STUDENTSTUDENTSTUDENT LOVELOVELOVE Sex Issue 2021 2 STUDSEARCH EM MCPHIE & TED MOSKAL | SENIOR NEWS EDITORS | [email protected] THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 NUDES First years embrace dating apps to compensate for loss of in-person socialization during pandemic

RIDA QURESHI semester,” freshman Abigail ‘meet-cute,’ as COVID-19 When it comes to which culture.” explicit photos and a par- CONTRIBUTING REPORTER Matthews, whose experi- cases on campus rise, social dating app freshmen prefer, “Tinder is like being in ticularly racist pick-up line, ence spans Tinder, Bumble distancing guidelines have the answer will vary, but a bar, where you’re just she turned her attention to As the weather worsens and Hinge, said. rendered in-person inter- most began their online dat- going off looks,” Matthews Bumble, where women mes- and more classes embrace Though all three apps actions like these unsafe. ing experience on the one said. While casual rela- sage their matches first. virtual formats, the chances hit the market over five Moreover, for those coming app that seems to domi- tionships are certainly “It empowers me to of finding one’s soul- years ago, online dating from smaller hometowns nate the University’s dating common in a normal aca- choose who I interact mate this semester seem has seen a noticeable uptick such as freshman Tanner scene. demic year, COVID-fears with,” Núñez-Enriquez slim to many—but several since the onset of the pan- Smith, they report that “When students think have pushed many away said. She commended dating apps have helped demic in March of 2020. quarantine restrictions on online dating, they think from hookups and more Bumble’s thought-provok- Washington University In fact, prior to the pan- a large college campus can Tinder,” Smith said. “If toward long-term commit- ing prompts and holistic freshmen find love. demic, freshman Rosalinda feel just as limiting as a you want the most results ments. For Matthews, this profiles. Nonetheless, Apps such as Tinder, Núñez-Enriquez had a small high school. in our age range, you go to meant deleting Tinder and Núñez-Enriquez said how Bumble, Hinge and Grindr very different expectation “I’m from a tiny-ass Tinder.” transitioning to Hinge, an Bumble’s heteronormative offer students an opportu- for what the dating scene town,” Smith said. “It In terms of filters and application with prompts practice of women mes- nity to mingle with people might look like on a college was exciting to think I’d features, Tinder’s offerings such as, “A shower thought saging men caused her to in their area by asking them campus. be around so many peo- are simple: name, age, a I had recently had was…” see Tinder’s as more inclu- to approve or deny potential “I really thought I was ple and have options. But collection of pictures and and “Can you name where sive to the LGBTQIA* matches. Although the fea- going to have a meet-cute,” with the pandemic, noth- a 500-character bio with this picture was taken?” community. tures vary by platform, most Núñez-Enriquez said. “I’m ing’s changed. I stick to unlimited creative freedom. “Everybody that I’ve Ultimately, dating apps apps allow users to pick a walking on campus with my pod—there’s no blank Though its simplicity cer- talked to with Hinge has vary widely in the types of preferred age range, set a some books in hand. Oops! slate.” tainly prevents boredom ended up deleting it because relationships they attract, maximum distance and fil- I bump into somebody. My Smith further explained while swiping, some fresh- they met somebody on the the complexity of their pro- ter by gender. The more a books fall. We both reach that dating apps have sky- men say they have found app. That’s not the case files and the diversity of user interacts with the app, down at the same time. Zap! rocketed in popularity fault with its heavy reliance with Tinder,” Matthews their users. However, their the more information its Love at first sight, right?” among his social circle this on physical appearance. said. popularity on campus this algorithm can use to curate While many Washington semester due to the oppor- In fact, Smith, Núñez- Núñez-Enriquez, too, semester results from one better matches. University students might tunity they present to meet Enriquez and Matthews left Tinder in search of a uniting factor: a chance at “Dating has definitely share Núñez-Enriquez’s students outside of one’s all described Tinder using more serious connection. connection in a time of iso- entered the digital age this idea of the perfect friend group. the same phrase: “hookup After receiving multiple lation and separation. 2021 sex survey reveals WU students’ sex habits

TED MOSKAL University students com- conflicted about what me longer than 5 minutes, respondents said that they 76% “always” using pro- SENIOR NEWS EDITOR pleted the survey. exactly constitutes a we’re dating.” considered vaginal penetra- tection that prevents 35% of respondents said relationship, with 76% The survey included tion as sex, 76% considered pregnancy and 42% using The results of Student that they were in a rela- agreeing that a relationship responses from people anal penetration, 49% protection that prevents Life’s 2021 sex survey tionship and 56% said they involved establishing girl- representing a variety of considered oral sex and STIs. Nine percent of stu- show that 71% of respon- were not, while the remain- friend/boyfriend/partner sexualities and gender 26% considered manual dents said that they never dents have had sex, the ing 9% chose to avoid titles, 62% saying exclusiv- identities. 65% of respon- stimulation as sex. Of the use protection that prevents same result as the 2020 labels, saying “It’s compli- ity (agreeing not to date dents reported that they respondents who reported pregnancy, 5% said that survey and a decrease from cated.” 62% of respondents other people), 34% saying were heterosexual, 19% having sex, the frequency they never use protection the 2019 and 2018 surveys, reported having been in going on dates, 15% say- were bisexual, 6% were of sexual activity ranged that prevents STIs and 19% which yielded respective one relationship in college, ing moving in together, questioning, 6% were from multiple times a day said that they have been rates of 74% and 75%. while 22% reported two 9% saying hooking up homosexual, 5% were to less than one time a year. tested for STIs and are in On average, survey relationships, 10% reported and 8% saying making it queer, 3% were asexual The most common answer, a committed relationship, respondents estimated three relationships, 3% “Facebook official.” Other and 2% were pansexual. however, was two to three and therefore have chosen that 64% of Washington reported four relationships responses included “com- 54% of respondents identi- times a week, which 25% not to use protection for University students have and only 2% reported not mitment with the intention fied as cisgender women, of respondents said was STIs. had sex. being in a relationship dur- of marriage,” “just vib- 40% as cisgender men, 3% accurate. The exact type of pro- Between Jan. 14 and ing college. ing with someone,” and as nonbinary, 1% as gender 38% of respondents tection used by students Feb. 10, 781 Washington Respondents were also “anytime a man looks at nonconforming, 1% as gen- reported having been and their sexual partners derqueer, 0.52% as trans tested for an STI, while varied, with 79% of respon- female/trans women and 5% reported having had an dents using male condoms, 0.39% as trans male/trans STI. 52% using hormonal birth men. During sex, Washington control, 28% using the Respondents also had University students gen- “pull-out method,” 25% differing opinions on the erally prefer to use some using an IUD and 12% exact nature of sex. 97% of type of protection, with using a morning after pill.

