on the floor there is a circle made of stones with ancient markings. There is a NOISE LIKE A GONG. The Ancient opens his eyes and thunders out a word:)

THE ANCIENT: Enter. (In the flickering darkness, we see two figures fumbling forward. TENBROOKE leads the way holding a candle, SHAMBALA follows. They are elder fantasists, but not nearly as elder as The Ancient, because he is seriously old. Tenbrooke has a staff. Shambala is dressed in beads and earth-mother clothes:)

SHAMBALA: Are you sure?

TENBROOKE: Of course I am, Shambala. Look, the circle of stones, here.

SHAMBALA: It's so bare. Damp. (She sniffs:) Musty.

TENBROOKE: Go home if you like. I'll declare my Floriad the winner.

SHAMBALA: Nice try. None of your tricks, Tenbrooke. Somnia will be—

THE ANCIENT: Quiet. (They are.)

TENBROOKE: (In awe:) The Ancient!

THE ANCIENT: It is time.

TENBROOKE: Yes, The Ancient.

THE ANCIENT: Have you selected a worthy candidate?

TENBROOKE: Two worthy candidates, my…The Ancient.

SHAMBALA: What are you calling him?

TENBROOKE: Shh!

THE ANCIENT: And are the white-capped waves lapping at our beloved island shores, signifying the birth of a new equinox?

SHAMBALA: If you mean "Is it spring?" then yes it is, Ancient Guy. (The Ancient howls an ancient howl of displeasure. THUNDER crashes and lightning flashes, which is a pretty neat trick inside a cave. The elders cower.)

THE ANCIENT: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!

TENBROOKE: She didn't mean it, The Ancient! Have mercy on her! She is brash and rash and honestly not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

SHAMBALA: Hey, I'm not the one who keeps calling him "The Ancient"!

TENBROOKE: (Hissing:) That's his name!

SHAMBALA: (Harsh whisper back:) His name is The Ancient?!

TENBROOKE: First name: The. Last name: Ancient.

SHAMBALA: That's ridiculous.

TENBROOKE: Ever seen thunder and lightning inside a cave before? Just do it.

THE ANCIENT: (Rising:) While you two supplicants prattle to each other thinking I cannot hear you, I shall perform my sacred duty and awaken the Cave of Stories. (The Ancient performs ancient gestures as he chants:)

Cave of Stories, Stones of Time Paths of Intrigue, Mists of Rhyme

Awaken now so all can see Reflections of eternity. (Noise, lights, amazement. The cave comes to life.)

And so, let the Festival of the Fantasists commence. I am ready to hear the nominations. (Tenbrooke steps forward and clears his throat:)

TENBROOKE: Well, The Ancient, as you know, out of all of the islands, Sunflower Island is the one with the best storytellers.

SHAMBALA: Ha!

TENBROOKE: We've had more storytellers become full- fledged fantasists than any other island in the archipelago.

SHAMBALA: That might be what they tell you on your silly island so you don't weep crybaby tears at the truth. Milkwood Island has far more enchanting storytellers.

TENBROOKE: Your lies are ugly!

THE ANCIENT: Silence. (There is.)

Are the candidates well trained? Are they ready for this test?

SHAMBALA: Of course she is! I trained Somnia myself!

TENBROOKE: As I trained my Floriad.

SHAMBALA: Oh well. I'm sure she's just great.

TENBROOKE: What's that supposed to mean?

SHAMBALA: I'm sure all her stories about puppies and buttercups are just adorable. (Shambala gags.)

TENBROOKE: It's better than Somnia's horrible stories of

SHAMBALA: (Shrieking:) Lava is amazing!

THE ANCIENT: Silence!

SHAMBALA: Sorry, Your The Ancient-ness.

THE ANCIENT: Tonight we will choose a new fantasist for the new year. As the Ancient Books say, they must train in the Cave of Stories before they tell their story. Though they must tell their story together, the one who is more clever, more daring, more beautiful, and more true in the telling will become the new fantasist of the islands.

TENBROOKE: We understand, The Ancient.

THE ANCIENT: Call forth the candidates.

TENBROOKE: (Calling behind him:) Alright, Floriad! You can come out!

SHAMBALA: Somnia! Hurry up! (FLORIAD and SOMNIA enter the cave.)

FLORIAD: Ugh. What a dark, dismal place.

