Ijorello' s 1Iule January 1979 The Official Student Newspaper of LaGuardia Community College 4 sections 60 pages

Flut, uraphlcby WIIII.rn H.,•• 2A • FIORELLO'S FLUTE . JANUARY t i n

LAURIE BROCKWAY - Edllo,·,n·Ch'.'

1iorello'$ lIufe P. J. SANDERS STAFF EUGENE CALAMARI, JR, Au"IIn,Edllor WRITERS Fiorello'. Flul. '11M ollicial lIudenl MWl9f,pef 01 LIIGuardla Community GENE LUTTEN8ERG CoI.,lIla pubUIMd monthly by an IncI.penclent sludent lIa" and Unlinced by Contrlbutmg PhotOgf.ph." manl.. Irom 1Il.Kfen1 Icllylty lunds. Oplnlonl upr.. sed In tn. paper ...-e rKlt SANDRA SCHUBERT necftUtlly thoM of tn. Cotlege admlnlltratlon, 'acutty, Of the lIudenl body St.IRepa,'er ? EdllOflal opinion 'xpressed het"n II delermlned by I lNI}ot"lIy YOle 01 the Flure lIelf. NOI respons'ble tOt unsolicited mileria'i and.tt INIterili sul)jecllo editing ROBERT McVEIGH WIL.LlAM HEISE Tn. Flure ollkM .... Iocated In lhe $1;1 ..111. Bulldlno, In the IMIck ot Ihe SIi.lden1 FaCulty AdYl,Ot Aft"t ClfeterJa. et LIIGuardll CommunllyCotlege, ll-10Thomson "'Yenue, Long Is!lnd CIty, N.. 'fork 11101. Telephone {21~ 78''''1_ Composition and ptlnllng by 1Jtoo'/ytI WedIa, 28 Coun SlrMl, &oc:MUyn, New 'fork. T~ (212) 834·t350.

Democracy Is Not Just A Spectator Sport Worth The Price II It's true what they say about people making the world go tound, then It's During the fall quarter of 19n. LaGuardia students w..-e glvetlthe opportunity to especially true of the 12 elected student members of LaGuardIa's Student Council. YOte in a chapter of NYPIRG at the College. There was a relerendum on the ballot This goyernlng body, along with the Student·Faculty AssocIatIon (which Is com­ during Student Council elections. Though NYPIRG had actually won by majority rule posed of appointed students and faculty), Is the linanclal stronghold prImarily (a margin of 591 to 90), the Chapter was OYerrUled by an adminIstrative loophOle which responsible for distributing student monies. 'four $20 student activity feel prevented the Chapter from being established ••• the two thirds rule. Much controversy resulted from this. Harsh feelings were Inlenslfled when NYPIAG The policies that these 12 IndlYlduals make as a collectiye affect all 01 us - eyen the Ignorant. Ignorant by way of Indillerence. Ingoranlln lhe sense that you sued lhe College against this out·moded by· law. do not bother to look beyOnd Salsouls free disco hour or your 9:20 class, to see Many College officials were concerned about the one dollar refundable donatIon what else Is going on around you. It's time to stop bitching about having to pay thai NYPIAG requests from Its members to support the contlnuation of the organlza­ twenty dollars every quarter. U's tIme to slart being concerned about why you do tion's consumer projects. haye to pay It and what It's being used for. 11 you don't care, what's the sense In Now NYPIAG is back with petitions mounting to 800 slgna!ures, signed by LaGuar· haYing 12 studenl Council members fighting 10 make sure that that $20 Is used In dla students In lavor of the NYPIAG Chapter-regardless of lhe additional $1 fee. your beSl IntereSl? We are In agreement with these det81'mlned students and leellhal one elltra dollar per quart81' Is well worth the price f~ political and legal representation. NYPtAG has You are given the actiye choice to elect a student goyernment and Its Is your much of whal weare lacking In spirit. They are a responsible and active organizatIon. responslblHty to vote. And, your Student Council should In some way reflect your And, NVPlRG has invaluable resources, which we just can'l alford to let slip through feelings and Ideas In their leadership. Howeyer, It Is again your responsibility to let our lingers (again) on a mere technicality and a one dollar bill, them know what you think. The people In M 122 should know who you ate, Get In· Yolvedl U's the first step to gelling more 01.11 of college than lust an acedemlc education and a degree. Be Cool When You Cross The future be9lns here. P81'haps a wave 01 awareness at laGuardia will not clean All of uS-Sludents, faculty, administrators and stalf-are guilty of crossing In the stums, end corruption or stop racism, but It's a be9lnnlng. If we don't do anything the mlddte 01 Thomson Avenue without waitIng for the light. With literally hundreds 01 people trying to weaye through dozens of moving cars and trucks. we f~ our fulure right now, we haven't got much to lOOk forward to, To be heard Is to speak, to be lalrly represenled Is to yote - and II's all In yoorhands. hays the potenllallor tragedy. lndeed, last month a woman who works In one ollne " Democtacy Is not Just a spectator sportl" Vote In the Siudent Council elections nearby lactorles was run down and seflously Injured while trying to fun across on Monday, Noyember 13 through FrIday, Noyember 17. Thomson Avenue without waiting for the light. Aeglster and Yote In the New York City gublnatorlal elections on Noyember 8, We have been exceedingly fortunate during the last seyen years that no one from the College community has been hit while crOSSing the slreet. One of the first projects undertaken when the College was opened In 1971 was to haye a tfallic Support For Sepulveda light constructed In Iront of the Main Building. It took many months of lighting bureaucracy and red tape but the light was finally Installed Regrettably, loday it Is Raul SeputYeda Is, according to all the students whO use his services, one 01 the not being used. best cOl,.lnseiors at laGuardia. He Is also one 01 the only Bilingual counsetOfS on We urge allmembers 01 this community to use the light when moving back and campus. Why then has the College P81'sonnel and Budge! Committee told him that forth across Thomson Avenue. The salety of all membe,s 01 the College he will no longer be wor1tlng a1 laGuardia. as of September 19791 community Is worth taking an elltra minute or two by going to the corner and None 01 the llYe members thai head lhe College P & B seem to want to discuss the waitIng lor the light. Let us not wait until a tragedy occurs before we all begin to decision to not reappoint Sepulyeda. Ttloogh he has approached each member cross the street In a sale manner. Irldlyldually, each one has Iold him this, says Sepulyeda: ''That I'm not strlylng for excellence In my department and con!ributions 10 the College_" Bye-Bye, Bill The members of the College P & B are Dean of Student Services, Jeffery Kllenb81'g, Assistant Dean of Student Services, Jerolyn Minter; Director of Counseling, Winston In June of 1978. William , long·tlme Dean 01 Student Services, resigned DaYls; Director 01 Siudant Acllvlties, Leo Newball and Extended Day Counselor, from his position. Though not publlcally, Hamilton had announced his decision to Joan Edmonds. do so in the June 01 1977. Speculation flew around the College all wlnler and Jeff Kllenberg and Leo Newball were asked 10 comment on the sltuallon. bul both whispers of Hamllton's resignation were about Around February, 1978, he'd made said they were not at liberty to dlscu5lMt. This, lhey ellplalned.ls a policy of the P & B. an unsuccessful try for the e .U.N,'f. Vice Chancellorship of Special Programs, which Sepulveda Is yery upset and confused about I,'ls decision - as are the students ended In a rather unpleasant episode that made But nolhlng whO contacted this newapaper and oltered support. He Is trying to appeal the was official until June, declslon and says, " Maybe somewhere along Ihe tine. nt get reasons," Though Bill Hamilton's reslgnalion did not quite come as a sup,lse, it was It all seems yery s!range, since evaluations of SepulYeda thaI were submitted by somewhat of a disappointment, (Of course, !his Is nOlto say thai his successor, Jeff Klienberg and Wjnston Davis. (respecItYe!y on November I , 19n and Novem­ Dean Jeffery Kllenberg, Is nOl a very wise and competent choice lor Ihe poslUon.) ber 3, 1978) wete Y8f)' favorable. Both supervIsors praised his work with students. Preylously the Director of Siudent ACllyllies as New York elly Community Col­ And now, no one can seem to explain just why they leel his work at LaGuardia Is not lege, Hamilton had been Dean 01 Students at LaGuardia almost Since the be9lnn­ up to par. Ing. A~ Dean, he Implemented a number 01 new programs, Including the referen­ Sepulveda, who Is still trying to maintain his cheerful outlook on things, has this dum which requites that 10% 01 all student fees be alotted to the Flut• • He was 10 say about II all: "I think It was Just an InJust action, based on no pr..,ious warning concerned that tha newspaper function with sulJiclent funding and supported 01 either wrong doing or negligence of duties-and I really teel that It's going 10 be freedom of the college press. He 81so wOf1t.ed closely with studen! leaders. He was straightened oul.lnJustice cannot preyall. but justice will." the chalrpet"son of the Student·Faculty AssociatIon and was inyolved In variOUS The Flute supports SepulYeda In hIs fight to remain at L.aGuardia. We feel that the projects within and outside of the College. students need him. We certainly hOpe that the P81'sonnel and Budget Committee Will Though Bill Hamilton has resigned aa Dean of Students, he had remained 81 reconsider their decision. But, at least glYe the man and the students who depend on LaGuardia as a full professor, in the Social Sclel"lCe Department. Of course, we wish him a reason why he Is not being reappointed. him much luck and success In his new classroom endeavor. NEW YORK DOG DAZE-Umoja Kwanguvu 'r> ' ,,{ · Y,~·' . \: " JANUARY 1179 • FIOREllO'S FLUTE. 3A /r"------~z; WHAT'S INSiDE...... L.gln Repose/As Council Turns ...... • .. . . •.•.. . .• . ..•...... 4A Kllenberg Moves Up...... • . ...•. •. .. . SA A Week lor Women...... •...... • . . .. 6A Lag: Politically Aware? ...... •...... • .. . . •...... 7A Career Choice...... • . ....•••... .• ...... • . .. . •...... 8A Recreation at Lag .....•. _•.. _•..•.. • •.• _.••.• _.• _. _ ,_ . 9A All About NYPIRG...... •. , .•..•..•...•. _,. _ lOA Nader: Still Kicking _..•...... •. .•. • , .••. _• . _. _.. _ . 11A T"O ughT FEED8ACK . . _. _. . •••.•. , •..•..••.• , .•. _,. _, _,. 12A

