Alternative Pants

A Trip Report by Randy Byers Photos Jim de Liscard: front cover Randy: 2, 5, 17, 20 BrisChri (flickr.com/photos/brischri/): 4 Graham Charnock: 8 Rob Jackson: 10, 12, 13 Mike Meara: 14 Geri Sullivan: 21, 22, 23, 25, back cover

A (Press) Production August 2011

Randy Byers, 1013 N 36th St, Seattle WA 98103, USA [email protected]

Designed by Carl Juarez Plan B

n 2010 life got in the way of my two favorite con- should take Tobes too — and probably a film crew.” iventions. I couldn’t make it to the Corflu in Win- And so an itinerary began to take shape. When chester, England because of a family trip that same I threw the idea out on LiveJournal, Geri Sullivan month. I also decided to skip the Worldcon in Austra- chimed in that she had been invited to be Fan Guest lia because Sharee had gotten engaged to somebody of Honor at a brand new convention in Toronto called else, and I wasn’t ready to face that music yet. This SFContario that was going to be held the weekend double denial was frustrating! When I learned about after Novacon. As part of her FGOHship, she could Sharee’s wedding plans in February, I was working give me a free membership to the convention, and I with Mark Plummer and Claire Brialey on Slow Train was welcome to share her free room as well. I could to Immortality, an anthology of British fan-writing fly from Britain to Boston, where she’d pick me up, that was to be distributed at Corflu Cobalt, so eventu- and we could drive to Toronto together again. The last ally they were the ones I e-mailed when it occurred time we’d done a roadtrip to Toronto together, for the to me that maybe this would be a good year to go to Toronto Corflu in 2006, we ended up agreeing to co- Novacon, which was something I’ve always wanted to edit the next issue of Science-Fiction Five-Yearly. Who do. Part of the appeal was that their fellow Croydon- knew what another trip might bring? fan, Jim de Liscard, had indicated that he’d be up for In the final days of preparing for the trip, my an expedition in search of fine beer in Belgium were I old friend Ron Drummond suggested that since Geri to come over for a visit. and I would be taking I-90 to Toronto, we might stop Mark replied via e-mail: “Much as we’d love to to visit him in Troy, New York along the way. Geri see you in Australia, there’s something cosmic going agreed to this plan, and my wandering, overly-busy on driving you down this path, I feel. I mean they itinerary was finally set: Croydon, Brussels, Antwerp, don’t coincide precisely, but your email was sent just Nottingham, back to Croydon, Boston, Troy, Toronto, before — and seen by us just after — we were talking and then a brief stop back in Seattle before heading to in the pub about getting you to come to Novacon, in Central Oregon for a family Thanksgiving. the wake of your email about coming to the UK some So on November 6th I flew from Seattle to time and setting off on a Belgian beer odyssey with Heathrow, where I was met by Claire and Mark, who Jim. The general consensus was that if you do this you were holding a sign that said, ever taste of Welsh rarebit2 — or melted cheese on toast, as it turned out. I only knew about it from read- ing Winsor McCay’s Dream of the Rarebit Fiend comic strips, but if the rarebit gave me any strange dreams, I didn’t notice, because I slept like the dead — or the dead jet-lagged — that night. But before that was the pubmeet at the Claret, where I met three people I hadn’t met before: Kay Hancox, Robert Cogger, and somebody whose name I didn’t catch, maybe it was Paul. Next day I learned that it was actually Dop, a.k.a. Antony Shepherd, who I asked if this made me a relative of A.S. Byatt, is somebody whom I’ve been aware of online for a and they seemed to think so. We set out on the epic number of years, and who looked absolutely nothing bus journey from Heathrow to Croydon, gabbing like his animated LiveJournal icon. Also in attendance along the way about everything under the sun — in- were Liam Proven and Noel Collyer, both of whom cluding even James Bacon. Claire was of the opinion I’d met before on my 2003 TAFF trip and 2005 trip to that James uses too many commas in his writing, and the Glasgow Worldcon. Kay had brought a delicious this led us to the idea of the comma-ellipsis, which whisky & ginger cake in honor of the international would be used to elide smoffish secrets while winking visitor, but I was beginning to fade at that point, so knowingly at the same time. I also mentioned that I’m not sure I earned my two slices. I sat at the table after I’d been dropped off at the airport in Seattle and with these long-time friends with their past relation- checked my bag, I discovered that the fly on my pants ships and well-established attitudes toward each other, was broken, so I’d flown all the way to London via with their stories of ancient Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Iceland with the barn door wide open. Claire hoped I Galaxy events where they’d all first met as teenag- had brought alternative pants, which I thought sound- ers — or at least where they’d all met Claire when ed like a fanzine title. Mark thought it sounded like a she was a teenager — and I felt both deeply a part of band name.1* But indeed I did have alternative pants. it and deeply alien. The jet lag struck, fueled by many A Plan B trip requires Plan B clothing. So when we got pints of ale, and I was suddenly on another planet, far to their house on Shirley Road, I changed pants before from home. Which was a damned fine place to be, all we headed to the pub. things considered. It’s traditionally fannish, even. This was something I’d been looking forward to ever since I started planning the trip. The Fishlifters frequently mention in their e-mails to me that they are going down to (or coming back from) the weekly pubmeet with various Croydon fen. It always sounds like such fun that I want to join in. Now was my chance, although we started out not at the pubmeet at the Claret but at another local favorite of theirs, the Cricketer. We were met there by Jim de Liscard and his partner, Meike. Jim was wearing a ‘Ride the S.L.U.T.’ t-shirt that someone had given him, such is his reputation. (South Lake Union Trolley is the street name in Seattle for what’s officially called the South Lake Union Streetcar.) Soon we were downing pints of Dark Star Hophead (a hoppy session beer that showed an American influence) and Over the Moon and talk- The fishlifters ing about breweries and squirrels and other bollocks. The highlight of this session, however, was my first The next day I hung out chez Fishlifter, getting my bearings and cooling my jetlag while Claire and * This footnote marks the first of three endnotes, which may be found at the end of our tale. Mark went to work. This was a good opportunity to 2 • Alternative Pants explore the Fishlifter collections, including an impres- system, which was causing much consternation and sively organized fanzine collection in the upstairs discussion amongst my friends wherever I went, to closet and an appropriately extensive book collection the extent that by the end of my stay in Britain I was on the ground floor. There was also a vast collection laughingly claiming that my trip report would consist of Novas and other awards on the mantel, and a great of nothing but a discussion of changes to the British deal of fine fannish artwork on the walls. (Never education system. The short version is that the British did find the stash of wine, I now realize.) In a house system is being pushed by the current coalition gov- stuffed with fascinating objects, however, the most ernment in a more American direction, with less state charming was the crossed fishlifters (i.e., spatulas in subsidization and higher fees for students. American parlance) sitting by the door of the guest We could have talked all night, I’m sure, but bedroom. I took a picture of it, with screws sitting some people had to work the next day, and others next to it, and when I posted the picture to Live- had to travel. A tube, a train, and a bus got us back to Journal after the trip, Mark was motivated to finally Croydon again, and as we parted ways with Jim and mount this piece of sculpture on the wall above the Meike, I promised to meet them at East Croydon Sta- guest room door. That’s the kind of influence that -in tion again the next day for the next stage of the trip: ternational travelling jiants have on the world. the journey to Belgium. Indeed, the next morning we In the evening I set off toward East Croydon Sta- made our way to the glitzy St Pancras Station to catch tion to meet Jim and Meike. Claire had drawn me a the Eurostar to Brussels by way of the Chunnel. A few little map of the neighborhood, and she also gave me hours later we were standing in the pissing rain in the a London A to Zed. I wanted to walk to the station to dark streets of Brussels, trying to figure out where the give my legs a workout, and I left fairly early in case I hell our apartment was. got lost. Night was falling and the weather was chilly. I followed the main road up a hill, and before long had stumbled upon a side road called Tanglewood Close. Fast Train to Why had the Fishlifters never told me that there was a reference to the Chunga editorial page in their neigh- borhood? I snapped a photo in the gathering darkness. Immorality Pretty soon I realized that I was lost, which was ap- his part of the trip was all about the beer. Belgian propriate enough. That’s what Tanglewood represents t beer conquered the world starting maybe twenty in my own personal mythology. I stopped in at a pub years ago. In the English-speaking world this was and got directions, and I made the connection with probably mostly the result of the British writer Mi- Jim and Meike with no problem, thanks to the extra chael Jackson, whose many beer guides promoted time I’d allowed myself. Belgium as a producer of the finest beer anywhere. I We traveled by train and tube to central London, didn’t know it at the time, but when one of the first where we met Mark, Claire, and Kay at a gastropub microbreweries in Seattle, Red Hook, lost control of called the White Horse. (No, not the famous White its yeast and produced the strangest-tasting beer I Horse of old London fandom. That’s long gone.) Mark, had ever had up to that point, infamously referred to in fact, had been on the same tube with us, although as “banana beer” around town, Jackson compared it we didn’t realize it until we came out of the station to Belgian-style ales. Seattle wasn’t ready for it at that and he appeared by my side. “There’s actually only a point, and truth be told every batch tasted different thousand people in London altogether,” he explained, and not always for the best. A decade or so later, a new “and we just move around to various parts of the city generation of brewers in Seattle started intentionally to make the tourists think it’s full.” The White Horse brewing Belgian-style beers, and at least one of them, had multiple taps of good British and foreign beer, Dick Cantwell of Elysian Brewing, led beer tours in and the food was excellent. Kay teased Jim about his Belgium as well, perhaps so he could do some research beer geeking, and he retaliated by calling her a bus for his own brewing. That’s when the idea of going to spotter who knows more about bus schedules around Belgium myself was first planted in me, but it took an- the city than the people who actually ride the buses. other decade for the opportunity to arise. Aside from that there was no doubt much talk of Oddly enough, TAFF was one reason this all the changes being wrought on the British education came about. When I traveled to Britain on my TAFF Alternative Pants • 3 trip, amongst the many people I met at the Eastercon was allegedly René Magritte’s regular bar. It was full who became my friends were Jim and Meike, whom of old paintings and knick knacks, and there was a I met toward the tail end of the convention at a pizza sign with a saying attributed to Magritte, “Tout hom- feed. When I returned to Britain for the Worldcon me a droit à vingt quatre heures de liberté par jour.” in 2005, they were a part of the floating party I found I drank a bottle of Oud Beersel Oude Geuze Vieille, myself associated with, often in the vicinity of the real and thereby began my education in spontaneously fer- ale bar, where Jim and I bonded over beer. I had start- mented beer. ed a LiveJournal by then, and Jim and I started talking I knew something about lambics and geuzes be- about beer there. It turned out that he was a big fan fore the trip, but what I knew was pretty confused. I’d of Belgian beers as well, and he and Meike made a never delved very deeply into the style, but I felt it was couple of trips to Belgium over the next few years. So time now. Essentially it’s a style that involves exposing when Jim suggested that if I came to Britain for a con- the wort to wild yeast, which creates a sour beer called vention we could pop over to Belgium to drink beer, I lambic. This lambic is aged in oak barrels. It is some- was well-primed. times served plain, as a very flat and sour pour indeed. I let Jim do most of the planning, because he More frequently an older lambic (two or three years was more knowledgeable than I. He wanted to spend old) is blended with a newer lambic (one year old) and a couple of days in Brussels, because there were a called a geuze, which is generally a little milder than number of bars there he wanted to check out. We also straight lambic, although still plenty sour. It’s also decided to go to Antwerp (instead of Bruges) to visit mixed with fruit and called Kriek if it’s cherries and the Kulminator, which is famous for its cellared stock Framboise if it’s raspberries. Since I was in the native of rare and aged beer. Jim is working his way through land of the lambic, I made it my business to drink as a book called 100 Belgian Beers to Try Before You Die!, much lambic and geuze as I could on the trip, finally and there were sure to be a few hard-to-find ones on getting a taste for this very strange brew. the menu there. The one worry was that we’d be in Appropriately enough, the other bar we went to Antwerp on November 11th, which is a national holi- that first night in Brussels was Moeder Lambic, which day, as it is in the US for Veteran’s Day. means Mother Lambic in Flemish. This was a very hip, “Every time I visit Belgium, something is closed modern bar with many taps (the first place only had because it’s a national holiday,” Jim groused. “They bottles) and its own motto: “Beer is the answer.” We must have a national holiday every bloody week.” drank enough to soon forget the question. So we arrived in Brussels in the dismal rain, The next day was the high point of the Belgian and promptly got lost looking for our apartment. It’s excursion. We started off with a walking tour of the always like this in foreign countries, isn’t it? It’s wet, city center, looking at various local you’re hungry and tired, you have no idea where the landmarks and quite a number of hell you are, you don’t speak the language, and your beautiful murals based on comic glasses are so fogged up you can’t see anything. Well, book art. Brussels is a center of that was Jim actually, since I don’t wear glasses except comics art in Europe, and there’s a for reading. We finally pulled our wet luggage into a museum there called the Belgian grocery store, gathered our wits, and consulted soggy Centre of Comic Strip Art. We maps. Jim and Meike left me behind with the luggage didn’t make it to the museum, while they forged into the downpour to search the but we admired the fantastic streets for a welcoming doorway. I tried very hard to murals, as well as several exam- look like a lost tourist — not difficult, actually, since ples of Art Nouveau architecture, that’s exactly what I was — hoping the shop clerks for which Brussels is also famous. wouldn’t mind too much my dripping on their floor. Somewhere along the way we found They very kindly ignored me completely. Jim and a bizarre statue of a clown wielding Meike quickly returned. We had walked right past our a sword — a memorial AUX FO- anonymous home just a block away. RAINS MORTS GLORIEUSEMENT Once we’d established ourselves in the very nice, POUR LA PATRIE 1914–1918 ET cheaper-than-a-hotel apartment, we headed off to La 1940–1945, which I’ve seen Fleur en Papier Doré — a cozy, old school bistro that translated as “To the fairground 4 • Alternative Pants workers who died gloriously for their country, 1914– with local sour cherries. The brewer talked to us about 1918 and 1940–1945.” how hard it is to find these particular cherries nowa- Brussels has some very disturbing artwork dedi- days, because hardly anybody grows them any more. cated to clowns, dolls, and puppets, and this was only “How do you like it?” he asked after we’d taken a the beginning of it. few sips. The main goal of our urban hike, however, was “It’s amazing,” I said. the Cantillon Brewery, where a self-guided tour He smiled proudly. “It’s like a fine wine,” he showed us how lambic is made. Most fascinating to agreed. me was the huge, riveted (not welded), open-air, red We reeled out of the brewery feeling we had got- copper vat in the attic where the wort is exposed to ten more than our money’s worth from the visit. It wild yeast. Years before I’d had a conversation with a was definitely one of the great successes of the entire Belgian guy at the Elysian brewpub in Seattle, and he trip. After that we had dinner and more beer at the told me about the open-air vats in Belgium and how, Bier Circus, where we were menaced by more clowns if the rafters above them needed a fresh coat of paint, and egregiously cute bunnies, and we finished the only half would be painted at a time, so the newly- night at the Poechenellekelder, where we were men- painted wood could be reinfected by the wild micro- aced by legions of puppets with crossbows and shot- organisms in the vicinity. To see this beautiful work of guns. Jim and Meike talked about previous trips to human handicraft that is dedicated to such a strange Belgium, including one in Meike’s car that allowed purpose was truly a sense of wonder moment. them to hit rare countryside abbeys and taverns. “She drives me to drink,” Jim observed. Of course, this part of the trip was inevitably also about getting to know Jim and Meike better. You can’t travel with somebody for three days without get- ting to know them better. Meike is a German expat with an accent that threw me off when I first met her, because I find it hard to identify the original accent of non-Brits who speak English with a British accent. She frequently starts her sentences with “I suppose” or “I suspect.” She’s thoughtful, analytical, and ear- nest, very well organized and fretful about plans going awry or about there not being a plan (a trait she shares

