Th e Co m m e n t a t o r Vol. XLII, No. 3 The Student Newspaper of the University School of Law October 15, 2008

Like Communism, New Constitutional Scholars Argue Over UNIQLO Robot Is Cool in Presidency, Don’t Come to Resolution By An d r e w Ge h r i n g ’09

Hours before the presiden- Theory, Lame in Practice tial debate on Tuesday, October 7, two giants in the field of constitutional law—Roger Pi- lon, Director of the Center for Constitutional Studies at the Cato Institute, and Geoffrey Stone, professor at the Universi- ty of Chicago Law School—were brought together by the Federal- ist Society for their own debate about the presidential candidates’ potential effects on the makeup of the Supreme Court. Their dis- cussion, and the free cupcakes, filled a Vanderbilt Hall lecture room to capacity. Stone, who is currently a Roger Pilon, left, defended the conservative side of the spectrum in his debate visiting professor at NYU, opened with Geoffrey Stone, right, about how the candidates’ potential Supreme Court the debate in a relaxed fashion, appointees should affect for whom people vote in the November election. jokingly declaring that he was on “the side of truth, justice, and the on the bench. Neither label sug- claim that his speech would be American way.” Though nomi- gests that a justice is not activist; like “a trip through the Louvre nally defending Obama, Stone’s rather, they simply indicate how on roller skates,” inasmuch as he opening focused on his interpreta- the justices make use of the law. didn’t have nearly enough time to tion of the current makeup of the Liberals, he claimed, use their say everything he wanted to. He Supreme Court. He dispensed with power to help the oppressed. In nevertheless managed to throw in the notion that, simply because a contrast, conservatives strike a number of offhand remarks that number of recent decisions have down laws in an unprincipled sparked interest in the crowd, as, been decided by 5 to 4 votes, fashion to advance the aims of for instance, when he claimed that the Court is balanced. Rather, he political conservatism. Lochner v. New York—notorious for argued, any Court would have a Pilon was the near physical the limits it placed on government number of split decisions because opposite of Stone: a shorter and power—wasn’t wrongly decided. Robert Gerrity it decides hard cases, which—by thinner man with half-moon glass- Essentially, Pilon’s contention definition—are those that would es, he wore a full suit, presenting was that the Constitution provides UNIQLO’s SoHo location is now home to Mitsubishi Heavy Industries’ divide the justices. a stark contrast to the jacketless only enumerated and limited pow- “Wakamaru” humanoid robot. While Wakamaru is supposed to respond Stone moved on to contend flamboyance of the orange-shirted ers to the government. The federal to a variety of English commands and assist (or at least amuse) UNIQLO that the current Court is extremely Stone. Despite their differences in government of today has strayed shoppers, he prefers to lead shoppers in four second “let’s exercise” routines. conservative by historical stan- appearance, Pilon was equally laid from that state as a result of the What does this have to do with law school? Very little—until Wakamaru dards. He asserted that Alito, back as he opened his half of the 1937 court-packing plan. The learns to review discovery documents and complete due diligence research, Roberts, Scalia, and Thomas are debate, jocularly indicating that only way to recover governmental eliminating the need for first-year associates. the four most conservative justices his “enthusiasm for the Republican restraint, Pilon argued, is through to have ever held the bench and party is inversely proportional originalist justices. quoted Justice Stevens as say- to the enthusiasm that Sarah Pa- Though the debaters hardly ing that every appointment since lin shows for it.” He continued mentioned the election itself or the 1970s has moved the Court by gently ribbing his opponent: the candidates’ names, the impli- Legal Briefs further to the right. Given that “Stone has managed to get himself cations of their arguments were Ginsberg, Souter, and Stevens— to the left of the New York Times clear: Stone saw the conserva- O.J. Simpson was convicted of armed robbery and kidnap- typically considered the more editorial page.” tive progression of the Court as ping on October 3, exactly 