CUSU has a new officer for students with disabilities. Unfortunately, the University still hasn’t provided a students’ union building with wheelchair access. A look at Cambridge life for disabled students Page 4

No. 609 The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Friday November 19, 2004

Uni condemns Damned if they do: Church anger at Xmas event admissions

advice for cash officialdamned.com

Chine Mbubaegbu CUSU’s Access Officer, Naveed Anwar, also voiced his concerns. “A thor- THE UNIVERSITY’S Admissions ough examination of the small print [of he authorities have condemned the recruit- the interview questionnaire] will reveal ment of students by a company whose that payment is dependent on satisfacto- aim is to ‘demystify’ the Oxbridge ry performance, as defined by admissions process. them…We would urge all students to Oxbridge Applications, based in refrain from working with this company.” Mayfair, London, has offered students Wes Streeting agreed, calling the venture £20 each in return for the completion “morally bankrupt.”

of a questionnaire in which they are James Uffindell defended his compa- t Mockel-von-dem-Bussc asked to detail their interview experi- ny’s actions against the University’s r lbe ences and provide information such as claims, saying: “We never portrayed it as A names of interviewers and a descrip- being charitable. We’re a commercial tion of their ‘main characteristics.’ The organisation.” He also reacted strongly organisation recruited current under- against what he called the ‘fundamental graduates to act as agents in finding misconception’ that Oxbridge other suitable students. Applications ‘coaches’ people in order to The company, founded by Oxford prepare them for Oxbridge interviews. graduate James Uffindell in 1999, has He said that the company merely aims said that it will use the information col- to tell people what admissions tutors are lected in its forthcoming book Real looking for in a potential applicant. Oxbridge Applications, which will include Since the company’s creation five sections on each college and case studies years ago, it has worked with close to on particular subjects, and will be sold in 4,000 applicants and its clients now con- major bookshops. stitute 5% of the total applications to Geoff Parks, Director of Oxbridge. During this period, James Dacre been tailored towards families with Comparing the symbolism of Admissions for the Cambridge Uffindell’s company has come under fire children in the past. Christmas lights to that of the Christian Colleges, has criticised the recent from Admissions officers at both CAMBRIDGE CITY Council’s deci- The Damned have achieved notori- emphasis upon light, the Rev. Stephen events, saying: “The level of detail of Cambridge and Oxford. sion to invite 70’s punk rock group The ety for their controversial performances, Leeke, vicar of St Martin’s Church, said information requested is considerable: Parks disagrees with Oxbridge Damned to switch on the city’s lyrics and publicity stunts. They are that “it would be more appropriate for much greater detail than you might Applications’ message, which he per- Christmas lights has met with fierce known for a host of anti-religious songs, The Damned to switch them off.” think necessary for a book seeking to ceives as: “the only way to get a place at opposition from local Church leaders. including ‘Anti Pope’ which contains Cambridge City centre manager, demystify the interview process, but Oxford or Cambridge is to buy our The Church of England have con- the line “Religion doesn’t mean a thing; Annette Joyce, responded that “It is exactly the sort of information that extremely expensive services.” Services demned the council as “insensitive.” it’s just another way of being right actually a mixed cultural event that pro- would be very helpful for coaching are priced at up to £180 for private con- Lambeth Palace told Varsity that “we wing.” The Damned have previously motes what’s happening in Cambridge. applicants for interviews with specific sultations, £800 for an interview prepa- are unhappy with the event,” adding described Christians as “weak,” saying Some think it’s blasphemous, others Cambridge interviewers.” He added ration weekend in a luxury hotel, and that “you cannot separate a Christmas they are “plain ignorant and just don’t think, ‘don’t be ridiculous.’ ” St. Mary’s that “Oxbridge Applications were por- £4,000 for the “premier service.” event from the fundamental meaning of understand.” Members of the group church called for the event to be restored traying their reasons for collecting the Uffindell told Varsity, however, that his Christmas.” CUSU and local junior responded to criticisms of their involve- to a “short religious service,” adding that information they were seeking as company is not geared towards getting schools have also expressed concern. ment with the event by saying that last year’s event was “a completely mixed being charitable, in the best possible rich people into Cambridge. He pointed But a spokeswoman for the band told Christmas “is a time to behave disgrace- cultural event.” light, and there were clearly other uses to the fact that a significant proportion of journalists that the response to their fully and slob out in front of the TV,The The Salvation Army band, the to which it could be put which were his clients come from state schools, and booking was ‘laughable.’ Damned are particularly good at that Collegium Choir and the cast of not highlighted. There was no guaran- the fact that this weekend the company There are almost 100 places of wor- sort of thing and the church stuff just Cinderella on Ice will also be involved. tee that the information provided by has subsidised an event for a group of ship within three miles of Market gets in the way.” Previously, Christopher Biggins, Big students would not be sold to their youngsters from less conventional back- Square, many of which have expressed The Church of England asked “if the Brother’s PJ and Spencer and the annual clients, in addition to being used to grounds, which will “only cost them £60 grave dissatisfaction with the event. Damned realise that they are involved pantomime cast have flicked the switch. compile the book that is apparently a head.” Most admissions interviews take Last year’s ceremony focused around a with something that is about the com- The Damned are to perform at the being researched.” place at the beginning of December. short Christian service. The event has ing of the light into the world?” Junction after the ceremony. RECORDED AID NOT SLADE PAGE 3 CACK-HANDED SINISTERISM PAGE 12 ANYONE CAN PLAY GUITAR PAGE 21 TALKING ‘BOUT AN URBAN REVOLUTION PAGE 23 ALL THAT JAZZ PAGE 25 THE BLUES SEE RED PAGE 28 2 NEWS November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Off with OFFA, says Howard Animal rights campaign r Scott

Jennife collects £500,000 a year

Amy Goodwin

IT WAS revealed this week that ani- mal rights protestors are collecting up to £500,000 a year in street stall dona- tions. This money is being used to finance the ongoing campaign against Cambridge-based Huntingdon Life Sciences (HLS), with a significant proportion directed towards splinter groups and individuals involved in direct action against researchers and their families. The finances of SHAC, or Stop Huntingdon Animal Cruelty, are not monitored in any way as the organisation is not an officially regis- tered charity. The disclosure of the scale of their funding has thus caused immense concern, particularly as the extent and quality of SHAC’s internal democracy has come into question in the past. Police are in the process of launching an investigation into the large sums of money amassed by sen- ior figures in the organisation, which subsequently disappears from sight. Do the animal rights protestors have something to hide? A considerable amount is held in CONSERVATIVE LEADER Michael Howard made a keynote speech in cash and used to finance actions ect after intimidating letters were sent tering’ near students. He claimed that his electoral campaign at Emmanuel College last Friday, provoking strong against employees of companies con- to shareholders in July, and earlier this the injunction did not prevent anyone reactions within both the university and local community. nected with HLS, but it is unclear month internet service provider Yahoo from expressing his views, but restrict- Howard outlined the Tory policy on higher education, stressing its exactly how much funds illegal activ- removed a site which listed the home ed ‘to whom and where he expresses prominent position in their overall political agenda: “Our ambition is excel- ity and at present SHAC is under no addresses and telephone numbers of those views’. The university’s lawyer lence in higher education as it is the key to British competitiveness in the obligation to disclose details of its Oxford staff, including Chancellor said that the injunction was ‘a win for global market place”. Howard denounced the Labour government’s “inter- internal organisation. Chris Patten, at the request of the uni- liberal democracy’. ference” in universities, and was heavily critical of the Office for Access to Such alarms come against a back- versity. A spokesman for the university Scientists have expressed their fears Higher Education, branding their proposed strategy as ‘coercion’. ground of mounting disquiet regard- said that the site represented an that extremist activism could hinder Howard also unveiled plans for bursaries to encourage able students to ing the tactics of animal rights protes- ‘incitement to harass’ staff. Although efforts to find cures for diseases such study core subjects such as mathematics and chemistry. he pledged to tors. Since plans for a £32 million pri- SPEAC condemned the listings, its as Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. spend £20m per annum from 2009 on such bursaries, with around 10,000 mate research laboratory at leaders have reaffirmed their commit- Commenting on the Oxford judg- students receiving £2000 on completion of their studies.Howard also pro- Cambridge were abandoned in ment to legally exposing the ‘catalogue ment, Simon Festing of the Research posed an increase in interest on student loans to replace top-up fees, and January when protests reached of lies’ emanating from the university. Defence Society stated that ‘the claimed that the gap between private and state schools had widened under unmanageably virulent levels, cam- Robert Cogswell added, ‘I’m not say- research community is pleased that Labour. paigners have refocused their actions ing there hasn’t been illegal action the courts are waking up to the grav- Local MP Anne Campbell responded to Howard’s criticisms by insisting on Oxford. Believing that research against contractors and subcontractors ity of animal rights extremism’. John that “since 1997, the percantage of children achieving expected standards in they prevented taking place at but that it has in no way been con- Curtin, a founding member of literacy and numeracy in Cambridge has risen considerably.” CUSU Higher Cambridge may now simply be relo- doned by SPEAC’. SPEAC, was recently charged with Education Funding Officer Joe Powell told Varsity: “The Conservative cated, SPEAC (Stop Primate Last week Oxford University won desecrating the grave and stealing the Party and Michael Howard have always opposed measures that widen access Experimentation at Cambridge) have the latest round in its battle to prevent corpse of an elderly woman whose and give kids from poorer backgrounds the opportunity to study at our elite joined the coalition against Oxford’s obstruction when an injunction was son-in-law is involved in research. institutions... Ultimately Michael Howard is wasting his time trying to woo planned biomedical research facility, passed protecting its staff and build- The case has only increased pressure the student vote. Students will never vote in their masses for a party that has along with SHAC. ings from activists, although Mr on the government to introduce legis- consistently stood for cuts in higher education and our public services.” The battle between Oxford Justice Grigson rejected the universi- lation to protect scientists. An Sarah Marsh researchers and protestors has escalat- ty’s demand for a 100 yard total exclu- amendment to the Crime and ed in recent months. Building contrac- sion zone and an anti-harassment Policing Bill may be announced in -Opinion: page 7 tor Walter Lilly pulled out of the proj- clause preventing protestors from ‘loi- the Queen’s Speech on the 23rd. Our own enterprising young Brit RAG fundraiser protest Charlotte Forbes The project received a massive boost At the ‘Enterprising Young Brits’ Chine Mbubaegbu pull each other next Monday.” when the company won the 2003 award ceremony on Monday, DiagnovIS Dom Hinton, President of the central A PhD STUDENT has won nation- Cambridge University Entrepreneur beat 1000 nominees to make it to the SOME COLLEGE RAG committees RAG committee, has decided to change wide acclaim for her pioneering work in business plan competition in May, spon- top five finalists. Marjanovic was grateful have come under attack this week for the event in response to the complaints. global healthcare. Sonja Marjanovic, 26, sored by the Cambridge-MIT institute. to her backers: “I got incredible support promoting a so-called ‘Lady Pulling’ As it now stands, both men and women has recently been announced as a finalist “It had a huge impact and inspired us to from the University, but I think that event to raise money for Children In will be involved and the two people who in the ‘Enterprising Young Brits Award’, carry on. It validated our efforts and gave more could be done to publicise such Need. The event involves students bid- raise the most money, regardless of sex, in recognition of her company’s work. us confidence that the project was both entrepreneurial opportunities. It is a very ding for their favourite female candi- will kiss in public. However, there is She is the joint founder and CEO feasible and worthwhile”, she said. worthwhile cause to promote... the dates to kiss in public. The proposals led some confusion as to whether this was of DiagnovIS, a company launched in Currently DiagnovIS is working potential social and economic benefits to a series of complaints at the colleges the original intention. 2002 to address the healthcare needs towards placing the units in around cannot be overstated.” involved, Sidney Sussex and Corpus Paula McBride, organiser of the of developing nations in what 11,000 hospitals, clinics and airports Christi. CUSU’s Women’s Officer, Jo event, assured students that the Sidney Marjanovic stresses is a team effort. over the next two years, which will create Read, and the central RAG committee Children In Need Auction was a purely The company has developed a digital an estimated revenue of over £37 mil- have also received complaints. Concerns charitable event and was not meant to microscopy and optical recognition lion. This money will then be re-invest- have arisen from the interpretation of cause offence. Fundraising events will unit for use in the diagnosis of serious ed to aid expansion of the project over lotte Forbes such an event as using women as objects, also be taking place at other colleges. St diseases such as malaria and tuberculo- the next 3 to 5 years. This could be done there for men’s pleasure. John’s will be holding ‘Miss St John’s,’ sis, and the sexually-transmitted dis- by increasing the number of illnesses Char Sidney Sussex’s RAG committee their annual drag queen competition, eases gonorrhoea and chlamydia. The that the unit tests for, and extending its sent out an email earlier this week, whilst Trinity Hall will be trying to ability to rapidly test blood samples in use across the world. It is initially to be stating: “There will be seven tins make a coin train through the front remote areas will increase the speed of used in Africa, after which it could be with seven ladies’ names on them in court of college. More conventional both diagnosis and treatment, and will tested in other areas, such as Latin the bar from tonight, and the two charity events at colleges include various potentially save lives. America and south-east Asia. girls you give the most money to will cake sales and raffles. Prize-winner Sonja Marjanovic www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 NEWS 3

They wish it could be Christmas every day Costs of international student visas to rise

ine Lazenby Rachel Cooper Kerry Tang, CUSU International President, told Varsity: “The Home

athar CAMBRIDGE STUDENTS are Office’s decision to double renewal K fighting back against the government’s charges adds insult to injury. By deter- plans to raise the cost of applying for an ring students from applying to the UK international student visa for the second and damaging access, we will be doing time in a year. international students a massive dis- CUSU and CUSU International have favour and threatening the UK’s repu- announced their intention to present a tation as an international research cen- united front in a bid to lobby the gov- tre of excellence. These charges are ernment to rethink their plans. A unfair and exploitative”. motion was passed at the last CUSU Andrei Mihai Pogonaru, CUSU Council meeting to support CUSU International Welfare Officer, added: International’s campaign. “Increasing the cost of applying for a visa The first step in the campaign was is a discriminatory and hostile move. taken on Wednesday 17 November The brightest and poorest students will with the launch of International suffer as bursaries will not cover the Student Action Day. Petitions were increase in costs”. distributed nationally, including to all Streeting voiced his support for the Cambridge colleges. Cambridge’s drive campaign: “CUSU and the university are to prevent the hike in costs is part of a appalled by the government’s plans. wider national campaign, co-ordinated International Students pay through the by the Aldwych group - the students’ nose for their education in the UK and unions of the Russell Group - and the contribute enormously to our universi- A GROUP of musicians from Selwyn as Cambridge’s answer to the ‘Band CUSU President Wes Streeting. NUS. The Aldwych group met last ties. Diversity amongst the student pop- College are eagerly anticipating the Aid 20’ project. The proceeds will go to The recording will hit the airwaves Friday, and a joint consultation paper is ulation and the contribution of interna- release of their first single to kick-start RAG and Jimmy’s Night Shelter. early next week. If the single proves to currently being prepared for submission tional graduate students to research for the new charity organisation, The Recorded Aid musicians (fou be successful, the band plans to organ- to Parliament early next year. Individual our University is something we should Recorded Aid. With the support of rof whom are pictured above) aimed ise a much larger scale event next term student unions will also present their all cherish and value”. Cambridge University Radio, the to ‘do something on a local scale that which would involve many more case to the government. Last year the Government introduced musicians will spend this weekend re- people can appreciate and see’. With musicians, in a similar vein to the 1985 CUSU President Wes Streeting said charges of £155 for a basic application recording two tracks from the Selwyn’s Dean of Chapel Ian Live Aid concerts. that he is currently trying to set up a and £250 for a premium service without Wizzard and Slade ‘Christmas 1973’ Thompson agreeing to offer his Tom Ready meeting with the Immigration Minister, any consultation with universities or stu- hit collection, for release on Monday. services, the group has not shied Des Browne, to voice his concerns about dents, attracting significant criticism. If Kit Hobbs, who said he initially put from the inclusive spirit of the origi- The single will be available on Monday the government’s plans. Members of the new fees structure is introduced in forward the idea as ‘a barmy scheme at nal. Other musical talents that will priced £3. To obtain a copy, email CUSU International are intending to April 2005, fees could increase by as a CUR social evening back in feature on the new single include [email protected]. Cheques or cash can lobby local MP, Anne Campbell at her much as 30%. The consultation deadline October’, describes Recorded Aid lead guitarist Mike Baker and also be posted to U. Monaghan at Newnham student surgery next week. falls on the 8th December. 4 NEWS November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Access Denied: A Spotlight on Disability at Cambridge

ambridge has around 600 disabled students, the majority of whom have an ‘unseen disability’, but who have to adhere to the same deadlines and attend Cthe same lectures as everyone else. For some, this can cause an untold num- ber of problems – and not merely in the case of restricted access to those with limit- ndy Sims ed mobility. The Disability Resource Centre also includes those with impaired A vision and hearing, mental health difficulties and dyslexia in its statistics, all of which may make study more difficult unless there is adequate provision and under- standing. Various acts of legislation have been passed in recent years to address this need, most recently the Special Educational Needs and Disability Act of 2001.This states that no disabled person should be treated less favourably without justification. It also states that reasonable adjustments are made to ensure that the disabled peo- ple are not placed at a substantial disadvantage whilst at university. The Varsity news team investigates the level of provision at the University, and whether disabled students think that enough is being done to help them.

