AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 1
An Exploration of Prayer or You Can’t Say You Can’t Pray
Gregory J. Grallo Upaya Zen Center February 2011 AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 2
“I want to go to God. Will you pray for me?”
I had shadowed my friend Tom King for a few weeks as he made home visits for his work as a hospice chaplain of fifteen years. Tom was taking an extended leave to pursue some continuing education and had invited me to fill in for him while he was gone. I had been interested in hospice chaplaincy, but had not yet received any formal training other than following along with Tom and observing what he did.
The first day that I was to make visits on my own, I traveled with one of the social workers since I was not quite confident to visit homes alone. We traveled to the home of one of the patients and visited with him in the small, dark back bedroom where the only seat other than the edge of the hospital bed was the portable commode. I watched as the social worker visited with him and expressed great tenderness as she listened to his questions and concerns. As we were getting ready to leave, the patient called me over. Fortunately, the social worker knew that I was feeling self- conscious and she and the few family members left us alone. And that was when he asked me: “I want to go to God. Will you pray for me?”
It had been years since I had been to church and although I was serving as a temporary chaplain, I had not given much thought to Christianity or to prayer. In fact, I had ordained into the
Order of Interbeing, a Buddhist lineage from Vietnam through Thích Nhất Hạnh and we rarely discussed prayer or God. This was one of the reasons that I was attracted to Buddhism in the first place; it was refreshing to find a spiritual practice that did not worry itself with a higher power or with communication to that being. Yet here was someone asking me to pray for him so that he could be in touch with God.
Chaplaincy is about service and to truly serve we may be required to set aside our fears and our beliefs and to enter into the worldview of the person in front of us. This paper is an exploration of prayer and its role in serving others. It is my hope that it will serve two purposes: the first is that AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 3
I will be able to more authentically find my voice when called upon to offer prayer. The second is that anyone who is embarking on the path of chaplaincy and who is unsure about prayer or is perhaps ideologically opposed to prayer will reconsider the role of prayer in their lives and the lives of others and find a new relationship to the act of prayer and to the service it provides for others.
It was with great pleasure that I invited three dear friends and colleagues to be a part of this project. Tom King, M.Div., Gretchen Strohmaier, M.Div. and Jennifer Hudson, LCPC agreed to be interviewed for this project; they shared some of their experiences professionally and in their private prayer lives. Tom, as mentioned above, served as hospice chaplain for 15 years and continues his chaplaincy work in a hospital. Gretchen has been the bereavement coordinator for hospice for over ten years and works with individuals and groups. Jennifer facilitates bereavement groups as well and precipitated my interest in the connection between prayer and meditation through her own explorations and conversations we had.
Prayer: A Brief History
Prayer can be found throughout spiritual traditions, though it does not necessarily look the same from one tradition to the other. According to Larry Dossey (1993), “prayer…is the most fundamental, primordial and important ‘language’ humans speak” (p. 5). He goes on to quote two researchers as saying “prayer starts without words and often ends without them” (p. 5). This idea begins to shape how we look at prayer and potentially how prayer emerged in the human (and, as noted below, cross-species) psyche. Zaleski (2005) states that:
the instinct for prayer is primary, running ahead of any conceptual notions. Or perhaps it is
better to say that the instinct for prayer and the sense of the divine arise simultaneously as
immediate facts of consciousness, only later to be articulated as systems of belief. (p. 31)
Furthermore, “prayer travels through history in the company of the magician and the priest”
(Zaleski, 2005, p. 89). In other words, prayer is intertwined with the idea of magic and sacrifice. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 4
Magic, here, refers to incantations or spells to achieve a specific goal like healing the sick or bringing the rain. The idea of sacrifice comes from the desire to appease or to mollify a singular or group of deities. It is necessary to point out that although prayer, magic and sacrifice may be often found together, prayer “reserves to itself something altogether more mysterious, more difficult to define”
(Zaleski, 2005, p. 90). It seems that prayer is often confused with its relatives and may explain the resistance to embracing prayer some people may experience.
Some of the earliest examples of prayer can be found in a 100,000-year-old Neanderthal burial site in present-day Iraq. According to accounts from the archaeologist that discovered the site, an “elderly man…had been interred…beneath a blanket of multicolored flowering herbs” (Zaleski,
2005, p. 17). The inference made by Zaleski (2005) is that “wherever one finds ritual, one is almost certain to find prayer” (p. 16). It is interesting to note that prayer is connected with ritual in this way.
Ritual, like prayer, is a method by which we break out of our habitual ways of being and enter into a stream of something larger. When we use the forms of practice laid down by our ancestors, we become part of the flow of history and our notion of ourselves as being separate can begin to dissolve. During ritual, we have the opportunity to let go of our decision-making conceptualization
(since many of our movements are in a sense choreographed) and allow ourselves to be carried by the momentum of the ritual. As we shall see later, prayer can also have a similar effect, even when the prayer carried out is spontaneous rather than rote.
Prayer quite obviously plays a large role in the Abrahamic religions. Christian prayer broke with the perceived traditional ritual when in Matthew 6:5-7 (New King James Version) Jesus instructs the disciples:
And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in
the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I
say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 5
you have shut the door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father, who
sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the
heathen do. For they think they will be heard for their many words.
