Three Rivers Review of undergraduate literature

volume xv

1995 – 2010 *LSLIYH[PUNÄM[LLU`LHYZ VM\UKLYNYHK\H[LSP[LYH[\YL

Three Rivers Review of undergraduate literature

VOLUME XV

University of Pittsburgh Honors College Three Rivers Review 2010 Volume XV Issue 1

Three Rivers Review of Undergraduate Literature is an annual student- run publication of the University of Pittsburgh Honors College. It VHHNVWRHQOLYHQIRVWHUDQGSXEOLVKWKHEHVWXQGHUJUDGXDWHÀFWLRQDQG poetry in the Greater Pittsburgh area. It accepts submissions, from September 15 to January 15 of each academic year, from undergraduate students at the University of Pittsburgh, all University of Pittsburgh Branch Campuses, and all instituations of post-secondary, undergraduate education in the Greater Pittsburgh area. Inquiry and submissions can be sent by post to: Editor, Three Rivers Review, 3505 Cathedral of Learning, Pittsburgh, PA 15260. Submissions can also be e-mailed as attachments LQ0LFURVRIW:RUG GRFFRPSDWDEOH ÀOHVWR7KUHH5LYHUV5HYLHZ#JPDLO FRP6XEPLVVLRQUHTXLUHPHQWVDUHDPD[LPXPRISDJHVÀFWLRQRU poems. All submissions must be accompanied by a cover sheet including name, academic year, academic institution, mailing address, e-mail address, submission titles, and a press-ready biographical statement. 6XEPLWWHG ZRUN LV QRW JXDUDQWHHG WR EH UHWXUQHG $XWKRUV ZLOO EH FRQWDFWHG DV WR WKH VWDWXV RI WKHLU ZRUN QR ODWHU WKDQ WZR   PRQWKV IROORZLQJFXUUHQW9ROXPH·VVXEPLVVLRQGHDGOLQH

Three Rivers Review ZLVKHV WR VLQFHUHO\ WKDQN 'HDQ * $OHF 6WHZDUW Karen Billingsley & the University Honors College, Jeff Oaks, Collision /LWHUDU\ 0DJD]LQH 7KH )UDPH *DOOHU\  $ 6WXGHQW5XQ $UW 6SDFH & Carnegie Mellon University, the University of Pittsburgh English 'HSDUWPHQW &DUHQ 0DUFXV .ULVWRIHU &ROOLQV %ULDQ 6FXOOLRQ &DPLHOH :KLWH3DXOD%RKLQFH2O\PSLD9HUQRQ$QQH6DQRZDQG*HUDOG6WHUQ

Cover image: “Untitled” copyright © 2009 Chris Neverman.

´5RVHVµE\*HUDOG6WHUQRULJLQDOO\DSSHDUVLQKLVERRNAmerican Sonnets ::1RUWRQ  &R   DQG LV UHSULQWHG KHUHLQ ZLWK WKH DXWKRU·V permission.

Copyright © 2010 Three Rivers Review/University of Pittsburgh Honors College. All print rights revert to author upon publication. Three Rivers Review maintains digital & archival rights. Copying done for non-personal RU FODVVURRP XVH LV IRUELGGHQ ZLWKRXW WKH H[SUHVVHG FRQVHQW RI Three Rivers Review/University Honors College or author. Any resemblance WR DFWXDO HYHQWV ORFDOHV RU SHUVRQV OLYLQJ RU GHDG LQ FUHDWLYH ZRUNV contained in Three Rivers Review is entirely coincidental. Three Rivers Review Volume XV

University Honors College Supervisors 8+&'HDQ  'U*$OHF6WHZDUW $VVLVWDQWWRWKH'HDQ .DUHQ%LOOLQJVOH\ University Staff Advisor (QJOLVK'HSDUWPHQW)DFXOW\ -HII2DNV Editorial Board Editors-in-Chief Nour Abdelghani Joel W. Coggins )LFWLRQ(GLWRU  5DFKHO$QQ%ULFNQHU 'HVLJQ(GLWRU  0DUJDUHW/XFLGRUH Three Rivers Review Staff Sophia Bender 'DYLG%RGDUN\ 5RE\Q&DPSEHOO Odana Chaney Evan Chen 0HOLVVD'LIDWWD Hallie Johnson Peter Kusnic 7RP/HH Niveditha Parbakaran Moira Quigley 1LNNL5RWKHU\ 'HLUGUH5XVFHWWL Jeanette Schroeder Maureen Shaughnessy 0DWW7XPDV Contest Judges Paula Bohince Olympia Vernon

Contents Poetry 2009 Three Rivers Review Poetry Prize Winner: Madeleine Barnes 1LJKW5XQQHU 13 Side Effects 15 Grasp 16 Notes on Mothering 17 Child Mad Enough 18 Runner-up: Hannah Aizenman /LWDQ\ DVWXG\DSUD\HUDÁLUWDWLRQ 19 &RXQWLQJ

Grettelyn Nypaver Harakiri 32 Austin Moyer Holiday 33 Fiction 2009 Three Rivers Review Fiction Prize Winner: 6FRWW.U]\ZRQRV 7KH1LJKW-R)OLHG 37 Runner-up: /LDP6ZHHQH\ Strange Ways of Kissing 47 Staff Selection: Sarah Hogg Never Enough Poison in the World 61

Christina Seymour Pause and Circumstance 70 Christopher Stokum Kneelers 74 *UHJ7ULHWOH\ 7KH)DQWDVWLF/LIHRI(G6KRUHFURIW 83

Commentary

Interview: Gerald Stern 96 Poem: 5RVHV 100 Interview: $QQH6DQRZ 101 Contributor Biographies 113 Editor’s Note

7KHPDJD]LQH\RXDUHKROGLQJLQ\RXUKDQGVLVD product of team effort, joint leadership, and the constant need WRVD\WKLVLVZKDWZHFDUHDERXWDVZULWHUVDQGWKLVLVKRZ ZHZLOOKRQRULW6LQFHThree Rivers Review has gone WKURXJKGLIIHUHQWYROXPHVLVVXHVDQGPRUHZULWHUVVWDII PHPEHUVDQGHGLWRUVWKDQZHFDQFRXQW+RZHYHUWKURXJK WKHVHQXPHURXVHGLWLRQVWKHUHZDVDOZD\VDFRQVWDQWRXUORYH UHVSHFWDQGGHYRWLRQWROLWHUDU\ZULWLQJ Looking back at our seven semesters of involvement ZLWKThree Rivers ReviewZHDUHERWKYHU\SURXGRIWKH DFFRPSOLVKPHQWVRIWKHPDJD]LQHDQGLWVVWDII7KHHYROXWLRQRI this publication has been in the style and structure that you see LQIURQWRI\RXWRGD\DVZHOODVLQWKHGLYHUVLW\RIWKHFRQWHQWLW includes. What started as a small, in-house, Pitt Honors College journal called ThirstLVQRZDZHOOFLUFXODWLQJSXEOLFDWLRQ that has sent representatives to AWP conferences and receives submissions from dozens of universities in and around Pittsburgh. If anything, this volume of Three Rivers Review is a testament to the fact that the quality and mission of a literary magazine are not necessary constant, and that each person that impacts this publication leaves his or her mark on the history of this project.  %HIRUH\RXHQMR\9ROXPH;9ZHZRXOGOLNHWRWDNHD PRPHQWDQGWKDQNWKHSHRSOHZKRKDYHJLYHQXVWKHVXSSRUW ZHQHHGHGWRJURZDQGWRGHYHORSTRRLQWRZKDWLWLVWRGD\ 7KHVHSHRSOHDUH3LWW)DFXOW\$GYLVRU-HII2DNVZKRKDVVKRZQ his support of TRRE\DOZD\VOHDYLQJKLVRIÀFHGRRURSHQWRXV WKH8QLYHUVLW\RI3LWWVEXUJK+RQRUV&ROOHJH'HDQ$OHF6WHZDUW ZKRKDVSURYLGHGXVZLWKWKHVSDFHDVZHOODVWKHVHFXUH IXQGLQJZLWKRXWZKLFKWKLVPDJD]LQHZRXOGQRWH[LVWDQG HVSHFLDOO\WRKLVDVVLVWDQW.DUHQ%LOOLQJVOH\ZKRKDVEHHQIRUXV DVZHOODVIRUWKHHGLWRUVWKDWSUHFHGHGXVVRPHRQHZHFDQWXUQ WRDWDQ\WLPH³VRPHRQHZKRFDUHVDVPXFKDVZHGRDERXWWKLV publication and about seeing that it reaches its full potential. $QYHU\VSHFLDOWKDQNVJRHVRXWWRWKHQRWHZRUWK\ZULWHUVZKR SDUWLFLSDWHGLQWKLVHGLWLRQ$QQH6DQRZ*HUDOG6WHUQDQGRXU FRQWHVWMXGJHVSRHWDQG3LWW$OXPQD3DXOD%RKLQFHDQGQRYHOLVW Olympia Vernon.  $OVRZHZRXOGOLNHWRWKDQNHYHU\VWDIIPHPEHUWKDW GHGLFDWHGKRXUVWRUHDGLQJDQGUHYLHZLQJWKHVHVXEPLVVLRQV 1RWKLQJPDGHXVPRUHFRQÀGHQWLQWKHZRUNZHGLGWKDQ ZDONLQJRQWKHQLJKWRIDPHHWLQJLQWRDURRPIXOORIODXJKWHU DQGH[FLWHPHQW7KDQN\RXIRUVKDULQJRXUYLVLRQRIWKLV publication and for making this a very enjoyable experience. :DONLQJDZD\IURPVRPHWKLQJWKDWKDVVKDSHGRXUZULWLQJ H[SHULHQFHDW3LWWZLOOEHYHU\GLIÀFXOWEXWZHDUHFHUWDLQWKDW ZHDUHOHDYLQJWKLVPDJD]LQHLQWKHFRPSHWHQWKDQGVRIHGLWRUV DQGVWDIIPHPEHUVZKRZLOOFKHULVKDQGFDUU\RQWKHOHJDF\WKDW ZHKDYHKDGWKHKRQRURIVHUYLQJ  /DVWEXWQRWOHDVWDVWZRSHRSOHZKRZHUH\RXQJ ZULWHUVEHIRUHZHHYHUEHFDPHHGLWRUVZHZRXOGOLNHWRWKDQN DOOWKHXQGHUJUDGXDWHZULWHUVZKRKDYHWUXVWHGXVHQRXJKZLWK WKHLUPDWHULDO:HIXOO\DSSUHFLDWHKRZKDUGLWLVWRSXW\RXU ZRUNRXWWKHUHWRVHHRXUPDLOER[HVÀOOLQJXSZLWKVXEPLVVLRQV every semester has been the most thrilling, exciting aspect of our ZRUN7KDQN\RXWRWKRVHZKRKDYHYDOXHGRXURSLQLRQVDQG VXSSRUWHGRXUZRUNDVDSXEOLFDWLRQ,WLVWKHZRUNWKDWXQGHU JUDGXDWHZULWHUVVXEPLWWKDWPDNHVWKLVPDJD]LQHZKDWLWLV  ,QWKHHQGZHDUHWZRXQGHUJUDGXDWHZULWHUVDQG editors and the publication you are about to read is the FXOPLQDWLRQRIZKDWZDVIRUXVDIDQWDVWLFOHDUQLQJH[SHULHQFH 7KDQN\RXIRUVWRSSLQJE\DWDEOHDWDQHYHQWRURQ\RXUZD\ WRFODVVRUZKHUHYHU\RXPD\KDYHEHHQDQGSLFNLQJXSWKLV edition of Three Rivers Review. As readers, you have been the KRUL]RQZHKDYHDOZD\VZRUNHGWRZDUGV

Nour Abdelghani & Joel W. Coggins Editors-in-Chief Three Rivers Review Poetry 2009 Three Rivers Review Poetry Prize

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0DGHOHLQH%DUQHV·VEUHDWKWDNLQJSRHPVDUHEXLOWZLWKDPXVLFDO FRPSOH[LW\DQGHPRWLRQDOFODULW\WKDWDOORZVGHHSFRQQHFWLRQ DQGZRQGHUPHQW6KHZRUNVLQYDU\LQJSRHWLFPRGHVZLWK HDVHVKHVHHPVWRLQVWLQFWLYHO\UHDOL]HZKDWIRUPZLOOSHUIHFWO\ UHÁHFWWKHVSHFLÀFLQWHOOLJHQFHRIKHUVXEMHFWV7KDWHDFKRIKHU SRHPVIHHOVDEVROXWHO\IUHVKDQGIHOWLVUHPDUNDEOH7KLVSRHW has a phenomenal ear and sense of pacing, including restraint. 7KHSRHPVUHDGDORXGLOOXPLQDWHKHUYDVWVNLOOV,IRXQG0V %DUQHV·VODQJXDJHWREHYLYLGZLWKRXWEHLQJRUQDPHQWDOHDFK ZRUGLVHVVHQWLDODQGWUXH7KHSRHWGLVDSSHDUVLQVLGHWKH SRHPVPRYLQJLQYLVLEO\VKDSLQJWKHUHDGLQJH[SHULHQFHZLWK TXLHWFRQÀGHQFHDQGFRQWURO7KDWWKHSRHPVIHHOVRQDWXUDOVR spontaneous, is a testament to her many gifts. I am genuinely PRYHGE\KHUZRUNDQGWKULOOHGWRLQWURGXFHKHUWRDODUJHU audience.

,JUHDWO\DGPLUHWKHDPELWLRQRI+DQQDK$L]HQPDQ·VVHULHVKHU restless and roaming mind, her dynamic reach, her sophisticated musical structures. In a voice at moments darkly humorous, at RWKHUVTXHVWLRQLQJDQGYXOQHUDEOHLWLVDOZD\VEHOLHYDEOHDQG LPPHQVHO\UHDGDEOH7KLVSRHWFDSWXUHVDQGNHHSVRXUDWWHQWLRQ WKURXJKRXWKHUORQJOLQHVDQGWKHEUHDGWKRIKHUUHIHUHQFHV7KH FRQWUROOHGXUJHQF\RI0V$L]HQPDQ·VSRHPVLVLPSUHVVLYH,WLV a pleasure to recognize her poems.

Paula Bohince Sarabande Books Poet Incident at the Edge of Bayonet Woods (2008) 1998 Three Rivers Review Poetry Prize recipient

12 TRR Winner: Madeleine Barnes

Night Runner

“When a thing ceases to be moved, it does not therefore at the same time cease to be movable…” – Aristotle

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IURPP\KDLUHDFKIROOLFOHULQVHGZLWKWKRVHEDUEV headache after headache calling tendons into motion: night runner, I ran.

I juxtaposed ankle to tar, I sprinted WKHLPDJLQDWLRQ·VVWDGLXP

,IHOODQGIUDFWXUHGDPHWDWDUVDOERQH6RZKDW I fell, ,VWRRGXSNHSWZDONLQJULSSHGVSDFHIURPFXWLFOH P\EUDLQVWHPFUXPEOLQJLQÀQLWHVLPDOVSDUNVLQWRDVKDVKDVK

7KHUHLVDQJXLVKLQPRYHPHQWEXW,KDGWRPRYH What use are studies and predictions

WRIRUFHWKHÁDVKLQP\PXVFOHWKDWVD\Vhere, now, ZKRDP,"7KDW·VZKR,VWRRGXS:KDWFDQEHPHQGHG ZKHQ\RXWRRGLVVROYHLQWRSL[HOVJUDP

RILPDJLVWLFIUDJPHQWV":KDW·VOHIW"ZHHNV HOHYDWHWKHIRRWVLWVWLOOZKLOHWKHHDUWKTXDNHV"

Motion, anemia, osteoporosis, night runner unbeats

WKHKHDUWLQWROLYLQJZKHUHLVFDOFLXPLQVSDFH" +RZZLOO,NQRZZKDWUHPDLQV

LI,VWRSLIWKHDFKHHQGV":LOO,IRUJHW KRZ\RXORRN"*HWPHXS,DPRQHDFKHDZD\

13 IURPXQGHUVWDQGLQJ,FRXOGQ·WPRYH GLGQ·WNQRZZKDW,ZDVFRPSULVHGRI until it had to be repaired.

14 TRR :PKL,MMLJ[Z

,WEHJLQVZLWKDVKRFNWDEOHKHDGEUDFHGFRXQWLQJ  GRZQ 

(OHFWURGHVVWXFNÀUPO\WRWKHIRUHKHDGTen, nine.

