Community Stands up to Violence

OUT January 11, 2013 | Volume X, Issue 16

Maryland, and we are excited to open City Hall to host some of the first wedding ceremonies in our great state. Newly married couples will stand before their friends and family to pro- ‘I Do!’ fess their love and commitment By Steve Charing to each other. This is what we worked for, Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings- and I am looking forward to take part in this Blake, who was a high-profile advocate for historic and jubilant day.” marriage equality – especially during the Jim Scales, a 40-year employee of Bal- referendum battle – decided to open the timore City and has been an office manag- doors of City Hall to allow same-sex cou- er serving all mayors since William Donald ples to marry as soon as it was legal. Be- Schaefer, and his partner Bill Tasker were ginning at 12:30 a.m. on New Year’s Day, the first to get married in City Hall at 12:30 seven couples participated in ceremonies a.m. on January 1. The couple who reside with the first one officiated by the Mayor in Essex have been together for 35 years. herself. “We didn’t want to rush into this,” Scales “New Years Day will have a new mean- said with his tongue firmly planted in his ing for the hundreds – if not thousands – of cheek. They waited and waited until mar- couples who will finally have the right to riage for same-sex couples became legal marry the person they love,” said Mayor in their home state. Rawlings-Blake in a statement prior to the Tasker also showed off his sense of hu- Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake officiating the nuptials of Jim Scales and Bill Tasker event. “It is a remarkable achievement for —continued on page 13 credit: Steve Charing

Sheila Shaw, mother of Community Stands up to Violence attack victim Kenni Shaw (r), speaks at vigil By Steve Charing bruises to his face and body from the beat- in consultation with the state’s attorney’s credit: Steve Charing Over 40 people braved the ing that ultimately lasted over ten minutes office, will determine if the assault is to be blustery cold weather to attend and included five, perhaps six men. Shaw considered a hate crime. Det. Davis indi- a candlelight vigil against the wound up lying face down on the pave- cated there are possible leads in the case. violence that is all too common- ment as the attack continued. Shaw, a cosmetologist, told Baltimore ly inflicted upon members of the He struggled to get home, which is lo- OUTloud that he definitely believes this LGBT community in Baltimore. cated not far from the attack, and called his was a hate crime and wanted to speak out The gathering took place at the mother Sheila Shaw. Apparently neighbors to help others in the community and that he foot of the Washington Monu- contacted police who showed up immedi- needed to take a stand against hate. Noth- ment on the evening of Decem- ately and helped transport him to Johns ing was said during the attack, and he was ber 30 in reaction to the attack Hopkins Hospital for treatment. Shaw’s not robbed of any valuables such as a cell and beating of Kenni Shaw, a mother met him there. phone or identification. He heard one of the 30-year-old gay man, in East Although he remained conscious, attackers say afterwards, “You’re lucky you Baltimore on Christmas night. Shaw’s position on the ground and the don’t have money because we would have Shaw was punched from swelling in his eyes prevented him from robbed you,” suggesting to Shaw that any behind around 9 p.m. on Christ- providing a good description. Baltimore robbery would have been an afterthought – mas night as he left a liquor City Police spokesman Det. Vernon Davis not the motive of the attack. store at East Hoffman and North explained to Baltimore OUTloud that Shaw Shaw also mentioned that about seven Rose Streets in East Baltimore. was “assaulted badly” but a motive had not months ago, he heard a man in the neigh- He was bloodied and sustained been identified. If arrests are made, police, —continued on page 2 news // LOCAL

Community Stands son was beaten because he is a pariah, the department will establish an advisory up to Violence and I love him. I am a pariah too,” she said board to meet regularly with LGBT people. – continued from front page Co-Publishers to cheers and applause. She demanded Also on hand to speak against violence were Jim Becker • Jim Williams that hate crimes must cease immediately. councilmen Carl Stokes and Nick Mosby, [email protected] borhood referring to Shaw, who has dyed Delegate Mary Washington (D-43), the Kevin Cleary who is an aide to the mayor, Executive Editor blond hair, “I don’t want no faggots living only elected official present, introduced Equality Maryland executive director Carrie Jim Becker [email protected] on this block.” He believes the attackers herself to the crowd by saying, “I am your Evans, NAACP-Baltimore Branch president Managing Editor “roll with the same crew.” delegate. When you knock us down we Tessa Hill-Aston, Fred Mason III of the Black [email protected] Local activist Rev. Mother Meredith multiply.” Family Alliance and Michael Brewer of the Production Director Moise and the Guardian Angels organized Guardian Angels representatives National Black Justice Coalition. Bob Wellington “We wanted to go into the neighborhood the vigil titled “Promote the Peace: A vigil Krush Kent and Marcus Strider Dent spoke Sales Director for Kenni Shaw and all the victims of vio- of their commitment and struggle to end vi- and look at the faces in the crowd and say no Mary Taylor lence against LGBT people,” which con- olence of all kinds in Baltimore and lauded matter if we’re gay or not, we can live here, [email protected] sisted of prayers for peace and speeches the courage of Kenni and his mother. we can walk here, and we will not be intimi- Leather Columnist that echoed the theme that the violence Carlton Smith, president of Baltimore dated,” Kinji Scott, one of the organizers of Rodney Burger must stop now. Both Kenni and his mother, Black Pride, commented to Baltimore the march told Baltimore OUTloud. “And Contributing Writers Joey Amato • Sharon Brackett • Cathy Brennan • Rodney Burger • Sheila Shaw, were present and briefly ad- OUTloud: “Today I want to reflect how im- when you beat us down, we will stand up.” Joshua Buchbinder • Steve Charing • Jeffrey Claggett • dressed the crowd. portant it is for us to come out and sup- So far, Marcus Evans, 26, was arrested Jeffrey Clouser • Wayne Curtis • Woody Derricks • Denise R. Duarte • Chuck Duncan • Michael Farley • Jon Fairbanks • Gerry “This vigil is taking place on the fifth port our community,” he said. “This is not a in connection with the beating of Shaw and Fisher • Bruce Garrett • Jeff Hammerberg • Dr. Eva Hersh • day of Kwanzaa – Purpose. We are here black and white thing; this is a hate crime. has been charged with 1st and 2nd degree Shirli Hughes • Sam Kunz • Michelle Lanchester, Esq. • Dana assault. t LaRocca • Jessica Lemmo • Jay Loane • Rev. Meredith Moise • in a purpose,” said Moise as she opened This is what we need to let our Mayor know Bill Palmer • Gregg Shapiro up the program. “We can turn tragedy into that we will not tolerate this and that we triumph. The time of purpose is now. May want some action. We are angry but anger Graphics the energy of peace from this incident en- can lead to action to change policy.” Joe Velasquez • Bob Wellington velop this city.” The program was concluded by re- Westminster- Cartoonist Dr. Jamie Washington and Rev. Samu- marks from Rev. C.D. Witherspoon, presi- Bruce Garrett (www.brucegarrett.com) el Offer of the Unity Fellowship Church of dent of the Southern Christian Leadership Carroll County Photographers Baltimore delivered a prayer for peace and Conference. He told of a planned protest Chapter Bruce Garrett • Jay W Photos led the crowd in song. march on January 5 to the exact site of the Web Editor Anja Saine Kenni Shaw, still bruised and blood- attack. [email protected] shot from the beating, then offered brief That march, which began on North Gay Managed Web Services Parents, Families, and Friends The Fusio Group remarks thanking the community for their Street, included a diverse group of about 866-322-7498, www.thefusiogroup.com outpouring of support and how he feels for- 50 activists and officials. A rally was held in of Lesbians and Gays National Advertising Rep tunate to be standing here given what had front of the liquor store at North Milton Av- www.pflagwcc.org Rivendell Media transpired. enue and East Hoffman Street, near where 908-232-2021 He was followed by his mother. “I the beating occurred. MovinG EquaLity Forward Founders thought I’d lose him,” Mrs. Shaw said of Baltimore City Police Commissioner An- Jim Becker • Joe Berg • Mike Chase • Call us at 410-861-0488 Lee Mooney (1959-2007) • Jim Williams first seeing her son in such condition. “My thony Batts addressed the crowd indicating

Baltimore OUTloud PO Box 4887 Baltimore, MD 21211 410-244-6780 www.baltimoreoutloud.com

Additional Information Congratulations Maryland! Baltimore OUTloud is published every other Friday by Pride Media, Ltd. in Baltimore, Maryland. Readers comments and unsolicited materials are welcomed and may be sent to: editor@ baltimoreoutloud.com. All materials appearing in this newspaper Same Sex Marriage is Law! are the property of Pride Media, Ltd. and may not be reproduced without the written permission of the editor.

Be a part of This History and Participate in Baltimore OUTloud’s 1st Gay Wedding Issue January 11 2013, or be part of the Our Wedding Section. Let Us Know About The Big Day With Pictures and Info and We Will Place It in The Paper. Sent It to [email protected] Let Us Know if You are a Service Provider or Vendor for Weddings The opinions expressed in Baltimore OUTloud are solely those and get a 4 Issue Package Deal for Your Advertising. Call Our Friendly of the writers unless otherwise indicated and do not necessarily Sales Staff 410-802-1310 or e-mail [email protected] reflect the views of Pride Media, Ltd., and the staff. © 2012 – All rights reserved or [email protected] for More Information! Chair of the Board of Trustees – Jim Becker President – Jim Williams It is Now Our Time to Promote Our Lives Together! Secretary and Treasurer – Mike Chase

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 3 OQ8488_BaltimoreOUTloud_Oct_19_2012.indd 1 10/5/2012 12:58:17 PM news // local Annapolis Trolley Operator Drops Wedding Parties