Case study: Case study: Rachael Wallach Jon Begg

Rachael, a third year Philosophy stu- Jon, a third year Land Economist at dent at New Hall, has been in a wheel- Downing was involved in a car accident chair for four years after sustaining a over the summer and spent the first spinal cord injury. half of this term in a wheelchair with Rachael thinks that the problem for two broken legs. those in wheelchairs is “not physical Jon explained how he was unable to access so much as organisation and go to all his lectures during his time in cooperation within the University”. a wheelchair. He said “the [University] She suggested that the University were buildings I’ve had experience with have using its old buildings and expense as been pretty bad.” He described the an excuse for what could be done by Land Economy Department as staff at all levels to accommodate dis- “absolutely appalling for wheelchair abled students. access” but said that the lecture theatres She cited problems such as acciden- on Mill Lane were “not too bad”. It was tally being put in a second floor room unfortunate that all his lectures were on in college and being unable to attend the third floor, to which the lift did not Individual Faculties CUSU’s approach to disability lectures due to broken lifts or fire reg- go up to. ulations. Jon described his disabled room in THERE IS much inconsistency in the level of disabled CUSU PROJECTS a pro-active stance with regard to dis- In her first year Rachael remembers Downing as “fantastic” and was able to access across the University’s faculties. New buildings abled access. The Disability Officer holds a part-time post on her room cleaner complaining about get to the college bar due to a ramp but such as the Law Faculty, English Faculty and Judge the executive committee, and a campaign for the disabled is the tyre marks on the floor of her bath- anywhere else in college was more dif- Institute of Management have ample provision, includ- promoted on the CUSU website. room and when she asked for help ficult due to the number of staircases. ing hearing induction loops, parking facilities, adapted But there has been no Disability Officer for the majority of down the stairs, being told by the But he added, “Downing bent over toilets and lift access to all floors. But several depart- this term after the previous officer resigned, feeling that the cleaner “That’s why people like you backwards to support me - where the ments, mostly those situated in historic buildings and burden of responsibility was too great. He was not replaced, need carers.” access physically was not there I was converted houses, have much less provision. The leaving disabled students without a fixed and reliable point of Rachael feels that she has missed a given personal help from the tutorial Architecture and History of Art departmants on Scroope contact at the Student Union. substantial number of lectures and and admissions office.” Terrace have ‘steps to the exterior, numerous steep stair- The CUSU website does not detail the disabilities cam- supervisions because of her disability as “Getting around Cambridge itself cases within the building, and many narrow corridors’, paign, suggesting that students contact the Disability Officer well as socialising with her peers. She was difficult due to thin, uneven pave- according the University’s Disability Resource Centre. for further information. The main role of this officer is to now lives in her own flat in Cherry ments and cobbles.” He cited his frus- There are also no disabled toilets. The DRC cites lack of increase awareness of the problems that disabled students Hinton and drives to and from the tration at not being able to get past funding and listed building status for this. might face. Other student unions have led campaigns, such as University in a specially adapted car. lamp-posts with bicycles chained up to Other departments such as Geography and Land the “free to pee” campaign in which all normal toilets were She admitted that ‘there have been big them. Economy also lack facilities. The Geography department closed off, so that students appreciated the difficulty in locat- improvements since I’ve been here but Jon described how more University has steps up to the entrance, heavy doors leading in, and ing disabled toilets at times. There has been no such cam- it’s more about people’s attitudes and wide support and co-operation is need- then further steps. There are at least eleven steps to each paign in Cambridge. willingness to accommodate.” ed – “It wouldn’t have been hard to floor, three steps to lecture theatres and steps in the mid- The CUSU offices on Trumpington Street are currently She think spending thousands of move some of my lectures and supervi- dle of corridors. There are also no adapted toilets, no inaccessible to disabled students, presenting narrow corridors pounds on physically making buildings sions to more accessible places.” He is induction loops and no adapted computer equipment. A and several flights of stairs. The Welfare Officer claimed they accessible is unnecessary but suggested keen to see that many of the lift feasibility study was carried out a few years ago, but were seeking to move, evoking the Union’s long-standing bid that the University focus on training all University’s older buildings are not found there was no suitable space in which to install one. for a new Student Union building. Yet this bid is indeed long- employees about disability. She added, ruined by too many ramps and lifts but But in 1999, a neighbouring building also used by the standing and it is questionable as to how long the situation “it shouldn’t be up to the student to believes that there “must be a compro- department was refurbished and now has increased will be left to moulder before something will have to be sort out a broken lift.” mise solution”. accessibility, together with improved toilet facilities. achieved under the new Disability Discrimination Act.

COMMENT When a lecture hall cannot accommodate the disabled, a lecture can be moved; JAMES DACRE “ when this is not possible, it can be recorded” his University’s early infra- faculties are concerned as it will deter can be recorded.The many disabled stu- dent had to be carried up the Union have described the countless benefits structure clearly wasn’t bright students from applying at all.The dents that we have talked with have Stairs to visit the opening of the achieved from touring their colleges Tdesigned with disabled access restriction on what a disabled student explained how all problems can be over- Cambridge Student Art exhibition. with their Senior Porters and in mind. That any new building must might or might not apply for is quite come, but that the issue at stake is the CUSU, Varsity and TCS have absolutely Maintenance officers, describing the be is a truism. As one of the largest arbitrary: it seems absurd that disabled University’s attitude. And perhaps the no disabled access to their Trumpington intricacy of the problems they face from Heritage sites in England, it is lawyers might abound, whereas disabled problem here is that the institutional Street address. The Architecture and day to day. Effective disabled access inevitable that Cambridge struggles to Cantabrian architects will be few and far attitude, although evidently one of History of Art buildings hold serious within the University requires real per- update its many buildings to contempo- between. One only needs to walk working towards disabled access, is to problems for the disabled, whilst sistence and communication with the rary access requirements. Following the around their respective departments to do so in a localised way, leaving it up to Geography and Land Economy are disabled from the University. Disability Discrimination Act in 1996, understand why this might be. individual departments, organisations notably lacking in disabled facilities. No Ultimately, a sense of consistency it is to be expected that Fitzwilliam, The University should not need to and colleges to cater for the needs of university-wide initiative has sought to throughout the University can only be Churchill and Robinson, as the make academic exceptions for disabled their own members with disabilities. alert the general student body to these achieved through co-ordination. Now University’s newer colleges, have some students, but it should seek in every way The University seems to have an problems. Other universities regularly that CUSU finally has a Disability of the best access. It is regrettable that to provide them with the same academ- admirable record for disabled access and lead high-profile disabilities campaigns. Officer, who, let’s not forget, won’t be it will take next years enforcement of ic resources as every other student. A support schemes, yet different people Cambridge always uses the excuse of able to reach her own workplace with- this to update many of the older ones. neglect of disabled access is not exclu- have had different experiences of access the collegiate system to avoid leading a out great difficulty, the signs are there There is no uniform policy through- sively about infrastructural barriers. All within their individual departments and university-wide campaign. that the issue may at last be high out the university on improving disabled such barriers can be overcome with ade- colleges. Whilst the University should make enough on the agenda to act as a cata- access. Whilst this matters less with quate administration and appropriate here disabled access is not the initiative, it is clearly necessary to lyst for change. If not, next year’s regards to colleges, as disabled students attitudes. When a lecture hall cannot available, it is glaringly involve disabled students in the plan- enforcement of the Disability may apply to those colleges with decent accommodate the disabled, a lecture can Wobvious. It was a great ning and administration of disabled Discrimination Act could see the facilities, it is of vital importance where be moved; when this is not possible, it embarrassment last week when a stu- access schemes here. Many students University hit by a barrage of legal cases. www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 NEWS 5 Architecture fights back GU president elected Charlotte Keane closely, has also registered its shock and displeasure. Lucy Phillips been “good natured and good spirited”. THE DEPARTMENT of architec- There has been considerable con- She added, “I’m not euphoric in that I

ture has rejected the second report to tention about the way the RAE evalu- RUTH KEELING was elected realise there is lots of work to do” and y Phillips the School of Arts and Humanities, ated the Architecture departments, as President of the Graduate Union on joked that she would not be allowed “a proposing to shut the department there was not one practising architect Wednesday. She beat off competition honeymoon period” – five minutes after Luc down. It claims it was not given on the 2001 Built Environment Panel. from Alex Broadbent and Konstantinos being elected Keeling had to deal with enough time to finish implementing Moreover the RAE considered Oikonomou by a clear majority to take “issues with the buildings”. Keeling also the changes it had begun to make Architecture alongside Construction up the sabbatical post. Jane Ding was said that she hoped “to work quite posi- after the initial report in July 2003. and Surveying but has since been elected Women’s Officer and Elizabeth tively” with Broadbent and Oikonomou. After the first report in 2003 the forced by outside pressure to recog- Disley and Fatima Wang were elected as After the sacking of her predecessor, department embarked on a radical nize Architecture as a separate unit. executive members. Three positions as Ribu Tharakan, a fortnight ago, Keeling restructuring process in order to The Department of Architecture is Executive Officers remain unfilled and is looking to the future and hoping to recoup the money lost with the down- confident it will do much better in the no candidates stood for Vice-President, turn around the GU’s misfortunes. She grading of their Research Assessment next evaluation in 2008. The achieve- General Secretary or Treasurer. plans to work closely with CUSU and Exercise (RAE) rating from 5 to 4. ment of Matthew Barac in winning other bodies in the University whilst Before these reforms were finished the 3rd International Bauhaus Award ensuring the existence of an independent though the General Board published was an encouraging start. The board graduate voice to recognise the needs of its second report recommending that asserts that even if the Department of the student community. the Department be closed. Architecture were to be closed, it Keeling hopes to “have solid plans “Frankly we were shocked,” said the would not be the end of Architectural before Christmas outlining how the GU new head of the Architecture depart- research and teaching; staff and stu- will move forward”. She feels that the ment, Professor Marcial Echenique. dents would be dispersed throughout GU “may have isolated itself from the “We fully accepted the first report and other departments such as student body” in the past and stated that were working to improve our research Engineering. she did not intend “to be locked away and funding. We were maybe three- Professor Marcial contends this from avenues of support”. quarters of the way through these would not be a workable plan as it A meeting took place on Thursday reforms when we were given this sec- would destroy the arts aspect of with the new executive committee and ond report however. We do not accept Architecture and “would mean the members of the old exec in which it and will fight it all the way.” virtual end of the visual arts in New GU President Ruth Keeling Keeling outlined her immediate action The Department has the support of Cambridge. The department of Art plans. She said that their priority at the both the local and the international History is far too small to survive A total of 706 ballots were cast in which moment is to plan the next few weeks, to community with letters being sent to without the Architecture department Keeling polled 383, Broadbent 202 and get basic things such as computers and the Vice Chancellor from respected as we carry all its libraries and Oikonomou 72. cleaning rotas up and running. They are architects around the world who resources.” The closure of the On the eve of her success Keeling also looking at organising small scale trained at Cambridge, such as Sir Architecture Department will also commented: “I’m very satisfied with Christmas events at the Union to gener- Richard McCormack. The sever links with the local community the result. There was a really good ate interest and enthusiasm from stu- Cambridge Futures Project, with and industry. turnout and a clear majority in the dents. Keeling summed the meeting up whom the Department has worked end.” She said that the campaign had as “very productive”. Graduates count the ballot papers 6 NEWS November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Heritage Fund supports ‘Save the Psalter’ campaign Trust them News in brief Ban on nuisance touts Lucy Phillips Cambridge City Council is expected

ts Fund to introduce a bylaw to prevent nui-

Ar THE MENINGITIS Trust has issued a sance touting in public places. It is warning that students in Cambridge hoped that the bylaw will resolve the y of could be at risk of a new outbreak of the rising problem of punting touts in the ese t potentially deadly illness Meningitis. city. During peak periods as many as They say that the recent outbreak of thirty touts, who often annoy members Cour mumps among university students could of the public, fill streets such as Bridge lead to an increase in cases of particular Street and King’s Parade in their strains of viral meningitis because the efforts to urge people to go punting. viruses which cause both illnesses are The bylaw would not ban touting alto- closely linked. gether but it would regulate the man- The number of cases of mumps in the ner in which it is conducted. An University since October has reached 56 Enforcement Officer and Rangers and affected 18 colleges. Bridie Taylor, would monitor the touts code of prac- Community Service Manager of the tise and if they breached the new law a Meningitis Trust, told Varsity, “As cases fine of up to £500 could be imposed. of mumps are on the increase so are cases of mumps-related meningitis.” She New Hall Art on tour urges students to “tell friends if they are New Hall has provided a rare exhibi- feeling unwell and get someone to keep tion of paintings by female artists for checking up on them. It is quite possi- Agnew’s Gallery, London, as part of ble to get viral meningitis soon after hav- the college’s fiftieth anniversary. It is ing mumps”. the first time that any of the paintings Although the strains of meningitis have been shown outside college since concerned are rarely lethal, they can its formation. The collection is the AN APPEAL to save the ‘Macclesfield Psalter’ for the Fitzwilliam Museum has today been given a huge boost by the lead to severe side-effects such as second largest of its kind in the world, National Heritage Memorial Fund (NHMF). The unique fourteenth century East Anglian illuminated manuscript was sold headaches, fevers, joint pain and beaten only by the Museum of to the Getty Museum in California at auction in June, but the UK’s government’s export system has given the Fitzwilliam stiffness in the neck, diarrhoea, vom- Women in the Arts based in Museum until 10 February to raise £1.7 million to keep the manuscript in this country. iting and aversion to light. Washington DC. The exhibition runs Last week the National Art Collections Fund (Art Fund) launched a ‘Save the Psalter’ campaign and pledged £500,000 There is currently no vaccine that cov- until November 26. towards the acquisition of the Psalter. Today the NHMF has given a substantial grant of £860,000 to the Fitzwilliam. ers all types of meningococcal meningi- The Fitzwilliam Museum has pledged £100,000 and the Friends of the Fitzwilliam raised £50,000. Since the appeal start- tis and some that exist are not effective Live radio marathon ed members of the public have sent in donations totalling over £20,000. in all groups of people. Taylor encour- The Psalter was produced in the 1320s, at a time when East Anglia was one of the foremost artistic centres in Europe. The aged students to receive the MMR vac- BBC Radio Cambridgeshire’s Max manuscript consists of 252 richly illustrated pages containing miniatures and marginal scenes in gold and precious pigments. cine and urges anyone who is worried Rushden is competing to record the Tanera Bryden from the Art Fund described the Psalter as “a major piece of English medieval art, important to our about meningitis to seek medical advice longest ever continuous radio broad- national heritage.” She told Varsity “We’re hoping that the public will respond enthusiastically to our appeal.” £180,000 or phone the 24 hours Meningitis Trust cast. He started last monday to raise is still urgently needed by the February 10 deadline. LP helpline on 0845 6000 300. money for Children In Need.

13 www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 OPINION 7

Why Tory top-up When you’re online and lonely plans don’t add up Group hugs have never been so much fun: a new website makes confessing your sins easy and painless To m Ebbutt .net e Ned tanding at the back of the room as imag Michael Howard regaled us with Beauman Sthe story of his humble roots and generally shuffled around education telling us how wrong Labour were, it was almost possible to be taken in. e could do so much There are undoubtedly some very for me if he just strong aspects to the Tories’ plans for would. He could do higher education; but the centrepiece, everything for me. their pledge to abolish top-up fees, is It’s‘H like everything in the world for a huge mistake. Howard told Friday’s me is inside a tub full of guts, so that audience, made up of carefully picked you wonder how there can be any young Conservatives, that “when you room in it for anything else very are discussing our plans with your fel- important. He is a big tub of guts and low students and their parents, I am a little tub of guts and if there is remind them of one thing. It’s not too not any room for anything else impor- late to stop top-up fees. The battle is tant in a big tub of guts, how can it be not yet lost. If there is a Conservative room in a little tub of guts. But I know government next year, there will be no it is because God gave women a sign top-up fees.” when something has happened bad. Stirring stuff indeed. But before you It’s because I am alone.’ - As I Lay go running down the road to cast your Dying by William Faulkner vote, it’d probably be best to see what ‘My girlfriend is probably going to that will actually mean. The Tory die, she suffers from some kind of pledge to scrap fees will be paid for by cancer and they (the doctors) have no increasing the rate of interest paid on idea about how to stop it, the prob- student loans, so that instead of the lem is that I should be depressed and interest rate being designed to simply all that, but I’m not, actually, it’s a keep the loan at the same real value as relief that she may be gone soon so I prices rise, it will match the rate you’d won’t have to go through with the And type in your secrets. You do so open the door. The kid got inside There’s never been anything like get at a high street bank. At present, marriage that everyone around us was anonymously - the only thing to iden- kind of warily, and the man sped off. this. Never before has the guarantee on a £10,000 debt, that would equate expecting.’ - www.grouphug.us, con- tify your confession is a randomly-gen- I kind of just sat there for a second in of anonymity been so complete. to about £500 extra in interest per fession number 352294177 erated serial number. Someone checks a state of shock, and then went to the There’s no priest, nor his secular year. Take about two decades paying each confession to make sure it con- record store.’ - 988482345. Others equivalent, the talk-show host. On off your loan and you’ll have paid as You read these confes- tains no personal details or ‘obvious are even worse: ‘I killed a man the grouphug.us you confess to no one, much as you would have under top- lies’, and then puts it up on the site. other day. I’m sure of it. I hit him but at the same time to everyone. up fees. Obviously if you take less sions and you see You can read the newest confessions or with my car, but I drove away. I don’t People want to make a connection, time you pay less, though it isn’t clear humanity flayed bare by a random selection of old ones. (I’ve know what to do, should I call the but they don’t care to whom. Here, on where the funding shortfall this will corrected the spelling and punctuation cops? Maybe he’s ok. I don’t know, the internet, we find human interac- create will be made up from. Students shame and frustration on the confessions I reproduce because but the guilt is tremendous.’ - tion at its most grim - no names, no will still pay back nothing until they some are almost unreadable in their 995111678. That last sentence, to sympathy, no joy. This is perdition. start earning £15,000 but, unlike with Pity the novelist. The death of pri- original form.) me, has a shiver of reality to it. Pick up a textbook of criminal law, top-up fees, just because you’re not vacy wasn’t when our cities were Some are funny - (‘I’m a vegetar- and you’ll be surprised how enthralling paying the loan back doesn’t mean infected with CCTV. It was far earli- ian but secretly I wish I was a canni- any aren’t about things you’re not piling on the interest. er in the twentieth century, with Joyce bal.’ - 244585812) and some have an people have done, but Never before has the Howard went on to pledge that “we and Faulkner and Woolf and their awkward accidental poetry that Mjust thoughts people have will also scrap the unpopular means test- trepanning of the soul. They knew makes me want to cry even though I that they can’t tell anyone: ‘I couldn’t guarantee of anonymity ing of loans and treat every 18 year old as how we thought, and for a long time don’t know what they mean (‘I just care less if something disastrous hap- been so complete... an independent adult.” But to assume the stream-of-consciousness novel need to meet a girl from the future.’ - pened in the world, as long as it every student at 18 is an independent was the most uncompromising insight 343757996). There’s no way, of doesn’t affect me. I thought 9/11 was You confess to no one, adult is to ignore reality. If these plans into the human mind you could ever course, to tell if a confession is true, an interesting turn of events for this but at the same time are put in place those from less well off hope to read. But now we don’t need and some of them you don’t want to dull world. I’ve always hoped some of backgrounds will be saddled with debt, them any more, because we have the believe: ‘One day, while driving in a the action we witnessed in movies to everyone which will accrue three times more internet and www.grouphug.us. secluded neighbourhood, I saw a happened in real life. I secretly hope interest than it would at present, where- Go to grouphug.us. Click ‘confess’. strange man in a car lure a child and some other disaster, or a follow-up, it can be. Each case summary is a short as those whose parents have deeper would happen in the States simply so story of human desperation and down- pockets will be able to tap mummy or that there would be something inter- fall. One paragraph per life ruined. daddy for the money and won’t have to esting and new on the news for once.’ Strong stuff. But grouphug.us is even carry that albatross when they leave uni- - 245832473. And some condense all more addictive. versity. This contrasts with the situation life’s bleakness into a few calm phras- You read these confessions (‘I can’t under top-up fees where everyone on a es: ‘At the age of thirteen I made a stop reading through these confessions course pay back the same fees once they girl moan on the telephone until I and hoping one of them will be some- have started working, when any normal reached orgasm. She has since passed one confessing they love me.’ - parent will have left their child to its own away and that was the last conversa- 370801033) and you see humanity devices. This would hopefully create a tion I ever had with her.’ - flayed bare by shame and frustration. more level playing field. 103247507. At least you can find out if you’re nor- When I questioned Michael Howard So some are funny or magical or mal. A lot of television comedy these on this difference between his and awe-inspiringly dark, but those are the days is about people at their most Labour’s plans after his speech on exceptions. What grouphug.us really pathetic and vulnerable: The Office Thursday, he responded robustly: “that is teaches you is that there are three oily and I’m Alan Partridge and Peep complete nonsense”. Unfortunately it fuels on which all of human civilisation Show. But as good as those pro- isn’t. If these plans go ahead, despite the runs: masturbation, infidelity, and, grammes are, they are nothing to grou- impression they create, by abolishing most of all, unrequited love. Nobody is phug.us. This is the future of televi- fees they will actually penalise those who sleeping with who they want; every- sion. On TV, the beautiful people will deserve to be penalised the least. body is sleeping with who they should- get more and more beautiful. We know Howard was called to the lectern on n’t. The single most common story is that. But remember, also, that the ugly Thursday with the rallying cry that he the boy paralysed with love for his best people will get uglier and uglier. is “hopefully the next Prime Minister female friend. Spend even a few min- ‘It’s hard for me to feel any real of Great Britain”. If he is, universities utes reading the site and again and emotion lately.’ - 293243758 may well welcome his election; stu- again you’ll see ‘I wish I could tell ‘I like telling my secrets to people dents should only do so if they are her...’, ‘Sometimes I wonder if...’, ‘She’s I don’t know.’ - 680481251 happy with the wool being pulled firm- always got boyfriends...’, ‘I don’t want ‘The truth is no one is listening. ly over their eyes. to lose her...’ This is very sad.’ - 287701366 8 INTERVIEWS November 19 , 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Oh, the horror! enghi.com thmar