Bi-lateral, targeting both sides of the brain, convulsions softened

ZLWKVHGDWLYHVZKDW·VWKHZRUG"Four, three.

3LFWXUHDÁDPHWKURZHUVKRWLQWRDFDYHUQH\HVRFNHWV igniting.

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LQFKHPLFDOV,QIDQWLOHVWLOOQHVVMDZUHOD[HG the nervous system

WU\LQJWRUHVHW'R\RXNQRZZKDWGD\LWLV"Clear.

Picture this, a spider breathing, mute tremendous breath.  &DQ\RXUHVSRQG"

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QRWKLQJ\RXUHPHPEHULVSRVVLEOH)HDWKHU in a coma,

WHHWKEX]]LQJ%ODQNXQZLUHGVFUHHQZKDW·V\RXU

PRRG"/DVWUHVRUWLWWDNHVRQHVKRFN you fold the dark.

15 .YHZW DIWHU)UDQ]:ULJKW

%HIRUHVKHOHIWKHVDZKHU DQGZKHQVKHGUHVVHG DQGZKHQVKHWRRNKHUFRDW %HFDXVHKHGLGQRWNQRZKHU VWD\ZDUPKHZDQWVWRVD\

DUURZNHHSUHWXUQLQJ WR\RXUERZGLUHFWLRQOHVV*RGNQRZV she left herself untitled at his bedside she took her coat KHZDQWVWRVFUHDP %HFDXVHKHGLGQRWNQRZKHU

he loved her later on DVMXVWDFRQMXUHGZRUG haplessness he loved in himself DQGZKHQVKHVWRRG DQGZKHQVKHVWHSSHGRXWVLGH Because he heard her

ZDLWKHZDQWVWRVD\ OLNHLQWHUVHFWLQJZLQG like employing frost LQVORZLQJGRZQDZRXQG DQGZKHQVKHÁLQFKHG DQGZKHQVKHWXUQHGKHUIDFH from that forgiveness

KHVDZKHUJUDVS DVLIVKHZDVUHWXUQLQJ DQGZKHQVKHORRNHGDWKLP %HFDXVHKHVDZLWNLOOKHU KH·GWU\DJDLQWRVD\LW EXWZKHQVKHORRNHG VKHVDZKHUVHOI ruining his hands

16 TRR 5V[LZVU4V[OLYPUN

Wherever I am, you are. Wherever I am.

Your distance from me is a matter of recalling.

Your body in trajectory.

$JDLQVWDEDQNRIVQRZ\RX·UHORRNLQJIRUPH ÁRDWLQJRXWZDUG:KHQDQGZKHUH"+RZGR,WHOO\RX"

Nothing to hold in that blank projection but transience, again, take hold of my absence and shake it

\RX·UHKHUHDQG,VDYHG\RX from looking, from seeing right through \RXURZQVNLQP\JRGIURPWU\LQJWRNQRZ the right time and place

WRWHOOVRPHRQH\RXFDQ·WWDNHFDUHRIWKHP

17 *OPSK4HK,UV\NO

:KDWGR\RXZDQW child mad enough WRWU\"

be smaller. Malnourished hand in the moon,

VFDUUHGDQGÁRZHULQJ proof you can hear, you can see.

7KHFRVPRV are attentive. Break the pact

ZLWK\RXUERG\ You are not that garnish. Break it off,

WKDWWZLVWHGZHOG no longer armor. 7KHERG\ZDLWV

calling you back ZKHQ\RX·UHUHDG\

unforgivable, say it, honor your body, transform many times.

&KDQJHLV\RXUÁLQW XVHLWWRUHQHZ6D\LW \RXZDQWWROLYH

18 TRR Runner-up: Hannah Aizenman

3P[HU`HZ[\K`HWYH`LYHÅPY[H[PVU

,W·VWKHRQHZKHUH,ZDNHWRÀQGP\KDQGVKDYHGLVDSSHDUHG ,W·VWKHRQHZKHUH\RX·YHOHIWDQGOHIW nothing behind: not sadness, not love—only space, DVPHOODKDOIGUXQNEHHURQP\ZLQGRZVLOO

7KHJLUOVLQWKHVWRULHVUHFHLYHGVLOYHUKDQGVLQVWHDG Where are my silver hands? I ask, and Who will bring me lilies?)

0\DQJHOLQDEVHQWLD&RQVLGHUÁLJKWWKHSUHFLVHDQDWRP\ RIDZLQJHGPDQ&RQVLGHUGHOLFDF\RIVWUXFWXUH consider model airplanes, consider the bones of birds. Consider light, and lightness (lumen luminarium levitas). Consider Icarus. Consider proximity to the sun.

&RQVLGHU2USKHXV7KHP\WKVZHFROOHFWDUHRQHVRIIDLOXUH ,ZRQGHULI\RX·YHIRUJRWWHQP\IDFH\HW ,ZRQGHULI\RXZRXOGORRNEDFN

7RZDONWKHOLQHEHWZHHQP\WKDQGPHGLFLQH you might be called sanguine, and I melancholic. But as creatures RIDQHZDQGXQQDPHGVFLHQFHRXUVLFNQHVVHVKDYHQRWKLQJ WRGRZLWKEORRGRUELOH2XULPEDODQFHVDUHRQHVRI

LQNDQGPLONRIWRRPDQ\ZRUGVRUQRWHQRXJK

I examine the mathematics of your being gone, the obscure equation for the opposite of romance WKH[EHLQJ³ZKDW"³EODFNH\HVEODFNKROHV" ³DIRUPDOGHK\GHKHDUW" 

,·PDVNLQJWKHTXHVWLRQIs there anything left to solve for? 0\DQJHOLQDEVHQWLD,·PGHÀQLQJGLVWDQFH the light from dead stars, the synaptic leap.

:KHUHDUHP\VLOYHUKDQGV" $QGZKRZLOOEULQJPHOLOLHV"

19 Coutning Your Teeth

0RRQWRRWKPRWKWRRWKELUGWRRWKUDLQWRRWK the heartbroken one, the misanthrope, the one WKDW·GEHJRRGLQDÀJKW7HHWKOLNHFLJDUHWWHEXWWV teeth like atoms, algebraic expressions. Loose tooth, ORVWWRRWKWKHRQH\RXUPRWKHUVDYHGLQDOLWWOHER[ ZLWKWKHULQJIURPKHUÀUVWPDUULDJHDQGDORFNRI \RXUEURWKHU·VKDLU6HFUHWWRRWKVWRU\WRRWKWRRWK RIVDGQHVVURRWHGGHHSDQG\HOORZLQJ0\ÀQJHUV in your mouth—tooth of desire, tooth after GLVDVWHU³,·PWKLQNLQJRIWKLQJVEXUQLQJEDUQV DQGKHDUWVHQWLUHFLWLHVRQÀUH7KLVRQHLVWKHWLPH ZHGURYHWRWKHEHDFKLQWKHPLGGOHRIWKHQLJKW 7KLVRQHLVWKHWLPH,WKRXJKW,ZDVSUHJQDQW VWD\HGLQEHGIRUDZHHNDQG\RXNHSWVD\LQJZH·G EHÀQH*ODVVWRRWKEURNHQRQWKHNLWFKHQFRXQWHU *DUGHQWRRWKZLOWLQJDVZLQWHUDSSURDFKHV7KH pathological liar, the mad scientist, his failed experiment. Hold me tight\RX·UHVD\LQJtighter, tighterXQWLOP\DUPVKXUWXQWLO,·PVXUH\RXFDQ·W EUHDWKHEXW,·PVWLOOQRWKROGLQJWLJKWHQRXJK 7HHWKOLNHWKHWLOHVRIWKHEDWKURRPÁRRU FROGDJDLQVWP\FKHHNZKHQ,·PZHDNIURP vomiting and still too drunk to stand up. 7HHWKOLNHSLOOVWHHWKOLNHP\WKVWHHWKOLNHWKH RQHVWKDWJRWDZD\,·PGUHDPLQJRIWHHWK³WKH\·UH IDOOLQJIURPWKHVN\VRPHRQH·VWKURZLQJWKHP DWP\ZLQGRZ,ÀQGWKHPEXULHGLQWKHVDQG ZKHUHVHDVKHOOVVKRXOGEH7KLVRQHZRUNVD QLQHWRÀYH7KLVRQH·VZDLWLQJWDEOHVDWD JUHDV\VSRRQ7KLVRQH·VEXVNLQJRQDVWUHHW FRUQHU7KLVRQHVD\Vfuck it and hitchhikes to &DOLIRUQLD0\ÀQJHUVLQ\RXUPRXWK³\RX·UH DVNLQJPHZK\\RX·UHDVNLQJZKDW,·PGRLQJ and instead of surgery I say sculpture, spelunking. ,·PDQDUWLVW,·PDQH[SORUHU,·PSXWWLQJWKLQJV together, not taking them apart. I keep telling you ,·PVLFNDQGLW·VOLNH\RXFDQ·WKHDUPH,·YHJRW ZULWHU·VEORFN,·PORVWDWVHD,·PVKRXWLQJLQ

20 TRR WKHGDUN,·PVWDQGLQJQDNHGRQVWDJHDQG,GRQ·W NQRZKRZ,JRWKHUHHYHU\RQH·VDSSODXGLQJ³ you might be in the audience or you might not. 7UDIÀFWRRWKFKHVVWRRWKWRRWKPDGHRXWRI LFHRUDOXPLQXPIRLO%HDXW\WRRWKERPEWRRWK WHHWKOLQHGXSOLNHWRPEVWRQHVWHHWKWZLVWLQJ LQ\RXUKHDGOLNHVFUHZV7KLVRQHOLVWHQVEXW GRHVQ·WEHOLHYHWKLVRQH·VJRWDPQHVLDRUPD\EH $O]KHLPHU·V

21 4`[O

,VKRXOGIHHG\RXSRPHJUDQDWHMXLFH'VD\VNHHS\RX underground. You can escape in the spring. &RQVLGHU+DGHVDKLJKZD\WKHIHHOLQJRIQRWNQRZLQJZKHUH \RX·OOZDNHXSRUZLWKZKRP

9HUODLQHVD\V7KHSRHWLVDPDGPDQORVWLQDGYHQWXUH Kerouac says, Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in WKHQLJKW"

/DWHU'ZLOOWHOOPH,·PWUDYHOLQJ,GRQ·WZDQW\RXWRJHW attached. 1RZKHVD\V6FKRROLVKD]DUGRXVWR\RXUKHDOWK+DYHORWVRI sex. Live different lives all the time.

,VD\,·PWU\LQJ,·PVRPHRQHQHZHYHU\GD\+HVD\V:KRDUH \RXQRZ",VD\  :KRDUH\RX" 7KHODVW,ZLOOVHHRIKLPLVD*UH\KRXQGEXVGLVDSSHDULQJDWRQH in the morning,

H[KDXVWULVLQJLQWKHVWLOOZDUPDLU WKHFROGZLOOFRPHVRRQIRU QRZ,OLYHLQ  P\RZQXQGHUZRUOG³ QHVWOHGLQWKHZDUPEODFNOXQJRIDVWHHOFLW\ZKRVHERG\ORRPV skeletal and still in the dark).

/RX5HHGVD\V7DNHDZDONRQWKHZLOGVLGH 2QHQLJKW,OLJKWDFLJDUHWWHDQG'VD\V

DQ\VPRNHUIHHGVWKHZRUVWFDSLWDOLVWPDFKLQH,EORZVPRNHLQ his face. :KHQKHLVJRQH,VPRNHDOOWKHWLPHUHDG0DU[ZLWKD bloodless heart (he says, You have nothing to lose but your chains).

22 TRR 'VKRXOGIHHGPHSRPHJUDQDWHMXLFHEXWGRHVQRW 1R.RUHDIWHUDOO,DP(XU\GLFHLQVWHDG³ORVWVRPHZKHUHDORQJ WKHZD\ZLWKRXWWKHFRPIRUW

RIDQ\JODQFHRYHUKLVVKRXOGHU7KHUH·VWKHRFFDVLRQDOSKRQHFDOO IURP1HZ

,FRQVLGHUVRIWZKLWHKDQGVZKLFKDUHFRQVWDQWO\XQIROGLQJ consider fruit, the opposite of bone.

23 .P]L

 ´5RVDEHOOH²DQVZHU²WHOO²SUD\DQVZHU²ORRN²WHOO² DQVZHUDQVZHU²WHOOµ – Harry Houdini

,·PWKLQNLQJRIDOORIWKHWKLQJV,KDYHVZDOORZHG VPRNHDQGVHPHQDQGHVSHFLDOO\VDGQHVV ZKRVH LW·VKDUGWRWHOOPLQHRUVRPHORYHU·VRUDVWUDQJHU·V RQWKHVWUHHW ,QWKHPHDQWLPHLW·VYDXGHYLOOH

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,·PWKLQNLQJLQZLQGRZVDQGEDGO\GUDZQELUGV PRGHVRIHVFDSH,·PDUXGLPHQWDU\UXQDZD\ZLWK more than one suitcase and my stomach full of lead.

,·PFRQVWDQWO\DZDUHRIQHJDWLYHVSDFH\RXUSDOP UHVWVLQWKHYDOOH\RIP\KLSERQHV\RXWRXFKWKH KROORZDWWKHERWWRPRIP\WKURDW\RXVWDUHLQWR P\PRXWK\RXUÀQJHUVPRYHEHWZHHQP\OHJV³

DOO,FDQWKLQNLVZKDWLVQ·WWKHUH,·YHZULWWHQ WKHORYHSRHPVWKHP\WKVDQGWKHGUHDPV ,ZRUU\,·YHJRWQRWKLQJOHIWEXWJRRGE\HV

,ZDQWWROHDYH\RXVKRXWLQJVHFUHWVDWWKHVSRWZKHUH I stood, to leave no evidence, the emptiness pregnant

ZLWKZKDWZDVWKHUHZLWKZKDWPLJKWKDYHEHHQ

7KLVLVPRUHDQGOHVVWKDQVOHLJKWRIKDQGLI LW·VFDUGVLW·VWDURW,WKH4XHHQRI&XSVQR³

24 TRR ,WKH+DQJHG0DQ,·PJODVV\H\HGDQGIHYHULVK VWUXQJXSVRPHZKHUHEHWZHHQVRUURZDQG VLFNQHVV³\RX·UHDFURVVWKHWDEOHZDLWLQJIRU \RXUIRUWXQHDVLILWZHUH\RXUEUHDNIDVW

7KHDUWRIHVFDSHFRPHVVORZO\LQSLHFHV WKHVWHDG\FOLFNRIORFNVOLNHFORFNZRUN LWEHJLQVZLWKWKHDEVHQFHRIPLQGZKHUH, VSHQGKRXUVZULWLQJOLQHVDQGFURVVLQJWKHPRXW QH[WDEVHQFHRIKHDUWZKHUH\RXVSHDNDQG ,FDQ·WKHDULWRQO\ZDQWWRWHOO\RXWKDW,GRQ·W FDUHDOO,·YHJRWOHIWLVWKHDEVHQFHRIERG\³

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VOHHSLQJZLWKDVKDGRZ ,I,GHVWUR\LWZLOOEHE\GLVDSSHDULQJ ,·PZRUNLQJRQP\YDQLVKLQJDFW

25 4`[OTHRPUN

:HEXLOGWKHPIURPWKHLPSUREDELOLW\RIZDQWWKHEURNHQ needles, the visible seams, the scant rhythm-click of bodies and dreams, bone and camera, muscle and birth: kaleidoscopic earth, the passing of ghosts from one mouth to another. It begins in the 6RXWKLQWKHVXPPHUDLUKHDY\OHJVEDUH$ODEDPDWKHZHWQHVV of becoming, the sameness of beginning (once and once and RQFH ,W·VÀQJHUVLQKDLULQVWLQFWLYHSKUHQRORJ\UHOHDVHDQGSXOO KHDUWVWULQJDFWLYLW\UHDGLQJDVNXOO:HÀQGLWDJDLQLQWKHFROG DVWHHOFLW\XS1RUWKWKHGDPSGDUNQHVVRIWKHMDZFDYHWRQJXH IHHOLQJROGVWRULHVHWFKHGRQZDOOVWKHUHHORIWKHXQNQRZQ WKHGLVWDQWSHDUOGULSRIZDWHUHYLGHQFHRIOLIHHYLGHQFHRIWKH unconscious. We are the collision of East and West, of latitude, longitude, and the possible exaction of space and time, of beast DQGEHLQJWKHÁHVKWKHIDFHWKHIDFWRIWKHVNHOHWRQ7KHVHDUH WKHKDQGVWKDWEXUVWIURPZLWKLQXVKDQGVRIPLONWKH\DUH SHDFKHDWLQJKDQGV7KH\PROGWKHODQGVFDSHVWKH\KROGDQG IRUPDQGIDUPWKHFOD\RIFUHDWLRQ7KH\DUHYLROHQWJHQWOHRQO\ KDOIDZDNHWKH\DUHVWRUPVWKH\DUHIHDUVWKH\DUHVHFUHWVDQG GLVVHFWLRQV+HUHWKHFRQQHFWLRQRIWRRWKDQGHOERZRIDUURZ DQGDUPRURIFKDQFHDQGPLVWDNH:H·UHEXLOGLQJE\EHGVKHHW ZKLWHDQGZULQNOHGZH·UHEXLOGLQJE\KHDWE\PLJKWE\VOHHS We build by the accident of breath on neck, of hip and hook. We do not speak. Our language is one of touch and look, the steady hum of breaking and making: history machine, human machine, VHZLQJPDFKLQH:HVWLWFKWKHPIURPWKHWKLQJVZHFDUU\GHQWDO ÁRVVDQGGLUW\VRFNVZHVWLWFKWKHPIURPWKHWKLQJVZHFDUU\ ORVVDQGORFNDQGGUHDPRIÁLJKW:HEXLOGWKHPIDOOLEOHIURP the imaginary: mind-beings, love-beings, structures of light.