By Steve Charing year in revenue. Matt Grubbs, owner of the Discover Annap- “The law exempts my minister from do- olis Tours, announced in December his in- ing same-sex weddings, and the Knights of tention to cease shuttling wedding parties Columbus don’t have to rent out their hall and guests from churches to receptions for a gay wedding reception, but somehow because of his opposition to same-sex my religious convictions don’t count for marriage. His decision not to do business anything.” Grubbs wrote in an email to the with same-sex couples is based on his re- Annapolis Patch. ligious beliefs. Since such discrimination He added, “We’re a Christian-owned would be illegal due to Maryland’s antidis- company, and we just can’t support gay crimination statute that includes sexual ori- marriages. We’re not trying to make a entation, he has decided forego the wed- statement. We’re not trying to make a dings part of the business altogether. As a point. We’re just trying to be faithful Chris- result, he stands to lose some $50,000 a tians.” A full expla- nation was to appear on the company’s website (Discover-annapolis.com) as to why they are not taking wedding reservations but by press time, it was not updated. Grubbs in- tends to request the General As- sembly for an ex- emption so that he can refuse his services to same-sex couples on religious Trolley company owner Matt Grubbs opposes marriage equality grounds. t Maryland Corporate Council Holding ‘Network & Nosh’ The Maryland Corporate Council, in part- by Sasha’s will be served. Music will be nership with Chase Brexton Health Ser- provided by Mark Meadows. Registration vices, will be holding a Network & Nosh on is required so you may visit Marylandcor- January 17. Chase Brexton CEO Richard porate.org to register or become a mem- Larison will speak on “LGBT Health Issues ber. and Topics.” The Maryland Corporate Council con- The event, which is free to members nects executives, entrepreneurs, and nov- and their guests, takes place from 6 to 8 ice business professionals with a focus on p.m. at the Walters Art Museum, 600 North networking, professional referrals, mentor- Charles Street in Baltimore (use Charles ing, small-business education, promoting Street entrance). the business inter- Street and garage ests of our members, parking are avail- serving as the pri- able. mary voice for LGBT Complimen- professionals, and tary light hors strengthening the d’oeuvres, beer LGBT business com- and wine provided munity. t

4 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com news // local Coalition Seeks Trans Rights Lynda Dee Seventeen local, state, and national orga- Over the spring and summer of 2012, Attorney At Law nizations have joined with individual ac- MCTE held several listening sessions Serving the Gay Community Since 1981 tivists to form the Maryland Coalition for across the state. Through these sessions Trans Equality, in the most broadly based MCTE asked community members to share effort the state has ever seen for trans their vision of progress for trans people in • Criminal rights. The formation of the the state. Attendees articu- coalition represents the frui- lated a clear demand for a • Traffic tion of a year of intensive broader coalition to do this • DWI outreach, organizing, listen- work. Acting on that direc- • MVA Hearings ing and discussion. tive MCTE has brought to- MCTE’s mission is to advance equal gether numerous organizations working for • Estate Planning rights for transgender, transsexual, and equality and justice in Maryland. • Wills gender non-conforming (trans) people in “Equality Maryland embraces doing Maryland through shared leadership, col- this vital work in a coalition that has trans • Powers of Attorney laborative decision-making processes, and individuals at the center of decision-mak- • Personal Injury resources. ing,” said Carrie Evans, executive director of Equality Maryland in a statement. “We • Automobile Accidents witnessed the power of a coalition winning • Worker’s Compensation and preserving marriage equality and we are confident this model will succeed for • Family Law and Divorce PFLAG Founder, trans equality.” • Second Parent Adoptions “For too long trans people of color, who Jeanne Manford, Dies disproportionately experience discrimination and harassment, have been on the 201 N. Charles Street, Suite 2300 • Baltimore, MD • 21201 By Jody Huckaby sidelines of the trans equality movement. Offices: 410-332-1170 • Fax 410-836-0288 On January 8, the world lost Jeanne Man- With our inclusion in MCTE the needs of [email protected] • www.lyndadeelaw.com ford, the founder of Parents, Families and trans people of color will be recognized, Friends of Lesbians and Gays and the “Mother heard and addressed,” comments Van Mi- of the straight chael Millhouse, community board of di- ally movement.” rectors, Maryland/DC state representative, Manford, Black Transmen. 92, was one Linda Mahoney, president of Maryland of the fiercest NOW affirms, “The National Organiza- fighters in the Jeanne Manford tion for Women is committed to fighting battle for accep- discrimination in all of its forms. This in- tance and equality for LGBT people. It is hum- cluded discrimination based on gender bling to imagine in 1972 – just 40 years ago – a identity and expression. Our alliance with simple schoolteacher started this movement of MCTE is one way we will continue to work family and ally support, without benefit of any to ensure transgender people in Maryland of the technology that today makes a grass- can live their lives with dignity and secu- roots movement so easy to organize. No Inter- rity.” net. No cell phones. Just a deep love for her Donna Cartwright, Secretary of the son and a sign reading “Parents of gays: Unite Baltimore Washington Chapter of Pride at in support for our children.” Work said, “Pride at Work has worked for This message was heard by millions of many years in Maryland to achieve trans people and led to the founding of PFLAG, which equality and we are happy to work with today has more than 350 chapters across the all of these organizations to achieve legal U.S. and 200,000 members and supporters, equality for trans Marylanders.” with other such groups around the world. Other organizations currently in the Jeanne’s work was called “the story of coalition include ACLU of Maryland, America… of ordinary citizens organizing, agi- Baltimore Black Pride, FreeState Legal tating, educating for change, of hope stronger Project, Gender Empowerment Mary- than hate, of love more powerful than any insult land (GEM), Hollaback Baltimore, Hu- or injury,” in a speech by President Obama in man Rights Campaign, Maryland Black 2009. Family Alliance, Maryland NOW (National Details of a later celebration of Jeanne Organization for Women), National Gay Manford’s life and legacy will be announced. and Lesbian Task Force, PFLAG, Trans The family requests that any donations be People of Color Coalition (TPOCC), SEIU made to the Jeanne Manford Legacy Fund to 500, SEIU 1199, and Unitarian Universal- support PFLAG National: 1828 L Street, NW, ist Legislative Ministry of Maryland. Suite 660, Washington, DC 20036. t For more information, visit Mdtranse- The author is PFLAG executive director quality.org. t