STUDENTSTUDENTSTUDENT LOVELOVELOVE Sex Issue 2021 Front cover by HN Hoffmann

2021

VOLUME 142, STUDENT LOVE Emma Baker Kya Vaughn Curran Neenan Sabrina Spence Jamila Dawkins Copyright © 2021 Washington Editor-in-Chief Senior Forum Editor Senior Photo Editor Social Media Director Forum Editor University Student Media, [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Inc. (WUSMI). Student Life Nathan Springman Adrienne Levin Coleman is a financially and editorially Matthew Friedman Dorian DeBose JJ Coley Webmaster General Manager independent, student-run Associate Editor Josh Shapiro Isabella Neubauer [email protected] newspaper serving the Senior Sports Editors Copy Chiefs Grace Kennard Washington University Jayla Butler [email protected] [email protected] Julia Robbins Tammy Dunsford community. Our newspaper is Kya Vaughn Orli Sheffey Advertising Sales Supervisor a publication of WUSMI and Managing Editors Isabella Neubauer Vivienne Chang News Editors [email protected] does not necessarily represent Sabrina Spence Kathleen White the views of the Washington Em McPhie Senior Cadenza Editors Directors of Engagement Christine Watridge University administration. Ted Moskal [email protected] Jaime Lee Senior News Editors HN Hoffmann Spencer Linenberg [email protected] Mia Goldberg Jaden Satenstein Kamala Madireddi Design Chief Christine Watridge Clara Richards Benjamin Simon [email protected] Multimedia Editors Designers Senior Scene Editor [email protected] THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 3 STUDSEARCH BENJAMIN SIMON | SENIOR SCENE EDITOR | [email protected] THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 SQUIRTS

From psychology major to pornstar: The most famous WU alum you don’t know

BENJAMIN SIMON felt like she could never catch SENIOR SCENE EDITOR up. At one point, Love even resorted to dumpster diving. When Larkin Love applied “[Wash. U.] would build to Washington University, she some new building or throw didn’t know a single soul in some pointless party and I’m the state of Missouri. She just like, ‘Wow, how am I going knew Wash. U. was a highly to eat this week?’” she said. “I ranked school that might help don’t know. It was just kinda her get a job in academia or shitty.” medicine. When Love graduated from “I had such high hopes for Wash. U., she walked into the what I would get out of the 2008 recession. There weren’t Wash. U. experience,” Love many jobs for someone with said. “And the whole thing left an undergraduate psychology me rinsed and pretty used up.” degree. Plus, college had left These days, Love earns over her in a “financial pit,” she a million dollars a year as one said. of porn’s biggest stars. She’s “It was either go back to also one of Wash. U.’s most more of the absolute mind famous graduates. Search up blowingly difficult grind of Wash. U. alums on Google being a full-time student work- and it’s Larkin Love who ing two and a half jobs,” Love COURTESY OF RUB PR appears. said, “or start stripping and try After the cost of her college degree forced her into a “financial pit,” Larkin Love decided to pursue a career as an But more than a decade to chip away at my debt.” independent porn star and producer. Years later, she is now one of Washington University’s most famous alumni. later, Love has tried to put her So that’s what she did. For Wash. U. experience behind a while, Love thought she’d isn’t. If anyone thinks there her own production company, “There’s no huge secret to own websites and being an her. When she thinks back pay off her debt and go back to is, they’re crazy. They don’t and just 45 for mainstream porn,” she said. “It’s creating entrepreneur has been a billion to her time at the school, she school. But once she saw the know,” she said. porn (although she has pretty images of pretty people times more fulfilling than remembers fighting to stay money rolling in, she saw no Love lived in at garnered over 64 million views doing pretty things.” anything that I got out of the afloat financially day after reason to stop. the time and needed to make on PornHub). She manages “I don’t have to be industry college experience,” she said. day. She went to Wash. U. on “By the point I had that some extra money. So she a team of 10 or so people, to tell you that it’s complete Love hasn’t been back to scholarship, but that didn’t kind of financial cushion I bought a video camera and and compares her day-to-day bullshit, right? Now that I’m Wash. U. or St. Louis since cover the books, the medical was, like, why? I’m so happy, began making her own porn life to that of a YouTuber or in the industry, I know that graduating. And she has no bills, the social events––all of I’m so comfortable,” Love scenes, selling them on sites social media influencer. “It’s 100% more. Like, oh Jesus, plans of returning. the piled on costs. She worked said. “Everything is going like “Clips4Sale.” basically like that, but my you guys have no idea how “There’s nothing there for in the school library––one right. I’m stable, I can take “From there, it just took tits probably get out at some fake everything is,” Love said, me,” she said. “There’s literally of her favorite experiences care of my medical issues, I off,” she said. “It took off like point,” she added. comparing porn to a martial nothing there. I mean, Forest at the University––but could have food on the table, a roof a rocket.” On occasion, she’ll travel arts fight and real sex to a bar Park is cool. I would consider only clock in 20 hours a week over my head, I’m out of debt. That’s how Love started for a shoot, but for the most fight. someday going back to the and made just $7.20 an hour. Why would I go back to that?” working for herself as an part, she works from her In the end, Love has no Botanical Gardens. My life “Slave labor,” she called it. Love started webcamming, independent porn star and pro- home in Amsterdam. She regrets about her career path is overseas now. I travel the The expenses kept adding up then she started filming main- ducer. Since then she has won interacts with fans on social and she doesn’t miss the aca- world. I honestly have no nos- and adding up. She took a job stream porn. But she didn’t last a range of awards like Best media, goes live on Instagram, demic world. talgia about the place. I don’t at a restaurant and volunteered long in either. “There really Clip Artist and Favorite Fetish takes some nudes, updates “I’ve got to say––stripping really have any friends left in in experiments, but no matter isn’t a lot of money shoot- Model. She estimates that she her OnlyFans, posts to her and doing porn and shooting the area, so for me, personally, how much she worked, she ing mainstream porn. There has shot over 700 scenes for website and shoots her videos. my own porn and owning my no, it’s a wasteland.”

