the e-magazine issue 12 / 2006 Editorials

t seems lately, with a little help we try to cover sexuality as best we can but ow, what a As talented and marvellous as we are, we from our young IT magician, we after all that’s what Ovi is, we try to cover month it has could not keep Ovi going without our fan- have something new to offer with every issue. been since we tastic contributors who have excelled once every issue. This time Oliver has last met! I have again this issue taking the number of srt- created our very own blog which Naturally current events, especially the car- moved house ciles to over fifty. Tackling the subject of we try to refresh every day. We toons about Mohamed, have their fair share for the second sexuality and gender are Jan Sand, Melissa are at the beginning with the blog in Ovi magazine, a strong share I have to time in six Dennis, Juhani J., F.A. Hutchison and a so we are still a bit…numb with the experi- admit but as much as we fight every preju- weeks, recovered from a cold, my daughter Belgian porn webmistress called Mickey Ience. But please do visit it and make your dice we must fight for freedom of speech Whas discovered her tongue and my wife was Hotlove. comments, or join in a conversation that as well. not impressed with my heartfelt request, has already started online. “Darling, Ovi issue 12 is about sexuality, Our regulars are back with Phil Schwarz- iKritic is…just Asa and I think in the end so it would be great if we good make love mann writes his Bilingual illiterate column, I started with our new blog but the big thing we will call it Asa-critics!!! Most of all, I and I could use the earthmoving experience Tony Butcher examines the departure of about this issue is sexuality, is sex, is choice was happy to see Ovi fiction improving with as foundation for my research.” Alan Greenspan from the Federal Reserve, and joy. I want to believe that we made a more stories joining. In this issue we make Nic Mepham composes some poetry and good issue with a lot of help from our a reader test with the first chapter of a book Reeling from a negative answer, I had a Satya Prakash contributes three interesting friends around the world. And yes, there are we Asa and I are writing together. This is cold shower and returned to the keyboard articles. Newcomers Nathan Hurst investi- things we missed but we hope in the future another adventure I live with Asa and it has to write about famous Finnish women, gates biomechanics, Lee Thorkhill reviews more people will join Ovi and write about had surprising results that I hope you will communications problems between the ‘Walk the Line’, Riku Pyhala looks at all these things we missed. enjoy and send us your comments. sexes, the power of sex and an examination Finnish cinema audiences, Ted is Neurotic of a male sex toy named the Fleshlight. It Narcissus and Theo Versten will probably Still, Asa has a very funny moment with Ovi magazine is getting bigger and we seems Thanos has been celibate this month shock. his wife in a couple of articles, I try to in- thank you for your support. We want peo- too because he has written over twenty ar- vestigate the big mystery of cream and sex, ple to join us, write and express themselves ticles, including age and sex, his first time, There is so much material here that it plus Melissa and Mickey Hotlove take us to through our pages. We would like to have fantasies and cream. I think we both need to should keep you busy for the next month, other dimensions that I admit I have never correspondents everywhere that is possible get out more. until issue 13 (topic is radio) is released. thought about. Jouko gives us his personal and I really hope we will manage to see that Keep spreading the word, submitting feed- experience about what freedom of choice one day. Thankfully, our minds have drifted off into back and don’t forget to click on to our new in sexuality means and we really thank him other directions too, with articles about blog. since it is not easy to write about personal We are hoping that this issue will help you nursery rhymes, opening ceremonies, ref- experiences when it comes to issues like to see beyond prejudices and fears. erees and the Oscars, plus reviews of Ado- Now, I am going to see if my wife wants to that. be Creative Suite 2 and an excellent Greek help me finish my research… Thank you film called A Touch of Spice. World politics Tony, Phil, Nathan, Satya, Jonathan and Jan are dealt with in our individual styles, plus Asa are back, plus Hutch, Nic, Lee, Riku, Nick, Thanos we throw our opinions about the Moham- Ted, Theo and finally our lost black sheep med cartoon controversy into the ring. John from the States. So you can see that Sexuality

TheBy Thanos Kalamidas first time Pardon,By Asa Butcher darling?

When you talk about sex and sexuality it is difficult to avoid remembering your first experience however old a Everyday my wife complains that I don’t listen to her, which is strange because I always seem to hear that part. dinosaur you are. There is difference between a first kiss and first sexual experience. Most of us remember our Difficulty in communication is one of the greatest sources for arguments between the genders and is also a multi- first kiss, I mean real kiss with a sense of romance and forgotten promises; but the first sexual experience can be million pound industry offering books, counselling and courses for relationships suffering from the ‘Men are from rough. Mars’ syndrome.

Growing up in the ‘60s didn’t nec- had the experience. It seems that all the gods conspired with a naked woman in a room, I Recently I read that a scientist stud- Husband - Errr, he’s got a new them, they are usually too drunk to essarily mean that the sexual revo- For the next days and after read- because one evening during the sort of recall her helping me to get ied 20 men and 20 women and dis- drill. remember the advice. Friday, 21st June 2002 lution had reached every age. Ac- ing carefully all the reader’s let- second week and after our friend’s undressed but what happened af- covered that men use the left side tually, most of our parents lived in ters in Playboy and a couple more second manhood visit, a relative of ter is a mystery. And I assure you of the brain - traditionally associ- GIRL’S DIARY the era of the Puritanism and they magazines that came to our hands, mine told me that I am at the right that I have tried to remember many ated with understanding language Saw John in the evening and he were scared of the changes happen- our questions started getting a age and we should do something times. - to pick up conversations, while was acting really strangely. I went ing around us, including sex behav- better shape, including questions about it. Saying that, he added The next week at school I had the women also used the right side. shopping in the afternoon with the ior. By that time, and I was in the like: Does she have friends? Can that next weekend we were going same serious look and the same The research revealed that women girls and I did turn up a bit late so first year of the high school, there we meet her and her friends? The somewhere where I would become shining eyes explaining to every- may need to use more of their brain I thought it might be that. The bar were schools for boys and different answer was ‘yes, she does have a man. I just had to be careful and body that this was a moon walk- to listen to conversations, but it was really crowded and loud so I schools for girls. friends. Yes, her friends are willing. have a good shower before, which ing experience difficult to explain could show women could listen to suggested we go somewhere quiet- Mixed schools came a few years And yes, you have to pay!’ That was made me wonder in the beginning and that experience is something two conversations at once. er to talk. He was still very subdued later and I didn’t have the chance to another bomb. Please do remember but then made me count the sec- you earn and not transmitting with I cannot explain why my hearing and distracted so I suggested we go live the experience, since the first that we talk about 13-year-old boys onds to the weekend. speech. The other boy and I be- switches off when my wife begins somewhere nice to eat. All through girls in my school joined when I back in the ‘60s. Information then More questions aroused and ask- came something like a legend for to talk, but my concerns were soon dinner he just didn’t seem himself; was in the last year and the system was not like today; television was ing for further information from the next couple of months till the laid to rest when I heard my Mum, he hardly laughed, and didn’t seem trying to soften the shock didn’t football world cup started and we my brother’s fiancée, female rela- to be paying any attention to me or make the whole school mix, but both did enjoy it establishing our tives and friends all repeating the to what I was saying. I just knew only the first year and the kids con- leadership among the other boys. same complaint about their part- that something was wrong. He tinued mixing as they reached the We both adopted the phrase “A gen- ners. What drives most of the crazy dropped me back home and I won- last year. So having girls around tleman never talks about a lady” to is the fact that men phase out a one- dered if he was going to come in; you that were around 12-years-old escape the difficult questions and on-one conversation, but can hear he hesitated, but followed. I asked didn’t give much in the sense of a one day, continuing to enrich our the sports results when the volume him again if there was something mixed school, since most of us had experiences, we got drunk together. is on its lowest setting. the matter, but he just half shook little sisters the same age. The very same day I had my first My Grandad now wears a hear- his head and turned the television Boys of every age in the same place cigarette so you can imagine what ing aid and the family are slightly on. After about 10 minutes of si- for nearly ten hours a day, six days the combination of a head-spinning envious because he liberally uses lence, I said I was going upstairs to a week then with their hormones cigarette and a bottle of wine did to the on/off switch to his advantage. bed. I put my arms around him and boiling, you can imagine that sex two 13-year-old boys. Once Grandma has left the room, told him that I loved him deeply. was a central issue and Playboy After a while we started talk- he nudges up the volume until he He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort magazine had become something ing about our ‘girls’ and we both can eavesdrop on the ants, but he of smile. He didn’t follow me up, like a Bible. Most of us had slept admitted that we had no bloody slips back into aural darkness upon but later he did, and I was with thousands of these printed girls memory of that first sexual experi- her return, the cheeky man. surprised when we made love. He and they had joined all our dreams, ence. It was a great laugh and our Women not only claim that men still seemed distant and a bit cold, but still what we were doing with little secret started a friendship that don’t listen, but believe that when and started to think that he was them was in a sort of cloud. still lasts, plus a dramatic hangover men do hear something they miss going to leave me and that he had We were somewhere half-way our and a lot of screaming from our the subliminal message being con- found someone else. I cried myself first year in the high school when parents. veyed. In the stage show ‘Defend- to sleep. one boy came and announced that I don’t know if this manhood ini- ing the Caveman’ - a comedy about he had sex. That was like a hundred something like six to eight hours our experienced friend I had to face tiation continues nowadays but it is the differences between men and BOY’S DIARY megaton bomb. Sex? One of us had a day with documentaries and Bo- his steady answer, “A gentleman sad that a boy’s first introduction to women - there is an example of a England lost to Brazil 2-1. Got a sex? In the beginning there was de- nanza in black and white. never talks about a lady.” Are you the wonderful world of sex had to conversation between a husband One of those ‘Men are from Mars’ From communication problems to shag though. nial. No way, he’s lying. He’s been After lengthy research and combin- surprised? Well it seems that young be in minutes from a woman that and wife on their way home after books explains that when women emotionally unavailable in a few lying before; don’t you remember ing the information we collected men have more respect and eth- had limited time and perhaps no visiting some friends: share a problem between them they short paragraphs, isn’t it frighten- when he told us that he met Pele? we decided that we needed to visit ics even in a twisted case than the mood to show. Probably the expe- Wife - Jill and Jack have some real usually respond with a problem of ing? I must go now because my No way. But the boy stood there these women. You don’t go to your older ones. rience is traumatic, coming from marriage problems. Jill was crying their own, thereby creating a sense wife has been shouting something with shining eyes and he said: father and mother and say: “Hey However I informed everybody that the paper photos of naked women about the love going out of their re- of ‘solidarity’. Unfortunately, men for the last ten minutes and I can’t ‘And I will have sex next weekend mom, can you give me some extra this weekend was going to be my and wet dreams with untouchable lationship and believes that divorce prefer to offer a solution and this hear her over the football results. again.” That was it. Sex twice in pocket money to visit a prostitute?” weekend, something that caused big breasts to a real woman who may be the only answer. What did comes across as insensitive. When Thought this was an appropriate two weekends? Asking for more details from our the usual denial in the beginning just does everything alone with- Jack have to say? men share a problem between addition: We tried to ask questions but the friend we found out prices, but to follow the acceptance that I was out even having the time to show truth was that pictures of a naked most importantly we found out that climbing to the highest level in this or explain what she’s doing. Of woman don’t help you much to re- his father had taken him there since manhood thing. course that time sexual education alize what questions you must ask, he should become a man. We were The weekend came. I remember the was unknown in the schools and so the questions were a bit naïve: facing a disaster, most of us didn’t drive and my whole body having let’s hopes that today things have Does she have big breasts? Did she have cool fathers like that and we fever, I remember the area we went changed. let you touch it? Did she kiss you? wanted to be men. The whole thing and the outside look of a hotel and That very night twenty-nine kids was getting a new dimension. It then…blank! I don’t remember a had wet dreams, since the thirtieth was a case of becoming a man. bloody thing. I know that I’ve been Sexuality My gay growth By Juhani Giers

I was born in a small country village in the middle of nowhere in western Finland. My family was the most average you can think of: I had farmer parents with two siblings; I was the youngest. By the age of six - the moral age - I was convinced that when I grew up I didn’t want to join the army.