SOMNIA: Awesome.

FLORIAD: (To Tenbrooke, curtsying:) Uncle. I am ready to compete. Fairly, justly and honorably.

TENBROOKE: (Misting up:) I'm so proud.

SHAMBALA: Now remember what I taught you, Somnia. How do you win?

SOMNIA: By any means necessary.

SHAMBALA: That's my little fantasist.

THE ANCIENT: Elders. Leave us now. Return tonight for the Ancient Story Circle.

TENBROOKE: (Bowing:) Yes, The Ancient.

SHAMBALA: (Bowing:) Yes....The…Ancient. That just sounds weird. (Tenbrooke and Shambala exit.)

THE ANCIENT: Acolytes. Welcome to the mystic Cave of Stories. Here have all the fantasists of the islands been initiated and given their powers since the beginning of ages, and so it will be true until the end of days. Tonight you shall compete against each other—and yet, cooperate with each other. You shall tell a story—together. I and your mentors will judge who among the two of you tells your parts of the story with more cleverness, daring, beauty and truth.

SOMNIA: And the loser will be thrown to the man-eating turtles. (A beat.)

THE ANCIENT: No. No they won't.

FLORIAD: That's terrible!

SOMNIA: (Shrug:) Worth a shot.

THE ANCIENT: You are to be allowed time now to train and ready yourself for the Story Circle tonight. Remember, when you stand in the mystic circle, you command all the powers of a fantasist. Declare proudly "I am the fantasist" and call your story forth. And thus, the cave will obey.

SOMNIA: This guy thinks we've never told stories before.

FLORIAD: Not in the Cave of Stories. Eeeee!

SOMNIA: Whatever. "Cave of Stories." Big whup.

THE ANCIENT: Be careful, youngster. The magic here is powerful.

FLORIAD: (Falling face down on the floor before him:) I hear and I heed, The Ancient. I am ready to train.

SOMNIA: Are you for real?

THE ANCIENT: I shall leave you. Remember. Cleverness, daring, beauty, truth.

FLORIAD: Beauty and truth. Nifty!

SOMNIA: Clever and daring, yeah yeah. Got it.

THE ANCIENT: Farewell. (He disappears.)

SOMNIA: Weirdo.

FLORIAD: (Squeals:) Can you totally believe we're here?!

SOMNIA: (Mocking:) Like. Totally.

FLORIAD: I. Am. So. EXCITED! EEEEEE. OK, OK OK OK. Calm down, Floriad. Use your words. Ha ha ha! OK. So. Hello. I'm Floriad. It's nipperkeen to meet you! I come from Sunflower Island, where the rivers are clear and flowers are near and there's happiness all around. We all have to say that. I mean, we all like saying it because it's like a rhyme and that's neat, but it's also the law and stuff. Cool huh? And you must be…?

SOMNIA: Wow. Don't talk. Ever.

FLORIAD: I'm sorry?

SOMNIA: My name's Somnia. I'm here to win.

FLORIAD: Well, so am I. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?

SOMNIA: I'm not here to make friends.

FLORIAD: I see. You know, you're never going to win with an attitude like that. Positivity promotes creativity.

SOMNIA: That's stupid.

FLORIAD: No, it isn't! It's our island motto! It's on all our postcards!

SOMNIA: Our island motto is "Go back home."

FLORIAD: Look. We can sit here and fight until we are both blue in the face, but that won't get us anywhere. Let's just get to work on creating our story.

SOMNIA: Fine with me.

FLORIAD: Great. So I'll go first.

SOMNIA: Why do you get to go first?

FLORIAD: Fine! YOU go first.

SOMNIA: You're only saying that because you don't have an idea.

FLORIAD: That's not true!

SOMNIA: Then go ahead and start!

FLORIAD: Fine.

SOMNIA: Fine.

FLORIAD: Fine.

SOMNIA: Fine!

FLORIAD: Fine! (Floriad steps into the circle.)

What we need first is a hero, well trained. The son of a king who shall not be named. Adept with a sword, and really quite fair No finer hero could be found anywhere.

SOMNIA: That's boring.

FLORIAD: Shhh.

I am the fantasist, so heed my call. Come to life, hero, valor and all. (Out of the mists steps THE PRINCE. He is boyishly charming, as many princes are.)

PRINCE: (Proudly:) Hello. I'm Prince Hubert. (A beat. He draws his sword.)