Garth Merenghi: schlock hack or comedy genius? ar .g

Either way, he talked to Nicky Buckley www

How many horror novels have you writ- by the gates of hell opening underneath anything, really. ten, Garth, and what are some of the Darkplace. Each week the human race is What would you say to accusations that highlights among these? led one step closer to enlightenment. the acting is a bit wooden in Darkplace? Garth Marenghi: Many, many, many, DL: It was also cheaper because I already GM: The acting is heightened, as it is in my friend. In fact, I’m one of the few had some nurse uniforms left over from all works of the fantastique. people you’ll meet who’s written more my previous film Dr. Thrill Dare. DL: I must admit that I sometimes let books than they’ve read. My oeuvre It was penned in the Eighties. Why was the squad down. includes Black Fang (rats learn to drive), it not aired then? Why did you give Dean Lerner a star- The Ooze (can water die?), and GM: Society wasn’t ready. The so called ring role, when he’s clearly no actor? In Afterbirth (a mutated placenta attacks ‘powers that be’ were scared of my vision. fact, he’s your publisher. Bristol). All done and dusted, I must I believe that MI8, which is actually DL: Look, I appreciate the fact that I’m have penned a tonne. three levels above MI6, pulled the plug. not an actor – I’m no Shane Richie. A previous production penned by you, Even last week someone sent me a dead However, I told myself that all I had to Netherhead, won the Perrier Award for fish in a jiffy bag. The truth, it seems, do was get Garth’s magical words in the Comedy in Edinburgh in 2001. Does continues to hurt. right order, and with the intonation it worry you that people have been DL: We made the programme, gave it to more or less there, and the script would misinterpreting your horror as them, and they told us they never asked speak for me. humour ever since? for it in the first place, and could we There’s a rumour that you, Garth, Dean GM: Not in the slightest. When the leave reception. I said, “How dare you – Learner and your Darkplace co-star DL: Or put in more titty. sion moulding required is proving 82nd Airborne Division parachuted into we’ve spent two months of our lives Madeleine Wool have some sort of pre- It can be hard to get hold of some of uneconomic, and some of the fumes flak-infested skies on D-Day, the major- making this show.” They said that “was- vious association with Cambridge your classic books in the shops. This are currently dangerous. ity of them were laughing. That’s what n’t their concern”. I said, “What hap- University. Is this correct? week, for instance, Heffers had neither Do you have any plans for some more fear can do to you. pened to initiative in this country?”They GM: It’s not incorrect. Dean and I Tomb Boy nor Crab!! in stock; nor could bookshop in-store readings ? Dean Learner (Garth’s publisher): said, “We’re calling security.” once pissed on the steps of the they order them for some reason. What GM: Not until bookshops read the There’s a fine line between laughing and Can you recall any incidents from your University Library because someone do you suggest? small print on the contract and pro- screaming, and an even finer line production meetings? had refused to let an undergrad write GM: There’s a good reason for this. I vide me upon entry with: between screaming and soiling yourself. GM: I remember it as an exhilarating about my books. As far as I know, am currently trying to renegotiate my a) One full tray of meat and mustard Be grateful you’re on the dry side. exploration of possibilities. Each day I Madeleine once shopped here. reprint deal so I garner 90% of all roy- sandwiches, What inspired you to set your current dreamed harder and higher. DL: As far as I’m aware, Garth’s still alties until I die (Led Zeppelin had b) a selection of preferably German series, Darkplace, in a haunted hospital? Unfortunately, I eat cheese in order to banned from the city. this for their gigs). So far, no-one’s bottled beers, GM: The whole thing is a metaphor for dream, so by the start of production What would be your advice for today’s budging. Also the new cover designs c) access to private washroom facilities. human evolution. Man, in the process of I’d put on four stone and couldn’t fit young students looking to break into the are proving a problem. I want all the healing his fellow man, is forced to con- into my strides. world of horror writing? spines of the books to be made with Garth Marenghi is ex-Cambridge front the chaotic forces of darkness with- DL: I was drinking quite heavily at GM: If you find your story running out real-imitation plastic moulds of mini- Footlights and is responsible for the Channel in Him, symbolised in the programme the time, so I can’t recall too much of of steam, gut one of your main characters. human spines, but at present the preci- 4 series, Darkplace.

It's back: The graduate programme that sets you free

Mars Incorporated invites Cambridge students to attend the relaunch of our unique Management Development Programme.

The European Management Development Programme gives you the chance to: Venue: St. Catherine's College, * Live and work abroad early in your career Ramsden Room * Move between different areas of our business to broaden your perspective * Develop your leadership and people management skills Time: 18:30- 20:00 * Get a 5 year fast track to managment that will leave you within touching distance of a senior role Date: Tuesday 30th November Join us for a short presentation followed by a chat over drinks and nibbles. All degree disciplines welcome!

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Varsity is now accepting applications for the Lent 2005 team.

Section Editor Applications: 21st November

For more information: www.varsity.co.uk Applications to be submitted to [email protected] 10 OPINION November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

11-12 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1QA 01223 353422 on Dem Bussche

Editor Archie Bland [email protected] t Mockel V Deputy Editor Amol Rajan [email protected] Alber

Online Editor Sam Richardson [email protected]

Arts Editors Henry Bowen Oliver Tilley [email protected]

Photos Editors Fiona Symington Albert Mockel- Von-Dem-Bussche [email protected]

Chief News Editor James Dacre News Editors Charlotte Forbes Chine Mbubaegbu Sarah Marsh Lucy Phillips [email protected]

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Interviews Editor Ronojoy Dam [email protected] It snowed last night! For about ten minutes. Albert went outside and took a photo Travel Editor Michael Fordham [email protected]

Idler Editor Oliver Batham [email protected]

Heat Theatre Editor Alice Harper and hate go hand in [email protected]

Music Editors Ned Beauman Jessica Holland hand, so stop feeling guilty [email protected] Classical Editor Nicola Simpson Being a misanthrope is so much easier once you’ve abandoned a few bad habits [email protected] healthy interest in silly revile someone, celebrity magazines Film Editors Agata Belcen voices and the ability to often provide some imaginative sug- Lucy Styles convincingly counterfeit The real beauty of gestions. Heat magazine recently had [email protected] regional accents, (when the “ Ellen a feature on celebrities with freakish- Aanecdote requires) are the two essen- hate is that it asks for ly large hands. Who’d have thought Literature Editor Rachel Willcock tial qualities I demand in a friend. I the ostensibly talented, gorgeous and [email protected] also have a soft spot for people who no justification and E. intelligent Uma Thurman was in fact laugh too loud, and I hold no qualms needs no proof a malformed beast than even daylight Visual Arts Editor Sophie Priestley about judging a man based on his ” Jones shuns? She hides it so well! But the [email protected] shoes alone. Any of those other fancy proof is there, for all to see, in a large qualities – loyalty, honesty, sense of colour photograph (helpfully cap- Fashion Editors Sally Jennings humour – I consider showing off and tioned with the word ‘ENOR- Johanna Z-Sharp will not countenance. Arbitrary cri- Not that I can wholeheartedly who like The Smiths. Oh to have MOUS’ in scarlet letters). [email protected] teria on which to base relationships, recommend the life of the misan- those glory days back again! Now, as Celebrity magazines and low-brow perhaps, but I must have some way of thropist. It’s hard being the only the heart mellows, I find increasingly documentaries, god love ‘em, are the Sport Editor Adam Edelshain streamlining what would otherwise person left in this miserable and I’m having to invent reasons to dislike very lifeblood of hate. They allow us [email protected] be a ridiculously ramma-jammed sordid world with any integrity. It things, just so I can give the impres- to develop very firm opinions about social schedule. takes effort and commitment. sion of having a little discernment. the characters of people we’ve never Sub Editors Abi O’Reilly There is no more reliable sign of a met based on nothing more substan- Miriam Craig thoroughly bad judgement than hav- The joys of ortunately, the real beauty of tial than their inability to co-ordinate Laura Whittle ing too many friends, because other “ hate is that it asks for no justi- a Louis Vuitton hand-bag with a people are a bit shit, really aren’t they? misanthropy come Ffication and needs no proof. Missoni dress. Production Managers Ifti Qurashi I’m sure their mothers love them, but The will alone is enough. It can seem It goes without saying that the joys David Wyatt really…..their opinions are trivial, they at a heavy price especially difficult to find something of misanthropy come at a heavy price. invariably have terrible taste in music ” repulsive in the average perfectly Us haters are doomed to be lone rid- Business Manager Eve Williams and some of them don’t even read this decent human being, for instance, ers of the night bus and shouters of [email protected] Email the business manager to enquire column. Making friends too quickly is Rarely does an obvious object of but all it really entails is giving up unheard punch lines to turned away about placing adverts. Letters for publication an equally unwise habit. The begin- scorn present itself. The airwaves bad habits. Endeavour to leave backs over too loud music. But there- should be emailed or posted to the editor. ning stages of friendship should be are filled with not bad, pretty good, unquestioned the groundless links in lies the glory of our martyrdom. like a particularly restrained courtship alright really, bands and the cinemas your mind makes between physical Everyone else is far too busy frolick- To get involved in a section, email the rel- evant section editor listed above, and come in a Victorian novel. A fleeting glance with so-so, passable, entertaining appearance and personality traits, ing to notice us glowering pointedly along to a meeting. No experience necessary. here, the odd nod of recognition there enough films, but there’s nothing learn to cherish your irrational first in the corner. But at least we have our and certainly no Christian names until that really seems worth expending impressions. Then, maybe, if you lav- principles. Was the man who cut of Varsity is published by Varsity Productions after the first five years. Even now, my any energy on vitriol. ish your prejudices with enough care his own nose to spite his face foolish? Ltd, and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All copyright is the exclusive property very best friends frequently forget my When I was a teenager hate came and attention, they will grow into Or was he in fact a self-sacrificing of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part of this name and I respect them all the more so easily to me. I hated everyone and strong, sturdy trees of hatred. hero? It probably did hurt like hell, publication is to be reproduced, stored in a for it. Nobody wants to devalue the everything. I hated Friends, cheese on A little creativity in this respect but at least now he stands out from retrieval system or transmitted in any form or currency of their affection by bestow- chips, The Smiths, people who like can also go a long way. When at a the crowd (and spurts them with by any means, without prior permission of the ing it too generously, after all. The Smiths, people who like people loss for a sufficiently trivial reason to blood from a distance). publisher. www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 EDITORIAL 11

Letters [email protected] Letters may be edited for space or style

Ethical Investment Rememberance forgotten Bush. The United States is more religious, morally driven, and more educated than Money for nothing Dear Sir, Dear Sir, the European, liberal elites want to recog- nize. And, just because you do not agree, If Varsity could make commercial endorsements, we would, of Alex Williamson (Letters, Nov 12) appears I would like to take issue with the letter does not make me - and those 53 million course: nothing would make us happier than, for example, our very to be grossly misled about the ethical status of in your last issue entitled 'Remembrance like me - wrong. own competitor to the George Foreman grill. But even if the the arms industry and ethical investment in Forgotten' (Letters, Nov 12). I wonder how I believe in the market economy. I Oxbridge Applications company offered us all of the £4,000 they general. Firstly, to suggest that the British Stephan dares to presume that he can pass believe that preemptive attacks make me get for their top rate interview guidance in exhange for a really arms industry is morally justified because the judgement on the way other Robinson stu- safer. I believe that societies and govern- quotable bit of support, we still wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole. Russians sell weapons to the Sudanese is dents (who are, after all, like those who have ments have a role as moral guides. I believe There is something fundamentally unscrupulous about a busi- absurd. Our government uses tax-payer’s fallen in the wars of the last century, of that my government cannot ameliorate all ness like this. Most obviously, it simply makes the already perni- money to promote arms sales to oppressive many different faiths) choose to remember social ills and the traditional notions of cious inequalities worse: if you charge for them, it is disingenu- regimes, such as Saudi Arabia and Indonesia, Armistice Day. For his information, I spent charity play a larger role here than in ous to argue that offering discounts for state schools will do very which use those weapons in the abuse of the two minute silence reading Wilfred Europe. I believe in limited government much to counteract the built-in imbalance. Just as dishonest is human rights. We do not need to support Owen's poem 'Strange Meeting', the with more power to the states. the view of the interview process such a business seeks to perpet- genocide in order to be morally degenerate. strongest evocation of the real 'pity of war' I invite you all to disagree, but engage uate, which runs approximately thus: getting into Oxford or that I have ever found. I am also certain I me in the dialogue. Do not write me, and Cambridge is a lottery, and more dependent on your techniques The reason why the arms industry is was not alone in my house of Robinson stu- those like me, off simply because you dis- and local knowledge than anything so obvious as your academic deemed unethical is because government pol- dents in observing the silence. agree. The United States, in general, is a merit or hard work. So, instead of reading books, pay us money icy promotes arms sales, thus creating a mar- successful society, so those of us who com- to tell you about Professor X’s idiosyncrasies and why you ket which does not meet the actual demand. Furthermore, I am sure I have no need to pose it must be doing something right. shouldn’t apply to Y college if you come from a private school. At a time when governments around the remind Stephan of the rather ambiguous It’s easy when you know how! world spend between $800-900 billion p.a. on role that the leaders of the Christian church Middle American Well, for a start, it most likely isn’t any easier, actually. This arms and the military, the implementation of had in propagating the myth of holy sacri- Devon Runyan newspaper is not an unquestioning supporter of the university’s the Millenium Development Goals (which fice that sent so many young soldiers to [email protected] policies, and the administration has some distance to go in improv- would cost $50 billion p.a.) look likely to fail their deaths in the First World War: (Newnham 2002) ing the interview method – compulsory interviewer training, espe- due to underfunding. In short, we can find any Siegfried Sassoon quotes the Bishop of cially for those who think they don’t need it, would be a start. amount of money to fund the proliferation of London's belief, expressed as late as 1916, Nevertheless, whatever the inherent unfairnesses in such a divided arms around the world but struggle when it that 'those who were serving at the Front educational system, when it comes to the actual entry process, it is comes to the alleviation of poverty. would return with their souls purged and hard to avoid the conclusion: those involved are generally working Union reform purified', an opinion I find hard to stomach. their hardest to make things as fair as they can. The notion that ethical investment would Personally, I do not want to spend my time Sir, No-one would criticise those who offer casual, friendly advice – disadvantage poor students is highly dubious. remembering the war dead in an institution generally along the lines of, relax, they aren’t trying to catch you Firstly, if the government spent less money on that expressed such views as these, and I I write to clarify your article on the out, and, read more books – to prospective students who make subsidising the arms trade and more money would thank Stephan to keep his presump- Union last week (News, Nov 12) which enquiries. This is perfectly natural, and commonplace. But when on education then the poor would be first to tions about how every individual should suggested I had broken my election pledges money is involved, things inevitably change. To sell such informa- benefit. remember Armistice day to himself. by not introducing online voting. In fact - tion to a company which intends to use it to make dossiers of infor- as is shown by the Union's Standing mation on the best tactics for individual colleges is a pretty miser- In any case, I cannot believe that the most Rachel Yarrow Committee minutes which are published able course of action. The Oxford graduate running the company practical solution to higher education funding Robinson College every week - I actually tried to bring in should be ashamed of the small but significant contribution his is to invest in arms companies. By Alex online voting for this term's elections. I am entrepeneurialism is making to the inaccurate public perception of Williamson’s logic, FACT should launch a however primus inter pares and have to the way these two universities are run; any Cambridge students pro-war campaign to ensure maximum abide by what the standing committee as a who are grateful for the opportunities this place has given them, Bugger the Bush bashers returns. Secondly, the notion that ethical whole decides, and I could not have done and who would like to believe that they are here on merit, should investment involves financial loss is a matter Dear Sir, more to try to change the electoral system, think twice before helping him out. of economic debate and is a view which is by and for sound technical reasons the stand- no means authoritative. I am an American and I graduated ing committee decided online voting was Cambridge in 2002. I was in the midst of not possible. Damn it all Several charitable organisations have my second year during the 2000 election. I adopted ethical investment policies already, had arrived in England, from my home in Regardless of this, most Union members There is something farcical about The Damned turning on the demonstrating that it is both financially viable America, Bush/Cheney sign ready and care more about our events than our elec- Christmas lights. The first observation most of us would make is how and legally sound. On this basis, there is no excited to put it on my door. I knew my tions, and this term our debates have been embarrassing (albeit fascinating) it is to watch deeply minor celebrities obvious reason why Cambridge Colleges conservatism was something of a joke to my better attended than ever before, member- acting like they’re proper famous, and Christmas-light-turning-on should not adopt ethical investment policies. friends, and I suspected my forthright ship is at the highest level for years, and our (except in Oxford Street) is a key opportunity to enjoy a good cringe expression of it would just be the founda- bops - a new initiative in line with my man- at this sort of behaviour. The Damned will probably not like the com- However, the real battle lies in changing tion for more banter. I came with a supply ifesto pledge- have revolutionised Union parison, but they are of approximately the same order of notoriety as government policy to ensure the British arms of 5 stickers and within a month I had ents for the better. Peter Andre. Before his jungle Jordan dalliance. industry values people before profit. Such a none. They were all taken from my door in Except, that is, in Cambridgeshire. (God: imagine being Big In positive change would not only be in accord protest. I, however, never got a knock on Yours, Cambridgeshire. This is Alan Partridge territory.) The Damned are with the United Nations Charter (article 26), my door from anyone who wanted to know local stars now, sort of. Guitarist Captain Sensible seems in possession but would show a belief in a future world that why I supported the Republican ticket. No Bobby Friedman of a healthy awareness of the absurdity of the situation, limiting him- favours peace and security over fear and mili- one cared to try and understand. President, Cambridge Union self to the dry observation that “they could have booked Cliff Richard tarism. instead”; but other quarters have been taking the whole thing much Upon reading Varsity’s election colum- more seriously. Yours, nists (Opinion, November 5) I realize that, If this was a fight, and you were the church’s mate, you’d probably still, nothing has changed. Europe seems This week’s prize say, leave it, Dave (or whatever) – they’re not worth it. The thing is, Stuart Jordan to want to force their ideals on a country goes to Rachel Yarrow this is the wrong battle. This is in no way to belittle the beliefs of those Homerton College that is fundamentally different. It is con- www.picturehouse.co.uk who are offended at this choice – rather, to suggest that the Damned, descending and ignorant to simply label for listings whose ‘outrageous’ posturing is blatantly commercial and insincere Americans as "stupid" for re-electing anyway, are not really a very significant part of the debate. But debate is the wrong word, because the argument is over. The sad fact is, the ‘celebrities’ chosen to turn on the Christmas lights are not as inappropriate as their critics believe; rather, they are an ideal embodiment of what Christmas means today. The shops which sponsor the lights don’t do it out of the kindness of their hearts, after Don’t say we aren’t good to you all. The Damned are no worse than any of the other myriad manifes- tations of the meaning of a modern Christmas: ’tis better to shift a few units on the back of a handy PR boost than celebrate what it’s meant Win a copy of Football Manager 2005! to be about. To which Varsity can only respond: Bah. And, humbug. And, fingers crossed for an iPod. If you hate football, or computer games, look away now. If, on the other hand, you think Championship Manager was the best thing since since Geoff Hurst’s, and your teenage years were spent hunched over a computer screen watching a glorified spread- sheet simulating Accrington Stanley winning the double, this one’s for you: the kind peo- Gillagain: an apology ple behind Football Manager 2005 have given us a lovely pair of copies of the game to pass on to you, The People. Developed by the people behind Championship Manager, after an Last week Andrew Gilligan had to cancel his appearance at the acrimonious split with old publishers Eidos, the new version features an unbelievable Varsity Society, but we found out at very short notice, and some of 235,000 players and staff from 145 different countries. It’s like porn for soccer geeks. If those planning to attend didn’t see that day’s Varsity before going to you want a copy, just answer this incredibly easy question: the proposed talk. Idiotically, we neglected to inform the Emmanuel Who won the FA Cup in 1976? porters or put up a notice outside the auditorium: we are extremely Answers to [email protected] with ‘football competition’ in the subject line by sorry to those who waited for so long. It was the editor’s fault. November 25. Correct entries will be entered in a draw. The editor’s decision is final. 12 FEATURES November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Raving lefties storm the lecture halls Mark Morris wonders why the sinister set are everywhere

