U3a Creative Writing Group – “Writing prompt” for April 2021 – by Eileen Truby

You are holding a dinner party for 5 guests plus yourself. The guests will be well known people, not necessarily living, but who have contributed to society in some way. Write about why you chose them and describe briefly conversations they would have had with each other and set the menu for the dinner.

The guests I would invite are:

Ventriloquist Peter Brough and his ventriloquist’s dummy Archie Andrews Ventriloquist Keith Harris and his puppet Orville the Duck Annette Mills and her string puppet Muffin the Mule Harry Corbett (magician and puppeteer) and his glove puppet Sooty the yellow teddy bear. Charlie Drake - Comedian/singer/slapstick artist Host - Eileen Truby

The menu would be plain and simple and preferably something that could be eaten one handed as most of my guests would be using one of their hands to manipulate their puppets. I’d choose: Tomato soup with croutons so the guests wouldn’t have to mess about with breaking and buttering rolls. Homemade fish and chips, preferably served in newspaper (easy to pick up with fork or fingers). Finger bowls will be needed for use before dessert. Jelly and custard for dessert (easy to eat with a spoon). Drinks would be beers, wine, soft drinks and tea/coffee.

I’ve chosen these guests as they remind me of the innocence and carefree days of my childhood. My children look at me as if I’ve gone mad when I tell them I used to listen to a radio program that starred a ventriloquist dummy called Archie Andrews. And my daughter thought it was hilarious that a young Julie Andrews had played the part of Archie's girlfriend until Beryl Reid took over the role. Lots of young, up and coming stars were involved in the show too, Tony Hancock, Max Bygraves and Benny HIll to name but a few. I’ve invited 2 ventriloquists to my very simple dinner party, one has a traditional ventriloquist doll/dummy and the other a big green soft plush baby duck that wears a nappy with a big safety pin. I’ve also invited Annette Mills and string puppet Muffin the Mule. Annette used the top of her piano as a stage for Muffin who was manipulated by Ann Hogarth who wrote the scripts for the programme. Annette wrote the songs, and sung them whilst accompanying herself on the piano. All sorts of objects were placed on the piano and many simple adventures were had by Muffin and his many friends such as Prudence the Kitten, Sally the Sea-Lion and Oswald Ostrich.

Next on my list is Harry Corbett, Magician/Puppeteer and his little glove puppet friend Sooty. Poor Harry had his work cut out trying to keep Sooty under control. Who would have thought that a simple hand puppet could be so unbelievably naughty but lovable. Sooty didn’t have a voice but conversed with Harry by whispering in his ear. In this way, the plot for the day was revealed by Harry. A very simple, clever concept I thought. I loved Sooty and his friends, Sweep, a little grey dog that could squeak and Soo (I think she was a Panda bear).

Last but not least is Charlie Drake, Clown/actor and slapstick artist. I loved slapstick comedy as a child and I was never disappointed with Charlie Drake and Jack Edwardes in the Mick and Montmorency Jobstoppers television programme. I loved it and have since tried slapstick scenes in several pantomimes. It is very hard to make it look easy if you get my meaning, timing is of utmost importance.

This is how I think the conversation would flow and what the outcome of the evening would be:

Eileen: “Good evening Annette, thank you for joining me this evening. I’ve put you at the head of the table with a little table to the side of you for Muffin to stand on”.

Annette: “Thank you Eileen, that’s very thoughtful of you. Come along Muffin, don’t get your strings knotted”.

Eileen: “Hello Peter and Archie, I’m so pleased you could make it tonight, I hope you’ll enjoy yourselves. Would you take the seat to the right of Annette and Muffin please, I’ve placed a little stool to the right of Peter’s chair for you to sit on Archie”.

Peter/Archie: “Well thank you very much for inviting us, we are very eager to meet the rest of your guests”.

Eileen: “I’m sure you’ll all get on very well together as you all have quite a lot in common. Oh look, how cute, it’s Orville and Keith. Welcome to you both. Would you like to take the seat opposite Peter and Archie. There's a little table to the left of your chair Keith, it’s for Orville to sit or stand on if he wants to”.