with Claire). We bonded over my trips to Germany to Meike and Jim at Cantillon visit a girlfriend in the early ’90s, when I also studied After the tour we were given samples of three of the language for a couple of years. Cantillon’s beers, and then Jim bought us a bottle of Jim is a tall, skinny punk who still dyes his hair the Fou’ Foune, which is flavored with apricots and is blond and wears a leather jacket. He speaks so softly apparently named after a French slang word for the that I frequently can’t make out what he’s saying, al- vulva that’s based on the visual similarity with the though that’s also because of the difference in dialect fruit. A beautiful flavor to be savored. By the time we of our particular Englishes. He’s a snowboarder and got through the bottle, the brewmaster had shown a beer geek, and he’s published several issues of a hu- up to talk to the last group of tourists. We asked if morous fanzine called Gerald that he only distributes we could buy some more bottles to take with us, and to his closest associates. (I’ve never even seen an issue, when both Jim and I asked for a bottle of the Grand although I had my chance in the Fishlifter Manor and Cru Bruocsella, he asked us, “Do you know what this failed to follow through.) He distrusts self-importance is?” We said we did. It’s pure three-year-old lambic, and has a very low-key, self-deprecating affect himself. which one of Jim’s beer guides described as “not for Alison Freebairn has called him the most perverse beginners.” The brewer seemed impressed enough by man in fandom, but if it’s true it isn’t any more visible what we ordered that he popped out a bottle of the than a frequently stated love of fetish boots. So much 2008 Lou Pepe Kriek, which is made from unblended for immorality! lambic that’s been aged in wine barrels and flavored We all got on very well, I thought, considering Alternative Pants • 5 how stressful traveling in foreign lands can be. This the best British convention, certainly preferable to was true even after the one big disappointment of the Eastercon. Victor described it as a more fannish con- trip, which came on the third day when we traveled to vention, although I think it’s more that it’s mostly at- Antwerp and discovered that the Kulminator was in- tended by old-time fans and not much by young ones. deed closed for the holiday. This discovery came after It’s a product of Birmingham Science Fiction Group, we’d had a very nice lunch at De Groote Witte Arend a.k.a. the Brum Group, and therefore it’s always held (Great White Eagle), where I ate stew poured on frites. in the Midlands. Membership had been declining in The disappointment of the dark Kulminator with its recent years, so they switched hotels from one in Bir- locked doors was followed by the further discovery mingham to one in Nottingham. This was the second that the other bar Jim had hoped to check out was year in the new hotel, and interest in the convention also closed. Nothing was open! This wad of bad news has started to perk up again. was enough to turn the weather foul again, and we 2010 was also Novacon 40, with many former trudged through rain and wind to the only fallback guests of honor in attendance to celebrate the anni- we could think of off the cuff, a place called Bier Cen- versary, and the occasion was used as an opportunity tral that we’d spotted earlier and that ended up having to also celebrate the 40th birthdays of several attend- a large menu of beer that they didn’t actually have in ing fans, including Claire, Doug Bell, Tobes Valois, stock and a large American guy singing uninterest- and Jess Bennett. Iain Banks was the Guest of Honour, ing songs that were amplified way too loudly. The day and Brian Aldiss was a special guest. Other former was looking like a total bust, and Meike suggested guests of honor at the convention included Christo- just going back to the hotel. Jim, however, persevered pher Priest, Graham Joyce, Ken MacLeod, Geoff Ry- with his guide books and found a plan B called Paters man, Charlie Stross, and Jon Courtenay Grimwood — Vaetje that looked promising. quite a gathering of elite British science fiction writers! Back into the stormy weather, which was truly During the opening ceremony chair Vernon Brown blowing sideways by this point. Paters Vaetje was right introduced a video recording of Harry Harrison, who by the cathedral, which we otherwise probably would was supposed to have been another special guest but have missed seeing. Inside the bistro we found a table who ended up unable to attend due to health prob- up in a cozy balcony looking down over the bar and lems. He looked frail in the video, but he hoisted a out at the cathedral doors across the plaza. It was a glass of wine to toast us. As Vernon mentioned in his perfect place to watch other people being blown side- opening remarks, Novacon is the oldest regional con- ways in the rain while we enjoyed bottles of excellent vention in Britain. Forty is a lot of years, and it gives beer from a very nice list. Jim found at least one from you a lot of former guests of honor to pack into your the 100 beers book. I raised my glass to toast National anniversary celebration. Death to Clowns Day. We had survived our ordeal But the first face I saw upon entering the hotel and found another little corner of Belgian paradise. was Dave Hicks. He was in charge of the convention program this year, and the responsibility seemed to have aged that face seven years. Or maybe it’s just that November Starburst I hadn’t seen him since 2003, I don’t know. He said he had the program worked out through 2pm Sunday, so he was actually in good shape, but then he suddenly Not New vanished in a puff of smoke. Good trick, that, since he next day we took a train to Brussels and caught he’d quit cigarettes and switched to nicotine gum. I t the Eurostar back to London. The train for Not- spotted my roommate, Steve Green, at the front desk, tingham leaves from St Pancras, so we basically just and he let me in on the secret shortcut to the room, went from one train right to the next, with a little which was right across from the secondary elevator, shopping in between. A few hours later we were in on the second floor. I checked in and dumped my Nottingham station, where we caught a cab to the No- bags in the room. It was show time. vacon hotel. British conventions tend to be centered on As I said at the beginning, I’ve wanted to go to the bar, so I made a bee-line for the hotel bar. Sure a Novacon for years, ever since Victor Gonzalez first enough, the gang was all there. It’s at this point that, told me about the convention and insisted that it was typically, chronology will become difficult, because 6 • Alternative Pants so much of my time was spent talking to various to convince Steve that I’d actually been up there with people in the bar, and it all inevitably blurs together. him and that he’d forgotten in his drunkenness. “I I do remember that Friday night more or less started was very witty that night, I thought,” I told Banks with a conversation with Lilian Edwards and Lennart cheerfully. He didn’t seem particularly impressed. Uhlin about Stieg Larrson’s Millennium novels and Well, he performed like a real champ himself. I guess John Ajvide Lindqvist’s vampire novel, Let the Right that’s why he gets paid the big bucks, while I’m just an One In, and the movies based on them. Swedish pop amateur. culture conquers the world! Lilian was fascinated by Not that it was actually any safer out in the bar. I how these stories showed the underbelly of Sweden’s think it was after I fled the interview that I spotted Ian socialist utopia, while I was fascinated by Larrson’s Sorensen and Yvonne Rowse sitting at a table there fannish past as a fanzine publisher. Somewhere along and went over to say hello. the way Christina Lake and Doug Bell showed up and “Look,” Ian said, pointing at a young woman sit- joined us, and it began to feel as though the Perma- ting with them. “It’s Sally, who has a big crush on you. nent Floating Floor Party at the 2005 Worldcon had And … she’s legal now!!!” re-assembled. Yvonne probably punched him at that point. Steve Green had talked me into appearing on (She’s always punching him. As he said the next day, his “chat show” that night — a program item where “I have much more fun when she’s unconscious.”) I Steve would chat with me (as the exotic foreign visi- looked more closely at the now blushing young wom- tor) for fifteen or twenty minutes before bringing up an, who was indeed Sally, Yvonne’s daughter. I’d met the Guest of Honor, Iain Motherfucking Banks. I her and her brother, Jack, when I stayed at Yvonne’s was extremely nervous about this, because I’m un- house on my TAFF trip. Sally would have been some- comfortable on stage, but Steve had assured me that thing like twelve then. it would be very low-key. When it came time for the I chatted with them for a bit, but eventually chat, however, it turned out that Steve was, as the someone, probably the hard-working Mr. Hicks came British say, pissed as a newt. As I walked into the pro- up and encouraged people to go to the downstairs gram room, Dave Hicks strode by on his way out and bar, which they were trying to give enough business said, “Just roll with it for fifteen minutes, then Banks so that the hotel would keep it open, thus giving the will take over.” However, committee person Alice convention attendees more room to congregate. So I Lawson had other ideas and sent Banks up first thing went downstairs, where I found Mike Meara. Mike to try to seize control. Banks sat down with Steve on was somebody I hadn’t met on previous trips, but had stage, and Steve complained that he was supposed gotten to know via correspondence when he became to be Randy Byers. “Oh?” Banks said innocently, “Is more active in fandom again after having gafiated for there a Randy Byers out there?” I hid behind various a number of years. We had struck up a friendship of “friends” who were trying to point me out, and Banks sorts via e-mail, and when I’d told him I’d be com- promptly launched into an anecdote. I went over to sit ing to Novacon, he immediately offered to take me with Mark and Claire and watched as Steve and Iain around to some of the best pubs in Nottingham. I’d sparred and got tangled. About five minutes into this, learned that he was an old CAMRA man and knew Mark turned to me, pointed at the stage, and said, his beer, so I was happy to agree to this plan. Once I’d “That could’ve been you!” I fled the room in a panic. introduced myself to him in the downstairs bar, we Later, Martin Hoare chastised me for being a made a plan for a pub crawl the next day. chicken. As the soundman he’d had to fill the void After that I spotted Tobes and asked him wheth- with music after Banks was done and I was nowhere er he was moving to Australia. He’d met an Austra- to be found. Well, it’s true, I was a chicken. Spinning amusing anecdotes under duress is not my forte, so it’s probably just as well. However, I can’t help but feel that I let Steve down in the process, especially since he had done prep work to come up with some good ques- tions for me, but he was kind enough to apologize to me the next day anyway. When I finally got a chance to chat with Banks on Sunday, I told him that I’d tried Alternative Pants • 7 lian woman named Beverley Hope at the Montreal A lot of non-Americans I met on the trip expressed Worldcon, and they’d apparently struck up a long concern about what was going on in the U.S. politi- distance romance which took him to the Australian cally. The Republicans had just won back the House Worldcon. When I saw that he’d changed his Face- of Representatives in a landslide, and everybody book status to “Tobes is in a relationship with Beverley was concerned about the Tea Party and right wing Hope,” I knew things had gotten very serious. As Jim extremists in general. I’m concerned too, but I also de Liscard put it, “Tobes is birded up.” And indeed, think that Obama’s victory in the presidential race of he told me he was planning to move to Australia. We 2008 represents a major shift in the political terrain talked about the different factors and complications — in America. For the first time in the history of the many things that I’d thought about a few years earlier country a winning political coalition had been put to- when I was planning to move to Australia to be with gether that didn’t kowtow to white supremacists. This Sharee. is, to quote Vice President Joe Biden (who was talking about the resulting passage of health care reform), a big fucking deal, because there’s a very strong argu- ment that white supremacism has done more to screw up American politics than any other single factor. I think that Reagan Revolution, which was founded on white resentment, has run its course, and that the political tide is beginning to swing against it. The mid-term elections almost always go against the presi- dential party, and I think Obama is in good position to win re-election in 2012. The package of reforms that the Democrats passed in Obama’s first two years were the biggest accomplishments for progressives since ’64–’65, when LBJ, amongst other things, signed the Civil Rights Act that caused the white backlash we’ve been living through ever since. Austin said he was