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 5 beyond the beltway compiled by Jim Becker the freedom to insult the personal free- While Dixon did not identify herself as a Pakistani art doms of individuals.” The court stated that university administrator in the letter, the college backs down Yeni Akit insulted people with different sex- school argued that her position was direct- Turkey High Court ual orientations in a way which could not ly contrary to the university’s, and under- over gay paintings rules against anti- be considered criticism and ordered the mined the policies she was charged with paper to pay 4,000 Turkish liras ($2,123), developing and enforcing. Lahore, Pakistan – Associated Press reports gay newspaper while Arseven has been sentenced to pay Dixon lost her suit against the Univer- that Pakistan’s leading arts college has backed 2,000 liras ($1,061) in damages. (GayMid- sity of Toledo in 2011 when she moved for down over two paintings with gay overtones. Istanbul, Turkey – Turkey’s High Court dleeast.com by Dan Litttauer) summary judgment. The university also The college has pushed boundaries before in of Appeals has ordered the Turkish daily filed for summary judgment, and the U.S. this conservative nation. But when a series of paper Yeni Akit to pay compensation for District Court for the Northern District of paintings depicting Muslim clerics in scenes insulting LGBT people in a headline it Ohio ruled in favor of the school. Dixon with strong homosexual overtones sparked an printed in 2008, according to a report pub- Fed court upholds appealed, and the case went to the Unit- uproar and threats of violence by Islamic ex- lished by Hürriyet. Yeni Akit printed an ar- firing for anti-gay ed States Court of Appeals for the Sixth tremists, it was too much. ticle titled “Üskül prefers perverts,” regard- District, which agreed with the university: Officials at the National College of Arts ing Zafer Üskül, the opinion piece “Where a confidential or policymaking pub- in the eastern city of Lahore shut down its then head of Turkish lic employee is discharged on the basis academic journal, which published the paint- Parliamentary Hu- Toledo, Ohio – A three-judge federal ap- of speech related to his political or policy man Rights Com- pellate court panel has upheld the firing of views, the Pickering balance favors the mission who attend- a University of Toledo administrator who government as a matter of law,” the appel- ed an “International wrote an opinion piece in the Toledo Free late court’s decision reads, referring to a Anti-Homophobism Press questioning the view of gay rights as balance test to see whether the public em- Meeting” organized by KAOS GL, a lead- civil rights. ployee’s “free speech interests outweigh ing support organization for Turkey’s LGBT Crystal Dixon was the university’s as- the efficiency interests of the government community. KAOS GL told Gay Middle East sistant vice president of human resourc- as employer.” that the court’s ruling was a breakthrough: es in 2008 when she wrote a response to “In writing her op-ed column, Dixon not “The newspaper Vakit (currently named) editor-in-chief Michael Miller’s April 4 col- only spoke on policy issues, but also spoke has been publishing news and articles umn on LGBT rights. “As a black woman on policy issues related directly to her po- spreading hate speech. who happens sition at the University.” (Gay People’s The article written by columnist Serdar to be an alum- Chronicle – Anthony Glassman at Gaypeo- Arseven described Üskül as “an AKP [Jus- nus of the pleschronicle.com) tice and Development Party] member who University of gave assurances to she-males.” This was Toledo’s Grad- in reference to his statement during the uate School, Art project focuses meeting that the government guaranteed an employee ings, pulled all its issues out of bookstores and that LGBT would not be segregated due and business on HIV infections dissolved its editorial board. Still, a court is cur- to their sexual orientations. “[Üskül] went owner,” Dixon in young people rently considering whether the paintings’ artist, on and attended a meeting by sexual per- wrote, “I take the journal’s board and the school’s head can verts! A meeting of [gays],” Arseven wrote. great umbrage New York City, New York – An interactive be charged with blasphemy. Particularly infuri- KAOS GL filed a lawsuit against Yeni at the notion Crystal Dixon art installation to be unveiled on January ating to conservatives were two works that they Akit and Arseven, seeking compensation that those 17 in New York City is part of a national said insulted Islam by mixing images of Mus- for the headline and the related article. The choosing the homosexual lifestyle are ‘civil campaign to raise awareness about the lim clerics with suggestions of homosexuality, lawsuits, however, were rejected by two An- rights victims.’ Here’s why. I cannot wake up rise of HIV and AIDS in young people. “The which is deeply taboo in Pakistan. One titled kara courts on the grounds that the news- tomorrow and not be a black woman. I am Arches of Hope” consists of three ten-foot- “Call for Prayer” shows a cleric and a shirtless paper was “within the limits of criticism.” genetically and biologically a black woman tall arches that represent three decades of young boy sitting beside each other on a cot. The High Court of Appeals overruled the and very pleased to be so as my Creator HIV/AIDS. The cleric fingers rosary beads as he gazes at judgments of the two courts, saying, “The intended. “Daily, thousands of homosexuals The project will also include a peti- the boy, who seductively stretches backward freedom of the press does not encompass make a life decision to leave the gay life- tion drive to have April ten designated as with his hands clasped behind his head. style evidenced by the growing population National Youth HIV and AIDS Awareness The college’s decision to cave to Islamist of P-FOX... and Exodus International.” Day. People are encouraged to participate pressure underscores how space for progres- Exodus International has since moved in a social media campaign from January sive thought is shrinking in Pakistan as hard- away from the widely discredited idea that These news notes have been compiled, 17 to 24, with messages beamed to jumbo line interpretations of Islam gain ground. It sexual orientation can be changed. with permission, from the online version screens in New York City’s Times Square. was also a marked change for an institution College administration first put Dixon of various newspapers and other web For more information, visit Archesofhope. that has long been one of the leading defend- on paid leave pending a hearing, then sites. We thank these publications for com (Echo Magazine at Echomag.com) ers of liberal views in the country. Pakistan fired her. “Your position... calls into ques- allowing us to bring you their news sto- is an overwhelmingly Muslim nation, and the tion your continued ability to lead a critical ries. Usually the reports have been sig- majority of its citizens have long been fairly function within the administration as per- nificantly edited and you can read the conservative. But what has grown more pro- sonnel actions or decisions taken in your full story by going to the web site men- nounced in recent years is the power of re- capacity as associate vice president for tioned following the item. Comments ligious hardliners to enforce their views on human resources could be challenged or are strictly the opinions of Jim Becker members of the population who disagree, placed at risk,” Dr. Lloyd A. Jacobs’ letter and not of Baltimore OUTloud or Pride often with the threat of violence. t (Associ- of termination reads. “The result is a loss Media. ated Press at http://apne.ws/UQlg9g) of confidence in you as an administrator.” 6 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com exhibited courage. Many of them have been age we all dream we in long-term relationships that have spanned could possess. ten, 20, 30 years or more. They had to endure He probably inherit- society’s disapproval that was manifested at ed this courage from his times by their government, in their families, mother, Sheila Shaw. OUT neighborhoods, and in their workplaces while Also eager to speak out, Spoken expressing a degree of commitment to each Ms. Shaw demanded Steve Charing other that was no less equal or less valu- the cessation of this able than that of legally married heterosexual senseless violence to- couples. wards someone simply Thus, when midnight approached on New because of being LGBT. Courage and Year’s Eve, members of couples – adorned This event and the in sharp suits or stunning gowns with colorful subsequent march a Commitment corsages and flashing smiles that could light week later into the heart up a small town – were ready to declare their of the inner city where As dozens of gay and lesbian couples and love and commitment to their spouses-to-be the attack took place invited guests around the state jubilantly an- as cheers and applause rang out. Even the brought black and white ticipated their nuptials on January 1, a much normally “neutral” media who covered the folks together. Many more somber gathering was taking place on city hall nuptials could not fully hide or con- of these same people a wind-swept, chilly corner near Baltimore’s tain their glee and appreciation for this his- were also active in the Couples queued up at City Hall for their marriage ceremonies Washington Monument the evening before. toric event. struggle for marriage credit: Steve Charing [See front page stories.] Those were among the first same-sex equality, which was celebrated the next night. tion regardless of race has become more ac- First, the pleasant news. On January 1, couples in Maryland to wed. A whole lot There was a sense of strong commitment that cepting of LGBT folks. This underscores how marriage for same-sex couples became le- more will do the same in the coming weeks, something must be done to stem the violence there is much work left to do; there is still much gal with many deciding to tie the knot just months and years. regardless of the victim. In Kenni, we all see hatred in the hearts of those who can’t em- after the stroke of midnight. Baltimore City A different exhibition of courage and com- the potential that this could happen to any of brace humanity as the precious gift it is. Hall was the venue for seven such couples mitment occurred on December 30. Not the us. Cheers to all the couples who overcame with a radiant and proud Mayor Stephanie joyous celebrations that would be seen and felt It is not a black or white thing. This is not a lifetime of hostility or indifference and began Rawlings-Blake officiating the first of the cer- the next evening and beyond, but a dose of about the racial divide or economics. This is a new life together with the power of their love emonies. reality in that much work remains. Around 40 about homophobia. It is disappointing that the and commitment. The mayor demonstrated courage in ad- folks huddled together in the cold, bundled up attackers were in their 20s since many of us And cheers to Kenni and Sheila Shaw who vocating marriage equality before many oth- in winter coats, gloves, scarves and hoods, to have come to believe that the younger genera- taught us a valuable lesson about courage. t er elected officials had done so. She had to participate in a candlelight vigil with the hopes weather pressure from her constituents and (and demands) of ending the violence against pastors of mega-churches in the city who LGBT persons in Baltimore. opposed same-sex marriage, and she pro- The group awaited the arrival of Kenni moted marriage equality as one of fairness. Shaw, 30, who was brutally attacked from be- Ladies of Illusion “Newly married couples will stand before hind by five gutless young men in East Bal- their friends and family to profess their love timore on Christmas night. Following open- and commitment to each other. This is what ing remarks and prayers that also expressed Ladies of iLLusion we worked for, and I am looking forward to gratitude that he is still alive, Kenni and his take part in this historic and jubilant day,” the mother joined in the vigil and addressed those drag show mayor said in a statement prior to the event. assembled with a commitment to stand up to The couples in all corners of the state violence. with who committed themselves to marriage also Donning an oversized woolen hat, Kenni’s face revealed the swol- len red eyes and bruis- stephanie ing from the assault five days earlier. He spoke in a soft voice that was Micheals filled with determination and emotion. You see, Kenni saturday doesn’t want this horror to ever happen to January 19 his LGBT brothers and sisters. That is why he showtime 10:30pm has spoken out against the violence in a vari- $4 Cover ety of publications and appeared on local TV since the attack. In this Open Fridays & Saturdays Only town, where there is 8505 Orchard Rd • Spring Grove, PA a no-snitching culture, 1-717-887-1694 • 8 PM - 2 AM Kenni stood up and www.altlandsranch.com Vigil participants praying to stop the violence demonstrated the cour- credit: Steve Charing BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 7 ity from pulpits across this state in increased do something.” Guess what? “Somebody” fervor as November 6th neared. The anti-gay is you. forces lost at the ballot box, but in some areas Recently though that whole game has of our state, they reign on the streets and in the changed somewhat. Last year saw great Crossroads hearts and minds of ordinary people. Kenni is advancement for trans rights, especially at Rational the federal level. I contend that at the na- Chronicles not the first, nor sadly, the last same-gender- T-hought Rev. Mother Meredith Moise loving person to be attacked because of ho- Sharon Brackett tional level gender non-conforming/trans mophobia. However, this incident is a resound- people may presently have more rights than ing wake up call to our community. the rest of the LGB community. Why, may We must do more to be safe in our com- you ask? Because trans discrimination in Poison to munities. We must create structures that will Standing on several cases has been equated with sex care for survivors of anti-gay hate crimes. We discrimination. And sexual orientation does Medicine must band together across racial, ethnic, and Common not enjoy any similar protection. Whoa! socioeconomic lines to say, “No more!” I found Trans folk are ahead of LGB folk? Yes, that On a chilly Christmas night, Kenni Shaw walked it ironic that when DeSean Bowman, a young Ground seems to be the trend. to a corner store in his neighborhood in East black queer person, was killed in East Balti- So if you are gay, or lesbian, or bi and Baltimore. As he was walking back home, 5 to more in June 2012, an employee of an LGBT Recently I had a gay friend ask me “What you stray from public gender norms you 6 men attacked him from behind. They pum- organization wanted activists to prove that is the problem with trans people who al- often get “identified” as different. Maybe meled his head and his face but they didn’t rob DeSean was LGBT although this was known ways seem to be blaming LGB folks for it is your manner, or dress, or how you him. They just beat him up or in Baltimorese, in the community. In the midst of this, the em- their problems?” I was kind of surprised speak, or your hairstyle. Maybe you are they “banked” him. ployee wrote, “We just don’t know. He could’ve by the question, though each person sees very gender-conforming in appearance but Searching for the reasons why, Kenni re- been a straight man who lost a bet and had to the world through their own colored lens of your interpersonal action gives you away as called on the Anthony McCarthy Show how he wear a dress!” This type of attitude must end. experience. And that coloration sometimes queer or otherwise. Walking hand-in-hand, probed his mind and combed his memories. He Knowing the lives of young black men in East means that what you might say, do, or public displays of affection, and god forbid, realized he did nothing to these savages... and Baltimore, we know that is at the very least an write is often interpreted in a personal way the kiss. These are all cues to non-LGBT then he concluded that he was attacked be- ignorant statement and at the very most, bla- by the recipient – one of the challenges of people as your possible orientation. You cause he is gay. Right there, in his own neigh- tantly racist and horribly wrong. The life of a communication. did not make a declaration, or necessarily borhood, he was gay-bashed. young LGBT person in East or West Baltimore I replied that there is not blame so demonstrate your sexual preference in pub- Kenni is a handsome young man. The “be- is just as valuable as a young LGBT person in much as disappointment, on the part of lic. You are discriminated for your orientation fore” and “after” photos of his face sent shock Bolton Hill or Roland Park or Mount Vernon. the “T” of “LGBT,” and because of your gender waves through our community. When I saw the We must end this level of ignorance now if we that many of the fruits of “I implore our expression of it. I know photos, I was mortified, angry, and sad, with are to win this struggle against hate. our community’s prog- for some this is a new those emotions dancing in my head and heart This is the time to unite and create a legacy ress are not yet equally LGB friends to idea. But the bottom line as they jockeyed for position in my conscious- of peace. This means that we need to work to- shared. Trans rights lag consider that the is discrimination is usu- ness. ward an LGBT specific drop-in center for queer in almost every catego- ally about how what you As I prayed and sent this young soul heal- youth. This means the creation of a Baltimore ry. And for some reason bill coming up in are doing makes some- ing thoughts and prayers, I mulled about the lesbian and gay response team to handle these when that is stated some body else uncomfort- significance of this event. After all, hadn’t our types of incidents as well as bringing folks up to read it as, “And it is your Annapolis this able. And gender rules community just won a resounding victory? In speed on a variety of resources that can help fault.” I’ll not go into the session is not a are still largely a taboo Baltimore City, Question 6 got over 50 percent our community in all parts of the city. This also detailed history of how space for tinkering. of the vote. However, I recalled how many ac- means partnering with security profession- that got to be that way trans rights bill And so I contend tivists, especially black LGBT ones, were say- als like the Baltimore chapter of the Guardian in Maryland, suffice to that a trans rights bill, ing this was not enough. That the flagship issue Angels to learn safety awareness and self de- say that it is really there, so much as an which is largely about of our community should not just be marriage. fense. It means looking out for one another. We and not just a figment of ‘Everybody’s Rights gender expression, is Health and safety are so significant. How can need to create effective partnerships with non the imagination. Why, really a gay and lesbian people enjoy their marriages if they are not able LGBT organizations beyond marriage equality you might ask? Easy Bill’” rights bill every bit as to even walk down the street with their spouses to end the violence against our community. It answer: trust is missing. much. And in reality it in safety? And then we saw Kenni’s face. means caring for ourselves in a way not seen And trust is an earned is more important than There are many issues at play here. Ho- since the 80s when we rallied against the first quality. And in order to build trust you have sexual-orientation protections. I’m sure that mophobia, blight, pervasive violence in our city, wave of HIV/AIDS. We can no longer afford to to establish common ground. just made me very popular with many people otherness, gayness are all at play. But the truth sit in our lofty towers espousing “equality” and Thus we find ourselves in the dan- but think about that the next time you hear of is that we must take responsibility for ignoring a theorizing about pronouns while the masses gerous trap that has been formed by this a violent act against a community member. good swath of our needs. Issues of health and of working-class lesbians, gays, and trans folk identity-politics notion of “I have it worse And how did the perpetrators decide that this safety have been ignored. As LGBT people are are at risk for murder and injury at the hands off than you do.” That’s a non-starter. You person needed to be singled out and beaten attacked and in some cases murdered, many of thugs. If we don’t stand together, we fall in often do not get somebody to take up your to a pulp? It was expression most likely. of our organizations have spent an inordinate clumps. We are many in body, let’s us now be cause by shaming or admonishing them. So I implore our LGB friends to consider amount of time and resource on issues that af- one in mind, dedicated to the health, safety My view is that trans folk need to take lead- that the bill coming up in Annapolis this ses- fect some of us but truly not all of us. and well being of our community. A concerted ership, ownership, and responsibility for our sion is not merely a trans rights bill. Yes it Marriage is a sacred human institution. I effort from our hearts across our communities own success or failure. will benefit trans persons, but the reality is it embrace and celebrate it. However, health and will eventually create a tidal wave of under- Few have ever moved very far ahead by is an Everybody’s Rights Bill and will benefit safety are basic needs that all human beings standing and compassion so folks like Kenni, counting on somebody else to do heavy lift- all of the rest of you or anybody who does share. We may not all get married but being DeSean, and Tyra will no longer be victimized. ing for them and then applying blame if they not conform to somebody else’s view of the safe is something that we all want and intrin- Ultimately, we are being called to work for a did not succeed. world. You see by making it wrong to dis- sically need. Many have been concerned that Baltimore that is a safe place for all of us. Are I tend to issue challenges. Can you criminate against anybody for their expres- homophobia would become more pronounced you ready for transformation? This begins and make this better? How would you do that? I sion it then protects everybody. And that, by as pastors decried the “sins” of homosexual- ends with us. t do not buy the notion of “somebody should any measure is common ground. t