Clearly this is a response to the use of prayer and ritual for worldly gain such as status or material wealth. Interestingly, the Buddha also rejected rituals and prayers that served to separate people from one another according to birth and/or status. Thích Nhất Hạnh (1991) writes, in the voice of the Buddha, that the Sangha “no longer distinguishes between castes. You are a human being…
[and bring] us nothing but happiness” (p. 279). It seems that when prayer and ritual are carried out blindly and for personal gain or to maintain social structure, prayer and ritual lose their potential to transcend the ordinary and connect us to something larger. It is necessary for us to remember this, lest our prayer becomes simply an act of habit rather than an act of connection and opening.
Forms of Prayer
Prayer looks different outwardly in various traditions and inwardly it can take on different textures. In some Native American traditions, prayer may be tied to dance and ritual, as in the
Navajo healing ceremony (Zaleski, 2005). Similarly, the ecstatic whirling of some Sufi practitioners is an act of prayer (“Turning, The Sema of the Mevlevi,” 2005). The act of al t, or the five daily ritual prayer sessions of the Muslim is a complex combination of postures and vocal prayers (Zaleski,
2005). These ritualized movements, ceremonies and postures are all expressions of prayer that involve the whole body and mind. The ritual serves to allow the one who is praying to enter into the prayer and to focus on his or her connection to the divine by removing the need to think about what comes next. It is easy to see how such ritualized prayer could become empty of the divine connection and become simply rote if the practitioner forgets this connection and instead focuses solely on the words and actions, though ritual does not necessarily lead to this result. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 6
Inwardly, prayer can take on different aspects as well. According to Richert, prayer in the
Catholic tradition has five typical forms. The first form is adoration; in this type of prayer one offers “praise to the greatness of God and…acknowledge[s] our dependence on Him in all things”
(n.d., ¶ 1). In some Buddhist traditions as well, there are verses of praise offered. For example, in the Chanting and Recitation Book compiled by Thích Nhất Hạnh (2000), one finds verses of praise for the Three Jewels, the Buddha and the Bodhisattva of Compassion (pp. 37-39). The act of praise or adoration serves to open the one who is praying to a sense of something larger than him- or herself and at the same time serves to humble him or her.
The prayer of expiation allows us to confess our wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness
(Richert, n.d.). In the Abrahamic traditions, one would ask God for mercy. Not surprisingly, a similar practice can be found in some Buddhist traditions. Again, citing Thích Nhất Hạnh (2000), we find the Repentance Gatha, where we recognize that “all wrongdoing comes from the mind” (p. 36), and the verse of Beginning Anew, where we “offer heartfelt words of repentance” (p. 52).
Furthermore, at the Upaya Zen Center, during ceremonies the Gatha of Atonement is recited where participants recognize “all [their] ancient twisted karma” (Jukai Ceremony, 2011) and offer atonement.
Richert names prayers of love as the third type of prayer. The Act of Charity from the
Catholic tradition states:
O my God, I love Thee above all things, with my whole heart and soul, because Thou art all
good and worthy of all love. I love my neighbor as myself for the love of Thee. I forgive all
who have injured me, and ask pardon of all whom I have injured. Amen. (Richert, n.d.)
In this prayer we see universal love (i.e. love for God) merging with more everyday love for those around. Thích Nhất Hạnh (2000) similarly states: AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 7
In each precious moment, I am filled with deep gratitude./I bow before the World-Honored
One./Please bear witness to my wholehearted gratitude,/embracing all beings with the great
arms of compassion. (p. 46)
Here the gratitude experienced by the practitioner extends both to the Buddha and to all beings with whom he or she may come into contact.
The fourth type of prayer is the one that most often comes to mind when one is asked about prayer, namely prayers of petition. This type of prayer calls upon God to provide us with something, whether it is a spiritual need or a physical need (Richert, n.d., ¶4). The close relative of petitionary prayer is intercessory prayer, where one asks not for something for oneself, but for others. Saint
Thomas Aquinas states that petitionary prayer serves three purposes:
“[That we] remind ourselves of our need for divine help…[that we] obtain through
impetration that which God wishes for us…[and that we] ‘gain confidence in God and
acknowledge him as the source of our blessings.’” (cited in Zaleski, 2005, pp. 100-101)
Richert points out that although one is asking for something specific, the one who is praying allows for “Thy will be done” (¶ 4), so that if the prayer is not answered, the one who offers the prayer can look for meaning in God’s will.
The fifth type of prayer identified by Richert is that of thanksgiving (¶ 5). The classic example of a prayer of thanksgiving is offering thanks and gratitude to God before meals in the form of grace. Thích Nhất Hạnh offers the Five Contemplations to be recited before mealtimes, directing the mind of the practitioner towards an appreciation for the efforts that went into the meal, as well as gratitude for the natural elements required to provide the food. The Upaya Zen Center has a similar practice wherein before each meal practitioners recite: AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 8
Earth, water, fire, air and space combine to make this food./Numberless beings gave their
lives and labors that we may eat./May we be nourished, that we may nourish life. (personal
notes, 2009)
It is striking that, prior to eating, we are reminded to generate thoughts and feelings of gratitude in two seemingly dissimilar traditions as Catholicism and Buddhism. Gratitude practices provide us with an opportunity once again to connect with a larger presence or sense that extends beyond our own soma-psyche and humbles us as we contemplate the magnitude of our spiritual and physical worlds.