I've got a sword! (A beat. He's not sure what to do.)

Um. I guess I'll sing. "WAAYYYYY DOWN UPON THE SWAAA-NEEE RIVER!!" (Somnia covers her ears. Floriad ends the illusion. Maybe the prince half-crumples like a marionette, or maybe his part of the stage goes dark:)

FLORIAD: Oh dear. That didn't go well.

SOMNIA: I told you heroes are boring.

FLORIAD: No, it's not that. It's just that he's got nothing to do.

SOMNIA: That's my department. Move over! (Sonmia moves into the circle, shoving Floriad out of the way.)

Now what we need is a villain so mean From the top of her brow to the cuff of her…jeans.

FLORIAD: Jeans?

SOMNIA: It rhymed! She looks down on the land from her evil ice fort And given a chance, the prince's life she'll cut short. I am the fantasist, now heed my call, Come to life, ice queen, blizzards and all. (The ICE QUEEN steps out of the mists, looking pretty darn

evil. She holds an ice scepter. The Prince re-animates.)

PRINCE: Hi! I'm Prince Hubert.

QUEEN: I don't care.

PRINCE: Wanna hear me sing?

QUEEN: No.

PRINCE: WAAAAAY DOWN UPON THE SWAAAANEEEE—

QUEEN: Silence. Your singing is hideous. You sound like a vomiting crow.

PRINCE: Wow. Um, you're mean. That kinda hurt my feelings.

QUEEN: This kingdom will do. I want this kingdom. I will have this kingdom.

PRINCE: (Apologetic:) Gosh, sorry. This kingdom already belongs to me.

QUEEN: That's easily fixed. I'll just freeze you for all eternity.

PRINCE: I don't think it's the sort of thing that really needs to be fixed.

QUEEN: And I will freeze your entire kingdom and all that live within it! (She waves the scepter. A MAGIC NOISE.)

PRINCE: (Freezing:) That's…n-n-not very nice. Brrr!

QUEEN: Ha ha ha! (She waves the scepter. He gets colder.)

PRINCE: You're really not v-v-very nice at all.

QUEEN: You catch on quick.

PRINCE: Some might even call you evil.

QUEEN: Die already! (Scepter.)

PRINCE: I will fight you! (He brandishes his sword. She waves the scepter, freezing it. He drops it from the cold. She laughs.)

I must stop you.

QUEEN: How?

PRINCE: (Deflating:) That's a good question.

QUEEN: You cannot stop me! I will freeze you solid! Your kingdom is mine, mine, MINE! (He freezes him solid. She knocks on his head and laughs. Somnia laughs with her. Floriad ends the illusion.)

FLORIAD: Well. That's pretty much the most horrible story I've ever heard.

SOMNIA: I think it's fantastic.

FLORIAD: Everyone dies! Evil wins! All is lost!

SOMNIA: But you gotta admit. It's nice and quick. No intermission!

FLORIAD: He dies in the first few minutes!

SOMNIA: Did you hear his singing?

FLORIAD: I don't want my prince to just die for no good reason!

SOMNIA: I'm not making the villain wimpy. I hate stories like that.

FLORIAD: OK. OK, you're right. The ice queen stays. But there has to be a way to stop her.

SOMNIA: No, there hasn't.

FLORIAD: Yes there has. And I know what it is! (She wiggles her fingers. A NOISE. Out of nowhere she produces a large green gem. She then walks into the illusion, which animates the Prince and the Queen. They are both fixated on the gem for different reasons.)

SOMNIA: What's that?

FLORIAD: It's a magic emerald.

PRINCE: Oooo.

SOMNIA: Oh really. And what does this magic emerald do?

FLORIAD: Oh, I think your ice queen knows.

QUEEN: Get that thing away from me!

FLORIAD: It melts cold!

PRINCE: Like a space heater!

FLORIAD: It will warm up the land!

QUEEN: Get that thing away from me!

SOMNIA: It will ruin our plans!

QUEEN: I said, GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

PRINCE: There is hope for my kingdom!

FLORIAD: Now to give to the prince.

SOMNIA: Wait! Wait. That's not fair. That emerald will ruin everything!

FLORIAD: But without it, the ice queen will ruin the prince!

SOMNIA: Maybe she won't.