ccording to an episode of from left to right? Perhaps this was a he ‘The Simpsons’ where Ned beginning to explaining why a lot of Flanders opens up a spe- lefties end up highly ambidextrous; cialist left-handers shop, the need to fit in with the rest of Aone in nine of us use that very society is so great. extremity as our dominant writing, But deconstructing the evidence cooking, and racquet-sport tool. The further, my friend went on to tell me actual statistics vary from nine to that left-handedness was far from the

eleven percent, depending on which curse one could possibly imagine, and t Mockel-von-dem-Bussc source you read, so we’ll assume Ned that in many circles it was beginning r lbe

to be pretty accurate. to be seen as a great blessing. A Until a few years back, I’d never Consider the world of professional paid much attention to the fact that sports, where according to the num- the world’s population can define two bers a cricket team should have one, opposite practical methodologies as maybe two left-handed batsmen. both being correct, or that there Most will field three, maybe four. In would be any problems with it; it just baseball the ratios go even higher. simply didn’t bother me. Then one This may well be mere physical day I found myself in a rather com- illustration, but certain research is pact lecture theatre, and upon trying starting to show that being left hand- to take notes I found the person on ed is, for some unknown reason, my right had an annoying tendency to keep jabbing me with her elbow whilst she was writing. being a leftie After this happened for the sev- enth or eighth time she looked up, could make you a and apologised for the inconven- Left-handers are more likely to be successful in their careers. 40% of NASA’s astronauts are left-handed ience, but she was left-handed and sporting hero Politics seems to attract more lefties Attempts to explain these results fifty-fifty split of left and right hand- couldn’t really avoid it. I was than average, with seven of America’s have suggested that the very fact that ed people, but society seems to inflict stunned. The fact that being a lefty more likely to get you to the top of forty-three presidents signing off on being left-handed can be seen as such the norm upon us. could actually cause such issues had your chosen field. Take for example bills of congress with their pens on a challenge, what with all those tools Parents and schoolteachers, never occurred to me, the fact that the film industry – over half the lead- the wrong side. That’s considerably and other implements designed for through no faults whatsoever, are this girl was apologizing for some- ing actors in “The Matrix” trilogy more than the one in nine notion right-handed folk, actually makes it prone to placing a crayon in a child’s thing that clearly was not her fault wielded their weapons in their left expressed earlier. an advantage as well. Having to right hand, something that would was even more striking. Perplexed by hand, discounting the sections where A perplexing trend appeared to be work harder to overcome difficulties seem to make sense after all. This, this matter, I began to do some Keanu Reeves appeared to have four on its way when Ronald Reagan, from an early age makes people more they argue, is why some people can research. guns on the go at once. George Bush Senior, and then Bill confident, and more likely to succeed pick up a pen whilst in their twenties, My quest was initially helped Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Clinton rolled up to the oval office in a wide variety of applications. and begin to write half decent char- along by a friend I had met in Robert DeNiro, Julia Roberts, Bruce championing the cause of the under- At least, that’s the theory, one acters with their weak hand. A bit Canada, who studied applied health Willis, Steve McQueen, Marilyn dog. Then the younger George Bush that’s not that easy to test. The old far fetched perhaps, but that’s how sciences, and was doing her post- Monroe – the list goes on and on. arrived, putting at least one thing notion that the left and right sides of most theories begin. graduate research on a very similar George Lucas is unofficially back to ‘normal’ as the White House the brain deal with different aspects So if you ever find yourself sitting topic. Contrary to my right-sided rumoured to have cast Mark Hamill aides moved the inkwell back to of an individual’s persona still holds next to one of these people in a ignorance, the curses associated with as Luke Skywalker solely on the basis other side of the presidential desk. some weight, although recent cramped lecture theatre, with their using your left hand can strike nearly that the light-sabre scenes looked so It was also rumoured that a stag- research has shown higher levels of legs crossed the wrong way, notepad all the time. Such simple measures as much better with different-handed gering forty percent of NASA’s astro- symmetry than previously thought. on opposite side, and pen clutched in using scissors, trying to un-cork a duellers. One interesting sideline is nauts were left-handed, but then The truth is that nobody really the left paw, stop and think for a bottle of wine, signing a cheque – the that a lot more villains are actually again, a prerequisite for being placed knows yet. moment. Maybe, just maybe, it is list of tasks in which trying to use the depicted as left handed characters in orbit by Uncle Sam is a certain One final intriguing insight, one you who is performing things the other paw generates difficulties are even if the actor is not. Curious. level of ambidextrousness regardless that has kept me thinking for ages, is wrong way instead. Probably not, but endless. How many designers realise Moving onto other fields, the sta- of which hand you choose to write that some scientists believe the pop- it can’t hurt to try. that a left-handed ruler needs to read tistics are equally disproportioned. with on a Sunday. ulation is actually born with a near Why Belmarsh is a bit like Billy Elliot 20 years on, Wil James finds a precedent for ‘Britain’s Guantanamo’ in the miners’ strike

t a time of powerful political Strike are amongst the most iconic of south Yorkshire. They were simply a division, it can be easy to lose that decade of turmoil. Yet, what use is few amongst the 11,300 strikers Aperspective. As debate rages this now long dead conflict to our arrested by police during the conflict. about the civil liberties of prisoners held understanding of current concerns One of those who represented the in HMP Belmarsh and questions are about Belmarsh internees? Orgreave miners was the civil liber- raised about the power of the state,how For some of those involved in the ties lawyer Michael Mansfield QC. many of us reflect on the perhaps even legal battles that surrounded the min- Speaking recently at a film retrospec- more divisive battle that raged between ers’ protests back then, the actions tive on the period, he argued that the the State and the advocates of civil lib- taken by the Conservative govern- use of antiquated laws, deceptive evi- erties twenty years ago? ment created a precedent that has led dence and the force of ‘popular opin- Which brings us back to Belmarsh. organisation in 1984 and the deten- Even the oldest undergraduates us to what has frequently been dubbed ion’ drummed up through a pliant Why exactly is it that under the tion of suspected terrorists after 2001. today will have no clear recollection of ‘Britain’s Guantanamo’. media allowed the Thatcher govern- Terrorism Act (2000), people deemed to What is clear is that 1984 created a the fierce battles that raged across In 1984 Margaret Thatcher famous- ment to hound miners, prevent them be members of terrorist organisations precedent in the public mind whereby Britain for a year from the Spring of ly described the striking miners led by from participating in strikes or are considered guilty until proven inno- people seen as an ‘enemy within’ 1984. Yet, many of us will have seen, if Arthur Scargill as, ‘the enemy within’. imprison them for attempting to cent? Why are some of those detained could be treated with less than the only in the film ‘Billy Elliot,’ the vivid Her battle to crush the miners’ union defend their way of life. There are under the Anti-Terrorism, Crime and usual legal respect. But we hear so images of mounted riot police herding and push through her programme of those who continue to argue that this Security Act (2001) still awaiting trial little about it. Clearly, the legal crowds of protestors, of men and boys pit closures is now widely recognised was justified in order to improve the without knowing what evidence is being debates are intricate; yet as in 1984, running from charging police and per- as the defining social conflict of the economy. But from the perspective of held against them? the media seems scarcely interested in haps the much repeated image of a postwar years. On the most violent those imprisoned, it was a moment at Despite the case put by Mr the stories of those behind bars. For police officer hitting an unarmed man day of the clashes, 93 miners were which previously unquestioned civil Mansfield, it remains unclear to what people bemoaning the state of society around the head with a truncheon. arrested for rioting, and other breach liberties were no longer protected by extent we can draw clear links in the wake of the Bush re-election, The images of the year long Miners’ of the peace offences at Orgreave, the state. between the limits placed on union this may be food for thought. www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 SCIENCE 13 Keeping up scientific appearances Do race and science mix? Krystyna Larkham looks into a past which the men in white coats would rather forget keletons are big in science. dence, so did Anthropology. Authors Piltdown man, Lucy, the such as Montesquieu and Voltaire pub- ‘Hobbit’- you name it, they’ve lished works describing ‘amoral’ behav- got it, filed away in cupboards iour in Africa caused by human reac- Sor out on show, neatly catalogued and tions to heat, despite never having set

tagged. Some skeletons still rattling in foot on the continent. Cornelius de ystyna Larkham

the closets of Science, however, history Pauw, a physiognomist, wrote that heat Kr is not so proud to display. A backbone caused ‘damage’ to the ‘original’ of racism runs through the history of (European) form, drawing on the dif- science, from the 17th century slave ferences in appearance between trade to the Nazi’s experiments on Africans and Europeans. De Pauw’s twins, the spectre of which still haunts writing implied these differences the scientific community today. spread into the brain, obviously, as in In the 17th, 18th and 19th cen- the case of Broca, these differences turies, craniology and physiognomy falling always in the favour of the were the new black. By examining the European mind. skeletons and skulls of different races, Move forward three hundred years, ‘conclusions’ could be drawn from the and the new black is genetics. We use dimensions of these bones about genetic techniques to draw our evolu- which race was the most evolutionari- tionary family tree - we as the scientif- ly superior. A classic example of such ically literate are proud there is no ‘research’ is that done in the 19th cen- space for racism when your third tury by Paul Broca on the foramen cousin twice removed is an amoeba. magnum. The foramen magnum is a And yet genetic studies suggesting hole at the base of the skull into which that one race is more susceptible to the spine is inserted. In upright ani- disease x than another appear to take mals, the foramen magnum is found no account of social and economic fac- further forward, balancing the skull tors. The Human Genome Diversity on the spine; in animals it is located at Project, working to log variation the back of the skull. The foramen between our 7000 or so official ethnic magnum was found to be further for- groups, has sparked great debate with- ward in black than in white skulls, in the scientific community. indicating a more ‘advanced’ skeleton. Quite apart from the fact that And yet Broca published that this Cavalli-Sforza, one of the main scien- more prominent position was actually tists within the study has previously The exact point of intersection of the skull and spine is entirely contingent on race an indicator of lesser intelligence; the publicly classed Europeans into ‘ethnic of ‘minorities’, we risk falling further powers of craniology and physiogno- third world while investing only in the position of the foramen magnum groups’ but Africans into ‘tribes’, the into the trap of intellectual colonialisa- my. But whilst ethnic minority diseases of the white and rich west, resulting from a smaller brain size. suggestion of racism has also crept into tion, taking ‘responsibility’ for infor- research scientists still have papers scientific research remains a minefield ‘Scientific evidence’ such as this was discussions over who will own and use mation which certain groups may not rejected under their own name yet of political incorrectness. The skele- used as an authoritative counter to the the information once processed. As even be aware exists. accepted under a ‘white’ title, and drug tons in the closet are still rattling. opponents of the slave trade, and as sci- more and more projects such as these The scientific community has come companies still perform large scale Maybe ours is the century in which ences such as craniology gained in cre- spring up to protect the genetic futures a long way from its open belief in the pharmaceutical experiments in the they are finally laid to rest. Obsession and Chocolate: student soulmates Zoe Smeaton loves a bar of Dairy Milk...... but at least she’s not obsessed with it urrying down Tennis of his work describing a laboratory chocolate can become flexible with- eing in Cambridge it’s easy serotonin seem to be important. It Court Road feeling decid- dedicated to Nestle chocolate, a place out actually melting it. The structure to find people who aim to has been suggested that in OCD edly like an Eskimo in my I imagined must be reminiscent of a of chocolate - sugar and cocoa parti- achieve the very highest patients a so called “worry circuit” is enormous winter coat, I real life Willy Wonka factory. In this cles embedded in a crystal structure standards, and given the created within their brains, linking Hwondered exactly what I was doing on chocoholics haven the Professor of cocoa butter - means that when Bintense work environment it’s hardly the caudate nucleus, the area of the this cold drizzly night heading to hear works on chocolate using a rather pressure is applied in this tempera- surprising that many students adopt brain that helps us to switch rapidly a talk on chocolate. Still more impor- unusual process to mould it into all ture range, some of the crystalline this attitude. Perfectionism, often from one thought to another, with tantly, though, what free chocolate did sorts of impressive shapes. butter melts into the liquid phase within the contexts of time manage- the cingulated gyrus (associated with I have to look forward to? The method involves pumping the rendering the overall structure flexi- ment and work standards, is encour- feelings of dread) and the thalamus, Upon arrival I was shepherded into chocolate sample to a high pressure ble but not yet gooey. aged, and with an ever increasing which processes sensory informa- the Pharmacology Lecture Theatre (as he demonstrated using a car jack) In this form the chocolate can be number of Cambridge students being tion. It is hypothesised that in this where Professor Malcolm Mackley to yield a flexible, filamentous choco- forced into moulds, with the advan- exposed to the world of Commerce - way the subject may become accus- took centre stage to talk about his late which can be, for instance, tied tage that many chocolate types can be which promises to reward the very tomed, as is common amongst obses- work on the heavenly substance, as into knots, and will re-harden gradu- artistically combined without the mix- highest achievers only - the trend sive patients, to associating certain he had fondly christened chocolate. ally afterwards. The Professor ing which would be unavoidable using looks set to continue. seemingly unrelenting thoughts with No sign of any freebies yet. explained that within a relatively nar- conventional melting techniques. Unfortunately, whilst a certain feelings of intense dread. Professor Mackley began the précis row temperature window (15-25ºC), Professor Mackley believes that degree of perfectionism should be Studies have suggested that envi- the process will be of commercial commended, it seems that all too ronmental factors such as being first value in developing more intricate often the desire to do well can born or experiencing a strict upbring-

kham chocolate designs, and based on the become problematic. Obsessive ing may contribute to OCD, whilst 700 tonnes of product already pro- Compulsive Disorder (OCD) suffer- experiments on mice have revealed a duced by the method and sold in ers have been described as extreme possible genetic link - disruption of a supermarkets, it seems that Nestle perfectionists, and with an estimated gene known as Hoxb8 caused exces- ystyna Lar agree. With a second product in the 2.5-3% of the population having an sive and possibly obsessive grooming, Kr pipeline, the Professor has certainly OCD, the problem is more wide- and it has been proposed that a simi- proved the worthiness of his work to spread than most people imagine. lar genetic disposition may be impor- the many Cambridge sceptics.But So how do we distinguish between tant in human OCDs. what of the promised free chocolate, harmless perfectionism and an Without a medical diagnosis I felt my stomach ask, as the good OCD? Physiologically, the differ- though the distinction is not quite so Professor’s talk ended? Relief fol- ences are clear. Magnetic Resonance clear cut and many OCD sufferers lowed almost immediately, as were Imaging shows that OCD patients’ can go undiagnosed for years. With a directed upstairs, where piles of brains tend to be deficient in the strong correlation between perfec- Nestle chocolate bars lay ready for ‘white matter’ responsible for many tionism and the presence of OCDs in collection to shorten the homeward inter-cranial communications; and patients, we should certainly question journey. Phew. low levels of the neurotransmitter our need to make that essay perfect. listings powered by /guide /stage /the rest FRIDAY 19 FRIDAY 19 FEZ Down & Dirty Patrick Cavaliere plays filthy house music SATURDAY 20 CLARE C.R.Y.P.T.I.C, Rat Records special with DJ DeeKline 19:45 ADC CUADC present A Small Family Business QUEENS Marvel Super Hero Cheese 23:00 ADC CUADC present Finding the Sun 20:00 PhoCUS Talk KING’S King’s Affair African Drumming, Jazz and Hip Hop 19:45 Arts Theatre Home Mong, Auditorium, 20:00 Christ’s College,New Court Theatre Autumn in Han Palace and Sidney Sussex SATURDAY 20 The Soul of Chi’en Nu leaves Her Body “Close up to Nature”. Macrophotography of the natural FEZ Nick Bridges The Bestin UK House Music SATURDAY 20 world by Dr John Brackenbury. CLARE Amnesty Bands Night In association with CUR1350 19:45 ADC CUADC present A Small Family Business www.phocus.org.uk QUEENS Dilate 4 Deck Hip Hop 23:00 ADC CUADC present Finding the Sun 19:45 Arts Theatre Home SUNDAY 21 SUNDAY 21 14:30 Arts Theatre Home 20:00 Christ’s College,New Court Theatre Autumn in Han Palace and 13:15 LUNCHTIME LIFE Sunday Roast Cheese and Chart The Soul of Chi’en Nu leaves Her Body PROMENADE CONCERT Gallery 3, Fitzwilliam Museum MONDAY 22 TUESDAY 23 Chris Willis (piano) plays keyboard sonatas by Domenico Scarlatti. FEZ Fat Poppaddaddys Mix of Funky Grooves 19:45 ADC Footlights and ADC present Great Expectations MONDAY 22 19:30 Arts Theatre The Pirated of Penzance TUESDAY 23 20:00 Homerton HATS present The Tempest 19:45 Cambridge Mummers 19:30 Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ BATS - The Rememberance of Things Past School of Pythagoras,John’s BALLARE Top Banana CUSU’s Best Cheese 23:00 Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ BATS - Shooting the Chandalier Talk on TV script-writing with Dan Sefton COCO Licked That urban flava LIFE Unique LBGT extravaganza WEDNESDAY 24 20:00 Naked Science Presents The Science of Secrecy WEDNESDAY 24 19:45 ADC Footlights and ADC present Great Expectations Borders Bookstore, Cambridge 19:30 Arts Theatre The Pirated of Penzance Simon Singh, author of The Code BALLARE Rumboogie Sports Men and Women come out to play 20:00 Homerton HATS present The Tempest Book will be discussing and answer- 19:45 Christ’s , New Court Theatre CADS present The Sunshine Boys ing your questions about the THURSDAY 25 19:30 Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ BATS - The Rememberance of Things Past history of cryptography and privacy 23:00 Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ BATS - Shooting the Chandalier in the Information Age. COCO Urbanite C USU Hip Hop and RnB THURSDAY25 Cocktail Society: Cocktail Party. Sidgwick Hall, Newnham College DON’T FORGET.... Deadline for section editiorial applications is... 19:45 ADC Footlights and ADC present Great Expectations Tickets must be bought in advance 19:30 Arts Theatre The Pirated of Penzance (cheques to N M Munro at Caius, £2 - SUNDAY 21st NOVEMBER 20:00 Christ’s College,New Court Theatre 2 Chinese Plays members, £5 - non members) ) www.varsity.co.uk for more information 19:45 Christ’s , New Court Theatre CADS present The Sunshine Boys 19:30 Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ BATS - The Rememberance of Things Past 23:00 Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ BATS - Shooting the Chandalier

Due to popular demand.... BATS announces auditions for... The Cardinal Club HAMLET Cambridge’s kinkiest cabaret

Thursday 25th and Friday 26th November,

3 - 7pm - Queens' College. invites performers of all shapes and sizes to arrange an audition time at their Contact Simon (sre25), convenience. or ask the Porters for room details.