Larry Dossey (1993) further clarifies the types of prayer by introducing the concept of non- local prayer. In his definition, rather than sending prayers somewhere, “[t]here is no place for prayer to go because…it is infinite in space and time” (p. 8). Furthermore, “prayer need not always be
‘thought’” (Dossey, 1993, p. 8). This definition seems to suggest that prayer is a state of mind that allows for the direct perception of the divine or universal presence. In fact, Dossey further makes the distinction between “prayer and prayerfulness.” This distinction defines prayer in many of the ways that we have above. “Prayerfulness,” though, is “accepting without being passive…[and] grateful without giving up” (p. 24) and is a “quiet, still place” (p. 25). Mother Theresa, “when asked what she says to God when she prays,” said:
‘I don’t say anything,’ she replied. ‘I just listen.’
So the interviewer asked her what God says to her.
‘He doesn’t say anything,’ said Mother Theresa. ‘He just listens.’ And before the astonished
interviewer could press her further, she added, ‘And if you don’t understand that, I can’t
explain it to you.’ (as cited in Goldstein, 2002, p. 51)
In this sense, then, the state of mind is potentially more important than the content of the prayer.
In fact, as Dossey says above, prayer is not required to be thought; in other words prayer does not AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 9 necessarily need to have verbal or linguistic content, but can simply result from a state of mind.
According to Boros (1973), “we are constantly praying in our innermost being. All explicit prayer is simply an articulation of that basic state of prayer” (p. 4). That is, if we allow our minds to settle, we naturally enter into the space of prayerfulness which is always present and accessible to us, though we might fail to be aware of it.
A final distinction that I have observed is that of spontaneous prayer and rote prayer.
Spontaneous prayer results when the one who is praying enters into the place of prayerfulness and allows whatever words that might be present to emerge. As Boros (1973) says, “the best of all norms to measure prayer is absence of intention” (p. 16). Rote prayer, on the other hand, is a recitation of a memorized text such as the Lord’s Prayer or one of the above gathas. Both types of prayer serve different purposes on different occasions and both have potential obstacles. During spontaneous prayer, for instance, the practitioner may unintentionally leave the state of prayerfulness and begin to feel self-conscious about the quality of the prayer. Furthermore, the practitioner might confuse prayerfulness and trance-like states, yielding a very different kind of prayer. Likewise, during rote prayer, one has the danger of simply reciting the words without being aware of their meaning or allowing oneself to be moved into the space of prayerfulness.
The Interviews
After examining the different types of prayer and defining prayer broadly as a practice that brings connection to a larger sense or presence, I was interested to speak with three individuals about their practice with prayer both personally and professionally. I chose these three individuals because of both my close relationship with them and the understanding that they have experience working with individuals from various faiths and traditions; this experience allowed us to talk more generally about the role of prayer, yet they felt comfortable speaking from their root traditions as well. First, I will explore their individual prayer lives (particularly Gretchen Strohmaier’s and Jen AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 10
Hudson’s) and how they have changed over time; and secondly I will examine the role of prayer with others.
Gretchen Strohmaier spoke about integration and making prayer not “just one more thing that I have to do, but that [I] integrate it into what [I’m] doing” (personal interview, 8 July 2010). In other words, prayer is not necessarily something separate from our normal daily lives, but rather it is woven throughout the fabric of our day. Prayer is a state of being or a process, rather than an act that we perform. Gretchen likened prayer to a “dance…[a] relationship…[an] intention” (interview,
2010), contrasted to the idea of prayer as asking for something from another. Her prayer is a
“process of creating an opening or space” (interview, 2010) so that the Holy Spirit can enter (or, more accurately, becoming aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit that is already there).
Previously, Gretchen found that her prayer life was composed more of petitionary prayer and of praying with others, but recently she found that her “preference is to [be] alone in a quiet space…[and] just a calming of my mind. [A] lot less words when I’m just doing it on my own”
(interview, 2010). She has found that through beginning the day with a quieting of the mind and invitation towards (in Dossey’s words) prayerfulness, that “throughout the day, there are windows of time that [she] can come back to that” (interview, 2010). When this practice is combined with the practice of integration, it is clear that prayer becomes a sense of awareness of the divine presence during daily life; events that might have been missed or called something different before take on the label of “prayer” and become more meaningful and rich. So now “running with the jogger and two little kids can be experiences of prayer for [her]” (interview, 2010).
Gretchen talks about her prayer life as being composed of at least three components. The first is gratitude, particularly during physical exertion and being in the natural world. Spontaneously,
Gretchen finds herself offering prayers of thanks for being alive and for the beauty around her, which leads to a sense of openness. Another piece is that of seeking wisdom and meaning; for AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 11
Gretchen this is one form of petitionary prayer that she continues to use. This kind of prayer might take the form of first opening and then asking, “Help me see what was meaningful about this time; what was important about yesterday?” (interview, 2010). This practice helps her find significance in things that she might have overlooked or that she was not aware of having noticed. The third piece is that of seeking grace in the sense of finding acceptance for things just as they are and not the idea that “God made it happen so I’d learn” (interview, 2010). This piece is closely linked with the components of wisdom or direction and grace; it is a sense of accepting what is and gleaning meaning from that, not as a lesson but rather as a practice of gratitude for the life we have been given and for our capacity to experience grace and presence. Gretchen rejects the idea that God “is just dishing stuff out” (interview, 2010) both in the sense that we are being taught a lesson and also in that if we pray enough God will answer us. She described an experience where a friend from her church attributed all of the prayers from the congregation to her family member’s recovery from illness. Gretchen internally responded with, “‘We had 456 people praying, but if we would have had
455 it wouldn’t have occurred?!’ Are we really cajoling or bargaining [with God] like that?”