FLORIAD: Oh come on. Listen to her. (Floriad wiggles her fingers. The Queen speaks her thoughts:)

QUEEN: I am tired of the prince and his happiness. His © Randy Wyatt This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 18 Randy Wyatt happy castle. (She spits:) His happy dances. (She spits:) And especially his happy songs. (She spits three times:) I must do something to freeze his face, to lock his mouth, to keep his dancing feet stock-still. I know! I will cast a blizzarding spell on the kingdom. It will freeze, it will quake. It will turn into one giant ball of ice!

PRINCE: The kingdom? But that's where I live.

QUEEN: I know.

PRINCE: You really are evil, you know that?

QUEEN: Thank you.

PRINCE: I must stop you.

QUEEN: How?

PRINCE: (Deflating:) That's a good question.

QUEEN: You cannot stop me! I will freeze you solid! Your kingdom is mine, mine— (Somnia ends the illusion.)

SOMNIA: Yeah, yeah, we've seen this part. OK, you can keep your little emerald.

FLORIAD: Yay!

SOMNIA: If you can find it. (It has vanished.)

FLORIAD: Hey!

PRINCE: Where'd it go?

FLORIAD: Where'd it go?

SOMNIA: It's hidden. (The Queen laughs.)

FLORIAD: Where?

SOMNIA: Only wise men know where.

FLORIAD: A riddle? But that's not-

SOMNIA: So now, let's start again! (Somnia wiggles her fingers, the story reanimates.)

PRINCE: Brrr! You're really not v-v-very nice at all.

QUEEN: You catch on quick.

PRINCE: Some might even call you evil.

QUEEN: Die already! (She waves the scepter.)

PRINCE: I will fight you! (He brandishes his sword. She waves the scepter on it. He drops it from the cold. She laughs.)

FLORIAD: Wait a minute.

PRINCE: I must stop you.

FLORIAD: Wait a minute!

QUEEN: How?

FLORIAD: Everything's happening exactly as before!

SOMNIA: Delicious, isn't it?

PRINCE: (Deflating:) That's a good question. (With emphasis towards the storytellers:) SINCE NOBODY HAS TOLD ME HOW TO STOP YOU.

QUEEN: You cannot stop me! I will freeze you solid! Your kingdom is mine, mine, MINE! (She freezes him and laughs. Floriad ends the illusion.)

FLORIAD: This won't do at all.

SOMNIA: I thought it was perfect. And perfectly fair.

FLORIAD: No. The prince at least deserves to know about it.

SOMNIA: The prince is free to find it at any time.

FLORIAD: Hmmm. Only wise men know where. (She steps into the circle.)

SOMNIA: What are you doing?

FLORIAD: What we need now is a wise old gnome Who knows every nook of the kingdom, his home. (THE GNOME steps out of the mists, looking gnomish.)

He will tell of the emerald for decency's sake. Did I mention he makes his home in a lake? (The Gnome looks startled at this. He shrugs. He goes offstage and comes back on with a diving mask and a snorkel.)

I am the fantasist, now heed my call Come to life, gnome, snorkel and all.

PRINCE: Waaaayyyy down upon the— (The Ice Queen cackles.)

Oh man. That ice queen will freeze my whole kingdom if I don't find some way to stop her. I'd better go talk to my wise old friend, The-Gnome-Who-Lives-In-The-Lake-But-Doesn't- Know-Why. (Prince skips over to Gnome.)

Hellooo-ooo! Hey! Mr. The-Gnome-Who-Lives-In-The-Lake- But-Doesn't-Know-Why! Come out and talk to Prince Hubert!

GNOME: (Tries to speak through snorkel but fails, so has to remove it to say:) Whaddya want, Prince?

PRINCE: The ice queen is trying to freeze my kingdom.

GNOME: Bummer.

PRINCE: Freezing the kingdom is bad.

GNOME: What do I care? (Floriad notices Somnia fluttering her fingers at the Gnome:)

FLORIAD: Somnia, stop that! (Floriad adjusts the spell. The Gnome's attitude changes.)

GNOME: Oh, no, not that evil ice witch. She's evil, you know. She must be stopped. I know what you need. You need a magic emerald.

PRINCE: I do?

GNOME: Sure do. It'll melt that witch clean away.

PRINCE: That sounds incredibly convenient! Where do I get one?