Email ta252 for more information. Tutors needed to work with our son on a home-based education programme. Our son Naren is 13 year old and suffers from autism.

The persons willing to join should be reliable , Bursaries committed and motivated to learn a new method of teaching based on Behavioiur Intervention techniques. The Cambridge Society of Paris is prepared to provide a small The programme is suitable for enthusiastic, young persons, eager to help a child learn. amount of funding to current Full training will be provided with flexible hours. students of the University

Starting pay of £7 per hour. where: For further infromation contact Drs RAO on 01223411575 or e-mail [email protected] • a link with France

can be demonstrated;

• there is a project which is a

requirement of the student's

course; and

• difficulty is being

experienced in financing that

project.

Full details on the Bursary web

page on www.camsocparis.com

Applications to

[email protected]

not later than 31 December 2004 www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 LISTINGS 15

Great tasting, great value pizza for delivery and collection

Dominos, Cambridge: 01223 355155 27 Hills Road, Cambridge, CB2 1NW

JCDS announces auditions for its Week 1 show Closer by Patrick Marber The Forum, Jesus College, Saturday 12-4 Sunday 12-4

Contact rml33 for more information.

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Lent Term Week 2 Mainshow THE MASTER AND MARGARITA by Mikhail Bulgakov AUDITIONS: SAT 20th NOV 1-5pm, SUN 21st NOV 2-6pm Emmanuel College, Queens Building Lecture Theatre Please contact Sophie (sarm2) with any questions TRAVEL 16 November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Escape When one Thai-ers of Tourism Cornish Michael Fordham wanders off the tourist trail in Thailand

hailand seems to occupy a

happy niche in the travel dham Capers community. Its main airport Tom Elkins in Bangkok is one of the l For majorT stop-off points in that part of the world, and Thailand is especially popu- Ignoring the overtures from ‘char- lar with that gap year sort who like get- Michae acter building’ volunteer work place- ting cultured in whistle-stop tours of the ments in Peru and lucrative City globe. Khao San Road, backpacker cap- internships, I opted to join seven ital of South-East Asia, is a place to friends on a lads’ holiday in meet people from the world over and Newquay during the long vacation. even, occasionally, a Thai person. This Having been whisked to is the tourist capital of South East Asia. Newquay at (an often illegal) speed Tourism, though, is not such a bad in a grossly modified Vauxhall thing. One of the areas I enjoyed most Corsa, the roaring twin exhausts was a trip to Kanchanaburi in the and tinted windows turned the first west, the location of the film Bridge of many heads as we pulled up at on the River Kwai and the death rail- our campsite. way, including the haunting Hellfire A baptism of fire into the cult of Pass, now given over to a tasteful ‘laddism’ ensued beginning with a museum. There are some regions swift trip to Safeway to stock up with though, barely touched by the infec- whatever beer was part of the weekly tious hand of tourism, that give some deals and then back to camp to con- real insight into Thailand beyond the sume it. An attempt to read The sightseer route. Economist was quickly ditched for a In Bangkok, English is spoken by a more conforming muse over football fair number of locals. Head a few hun- Looking over the Mekhong towards Laos: it is well worth venturing off the traditional tourist route for such views transfer speculation in the tabloids. dred miles to the east, and you'll be lucky Pha Taem has a nice visitor centre So it was that I went to a rice farm Even on the tourist route you can find A boisterous trip into town later, I to find someone who even understands now, though it was deserted when we and a fish farm, those two staples of hidden marvels. On Koh Tao, an island found myself presented with a your poor attempt at sa-wut dee. Ubon arrived, and there was not a sign in Thai cuisine, which, by the way, is in the south, most go to dive or to sit on plethora of clubs and pubs; more Ratchathani lies close to the Laos bor- English. But getting off the tourist track particularly good. Few realise just how the beach. But an hour’s walk will take than one would expect a quaint der, and a bus ride and pick-up will take does not always mean heading to some labour intensive rice is to produce. you to one of the highest points on the Cornish village to offer. Over the you to Pha Taem. Here, from atop a cliff remote national park. Part of my time Most will have heard of the conven- island: a jungle covered mountain. On week we found venues to accommo- face, you can look over the Mekhong top is not only to be found a command- date most tastes in music and into Laos. This, the first point touched ing view of the island and beyond, but enough drinks promotions to satisfy by the sun in Thailand, is one of those also a small deserted village. even the most alcoholic of the places where for a moment you forget Unfortunately most people who So do go to Thailand. Do go to group. Bars and clubs such as The the pack on your back and that you are Bangkok, barter on the markets and visit Newquay Arms, The Beach, Tall actually quite hungry for that next meal go to Thailand don’t see much the Wats. Do go north, to see the forests, Trees, and, in particular, Sailors, of sticky rice. and south, to admire the tranquil beauty which provided us with a set of bril- Descending down the cliff face beyond the normal tourist route of the islands. But remember there is liant nights out and friendly people reveals that stone age man was also more to Thailand than the tourist route, to meet. Even the taxi drivers partial to such a view. One section of as it true of any country. So go and visit allowed us to MC over their radios the cliff is adorned with cave paint- was spent in a small town to the north of tion of leaving a little food on their locals and travel to the national parks on the trip back to camp. ings of hunters, chasing down some Udon Thani, a city in the north-east. plate so as to indicate that they are where some of the most awe-inspiring bison-like creature, whilst others Here it was possible to do that other full; I was chastised, though, for leav- and striking regions of the country are fish, one can only imagine, in the thing tourists rarely do: experience the ing rice, over which the farmers had left relatively untouched by the shutter- river Mekhong. everyday life of Thai people. laboured for so long. release-happy hand of tourism. om Elkins T Try Vietnam for Cultural Enlightenment Ella Ide ed bikes and went to visit stunning wash and from where they draw their Buddhist temples, where the dark inte- water for drinking and cooking.

aving had the sneaking suspi- riors, choked with incense smoke, In some towns majestic houses Ella Ide cion that it was about time I utterly enchanted me. with brightly painted facades rose Hdid something with my sum- At the end of my placement I trav- towering above muddy shacks, starkly mers for the benefit of someone else, I elled to the capital, Hanoi, in the out of place on the dirt tracks. did some research on the internet, found north of the country and then back Corruption has become an integral a company that organised volunteer down the coast to Saigon. On my trav- part of the country’s way of life. We Tranquility, waiting to be disturbed placements I liked the look of and - easy els I discovered that the Communist had to pay extra to get anywhere or do Daytime in Newquay was largely as that - flew to Saigon. Officially State did not view all its citizens as anything in the country, even leave. spent nursing hangovers and partic- renamed ‘Ho Chi Minh City’ by the equal. The end of the war found Ho Owners of businesses are obliged to ipating in meaningless banter relat- Communist State in 1975, this was Chi Minh and his Viet Cong hailed as pay protection money in order to sur- ing to the previous night’s frivolity where I met the other volunteers. heroes while those who had allied (or vive and people find themselves hav- – a wonderful escape from any aca- From Saigon we took a ten hour were suspected of having allied) with ing to bribe state officials in order to demic conversation or exposition of train ride to Nha Trang. We were shar- the Republicans were sent to ‘re-edu- get permission for as mundane events ideas to a supervisor. In addition, ing a tiny carriage of six fold-down cation camps’. as having a relative to stay. we sampled the beaches Newquay beds, until a guard commented on the Bizarrely enough, everyone, The question is why the had to offer, the outright best being cramped conditions and kindly sug- whether from the North or South and Vietnamese sing the praises of their the classic surfing beach, Fistral. gested that we might like to bribe her whatever their supposed allegiance in Communist leader rather than And there were even mementoes to give us a nicer carriage; we did, and the war, had much praise for ‘Uncle bewailing their troubles. It appears to take home. Journeying into the subsequently had a fun trip down Ho’ whom they hold in great esteem. that the answer is simple: complaints town centre, we found many shops (though the lesson to be learnt is to Uncle Ho - Ho Chi Minh - lies in would bring retribution, and the cries selling surf boards and apparel as take your own provisions and under no state in the Mausoleum in Hanoi and of those being ‘re-educated’ still echo well as samurai swords, that classic account touch the highly suspicious Vietnamese from all over the country through the mountains and streets Cornish tradition. We bought a set. meal given to you!). make the pilgrimage to the capital to and along the beaches. Those crippled This was not exactly an intellectu- Eating local food is a great way to get pay their respects to the Great Leader, by Agent Orange are as silent as those ally stimulating trip - but a break an insight into everyday Vietnamese who is worshipped almost as a deity. assaulted by the Viet Cong. Under the away with good, easy-going friends life and meant that we could try such Justly so, one might think, if superficial hubbub of the market provides the perfect contrast to what delicacies as prawn heads, raw meat Communism had rid the country of stalls, street sellers and impatient was a stressful first year at wrapped in banana leaves and chicken financial inequality and had improved motorists, Vietnam is muted. The Cambridge. Subject to gaining a foot and head stew. The downside was basic services for all such as health vibrant colours of the Buddhist tem- lucrative internship next summer, I the violent reaction of the Western care; but it has not. I saw impoverished ples, silk shops and coral reefs hide a will definitely be returning. stomach, which appears to be unrea- wretches living in squalid, crowded much darker reality, a culture utterly sonably conservative. But you can’t let a huts, their sewage often running freely unlike our own but one I would urge raging inside hold you back, so we rent- into the nearby rivers in which they everyone to go and explore. Traditional fishing is still practised November 19 2004 varsityarts

Why there’s not always something to cry about Let Ellen E. Jones dry your eyes for sonic warning that your heart strings blasting The Wind Beneath My compassion needn’t even cost the are about to be pulled, is only polite. Wings at the audience every five price of a cinema ticket. A good soap But too much violin, too soon and it minutes, so perhaps there are no opera wedding ought to have you in you as she explains the tear-jerker... can feel like being hit around the hard and fast rules. floods, and consummate weepy When it comes to plot there’s a lot watcher that I am, I can even find You can laugh in the faces of orphans, mative powers of cinema even a chip As long as someone more room for manoeuvre: Sometimes something indescribably sad in the throw rocks at OAPs, or even join the falling into the gutter becomes an it’s a close-knit circle of female friends chord progression of Sean Paul’s Young Conservatives, but as long as event of tragic proportions. eventually contracts spanning the generations, while other Like Glue. you cried in Titanic, no one will ever Considering you could achieve a terminal illness, films deal with life-long, lasting friend- The genius of the tear-jerker, be it accuse you of lacking basic human roughly the same effect by poking ships between women, and on other film, TV programme or pop song, is compassion. Which is why, even this each member of your audience in the anything can happen occasions, still the film concerns ladies how it wages war against our critical most maligned of cinema genres, the eye with a stick, it’s perhaps unsur- coming together to face all the trials of faculties. Tears blind the eyes, emo- tear-jerker, will never go out of fash- prising that the makers of weepies head with a large hammer labelled life, over the years. In fact, as long as tion clouds the brain and the only ion. In everyday life, other people’s are rarely showered with critical ‘Cry Now.’ Very likely, you will burst someone eventually contracts a terminal recourse left is to sit back and marvel problems are grimy, unattractive and acclaim. But there is an art to mak- into tears, but for different reasons illness, basically anything can happen. at the resilience of the human spirit. often carry a high risk of infection, ing people cry and it principally entirely. That said, seminal weepy, Once the path to your heart is as It just will go on loving and finding but when subjected to the transfor- revolves around soundtrack. A subtle Beaches, somehow got away with well-trod as the M11, accessing your joy, won’t it? pick of the week image of the week In France,they call it Royale of the week

Christmas Lights Switched On Outside Guildhall, Sunday 21 Nov, 5pm

Okay, so The Damned aren’t exactly in the spirit of the season. But hey, it’s nearly Christmas and watching those lights go on will give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

La Strada Arts Picturehouse,19th-21st November

The third in a trilogy of Fellini films. One of the greatest directors EVER an unmiss- able chance to see yet another master- piece on the big screen.

Great Expectations ADC Theatre, 22nd-27th Nov, 7.45pm

Miss Haversham, a pantomime dame; the ghost of Christmas pluperfect, a pan- tomime cow. Written by Footlights regu- lars, Simon Bird and Joe Thomas.

DJ Dee Kline Clare Cellars, Friday 19th Nov, 8pm

Rat Records bring a breakbeat showcase to C.R.Y.P.T.I.C. this week fusing garage, hip hop, party breaks and Miami bass with photo courtesy of support from local favourite Kermit

Jools Holland w w w . p h o c u s . o r g . u k Corn Exchange,Saturday 20th Nov,7.30pm 'Close up to Nature' Talk this Saturday 6:30pm The stalwart pianist and presenter of Later... brings his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra to town with special guest Sharon Eusebe, who’s been dubbed ‘the new Nina Simone’. Baracoa, Cuba. By Ashley Rawlings

THE LOVE THAT ENDURES IS A SPIRITUAL ONE FILM, PAGE 24 ‘WHAT IS GRIME? BLARGH!’ MUSIC, PAGES 20-21 LONDON JAZZ FESTIVAL ROUND-UP CLASSICAL, PAGE 25 A NEW KIND OF SURVIVAL GUIDE LITERATURE, PAGE 22 18 THEATRE November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Ask the audience