Crucial connections: WU’s professor of happiness talks relationships, COVID-19

OLIVIA POOLOS able to experience the same need for social connection. STAFF WRITER kind of closeness, because Introverts and extroverts we’re not able to even offer need social connection I sat down with Timothy a handshake or a hug. equally. They just are dif- Bono, a professor in ferent in terms of how they Psychological and Brain SL: In terms of catching seek it out. If anything, this Sciences, to talk about rela- COVID and mental well- period of time is amplify- tionships, loneliness and the being, is choosing to have a ing how important and pandemic. Bono, who has physical relationship with worthwhile it is to prioritize instructed at Washington one person or a couple opportunities for connec- University for the last ten of close friends a risk we tion. And my hope is that years, teaches a popular should be evaluating? once we’re on the other course titled “Positive side of this thing that we Psychology: The Science TB: I do believe that it’s will savor those opportuni- of Happiness.” The class important to heed the ties to connect with other covers positive mindsets, precautions that have been people and not take them self-esteem and gratitude, outlined by our public for granted, and when, you among other things. In health experts, not going know, a friend calls us to go a year that has brought to parties with 100 people. see a movie or get dinner, extreme social and romantic But yeah, if you’ve got a that we jump at the chance isolation, Bono was just group of friends who don’t because we are now being the person I wanted to chat live together but you agree reminded of how precious with about the effects of ‘Okay we are going to be that is. COVID on mental health responsible, and we are and how to best adapt. After going to see each other and SL: Anything else? a few formalities, I jumped have minimal contact with straight into the questions other people,’ I do believe TB: Everybody’s been I really wanted to know that that in the interest of talking about ‘Oh I can’t about—ones about social- our mental health, we have wait until this is over and ization, skin hunger and to have balance, and that it’s then I’ll be happy.’ I think romance. appropriate to engage with that what’s more impor- others, as long as we are tant is that we develop the This interview has been edited doing that responsibly. resources, psychologically, for length and clarity. to cope with challenges, ver- SL: Do you think that the sus waiting until the current STUDENT LIFE: Do you psychological effects of challenges are over, because know if physical touch, loneliness cause people there’s always going to be or lack thereof, affects our to be more proactive in challenges. The pursuit mood or health? searching for romantic of happiness is not about relationships? waiting until challenges are TIMOTHY BONO: When gone. There’s always going we are near somebody who TB: That’s one of the things to be challenges. That’s the we really care about, one that loneliness can do. It thing that I’m really trying way to strengthen the bond motivates us to get out there to emphasize right now--to that we feel with another and meet people and get to use this as an opportunity person is by embracing know them. And again, I to figure out how to live life them. That’s associated with think that it’s worthwhile to carrying some really dif- the release of a hormone do that, but again to do it as ficult things but not to allow called oxytocin that’s very safely and as responsibly as that to consume us 100%. important for forming a possible. Yeah, it’s hard right now. bond that is both biological But there are still silver lin- and psychological. That SL: Will we become more ings, and the ability to direct very likely is one of the introverted as socialization attention to those good contributors to the chal- continues to be at a lower things and still derive some lenges with mental health level? happiness even amid the that many people are challenges is a really impor- experiencing right now. On TB: Well you’re sort of con- tant part of psychological a biological level we’re not flating personality with the health and psychological ADDRESS www.south40hookups.com/popup