JOE SHENKER THE MAN INSIDE THE SUIT c;y" rn[Jj ·0 IJ1] II Ve r.i , lBl E Starts on page 13A

M.P_K. Superstar...... , .... 17A Tm- L uL E Deans list ..... 18A ij~ Fl~t. lBl LaG Graduates ..... 19A THE CROTCH DOCTOR

Page 20A

Getting back the Bucks ... _.. _...... , .. .. _. . _. 22A 'What's wrong with LaGuardia' contest .•. . ..•.•. _.. • .. .. _. 23 A Creative Klddies __ . __ ." _.. _... _...... _.. _.. _... 24A Poetry . _.. 25A ENTERTAINMENT SECTION Talent Show ._.28 Pygmalion. a Wild and Craz~ Time. . . . 48 LaG Students: live from NY .... _. . .. 58 Gee, this is embarrassing. I mesc3ped. PICTURE SHOW After that. things were running smoothly for a while. Except the night Ihal Pam disappeared. We wen at the printer and ram went to get some dear nail polish to Page 9B fix the run in my pantyhose. (Ed, the printer. onl y had red) and she never came back, This, I thought, was not 100 unusual for Pam. However, sin« she had left Shaun Cassidy: Not for Teenyboppers Only... _. . __ . __ . . _. _. . _.. . _.. lOB her child here with me, I got nervous (black people ann'l allowed in my neighbor­ hood). About a month later she called and apologized for forgetting to come back DISCO 92 ...... 11. that night and askKl if I could please mail her the kid. New York, New York .. _...... _.. __ . __ . __ . _ ._., . 128 I couldn't fit the kid in a box, so ram came to pick it up and we gal inspired to start working on the Flute again. The only thing was, when we wen t to the prin­ SPECIAL STUDENT PHOTOGRAPHY SECTION ter's, we couldn't find him. I mean. we sat on the doorstep for three weeks until we Pages 1C - 4C realized he had moved away, Then came the ransom note: IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE THE LlITLE FI UTE ALIVE AT YOUR COLLEGE AGAIN, PAY THE GODDAMN Bill.. IF YOU DON'T COME AND WRAP THIS THING UP FIORELLO'S FOLLIES SOON. WE'LL KILL IT! So we had to go wrap the Flute up in , where the printer had moved V.D. Spreads on Campus. _.... 30 to. 'Everything was fine, until the earthquake hit. That's when we figured the paper Student Gets Pregnant From Kiss, ...... 40 wouldn't get out by September, Newsbriefs . . .. . 50 Me, ram and the printer came back to New York, after we dug the Flute out. Flute Editor Goes Bye-Bye ...... •. .. _.. • .. _.. _. . _._ .. _. _._ 60 Then we set up tents in the old office and workKi night and day, day and OIghl. trying to revive the little Flute. That's when we found 01.11 about the strike and that there was no more newsprint left in New York. So we had to go and cut down JAGGER TO JOIN I~ . We didn't mind chopping wood too much, but as soon as we had enough. it LAG STAFF rained. It didn't really matter that we had to wail two weeks for the wood to dry up, because we'd all caught some kind of jungle rol that hpt us confined to our Page 7B . t('nts for that long. And then the Flute was almost finished, except for the 40 some-odd pages that Revlewz_..•...... _.. _. . . _.. _. . . _. __ •.•• ,." •. • ..•. _., •.•...... 80 needed to be worked on. But , it was already getting near Christmas time when we found the kilo of Cocaine that we had to use because nobody else wan ted it. This HERBERT THE PERVERT ...... •.... . 90 held up production a bit. Flingback. _ ...... _. . _.. _. . _• . . .•. . ..• _. _.. _ 100 That's when we figured that the Flute wouldn't be 01.11 by December, And that's Sex Stuff._ .. _•..• _._ ... 110 when we called our accountant and asked him to send us all the money in our , yell or Burp .. 120 budget, in case we would need it over intersession when he wasn't there. And that's when we went to Rio, Kisst'S, DEAR Laurie and Pam The Hilton-by-the-Sea Hotel LAVERN Rio de Janeiro Pag.13B Spt'cIgl'lOtt' to Bob. Jeff 'lIId loc; H~y guys, told ya w~ 'dgel 1/1" Fillte Ollt Hope .youre fill well We'll d oillg fillll- Oh. (ollid YOII/ell tI" R"8i5 trt~r thut Pum does" I Funky Poetry. . __ . . ___ .• , ._,_, .•. __ ._, ...... 150 Up"CI / 0 be bac/" to school IIIis yeQr ~ Tll/mh. YOII 've all been swell Student B.S... _.. __ . _•. _ _•.•• _.. _. _, __ . _. . _. __ ...... 160 4A • FIORELLO'S FLUTE. JANUARY 1979 La Guardia in Repose

By Sandy Schubert Mortuary Science? Why not a nuralng pay McAllister's fee. which is a rather sincere Interest. The American Academy program". you say? Well. LaGuardia is SLeep 11.900. However. the student is McAllist.er Institution it self accept.s very interested in being unique and what atill officially a LaGuardia student and only 100 atudent.s per year and it's the The room iJ dim and qui.t. T~ could be more unique than the fillancial aid is still available. only institution of it's IOrt in the atmosphere U tTCJJIqcdl. Lorg, C(lndi.es flTSt C.U.N.Y. college to institute a At A.A.M.I., studies in both theore· immediate N.Y.C. area. IFarmingdaJe stand, burning, C(I$ting a gofcli.h light program in Mortuary Science? And, tical and practical understanding of and New Paltt are the only other upon an obj«:t near th' cent.r of til.. while maintaining a unique and impres· funeral ho.tne operations begin. The in.titutions in the New York State room. It is a coffin. slve reputation, the College also offers student is taught the public hea1th roles vacinity to offer trus program.) an interesting course of study which of !.he funeral director sod the embalmer. The Mortuary Science Program is the Have you aaked yourself que$tiOn8 provides treining for a much needed After completing 33 credits at. A.A.M.I. beat of two worlds. We are training about. your future? Question$ like: service. the atudent graduates with an Associate students for a solid profession. as well as "What will I do? Or, is there a field that The Science Department has been in Applied Sciences. Greduates then including liberal arta studies. Director of is gulU"llnteed not to die, after I gra. trying to develop this program since serve a one·year residency at a funeral the program, John Bihn. told us that duate?" Well, LaGuardia, bringing you 1973. It was first conceived with the home (sort of an internship) and afw some of the students who have applied t.he best of education, has developed a thought of having the whole kit and that they qualify to take the New York already have a family member in this new program in conjunction with the kaboodle on campus and initially the State Licensing Examination. field. So. in a sense, they are canying on department of Natural and Applied program would have to be approved by the family business. Bihn also Aaid lhat Sciencell and t.he American Academy the State Board of Education. However, there has been an expressed interest for McAUist.er Inatitute of Manhattan. that would mean instally labs and a an evening program in Mortuary Sci· Mortuary Science is at LaGuardia. reposing room, on campus plus having a ence. Some of !.his interest has come Well , not quite ...John Bihn, Direct.cr of licensed funeral director on hand. So you from adult atudents who are planning the new program, auures us that !.here can imagine, the whole affair would COfIt retirement. and wish to have a solid will be no bodies beins wheeled in a pretty penny. lnstead, LaGuardia wUl poSL·career profeasion to fall back on . or through LaGuardia'. lively oorridora. serve as a prepatory college. Since goon to. However. A.A.M.I. only offers However, students interested in this fine entrance to A.A.M.I. requires students a day session now . new course of .tudy will indeed be to have a year of Liberal Arts, we can In affiliation with t.he American Ac· walking in. fulfill t.hose requirements. Our on campus ademy McAllister Institute, the Mor· You may uk why. That's why we part of t.he deal ia to educate M.S. tuary Science program is costing La asked for you. At flNlt, the initiation of students in basic science courses, as well Guardia College practically nothing. LaGuardia's Mortuary Science program as bring them through their Math, ·Therewill be no trade courses taught at may strike you u being a morbid English and Social Science require· the College, 90 we won 't be required to procession. But, when you get tothinklng ments. 33 credita must be completed hire a special ataff for the program. In about. it you realize that the job of a fact, LaGuardia will basically just be mortician is one that mwt get done. I ~e:~ ~~~ !~:d~~eJ:1e=f~h:a[~: involved in the added paper.work. mean, let's face It, we all gotta go requirements. shelhe moves on to the Although this program is young, it sometime.nd it would be a pretty metlsy AAMI campus for couraea in the trade, At this time,J"'. the Mortuary Science promises to be a good one. It offers anair if there was no one there to get us During the first year of coursee at Program must. be kept small and it's students training in a solid, lucrative through those final steps of departure. LaGuardia, students pay the normal limited to one clasa of 20·35 students. profession, with a minimum of college. A Besidea, n 'a a solid profesaion. Indeed. LaGuardia· registration fee, with finan· Tho88 applying will be asked to aubmitt friend of mine told me: "Mortuary an open market. cial aid available to eUgable students. to a personal interview, so that the Science is e dying business, but at least "But why , praytell must the choose During the second year. student.s must Colle8e can be guarant.eed of the student's it'. a steady one",