(interview, 2010). This brings up the idea that our prayers of petition for something specific come from an idea that somehow a divine being will tinker with the minutiae of our lives. Gretchen mentions that when she includes others in her personal prayers, she simply asks for them to be lifted up and held, not for any specific outcome.
Jen Hudson described a somewhat radical change in her spiritual and prayer life. During her pregnancy with her child, she described it as a “spiritually rich time” and that she “felt very close to whatever [she] called divine presence” (personal interview, 25 June 2010). Jen, like Gretchen, feels that we carry the “divine presence within us and that we can access that” (interview, 2010).
Throughout the time of her pregnancy and prior to that, Jen experienced a direct relationship to the divine presence and was able to easily access that. During the birth (which was a powerful AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 12 experience for her), Jen felt that she lost the immediacy of the connection and relationship to the divine and as a result her spiritual experience is changing. Prior to the birth and during some moments afterwards, she felt that “the bell is ringing at its true pitch” (i.e. she is expressing herself fully) when she is “putting aside time for prayer or meditation” (interview, 2010). One interpretation of the change that Jen is exploring is that she may be getting more in touch with the feminine side of the divine, with the divine earth (versus sky), as opposed to the more male-oriented image of the divine with which she had been raised; in her words, “it speaks to me differently”
(interview, 2010).
Jen also had experience with Goenka-style Vipassana meditation. Meditation for her supplied a missing piece that her prayer life did not supply, but Jen struggled to reconcile the two; they did not seem mutually exclusive, but they did not necessarily inform one another. On a retreat in Idaho a monk in the Christian tradition taught the practice of contemplative prayer. Jen was able to connect the two practices of prayer and meditation by gathering with others and saying “I open myself to your presence and transformation of me to God. I join with all who are meditating at this time. I do this for the benefit of all creations” (interview, 2010). In her experience with the
Vipassana meditation, she found it cold and impersonal whereas in contemplative prayer, the
“language was more relevant” (interview, 2010) and the practice felt more warm and relational, both to the divine and to others. In fact, Jen described an experience during a ten-day Vipassana retreat where she felt the “need to give the thanks; to just say, ‘Thank you for this beautiful mountain, the time, the colors’” (interview, 2010), but because of the instructions given at the retreat, she felt that this was inappropriate because she was bringing in other practices. Conversely, in the practice of contemplative prayer, giving thanks would just be incorporated into the prayer.
Tom King made the comment, “It’s silly to think about where prayer begins and where it ends” (personal interview, 29 June 2010) when reflecting on prayer and its role with others, but also AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 13 with oneself. He revealed some of his inner prayer life while describing his prayers with patients that are unresponsive. During a vigil with a patient in the hospital whom Tom felt particularly drawn to, he found himself alternating between addressing the patient and addressing God for a while and then gradually moving from words of address to Taizé chants. On other occasions, Tom said:
I use a prayer that is more Pentecostal prayer…my own spiritual experience of praying in
tongues, praying in language that I don’t understand. It is a real practice of letting go; it is
just a pouring out [of] these words, these sounds that bypass my rational thinking. So, it
really is going without any agenda…without any attempt to do anything…That’s how I feel
about that prayer language; it just allows me to pour out my heart. (interview, 2010)
Tom pointed out that this is not a practice done with people around because it is “very personal and intimate” (interview, 2010). This is an aspect of prayer that is quite intriguing. It is when we are
“chanting something that’s been chanted for thousands of years…and if it’s in another language
[we’re] not hung up on the words and its flow begins to happen” (T. King, interview, 2010). As
Tom describes it, “You just feel like you’re really in tune with something larger and you give yourself to that” (interview, 2010).
All three interviewees described their personal experiences with prayer as an opening and a connection to a larger presence and sense of flow. Though they used different language to describe their experiences, it becomes apparent that prayer has the capacity to engender feelings of expansiveness as well as spontaneous feelings of gratitude and thanks. It is remarkable how these personal experiences are able to be translated to the relational field of praying with others when requested or when the need arises.
Tom, when describing prayer with others, said that it is “the quality of authenticity [that] people respond to” (interview, 2010). He further went on to say that when praying with others, it is AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 14 necessary to “be present enough to [his] sense of God’s presence that [he] can have a sense of what
[he] need[s] to do in prayer” (interview, 2010). In other words it is the ability to enter into a state of prayerfulness that allows one to connect with and be able to speak the appropriate words needed by others. Gretchen describes her prayers for clients as requesting that the Holy Spirit “touch this person; hold this person. Move within this person. Help this person feel love” (interview, 2010).
Her prayers are not verbalized, but rather she enters into the space of prayerfulness and by doing so, invites the person with whom she is with to enter that space, as well.
Often when people are requesting prayer, it is not simply the content that they are seeking.