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The statistics WHO’S FOOLIN’ AROUND? we touched cursors in class! in this survey missed connections are based on 267 freshmen 311 men What percent of students... the answers of 131 sophomores 419 women “My boyfriend and I were having sex in his room when, through the walls, his roommate began 781 Wash. U. 190 juniors 43 students to belt out ‘Guns and Ships’ from Hamilton - he didn't know we were there initially but definitely 119 seniors not within the Do you think were aware once we joined in singing at the top of our lungs.” “My freshman year, I hooked up with the guy I had had students who a crush on the entire year when we were both drunk. I 9 fifth-year gender binary 64 .00 % “Once in the middle of hooking up someone told me I was ‘full of surprises in a neutral way.’” took our online seniors or (gender non- have had sex? was literally naked on top of him, and he starts telling sex survey from older conforming, “I had a girl who wanted to come over for a post finals hookup. I told her she can come through. me how he felt about me or whatever. And at one point, Jan. 19 - Feb 65 graduate genderqueer or Have actually She got here, and when we started the act, I realized I had jerked off like three times earlier that he goes “Yeah, you’re a very valued member of the 10. The group students listed another day. So I pretended to not have a condom. My piece was on life support from its long day, so she Wash. U. community.” Which for some unknown 71.49 % had to perform CPR on it for a while just to bring him back to consciousness. We haven’t talked reason did not kill the mood. To this day, this is the included: identity) had sex? most cringe thing that’s ever happened to me. Yes we based on 733 responses since.” did hook up again after this. Yes we are still friends.” “When I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, at the time when he finished he high fived me and said ‘missionary accomplished.’” based on 161 respondents STUDMAPS - where are students doing the dirty? “Penis stuck in washing machine, don’t ask.” “My sexual partner did voice impressions.” 1 South 40 study rooms - 34.16% Stick! Not" “My partner started having a full blown conversation with my penis (by speaking for herself and 2 South 40 common rooms - 26.09% the penis).” Wh$ 3 Olin Library study rooms - 13.04% “Embarrassing but I used to work somewhere where I handled a lot of different duct tapes. One 4 South 40 hammocks- 12.42% day a roll accidentally got into my bag so it came home with me by mistake. That night, my ha% th" 5 DUC showers - 11.80% partner found it and joked that I was going to use it to tie him up with. This then became a B! yea#: 6 running gag in our relationship that I (the vanilla one in the relationship) secretly wanted to duct Freshmen 59.27% Sophomores 72.58% mos& 7 Olin Library stacks- 11.18% tape his hands together to restrain him at all hours of the day to the point where we couldn’t see a Juniors Seniors 75.45% The orchestra pit on Brookings roll of tape without dying laughing. The real kicker of the story is that this experience was how I 77.72% se'? 8 learned that if you joke about a kink for long enough, you will, in fact, develop it…” 9 Quad - 11.18% “My boyfriend's roommate started singing Disney songs very loudly in the shower while we were 10 DUC - 10.56% in bed, including ‘I'll Make a Man Out of You’ from Mulan. My boyfriend starting talking about B! (choo): base* o+ 675 11 Athletic Complex - 9.94% his relationship with his mother while removing his condom afterward.” B-School 71.43% ArtSci 69.70% response% Sam Fox Engineering 66.39% Any academic building - “I get to his apartment and ‘The Proud Family’ is playing. He doesn't turn it off and as I'm 75.68% 31.06% Honorable mentions cumming, I hear the TV go ‘proud, proud family.’” Any laundry room on campus - Supply room of frat 18.01% Piano practice rooms in village Any elevator on campus- Mudd Field 15.53% South 40 music room Ibby’s STUDPAINT The roof of any building - The Wallace Parking Garage and the 12.42% Snow Way Parking Garage The Village basement bathroom How to draw Wash. U.’s favorite sex toys ADDRESS www.studshop.com KINk deals STUDBROWSER based on 588 responses dildo now! Spotify ADDRESS www.datamatch.com/wustl Wash. U. students’ most popular kinks

HOW MANY STUDENTS USE DATING APPS? handcuffs Choking $$ Dom/Sub $$ Sexy time playlist made vibrator by Wash. U. students Bondage $$ Dirty Talk $ Snapchat Public sex $$$ 27.04% Hinge butt plug Bumble 22.28 35.37 % 71% of students % cock ring have used a DataMatch 20.07% dating app or Grindr 4.25% Honorable mentions website to find Tinder - Comfortable, committed relationships a partner Facebook 4.25% 58.33% - Squashing, smothering, face sitting, etc. - 3.7+ Science GPA 34 + 35 - Ariana Grande Mood Swings (feat. Lil Tjay) - Pop - Aprons Borderline with My Atoms - Hiatus Smoke, Lil Tjay Kaiyote Motivation - Kelly Rowland, Class of 2013 - Mitski Lil Wayne Do U Wrong (feat. Syd) - Leven Not True - Emoney, Tylersemicolon Kali, Syd Passionfruit - Drake www.studhub.com/whowatches WASH. U. STUDENTS MOST Down (feat. Fauxe) - Sam Rui, Fauxe Prisoner - The Weeknd, ADDRESS ’ Fantasy - Black Atlass Lana Del Ray Feels Like - Nao Ride - SoMo POPULAR SEX POSITIONS Flower - Johnny Stimson Self Control - Frank Ocean Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau SICKO MODE - Travis Scott College roommates Stud hub How many people Twins SLOW DANCING IN THE Missionary Doggy have been tested Hold On - The Internet DARK - Joji for an STI?? If the World Was Ending (feat. Julia Stargirl Interlude - The Weeknd, Michaels) - JP Saxe, Julia Micheals Lana Del Rey I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys Stay - Mac Miller 90.60% of men 38.33% Juno - Choker Streetcar - Daniel Caesar DUC showers Kiss It Better - Rihanna Talk is Cheap - Chet Faker 52.65% of women live feed L$D - A$AP Rocky This World (feat. Gallant) - The Main LIKE I WANT YOU - Giveon Squeeze, Gallant Make It Rain - The-Dream Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles 69.23% of people not Professor Miami - Tommy Genesis Whore National Anthem - Rob roleplay Apollo within the gender binary Cowgirl World Wide Web - Danger Incorporated based on 647 How many Wash. U. students watch porn? Published Feb. 11 1:32:05 Based on 622 responses STL Milfs responses watch porn. Legs-on-shoulders

69:69 PM LAYOUTLAYOUTLAYOUT ANDANDAND DESIGNDESIGNDESIGN LAYOUTLAYOUTLAYOUT ANDANDAND DESIGNDESIGNDESIGN FEBRUARY 14 ERROR START BYBYBY CHRISTINECHRISTINECHRISTINE WATRIDGEWATRIDGEWATRIDGE BYBYBY HNHNHN HOFFMANNHOFFMANNHOFFMANN 2021 6 STUDSEARCH ISABELLA NEUBAUER & SABRINA SPENCE | SENIOR CADENZA EDITORS | [email protected] THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 CREAMPIE Elude V-Day horrors with the sexiest moments in period pieces