8 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 9 Lively Arts // out on stage Ringing in the New Year with Hot Nostalgia

By Steve Charing and “Walkin’ My Baby Back Home” highlighted the 30s set. decades and allow the stage to be set up in the dark. The As we begin 2013, what better way to welcome the New With World War II waging on through the first half of costumes (Quinn), set design (David A. Hopkins), lighting Year than with a nostalgic look at the past through song the 40s, a large portion of this segment contained a mili- (Coleen M. Foley), and sound (Drew Dedrick) help make this and dance? Toby’s the Dinner Theatre of Columbia tary theme complete with the old-style uniforms. Popular production lively and fun. brought together ten talented performers and a terrific numbers such as “This Is The Army, Mr. Jones” and the And there were no breaks for the stellar orchestra led orchestra to take the audience on a stroll, albeit a fast- classic “Boogie Woogie Bugle paced one, down memory lane. Boy” are well performed. The Conceived by Toby herself, Toby Orenstein, along with set concluded with the iconic Ross Scott Rawlings and Douglas Lawler, this musical re- Times Square kiss (pictured) vue – expressly crafted for this venue – when the Japa- was directed and choreographed by who nese surren- else but the gifted (and busy) Lawrence “There is no dered. B. Munsey, who is also currently playing shortage of toe- The 50s seg- Captain Von Trapp in the Toby’s-Balti- ment featured more production of The Sound of Music. tapping, hand- the Elvis era Hot Nostalgia lifted the audience’s clapping joy’” with songs like spirits with impeccably performed popular “Heartbreak Ho- music from the 1930s through the 1970s tel.” But other with a whopping 165 songs. To be clear, popular numbers most of these numbers are sung partially, as one would such as “Lollipop” are offered expect from medleys. While not all were necessarily chart- too, while some selections in toppers, all the selections were popular during the respec- this set spilled into 1960, with tive era and to many of us now, quite familiar. the famous hit, “Where the Boys The ten-person cast of five guys and five gals sings in Are.” Close enough. various combinations, and it seems like each actor has a One of the cast members, turn at doing a solo. But most of the numbers were of the award-winning performer David production type, with all ten showcasing their strong vocal James, brought the house down talents. As a full group, their pitch-perfect voices blend with a hilarious performance as beautifully, and as solos or as part of smaller groups they a 50s-style nerdy character in a excel as well. few of the numbers. What makes this show so special is that every song The 1960s ushered in won- performed, regardless of how deep it goes, is accompa- derful performances including nied by period dancing (jitterbug, lindy, disco), with a few some of the Beach Boys, Bea- comedic moments spread throughout to enhance the fun. tles, and Motown’s huge hits. Hot Nostalgia is not your run-of-the mill concert; this is a Martha and the Vandellas, The David James and Janine Sunday in iconic pose splashy, well-directed and choreographed stage produc- Four Tops (five perform in this tion performed by a talented cast that is creatively cos- show), The Temptations, The tumed by Mary Quinn. Drifters, Mary Wells, Stevie Wonder, and an utterly funny by Ross Scott Rawlings. Remember, there are 165 songs. There is no shortage of toe-tapping, hand-clapping take on Sonny and Cher’s “I’ve Got You, Babe.” Also enjoy- That’s quite a workload, and this group did not miss a beat. joy as the ensemble takes the audience on this magical able were the novelty songs “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow All of the performers deserve recognition: Heather Marie nostalgic tour through music that began in the golden age Polka Dot Bikini” and the 1958 “Purple People Eater.” Cast Beck, Debra Buonaccorsi, Tina DeSimone, Prince Havely, of swing and jazz. Memorable songs like “It Don’t Mean a member Shawn Kettering’s impersonation of Mick Jagger Shawn Kettering, David Little, Ashley Parker, Jeffrey Shankle Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing),” “My Funny Valentine,” (“Satisfaction”) is fabulous. and Janine Sunday. Though all are excellent, Shankle and Transitioning into the Parker are leaders of the pack. 1970s the set opens with The ensemble display powerful voices and accomplished “Hello Muthah, Hello Fathah” dance moves. It is not an easy undertaking to perform non- and then brings in “Joy to the stop vocals with high-energy dancing and rapid costume TYRE’S REPAIR World” and other hot selec- changes and be on their game, but this group pulled it off. Quality Workmanship tions. The creative morphing The trip down memory lane is longer for some. But no AUTO of “I Am Woman” to “Macho matter your age (or memory), you will have at least heard Man” to “You’re So Vain” by of a vast majority of these fun songs and enjoy a thoroughly different groups in the en- professional cast and crew give your New Year a real jump- semble was the set’s high start. Some may quibble over the songs selected and those 410.252.8001 point. overlooked, but regardless, Hot Nostalgia is glorious and 24/7 Towing 410-583-8888 Old TV commercials and should not be missed. t Voted Baltimore’s Best Auto Repair – City Paper 2000 footage of an Ed Sullivan Hot Nostalgia runs two hours and ten minutes, with one Next to Timonium Business Park Lightrail Stop show displayed on various intermission. It plays through January 27 at Toby’s Dinner screens on the walls are Theatre of Columbia, 5900 Symphony Woods Road, Colum- 1955 GreeNSPriNG Drive among the devices cleverly bia, Maryland. For tickets call the box office at 410-730-8311 used to transition between or visit Tobysdinnertheatre.com.

10 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com Finally.