Tom refers to a “hunger for authenticity” that “speaks to the heart” (interview, 2010). Jen hears a request for prayer as people asking, “help me know that I’m justified. Help me know that I’m loved by this greater being, this divine presence” (interview, 2010). And Gretchen hears a “request to help [the client] establish this openness” and to “help [him or her] to borrow from [Gretchen’s] faith; to help [him or her] borrow from [Gretchen’s] belief” (interview, 2010). When the clients are able to receive the presence of the chaplain’s or counselor’s faith and stability, they “feel this connection through their pain” (G. Strohmaier, interview, 2010).
This is a crucial component of praying with others. The words used are not as important as the quality of the chaplain’s presence; the interviewees recognize that when a prayer is requested, there is a deeper need underlying that request. It is a request for support and an acknowledgement that perhaps he or she is not able to feel a part of something larger and needs help accessing that sense. The chaplain or counselor, then, is required to have access to this sense and to be able to not only guide another there, but to also guide oneself there in the midst of others’ intense feelings of pain, grief or fear. Hence it is necessary for the chaplain or counselor to have an active personal prayer life, or similar contemplative practice, so that he or she has a reference point and experience being in that space. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 15
Tom acknowledges that at times he does not always “have the right flow,” but regardless of whether or not the flow is there he recognizes that he “just [has] to let go of it, without any kind of goal…Prayer has to be released from [his] control or it’s not prayer” (interview, 2010). Prayer, in this sense, becomes an act that is built from the bottom-up, rather than from the top-down. For example, Tom has seen “ministers come in with their prayer book and flip to the pages for the dying and read through it” (interview, 2010). While certainly for some people that may be comforting, it is coming from a place of disconnection and separation instead of connection and uniy. Here the prayer is simply a recitation and it is a reflection of the minister’s discomfort in being with people at the end of life.
The type of prayer discussed by the interviewees comes from the bottom-up and instead of being static reflects movement. Here the words emerge from the “quiet calming” and being “open to the movement of the Holy Spirit to meet the needs of the individuals in the group” (G.
Strohmaier, interview, 2010). Jen describes praying silently when a counseling session “got to be very hard” and she found that “[she and] the person became stuck less…[ she and the client] let the storm pass…and they would be in a different place” (interview, 2010). Tom likewise describes “not trying to make something happen, but to get in touch with God’s compassion in [himself] and God’s love for this person and to trust that, whatever words come or don’t come” (interview, 2010).
The descriptions of movement and trust point to the elements of non-local prayer described above by Larry Dossey and bottom-up emergence. Prayer is not “thought,” but it is a deep state of awareness to the divine or universal presence and a letting go of our own expectations of what might be needed or seemingly helpful. As Tom says, “even if I know the person very well, I don’t know what’s inside their soul at the moment, so it’s trust” (interview, 2010). The foundation of prayer, as described here, is prayerfulness, or an authentic connection to a larger sense, and on this foundation the words are built. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 16
Of course, prayer does not always require words, and using silence can be a powerful tool.
As both Jen and Gretchen described, in their roles as bereavement counselors it is not always appropriate to offer prayer. Both of them described how they prayed silently internally and how their prayers, even when not verbalized, effected transformation in the dynamic of the situation. Jen further describes that when clients “allude to spirituality” she is able to connect by “showing [them] with [her] eyes that [she has] also experienced” this sense of connection (interview, 2010).
Although some of Jen’s clients might not call themselves religious or practice in a particular faith tradition, she states that “you can’t harm someone if your intention is to connect with that energy of love” (interview, 2010). Likewise, Gretchen states that her prayers are often non-specific and are directed towards not only the other person, but herself as well. She says that the prayers are a “lifting up and a moment of focus on individuals…so that [Gretchen] can be open to the movement of the Holy Spirit in the midst of all that’s going to happen” (interview 2010). Larry
Dossey, writing in the introduction to Thích Nhất Hạnh’s The Energy of Prayer (2006), describes a physician who handed his patients a sheet of paper prior to seeing them that stated, “I believe prayer might help you…if you do not want me to pray for you…I will not add you to my prayer list” (p.
12). According to the Dossey’s account, no patients asked to be excluded from the doctor’s prayers.
Jen’s idea of connecting to the energy of love serves not only to invite the possibility of opening the heart of the one who is being prayed for, but also opens the heart of the one who is praying.
While praying silently and non-specifically certainly creates a change in the dynamic of the relationship, the patients and clients often desire the chaplain or counselor to offer spoken words as well. Tom describes visiting with patients for a while and asking if they would like a prayer; the patients “immediately take your hands and then, often as the prayer ends, they don’t let go…It’s that kind of human connection, that ‘I’m not alone,’ that touch” (interview, 2010). Gretchen similarly recounts that she’ll “ask for their hands so [they pray] together; often [she’ll] move in closer, with AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 17
[her] eyes meeting their eyes” (interview, 2010). This touch of, in Roshi Joan Halifax’s words,
“warm hand to warm hand” (personal notes, 2009) sets the stage so that the bodies and minds of the patient and counselor or chaplain are in sync and, quite literally, connected. It is from this place of contact and intimacy that the spoken prayer emerges; the unspoken, non-verbalized sense of prayerfulness is established through the physical contact. Gretchen further described that she has moments where she feels “like there can be a movement of the Holy Spirit between” her and a client and that with the contact there is “a transfer of the Holy Spirit; [of] power; [of] holy, divine presence in just a touch” (interview, 2010). It is this shift in dynamic that opens others to be receptive to the prayer.