GNOME: Across the driest desert, over the widest ocean, then on top of the highest mountain. Prepare for the greatest journey of your life.

PRINCE: Neat! (He exits and enters almost immediately with the emerald.)

Got it!

SOMNIA: WHAT?! Wait a second!

PRINCE: (High-fiving the Gnome:) You rule, Gnome! Thanks a ton!

GNOME: Forgedda-bout-it!

SOMNIA: Wait just a second!

PRINCE: (Skipping back to the Queen and shoving the gem in her face:) Ha ha! Easiest quest ever! Melt, ice queen!

QUEEN: NOOOOOO!

SOMNIA: Alright, stop. (She ends the illusion.)

This is ridiculous. Where was the desert? Was that ocean a puddle? What kind of mountain was that?

FLORIAD: A very flat one?

SOMNIA: He might as well have gone to the store! This won't do at all.

FLORIAD: You're just being cranky. This is perfectly fair.

SOMNIA: No, it isn't. It's too easy to get something of such power. I know. Move. (Into the circle she goes.)

What we need now is a guardian bold Who doesn't mind being out in the cold. Sharp teeth, strong paws, wild eyes and loud roar You've never seen anything like him before!

I am the fantasist, come heed my call Come to life, snow lion, power and all! (A mighty ROAR is heard off stage. The story begins again. The Ice Queen cackles and throws snow on Prince:)

PRINCE: Wayyyy down upon the—ha! Go ahead! Throw your silly snow! I know where to go!

QUEEN: Yes. Go. Quickly.

PRINCE: (Suspiciously:) That's a—strange—reaction—to have over your impending doom. Oh well. Gnomeward! (He skips to the Gnome.)

Hey, Mister The-Gnome-Who-Lives…

GNOME: Go get the emerald. Now beat it. I'm watching

Touched by an Angel. (Note: Feel free to put any TV show that makes sense here. The playwright also likes Mad Men or Braxton Family Values:)

PRINCE: Awesome! (He goes offstage but is pushed back on by THE SNOW LION, who is growling.)

Hey! Where'd you come from?

LION: I live here.

PRINCE: Here? On the mountain?

LION: Yup. Suits me fine. I like it cold.

PRINCE: OK well. Can I—um, what I mean is…have you seen an emerald around here at all?

LION: (Producing it:) You mean, this one?

PRINCE: Ah. I don't suppose there are any others?

LION: No.

PRINCE: Because, see, if there were, then you could have one, and I could have one.

LION: Except that there's only one.

PRINCE: Bad luck.

LION: For you.

PRINCE: Please can I have it? I need it!

LION: (Playing keep away with it from Prince, taunting:) Ha ha- ha ha-ha ha! You can't have my emerald! You can't have my emerald!

PRINCE: Cut it OUT. That's REALLY annoying.

LION: You're going to have to challenge me for it.

PRINCE: Can't I just have it?

LION: No. It's expensive. And if you're going to waste my time, go away! (The Ice Queen laughs and activates the scepter into the air.)

PRINCE: Brrr! It's getting colder. I better do something. But what to do?

FLORIAD: Use your sword!

SOMNIA: Don't tell him!

PRINCE: My sword! I have a sword! For what?

SOMNIA: Cut your own head off!

FLORIAD: To fight him! Remember? You're adept with a sword!

PRINCE: What does adept mean?

FLORIAD: It means good! So hurry!

PRINCE: Right! (He whips out his sword and adeptly whirls it around.)

I am ready to challenge you, Snow Lion!

LION: (After a good roar:) I challenge you… (He whips out a board game, or perhaps a conveniently nearby table with a board game illuminates.)

To a game of Parcheesi!

SOMNIA: What? No!

LION: But…but I'm really good at Parcheesi!

SOMNIA: You're also really good at biting things! Fight him!

LION: (Sigh:) OK. It just seems so obvious. (They fight. It's epic. The Snow Lion wins.)

PRINCE: Well. This sure isn't my day. (Prince falls over. Ice Queen laughs.)

FLORIAD: Ugh. This is all wrong.

SOMNIA: The story's getting good!

FLORIAD: But the hero dies!

SOMNIA: He's dumb anyway.

FLORIAD: There's still something missing… (She steps into the circle.)

We need a companion, a faithful friend true Who knows, every time, just what to do. A good friend who's strong, energetic and funny And who can give that dumb lion a run for his money.