26 TRR Staff Selection: Alicia Salvadeo

3PRL/L[LYVSHSPH

$VLIWKHOLPSRIFDQGOHÁDPH NQRZVEHWWHUNQRZVPRUHJURXQGWKDQWKHGRJ

WKDQNLVV\ZDWHUVVSLWWLQJ DWHDFKRWKHU·VOLSV

7KH1LOH)ORZVDQG pretty saints rake coughing clothes for hours DJDLQVWKDUPRQLFDOELEV 

$VLIWKHSUHGDZQPRDQV GRZQZLQGRZOLJKW6XQGD\PRUQLQJ

As if our tongues move under budded roses if you take my meaning like scattered rain means ZHGGLQJYHLO and cavalcade is the act of spreading oneself thinly,

UDZVKDGRZFURVVLQJWKHFDUSHW VDFUHGZLQHIURP,FD

3HUXZKHQFHVDLOVKH WRVWDUYHZKROO\LQ3DULV 3HUXZKDWLV%UHDG"

SXUSOHZLQHJUDSHEORRGSRXULQJOLNHYLQHWKUHDG Bottleneck rests

LQ&KRSSLQJ%ORFN·VDUPVWKHODWWHU admitting suppers and scars

27 (Perfumed toes, ,·OOFRPE\RXZLWK0\+DLU XSWKHUHGRZQKHUH>LQKHUH@

7KHGRJSXOOHGDVNXOOIURPWKHSDUWHGGLUWVRI7LPH E\WKHZKLWHVRIZHOOZRUQPD[LOODHDQG,NQHZ

KRZPDQ\WLPHV,·GEHHQOLHGWRWKLVPRUQLQJ the day before,

the nights and the nights and

,NQHZ KRZPDQ\WLPHV,·GWKURZQP\VHOIEHQHDWK\RX

if you take my meaning

this morning, the day before, after my prayers

the nights and the nights and

balding, black-eyed susans EHJLQWREHQGZHVWZDUGZLWKWKHURVHVÀQDOO\

7KH1LOH)ORZV cool into Mare Nostrils and cold out from my Mouth— Saints, too, separate the clothes by color.)

We get out of bed. We feed the dog. :HZHDURXUVKRHVXQWLOWKHUHDUHKROHV

DQGZKHQWKHUHDUHKROHV ZHZDLW

28 TRR ;OL-SV^LY;LU[VY:L]LU=PZPVUZVM2VYL

I.

7KHPRUQLQJLVZDUPWKHPHDO still sticks in my throat, unyielding WRP\VZDOORZ,FDQQRWVLQJ It is also dim. A headless bird perches on my thin shoulder, chirping WKURXJKWKHFKLSLQLWVZLQJ a message from the shamefaced sun.

II.

,DPDZRUNLQJZRPDQ QRZ

I make VRPHNLQGRIZDJH DQGZKHQ,GHDGKHDG the petunias and mums,

,GRQ·WZHDUJORYHV

III.

2QFHUWDLQGD\V,ZRUNZLWK'DQ 2QRWKHUV,ZRUNZLWKKLVZLIHDZRPDQ ZKRVHÀQHHWFKLQJVOXUHGRZQZDUGV KHUVPLOH·VIDUFRUQHUV $VZHHDWDWQRRQVKHVSHQGV the quiet spell talking of her son DQGKRZVKHORYHVWREHWLUHG

I bite headlong the peach ,EURXJKWIURPKRPH³VZHHWEXWVWUDQJH

29 DV,VZDOORZLWVULGJHGZULQNOHGVWRQHLV UHIWDQGDV,WHDUDZD\LWVÁHVK the inner pericarp falls apart.

IV.

5LSSHGRSHQOLNHDÀQHO\ZRYHQ silken heaven split, DVLIGDZQLQJRQWKLVKHDG\ WKLQJWKDWWKHWLPHRI\HDUZDVVXPPHU WKHVHHGFRDWIDOOVDZD\ from the translucent curl.

V.

)URPRYHUKHDG,VRDN ÁRZHUV baking in pots on blacktop

for thirty seconds RQ´ÁRRGµXQWLOZDWHU RYHUÁRZVIURPWKHSRW·VERWWRP to the busy road.

,·PQRWUHDG\IRU\RX\HW

VI.

'UDSHGPDLGHQZLWKQRKHDGZKDWVRQJVVHHSIURP\RXURSHQ neck!

VII.

&ROGVSLOOVIURPWKHVKRZHU·VORQJQHFNKHDOV my blushing cheeks, my thin red

30 TRR shoulders, and for an ineffable instant, my fraught body—

EXWLWLVQRWHQRXJKWRZDVK DZD\WKDWELUG·VKHOLDFDOZLQJQRWHVQRU GRWKHZLWKHUHGKHDGV of the petunias and mums fall from behind seamless eyelids to puddle at the drain.

31 Grettelyn Nypaver

/HYHRPYP

Peace brings death in the belly, like harakiri. Ground intestines, human sausages, exploding red, VHHSLQJWKURXJKZKLWHUHGFUDZOLQJRXWRYHU colonizing dirt in a saturation of soil-soaked earth, spreading gore, granting life through and through WKHRXWÁRZLQJRIOLIHVRUHGVRWKRURXJKO\DOLYH VRJUDGXDOLQLWVJUDSSOLQJGLVHPERZHOPHQW

:KLWHZLQWHUVZKHQUHGEORRPV branching, tree-like, reaching for every corner RIVQRZXQWLOHDFKFKLOOIHHOVÀQJHUVVWUHWFKLQJ EOLQGLQJUHGDVDEORRGYHVVHOEXUVWLQWKHFRUQHD DOELQHRYHUZKHOPHGE\H[DFHUEDWHGYHLQV

7RJULPH\HVWRKDUGVFUDEEOHOLIHGHDWKZLOOVXIÀFH VKRUW7REHUHGLQTXLFNSDLQIXOPDVWHU\  WKHÁDVKUHGDVRIÀUH WKRXJKKRWWHVWÀUHLVZKLWH  this, above all, is desirable to maintain unstained. 7HDUVDUHÀUHDQGPHQIHDUERWKHTXDOO\   DZRPDQ·VWHDUVWKHÀQDOWHUURUWKDWNLOOV  

(the absolute here is red). Ambivalence is a virtue, OLNHEHLQJVWDONHGEORVVRPVLQWREDFNZDVK IURPDVXVSLFLRXVPLQG7KHWKHRUHWLFDODVVDVVLQ LQWHQGVYLFWRU\EXWXQGHUHVWLPDWHVGHVSHUDWLRQ ZLQGDQGZRPHQ·VWHDUVWHDUUHVROXWLRQ

Guttural grunts tell of facades, massacres in red, LVVXLQJXQGHUOLQHVOHYHOLQJJUDVVWKDWJURZVIURPWHDUV changing its color, stalk by stalk, to poppies.

32 TRR Austin Moyer

/VSPKH` )RUD)ULHQG

7KHFRQGXLWVDQGV\PEROVRIORYHZLOOÀOO DQGHPSW\LQVWHSZLWKWKHZLQNRIRXUWRQJXH QHXURQVZLOOEXUVWRSHQDV\RXUVSLQDOFRUGWZLVWV LQWRDWHVODFRLOWKHZDOOVRIWKHWHPSOHVKULQH

XQUDYHOLQJ7KHUHZLOOEHRQO\ZRUGVVSRNHQ in morse code, in dots and dashes, images DQGSKRWRUHHOVWDVWHDQGVRXQGXQGHUZKHOPLQJ in their edict, their muddled signs and prophesy.

:HZLOOKDZNIRU2OLJDUFKVKDXQWF\OLQGULFDOWKRXJKW IRUIXQHXWKDQL]HGHVLUHZLWKWKHVWDWLFHPDQDWLQJ IURPRXUÀQJHUWLSVWDVWHWKHQVSLWXSSKLORVRSK\ and beliefs, live like nothing, like nothing at all.

$QG,ZLOOKDQJ\RXUKRSHVOLNHDFRZEHOO DERXWP\QHFNWKHVXQJURZLQJMHDORXV RIRXUIRUHKHDGV ZHZLOOIRUJHWZKRZHDUH RUZK\LWPDWWHUHG/HWWKHWHPSHURIWKLVDLU leave you breathless, the sentence of this moment become \RXUQRWKLQJQHVV'RQRWGHDOLQSUD\HU RUSHWDOVRIDVKGLPZKHQFRPSDUHG to their counterparts. Embrace only the moon

GUDZLQJVWDWLFDORQJWKHERWWRPFXUYHRIP\LULV the blood siphoned from beneath our tongue, the mercury PDUNLQJZKDW·VOHIWIRVVLOL]HGSRLQWVDQGOLQHV Abandon the fuel, the reality that tethers you, unclothe, delineate, go mad, magnify the architecture RIHPSW\VSDFHP\SDOPSULQWVHWORRVHWKHIXQQHO RIFURZVLQ\RXUWKURDWOHWP\FDUFDVVRILURQWRUWXUH \RXUFRPSDVVQHHGOHDQG\RXZLOOKDYH\RXUKROLGD\

33

Fiction 2009 Three Rivers Review Fiction Prize

1\KNL»Z9LTHYRZ

´7KH1LJKW-R)OLHGµKDVDOOWKHWUDLWVRIDVWURQJEHDU,WLV grandeur in its description of the southerner and her religion DQGGHDWK,QWKDWSODFHDODUJHDQGEORRG\UHDOLW\WRZHUVDERYH the reader and manages to sustain some sort of Energy that fully engages its observer.

/LDP6ZHHQH\·V´6WUDQJH:D\VRI.LVVLQJµLVDVXEWOHPDJQHW WKDWSXOOVDWLWVUHDGHUZLWKDOOWKHWHQDFLW\RIDKXPDQGLWLV WKHUHOXULQJLWVOLVWHQHUDWRGGWXUQVXQWLOÀQDOO\ODQGLQJLQWKH QHVWRIRQH·VPHPRU\

Olympia Vernon Grove Press Author Eden (2002) Logic (2004) A Killing in This Town (2006)

36 TRR Winner: 6FRWW.U]\ZRQRV

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 5DUH ZDV LW WKDW WKH FKLOGUHQ RI WKH 5REHUW ( /HH schoolhouse stayed after school to do anything, let alone listen to a peer spin a story. But about a dozen children stayed because they ZDQWHGWRKHDUZKDW7RGGWKHQHZER\KDGEHJXQLQFODVVEHIRUH the teacher stopped him.  6KRZDQGWHOOWKDWGD\KDGEHHQFKDRWLF7RGG·VVKRZ³D SLFWXUHKHKDGGUDZQRIDJLUOÁ\LQJE\DQRUDQJHPRRQ³ZDV PDGHYDOXDEOHE\KLVWHOO³DVWRU\RIDJLUOKHRQFHVDZÁ\7KH teacher cut him off, explaining that tall tales helped no one and WKDWKHFRXOGWHOOWKHVWRU\DIWHUVFKRROLIKHZDQWHGWR  $QGVRE\SRSXODUGHPDQG7RGGEHJDQWRWHOOWKHVWRU\ to the other seven-year-olds.  ´1RZ,FDQWHOO\RXWKLVVWRU\EXW\RXJRWWDSURPLVHQRW WRODXJKEHFDXVHWKLVDLQ·WDIXQQ\VWRU\µKHVDLG´1RERG\QHYHU EHOLHYHGWKDW-RÁLHGWKDWQLJKWH[FHSWRIFRXUVHWKHSHRSOHZKR ZDV LQYROYHG OLNH PH DQG %REE\ZKR NQRZ LW·V WUXH EHFDXVH ZHZDVWKHUHDQGVDZLW6RGRQ·WODXJKRUQRWKLQJDQGGRQ·W VD\¶7RGGWKHUHDLQ·WQRZD\WKDW·VULJKW·EHFDXVHLWLVULJKW6R there.”  ´:KHQWKLVDOOKDSSHQ7RGG"µRQHLQWKHFURZGDVNHG  ´7HQGD\VDJRµKHVDLG´5LJKWEHIRUH,PRYHGKHUH, GLGQ·WHYHQJHWDFKDQFHWRWDONWR%REE\DERXWLWRQDFFRXQWRI, moved.”  ´:KR·V%REE\"µWKHVDPHNLGDVNHG  ´/LVWHQXSDQG\D·OOFDQÀQGRXWµ+HWRRNDGHHSEUHDWK and began.  ´:HOOZHZDVVLWWLQJRQWKHEOXHEHUU\FOLIIDIWHUSOD\LQJ EDOO RQH HYHQLQJ ZKLFK LV WKH SODFH LQ %OXII &RXQW\ ZKHUH ZH DOZD\VVSHQWRXUHYHQLQJVGXULQJRQWKHZHHNHQG,WZDVDUHDO QLFHSODFHEHFDXVHIRURQHWKHUHZDVDOZD\VEOXHEHUULHVDQGIRU DQRWKHUWKHUHQHYHUZDVSDUHQWVVRDOOXVNLGVFRXOGFXVVDQG SXVKHDFKRWKHUDQGRQHNLGHYHQFKHZHGEXWWKHQKHVWRSSHG EHFDXVHKLVPRWKHUIRXQGRXW7KHRWKHUNLGV³WKHUHZDVSUREDEO\ DERXWWZHQW\RIXVDOWRJHWKHUDIWHUWKHEDOOJDPH³WKH\ZDVVWLOO FDWFKLQJRUEDWWLQJRUVRPHWKLQJPD\EHFDWFKLQJÀUHÁLHV,GRQ·W NQRZ%XWPHDQG%REE\ZDVORRNLQJULJKWDWWKHVXQVHWEHFDXVH WKHFORXGVZDVEORFNLQJLWMXVWULJKWDQGLWPDGHWKHPRUDQJHOLNH