-¥ As the Council Turns ... ~-:-~

MEMBERS OFTHE 1977·78 STUDENT COUNCIL; Boltom row.I IO r. Psmela Sanders, Raqual MEMBERS OF THE 1&7fH7 STUDENT COUNCIL.: (LeI! 10 right) Debla Smith, Michael Payne. Paz, Ahonda Collins. Top row,! to r: Valerie Sargent, Kenyon West. Malle Hunte,. Ctlal'p8rson Cheryl Blackwell. John Pantacalol. Usa. Chairperson Richa,d Ullle and ylsltor. Joe Mille Albert Gonzalez, Vice Chalrpe'50n Conrad Slfldlron, Scoll Butt!, MIChael-tel's do It agaIn Muldovln of the 1975-76 council. - Payne ~lnd Marilyn JQnnson.

In the '77 fall issue of the io'lute an perienced men cOuld nOl be shaken (what students wanting to leave the union re'ligned. Marie tlunter and Pamela article appeared IlItrnducing the newly really h,appened was, they couldn't. vote (because they're more mature). Sanders resignad. Theren Smalls elected members of the Student Council these guys out and believe me, they The highlight of the year was resigned and vowed to return. As for the and wishing tbem a successful term of tried). The most impressive oversights, the Five Finger Discount party (betler other outstanding senior members. office. A brief mention of Lhe internally (oops. I mean events of importance) that known aa atealing) et a one-dollar·all· summer WIIS here and gradustion upon divkied (percuaor) of 76 w .. also made. the Council dealt with effectively and you·can-eal·and·drink·trip to a winery us. Scott Butt! was the lone survivor of That governing body that had been with coMrol (plus a supply of Kid owned by the ABC network. the disbanded group and he too fIIded chained to a atalemate of open hostilit.y glovesl; The other more trivial and less glamorous slowl}· into t.he shadows. So who's on the board, a!:to with the additional The first of the list was picking up the events were: The business office slow running the atore now? (Your guess is as artillery exchange between them!telves pieces after a not so succeuful (could down lor. sorry your checks will be good as mine. if not beuer) Hint; that a certain Mr. Banrt'y is in the drivers and the ever present Flute. have been worse) ski trip to Pine Grove. delayed). The Theresa Smalls war on seal, In addition \.0 his heavy work load But 80 is life, and business goes on as The rumored (then there were a lot of S.A.C. (the department and Oelapaz). usual. or did It? What did happen to the those.going around) forced ree[gnatlon of all Studenl Activities Coordinator clasaof '771 In the beginning they main· Richard Little, the then Student Activit· Activity evenu sponsored by the (which lIOunds liko 8 conflict of intereal tained t heir aJlegltmce to the already ies Coordinator (and Golden boy of Council were Women's Week, Oisco tome). present leadership of Albert Gonz.a1es, Council 76). Next there was the Night with Eddie Cheba. and Family That is your ycarly update. S~ay chairperson, Conrad Stridiron, Vice NYPIRG amendment that wu squeezed Day in cooperation with the Student tuned for World News Tomorrow. chairperson (and womanizer) - (they Activities Department. out for the benefit of keeping the twenty Here's hoping that your ncws is bet.ter also happened to be remnants of the last dollar fee stable (for the moment) , Then. almost like a haunting reflection than my news. military coup.) Following that came the threats of of the year before theTesignation~ came. The Council's allf!g1IRCe to theae 8«. dissension among the Extended da~' Valeril! Sargent got marrioo and then -P. J . SandeNO JANUARY 1an .. FIORELLO'S FLUTE" SA