13 years after he was acquitted of the liberal justices—are anticipated to When he moved on to the endangering protection of rights murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. be the next to step down, Obama’s substance of the debate, Pilon for minorities, while Pilon saw replacements could only hope made clear the central thrust of liberal activists as empowering the to preserve the current balance, his argument: the most important federal government to a dangerous The University of Michigan Law School has announced the while McCain’s would continue function of the Court is to ap- extent. Despite their obviously creation of its Wolverine Scholars Program, which will allow the rightward progression. ply the law, which may or may divergent views—at one point, undergraduates at the university with a GPA of 3.8 or higher The upshot of Stone’s argu- not coincide with helping the Stone exclaimed “I couldn’t dis- ment became apparent as he be- under-represented. As he warmed agree more!” after Pilon finished a to apply to the law school without taking the LSAT. gan talking about what it means to his topic, he began speaking thought—the debate ended with a to be “liberal” or “conservative” rapidly, giving credence to his handshake and on friendly terms. The Commentator made its first ever appearance on the popular law-gossip blog Above the Law (ATL). The site lam- basted an editorial run in these pages on October 1. Reached Every day you’re inundated with news and opinions about the for comment, Andrew Gehring ’09, the piece’s author, said, “I upcoming election. The Commentator has been silent on the issue until guess no one read my editorial last year about how I wish people now, and we’re sorry about that. We’ve now rectified the mistake. page 2 would stop submitting inane NYU news to ATL.” Getting drunk in the Village isn’t something people typically have a

On October 7, NYU Law held a mock trial for Luis Posada Infra hard time doing. Doing it cheaply, though, is another matter. page 3 Carriles, former CIA operative and anti-Castro Cuban. Carilles was given asylum in America despite having admitted to being There’s something special about flag football, especially when it’s played involved with terrorist atacks in Cuba. In real life, charges against by soon-to-be lawyers. Get all the gory details. page 4 Posada were dismissed in May of 2007. Commentator Op/Eds Page 2 October 15, 2008 SBA Planning Parties, Obama Is Change, But He Needs Your Help By Da n i e l Hu g h e s ’09 the plummeting Dow Jones nearly a 2-to-1 margin. With just a Industrial Average displayed few days left before the election, Elections, Another Party Eight years of Bush eco- prominently on the screen. the time has come to turn that sup- nomic policies have been an Within three hours, McCain port into votes. By Ca r l y Le i n h e i s e r ’09 Fall Ball. The Office of Stu- abject failure. Since 2001, 1.6 reversed course entirely, saying As students, each of us has a dent Affairs will graciously be million Americans have lost that the fundamentals of the role to play in this election. If you Fall is a busy and exciting putting on this event for us in their jobs. Unemployment economy were “threatened.” haven’t already, register to vote or time for the Student Bar Asso- Vanderbilt Hall on Thursday, and poverty are both on the While McCain was busy col- request an absentee ballot. If you ciation (SBA). Our social chairs, October 30. Ah, the glory of rise. Income inequality is at lecting his thoughts, the Dow are from New York, find your local Nish Chari ’10 and Natalie Fall Ball—there really is noth- its highest level since 1928. dropped 550 points. polling place. Talk to friends, fam- Reyes ’10, have put together a ing like dancing awkwardly with Home foreclosures are reach- Rather than erratically shift- ily, classmates, and neighbors about great social committee to keep your Lawyering T.A., dressed in ing unprecedented levels. The ing his policies, Senator Barack voting and even help them get to the bringing you Thursday night an ill-advised law school pun federal budget has reversed Obama has consistently offered polls. Convince your professors to parties. And we have elections costume, in the very same room from growing surpluses to a plan to put American back on reschedule class so that students coming up! On October 15 and where you saw Justice Breyer massive deficits. track. First, an Obama admin- have time to vote or volunteer. 