Back then, I hadn’t had heard of the the books or by education. I used Well, my own cleverness wasn’t Homosexuality as a phenomenon a man was a few years later and I refuse to be a prisoner of my possibility of choosing civil serv- my maalaisjärki. I never disparaged the brightest either when the same had to come out of the closet to lasted about a year, by then I was sexuality. And, GOSH, how sur- ice. Well, how could I have, living myself because of being different: I friend and I found a new magazine everybody. It had to stop being a in the middle of my twenties and I prisingly easy it is! Of course, I in the countryside where people thought that I’m a quite an all right in the local super market. That taboo. There was a need to know had come out to my closest friends have had some difficulties in the vote for Keskusta (Centre Party)! bloke and there must be someone magazine was called Mosse and more about homosexual behaviour from my theatre school. I present- past but nothing so serious that The rules are so simple there: As a for an O.K. bloke somewhere. had nude pictures of only men. to be able to fight against this hor- ed my boyfriend, who was twice it would have put me down. I’ve farmer’s son you grow up to be a How fascinating I found that! We rible disease. as old as I was, to my family and I noticed that time is also my friend. farmer and you vote for the same I had no worries about my sexual- read it in between the shop shelves was surprised at how big a problem For those to whom my coming-out party as your parents and you defi- ity. My worries were more usual: and I remember that my friend I had my first real homosexual it was! has been a shock and a disappoint- nitely show that you are a real man When will IT start to grow and wasn’t as exited as I was. It took experience in a toilet of a middle- ment, they have slowly accepted by serving the compulsory time in how big IT will be at the end of me a while to understand that it my homosexuality as a part of my the army. a day? How will I cope with the was a gay magazine! charming and lovable personality. situation of really DOING IT with I did declare my opinion - by the someone? You know, kissing and Quite soon I came back to see In my first real job in a small town, age of six - about my decision not all…? Back then, I had bisexual it again. I tried to have as closer the coming-out to my colleagues to serve my country in the army emotions and I had a crush on a girl look as possible, while letting the was quite easy. While turning to and how helpful the adults were: from my class. I did get my first shopping women pass me with my thirties, I found myself in Hel- “But if you refuse to join the army kiss from her, which fulfilled my their trollies and baskets. My dis- sinki as a freelance artist. The gay you’ll end up in jail and you will dreams. Unfortunately, I got it for appointment was terrible when I culture had come out for real and get just water and bread to eat!” I the wrong reasons: She wanted her couldn’t find it on the magazine I had my wild cruising period. In didn’t believe what the adults said, recent boyfriend to be jealous so shelf a few weeks later! four years I hadn’t any serious but I answered: “Well, if the other she made sure that this boyfriend relationship and the life as a free- prisoners will cope with that then I saw the kiss! And she left me right Many years later, I learned that the lancer wore me out. I got back to will too.” Back then, I was already after the kiss and went back to have magazine - named after one of the a smaller town, this time in eastern a bit overweight, so I thought I’ll an emotional discussion with that public gays in Finland - had a very Finland, and I found a boyfriend be all right with the extra energy I bloody bloke! short life. It had also been a huge after only a few months. have in reserve. mistake by the shopkeeper to order A few years later in high school a magazine like that and try to sell It didn’t work out that well - part- By the age of 11, I accidentally (lukio, I came out with my bi- it in a small village, but, God was ly because he was a bit confused listened to a YLE radio channel sexuality to my best friend. We I happy about having a glimpse of about his sexuality and he had and heard about the civil service were having a break and we had it! his first homosexual experience and what a relief that was! A huge a conversation about jealousy. He in his late forties. When my short weight dropped from my shoulders asked: “Can you imagine being in a By the time I had become an adult contract was over I moved again, when I realized that I did have an situation where you find your girl- the world had to face a disease alone this time, to Tampere; I had alternative to the water and bread friend in bed with someone else? called AIDS. My generation got sex this premonition of finding my diet in prison. Now I had a choice What would you do?” I answered: education in a way which shocked match from Häme. In Tampere, I to serve my country another way mid-80s, I started to realize that I had a slight idea of my own per- “I would jump into bed and join some of the religious groups: We confronted a new problem: I had than by learning to kill. Why do I there are choices for the way of sonality, that I might be one of those them!” His neutral attitude made got a newspaper each and condom dates with two gorgeous men in tell you this all? Wasn’t this meant life, such as my parents had in their different people. Again, I saw this me think: ‘Gosh! This coming-out inside of it! I thought it was a great the same week and then fell in love to be an article about sexuality? I happy marriage. That there is an- matter in a very simple way: If eve- thing is so easy!’ And again I was idea and, as a conscientious young size town’s swimming pool. The Then it was my time to serve the with both! tell you this because it was a cru- other way to express your desire rybody knows that they are some- very relieved. Many years later man, I did my homework and experience was exciting and a bit country and my choice was the cial insight for me that there is and affection, and that those people where there, I will someday find a when we talked about my sexuality, learned how to put it on. frightening at the same time. The civil service. I learned in the civil Did I find my match, you ask? some kind of justice in this coun- are somehow different: Everybody couple of them and a match for me. my friend was surprised. He didn’t same year I also had my first real service education something about Oh, yes I did! We are happily en- try and you have to listen to your knows that they are somewhere, We have a saying in Finish called remember the whole conversation I do agree with the theory that, even heterosexual experience, and I can us Finns: People actually respect gaged and planning to get married. own mind instead of eager adults’ but it a taboo to talk about them MAALAISJÄRKI, which means and he hadn’t realized what I had though it was a terrible tragedy for say the same about that experience those who choose prison instead of Through my boyfriend’s cottage, I advice around you. because they represent something ‘reasonable thinking’ or ‘power of said! I was astonished because that many gays and their families, AIDS too. So, yes, I can make a compari- civil service more. This had been am enjoying the slow countryside which is weird and unacceptable. deduction’; it is wisdom learned by moment was a turning point for did a favour for the homosexual son in this matter, which is often my guideline for my way of living life in our free time…maybe I’ll When I was in my teenage in the living in the countryside, not from me! community due to the amount of asked. and my sexuality. I do get more re- grow my own peppermint leaves information, research, campaigns spect by being honest about what I for my tea next summer. and all artistic events and charity. My first long-term relationship to am, instead of hiding in a closet. Sexuality

TheBy Asa Butcher power of sex Internet sex

When you think of ‘feminism’ and ‘feminists’, many of us conjure images of butch lesbians dressed in dungarees filled with hate for anything with a penis. However, once again, the stereotypes miss the mark and the truth is that feminists just want equality, which isn’t too much to ask, and very few own the aforementioned dungarees. communication Feminism regularly seems to take see from our window, is a woman. it does not matter what sex you are, despite making up 49.5 percent of two steps forward and one back I reacted with surprise and I don’t so long as you can do the job pro- the population. By Thanos Kalamidas due to the extreme actions of the know why. fessionally. few giving rise to the idea that Personally, I believe that equality The truth is that the Internet has turned the whole world rapidly into a global village and sex had to be a part, if it is ‘all or nothing’ in terms of Women are not regularly associ- Finland has the reputation of hav- will slowly emerge over the next sexual equality. Men have found ated with building sites and you ing advanced levels of quality, with few generations when parents begin not a big part, of it. People can communicate with each other despite distance, individuals with nothing more than themselves walking a tightrope of react with astonishment when they a female president, over 35% of fe- to teach their children that there are computers and wires, and that even with the entrance of the wireless connection becomes useless lately. chivalry and rudeness, as the sim- have occupations in male-domi- male MPs and was the first country no specific gender roles. Kids will ple action of opening a door for a nated industry. I don’t believe that in Europe to allow women the vote, grow-up watching their dad clean lady has becomes a double-edged it is sexist to react in that way be- but even they still suffer from une- the house and mum returning from sword. cause after my initial shock my im- qual salaries and the other common a day at the office, and an increase It came as a surprise that men par- mediate thought was good for her. equality problems. I was stunned to in female role models, such as the Computer mediated communica- ticipate even in groups that include My Mum taught my brother and I An interview with her in the local read that women own only one per- tower crane driver, will perhaps tions rule. The social implications feminists themes or themes that to act like gentlemen, although lay- paper may inspire other girls to cent of the world’s wealth, and earn even inspire my own daughter. of CMC are vast from the ability involve only women; it is like they ing our jackets over muddy puddles pursue the career emphasising that ten percent of the world’s income, to overthrow centralize control of are keen to listen to the other side. did not go down well on laundry information to its potential abil- Still women seem more open to sex day. We were taught how to look ity to help people, no matter what issues and are ready to share sex after ourselves at home domestical- gender, race, sexuality or physical experiences and sex wishes with ly and went away to university with appearance to communicate with other anonymous chatters. cooking and rudimentary cleaning each other with fewer prejudices skills. I even have a personal weak- and misunderstandings. A man wrote in a survey that “face ness of actually enjoying ironing, to face it is possible that I would which goes against the fabric of Cyberspace created its own culture speculate about any or all of these masculinity apparently. and ethics, morals and sometimes women as a gender oriented per- prejudices that reflect our society. spective, but online this never oc- Society assigns our gender roles Many have claimed that cyberspace curs and I can strictly relate to them and when you go against the grain improved the communication be- as a person.” I think that shows why you are labelled gay or a lesbian if tween men and women helping some of these chatting pals ended you are a woman. Many women them to talk more. Leaving out the in weddings. claim that gender roles are oppres- comfort of the anonymity the Inter- sive and were created to reinforce net offered, as a principal the ma- It’s sad but on the net women can the ideal male role, but some men jority of the people who communi- be heard more because they can consider the male gender roles cate through cyberspace are pretty finish what they want to say with- similarly oppressive. Men should honest, especially regarding sex. out being interrupted and men have be strong, unemotional and domes- to listen because they have to deal tically inept, plus they should never It’s noticeable that one more ele- with a written content instead of a order dry white wine on a night out ment that helped was the need of woman. with the lads. a common language. Even though the majority of users are not na- It’s also strange that even sexist A comedy show in ‘70s called tive English speakers they use the comments and jokes are dealt dif- bies to sex and politics. Yahoo has erences. Another remarkable thing The Two Ronnies featured a regu- English language to communicate. ferently on the net with more hu- a very active chat space and there is that gay men on the net some- lar sketch entitled ‘The Worm has That added one more element, the mor and in more neutral ways and are places where people can actu- how force their identity while gay Turned’ in which men had switched use of a different language that that’s coming from both sexes. So ally play a role like Multi User Do- women present it in a more casual roles with women. The men stayed forces you to be precise in what has the Internet changed commu- mains and Multi-user shared hal- and matter of fact manner. Another at home and the women had be- you say, since translating their own nications between genders? I think lucinations. In short, the net is full issue is that over the last year chat- come the dominate gender, which language word by word would not the obvious answer is yes. of virtual places where men and ting groups 30+ have become more today doesn’t sound as far-fetched make any sense. women can meet and talk. popular and that’s mainly the in- or funny as it did back then. ternational hunting for pedophilias There are many places on the Inter- It is remarkable that coming to sex, through the net. People worry that No matter how much effort you net for woman and men to social- even though the number of wom- when somebody identifies his/her put into advocating and practising ize and people can get together in en is lower to the number of men self as twenty they might really be equality you are still caught out, various groups to discuss subjects chatting it seems that women are underage. like I was a few minutes ago while that cover anything from pets, ba- more ready to identify their pref- writing the second paragraph. My wife told me that the driver of the tower crane that is helping to build Finland’s tallest building, which we Sexuality

SoBy Mickey Hotlove much porn

Every day, she looks at thousands of hosted galleries with softcore and hardcore pictures. Her hard drive is full of smut, no matter how hard she cleans it. And somehow she doesn’t seem to get tired of all the porn.

Because big names make peo- “She” is known as the WebMis- ple click. And quality produc- tress, the one who posts most of- tions make people buy. Although ten on Belgium’s most popular “amateur” is a popular genre, website about porn: www.wilt.be and “gonzo” porn films are the . The WebMistress was there right equivalent of reality television, a from the start, in April 2004. And bad production makes everyone although the other contributors nervous. You can see it from the come and go, she’s still around to first frame if the photographer post news about sex, links to new or director was a professional, porn-related websites and reviews or just a pervert with a camera. of erotic art online. Judging from That’s why WebMistress only the mails she gets, most wilt.be vis- has to look at trailers for porn itors like to see her as some kind of movies to know. And she’ll only a dominatrix, clad in black leather look long enough at a photo gal- from head to toe. She thinks these lery of some model’s nude pic- mails are funny, and replies to all tures to grab a picture for the of them. Not often friendly, though. thumbnail that goes with every She doesn’t need to be. post on Wilt.be .

She clearly isn’t doing it to get at- Where does she draw the line? It tention from submissive admirers. used to be “personal taste”, but But what is driving her then? The since tastes differ, she changed money, of course. She saw Danni it into “as long as it’s well-made from Danni’s hard drive at a confer- AND legal”. Which means: no ence years ago, and heard her say: depictions of sex with people “My business was profitable from who are too young, too drugged day one.” She also heard about porn or too scared to actually approve being the number one business on being filmed or photographed the internet. And she noticed that while getting fucked. And no new technologies, like using SMS animals of course, since hoofs services for micropayment, or us- or paws are unfit to sign a porn ing Flashcom servers to link IVR contract. systems to live video of webcam girls, were always tried out first in Does she ever get excited herself, the online adult industry. you might wonder? Of course she does. She is, after all, only And yes, the porn got harder and human. Although most of the harder. The first half year, Wilt. time it happens by accident. In be only posted links to “softcore” the middle of all the smut, she’ll sites, and put all the money-mak- stumble upon a gem of well- ing hardcore stuff in a separate sec- made porn, building up tension tion of the site. But after a while, so slowly that even she finds her- soft and hard kind of blended. And self gazing at the page, or putting although videos of people fucking the windows media in an infinite each other in every possible body loop until she’s satisfied. orifice rarely shocked her, she start- ed to see who the big names were. And when she gets tired of it After Jenna Jameson, things got all, she quits for a few days. But a lot easier for porn stars. So you porn is everywhere: it’s in her had to try and see the difference news feeds, people mail it to her, between a nice young woman who there are “submissions” by wilt. was spreading her legs before the be community members. So she camera, and the next Jenna Jame- takes care of it. It’s what she son. Or Aria Giovanni. Or Luba does. She’s the WebMistress. I Shumeiko. don’t think she’ll ever get tired of it.