LYDIA MCKELVIE helps Lizzie Bennet (Kiera this heartfelt moment has sexiness of period dramas still so juicy period-piece series and made me feel STAFF WRITER Knightly) into her carriage a particular place in the comes not from the bang- motif. All the other danc- it merited an inclusion on by gently holding her hand hall of historical-horniness ing but from the yearning. ers seem to fade away so this list is the way every sin- Well, your favorite with the barest of butterfly- fame. This moment hap- So, this scene makes the the audience can appreci- gle male chess player Beth repressed history major is kiss grips. Afterwards, so pens in season two after list because the whole ate the delicious tension meets is just head-over- back with another round of overcome by the sensa- these ladies have spent a point is that Daphne is try- as their hands linger just a heels in love with her and period piece hot takes! This tion of their momentary whole season pining for ing to impress the German bit too long and they lose it’s honestly some of the time, they are fresh off of contact, he stretches and each other among the prince on the surface level, a bit too much time star- best television that’s ever 10 months of quarantine clenches his hand in a grime and gore of the but really she and the Duke ing into the other’s eyes. been made. It’s like Leslie in a studio apartment, so move that has made many golden age of piracy. Max are mutually pining for one They are so into each other Knope once said, there’s there are extra fun notes an Austen-ite sigh over the (Jessica Parker Kennedy) another to an unbearable without realizing the other nothing men like more than of isolation and pandemic romance of it all. What knows that Anne’s been degree. You can literally person is into them that when you’re better than fatigue. Today, I’d like makes this scene so, so acting out lately because see the tension in the air I just want to spray them them at the things they to tell you my top five sexy is how you know just she’s filled with gay panic around them as they take both with water like cats love! In this scene, Harry sexiest moments in period from that little gesture Mr. she won’t acknowledge, off all of each other’s 400 until they get it together. (Harry Melling), a boy pieces, because people in Darcy is filled with such and when she finally stuffy regency layers with Overall, it is an incredibly who’s butt Beth thoroughly the olden days got down overwhelming yearning for figures out what’s up, they their eyes. As a viewer sexy scene in an incred- kicked in a tournament and dirty too. Spoiler Lizzie that he might just become a pirate power you can’t help but think, ibly sexy movie that does years ago, is trying to help alert: There is literally not burst into flames. If that’s couple for the ages. Also, “If these two don’t throw not have one actual sex Beth prepare for a national a single sex scene in this not sexy, I don’t know Clara Padget can hold a down soon, I genuinely scene in it, which I find competition while also entire list, because sexy what is. knife to my throat literally fear for their safety.” That’s very impressive so I felt pretending he isn’t super is what I say it is and not any time. sexy, my friends. it deserved a place on the into her. However, Beth what society does. Also, list. doesn’t make this easy at all what’s sexier than repres- Black Sails (2014- when she starts dancing to sion, right? Yes I did go to Bridgerton (2020-): Emma (2020): The “Fever” by Peggy Lee, one Catholic school, why do 2017): Anne and The Queen’s of the sexiest songs known you ask? Daphne descending ballroom scene to man, and he looks like Max’s Gambit (2020): the he’s about to pass out. the staircase with So, this movie was basi- Overall, 10/10. Beth can Pride and Prejudice frst kiss cally 90% sexual tension Fever scene definitely do better but the that giant fan and I think that’s beauti- fact that she has this little (2005): carriage- If you thought you were ful. Director Autumn de Once again, an Anya man wrapped around her going to finish this article As I’m sure you and Wilde knew exactly what Taylor-Joy period piece is finger without even realiz- hand-touch-clench without reading about everyone’s wine aunts period piece audiences making the list, but she’s ing it is so hilariously sexy I historical WLW, you don’t know, Bridgerton is a wanted, which is for two so breathtakingly beautiful had to include it. moment know anything about me. rather raunchy take on the beautiful people dressed in she deserves it. This mini- I’d say history, women and regency romance, where the most lavish costumes series is about an orphan Well, that’s the list! I Oh baby. We’re com- swords are my top three they took the sexiness of known to man to stare girl, Beth Harmon (Anya hope you all enjoy your ing out hot with one of interests, so it should be no the Jane Austen-style pin- longingly at each other for Taylor-Joy), who is a chess Valentine’s Day, and know the biggest and baddest surprise that Black Sails ing and said “But what if two hours and 12 min- prodigy and grows up to that if you are tired of moments of period piece has made the list. Now, these people also did the utes. In this scene, Emma win championships all over living in this time period, history. With a swoon-wor- obviously every grizzly ole hokey pokey?” and boy (Anya Taylor-Joy) and Mr. the world, which is just you can always pop into thy display of tenderness thing Anne Bonny (Clara do they! Now, as I am a Knightly (Johnny Flynn) unbelievably sexy of her another one for a few sexy, and repression, Mr. Darcy Padget) does in this show period piece connoisseur, are dancing together at a to begin with. What really sexy hours with these (Matthew Macfayden) is unbelievably sexy, but I understand that the true ball, which is a classic but won me over about this period pieces. The kaleidoscope of sexual energies in the Disney song canon