I am the fantasist, now heed my call. Come to life, sun wolf, goodwill and all. (Happy barking offstage. THE SUN WOLF bounds out and tackles the Prince in his castle.)

WOLF: Growf! Happy sun wolf! Happy to have friend! Happy to be alive! Growf! (The Wolf licks the Prince. There's a whole lot of licking:)

PRINCE: Whoa! Whoa, boy! Yes, I'm happy to see you too. Not so much with the licking! Whoa! (The Ice Queen cackles. The Wolf perks up and growls.)

WOLF: (Bounding:) That witch must be stopped! She's evil, you know! We should go somewhere! Find out some stuff! Go go go! Come on, Prince! Move move move! We're off to the Lake! (The Wolf dashes off to the Gnome's place.)

PRINCE: (Running behind him:) Do we have to run? I'm not really the running type.

WOLF: Hey! Wake up, lazy gnome! Tell us things!

GNOME: What's this now?

WOLF: TELL US THINGS.

GNOME: Emerald, mountain, hurry. Déjà vu.

WOLF: (Running off:) Got it! To the mountain!

PRINCE: More running?

WOLF: (Arriving at the curled up Lion and scaring him to death:) Lion!

LION: Huh? What? Get off me! Who are you?

WOLF: I'm the Sun Wolf! I'm here for the emerald! Give it to us!

LION: Are you crazy? No way! That was my grandfather's fire emerald!

WOLF: Then I challenge you! And not to Parcheesi! (Wolf and Lion fight. The Lion wins, but the fight has tired him out.)

Woof. (He falls over.)

PRINCE: (Over Wolf's body, a melodramatic eulogy. Perhaps there's music:) Oh, Sun Wolf, my friend. I shall never forget your faithful service to me. Of all the sun wolves in the world, you are the sun-wolfiest.

FLORIAD: Oh! How sad! (She blows her nose on Somnia's sleeve.)

But beautiful!

SOMNIA: (Realizing:) And clever. Hmmm.

PRINCE: Now, Lion, I will avenge my friend's death!

LION: (Out of breath:) Give me a chance to catch my—I need a Gatorade or something—

PRINCE: (Brandishing sword:) En garde! (They fight. The Lion loses. Big time.)

LION: Ouch. (Lion falls over. The Prince claims the emerald.)

PRINCE: Finally! Oh, the varied experiences I have had! Now I can take care of the witch!

QUEEN: Uh oh. (Prince returns with the emerald, perhaps set in the hilt of his blade. The Ice Queen cowers.)

PRINCE: Now, Ice Queen! Go away and never come back, or I shall turn you into a puddle queen!

QUEEN: Nooooooooo! (She melts. Or maybe runs away. Or maybe a bit of both.)

FLORIAD: And he lived happily ever after.

SOMNIA: Happily?! (The Prince strikes a heroic pose. Fanfare. The illusion ends.)

FLORIAD: (Bouncing:) Now there's a good story!

SOMNIA: (Gritting her teeth:) Yeah! Great.

FLORIAD: I feel so refreshed! We'll be all ready for the testing tonight! Oh Somnia. Doesn't it make you just tingle?

SOMNIA: (Jazz hands:) Tingle, tingle!

FLORIAD: We're a good team, you and I.

SOMNIA: Sure are!

FLORIAD: I'm glad we're friends. I'll see you tonight!

SOMNIA: See ya then! Buddy! (Floriad exits happily. Somnia makes sure she is alone. Then she moves down to the Sun Wolf, who is still on the ground, and waves her hands over him. He comes back to life.)

WOLF: Grrrowf! Wait! So I'm dead? What kind of story is that? Animal abuse! Not fair! I'm a good doggie!

SOMNIA: Hush.

WOLF: Someone call my agent! Or the Humane Society!

SOMNIA: Hush! I have plans for you tonight.

WOLF: Tonight? (Somnia produces a large glass vial of greenish liquid.)

SOMNIA: Drink this.

WOLF: Um. No thumbs. (Somnia growls in exasperation.)

Hey! Good growl! (Somnia produces a dog dish and pours the liquid into it. The Sun Wolf barks and laps it up messily.)

SOMNIA: Yes. Drink up, my little sun wolf. Drink it all.

WOLF: It's yummy!

SOMNIA: (Petting him:) No it isn't. It's disgusting.