37 FKHHVHVRUWRIRUZKHDWµ “You sissy,” one of the boys in the audience said. “You sound like my mama.”  ´:HOO ZH ZDVQ·W actually looking at the sunset, you PXQFKKHDG$QGLI\RXZDQQDJRWKHQJR,DLQ·WJRQQDVWRS you.”  7KHKHFNOHUVWRRGVWLOO  ´5LJKWWKDW·VZKDW,WKRXJKW1RZOLNH,VDLGZHZDVQ·W ORRNLQJDWWKHVXQIRUSOHDVXUHUHDVRQV7KDW·VVRPHWKLQJJLUOV OLNHWRGR%XWZHZDVWLUHGIURPSOD\LQJEDOODOOGD\VRZHZDV MXVWVLWWLQJ,JXHVV\RX·GVD\DQGORRNLQJDQGVLQFHWKHVXQZDV WKHRQO\WKLQJZRUWKORRNLQJDWZHORRNHGDWLW%XWZHDLQ·WJLUOV VRGRQ·W\RXJHWPLVWDNHQEHFDXVHZHZDVORRNLQJDWWKHVXQVHW /RRNLQJDLQ·WQRFULPHVRGRQ·W\RXPDNHIXQ  ´%XWZHZDVVLWWLQJWKHUHZKHQ-RFDPHXSIURPWKHEDFN RI XV DQG VDW GRZQ DQG VDLG QRWKLQJ  1RZ WKLV ZDV VWUDQJH EHFDXVHXVXDOO\-RZRXOGFRPHXSDQG\HOODW\RXRUKLW\RXRU OLFNKHUÀQJHUDQGVWLFNLWULJKWLQ\RXUHDUVRLWZDVUHDOZHWRU crush the blueberries you had in your hand so it got all purple DQGVWLFN\%XWVKHZDVMXVWVLOHQWDQG%REE\KHORRNHGDWPH FRQIXVHGDQG,VKUXJJHGEHFDXVH,GLGQ·WNQRZZK\VKHZDVVR TXLHWVR%REE\DVNHG DQGKHUH7RGGXVHGDQHZYRLFHIRUHDFK speaker):  ´¶:KHUH ZDV \RX WRGD\ -R"  :H SOD\HG EDOO DQG \RX ZDVQ·WWKHUH·  ´¶6KXWXS\RX

38 TRR DQGZHZRXOGWDONDERXWWKLQJVWKDWZHQHYHUWDONHGDERXWZLWK QRERG\OLNHDERXWKRZ%REE\·VIRONVUHDOO\ZDQWHGWRJREDFN WRWKH1RUWKRUDERXWKRZ-R·VGDGG\EHDWKHUXSVRPHWLPHVRU DERXWKRZRQHWLPH,VDZDJLUOQDNHGLQDSLFWXUHLQDPDJD]LQH :HFDOOHGRXUVHOYHVWKH6HFUHW&OXERQDFFRXQWRILWZDVD6HFUHW DQGZHZDVD&OXE  ´%XWZHZDVWKHUHDZD\IURPWKHRWKHUNLGVDQG%REE\ ZDVUHDORIIHQGHGDWEHLQJFDOOHGVFXPEHFDXVHKHDLQ·WVFXPDQG VRKHZHQWRYHUWR-RWRSXVKKHUDOLWWOHQRWKDUGEXWMXVWWROHW KHU NQRZ ZKR·V ERVV DQG ZKHQ KH GLG VKH IHOO DQG ZKHQ VKH looked up she had a big black eye right on her face.  ´1RZWKLVPDGHPHVWDQGXSDQGVD\WR%REE\¶%REE\ \RXLV

39  ´¶,DLQ·WQRLGHD·,WROGKLPKRQHVW¶0D\EHVKHIHOO6KH DLQ·WVDLGZK\·  ´$W WKDW SRLQW *UDQGSD VDLG WR 'DGG\¶, WROG \RX WKDW &DOYLQZDVDQRJRRGPDQ

40 TRR HYHQDEOHWRVZLQJDEDW·  ´¶

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42 TRR ULJKWDV%REE\VDLG¶1R\RXFDQ·W·  ´¶,FDQWRR%REE\$QG,ZLOO,·PJRQQDÁ\RIIWKDWFOLII $QG,DLQ·WFRPLQJEDFN·  ´1RZ UHPHPEHU ZH ZDV VWDQGLQJ XQGHU WKH WUHH VR , FRXOGQ·W VHH -R·V IDFH EXW , NQHZ VKH ZDV VHULRXV  +HU KRRG FRYHUHGKHUIRUHKHDGDQGDOODQGKHUIDFHZDVLQWKHVKDGRZV EXW,FRXOGWHOOE\KRZVKHVDLGLW³KRZVKHVDLGLW³WKDWVKHZDV VHULRXV%REE\GLGQ·WVHHPWRDJUHHZLWKPHWKRXJKVRKHVDLG  ´¶7KLVLVVWXSLGDQG,·POHDYLQJ·  ´¶

43 ZLWKP\PRPPDDQ\ZD\VVRWKHUH·  ´%REE\KDGQRWKLQJWRVD\EHFDXVHVKHZDVULJKWVRKH MXVWUHSHDWHGZKDWKHVDLGEHIRUHZKLFKZDV  ´¶

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45 DOPRVWGDUNDQGZHDLQ·WVXSSRVHGWREHODWHIRUVXSSHUµ

 7RGG GLG QRW UHVSRQG  +H VWRRG WKHUH VWDULQJ DW KLV picture of Jo, oblivious to the sounds of the other children leaving and laughing.

46 TRR Runner-up: /LDP6ZHHQH\

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Since the handshake and formal introduction Sunday PRUQLQJWKHTXHVWLRQRI0U6Q\GHU·VEOLQGQHVVKDGRYHUZKHOPHG &KDUOLH,WZDVQ·WDVWKRXJK0U6Q\GHUKDGDVLQLVWHUVRUWRIPLON\ ÀOP RYHU KLV LULVHV DV \RX RIWHQ VHH LQ PRYLHV :KDW ERWKHUHG &KDUOLHZDVWKHVWDULQJDWEODQNQHVV,WZDVOLNHDQDUURZWKDWOHG &KDUOLHQRZKHUH+HXQGHUVWRRGRIFRXUVHWKDWDEOLQGPDQPXVW SRLQWKLVKHDGRQHZD\DQGWKDWLWLVRIQRVRFLDOFRQVHTXHQFHWR D FRQYHUVDWLRQ ZKLFK ZD\ WKH KHDG RI D EOLQG PDQ LV SRLQWHG 1RQHWKHOHVVDVDQLPDJLQDWLYHER\RIWZHOYH&KDUOLHEHJDQWR FRQVWUXFWGHWDLOHGWKHRULHVDVWRZK\0U6Q\GHUORRNHGZKHUHKH looked.  +HNQHZWKDW0U6Q\GHUKDGEHHQLQWKHDUP\$QGVR DVRQHPLJKWH[SHFWWKHÀUVWWKHRU\KHGHYHORSHGKDGWRGRZLWK ZDUIDUH&KDUOLHLPDJLQHGDQHQHP\FDSWXULQJ0U6Q\GHU7KH\ ZRXOG KDYH ZDQWHG LQIRUPDWLRQ $IWHU IUXLWOHVV LQWHUURJDWLRQV WKH\HYHQWXDOO\OD\0U6Q\GHUGRZQLQZKDWORRNHGWR&KDUOLH very much like a dentists chair, clamped his eyes open, and poured LQVL]]OLQJVWHDPLQJSRLVRQ&KDUOLHGLGQ·WOLNHWKLVWKHRU\0U 6Q\GHUZDVDQLFHPDQDIULHQGRIKLVPRWKHU·VDQGWKHLGHDWKDW KLVH\HVKDGEHHQEXUQHGRXWLQZDUGLVWXUEHGWKHLPDJHRI0U 6Q\GHU ORXQJLQJ DQG GULQNLQJ LFHG WHD ZLWK KLV PRWKHU RQ WKH patio. Charlie considered the possibility that a simple disease had managed to blind Mr. Snyder. Germs that had been resting RQDGLUW\SDSHUFXSWKDWKDGIDOOHQRQWKHÁRRUPD\KDYHIRXQG WKHLUZD\LQWR0U6Q\GHU·VPRXWK7KH\PXVWKDYHPDGHWKHLU ZD\QRUWKWRKLVEUDLQ(YHQWXDOO\WKH\SOXQJHGLQWRKLVH\HVDQG UXLQHGWKHP´

47 ORVWVRPHWKLQJ,FDUHGDERXWVRPXFKPD\EH,ZRXOGQ·WEHDEOH WRORRNDWDQ\WKLQJDURXQGPH0D\EH,ZRXOGRQO\EHDEOHWR ORRNWRWKHGLVWDQFHEHFDXVH,ZDVDOZD\VZDLWLQJIRULWWRFRPH EDFNµ&KDUOLHWKRXJKWDERXWZKDWFRXOGEHVRLPSRUWDQWDQGKH FRQFOXGHGWKDWRQO\ORVLQJKLVPRWKHUZKRPKHORYHGPRUHWKDQ DQ\WKLQJHOVHFRXOGFDXVHVXFKDQDIÁLFWLRQ7KLVLVZKDW&KDUOLH came to believe.  &KDUOLHKLVPRWKHU6XVDQDQGKLVIDWKHU7RPDOOOLYHG RXWVLGH D VPDOO WRZQ FDOOHG +LJKWRQ 7KH IHZ KRXVHV LQ WKLV SDUWLFXODU QHLJKERUKRRG H[LVW ZLWK RQH RXWVWDQGLQJ EHQHÀW ³ WKH\ DUH RQO\ D VKRUW ZDON IURP D EHDFK DORQJ WKH FRDVW RI WKH $WODQWLF2FHDQ7KHGULYHZD\VRIWKHKRXVHVZLQGOLNHWULEXWDULHV HYHQWXDOO\ PHHWLQJ WKH UHG FOD\ URDG %UXJHQ 6W ZKLFK OHDGV GLUHFWO\WRWKH$WODQWLF7KHDUHDRXJKWWRKDYHEHHQPRUHSRSXODU +RZHYHU WKH EHDFK UHPDLQHG XQNHPSW DQG WKH KRXVHV VSDUVH GXHWRWKHREVWLQDWHZRRGWKDWZRYHLWVHOILQWRLPPRYDEOHNQRWV 2YHU WKH \HDUV GHYHORSHUV ZKR YHQWXUHG LQWR WKH DUHD UDUHO\ succeeded in clearing enough land to build a foundation. One such developer, after damaging his backhoe on a stubborn root, QLFNQDPHGWKHSDWFKRIODQG´5XVVLDQ$FUHVµVWDWLQJ´1DSROHRQ DQG +LWOHU FRXOGQ·W KDYH GRZQHG WKHVH IXFNHUVµ 7KXV ZKDW ZRXOGKDYHEHHQSULPHUHDOHVWDWHIRUROGPRQH\DQGFRUSRUDWH 1HZ

48 TRR NHSWLWDOLYH7KLVSURFHVVFRXOGWDNHDQ\ZKHUHIURPVHFRQGVWR a minute. Charlie enjoyed the time he spent squashing bugs, and never let their panic rush him through the routine.  7KH GD\ &KDUOLH GHYHORSHG KLV WKHRU\ RQ 0U 6Q\GHU·V EOLQGQHVVZDVDGD\ÀOOHGZLWKVXFKDFWLYLWLHV$KRWVXPPHUGD\ GXULQJZKLFK&KDUOLHKDGWLUHGTXLFNO\DQGIDOOHQWRWKHJUDVVDQG 0U6Q\GHUKDGZDONHGIURPKLVQHLJKERULQJKRXVHWRFKDWZLWK 6XVDQ7KHQHLJKERUKRRGKDGQRWLFHGWKLVUHFHQWGHYHORSPHQWRI IULHQGVKLSEHWZHHQ0U6Q\GHUDQG6XVDQDWOHDVWWKHSHUFHSWLYH ones had. But then, the perceptive ones had also discovered the UXPRUWKDW7RPKDGDPLVWUHVVLQ5KRGH,VODQGDQGZKDW·VPRUH 6XVDQNQHZDERXWLW$QGEHFDXVHRIWKLVDIULHQGVKLSWKDWZRXOG have been considered inappropriate became innocent. Everyone XQGHUVWRRG WKDW D OLIH VR VWUHVVHG GHPDQGV D FRQÀGDQW DQG RIWHQ DFWV DV D FDWDO\VW IRU WKRVH UHODWLRQVKLSV WKDW ZRXOG KDYH EORVVRPHGODWHUZLWKRXWWKHUXVK:KDW6XVDQKDGPDQDJHGWR NHHSWRKHUVHOIZLWKWKHH[FHSWLRQRI0U6Q\GHUZDVWKDWWKLV PLVWUHVVZDVSUHJQDQW0U6Q\GHUZDVKHOSLQJ6XVDQFRSHZLWK WKHUHDOL]DWLRQWKDWVKHKDGEHFRPHPRWKHUWRWKHÀUVWIDPLO\LQD pair.  0U6Q\GHUZRXOGVD\KLVXVXDO´+RZ·YH\DEHHQ6XH"µ $QG6XVDQDVXVXDOZRXOGKDYHWKHLFHGWHDUHDG\RQWKHSDWLR 6XVDQ UHDOL]HG WKDW KDYLQJ WKH WHD EUHZHG LFHG SLWFKHUHG DQG patioed for the moment Mr. Snyder arrived might have seemed GHVSHUDWH6KHGLGQ·WFDUH7KHWKRXJKWRIHYHQWKHVOLJKWHVWVRUW RI GLVKRQHVW\ HYHQ WKH VRUW RI GLVKRQHVW\ LQ ZKLFK \RX PDNH \RXU JRRG GHHGV VHHP FRLQFLGHQWDO LQVWHDG RI SODQQHG ZDV XQDFFHSWDEOHWR6XVDQ,WPD\KDYHEHHQWKDWVKHGLGQ·WZDQWWR KLGHKHUGHVSHUDWLRQZKLFKVKHKDGDOUHDG\PDGHFOHDUWR0U 6Q\GHUDQ\ZD\6KHSRXUHGWKHWHDDQGUHVSRQGHGZLWKDQ  ´2K\RXNQRZµ7KHLQÁHFWLRQVZHUHDOZD\VVXQJZLWK WKHÀUVWV\OODEOHEHLQJRQHWRQHWKHVHFRQGVOLJKWO\KLJKHUDQGWKH WKLUGUHWXUQLQJWRWKHÀUVW6KHVDQJLWLQDPLQRUNH\LWVHHPHG  ´+H·VJRLQJEDFNWRKHUVRRQµ  ´6RRQ" *RRG

49 WRVKRZRIIWRDUHDODXGLHQFH0D\EHDIWHUKHOHDYHV,·OOFRRN\RX GLQQHUDQGLQUHWXUQ\RXFDQVXJJHVWVKHWDNHXSRK,GRQ·WNQRZ ERZOLQJRUVRPHWKLQJµ0U6Q\GHUVDLG  ´,W·V D GHDO -HUU\ +RZ DUH WKLQJV ZLWK (OL]DEHWK" ,·P DOZD\VXQORDGLQJRQ\RXDERXW7RP,IHHOOLNH,QHYHUKHDUPXFK about her.”  ´6KH·VWLUHG+HUSDWLHQWVZLSHKHURXWHYHU\GD\6KHJHWV KRPHDQGKDUGO\PDNHVLWWRWKHEHG7KHQVKHZDNHVXSLQWKH PLGGOHRIWKHQLJKWVWDUYLQJZKLFKLVZKHQVKHHDWVDQGSOD\VWKH YLROLQ«DIWHU,·PDVOHHS«\RXFDQVHHP\SUREOHP,·PVXUHµ (OL]DEHWK ZDV 0U 6Q\GHU·V %ULWLVK ZLIH 6KH ZDV DVVLJQHG WR KLPDVDQXUVHDIWHUWKHZDU6KHVHHPHGFDOORXVWRWKHUHVWRIWKH QHLJKERUVZKRWRRNKHUKXVEDQGVEOLQGQHVVYHU\VHULRXVO\6KH had been caught a number of times sighing at a chore he required of KHU0U6Q\GHUZRXOGVWRSLQQRZDQGWKHQRQDQHLJKERU·VSRUFK ZLWKDVWRU\RIDEURNHQPXJDQGDQLQIXULDWHGZLIH6KHZDVXJO\ DVZHOO0RVWRIWKHQHLJKERUKRRGEODPHGWKHVHPLVIRUWXQHVRQ her nationality, and if they ever came across someone mentioning /RQGRQDVDFROGFLW\WKH\ZRXOGVD\´