GRADY NANCE You’ve Got a be Simba in that moment Whistle While in whistling. I’ll Make a STAFF WRITER when Nala gives him “the Friend In Me: eyes” as they get damp in You Work: Man Outta You: We’ve all had the same and around the watering Under the Sea: probing question on our This is ol’ reliable, the hole (don’t act like you This classic Disney tune Let’s have 2021 be the minds: What Disney song classic, your bread and don’t know what I’m talking gets extra points for not Grab your goggles, year we finally accept the… best expresses the sexual butter. It’s step one in about). Yes, they’re lions, only heavily alluding to but because Ariel’s feisty multifaceted… realities of energy I’m feeling right now? troubleshooting your horni- but passion is passion, and providing instructions for crab friend is taking us to the male pleasure system Fear no more, for below lies ness. When you’re feeling this song represents the playing the skin flute like a the underwater gorge in and let others take the the skeleton key to Disney- the urge to splurge and don’t climax of sensuality, regard- pro. It’s simple, really: just order to dispel any false reins. No better suited fying the last uncommodified quite know which direction less of species. This is the put your lips together like notions about this mysteri- for the occasion is this part of your existence, your to go, just get a friend in only exception to my origi- you’re whistling a tune! ous paradise. Like Ariel, pulsating ‘Mulan’ ballad sex life. Granted, playing you (or vice versa) and see nal statement—if you’re in This song is your grand- many may think they that will have ladies feeling some of these songs for your if that fixes the problem. It’s the moment and need some parents’ Kama Sutra, the prefer to stay above water, empowered and men taking partner to get them in the the Advil for your headache, symphonic encouragement, genesis for the modern day but Sebastian correctly these new sensations in mood is basically the equiva- the Frank Ocean for your just tell Alexa to “moisten “Gluck Gluck 9000.” Its points out that “Darling stride (or on all fours). You lent of shoving a ShamWow quarantine depression, the the kitty” and she’ll know energy falls into the same it’s better/down where are free to whip out the up there (or deflating a simple and sweaty solution what to do. subgenre as “AWOOGA” it’s wetter.” In truth, this bamboo stick like Mulan balloon snake, for the guys); to your basest desires. eyes and cartoon whistle song is about fear—fear on night one, but perhaps nevertheless, it’s the StudLife slide, but it still provides of the unknown, of not start slower, or at least with Sex Issue, so let’s desecrate Almost There: an insightful roadmap to finding the elusive cloaked something that won’t leave everyone’s favorite childhood Can You Feel The acquiring the curds. As pearl and of the taste of splinters in your guy’s toe- tunes by discussing their Snow White preaches, “It saltwater. But fear not, eyed cabbage patch. After dirty undersides, and how Love Tonight: Dear god, don’t change won’t take long when there’s you don’t need gills, and 2020, this song provides there’s always a hot, steamy what you’re doing. Do the a song to help you set the nothing is going to bite. the empowering, liberating moral throbbing on the exact same thing. I did not pace,” so find your rhythm, The tide is rising; are you energy you need to finally inside of every Disney Let’s not beat around tell you to do something dif- stick to it and remember: strong enough to meet it start putting things in your song. the bush—we all wanted to ferent. Keep. Going. There are no teeth involved head on? guy’s asshole.

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6254 DELMAR BLVD IN THE LOOP GRAPHIC BY CHRISTINE WATRIDGE THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 7 STUDSEARCH KYA VAUGHN | SENIOR FORUM EDITOR | [email protected] THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 FOR[C]UM STAFF EDITORIAL

Masks. Pre-pandemic, seeing anyone in Pre-pandemic, I was always paying A good group cry. Before COVID, What “excites” us now that public in any sort of mask was, attention to peoples’ smiles and I kept my tears to myself, thank didn’t before the pandemic frankly, weird and mostly creepy. Now their teeth. Now, since you very much. But after months I’m at a grocery store wooing over everyone’s mouths are covered by of crying alone, I can’t wait to Accidentally running into people. masks, I find myself paying sit in a room with actual human everyone who wears their mask right. I was very awkward when it came to Truly, it’s the little things. closer attention to the way beings and just let it all out. seeing friends and classmates people sound. I may be hard of You bring the tissues, I’ll COVID-19 has definitely changed the way we interact and —Christine Watridge, Multimedia Editor across campus. I never quite knew in more than one way has made human contact and hearing, but hearing someone’s bring the cake. if we should chat or just wave and voice and it even sounding —Jaden Satenstein, Multimedia Editor intimacy, well, limited. The members of the Student Life so I would often try to accomplish remotely attractive makes my day. Editorial Board share the things that get them going now some awkward marriage of the two. Eye contact. As a socially —Sabrina Spence, Senior Cadenza More than five people in a single that didn’t pre-quarantine. Now, the idea of having an Editor anxious person, I’ve never made unplanned chat is so incredibly room at once. I was never it a point to meet anyone’s exciting. Talk soon! the world’s biggest fan gaze. Now that the eyes are of parties before the —Emma Baker, Editor-in-Chief Pre-pandemic, I dreaded hugs. There were A night in. I used to enjoy going out every now basically the only thing you pandemic, but now the can see on a person’s face, very, very few people I didn’t mind/enjoyed opportunity to have and then, but since I discovered an air popcorn hugging. Eleven months into quarantine, I maker and have been living in quarantine, I’ve though, whenever I share eye conversations with dozens contact with someone, I can’t Double masking. Now that CDC guidelines just want someone* to give me a hug. of different people in a basically become Olivia Pope without the love *Someone I know and trust. The boundaries triangle and cool job. Unless you count choosing help but think: Are we flirting recommend wearing not one but two masks, single night definitely right now? seeing that second layer of protection on haven’t completely disappeared. intrigues me. between Netflix and Hulu as a love triangle… —Isabella Neubauer, Senior Cadenza Editor and —Kya Vaughn, Managing Editor and Senior Forum Editor —Jamila Dawkins, Forum Editor others just makes me weak in the knees. —Matthew Friedman, —Kathleen White, Director of Engagement Copy Chief Associate Editor