Aa far .. implementina new pro­ Jeff Klienberg: Movin' on Up grama, Jeff explains tMt there are: " a number of exciting thinp going on a number of JI08itiona on the way up. He now ," Jeff, who hu always been very atarted out .. a oounselor and went on to int.erelJt.Ad in, and .upportlve of Middle become First Director of Counaellng. College, h .. been involved in a new Peer In the Spring of 1972 he became an Counaeling training program for Mkldle AHilltant Dean of Student Servicel and Collep student.a. During the aummer w.. promoted to Asaociate Dean in the quarter. 20 carefully selected atudenl.8 Summer of 1977. Wen! given training in human relations Aa Auistant Dun, Jeff was aJao the and leadenhip. The goal of this project DirectOT of Counseling. IL w.. his job to was to prtIpanI the Audent. for intern· eelect. and IUperviae counaelors . .. well ship rote. this fan. (Abo involved lin this .. develop new programa. He wu at.o prognm were Director of Student Ac· involved in running aClidemic adviae· tivities. Leo Newbill, DinIctof' of the ment, fl'fllhman orientation and pro­ Career Adviaory Center, Andy Sa.lu.ga ducing the Student Handbook. He was and Peer CounM:lor SuperviBer, Kathy aIao " dettling, on an individual buis, Whan.) .h the more troubled studenl.8." " Another thing I'm quite pleased The real dramatic change in his about." "y8 Jeff, Is a spedal program responaibilitMle, "Y. Jeff, "took place a that entaila meetings between LaGuard· year ago when J became Auociate Dean ia ltaff and te6chera, counaelora and ad· of Studenu - previously 1 had been in miaaion people from variou. high charge of Health ~ and oounl!leling acboola. The idee ill to orient people to and suddenly 1 w.. involved in aU LaGuardia and hopefully. through that, areu." Just to name a oouple, the recruit graduating atudenl.8. "To me this OffM)N of Financial Aid and Admiuiona, is the beet. kind of rt!lO'Uit.m@nt." Nys which were then unfamiliar to him. Jefr. " We did it lut. year and it will As fuU Dean of Student ServklN. Improve t.hla year." Klienberg ia now responsible for ov.. • Another new fall project ia a COW'H in eeeing all .tudent.·related a.reaa of the CanK!I' E.plorationa, which ill being N.D CoUege (Student Activities. Peoples by counselors, through the Oiviaion of Health Center. Financial Aid, Admia· Social Sdencea. As Jeff explaiM: "Jane siona. etc.). He is also nol' on the Schulman and LYDD Byk d8VeIoped t.he College PA-8 and a number of other OOUI"IIfI and it's being offered for CNdit. college·wide commit.tee. (Student· 1'hi8 ia very ueiting becau8l!l thla ill the Facu1ty i\aaociation, which he chain, flr8t Lime that C011nEIon have ever been Deana Committee, etc.! and he ia a memo involved in a c::a.reer bploration course ber of the University of Deana of forcred.it." Studenu at t.he 8 .H.E .• which recom· Jeff. a fll'm believer that atudente mends new policiel to the Chancellor and ahould take more than just an academk College Presidenta. interest in college, ia hoping that. more "I'm in more of a policy roll now, 1 Itudenl.8 will get vwo/lAd - though he gueea that's how my job has changed," alao feela that student.a , Iaould take their ..y s Jeff of his new position. "I'm IItill studt. I!Ierioualy. "I think that the reeponaible for opentionaJ iaauea and people who get. the moe:t out of the pt'Ogramli. but. now I'm a.lao involved in College." he 88Y" " are the ones who policy development on a higher level are actively involved outside the than 1 w.. before." cluaroom. They are the onea who get. the 8,. ....1Irie Broekw.,. C.U.N.Y.'scentraJ omceat 80th St.reet'. Jeff, who has alwaYII been a pretty moatoutoft.be ayatem and for whom the Dean Jeffrey Klienberg lpant lul There be was involved with program viaable adminiatrator. enjoys working COUeS- is the warmeQ. and moe:t friend· .ummer p~ for his new poeit.ion development., Man Power tninlng. plan· with .tudenl.8 and getting to know them Iy ." and on August 7Lb. the D.H .E . made hit ning for new colleges and proposal and their viewa. But. headmil.8. "I think Jeff KUenbe!-g. who ia noted for bia IppoinlmenlofrJciaJ. Jeff is LaGuardia', writing. In 1968 be became Aaaistant. it'a very possible for an adminiaLrator to friendly smile and wann handahake, is new Dean of Student SuvM:.. He Director of the new Career Project that be inaulat.ed and not very aware: of very excited about being LaGuardia'a replacea kmg·time Dean of Student.., waa run by the City. That program later what.'. going on oul.8ide hia off.ce." St.iIl. new Dean or Studenta. " I certainly had Bill Hamilton. woo l't!8igned from the became t.he Man Power Program (which he intends to become involved in variow' hopes of getting the job. but I never had post In June of 1978. " This repf'8fleflta Dean of Faculty, Martin Moed waa &leo kinds of progn.ma throughout. the Col· any commitment." say. Jeff, who had .omethina: I've wanted to do for 19 involved in) and wu.being run in con· lege and at.ill wante to be able to "talk to been aware: of Bill Hamilton's intentiona yean." MY' Klienberg of his new junction with C.U.N.Y. Fresh from the people on an informa1 buill." " That'a to reaign .ince June of 1977. Prior to Ippointment. B.H .E.. be came to LaGuardia, aI.8o the enjoyable part. of the job for KUenberg·. appointment, 'Pruldent lodeed &.be last 19 ytan have been C.U.N.Y.'s newest community coDege. me. " be a&b. Shenker had aet up a _reb committee interestiq aod fr..itful for Jeff. They in 1971. In aU reality though. Jeff dam know to rHtIareh the appointment and get I"epl"llMDt • long trek toward his Doctor­ Jeff baa been at LaGuardia since the that be won't be able to spend .. much feec1b1d; from other member. of the ate degree, and many profeaklllal oper­ very beginning. wben t..heN were only time .. he'd like to in ptLing to !mow College - aLaIf and atud~ta aUka. The ientel wttich have led him to becoming. 640 stud~te and 5 counaelors on staff. studenta. "I will wind up deeling moetly reeponae and deciaton are obvious. full dean - • goal he !let for himedf • He w.. ODe of t.hoM ooun8l!llora. In fact. with the atudent. who are having the Tn. Fluf. 'faft would lib fO 10(,11 long t.ime 19o. And. his academic I>-ck· he (along with Flora Mancuuo, now most. trouble." he "Y., "whether It be a l.f{rrr Klicnb.r, mllClI IIlCIt and 'uc«" ground onJy 10M to prove, once .galn, Aaaociate Dean of Faculty) taught the diaclp1inary caM or a .tudent who baa an In Au MID I"Oh lU lhon ot SflUWllr !.he benefits of becoming inuolV«l ... CoUege'. Ilirat COUJ'IIM for Education eoonnous financial aid problem." &'11,"'. student.. AuociaLell. That was In the summer of While aueDdi.ng Brooklyn College Un 1971 , before the College had offdally the early liniN, Jeff ..... " very active irI opened. "But that," ..ys Jeff, " ..... student activitioM." SaY' Klienberg. "I only a part. time job." became Involved with _udellt penonnel s.clr in thole day., he expla.i.na, "we through that route." A year after he spent a long time planning t.be program gnduaUld. whlc.b 'NUl In 1966 , be reo that would 8VentuaUy MrVe thousanda turned to Brooklyn College to eerve ... of studenu. Almost 8Verybody on the rellow in the Dean of Sludenta Office - College staff at. that t.imI waa involved which il ItOmething like an inlem!hip. with planning the College, aa well aa "At that. point. my career path waa tMching and counl!leling st.udente," pretty much eetablished," he say•. "I Intereati.ngly enough. Jeff himself w.. lilted what. I wu doing as • student. and an intern when he came to LaGuardia. u • fellow and I became more Involved "While 1 was going through the Doctor· !nth.profession," ate Program, I needed to do an int.an:J.· Jeff ..... " always doing two tbinp at &hip and TeKhen CoUep approved me oooe." Whileworkiog .. a feDow, be w.. doing it .. a oounaelor at LaGuardia," Wo busy pursuing his M ..ten deer'" e:zpl..a.iM Jeff. " I had known Marty Moed from T.chen Collep at Coh.unbia. through my work at 80th Street, 1M) I Upon graduation with his Masters in ..ked him to supervise me." Moed (who, Guidance and Student Perwnnel, he in addition to being the Dean of Faculty, began "a long road" to getting his Doc· is a licensed psychologist) supervised the torat. In Couueling PsychokllY (alao internship for 9 months. "So that." says from Teacbert College, this took him Jeff. "ia how 1 go«. my foot through the about 7 yean of part lime study). door." After a ..tisfying ~emX: and pro· Seven yeal"ll ago it wu ;wt "a foot in feaaiona] endeavor at Brookl)'ll Colle,., !.be the door" and now JeU KlieIIberg ill Jeff went on to begin working for sitting on top. HoW8V.. , Klienberg held Jeff. bRk In h6a.Y' a. Anlstanl ONn. SA • FIOREllO'S flUTE . JANU ARY 1171 Women's Week at LaGuardia