16, we’ll be holding elections deliver a speech. Fall Ball is a Senator John McCain has istration will stop corruption The Law Democrats will be for 1L, LLM, and transfer rep- great chance for the entire law supported this ruinous policy and create transparency both providing dozens of opportuni- resentatives. We’ll also confirm school community to come to- during his long tenure in Con- on Wall Street and in the federal ties to volunteer before Election the appointment of our treasurer gether, unwind, and show off our gress and has no plans to change government. Second, Obama’s Day. This past weekend, many of Jeff Greenberg ’09 from last oh-so-clever costumes. While it now. Somehow, McCain plans tax policies will reward hard your classmates campaigned in year. We’re really looking for- Student Affairs puts on the party, to balance the federal budget work rather than greed, giving a Philadelphia while Obama paid ward to welcoming new mem- the SBA is continuing to work while he gives a $300 billion tax cut to nearly every American a visit. You can get involved in bers to the SBA and hearing with the administration to make tax cut to corporations and the earning less than $200,000 per future trips to battleground states the perspectives of NYU Law’s sure that community-building wealthiest executives, increases year. Third, Obama’s spending to get out the vote. If you stay in newest students. events like Fall Ball are safe defense spending, provides a plans balance the federal budget New York, you can sign up to pro- We have several candidates and fun places for NYU Law $700 billion bailout, and contin- by ending the war in Iraq, audit- vide legal assistance at your local running for 1L and LLM repre- students to celebrate together ues a $10 billion-per-month war ing government programs, and polling place to prevent fraud and sentative, but currently no one and work out their law school- in Iraq for an indefinite period. closing tax loopholes for large ensure voting integrity and equal has submitted a completed elec- related stress by unleashing their Those are the policies of the past corporations. Fourth, Obama access for all voters. You can also tion packet to run for the trans- mad dancing skills in Greenberg eight years. Those are the poli- will use that recaptured money volunteer for one of the dozens fer representative position. So, Lounge. cies that have failed America. to invest in math, science, and of local assembly, senate, or even transfers, if you’re interested in If you have any suggestions McCain once said, “The engineering education to create congressional campaigns that still running, shoot me an email and for how to improve these events, issue of economics is not some- a new generation of well paid, need your help. we’ll get you all set up. And, if please feel free to contact me or thing I’ve understood as well as environmentally friendly high- While the polls have swung your class is electing a represen- your representative on the SBA. I should.” This glaring short- tech jobs. dramatically in Obama’s favor, tative, please look out for the link Lastly, I’ll leave you with coming on the Republican Americans are ready for it’s votes that win elections. to vote that I’ll be sending out a suggestion: start working on nominee’s resume was in full change. A recent Newsweek poll America knows that it is not time by email when the voting opens. your costume immediately. If view on September 15. When indicated that 85% of Ameri- to debate the fundamentals of the You can view the candidates’ you think you can get away with McCain stepped up to a Jack- cans think that the country is on economy anymore. It is time to statements on the SBA website leaving it to the last minute, writ- sonville microphone at 9:30 a m , the wrong track, with the vast actually change the way America now. To those of you running, ing some clever things on your he said that the “fundamentals majority stating that the econo- does business. Your efforts over good luck! palm and telling everyone you’re of the economy were strong.” my is the most important issue the next several days can help The other big event that “Learned Hand,” I’m here to tell Most cable news networks facing us today. Americans also make that change on and well happens in the fall is, of course, you, it’s been done. carried the speech live with favor Obama’s recovery plan by after Election Day.