50 TRR WREH0U6Q\GHUKHGLGQ·WFORVHKLVH\HVDV\RXPLJKWH[SHFW VRPHRQHLPLWDWLQJDEOLQGSHUVRQZRXOG+HGLGQ·WFORVHKLVH\HV EHFDXVH0U6Q\GHU·VH\HVZHUHQ·WFORVHG+HNHSWWKHPRSHQEXW GLGQ·WDOORZKLVQHFNWRWXUQDVLWQDWXUDOO\ZRXOGLQRUGHUWRVHH GLIIHUHQWWKLQJV,QVWHDGKHSRLQWHGKLVKHDGRQHZD\DQGWKHQ ZHQWDERXWKLVEXVLQHVVZLWKRXWFKDQJLQJLWVDQJOHLQDQ\GHJUHH +HXVHGKLVSHULSKHUDOYLVLRQVLJQLÀFDQWO\$WWKHWRSRIWKHVWDLUV KHEHJDQWRSUHWHQG+H·GWXUQWRZDONWRKLVURRPNHHSLQJKLV H\HVSRLQWHGVWULFWO\IRUZDUG+HXQIRFXVHGKLVH\HVDQGDWKLV bedroom door reached for the handle. Most of the pretending RFFXUUHGLQWKHSULYDF\RI&KDUOLH·VURRPZKHUHKHFRXOGDYRLG HPEDUUDVVPHQWDQGTXHVWLRQLQJ+RZHYHUDIWHUWZRGD\V&KDUOLH IHOW FRQÀGHQW LQ ERWK KLV DELOLW\ WR EHKDYH QRUPDOO\ DQG KLV UHDVRQVIRUSUHWHQGLQJWREH0U6Q\GHULQWKHÀUVWSODFH6RZKHQ his mother called him out to the garden, Charlie determined that KHZRXOGFRQWLQXHWRDFWDV0U6Q\GHUHYHQLQKHUSUHVHQFH  6XVDQ ZDV ZHHGLQJ DW WKH VLGH RI WKH KRXVH ZKHQ VKH called for Charlie. He came, turning the corner and looking at the KRUL]RQH\HVÀ[HGIRUZDUG6XVDQKDGKHUKHDGGRZQIRFXVHG RQDZHHGVRVKHGLGQ·WQRWLFHLPPHGLDWHO\6WLOOORRNLQJGRZQ VKHVDLG´2KJRRG&KDUOLH,QHHG\RXWRFDUU\WKHVHZHHGVRYHU to the garbage,” pointing at black plastic bags full of dandelions, FUDEJUDVVWKLFNVSLN\WKLQJVVRPHSRLVRQLY\´7KHQ,QHHG\RX to go around the house and collect all the garbage and bring it WRWKHHQGRIWKHGULYHZD\µ,WZDVWKHQWKDWVKHQRWLFHG&KDUOLH ZDVQ·WORRNLQJDWKHU+HZDVQRGGLQJLQDJUHHPHQWEXWVWDULQJ off behind and to the left at a hedge. “What are you looking at, KRQH\"µVKHDVNHG  ´,·PSUHWHQGLQJWREH0U6Q\GHUµKHVDLG “Well do you think you can still manage your chores, Mr. 6Q\GHU"µ  ´6XUH,FDQ,KDYHWKLVZKROHKRXVHPHPRUL]HGµKHVDLG SLFNLQJXSWKHEDJVZLWKKLVKHDGFRFNHGXSZDUGDZNZDUGO\+LV PRWKHUVDLGEHIRUHKHZDONHGDZD\´7KHQFOHDQXSIRUGLQQHU DQGZHDUVRPHWKLQJQLFH

51 W\SHRIOR\DOW\WKDWZDVEOLQGWRKLVLQÀGHOLW\ZKHQVRPHZRXOG think it should be dependent on it. In any case, she had managed LQDKHOOLVKUDJHWRNHHS7RPIURPOHDYLQJIRUWKHODVWIHZGD\V 6KHNQHZWKDWWKLVZRXOGQ·WZRUNIRUORQJ6XVDQNQHOWLQWKHVRLO DQGZRQGHUHGLIDSSHDOLQJWRKLVOXVWZDVDSRVVLELOLW\DQGWKHQ IHOWDULVLQJVLFNQHVVDWWKHWKRXJKWRILW,QDQ\FDVHVKHNQHZ VKHQHHGHGVRPHRQHWRZDWFK&KDUOLHIRUKHU$IWHUDVKRZHUVKH called Mr. Snyder.  ´+H\ -HUU\,·YH JRW D KXJH IDYRU WR DVN$UH \RX EXV\ WRPRUURZDIWHUQRRQ"µ6KHZDVDIUDLG7RPZRXOGEHJRQHE\WKH evening.  ´)UHHDOOGD\6XH:KDW·G\RXKDYHLQPLQG"µ0U6Q\GHU said.  ´,ZDVZRQGHULQJLI\RXFRXOGJRIRUDZDONZLWK&KDUOLH ,MXVWZDQWVRPHWLPHDORQHZLWK7RPKHVD\VKH·VJRLQJWROHDYH WRPRUURZµ  ´

52 TRR  ´,WSUREDEO\ZLOOµ0U6Q\GHUVDLG7KHQDIWHUUHPLQGLQJ KLPVHOIWREHHQFRXUDJLQJKHDGGHG´%XW\RX·OOJHWVPDUWHUDV ZHOO VR \RX ZRQ·W HYHQ QRWLFH WKH GLIIHUHQFHµ$QRWKHU VLOHQFH HQVXHG0U6Q\GHUZDVQ·WXVHGWRWDONLQJWRFKLOGUHQ+H·GQHYHU KDG DQ\ RI KLV RZQ DQG WKH\ VHHPHG WR QHYHU KDYH DQ\WKLQJ WRVD\DQGWRQHYHUZDQWWRVD\DQ\WKLQJ+RZHYHUDIWHUDIHZ PRPHQWVSDVVHGKHZDVVWUXFNZLWKDQLGHDIRUFRQYHUVDWLRQ ´&KDUOLHDIHZWLPHVZKHQ,·YHEHHQRYHUWRWDONZLWK\RXUPRWKHU ,·YH DVNHG ZKHUH \RX·YH EHHQ 6KH VD\V \RX·UH VOXPSHG RYHU LQ WKH GLUW OLNH \RX·UH LQYHVWLJDWLQJ VRPHWKLQJ :KDW·V WKDW DOO DERXW"µ7KH TXHVWLRQ FDXJKW &KDUOLH E\ VXUSULVH +H NQHZ WKH JUDYLW\RIWKHRIIHQVHRIWRUWXULQJLQVHFWVZDVQ·WDQ\WKLQJOLNHWKDW of torturing real people, or bigger animals for that matter. Yet, he ZDVQ·WHQWLUHO\VXUHLILWZDVREMHFWLYHO\DJUDYHDFW  ´,·PLQVSHFWLQJEXJVµ&KDUOLHH[SODLQHG´*UDVVKRSSHUV DUHP\IDYRULWHWRZDWFKµ&KDUOLHZDVVWLFNLQJFORVHWRWKHWUXWK *UDVVKRSSHUVZHUHLQIDFWKLVIDYRULWHWRFUXVK7KH\ZHUHGLIÀFXOW WRSLQEXWLIKHPDQDJHGWRJHWKLVWKXPERQWKHPWKHOHJVZRXOG UHOHDVHOLNHFDWDSXOWVRYHUDQGRYHULQWRWKHJURXQG7KH\ZHUH DOVRELJHQRXJKWRSURYLGHDVDWLVI\LQJFUXQFKZKHUHDVHYHQWKH ELJEODFNDQWVFDQ·WEHKHDUGZKHQWKHH[RVNHOHWRQFUDFNV  ´6R \RX KDYH DQ LQWHUHVW LQ HQWRPRORJ\"µ 0U 6Q\GHU VDLG´WKHVWXG\RILQVHFWV,·OOKDYHWRJHW\RXDERRNQH[WWLPH, JRRXWZLWK(OL]DEHWKµ  ´7KDQNV0U6Q\GHUµ&KDUOLHZDVJHWWLQJQHUYRXV+H GLGQ·W NQRZ KRZ ORQJ KH FRXOG PDLQWDLQ D FRQYHUVDWLRQ DERXW LQVHFWVZKHQWKHH[WHQWRIKLVLQWHUHVWZDVIHHOLQJWKHLULQVLGHV +H MXPSHG SHUKDSV ZLWK XQQHFHVVDU\ DEUXSWQHVV WR WKLV ´, NQRZZK\\RX·UHEOLQG0U6Q\GHUµ&KDUOLHKDGEHHQZDLWLQJWR bring this up since last evening, so even though he sensed that the FKDQJHLQGLUHFWLRQKDGQ·WEHHQVXEWOHKHZDVQRQHWKHOHVVKDSS\ ZLWKWKHFKRLFH7KDWLVXQWLOKHVDZ0U6Q\GHU·VGLVWRUWHGIDFH +HUXVKHGRQ´,PHDQ,KDYHDQLGHD'LG\RXORVH\RXUPRP"µ Charlie felt cold embarrassment and blood rushing to his head. 0U6Q\GHUORRNHGVXUSULVHGDQGVOLJKWO\GLVJXVWHG$IWHUDIHZ moments Charlie organized his thoughts and began to explain.  ´:KDW,PHDQLVWKDWWKHRWKHUGD\,ZDVWDONLQJWR\RX DQG,ZDVVXUSULVHGWKDW\RXZHUHQ·WORRNLQJDWPH,XQGHUVWDQG WKDW\RXFDQ·WVHHPHEXWLWJRWPHWKLQNLQJDERXWWKHZD\\RX ZHUHORRNLQJDQGZK\VRPHRQHZRXOGORRNWKDWZD\,NQRZ\RX

53 MXVW FDQ·W VHH EXW ZKLOH , ZDV WKLQNLQJ DERXW LW , UHDOL]HG ZK\ VRPHRQHZRXOGGRWKD´  ´'RZKDW"µ0U6Q\GHUDVNHG  ´/RRN RII LQ WKH GLVWDQFH OLNH WKDW LQVWHDG RI DW ZKDW·V right in front of you,” Charlie said. After a look of amused DSSUREDWLRQ IURP 0U 6Q\GHU &KDUOLH GHFLGHG LW ZDV VDIH WR continue, “I thought of a lot of different things it could have been, but I settled on that you must have lost someone you loved so PXFK6RPXFKWKDW\RX·UHDOZD\VORRNLQJIRUKHUHYHU\ZKHUH DQG\RXFDQ·WIRFXVRQDQ\WKLQJULJKWLQIURQWRI\RX$QGWKH RQO\SHUVRQ,FRXOGWKLQNRIWKDW,ZRXOGPLVVWKDWPXFKLVP\ PRP7KDW·VZK\,WKRXJKWLWZDV\RXUPRPµ  0U 6Q\GHU·V IDFH ZDV EODQN IRU VHFRQGV DV LW EREEHG XS DQG GRZQ ZLWK HDFK VWHS WRZDUG WKH DSSURDFKLQJ RFHDQ (YHQWXDOO\ KH PXWWHUHG ´6R LW·V DV LI HYHU\WKLQJ LV LQ WKH IRUHJURXQGµ+HVDLGLWWRKLPVHOI³DQGWKHQZLWKDFKDQJHLQ LQÁHFWLRQPDGHLWDSSDUHQWWKDWKHZDVDGGUHVVLQJ&KDUOLHDQG VDLG ´DQG IRU \RX HYHU\WKLQJ LV LQ WKH EDFNJURXQG LVQ·W LW"µ &KDUOLHPDLQWDLQHGVLOHQFHDQGWKHWZRVWHSSHGRIIWKHFOD\DQG eventually on to the beach.  &KDUOLHZDVQ·WVDWLVÀHGZLWK0U6Q\GHU·VDQVZHU:KLOH KHGLGQ·WXQGHUVWDQGH[DFWO\ZKHUHKLVREVHVVLRQZLWKWKLVWKHRU\ FDPHIURPLWVHHPHGE\WKHFRQÀGHQFHRIKLVDQVZHUWKDW0U 6Q\GHUGLG$QG\HWWKHUHZDVQRZD\WRXQGHUVWDQGWKHDQVZHU Charlie decided to pry further.  ´+RZGLG\RXORVH\RXUVLJKW0U6Q\GHU"µ%XW&KDUOLH ZDVRQFHDJDLQGLVDSSRLQWHG0U6Q\GHUGLGQ·WZDQWWRWDONDERXW LW$IWHUIXUWKHUSHUVLVWHQFH0U6Q\GHUVDLG´,W·VDQDVW\VWRU\, ZRXOGQ·WEXUGHQDFKLOGZLWKDVWRU\OLNHWKDWµ0U6Q\GHUKDYLQJ VHHQPDQ\DZIXOWKLQJVLQKLVOLIHKDGDJUHDWGHDORIUHVSHFWIRU innocence, both the small amount left in him, and the abundance RI LW WKDW ZDV LQ &KDUOLH +RZHYHU KH KDGQ·W FRQVLGHUHG WKH GLVUHJDUGDQLQH[SHULHQFHGSHUVRQVXFKDV&KDUOLHZRXOGKDYH for innocence. As he himself said, for Charlie, everything is in the EDFNJURXQG7KLVLVKRZ&KDUOLH·VPLQGEHJDQWRVHDUFKIRUDZD\ WRIRUFHWKHVWRU\,WGLGQ·WWDNHORQJEHIRUH&KDUOLHUHDOL]HGWKH NLQGRISRZHUKHKDGLQWKLVVLWXDWLRQ+HWKRXJKWEDFNWRZKDW KLVPRWKHUKDGVDLG¶PDNHVXUHKHFDQÀQGKLVZD\EDFN·  7KHZDWHUZDVFROGRYHUWKHLUIHHWZKLOHWKHWZRZDONHG GRZQWKHVWULSRIZHWVDQGDGDUNHUVKDGHWKDQWKHÁXII\GU\VWXII

54 TRR WKH\KDGMXVWJRWWHQWKURXJK7KHEHDFKZDVHPSW\DQGWKHUHZHUH PXVVHOVKHOOVNQRWWHGVHDZHHGDQGGULIWZRRGVWUHZQRYHUWKH VDQGVWKDWVHSDUDWHGWKHWUHHVIURPWKHZDWHU&KDUOLHFRQVLGHUHG WKHWKUHDWKHZDVDERXWWRPDNH7KHUHZDVGDQJHULQLWKHNQHZ KRZPXFKGDQJHUZDVXQFHUWDLQ%XW&KDUOLHZDVGHWHUPLQHGWR OHDUQZKDWZDVEHLQJNHSWIURPKLP+HIHOWHQWLWOHGDIWHUWKUHH days of imitation to some kind of truth. “Mr. Snyder,” he said in a VRIWYRLFH´0D\EH\RXVKRXOGWHOOPHQRZKRZ\RXZHQWEOLQG EHFDXVH,·PWKHRQHZKRKDVWRZDON\RXEDFNDQGLI,ZDQWHG WR,FRXOGMXVWJREDFNE\P\VHOIDQGWKHQZKDWZRXOG\RXGR"µ 7KHWZRVWRRGIRUPRPHQWV0U6Q\GHUVHHPHGWREHVWDULQJRXW WRVHD&KDUOLHZDVQ·WVXUHZKDWWRGR+H·GQHYHUKDGWKLVNLQGRI FRQWURORYHUDQDGXOWEHIRUH6LOHQFHUHPDLQHGEHWZHHQWKHPXQWLO 0U6Q\GHUKHDUG&KDUOLH·VIHHWSXVKLQJVDQGDVKHZDONHGDZD\  ´&KDUOLHµ 0U 6Q\GHU VDLG ´7KLV LV PXFK WRR HDUO\ LQ \RXU OLIH WR EH H[HUFLVLQJ SRZHU RYHU WKRVH \RX EHOLHYH WR EH helpless.”  &KDUOLHVWRSSHGZDONLQJDQGWXUQHGWROLVWHQ  0U 6Q\GHU FRQWLQXHG ´, VD\ ¶EHOLHYH· WR EH KHOSOHVV EHFDXVH,LQIDFWDPQRWKHOSOHVV,NQRZKRZPDQ\VWHSV,·YH ZDONHGIURPRXUGULYHZD\DQGZKLOHLWZRXOGWDNHPHVOLJKWO\ ORQJHU WR JHW KRPH ZLWKRXW \RX LW ZRXOG RQO\ EH WKH PRVW PLQRULQFRQYHQLHQFHµ0U6Q\GHUWRRNDVWHSIRUZDUGDQGZLWK VRXQGHVWLPDWLRQSODFHGKLVKDQGRQWKH\RXQJER\·VVKRXOGHU ´+RZHYHUWRWHDFK\RXDOHVVRQSHUKDSV,ZLOOWHOO\RXWKHVWRU\ RIKRZ,ZHQWEOLQGDVZHZDONKRPHµ$QG0U6Q\GHUWRRNWKH ÀUVWVWHSZLWK&KDUOLH·VVKRXOGHUXQGHUKLVDUP  ´