Expect pantomime greatness A SMALL FAMILY BUSINESS at the ADC Theatre until Harriet Walker was not disappointed Saturday As a story, Charles Dickens’ Great that it is delightful to see the actors Flora Joll Expectations delivers all the goods that having such a great time. King’s we have come to associate with the The script and cast are both versatile encroaching festive season: a disillu- enough to withstand moments of The set design sionment with material wealth; the improvisation, which means that the and stage values of friendship, charity and jus- production never gets stale. When management tice; and a character-bashing of those on-stage are enjoying themselves was excellent. Lewis Reynolds London and its inhabitants. As a pan- so much, the audience cannot fail to was very funny. Tabitha Becker- tomime, it delivers all this, plus an do likewise. The energy and enthusi- Khan was self confident and intellectual cow. The Footlights panto asm of the players are infectious, as are simmered with sex.The lighting is upon us once more, with the usual the giggles their antics demand. was a bit off at places but the array of japes, eye-rolling and not- One potential danger in re-writing stills were fantastic – whole quite-placeable accents. and re-working such a well-known thing was very smooth. Written by Footlights regulars, story is that the po-faced purists will be Simon Bird and Joe Thomas, the pro- out in force over the somewhat irrever- Danielle Trigg duction is a heart-warming and pant- ant changes made. It is difficult to see King’s wetting selection of high-quality any literary pedants appreciating Zack absurdity, satire and slapstick. From Simons’ startling interpetation of Miss It was very, very tranvestite marital angst to sword- Havisham, who becomes a randy and Lois Parker-Smith as Pip leads the way for daftness slow and obsessive blacksmiths, the team give us Yorkshire-bred incarnation of The Under the careful and thorough lead characters in pantomimes are monotonous, a lively and unpretentious slant on a League of Gentlemen’s Papa Lazarou. direction of Sam Kitchener, an old- played straight and find themselves and much too long: not sure literary masterpiece, resplendent in Suffice to say, she is nobody’s wife now. hand at panto ventures, having starred bereft of good lines. Thankfully, the what the moral tale was. The high-camp buffoonery and jaunty But this production is not really about last year as the crucial Sir Trumpalot in profusion of wit throughout allows Pip Italian was beautiful and the piano accompaniment. doing justice to the text – although Alice in Wonderland (not to mention some great moments, without losing mum was funny at times. There The songs are, as ever, fantastic in Dickens’ own humour is certainly treat- as Richard III, that other great pan- any of the audience’s sympathy. The were some wonderful vignettes. their wittily understated lyrics and ed with respect, and is embellished if not tomime dame), the production is a title of the production leads us to A lot of leg,not enough cleavage. Broadway routines, and the perform- followed to the letter – it is about getting cohesive and fun-packed blend of expect great things. Does it disap- ances are consistently funny. Oh yes, people together for an end-of-term humour and pathos. point? Oh no, it certainly does not. they are. There is so obviously a release of tension. And Jonny Sweet’s The lead performance from Lois THE SOUL OF CHIEN NU shared and very much throbbing cerebral bovine has more than enough of Parker-Smith as Pip is a strong basis At the ADC Theatre from 22nd LEAVES HER BODY/AUTUMN comic vein between the cast members a supervisor about him. for the ensuing daftness. Too often, Novebmer to 4th December at 7.45pm IN HAN PALACE at Christ’s New Court Theatre until Saturday The fabulous tale of the angry inch Nina Bowden Christ’s Wil James revels in the outrage Two beautifully “To be free, one must give up a little Cellars providing an evocation of the directed plays, part of oneself… and I know just the Berlin Cabaret of celebrated myth. outstanding doctor to do it!” Central is the sassy, irreverent and performances,great to see some The moral of the tale of Hedwig (nee deeply moving performance of Joe original theatre in Cambridge. Hansel) Schmidt will be ringing in your Swarbrick as Hedwig. In an intense- ears as you leave next week’s Pembroke ly challenging role, he succeeds in Players’ production of Hedwig and the gripping the audience whether WIT Angry Inch. Part rock musical, part screaming thrash rock lyrics or recall- at St Chad’s Octagon until stand-up, part fable, it tells how young ing the most intimate memories of Saturday Hansel, trapped in a repressive East childhood. He brings to life an often Germany, undergoes a semi-successful outrageous script with liberal improv- Clare Kurtis sex change operation (hence the angry isation, yet ultimately holds the Newnham inch) as a means of escaping her home- attention through a profoundly land and finding happiness in the USA. human and affecting performance. Exceptionally Yet, crossing the wall does not pro- A funky rock quartet and snazzy moving. It was vide fulfilment for Hansel, now backing vocals are complemented by great. The cast Hedwig, as she continues to strive to some very cool graphics (including for- handled a difficult topic with find acceptance and love. The musi- nicating Gummy bears) to create, in my extreme sensitivity. cal draws upon the idea of a primal opinion, the theatrical event of this search for love and wholeness, seen term, if not the entire year. Hedwig is Elly Barton from the unique perspective of, as she unlike anything else you will see on the KCL puts it, ‘a freak.’ Cambridge stage and if don’t you go to The joy of this production is its strik- see it, you really will have missed out. It was fantastic. ing lack of pretension, with the inti- At Pembroke New Cellars from 22nd - The lead was Sassy, irreverant and deeply moving: Joe Swarbrick as Hedwig mate location of Pembroke New 27th November at 8pm incredibly pow- erful. I thought it was really All dressed up and somewhere to laugh thought-provoking. FINDING THE SUN Roz Gater unpretentious atmosphere carefully absurd, (but arguably genius) intellectu- and succeeding in, at moments, getting at the ADC Theatre until created by the Pembroke Smoker alism of Chris Fenwick’s ‘Lecture’, (dur- the audience really roaring was probably Saturday The elegant yet relaxed formality of the team, led by the charming James ing which his flickering smile illustrated advisable, and I have no doubt that the Pembroke Black Tie Smoker jarred Drinkwater, ensured that they were how amusing he found himself) to success of Friday evening will provoke a Hannah Wright pleasingly with the standard Footlights not attempting to elevate Cambridge Oliver Robinson’s song of a madman in consequently more original line-up. Queen’s foray. This usually begins outside the comedy into the dizzy heights of an love with his ‘Road-kill Badger’. At the end of the performance, we ADC, shivering with excitement and exclusive, black tie clique. Anyway, Although the overall impressive stan- were asked to vote for our favourite I really enjoyed pneumonia whilst queuing for tickets, this is how it was done in Pembroke in dard of comedy, and indeed the comedi- comedian. Drinkwater’s ultimate aim it. The acting and culminates in raucous laughter, loud the 60s, in the heady days of Bill ans themselves, did not differ greatly in engineering this night, was to was great. But I musical intermissions and potential Oddie and Peter Cook. from the ADC Smokers, with favourites ‘enliven the Cambridge comedy wanted to know what hap- heckling from the rowdy audience fam- Forty years on, whether it was the like Jonny Sweet, Simon Bird and Dan scene’, and encourage comedians to pened to Fergus in the end. ished for a belly-laugh. This seems to be way the team greeted their guests with Mansell guaranteeing to tickle our funny write for an audience who will judge the natural habitat for that species who casual familiarity, or the nibbles at the bones, perhaps some new faces and more them, and for whom the winner may Sam Rose enjoy being ridiculed by a tough crowd end of the room, the Pembroke team experimental work would have been receive a small cash prize. John’s on their comedic flair. created an atmosphere of warm smiles beneficial to an audience who left satis- This, in conjunction with the black So perhaps it was a little dicey and attention to detail. fied, but perhaps not challenged. tie theme, takes Cambridge comedy The end was attempting to replace this environ- The hour of stand-up, improv, song Only ICE (Improvised Comedy into a whole new league of profession- immensely ment with a champers sipping, live and sketch was introduced by the boom- Ents) took a real risk, as always, in rely- alism and polish, giving comedians a moving. I jazz, black tie clad setting, the audi- ing voice of Fred Crawley, whose neat ing on their spontaneous comedic talent real incentive to pen their best work, thought Ben Seidler gave pro- ence sitting smart cross legged on little speech tantalised our taste buds in to provoke giggles, but even they at thus encouraging the very innovation found feeling to Daniel’s struggle straight back chairs. readiness for the following acts, of which moments appeared to be falling into a the framework, if not the content, of with his sexuality. And John Lau However, the warm friendliness and there was a broad range. From the pattern previously used. Playing it safe the evening illustrated. was great. T pla gasps andsecret astheir grins asmany drawing to Cambridge, gr audienceof hold anenthralled the ADC’s forexample, why isitthenthat, So anddisparagement. cynicism school naïv i t w Not justa inEducation’. ‘Theatre is toproduce what Yates calls huh rcs.Thedecision tocast thought process. ideaisameticulous and behindevery different. something theatrically The Woods m verse, puppetry, masktheatre, uralism, nat- amalgamation theatre, ofphysical an tocreateis striving ‘total theatre’, Y o f isnotnovel andadventurous, vative six. fact only there are in is agross exagerration: This gimmick. justatheatrical surely Sam Yates - Ariels twelve hascast a T T Brainstorming so sowepretend thatat these things, tobemature wehave about we are, Like thesop Butwe’re grown all upnow. children. We as fairytales hadourfavourite all inDebbie Isitt’s Belloc’s (Matilda) ofHillaire adaptation tale Esme Harwood h eodat oee,iswhere however, The second act, outonpendium spilling tothestage. com- nothing more thanafairytale we can relatewe can tointhereal world. itintosomethingthe taleandturn –totake expectation ofthefairytale our subverting mature scepticism, fair c ar deliber there are the page-to-stageproductionsstraight Ofcourse, stage. adaptation ofchildren’s talesto Edinburgh? A C ng rnvlyssk.Undertheauspices or novelty’s sake. o make a story clear andentertain- clear o makeastory nd the ADC. 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Robin Frampton Theatre oftimespast contemporary surroundings leavinga contemporary niscence ofthesevisions jarwithhis est thoughts. the audienceaglimpseintohisdeep video screen behindhim, leapoutfrom the more recent events, of withflashbacks intermingled of theco are justsomealcohol-fuelled parties and explicit lesbianlove episodes, bac Cruel behindthefaçade. the truth toreveal that Proust isembroiled in, world beautifulandluxurious ently adaptation exploresPinter theappar- production oftheHarold Das’ Suba andtheunco of memory investigation intothepower literary r wa main protagonist his ashestruggles comings andgoings ofthe intricate world. a insuch asheistrapped memories of Proust shows amanhauntedby mind fragmented al oftheintensely on show. society aristocratic mor St T P thisadaptation ofMarcel War, precedingWorld theFirst époque, known period asthebelle cultural inParis theflourishing Set during sixAriels productionincludes ambitious Yates’ of Members ofthecast The Tempest withmasks. practicing Wear by characterised In aworld Family surreal occurrences that suggest spinning aweboffarcical situations and leaping outofthec cousin bisexual dentistandhisAmerican ofhismotherelopingwitha chaos David come outtohisparents inthe l rtr.Althoughtheshow dealswith writers. iea D eea,issteppingin veteran, ADC literal quite byc wireofthestage. barbed attheback r e p The tohintatProspero’s study. books, of arched byanarrangement platform, How to come outinstyle prpit.How thehapless can y appropriate. 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Finally, Bella Heesom’s Bella portr Finally, sonal life. tr be never theaudiencewill gle tocope, exposéofaman’sthis brilliant strug- deaths ofthosewhosurround him. bemarked outbythe can of hislife deducesthattheprogressiondoxically alterviolently.can the audience’s opinion ofacharacter Cambr comedy.sense ofphysical inrehearsal toincreasedeveloped the hasbeenwork-shopped and script theoriginal framework, democratic Not To ComeOut… Makesure you come outto this. ac will doubt thatheandhiscast no I have and ing andstar-jumping” smil- send theaudienceaway “laughing, thathewantsto says Williams ence. sented gay issuestoamainstream audi- pan l a es tobeaproduction will which Thispromis- thought behindthem. s overs alike, of which Blank ofwhich Theatre overs alike, hould bepr ppeal to school kidsandtheatreppeal toschool y Proust’s examination of timepara- In the fairly straight world of world straight In thefairly ing to kill timebutshoc ing tokill y attempting to bring under-repre-y attemptingtobring THEATRE A hing timekil tteQen’College’s Fitzpatrick theQueens’ At a t the Homerton Auditorium from Auditorium t theHomerton a fCals ahardened vic- yal ofCharlus, Hall from 22nd-27thNovember idge, it is wonderful to seeacom- itiswonderful idge, At thePembrokeAt NewCellars from 23rd to27thNovember at8pm 22nd -27thNovember at10pm nate o ud. , l. consider ate acting at 7.45pm 19 kingl hieve How In y , Suba Das Blank Theatre 20 MUSIC November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

The Decemberists Jon Swaine Jon Swaine has a drink with Portland’s most promising pirates

The bar is awash with tracksuits, bum- casually thrown-together collections of something in that, for sure…we cer- fluff moustaches, Burberry accessories shanties, vivid biographical laments tainly seem to get these pockets of and swear-words: City have triumphed and odes to fallen comrades. Imagine a like-minded American support turn- in the Cup, and there’s nothing getting depressed British Sea Power drunkenly ing out for us wherever we are’ offers this lot away from their shandies any re-recording the songs of the Coral and Meloy, rescuing us all from the verge time soon. Promoters and roadies, you’re nowhere near, really, but it’d be a of an embarrassing, tipsy soul-search struggling under flight cases, are bat- start. Aided by championing maga- on the future of the Democrats, of tling furiously through the be-Niked zines like Magnet, Devil in the Woods the Left, of…mankind, man. hordes, desperately attempting to set and pitchforkmedia.com - ‘invaluable’, Having reportedly split up following up any sort of stage or entrance point. even if it does mean their ‘reporting a disastrous London set the previous Which, as well as meaning pouting, each time Nate goes to the bathroom’ - night, support band the Unicorns are tousled indie kids are soon happily they are determinedly making their clearly still together, remarkably coher- walking in gratis (disdainful reactions name through rousing shows, even if it ent and present a fantastic set taken at later attempts at retrospective fee means driving themselves across from 2003’s Who Will Cut Our Hair collection are quite hilarious) makes Europe in a Sprint van. When We’re Gone? The perfect openers being enthusiastically beckoned over to force the crowd from the floor and for a chat by Colin Meloy (vocals, gui- interact, one only hopes that recent tar) and Nate Query (bass) of the thrown-together reports of their demise are at least pre- Decemberists all the more surreal. shanties, vivid mature; they certainly deserve a better Not wishing to be the next to acci- chance. But it’s soon growing very late. dentally declare class war, I cannot help laments and odes to Hurrying onstage and breaking into but agree with Colin’s cute summation ‘Shanty for Arethusa’, there is clearly that this must be ‘what you’d call Chav fallen comrades deep unspoken rapport and chemistry Central, right?’ Indeed, and fresh from between the Decemberists; the base dazzling 2,000 Cake fans nightly, provided is so tight that accidental explaining things away to the point Tain EP – an 18 minute song in five opening on their European tour of Talk seems destined to lead to drunkenness only improves things. of awkward quiet: the preservation of parts, ‘not meant pretentiously at all, sold-out theatres, their decision to play recent political happenings back Underpinned by Rachel Blumberg’s some mystique would be welcomed. just purely us seeing where we could such Phoenix Nights-style environ- home; both seem quietly devastated, marching rolls and Nate’s thumping But it’s a small price to pay; tunes go, unrestrained’, Nate is later anx- ments requires some explanation. ‘We not least since they’ve been in double-bass, Colin and guitarist Chris like ‘Legionnaire’s Lament’ and ‘Los ious for me to understand, a new realise it’s difficult for you to actually Europe ever since. ‘I just can’t see Funk are granted license to looseness, Angeles, I’m Yours’ are magnificent, album produced with Death Cab For get the records’, helps Nate, ‘so we’re how tolerance and liberalism are such decorated by Jenny Conlee’s gorgeous thoughtful pocket-epics to sway to, Cutie producer Chris Walla is ready really trying to go places we didn’t last dirty words to people in my country’ accordion. Salty, wistful maritime eyes closed while you dream of for release in the Spring, apparently time we were here, at the same time as snaps Colin, dismissing my presump- drama seeps effortlessly from every bar another century in another world. the product of a much more driven, searching for a label who’ll have us’, tion that murmurings for coastal of ‘Oceanside’, the sparked imagination The Decemberists’ marrying of vast rapidly-completed recording process. their prestigious Kill Rock Stars home secession (Portland pipped for Kerry) visible in watching eyes. escapism with such earthily accessi- ‘He was just indefatigable’, chimes enjoying only limited distribution in might have been exaggerated en If there’s any fault, it’s Meloy’s ble, addictive hooks and refrains is Colin, ‘there was so much energy and these parts. route across the Atlantic. Seeking habit of over-introduction. His surely unrivalled today. They gently focus. We can’t wait for people to Formed in Portland, Oregon ‘about solace in desperation, I venture that songs’ narratives are stronger than but steadfastly demand your imme- hear it.’ Nor, presumably, for a long- five years ago’, the Decemberists’ two the resolute siege mentality of the any I’ve heard in years, more than diate attention, and I concur. overdue chance to return in more albums, Her Majesty and Castaways artistic reaction might be embold- telling their stories themselves. Yet So what of the future? Following luxurious circumstances to present it and Cut-Outs are stunning, seemingly ened by Four More Years. ‘There is he seems anxious to make sure, often their collaboration on this year’s The to us.

s Ain’t Got Grime to Waste ding Ned Beauman meets MCs Lady Sovereign and Crazy Titch They speak in your voice, Londoner, The government won’t let it. Also, of MCs talk about guns, but they and there’s a shine in their eyes that’s grime sounds scary. The average Joe haven’t really got them!’

Casual Recor halfway hopeful. Lady Sovereign and Bloggs isn’t going to want to buy grime. Plasticman told me that for produc- Crazy Titch are two of the most creative “What is grime? Blargh!” We’re just ers, ‘the scene is so open, you make a and fiery MCs in grime, although nei- trying to get established, but people are great track and you could be the biggest ther are yet known outside the scene. trying to shut our scene down.’ Still, name in grime overnight.’ Is MCing so Do you want me to make it simple for he’s optimistic. ‘If you think people in easy to get into? ‘It’s not easy right now,’ you? Lady Sovereign is the next Ms grime aren’t going to make it, you’re Titch says. ‘It opens and closes, and now Dynamite, Crazy Titch is the next dead wrong. It’s a majority, it’s not a it’s closed again. If you’re not in it when Dizzee Rascal. Except these kids are so minority no more.’ it closes you have much harder times talented they can do what they like, not Titch got his start on pirate radio. ‘I than if you rolled in when everyone else what journalists expect them to do. always wanted to be on the stage, I rolled in.’ A lot like a secret temple The best thing about covering grime always liked mics, my mum got me a chamber in Indiana Jones, then. ‘Some is that most of these people have hard- karaoke machine and I used to bang it people have been MCing for five or six ly done any interviews before, and it out.’Lady Sovereign ‘got kicked out of years and they still haven’t got a break.’ shows. Every indie band you talk to will school and sent to a drama class, and Both have albums out next year, tell you the same things in an eerie they were making this low budget film. which will bring them to a deservedly monotone: they’re really excited about I got the main part and I had to do one wider audience, and both are excited the new album, they’re really grateful to song on the soundtrack, and [producer] about how the scene is expanding out- their fans, touring is really fun but it’s Medaysn heard it and got in touch with side London. ‘I’ve been to Ipswich also really tiring... Crazy Titch couldn’t me.’ That resulted in ‘The Battle’, an recently, Cornwall, Scotland, Wales, be more different. Appropriately for an outstanding grimey garage track where there’s a grime scene in all those places.’ MC, he can’t stop talking. There is a Sovereign and Shystie swapped sex-war This subject is what gets Titch most My Fair Lady moment when he tries to jibes with male MCs Frost P and Zuz animated (which is saying something): teach me the glottal stop at the end of Rock over epic strings. ‘They just don’t want you to believe the slang word ‘neck’, which apparently What makes a good MC? ‘There scene’s big! It is big! It’s ours! They means ‘cool’. (‘Neck?’ ‘No, nec’.’ ‘Neck.’ are so many MCs out there that know about me in Glasgow, in Dublin. ‘No, like nec’.’ ‘Nec’?’ Yeah, nec’!’ sound the same,’ says Lady Sovereign. Those kids are mad! People saying “I ‘NEC’!’ ‘All right, boy.’ I could have ‘A good MC is different.’ Are grime love you” in an Irish accent is the best daaanced all night, etc.) MCs too fixated by violence? ‘Maybe, thing I’ve heard this year.’ When I get my facts wrong, he but the lyrics are starting to change, Titch wants to be big. ‘And when I mocks me affably for being ‘miseducat- people are starting to talk a bit more go through, I want to bring the scene as ed’, and when I mention the recent sense, MCs are starting to realise that well. It must have been boring for grime night in Cambridge he asks how if they want to move up in the game Dizzee all this time, by himself, being a it went with genuine interest (look out they’ve got to start changing their pioneer. People like Ms Dynamite, they for a report next issue). Later, he apolo- subject matter.’ Titch agrees: ‘It’s left the scene behind and they forgot gises that in his newest track ‘I big up a about originality. People think grime about it, but I’m not going to do that. lot of places but I don’t big up is all about “I’ll cut your head off ” and And I want world domination! But I Cambridge because I haven’t there yet.’ all the violence, and it’s not. You have need to stop saying that,’ he mutters, I ask Titch whether grime will ever to be raw in the beginning but you ‘because people are going to clamp Lady Sovereign: “A good MC is different” be as big as garage or drum’n’bass. ‘Nah. don’t have to be raw all the time. A lot down on me.’ www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 MUSIC 21

Plectrum Spectrum Jon Swaine Varsity reviews Cambridge’s best acoustic and open mic nights

Acoustico Musicale at Jesus Selwyn Sessions The Living Room at CB2 The ‘JCSU Party Room’ has been As yet one of the most underrated and The Living Room, with a bill occupied refurbished to make it a middle-manag- little-known open-mic nights in by well-established local artists creates a er’s conference room, but the effect of Cambridge, Selwyn Sessions is fast more professional and polished atmos- the bland decoration was easily remedied becoming a renowned gem of the phere than its college counterparts. by subdued lighting. Yet the best Westside. Run twice termly in the col- Acoustic opener Stewart ‘Badwell Ash’, medicament for an acoustic night is tal- lege bar – itself growing in notoriety for despite clear ability and pretty arpeg- ent, which was provided by the perform- being actually rather good - Sessions has giating harmonies like that of ‘London ers, especially brothers Matt and recently seen a huge increase in demand Bridge’, struggled to compensate for a Dominic Bunning. Their set provided a for performance slots from acts based in David Gray-esque bellow that in the counterpoint to the otherwise sombre Homerton, Pembroke and Newnham, close confines of the Living Room was mood, which is enjoyable but endemic in each battling to upstage the best of akin to Metallica playing Addenbrooke’s acoustic nights; sometimes variety is all Selwyn’s own talent. Intensive Care Unit. An electro acoustic that is needed to make an average night Michaelmas’ first, held in Fresher’s and double bass gave Adette Michell’s successful. The brothers’ energy and Week, saw amongst others the long- mellow folk unexpected warmth and A rapt audience at Selwyn bar, where open-mic sessions are held twice a term musical ability brought a smile to the awaited return of Nick Massey, who depth, that despite a tendency to sound room, as they covered ‘Don’t Look Back stunned onlookers with gorgeous like a Dawson’s Creek soundtrack was embryonic artist strums inches from humour of local poet Niall Spooner- Into The Sun’ and ‘Up The Bracket’ by Russian folk, before college favourites accomplished and often affecting. your face, it is difficult, without being Harvey (who also, it seems, writes dit- The Libertines, with added Tourette’s- Tom Stoddart and Paddy Massey pro- Modal Monk swept onstage with a wilfully cynical, to criticise too harshly. ties on request). The week I saw the style shouting. Younger brother ceeded to bring the house down with whiff of sweat and cheap beer. The Given this, and the impossibility of pre- remarkable debut of Michael Berk (no, Dominic dominated the duo, providing such classics as ‘The Bifta Song’ and night’s only electric guitar provided an dicting the quality of what will be on not the former newsreader-cum-999 the vocals and, sometimes, musical cover other restrained odes peppered with excellent blues and slide backing for an offer, the Living Room is still strongly Lifesavers presenter, but an incredible for his alcohol-addled brother. interludes from the Vengaboys and the incomprehensible but charismatic lead recommended. guitarist whose adroit fingerwork Andy Acred provided standout Tetris theme tune. Finally, the beautiful singer - a promising act. The last group, www.livingroom.cambridgebands.com would rival that of Eric Clapton moments during his set with a cover of Charlotte Hodkinson wowed with her Siskin, created a rich sound with Was Yaqoob Unplugged. Live at the Rubicon. On ‘Slide’ by the Goo Goo Dolls. Salman acoustic cover of Britney Spears’ impressive drumming and two guitars, steroids.) Don’t believe me? Make it Shaheen and Ruben Rosenberg present- ‘Toxic’, replete with cello accompani- but failed to disguise the blandness of a Songs in the Dark at Clowns down to Clowns café for the next ed perhaps the first self-penned political ment from Gregor Riddell. The second singer providing the vocal equivalent of Surely there can be no better place to event on Sunday 28th November. Get song seen at Acousto Musicale, ‘Peace outing of the term is to be held this tofu, and the banal lyrical equivalent of be on a Sunday than Songs in the there early, swap a fiver for a bottle of One Day’, in support of the group of the Sunday evening – anyone wishing to Troy’s dialogue. Inoffensive, but as Dark? Thanks to the warmth of song- the famous house red, plonk yourself same name (www.peaceoneday.org), in a perform should contact Will Morgan cramp spread over my nether regions, I writing and creativity cultivated by down in the corner, and warm yourself musically-accomplished and spirited at [email protected]. Selwyn couldn’t help pondering whether I hosts and artists Jeremy Warmsley and by the tealights and the wisdom of performance. The night would benefit Sessions strikes the perfect balance would rather push knitting needles Simon Mastrantone, the event is fast SITD’s boho philosophy students and from non-Jesuan participation, but was between spontaneity and actually being slowly into my retinas than watch their becoming a Cambridge institution. the warmth of humanity. You won’t nonetheless popular and deserves to able to hear music, making this is an set again. However, despite the Living This evening of beautiful acoustic, regret it. continue to be so. acoustic night not to be missed. Room’s slick setup, the central dilemma gentle ambience and the best cappuc- songsinthedark.cjb.net Moreed Arbabzadah Jon Swaine of such nights remains - when an cino in town, is improved only by the Mwers Join Us careers 22 LITERATURE November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Twenty-something? Be very afraid... Rachel Willcock talks to Hannah Adcock, author of a unique kind of survival guide

ve missed essays. For some, leaving university is a hi

rc transition too far. Adcock deals with the hazards Hannah’s top tips and joys of this special time of life sensitively and always humorously. ‘The most important thing to arsity A