www.wilt.be Sexuality

LoveBy Thanos Kalamidas during AIDS TheBy Asa Butcher Stronger Sex

Facing an issue whose main theme is sexuality you obviously start thinking about the sexual choices people make Since the beginning of the 20th Century, Finland has been at the forefront of advancing women’s suffrage. In 1906, and the people you know that have made these choices or, as my friend Paul used to say, born the wrong gender. they became the first country in Europe to allow women the vote and first in the world to permit them the right to be And that was it, my mind went immediately to one of the most tragic moments I lived something like twelve years electoral candidates. Recently they had the unique claim of having a female President, Tarja Halonen, and female before with a friend of mine who was born the wrong gender or should I say the wrong sex. Speaker of Parliament, Riitta Uosukainen, who are in positions of power to promote and protect equal rights, not only in their homeland, but also on the world stage. I’m not going to use real names in in a project that had to do with art. own prejudices, and if he wanted ting weaker every minute and out respect to them and their families. Tom had his office, going there him to be a ‘good girl’ and talk like of all these friends and the active Tom, the name of Paul’s partner, every morning and coming back a ‘good girl’ he was going to do just social life they always had nobody was a friend of mine from school. late in the afternoon, Paul was giv- that! seemed to want to see them. The Over a decade ago the Population competitors. During the 1980s, We were both playing in the same ing private lessons and he was tak- Paul taught us both, my ex-wife shadow of AIDS was everywhere Crisis Committee reported that Fin- Marjo Matikainen-Kallstrom won team and we continued after school ing care of the house. Nothing on and me, to accept the other’s sexu- in their life. And my life I have to land was one of the very best places four Olympic and seven World for the little time I played profes- them looked gay and I think most ality. He taught us that it is not a admit. People started warning me for a woman to live, after taking Championship medals and is cur- sionally till I left to other lands. One of the people thought of them as simple choice and it is very naïve about my visits there; breathing into account health, educational, rently the chairman of the World day on a beautiful summer island I brothers or two very good friends to believe so. Some people are born the same air with him and it was so economic, and legal conditions Championships Organising Com- met him entering a café. I think we who shared a house. You must not with the wrong sex. He explained disappointing because nobody had that affect them. One of President mittee, plus she represents the Con- were both happy to meet each other forget that the early-80s was not often that Tom was not born in bothered to read how you can get Halonen’s first speeches following servative National Coalition. and after the small chat about the exactly a good time to come out of the wrong sex but he had just seen AIDS. her election victory in March 2000 weather and everything we started the closet and trumpet your sexual- the female side of his ignoring the As I said, these ten days were really stated that gender equality was one At the 1976 Montreal Games Pirjo talking about more personal things. ity and sex choices. man’s appearance. dramatic for me and changed a lot of the four main pillars of European Häggman finished fourth in the I told him how much my life had One October I received a telephone of things in the way I see things. I employment policy. “We really do 400m and later went onto become changed, that I got married and I was so disappointed of the people. need the participation of women in one of the first female IOC mem- had become a real author with one Paul had always been the person to the labour market to guarantee the bers, while Fatima Whitbread is book published. I think that one give; he was the person who would competitiveness of Europe...Wom- still haunted by the memory of came somehow as a present to him remember birthdays, anniversaries, en are not a burden on the economy Tiina Lillak, who snatched gold for the simple reason that people name days, anything. He was the - far from it! In Finland women from her at the first IAAF World believe that authors or writers are person who you could say any- themselves pay more than 40% of Championships in 1983. Finally, more liberal characters. thing, even just to sit quietly with. the social welfare budget.” Nordic skier, Marja-Liisa Kirves- So he told me his news. He was a Paul was always there to suggest a niemi is one of only five athletes dentist, very happy with his job and book which he knew suited your Further boundaries were broken to have participated in six Winter many happy customers, which I be- style and the person who always in 1990 when Elisabeth Rehn be- Olympics and to have won seven lieved straightaway since I thought remembered your favorite music, came the first female Minister of Olympic medals in the process. of his soft style that he must have so when you went to visit them Defence in the world and she was fantastic ways to calm the patients. you could feel comfortable. Paul appointed UN Special Rapporteur It is hardly surprising that women Then he told me that his life had had spent two days in Brussels just on Human Rights a few years later. excel in Finland since they have changed totally, since he had met looking for a comic I had expressed Finnish women are no strangers to such a solid historical foundation the perfect person and everything the wish to have. the political world stage with Helvi to build upon: pioneers such as seemed quite normal till, with a Paul died and I have never seen a Sipilä working as a U.N. represent- Edith Södergran, Sophie Manner- lower voice and looking me straight man crying for his wife the way ative for over twenty years, dealing heim, Aurora Karamzin and Emma in my eyes, he told me that the per- Tom cried for Paul. Unfortunately with social and human rights. In Irene Åström have given confi- fect person was not a woman, but for me I belong to these people who 1961 Inkeri Anttila became the first dence and self-belief to generations another man. has seen friends die, but nothing woman in Finland to hold a chair in of girls. Total equality may still be compared to Paul. With Paul it was law and later work as Minister of some distance off with dispropor- Now, Tom was not the first gay just so unfair. The most dramatic Justice and she has been vice chair tionate salaries and women still person I had met but thinking of all was a few hours before the end, of a committee reforming the Finn- undertaking more than double the the macho sports moments we had he was giving instructions to Tom ish criminal system since 1980. as the Moomins, who are popu- composer Kaija Anneli Saariaho, housework than men, but while lived in the past, real men’s things, about the house and he was telling lar the world over and even have singer Arja Saijonmaa, or star of the record for the world’s largest it was a bit weird. It’s different to me not to leave Tom alone at least Role models for Finnish women are their own theme park. The Finnish Finnish cinema Liisa-Maija Laak- mitten - dimensions 271cm long, be introduced to somebody and be for the next ten days and if I could in abundance, whether historically trolls are particularly loved in the sonen. Another of Finland’s current 99cm wide and weighs 3.5kg - is ‘warned’ that he’s gay and differ- In private moments away from cu- call from Tom and I had to run to to keep him away from his family, or culturally. During its autonomy Orient where they have even been female success arrives in the form held by Finn, Ann Jonasson, there ent to finding that somebody you rious eyes, when my ex-wife and the hospital. I hadn’t seen them for which hates the whole situation and Finland has produced women who immortalised upon cutlery – well, of Vuokko Hovatta, ex-Ultra Bra still maybe hope. have known for so many years is I visited them, it was just like two a period partly because I had just they will probably make stupid re- have initiated trends, influencing chopsticks - and an assortment of singer, recent recipient of Finland gay. What do you think helped me couples having dinner where Tom got divorced and partly because I marks. generations and entertaining mil- merchandise. Festivals Young Artist of the Year, Extra: to get over the first shock? Paul’s and I would talk about politics and used my work as a therapy method lions, many of which survive today. vocalist and actress; this lady has In 2003, Anneli Jäätteenmäki be- entrance into the same café! It took sports while the other two talked to avoid the divorce and its com- Paul, insecure that he was getting Between the talents of Armi Ratia Frequently musicians and thespi- enough string for many bows. came Finland’s first female Prime him something like two minutes to about fashion and television. That plications. Tom was in a bed with older, did one stupid thing that, for and Annika Rimala they created ans from Finland are dismissed Minister but was forced to resign feel totally comfortable with the doesn’t mean that Paul was filling some sort of plastic cover and eve- the same reason, could have been Marimekko, turning stripes into a out of hand, considered unlikely Despite Salt Lake City producing after a few months in charge due whole situation and, with a series any gay stereotype. He was one of rybody looked so scared. I got it done by any man or woman. He highly functional fashion that still to triumph in the mainstream, but a respectable tally of seven Winter to allegations of election wrongdo- of jokes that all men are really gay, the very few people who I know straightaway. Paul had HIV AIDS just paid for it in the worst way. thrives today and was once fa- there are glimmers of hope. Amidst Olympic medals for Finland four ing, which were later proved un- made me laugh and in the end ad- that had read so many books and he and obviously was dying. In the Tom never had another relation- voured by Jacqueline Kennedy. the many hidden jewels that the years ago, none of them came from founded. mitted that I had a really good time was very opinioned about literature early-90s people diagnosed with ship, he still has his office and he Finns can boast about are celebri- the women’s team, which was not with them. since literature was his specialty. It HIV were died soon after. still lives in the same house that is Tove Jansson captured the im- ties such as soprano Karita Mattila, indicative of their ability and failed Since that afternoon I had met them was his theater as he used to say. I spent all my free time over the next full of Paul’s things. If that is not aginations of millions of children mezzo-soprano Monica Groop, to match the standards set by past often and we even became partners He added that even Tom had his ten days with them. Paul was get- love I have no idea what love is. with her albino trolls, better known Sexuality

BreakingBy Melissa Dennis the Taboo

Working as a writer in the professional beauty industry, I sometimes take for granted the number of male skincare and body treatments emerging from around the world onto our high streets, but it’s never far from my mind when hearing of new male-orientated products, that traditionally vanity is not linked to masculinity. However now that the 21st cen- tury world of sport and entertainment has its ‘perfect’ male icons, it’s now becoming increasingly acceptable for men to groom.

In the Beauty Industry Survey 2005, Stuart adds: “In my father’s day, “I would definitely consider a treat- popular individuals – sometimes offer the suggestion of nurture and in a style attractive to men, as Sa- Saturday afternoon’s in the salon an annual source of data which fo- something like plucking a stray hair ment such as waxing or a facial if endorsed by sport or movie stars - care, such as ‘De-Stressing Soother’ rah North, a skincare brand manager With attitudes like this it seems that rather than at the football stadium. cuses on the UK professional beauty out of your eyebrows would have they offered it at my salon and made with an overdose of masculinity, and or ‘Night Recovery’. explains: the taboo is becoming the norm for sector, it was revealed that 81% of been considered taboo. But today’s it clear it was aimed at men…But products are packaged in tradition- this modern generation of males, www.beautyserve.net beauty salons in the UK cater for man is practically at the same level you don’t really want to advertise the ally male colours, fragranced with Whilst the more cynical may think “Treatment descriptions should be and only time will tell whether our men, with each averaging just over as a woman. The only real difference fact that you go tanning or have wax- fresh, zesty or musky perfumes. that these products simply contain more precise and logical for men. sons and grandsons will spend their 10 male clients per month and rep- is that women wear make-up.” ing,” he explains. the same concoctions gender-spe- Although ladies tend to prefer a resenting an increase on 2004’s fig- Even the terminology used to de- cifically rebranded, they would be wordy, enticing treatment descrip- ures. Matt Horsburgh, 26, often visits a In recognition of this ‘underground’ scribe the products is carefully con- wrong. The skin is a human’s heavi- tion, men want to know exactly tanning salon to use the sunbeds, and trend, skincare companies are build- ceived, using terms with powerful, est and largest organ, weighing be- what it does.” When you consider that, according has mixed views about indulging in ing portfolios of products aimed spe- scientific connotations such as ‘Mois- tween 3 to 3.5kg (in an adult). Whilst to this research, salons in the UK at- beauty. cifically at the man on the street. As ture Charge’ or ‘Hydra Performer’ as the basic three-layer make-up of the Thirty-year old Tim Wooldridge, tracted an average of just over 350 with all good marketing campaigns, opposed female-orientated products, skin and its functions is the same in a Personal Trainer, visits a salon client visits each month in 2005, it imagery is of strong, successful and which largely have names which males and females, a man’s skin is regularly, and has a strong view on becomes clear that, although still in actually a lot different to a woman’s, what would appeal to male clients: the minority, men are contributing to as Nic Coomber, a skincare distribu- “Making the salon a bit more mas- this industry’s continued growth. So tor in the UK, explains: culine would be a good start if you why is vanity becoming increasingly want to get more chaps through the popular amongst our males and will “Regular shaving systematically doors… it’s a shame you can’t just it ever replace football and women as deprives a man’s skin of moisture stick Playstation in there!” the main topic of conversation down and oil. Men’s skin has more horny the pub? layers, making it about 20% thicker Salon owner Karen Cook-Wadman than women’s. Men’s skin is also has found that most men initially en- I receive parcels of products designed more elastic. Owing to different ter the salon for massage treatments, for men from across Europe more or tissue structure and skin thickness, often relating to sports injuries. less every month, and with my part- men’s skin generally remains firm “Once they have made that decision ner encouraged to try them out, it has and resilient until about age 30. to visit a salon, however, they can become common for the man of our Then, however, it loses its elasticity become loyal customers and start house to cleanse, tone and moisturise and tone much faster than women’s to book treatments like facials and morning and night. His masculin- skin. manicures,” she says. ity is never in question, but still he refrains from telling his friends for “Additionally, men’s skin has dif- Sarah North agrees: “Once a male fear they may think him a sissy. Yet ferent sebum gland activity, because client starts having treatments they closer inspection of their bathroom male hormones (androgens) influ- generally tend to be much more cabinets (there’s nothing I won’t do ence the lipid metabolism of the loyal.” for a good story!), reveals that they sebum glands. So men naturally too hide away copious amounts of have different skin problems than Tim Wooldridge adds: “Maybe if face wash, spot remedies, anti-shine women. The man frequently has salon owners were to hold an open moisturisers, and in several cases, to deal with blackheads, impurities, day just for men, or offer something fake tan. dry skin, inflammations of beard for free at first just to break the ice. hairs, or oily skin.” Therefore, prod- Men love a freebie and once they’re Stuart Brear, 29, uses moisturiser ucts are developed to deal with these in that’ll be it. As a personal trainer sporadically when his skin feels dry, skincare issues. I know how nerve-racking people particularly in the winter months. He find places like salons for the first believes men now have little choice Professional therapists, salons and time… it’s a bit like gyms. as to whether they consider beauty Spas are more than aware of this treatments. difference, and so specifically tailor “I had a free salt scrub at the beauty face and body care programmes, and salon at the gym where I work the “Everywhere you go there’s more the environments within which they other day… and enjoyed it so much pressure to look good, it’s in maga- are administered, to encourage male that I’d definitely have another now, zines, on TV, people in gyms, peer clientele. Again, these are branded and pay for it!” pressure from your friends, people going on holiday, going to wed- dings… even when you go to the dentists there are adverts for cosmet- ic surgery, and that’s coming down in price too. It’s everywhere,” he says. Sexuality

UnconditionalBy F.A. Hutchison love

Sex! Three letters, ‘S-E-X!’ These three letters get more than their share of attention! We think we understand the meaning of these three letters, the word ‘sex,’ but what about its companion, the word, ‘sexuality?’ What about this concept, the word in this form?

