10 American Museums [You Won’t Be Visiting on a School Field Trip] BY LAUREL MILLS << 1. The SPAM® Museum If the on-site “wall of SPAM” is any indication, a tour through the SPAM Museum in Austin, Minn., is guaranteed fun for the whole canned-pork-loving family. SPAM’s parent company, Hormel Foods, opened the establishment in 2001 to the tune of almost 5,000 cans of SPAM. One of the main attractions is a scale model of a SPAM plant, where visitors can don white coats and hairnets while pretending to produce America’s favorite tinned meat. But vacationers be warned: In addition to major holidays, the museum will be closed on June 16 to pre- pare for the much hoopla-ed SPAM Museum Jam 2006. 2. National Museum 3. THE HOBO MUSEUM 5. The Barnum of Funeral History If you’re bumming around but looking for a good Museum It’s pretty hard to argue time, be sure to take a load off in Britt, Iowa, at What better way to honor with the motto “Any The Hobo Museum, which details the history and “Greatest Show on Earth” Day Above Ground is a culture of tramps. Bear in mind, though, that the founder P.T. Barnum than Good One.” So goes the museum kind of, well, slacks on hours and is only with a mediocre museum in backhanded optimism open to the public during the annual Hobo Bridgeport, Connecticut? of the National Museum Convention. Luckily, tours can be arranged by Some visitors will appreciate of Funeral History, a appointment any time of year. Of course, if you’re the museum’s ridiculously Houston facility that interested in the Hobo Convention, lodging is detailed miniature model of opened in 1992. available all over the area, but it’s a safe bet that a five-ring circus. But only Visitors are treated to most of your compatriots will be resting their circus freaks (and by that we exhibits that include a floppy hats at the “hobo jungle,” located by the mean “enthusiasts”) will get Civil War embalming railroad tracks. Both the event and the museum a kick out of seeing a stale display and a replica of are operated by the Hobo Foundation, which— piece of cake from the wed- a turn-of-the-century incidentally—also oversees the nearby Hobo ding of Barnum’s 40-inch- casket factory. In addi- Cemetery, where those who have “caught the tall sidekick, General tion, the museum westbound” are laid to rest. boasts an exhibit of Tom Thumb. “fantasy coffins” designed by Ghanaian 4. THE MÜTTER MUSEUM artist Kane Quaye. Originally, the College of Physicians of These moribund mas- Philadelphia erected the Mütter Museum as a terpieces include a cas- creative way to inform medical students and ket shaped like a chick- practicing physicians about some of the more en, a Mercedes-Benz, a unusual medical phenomena. (You know, shallot, and an out- babies with two heads, that sort of thing.) But board motor. According today, it primarily serves as a popular spot for to Quaye, his creations anyone interested in the grotesque. There, are based on the dreams you’ll find the world’s largest colon, removed and last wishes of his from a man who died—not surprisingly—of clients, which—let’s be constipation. Also on display: an OB-GYN honest—really makes instrument collection, thousands of fluid-pre- you wonder about the served anatomical and pathological speci- guy buried in the shallot. mens, and a large wall dedicated entirely to swallowed objects. 66 | mental_floss 6. THE CONSPIRACY MUSEUM There’s more than one theory about the assassination of John F. Kennedy, so why not have more than one museum devoted to it as well? Most JFK buffs are familiar with the Sixth Floor Museum housed in the former Texas School Book Depository, which recounts all those bor- ing “mainstream” details of the late president’s life lead- ing up to his death at the hands of Lee Harvey Oswald. But just down the street, the Conspiracy Museum offers fodder for those less apt to buy into The Man’s propagan- da. For the most part, the 10. The Trash museum specializes in show- Museum ings of the Zapruder film and Mom wasn’t kid- explanations of contrary 8. Cook’s Natural Science Museum ding when she assassination theories, said one man’s What began as a training facility for Cook’s Pest Control including other gunmen on trash is another exterminators blossomed into one of the few museums in the the grassy knoll and possible man’s treasure. country willing to tell the tale of the pest. At Cook’s Natural mafia involvement. At the Trash Science Museum in Decatur, Ala., visitors can learn every- Museum in 7. THE MUSEUM thing they ever wanted to know about rats, cockroaches, Hartford, Conn., OF QUESTIONABLE mice, spiders, and termites … all for free. And while most the Connecticut MEDICAL DEVICES people would rather step on the live specimens than learn Resources about them, museum exhibits such as the crowd-pleasing Recovery Ta ke two trips to the Pest of the Month keep reeling in patrons. Museum of Questionable Authority (CRRA) Medical Devices and call us turns garbage when you’ve lost all faith in 9. VENT HAVEN into 6,500 the medical profession. VENTRILOQUIST MUSEUM square feet of Thanks to curator Bob pure recycling So, what do you get when you combine the loneliness McCoy (who recently donat- entertainment! of a pet cemetery with the creepy flair of vaudeville? ed the collection to the Tour the Temple The Vent Haven Ventriloquist Museum, of course— Science Museum of of Trash or visit where dummies go to die. The Fort Mitchell, Ky., Minnesota), those in search the old-fashioned museum was the brainchild of the late William of history’s quack science town dump. And Shakespeare Berger, who founded can find what they’re look- for your recycler- the site as a home for retired ing for in the St. Paul tourist in-training, head wooden puppets. In fact, he col- attraction, whether it’s a col- down the street lected figures from some of lection of 19th-century to the Children’s the country’s most phrenology machines or Garbage famous ventriloquist some 1970s breast enlargers. Museum, where acts. And with more If you make the trip, be sure you can take an than 700 dummies to check out the 1930s educational stroll stacked from floor to McGregor Rejuvenator. through the giant ceiling, you’re bound to This clever device compost pile, get feel like you’re stuck required patrons to a glimpse of the inside a 1970s horror enclose their bodies, sans 1-ton Trash-o- flick—albeit a really head, in a large tube saurus, or enjoy good one. But sadly, where they were pounded the company of when Berger gave the tour, with magnetic and radio resident compost you could totally tell his waves in attempts to reverse worms. mouth was moving. the aging process. mentalfloss.com | 67.