Austin Benson glad I was feeling so optimistic, but it was hard to feel sanguine about what he was seeing in the news about We were sitting at a table, and as we chatted we America. Fair enough. Right wing extremists hold too were joined by more and more people, until the table much power in our country right now, there’s no de- was full. One of the people who sat down to talk to nying it. me was Austin Benson, who was, along with his part- For some reason people started leaving the table ner Caro, my host in Cambridge on my TAFF trip. I in droves. Couldn’t have been my political treatise, hadn’t seen him since then, so it was a real pleasure to could have it? There were still a few clusters of people get caught up again. (That ended up being one of the in the bar, but I decided to pack it in. It was only 2am beauties of Novacon: it allowed me to see many people or so. Why, at my TAFF Eastercon I stayed up till five I’d met on my TAFF trip or at the 2005 Worldcon that every morning! Blah blah blah. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I hadn’t seen since then, and indeed it turns this trip One of the happy features of this hotel is that it report into something of an alternative to the TAFF included a breakfast buffet in the price of the room, so report that I never finished.) Austin apologized for not in the morning I headed down to the café and loaded responding to the issues of Chunga that we’ve been up a plate full of English breakfast, which is some of sending him, but he said he really appreciated getting my favorite food in the world. Mushrooms and baked it and thought it was a great fanzine. That was good beans for breakfast? Hell, yes! (Not so hot about the to hear, because he’s not exactly active in the fanzine baked tomatoes, actually.) There were various familiar world, and it can be hard to tell whether somebody faces clustered around tables here and there, but I sat who isn’t an active participant in the scene really by myself until James Bacon joined me. I hadn’t really wants to be receiving your fanzine. had a chance to talk to him yet, so I took the opportu- We talked about a lot of things, but we ended nity to ask what it was like to drive a train. up talking for quite a while about American politics. “Hold out your hand,” he said. 8 • Alternative Pants I held out my hand, and he balanced a full cup of I spotted Greg Pickersgill standing with a couple coffee on the back of it. I did my best to keep my hand of other fellows, and I introduced myself to the one from trembling, but it was a struggle. James rescued whose name I recognized, David Redd. The other gent the cup. was Geoff Winterman, also from Wales, and the three “That’s what it’s like, for hours on end. You have of them bemoaned the difficulty of getting anywhere to be focused the whole time.” from Wales, which is apparently cut off from civiliza- He described the signaling systems he works tion by the lack of train lines or direct roads. I gave with and explained why there are so many delays in David a copy of Promethean Wakes, which is a con- the schedule (a constant source of complaint in Brit- densed mix-up of A.E. van Vogt’s The Weapon Makers ain), and then we talked about his ideas for the SF that I’d put together as a chapbook with carl’s help in Outreach Project, which is an attempt to recruit new order to have something to hand out to any likely sus- fans to “our” fandom by handing out free science fic- pects. David seemed likely because he likes old pulp tion books at large cons like Wondercon. He was look- SF and has written about it for Banana Wings. Unfor- ing for people around the U.S. to collect books and tunately I forget to tell him that I’d just seen his name ship them to the Bay Area for this purpose. I said I’d in a 1969 essay by Joanna Russ, “Daydream Literature look into doing it in Seattle, but in reality I never got and Science Fiction,” in which she named him as a very far with that for various reasons. Is the idea daft? new British SF writer of interest, and in fact compares That was Greg Pickersgill’s opinion when we got on him to van Vogt (and Poe and David Lindsay) as writ- the topic in the bar the next day. Perhaps it is daft, but ers of what she calls Daydream Literature. I hadn’t I admire James’ evangelism. Perhaps that’s because I known that David had had stories published, and I’d have a lot of daft, loveable evangelists in my family, I been looking forward to asking him about it. don’t know. He and Geoff left, and Greg and I talked a bit Mark and Claire joined us at the breakfast table about the problem of archiving fanzines. He was wor- at some point, and I have a note that quotes Claire as ried that even if fanzines were digitized, there was saying to James, “The world doesn’t need two of either no way to guarantee that the data format would be one of us.” I can’t remember what that was in refer- readable in the future. I pointed out that the bigger ence to, but I suppose she’s right. problem would be the sheer amount of information After breakfast I checked out the dealers room, that people in the future would have to dig through. where Mark and Claire were manning the Cold Ton- I was reminded of reading about all the cuneiform nage table. There was a table full of old fanzines for tablets that are sitting in museum drawers untrans- the taking. Mark had already fished out some issues of lated, because nobody has the resources to spend on Peter Roberts’ ’70s fanzines, Egg, and then discovered translation. Of course most of the tablets are probably that he owned them already so passed them on to me. just lists of goods, but is there any reason to think that He said he’d seen an issue of the Charnocks’ Wrinkled fanzines contain anything that the people of the fu- Shrew. I burrowed into the pile and came up with an ture will want to spend resources on excavating? issue of Malcolm Edwards’ Tappen, an issue of Mi- No doubt I spent much of the rest of the morn- chael Ashley’s Saliromania, and the requisite Ameri- ing in the bar, although I didn’t start drinking yet. I can fanzine to haul back across the ocean: an issue of seem to recall Ian Sorensen’s ceaseless yammering, Cheryl Cline’s rubber-stamped The Wretch Takes to but that could have been at just about any point when Writing. No Wrinkled Shrew, however. Doug Bell had I was sitting in the bar. Then Dave Hicks would pop in joined me in the pile by that point, and we agreed that and chew gum nervously for a while, trying to figure Lennart had probably already snagged it, just as he out how else the programme might go haywire. had snagged the copy of Wrinkled Shrew that we had Eventually a group of us gathered together to go searched for in the fanzine pile at the Glasgow World- on the pub crawl. It was Mike and Pat Meara, Chris- con in 2005. Later I accused Lennart of this to his face, tina Lake, Doug Bell, Lennart Uhlin, and Rob Jack- and he told me not to believe everything Doug writes son. Jim de Liscard had been interested as well, but I in his conreports. Lennart said he didn’t actually have couldn’t locate him. Jim was the first one to tell me any issues of Wrinkled Shrew. Well, maybe I should that Nottingham has three pubs that claim to be the send him one of mine, because it’s a damn fine old oldest in England. Mike informed me that we would fanzine. be visiting two of them on this tour, and Jim later Alternative Pants • 9 agreed that they were the best two. We ordered beer and sandwiches and sat in a Our first stop, however, was the Lincolnshire quiet side room away from the punks. This time I ac- Poacher — a very traditional English pub about a mile tually did make a note about the conversation: “Rad- down the hill from the convention hotel. I asked Mike ish deflower — radish ravisher.” Well, these thinks for a beer recommendation (as I did in every pub we are like dreams, aren’t they? They seem so interesting stopped at), and then we all settled in at a wooden while they’re happening, but you write them down table and shot the breeze. This was my first chance to and they turn out to be nonsense. I do remember the talk to Pat, and I found her much like Mike: friendly, source of these strange words: the sandwiches came no nonsense, self-deprecating, funny. It was a good with radishes that had been cut into ornamental flow- gang of folks we had gathered, and the conversation er shapes. This was a source of much consternation and jokes flowed easily. Pity I don’t remember any of and delight in our group, and we weren’t even actually them! I try to keep notes, but conversations like that drunk yet. need to be recorded, because so much is said. Or per- Next up — after passing a statue of Robin Hood haps so little is said, so amusingly. and thus communing with the deepest spirit of Not- Next stop after a hike through the city center tingham — was the other contender to the crown of was the Salutation, which is one of the three pubs that eldest, Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem. The sign on this one lay claim to oldest-in-England. The sign outside says claims it was founded in 1189, which would seem to it was founded in 1240. Wikipedia says, “The current settle the argument with the Salutation, at least, but building was constructed as a workshop for a tanner Wikipedia says there’s nothing to document the date. I with living accommodation above in 1240 on the site also seem to recall that part of the argument is about of an old alehouse known as The Archangel Gabriel what kind of drinking establishment these places Salutes the Virgin Mary. … An investigation by the were over the years and whether they can honestly Thoroton Excavation Society in 1937 dated the caves claim continuity with the earliest incarnations on to the 9th century and concluded that they were part the various sites. The Trip was much busier than the of a Saxon farm later used for servants accommoda- Sal, probably because it is very near the tourist attrac- tion and brewing.” The cavernous building had a nice tion of the old castle. The pub’s distinguishing feature, atmosphere to it, and although it was quiet on a Sat- aside from its age, is that it is partially dug into the urday afternoon, there were still quite a few old school side of the sandstone hill on which the castle rests. punks hanging around, which I found incongruous One of the drinking rooms is a cave in this hillside. I for some reason. But really, why wouldn’t punks be don’t think we saw that one, but we did pass through attracted to ancient historical pubs? a maze of rooms and passageways and chimneys that