Ask yourself, as I did… What do you think of when you hear the word, ‘sexuality?’

read, ‘The Da Vinci Code,’ a bestseller we do with the idea/concept ( the en- ‘We’re coming together! Everything Not knowing I immediately thought of ‘sexual in all of its manifestations, including the expression thereof!’ by the way, to understand this! That ergy) that is important! ‘Sexuality’ is and everybody, everywhere! We’re Which is which, the ultimate is ‘hieros gamos ( ),’ the what’s getting us to God consciousness coming together!’ It’s just a matter of But, not really caring!’5 The dictionary says, ‘The condition of ‘anything goes,’ now as long as it’s prof- a year disguised as a ‘man,’ to write a All in the morning betime, sacred union of compassion (male) and (the union of compassion and wisdom): time! being characterized and distinguished itable! I say ‘practically,’ as some things book about what it’s like to be male, this And I a maid at your window, wisdom (female)! Note, ‘my’ chant: unconditional love! Copyright 2006 by sex. Concern with an interest in in China, as well as the U.S., are still entitled, ‘Self-Made Man!’ Women are To be your valentine! ‘We’re coming together! Everything Thank God for ‘sexuality,’ for it brings, F.A. Hutchison sexual activity. Sexual characteristics ‘taboo!’ interested in what it’s like to be male, and everybody, everywhere! We’re Of course, out of fear of losing control ultimately, unconditional love! Kashgar, Xinjiang Province, China or potency.’ and men are becoming more interested Then he rose and donn’d his clothes, coming together!’( ) (money/power) the male-dominated 984 words However, whether ‘they’ like it or not, in what it’s like being female! We’re And dupp’d the chamber door, church, for thousands of years, has bur- ‘Here’s to unconditional love, What a mystery we make of this thing the ‘sexes’ are ‘merging’ figuratively, as evolving as a species, as is necessary! Let in the maid, that out a maid, If the ‘sin’ of the ‘Garden of Eden’ was ied the idea!4 Unfortunately for them Beyond all feeling, called ‘sexuality,’ in all of its conceived well as, literally, and literally, as well as We’re coming together! Never departed more!” ‘separation’ (ego consciousness sym- (fortunately for wo/mankind), this is an One in the same! forms, when in fact there’s no mystery figuratively! Men are becoming wom- Shakespeare said it 400 years ago: bolized by eating an apple from the idea whose time has ‘come!’ There’s Here’s to allowing and sharing, at all. We, the human race, create it as an and vice versa! A recent example, a The age of male dominance is beginning tree of knowledge), then the ‘solution’ no stopping evolution! This is the ‘Age Flowing back and forth, such! Why? It sells, for one thing! But, female author, Norah Vincent, just spent “Tomorrow is St. Valentine’s Day, to end (thank God!). One has only to is ‘hieros gamos!’ ‘Coming’ together! of Aquarius!’ Until we are lost in each other, there’s a much greater purpose (which God is the Divine Union of compas- only a few understand)! sion (male) and wisdom (female)! Yet, so much beyond… In fact, beyond Remember we live in an age when words… But, in words our idea a ‘nev- money (the consuming power it brings) er-ending orgasm!’ has become ‘God!’ One has only to be in China in 2006, where capitalism I’ve often asked myself the reason for is bursting forth to understand this… such ‘separation:’ ego consciousness There are unclad women in every me- born in the ‘Garden?’ This is some- dia, getting men’s attention, when other thing ‘I’ve’ since answered ( ): That, icons don’t. Thus, the men read the ac- we couldn’t know ‘God,’ without such companying message, and more often ego consciousness (animals don’t have, times than not, ‘buy!’ Of course, this is thus don’t know). That we had to go to not a new phenomena, and exists every- the bottom of the ‘well of knowledge,’ where in the world! But, unheard of in which ego consciousness (separation) Chinese history, coeds at a University in brought, to get out of it (‘hell’), and to Xi’an (home of the Terracotta soldiers) the highest, ‘heaven:’ the union of wo/ are now posing in the nude! Why? Ex- man (human) with God (spirit)! pression! Attention! Sexuality in one of its manifestations. And what does ‘sexuality’ have to do with this…? It is both the ‘evil’ and the The zeitgeist is illustrated by a ‘Holly- ‘good’ (‘thing’) that makes such possi- wood’ movie about two gay cowboys, ble! We cheapen it of course, by using and directed by a Chinese man (Ang it to manipulate the unconscious for Lee). Lee won ‘’Best Director,’ for this money! But, in Duality (the existence effort at the Golden Globe Awards re- we ‘live’ in), there’s no ‘good’ without cently! Wow! Forty, thirty, even twenty ‘bad!’ No ‘heaven’ without ‘hell!’ No years ago that would have been impos- union without male and female. There sible! In addition, movies about trans- is no Divine Union without male sexuals are also winning awards! What (compassion) and female (wisdom)! do you suppose this means? ‘Oh, the And none of this without the concept times they are a changin’!’(Bob Dylan) of ‘sexuality!’ Note: the “Garden of ‘Life is modern!’ reads the ‘Chinglish’ Eden ‘sin’” was ‘necessary’ in terms of in a Shanghai Ad. evolution.

We’re coming out of a church-control- ‘Sexuality,’ is just a word, yet ‘words’ led, ‘Puritan’ age (the ‘Age of Pisces’)! are what creates our ‘reality!’ It’s what The Conservative movement in the U.S. is the last attempt to hold onto safe stere- otypes: the nuclear family! In China the capitalistic economic system is breaking down the mores of the past—practically Sexuality Homophobic The way

thoughtsBy Thanos Kalamidas willBy Jan Sand find love

I tried for a couple of days to think about how to start an article about homophobia and I have to admit that nothing good The two most inflammatory subjects within human societies are sex and religion. Although there are many more came to me since homophobia is nothing exceptional; I think most people at one level or another have it. Even though urgent problems confronting humanity, which are far more basic to survival, violations to conformity in sex and I grew-up in the decade of the sexual revolution, the ‘60s didn’t help much since this sexual revolution didn’t include religion arouse the most controversy frequently accompanied by violence. homosexuality.

It just let us find ways to enjoy the The recent outcries over Janet across species. The definition that mantis, I would think, might con- for individuals were somewhere on body and increase the adventures be- Jackson’s nipple and the cartoons separates species is based on the sider the guillotine as a sexual util- register. And women would have tween men and women. Somehow I depicting Muhammad substantiate capabilities of two individuals to ity which throws a new light on the to dress accordingly to prevent ac- think things like that have happened that something emotionally ex- utilize their sexuality to produce machine. cidental insemination. In all prob- throughout the religious middle ages plosive exists in both of them and young. Therefore people who at- ability, people who were subject to and the Victorian era, but they didn’t apparently an over close public in- tempt their sexual acrobatics across The mechanism of sex amongst the allergies would have great difficul- want to admit it. Actually, from what spection of both religious icons and species are regarded by both society higher species roughly consists of ties. I have read about the Victorians, they sexual instruments can be danger- and nature itself as not particularly inserting a specific protuberance on were far more sexually evolved than ous. And the many restrictions that acceptable, whatever the pleasures the male into a particular cavity of Beyond this, a good deal of human our times. religions place on sex indicate that that might be generated in the proc- the female so that the haploid cells custom in male-female relation- there is a connection between the ships would have to change radi- So, growing-up in the ‘60s and natu- two. cally. I will not speculate as to what rally following the period’s fashion, I might generate sexual pleasure had long hair; I think the worst thing The legend of Adam and Eve and under these conditions nor whether anybody could say to me, or anybody how their relationship distorted hu- males or females would be under like me, was: Are you a boy or a girl? walk between us little men. not only the parents or the family; it manity’s relationship to the Chris- the duress to even find each other The whole hint of homosexuality is society as a whole that thinks that So one step is to fight all these and, tian God has laid heavy psychologi- attractive. was enough to drive me and anybody The very same year I heard about a you are a girl if you have an ear-ring before saying anything about Elton cal burdens on Western society and crazy. gay woman and it took long hours of or longer hair to what is considered John’s glamorous wedding, try to ac- many of the commercial, monetary The multitudes of sexual instruc- hard conversations between me and respectable. It’s the very same soci- cept and understand gay people that and personal relationships between tion manuals that now exist pro- Later it was ear-piercing and brought my friends to somehow realize what ety that keeps women under and men live around us in the day light or hid- men and women that exist in the viding advice as to which and how all the same questions again. Just the the hell a woman was doing with an- manipulating the system. den insecure and shame of their own secular world. many male protuberances may be hint of homosexuality could drive other woman; don’t forget as I men- nature. inserted and manipulated in the you mad and you were spending all tioned in a different article the very I think gay people will never get the It has recently been discovered several female cavities to generate your time analyzing why you did same period I had my first sexual ex- acceptance and respect they ask as Coming to homophobic followers of that primitive life even down to the maximum mutual pleasure indicate have an ear-ring in your left ear and perience and with a lot of help from long as women don’t get the accept- the church, any kind of church I don’t bacterial level indulges in sexual that there is a good deal of variety why you did have long hair. In the some magazines I had some kind of ance and the respect they are owed. feel surprised, they never accepted practices because there seems to in the process. Nevertheless, the end what you did was try to say that an idea what men do with women. That will change the day this society anything even though they are with be a strong evolutionary reason for fecundity of the species testifies to you are not a homosexual, but with But a woman with a woman? And will not expect a boy to act like a man one foot in any possible sin, includ- individuals to share their separate the fact that there are many paths to too many words and avoid the issue. even worse, a man with man? That and a girl to act like a woman that ing the most disgusting of all pedo- genetic capabilities. Bacteria are successful reproduction. So many, A lot of gays explain that we all have was totally disgusting. will become true when women don’t philia. What I cannot understand is endowed with the capability to in fact, that the stability of a sus- a feminine or a masculine side and to need to fight for their natural rights. when I have to face all these modern choose between sexual and asexual tainable environment for the planet a certain level I agree, but I think it Later I had the chance to meet gay And it doesn’t matter what the laws progressive and leftist characters reproduction, something, until re- ess. And, of course, what may be may conjoin. In a somewhat differ- is now in severe danger. has nothing to do with sexuality. It is people and become really good are doing. who are scared to even shake hands cently, denied humans. appropriate to one species may be ent process, many species of fish about the inner being and sensitivity. friends with some of them and I’m with a gay. difficult to accept behaviourally in and invertebrates and a wide range The old saying is that love will find How many times have you felt tears still very good friends with them. Legislating for gay weddings did But cloning is still regarded another. of plants merely release their male a way but considering how fond of in your eyes watching a film but you What was the funniest thing is that nothing more than focus once more Homophobia is like any other preju- amongst humans with horror in cells more or less to the will of the each other multitudes of couples held them back not wanting to admit even though they are accepting the on gay people as a social problem dice and racism and we have to fight spite of the fact that multiple births, It is customary for female praying environment counting on the huge become, it seems more likely that that you are doing a ‘girl’s thing’? idea that I am straight I have to some- which brings rise to questions and it like we fight any other. It’s very which produce clones, are cel- mantises to bite off the heads of quantity released to reach the prop- the way will find love. times fight the idea that they are gay. controversy, something that should hypocritical considering yourself ebrated and the only parthenoge- their male partners in coition which er destination of their proper fe- The first time I saw a gay person I And actually that’s the only thing be just normal, while seeing celeb- modern, anti-racist and at the same netic birth in Christian tradition is facilitates the release of spermato- male counterparts. Were humans to was around thirteen and that hap- they ask, acceptance to something rities getting married on television time being homophobic. That only regarded as exemplary. zoa. I doubt this would work well adopt this method the atmosphere pened while I was in a group with which is natural. As an old song from made it even worse. They could do dismisses everything else. amongst humans as, aside being would probably be continuously other boys playing football in a the group Cream says, he was born a whatever they like legal or illegal The mechanics that each species exceedingly messy in the average replete with flying spermatozoa back street. The man had expressed boy but he feels a girl. because they have the bloody money Remember these people ask nothing utilizes in sexual practices is dif- bedroom, most men would find it and it would be extremely difficult himself wearing a fur coat and high to do it and they always did, nobody more than anybody else is asking, ficult or impossible to generalize rather uncomfortable. The praying to determine paternity unless DNA heels, and remembering that day I re- I went through all that to show that asked the same of a poor soul living acceptance to what they are, without alize how abusive and cruel kids can homophobia, whether we like it or in a small village in Yorkshire where hiding it or being ashamed of it. After be. I still feel guilty thirty years later not, is part of us. It has to do with the I used to live. He spent nearly 15 all they cannot change it! as I remember the tears in his eyes way we grew up, it has to do with years in prison just because he was after what he went through having to the way they brought us up and it is a homosexual. iFormat Measured Cartoon

response jihad By Thanos Kalamidas By Asa Butcher I think everybody has written too much, including me, about what happened with these cartoons of Mohamed and It was positive to see Muslims restrain themselves over the Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons controversy the Muslim countries. But here is an aspect you will find difficult to believe. over the last month. The Western world stopped its claims of freedom of speech for a moment as Muslim lead- ers gathered together to join in constructive discourse and urge its followers to show respect for another culture, despite not agreeing with their beliefs.

Thankfully, there were no images of A clash of cultures is emphasised sighs in exasperation as Iran misses al, are able to be freely discussed Imagine one day seeing that a old lady who wears funny hats and popular in Europe or South Ameri- toonist that has been in the court burning flags, boycotting of prod- and not an attack on spiritual val- the point and declares that it will without anybody needlessly dying newspaper or TV station in Saudi has an aunty style smile. She is an ca? On the contrary, but everybody because he made a cartoon about ucts, death threats to editors, bomb ues, although Turkey’s PM Recep hold a contest to find the 12 “best” or being threatened. Sadly, the only Arabia, Turkey or Iran has printed institution that we have to respect? remembers that George W. Bush the Queen? On the contrary, there threats to newspapers, masked Tayyip Erdoğan is quoted saying, cartoons about the Holocaust. positive aspect of the whole affair cartoons that represent the Queen This old lady is not just an old will stay there only for ten years, are newspapers in UK that have men shouting and firing guns into ‘There should be a limit of free- is that a Danish flag maker is enjoy- of England as a blood thirsty wolf lady but represents an institution just like Bill Clinton, he will be in daily cartoons about the royal fam- the air, recalling of ambassadors dom of press’ and the United Arab At times like this I am grateful to ing record profits. that eats poor Third World chil- with centuries of history and mil- the same place where bad and good ily and the very same applies to all or mobs attacking embassies. The Emirates moderately describes the be living in such a calm and open dren. lions of people. Her name doesn’t presidents have been, with J.F. the European and American coun- Muslim world was angry, but re- cartoons as, ‘Cultural terrorism, not world, in which the exchange of matter either. They might call her Kennedy and Franklin Roosevelt. tries. The most offensive cartoons strained themselves from resorting freedom of expression.’ The world ides, whether religious or cultur- Four months later English news- against the American president to terror, violence, intimidation and papers reprint the cartoons accus- come from the American newspa- veiled pressure. ing the Arabic world of disrespect. pers. The very same evening monar- ‘Respect their democratic beliefs’ chists from all around London start I used the example of Saudi Arabia, shouted Muslims across the world, demonstrations around Piccadilly Turkey and Iran because the news- ‘but we must make them under- Circus, Regent Street and Oxford papers there often print caricatures stand why we feel offended.’ Other Street. Men in masks and armed and cartoons with the Queen and Muslims joined in the chorus of with M16s start shooting in the air a few presidents, sometimes even diplomatic arguments expressing threatening Saudi Arabia, Iran and worse than blood thirsty wolves. their understanding at the double Turkey with an invasion and the What would have been their reac- standards that they are suddenly promise that they will kill every tion if the second part with the riots showing, ‘We recognise the fact Saudi, Iranian or Turk who dares in London was real? that we are outraged by cartoons walk anywhere around London. of our prophet, but fail to show the The burning of the Danish and same levels of disgust as innocent They burn down Turkish kebab Norwegian embassies has shown people are slaughtered in the name shops, Saudi banks and an Iranian another thing, the local govern- of Allah across the world.’ mini market, then after burning a ments support the riots and are few hundred flags they go and burn not willing to do anything to stop Western governments nodded in the Saudi, the Iranian and the Turk- them. All that while in democratic agreement and then explained ish embassies. However, because Europe a cartoonist and an editor how they would not and could not they feel that this was not enough Elizabeth, Camilla or whatever else What will be there forever is the lost their jobs as respect to the poor apologise for what newspapers in they burn the Syrian embassy to what they want, what does matter institution of the American presi- Muslims. their countries printed because the calm their anger. is the respect for the institution she dent. democratic system allows freedom represents. The statement by the Danish for- of speech and secondly they have Now if you didn’t identify with the Not all the westerners are necessar- eign minister I think represents no control over editorial content. idea of the Queen as a wolf, then If our eastern neighbors think that ily Christians and there are a lot of what most Europeans feel this mo- Muslims solemnly nodded saying, you are free to use the president of their institutions are covered by Is- atheists and Christians who have ment, it is enough and this is un- ‘Yes, we understand and acknowl- Germany, the president of France, lamic laws and traditions they must been to the church only for wed- acceptable! And one last thing, our edge your right to caricature God’. the president of Italy and why not learn that our institution is protect- dings and funerals. Which is the Muslim friends must remember the president of the United States ed by laws and traditions as well. institution we believe more in the that despite what happens to their Those Muslims still not pacified instead. You think this is strange? There are laws in every democratic west? Democracy. It is the founda- countries in Europe the press is not by the peaceful debates decided Which part? Was it the first part country protecting its leaders and, tion of democracy along with the depending on the governments, so to take the Danish newspaper to with the cartoon or the second with I inform you, the penalties are not right for free speech, so you can no government has the right or the court because they wanted to uti- the burning of flags, embassies and light. say what you are thinking, even if obligation to apologize for what the lise another method of democracy threats? that’s against your very own insti- press publishes. That means that at- that exists in the West. The court I even used the example of the tutions. tacking the Danish embassy and case would be a catalyst for further It seems that we all forget some- President of the United States. Do demanding an apology from the dialogue between different nations thing: the Queen is not just a sweet you think Mr. George W. Bush is Have you ever heard about any car- Danish government is all in vain!!! and faiths, with no exaggerated re- sponses from either side. iFormat History shouldn’t Hamas victory surprise and democracy By Thanos Kalamidas By Satya Prakash

