PAGE 26 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES March 14, 2000 In Drowning Mona, Dial M for Midler The Divine Ms. M undergoes a decided­ Danny De Vito smells a homicide and con­ hubby, Go's William Fichtner once again ly un-divine makeover in Drowning Mona cocts a suspect list that more or less proves himself to be an invaluable support­ (**1/2 out of four), as Bette Midler includes each town resident. ing performer, and Saturday Night Live's Movie Review exchanges the glitz and Midler fans might be shocked to learn Will Ferrell elevates the creepy-funny quo­ glamour reliably asso­ she appears in little of the film, expiring tient as a kinky mortician. by Jamie Peck ciated with her past during the opening credits and then rele­ Best of all is the sneering rivalry stage and screen personas for something gated to a handful of key flashbacks. But between Marcus Thomas, as Midler's per­ better suited to the guilty pleasures of this unless you're a diehard groupie, you won't petually soused son, and Casey Affleck, his white-trash black comedy. Gleefully shun­ feel shortchanged. Drowning Mona isn't a perpetually confused partner in a flailing ning her usual brazen sophistication and star vehicle, it's an ensemble piece, and the gardening ·business. Whenever these two self-deprecating confidence, Midler sinks nifty group of actors assembled here doofuses are on camera, Drowning Mona her teeth into Mona's title role, a bile-spew­ deserve a collective pat on the back- or a provides enough snappy (if crude) interac­ ing, Miller-swilling domestic demoness Wal-Mart shopping spree - for shoving tion to gloss over sizable flaws - includ­ who hates the entire population of her vanity aside and investing themselves so ing humor that inconsistently ebbs and Mayberry-on-crack burg in upstate New wholeheartedly into the fashion-chal­ flows and a whodunit mystery that fre­ York. lenged, bottom-feeding, ready-for-Jerry quently seems to nap during jumps from They, in turn, vehemently loathe her, so Springer types they play. quirky scene to punchline, quirky scene to let's just say that nobody's requesting Particularly clever is the pairing of punchline. Destination Films grievance leave from work when Midler Jamie Lee Curtis and Neve Campbell, Summer's underrated Drop Dead Hair Today: Neve Campbell plays a inadvertently steers her car off a curvy scream queens of generations past and Gorgeous did the hick-caricature thing bet­ white-trash missy in Drowning Mona. highway and into a watery grave in the present. Mona misses the opportunity for a ter, but Drowning Mona still registers as a Hudson River. In fact, they celebrate in good joke by failing to acknowledge the slight surprise, especially with the delight­ drives a Yugo, even the police, and how a every imaginable way (save for putting on passing of the crown, but atones for its sin fully eccentric details liberally sprinkled on few of them enjoy the Wheel of Fortune a choreographed dance number to "Ding­ by giving both women a chance to let their .by director Nick Gomez (HBO's The home game. Hey, you wouldn't want to Dong! The Witch Is Dead"). But was her not-often-utilized comedic capabilities Sopranos) and scribe Peter Steinfeld. live in this place or even near these people, demise truly accidental? Local sheriff shine. As Midler's laughably lecherous Personal favorites: how every character but a 90-minute visit feels just right. The Envelope, Please: Predicting Oscar '00 Results Our Intrepid Film Golden Guys? Will The Talented Critic Lays the Bets Mr. Ripleys Jude Law or The Cider House Rules Michael Caine JAMIE PECK win in the Best Supporting Actor Retriever Weekly Staff Writer category, or will they lose to front-runner Tom Cruise? To paraphrase that kid from The Sixth Sense, we see surprised people. and Osment. Right now, Cruise Because this year's Oscar race appears appears to be the favorite, but remem­ to contain very few- if any- guar­ ber what happened back in 1994. In anteed winners. the Best Supporting Actress category If the producers of the Acadern;r that year, The Age of Innocence's Awards are hoping to inaugurate the Winona Ryder was widely expected to new millennium with a telecast to win, only to lose to little tyke Anna remember, they've more or less Paquin from The Piano. It's sort of already got it in the bag. Perhaps never cute to give Oscars to kids - face it, before - and definitely not in recent Osment's speech would be a hoot - memory - has there been a roster of and that combined with Osment's nominees that seem so ... well, unpre­ incredibly mature acting in Sense dictable. Adding fuel to the fire is make him Cruise's main competitor. 