Th e Co m m e n t a t o r Don’t Want Another Four Years of Bush? That’s The Student Newspaper of Exactly Why You Should Vote for McCain New York University School of Law By Ja y Bu c h m a n ’10 McCain is also in a better tempts to justify his actions—for Editor-in-Chief position than Obama to win re- instance, his attempt to explain his Andrew Gehring Considering the many ben- spect overseas. Foreign respect statement that he would be willing efits of a McCain administra- is based on American policy, to meet with foreign heads of state Managing Editor tion, it is unfortunate how John not personality. Foreigners may without preconditions. Instead of Robert Gerrity McCain’s failure to run a dis- fawn over Obama now, but that admitting that this statement was ciplined and honest campaign will end quickly when he adds a mistake and moving on, he be- Senior Staff Editor has hidden his virtues. McCain details to his vaguely articulated came defensive and dug in, claim- Andrew Simon chases media cycles, focusing plans. For example, Obama has ing that his critics were “afraid to on whatever topic the media is promised to unilaterally renego- talk to our enemies.” In fact, the Staff Editors jabbering about that day. One tiate the NAFTA treaty. He also Bush administration has never day it’s “lipstick on a pig”; the votes against free trade, most been afraid to have low-level talks Ashok Ayyar Michael Mix next it’s Bill Ayers or a claim recently against a trade agree- with Iran, North Korea, and other Stephanie Herbert Roberto Reyes-Gaskin that Barack Obama would rather ment with South Korea. Note rogue countries. Joseph Jerome Molly Wallace win an election than a war. Fo- to voters—Obama’s isolationist Other examples include Mitali Mody cusing on these issues is not only approach on trade will not earn Obama’s breaking of pledges to divisive and morally wrong, it America respect or admiration take public financing if McCain Web Editor also creates the misimpressions in the world. And just in case did the same, and his vow to hold Jason Law that these are McCain’s stron- you thought that Obama’s huge a series of town-hall meetings gest arguments (they’re not) and popularity in Europe will lead to with McCain around the United The Commentator serves as a forum for news, opinions and ideas of that he has nothing substantive more cooperation in our war on States. As for his decision not members of the Law School community. The Editorial Board consists of to offer (he does). terrorism, think again. A Ger- to accept public financing for the Editor-in-Chief and the Managing Editor. Only editorials and policies McCain is willing to take po- man politician has commented his campaign, Obama refused developed by the Editorial Board reflect the opinion of the Editorial Board. litical risks; Obama isn’t. McCain that “Obama should only ask of to even consider the fact that All other opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily has courageously broken from us what we are able to deliver,” he was being hypocritical—his those of The Commentator. The Commentator is issued on alternate the conservative Republicans on later adding, “We won’t increase website called the decision “pa- Thursdays during the academic year except during vacations and exami- many issues; I can’t think of a our number of troops.” You mean triotic” and said that he was “de- nation periods. Advertising rates are available on request. Subscriptions single issue where Obama dis- that the thousands of Germans claring his independence” from are also available at a rate of $15 per year. Letters to the Editor should be sent to the following address, either on paper or via e-mail. agrees with the liberal orthodoxy. who came to see his speech don’t the broken system. Forget the Why is the willingness to eschew want to enlist? Maybe Obama fact that he has now done more 240 Mercer Street one’s party important? Several can still “inspire” them to change to break the public financing New York, NY 10012 reasons. For starters, our next their minds. system than any other candidate 212.998.6080 (phone) president will need to reach across For those who say that Obama in history. If Obama continues to party lines to get things done. would provide more of a “change” show this dangerous inclination [email protected] Also, breaking with one’s party from the Bush administration than toward arrogantly believing he All submissions become property of The Commentator. is evidence of open-mindedness, McCain, consider Obama’s in- is always right, he could be as