Back in the ‘70s we all learned the atrocities of the Iranian leader, the Shah, his corrupted government and The shock waves, which came with the results of Palestinian election in ten years, were not limited to West Asia the militant style dictatorship he had established, destroying and often killing his opposition. but transcended continents and countries. Most of the western nations and obviously Israel have expressed ‘seri- ous’ concerns with Islamist Hamas group getting majority in the Palestinian Legislative Council. In front of all this, demonstrations put all the faith for a better future on and pictures made the public start them. A Muslim organization, Ha- supporting, especially in Europe, mas, became Fatah’s successor in the opposition which, in this case, the hearts of the Palestinian people, The election which was held on was either the radical left or the creating schools and looking after 25th January saw 75% of voters fundamentalists Muslim clerics, their education, funding hospitals casting the ballot. Out of the 132 with Ayatollah Homeini based in and with a use of a network finding seats, Hamas group won 76 seats exile in Paris. jobs to the poor Palestinian people. thereby getting a majority in the The clerics won more sympathy This is the very same Hamas that council. The results precipitated since people were somehow keener armed and sent the suicide bomb- the condition of west Asia with on a cleric with a peaceful message ers into Israel killing hundreds of comments going back and forth be- than a covered face Marxist with a innocent people. tween Hamas and political leader- machine gun and that expanded to So what happens now? Hamas was ship of Israel. governments, with even the Ameri- elected in the most democratic and can government accepting the idea acceptable way for the west and There is also a view that Palestine of clerics ruling the country. What now they govern the Palestinian was too immature for democracy happened after caught everybody state and lead the negotiations with as they elected a terrorist group. by surprise. The peaceful clerics Israel, a country that the Hamas On careful analysis, I don’t seem to established a dictatorship using a again doesn’t recognize and has agree with this. When the turn out total Stalinist structure and slaugh- an aim to destroy. The irony of the is 75%, which is much higher than tered their opposition establishing a whole thing is that Arafat and Fatah the turnout in mature democracies law system that returned the coun- are responsible for the uprising of like India, it shows strong resolve try centuries in the past. Hamas since they used them often of people for choosing their own The biggest surprise for the west against their inside enemies prac- government. In this particular elec- came from the support of the Ira- port the western interests. Palestinian people deserve a land ticing exactly the same dogma with tion, the mandate is not as much for nian people to the clerics. Since Between the Marxist groups and and nobody, including the Ameri- the western governments. Hamas as it is against the incum- the ‘50s, the world was divided the clerics the choice was easy. can president, has any doubts on The fact is that the west has, one bent Fatah party. into democratic or capitalist (you There were others, but most of that issue. Fatah, Yasir Arafat’s way or another, to accept the result In the last ten years, Fatah group can chose the word) west and the them were part of the Shah regime organization, started as a rebel- of these elections however hard it with world community. No doubt A Hamas in government would over Palestinian authority and to has been taken over by corrupt Marxist east and there was a con- that had withdrawn their support to ling team that gradually gave back is to swallow and Hamas has to the principle of Hamas has been be much different than Hamas till work with Europe and US. leaders and the legislative council stant conflict for power and influ- Shah seeing the end of his ruling dignity and faith to the Palestinian change into the new role without extremism; it considers creation of now. It is going to be subdued in failed to do anything worthwhile to ence. For both sides one dogma and they definitely didn’t have the people. This has gone through the making the mistakes of Fatah. Sad Palestine as its religious duty and its policy of extremism under the It is not the opportune time to come improve the condition of common ruled: the enemy of my enemy is support of the Iranian public. hard prospect of being a terrorist as it sounds, Hamas has to follow it also does not recognize Israel. yoke of the immense responsibil- out with charged statements but of Palestinians. There was no other my friend, which is something that The reason I go through this part organization hunted by all the ma- the example of Turkey’s Prime Until the election results were de- ity of running a country heavily giving Hamas time to settle down option but Hamas. If there is ques- both powers paid in the worst way. of international history is simple, jor countries to be elected demo- Minister Erdogan, although I think clared even Hamas would not have dependant on foreign aid. Politi- and take cognizance of ground tion over democracy then it is not Bin Laden is a creation of this dog- history should teach us; we should cratically as a government in an that Turkey has a long way before dreamt of such land slide victory. cal feelers are already being sent situation. Who knows the Palestine due to Hamas but due to Fatah. ma. He is a creation of the CIA and learn from our mistakes and change occupied land. they call themselves a democracy. At most it would have thought of out by Hamas leadership for nego- situation may be solved for good the American administrations in policies and ideas if necessary. But The very same organization has to Erdogan, even though his Muslim emerging as some consequential tiation over foreign aid. The exiled during the Hamas rule. It would Most of the average Palestinians the name of stopping the Russian here it happened again. A country now give up their arms and a life- background has created a very group and to wield influence over political head of Hamas, Khaled then be the finest example of same don’t agree to the extremist poli- influence in the East. They armed under siege from a mighty power style which they were born into, modern profile and despite being a the new government. Meshal, in Damascus has talked democracy, which is being ques- cies of Hamas. They are in favor him and funded him with weapons and suffering a constant war had and change into a government that puppet of the militants that take the of adopting a realistic approach tioned now. and money, state armies in different democratic elections. Democratic would lead its people to a welfare decisions in the back, has managed of negotiation with Israel and ties places of the world haven’t even the way the western powers hope state that provides safety, health, to give a European face to Turkey dreamed. that every country will adopt soon. education and work to the people. and leads the country into the EU. Iran was another case; the Shah And what do they elect? Another A difficult step that failed and that’s Finally, one thing the west has to was going down even though a loy- Muslim regiment, following Is- something history again has shown understand that democratic elec- al servant of the American and Eu- lamic laws and to make it worse, us a lot of times. tions do bring democracy and the ropean interests and his atrocities listed as a terrorist organization by Arafat’s government became ill- road to get there is long and dif- were so big that they had to pull out the EU and USA. disciplined, corrupted and ineffec- ficult. Steps that took us centuries every obvious support. That meant Nobody doubts the role of Yasir tive organizations disappointing the to accomplish, so we should not that a new regime had to replace Arafat in the Palestinian fight. The thousands of Palestinians who had expect the others to do in just few him that would continue to sup- years. iFormat

TheBy Tony Butcher King has left

The King has left the building. Now the United States of America and a small percentage of the rest of the world is in the hands of Ben Bernanke. He will have to preside over further rate increases and his first few speeches will be scrutinised very closely to get some indication where he plans to halt the current cycle.

In a private speech Alan Greenspan The ECB moves are purely a response has suggested the markets have un- to increasing risks to price stability in derestimated how far the Federal Re- the form of inflation. Excess liquid- serve plans to go, however this may ity in the money markets and rising be his continuing attempt to increase oil prices have been highlighted as the yield on long dated bonds. primary reasons for the current round of fiscal tightening. As interest rates In America, mortgage interest re- increase so does the savings ratio, payments are based on long dated whereby people will save more mon- bonds, which is 30 year debt is- ey and spend less, which removes sued by the government. Unlike the money from the economy and re- United Kingdom (4.5%) and Europe duces the excess liquidity. It should (2.25%) whose rates are set against also be pointed out that if the ECB short-term central bank base rates. do not raise rates now, if there was At the moment, in the US, the yield a serious global economic downturn, curve has inverted this is where the either as a result of bird flu or another yield on the 2-year debt (4.64%) is cause, then the ECB has no room for greater than the yield on the 30-year manoeuvre; given real interest rates debt (4.5%). This has been a pre- are very close to 0%. cursor for an economic recession in modern times and if the curve inverts I could not leave this month without even more than it has, it is currently mentioning the amazing strength he was pleased that the markets had because the European economies about 0.1% difference (10/02) this which continues to be shown in the understood his comment that the are outperforming at the moment, will become a serious issue for the stock markets across the world. The ECB were not beginning a series of because they are not. Recent GDP Federal Reserve. FTSE 100 in the United Kingdom monthly rate rises, so that is a gold (Gross Domestic Product) figures has reached 4 and half year highs star for all of us then. It looks how- from France and Germany still show We are only a few weeks away from above 5800. Will the short month ever that quarterly rises are on the annual growth at less than 1.5% the next European Central Bank of February and onset of spring see agenda as the ECB will look to have compared to the UK 1.8% and the (ECB) rate rise. In March Jean these markets stronger and stronger the European base rate at around 3% United States 3.3%, which has had Claude Trichet will crank up rates into 2006, at the moment I would not by the end of 2006. the devastating effects of Hurricane to 2.5% in his continued vigilance like to be standing in the way of this Katrina to deal with. against inflationary pressures. In his train. I have to point out these rises are not February press conference he said iFormat Freedom Mittal Steel to live free & Arcelor By Thanos Kalamidas By Satya Prakash

And just when I was ready to continue fighting for freedom of speech, explaining how a cartoonist works and how The New Year has not been particularly good for the board executives of Arcelor. Just days after wining the tough the idea for a cartoon comes, how much cartoonists love the challenge to provoke everything possible and how much fight with ThyssenKrupp AG for buying out the Canadian steel maker Dofasco Inc, they are again huddling in their cartoons from the 19th century have fought any kind of dictatorship, then came the proud British army to dismiss any board room. This time the predator has been turned into prey. argument I had.

The Chinese used to say that one know that a lot of what’s going on is picture has the value of a thousand not fair, we do recognize that and we words; well, the pictures published fight for your rights. The bid of Rotterdam based Mittal in the weekly ‘News of the World’ steel has stunned everyone includ- with British soldiers torturing Iraqi Actually, we even had to deal with ing Arcelor which has termed it youth in the middle of the street are the victorious election of Hamas in as hostile. Mittal steel, controlled worth thousands of embarrassments. Palestine. At the same time we were 88% by family of L N Mittal has The photos and the videos are from expecting our democratic govern- offered to buy shares of Arcelor 2004 and the timing to publish them ment to defend our right for free for Euros 18.6 billion in cash and might look a bit suspicious with all speech and expression dismissing shares. The steel industry has seen this going on with the Muslim world any idea of apologizing and then lot of mergers and consolidation in but it does not change the embarrass- came the British army making us de- past few years, Arcelor itself being ment and the disgust any normal hu- mand an apology and not only from a result of merger of steel compa- man should feel. Tony Blair or the British army, but nies of France, Luxembourg and from the whole west on what’s hap- Spain. But this bid has outshone all From the beginning I was against pened there. of them. the invasion of Iraq, even though I thought and still think that Saddam If certain Muslim states and Mus- If successful the combined entity was one of the worst dictators at that lim preachers are responsible for the will have total annual capacity of time. The occupation made it worse creation of small Bin Ladens, there is 115mn tones with the next biggest and it is proved that you don’t help nothing worse than us helping them being Nippon Steel of Japan having a nation by replacing a dictator with and unfortunately the British army capacity of 30mn tones. The hectic an occupying army because you hurt has just shown how these things hap- activity in steel industry started af- their national pride and Iraqis have pen. The promise of Tony Blair to ter Chinese demand lifted it from the same reasons to have national ‘investigate’ the whole event sounds slump. Since then the insatiable pride as any American or a Brit. like a joke after what happened last ‘professionals’, well educated and Chinese hunger has seen price year with all the photos from the pris- chosen carefully. Well, too much for Over the last month, all of us, includ- soaring and profits increasing by War is not good as a principal, armies ons and the joke punishments for the their education, their professionalism ing me, talked about how unfair the 30 to 35 % for most of the compa- are not good as a principal and hu- guilty soldiers. us to a question, why still Mittal steel. Secondly steel industry has increasing the price. This problem and their choices. Muslim world has not understood nies. At its peak the benchmark hot manity should do everything possible steel is trying to snap Arcelor? traditionally been supplier market would be solved for Mittal with the our values. Actually, most of us ex- rolled coil steel jumped from $200 to avoid conflict that costs lives, but How do you expect others to respect and Mittal would be able to restore takeover. The video and the photos show plained that we understand and re- per ton to $600 per ton which has war is here whether we like it or not our freedom of speech when we don’t There are few reasons. Though it to that level thus can tide over British soldiers kicking and hitting spect their values but they have to since fallen to around $500. and armies are here whether we like respect a superior value, the freedom Chinese production capacity is any slump. Thirdly, with economy Chances are high for takeover to go a group of young people - average understand ours and our respect to increasing by leaps and bounds it of scale it could lower overall oper- through as most of the share hold- it or not. The British army has often to live free? But this Chinese demand is also age 15-16 - in the middle of an Iraqi our institutions, and most of all to lacks good quality iron ore. It pur- ating expense and resist price hike ers of Arcelor are institutions and advertised its contrast of any other supported by huge production from street. If that was not enough, some- our institution for freedom in speech. chases most of the raw material (Arcelor has considerable mining they don’t love individual compa- army - and that has often been a hint Chinese companies. The output of body comments on the video sound- We tried to say that let’s separate from Brazil and Australia. In the presence) nies. There could be few hiccups to the American army - that they are China in 2005 being 349mn tones, ing like a sadist at his worst. what’s going on in Middle East, we merged scenario, by its sheer size, like opposition from French and it is estimated that by 2010 Chi- Mittal steel will have greater bar- The other reason could be that Luxembourg government. Mittal nese total production will be much gaining power over suppliers who Arcelor and Mittal were competing might also have to raise the price it higher than its total demand. This have increased their prices by 72% with each other (Ukraine’s state- is offering for each share. would lead to glut coupled with in recent times. This will give him owned Kryvorizhstal) in buying possibility of slump due to cyclical an edge over Chinese producers of out other steel companies thereby nature of steel market. This leads HoriZones Course language By Asa Butcher