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12 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com news // local An Acknowledgement ‘I DO’ and inquire about the possibility. After a few conversations – continued from front page with her current deputy chief of staff, they asked the may- or and she was overjoyed with the opportunity to not only mor just prior to the ceremony. “The difference between open up city hall, but to participate in this historic event. the early part of their relationship and now is that earlier “Being a part of making marriage equality legal in we used to complete each other’s sentences. Now we cor- Maryland since 1996 has been my motivation and drive to rect them.” see that this historic date be celebrated through marriag- The idea of opening up City Hall originated by attorney es immediately after the law goes into effect,” Scurti said. Mark Scurti of PK Law. “I watched while Washington State When marriage equality passed the referendum hur- and Maine celebrated marriage equality by holding wed- dle, Jim Scales asked the mayor to marry them. There dings at city halls and courts immediately after the law was no hesitation. went into effect and wondered what was being done in “I’m honored to marry Bill and Jim” the mayor said fol- Maryland,” Scurti told Baltimore OUTloud. “I inquired to a lowing the brief ceremony that also included a reading of few friends of mine who work as clerks in various county a proclamation with Scurti at her side proclaiming January courts to find out if they were opening up at midnight; all 1, 2013, “Marriage Equality Day. “They’re a great couple. replied no.” It’s an emotional night, incredibly meaningful. I’m so proud He felt we could not let this happen and had to find a of Maryland that they chose marriage equality over hate.” Bill Tasker and Jim Scales way to convince someone to open up our court to perform The other six couples who tied the knot at city hall civil weddings. Scurti checked with Frank Conaway, clerk were: Brigitte Ronnett and Lisa Walther; Danielle Williams by William Tasker & James Scales of the court for Baltimore City, who was happy to assist and Darcea Anthony; Jamie Kraft and Sarah Vickery; Tom I know 35 years seems like a long time. In reality it anyway he could, but needed the Administrative Judge Rabe and Robert Coffman; Ryan Wilson and Shehan We- is but a blink of an eye. As any other couple sharing Holland to agree to open up the courthouse building, as lihindha; and William L. Countryman, Jr., and Roy Allen these many years, Jim and I have experienced life’s that fell under her control. Neal. pleasures, disappointments, tragedies, and triumphs. “I contacted Judge Holland who said she could not Similar ceremonies took place around the state with We both come from large families whose parents were open for budgetary reasons,” continued Scurti. “I next some occurring one minute after midnight. Some took married 50-plus years. They were an example to us thought what other venue would work, and remembered place in such locales as Annapolis, Tilghman Island, How- that marriage can endure whatever life delivers if you I had gotten married at city hall in San Francisco and ard County, and Cumberland. Havre de Grace city coun- go through it together. thought about the beauty of our city hall.” cilman Joseph C. Smith married his fiancée Don Starr at 35 years ago, Jim and I would never have dreamed Scurti reached out to a friend of his who was Mayor the city’s Concord Point Lighthouse, complete with fire- that marriage could be a reality. As other states started Rawlings-Blake’s chief of staff to make the connection works. t to embrace same-sex marriage we started to hope that Maryland would come around but after some failed attempts, last year we started seriously considering getting married in Washington DC until suddenly there was a movement afoot in Maryland that ignited new hope within us. We would like to recognize former mayor Kurt L. Schmoke, who through his administration opened the door to domestic partnership for the city, which we feel was the first step toward marriage equality. In addition, we would like to thank Mayor Stephanie Rawlings- Blake and Governor Martin O’Malley, who courageous- ly endorsed marriage equality while knowing the opposition they would face from religious organizations and fellow legislators. We wish to thank Maggie McIntosh for helping to jump start the campaign for marriag equality at mid- year; Josh Levin and Marylanders for Marriage Equal- ity, all of the volunteers who worked tirelessly to promote Question 6, the religious leaders who gave their support while recognizing our quest was a civil right and not a religious battle, the members of our family and friends who supported us personally, and last but not least, thanks to the 1.37 million Marylanders who stood with us on election day. To the LGBT community we want to say embrace this victory and don’t abuse it. Don’t get married in a minute. You need not wait 35 years, but make sure it’s a lifelong commitment. There are still many who cannot marry and there are still states within these “United States” that refuse to recognize our legal marriages. So until every state and the Federal government recognize marriage equality for all citizens, we must continue educating the opposition. t Mark Scurti stands besides Mayor Rawlings-Blake as she reads proclamation credit: Steve Charing

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 15 MARRIAGE CEREMONIES AT BALTIMORE CITY HALL JANUARY 1, 2013 PHOTOS BY STEVE CHARING

JAMES SCALES & WILLIAM TASKER

BRITGITTE RONNETT & LISA WALTHER

DANIELLE WILLIAMS & DARCEA ANTHONY

16 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com JAMIE KRAFT & SARAH VICKERY

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 19 Weddings with Wayne Spiritual, Civil, Christian, Progressive, Contemporary, or Traditional. A Checklist for Planning a Wedding Let me help you design the wedding ceremony which reflects your deepest Planning a wedding is not an easy task • At this point you might be about expression of love. to undertake. Now for some of us call- two to four months from the big day. You Sliding scale from $150.00. ing the wedding planner and let them keep saying to yourself… Have I forgot- Available for weddings in Maryland do all the hard work may work but for ten anything? You check the list ok so the rest well we do it ourselves. Here is far so good. Now down to the good stuff. and Washington, DC a time line that may help keep you from • Buy the rings and if you have at- (410) 353-5534 or (202) 253-9828 pulling your hair out. tendants you can select their gifts at this Rev. Dr. Wayne Schwandt, • Once you have set the date get the time too. Wedding Officiant word out call your local paper with the • Address and mail the invitations. announcement. (Yes Baltimore OUT- • Check with the Clerk of Court loud would be happy to put this in for in the area you are to be married to you) see what the requirements are for • Next and probably most important your marriage license. Make a note task will be to plan your budget. We all of when to purchase your license. Shawna Potter know as time goes on this will change • Plan your rehears- Ordained Clergy PersOn but it a good foundation to start on. al dinner. Make reservations. Free Consultation • Hand Fasting • renewal of Marriage Deciding the location, time of year • Choose your hairstylist and make-up and let’s not forget the date for your artist. Have a trial run to make sure that ceremony in my mind would be next. you love your hair and make-up the day Then making the reservation on the of your wedding. Ceremony Tailored by You! hall, church or beach or wherever you • Have dress altered if needed. For more information go to … choose high on the list too. • Schedule a time for formal wedding • Selecting you attire may need to portraits. This can be the photo you can MysecularWedding.wordpress.com be done early if you are doing a gown send to the newspapers. or e-mail me at [email protected] and tux, even if you are going for a • By this time we hope that some of simple wedding getting this done early you friends and family will be sending can’t hurt. you gifts. Remember to record the name • Register with our favorite depart- of the giver and what gift they gave you. ment store or specialty store. This will Nothing can drive you crazier than when Let Your Wedding Day Soar! make it easier if your guest know what you go to send the thank you notes you you want or need and you will not have can’t remember who gave you what. If to answer all those questions …well you don’t have time to write them in your what do you want... book, tape the card to the bottom of the Create your invitation list, doing it gift that might help too.  Traditional or Alternative Weddings together will make it easy on you both. • Two or three weeks out send your  Denominational or Non-Denominational Schedule meetings with wedding pho- announcement to the paper. tographer /videographer and choose • If you are having a reception work  And Other Sacred Ceremonies and reserve your florist and DJ They on the seating chart. This is your hard- can get very busy. est job of them all. Who can and can’t sit Rev. Charles Benz, M.Div. A priest of the Episcopal Church for over 30 years • Order your invitations, person- next to each other..me I would go with alized stationary and notepaper. the sit yourself method then it’s all up weddingsbycharles.com 919-321-1169 [email protected] • Choose and reserve your officiant to the guest. Confirm all you reserva- along with your caterer. You may have tions, go over the last minute things, to call a few so starting this early will pack if you’re going away. give you time to see if they are a good • One very important thing to do fit for you. It’s your day so make them is have a non wedding date with you fit you not you fit them. Don’t forget the partner. Talk about anything but the cake. wedding, this night is all about just the • If you are doing a big wedding two of you remembering why the hell Dan Furmansky now would be a good time to choose you are going through all this mad- your color scheme , and all the people ness. Wedding Officiant you would like to be in the wedding to • The big day is here have fun and share in your day. About this same time enjoy. Everyone in the LGBT commu- Helping couples create personalized you want to look for their dresses and nities have worked very hard for this shoes. The dresses for the mothers of special day to happen. The right now meaningful ceremonies. the brides or grooms and anything you to marry is yours take it and run with www.ameaningfulday.com need to order that may take time it. Enjoy your life and be happy! t

20 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com outloud:Layout 1 12/26/2012 3:56 PM Page 1