Copyright 2008 New York University which, generally speaking, is a ability to admit when he has been dangerous a president as George good quality in politicians. wrong and his self-serving at- W. Bush has been. Commentator Features October 15, 2008 Page 3 Cliques, Teetotallers, Bar Review Happy Hour Round-up Part of The Commentator’s New Student Guide to the Village has prepared a midnight) and Orcs—Oh My! multi-part se- “Loco” Tuesday: $2 Coronas and ries detailing $2 Cuervo Shots (until 1:00 a m ) Part of “Growing Up Law School,” a continuing series local happy “Mid-Week Madness” Wednes- ¢ on the life of a 1L hour specials. days: $7 Pitchers; 20 wings dur- ing kitchen hours By Mi c h a e l Mi x ’11 Luckily, I found out later that 1849 “Thrillin’” Thursdays: Ladies’ there were other people in my sec- Bleecker St. Night half-priced beer and well “Who wants to go get a tion around that night, and I coin- between Mac- drinks; 5¢ draft with any appetizer drink and talk about our Torts cidentally had just not met any of Dougal and during kitchen hours professor?” them. As orientation week passed Sixth Ave. I’m sure this is a familiar re- and classes began, my section be- frain for many of my fellow 1Ls. gan to come together as a cohesive Wing Special: People generally bond around unit, to the point where many of Everyday, 3:00 common issues—particularly us regularly go out together. Take p m –6:00 p m stressful ones—and law school that, rural law schools! 20¢ wings. fits that bill perfectly. While go- While the section system defi- (The list of ing out and gossiping about class nitely aids social life among 1Ls, it specials that and section-mates seems to be a also creates an interesting dynam- an 1849 em- weekly occurrence these days, at ic. I spend an absurd amount of ployee will the beginning of the year, I was time every week among my fellow happily pro- concerned about the difficulty of section-mates, so I know many of vide for you forging such relationships with them very well. Unfortunately, it actually ad- other 1Ls. is much more difficult to maintain vertises “.20 In new situations, making a friendship with someone from Robert Gerrity cent wings”— friends and developing a social another section. I met plenty of kudos to any- circle is one of the most critical students from outside my section By Ro b e r t Ge r r i t y ’09 one who successfully buys 500 aspects of living a happy life. during orientation, but it’s almost wings for $1.) Robert Gerrity For instance, I remember feel- impossible to keep in touch con- While the first install- ing alone and isolated my first sidering that I never see them. ment of The Commentator’s Happy Hour: The Half-Pint week of college until I began The section dichotomy also Guide to the Village pointed Everyday until 8:00 p m Corner of Third St. and to hang out with the guys who makes me uncomfortable when I’m out where thirsty new students Half-priced beer and well drinks Thompson would soon become my best with members of other sections. If, can find a drink close to the law ($2.50-3.00) friends. Back then, however, I for some reason, I find myself hang- school, finding a cheap drink $15 buckets (5 cans) of PBR and had the added support of living ing out with people that aren’t in (and maybe some cheap food Nightly Specials: Rolling Rock on a floor with 90 other people; my section, I automatically become to go with it) can be even more (all starting at 8:00 p m ) not surprisingly, my best col- worried that they think that there’s important. Rather than leav- Sunday and Monday: Happy Hour No happy hour or nightly specials, lege friends all lived on my floor something wrong with me. I imag- ing you to rely on SBA drink until 1:00 a m ; 20¢ wings all day but a good selection of beers on tap freshman year. ine them thinking something like tickets, The Commentator (until the kitchen closes around and bottled. Going into law school, I the following about me: “What’s wasn’t sure what to expect in this kid doing hanging out with us? terms of social life. I had heard He’s not even in our section! What that city schools like NYU had a loser! Is there something wrong reputations of being “commuter with him? Let’s break his kneecaps Schudoko! schools”—that people hung out with a tire iron.” with other law students during In retrospect, this line of Below you’ll find a variation on a standard sudoko grid. Fill in the missing boxes the day, but at night they went thinking is probably ridiculous, such that each row, column, and three-by-three box contains one of each of the fol- back to their college/high school/ and I actually enjoy it when some- work friends. At least that’s the one from another section hangs out lowing letters: N Y U L