55 &KDUOLHVDLG\HV7KHZDYHVFRQWLQXHGWRUXQFROGRYHUKLVIHHW Cold embarrassment had crept back into his blood.  ´:KHQ,ZDVDEOHWROLIWP\VHOIRXWRIEHGWKHKRVSLWDO VHQWPHKRPHµ+HKDGDODUN\JULQRQKLVIDFH´0\PRPZDV GHDG&KDUOLH0\IRONVKDGEHHQJRQHIRUDORQJWLPH

56 TRR WKDWVKHÀQDOO\EURNHGRZQDQGWROGPHDIWHUZHZHUHPDUULHG :HZHUHVLWWLQJLQDSDUNLQJVSDFHDERXWWRJRLQWRDEXUJHUMRLQW and she started to cry. We sat there for so long. She sobbed and XWWHUHG WKH EHJLQQLQJV RI V\OODEOHV WR ZRUGV WKDW VKH FRXOGQ·W ÀQLVK$QGWKHQÀQDOO\VKHPDQDJHGWRVD\´,PDGH\RXEOLQGµ Charlie put his hand in his hair and pulled it a little, and squeezed KLVH\HVVKXWWKHZD\RQHGRHVLQRUGHUWRH[SHULHQFHMXVWDVOLJKW DPRXQWRISDLQZKLOHZDWFKLQJWKHVFDU\SDUWRIDPRYLH  ´,OHIWKHUDIWHUWKDW,KDGQRZKHUHWRJREXW,FRXOGQ·W stand to be near her. She begged for me to stay, claiming she did ZKDWVKHGLGRXWRIORYH¶

57 KHUIDFHWKDWZDVVWXQQLQJDQGERULQJDWWKHVDPHWLPH&KDUOLH QRWLFHGPRVWGLVWLQFWO\WKHZD\WKHVNLQRYHUKHUFKHHNVZHUHRQ DVRUWRIZULQNOHGSODWHDXIURPKHUOLSVDQGWKH\VHHPHGWRKDQJ GRZQDQGHQFLUFOHKHUOLSVLQVRPHZD\+HUOLSVWKHPVHOYHVZHUH WKLQDQGSDOH$QG\HWVKHVPLOHGZLWKVRPHNLQGRIKDSSLQHVV her mouth half-heartedly, but her eyes sincerely, giving full creases WRWKHSUHPDWXUHZULQNOHVWKDWFRXOGEHVHHQ  ´,W·V YHU\ QLFH WR PHHW \RX &KDUOLHµ (OL]DEHWK VDLG VWUHWFKLQJRXWKHUKDQG´,·PPDNLQJVRPHOXQFKZRXOG\RXOLNH DQ\WKLQJ"µ&KDUOLHZDVVLOHQWDQG0U6Q\GHULQWHUMHFWHG´+RZ DERXWDJULOOHGFKHHVHDQGVRPHVRXS"µ&KDUOLHQRGGHGDQGWRRN DVHDWDWWKHNLWFKHQWDEOH0U6Q\GHUZHQWWRWKHUHIULJHUDWRUDQG started pulling things out.  ´,·YHDOUHDG\JRWWKHWRPDWRHVRXW-HUU\µ6KHVDLGDQG WKHQDVNHG&KDUOLH´'R\RXOLNHKDPDQGWRPDWRRQ\RXUJULOOHG FKHHVH" 7KDW·V KRZ , XVXDOO\ PDNH WKHPµ (OL]DEHWK RSHQHG D FDELQHWÀOOHGZLWKVSLFHV+HUKDQGGDQFHGZLWKKDVW\LQGHFLVLRQ LQ WKH FDELQHW XQWLO VKH VHWWOHG RQ WKH ULJKW WZR DQG WXUQHG DURXQG WR VHDVRQ WKH VRXS ´:DV WKLV KRZ VKH KDG GRQH LW"µ &KDUOLHZRQGHUHG´,WPXVWKDYHWDVWHGEDGLIVKHSXWLWLQVRXS 7KHQDJDLQLIVKHNQHZZKDWWRPL[ZLWKLWPD\EHKHZRXOGQ·W KDYHQRWLFHGµ&KDUOLHKDGQ·WUHDOL]HGWKDWKHQHYHUDQVZHUHGWKH TXHVWLRQ (OL]DEHWK·V YRLFH JUHZ PRUH VWHUQ ´:KDW ZRXOG \RX OLNH&KDUOLH"µ  ´1RWKLQJµ KH VDLG ´,·P QRW KXQJU\ PD\ , JR KRPH QRZ"µ  ´'RQ·WEHVLOO\&KDUOLHµ0U6Q\GHUVDLGDQGWXUQLQJKLV YRLFHWR(OL]DEHWKDGGHG´+H·OOWDNHLWDOOµ(OL]DEHWKEHJDQWR IU\WKHVDQGZLFK&KDUOLHFRXOGQ·WKHOSEXWHQMR\WKHVPHOORIWKH VL]]OLQJEXWWHUWKDWÀOOHGWKHURRP  ´

58 TRR LWPHDQWRJLYHVRPHRQHDNLVV"  7KH\DWHWKHLUIRRGPRVWO\LQVLOHQFHZLWKWKHRFFDVLRQDO TXHVWLRQDQGDQVZHUIURPWKHFRXSOHWR&KDUOLH&KDUOLHDQVZHUHG WKHTXHVWLRQVZLWKDVIHZZRUGVDVSRVVLEOH7KHVDQGZLFKWDVWHG ÀQH7KHVRXSRQWKHRWKHUKDQGKHFRXOGVZHDUWDVWHGVWUDQJH +HIRFXVHGRQHYHU\VSRRQIXO:DVWKDWDELWWHUWDVWH"2UZDVLW VRXU"&KDUOLHFRXOGQ·WGHFLGHZKDWZDVZURQJZLWKLWEXWKHZDV VXUHLWGLGQ·WWDVWHULJKW+DOIZD\WKURXJKWKHERZO&KDUOLHDVNHG again if he could go.  ´1RWXQWLO\RXÀQLVKZKDW·VLQIURQWRI\RXµ(OL]DEHWK VDLG&KDUOLHVZDOORZHGDQRWKHUVSRRQIXORIVRXSDQGDQRWKHU XQWLOKHÀQDOO\ÀQLVKHGWKHERZO+HEURXJKWWKHGLVKHVWRWKH VLQNDQGZLWKRXWDVNLQJWREHH[FXVHGZDONHGRXWWKHIURQWGRRU DQG GRZQ WKH GULYHZD\EDFN WR %UXJHQ 6W )URP WKHUH KH UDQ home. ***  2QFHKHUHDFKHGKLVRZQGULYHZD\&KDUOLHVORZHGWRD ZDON+HZRQGHUHGLIKHKDGEHHQUXGH+HKDGQ·WPHDQWWREH leaving like that, but Charlie had things to think about, things he FRXOGQ·WWKLQNDERXWZKLOH0U6Q\GHUDQG(OL]DEHWKZHUHVLWWLQJ there asking him questions about soccer and school and food. ,WKDGJURZQPRUHKXPLGVLQFHWKHZDONRQWKHEHDFKDQGWKH PRVTXLWRHVDQGJQDWVZHUHEDFNLQQXPEHUV&KDUOLHPDGHLWWR WKH \DUG WKLQNLQJ DERXW WKDW NLVV RQ WKH FKHHN ZKLFK ZDV MXVW OLNHWKHZD\KLVPRWKHUNLVVHGKLPRQWKHFKHHN,WZDVWKHQWKDW he heard his mother yelling at his father to get out of her house. &KDUOLHQRWVXUHZKDWWRGRVWHSSHGLQWRWKHFRUQHURIKLV\DUG DQGOD\GRZQWRNHHSWKHPRVTXLWRHVRIIKLP7KHGRRURSHQHG DQG&KDUOLH·VIDWKHUVHHPHGWRÁ\RXW&KDUOLHZDVZDWFKLQJIURP KLVEHOO\HOERZVRQWKHJURXQGDQGKDQGVSURSSLQJXSKLVKHDG +LVPRWKHUZDVZLHOGLQJDFHUDPLFPXJOLNHDZHDSRQ7RPUDQ WRWKHFDUPXWWHULQJVRPHWKLQJXQGHUKLVEUHDWK&KDUOLHVDZKLV PRWKHUVWDQGLQJLQWKHGRRUZD\H\HVVTXLQWLQJDQGUHGPRXWK WDXJKWLQWKDWVREELQJIDVKLRQWKDWUHVHPEOHVDODXJK6KHZDV KROGLQJKHUVHOIDQGKHUERG\ZDVVKDNLQJ7RPWXUQHGWKHFDU RQORRNHGWRKLVULJKWWKURXJKWKHZLQGRZDQGWRKLVVXUSULVHKH VDZ&KDUOLHWKHUHO\LQJLQWKHJUDVV7KHFDUVWDOOHG7RPUROOHG GRZQWKHZLQGRZDQGVKRXWHG´%\H&KDUOLH7DNHFDUHRI\RXU PRPZKLOH,·PJRQH,ORYH\RXµ+HWXUQHGWKHHQJLQHEDFNRQ DQGWXUQHGKLVKHDGDURXQGWRWKHOHIWWRZDWFKWKHGULYHZD\DV

59 KH SXOOHG RXW LQ UHYHUVH &KDUOLH ZDWFKHG WKH EDFN RI KLV KHDG XQWLOWKHFDUZRXQGDURXQGDEHQGLQWKHWUHHV+HOLVWHQHGWRWKH VRXQGRIWKHPRWRUVKULQNLQJXQWLOLWZDVQRWKLQJ  6XVDQZDONHGEDFNLQVLGH&KDUOLHQRWLFLQJDJUDVVKRSSHU jump above the plane of the grass, got on his hands and knees DQGVFUDPEOHGRYHUWRWKHSODFHWKDWLWODQGHG+HVDZLWSDXVHG clinging to a single bending blade. Charlie snatched it from the JUDVVDQGZLWKLWSLQFKHGEHWZHHQWZRÀQJHUVFUDVKHGEDFNRQWR KLVEHOO\WRSOD\ZLWKLW+HKHOGWKHJUDVVKRSSHUWRWKHJURXQGZLWK KLVWKXPEDQGZDWFKHGWKHOHJVFDWDSXOWLQJWKHPVHOYHVLQWRWKH JURXQGZKLOHWKHJUDVVKRSSHUVWUXJJOHG%XWLQVWHDGRIFUXVKLQJ KLP&KDUOLHSLQFKHGRQHRIWKHOHJVZLWKWKHÀQJHUVRIKLVRWKHU hand. With a quick tug he pulled the leg off the grasshopper. He UHOHDVHGLWDQGLWDWWHPSWHGWRKRSZLWKWKHUHPDLQLQJOHJEXW instead it slid pathetically through the dirt in a sort of panicked OXUFK&KDUOLHSXOOHGWKHRWKHUOHJRII7KHJUDVVKRSSHUOD\RQLWV VLGHOLNHDWRUSHGRVWLOO,WZDVWKHQWKDWDVPDOOHUFULFNHWDOVR KRSSHGE\&KDUOLHGLGWKHVDPHWRWKHFULFNHWZKRVHVPDOOHUOHJV ZHUHPRUHGLIÀFXOWWRSXOORII+HWKHQOLQHGWKHPXSDQGPDGH WKHLUIDFHVWRXFKDVLIWKH\ZHUHNLVVLQJ

60 TRR Staff selection: Sarah Hogg

5L]LY,UV\NO7VPZVUPU[OL>VYSK

,WZRXOGEHDQDFWRIJHQRFLGHLIWKH\ZHUHSHRSOH \RXWKLQNDVVFRUHVRIVXJDUDQWVPHHWDZDWHU\GHPLVHLQ\RXU NLWFKHQVLQN:K\FRXOGQ·WWKH\KDYHVWD\HGRXWVLGH"

61 as a veritable buffet to fatten their queen and all her subjects. You UHPHPEHU WKH HDUO\ GD\V ZKHQ KH XVHG WR DFFRPPRGDWH \RXU GLVSOHDVXUH DQG H[HFXWH DQ\ LQYDGLQJ EXJV IRU \RX EXW QRZ ZKDWRQFHZDVFKDUPLQJWRKLPLVDQLQFRQYHQLHQFH  (YDQ DVNV ZKDW LV IRU GLQQHU DQG QR PDWWHU ZKDW \RX VD\KHZLOOQRWZDQWLW&LQGHUHOODKDVEHHQNQRZQWRPDNHWZR dinners on the same evening simply because he refused to eat ZKDWVKHKDGSUHSDUHG “Cassoulet,” you reply, trying to sound hopeful.  +HUROOVKLVH\HVDQGWKURZVKLVKDQGVLQWKHDLU´*RRG JULHI &DPLOOH ZKDW·V LW WDNH WR JHW D UHDO PHDO DURXQG KHUH" &DVVRXZKDW":KDWLVWKDW"µ  ´,W·VDFWXDOO\SUHWW\KHDUW\,WKLQN\RX·OOOLNHLW³µ “Whatever,” he gives up, not even sampling the dish you made.  5XPPDJLQJWKURXJKWKHSDQWU\OLNHDUDYHQRXVWKLHIKH GLVFRYHUVDER[RI0DF¶Q·&KHHVHDQGFRQWHPSODWLYHO\UHDGVWKH EDFN+HVKDNHVKLVKHDGDQGVLJKVDQGÀQDOO\KHUHDFKHVIRUWKH bread.  ´:K\GRQ·W\RXMXVWFDOOVRPHRQHWR]DS¶HPZLWKVRPH VSUD\ RU SRLVRQ RU VRPHWKLQJ"µ KH VXJJHVWV DV KH SUHSDUHV D VDQGZLFKXQVDWLVÀHGZLWKFDVVRXOHWIRUGLQQHU7KHUHLVHQRXJK SRLVRQLQWKHZRUOG\RXH[SODLQ

62 TRR you. When you return to the kitchen from shouting reminders up WKHVWDLUVWRKLPWKHDQWVKDYHQRW\HWGLVFRYHUHGWKHXQZLSHG banquet, and you hastily dispose of his crumbs, pleased that the ants have kept the terms of the treaty thus far.  (YDQVZLQJVWKHEDFNGRRURSHQZLWKDEDQJDQGVKRXWV “goodbye” over his shoulder. As his car crunches up the gravel GULYHZD\UHPHPEHUWKDWKHLVDJRRGPDQDKDUGZRUNHUDQG DWUXHFRPSDQLRQ7KDWLVZK\\RXPDUULHGKLP+RZPDQ\ times has he stood up for you and supported your artistic desires ZKHQQRRQHHOVHZRXOGKDYHERWKHUHG"+HPD\QRWEH0DUWKD 6WHZDUWEXWKH·VOR\DODUDUHHQRXJKTXDOLW\WKHVHGD\V Approximately ten minutes after he leaves, the house SKRQHULQJV,WLVKLVPRWKHU'LGKHNQRZVKHZDVJRLQJWRFDOO DQGVWUDWHJLFDOO\SODQKLVH[LW":K\LVKHDOZD\VPLVVLQJZKHQ VKHFDOOV"

63 VWXG\LQJIRUWKHSDVWVHYHUDOZHHNV  ´+DVKHPRYHGDOOWKDWSDLQWLQJMXQNLQWRWKHJDUDJH\HW"

64 TRR on SportsCenter. He asks for leftover cassoulet, and Cinderella slouches to the kitchen to fetch it. Most of the time, you hate Cinderella. 