you dear reader, I’ve compiled a list of travel tips. 1) Always pack extra underwear, socks elp you Domestic and an outfit in your carry on. I usually us h Spirit heed this advice, but this was the one time Let Speaks Dandy I packed everything in my checked luggage the wedding Shirli Hughes Jeffrey Clouser to make room for my various purchases of s! Greek sculptures and Italian bags. After plan dream having to turn my outfit inside out the next your day, I will never make this mistake again. of One More Five Travel 2) Be sure to place some travel size toiletries in your carry on (checkpoint ap- Wedding Tips for a proved). I always place my dopp kit in my checked luggage because I do not want Guest Desperate to deal with security handling my various lotions, creams, and pomades. However, Are you one of the blessed ones who have Dandy next time, I will make sure to pack small found your special love, the person that travel size versions of my face wash, body you want to make the sacred promise of wash, pomade, and moisturizer in my carry a lifetime commitment to and have already It’s that time of year when one gets the on. Trust me, it saves one from having to im- begun making preparations for your per- travel bug and begins to fly hither and yon provise (see next tip). fect wedding day? And are you already looking for sun and adventure. Recently my 3) If one does forget to pack one’s po- up to your eyeballs in wedding plans and husband and I traveled overseas to tour the made, I have learned that a spare tube of preparations? Well, before making final ancient ruins of Italy, Greece, and Turkey. It hand cream can come in handy to tame that plans for your special day, I would ask you was a wonderful trip full of history, interest- coif. to consider adding one more guest to your ing people, and wonderful shopping. A good 4) Pack a travel size packet of Woolite or ceremony. time was had indeed… until it was time to Tide to freshen your wardrobe if trapped over- People often go all out and sometimes fly home. night at a hotel. Again, overboard, planning and paying atten- Air travel is I learned this the hard tion to the most minute details, obsessing never fun, but as way. If you don’t have over everything from ceremony location, we touched down room for an extra out- flowers, wedding colors, music, reception in Frankfurt for our fit in your carry on, be venue, invitation style, guest list, and seat- connecting flight sure to carry a travel ing arrangements to name a few. However, home, we learned size packet of laundry all too often, many couples forget to “in- that our flight to detergent. If I had only vite” God to their wedding. Many believe Dulles had been done this, I wouldn’t that just because their ceremony is taking cancelled. Unfortu- have had such a rough place in a “religious setting,” such as a nately, there were ride home. church, the presence of God is somehow no more flights out 5) Finally, as one that evening so travels and is facing 2013 “implied.” However, it is not the fact that 2014 a wedding takes place in a church that we had to spend a disagreeable pub- & Now the night in a hotel lic, just remember to Dates le makes it sacred, but rather the presence Availab of God that can add a blessed element of by the airport. Now, I can survive staying breathe. I can’t tell you how much energy almost indescribable beauty to the occa- overnight at an airport hotel, however, the I saved by just taking a deep breath and sion. And unlike some wedding guests, real crisis came when I realized that all of allowing the gentleman that apparently • 2 & 3 Bedroom God knows how to “behave” in public plays my toiletries and fresh clothes were safely needed to get on the plane faster than me Oceanfront Condominiums nicely with others and brings a thoughtful tucked away in our checked luggage back to go in front of me. It allowed me to let go • 310 two-room suites and truly beautiful gift, love. at the airport. What is a Dandy to do? Un- of my frustrations and enjoy an outsider’s • Children under 12 Stay Free So please consider that taking a few fortunately, it was too late for me, but for view of the frenzied traveler. t • Suites Sleep up to 6 • New Tempur-Pedic Swedish Mattresses in All Suites extra minutes during your ceremony to “in- • Fully Equipped Kitchens • 2 Color TV’s vite” God to be in the very center of your • 2 Telephones • In-Suite Electronic Safe love. This could make all the difference in Sacred Ceremonies for Life • 4 Story Glass Atrium with Olympic your special day. Created with you, for you. Sized Pool Overlooking The Ocean Invite God to not only be in the midst of • “Schooners” Oceanfront Restaurant & Lounge you and your beloved during your ceremo- • Interfaith or • Exercise Facility • Saunas • Sundeck with Hot Tubs ny but invite God to stay with you, holding, non-denominational • Convenience/Gift Shops • Creative Day Spa • Honeymoon Jacuzzi Suites molding and shaping your love in the days, • Focused on more than the day • Banquet & Meeting Facilities for Groups months and years ahead. Focused on your foundation & future together • 30,000 sq. ft. of Exhibit & Meeting Space And whether your love lasts for 50 days • Breath session options before and after the ceremony • In-Suite High Speed Wireless Internet Access or 50 years, you will always remember that love was spoken on your wedding day and • Free introductory meeting available Call for reservations or brochure that God was there to bear witness to and • Ordination by the ULC Monastery Based in Baltimore 1-800-4-ROYALE bless it. • Formal to casual and all in between serving maryland 91st St. Oceanfront • Ocean City, MD This knowledge may well sustain and (410) 524-7777 strengthen you in unexpected ways, come [email protected] / 443-844-7489 / www.david-c-allen.com David C. Allen what may. t www.PRINCESSROYALE.com BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 21 • We serve ALL couples equally. •

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22 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com Lively Arts // out on SCREEN The Doctor’s Wife Isn’t Who You Think

By Chuck Duncan announcement. It seemed that the key to their success in world, that if people can just see that we’re all the same With marriage equality finally legal in Maryland, there are town – besides Vincent being the best doctor they’ve had no matter who we love, that we can all live in this world probably still a lot of questions weighing on the minds of in thirty years – was that they got involved in the daily life together. those who are planning to tie the knot, mainly about how of the town, from eating at the local pub to joining various What I didn’t like about the movie is more on the tech- they will be received as a married couple. One would hope committees. The townspeople compare Jono to the past nical side, and coming from a production background, that with marriages now being legal, that society would doctor’s wives (a term he whole-heartedly embraces) and perhaps those things bother me more than the average simply change overnight and accept everyone as equal but there are sure to still be some out there who will react negatively. While things are slowly turning in America, Australia’s political leaders are still against marriage equality even though most polls show public support on the issue. A new documentary from the land Down Under might be a good starting point for people who may view same-sex couples as a threat or just something alien to a “normal” married couple. The Doctor’s Wife tells the true story of Vincent Cor- nelisse, a doctor from Brisbane, and his partner Jonathan Duffy, a performer/filmmaker. To pay back Vincent’s medical school loans, he has the opportunity to take on a position as a country doctor in the tiny town of Mundubbera, population at just under 2000. It’s sort of like the fictional set-up from the TV series Northern Exposure. Jono is torn about leaving the big city and his job, but it’s the only way Vinny can pay back the loan. So they pack up their be- longings and head to the country. The film, which was put together by Jonathan, tells their story from a first person perspective. The documentary starts off with Jonathan and Vincent relating how they first met, which is pretty humorous since they both thought the other was a drug addict, and features reactions from their friends and family members to their big move to the country. Some are scared for them, some think they’ll become local celebrities… but to Jona- than’s horror, he realizes that most of them think he’s a “screaming queen” and will stand out – not in a good way speak of how none of those before him ever got involved, viewer. As it is, I absolutely hated some of the transitional – in a small country town (he’s really not that bad, at least setting themselves apart from the locals which made them elements used between scenes, some of the more preten- not how he appears in the film). all feel that the doctor and his wife we better than them. tious montages (including one lengthy shot of Vinny’s and But something happened when they arrived in Mun- Their involvement in the community (mostly Jonathan’s, Jono’s faces in a split screen with one on the left and one dubbera: they were embraced with open arms. Everyone since Vincent worked tirelessly at the hospital) made them on the right as they opened and closed their eyes), and the in town knew a new doctor was coming from the article the most-loved people in town. But the fairy tale has a bit- awful ink blot animation that really stood out from the rest in the paper, and they were (mostly) aware that he had a tersweet ending that I won’t spoil. of the movie and made things appear more sinister than partner who was male because they didn’t hide that in the As a documentary of Vincent and Jonathan’s lives it should (it seemed more like a filter in iMovie that Jona- during this major transition, than just couldn’t resist using and it bugged me). I did like I enjoyed seeing what they the split screen of Jono talking to himself, even if I could accomplished and hearing clearly see the dividing line. from their new friends just Those technical issues aside, the film shows the posi- how easily they were active side of a situation that most people might expect would cepted by the townspeople, go terribly wrong. And it really gets the message of ac- Advertise in Lively Arts… young and old (and it wasn’t ceptance across without beating the viewer over the head. all sunshine and rainbows Perhaps those that still have an intolerant attitude would as one person recants a dis- have their eyes opened, while those of us on the other side cussion featuring the usual of the matter who still fear that intolerance could also learn “it’s not right because the that just being yourself and being a part of the community Bible says so” argument, but as a whole, not just the insular LGBT community, could go that seemed to have been miles in showing everyone else that were all human beings and Help Keep the Arts Alive! an isolated occurrence). I no matter who we love. t was in tears by the end be- The Doctor’s Wife is available on DVD and from Ama- 410.802.1310 cause it was so uplifting and zon Instant Video, and includes a director’s commentary, it gives one hope for the deleted scenes, and a “Shameles Self Promotion” video..

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 23 Planning a Special Event? JOURNEYS: From Smells & Wedding Bells to Crunchy Granola By Rev. Charles F. Benz I sought out and completed an eight-month Anniversary As a young adult seeker, I joined the Epis- course of training, education, and transfor- copal church in 1973 and by 1979 I was mational initiation within a non-denomina- Engagement or … happily ordained as one of its clergymen. tional ministry. In an intimate circle, led by For four years in two different seminaries, a capable leader, we combined a number of one in the UK, one in the US, I had been modes of experiential learning. Just a Holiday Party trained in both its evangelical and contem- We discerned the best of our past, what porary theological traditions. I identified for no longer worked for us in the present, and We have the a long time with the conservative party of committed to a new collaborative journey my church that was opposed to women or aimed at the future. I discovered and articu- space for you … gay clergy. However, in spite of that posi- lated how my ministry might evolve, includ- tion I found myself in a long and sometimes ing becoming certified as a professional life Private Entrance difficult spiritual and intellectual journey that coach and wedding celebrant. In a commu- Plenty of FREE Parking changed my mind and my life. nity of like-minded people I became a new It wasn’t any single event that became a kind of priest in a public initiation ceremony $200.00 for the first 4 hours. tipping point for me. My shift was more of a that celebrated my new spiritual identity. Call Tom at the Quest process and my convictions evolved slowly. Voillà! We humans do have the capacity to for more information. I observed and participated in my transform ourselves. church as it wrestled internally and publicly I grew more aware of stages and states with feminist and homosexual issues ever of belief or faith in people over time. Spiri- since the mid-70s. I remember well how tual awareness and practice are more im- 3607 FLEET STREET Check us out Mathew Shepherd, a member of an Episco- portant to some than to others. I experience pal church, was murdered in a horrendous Spirit directly now through dialogue with BALTIMORE, MD 410-563-2617 on Facebook incident in 1998 for being gay. It was the Christ, regular yoga, Buddhist and integral AMPLE PARKING • ATM AVAILABLE www.questbarbaltimore.com consecration of the first openly gay bishop readings and deep meditation. I understand in the Episcopal church in 2003 that further Spirit as the evolutionary energy that drives challenged my perspective. The extreme my humanity toward the values that gives dissonance of the long Episcopalian strug- the most people the most freedom and so- gle ended in our church’s historic schism cial benefits. CLAIM YOUR POWER - PROTECT YOUR LEGACY only a few years ago. I’m also quick to acknowledge that Over this course of time I questioned the complexity of evolution takes a lot of first what was happening in my own church time, sweat and tears to effect real societal The LanchesTer that led to its breakup. Second, I came to change. But it is happening every day. So I know more gay people so I began studying rejoice in others’ choices on their journey. Law Firm the difference between gender and sexual- I’ve chosen to help seekers discover Spirit’s ity. Third, I came to see pluralism and di- pull on them, how to be mindful of its presence, and collaborate with its influence. Wills • TrusTs • living Wills versity as inconsistent with religions that seemed more and more ingrown. As glori- A wedding is a gift exchange with a wish FinanciaL Power oF aTTorney ous as it tradition seemed, my own church in it – the wish to be transformed on one AdvAnce direcTives • ProbATe grew too small and sectarian. The irony is journey of two seekers soulfully joined as my church split apart when its cardinal vir- one. To me marriage is a powerful way to cAll To seT-uP Your Free esTATe PlAnning seminArs tue had been the via media stream of do- merge with another in the One same en- ing theology. But extremely new wine had ergy of the scientific cosmos of Spirit. The burst an extremely old wineskin. I began gender of the seekers becomes irrelevant. esTaTe PLanning aTTorney seeing exclusivism of all kinds as the root In that context I join with Pastor Delman icheLLe anchesTer Coates, who said in the Baltimore press re- m L with 25 years of legal experience of extremism in all cultures as well as in the Christian faith. I objected. My search was to cently, “I would not want someone denying see what inclusivity could look like? my rights upon their religious views; there- WASHINGTON, DC OFFICE: BALTIMORE OFFICE: I am convinced that we “breathe” (in- fore, I should not deny others’ based upon spire, re-spir-ate) this sentient Spirit from mine.” 601 Pennsylvania Ave., NW 400 East Pratt Street its atmosphere around us as fish do oxygen The GLBT community is by and large Suite 900, South Building Suite 800 from the sea. Consistent with that world- a thoughtful and communicative one. For Washington, DC 20004 Baltimore, Maryland 21202 view I see divinity revealed in many ways. its struggle and persecution and ugly suf- So I became a minister with that worldview ferings at times, I am personally happy that 202/220-3000 443/759-3245 defining my spiritual journey and ministry. they have lately received their due in the Evolution is Spirit’s journey, or parade. It state of Maryland, however overdue it may is a comprehensive and an integral view I seem. Turning water into wine can be ar- www.LanchesterLaw.com share with others. duous. Sometimes that’s how real tipping On this path in 2009 I came close to points occur in us and around us. t renouncing my Episcopal vows. Instead, in The author can be reached at Wed- my groaning prayers I found a way forward. dingsbycharles.com. 24 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com LIVE ON STAGE! FEBRUARY 12-17 • HIPPODROME THEATRE 410.547.SEAT • BroadwayAcrossAmerica.com • Box Office (M-F, 11A-3P) Groups 10+ Save! Call 866.577.7469