Lennart, Doug, Christina, Mike, Pat, and me

10 • Alternative Pants were shaped in decidedly organic, idiosyncratic ways It was around this time as well that Graham as though they had evolved naturally through ero- Charnock finally showed up from London, or maybe sion by wind and water. Once again there were a large he had arrived while I was on the pub crawl. Graham number of old school punks in attendance, and it be- is another person I first met on my TAFF trip in 2003, gan to seem to me that there was nothing cooler than when he showed up at the Eastercon and blew the being a punk in an old English town where you could room away with his renditions of old Astral Leauge hang out in ancient pubs carved into sandstone cliffs. songs and readings of crazy articles from Wrinkled We were perhaps beginning to feel the effects of Shrew. Unlike some of the other people I met in the beer as we moved on to our next and last stop, the 2003, however, he has kept turning up in my life like Canal House, which was, in fact, located on a canal. a bad penny, even visiting Seattle with his wife and The canal ran through the entryway of the pub, and sons somewhere along the line. He’s had some health there was a little bridge over it and a small replica of a problems recently, so it was great to see him looking canal boat. The Canal House was big change from the much better than the last time I’d seen him, which old pubs we’d been to, as it was very chic and mod- was probably at the 2008 Corflu in Las Vegas. I was ern, with a spare, stylish, bare-brick design. This was sorry that his wife Pat wasn’t with him, and I said so. something more along the lines of the Moeder Lambic So Graham started shooting a video of me with his in Brussels, and something you could imagine find- camera, in which I strangled out a camera-anxious, ing in Seattle or elsewhere in the U.S. It was very nice, “Hi, Pat, wish you were here.” Graham later posted in its different way, with a good selection of beer on this dark and brooding video to YouTube with the tap. The conversation continued to flow, and I at least title “Randy Says Hello”. Weirdly enough, it’s not the was feeling a happy buzz. What good company! What only video on YouTube with that title. Perhaps we’ve good beer! What good times! started a trend. But all good times must end, and soon it was Meanwhile Lilian had discovered a likely-look- time to head back to the convention. We had walked ing Indian restaurant on her phone, and she, Chris- a good distance, and we had walked downhill, so we tina, Lennart, and I piled into a cab and headed off. took cabs back up the gravity well. This ended up being quite an adventure, because the The brilliant thing about Novacon was that I was restaurant, called Lime, was out in the boondocks in able to see many friends in one fell swoop, but I also the British equivalent of a suburban strip mall. The met a number of new people, including James Shields, food was great, and the conversation was delightful, who, back in the hotel bar, button-holed me with a but when it came time to head back we had a devil of flyer for his bid to hold Eurocon in Ireland in 2014. a time getting a cab. We missed the first one because James’ idea is that with the Worldcon in London in the cabbie didn’t come in to call for us, and then we 2014, overseas travelers might like to attend an Irish had to wait another twenty minutes or so for the next Eurocon if it were held the weekend before. There had one to come. been some talk about combining the Eurocon with Consequently we missed most of the formal part Worldcon, which has apparently been done with past of the 40th Anniversary celebration at the convention. British Worldcons, but the consensus was that it’s not We arrived in time to see the end of James Bacon’s at- a good synergy. Thus James’ alternative proposal. tempt to recreate one of Bob Shaw’s Serious Scientific James was somebody whose name I was familiar Talks — a legendary institution of humor in British with, and I might have met him in passing at the 2003 fandom. This was also the function that celebrated the Eastercon. I certainly exchanged e-mail with him after birthdays of several people who turned 40 in 2010. A James Bacon published his TAFF report and the other great stock of wine had been laid in, and people were James helped format it for U.S. letter-size paper so that sitting around tables drinking it. I had brought a box I could print copies over here. In 2010 he won GUFF of chocolates back from Belgium for this very occa- (the Get Up-and-over Fan Fund that sends fans be- sion, and I began handing them out in an actually tween Europe and Australasia) and attended the Mel- fairly successful attempt to make myself popular. I bourne Worldcon. I wondered if this had energized believe Geoff Ryman was the only stinking pro I gave him, because my previous impression was that he was one to, because he’s special that way. Or maybe he was a bit shy, yet here he was introducing himself to me the only stinking pro to show his face in that howling, and smoffing about his Eurocon plans. cursing mob. Alternative Pants • 11 So Novacon continued to educate me in unex- pected ways. Weary of all this new knowledge, I once again turned in relatively early that night. Sunday, after another breakfast of mushrooms and beans and a chat with Rob Jackson about plans for winery tours at the upcoming Corflu in Sunny- vale, California, I spent a lot of time sitting in the bar getting caught up with some of the people I hadn’t had a chance to talk to you yet, such as Eve Harvey, who talked about life on the farm in France, and Ali- son Scott, who was pondering a career change after 25 years in whatever it is she does. Yvonne Rowse advocated the establishment of the Sedate James Ba- con Fund, while Charles Stross explained that some potatoes are carnivorous and are to be treated with Mark, Claire, and I with our labor of love caution (at least if you’re an insect). Stross’ comments were almost certainly a response to Ang Rosin’s ef- I also ended up talking to a couple of people I’d forts on behalf of the League of Fan Funds to enlist never met before. One fellow, whose name I didn’t re- people to adopt potatoes that she’d be growing in her cord, talked about European conventions and how he allotment in the coming year. Ang’s devotion to the preferred them to British conventions. He’d just been cause gave the convention a decidedly potatoey flavor. a Beneluxcon with Martin Hoare, which had been I wandered back into the dealers room and talk- held in Antwerp a week and a half before Jim, Meike, ed to Mike Scott about the London in 2014 bid and and I were there on our failed mission to visit the Kul- the facilities that they’ll be using, which I had incor- minator. As I recall, this guy mostly just enjoyed trav- rectly assumed were related to the London Olympics eling in Europe and getting away from the familiar developments. Alison Scott talked me into putting a world of Britain. I also spoke with a ruddy-faced guy couple of pounds into the Fan Fund tombola, which is who knew Lucy Huntzinger and likes wilderness treks. a British form of raffle. I ended up getting a very cool His name, Ron Gemmell, did register on me, partly wind-up flying saucer with a little green alien in it — because he friended me on Facebook later, and it far better tat than I had expected. Mark Plummer sold turned out that he published fanzines in the ’80s with me a copy of the Gnome Press edition of van Vogt’s strange names like Eric the Mole and Eat That Duck. The Mixed Men, inscribed by the author. Mark point- He had been away from fandom for a number of years ed it out to me because of my van Vogtian chapbook. and was edging his way back in. It joined the van Vogt issue of Lan’s Lantern that I’d As the evening wore on I settled down at a found in the free fanzine pile the day before. table full of familiar faces, although I also had a long, Back in the bar people people were chattering strange conversation with Gary Wilkinson — a friend away when somebody I didn’t recognize stuck his of Doug and Christina’s who had an article in the is- head around a pillar and said, “It’s eleven o’clock.” sue of Head! that they were handing out at the con. Everybody immediately fell dead silent. It took me Other than that what I remember is a conversation a minute to remember that Remembrance Day was with various folks about what a good writer Mark being honored again that day. For some reason I hap- Plummer is that resulted in the revelation that Jim de pened to look at the bar TV right at that moment, just Liscard considers Mark the biggest influence on his in time to see the queen laying a wreath at a memorial own writing. For some reason that completely sur- statue of some kind. The camera roamed the crowd prised me, and it was one of those things that made to show various important-looking people, including me realize that the history of the Croydon group goes the new prime minister, David Cameron. The U.S. ob- back a long way. Jim and Mark are such different per- serves November 11th as Veteran’s Day, but I’ve never sonalities that I didn’t think of them as influences on noticed the same level of ritual formality around it. each other, but of course it’s hard not to be influenced More evidence, I suppose, that World War I was far by someone you’ve been friends with for years. more important in Europe than it was in the U.S., and 12 • Alternative Pants it still reverberates almost a hundred years later. It writer that we’d had the night before. I’m still not was profoundly moving to sit in the bar with all those completely sure why Arthur Thomson won this year. silent people, even if, as I suspect, some of them feel It was the first posthumous Nova Award, according to more cynical about it than others. awards administrator Steve Green. I settled in at a table with Clarrie O’Callaghan “My most difficult decision this year was whether and Tim Maguire, who had passed through Seattle a posthumous award was allowed,” Steve said, “but the previous summer. I’d initially met Clarrie on my the only rule really is that the person must be resident TAFF trip when I visited Christina and Doug in Bris- in the UK or Ireland. Arthur is definitely resident in tol, where they were living at the time. Clarrie and the UK and doesn’t seem to be in danger of moving Tim still live there. away.” “The pirate accent is the Bristol accent,” Tim was There was no closing ceremony, because as the saying. “In Bristol every day is Talk Like a Pirate Day.” program book says, Novacon never closes.3 There were Which I guess means that in Bristol every day is however a bunch of thanks to everybody who had my birthday, because my birthday is Talk Like a Pirate helped run the convention, and an announcement of Day. Wish I’d known that on my TAFF trip! Although who was going to chair next year’s convention: Steve I suppose it’d mean that I’d age very rapidly indeed. Lawson. “A Scotsman pissed on a train is a comedy sketch waiting to happen,” Doug observed in his fine Scots accent. “One that’s been done a million times,” agreed Ian Sorensen, who should know. “People in Scotland see my last name and get confused,” Ian digressed. “I’ve thought about chang- ing it to Hunter.” And so the day went. Whenever I got bored, Graham Charnock came and made funny faces at me. However, since I was never bored this never actually happened, but I did see Graham’s face now and again, and it was always funny. Perhaps Audrey Hepburn Graham Charnock, Iain Banks, and me could play him in the movie version of this trip report. The Nova Award ceremony was at 5pm. The Back to the bar where I joined Graham Char- Novas recognize achievement in British and Irish nock and Rob Jackson in a conversation with guest of fanzines. You have to be a member of Novacon to honor Iain Banks. Banks was charming, and we got vote. There has been discussion in recent years about to talking about whisky, about which he has written whether waning production of fanzines and waning a book: Raw Spirit: In Search of the Perfect Dram. He interest in voting mean that the awards should be claimed that the Japanese had finally discovered the discontinued or whether the rules should be changed secret of how to make a single malt as good as the to enlarge the pool of voters. There was some talk that Scots make, after years of failed experiments with this might be the last year for the award. various ingredients and processes. Recent blind taste I sat with Mark and Claire at the ceremony, fig- tests, he said, had proved that experts could no longer uring I’d be close to the action that way, since they tell the difference between Japanese and Scottish sin- have done very well in the awards in recent years. gle malts. The secret? Aging the whisky in American I wasn’t completely wrong, but things turned out oak bourbon barrels. This is something the Scots have slightly different than I had expected. The winners been doing for decades. There is apparently a union were Journey Planet for best fanzine, Mark for best fan rule in the US that bourbon barrels can only be used writer, and Arthur Thomson for best fan artist. The once for aging bourbon and then have to be replaced win for Journey Planet let me know that I had been with new ones. The Scots have been happy to take the missing out on a topnotch fanzine, since I hadn’t been used barrels and put them to use aging their single downloading it from efanzines. Mark’s win seemed malts. This results in the distinctive flavor of Scottish to validate the conversation about his talents as a fan whisky. I pointed out that beer brewers in the US have Alternative Pants • 13 started using bourbon barrels to age beer as well, so The beer tasting was organized so that you could this made sense to me. Banks said he doesn’t drink either buy your way in for something like five pounds as much whisky as he used to and mostly drinks beer or you could get in with a donation of three bottles of now himself. He was drinking the Black Sheep during beer. It had been Meike’s brilliant idea while we were this conversation, as if to prove the point. in Belgium that we should buy a jereboam (3 liter bot- Not long after this conversation the hotel fire tle) of St-Feuillien Triple to offer as the donation for alarm went off, and we all had to pour out into the all three of us, although she got to lug it from Brussels cold night temperatures without our coats. Christina, to Nottingham for her reward. When Jim carried the Doug, Gary, Lennart and I hopped across the street to jereboam into the function room, he immediately be- a pub called the Grosvenor, where we had a pint and came the center of attention, and the process of open- discussed further plans for a Corflu in Bruges. ing the bottle became a much-photographed spectator Novacon’s final program item, if you can call it sport. Jim had heard that in any event the big bottles that, was a catered curry dinner followed by the tradi- of St-Feuillien Triple are better than the normal 75cl tional Novacon beer tasting. I had failed to procure a bottles, and it was in that bottle-size that it was on ticket for the dinner, but was helped by a friend (who one of his must-try beer lists. Nonetheless, it was the shall remain nameless, but is thanked nonetheless) in spectacle of the jiant jereboam that was the most in- sneaking a plate of quite good Indian food into my teresting thing about the beer. gullet. (There seemed to be plenty to spare.) I talked to Tony Berry was once again behind the bar, as Del Cotter about his job in water management, which he had been during the wine party on Saturday, and hadn’t been going well lately due to reorgs that were a fine barman he was. I ended up trying a lot of beer, destroying the things that had appealed to him about but I don’t remember any particular names, other the company in the first place. I also talked briefly than the bottle of Cantillon Lou Pepe Kriek that Clar- with Jess Bennett, who was one of the new 40-year- rie and Tim had brought back from Brussels on a re- olds. I told her the 40s had been by far the best years cent trip there to celebrate Doug’s 40th birthday. (All of my life. I’d just turned 50 in September, so the 50s these motifs seem to keep circling around, don’t they?) were already off to a pretty good start themselves. I guess the other one was the Wells Banana Bread Beer that Christina tried because she used to like it when she was younger. I tried it and thought it was absolutely awful, but I soon discovered that it’s liked by a surprising number of people. In fact I soon began to feel that I couldn’t escape the bloody stuff! While some of us were busy drinking beer, Gra- ham was busy flirting with Doug and calling him the very flower of modern fandom. In the wake of Peter Weston recruiting Doug as the best man to carry on the serious tradition of fanzine fandom in Britain, it all seemed to be going to Doug’s head. “Graham Charnock wants to have my baby!” he said in a swoon. I guess that explained why Graham was working so hard to get him drunk by buying him whisky out in the bar. I also chatted with Cat Coast, Dave Hicks’ part- ner, who reminisced about our glorious day in Bath on my TAFF trip and pleaded with me to make sure Dave’s trip to California for Corflu went well. It would be his first trip overseas, and she was worried about how he would handle it without her along to mind him. I tried to assure her that we would take good Jim and the jereboam care of him and that he would have a magnificent time. She didn’t seem completely convinced, and 14 • Alternative Pants made me promise again. I was only too happy to do so, with. Not because he’s dangerous, but actually be- warmed by her concern for Dave. cause he’s a really nice guy. Aside from which, if we’d The beer tasting gradually wound down until it stolen them, one of us would have had to kill the other, was me and Jim and Mike Meara and I can’t remem- and one way or another Claire would have been very ber who else, although I’m pretty sure Liam Proven upset. Claire really is dangerous, so we abandoned the was still there, along with a couple of other die-hards. idea altogether. Jim wanted me to try something by a new London In the evening we made our way to Planet Spice, brewer called the Kernel. This was their Pale Ale Nel- where we met Jim, Meike, Kay Hancox, and Liam son Sauvin, using a New Zealand hop by that name. Proven for a tasting menu. This was a five course meal It truly was an amazing beer, with a flavor of passion of Indian food with a glass of wine to match each fruit (to my tongue) that came completely from the course. It was all very good, but I made no notes so hops and nothing else. Jim had a bottle of porter from don’t remember what exactly was served, although I the Kernel as well, but I had reached my limit. All do remember eating goat at some point. After that we good things must come to end, especially livers. In all returned to Mark and Claire’s house, except for any event, I headed off to bed. Liam who had forgotten to top off his Oyster card and so wasn’t able to get on the bus. He never did catch up with us. Croydon Rock Claire opened a 12oz bottle of BrewDog’s Tacti- cal Nuclear Penguin to share amongst the six of us. he next day, after spending a few hours milling BrewDog is a Scottish brewer that has made a name tabout in the lobby with other people leaving the for itself for its aggressive, outlandish brews and punk convention and then a last few minutes at the train attitude, and Tactical Nuclear Penguin was their first station with Christina, Doug, and Gary (and Jess Ben- attempt to make the World’s Strongest Beer, with an nett, who dropped off Jim and Meike and gave me a ABV of 32%. (Barleywines are typically considered hug and a kiss — who said Brits aren’t friendly?) as we very strong beers at 10% ABV. The TNP was surpassed waited for our various trains and said our sad good- by a German brewer, so a brief war of escalation en- byes, we boarded a first class car headed to St Pancras sued that reached a climax when BrewDog released in London. We, in this case, were Mark, Claire, Jim, the End of History at 55% ABV.) It actually tasted bet- and Meike. First class was very nice. They served us ter than I had expected to, because my expectation coffee and a snack. Claire and I read fanzines that had was that it was all about the alcohol and not about the been handed out at the convention and traded good taste. It tasted like a liqueur to me, which isn’t sur- bits. prising considering the strength. We all drank tiny Back in Croydon Mark helped me get laundry amounts, and there was enough for a second round. started. This was going to be a long enough trip that I We also watched a few episodes of The Magic needed to do laundry at least once. While the clothes Roundabout, which was the culmination of a story were cleaning, Mark and I went through a bag of fan- that had begun when Doug and Christina visited Se- zines that Mike Meara had passed on to me to pass attle a few months earlier. After the fannish pubmeet, along to Rich Coad in the U.S. These were fanzines a bunch of us went out for Chinese food, as fans do, from the collection of Rob Holdstock, who had died and somehow talk turned to TV shows we’d seen as the previous November. Rob