V learn from this book is that you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to admit you are confused and seek help.’ And this book doesn’t seem a bad place ‘This is not an American-style self- help book’

to start. The contributors seem to feel sympathet- ic to the readership and even Hislop lets down his guard to give a frank account of his struggles as a young journalist. So what’s next for Hannah Adcock? It seems that this is anyone’s guess. ‘I’m moving to Scotland in a couple of months but I’m not sure exactly what I’ll be doing, I feel as lost as ever.’ Hmm – it seems that the book hasn’t solved her own problems then. It appears that It can’t last forever, you know... Adcock doesn’t need a life plan, just a sense of humour. ‘I have come out of my experiences 1. Don’t allow yorself to be funnelled - Before I met Hannah Adcock, I was frightened able experience. On return to England she dab- with a mixture of optimism and cynicism, and there are many more options that you about leaving Cambridge. Now I am petrified. bled more in journalism, editing a small circu- learnt that you can’t take knockbacks too seri- may first consider. Life outside of this town isn’t for the faint heart- lation newspaper in Dumfries and Galloway, ously.’ I believe this shows a healthy philosophy 2. Greet setbacks with a smile - if you ed. I find it surprising to learn that Hannah Scotland, something of which she is proud. to hold in life, towards Cambridge, as well as don’t laugh you will cry. Adcock has only been a twentysomething for ‘Everyone feels this pressure to move to what comes next. ‘What will I be doing when I 3. In the immortal words of Dear Deidre, four years. Seemingly this short time has taken London,’ she explains, ‘but some of the best am a thirtysomething?’ Adcock giggles, ‘I ‘Don’t be too posh or too proud’ - we all its toll already – she looks tired and slightly nerv- experience comes from moving further afield. I haven’t a clue but hopefully I’ll be able to write have to start somewhere. ous as she greets me, though she smiles. This mean I’m twenty four and I now know what its a book about it...’ summarises Adcock’s approach to life and the like to edit a paper, better that than making the Good luck! motivation behind her new book 20something: tea on a larger publication.’ After completing 20something: the ultimate survival guide is avail- The Ultimate Survival Guide. her first book, 20something, she set off for able from all bookshops now in paperback We will all hopefully leave this place armed Greece to help produce a film adaptation of with shiny Cambridge degrees waiting for Twelfth Night. employers to snap us up – but what if they don’t? Is the case of the angst ridden twentysome- What if you, like me, haven’t got the foggiest thing a new phenomenon? Adcock seems to think so. ‘There is a huge disparity between our generation and our parents and this often leads ‘Life outside of this to a lack of empathy. Our parents don’t under- stand that there are many more graduates now town isn’t for the faint- going for the same jobs. Furthermore, they hearted’ weren’t saddled with thousands of pounds’ worth of debt when they left university.’ Ah yes – that issue, money. Adcock freezes me with idea how to chart the next decade of your life? fear when she reminds me of the reality of the Then Adcock’s book is for you. With chapters overdraft. ‘When you finish university the such as ‘Skipping the Country: pack up your money stops coming in.’ As stupid as it sounds, troubles’, ‘Back under the duvet’ and ‘Tax coun- this hadn’t really occurred to me before – I sel’ it is clear that this is a book that can help you always expect the magic student loan cheque to on a number of counts. clear away all my troubles, but that doesn’t The book is, in Adcock’s words, ‘a mixture of happen in your twenties. Instead you have to real advice and humour’. With pithy anecdotes repay it. Oh dear. from stars such as Ian Hislop, ‘Dear’ Deidre On a more serious note, the problems dealt and Jamie Cullum, it makes for amusing read- with in this book are real ones that can lead to ing. It is perhaps the only book marketed serious mental strain for young people, often towards helping young people at what is possi- completely ill-equipped for dealing with the real bly the most daunting period of their lives – world. For three years we have pretended we are the time after tertiary education. Adcock saw independent whilst having all our meals cooked the gap in the market when she left university: for us, no job and people chasing us up about ‘While I was at College, I couldn’t walk five metres without being given some literature on what to do next or what careers presentation to attend and then when I left and I really need- ed it, there was nothing.’ From this she maintains the idea for the book just came naturally. Her research is most- ly from friends who are in the same situation - she protests ‘This is not an American-style self- help book, I like to teach from experience.’ She has certainly got that. You can quickly tell on meeting her that this girl is older than her years and well qualified for advising people on the wilderness of post-education depression. On leaving university with a Cambridge English degree she completely disregarded it and thought she would try her hand at jewellery design. ‘I know, I know!’ she protests on seeing my bemused face, ‘but I always enjoyed art at school.’ Needless to say, this plan was short- lived and on being rejected without interviews for a multitude of jobs she packed her bags for Australia. Here Adcock worked on a local paper whilst training horses – gaining some invalu- www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 FASHION 23

Flora wears: Brown and gold pin- stripe Phillip Treacy beret (£82) and diamante charm neckwear (£156) both from Ally Lulu, Pink Sequined vest (£25) from Dix’s stall, Jeans Diesel mini-skirt (£59) from Catfish. Belt and shoes models own. Tim wears: Blue embroided T-Shirt (£43) from Dogfish, Black chord trench-coat (£49.99) from H&M, Black plastic charm bracelet (£169) from Ally Lulu. A. C. Berwick wears: Grey pinstripe trilby (£42) and Diesel brown and green striped cowboy shirt (£95) both from Dogfish. Simon wears: White Balloon T-Shirt (£63) from Dogfish, Snazzy Glasses Sally’s own, Trousers models own. Photography by Adam Fudakowski Styled by Johanna Z- Sharp & Sally Jennings. 24 FILM November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk The tricky art of on-screen adaptation Emma Patterson talks to Enduring Love director Roger Michell about accepting inevitable failure

What was it about the novel that Do you feel that sometimes you lose because he’s an incredible actor and .net made you feel it should be brought the subtlety by dramatising these very good for this role. He’s not the e to screen? ideas, and articulating what is, in a classic academic geezer with patches imag What appeals to me most about the way, inarticulable? on his corduroy jacket, but I don’t novel is that although it’s got a won- When you make a film from any think most academics are like that derful thriller structure, it’s also a book, you can only make a version of now, anyway. series of meditations on love, almost that book. And when you read a In the film’s penultimate scene, Joe in a medieval way. They talk about book, you make the greatest film ever and Jed share a kiss. Do you think love and become so academically out of the book; you cast it yourself, that it was right to sexualise the interested in what love is, what the you pace it yourself, you light it your- enduring love that the character of patterns of love are. In the same way, self. And you can never compete with Jed feels for Joe? the novel is very interested in examin- that imaginative experience of read- In the novel, the love that endures is ing whether love endures, what it’s ing a novel. And once you face up to very much a spiritual, non-physical like to endure being loved, what are that terrible finality of failure that one - it’s almost metaphysical. I’m not the chances that love is a real, spiritu- you’re sure is hovering over you, all sure that it is that sexualised. I think al thing? How much are we fooling you can do is make a version, and you that the kiss is - although it’s not a ourselves that love is anything other really have to make your version of non-sexual kiss - a kiss which is than a bit of Darwin to keep propaga- this novel. I think what we’ve done, informed by pure, lofty feeling. It’s tion going? though some of the intellectual struc- not a lascivious kiss, and although it Did you think, then, that because the ture is less subtle, is we’ve been very has a sexual component, it’s more of a novel is so much about philosophical faithful to the spirit of the book, to loving kiss than anything else. contemplation and meditation, it the super-idea of the book. Generally speaking, the number of would be very difficult to bring these Daniel Craig, who plays Joe in the people who watch a screen adapta- things, which are so at home in the film, is quite the pinup of the tion of a novel will surpass the num- novel as an artistic medium, to moment, far younger and more ber who have actually read the novel. screen? attractive than his character in the Do you think that film therefore goes Well, that’s one of the particular chal- novel. Was the decision to cast him in some way to diluting an intellectual Ian McEwan and Roger Michell lenges of adapting Ian’s work, which the role made in order to popularise elitism that is inherent in the reading fact, that is the pattern. Hundreds of be satisfied, be angry, be discursive is very dense, very discursive, and full the film? of literature? thousands of people here and in about it, and then go out and buy of science - full of ideas. So we had to My last film, The Mother, was with I think, on the contrary, that more America will go out and buy this every other book by Ian McEwan. It’s find lots of different strategies for Daniel. I think he’s poised on the people will go out and buy this book book, and read it as a result of seeing all part of the happy symbiosis dramatising the ideas. brink of becoming a star. We use him because they have seen the film. In the film, and hopefully be pugnacious, between literature and film. Enduring? Not quite From film to play and back again Josh Newman Many people have also liberally .net

adapted historical events: Eisenstein’s e Since time immemorial (the beginning two most famous films glorified a differ-

of the 20th Century) Hollywood has ent communist revolution, while the imag stolen its ideas from tons of different fabulously underrated Luc Besson com- places. In acknowledgement, The edy The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Academy Awards give separate prizes Arc, taught us that the French do have a for writing an original screenplay and an sense of humour when it comes to adapted screenplay. But back in 1928 at marauding packs of Englishmen. the first ever Oscars, they already got it Novels of course have continuously wrong, by awarding the statue to served to provide work for Merchant Benjamin Glazer for 7th Heaven rather Ivory Productions, who raided the than the now eminently more famous works of both Henry James (The The Jazz Singer by Alfred Cohn. Bostonians, The Europeans, The Golden Even during the Silent Era it was Bowl) and E.M. Forster (Howards End, thought that the most obvious place to Room With A View, Maurice). nick film ideas from was theatre. At first, Even MTV got in on the novel Will Rhys Ifans ever escape the curse of those grey underpants? one of the main uses of the cinema was bandwagon recently with a ‘high to showcase Broadway plays in areas octane’ adaptation of Great A hot-air balloon, out of control, drifts articulate what should be inarticulable, where the commute just seemed too Expectations. At least that’s what the past Joe (Daniel Craig) and Claire comtemplations of ‘Love’ and much to see the equivalent of the new PR line says. I fell asleep. (Samantha Morton), a couple picnick- ‘Meaninglessness’ just seem unnatural, Andrew Lloyd Webber. The obvious And poetry is not sacrosanct either. ing in the English countryside. Joe and cliched and only pseudo-philosophical. disadvantage however, being that no Before making The Incredibles, director three other men rush to pull the balloon The acting, however, is a success. synchronous sound made those long Brad Bird’s CV included The Iron Giant, to safety. Suddenly, the wind washes Craig, as ever, is a potent and energetic Shakespearian speeches a little difficult a (frankly fantastic) version of Ted over the field. The balloon is thrust sky- cinematic presence, effortlessly alternat- to render. Hughes’ The Iron Man. wards, carrying the men with it. One ing between guilt, anger and paranoia. But the studios have also found inspi- But perhaps the strangest adaptation man fails to let go, and is lifted far above Morton’s performance is one of emo- ration from just about every format and of all is about to start shooting: Mel the ground, soon falling to his death. tional delicacy. Ifans, though, carrying form of material out there– the bible and Brooks’ classic The Producers was adapt- Bound together by the accident are Joe with him an unshakeable comic per- other works of fanatical devotion (Lord ed into the most successful musical in and fellow rescuer, Jed (Rhys Ifans), sona, seems slightly out of place as the of the Rings) have been a constant source recent memory only a few years ago, whose consequent infatuation with Joe infatuated stalker. And at times, Craig’s of material for directors from Cecil B. and now because of this success it is lies at the centre of the film. turmoil is irritatingly undermined by DeMille (The Ten Commandments) to being adapted back into a film! Ah, When I saw Enduring Love, I had not the ‘bathos’ of Bill Nighy (playing Mel Gibson (The Passion). Hollywood: you’ve gotta love it. The Iron Giant yet read the Ian McEwan novel from Robin), apparently oblivious to the fact which it had been adapted. I was proba- that he is no longer on the set of 2003 Cambridge film bly the only one. But I felt it was impor- rom-com, Love Actually. tant to come to the film with a blank Most impressive is Roger Michell’s Brighton Rock showing at Christ’s, 25th November, 10pm: page. My plan, however, proved futile; direction of the balloon accident An adaptation of Graham Greene’s novel starring Richard Attenborough my overriding instinct was that in the itself. Expertly alternating between Talk with Jack Lyons followed by a screening of Quadrophenia at Corpus Christi, 23rd November, 8pm: process of adaptation, something had adreline-fuelled, Baz Luhrmann- The term ‘mod’ conjures up images of hip young men with expertly coiffured hair, wearing crushed velvet suits, snappily been lost - or added - and wrongly so. esque movement, and an almost clicking their fingers and riding around on Vespa scooters. It is a word of a bygone era. The film asks: How do we define immobile peacefulness that perfectly The early Sixties were a time where mods and rockers met up, fought and also notoriously rioted in Brighton, Clacton love? How long can love last? And if it captures the bemusement evoked by and Margate. It is this time and a mood that is expertly caught and portrayed in the classic British film, Quadrophenia. The lasts at all, how does it last? These ques- the sight of the balloon drifting, this story concerns Jimmy, an angry young man who loathes his dead-end job and dead-end parents. He can only find enjoy- tions, in the novel, are raised as scene more than does the novel’s ment in his scooter and his Mod mates. McEwan journeys through the minds of opening justice. And if the final Pete Townshend was inspired to write the film by one of the original mods who was christened by Townshend as the the characters. ninety minutes disappoint you, these ‘Modfather’. His name is Jack Lyons and he recounts his stories of growing up in London in the Sixties and his life as a For the adaptation to work, the ten will surely compensate. mod. A very entertaining speaker with many a story to tell, this is a special chance to find out what being a mod really means. screenwriter, Joe Penhall, attempts to Cinecam 48 hour Guerilla Film Competition, 26th-28th November: externalise these meditations by forcing Enduring Love goes on general release Individual or group applications to be submitted by 22nd November to ksd28 if you want to write a script, shoot a film and the questions at hand into the dialogue. 26th November edit it, all in 48 hours. He fails. As the characters proceed to EP www.varsity.co.uk November 19th, 2004 CLASSICAL 25 London Jazz Festival: the lowdown The London Jazz Festival is a seminal UK jazz event - Nicola Simpson looks at this year’s line-up This week sees the 12th London There is also a mass of activity in the Jan Garbarek ly. They are a phenomenon that has making organisation established in Jazz Festival in association with Festival behind the concert listings. The unmistakeable haunting sound of to be heard to be believed. 1992 to nurture and develop talented BBC Radio 3, from the 12th - 21st Thousands of young people will be Jan Garbarek’s saxophones remains young musicians who wish to pursue November. A huge event in the UK touched by the EDF ‘Energy New one of the most distinctive voices in Future Sounds of Jazz a professional career in jazz. The Audiences’ scheme. This year it today’s music. He is an innovative and Nominated for a BBC Jazz Award for organisation has its roots in the Jazz

.uk expands to take in a French connec- massively influential figure, whose Innovation, this 12-strong posse of the Warriors, a seminal big band found- tion with workshops in Paris and music inhabits a sonic landscape reso- hottest young jazz guns includes the ed in 1985 as a platform for black London as part of the Entente nant of his saxophones of Soweto Kinch and ‘streetwise’ jazz musicians which ious.org r Cordiale celebrations. There’ll also be native Jason Yarde, the rhythm section of helped to incubate big names such as .se vocal workshops and, building on last Norway, and Jade Fox, Nick Ramm (keyboards), Courtney Pine, and many others. year’s success. embraces a Tom Herbert (bass), Tom Skinner and Tomorrow’s Warriors works with www Jamie Cullum, the ‘Sinatra in sneak- sweep of Leo Taylor (drums) as well as crashing ers’, still fresh from stellar success will global cul- piano interventions from Matthew jazz calendar, it crams a wealth of be making a welcome return to the tures – he Bourne, guitar breaks from David premieres, commissions, collabora- festival following his sellout gig at the has collabo- Okumu, improvised visuals supplied tions and new talent - along with a Royal Festival Hall last year. However, rated memo- by Yeast and funky vocals from Bembe ious.org.uk

celebration of the jazz tradition - there are still thousands of brilliant r rably with Segue and Zena Edwards. Their set at into 10 days. jazz musicians who fail to get due .se artists from the LJF on Friday featured a special This year features a plethora of recognition outside the very specific South cameo appearance by Mercury-nomi- events dedicated to inspirational sphere in which they work, and here www America and nated poet, MC and hip hop star Ty. artists of the past - Dizzy Gillespie, we take a look at five of them. Jan Garbarek India – as

Tony Williams, Sun Ra - alongside well as delving into age-old European Eska Mtungwazi ious.org.uk r

some key figures that have shaped Gwyneth Herbert traditions. This Autumn sees the The multi-talented Zimbabwean .se the course of jazz - Sam Rivers, This 22-year-old has been given the release of his first new ECM recording Eska is a highly respected vocalist,