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 25 quality of life // the LAW & you // getting unstuck

speak for you and carry out your wishes cilessly for having frittered away his 20s. He during medical emergencies? Make sure listed a half-dozen negative judgments he’d your advance directives, that is your living Getting been inflicting on himself lately. “I’m a loser, The Law will, your power of attorney for health care I’m a failure, everyone else’s life is moving & You and your HIPAA documents are properly Unstuck along except mine,” and so on. Michelle Lanchester prepared. Gerry Fisher As a way to relieve the stress and refocus The power of attorney for health care, him on effective action, I coached him to be- commonly known as an advance direc- come aware of a half dozen truthful-yet-pos- tive, details your decisions regarding your itive statements about his 20s: that cultural Got ‘Papers’? healthcare, health emergencies and whom Motivational experiences from world travel will serve him you appoint to carry out your healthcare for a lifetime, that there’s plenty of time left to decisions. Yoga develop a sense of purpose, that commitment Back in the 70s, some popular R&B art- Generally the primary person you ap- has a host of pleasures and benefits, and that ists would sing about “having papers” on point as your agent in such a document is Years ago, I attended a week-long, mind- I could help him to develop skills to lessen his someone. Some of the songs would in- your spouse. Your living will may also be body seminar. Presenters covered topics anxiety. clude lyrics like, “You got papers but I got part of the advance directive and it con- such as meditation, nutrition, vitamins and So in that one meeting, we had two lists of your man” or “I got papers on you.” Lyrics tains your specific instructions and inten- supplements, medical treatment, and biology truthful assessments about his 20s: one a set like that meant you were legally commit- tions regarding the use of life support or and stress. of judgments that paralyzed and depressed ted according to the marriage papers. The life-sustaining procedures. The HIPAA The seminar did a great job of providing him, and another hopeful set that made him “papers” songs focused on the issue of document authorizes the person whom hands-on experiences to make the mate- relax and want to move forward. real love versus a love merely inferred by you designate to have access to your rial come alive. Two of these hands-on work- During our conversation, he said almost matrimony’s legal bonds. medical information and speak with your shops provided demonstrations of yoga and as an off-handed remark, “I don’t know why As of January 1, 2013, of course, medical doctors and staff. tai chi. I’ve had such a hard time sticking to things same-sex couples in Maryland can now Generally, your spouse is the person Given that I had had back surgery a few that are good for me. I did yoga for a few say to each other, “I got papers on you.” that you trust most to handle your financial months previously, I really liked the gentler, months and then dropped it. Doing yoga As an estate- planning attorney I want to affairs and to benefit from your finances if less-physically-taxing tai chi. Its movements made me feel better.” ask, “What papers do you have, exactly? you become incapacitated. were gentler, and my recovering back han- It was in that moment that I realized a Are your “marriage papers” enough to You can empower your spouse through dled them easily. I found it to be a wonderful strong similarity between my life- and career- keep your spouse protected? Are your the financial power of attorney document blend of meditation and mild physical exer- coaching practice and yoga. A central aspect “marriage papers” enough to show how to maintain control of the new life that you cise, which was very peaceful. of yoga is maintaining a physical position, much you really love your spouse? have planned for you and your spouse I struggled more with the yoga. Although and a central aspect of my approach is about From an estate planning prospective, I without interference from outside influ- it was very much a beginners-level workshop, maintaining a focus. would suggest that you “get all of the pa- ences, such as judges, guardians, and un- I was surprised at how much strength I had to When my client maintains a position of fo- pers, not just the marriage papers!” Your friendly in-laws. apply to hold some poses. In the years since cus on his negative judgments – that he’s frit- particular circumstances with your spouse If you have a complex financial situa- then, I’ve found a few yoga poses to be ex- tered away his 20s, that his peers have more will dictate what papers you will need. tion and “family drama” that you want to tremely helpful as a way to maintain my back “successful” lives than him, that he’s running However, a good basic plan is to make manage prudently, you may want to con- health and to build core strength. In time, I away from commitment due to a fear he can’t sure that your spouse knows that you re- sider adding trust documents to you “pa- came to appreciate that yoga builds not only name or understand – then he feels bad, really trust him/her and that he or she can pers.” Trusts can provide added layers of strength, but also flexibility and an ability to mains stuck in old patterns, and consistently rely on you to have provisions in place for management for money matters, financial relax. under performs. If he maintains a position of him or her while you are alive and after arrangements, family drama, assets, prop- There are a number of Eastern practices focus on the life-long benefit of his cultural you die. erty distribution, and even care for your that contribute to well-being, and I appreciate experiences and the hopeful idea that there’s A great way to show your love for your pets. the positive effects of all of them. Examples still plenty of time to find a sense of purpose, spouse is make sure that your estate plan- It is a great expression of love to make include acupuncture, tai chi, yoga, and martial then he feels energized, motivated, and capa- ning paperwork is completed in a manner sure that your spouse is legally authorized arts practices. All of them contain an element ble; he’s in position to get unstuck and to act. that will protect your spouse from outside and empowered to carry out decisions for of meditation, relaxation, movement, and an To add to the conversation, here’s a dic- influences and even unfriendly in-laws in you in all aspects of your life, if you are emphasis on consistency or disciplined ap- tionary definition of yoga: A Hindu theistic life and in death. not able to do so yourself. Hopefully, you plication. However, I found yoga unique in its philosophy teaching the suppression of all You may want to have your will com- married your spouse because of your deep emphasis on maintaining a single, physical activity of body, mind, and will in order that pleted in which you not only appoint your love, commitment and support for each position. the self may realize its distinction from them spouse as your executor and personal other. Recently, I was conducting a life- and ca- and attain liberation. The secondary definition representative but also leave all or a good You sealed your love with a kiss, now reer-coaching meeting with a client who had mentions yoga exercises. portion of your estate to your spouse. In sign, seal and deliver all of the papers nec- spent his 20s flitting from job to job, chasing So, it’s about doing exercises involving Maryland, keep in mind that anything that essary so that in the face of any adversity, superficial pleasures, traveling; all the while the body, mind, and will, until you notice that you leave to your spouse in your will is not emergency, un-pleasantry or drama, your he was feeling a sense of dread whenever he you are much, much more than any one of subject to Maryland’s inheritance tax – spouse can say, not only am I loved but “I was in any situation that he “couldn’t get out those three parts of you. Do it until none of t thanks to the new law. got papers” to prove it. of quickly.” In addition, he was a strict perfec- those three parts attempts to dominate the However, if you decide to leave prop- The author is an attorney with the tionist who judged himself mercilessly for the others and throw everything out of balance. erty to a friend, cousin, niece or nephew, Lanchester Law Firm (400 East Pratt Street, slightest failure. Yoga uses bodily exercises to bring you to they will be faced with paying inheritance Suite 800, Baltimore, Maryland 21202). You Now entering into his 30s, he hired me to this place, and my work uses attention focus- taxes. can reach her at [email protected] help him get a clearer sense of purpose and ing exercises to get you there. t Now that you are married, don’t you or 443-759-3245. This article is not meant as career focus. During one particular meeting, Learn more at BaltimoreLifeCoachGerry. want to make sure that your spouse can legal advice. he had once again been judging himself mer- com 26 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com quality of life // REAL ESTATE Buying and Financing a Rental Home by Jeffery A. Hammerberg residence for at least 24 months – check with With property values rising, and the economy your mortgage lender to determine the amount continuing to turn more and more people into of time you need to live in the home before you home-renters instead of home-buyers, now can rent it. You will be purchasing this home is a fantastic time to purchase a rental home as your personal residence, so it makes for a and become a landlord. good first-investment property. Higher rents, added equity with each With getting started in the rental game, passing month, and a slew of qualified renters these costs and fees can be daunting, what to choose from means likeliehood of success. can you do if you’re unable to purchase it as Like any business, starting a rental prop- an owner-occupant? Find a property that al- erty business has start-up costs involved – if ready has renters living in the home. You’re you have solid credit and a nest-egg you can going to face the fees involved in a “non-own- put towards a down payment, are organized er occupant” purchase, but you can help in enough to handle the details of leases, de- the loan process by showing instant income posits, maintenance, and repairs, it’s a great from the existing tenants. They can help off- side business. set down-payments with their first month’s To purchase a home as a simple rental rent and deposit, and you won’t have any property, you’ll have to plan on a 25% down “lag time” between purchase and your first payment. As a Non-Owner Occupant (NOO) month’s worth of payments. your costs on a mortgage are slightly higher Purchasing a home as a rental property than they would be as an owner occupant. involves a great deal of preparing, paper- With current loan rates, you can likely get a work, and financial investment, but the added 4.5% 30-year loan. income you’ll see will make it more than worth Of course if you have the flexibility, you can your while as long as you plan carefully be- buy as an Owner Occupant (OO) with as little fore diving in. t as 3.5% down. To qualify as an OO you need Jeff Hammerberg is CEO of GayRealEs- to actually live in the property as your principle tate.com.