had been one of the Rats children. Ulrika O’Brien mentioned one she’d seen — the hard-bitten crew of fanzine editors in the late on Swedish TV when she was very young that she’d ’60s and early ’70s whose aggressive, scurrilous attacks always remembered, and from her descriptions of on the complacent fandom of the day left bruises and it Doug and Christina were able to identify it as The scars, if not a new world order. We found many choice Magic Roundabout. I posted about this in my Live- items in the trove, including the infamous first issue Journal, and Claire said she’d show me some episodes of Fouler, which was numbered 2, and issues of True when I came over on my trip. This was originally a Rat, John Brosnan’s Scab, and various Pickersgill fan- French TV show called Le Manège enchanté that the zines like Stop Breaking Down and Rastus Johnson’s BBC took and gave a new narration that had nothing Cakewalk. We contemplated simply stealing the fan- to do with the French version of the story. This nar- zines, but Rich Coad isn’t someone you want to fuck ration was written by Emma Thompson’s father, Eric. Alternative Pants • 15 (Lord knows what they did with it in Sweden.) The myself. Or that Mark and Claire are now the ones who show was created with stop animation, and I could publish my stuff in their fanzine, which pretty much see that the look of it had been very influential. Each automatically makes them cool kids in my book. episode was five minutes long, and I confess I didn’t But this remark of Mark’s is typical, I think, of really get a good feel for the characters or stories from how he and Claire view themselves in the fannish the few we watched. For everybody else in the room context, and not without reason. When we were work- these were a nostalgic piece of their childhoods. If ing on Slow Train to Immortality, one of the pieces nothing else, it was a good lesson in how the world of I advocated using was Lilian Edward’s “State of the shared references shapes a culture and can leave you Nation: a pre-Corflatch, post-Millennial UK fandom feeling like an alien when you don’t have the same ref- round up.” They agreed to it, but as Mark pointed out erences. I was back on that strange planet I’d visited toward the end of the process, it meant having to re- on my first night in Croydon. run her judgment of Banana Wings that it “seems to After Jim, Meike, and Kay left, I sat up gossip- have inherited Attitude’s ‘worthy but dull’ slot.” (He ing with Mark and Claire for another hour or two. By didn’t mention that she further slagged his writing in the time I went to bed I was so exhausted that I had particular as having “less élan and hence less immedi- a hard time getting to sleep. Lying in that strange ate readableness than Claire’s.”) My response was that room on a strange planet, it suddenly felt as though if reprinting the comment could be seen as a form of I did lose consciousness I would never regain it. This revenge, because it showed that they were above the turned out not, in fact, to be the case. judgment. The plan for the next day, which was a Tuesday, Still, it’s not hard to understand why the Fishlift- was to take the train to Brighton, which I had never ers would feel looked down upon by some factions of visited before. I had been told that the true Brighton fandom, whether or not they are justified in think- experience was to sit on the pebble beach on a thin ing of those factions as the Cool Kids. Some of this towel in the rain, but native Brighton girl Eve Harvey defensiveness is also a result of having come into fan- assured me on Facebook that actually the true Brigh- dom via ZZ9 (a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fan ton experience was to swim in the sea at low tide. I group) and thus, as Claire puts it, being the kind of mentioned this to Claire, who had gone to university dodgy media fans that traditional literary SF fans de- in Brighton, and she agreed. “At low tide you have to cry as polluting the sacred bodily fluids of fandom. At walk across miles of pebbles in your bare feet just to the same time, one of the things that struck me about swim in frigid water.” my realization that the Croydon group is basically a The whole British part of my trip was obviously bunch of old friends from ZZ9 is that somebody like centered around Claire and Mark, but this was the Jim de Liscard is pretty much the personification of a only day when I hung out just with them and them Cool Kid at least in terms of wearing leather and hav- alone. The first time I met them was at Nic Farey’s ing cool haircuts and listening to cool music. Hard Corflu Valentine in Annapolis in 2002. As I reminded to say that you’re not hanging out with the Cool Kids Mark over breakfast that morning, when I came over when you’re hanging out with Jim! to Britain on my TAFF trip in 2003 I still didn’t know Well, I’m sure that my view here is very superfi- them well enough to ask to stay at their house, al- cial and that there’s a lot of history that I’m unaware though I did see them here and there on my trip. In of. Whatever the case, my friendship with Mark and fact I remember drinking all the beer Mark brought to Claire has definitely grown over the years, largely the party that Alison Scott and Stephen Cain hosted due to seeing them at Corflus, but also from that old for me at their house in Walthamstow, forcing Mark fashioned business of trading fanzines and working to head out to another off-license to buy more beer. with them as an editor publishing their work, and as He didn’t remember that, but what he remembered a writer being published by them. The culmination was that in those days they perceived me as hanging of this relationship so far was working with them on out with the Cool Kids, such as Alison Freebairn. Slow Train to Immortality, which was a total blast. We “Now I’m hanging out with you and Alison is worked very well together, I thought, and there was nowhere to be seen, so I guess that makes you guys good energy, as we say on the Left Coast of America. the Cool Kids now,” I observed. Although it’s entirely Mark has a way of finding symmetries and exploring possible that it just means I’m no longer a Cool Kid options in a systematic way that I found pretty awe- 16 • Alternative Pants inspiring, and his grasp of fan history is second to none, at least amongst our generation of fans. Claire has long been one of my favorite fan-writers for her ability to weave together a large number of disparate threads and thoughts, and as an editor, while she let Mark do most of the organizational work (which gave him a lot of power over what material was considered), she was very astute at finding gaps in our approach and making suggestions that closed them. I felt I got to know them a lot better from working with them, and it only seemed natural that this trip would result and that I would spend a lot of time with them. And so it was, on Tuesday morning, that Mark and I gossiped about fandom (and famous fannish burnt toast) over a breakfast of unburnt toast and cof- The West Pier fee, and eventually Claire joined us and before long the three of us set off for the train station and caught a hopped, as it were, the Atlantic) and gossiped even train to Brighton. The appeal of Brighton was at least more. twofold: 1) I’d never been there before, 2) and it is the Time passed, another train was caught, and location of Dark Star Brewery’s original pub. The fact soon we were back in Croydon. The last item on the that it was an easy day trip and that it was Claire’s old UK agenda was to catch a play called Cardenio at the university stomping grounds were additional points Warehouse Theatre. Cardenio is a lost play from 1613 in its favor. On the train down we discussed ideas that was attributed to William Shakespeare and John for other fanthologies we could produce together, al- Fletcher, and this performance advertised itself as though in the end [Redacted]’s Twenty Greatest Feuds a reconstruction of that play based on a manuscript was one of those ideas that’s actually more of a joke called “The Second Mayden’s Tragedy” that has been than an idea. Once in Brighton we walked down the attributed to Thomas Middleton but that some schol- famous pebble beach as soon as we got there, and I ars think is the lost text. Claire is a great fan of plays got to see the even more famous Palace Pier from a of this era, and amongst other things prefers Chris- distance, as well as the remains of the rival West Pier topher Marlowe to Shakespeare. I’m a fan of plays of that has been pretty thoroughly destroyed by storm that era as well, although I’m nowhere near as well and fire. Of course the ruins of the West Pier are read as Claire, and the opportunity to see a perfor- beautiful and forlorn in their own way. There were in mance of this problematic text was very exciting. fact a couple of people huddled on a thin towel on the It was a wonderful, atmospheric production, beach, although it wasn’t raining, so they weren’t get- with minimalist sets, moody lighting, and great per- ting the full experience yet. Mark and Claire were also formances. The play is a tender, loving revenge tragedy able to point out the waterfront hotels where the two with necrophiliac rape. At the intermission, Claire Brighton Worldcons had been held in 1979 and 1987. remarked, “There hasn’t been any poison yet, and They both made it to the latter, when Claire was still a nobody’s head has been boiled.” No heads were ever hatchling. boiled, but the poison came out — and the corpses We ate lunch at a Lebanese restaurant that piled up — in the second half. Not exactly a lost mas- showed surprising Belgian influence in serving one terpiece, although the build-up was very good. of its dishes on a bed of frites, which the menu had A late night meal of Asian noodles followed the simply described as being potatoes. After the meal we play at a little shop across the street from the theater. I wandered through the bohemian market area of the checked e-mail back at the house before I went to bed, town, which looked pretty danged hip. Full of univer- and discovered that Geri was pulling together a party sity kids, of course. Finally we made our way to Dark for SFContario called the All Worldcons All The Time Star’s pub, the Evening Star, and drank their excel- Beer Tasting, featuring beers from every locale of ev- lent brews (including a green-hopped IPA that proved ery Worldcon or Worldcon bid, past and future, that that this style, which uses hops fresh off the vine, has was willing to sponsor the party. She would meet me Alternative Pants • 17 at the Boston airport with a car full of beer. Sounded and Mike Benveniste for dinner. We had stayed with like paradise to me! Deb and Mike during the fanzine production in 2006, My notes contain another mystery: “sticker: The so this was a reunion of sorts, although I’d seen them best head in the world.” Perhaps this would be funny at the Montreal Worldcon in the meantime. As Geri if I remembered where I’d seen the sticker. Or maybe I had promised, the Sunset Bar and Tap had an exten- just thought Christina and Doug should adopt the slo- sive list of beer on draft, and I sampled the Omme- gan for their fanzine. Doesn’t make much sense, does gang Zuur, which I’d never seen in Seattle, and Mik- it? Must be time for bed. keler Triple Bock, which I maybe had, but I couldn’t In the morning I got ready to travel. I had an remember for sure. The conversation was wicked and extra bag to take back with me. It was full of fanzines, fannish. Mike wondered about decaf kahlua at some of course. Not only did I have the bag of Ratzines for point, which I thought was a delightful joke at the Rich, but I’d agreed to take the North American mail- time, but which turns out in fact to exist. I guess it’s ing of the new issue of Banana Wings with me and not all that surprising, really, so I’m not sure why the to handle the distribution. Mark was kind enough idea seemed so absurd to me at first blush. Perhaps my to help me lug my bags to the East Croydon station, imagination is a victim of my addictions. where I caught the train to Gatwick Airport. It was After dinner we pulled further party supplies back to North America. The British adventure was from Deb’s car, including the Doc Smith themed car- over. pet that Deb had had made for the Boston Worldcon she chaired in 2004, and then it was off to Wales. Geri got me caught up on the latest news and gossip as we On the Road Again drove the night highway. At her house in Toad Woods she settled me into a recliner in the living room, put s my flight to Boston was on Aer Lingus, it went a bottle of Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale in my hand, avia Dublin, which is the closest I’ve ever come turned out the lights and turned on the stars. She’d to that great city. I thought it was very civilized, if picked up a Laser Stars Projector, which projects green slightly strange, that I was able to go through U.S. pin points of light against a cloudy blue background Customs at the Dublin airport. I’m not sure I’ve ever that looks uncannily like a star field. Geri always has before gone through one country’s Customs while in the best toys! She said that if we could fit it in the car, a different country. Still, it made life more pleasant it was coming with us to SFContario. when I got to Boston in the late afternoon and was I slept like the dead again, although without the able to immediately head to the pre-arranged meeting foreboding that I would never wake up, thank good- place at the airport, where I found Geri waiting just as ness. In the morning, we gossiped like old fishwives planned. concerning a certain fannish character I’d also gos- Geri had a list of errands she needed to run be- siped with Mark Plummer about on a previous morn- fore we left Boston for her house in Wales in central ing. Geri began working on the geometrical problem Massachusetts. I can’t even remember what all we did of getting all of the party supplies, including vast or in what order, but there was definitely a stop at the quantities of beer, into her car, while I sat around NESFA clubhouse, which I’d last visited in November looking pretty. Pretty haggard, that is. Much to every- 2006 when Geri and I spent three days there printing one’s surprise, Geri accomplished the miracle of actu- and collating Science-Fiction Five-Yearly #12. I got an- ally fitting everything in. We speculated that her car other tour of the place, which revealed that Mr G, the might be bigger on the inside than it was on the out- Gestetner-in-a-box that we’d used to print the fanzine, side, like a TARDIS. Soon we hit the road to Toronto. was gone. It had apparently given up the ghost, and I The road to Toronto from Toad Woods begins on was surprised at how sad the news made me. I’d got- Interstate 90, which as I’ve observed before stretches ten very familiar — perhaps too familiar — with Mr between Boston and Seattle so feels a little bit like G in those three days in 2006. I felt as though a friend home even when I’m on the opposite end of it. What’s had died. more, I–90 passes by Troy, New York, and the plan We picked up various supplies for the All World- was to visit my old friend Ron there over lunch. The cons All the Time Beer Tasting party, and then we last time I’d visited Ron in Troy was also on the 2006 headed to the Sunset Bar and Tap to meet Deb Geisler trip back East to print Science-Fiction Five-Yearly, and 18 • Alternative Pants he’d moved since then. He now lived in a house right and design by John D. Berry. It will be an objet d’art on the banks of the Hudson River, just down the when it is completed. street from the house where Herman Melville lived There was a birthday dinner being held for SF- between 1838 and 1847, during which time he wrote Contario Writer Guest of Honor Michael Swanwick in his first two novels, Typee and Omoo. We walked by Toronto that evening, but between a slightly late start the Melville house on the way to the restaurant. It’s and now a slightly longer than expected stop in Troy, still privately owned, although by a member of the it was evident we weren’t going to make it in time. It Lansingburgh Historical Society, who are entrusted was beginning to get dark by the time we hit the road with preservation and maintenance of the building. again. I took over the driving. We chatted and listened Ron is at this point one of my oldest friends. to music, and eventually Geri put on Eric Idle’s audio My memory is that I met him at a Norwescon in Se- version of The Quite Remarkable Adventures of the attle in 1983. I arrive at that date by the memory that Owl and the Pussycat, which is his version of the story he spotted me carrying a copy of Samuel Delany’s of cross-species romance originally told in a poem by novel, Neveryóna, which had just been published, Edward Lear. It was good, whimsical fun with several and that we bonded over a mutual love of Delany’s jolly songs and Idle in fine vocal form creating several writing. The only thing that makes me wonder if I’m different characters. misremembering is that I also remember Sharee be- That got us to the border, where Geri took over ing with me during my first conversation with Ron, and gave the customs agent a barrage of sci-fi geeki- and I’m not sure we had fully recovered our friend- ness when he asked her where we were going with ship by that point after an estrangement that lasted all that beer. He shrugged and let us through. It was a couple of years, although that may well have been past midnight by the time we made it to the Ramada the Norwescon where we started talking to each other Plaza in downtown Toronto. Nonetheless, we found again, so maybe so. Otherwise it might have been people waiting for us in the lobby: con chair Alex in 1981, when Delany was the Norwescon Guest of von Thorn, his wife Merle, and the vice-chair, Marah Honor. I was definitely hanging out with Sharee at Searle-Kovacevic, were there to greet the Fan Guest of that one, and I would have been wandering the halls Honor upon her arrival. I thought that was pretty cool. pretentiously with a copy of Delany’s abstruse book of Furthermore, when we got to our suite Geri found a criticism, The American Shore. (When I asked Chip to big basket full of snacks and goodies, also courtesy of sign it, he said, “Ah, reading the difficult stuff!” and the concom. The only fly in the ointment was that the I choked out an affirmative, “Mgh?”) But then where suite was not on the party floor, which, since we were does that clear memory of discussing Neveryóna with planning to throw a party, was a problem. But Geri Ron in a hotel hallway come from? He’s never been decided to put that off until the next day. She chatted able to remember our first conversation himself, so with the others while I sank deeper and deeper into there’s no triangulation to be had. the cushions of a very comfy chair. Jim de Liscard had Well, I’ve known him nearly thirty years either commented on Facebook that he hoped I was up for way, which is a good long time to know somebody. two conventions in a row, he wasn’t sure he would be. Geri had met him Ron before, but had never really I was about to find out. had a chance to get to know him. The three of us yakked for a couple of hours over the meal and back at Ron’s place. Amongst other things, Ron is the pub- Brave New lisher of Incunabula Books, which has put out special editions of two of Delany’s books and one by John Crowley. For the past few years Ron has been laboring Convention at putting together a special edition of Crowley’s most n the morning Geri got a call from Patrick Nielsen famous novel, Little, Big, with accompanying art by iHayden, who, along with his wife Teresa, was Editor Peter Milton that was not created for the book but still Guest of Honor. P&T wondered if we were interested engages in an amazing dialogue with it. He showed in food, and we were. Some small amount of cat-herd- us a mock-up of the physical structure of the book, ing later (in which we all played cats), we wandered which is impressively massive. I’ve seen proofs of the down the street the hotel was on to a nearby restau- layout, too, and it is utterly beautiful, with typography rant. Conversation ranged from the grand internet-id- Alternative Pants • 19 car to search for various party supplies, including Ca- nadian beer. Patrick lived in Toronto at some point, so he was able to keep us from getting too lost. The beer store was a bit of an eye-opener, as there wasn’t much of a selection. It turns out that Montreal is much more of a beer city than Toronto, at least in terms of what you can find in stores. By the time we got back to the hotel, got moved into our new suite, and started initial preparations for the next night’s big party (such as installing Deb Geisler’s Doc Smith rug), the third musketeer had shown up. Pat Virzi was Geri’s other guest, and she was rooming with us too. The last time the three of us had been in Toronto together, for the 2006 Corflu, not only had Geri and I agreed to co-edit an issue of Science-Fiction Five-Yearly, but Pat had agreed to host the next Corflu in Austin. We were all a bit ter- rified about what grand schemes we might hatch on this meeting of the minds, although in the end all we