1999's still-debated Best-Picture upset of Shakespeare in Love over Saving Best Supporting Actress Private Ryan, which coats the already Paramount Pictures Miramax Films Nominees: 0 Toni Collette, The anything-can-happen current competi- Sixth Sense 0 Angelina Jolie, Girl, tion with a told-you-so sheen. Cider's powerful enough to upset Beauty's Hmm. Toss a sharpened pencil at a Interrupted 0 Catherine Keener, Being So to help you along in those office bet­ hot streak, but it's got more than a snow­ makeshift dartboard ... Washington! John Matkovich @ Samantha Morton, _ ting pools, here's a guide to the big six cat­ ball's chance in hell, which is about what Sweet and £?wdown @ Chloe Sevigny, egories. You should pay attention because the three other films have. Best Actress Boys Don't Cry last year, we were only wrong on one pre­ Nominees: 0 Annette Bening, Prediction: Catherine Keener diction (we'd called Ian McKellan for Best Best Actor American Beauty 0 Janet McTeer, Again, the heated competition sur­ Actor instead of Roberto Begnini). We're Nominees: 0 Russell Crowe, The Tumbleweeds 0 Julianne Moore, The End rounds a pair of nominees: J olie and curious to see how well we do this time. Insider 0 Richard Farnsworth, The of the Affair 0 Meryl Streep, Music of the Keener. As a sexy sociopath who befriends The Oscars air Sunday, March 26 at 8 Straight Story 0 Sean Penn, Sweet and Heart 0 Hilary Swank, Boys Don't Cry a wrongly-institutionalized teen in Inter­ p.m. on ABC. Lowdown 0 Kevin Spacey, American Prediction: Hilary Swank rupted, Jolie has the showier role (and the Beauty 0 Denzel Washington, The This is probably a race between McTeer most luscious lips to ... oh, never mind) of Best Picture Hurricane and Swank, with the edge going to the lat­ the two. But don't discount Keener's Nominees: 0 American Beauty 0 The Prediction: Denzel Washington ter. The Academy typically favors dramas sharp-tongued seductress. Her Matkovich Cider House Rules 0 The Green Mile 0 You can probably count out dark-horse over comedy, so Swank's performance as co-star Cameron Diaz failed to get a nomi­ The Insider 0 The Sixth Sense Penn, an unexpected nominee who filled Brandon Teena in the true-life tragedy Boys nation in this category (as did the movie for Prediction: American Beauty the slot many predicted would go to Jim has a good chance of stepping ahead of Best Picture), so those looking to support American Beauty has won a majority of Carrey for his dynamite work as Andy McTeer's bittersweet Tumbleweeds show­ the it will most likely do so here. critics' awards and other various statuettes Kaufman in Man on the Moon. As for the case. (including the Golden Globe), and there­ remaining four, who knows? Spacey was Best Director fore looks like a predetermined winner. But hailed as the early front-runner, and it is Best Supporting Actor Nominees: 0 Lasse Hallstrom, The wait. Last year, Saving Private Ryan looked impossible to imagine American Beauty Nominees: 0 Michael Caine, The Cider Cider House Rules 0 Spike Jonze, Being like a predetermined winner - until with a different actor. But the 80-year-old House Rules 0 Tom Cruise, Magnolia 0 John Matkovich 0 Michael Mann, The Shakespeare in Love stole the victory in a Farnsworth has age on his side ·(the Michael Clarke Duncan, The Green Mile 0 Insider 0 Sam Mendes, American Beauty classic case of Oscar-night upset. So per­ Academy loves awarding veterans), Jude Law, The Talented Mr. Ripley 0 Haley 0 M. Night Shyamalan, The Sixth Sem;e haps not surprisingly, Beauty faces some Washington has the advantage of playing a Joel Osment, The Sixth Sense Prediction: Sam Mendes competition in the form of Cider, a nomi­ still-living historical figure (who will be at Prediction: Tom Cruise For once, it looks like a pretty clear-cut nee that shocked people when it was the ceremony), and 30s-ishAussie Crowe's If-and only if- Cider sweeps, Caine potential victory for Mendes. Cider could announced last month but is steadily gain­ astonishing transformation into a 50-some­ has a shot. This is really another two-per­ pull a fast one and upset with a win for ing support. Even so, it doesn't look like thing American is truly a sight to behold. son competition, this time between Cruise Hallstrom, but it probably won't. .