65 ZDQWIHHGLQJRQZKDW\RX·YHWKURZQDZD\:KRDUH\RXWRNLOO WKHP"  ´:HOO \RX EHWWHU RU ZH·OO QHYHU JHW ULG RI WKHPµ +LV KDQGVKDYHVHWWOHGLQWRÀVWVDWKLVVLGHDQGKLVEORRGVKRWH\HV DUHLPSDWLHQWO\ZDLWLQJIRUVRPHDFWLRQRQ\RXUSDUW+HZRQ·W KHDUDQ\PRUHFRPSODLQWVIURP\RXXQWLO\RX·YHVROYHGWKLVKLV ZD\7KHUHDUHKROHVLQKLVWVKLUWWKDWH[SRVHKLVUHGGHQLQJFKHVW After a silent, full-minute-long standoff, you exhale, drop your shoulders, and shake your head, staring at the faux-limestone linoleum.  ´0D\EH WKHUH LVQ·W HQRXJK SRLVRQ LQ WKH ZRUOGµ \RX PXPEOH ZDWFKLQJ WKH DQWV PXOWLSO\ DQG EHJLQ H[SORULQJ WKH other counters.  ´:KDWWKHKHOOGRHVWKDWPHDQ"-XVWFDOOWKH2UNLQPDQ DQGEHGRQHZLWKLWµ7KHÀUPQHVVLQKLVYRLFHVHDOVWKHDQWV·IDWH +HZRQ·WUHOHQWQRZ+HKDVDSRLQWWRPDNHDERXWMXVWZKRLVLQ charge here. You shudder at being put in the position to take so many OLYHVEXWKHZRQ·WVWRSVWDULQJDW\RXXQWLO\RXWDNHFDUHRILW$V \RXXQZLQGWKHYDFXXPFRUG\RXGLDOWKHQXPEHULQWKH\HOORZ SDJHV

66 TRR PXJDQG\RXZRQGHULIKHERXJKWLWIRUKLPVHOI$IWHUÀOOLQJ \RXULQER[ZLWK´SULRULW\DFWLRQLWHPVµKHJLYHV\RXDOLVWWKDW includes errands like picking up his dry cleaning. You consider \RXUSUHGHFHVVRU·VZDUQLQJDERXWEHFRPLQJD´ZRUNZLIHµDQG decide that it is too late to prevent that.  ´'RQ·W IRUJHW WKDW \RX·UH VXSSRVHG WR VWD\ ODWH WRQLJKW DQG ÀQLVK \RXU TXDUWHUOLHVµ -HUHP\ UHPLQGV \RX DV \RX VWDUW W\SLQJWKHLQDQHUHSRUWV´,I\RXGRQ·WKDYHWKRVHRQP\GHVN SHUIHFWHGDQGVLJQHGE\:HGQHVGD\\RXPLJKWDVZHOOORRNIRU another job.”  7KHRQO\UHDVRQWKHTXDUWHUOLHVPDWWHULVEHFDXVH-HUHP\·V ERVVDVVHVVHVKLVSURJUHVVRQWKHEDVLVRIWKHUHSRUWV7KH\KDYH QREHDULQJRQ\RXUMREZKDWVRHYHUDQG-HUHP\FRXOGHDVLO\W\SH WKHP KLPVHOI EXW KH QHYHU VWD\V RQH PLQXWH SDVW RIÀFH KRXUV Sleeping Beauty dreams of telling him to fuck off, but Cinderella PHDJHUO\ VXJJHVWV WKDW \RX VWD\ ODWH WRPRUURZ VLQFH WRGD\ LV your birthday.  ´$IWHUDOOWKH\DUHQ·WGXHXQWLO:HGQHVGD\DQG,·OOZRUN RQWKHPGXULQJOXQFKWRRLI,QHHGWR,NQRZKRZLPSRUWDQW they are,” you hear yourself using the same honeyed voice you XVHZLWK(YDQ·VPRWKHU  -HUHP\ VWURNHV KLV XQHYHQO\ VKDYHG MDZ DQG SDWFKHV RIVWXEEOHJODUHDW\RXIURPKLVVHFRQGFKLQDVKLVKDLU\ÀQJHUV grip the handle of his lying coffee mug. Is there such a thing as D´:RUOG·V*UHDWHVW-DFNDVVµFRIIHHPXJ"$IWHUWZRPLQXWHVRI silent deliberation, he acquiesces to your compromise, but not ZLWKRXWLPSO\LQJWKDW\RXZLOOVRPHGD\EHREOLJHGWRUHSD\WKLV generous favor. “And in fact,” he leans even closer over you, placing a meaty hand on your shoulder, “you can even leave early today, VLQFH \RX SUREDEO\ KDYH SODQV WRQLJKW $QG GRQ·W VD\ , QHYHU JDYH\RXDELUWKGD\SUHVHQWµKHZLQNVDVKHVWUXWVWRKLVFRUQHU RIÀFHZLWKDYLHZOHDYLQJDSXWULGFRIIHHEUHDWKRGRUFOLQJLQJWR the air around you. 

67 GRQ·WUHFRJQL]HWKDW\RXNQRZKHLVXSWRVRPHWKLQJIRU\RXU ELJ:KHQ\RXJHWKRPHDWWKUHHR·FORFN\RXGRQRWSDUN in the garage, and you open the back door as silently as possible, SHHSLQJ ZLWK KHOG EUHDWK LQWR WKH VHHPLQJO\ DQWOHVV NLWFKHQ 7KHUHDUHQRVZHHWRGRUVRIEDNLQJFDNHOLQJHULQJLQWKHDLUQR UHFLSHVODLGRXWIRUDELUWKGD\GLQQHU,W·VRNWKLQNV&LQGHUHOOD he must have done something.  $V\RXSURJUHVVWRZDUGVWKHOLYLQJURRP\RXQRWLFHD JRUJHRXV/RXLV9XLWWRQKDQGEDJRQWKHWDEOH,W·VDOLWWOHELWELJ IRU\RXUWDVWHEXW\RXFRXOGOHDUQWROLNHLW,WLVWKHUHDOWKLQJ\RX can tell. But on second glance, you notice that it is heavily used. As you open it, you see the fragments of another life crammed LQVLGHLWDQGWKDWLVZKHQ\RXKHDUWKHIDLQWPRDQLQJXSVWDLUV$ ZRPDQLVFDOOLQJKLVQDPHLQDUK\WKPLFEUHDWK\OLOW 

68 TRR  ´,ORYH\RXEDE\µWKHH[DFWVDPHZD\KHVD\VLWWR\RX  %XWVKH·VQRW\RX  7KHSRLVRQWUHPEOHVLQ\RXUKDQGDQGEHIRUH\RXNQRZ LW \RXU IHHW DUH RQ WKH VWDLUV  $ZDNHQHG %HDXW\ LV ODXJKLQJ hysterically, urging you to climb faster. You are silent as you enter the bedroom. She jumps off of him like a frightened cat, EXWLWLVWRRODWH$OORI\RXUUDJHLVGLUHFWHGWR\RXUÀQJHUWLSV on the nozzle of the poison as you aim for them. It is only as you VSULQW GRZQ WKH VWDLUV OHDYLQJ WKHP VFUHDPLQJ DQG UXEELQJ DW WKHLUH\HVWKDW\RXUZRUGVFDWFKXSZLWK\RX2EVFHQLWLHVKXUO WRZDUGV WKH EHGURRP IURP \RXU OLSV DV \RX UXQ EDFN WKURXJK the living room and kitchen. You are still screaming in your car ZKHUHQRRQHFDQKHDU\RX  6XUSULVLQJO\\RXUEDQNDOORZV\RXWRHPSW\\RXUHQWLUH savings and checking account, and eight thousand dollars settles in your purse next to your birthday money from the blonde. 1RZWKHUHLVQR&LQGHUHOODQR6OHHSLQJ%HDXW\RQO\&DPLOOH$V \RXKHDGIRUWKHERUGHU\RXLPDJLQHZKDW(YDQZLOOVD\WRKLV PLVWUHVVZKLOHUHGDQGEOXHOLJKWVUHÁHFWRIIRIWKHZHWSDYHPHQW near the barren anthills.

69 Christina Seymour

7H\ZLHUK*PYJ\TZ[HUJL

I can’t put my hand on my stomach. Don’t put your hand on your stomach. It’s beating; my stomach is pulsing, pounding, with a heartbeat. I don’t know if it’s mine or its. I remember as a child, lying on my mother’s chest, slipping to sleep by the soft lull of her heart, but mine is not a mother’s heart. Mine is a giant clock ticking away the moments XQWLOWKHHQWLUHFRQWHQWVRIP\ZRPEÁRZRXWRIPHDQGLQWRDMDU  , NQRZ WRR PXFK WR EH ZHOODGMXVWHG , NQRZ DERXW the vicious car crashes that kill people just like me, about evil GLVDVWHUVWKDWPDVVDFUHHQWLUHFLWLHV,NQRZKRZWLQ\DEDE\·VIHHW DUH DW WHQ ZHHNV , NQRZ ZKDW 2SUDK KDV IRU EUHDNIDVW GXULQJ her “spiritual cleanse,” the tiniest details of her exercise plan, and WKDW,VKRXOGQ·WVLWIRUORQJSHULRGVRIWLPHLQDKRWWXERUXQGHU DODSWRS,NQRZWKDWWDSZDWHUFDQJLYH\RXFDQFHUWKDWVSULQJ ZDWHULVMXVWÀOWHUHGWDSZDWHUDQGKRZFHOOSKRQHVFDQFUHDWH WXPRUV,NQRZWKDWDLUSODQHVDUHVDIHUWKDQGULYLQJVRPHKRZ DFFRUGLQJWRVRPHVWDWLVWLFVVRPHZKHUH,KDUGO\NQRZWKHZK\V ,NQRZWKDWWKHSUHVLGHQWZDONVKLVGRJWZLFHDGD\EXW,GRQ·W NQRZZK\WKLVLVUHOHYDQWWRNQRZ,WKRXJKW,NQHZ³LQVLGHDQG RXW³KRZWRKDYHVH[ZLWKRXWJHWWLQJSUHJQDQW³FRQGRPVSLOOV VKRWVGLDSKUDJPIRDPIXFNLQJSXOOLQJRXWHYHU\WLPHIXFN, NQRZP\JLUOIULHQGUHVHQWVPHEHFDXVH,JRWKHUSUHJQDQWWKDW ,IHHOOLNHOHVVRIDPDQOLNHDFKLOGEHFDXVH,GLGQ·WSURWHFWKHU IURPWKLVSDLQ,NQRZ,·PZRUQGRZQ,NQRZ,FDQKDUGO\IRFXV RQWKHURDGLQIURQWRIPHEHFDXVH,KDYHQ·WVOHSWLQWHQZHHNV EHFDXVHDFROOHFWLRQRIFHOOVKDVEHHQJURZLQJLQVLGHKHU$OLIH $OLIHWKDWZLOOUXLQP\OLIHXQOHVVZHGRWKLV$QG,KDUGO\NQRZ ZKDWDOORIWKLVXQNQRZLQJDQGNQRZLQJPHDQVDV,GULYHDEVHQW PLQGHGO\ZLWKP\KHDUWLQP\WKURDW  ´$UH\RXUHDG\IRUWKLV"µ “How can I be ready for this?” He can’t even grasp how hard this is. So many opinions weigh my heart down to my stomach and ÁRRGWKHWLQ\VSDFHWKLVEDE\PDGHIRULWVHOI,ZLVKLWZRXOGRYHUÁRZ and a crashing wave would peacefully sway the baby to death, back to the blackness from where it came. A hurricane could hit, ripping the walls of my uterus, bloating my abdomen so far out that it feels like a balloon about to explode into tiny red shredded pieces of what I used to EH(YHU\RQHVDLG,ZDVOXFN\WRKDYHDMXGJHWKDWHYHQDSSURYHGP\

70 TRR abortion but I don’t feel lucky. His huge face gawks down at me still, contorting his mouth into a wet, wriggling earthworm that wants to douse me in foul mucus for making this decision. I have no one now, and Drew can’t even begin to understand my body, this pain. The thickness of guilt in the car makes me too tense to breathe DQG WKH KHDY\ WUHHV SDVW WKH ZLQGRZ PDNH PH GL]]\ DV WKH\ ÁRDW E\ like I’m in a TV screen, like I’m living a life to be watched, like I’m a character, like I didn’t make this decision. Sometimes I look at her and see everything I used to, the small stature of someone like me, just as regular as me, comfortable, DOLWWOHPHVV\EXWVWLOOEHDXWLIXOZLWKZLVSVRIEURZQKDLUIUDPLQJ her molten eyes and lips. She sits so perched, strapped into the VHDWOLNHWKLVLVQ·WWKHPRVWGUDVWLFWKHPRVWSUHRFFXS\LQJWKH PRVW QRWHYHQQHHGWRZHDUP\VHDWEHOW GHFLVLRQ VKH·V HYHU PDGH,ORYHKHUOLNHWKLV%XWZKHQWKHEURNHQVKDGRZVRIWKH WUHHVDORQJWKHKLJKZD\FUHHSDFURVVKHUIDFH,VHHDVWUDQJHU³D KDUGVWUDQJHUZKRZLOOQHYHUNQRZPHEHFDXVHVKHKDWHVPH  ´,ZDVMXVWDVNLQJ0D\

71 We look at each other for a brief second of pity. Her eyes are glazed ZLWKUHGQHVVDQGWHDUV,GRORYHKHU,ZLSHDGURSOHWIURPKHU FKHHNDQGORRNWRWKHURDG:H·UHFORVH For the half-hour of waiting in the operation room, I have only the company of Drew, this stranger I’ve loved for years, and a long, serrated, hollow tube, glaring up at me from the table like it wants to terrify me. The beating returns to my abdomen, like pulsating menstrual cramps, as the doctor walks into the room with a shot in his hand, anesthetic. He says a few things about how there shouldn’t be much pain during the operation and how considerable cramping afterward is normal, but his name, his detailed description of the procedure is static. I’m given the anesthetic and everyone’s quiet. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, the nurse soothed me into blackout by asking DERXWP\SDLQWHGÀQJHUQDLOVEXWLQWKLVURRPDOOWKUHHEUDLQVDUHSKDVHG E\VLPXOWDQHLW\GLVFRPIRUWLVRODWLRQGLVJXVW,ÁRDWLQWRWKHKLJKRIWKH drug, but the clock stays straight on the wall, ticking, beating, burning into my memory. “Lie back.” I feel pinching. I hear the mechanical hum of a vacuum, and I sing a song to myself. I sing Duran Duran’s “Hungry like the Wolf” EHFDXVHLW·VWKHÀUVWWKLQJWRSRSLQP\KHDG,VLQJLWVORZO\ZDYHULQJO\ “In touch with the ground I’m lost and I’m found.” If I abandon this awful song to search for another one, I have to risk pausing to feel the present. The distant vacuum sound swells the room and makes my head feel like a marshmallow, expanding into a soft gush of coagulated sugar. “Mouth is a live all running inside. And I’m Hungry like the wolf.” Drew is looking away, at the art on the walls, a poster of the stages of pregnancy, I cry. “I’m on the hunt I’m after you. I smell like I sound. I’m lost and I’m found.” I forget the song—I make myself. My eyes see glass through the tears as I gaze at the speckles on the ceiling, so distant as stars from the earth—sucking, scraping inside me, like noise—and it’s done.  ´$OOGRQH2ND\0D\"

72 TRR RQWKHWDQOHDWKHUEHGZLWKKHUH\HVRSHQZLGHUWKDQ,·YHHYHU VHHQWKHPVWDULQJDWWKHEODQNZKLWHZDOO+HUKDQGVJUDVSKHU stomach as I coddle her from beside.  6KH QRGV WXUQLQJ KHU KHDG VOLJKWO\ WRZDUG PLQH DQG PXPEOHV ´,W·V VWLOO EHDWLQJµ 6KH WLJKWHQV KHU DUPV DURXQG KHU DEGRPHQ7KHRQO\WKLQJ,FDQVD\´,NQRZµ%XW,GRQ·W$OO, NQRZLVWKDWZHKDYHWRZDLWEHFDXVHWKDW·VZKDWURRPZH·UHLQ