WOLF: (Happily:) It doesn't matter!

SOMNIA: (Petting him as he drinks:) No. No it doesn't.

WOLF: Uggh. I feel…strange.

SOMNIA: Don't worry, wolfy. Tonight, you'll feel juuuust

© Randy Wyatt This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Fantasists 29 fine. (An OMINOUS CHORD? Blackout.) (FANFARE. The lights come upon the night of the Ancient Story Circle. Tenbrooke is there, primping Floriad for the competition. She is in a radiant robe with lots of flowers on it. Tenbrooke is putting a ridiculous amount of flowers in Floriad's hair.)

TENBROOKE: This brings back so many memories of my time in the Ancient Story Circle. The night I became a fantasist. (Floriad sneezes.)

FLORIAD: Do I need so many flowers in my hair, uncle?

TENBROOKE: You are from Sunflower Island.

FLORIAD: I know, but…

TENBROOKE: Oh Floriad. I can't wait to bring you home, all grown up, a fantasist yourself. The people will meet our boat along the shore with cheers of joy and a thousand floating candles.

FLORIAD: Oh! I can hardly wait.

TENBROOKE: And we will walk to the center hall in the middle of the town square, climb the dusty stairs to the Room of History, and there we will inscribe your name into the Book of Fantasists. Right under mine.

FLORIAD: Such an honor.

TENBROOKE: Yes. Everything will be wonderful. As long as you win.

FLORIAD: Yes, uncle.

TENBROOKE: And as long as you don't foul.

FLORIAD: Foul? How do I foul? (A TRUMPET sound. Or maybe it's more mysterious, some magical ram's horn. A horn, anyway.)

TENBROOKE: It's almost time!

FLORIAD: But uncle...ah-ah-ahchoo!

SHAMBALA: (Running on:) Where is Somnia?

TENBROOKE: We haven't seen her.

SHAMBALA: What have you done with her?

TENBROOKE: I beg your pardon!

SOMNIA: (Entering:) I'm right here!

SHAMBALA: (Rushing to her:) Somnia, where have you been? It's almost time!

SOMNIA: That's why I'm here.

SHAMBALA: Such a handful. You are enough to give anyone heart failure.

SOMNIA: Awesome!

FLORIAD: Uncle, what foul?

TENBROOKE: No nominee may interfere with the story chant of another.

THE ANCIENT: It is time. Initiates, take your place.

FLORIAD: Ooooo so exciting! Even my flowers are vibrating! Can you feel them?

SOMNIA: Are you for real? You look like a float.

FLORIAD: I love your special little way of looking at things. Are you ready? Just like we practiced!

SOMNIA: (Sinister grin:) Sure. Just like we practiced.

FLORIAD: (Clearing her throat:) We are ready to begin, The Ancient. (The Ancient bows and takes his place to watch. There is an expectant silence. With a grand flourish.)

ONCE upon a time....there was a Prince. What we need first is a hero, well trained, the son of a king who shall not be named. (The Prince appears from the mists. Somnia suddenly shoves Floriad out of the circle and finishes the chant. Floriad is shocked and angry. The mentors gasp.)

SOMNIA: Inept with a sword, and really quite lame, But he'll have to be hero all just the same.

FLORIAD: Somnia, what are you doing?!

SOMNIA: I am the fantasist, come heed my call Come to life Prince, clumsy and all. (The Prince is instantly a klutz, dropping his sword. He has a lot of trouble just standing upright and holding things, while Tenbrooke and Shambala run over to the initiates:)

TENBROOKE: What is going on here?

FLORIAD: She interrupted me!

SOMNIA: This is the way the story should be!

SHAMBALA: Good for you, Somnia. Be bold.

TENBROOKE: Oh dear, oh dear. This is a foul. No interference!

FLORIAD: I win!

SHAMBALA: Nonsense, we've barely started. No one can prove that this isn't the way the story is supposed to be.

FLORIAD: But it isn't!

SOMNIA: Can't prove it. Besides, that old man can barely see two inches in front of his nose anyway. It doesn't matter what we do.

TENBROOKE: He is much more aware than you think.

SHAMBALA: The story!

PRINCE: Hi! I'm the Prince! I have a sword! (He drops it.)

FLORIAD: Let's start over.

SHAMBALA: Once the story begins, it cannot be stopped before it is finished. The Prince must remain clumsy.