“Learning the language will help you find a job. Learning the language will help you understand the culture. Learning the language will help you make friends. Learning the language, learning the language, learning the language…” Im- migrants arriving in Finland are forcibly encouraged to learn Finnish so that their integration into society is efficient and painless, but how effective are the language courses that they choose? use it, learning it from a book or us know what is going on around Most Finnish language courses are the society, “You’ll constantly be a even in a class isn’t the same as ac- us as everything here is in the lo- based upon the ‘level system’. For visitor in a strange land if you don’t tually using it.” cal language.” Justin’s course is example, beginners are classed at learn it,” states Phil. Upon arriving in Finland and over far more intensive, “This class is a Level 1 and the Employment Of- the years that follow, immigrants One of the courses that Kevin at- six month course and is five days a fice believes that Level 3 is good Even though Finnish is classed as can enrol on a number of different tended included a month’s work week, seven hours a day; it is just enough to find a job, although one of the hardest languages to courses offering them the chance experience, which he encourages Basic Finnish.” some students consider the system master, with 2,253 possible forms to further and improve their Finn- people to opt for, “You’ll learn flawed. “The system reflects my of the Finnish noun ‘kauppa’, and ish. Unemployed immigrants are more useful spoken Finnish and it The purpose of Justin’s course is to written Finnish, but not my spo- experts saying that it will vanish automatically enrolled on language is very good practice,” and he is help him integrate into the Finnish ken Finnish. I am meant to have by 2050, in the end learning a lan- courses arranged by the Employment not alone in his appraisal. Speak- community, “When I first moved level three written Finnish but I guage is merely about commitment Office, others choose the University ing Finnish in everyday life seems here I found it difficult just to go don’t think that my spoken level is and realising that you have to use of Helsinki, some have personal tu- to be the key to developing your shopping. In your home country, that high. I think there should be a your butt muscles and study, which tors and there are many more from skills, since many of the courses we take for granted how important change in the way that they grade is what many immigrants are do- which to select, but either way they falter in this area. Both Tony and communication and understand- you; they should maybe do an ing. On the other hand, it is strange all become students again. David Cord, a 33-year-old Ameri- ing is needed for the very basic oral test as well as a written test. It that immigrants are not offered the can, believe that there should be parts of life.” The realisation for would give a better overall picture chance to learn Finland’s other of- Whether the immigrant wants to more conversation-based courses better language skills comes when of your level.” ficial language, Swedish, which learn the language or not, they may on offer for those wanting to learn you receive the first electricity bill seems to be easier to learn, espe- find themselves in a classroom with Finnish. in Finnish, visit the doctor, attend Despite the many criticisms of the cially for the German speakers. twenty other adults, each of whom your child’s school play or read language courses, everybody felt has not been in a learning environ- There are difficulties when test- an instruction manual, as Justin that learning Finnish would im- ment for at least a decade. When the ing the skills learnt on a language said, “We take communication for prove their chances of finding em- teacher arrives and starts handing out course in public, “The problem I granted.” ployment and integrating fully into homework and tests to student/par- usually face is the pronunciation, ents/grandparents, the feeling of be- it can be complicated, which can ing back at school can become awk- then cause a misunderstanding ward and unnerving. with the person whom I am talking to. Sometimes it is also difficult if Having completed three languages somebody realises I am English, courses myself, my own experiences One of the most common complaints Many language courses fail to cover know a damn thing about Finnish!” then they’ll want to try to speak were just as mixed as anybody else the topic of swear words and other English to me, which doesn’t help had. I found myself doing art class- about the way Finnish is taught on courses is the obsessive focus upon daily slang that Finns use in con- Language course teachers often state when I am trying to practise speak- es, painting and drawing, because versation. We spent a whole day ing Finnish to them.” it was part of the course; it didn’t grammar compared to vocabulary. that they are just following the course “Some incorrect grammar here and learning about the verb ‘panna’, but guide or curriculum set out for them, teach me any Finnish, but my wife it wasn’t until I was practising at Many of the language courses try had something pretty to stick to the there won’t change the sentence so they have to teach the redundant too much, but not knowing a word home with my wife that I later learnt grammar in order for the students to teach Finnish to immigrants as fridge. Many of the other extracur- it didn’t only mean ‘to put’. Lan- though it was a high school class ricular attempts were misguided and does,” believes Phil Schwarzmann, to pass the written exam, but they a 26-year-old American, “The gram- guage courses teach a language, but have to cover all the necessary points and this can be patronising to a plain stupid, such as field trips to the they don’t teach the language that group of adults. The texts in the middle of wintry nowhere, but it was mar will be much, much easier once within the course duration because of you know vocabulary and can use Finns actually speak. For example, it this final exam. “They need to teach a books can be childish and bor- positive that the teachers tried some- took a long time to realise that very ing, but Phil suggests that more thing new. the grammar in sentences.” bit slower,” says Kevin, “Sometimes few Finns say ‘minun nimeni’, they the teacher speaks too quickly and effort should be put into making shorten it to ‘mun nime’ - far simpler, them more interesting, “Try to find Age is a key factor in learning a new Phil has completed a number of we can’t understand anything, es- courses and now has a tutor at work, but nobody ever taught me that. pecially when you are doing a basic something that interests you that language, since the younger students you want to read, such as a Finn- are able to retain new information who teaches him whatever he wants, course and know nothing; that can be “I concentrate on speaking and lis- Another criticism of language courses a problem.” ish newspaper, magazine or comic easier and are more likely to have is the fact that they are purely taught - you need to want to read some- the courage to practice their new- tening, while grammar is everything on the university courses.” Kevin in Finnish. “It’s a million times easier Many of the students who have com- thing.” found skills overcoming any embar- to learn Finnish with the help of the rassing mistakes, such as confusing Mitchell, a 29-year-old Englishman, pleted more than one course state adds that there is too much writing English language,” states Phil. “The that more speaking practice in the Ann Dee, a 26-year-old Indian, the words for women’s stockings and University of Helsinki would offer and Justin Titus, a 26-year-old thermal underwear. However, age and too much time spent sitting in a classroom would have been more classroom, “A lot of what the teacher lessons in English, but they need to beneficial, plus using the language American, are both on their first is not always the case since it also cater to everyone, even non-English language course. Ann has started a depends upon the student’s willing- explains is not needed in everyday outside of the classroom is essen- life, such as advanced grammar that speakers, but I have only been in a tial. Tony Watts, a 26-year-old Brit, three month two days a week class ness to participate and the method of class once where someone did not at the University Of Helsinki and teaching. is only used in Finnish writing, plus has lived in Finland for the last two they teach it all in Finnish.” speak any English. You can’t learn years, “During that time my Finnish is confident that it will help her Finnish in Finnish when you don’t has improved the most. You have to communicate better, “It will help HoriZones Biomechanics International By Nathan Hurst

It was the last home game of the season, and the Wisconsin Badgers had just been scored on and were now losing to the and the direction pushed. “What we’re getting is their preferred di- Iowa Hawkeyes. The football announcer’s voice crackled across the airwaves preceding the Hawkeyes’ ensuing kickoff, rection of force,” he said. In most “Now kicking into the wind, we’ll see how strong Kyle Schlicher’s leg really is,” he said. But he was only partly right. individuals, the direction they push forms a straight line from their foot through their center of balance, which is the point in their body about which their weight is evenly How far an athlete can kick a foot- distributed. ball, or throw a shot put, or how well he or she can perform almost any Stroke victims often have difficulty event depends on much more than walking, even years after they have muscle strength. Form, angle, physi- recovered. Many exhibit peculiar ology, and biomechanics are hidden gait, and have health problems as- factors that play important roles in sociated with it. Gruben looked at dictating how well an athlete can do the direction of force in stroke vic- his job, and even how well a person tims, and noticed an important dif- can walk or balance. ference. It didn’t go through their center of balance. One of the areas these factors have been used and studied is the therapy To see why this is important, imag- of stroke victims, who often have ine being seated in a car on a Fer- trouble walking. It now seems likely ris wheel. The center of balance is that their problems are directly re- the hinge it is mounted on. If an lated to the brain’s ability to control attendant pushes on the car directly muscle movement. towards the hinge, it won’t move. However, if he shifts and pushes a “For much of athletics, what’s more little more upwards or downwards, important is control, how that force the car will begin to swing. generated by the muscle is regu- lated,” said Kreg Gruben, professor It is the same with walking. If your of biomedical engineering at the body isn’t pushing off the ground generate force, or simply ‘become National Collegiate Athletic As- lift their heels much higher, short- University of Wisconsin-Madison. in line with the center of balance, active’. But which is it? This could sociation Division III Cross Coun- ening the length of the lever that Biologists have explored how nerves the natural tendency will be to apply to athletics, Gruben said, but try Coach of the Year. He records is their leg, and leading to quicker connect muscles to the brain, and rotate, and your head will end up perhaps not yet. video of runners and analyzes it to turnover and faster top speed, ex- how they cause muscles to activate, where your feet were. but they don’t yet understand how “I think we need to get those ques- help them become more efficient. plained Witt. tions answered before we ask why the nervous system controls those To keep from going head over one person can perform better than “What we try to do is to look at any A distance runner requires less actions. heels, stroke victims compensate others,” he said. of the things the individuals do that force, but over a longer time. Witt by using their muscles and joints are not taking advantage of phys- pointed out that while not as im- “That’s why these factors are hid- in different ways, and often require In spite of all that remains un- ics,” he said. “My job is to look at portant as certain other physical den,” he went on. “We don’t know physical therapy to correct it. Un- known, a coach or an athlete work- these people and find the mistakes aspects of an athlete, biomechan- how the control works.” The actual fortunately, the gait they are trying ing on improving athletic ability they are making so we can rem- ics can make as much as a 10 to 15 mechanics are solvable using the to correct is only a symptom, and is not operating completely in the edy them and make sure they are percent difference in performance, laws of physics, but Gruben’s work other compensations must be made dark. Gruben let on that there is maximizing how efficient they can or three minutes over a 30-minute attempts to go beyond combining unless the ultimate cause is fixed. some truth in the methods that have be.” That is biomechanics. Biome- cross country race. He compared a physics and biology, and reaching That’s where muscular control been used for many years. chanics means applying the laws of runner to the engine of a car. “Hav- into neurology as a way to under- back up and back up.” He started the past, that meant observing the ac- ously. So Gruben took a different comes in. stand movement of the human body. with a simple action, walking, and tion of walking and measuring eve- approach. physics to biological systems. ing an efficient engine is not going One man who has been using those to make up for having less horse- had to dissect it completely. rything possible about it. That was When the brain sends a signal to a methods is Rick Witt, coach of the The form Witt’s runners use is not power, but if you have similar en- The problem was that he was in un- especially difficult because walking He isolated a simpler task involved muscle, it can be telling the muscle University of Wisconsin-Stevens universal. For example, the form of gines and one is tuned up and one is charted territory. “What do we “To understand how people walk, is very complicated, with many dif- in walking. A seated subject would one of a few different things. The Point men’s track and field and a sprinter differs significantly from not, which one is going to win?” know?” he asked. “I looked, and you want to understand first how ferent muscle actions that a persons push with his or her foot on a pedal signal can mean shorten, stiffen, what I had to do was back up and people generate force,” he said. In brain must coordinate simultane- that measured both the force exerted, cross country teams, and 1996 that of a distance runner. Sprinters fArt And the winner is… Hollywood By Asa Butcher