Cecil Taylor, Tony Oxley, Bill Dixon, prestigious privilege of opening the in some years, In Praise of Dreams – performer, songwriter, musician and www Anthony Braxton, Sunny Murray, London Jazz Festival at Queen advance word suggests that this will be producer, best known for her unique Tomorrow’s Warriors the Ganelin Trio, Jack DeJohnette Elizabeth Hall. She has been cited as yet another landmark in his already vocal style; her arrangements and and Lennie Niehaus. Britain’s answer to Norah Jones, and remarkable career. writing skills have been much in young musicians providing ‘appren- Looking forward, the Festival con- has a diverse fan club that already demand with such major names as ticeships’ and performance/educa centrates on cutting edge talent from includes Sir Paul McCartney, Kevin Vocal Sampling Courtney Pine and featured on tional workshops for young jazz the global jazz scene. Vijay Iyer, Mike Costner, Michael Parkinson and, An a cappella ensemble in the truest Soweto Kinch’s ‘Conversations With musicians.∑Since inception, they Ladd and Enrico Pieranunzi play indeed, Prince Charles. Up until six sense of the word, Vocal Sampling is The Unseen’. have achieved a remarkable level of their first UK gigs; plus new projects months ago, Herbert was waitressing made up of six young Cuban men She is widely recognised as one of success in helping many young musi- from Matthew Bourne, Nitin in a bistro in Wimbledon, while play- who met at music school. the most talented British soul/jazz cians to launch successful profes- Sawhney & Britten Sinfonia, Carla ing in London’s pubs and clubs with Nominated for 3 Grammy awards artists of her generation. sional careers in jazz and the organi- Bley, the Future Sounds of Jazz, guitarist Will Rutter, who she met for their album Cambio de Tiempo, www.eskaworld.com sation is now widely regarded as one Dhafer Yousef, Matthew Herbert, F- while studying English at Durham these rhythm-driven prodigies create of the key organisations in the UK IRE and Jack DeJohnette, John University. Watch this space... every chord, beat and melody of a Tomorrow’s Warriors for the professional development of Scofield & Larry Goldings. www.gwynethherbert.com mighty latin orchestra entirely vocal- Tomorrow’s Warriors is a non-profit- young jazz musicians. No place like home

Laragh Widdess The Rosamunde Trio Arranged jointly by the Masters of Week after week, Cambridge never fails to Fitzwilliam and Churchill College, this con- provide a feast of classical music for us to get cert will feature music by Schubert, Dvorák our teeth into. Here’s a look at some of the and Beethoven. The Rosamunde trio, com- imminent highlights. prised of Martino Tirimo on piano, Ben Sayevich on violin and Daniel Veis on cello. University of Cambridge Philarmonic Orchestra Fitzwilliam Auditorium Sunday 28th The Orchestra will open their 2004/5 season with November pianist David Earl performing Rachmaninoff ’s Tickets: £10 (students £5) available from Porter's epic Third Piano Concerto. UCPO’s sister orches- Lodge, Fitzwilliam College or Master's Office, tra, the University of Cambridge Philharmonia Churchill College will be performing, as well as Beethoven and Mendelssohn, Glière’s Horn Concerto, with soloist The Zephyr Ensemble Jean-Luc Wietor (see text box). Comprised entirely of wind-players, this UCPO: 21st November @ 8pm West Road ensemble will be performing an interesting Concert Hall UCP: 27th November @ 8pm. programme, including music by John Barnes West Road Concert Hall Tickets (£6/£4) - tick- Chance, Saint-Saëns, Nigel Clarke and [email protected] www.ucpo.org.uk. Hindemith. £6 (£4) Tickets on the door 29th November at Britten Sinfonia ft. Nitin Sawhney 8.00pm Multi-instrumentalist, composer, producer, West Road Concert Hall DJ and song-writer Nitin Sawhney blends urban R&B, Indian classical music and jazz. Cambridge University Symphony Orchestra Here he’ll be performing new arrangements The Orchestra’s termly concert will include of classics from his albums The Classroom, a music by Prokofiev and Schubert, in addition new work commissioned by Britten Sinfonia. to Ravel’s Piano Concerto no.1 in G major. Corn Exchange 24th November @ 7:30 25th November 8.00pm Tickets £12-£18 West Road Concert Hall Bluff the classics

Name: Reinhold Glière the folk music of Azerbaijan. His opera Dates: 1875-1956 ‘Shah Senen’, completed in 1925, was based Nationality: Russian on a sixteenth century Azerbaijanian fable. Style: A direct heir to the Russian Romantic He later drew heavily on the national music tradition, he worked on grand scale in the of Uzbekistan and the Ukraine. large forms. His music displays a monumental- Most popular works: ‘The Red Poppy’ and ity of image and a brilliant aural imagination. ‘The Bronze Horseman’. His Harp Concerto is Influences: After 1920, he was inspired by among the finest concertos for this instrument. the National Policy of the Soviet Friends in high places: Glière was Josef Government to make a prolonged study of Stalin’s favourite composer. 26 SPORT November 19, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Adams is four goal hero as UEA crumble University Football nearly equalised. Chris Turnbull merit- Adams was on-hand to drill the ball 2-0 after the break I think that we Harry Hughes. But after the humiliat- ed the mention in Varsity he has been into the top corner from two feet out. relaxed and let some sloppiness creep ing 7-1 defeat to the Prison Service, CAMBRIDGE 4 awaiting for four years, by clearing the With Adams having scored his hat- in, although after they scored we the Blues have proved themselves with ball off the line in a goalmouth scram- trick from a combined distance of less gained control again and they didn’t two draws and two wins in BUSA. UEA 1 ble, and Lincoln’s main goal-scoring than six yards, the UEA keeper was cause us any real problems. There’s still Meanwhile, the Falcons have hit threat Sven Meyer lashed a shot over clearly unprepared as the Cambridge a lot to work to be done, but coming form with an excellent home win Sam Richardson the bar from a tight angle. star man picked up substitute Alex off with a 4-1 victory and not being against United Hospitals. But their fix- The Blues doubled their lead on the Coleman’s flick-on and lashed home a satisfied is encouraging.’ ture list consisting of schools and tradi- half hour. Smith pounced as the shot on the turn from just outside the This season, his side has shown no tional fixtures is poor preparation for a STRIKER MIKE Adams lived up to Lincoln back four dallied, and he box. It was the icing on the cake for the shortage of what Iain Dowie famously Varsity match against an Oxford side his occasional moniker of ‘thieving released Adams who played a cheeky striker, but he was backed up by an called ‘bounce-back-ability’. On top of who play in BUSA. With the Kestrels scouser’ by stealing the show as the one-two in the six-yard box with Rich excellent team performance from the a considerable exodus of players last struggling to get a team out on a regu- Blues continued their excellent BUSA Payne before walking the ball in. Adams Family. Skipper Darby said season, several former Blues who lar basis, surely the sensible option is to form on Wednesday. The Johnian, Then the Blues sat back, allowing after the game ‘The early goal was the remain in Cambridge are resting on scrap the third team, and spend the who has been attempting to become UEA to respond, forcing two sharp perfect start and the first half perform- their laurels – Luke McNally is playing money that is saved on putting the known as Splinter, shattered the low saves from keeper Duncan Heath. ance followed on well from the last semi-professionally, Andy Hall is cap- Falcons in BUSA, and giving Mike defence of a University of East Anglia And after half-time the Blues contin- forty five last week. But coming out at taining Trinity, and Harry Hughes is Adams a match-ball. side who looked as flat as, well, East ued to lack killer instinct, and they

Anglia. If it wasn’t for the Blues hard- would have paid the price but for two dson up cash situation, he would have got excellent saves by Heath. But the UEA to keep the match-ball that his four pressure eventually told when Meyer goals richly deserved. ghosted round the back of the am Richar

Skipper Jon Darby said afterwards, Cambridge defence and finished with S ‘Mikey was tremendous today and he’s German efficiency ten minutes into threatened something like that for a the second half. while. He is very much a confidence A scrappy period of play ensued, player and hopefully this will spur him with the Blues looking solid at the on to even better performances’. back, but failing to get the ball out Adams opened the scoring after just wide to danger-men Mugan and two minutes. Before you could say ‘Boris Hughes, instead firing hopeful balls Johnson’, his fellow-Liverpudlian Steve onto the head of the outstanding Rich Smith burst from midfield, releasing Payne. When the New Zealander was Alex Mugan with an incisive through- eventually taken off after a series of ball into the left channel. Mugan’s per- bruising challenges, his only response fectly weighted low cross stranded the was ‘I love the pain’. Or was that ‘I love keeper, and set up Adams to stab the the Payne’. ball in at the back post. After Smith had nearly doubled the Adams nearly doubled his tally ten Blues’ advantage (see picture), it was minutes later as he latched onto a Payne whose knockdown found Alex ‘through-ball’ from captain Jon Darby, Mugan in space in the box. His effort but fired his shot wide. After that UEA was well saved by the keeper, but Stevie Smith almost scores a third for Cambridge as the team destroys a poor UEA side 4-1. www.varsity.co.uk November 19, 2004 SPORT 27

Blues struggle past Peterborough Sport In Brief

University Rugby as the Peterborough scrum were The second try came midway taking the ball out wide to stretch the RUGBY - After defeating Spain, CAMBRIDGE 10 much bigger. CUWRFC showed through the second half. Number 9, opposition defence rather than trying to the Cambridge rugby union team their spirit, hitting back hard and Spears picked the ball up from the back punch holes close to the rucks. were hammered by a strong PETERBOROUGH 0 improving their scrumming as the of a ruck and jinxed through the back That said, it was a good win for Harlequins side by 17 points to 80. match continued despite struggling line to score. While 10-0 is a good Cambridge. They must be confident Meanwhile Cambridge LX club Sarah Lyle at the end of the first half and start result it could have been more. that they are able to play good rugby scraped past Nottingham Trent by of the second. The Cambridge pack Peterborough were a slow side and and take that confidence into games 27 points to 21. should also be commended for their CUWRFC should have made more use against more difficult sides. AFTER DISAPPOINTING per- lineouts which were solid. of their superior speed and fitness by FOOTBALL - In the battle for formances against Oxford and Bath second place, Jesus and John’s drew 1 over the past week, Sunday saw - 1, failing to keep the pressure on CUWRFC return to form with a 10- the leaders. Conditions were terrible ah Lyle

0 win over Peterborough. The team ar as rain reduced visibility. Jesus played with determination and grit S opened the scoring after 50 minues

which they converted into pressure y of with a tap in after the keeper had es and points. t made a good save, but John’s Lack of coaches due to illness forced equalised in the last minute after the the team to take responsibility for the Cour defence failed to deal with a cross. game, but this never appeared to be a problem for the team that stayed com- HOCKEY - The Men’s Blues posed throughout. side managed a 1- 1 draw with The first half started at pace with Lewes this week, while the Cambridge receiving the ball, taking it Wanderers also drew, with a 3 - 3 into contact and rucking over, giving the scoreline against Old de Ferrians. backs good ball to run moves from. The Only the squanderers managed to forwards were able to punch holes and win, with a 2 - 1 victory against expose gaps in the Peterborough Norwich Union II. Meawhile the defence effectively and Cambridge Nomads won a thrilling encounter 4 forced their way up the field. They then - 3 with a goal in the final minutes. managed to score a try in the first half thanks to a great forward run by Pretty, AND FINALLY.... who then helped to force Reade over the COLLEGE RUGBY - St. line for a forwards try. John’s continued their total domina- Cambridge gained some much tion of the divison with another 50 needed confidence going into half point haul against St. Catharine’s, time 5-0 ahead and it showed in the winning 60 - 5. Downing beat second half. Banks and Cadwallader Girton 20 - 13 to cement second were loud in the back line, ordering place though Jesus share the same the defence and communication in points total after a 29 - 12 win general was much improved. against trinity Hall. The pack had their own problems Cambridge were comfortably in control as their forwards dominated the opposition

Men’s College Rugby League Women’s College Rugby League Blues Cruise Division 1 Division 1 Place Team Pl W D L F A PD Pts Place Team Pl W D L Walkovers PD Pts University Lacrosse

1 St. John’s 6 6 0 0 263 17 246 24 1 Emmanuel 7 5 1 1 0 65 11 Elaine Berry

2 Downing 6 4 0 2 105 70 35 18 2 Trinity 7 5 0 2 0 138 10 The Kingfishers, enjoying a full team complete with 3 subs for the first 3 Jesus 6 4 0 2 97 78 19 18 3 Queens’ 7 3 1 1 +2 38 9 time in a while, failed to be intimidat- ed by the Nottingham team’s size 4 Girton 6 3 0 3 58 49 9 14 4 Churchill 7 3 0 4 0 -56 6 advantage and walked away with an impressive 17 - 1 victory. 5 St. Catharine’s 5 0 0 5 30 163 -133 5 5 St. John’s 7 2 0 4 +1 15 5 The game got off to a superb start, with an off-the-whistle goal that was 6 Trinity Hall 5 0 0 5 17 186 -169 5 6 Caius 7 2 0 3 -1, +1 -5 5 the first of a succession of drives that saw the ball in the back of the net. www.crazyaboutsport.com 7 Girton 7 2 0 4 +1 -55 5 Cambridge succeeded in keeping up Last weeks’ results: Girton 13 - 20 Downing; St. Catharine’s 5 - 60 St. John’s; the momentum throughout most of Trinity Hall 12 - 29 Jesus; 8 Clare / Tit Hall 7 1 0 2 -4 -66 2 the first half and used thier lead to practice set plays and use of the whole Division 2: League standings - 1. Magdalene 14pts 2.Catz/Downing 11pts 3. width of the pitch, rather than always Men’s College Football League Peterhouse 6pts 4. Fitzwilliam 6pts 5. Sidney Sussex 4pts 6. Jesus 2pts 7. going for the easy option of driving up Meerkats 2pts 8. Christs 1pt through the middle. Division 1 The midfield defence enjoyed the Place Team Pl W D L F A GD Pts opportunity to practice their attack- ing skills, with some glorious goals 1 Fitzwilliam 4 4 0 0 16 5 11 12 Women’s College Football League and set-ups, preventing them from getting too cold. As the half progressed, tiredness 2 Jesus 4 3 0 1125 79 Division 1 became a factor as the pace slackened, 3 St. John’s 4 3 0 1 10 4 6 9 Place Team Pl W D L F A GD Pts although Cambridge retained posses- sion and managed to pick up the pace 4 Churchill 3 2 0 1 4 3 1 6 1 Newnham 5 4 0 1 14 3 11 12 again for the last 10 minutes. This saw a glorious round of goals from all of 5 Trinity 3 2 0 1 5 5 0 6 2 Jesus 4 3 0 1 7 5 2 9 the team’s attackers, which were the result of good teamwork and passing 6 Caius 4 1 1 2 4 12 -8 4 3 Trinity 3 2 0 1 8 1 7 6 up the pitch. Although there were a few sloppy moments when the pace 7 Downing 4 10367-13 4 St. Catharine’s 3 2 0 1 5 4 1 6 slowed, good shooting and midfield drives were in abundance. As well pro- 8 St. Catherine’s 4 1 0 3 4 9 -5 3 5 Sidney Sussex 3 1 0 2 3 7 -4 3 viding a much-needed boost to team confidence, the match was also useful 9 Darwin 3 0 1 2 3 5 -2 1 6 Girton 4 1 0 3 5 14 -11 3 in highlighting several areas for improvement, such as set plays in 10 Girton 3 0 0 3 1 10 -9 0 7 Kings 4 0 0 4 2 10 -8 0 attack. The defence did not get such a workout but were tight on the ball Last weeks’ results: Darwin 1 - 2 Trinity; Downing 0 - 1 Churchill; Fitzwilliam Last weeks’ results: Jesus 2 - 0 St. Catharine’s; King’s 1 - 2 Sidney Sussex; when it did come down and succeeded 8 - 1 Caius; Girton 0 - 4 St. John’s; Jesus 2 - 1 St Catharine’s; Newnham 6 - 0 Girton; in not getting complacent. November 19, 2004 SPORT www.varsity.co.uk Women’s Blues stop the rot CUWRFC beat Peterborough after losing to Oxford and Bath Page 27 Cambridge too hot for Spain ndy Sims A

Cambridge’s Wheeler charges through the Spanish backs in the build up to captain Simon Frost’s second half try. A outstanding performance by the Cambridge defence helped make victory certain

Road crowd, it was Spain that appeared were now demonstrating. Such was the and their forward drive proved too much Lewis impeccably converted another University Rugby more at home. Despite putting the open- rapture and pleasure at Cambridges’ per- with the completion of an excellent third penalty and excellent tries from Alberts CAMBRIDGE 38 ing three points on the board with an formance at the 20-10 score-line that the try, although shortly after and against and fullback Ufton, crowned a fantastic early penalty, the edginess and nerves players were even treated to a chorus of the run of play, Lewis converted a penal- performance and a 38-23 scoreline. As SPAIN 23 were showing in Cambridge’s play and the ‘Great Escape’ chant, usually reserved ty, to render the score excitingly poised at the referee’s whistle resounded across within six minutes, excellent pace from for higher profile international games. 23-23 after 48 minutes. Grange Road, there was little difficulty Tom Burrell the Spanish fly half resulted in a well- However, the celebrity and acclaim The following 30 minutes possibly in recognising the jubilation and pleas- worked try. Spain followed this with a that this ovation portrayed seemed to demonstrated some of Cambridge’s best ure on the Cambridge faces. Spokesman neat conversion and penalty, leaving the translate into complacency, as poor han- play so far this season. It wasn’t that their Chris Worsley reflected this stating that CAMBRIDGE PRODUCED a very Blues already 7 points adrift at 10- 3. dling and some neat Spanish attacks attack was imposing or terribly danger- “whilst it was fantastic to beat an inter- effective display, defeating Spain 38-23 Yet the proceeding 20 minutes may outfoxed the Blues’, bringing a try and ous, but that their defence so monolith- national side, what was more important in a competitive encounter at Grange well be the turning point and launch pad the international outfit back into the ic and solid. Colossal is becoming a was the way in which we achieved this”. Road on Saturday. for the Blues’ season. Zealous, deter- game at 20-18, as the referee called time cheap word in sports’ journalism these He further re-iterated the magnitude of Before the Blue’s prestigious interna- mined and fired up, the Blues charged on the first half. days, but forwards Gladstone, Cure and the result stressing that “in recent weeks tional friendly against Spain began, their into their adversaries. Frightening speed Spain, currently 32nd in the world McGarry unquestionably deserved this the Blues’ had been struggling for form excellent and informative website from crowd favourite and lightning and improving, are becoming a respect- honour, repelling attack after attack, and but this performance was a massive step (www.curufc.org), was counting down quick winger Akinola Abiola secured an ed international rugby outfit and they taking the sting from their opponents. forward considering the proximity of the the minutes until the eagerly anticipated exhilarating try on 10 minutes. Then demonstrated this to the full, carrying Spain’s frustration was manifested, Varsity match”. Varsity clash on 7th December. In light no.8 Wheeler’s drive and aggression their momentum from the previous half brawling with their opponents as they Worsley also emphasised the impor- of their previous two defeats, the Blues powered an opening for flanker Nicolaas in to the second, with a barrage of failed to penetrate the Blues’ barricade, tance of his “man of the match” captain were probably hoping it could be Alberts, which was converted with great attacks. Blues’ winger Abiola has gained and one Spaniard receiving a yellow card Simon Frost, who “lead by example”. reversed, to count away from that date, aplomb from a tight angle by Lewis, a reputation as a phenomenal attacking for his efforts. As the floodlights joined One gets the feeling that if the skipper rather than towards. bringing the score to 15 – 10. force, but it was his defensive qualities the fray and the Cambridge cold can influence and dominate the Varsity The clear, autumnal blue sky that Wheeler then began to control the that were called into action, as he made descended on the ground, the Blues’ match, Oxford might be on the end of greeted the teams was more ‘Spanish game. Ubiquitous and cunning, he fed a succession of fantastic last-ditch saving began to seize control of the match, with one of Frosts’ and ultimately the Light soleil’ than ‘Cambridge cloud’, and after a captain Simon Frost for a try that tackles, to the roar of the excited crowd. captain Simon Frost’ influence and lead- Blues’ ‘master -classes’. warming reception from the large Grange embodied the team ethic that the Blues’ However the Spanish were insatiable ership oozing through his side. RUGBY/FOOTBALL LEAGUE TABLES PAGE 27 FOUR STAR ADAMS HELPS BLUES DESTROY UEA PAGE 26