PRINCE: Um. I guess I'll sing. WAYYYY DOWN UPON THE SWANEE RIVER!

SOMNIA: The story is going forward! We need the queen! Everyone move!

FLORIAD: This isn't fair! (Somnia jumps into the circle and chants.)

SOMNIA: What we need now is a villain so mean From the top of her brow to the cuff of her jeans (The Queen appears, cackling. Floriad pushes Somnia out of the circle.)

FLORIAD: Evil, ice cold but one other thing She falls in love with the Prince whenever he sings. (The Queen sighs deeply, lovestruck.)

SOMNIA: What? What are you doing? No!

FLORIAD: I am the fantasist, come heed my call Come to life, Ice Queen, love secret and all.

QUEEN: I will freeze this kingdom and everything in it!

PRINCE: (Singing:) FAR FAR AWAY!

QUEEN: (Melting:) Right after this beautiful, beautiful song.

SOMNIA: (To Floriad:) What have you done?

FLORIAD: Serves you right. Now it's a love story!

SOMNIA: We'll see about that.

SHAMBALA: No more interferences! You will both be disqualified!

TENBROOKE: Oh, now you care about it.

FLORIAD: (Offering her hand to Somnia:) No more interfering with the chants. Deal?

SOMNIA: (A beat, then shakes:) Deal.

QUEEN: (To Prince:) You're so dreamy. Maybe I won't freeze you. Just everyone else.

TENBROOKE: The story is moving forward!

SHAMBALA: Get back to it!

QUEEN: You can be my Ice King.

PRINCE: Um, no thanks.

QUEEN: What? You refuse me?! How DARE you! (She throws some snow. The Prince gets chilly fast.)

PRINCE: Brrr!

QUEEN: I'll freeze this whole silly kingdom!

PRINCE: You're not very nice at all!

QUEEN: (Flirty:) I could be if you gave a girl a chance.

PRINCE: What?

QUEEN: (Snaps back to evil:) That's right! I'm evil! Mwa ha ha!

PRINCE: (Drawing sword:) I must stop you! (He drops the sword and stumbles over his own feet.)

Except that I don't seem to be particularly well equipped to do that myself.

FLORIAD: Time for the Wolf.

SOMNIA: (Smirking:) Go ahead. (Floriad enters the circle and chants.)

FLORIAD: We need a companion, faithful and true who knows, every time, just what to do. Energetic and strong, with plenty of guts to make up for the fact that our prince is a klutz.

I am the fantasist, come heed my call Come to life Sun Wolf, goodwill and all. (The Sun Wolf barks half-heartedly, and tries to romp onstage, but it's markedly less energetic than before. He's feeling a bit woozy.)

PRINCE: Sun Wolf! Here boy! Come here, boy!

QUEEN: You can't stop me! You might as well just stay here and sing to me all day while rubbing my feet!

PRINCE: Never!

QUEEN: Please?

PRINCE: Are you feeling all right, boy?

WOLF: Sun Wolf feels a little...off.

PRINCE: Was it something you ate?

WOLF: I did drink out of the toilet all afternoon. But that can't be it.

PRINCE: Quick, boy! I need a plan to stop the ice queen.

WOLF: We should go see the wise old Gnome-Who-Lives-In- The-Lake-But-Doesn't-Know-Why. He'll know how to stop her. At least I'm pretty sure he will. Ruff. Ruff.

PRINCE: Let's go! (He trips over himself and he falls.)

Maybe I'll ride you.

SUN WOLF: Not a good idea.

PRINCE: (Mounting the Wolf:) Gnomeward! (The Wolf and Prince travel lamely to the lake.)

FLORIAD: What's wrong with the wolf?

SOMNIA: I don't see any difference.

FLORIAD: He seems so—tired out.

SOMNIA: You better call up the Gnome before they get to the lake and the story stops.

FLORIAD: Oh right! The Gnome! What we need now is a wise old Gnome Who knows every nook of the kingdom, his home. (The Gnome appears, prepared with snorkel and mask this time.)

He will tell of the emerald for decency's sake, but he's still got no clue why he lives in a lake.

I am the fantasist, come heed my call Come to life gnome, snorkel and all.

WOLF: (Dumping the Prince off his back:) Finally.

GNOME: Whaddya want, Prince?

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