By P. J . Suderl

On May 9th, 10th, and 11th a me quantly happena - I.e, elevators, MriH of on-campU-l aeminart and lee· abandoned neighborhood., factory ~ d.ilcuNing the new ro'- of t.he areu, etc. She &lao gave. live demoD' women in and out. of the work field W'u IItntion with a male volUDteer (former S, held ben at.IAGuardia. ThiI event. w.. a nov't. president Albert GonuleI) on lIIIrVicI of t.ba Studtmt Cowx:il. how to break out. of the attacker'. bold, The u.t. of cu-t 8p8Ue1"l and act.ivi· and where and when to injure bim tiel for tbt May 9th .minar were enough to gee. to aafet.y. M. King &lao Mic.heJe Murdoch, an independent film diaeuned the law and how it is .lowly maker and diTector - OM time per1lOnal rMCUuating to the victim', ri&"ht:.. aull:tant. on the Mike Douglu ahow, A Directly following a br.f refeah.ment natJve New Yorker, ,he h.. now iD· break, the nut speaker, a young black volved heraelf iD educeLional fUma for female lawyer by the name of Jean cbildl"llll and has dolMl aome won: for Sharpe Altman, graced our compaDY. A channel th1rt.eea'a s..ama StrHt. Ma. graduate of New York Univenity law Murdoch'a remarka about. her adventur· achool first went to work .t • WaD St. OUI e&nICIr, " It hun't. been ..,. but I firm for an Ipprenticeahip, Not quite feel moel comfortable in my job than pleaaed with the poeition there lit wasD't anything e. i do." Ru..ible enough, I wonder Why. Maybe The out Kheduled .p8I!lker w.. Sgt.. because she w.1 a black woman) and Marie Laroul'l, a Haitian born military went on to a Park Avenue firm .he is ..-oman in her early twentiel. Her .emin· presently with. She dMCribed her young ar (much to my surprisel was not bued yell'S in coUel'las being more .dventur· Police ll. Ki ng Lady Lawyer, Jeln Sharpe Altman on Anny propaganda or lloganll. She ous and dropped out for I brief period to gave I more detailed account on why the es.perience the more tempting things in Anny w.. sood for her, for reuona IUeh life. Her jobs at that time ranged from ..: medtcel benefitl, fluibilit)' in poei. model to atore clerk and the II: very Clubs at LaGuardia Lion, educational awarda, diM:iplilMl and proud of the fact th.t thole experiences a "damn pod reference for an)' outside put her a step .head of thoae folk, who The followingia ali.,ting of 14 chartered dubs, wltich are sponsored by The Student job," She ~, of course, hand out have not uperienced the many pbuH to Activitiea OepartmenL AU students .re invited .nd enc:oun~ to Join the club or Iitenture yd telephone numbers to the life and gJ'Owing up that there are. Wher! clubs of their choice. I nterested students ahould drop by the indictted room numben nearby reauiting offK:8l. Aim, in the the did finally go back to finish under­ or the S.A.C. office in room 120 for more inform.tion. Club memberships are free {this di8cl.laakm, the topic of Sell: iD the Army graduate work ud decided to take on is wh.tl portion of your 2Odollar Student Act.lvity Fee goes tol. (OT the freedom to do whatl from homo· law .chool. Ms, Altman feell: that lhe If you .re interested In starting your own club, whether il be " Wal.ehers or Virgin texuality to unifonned fever came up, wu more m.ture and prepared (not Aborigine Purple Swans" or "The G.y LaGuardisns," here', whal you do: Trot on The tatt teminlr of that day wu a enough, unfortunately, No one is totally down to the S.A.C. o(fice in room 120 .nd .sk for en officiallblankl chart.er. G.ther IS preeentaLion of Abw«i Woma,. '. Aid I,. prepared fbr law IChooIJ for the discipline other studentllor at least IS other aignstures" find. f.culty .dvisor, Ind write up, OUt., A WAle. This orpniution WII that would be neceuary to do well. Like constitution - enmples will be furniahed by S.A.C. on requeaL Theclub will then be formed by I group of batten\d women all other hperU on the "paper chase," reviewed by S.A.C.• t their Monday meeting (which ia att.ended by the officers of.1I who were tired of getting no help or the farat year is 'a monat«1 the hard•. the other c1ubsl. Then, you cen elect offJCen: and .sk S.A.C. (or money for partiea and anawen from the courts or the pone. and Her ,dvice to tboae attempting to take a stuff (alao part of your 20 dollar Student ActJvity fee, .. don'l be shyl. Thenm before welfare deputmeota. They provide IUb at it, conc:entrlte on Liberal Alta you know it. you'll hive a club. See waln't thate8sy. But here, maybe you're interest­ courueUng and hou.aing along with help­ .. For it gives you a much broeder range, ed In one of theae c1uba. .nyway. ing workiD&' moc.bera find I child care partkularly in the behavioral acieneet." MOIl. of theae clubs gIItherlU'OUnd club hOUri on WednHd.ys. facility at low cost. ' Abo writing is ut.remely impon.ant. TbeAWAIC spokeswoman, after giv. On the following day, M.y 11th, again ing the gJ'Oup the necMlary backgroUDd III SB 66. t.he aemiDar to be preaent.ed on information, proceeded to lhow I film on that occaaion wu • former Ford model The English Club Salsoul wife abute depicted from actual euee now iDdependent co.metic.s designer Wednesdays at 1:30 Wednesday, 3:00-5:30 and people, not acton:. The film w.. YvoDne Warner. Her IiDe of 00Imetie:a Room MB 17 both moving emotionally and IWakmin&' »>I'tieuIarly deaigned for the black woo To Boogie in Room SB 55 for the mind, for, ....me young lady in man. Ma. Warner and her young female Club Space: M 135 B the IJ'OUp pomt.ed out to all of U-I, '''I'hat aseistant .. up .hop, ~ to 1J)eIlk, and The Greek Club could have been me." , the curioua invit.ed tbemlelvea in and Wednesdays, 12-2:30 Seekers Club nu. tparked a very informal np volUDtemId to samplf! and apply the Room MB 55 - Wednesday at 1:3 0 ..woo .bout the C&uteII of mental and makeup on t.hemtelvee uDder the dim:.· emoLiODaI inaeeuritiee iD the men who tion of M •. Warner and her ...i8tant. Occupational Meet in Room M 101 commit theM acts of viole:noa. She then Among thoae to volunteer, • few flute Club Space: M 135 G di8cuued the way. of preventing it from flakee could be teeD (.uch as Sandy Therapy soing too fir (t.he once is enoush theory); Schubert. and the myaterioua L.B. the Wednesdays in Social Essence wbM. to SO WheD it is t!DOuah, and wbllt. Brock, and'Marina M ,), After the Wednesday at 1: 30 the law NY' and doesn't ny. Finally, demonstration, thoee young ladies who RoomS 114 infonution w.. given OD emergeoc:y wilhed to purchue: lOme of the merchan· For info: Room 122 Meet in Room MB 87 tbelt.era for food and board .tt. 6 p,m. dise filled out the neeessary fonnlaDd 80 Cl ub Space: M 135 A on weekaay •. ended Women', Week, which deepite the The Photography On WedDe.day, May 10th the .emin· w,y it baa: been deecribed, was not an Bilingual Club .... moved from the Sony buDding to the overwbelming 1UOClISI, due to Iaclt 01 Club Bilingual Office, SB 23 NurM" offx:e in MB 27. The .peaker for Iludent participation and not enougb Wednesday that .emlnar w.. Lt. King, a member of publicity, J am hoping thlt nut time the New York City's special 8U CI'imM there is a little more cooperation between RoomSB 18 Caribbean Club UDit. M•. King, who .ppears to be. vtlry student edminlstrators amond them· (The Darkroom) Wednesday at 1:3 0 unlikely policewoman .tanding .t 6' S" selvea rust and then with the Itudent.a Meet in Room MB 34 in height with short bloDd hair. oooperating with them. This evenL would The Prestigious But the vet.eran omcer with more than not hive been possible without the IIix: y ..... on the force weDt direcLly into following people for contletl, mol'll sup· Blacks Consumer action in front. of a larl'l and anxioua port and just. being t.here when DO Oot Wednesdays at 1:30 Assistance Bureau .udie~ . She diKuS8ed. the motiv. of else WIIJ: Catherine Farrell, coop advis· tape, the variability of the rapist d.pite or, Laurie Brockw.), Sandy Schubert Meet in Room SB 49 Wednesday at 1:30 the .,ttnotype. places where it moll fre· Marina aDd Gall, Club Space: M 135 H Club Space: M 135 H JANUARY 1979 • FIORELlO'S FLUTE . 7A

By p , J , Suden d . mayor, e. opera linger. 10 May during the Spring quarter a 6. Do you vote? Yes , No, Sometimee. dUlofdiaillusioned, and bereftpolitieal Teacher, What The survey ran &om Monday, May ItudiN Itudent.a decided to take action 15th, the day at the racea for the apinat the overwhelming Pf'llH0C8 of Idealist., and Wedouday, the 17th, the polit.lcal lpathy - wh.lc.h not only Does Political day the RuliIta put up their candy man uilt.ed here on campUl. but nation wide, display, wben they J»OVided a free u..t ICruy little devils. arm't t.bey?) With for filling in thIIll .Q. tMt) .urvey lbeet, !lOme mild persUASion they decided to The rMUiLl of t.be lurvey were

NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS "It ahoWlthe parenti how to transform now all members of the College's alumni. Mrs. Gftchioa hu one advantage OVft' Wiener plugs • child's ordinary elIperiencee into written In September', Mrs. Marian Gdchion her childrm. She doesn't hive to lellve her WOMS, how to use games Ind riddlea as and her daughter Susan n.oc8ved their alma maler. She'l employed IS 1 sec.ret.aty new book on word builder'S, how to use I small child'i lWOtiale degrees, Tn September 1977, in the College', Mathtmatia Department. crayon drawing 15 inspil'ltion, Ind how to Mrs, Gelchion', IOn Willilm received' his thetube use lhe love of animlls to encourage factual degrne from lhe College. In 1974. Maureen Dr. nlrvey Wimer, a member of La· exposition - or journeys into fantasy," GJ.!Ichion hec:ame the lint member of her An A in every G"uardil Community College'l English De­ McG raw·HiII noles. family to gn.dullte from LaGuardia. partment, recently appeared on the nation· One reviewer wrote of Dr. Wienet". Maureen received her bachefor's degree course aUy televised "Today" program to discuss book: " Parenll 01 America Unite! Anyone from Queens College Ind is culTt'lllly fin . Recciving I roIlege diploma is quite In his critically accllimed book "Any Child appalled by the way English is taught (or is hing her Maslers Degree It New York ac hievement, but for 12 studenu at the Can Write." not taught) in our schools must cheer the University. William is completing hia College's Commencement ceremony, it was Dr. Wiener, whose book was published ",'Ork of educ:ators such II Dr. Wienet'. Hia bachdor's degree at State University at an elllrtOrdina..,. Ichievement. All 12 by McGraw·HiII, was intft"liewed by Tom book bulges with sensible advice and Old Westbury. The most recent gn.duata, gnduates hid received the Mm~ grade Brokaw, co·host of the NBC-TV morning ingenious aids." M 1'1. Gelchion and daughter Susan are throughout their t'Wo years at LaGuardia show. The appearance on the "Today" continuing their studiM, Susan i5 enrolled - an " A" in evrry eourse.. shu .... was one of ihe several radio, te1e­ LaGuardia at the Fashion Institute of Technology and The studenu who had a Pft1ect ".0 vision and newspaper interViewa Dr. is ",'Orking toward I B.A. Mrs. Gekhion is average were: Anna Hueber, {Liberal Wiener has given concerning his book, continuing her studies on an independent ARut: Louis Chirichella, (Liberal Arts): The full title of the book is " Any Child Record basis through Empire State College. She il Beverly Higgins, (Business Adminlst... · Ca n Write: How To Improve YGUr Child'a working on I Bachelor's degree in businesa tion): Eleanor Jellmar. (Accounting): Joan Writing SkIlls from PreKhooi through Breakers administration. Cum.n. (Human services): Theresa Luisa, High School." In what is probably a record at The Gekhion family has set anothet' {Liberal Arts): Mildred Weinstein. (Seer&­ According to I press meue from LaGuanlia, four members of the same record of sons - during the COU~ of their larial Science): Sophie Gallagher. (SecnJo McGraw Hill, the boo« contains a program family have now received diplomu from amen; It LaGuardia aU four Gelchions tarlal Science): Duke .\l"OI"ml, (Secl'l!tariai for parmLS to utilize in providing writing the College. The. Gelchion family - have eithet' interned or woriled part·time in Science): Dorothy Dulin, (Liberal Aru): instruction to the!r children. mother. two daughters and I son - are lhe CoIlege's Admissions Office. Cathy Kendet', (Liberal Arts.) IA • FIORELLO'S FLUTE· JANUARY 1979