A W S C H. One of the rows or columns will contain idea that some rural law school with my section. But, even though the preceding letters in order, spelling “NYU LAW SCH.” propaganda machine put into my I’m exaggerating, my fear acutely head. Given the possibility that illustrates the biggest problem the rumors could be accurate, with the section system. While it I was slightly nervous; while definitely fosters relationships in- I have a few college and high class and out-of-class, it automati- school friends in , cally creates cliques among the there wasn’t anyone whom I 1Ls. In high school, the cliquiest could count on to hang out with place known to mankind, the on a regular basis. My fears cliques were at least based on some were assuaged somewhat when aspect of one’s personality, fair or I visited NYU Law for admitted not. In law school, however, the students day and my tour guide cliques are based on an arbitrary told me about how often he went number that NYU Law assigns to out with other law students (and you. The other illogical aspect of that he had just gone out for the section system is that different drinks that Wednesday). sections somehow get reputations When I began my 1L year as the “party section” or the “un- this August, I was content to find social section” or the “drunk sec- a social mechanism akin to my tion.” I do not know who makes freshman year floor in college— these distinctions, unless there is my section. The first day, though, some sage, goat-herding wise man just finding other section-mates who sits on the top of Vanderbilt proved to be a tough task. The Hall. In reality, usually the people night I moved into the law school, within each section are the ones there was an unofficial class to designate their section with an of 2011 mixer at a local bar. I adjective. Since no one really has a attended, but by some weird co- basis for comparison, these section incidence, I didn’t meet a single descriptors are useless. person in my section. This lack All in all, the social life of section-mates was definitely in law school isn’t that much unnerving, and my mind raced different from the way it was to come up with explanations. in college. People go to class, Were they all at home watch- and they go out after class on ing Battlestar Galactica? Were weekends. Luckily, my concerns they all ardent prohibitionists, about being in a city turned out teetotallers, and members of the to be completely unfounded. And Anti-Saloon League? Was I in a as far as I can tell, no one in my Solution on page 4. section of orcs? section is actually an orc. Commentator Sports Page 4 October 15, 2008 Flag Football Firsthand SLAP STANDINGS Light Contact League Record Team Point Differential 1. 3-0 Baby Choppers +66 2. 3-0 Kabuki Theatre +40 3. 3-0 Betsey’s Ballaz +32 4. 3-0 Ben Schaefer’s Team +31 5. 2-0 SchMaltz +64 6. 2-0 Todres Tortfeasors +32 7. 2-0 PDREF +9 8. 2-1 Unestoppelable +74 9. 2-1 Issy’s Angels +20 10. 2-1 Dicta in a Box +7 11. 2-1 Bob Loblaw’s Law Blogs +6 12. 2-1 Daddy’s Dearest -18 13. 1-1 Spider Pigs +9 14. 1-1 Stiff-Arm Statute +6 Joseph Jerome 15. 1-1 Lawyering Section 9 -12* 16. 1-2 Boxes of Foxes -6 By Jo s e p h Je r o m e ’11 When we arrived at the field, “Jenny sucks” became our team’s 17. 1-2 Trannies -7 we were joined by a few others rallying call. Law students at NYU must eager to run around wearing a flag I strapped on a belt of red 18. 1-2 Uno Cinco -13 play flag football on Fridays. I belt and roll around on fieldturf. flags, put my hand to the turf, and 19. 1-2 Team Ramrod -21 heard this maxim a dozen times Because we enrolled in the light haphazardly hiked the ball to our 20. 1-2 Starger’s Chargers -26 within the first two weeks of my team-appointed quarter- 20. 1-2 Touchdown Jesuses -26 1L existence. Born without any back. Then I proceeded to 22 1-2 Don’t Hassel the Hoff -28 appreciable athletic ability, the run around, diving at flag 23. 1-2 Corrective Justice -30 prospect of handling a pigskin belts and stubbing my toe. 24. 1-2 Dancing Pandas -47 caused me great concern, but when After a few drives indi- my Lawyering section formed a cated the game would be 25. 1-2 Christmas Critters -55 team for the SLAP light-contact a close one, I jogged off 26. 0-1 Ruckamuck -10* flag football league, I accepted my to the sidelines to take up 27. 0-2 Andrew Gish’s Robot Army -12 fate: I would take the field. cheerleading; I was happy 28. 0-2 Balendra’s Baller -26 This was how I found myself not to showcase my natu- 29. 