When the words do emerge, they can be surprising and unexpected to the speakers, though often not to the listeners. Jen recounts talking to a devout Catholic woman in her eighties who feared God was angry with her because she was angry with him. Jen spoke out that “God is not angry with you. God is so much bigger than your anger. God can hold all of your angry and it’s okay to be angry with God” (interview, 2010). This eased the woman’s suffering, but Jen wrestled with the authority with which the words spontaneously emerged. She later realized that she was in a
“place of connection and it naturally came out” (interview, 2010). Likewise, Tom described a student in seminary school who had a nervous breakdown; there was “a lot of frantic activity,” yet
Tom “somehow got into a place where [he was] quiet” and internally prayed “How do know this person? How do I love this person?” (interview, 2010). Though he is unable to recall what he actually said, the atmosphere shifted from frantic to calm for the family and other students. It seems that in the interviewees’ experiences, when they fully enter the space of prayerfulness and give themselves over to compassion and love, the words that are spoken are the right ones. As Tom says,
“your language can be different than their language of prayer” (interview, 2010), but it is still somehow appropriate. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 18
Not surprisingly, when one enters the place of prayerfulness, familiar words can reveal themselves as well. For example, Tom describes a “spontaneous reciting of a prayer from scripture”
(interview, 2010). Gretchen recounts “research done and anecdotal evidence of people who are no longer verbal and you…begin ‘Our Father…’ and they can pick up” (interview 2010). This kind of familiar, and often ritualized, prayer can tap into a part of the patient’s psyche that is different from his or her conscious mind. In Gretchen’s words, this kind of rote prayer, when recited from a place of prayerfulness, can engender in the patients the feeling that “this is familiar; this is whole; this is part of me and you’re tapping into some history” (interview, 2010) whether or not the patients currently see themselves as practicing in that tradition anymore. Jen, for instance, did not feel connected to the Lord’s Prayer for some time, but on reflecting on it she recalled that her
“grandmother taught it to [her] and [her grandmother] was [Jen’s] first encounter with God”
(interview, 2010). Because of this experience, the words take on a different meaning to her and recall not only her spiritual tradition, but also her family. It is likely that others may have similar associations. Gretchen offers that with ritualized prayer there is not as much movement as with spontaneous prayer, but these familiar words and “other ritual, whether it’s the Eucharist, anointing
[or] the sign of the cross,…is very powerful and taps into that dance” (interview, 2010).
And this is where trust and openness are required, because it is possible that some patients may have negative associations with ritualized prayers. If, as the interviewees have pointed out, there is a letting go of expectation and prescribed words, it seems that the words needed to serve are present, whether those are a familiar recitation or spontaneous prayer; or perhaps there are no appropriate words and there is simply a soft touch and gentle eye contact. The difficulty arises when, as Tom says, “you find some practice that really works for you and then all of the sudden the rug is pulled out and you’re left there thinking, ‘What?! This always works!’” (interview, 2010). When the prayer becomes habitual or if “people have a very prescribed way of praying, that doesn’t necessarily AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 19 get them in touch with something deeper” (T. King, interview, 2010). The role of the one offering the prayer is to create and hold the space in oneself so the other person can choose to enter as well.
Personal Experience with Prayer
When the man in the beginning of this paper asked me to pray for him, I did not hesitate. I heard his request not as him asking me to pray for him, but rather as him asking me to guide him to a sensed and experienced space of connecting to something larger. I used language with which he was comfortable and spontaneously took his hands. I found myself focusing on the sensations in my body and on my breath. It was from this grounded place that I offered a prayer of opening to the presence that is already within and around us. Because he had requested to “go to God,” I used the language that God is always present and we not go to him, but rather we need to remember that he is already there. Although I don’t remember exactly what I said, I do remember that there was a very pronounced shift in the room. There was a true sense of something larger than the two people that were in the room.
I was concerned that I was overstepping my bounds by using the word “God;” I thought that I had no authority to do so since I did not follow a Christian religion and had at one point in my life considered myself to be an atheist. Yet there I was addressing and referring to God for the benefit of another. It was a real turning point for me to come to terms with this, for if I was to step into the role of a chaplain in a predominantly Christian town, I would be called upon to pray for others or to read scripture in order to serve. As Gretchen said it one point, “prayer is more about changing the pray-er” (interview, 2010).
When I began using Christian language, I would often translate words to myself; for example
I might say “God” and think “ultimate dimension.” After some time, though, I came to realize that the words were simply a bridge to the experience of openness. As Tom described above, sometimes for him it was refreshing to use words or sounds that held no meaning other than a direct AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 20 expression of the feeling of connection. I, too, experienced this when using terms that I might not have a relationship with or understanding of. For me, it was not just the words spoken, but the heartfelt connection and sense of profound presence that resulted.
I have had experiences where I was called to a house where I had not met the patient or family before; often the patient was non-responsive by the time I was called in. After visiting briefly with the family members, they requested a prayer. Without any suggestion from me, the family gathered in a circle, including the bed-ridden patient, and held hands. I noticed the shift in the feeling of the room as we came together as one body. Before I offered a prayer, I invited the family members to offer their words of prayer since they knew the patient much better than I did. By holding the space of openness and groundedness, the very personal prayers and thoughts that emerged were very touching. When it felt appropriate, I reflected back many of the sentiments and desires of the family while at the same time directing the group towards a larger perspective. There was a moment afterwards where the words were finished, but there was a hesitancy to let go of one another’s hands and to resume the tasks at hand. I felt moved by the experience and there was a sense of tenderness in my being for a while afterwards; I can trust that there was a similar experience and sense in the family as well.