did was throw an awesome party and have done with Pat and Geri under the sign of the izzard it. Pat got me caught up on life in the wilds of Texas iocy du jour to the internet as memory palace to why (where she lives) and Oklahoma (where she and hus- Teresa hangs out on Yahoo!Answers. (Short answer: band Dennis own property), and her daughter Mad- glutton for punishment!) die’s post-college plans. She confessed that she was Patrick and Teresa were already semi-legendary helping out with the Texas Worldcon bid for 2013, and figures by the time I entered fandom in 1979, and I’ve she got very upset when Patrick slammed the bid for always held them in a kind of awe. Back then they using “Remember the Alamo” as its slogan, which he were up-and-coming fanzine editors, and today they denounced as racist. are established editors of the mother literature, hav- I’ve lately considered Pat an underappreciated ing worked their way up the ladder like the great fan who deserves a higher profile, but more recently fan-pros of yore. Add to that the reputation they’ve I’m coming to the conclusion that this idea is simply established in the blogging world, and they really do a reflection of my own failure to perceive how widely seem to me to inhabit a higher realm than most of us. respected she is in fandom. She’s one of those people I’ve never known them very well, unlike any number you almost have to know before you begin to see how of my friends who do, and the weekend of SFContario much she has accomplished, or at least that was the was undoubtedly the most time I’d ever spent in their case for me. As I’ve gotten to know her better over company. Surprise! They’re not actually so different the last five years, I’ve started to spot more and more from you and me. They’re just more accomplished. signs of her in the past. First it was making the con- Okay, and smarter. And better guitar players, at least nection between Pat Virzi and the Pat Mueller who one of them. But Patrick is addicted to his handheld won a Hugo for editing the fanzine Texas SF Inquirer, internet devices just like normal folk. Well, they’re then it was stories from friends who had traveled with good company anyway. I asked Patrick if he was ed- her from San Francisco to Seattle in the early days of iting any interesting books at the moment, and he the great Seattle influx, and most recently, in the wake waxed enthusiastic about Jo Walton’s Among Others of Mike Glicksohn’s death, it was seeing a picture of (which has since hit the shelves to much fannish ac- her with Glicksohn at the Hugo Award ceremonies claim) and The Quantum Thief, which is the first of at the 1987 Worldcon in Brighton. She’s like Woody three novels he’d acquired by a Finnish writer named Allen’s Zelig that way. Once you get to know her face, Hannu Rajaniemi who Patrick thinks is utterly bril- you start seeing it in all kinds of unexpected places. liant. Or maybe it was the case that she had been less in- After food, Geri, Patrick, and I headed off in the volved in fandom as she got busy being a mother and 20 • Alternative Pants has only resurfaced since Maddie has reached adult- hood. Whatever the case, she was largely invisible to me until recent years, but now it seems I can’t turn my head without running into her, and this is an excellent thing. Opening ceremonies went smoothly enough. The three of us had madly tried to put together some toys called bolters that Geri had deployed successfully at another convention in the past, but we could only get a couple to work this time. So Geri released those few on stage during opening ceremonies to general uproar. These toys look like muppety day-glo plastic alien creatures and vibrate up and down in a way that propels them in random directions. Usually they fall over pretty shortly. Story of my life. After the opening ceremonies, I popped into a panel called “Pissing on the Grave of Post-Modernism,” which was supposed to be on the topic of subgenres and literary move- ments. The discussion wasn’t very enlightening, al- though I did come away with one interesting idea — I think it was Patrick’s — which is that genres are about Mike Glicksohn anxieties. The example given was that steampunk is about the anxiety that technology can’t be understood nect with him better than I did, other than my general intuitively anymore. Steampunk takes us back to a introversion and reticence around larger-than-life level of technology where you can see how it works, characters. Still trying to earn my self-image as a where you can be a gearhead playing around with the fringefaan, no doubt. distinct parts of the machine. I wandered the hallways some more. I was I was starting to feel a little bit disconnected, and definitely feeling off. At eleven there was a panel on I wandered the hallways looking for someone to talk e-pubbing your ish with Geri, Pat, Taral, and Colin to. I ran into Taral, who gave me a rap on an imagi- Hinz. Nothing new there. Back in the consuite I got nary history he developed a number of years ago that a shot of single malt, but the alcohol pickings were was going to be the basis of a comic strip or some oth- slim. No bathtub full of beer. Kip Williams and Cathy er kind of fiction. Those plans had been abandoned, Doyle showed up with their daughter, and that pro- but he was trying to figure out some way to make use vided welcome distraction for a while. Kip showed of the ideas in a fanzine article. He had clearly put a me a clever Flash animation with music that he was lot of work into the alternate history, in that obsessive working on for a class. Eventually I found myself wan- way that fans can have when they put their will to it. I dering the halls again, not finding anybody to talk to was impressed by the level of detail. (Geri was mobbed by other friends), wondering why At some point I spotted Geri talking to Mike this convention felt so different from Novacon. Did Glicksohn and his wife, Susan. I hadn’t been sure I just have more friends in the UK than in Canada? whether Mike would be at the convention, considering Was I going to spend the whole convention feeling his health problems. I sauntered over and handed him alienated? Ugh. I was still pretty tired anyway, so I a copy of Banana Wings. We chatted briefly about my went to bed early. If one ayem is early! trip overseas. It was the last time I saw him, because Saturday morning I had breakfast at a diner he died of a stroke a few months later. I never knew around the corner, then wandered Church and him well, but he was undoubtedly someone who left Yonge streets looking at the shops. Toronto is such a huge imprint on fandom and on the many, many a cosmopolitan city that it feels like you’re taking a people whose fannish and personal lives he’d touched walk around the world when you wander the streets over the years. A larger-than-life character whose downtown. Restaurants with every cuisine known to passing was deeply felt. I’m not sure why I didn’t con- humankind, and boutiques with every fashion too. I Alternative Pants • 21 chair Alex von Thorn has bigger ambitions, which I assume would be a fourth Toronto Worldcon. The SFContario crew has folks who are working on other Worldcon bids, with Diane Lacey working on the Kansas City in 2016 bid and Alex himself apparently involved in some way with the exploratory committee considering a Seattle in 2015 bid, which now seems to have morphed into a bid for Spokane instead. That’s certainly thinking outside the box! At 2:00 Geri conducted the guest of honor inter- view with Teresa Nielsen Hayden. This was an excel- lent, wide-ranging interview covering Teresa’s many and diverse editing gigs. She talked about what it was like to work with John M. Ford, who she said was never intentionally obscure in his writing but had no clue what normal people found obvious. Her job was to help him communicate to folks who were at least slightly less brilliant than he was, although I’m not