0-3 Teem Wolf -26 jogging in place outside Vanderbilt ral inability for the full * Pending game 3 outcome. Hall on a gorgeous albeit chilly Fri- forty-minute contest. day afternoon, waiting with an odd My final stat line: Full Contact League assortment of would-be football one “tackle” to stop an 1. 3-0 Man Crush players. Several teammates were interception, and one dive 2. 2-0 TBA still recovering from another excit- onto the turf to break ing SBA Thursday night, and we up a pass. Hardly the 3. 1-1 Suck my Dicta joked about our collective lack of glory of a touchdown, 3. 1-1 The Angry Dragons football talent. After a rival asked but I was more concerned 5. 0-2 Javon Walker’s School Of Self-Defense if our team had been “training” for with avoiding some dead the league, we hurriedly recalled leg like poor Andrew Fortunately for us, our val- go get some orange slices and our experiences playing Madden Vosburg. (Clever torts iant opponent took the game a Gatorade, the therapeutic value and participating in powder-puff reference, no?) bit too seriously, disputed a few of flag football became appar- games in high school. I retorted As the battle raged too many calls, and never fig- ent. Being outside, running Joseph Jerome that the only play our playbook on the field, I walked ured out how to defend against a around unencumbered by the needed was “touchdown.” contact league, we were required the sidelines talking to fellow quarterback taking off for twenty weight of bookbags full of Resigned to defeat, the to have two girls on the field at all twenty-somethings about how yard runs each and every play. casebooks and laptops alleviated mighty “Lawyering Section 16” times. Fortunately, our team had old and sore we felt. While After forty minutes, Lawyering many of the aches and pains law (now known as “Betsey’s Bal- three of the fairer sex, though one other teams stretched before their Section 16 emerged victorious, school provides. It wasn’t that laz”) marched the mile and a was quickly siphoned off by our games to minimize this pain, 36-30 in an overtime thriller. law students had to play flag half to East River Park for our opponent, who had only one. En- my team opted not to for fear of As we high-fived the other football on Fridays; it is that inaugural contest. ergized by the necessary defection, “pulling a hammy.” team and wondered if we should they need to. The Yanks? No Thanks! Let’s Go Mets! Schudoku! By An d r e w Si m o n ’09 game of baseball and thereby helping 5. Mets ex-manager Bobby Val- Solution the Red Sox to yet another World Se- entine, after being thrown out of a After watching fans’ bitter- ries disappointment, this time in the game one time, thought that nobody See puzzle page 3. sweet reactions at the Mets’ final sixth game of the , would notice if he put on a fake nose loss at , I got to think- Buckner reportedly threw himself in and moustache when returning to the ing about how much people around front of the 7 train. But don’t worry, bench. People noticed. the country like the Yankees. Sure, it went through his legs. 6. They have a apple. there are some bastions of Yankee 2. Everyone likes an underdog. It pops up out of a hat when a Mets antipathy, but for whatever reason The Mets are the highest paid under- player hits a home run—how awe- (probably because they win) people dogs, which is a new level of pitiful some is that? Really awesome! just want to root for the Yankees. deserving of your sympathy cheers. 7. In 1962, the Mets only won Forget the Yankees. Band- 3. The Mets have made some 25 percent of their games—that’s wagon fans are just the kinds of of the best trades ever in baseball. impressive. new recruits a team like the Mets They’ve traded away the likes 8. The Mets ain’t the Yankees. needs. These people are ripe for of Nolan Ryan, Tom Seaver, and I hope some of you nouveau conversion to a more appropriate Scott Kazmir. This kind of fore- New Yorkers take this list to heart way of thinking—being a Mets fan. sight should definitely be lauded. and can see the joy in being a Mets Therefore, I’ve created the follow- 4. In order to win, the Mets fan. When the Mets open their new ing list to explain why a person with once needed help from the super- state-of-the-art stadium next spring, no other serious baseball loyalties natural realm. En route to the 1969 I look forward to seeing some more should probably be a Mets fan. World Series title, the Mets con- Mets gear around campus. And if 1. Boston’s pride and glory, ole quered their closest rival that season you do convert, always remember Bill “ball through the legs” Buckner. after a black cat ran across the field that if you didn’t laugh, you’d have After botching the easiest play in the and placed a jinx on the Cubs. to cry. Let’s go Mets!