...." .....ntOfflc .. Helps Score DENNIS ·THE MENACE Student Bucks If you're wonderingwhatyou 'U be $140-$232 range; H uman Service, •i doing, where you might be working 5158 average, $135·521 1 range; and q;:~"Vfk'1i ~ and how much money you'11 be earn­ Liberal Arts. $149 average, .q"'jJ r'j' """"'"~~ ing when you graduate from 1119-1190 range, LaGuardia grad· LaGuardia, read on...... , uates earn on the average 12% more .# The Placement Office M318 as­ than graduates of comparable two sists all st.udents who have graduat­ year schools in the middle atlantic ed or are within three months of ...... graduating in securing permanent Approximately 32% of all grad· jobs, and periodically follows up on uates continue their education at a their process. senior college with many of those at­ In 1977, 796 students graduated tending at night and working during from LaGuardia Community Col­ the day. Business Administrat,ion, lege. The average starting salary for 50% transfer rate, Accounting. 44 %, all graduates who entered the labor and Liberal Art.s, 37%, were t.he market. was $8,609 per year or $165 highest transfer rates, while Occu­ per week, That. figure is an average, pational Therapy, 8%, and Secre­ therefore about half the graduates tarial Science. 4% were t.he lowest. earned less than that. and half the Certain Lypes o~ indust.ry seem to graduates earned more. The lowest attract LaGUM tia graduates more salary reported by a graduate was Lhan others. Law firms perenially aL' $100 week, t.he highest $235 which Lract many legal secretarial stu­ const.itutes quite a difference. dent.s. with publishing firms attract­ Skills, abilit.ies, coUege grades, ing many execut.ive secretaries. Ac· and maturity play an important. role counLing student.s were hired by in determining what posit.ion you'll banks, manufacturers. Ilnd C.P.A. get. and how much you 'u be paid. firms for the mOSL part; Liberal Arts Another important factor in deter­ st.udents leaned toward education or mining salary is the labor market de­ social agencies; more Data Proces­ mand for your skills. The less people sing students found jobs in banking, "How do I know what I'm gonna do when I grow up? available wit.h your skills, the great­ manufacturing. and D.P. Service er chance for a better salary offer. Bureaus than in any other areas; I don't even know what I'm gonna do after lunch." Secretarial science graduates can and Business Administ.ration & take advantake of this sit.uation Management sLudents found manu­ since there is a demand for excellent fact.uring, civil service and retailing secretaries. This is reflective of their most inviting. average starting salary in 1977 The Placement. Office is open which was S167 per week with a every day and will provide assis­ Need Help high-low of $125-$211 per week. Oc· tance to graduates or potenLial grad­ cupation Therapy graduates also uates in resume wriLing, interview· Choosing a Career? show above average salaries with an ing and will set. up appoinLments for average of $197 per week and a job interviews. If you're attending range of $177·$235. The other ma­ Do you need help in choosing a career? fields, such as airline~ or health careers, LaGuardia and looking for a part­ Do you know t.he import.ant det.ails of supplemental literature jpamphlets. jors are Business Adm/Mgt, a $168 time job, the Placement Office will your career choice, such as, job dulies. brochures, fact sheets) obtained from average. 1121-$230 range: Account.· also assist ~ou in finding one which Lraining requiremenLs and employment various professional associations, and ing. $163 average, $100-$200 range; can be worked into your class proapI!C18? Do you know which schoohl periodic publications. The CRC also Data Processing, $168 average, schedule. or colleges afler LaGuardia will help you SLOres over '800 college catalogues. plus achieve your career goals? If these or other educational resources. other questions have you puu.led, per­ Perhaps the moat unique information· Same Places, haps you should visit the Career source at the CHC is the computerized Resource·Center. Guidance Information System. leased The CRC, Io<:aled in 1'o1B 80 is a from Timeshare. Inc. 8y using the New Faces student service designed I.(l provide in­ computer !.erminal, students can locate The start of thF College's eight yf!:&I" of Student Services: Karen Pearl, Instruc­ C8~rs and obLain informaLion in five areas: formation about many aspects of operation brought a number-of nev.-faces to I.(lr. Ruth Leboviu, instructor. and education. According to CRC occupations and career!!. two-year the campus this fall. Newpenonnel include Registrar: Kathleen Kiernan, assistant manager. Andy 84luga, "Our goal is to coileges, four·year coilege8, graduate (by department(: registrar; Anna L. Oriente, assistant ~ assist individuals in making things schools and financial aids. The system is H umanllies: Peter Alonso, instructor; gistrnr; Gertrude Kunzman, college labor­ happen, inst.ead of just letting them interactive, i.e. it requires student. input Joyce Rhcuban, instructor: Carole Ribera., atory technician. happen. The individual who approaches in order Lo provide more accuraLe instructor; MargueritaGreeco, instructor. Communication Skills: Ernest Nieratka. his or her career knowing what. is po&­ information. and to move from the Data Processing: Gary Dougherty, in· assistant professor; Inna F. Pate, college sible and what is expected. has a greater general to the specific. The CRC SLaff is structor: Ruth Palaszewski, assistant pro­ laboratory technician. CMnc8 of succeeding." always ready to demonstrate this fessor: Arthur Johnson. college laboratory Secretarial Science: Audrey Harrigan, The CRC providea informaLion Sy8tem to 'hose who wish I.(l know more. technician: Hilda Gil,lecturer. lectum-: Rosemary Scalfani, college labor­ through a variety of media. TheN! are a If you have any questions about the Social Science: Arthur WeinberJ", in· atol")' technician. number of government-produced and materials or servicu available, or if you structor: Harold Washington, assistant Library: Frederick E. Low, instructor. commercially·marketed handbooks and care to make an appointment to visit. proressor. Human Services: Janet Acevedo, in- reference texts, guidebooks for speci fic stop by at Room M8 SO or call 626-5559. English: James Flanagan. assistant structor. professor: Lenore Beaky, assistant profes­ Dean of Faculty: Elizabeth Carftture, sor; JOIn Richudson, assistant professor: highl'1" educaiton associate, director of Eleanor Tignor, assistant professor. media prognamming and "production un it. Mathematics: Howard Kellogg, assis­ Administration: Ronald Salatl, assis· How about a career in writin? tant professor: Denise Carter, instructor: tant to higher education officer, progn.m­ David Frieder. instrucl.(lr: maria Cossio, mer analyst; Dian. Riback, auistant I.(l Why not start with assistant professor. higher education officer, bursar's ofrice. Fiorello's Flute Moving on up Twenty-t .....o membet-s of the LaGuardia Avis Anderson, Nancy Birdwell, JoAnne Community College faculty and staff have Reitano, George Schwartz. Call ::':P1t~:::;t'ef~~::,~~:m~ie~:! "'rom /mtructor to Auilt«IIt Pro/euor; Augusta Kappner, 11WIn Feifer, Jeffn!y Weintraub, HildaModal. Eli7.abeth 937-6556 Wiener, Roy McLeod, Naomi Greenberg, Spicer. today. George Hamada, Janet Lieberman, Fem Promoted from CoiJ.ege LabonltOf1t Khan. Tedmdmt were' Juan lzarft, Doris Char- From AuiltOJlt profu.or to Auodat. row, Godfrey Chee Ping. Asilnett Jones, -- ,-- Pro/eu&r. James Cemigliaro, John Bihn, Donna Hahn. JANUARY 1171 • FIORELLO'S FLUTE . IA Recreation at LaGuardia