73 Christopher Stokum

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 ,ZHQWWRZDWFKP\ZLIH·VXQFOHSUHDFKVL[PRQWKVDIWHU ZHZHUHPDUULHG,WZDVP\VHFRQGWLPHDURXQGPDUULDJHZLVH DQG P\ ZLIH·V WRR VR ZH·G VNLSSHG WKH FHUHPRQ\ DQG JRWWHQ PDUULHGDWWKHFRXUWKRXVH+HUXQFOHEHLQJDSULHVWZDVQ·WVR VXSSRUWLYHRILWDQGKHZDVQ·WKDSS\WKDW,ZDVGLYRUFHG²7HVV ZDVDZLGRZ²EXWKHZDVDWLPLGJX\VRKHQHYHUVDLGDQ\WKLQJ to me directly about either issue.  ,KDGQ·WZDQWHGWRJREXW7HVVWDONHGPHLQWRLW6KHVDLG ,FRXOGDWOHDVWWU\WRPDNHJRRGZLWKKHUXQFOHVLQFHDIWHUDOO KH·GSUHWW\PXFKUDLVHGKHUDQGSDLGIRUKHUVFKRROLQJRXWDWWKH FRPPXQLW\FROOHJHDQGDOO6KH·GJRQHDQGOLYHGZLWKKHUXQFOH DIWHUKHUSDUHQWVKDGGLHGZKHQVKHZDVWHQRUVR6KHPDGHPH IHHONLQGRIEDGDERXWQRWZDQWLQJWRJRVRZHHQGHGXSGULYLQJ RXW WR WKH FKXUFK RQH 6XQGD\, VWDUWHG VZHDWLQJ VRRQ DV , JRW LQVLGH,VZHDWHGWKURXJKWKHZKROHVHUYLFHWRWHOO\RXWKHWUXWK ,·PQRWDVXLWZHDULQJPDQ7KH\PDNHWKRVHFROODUVWRRGDPQ tight.  +DQNWRRNWKHSXOSLWOLNHKHZDVDIUDLGRIZKDWLWPLJKW GRWRKLP²WKDW·V7HVV·VXQFOH+DQN²DQGKHVWDPPHUHGDELW EHIRUHKHJRWVWDUWHG+HZDVEXLOWVPDOOZLWKQDUURZVKRXOGHUV and a funny stoop that made his robes bunch up in the front. Once he started talking he seemed to loosen up some, and the congregation settled and stopped sneezing and shifting and PDNLQJWKHSHZVVTXHDN  6RRQDIWHUWKHVHUYLFHVWDUWHG7HVVJRWDTXHHUJULQRQKHU IDFHWKDW,KDGQ·WVHHQEHIRUH,·GFDOOLWSURXG6KHFORVHGKHUH\HV QRZDQGWKHQDQGQRGGHGDOLWWOHZKHQ+DQNVDLGVRPHWKLQJ VPDUWDERXWORYHDQGFRPSDVVLRQDQGVRRQ7HVVZDVZHDULQJD GUHVV,KDGQ·WVHHQEHIRUH6KHVDLGKHUXQFOH·GJRWLWIRUKHUWKLV ÁRZHUSULQWWKLQJWKDWFDPHGRZQDOPRVWWRKHUNQHHVZKHQVKH ZDVVWDQGLQJ8SWRSLWZDVDERXWDVFRQVHUYDWLYHDV\RX·GH[SHFW DSULHVWWROLNH7KHERWWRPKDGSXOOHGXSDOLWWOHZKHQVKH·GVDW DERXWKDOIZD\XSKHUWKLJK6KHVWLOOKDGVRPHUHVSHFWDEOHOHJV QR FHOOXOLWH RU DQ\WKLQJ DQG VPRRWK HQRXJK , ZRXOG·YH OLNHG her to do some more running or aerobics to keep them tighter, EXW WKH\ ZHUH RND\3DUW RI D EUXLVH , WKRXJKW KDG IDGHG ZDV VKRZLQJQHDUWKHKHPRIKHUGUHVVDVLFNO\\HOORZKDOIPRRQ,

74 TRR FRXOGQ·WUHFDOOZKDWLWZDVH[DFWO\WKDWVKHGLGWRJHWLWWKRXJK ,·P VXUH VKH UHPHPEHUHG 7KDW·V ZKDW EUXLVHV DQG VFUDSHV DUH IRUP\GDGXVHGWRWHOOPHWRKHOS\RXUHPHPEHUZKDW\RX·YH GRQH,ZDLWHGIRUKHUWRFORVHKHUH\HVDJDLQDQG,UHDFKHGRXWD ÀQJHUDQGWUDFHGDZDY\OLQHXSWKHLQVLGHRIKHUOHJUHDOOLJKWO\ Goose bumps came up as soon as I touched her— I mean right off. 6KHMHUNHGDZD\DQGFOHQFKHGKHUMDZNHHSLQJKHUH\HVVWUDLJKW DKHDG6KHVOLGDIHZLQFKHVDZD\OLNH,ZRXOGQ·WQRWLFHDQGOLNH ,·GFDUHLI,GLG  ,OHWP\H\HVZDQGHUDURXQGWKHSODFHRYHUWKHIRONVLQ the audience and the decorations and all. It smelled like cough PHGLFLQHDQGDSSOHVLQWKHUHDQG,GRQ·WWKLQNWKHZRPDQLQIURQW RIPHKDGZDVKHGKHUKDLUVLQFH%XQNHU+LOO0\H\HVZDONHG WKHLUZD\XSWKHZDOO,·GDOZD\VZDQWHGWREHDQDUFKLWHFW7KHUH·V VRPHWKLQJVSHFLDOLQWKHZD\DEXLOGLQJÀWVWRJHWKHUWKHZD\WKH ZDOOVFRPHXSRIIRIWKHIRXQGDWLRQWKHZD\WKHURRIVLWVRQWRS ,WWDNHVDFHUWDLQWRXFKWRGRLWULJKW,·YHQRWLFHGDQGWKHUH·VDORW RIJX\VGHVLJQLQJEXLOGLQJVQRZWKDWJHWLWDOOZURQJ7KH\GRQ·W VHHKRZWKHSDUWVKDYHJRWWRZRUNWRJHWKHUKRZWKHZDOOVKDYH got to do more than just come out of the ground and hold up the URRI7KH\·YHJRWWRZRUNZLWKWKHURRIULJKWDQGWKHURRIKDVJRW WRZRUNZLWKWKHP,W·VDKDUGWKLQJWRH[SODLQ%XWHDFKSDUWKDV JRWWRUHVSHFWWKHRWKHURQHV7KDW·VZKDW·VLPSRUWDQW0\GDG told me once that I should expect folks to give me respect, so long DV,LQWHQGWRJLYHLWWRWKHP,W·VJRWWREHPXWXDO6DPH·VWUXH ZLWKEXLOGLQJV7KHVHJX\VWKH\·YHJRWGUDZLQJWKHEOXHSULQWVXS QRZWKH\GRQ·WVHHWKDW  7KHFHLOLQJRID&DWKROLFFKXUFKLVDVWUDQJHWKLQJ,·YH RQO\EHHQLQWZRDQGRQHZDVZKHQ,ZDVDNLGVR,GRQ·WKDYH PXFKH[SHULHQFHWRVSHDNRIEXWWKLVRQHZDVVWUDQJH,WGLGQ·W ÀWUHDOO\,WVHHPHGOLNHDWUDQVSODQWHGOLPERIDGLIIHUHQWVNLQ FRORU\RXNQRZ"7KHUHVWRIWKHSODFHZDVIDQF\³,PHDQfancy ZLWKDOOWKLVVWRQHZRUNDQGVWDLQHGJODVVDQGWKHVHJROGSODWHG FDQGOHVWLFNV %XW WKH FHLOLQJ WKRXJK WKH FHLOLQJ ZDV EDUH -XVW JRRVHDVVZKLWHZLWKVRPHUHDOEDVLFFURZQPROGLQJDURXQGWKH HGJHV,JXHVVWKH\GRQ·WZDQWDQ\WKLQJLQWKHZD\ZKHQWKH\·UH looking to God.  +DQN VWRSSHG WDONLQJ , KDGQ·W EHHQ SD\LQJ PXFK DWWHQWLRQQRWIRUDZKLOH7KHSHZVVWDUWHGFUHDNLQJDJDLQDQG everybody, in unison, like it had been rehearsed, started moving

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77  ´)RUJHWLWµ  ´'RQ·W\RXEORZPHRIIµ,VDLG´7HOOPHµ6KHSXOOHGD WLVVXHIURPKHUSXUVHVDWXSLQKHUVHDWDQGEOHZKHUQRVH0\H[ ZLIHKDGKDGWKLVKDELWRIEORZLQJKHUQRVHZKHQVKHZDVJHWWLQJ XSVHWZKLFKZDVSUHWW\IUHTXHQWO\VRKHUQRVHZDVDOZD\VUHG DQGNLQGRILUULWDWHGDURXQGWKHQRVWULOV7KDWXVHGWRPDNHPH PDGGHUWKDQDQ\WKLQJKHUEORZLQJKHUQRVHDQGPDNLQJLWPRUH DQGPRUHUHG7HVVWRVVHGWKHWLVVXHRXWRIWKHZLQGRZ  ,DVNHGKHULIVKHZDQWHGWRVWRSRIIWRJHWVRPHWKLQJWR HDW6KHGLGQ·WDQVZHUEXW,SXOOHGRIIDQ\ZD\DWWKHQH[WH[LW DQGIRXQGDVLWGRZQSODFHWKDWZDVQ·WWRRH[SHQVLYH7KHUH·VQR point in spending big money on food. ***  :H KDG VRPH SLH DIWHU WKH IRRG DQG VRPH FRIIHH 7KH SLHZDVGHFHQWHQRXJKEXWWKHFRIIHHKDGWKLVXQGHUO\LQJPHDW\ WDVWHOLNHLWKDGEHHQÀOWHUHGWKURXJKDSRWURDVWDQGWKHUHZDVD WKLQRLO\ÀOPRQWKHRXWVLGHRIWKHFXS7HVVZDVGULQNLQJGHFDI VLQFHLWZDVDIWHUWZR6KHVDLGVKHFRXOGQ·WJHWWRVOHHSLIVKHKDG high-test later than that, and that it upset her stomach and made KHUWRRWHQVHDQGMLWWHU\WRVFUHZ,IVKHKDGGHFDIWKRXJKVKH generally fell asleep before I could get anything started.  ´7HOOPHZK\\RXGLGQ·WNQHHOµVKHVDLG,FKHZHGP\ SLHDQGORRNHGDWKHU7KHZDLWUHVVFDPHDURXQGDQG,DVNHGKHU IRUDWRRWKSLFN,ZDVKDYLQJUDVSEHUU\SLHRUEODFNEHUU\PD\EH 5HJDUGOHVVWKRVHVHHGVDUHDZIXO  ´

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81 VHPLVWKDWJURDQHGSDVW,JRWLQWKHFDUDQGZDLWHGDERXWDKDOI an hour out in front of the restaurant, smoked a couple more FLJDUHWWHV7KHUHZHUHQ·WPDQ\SODFHVVKHFRXOG·YHEHHQJRLQJ MXVW+DQN·VRUKHUFRXVLQ·VRUPD\EHKHUVLVWHU·VWKRXJKWKDWZDV RXWLQ1HZ%HGIRUGZKLFKLVQ·WDOOWKDWFORVH  ´:KHUH·G\RXJRKXQ"µ,VDLGP\ZRUGVIDOOLQJÁDWRQ WKHGDVK,IHOOLQWRNLQGRIDURXJKSDWFKDIWHUP\ÀUVWZLIHOHIW VWRSSHGVKRZLQJXSIRUZRUNDQGVWDUWHGGULQNLQJDELWWRRPXFK IRUP\RZQJRRG,JRWODLGRIIDIWHUDIHZZHHNVRIWKDWDQG,KDG some trouble paying the rent on my place. A rough patch, you NQRZ",PHW7HVVQRWORQJDIWHU,ORVWP\MREDQG,SXOOHGP\VHOI WRJHWKHUDJDLQ,ZRXOGQ·WVD\,QHHGDZRPDQWRJHWE\EXWWKH support is nice.  6LWWLQJLQWKHFDUWKHUHP\PLQGVWDUWHGZRUNLQJVRPH, VWDUWHGZRQGHULQJZKDW,·GWKLQNLI,UDQLQWRP\VHOIVRPHZKHUH LI , VDW GRZQ QH[W WR P\VHOI LQ D EDU RU VRPHWKLQJ DQG JRW WR WDONLQJ:RXOG,WKLQNWKDWDPDQZLWKDFURRNHGQRVHDQGDJXW ZDVZRUWKP\WLPH":RXOG,WKLQNWKDW,ZDVFROGDQGFRFN\DQG GXPE",W·VDIXQQ\ZD\WRWKLQN,NQRZEXWVRPHWLPHV\RXFDQ·W KHOS LW 6RPHWLPHV ² ZHOO VRPHWLPHV WKLQJV JHW D OLWWOH IXQQ\ ZLWKRXW \RX QRWLFLQJ 6RPHWLPHV WKLQJV MXVW NLQG RI JHW DZD\ from you.

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94 TRR Commentary Interview

Gerald Stern

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99 Gerald Stern

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100 TRR Interview

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112 TRR Contributor Biographies

/HUUHO(PaLUTHU is a native of Birmingham, Alabama and a JUDGXDWHRIWKH$ODEDPD6FKRRORI)LQH$UWV·V&UHDWLYH:ULWLQJ 'HSDUWPHQW6KHKDVUHFHLYHGDZDUGVIRUKHUSRHWU\ÀFWLRQ DQGQRQÀFWLRQIURPWKH

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7H\SH)VOPUJL is the author of a poetry collection, Incident at the Edge of Bayonet Woods (Sarabande Books, 2008), and the UHFLSLHQWRID)HOORZVKLSIURPWKH1DWLRQDO(QGRZPHQW for the Arts. Her poems have appeared in The New Yorker, The Nation, The Kenyon Review, SlateDQGHOVHZKHUH6KHZRQWKH 1998 Three Rivers Review 3RHWU\3UL]HZKLOHDQXQGHUJUDGXDWHDW the University of Pittsburgh.

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113 (\Z[PU4V`LY is a Junior at Carnegie Mellon University majoring in Creative Writing. He enjoys Sour Patch Kids and taffy.

*OYPZ5L]LYTHU is a Senior at the University of Pittsburgh.

.YL[[LS`U5`WH]LYcurrently attends St. Vincent College in /DWUREH3$DVD6HQLRU(QJOLVKPDMRUZLWKDFRQFHQWUDWLRQLQ Creative Writing. She also holds a Latin minor and has studied PDQ\PDMRUDQFLHQW5RPDQDQGPHGLHYDOHFFOHVLDVWLFDOSRHWV Although born in West Virginia, she considers Pittsburgh as her true home and intends to live in the city after she graduates. 6RPHWLPHLQWKHQHDUIXWXUH*UHWWHO\QZRXOGOLNHWRUHFHLYH her BA in Poetry and attend graduate school. Until then, she FRQWLQXHVWRZULWHZRUNLQJWRZDUGKHULGHDOIXWXUHDVDIXOOWLPH ZULWHU

(SPJPH:HS]HKLVis a Sophomore at the University of Pittsburgh PDMRULQJLQ(QJOLVK:ULWLQJWK&HQWXU\+LVWRU\DQG5XVVLDQ & Eastern European Studies. She is currently the Poetry Editor of Collision Literary Magazine. After graduating, she plans to HQWHUDQ0)$SURJUDPDQGHYHQWXDOO\WHDFKDWWKHXQLYHUVLW\ OHYHO,ILQWKHHQGWKDWJLJIDOOVWKURXJKVKH·OOSUREDEO\ZRUNDV DÁRULVWZLWKDVKRSDWWDFKHGWRD&UD]\0RFKD

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115

Volume XV

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