Keith: “We’ll make our way over there now, come on Orville I’ll carry you there. It would be nice if he could fly over there”.

Orville: “But I can’t”.

Eileen: “Oh good evening Harry and Sooty, so glad you could make it. Would you like to sit next to Peter and Archie”.

Eileen: “Ah Charlie, how lovely to meet you in person”.

Charlie: “Hello my darling, it’s lovely to be here, I’ve come straight from work so please excuse my overalls”.

Eileen: “That’s fine Charlie, you might be very pleased you’ve worn them as the night progresses. Please would you take the seat next to Keith and Orville and I’ll sit between you and Harry. There now, isn’t this lovely, can I get anyone a drink before I serve the first course”?

Archie: “Have you got any gottles of geer”?

Peter: “Oh stop it Archie, apart from the fact that you’re too young to drink alcohol, you are also perfectly capable of saying bottles of beer”.

This causes lots of laughter and everyone relaxes and smiles at each other. I collect drinks and hand them out and then serve the soup that proves very popular. There is a murmur of approval when I serve the fish n chips in a special catering newspaper wrapping and everyone is more than happy to eat with their fingers. The conversation is flowing beautifully with lots of stories and memories of their times on television/radio and stage. Muffin tells a story about almost falling off the piano top when his foot got tangled in one of his strings. And Annette makes up and sings a song about the incident that has us all clapping and laughing. Orville stops being so shy and does a little dance and Archie tells us about the time he was in Peter’s car when it was stolen. He was found two days later in a garden in Paddington. I wanted to ask if he’d bumped into Paddington Bear while he was there but thought better of it. Charlie told us some funny stories about things that went wrong whilst rehearsing his slapstick routines and Sooty whispered in Harry’s ear asking him to do some magic. Harry said he would and while he entertained everyone with his magic spells, I Izzy Wizzy’d and got busy gathering up the fish n chips wrappings and disposing them in a rubbish bag. I’ve decided this is a brilliant way to avoid too much washing up.

“Now”, I say, “it’s time for dessert, I hope you all like jelly and custard”. Everyone said they loved jelly and I was very relieved that they liked lots of different flavours as I’d gone to the effort of making a traffic lights jelly mould with strawberry jelly as the base, orange jelly in the middle and lime jelly on the top. I set the jelly mould in front of me and turned it out onto a serving dish. It was a magnificent jelly and it wibbled and wobbled beautifully on the plate. When I cut into it with a spoon it made that lovely sucking sound that always used to make us laugh so much as children. Sooty asked Harry if we would sing the Jelly on the Plate song which he did with gusto. We all joined in and I got quite carried away with myself and started to use the serving spoon like a baton to conduct the singing. Oh dear!! Not a good idea as there was still some jelly stuck to the spoon. Unfortunately it decided to dislodge from the spoon and fly across the table hitting Annette on the nose, she jumped and knocked Muffin off his stool and onto the table where he landed on her spoon that was full of jelly and custard that flew across the table landing on Sooty who was none too happy. Meanwhile, Peter is laughing so much that he doesn’t see a spoonful of custard heading his way from the direction of Harry who thought it was Archie that had launched the jelly and custard at Sooty on purpose. Oh my goodness, this dinner party was getting quite out of hand. Charlie was laughing out loud and Keith and Orville were looking nervously around wondering where the next sticky missile was going to come from and whether they were the targets.

I don’t know what got into me but when I saw Charlie laughing and doubling over at the waist, I couldn’t resist leaning over and pushing his head down into his bowl of jelly and custard. I’m not sure who got the biggest shock, him or me but the next thing I know a bowl of custard is smacked and rubbed onto my head. That seemed to be the cue for all hell to let loose and one almighty jelly and custard fight ensued. Everyone joined in even Annette who I must admit I thought might be a bit stuffy at first.

The guests have all gone now and I’m sitting down after tidying up. I’m so glad I decided to use a paper tablecloth as it was easy to wrap all the mess up and get rid of it in one go. I need to go and get into a shower now and hope I can get all the jelly and custard out of my hair.

It was lovely to meet some of my childhood heroes and their friends. I’ll remember this night forever.

Eileen Truby 1719 words.