sure he ever reached a very wide audience. Kip Williams and the Doc Smith rug At 6:00 was my first panel item, “An introduc- found myself in a pocket of gay-themed businesses at tion to fanzines.” That I was on any program items at some point, and in the window of one of them I spot- all was Diane Lacey’s fault. She had initially contacted ted a T-shirt with the motto, “I shaved my balls for me to ask whether, as Geri’s friend and guest, I would this?” Weird world, wot? At the satellite Rally to Re- be willing to conduct her guest of honor interview. store Sanity held in Seattle the day of the main event Being on a stage generally gives me the hives, but here in D.C. in October I’d spotted somebody holding a was a worthy cause. I really wanted to help Geri shine sign that said that. I had no idea what the point was, as a guest of honor. So I said yes. Then Diane asked if and seeing the T-shirt didn’t help. Is it a quote from I was willing to be on a panel about fanzines. I con- something? Google doesn’t help, although it does tell sidered saying no, but then I remembered that hardly me there’s a Facebook page called “I can’t believe I anyone ever shows up for panels about fanzines. What shaved my balls for this!” Just non sequitur humor, I the hell. The other panelists were Geri, Pat, Lloyd Pen- suppose. Weird old world. ney, and Taral. The idea was that we would read some Back at the hotel the convention had gotten go- of our favorite fanzine articles. ing again. Murray Moore was manning a table to pro- So I figured nobody would show up, but we ac- mote something or another, I don’t remember what, tually got at least a half dozen people, most of them and I stopped to chat with him for a while. One thing in their twenties. Signs of life! We all chatted for a that I’d been curious about was what the impulse bit about the history of fanzines, and Geri handed behind SFContario was. Toronto has a big general around a big pile of old fanzines for show and tell. purpose science fiction convention called Ad Astra, so Then Geri read part of Patrick and Teresa’s account of my initial assumption was that SFContario was meant meeting Walt Willis on their TAFF trip, and Pat read to be more literary. However, the more I learned about Tucker’s account of the Tucker Hotel — the hotel with the program — with gaming, filking, anime items, all the conveniences a fan could dream of. Tucker’s and a masquerade — the less water this theory held. It humor was still enough to bring the house down seemed more and more like another general purpose amongst our young audience. I read Giulia de Cesare’s science fiction convention catering to all tastes. Mur- “The Other White Meat” from Slow Train to Immortal- ray explained that the intention was to hold a conven- ity (and originally published in Plokta), figuring that tion downtown (rather than in the suburbs, like Ad a piece about fan fiction and sex might appeal to a Astra) and to try to appeal to people outside the area wider audience than more in-jokey fannish fare, but I and outside Canada. From what Lloyd Penney told me actually think Geri and Pat’s choices went over better. later, the internationalist aspect probably hints that In any event, I was so wound up about my own little 22 • Alternative Pants reading performance that I didn’t hear a word of the article Taral read. Who knows? It was probably the best thing of all. We had spent some time earlier in the day get- ting the room ready for the All Worldcons All the Time Beer Tasting party, but it was now time to re- ally get serious. Cathy Doyle and Kip Williams had suggested that we have Chinese food delivered to the room so that we could spend time doing party prep while we were waiting for food. There was a Chinese restaurant in the convention restaurant guide that looked promising, so Kip pulled up the menu us- ing the URL in the restaurant guide. We made our choices, and Cathy called the restaurant. Soon she was thrown into confusion as the person she was talking to didn’t seem to recognize any of the dishes we were ordering. But they’re on the menu, Cathy insisted. I can’t remember how we figured it out, but it turned out that the URL in the restaurant guide was for a Swanwick in love restaurant in Vancouver by the same name. Kip called up the Toronto restaurant’s menu, and we recalibrated her she had to come down to our room. A few min- our order. utes later, Teresa showed up and started chatting with The organization for the beer tasting party was Patrick and Geri. They maneuvered her into a position epic. We had done the best we could to get beers where she had to notice the izzard banner eventually, from all the cities represented by the Worldcons and and when she did she just about fell over. Worldcon bids that had agreed to participate. We then When Michael Swanwick showed up and joined organized all of these groups of beers in chronological Patrick, Teresa, and Geri on the couch, we had four order of when the Worldcons were held or were sched- of the six SFContario guests of honor at our party. I uled or bidding to be held, starting with the earliest was so busy that I didn’t notice if the Artist Guest one. (Geri later decided we should have started with of Honor, Billy Tackett, or the Filk Guest of Honor, the bids and gone backwards in time, partly because Karen Linsley, ever swung by, but if they did I don’t we didn’t make it through all the beer/Worldcons, and think they had any beer, because I don’t remember one goal of the party was to let the upcoming World- serving them. I seem to recall seeing Toastmaster Rob cons and bids promote themselves.) Furthermore, Pat Sawyer at some point. Then again it was pretty dark in had created poster-size hand-written lists of all the the room, where we had turned off most of the lights beer under their respective Worldcons in the chrono- so the Laser Stars Projector could work its nebulous logical order we would be opening the bottles. As part star-field magic in one corner of the room. It gave the of the same process, I had put all the groups of bottles party a nice air of poetic mystery. Geri is a fricking in that same order on the shelves we had built. We genius, I tell you! acquired ice for the cooler that Geri had brought from The format of the beer tasting was that we would Toad Woods, and I started icing down the bottles we call out the name of the Worldcon, open the bottles would be serving first. of beer associated with it, then have people tell us When we were ready to open the doors, Patrick which beer they wanted to try. We would pour a small called Teresa, who was up in their room. Geri had sample of the beer into a small cup. If they wanted brought a lot of Worldcon-related memorabilia to use to try other beers currently open, they could come as party decorations, and one item was a large yellow back with the cup. Typically we wouldn’t finish all banner with a hand-drawn izzard that Teresa had the bottles in a group, and we set them aside. People done at the Orlando Worldcon in 1992. Geri had told could ask for a sample of the beers that had been set Patrick about it so that she could use him in her plot aside as well, but they couldn’t ask us to open bottles to surprise Teresa. So Patrick called Teresa and told that hadn’t been opened yet. There were a couple of Alternative Pants • 23 other parties that night, and some people didn’t like had played out beautifully, which it always seems to the fact that they only got a small taste of each of our do. She’s good at the whole party thing, and she had beers, so they didn’t stick around. There was also one played the role of party host of honor to the hilt. We group of young Torontans who loved beer and were did some cleaning up after the last of our guests left, ecstatic at the opportunity to try a bunch of beer they emptying bottles and clearing a path to the bathroom. had never seen before. We had a few clunkers in the It was time to turn the stars off. I slept the sleep of line-up (what’s this, Wells Banana Bread Beer repre- righteous oblivion. senting a British Worldcon? can’t get away from the Sunday morning I found a better espresso place stuff!), but mostly we had a lot of great craft beer. So than I’d found on Saturday and then ate a breakfast this group stayed at our party almost the whole time of oatmeal in the consuite. I hung out in the consuite and kept coming back for more, trying almost every with Kip, Cathy, and their young daughter, Sarah, bottle opened. Lots of other folks drifted between the who was helping out with various chores such as parties, so there was an ebb and flow to ours as people cleaning the crockpots that the oatmeal had been came and went in waves. cooked in. Nice kid, eh? Murray Moore started out as our pourer, but he My main responsibility for the day was to con- left after an hour and I took over for the rest of the duct the guest of honor interview with Geri at 1pm. I night, with Pat helping in various ways, as she always sweated bullets over the damned thing, because I real- does. I can’t remember when we shut down, but it was ly wanted to do right by her. I had never conducted an no earlier than 2 or 3 AM. I had been sampling every- interview before, so I tried to do as much prep work thing myself, starting with an amazing little bottle of as I could. I wrote the introduction on the plane flight 1987 vintage, 150th anniversary, Thomas Hardy Ale that from Dublin to Boston, although I made a few minor Deb Geisler and Mike Benveniste had contributed to adjustments after I read Dave Langford’s piece about the party, which Geri and I tasted with Patrick before her in the program book. I didn’t write any questions, anybody else showed up. Pure nectar! By the end of but I prepared a list of topics before the trip and cre- the party I wasn’t feeling much pain, and I kept teas- ated a new list of topics the day before the interview. ing a cute girl from Boston named Val about how she The second list was this: was drinking homeopathic quantities of beer. She kept • Fannish origin story telling me I was pouring too much, so I finally let her • The secret of fun pour her own. Hard to believe that you can pour only • Toads two molecules of beer at a time, but she was capable of • Pez it, at least to my drunken eyes. • Idea and SFFY Good times. Long gone was the alienation I’d • Ig Nobels been feeling the night before. Geri’s great party idea • Winnipeg music festival Introducing Geri ’m Randy Byers, and this is the interview with SFContario fanzine, Science-Fiction Five-Yearly, and became known as I Fan Guest of Honor Geri Sullivan. I’m going to echo Dave “the Lee Hoffman of the ’90s.” Langford in saying that I’m not sure how much of an intro- Geri loves to throw parties and design publications, duction Geri needs, because she seems to know everybody and she has done plenty of both for Minicon, Worldcon, in fandom — and quite a few normal people too. Neverthe- Corflu, and many other conventions. She is the designer of less, here are a few pertinent facts for those who haven’t yet the magazine The Annals of Improbable Research and a had the pleasure of hearing her story. member of the Board of Governors for the Ig Nobel Prizes. Geri grew up in Battle Creek, Michigan and discovered She is the 1999 past president of the Fan Writers of America, science fiction fandom after she moved to Minneapolis, Min- winner of three Fan Activity Achievement Awards (including nesota in the early ’80s. She rose quickly to prominence both No. 1 Fan Face), and shared the 2007 Hugo Award for Best through her involvement in Minicon and through the publica- Fanzine for Science-Fiction Five-Yearly. She is the hostess tion of her award-winning fanzine, Idea. Before long she had with the mostest, and Dan Steffan has rightly called her Fan- also taken on the leading role in Lee Hoffman’s legendary dom’s Den Mother.