On another occasion, I made a visit to a home where three adult children were sitting in vigil with their mother. The nurse had called me to come out very early in the morning, as she had been there for much of the night and felt the patient was imminent. Again, I spent time with the family reviewing their lives and their mother’s life and getting to know them. As we grew more comfortable with one another, they requested a prayer with their mother. We gathered around the bedside and I held the silence for a few moments until I started to speak. I cannot remember what I said, but I do remember that the dynamic in the room felt very static; as Gretchen described, there was no movement. Without planning to, I began to recite the Lord’s Prayer, which I had learned as AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 21 a child (and familiarized myself with when beginning chaplaincy); the family began to recite it with me and through this familiar recitation, we began to speak with one voice and there was a shift in the room. It was almost as if a taut line had been loosened and there was a general feeling of softening. One of the children then spontaneously offered a warm and poignant prayer of letting go and of peace.
This process of learning to offer prayer has been one of exploration and dropping preconceptions about prayer, about service and about language. As Jen describes, it is a “going forth into those uncharted territories while using language that isn’t necessarily comfortable” (interview,
2010). I have had to learn to apply the Three Tenets of the Zen Peacemaker Order, namely:
• Not-knowing, thereby giving up fixed ideas about ourselves and the universe
• Bearing witness to the joy and suffering of the world
• Loving actions towards ourselves and others (The Three Tenets, n.d.)
The first tenet of not-knowing was the most challenging; it was challenging to my idea of myself, of my beliefs and of authenticity. I was not entirely comfortable offering prayer as I did not feel qualified or representative of people’s faith. Since I was reluctant to use Christian language because of my own uncertainty of the doctrine and concepts, I felt that not only was I unqualified, but I was possibly being deceptive and inauthentic. It was a great lesson in letting go of any ideas or concepts that I was holding and move into the second field of bearing witness. Here was a person struggling with an inability to feel a connection to the greater presence around or here was a family with a narrow focus on their dying mother and in great fear and anxiety. This is the suffering in front of me and having dropped my own misgivings about prayer, when that first patient asked to “go to
God,” I was able to respond without hesitation or fear. It was only later, that I began to reflect on the appropriateness and authenticity. In the moment, however, as Tom describes, there is “this AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 22 sense that it’s larger than you; you have a sense of being with the person you’re with and out of the way yourself. That’s when it feels authentic” (interview, 2010).
The final piece of the learning process for me was the ability to trust what would emerge during an offered prayer. I occasionally ask the patient or family what it is they are praying for or if there is anything that is pressing on them. After moments of silence, I just speak; often I cannot remember exactly what I said, but there is a feeling of flow and connection to the other person and the prayer, though often phrased in Christian language, is a reflection of that flow and connection; rather than asking for something that is not there, it feels more like naming what is already present.
Prayer in Buddhism
One of the theses of this paper is that prayer goes far beyond the simple content of the words spoken and is much broader than the common idea of petitioning God or some other deity to intervene in our lives. Prayer emerges from a state of prayerfulness; that is the act of praying is sustained by our letting go of expectations, by our openness to being present and by connecting with the flow and movement around us. It is from this place of prayerfulness that prayer in
Buddhism can be found. Above, in the description of types of prayer in the Catholic Church, I made comparisons to common recitations in the liturgy of Plum Village through Thích Nhất Hạnh and also through the Upaya Zen Center. I would like to now further elaborate on prayer in
Buddhism by illustrating some common practices in many western Buddhist traditions.
The first and “most basic Buddhist prayer is ‘may all beings find peace,’ which expresses the positive mental state of lovingkindness” (Ven. G. Sparham, 2000, ¶ 1). Sparham (2000) describes prayer in Buddhism as a “statement to yourself about what you aspire to” (¶ 2). While it is true that it is made to yourself and an aspiration, it also draws on our larger connection and openness to others. For instance, the statement “may all beings find peace,” reflects not only our aspiration for ourselves and others, but it also calls our attention and awareness to the field of life of which we are AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 23 a part; this awareness allows us to connect to others in a very profound and deep way, much like taking the hands a dying person and inviting a feeling of flow and movement at the bedside. The practice of offering lovingkindness is a prayer that opens our hearts and can have the result of opening the hearts of others, simply by generating the space of prayerfulness and compassion.
Chanting is found in all Buddhist traditions and centers. The speaking of these words that have been chanted for thousands of years in unison can have the effect of drawing the chanters together in one voice and finding a resonant connection with a larger presence that goes beyond the number of people in the room. Often we feel the stream of our ancestors with us as we recall them chanting these texts (although often in their native language). Joseph Goldstein (2002) describes prayer as “the chanting or recitation of the teachings themselves” (p. 49). Sparham (2000) also describes the chanting of a mantra, “originally the vehicle of devotion…[becoming] the source of the blessing” (¶ 9). The chants themselves invite a sense of prayerfulness and the ritualized recitations allow the ones who are chanting to let go of the conceptual mind and feel the collective presence.