Bumping into people just got digital: Private message people on Zoom

JULIA ROBBINS something will. If we don’t that they’ll just be happy that weirdest first DM I sent was conversation. You can get a want to discuss what’s going STAFF EDITOR make the effort to reach out, someone reached out. Most “I like the wood paneling feel for that though by how on. It also makes it nearly we never know who we could people crave new experi- behind you.” Just saying ‘hi’ quickly they respond to you impossible for fully remote We have a finite amount of be missing out on. Maybe ences, new people, novelty in doesn’t necessarily guarantee or their facial reactions (see students to meet anyone at time on earth to meet people it’s someone who changes all its forms. It’s hard to find a conversation. Commenting tip #1). It’s probably best to all. The downsides of cutting who will bring comfort and how we see the world or who that without pushing outside on wood paneling will sometimes give up on a con- off private messaging far out- joy to our daily lives. One of causes us to laugh a bit more of your comfort zone right almost definitely lead to versation if the person isn’t weigh the upsides of stopping my friends recently men- each day. Or maybe not. now. So do it, push outside something, even if it’s weird. reciprocating. one mode, out of practically tioned how she’s scared that Some people just aren’t for of your comfort zone. Both You definitely don’t have to If there are any faculty infinite ones, through which the pandemic is depriving her us. But—and hear me out— you and whoever you reach send something that strange. members who have read this students might momentarily of time to meet new people that doesn’t matter. out to will probably be happy But feel free to tread off the far, hello! I have a request. distract themselves. and make friendships. She’s Here’s my elevator pitch: about it. beaten path a bit; people Please don’t disable Zoom To be clear, only a minor- right. We are losing countless There is quite literally no Here are my tips for Zoom are likely a bit tapped out of DMing. I have two professors ity of the time that I DM opportunities to meet people. downside to Zoom DMing DMing: 1) Suss out some whatever the Zoom call is who disabled Zoom DMing someone does anything come And that sucks. Here’s how someone. Well, that’s only initial vibes. This is difficult you’re on and want some- this semester and it hinders out of it. But it’s worth it for I’ve made it suck a tad less. if you decide that the slight over Zoom, but not impos- thing entertaining to respond the ability for classmates to those instances. As Catherine When it comes to continu- potential of being ignored sible. See what’s in their to. 3) Get the person’s num- build any sense of camara- O’Hara, the brilliant actress ously meeting new people, isn’t a downside. From my rooms, or how they respond ber if you hit it off. Maybe derie. If people want to be who played Moira Rose in the closest thing to a solution experience though, maybe to questions or what types of make a plan with that person. distracted in class for a bit, “Schitt’s Creek,” once said, that I think we can come to one or two people have ever things they laugh at. We have Maybe don’t. None of this they will find a way no mat- “Instead of a futile bitterness, right now is DMing people not responded to me. Most the ability to learn a lot about is a science. Nothing about ter what. Cutting off DMs I wanted there to be a weird on Zoom. It might seem people want to meet people. people, even through screens. relationships is a science. just limits an outlet for people optimism.” We could be bit- awkward at first, sliding into If you think someone’s Trust your gut about who There will also be some to make friends in their ter about our 10-hour screen a random person’s DMs. But going to think you’re weird you think you might connect people who focus for the classes or have people they times or we could see the do it anyways. Maybe noth- for DMing them on Zoom, with. 2) DM them. Say some- entirety of every class and can turn to if they have ques- potential they have to change ing will come of it. Maybe I can almost promise you thing specific if possible. The won’t want to engage in a tions about assignments or our lives. Up to you.

On Valentine’s Day: How to make this sour day sweet

OLIVIA POOLOS Valentine’s Day is arguably weeks in advance. However, up our hands and abolish the goes a long way in brightening on homeless shelters and food STAFF WRITER worse for the happy couple. being single on Valentine’s whole holiday—it does have someone’s day. banks more than ever. Even The pressure to get your signif- Day is also kind of a drag— potential for reform. There are Another option comes after the pandemic ends, there Call me a Grinch (okay icant other something special you either have to commit a few good options for a mid- in the form of a national will always be organizations fine, wrong holiday. Anti- is stressful and receiving to the “I hate relationships February celebration. community service day. The that deserve your time and Cupid?), but I hate Valentine’s mushy gifts in public can be anyway” team or just pretend Since I’m still a fan of a idea of turning the tables on money and the cold month of Day. Don’t get me wrong—I awkward and embarrassing. that you don’t remember what little mushiness, how about a consumerist holiday is par- February is a perfect time to didn’t always feel this way. Worse still is the flak you day it is (What? I thought it a Friends Appreciation Day? ticularly satisfying. Why not give them some extra love. Valentine’s Day as a kid was get from all your single friends. was still the 13th...). Bring on the platonic love give back to your community Join me in standing up to great—the candy, the pink, the You feel bad talking about I will put in a good word for notes, group nail-painting and by donating your time to a Valentine’s Day this year and heart-shaped candies, more your evening plans if you National Half-Off Chocolates squish-on-the-couch movie worthy cause? Imagine this: making it a holiday we can all candy…but as the teen years know all your single friends day, Feb. 15, however. It’s a nights. On this idealistic a day off work and school, find joy in again. Whatever crept up on me, Valentine’s are going to be curled up in nice consolation prize for the holiday, outward displays of fundraising efforts by local form that takes for you—be Day quickly went from sweet PJs eating ice cream. Hell, psychological hell that is the affection towards the people schools and chocolate sales it a spa night, spending to sour. maybe that’s what you wanted day before, and nothing really who have had your back is where the money raised goes inexpensive quality time with I’m not just grouchy to do too! But since Hallmark soothes the soul as much as acceptable, even encouraged. to nonprofits. a significant other or donating because I’m single this year— decided to capitalize on love, discounted candy. Gratitude shouldn’t just be a Especially this year, with a little money to a COVID-19 I’ve been on both sides of the you have to instead pay double Even though I strongly once-a-year occasion, and in COVID-19 furthering housing relief fund—find something relationship spectrum over for a dinner out that you had dislike Valentine’s Day, I don’t the cold and bleak month of and food shortages, people that makes your heart grow the last few Feb. 14s. In fact, to make reservations for three think we should just throw February, a little gratefulness across the country are relying three sizes this Feb. 14.