24 • Alternative Pants • Minicon music ter he moved to Vancouver back in the ’80s, although • More guns than people I’d known of him before through the fanzines of the The last item was based on a recent LiveJournal Edmonton crowd of that era. He now lives on Vancou- post in which she’d mentioned in passing that she’d ver Island with his wife and child, and I’ve seen him just been in a car that contained more guns than a couple of times in the past few years when Sharee people and we should ask her about it sometime. I was visiting. We’re Facebook friends, and he had never never got to that item, or to most of the items on my mentioned that he was going to SFContario. I ex- list. The interview followed its own course, and it went pressed my incredulity to Callie, but she insisted that very well. I’d figured I just needed to get Geri going he’d been there, mostly spending his time in the gam- telling stories, and I was right. Unfortunately there ing room. None of this made any sense to me at all. were only four people in the audience — Pat, Merle The world turned upside down. A couple of months von Thorn (who had become an instant fan of Geri’s), later I asked John on Facebook if he’d been at SFCon- Hope Leibowitz, and Murray Moore — but at least tario, and he said no. Then Colin Hinz and Lloyd Pen- they were interactive and asked good questions. It’s ney popped up to explain that that there are two John further evidence that fan guests of honor are not of Durnos in Canadian fandom, and the other one lives much interest to most people who attend general sci- in Toronto. Weird old world. But at least the weird old ence fiction conventions, which is kind of a shame. On world turned rightside up again, if only briefly, until the other hand, Geri managed to connect with lots of the next inexplicable fact arose. people at the convention via various panels and events and just hanging out, so there was still value to taking on the role, aside from the honor to her. If anybody can make fandom look inviting and fun, it’s Geri. I’ll be damned if I can remember what I did for the rest of the afternoon. I suppose I talked to people, but I have no memory of it. I was feeling pretty wiped out from the party, and I think I tried unsuccessfully to take a nap at some point. I did make it to closing ceremonies, where Alex von Thorn announced that SFContario had been chosen to be the Canadian na- tional convention (Canvention) for 2011. Suffice it to say that the convention was an immediate success. Later Diane Lacey stopped by the room with a couple of other people from the Kansas City Worldcon bid and smoffed with Geri for a while. There was gossip about some behind-the-scene dramas at SFContario, including somebody who had been banned from the convention because Rob Sawyer was angry at them, Patrick and Pat but I was too wiped out to care much. Eventually we headed off to dinner at the Mill Street Brewery with Meanwhile back at the dead dog, Patrick played a large group that included Patrick and Teresa. The guitar and Catherine Crockett danced to the music. conversation, food, and a couple of pints of hair of the Teresa joined the party, followed by Michael Swanwick dog did much to restore me, and I was feeling consid- and Rob Sawyer. I chatted with Bob Webber, who I erably better by the end of the meal. discovered had gotten married since the last time I’d The dead dog party was in the consuite, and we seen him. He seemed happy enough. Catherine taught contributed a bunch of our leftover beer to the cause. us how to torment Colin by pointing at him, which I got into a conversation with Callie, who was one caused him to laugh uncontrollably, flush beet red, of the people who had run hospitality, and she men- and turn into a pretzel. Eventually the peeps came out, tioned that John Durno had been at the convention as they always do when Geri’s around. Teresa wrote with his wife and child. I was utterly stunned. John is messages on the peeps and put them in the microwave. an old Edmonton fan whom I met through Sharee af- “Nuke the bad fucks,” was one such message that I Alternative Pants • 25 noted, which had to do with some sexual misbehavior the check-in clerk called her Mrs. Byers. that had happened at the convention. Another of my Still, it was a good thing I hadn’t made it to Se- notes about the dead dog is, “I’d do him.” Rob Saw- attle that night, as I soon saw on the television news yer — and I’m not sure whether that’s something said in my hotel room. Seattle was shut down, the freeway about Rob Sawyer or whether it was something Rob an icy parking lot full of abandoned cars. I probably Sawyer said. But about whom? My next note is “Here’s would have been stranded for the night at SeaTac air- to better fucks,” so it appears that we had sex on the port if I’d made it that far. Instead I was in a comfy brain at the dead dog party. I eventually hit the wall hotel room. I let go of my grievances against the world and sneaked away without saying goodbye to anyone. and against myself. Sometimes life takes away your Because I hate goodbyes. preferred choice, and you have to don alternative The next morning Pat woke me early. We had pants. Although it must be said that my singular pair agreed to share a ride to the airport. Geri got up while of alternative pants were smelling a bit gamey by this we got ready to go. She was going to stay in Toronto point. It was time for a new alternative. for another day to visit Mike Glicksohn and attend an after-con party at Catherine and Colin’s before heading onward, although she ended up having to cut her visit short when her dad was hospitalized and she had to rush off to tend to him. We hugged Geri on the way out the door and regretfully left her behind. Yes, I hate goodbyes. But then I had to say goodbye to Pat at the air- port, and I was finally on my way home. I’d somehow managed to blot from my mind that the return trip was a three-legged beast via Calgary and Vancouver. In Calgary I sat in the terminal reading an issue of John Hertz’s Vanamonde, where I found this lino: “He never intended to be obscure as a writer, but he had no idea what normal people found obvious.” I laughed out loud, no doubt to the consternation of the inno- cent people around me, because I knew from having seen the interview with Teresa that the lino must be her talking about John M. Ford. Thus do conventions make fanzines comprehensible. I’m sure John H. re- lates to Teresa’s comment, too, since he’s often accused, sometimes by me, of being cryptic in his writing. In Vancouver I discovered that all flights to Se- attle had been canceled due to a snow storm. We were shuttled to the nearby Delta Vancouver Airport hotel. The ironies were painful. I’d stayed at the Delta with Sharee a couple of times in 2003 when we were fall- ing in love. So my trip compensating for not going to Australia to hang out with Sharee, who was marrying somebody else, ended up with memories of my splen- did time with her, and rueful thoughts about choices I’d made or failed to make. When I posted on Face- book about where I was — rather cryptically, in fact — Sharee immediately saw the significance and even teased me by posting a comment asking whether Mrs. Byers was there. Back in 2003 when she arrived before me to claim a room that I’d reserved under my name, 26 • Alternative Pants All Worldcons, All the Time Bheer Tasting at SFContario — Bheer List

Beers marked in bold print were truly out- Waterloo Wheat New York in 2017 bid standing, as judged by the tasters at the party. Waterloo Dark Brooklyn Local 1 Torcon I (1948) Noreascon 4 (2004) New Zealand in 2020 bid Sleeman Honey Brown Lager Wachusetts Larry IPA Steinlager Sleeman Cream Ale Harpoon Pott’s Landbier Sleeman Original Draught Opa-Opa Porter Minneapolis in ’73 & Sleeman Light BBC Steel Rail Extra Pale Ale Minneapolis in 2073 bids Alexander Keith’s IPA and… plus the Time Travel Worldcon Thomas Hardy’s Ale, 150th Anniversary Hopping Frog Double Pumpkin Ale Detention (1959) (bottled in 1987) Okocim Upper Canada Dark Ale Lomza Upper Canada Lager Interaction (2005) Weihenstephaner Williams Brothers Fraoch Heather Ale Hiver Fantome Noreascon (1971) Williams Brothers Ebulum Elderberry Black Ale Salzburger Stiegl Wachusetts Black Shack Porter Williams Brothers Alba Scots Pine Ale Wernesgruner Wachusetts Milk Stout Williams Brothers Grozet Gooseberry & Pilser Urquell KK Wheat Ale Green’s Amber Ale – gluten free Aussiecon One, 3 & 4 Nippon (2007) (1975, 1999, & 2010) Jubilation Ale Non-Alcoholic Coopers Brewery Sparkling Ale Ginger Beer Coopers Brewer Lager Anticipation (2009) Old Tyme Tremblay Biere Blonde Lager Sarana Noreascon 2 & 3 (1980, 1989) Maudite Ginger People Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale Goya Samuel Adams Honey Porter Renovation (2011) Jamaican BBC “Shabadoo” Black & Tan Ale Sierra Nevada Pale Ale Reed’s Fisherman’s Imperial Pumpkin Stout Barritt’s Old Brown Dog Ale Chicon 7 (2012) Gosling’s Diet BBC “Dean’s Beans” Coffeehouse Porter Demolition Sofie Root Beer ConFiction (1990) Bourbon County Stout IBC Diet Heineken London in 2014 bid IBC Regular Boylan MagiCon (1992) Wells Banana Bread Beer Jones Red Stripe EB Saranac Old Speckled Hen L.A. con III (1996) Ridgeway Bitter More Yums! Stone Smoked Porter Fullers 1845 Texas in 2013 served homemade The Brewery Orchard White Holy Grail Ale candied pecans Schlitz Guinness 250 The Geneva Convention (2008) served Hen’s Tooth wonderful chocolates BucConeer (1998) Double Chocolate Stout Flying Dog Porter The following Worldcons and bids were also Flying Dog Amber Lager Kansas City in 2016 bid hosts, but we didn’t find representative brews for them, alas: Torcon III (2003) Long Strange Tripel Discon I (1963) Double Wide IPA Muskoka Dark Ale Discon 2 (1974) Muskoka Hefeweissbier Exploratory committee for Seattle in 2015 Muskoka Cream Ale

Alternative Pants • 27 Endnotes

Saturday, February 5, 2011 8:54 AM From: “Mark Plummer” 1 To: “Randy Byers” Subject: Alternative Pants These days I mostly wear cord trousers that I buy -- or rather Claire buys for me -- in job lots from a mail order company. I get a new batch every six months to a year and they go into a storage box at the bottom of my wardrobe, ready for whenever I need a new pair. Last week it was time to break out a new pair of the light brown. I took them out of the cellophane packaging and dropped them on the bed. They looked... rather large. I’m under no illusions about my build but still. I checked the packaging; it said they were the usual size. I pulled them on, and at the waist they overlapped by several inches. I took them off again and checked the size on the trousers themselves. Despite the labelling on the packaging, they were about eight inches bigger on the waist than they were supposed to be, which at least explained why they seemed so enormous. Rather annoyingly, though, as I bought them several months ago I don’t suppose I can now return them for a refund. But then I thought that maybe there was a hidden benefit in all this. What with you and your busted fly, and now me with my gigantic clown-sized trousers, all we need is Jim with some appropriately not-quite-right legwear -- and Claire has just reminded me of his famous arseless purple suit -- and We Can Get the Band Back Together Again.

Mark writes, The BBC food magazine Olive suggests that the name is a reference to the relative poverty of 2 a people who could rarely if ever afford meat, not even rabbit which was itself regarded as the poor man’s meat. The same article stresses that “rarebit” was a later variant of the name, supposedly the invention of “[S]ome humourless Georgian publican” who wanted to “make it abundantly clear to customers that no rabbits were harmed in its preparation”. Rarebit is still widely used for all that Fowler’s Modern English Usage proclaimed that”‘Welsh rabbit is amusing and right; rarebit is stupid and wrong” as long ago as 1926.

Dave Hicks explains: 3 I recall it was Martin Tudor in particular started emphasizing this, together with Tony Berry. Because it’s an annual event so there’s always (so far) been another Novacon the following year, so we adopted the phrase “Awards Ceremony” instead for the final on stage event of the weekend by way of a spot of brand management. It’s also a way of reminding people that they can/should join up for next year’s Novacon now as we always do the cheapest membership rate at the con itself. More honestly, we just started doing it and it stuck. All recurring events get drawn into their little idiosyncrasies and eventually they become cast iron traditions. Although Cat points out somewhat pedantically (there’s no room in fandom for pedantry - oh, yes, there is really, isn’t there?) that if we’ve ‘opened’ the convention 40 times we actually have 40 simultaneous Novacons technically still running. I doubt this helps.

28 • Alternative Pants But nothing is more disruptive to domestic order than an unattached heterosexual man.