Another common practice encountered in various Buddhist centers and temples, is that of
“holding people in our hearts.” There is often time during weekly services where participants are invited to name people that are suffering so that the group can hold them; at other places, names of those who are suffering are placed on the altar and remembered during services. Tom describes a similar practice of “using…words around being held, being carried…prayers of finding relief from pain and fear” (interview, 2010). Gretchen recounts that her prayers for others are often “just lifting them… not asking for something specific” (interview, 2010). Goldstein (2002) writes, “Prayer becomes a way of that our own mind is inseparable from those to whom we are praying” (p. 50).
When we hold those that are suffering individually and collectively, we recognize the connection and share in their suffering and humanity. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 24
In many Mahayana Buddhist traditions, the vows of the bodhisattva are a part of the daily liturgy. At the Upaya Zen Center, the bodhisattva vows are recited as follows:
• Creations are numberless -- I vow to free them.
• Delusions are inexhaustible -- I vow to transform them.
• Reality is boundless -- I vow to perceive it.
• The Awakened Way is unsurpassable -- I vow to embody it. (personal notes, 2009)
These vows are a prayer of opening and great aspiration for ourselves and those whom we serve. It is not possible for us to truly take on the task of awakening and service as illustrated by these vows without first entering into a place of prayerfulness. In this space of openness and connection, we can make an honest vow to free numberless creations because we are no longer confined by the notions of space and time; our minds and hearts are, in Larry Dossey’s words, non-local. There is no longer a separation or distinction of the one who is freeing and the one who is freed. As is recited in Plum Village according to Thích Nhất Hạnh (2006), “The one who bows and the one who is bowed to are both by nature empty” (p. 30); that is they do “not have a separate reality” (p. 31).
The prayers and aspirations do not travel anywhere, but are simultaneously emerging in the hearts of the ones who chant and all beings.
Establishing a Prayer Practice
It is easy to dismiss prayer as not being relevant to Buddhist practice and, therefore, not relevant to individuals that identify themselves as Buddhists. It is my experience that this view not only oversimplifies prayer, but can create separation and suffering in our role as chaplains. In a nod to the title of Vivian Paley’s book, You Can’t Say You Can’t Play, I would like to offer the following in the spirit of “you can’t say you can’t pray.”
The first step in becoming comfortable with prayer is to look deeply at any reasons we may immediately dismiss Christian language. Many people with whom I have spoken have been hurt or AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 25 wounded by their experiences in the church and the mention of any Christian or theological language re-opens those wounds. In my case, I was offended by some of the injustices carried out by some churches and, rather than censuring just those individuals, I rejected the entire notion of
Christianity and the language used there. It took a letting go of my firmly held views and it required me to listen deeply to those that practiced in the church. Over time I discovered that the ideas are not dissimilar to my own experiences and it encouraged me to continue exploring.
The second step is to become familiar with a place of prayerfulness. For a Zen practitioner, this is quite easy; it is the wakeful attention cultivated in zazen! I truly believe that this is not simply a translation; through my conversations with the interviewees and their descriptions of their prayer lives, it became clear that these states, though perhaps perceived and labeled differently are, in fact, the same. This ability to become familiar with a place of prayerfulness allowed me to easily find it again, regardless of the situation. Cultivating this attention, this energy of connectedness, groundedness and openness, allows others to rest in our presence and guides them to that place as well.
After becoming comfortable with prayerfulness, the next step is to simply trust. It can be unnerving to enter a situation without a script, yet this is what connects. This is the step of verbalizing what is already there in the flow between you, the other person and the larger presence around. For me, this often comes out in terms of “God’s presence” or “God’s love,” but at other times it emerges as simply “presence” or “boundless love.” There is no set way of describing the connection. Tom mentioned that at times his prayers emerge as “some image or picture…that I share with people” (interview, 2010). It is this description of the connection that is important, this giving voice to the silent or shining light on the unseen that is the essence of prayer.
Finally, it is important to remember to release the idea of outcome. I rarely get feedback on the quality of the prayer delivered, whether it is praise or criticism. After all, the purpose of offering AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 26 prayer is not whether or not we do a “good job,” but it is to guide both ourselves and others into a place of expansiveness and connection. I have stumbled over words and repeated myself and even slipped out of prayerfulness and begun to feel self-conscious and self-critical in the midst of prayer.
And this is also part of letting go. It is a practice of continuing ahead and allowing perceived mistakes to rattle the walls of ego and to use that energy to grow closer with the sense of space and calm that is always accessible. In fact, I have had the experience where I offered a prayer and afterwards was almost immediately hurried out. I was anxious about returning to the patient’s house and began to create stories around not being adequate and failing to connect. During the next visit, though, the patient commented on how the prayer had been very appropriate and stayed with him for a time after I had left. The act of praying is to give up whatever happens to the act of service and fulfillment of our deep desire to relieve suffering.
Conclusion
Prayer is often equated with communicating with God or with asking God for something.
In the popular understanding of prayer, it is the content that is important. In personal experience, research and in conversation with those who have an active prayer life, it is clear that prayer is much richer and deeper than this simple understanding. Prayer calls on us to be present simultaneously to ourselves, to those around us and to the flow of life surrounding us. Prayer is a state of mind that transcends our thoughts and ideas and leads us to profound connection and sense of presence.
Through prayerfulness and prayer, we have the opportunity to invite others into a larger perspective, to relieve suffering and to begin to remove the distinction between the one who is praying and the one who is prayed for. AN EXPLORATION OF PRAYER 27
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