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 27 Augusta, Georgia, may seem like an Bears, Bikers, & Mayhem 3. Although only “Pop Goes the Cherry!” It amazes me how odd location for a big leather event, but the third year for this popular run, I had a many Baltimore folks have never been to since 2007 the Southeast Conference of ball the past two years when I attended this famous gay mecca just off of Long Is- Clubs’ annual Mr. SECC Leather Contest just the Saturday night dinner and dance land, New York. Fire Island is so beautiful! has been packing the Parliament Resort at Altland’s Ranch in York, Pennsylvania. It has no streets or cars – talk about getting there. Held over the President’s Day Holi- This year the Eisenhower Inn & Confer- away from the rat race. The host hotel is day Weekend (February 15 to 18), this ence Center in Gettysburg will serve as the the unbelievable Belvedere Guest House gathering gets bigger every year. Last official host hotel. I planned to attend much for Men which looks like a Venetian Palace year there were nine contestants with Bal- more of the weekend this year since my with domes, towers, and statuary. It is re- timore’s own Andy Chmielowski-Liu taking fellow ShipMates and I have been asked ally something to see. Plus you will have a A New Year in home the title of Mr. SECC Leather 2012. to host a cocktail party on Saturday after- great time at the Ice Palace when you at- The Parliament Resort is no Hyatt Regen- noon at the host hotel. tend the Master/slave Leather! cy, but it’s a fun place with all the events The dance this year is Auction for charity taking place at the resort or the Filling Sta- called: “Amish Invasion and the 13th Annual It is that time of year again. It is time to tion Bar next door. The resort also features – Bears on Rumspringa Mr. Fire Island Leath- starting planning leather adventures for a wonderful play space area call the “Pig Dance Party and will er Contest. Make you the New Year. It is time to take out your Mr. Pen.” Last year was my first year attending be held on March 30 at plans now by visiting Maryland Leather 2013 Bob Rose calendar the SECC event and I have already made Altland’s Ranch from 8 Thetwilightguard.org. and write in these dates. What, you didn’t my reservations for this year. It is a great p.m. to 2 a.m. The dance The month of May get a Mr. Maryland Leather 2013 calendar chance to see friends from some of the also includes the annual also brings the Su- for Christmas? The proceeds go to Move- many leather clubs that make up the SECC sweaty jock auction. You per Bowl of leather able Feast and it made a wonderful holiday and to meet lots of new leather folks. Food will have a blast! Check events as the entire gift. Oh well, you can still buy yourself one and cocktail parties are provided as part out Bearsbikersandmay- leather world gath- at Commandmc.org. There are only a few of the weekend package ($ten0 before hem.com for tickets and ers in Chicago over left so you will want to do it now. I’ll wait. January 31, $125 after). My only complaint all the details. the Memorial Day Weekend for the Inter- Okay, ready? The Leather New Year last year was the formal leather dinner on In April the leather community gath- national Mr. Leather Contest. The Marriott always starts with the big Mid-Atlantic Saturday night: last year it was a stand up ers in Cleveland, Ohio, for the annual Chicago Downtown Magnificent Mile re- Leather Weekend in Washington, D.C. Tra- affair with assorted finger foods. We were Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend cently underwent a 36 million dollar total ditionally this event is held during the Rev. starving and ended up running back to the (CLAW). The 12th annual CLAW will be renovation and will be a spectator setting Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday Weekend. room to order a pizza. This year the pro- held April 25 to 28 at the Hilton Garden Inn. for the 34th IML. Chicago will be the place This year, due to the inauguration, MAL is ducers are planning a sit-down buffet style This weekend is all about brotherhood, ed- to be on May 24-27, 2013. The weekend being held one week earlier (January 11 meal. MrSeccLeatherContest.com for all ucation, and fundraising and does not in- will include huge cocktail parties and the to 13, 2013). Even if you have not made the details clude a contest. Highlights include the In- traditional IML Victory Party at the House reservations to attend the whole weekend, My plans for March 2013 include a pop- ternational Leather Family Dinner, Leather of Blues and the Black & Blue Ball at the it is well worth the drive to the Hyatt Re- ular Baltimore event and a weekend get- Hall of Fame Brunch, and the popular Trol- stunning Excalibur. Representing Mary- gency on Capitol Hill (400 New Jersey Av- away that is a lot closer to home. Chesa- ley and Bar Tour. The last time I went to land at IML 34 will be Mr. Maryland Leather enue NW) to visit the huge leather mart, peake Leather Awareness Pride (CLAP) is CLAW I drove to Cleveland from Baltimore. 2013 Bob Rose so bring along your calen- have a cocktail in the lobby, or attend a planned for March 15-17, 2013. The cen- It wasn’t that bad of a drive and I was glad dar. I sure he will be happy to sign it! t part of the weekend’s activities. The Mr. terpiece of this festive weekend is the Mid- I didn’t fly when we bought so much stuff at Mid-Atlantic Leather 2013 Contest will be Atlantic LeatherSIR, Leatherboy, Leather the Leather Vendor Mart! held at the hotel on Sunday, January 13 Woman, and Community Bootblack Con- Traditionally the Excelsior M.C. of New from 1 to 3:30 p.m. in the Regency Ball- test which will be held in the afternoon on York hosts a weekend event on Fire Is- room. Tickets for the contest are just $25. Saturday, March 16 at the Club Hippo in land in May. When Excelsior was not do- The Reaction Dance is Sunday night at Baltimore. Visit Hookerandboys.org for a ing a run this year, their brother club Twi- the U Street Music Hall located at 1115 U full schedule. The weekend of March 28 light Guard picked up the ball and will be Street NW. Please do not show up in you to 31 will bring another fun annual event hosting their first leather weekend run on jockstrap at the Hyatt Regency during MLK as the Susquehanna Valley Bears, Capi- May 17 to 19 at Cherry Grove, Fire Island. Holiday Weekend or you will be flashing an tal City Bears, and The Pennsmen present Since it is their virgin event they named it: inaugural ball!

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28 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com quality of life // ask mama

committed. We had a huge fight last night so much. She is smart, beautiful, sexy, hear you say that you love her so much and she told me that if I didn’t marry her, funny, she is “my everything.” I know that that you want to “protect” her in every way things were over between us. I don’t want she feels the same way about me, but she possible. to lose her but I don’t want to be pushed won’t marry me. Talk to her and ask her if there is a Ask into something I’m not ready for. Please I proposed to her on Christmas Day reason that she has not told you that she help. and she said no. I was shocked. It never won’t marry you and if her answer is still ? Mama Not Ready for “I Do” occurred to me that she would not want to the same, then back off and go to a good Mama answers your questions get married. plan “B” and here it is. Dear Not Ready, She told me that she really loves me If she flat-out refuses to marry you, If you know that you’re not ready for and wants to spend the rest of her life with leave her alone and see if she will at least Knot or Not? the long walk down the aisle and every- me but that she doesn’t need to be married agree to go with you to an attorney and get thing else that goes along with it, stick to me in order to love me more because the proper paperwork done that you both Dear Mama to your guns. If you say “I do” when what she already loves me with every fiber of need in order to protect each other should I’m 22 and my girlfriend is 45 and we’ve you really mean is “I don’t” (or at least her being. anything happen to either one of you. been together for almost three years and “Not now”), you’re asking for a world of We are both in our 50s and in rela- I’m talking about wills, powers of attor- it’s been pretty good so far. But lately, hurt for both you and your old lady. I keep tively good health but I want to make sure ney, and whatever else the lawyer tells you she’s been nagging me about getting mar- telling y’all out there writing in to me that that she will be taken care of if something need. ried. I don’t want to get married right now. you have got to try harder to say what you should happen to me, somewhere down And maybe after that, the two of you I love her but I’m not ready for marriage mean and mean what you say. Some folk the road. How can I convince her that get- can talk about planning some type of com- yet. She says that she wants to settle down might not like it but you will be able to lay ting married is the right thing to do? mitment ceremony to celebrate your love. and that if I really loved her, I wouldn’t hes- your head down on your pillow at night and Determined to Make Her Say “Yes” This way, you both get what you need. You itate to marry her and now that marriage is feel good about yourself because you’re at and your lady are “blessed” honey to have legal for us, we should go ahead and do it. least trying to be honest with yourself and Dear Determined, each other. I love her but I need more time to be sure with others. When it’s time for you to say First of all, “congratulation” on being to- You get Mama’s “you so good I could that she really is the one for me. She says “I do,” you want to know in your heart that gether for 20 years because honey, some just squeeze you” award. This is the first that she is already sure that I’m the one for you’re doing the right thing at the right time people can’t stay together for 20 minutes. one I’ve given out in a very long time. Take her and that it’s time for me to be a grown for you and the woman you marry. Now as far as your wonderful lady telling good care of each other. t up and take the next step and make a per- you “no,” be patient. If you want to ask Mama a question e- manent commitment to her. I keep telling Dear Mama, Did you explain it to her the way you mail her at askmama@baltimoreoutloud. her that I am committed to her in my heart My girlfriend and I have been together explained it to me in your letter? You near com and she will be happy to answer your and that I don’t need marriage to be more for almost 20 years and I love this woman about made me swoon. How wonderful to question. See you in the paper!

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 29 LET’S TOAST DEL. MARY WASHINGTON GERTRUDE’S AT THE BMA JANUARY 5, 2013 PHOTOS BY STEVE CHARING

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32 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD JANUARY 11, 2013 • baltimoreoutloud.com