By Stepbanie DeUglanis through Friday. and from 9 AM to 5' picking students at random to illus· jor ,·Migdalia Alvarez. said: "He has PM on Saturdays. trate his point. Those chosen to a nice met.hod and a relaxed mood. I During my first week of classes After hearing all this. of course I dance didn't. seem to feel intimidated didn't reaUy go to learn. but I'm this semester, having just returned was anxious to get a look at this by their sudden fame. enjoying it," from a long leave of absence. I wonderful almost·stiD·new facility. Over on the other side of the room, couldn't help noticing the swinging Ms. Mentone was more than glad to wit.h the help of another instructor, And that's just. a sample of the doors which led to the gymnasium give me a tour. the beginning group was quickly programs that the ~n De· beyond the main floor corridor. The toW' began in the large gym­ catching on to the basic steps. With . partment has to offer students. Each LaGuardia's changing dimensions nasium, which is 'divided in the cen· the exception of a few passersby. quarter, as the department grows, were a surprise to me. With my curi­ ter to provide two smaller basketball who literally stopped at the door to they oHer wide variety of activities. osity nagging, I strolled on down to courts. Each court has one of its lon­ gawk at the practicing students. the Just imagine, yhou can take a tennis the Office of Recreation and had a ger sides bordered off for either class went smoothly and most stu· workshop and then go practice your chat with Ms, Eileen Mentone, As­ tennis or softball. When the court is dents seemed to be enjoying them­ serve in the gym, with an ~automatic sistant Director of the Recreation not being used by one of the league selves. serving machine that sRits out tennis Department. There. Ms. Mentone teams. anyone who's in the mo d to At t.he end of the class, students balls as fast as you can swat them. If kindly explained LaGuardia's recre· throw a few baskets is welcome to do had this to say about it: you like. you can even arrange to ation program. Surely, a lot of stuff ,.,. Vernon Hill, a third year Business have yourself video taped, and afLer· had changed while I wes gone. Heading toward the continuous Administ.ration major, said: "I think ward. watch yourself in action and LaGuardia's recreation program rows or locker rooms and shower you're being taught something you catch your weak points. offers a variety or workshops and ac· stalls. I was reminded of an Olympic can benefit from. He's a good The College has poured a good tivities. Their program includes: fen· village. Everything an athlete could teacher, and teaches you step by deal of money into this operation, a cing. disco, beginning and advanced possibly need is within reach. One step. You learn all the basic move· lot of it being yoW' money. So why tennis. karate. weight control train>­ night up is the Recreat.ion room. ments. If you have a leader, it's no not take advantage. If you wish, you ing. basket.ball , jogging. etc. which is divided by a curtain to problem dancing - from a girls point can get. more information about the Workshops are like classes. which accommodate the weight lifting of view." facilities and programs in room MB meet. once or twice each week ...., room. People can drop by to tone up First year Secretarial Science rna· 28 . SOMETIMES THREE- depending muscles, trim off fat or just improve upon the activity being taught. At temperament by lifting weights that this time, however , the workshups are heavier than themselves. are non·credit.. A student is free tc I was really amazed at. the facili· Dig this come and go as hel she wishes. Stu· ties and programs that LaGuardia's DIG THIS!! Power VoUeyball il being the recreation desk or anytime It tlw! dents enrolled in a workshop practice recreation department now has to offered by the Office of Recrestion for equipment. for LaGuardia 's first and and are demonstrated the skills they offer. When the College fIrst opened the first time and it promises to be a ~ only Open Rollerskating Session. would like to develop in their chosen its doors back in 1971. the recreation smashing workshop. We have a com· workshop. And, a student can be program was virtually non·existent. petent Instructor who's anxious to teach enrolled in more than one workshop In the past seven years LaGuardia or improve upon skills for the REAL *** per quarter. has gone from t.wo ping.pong tables ~:~~:;%,~o~~:~~U~~~t=r e;:~ Swimming Anyone? LaGuardia's recreation program and a billiard room (located in what your skill level is at present and learn The Spring quarter was a busy one for does not. as of yet. otrer any varisty was once called " The Great Hall"), how to bump. spike. dig and serve like the office of Recreation . Many new and competition. However. those stu· to an ultra modem gymnasium and the Japanese Olympians do it. excit.ing prognuDlJ were attempted and dents interested in competing are en· recreational program. were successful. Since the coUege's DeW couraged to join intramuraJ leagues. There was a time when free periods MODERN DANCE ·A workshop dan· gymnasium facility was built without a This gives students the opportunity were spent idling in the cafeteria. cers Ilfld non·danc:era interested in get. swimming pool (some might argue the Ling into shape t.hrough movemenU In point when it raIna), an off campus to compete against other leagues Now, however, LaGuardia students order to learn to move freely and swimming' program including leS80nI wit.hin the College. For those stu· can't find enough time to pursue rhythmically through apace. emphasis and an open swim was conducted .rt the dents who are not attending classes their sports interests. The gym is al­ will be on relaxation, body awareneu, J08eph Bulova School for Watchmakins by day, basket.ball competition is of­ ways being used and the wa.iUng and gaining strength through correct Many students (including disabJec fered every Thursday evening. in the lines are getting longer. placement. Each c11W1 will proceed from 8ludenta), staff and day care chUdrerI gym. The program also offers coed floor exercises, to standing work. to Obeerv. tiona were transported ItO Jlnd from the pool by and women's basketball. dancing combinatioll.8. chartered bus. Once at the pool, they As ment.ioned, t.here is no limita· After the tour, I trucked on over had the opportunity to partkipat-e in the tion on the amount of workshops a to the recreation room to observe a The orfice of Recreation is featuring open swimming hour, or take BOrne student can enroll in. nor the number disco dance class. The instructor, another brand new workshop this year. swimming leuons or just relu: in the of activities the student participates ROLLERSKATING has finally come to pool side aaun&.. Needl811 to say the D.J ., seemed to really be able to LaGuardia. It'a happening for everyone, experiences were enjoyable to all who in. Everything is a freebie. all expen· make everyone feel at ease. whether you're a beginner or a pro on participated. ses are covered by student activity The class was divided into two Thursday from 3·4:30. It's a terriflC way The Offu:e or Recreation is exploring fees (You know . the 20 bucks you groups. The discoers and those who to get. rid of stored up energy and .a.l the poeaibility or continuins the program hate to part with at registration had hardly an prior experience with of skates il free at the equipment room. on a year round basis. SO .... don't put. time). The gymnasium is open from boogying. The instructor showed the So sign.up at the time o! regiat.nation at away your auita yeti!! 8:30 AM to 9:40 PM, Monday class various step combination's, lOA · FIORELlO'S FLUTE. J ANUARY 1879 By ROSI EFTH IM WHY DO WE NEED NY PIRG NYPIRGColk,flOrgcmurr AT LAGUARDIA? lAGuardH studenLa are getting re.dy What you should to Ol'pnize a chapter of NYPIRG. the LaGuardi. NYPJ RG will be what New York Public Interest Resesrch LaGuardia students make it. Each Group. achool has ita own local concerns and know about prioritiea. Students will be .ble to NYPIRG is a sLudent.-run and atudent.­ funded acti ... ist organization in ... ol... ed in choose what they want to work on and how 1.0 go about it. political reform. consumer protediol. and local i88uea. NYPIRG focuses on NYPJRG orrers students an oppor­ action with students working on tunity 1.0 participate in real-life aitua­ projecta of their own design in areas tiona they m.y never h.... e thought they that are of particular interest to them. would encounter as college students. for The product of their WOl'k may be a pu~ eJCample. acience students may researth lished report. legialation, petition dri ... e posaible health huards. like cancer­ or appearance on radio or TV. c.uaing asbestos tiling. in their own Since NYPIRG ia new on campus. it classrooma. migM be a good idea to answer a few of Buainess students might investigate the most-asked questiona about it. businesa practices in public agenciea. WHO STARTED NYPIRG? Politica atudents might e ... aluate the ef­ fecti ... eneas of New York'a City Council. NYPIRG W8!l established in 1973 by college students aJong with COnsumer And future lawyera might help lobby for ad ... ocate Ralph Nader and a young law· new conaumer legislation. yer named Donald Ross. Ross is now A ... ailable interns hips pro ... ide an Exec:uti ... e Director. opportunity 1.0 earn academic credit for Today. there are "PIRG"s in 25 other your NYPIRG in ... olvement.. atatea but New YOl'k PIRG is the largeat One thing is very important: You and moat effecti ... e with chapters at don't have to be a str.ight A atudent to Queens College. Queensboro contribute 1.0 NYPI RG . NYPIltG ia Community College. Brooklyn College. made up of all kinds of atudents with all City College and man.... Mher CUNYand kinda of hidden talentll and concerns. SUNY school

It's difficult to think of NY· t.he organizaton, but became so Though he's always been work­ new position. PIRG without thinking immed­ involved wit.h and dedicated to ing for a cause and dealing with But never fear, because Jay iately of Jay Hershenson. NY­ the group, that he remained_ For politics, Jay says: "I'll never run isn't abut to abandon NYPIRG. PIRG's New York City Regional t.he past. two years he's been SO for public office. 1 really don't In fact. he'll be working very Director and long-time friend of very active. fighting for students, think that politicians stand a closely with them. particularly the Flute. However. this mont.h. trying to organize st.udent.s so chance against special interest. on their upcoming conference on Jay will be resigning his post. that they might soon learn how poups- that's where the action the Future of the Part Time Stu­ Well. it's not that Jay is actually to organize themselves. is." dent. This conference, scheduled ieauing NYPIRG, it's more like Before he could even think of Jay Hershenson doesn't. need for February 15th, 1979 is de­ he is, as his friend Ralph Nader leaving. says Jay. "I wanted to to be an elected official to get signed to help increase financial puts it. "just taking on an extra do everything to make sure that things done. He's always been an aid for part time students. job." NyprRG was strong." And sure effective leader and we're sure And of course. Jay will be t.here. Come December 1st., Jay will enough, NYPIRG is atit.s strong­ that he will contiRue to be in his -Laurie Brockway become the Executive Director est now. much of the credit. be­ of the Committee on Higher Ed­ longing to Jay, and an incredibly ucation for-CUNY. The Commit­ dedicated staff. tee is a coalition of about 70 cum­ Jay, who witl soon receive his munity, civic, educational and re­ M.A. in Urban Studies from ligious groups which have all his­ Queens College, has indeed had a torically advocated higher edu­ very active career in student. pol­ 90"",~ cation. itics and organizat.ion. From ~~"Ct;'~..,.~. 'OEnla,ge,.Private Rooms Accepting t.his new position 1974-76 he served as t.he Chair-' • Comfortable was a real difficult decision for person of CUNY's Student. Sen­ _ ~ • Economical Jay, who's turned down offers ate. He was appoint.ed by the ~ • lessons from CUNY in the past. But. Governor to the temporary Com­ ~ • Available Evenings says Jay. "I feel that lowe a mission on Post. Secondary Edu· • Custom Printing • Drop-off Service deal to the University and if cation and was appointed by there's a role that I can play to President Carter to the Advisory Tel.: 380-1942 make its future bright., I think J Task Force on Educat.ion. He THE have a responsibility to do t.hat." has also been working with Jay began working with NY­ !DARKROOM~ l i~IW~A~t8~~ ~,~~c Donald Ross. now of NYPIRG. NEXT TO THE PARSONS THE ATRE PIRG in March 1977. He had and Consumer Activist Ralph IWORKSHOP FLUSHING N Y 11 365 ITI~~" a year-long commit.ment to Nader for years. JANUARY 1979 • FIOREllO'S FlUTE . llA Ralph Nader: Still Alive and Well