The red carpet is being vacuumed and the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles is being buffed to a shine in preparation for the 78th Academy Awards on Sunday, March 5th. Saturday Night Live’s Jon Stewart will be the host and there seems to be no sign of Peter Jackson, Clint Eastwood or Russell Crowe in the top categories. Discussion surrounding the possible Hollywood since it deals with Sena- goes music winner of the Best Motion Picture of tor Joseph McCarthy whom caused the Year has leaned heavily towards a great deal of misery in the 1950s By Thanos Kalamidas the gay cowboys of ‘Brokeback with the Hollywood Blacklist. The Mountain’, but there are four oth- story has the journalistic feel of ‘All ers in contention. ‘Capote’, ‘Crash’, the President’s Men’, which lost to It seems that something is going on in Hollywood with biographies of musicians. Not that I have anything against ‘Good Night, and Good Luck’ and ‘Rocky’ in 1977 and that was also it but somehow it seems that after ‘Amadeus’ something happened. I thought about writing an iKritic about the new ‘Munich’ave a chance of scooping written by actor-turned-screenwriter film biography of Johnny Cash, I decided to check what’s going on. the Oscar and thanking everybody Sylvester Stallone. they have ever met. 1984 - Milos Forman presents the I have seen 60 of the previous 77 Best Munich (2005) - Steven Spielberg, classic ‘Amadeus’, an epic film that Picture winners, and only missed Kathleen Kennedy, Barry Mendel goes through the life and death of three from the last thirty years, so Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Espe- it is appropriate to apply some Best Spielberg always has a seat at the cially the end brought a lot of con- Picture winner criteria and attempt Academy Awards and this year he has troversy and disagreement since to guess who will win this year. In- a number of the criteria up his sleeve. it hinted murder and not a natural cidentally, I have not seen any of the Running at 164 minutes, the film end. The film received eight Acad- five nominees, so this is all based on is the longest of all five nominees, emy Awards and became a classic. alternative factors. deals with a true event and involves the two-time winner and seven-times 1987 - ‘La Bamba’ and the begin- Brokeback Mountain (2005) nominated director of ‘Schindler’s ning of Rock and Roll. Ritchie - Diana Ossana, James Schamus List’. However, when compared Valens died when he was just 17- how do you award the man who co- to ‘Capote’ and ‘ Good Night, and ther’ and ‘Dances with Wolves’. years-old in the same plane ac- Strongly tipped to be the winner this created the TV series ‘Walker, Texas Good Luck’ the subject matter is not Books usually mean that the story cident that killed another Rock & year, but why? The Academy has a Ranger’? as Oscar friendly, especially when it is based upon true events and this is Roll legend, Buddy Holly. The strong history of choosing movies They may feel that a film about a involves Israelis, Palestinians and the the case of ‘Capote’, based upon The rocker that combined South Ameri- with taboo themes that challenge the racially and economically diverse 1972 Olympic Games in Munich. New Yorker reporter Truman Ca- can tradition with Rock and made ideas of Hollywood and society, such group deserves an Oscar, but I think pote. True stories are a favourite of La Bamba a hit that survives even as ‘In The Heat Of The Night’, ‘Mil- it is against stronger competition Because I have not seen any of the the Academy with films such as ‘A today. lion Dollar Baby’, ‘The Deer Hunter’ five nominees, I do not know wheth- Beautiful Mind’, ‘Schindler’s List’ criteria wise. Additionally, it is 113 and ‘Midnight Cowboy’. Homosexu- minutes long which is no-man’s land er any of the main actors or actresses and ‘Patton’ proving the rule. How- 1988 - Clint Eastwood, passionate ality does feature in ‘Midnight Cow- in terms of past winners, especially dies at the end. If I knew that then I ever, ‘Capote’ is against ‘Munich’ about Jazz music, directed ‘Bird’, boy’ with its naive male prostitute when you see that ‘Chicago’ was the could confidently tell you who will and ‘ Good Night, and Good Luck’, the film hymn to Charlie Parker, and then there’s the tentative cowboy same length and that certainly did win the Best Motion Picture of the which are both inspired by true sto- the best saxophonist ever. The sax- connection. not deserve to beat ‘Gangs of New Year, since that signifies a sure fire ries. ophone overtakes anything else in The film has a couple of additional York’, ‘The Hours’, ‘The Lord of the winner. If you are dubious then check obsession in the details, gives a is called ‘Backbeat’. It’s all about musician. Unfortunately, I believe that its short the film and the star Forest Whitak- factors in its favour, such as it is not Rings: The Two Towers’ and ‘The out the Best Picture winners from the fantastic film. their first period when they played running time of 98 minutes will dam- er had to take countless saxophone the first Western in the running for Pianist’. past ten years: in small clubs and in Hamburg. The 2004 - It was the turn of another age its chances of success, since only lessons to look as believable as the an Oscar after ‘Dances with Wolves’ Lord of the Rings: The Return Of The 1993 - Suddenly controversy inside music and the memories for most great musician, Cole Porter. The two out the last thirty won with du- Bird on the scenes, who was fa- and ‘Cimarron’. Over the last thirty Good Night, and Good Luck (2005) King - Gollom (Andy Serkis) dies Disney productions; a film that is of us do everything! film ‘De Lovely’ goes through his rations under 100 minutes - ‘Driving mous for how long he kept going years, nineteen films with running - Grant Heslov Chicago - I emotionally died not so much for kids and the first life, his romantic spirit and his life Miss Daisy’ and ‘Annie Hall’. This is without breathing. times of over 130 minutes have won Gladiator - Maximus (Russell one in a list to follow from the 1994 - In the same year another with his wife Linda. only director Bennett Miller’s second and ‘Brokeback Mountain’ comes The second nominee under 100-min- Crowe) and Commodus (Joaquin same production company. ‘What’s style of music, the classics of the film of his career and he is in good 1989 - Another controversial per- in at 134. Ang Lee, the director, utes and it is also directed by some- Phoenix) die Love Got To Do With It’ is about 20th century and the classic name 2006 - And finally ‘Walk the Line’ company, Rob Marshall (‘Chicago’), sona of the golden age of Rock & has never won an Oscar despite a one that has only two cinematic di- American Beauty - Lester Burnham Tina and Ike Turner, featuring the of music as a whole, ‘Immortal Be- with Johnny Cash, the singer of the Sam Mendes (‘American Beauty’), Roll. ‘Great Balls of Fire’ and Jerry nomination in 2001, and only Steven rectorial credits, but there is a twist. (Kevin Spacey) dies domestic violence and music. Ike loved’ and the life of Ludwig van American proletariat. Currently, James L Brooks (‘Terms of Endear- Lee Lewis show his unexpected Spielberg has won before among the George Clooney is not only actor- Titanic - Jack Dawson (Leonardo Di- made a lot of classics for Soul, Beethoven starring a fantastic Gary there are many others under pro- ment’), Hugh Hudson (‘Chariots of love affairs and the scandals cover five directors. turned-director, but he is also starring Caprio) dies Blues and Rock music but he was Oldman. In this film the director is duction including ‘Dream Girls’ Fire’) and Michael Cimino (‘The the best part of the film, but the in his own film. Laurence Olivier The English Patient - Katharine shown as a monster in the film. trying to find a part of the compos- about the life and the career of the Deer Hunter’) all won Best Picture music is there and Lewis plays the Capote (2005) - Caroline Baron, began this Oscar-winning trend in Clifton (Kristin Scott Thomas) dies Domestic violence is not anything er’s rich love life but the music is members of the women’s group Su- with their first or second picture, so scene with his hands and his feet. William Vince, Michael Ohoven Braveheart - William Wallace (Mel good or to be proud of, but it seems everywhere. premes and finally a film about an- Miller has a good chance. 1948 with ‘Hamlet’ and has since been followed by Clint Eastwood, Gibson) dies like Tina got her revenge with this other tragic figure of Rock & Roll, 1991 - Oliver Stone with Val Kilmer The strength of a ‘Capote’ win is due Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, Robert Forrest Gump - Jenny Curran (Robin film. 2004 - Jamie Foxx is ‘Ray’ or bet- Janis Joplin. Crash (2004) make a film about the greatest poet to the film being based upon a book, Redford and Woody Allen. Mel won Penn) dies ter Ray Charles. The blind soul - Paul Haggis, Cathy Schulman of Rock & Roll, king lizard the one which none of the other nominees can at the second time of trying, while 1994 - Iain Softley makes a film and blues piano player and com- So it seems Hollywood loves music and only James Douglas Morrison, claim. Fifteen of the last thirty Best Redford and Costner struck gold the Therefore, I spy the winner of the about the group that made their poser. Jamie Foxx plays the young biographies. The good news is that After ‘Sideways’ took the Oscar for using the name of his group, The Picture winners were inspired by lit- first time out. 78th Best Picture winner to be: Ca- name synonymous to the word mu- musician who tries to learn all the all the films, till now, were carefully Best Writing (Screenplay Based on Doors. His love story, his passion, erature, including ‘The Lord of the This is one of the three nominees pote sic for the second half of the 20th secrets from the big master and he made with respect to the musicians Material Previously Produced or his madness and the tragic end are Rings: The Return of the King’, ‘The based upon a book and a true story. century, the Beatles and the film takes us through the life of the great and most of all to their fans. Published), the Academy may feel there. Oliver Stone, known for his Silence of the Lambs’, ‘The Godfa- they owe Paul Haggis a statuette, but The story is particularly poignant to fArt Hey Diddle Diddle Connections Pales- By Asa Butcher

No recognisable words have escaped the lips of my seven-month-old daughter as of yet, but she is experimenting with an assortment of noises that make Mummy and Daddy giddy with parental excitement. We have realised that the near future will bring us face to face with our own childhood as we start reciting nursery rhymes with which we grew up. tiniansBy Thanos Kalamidas and Israelis

Nursery rhymes are believed to aid the I’m not sure if this article should go in fArt, our artistic section, or iFormat, our politics and current events section; development of vocabulary and counting skills, while specific actions and dances that’s because I’m going to talk about a meeting of archeologists in Athens. The meeting was organized by the associated with particular songs develop Greek Institute of Communication and the participants were the Palestinian workshop for the protection of mosa- coordination and memory. Therefore, my ics, the Israeli bureau for the ancient heritage and the technical institute of Cyprus. wife is teaching Finnish songs from her own childhood, which has left the English classics to me and I can’t remember more These people met under the shad- cessity to protect all these ancient smile thinking that the internet not picture of the Acropolis in his soul; than a couple for the life of me. ow of the Acropolis and with a lot monuments. only helps genders to communicate it doesn’t matter when was the last of help from the ancient spirit of but the Israelis with the Palestin- time he or she saw Greece. Let me see… Rub a dub dub, Humpty Socrates they found out that they The land of Israel and Palestine is ians also. Dumpty had a little lamb and Little Bo had more in common than they hosting a great part of human his- Let’s hope the very same shadow Peep has lost her sheep, the cow jumped ever thought. First of all to protect tory, including Byzantine times, We Greeks know well what it means of the Acropolis will help Pales- over the moon and the mouse ran up the the heritage of the land they have Christianity and the birth place of to carry a heavy heritage. Each one tinians and Israelis to understand clock. London Bridge is falling down and to live together. The word ‘protect’ Christ and, in the end, all the Mus- of us feels it, feels responsible for that despite all their problems they Jill came tumbling after, Old Mother Hub- when it comes to their case is a dif- lim monuments. The place is really the past and the future of this herit- have responsibilities in front of bard and Old King Cole were merry old ficult issue since there is a war that the place where civilizations and age and we have given our battles the world’s history, and there are souls, out came the sun and dried up the never ends in this land. A real war religions meet. through the centuries to keep it and monuments in their land to remind ten thousand men, but how many were with rockets and tanks. give it to our kids. Our history and them. Last, if they want to prevent going to St Ives? As a reporter noticed that at least the monuments that are the mate- the destruction of these monuments The programme that started in- they talked, they agreed that only rial size of our history are there to they have to do something now and My guess is that I need some practice cluded 19 Israelis, 15 Palestinians cooperation can help and they remind us all the time and I don’t do it together. separating Little Miss Muffet from Simple and 12 Greek and Cypriot arche- made the first steps by exchanging think there is a Greek anywhere in Simon, but so long as my daughter holds ologists, and it came out of the ne- e-mails. Something that made me this world who doesn’t carry the off the verbal there is plenty of time to learn the knick-knack, paddy whacks with the help of the Bumper Book of Nursery Rhymes. Upon first flicking through the pages, nostalgia overwhelmed my senses and I could picture days at playschool chanting them repeatedly.

After a closer inspection, I discovered many to be completely nonsensical. For tation with the nimbleness of Jack jump- none of the “symptoms” described by the example, one of favourite nursery rhymes ing over the candlestick. What can I say ‘Georgie Porgie, Puddin’ and Pie’ is poem even remotely correlate to those of as a kid was ‘Rub a dub dub’ because it to ease her inquisitiveness? Why can’t I thought to originate either from the mad- the Bubonic plague, and the first record of featured my surname, but reading it now remember my parents reading that part to ness of King George III or the womanis- the rhyme’s existence was not until 1881. made me exclaim words that my daughter me? Maybe they had no answer either, so ing George IV. ‘Goosey Goosey Gander’ Oh well. should not be learning: used an alternative version. refers to Oliver Cromwell and his Round- heads, ‘ Little Miss Muffet’ is claimed to It is time to put aside all this history re- Rub-a-dub-dub, A quick Google search revealed that the refers to Mary, Queen of Scots, who was search and begin to concentrate on bring- Three men in a tub, so-called origin is based upon poking fun said to have been frightened by John ing the words of dozens of nursery rhymes And how do you think they got there? at men who used to enjoy watching three Knox, a Scottish religious reformer in the back to the surface of my memory. I think The butcher, the baker, naked maidens in a tub at an old sideshow 16th century. Urban legend or truth is in I’ll start with an easy one, like ‘Itsy Bitsy The candlestick-maker, attraction in local fairs. In fact, many of the the eye of the etymologist. Spider’…doesn’t that one have some ac- They all jumped out of a rotten potato, famous nursery rhymes seem to poke fun tions to learn too? Damn! ‘Twas enough to make a man stare. at many historical figures. Did you know I had always thought that ‘Ring-a-ring of that it is believed that ‘Hey Diddle Diddle’ Rosies’ is a reference to the Great Plague, ‘They all jumped out of a rotten potato’, is based upon a sex scandal in the court of but it was with shock I discovered that this excuse me? When I read that for the first Queen Elizabeth I? has been widely discredited. Apparently, time to her, she will pounce on my hesi- Sports Ceremonially Sex and referees By Thanos Kalamidas

Do you know what death and sex have in common? Three things, they can both happen just anywhere, both end with a groan and in both cases you are dead afterwards. Watching some sports events lately I found out that there is another one who has somehow common things with sex. Football referees. They screw football, they screw football, and they screw crazy football. By Asa Butcher

Men dressed like sperm, ballroom couples dressed as cows, loads of Italian classical music, the super sexy Sophia Loren, a dove created out of men in white jumpsuits, amazing pyrotechnics and two billion people simultaneously exclaiming, “Isn’t that Yoko Ono?”

