October 16, 2012 - Uvm, Burlington, Vt Uvm.Edu/~Watertwr - Thewatertower.Tumblr.Com
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volume 12 - issue 7 - tuesday, october 16, 2012 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr - thewatertower.tumblr.com by laurafrangipane I rarely fi nd characteristics about someone that drive me this bonkers. I re- member when this began though. It began the moment I caught glimpse of you in (500) Days of Summer, a romantic com- edy that was neither light-hearted nor particularly heartwarming because your character, Summer, breaks Tom Hansen’s (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) heart in two and then stomps on it, and stomps and stomps and stomps. Like Tom, I fell in love with your impossibly blue eyes, twee 1950s out- fi ts, bouncy bangs, and voice that sounded like syrup boiling on the stove. And then we saw, Zooey, what you are capable of. Destruction. Th at not-wanting-a-commit- ment move? It’s the fucking pits, man. And then, Zooey, I learned more about you. And I cannot say the scales ever tipped in your favor aft er that brief hour of delu- sion. You are everywhere now, as America has fallen in love with your “manic pixie dream girl” spirit, a girl who will never grow up and who is just playing grown up. You are defenseless, weak, and appear to need to be helped. Th e thing that bugs me, Zooey, is that you are a rich actress. You have means and opportunity off ered to you, and yet, you seem to never be act- ing: you play the same character on screen as you do in real life. Where does Zooey end and Jess on New Girl begin? I would by lizcantrell argue, you are one and the same. You pick up roles that are stale, and nearly always set On Wednesday of last week, the Su- ered as factor in the admissions process in UT Austin employs a “Top Ten Pro- to indie music; you have no intention to preme Court heard arguments for Fisher order to supplement a university’s eff orts gram,” in which the university automati- diversify either yourself or your roles. Th is v. University of Texas Austin, one of the to create a diverse student body. Th is case cally accepts the top 10% of all public high seems talentless, to merely be yourself on most contentious cases of this year, maybe determined that racial quotas were un- school graduates. For remaining Texas screen, especially when that is something even for the Roberts Court. Abigail Noel constitutional, but a “critical mass” of ra- students and out of state applicants, the ad- annoying and also encouraging women to Fisher, who was denied admission at missions process operates on an in- be doormats in their relationships. University of Texas at Austin in 2008, if the supreme court agrees that she dividual basis, and race is one of the Crying is not a solution. Teachers is challenging the university’s use of factors (though it is not supposed to don’t dress like 20-something Brooklyn race in its admissions process. Abigail was denied admission based on her be the deciding one, as stated by the blipsters as Jess does. Your constant sing- Noel Fisher is white, and if the Su- race, affi rmative action could take a Supreme Court in Grutter). ing—in character and out of character in preme Court agrees with her that she major hit or disappear altogether. So, who is Fisher, and what is her your band, She & Him—is not endearing. was denied admission based on her beef? Well, she is an average twenty- M. Ward deserves better, as your voice is race, affi rmative action in the United two year old, and recent graduate of aching, breaking, my heart. It’s whiny and States could take a major hit or disappear cial minority students was a valid goal for Louisiana State University, who just hap- contrived and overworked. Th at commer- altogether. universities to seek in order to promote di- pens to have a job as a fi nancial analyst. cial for Cotton where you sing “Fabric of Modern day affi rmative action law versity, overcoming biases, and create new Fisher missed the top ten cutoff and was Your Life”, which played between episodes stems from a 5-4 Supreme Court decision leaders for the state. Th e Court also deter- denied admission under the “normal” indi- of Community and 30 Rock for a period, nine years ago called Grutter v. Bollinger. mined that the race-conscious admissions vidual application process. literally makes me want to destroy the serv- Th e Court held that race could be consid- process must be as limited as possible. Fisher and her team of lawyers are ers of Hulu and advertising everywhere. ... read the rest on page 3 ...read the rest on page 6 famous uvm alums oh no, not mono! the vibrant intellectual study tunes by michaelstorace by staceybrandt by lizzieschratz by jamesaglio news ticker: Turkey bans Syrian aircraft, because Syria can’t even avoid fighting with other nations during a civil war +++ Rio drug busts: what are they going to do, burn the whole damn city?g AFFIRMATIVE ACTION- continued from page 1 contending that the university’s race- already graduated from LSU, so many are conscious policy goes above and beyond saying that the case is moot. what the Grutter decision requires. They Another wrinkle in the case is that claim that because the Top Ten program Justice Elena Kagan recused herself. She Dear water tower, creates a diverse student body (which the was Solicitor General when the Depart- by laurafrangipane university admits), race shouldn’t be con- ment of Justice filed an amicus curiae Perhaps this is the wrong venue through which to voice these concerns, and with georgeloftus sidered as a factor in the rest of the ad- brief (meaning “friend of the court”, but this likely will not go anywhere. However upon looking at the L/L mural survey, I On September 29, California Gov- tific community. missions process. However, it’s not really way fancier and pretentious sounding) in could not choose, because none of the proposed designs should replace the aging Science- Apparently people who are much smarter than I am (nuclear ernor Jerry Brown signed a bill banning Predictably, two lawsuits have already about whether Fisher “lost her spot” to a the Fisher case. So that means the deci- mural. Perhaps they will look good for the tours, but they trivialize Vermont life as physicists) believe that we’re living in a computer program, exactly like the gay conversion therapy by mental health been passed attempting to overturn the minority student. The central question sion will be made by eight justices, and well as the pastoral origins of our university. Frankly, I would be embarrassed to Matrix. To test this, they’re going to create a mini universe, and apparently providers to children and teenagers state- law. One, filed by a Christian organization, is whether the University of Texas’ goal people are tweaking out that it could be think that these choices may represent my school, rather than the active voice (that that’ll be enough proof. Since when are nuclear physicists so dumb? Wasn’t wide. Reparative, “ex-gay” or conversion the Sacramento Pacific Legal Institute, is of achieving a “critical mass” of minority a 4-4 split if perennial swing voter Justice much of our current student bodies excess of privelege may have lost) in world af- Grand Theft Auto a universe created? Harry Potter? And also, if we were therapy, as it’s been called, aims to reverse on the basis of civil rights, the first amend- students is limited enough to pass what Anthony Kennedy sides with the univer- fairs and social justice. being manipulated into believing we’re real, do you really think they’d let homosexual, bisexual, or otherwise “devi- ment and equal protection, and the other, the Supreme Court said in Grutter with- sity. This is not to say that the mural cannot be replaced, it is true that it is aging. us find out? If our “masters” wanted to fuck with us, they’d have told us and ant” orientation back to a heteronormative filed by a conservative-minded group, Lib- out creating a “quota”. All in all, there are a couple of ways But none of what has been proposed belongs on a wall at UVM, and to be honest made us deal a long time ago. state. Brown had until September 30th to erty Counsel, representing The National The controversial nature of this this could turn out. The Court could none of those even belong on the walls of the local public schools. They aren’t even veto the bill, which had passed in the Sen- Association of Research and Therapy of case is self-evident. Proponents of affir- agree that Fisher didn’t suffer any inju- that cute. We can do much better, we are planning a mural here not the cover of a Science Part 2- According to new reports in Nature, DNA has a half life of ate and House, and was lobbied heavily by Homosexuality, states, that the conversion mative action are calling Fisher out as ries and has no standing, thus making daily planner. 521 years. Meaning even if a mosquito were to go buffet on t-rexs, ptero- citizens and petitions to give his support to therapy does not attempt to “change” any- a privileged white girl who’s just pissed no decision on the case itself. It could dactyls, stegosauruses, and every other dinosaur, and then were frozen in the bill.