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EDIT ORʼS THE STUDENT NOTE LIFE STUDENT LOVE EDITION PODCAST 8 STUDSEARCH DORIAN DEBOSE & JOSH SHAPIRO | SENIOR SPORTS EDITORS | [email protected] THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021 SEXTING Five reasons to reconsider The search for the NBA’s sports as a frst date option hottest shooter

DORIAN DEBOSE monologue. Occasionally 2. Basketball NATE ACKERMAN really funny looking eyes and a so it obviously doesn’t count. SENIOR SPORTS EDITOR something neat happens You both love basketball. All CONTRIBUTING REPORTER bunch of memes to complement Plus, he started the season and you cheer, but you your small talk in the frst half his absurd 47.1% three-point 0-17 on threes, which should So you’ve decided to take catch yourself and return to was focused on the game. But Who is the hottest shooter in shooting, which easily leads all really disqualify him entirely. a date to a sporting event. half listening to the person at halftime, the conversation the NBA right now? centers in the NBA. Then again, However, out of all of the candi- You’re making a mistake. you’ve brought. “You’re starts in earnest. They played in You could go the pure sho- there’s not really any reason for dates for the award, he is still the You know this. We’re in a a great listener,” they say. high school. You’re god-awful tmaking route and say that Joe the award to exist, and it doesn’t clear winner. whole pandemic right now. “Mmm-hmm,” you say, at it. Maybe they can teach you Harris, the Nets sharpshoot- exist outside of my head and We need to break it into You’ve had nine months to before catching your mis- to shoot? Would that be a fun ing forward who is leading the this totally important article, so two parts. The frst word of the brainstorm cute ideas and the take. You scan their face for second date? They were a point league in three-point percentage, giving it to one of these players award is “hottest.” Kelly Oubre best you can come up with disgust and fnd only disin- guard and it shows: You’re is clearly the hottest shooter in would be quite ftting. Jr. is undeniably hot. His stun- is this garbage? This wasn’t terest, disinterest you know hopeless in conversation but the league right now. Unfortunately, there are ning hazel eyes always fnd the even a good idea before the you’ve mirrored. You never they’re feeding you assists and You could also point to issues with all of the above camera in just the right way, and world ended. But you’re talk again. making conversation effortless. Damian Lillard of the Trail answers. The top three-point his hair has just the right bal- going to anyway, huh? 3. Soccer The game ends with your team Blazers, who seems to drain shooters are too contested at ance of “I don’t care what you Alright. Well, there’s nothing What a wonderful game winning. You both cheer and dagger threes from the logo this point in the season, Stephen think I look like,” and “I could truly good that can come of soccer is. It’s truly amaz- hug. You walk them home after in the fourth quarter of every Curry and Damian Lillard actually be in any shampoo this, but you can look at the ing. If you look away for the game and the conversation game. Another obvious answer would be super boring, and commercial I want to be in.” options and determine which a second, you might miss stays fowing. On their door- would be Stephen Curry, one of Bobby Portis gets enough atten- When he smiles on the court, the sounds least bad. something. And maybe that’s step, they give you a kiss on the the most talented off-the-dribble tion from his memes. To fnd the light refects off of his teeth so 5. Baseball worth it. Maybe you’re turn- cheek. You’re on cloud nine on shooters from three of all time, true champion, it’s time to think intensely that he can’t even see You don’t know why you ing your eyes away from the your way home. They never text who is making 43% of his 11.3 out of the box. the basket through the blinding chose to come here. You feld to face destiny. Maybe back about a second date, but threes attempted per game. What are some other defni- fash, which explains why he can’t think of a single good you’ve earned yourself a you remember the night fondly There are other fringe cases tions of a hot shooter? We could misses basically every three he thing to talk about. You penalty kick and all you have still. to be made for who should take the most literal approach, takes. He only gets about 25% make an offhand comment to do is take a shot, dare to 1. Football receive the prestigious honor of and try to determine the average as many free throws as shot about hotdogs. They tell you be great and try something They’re not there at kick- “hottest shooter in the NBA,” body temperature of each NBA attempts, because defenders are they’re vegan. “I didn’t know unexpected. off. They’re not there at a title which has no real crite- player, but I unfortunately do afraid that his mere touch will that,” you say, forgetting that But you don’t. The game halftime. Midway through ria. I would consider arguing not have the time or the means seduce them for the rest of their they told you this exact fact ends 1-0. You exchange a the third quarter you accept for somebody like Immanuel to do this research myself, and lives. He also clearly has the a few days ago. An awkward few paltry words as you that you’ve been stood up. Quickley (no Knicks fan bias the daily (take notes, Wash. U.) basics of attractiveness covered, silence falls between you and walk towards the stadium And what did you expect for here), who despite not hav- COVID tests with temperature being a 6 foot 7 inch chiseled you try watching the game. exit. And those paltry words bringing a date to a football ing a great percentage from checks taken by all NBA players professional athlete with 9-inch You hate baseball. turn into a lovely conversa- game? They read poetry, why three-point land, somehow are, unfortunately, unpublished. hands, indicative of his prowess 4. Softball tion as you walk towards the would you give them a front routinely makes foaters from Clearly the NBA doesn’t want on and off the court (this is the They show up in the third parking lot. They’re really row seat to violence? Why three, which is really cool. me to continue with this award sex issue, after all). The second inning of a great game. interesting, more interesting are you like this? This is the I would also be tempted to out of fear that my article will part of the award is shooter, and You have become invested than whatever halftime enter- obvious outcome. It’s like give the totally meaningful overshadow their own MVP Oubre has his bases covered in the outcome. They start tainment they trotted out. “I you want this to happen! You award to Bobby “Crazy Eyes” award. there as well, chucking about 12 talking to you about their want to get to know you - say you’re unlucky in love, Portis, also known as Bobby So, who wins the award? shots a game on the same team life and interests. It goes in ter,” you want to say. But you but you are your own worst POTUS, Bobby Tortis, Bobby Kelly Oubre Jr., of course. He as Stephen Curry. one ear and out the other, don’t. You walk them to their enemy. You’re more afraid Porterhouse Steak, Bobby only shoots about 29% from So congratulations, Kelly but you keep the rhythm of car and wave as they drive to be proven unworthy of Pork Ribs, Bobby Portsmouth three, good for ffth worst in the Oubre! You are the inaugural conversation—seamlessly away. You exchange a few love than to remain unloved. and Bobby Cordless. There’s NBA. He did have 40 points winner of the hottest shooter in inserting “mmm-hmm”s texts before descending, once You’re pathetic. The game not really any good reason for in a game this year, but it was the NBA award! Now, go try to and “wow”s into their more, into strangers. ends in a rout. that pick, besides him having against the reeling Mavericks, make a few shots, please.

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