The 20th Winter Olympics in Turin As a principal I always defended surpassed the ridiculous benchmark referees because in football they are that audiences now expect for opening the third element aside with the two ceremonies and we still have the clos- teams. They are the human factor in ing ceremony to come. A mere £28.5 the game with their good times and million was spent on the ‘spectacle’, their mistakes. It’s logically impossi- ‘extravaganza’, call it what you will, ble for one man to see everything hap- and an estimated two billion people pening between twenty two men in a watched worldwide - I am assuming whole stadium. He can do as much as the three billion that live on less than his physical strength lets him do. two dollars a day missed impressive firework finale. And I thought that that’s how far they can go. But obviously they have far Opening ceremonies all have those more power since after over ninety special moments, even Turin im- minutes of running up and down they pressed me with a moving ski jumper manage to screw football as well. made up of hundreds of volunteers and an F1 racing car burning dough- I don’t agree with this idea for a chip nuts, but they all reach a point where that shows when a player does some- you think, ‘What the hell is going on?’ thing, I don’t agree either with the Everything becomes surreal and arty idea of watching all the game through as the organisers attempt to symbol- videos. That will eliminate the hu- ise Italy’s history and culture through man factor from the game and what’s precision flag-waving, choreography, next, mechanical players who are pro- music and light. grammed in fair play?

How many of the two billion stayed I hate what Maradona did in the 1986 tuned for the duration is unknown, game with England, scoring using his how many stay sat on their sofa hand and I hate watching some play- as 2,500 grinning athletes from 84 ers start falling from the center of the countries parade around the stadium stadium and landing just in front the waving at anything that moves, while goalkeeper. I accept it as a part of the 1970’s disco music is blasted over game. I accept that the referee makes the PA system. Who couldn’t stifle mistakes as long his mistakes don’t a laugh as the combined number of target the same players and the same athletes of the first ten countries still team all the time just because their un- failed to match Canada? Sadly, I saw ion, organization or whatever else you the Finnish team march through and want to call it has issues with one or missed both the Great Britain team another player or team. and South and North Korea marching poor ticket sales and spiralling costs Two years will see Beijing tackle the can’t just have the stadium’s caretaker together in a show of unity. of £17 million were the real reason, opening ceremony of the 2008 Sum- take out his disposable lighter, light I find it unbelievable when a referee but I could not be happier. Football mer Olympics and we will be treated the Olympic flame and growl, “Okay, publicly states that he doesn’t like Earlier this year, Germany announced fans want to watch football, not 5,000 to a multi-million pound ‘spectacular you can start now.” a player, naming the certain player that it had cancelled the World Cup’s sparkly dancers churning up the pitch spectacle’ with a mass of hypocritical who is actually a historic member of opening gala due to fears it would with their mass representation of a sentiments from the Chinese, although a team. I don’t understand a referee damage the Olympiastadion pitch. soccer ball. I guess the firework display will be who’s saying publicly that he is a fan The German press had speculated that good. It is a shame that for once we of a certain team. But again these are with all these millions moving inside I suppose there are ways to correct that things you get a lot lately. Sometimes them screwing some teams and most football I can imagine that they feel a and after all what supposedly made I think that referees become the ones of all football. bit left out. them become referees is their love of who failed as football players, and the sport. So please find a way to stop iKritic Spicing up history By Asa Butcher

A Touch of Spice (2003) (Politiki kouzina / Πολίτικη Κουζίνα) Directed & written by Tassos Boulmetis

Pepper...is hot and scorches, just like the sun Salt...is used as needed to spice up one’s life Cinnamon...is bitter and sweet, just like a woman

My experience with Greek films be- socially and emotionally, each of A Touch of Spice is a beautiful film gins with Zorba the Greek and ends which is clearly portrayed during the Once again, if it hadn’t been for Th- that deserves to be mentioned in the with My Big Fat Greek Wedding, so film. One of most poignant scenes anos’ knowledge about the making of same breath as many of the other for- you could say that Hellenic cinema is when Fanis’ father states why the this film, I would never have realised eign cinema greats. You don’t need is like a stranger to me. Today that grandfather will never leave Constan- that many of the shots are computer- to have a Thanos sat next to explain- stranger introduced himself, proceed- tinople to visit them in Athens and generated. The two aerial shots that ing everything or know much about ed to serve 108-minutes of bittersweet this is immediately after one of the introduce 1960’s Constantinople and Greek/Turkish history, my only sug- Greek modern history and departed as funniest scenes in the movie. Thee Athens are amazing, while the grand- gestion is to eat beforehand because a new best friend. many bittersweet moments during the father’s spice shop is a place I would all the food on screen will drive you movie reflect the emotions that these love to visit - you could almost smell crazy with hunger. A Touch of Spice is the title you’ll Greeks suffered during that period of the spice. need to remember at the DVD store their history…and even now. because its quality matches that of Cinema Paradiso, Jean De Florette I was lucky enough to watch the film and La Vita e Bella; that’s how ac- with Thanos, who provided his own complished this movie is. The story ‘Director’s Commentary’ that gave absorbed me so much that my mind further insight into the historical and forgot it was reading subtitles, plus cultural situations, plus allowed me an did not realise when two characters insight into his own history. Thanos started speaking English. identified with many of the situations that Fanis faced, while director and In the same style as Cinema Parad- writer Tassos Boulmetis based the iso, the film follows Fanis Iakovides movie on his own personal experienc- (Georges Corraface) as he returns to es, which makes me understand why his roots in Constantinople (Istanbul) this movie became the biggest box of- in order to visit his ailing grandfather. fice hit in Greece with more than one The film rewinds three decades to life million tickets sold. in the city when Fanis was just a little boy spending all his time in his grand- A whole generation of Greeks lived father’s spice shop. His grandfather and still clearly remember this period teaches Fanis about the importance of of their history, which left me shocked spice, in both life and food, while liv- at some points because it is difficult ing under the rule of the Turks. to comprehend some of the situations in which the Iakovides family found The Turkish government decree that themselves. If it hadn’t been for Th- thousands of Greeks, including Fanis’ anos confirming my doubts, I couldn’t father, are to be deported back to have believed seeing a line of tanks Greece, so the family pack up leaving outside a Greek train station. the grandfather behind. In Greece, the family are continually called Turks I am not familiar with Greek or Turk- and suffer from the rules and regula- ish actors, but I was impressed with tions of the dictatorship, but through- each of the different actors that por- out all the problems that Fanis and his trayed Fanis, especially Markos Osse family face there are the meals, each who played Little Fanis. He was very more spectacular than the last. sweet and was lucky enough to have some of the best scenes of the movie, Food is at the heart of the Greek fam- such as the aforementioned train se- ily, it is used politically, romantically, quence. iKritic

GetBy Thanos Kalamidas creative

Adobe® Creative Suite 2

total turn to Corel Draw making They did succeed to a certain level, ter than this. I’ve been wondering putting in their suite the program Every time you are facing the name Adobe there are two programs coming to mind: Photoshop and Reader. Over the last it one of the most popular vector but when it comes to professionals if there are any users of this pro- Corel Ventura. Soon they realized three years Adobe followed the competition by selling the programs as a packet and selling them all together in a more programs. Both the programs still it is all about QuarkXpress. Some- gram when there is Macromedia that it was not only a case of price economic format. Anybody who has anything to do with design or photography, Adobe Photoshop is simply a must and lead the market of vector programs how it was the market’s revenge for Dreamweaver. I don’t want to write but it was what a program offers despite all the efforts of companies Photoshop’s prices. If your work is anything else about this program, to the professional and what result Adobe Reader is another must for a wider audience, since every document comes in Adobe Reader format or better in PDF like Macromedia and their Free- to make visit cards and small pizze- since I’m sure that even Adobe has you get when you have to present format, nowadays. hand. ria menus and brochures, In-Design realized that this is a joke. your work to your client, who un- is perfect, if you have further de- derstands nothing about Adobe or As Adobe says in the introduction of ages to compare. Adobe Reader is another of the heavy the suite. Personally, I like them both equally. mands and you want a professional Adobe Photoshop is a good reason Corel. They stopped producing it the package, the biggest change in weapons from Adobe. I think it must I find Corel very easy and Illustra- result just buy QuarkXpress. Ado- to make this Adobe Creative suite and the program disappeared. this new version is the ability for all Corel tried with Corel Photo Paint but be with MS windows one of the most Adobe Illustrator has become the most tor useful when I want to combine be’s excuse that it is cheaper sounds a must-get for every professional. the programs to perfectly commu- never came even close to it. The best popular programs for users, both PC popular vector program after Adobe Photoshop with a vector program. quite stupid next to the compari- Still, and as I said earlier, the suite Since then, Corel has totally fo- nicate between them. Adobe Bridge thing about Photoshop is the easy use and Mac. There seems to be no docu- targeted designers and architects. The competition has led them both sons, such as Illustrator Corel Draw is not enough for any professional. cused on what they are good at: is the tool that takes you through all of layers and the perfect tools for the ment that is not in PDF format and Ever since the beginning, the majority to have nearly the same tools and or Photoshop, Photo Paint. You need other programs that can vector programs. They invest in that with its major advance: the good path. There are tens of effects in the even communication between print- of designers were Mac users and the effects. Before Illustrator became make your work worth printing or brilliant programs like Corel Paint- color settings and communication be- program and far more in the market ing companies and designers, due to truth is that it took a long time for PCs part of the Adobe suite it was ex- Adobe GoLive, I suppose they publishing. er and Corel Bryce. Perhaps Adobe tween the programs. However, since you can buy at a very small cost, but digital montage and digital printing, to become equally trustworthy with pensive and not a good buy com- needed to add a joke because only should follow the example and in- Ovi magazine is not part of Adobe’s I always thought what Adobe offers happens with PDF files. the Macs and that’s mainly due to the pared to Corel, which was much as a joke you can deal with this pro- A few years ago, Corel tried to enter vest in programs they know how to promotion team let’s see the parts of and a little imagination is more than unstable MS Windows if anything cheaper and in some things much gram. Even MS FrontPage is bet- the market of publishing programs do and make the cost of their suite this suite. enough to make it work. Acrobat professional is the key for this else, but this is a long conversation we better. For a professional, both are a communication and the extra you get can have another time. must since each one can do magic, First of all, Adobe’s programs have Colors are perfect in Photoshop and in the suite from the Reader you can but when they cooperate you can always been expensive and thanks to if you have a well-calibrated screen download for free on the net. Reader Continuing an unreasonable policy, make miracles. the competition, especially Corel Co., you know exactly what you are go- is the translator to any document to Adobe was always publishing the Adobe offers the whole suite at a pret- ing to get in the end, either in print PDF. Even competitive programs Mac version of the program a few Adobe In-Design is like QuarkX- ty reasonable price. Pretty reasonable or on the net. Anything more I write have to be compatible with Adobe months before the PC version follow- press, which is the leader among does not mean a good price. Still, the will be nothing other than a hymn to Acrobat. Alike Adobe Photoshop, it ing the other unexplained snobbism the publishing programs and, like product is, without a good excuse, ex- a program I consider a must to every has easy tools and is easy to navigate of Macs towards PCs. This continued Photoshop, the rest disappear pensive. It becomes a must for many professional. making it work for your needs. It is an till Corel came out with the program somewhere in the nowhere, which professionals and, in other articles in excellent program, another must from Corel Draw. The PC users made the is why Adobe is forcing In-Design the past, I have explained why I think into the package. Adobe In-Design these programs are unreasonably ex- is a good try, good for students to pensive and how difficult it is for a learn how publishing programs new graphic designer to be equipped work. When it comes to real life with all the necessary programs. and real printing In-Design has its faults. By putting all the programs in the same pack, Adobe does one thing For example, the color from the only, it forces you to buy programs photograph you try to recreate us- that under different circumstances you ing the In-Design palette might would have never choose. You would look fine on the screen but when have never had inside your compu- it comes to print it is a totally dif- ter even as beta version and I’m sure ferent story and a bad one. Adobe many professionals haven’t bothered In-Design has a tool that makes to install them even now. a shadow and it is promoted as the extra thing, but if you want to Adobe Photoshop is the flagship of make a good shadow why use a Adobe. Without overdoing it I can say publishing program? Why not use only one thing, Adobe Photoshop is Photoshop that specializes and is the perfect image program. It’s simple Adobe again. and it does nearly everything and if there is something it doesn’t do, with QuarkXpress is an expensive pro- a little imagination you can make it do gram, even more expensive than it. I have used Photoshop for over ten Adobe’s programs and that’s what years and even though I think I have Adobe tried to use to earn a place tried everything else, nothing man- in the publishing programs market. iBite In a televised interview, Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian prime minis- ter, compared himself with Napoleon saying that he has done more than the emperor for the world.

He should stick to comparing their heights otherwise his Waterloo is not far, only a month!!!

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Then Berlusconi said that he is the Christ of politics.

Ok. The man has issues. He keeps forgetting small details. Christ was crucified! And there are doubts if Berlusconi’s father is God to help him in the resurrection.

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This thing with the cartoons, is it going to include Berlusconi pre- tending to be Christ? Are we going to see Christians demonstrating and boycotting spaghetti around the world?

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An issue about sexuality and iBite feels…extreme sexy, that’s the excuse for the photo!!! Iran resumes with nuclear enrichment despite in- ternational disagreement and threats. ********* Who threatens whom? “The ideal woman should have Nicole Kidman’s laughter, the per- sonality of Julia Roberts and aspects of Michelle Pfeiffer. And fi- ********** nally, the ambition of Jennifer Lopez,” actor George Clooney said in an interview. Report finds that the US government knew about Hurricane Katrina before. What about sexuality man? What’s wrong with you? Let’s see, Jen- nifer Lopez’s sexuality, Pamela Anderson’s….better leave it! Yes, they had asked Rumsfeld and he had assured them that it was a case of months. Just like Hur- ********** ricane Iraq.

Brokeback Mountain. **********

No comment! In a hunting accident Rumsfeld shot a friend of his, instead of a bird. ********** That’s the idea; don’t waste any bullet, even if you Has anybody from Africa ever won any medal at the Winter Olym- miss the bird! pics? Why have I the feeling that they should call them the WASPs Olympics? **********

It might be because the Scandinavians are protestants? From the media, they were listening into mobile telephone calls. ********** If they were listening to mine, can they pay the There is one Greek in Turin, maybe he was practicing skiing on bill as well? sand in some island. He was 88th in the 20 km cross country, 88 athletes all together!!! ********** Countries with tradition in winter ski! The Olympic spirit. Is crick- et an Olympic sport? This is a very sexy magazine!

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Bird flu is spreading all around south Europe. I mean sexual sexy, sexuality sexual sexy!!!

From now it is dangerous to call somebody ‘chicken’. Have fun … I mean, have sex! **********