Photos by l aurie Brockway

By Ronald BrowDSle.in But more than a decade after his ini­ "Until we solve Lhe problem of how to But Nader isn'Lexactly sure where the. "Congress is a merchandise. a political tial congressio[!al victory over General get Congress off Lhe aucLion block," he sLudents of t.he 1970's fit into that new merchandise up for sale. The groups who Motors, Nader is still fighting the con­ continued. "we're not going to see Con­ scheme of citizen aCLion. want goodie!'! from Congress in Lerms of sumer battle on Capital Hill. still preach· gress except in very small ways, pass "I think ... where Lhe conceptual gap t.az breaks and subsidies are willing to ing the gospel of citizen participation legislation that shifts the possession of is now (ist trying to find what really buy the Senators and RepresenUltives.·· and student action. still battling those power more equitably to people who grabs studenta. Very few people could That'a Ralph Nader on the United "systemic forces" in the corporate have the votes away from people who have predicted that SouLh Africa would StaLeS Congreu. world. He says he has resisted the temp­ have the dollars." become Lhe biggest issue on campus last "He just shuffles cards with the Ultion to become an institution himself. By the time he's finished speaking in year. So, you know. it's not like we got Chamber of Commerce and pressure "I keep my eye on the ball," he says, his sharp. infinitely assured tones. you our finger on the pulse when we miss groups. He does not try-as he could in a "which is the injustice of the situation, can almost see the congressmen brist· that kind of development."' hundred ways-to expand the aware­ nOL the status. nOL the diversions. or ling. "Abrasive" and "arrogant" may Like many other observers, he thinks ness and power of citizens around the anything. There's so much phoniness have only been the printable adjectives. the student movement has stalled be­ country:' that goes on under the cover of reform." Then there's Nader's view of cause the goals of the seventies are far That's Ralph Nader on President The words that have described Nader President . more complex than the goals of the Jimmy Carter. since his emergence as a public figure in In the summer of 1976, Nader made a sixties. "If you can drive New York City into 1965 still fit him today at age 44. Aselic. well publicized visit to Plains to see "Other than the fact that there isn't the ground you can do almost anything. Ready, Intense. His spartan lifestyle Jimmy Carter, then the Democratic somebody outside the campus who's I mean. it's not very difficult to drive and long work days were famous before nominee for President. The two huddled grabbing people off and sending them to Calcutta into the ground. (but! if you can anyone even cared thaL Jerry Brown had inside, then went outside for one of war. the main change (between the drive the richest city lin the worldl into studied to be a Jesuit. One close aide · Carter's pick·up softball games. sixtiea andt:he seventiest is that the gosh the ground. t.hese forces must be pretty said he has worked every single day Today, Nader says that on a one-to-ten aren'L as clear. That is, the goal of systemic. You don't do that accidental­ since joining Nader earlier this year: scale, he would raLe Carter's stopping the war was pretLy clear. That ly, or by a stub of the toe." "Ralph says.·If you wanL to beat them, performance as President a "three." is, the goal of stopping the war was That's Ralph Nader on the decline of you got to work harder than they do'." "He has nOL tried to rooL his campaign pretty clear. This is more of a process of New York City. This spring "they" won a major vic­ pledges in the neighborhoods and com· advance with little goals, nOL one big Despite the obituary notices that tory when Nader's Office of Consumer munities around the counLry. He's basi· goal," he said. RepresentaLion went down to defeaL on appeared after the defeat of his pet cally content to deal only wiLh Lhe or­ "And you need the big goals:' he con· the House floor. The Office would have gani:r.ed interest groups in Washington. federal consumer proLection agency bUi tinued. "The trouble is you're not. 0r­ argued consumers' interests before this spring, Nader is still alive-and Once you do that, you're down very ganized for the big goals yeL" kicking. oLher federal agencies: in effecL, it would substantially from the beginning," said PredicLably, Nader believes, "Lhe His empire stretches from groups have been the people's lawyer. The bill's Nader. himself the founder of a slew of great breakthrough!'! are yet to come. ,. watching Congress and pushing for lax defeat was widely perceived 88 a organi:r.ations, centers, and sLudy reforms to a nationwide organi:r.ation of repudiation of Nader himself. Many groups. "It's gOL to be made dramatic," said sports buffs called FANS (Fight to Ad· observers said he had killed his dream Nader's own legislative prioriLies con­ Nader of his cQnsumer movemenL. vance the Nation's Sports). Thirteen with his own hands. He was "too ar' Linue to center around opening up "There's got to be emotion in it, not just years after the publication of Unsaf' At rogant, too abrasive." ouL of touch with government to as many people as the hard evidence of the abuses and Any Speed, he has become one of the Lhetimes. poBllible: providing reimbursement for remedies. It's got to be a sense of camar­ most well·known figures in America. The criticism hasn't changed his style. people who can't afford to parLicipate in aderie, a !l8nse of being something He's been the subject of several full· Or softened his stands. government proceedings, allowing citi· special in the citi:r.en's movement. a length biographies and innumerable "Most of the big battles going on in :r.ens to challenge governmenL illegalities sense of status, a sense of rl!Cognition." articles in the national presa. He's been Washington now are on Lrivia," he said in court, and expanding federal con­ "There aren't many people who are photographed playing softball with the in a recent inter view. "Things that sumer class action rights. totally self·motivating:· he added, "and PtesidenL And, like Richard Dreyfuss aren't going to work... We're dickering "We have to develop new modes of never need these kinds of things." and , be's hoated "SatUl'­ over micro-trivia. Things that sound citizen instrument.!, citi:r.en action'-' he "Those people are what we call day Night Live." good.butdon·tmakeadifference.. ,. aaid. ·Ieaders· ... 12A • FIOREllO'S FlUTE . J ANUAR Y 1979 To the Editor Coop Experienee Dear EdItor, old Granny, and congradulate you total· I bad to chuckle over the recent letter lyon that fantastic winter issue of the By LISA LUV ments. I met quite a few interesting written in from a students motber in Flute. One tbing that I did learn from people. regards to the February "MOODer". I this controversial issue of the Flute, that On January 3, 1978, I awoke at 7:16 Then, OD a Tuesday morning, I was would like your readers to know that I it is now high time to bide my future B.m It was to be tbe ftrst day or my notified by my supervisor that I would have a fantastic 78 year old Grand· copys, It. seems tbat dear old Granny Co·op internship. I had been placed at be working in the Security Department mother, wbo is not ashamed to read tbe ripped off my copy. I say tbank!i to the ITT· International telephone and Tele­ until my internship was completed. Flute, and in fact ssid she had tbe staff on tbe Flute for cheering up graph. I felt honored to become a part of Working in the Security Department greatest laugb in ber life over tbe Granny, and I enjoy reading tbe Flute. their huge corporation, especially their was the most exciting part of my Mooner. To sum it up best in "Gran· Keep up tbe great work. And above all World Headquart..ers. internship. Besides having the best ny'." words: "Tbere is mucb to much keep on witb the Mooners. Ha. Ha. Ha. Well, off I was to work, dressed typewriter on the floor. I worked with suffering in this world and to mucb pain appropriately for the day ahead. Of the sweetest people you would ever want and a little bumor here and tbere never Kathie A. Newme course, the ride on the chaotic F train to meet. burt. anyone. I agree totally with dear Eztended Day Student didn't help remove my nervousness. We had to keep up·to·date files on I arrived at my destination . the crises happening allover the world. So, I Personnel Department. There were two learned about terrorism, bomb threats, other LaGuardia interns starting with kidnappings, and even killings all over Someone me. After our Identification photos were the world. taken, we had to split up and go to our The last day of my internship was on assigned areas. t stayed in the Employ· St. Patrick'. Day. Half of the people on whoeares ment OffiCe. There, t would type inter· my floor were Irish, so I bought green office memos, administer employment fiowerfl and handed them out as I left the When I came to tbis school last fall, I speak to them in conversation. applications, as well as test the ap· office. plicants in stenography, typing, and was not able to write correctly. My Next quarter in the winter she was my I felt that this internship was most even French. errors were tenses and analyzing every tutor for Basic Composition. In this enlightening and enjoyable. I really At the start of the next week, I was sentence that I wrote. Tbere was a tutor quarter I made more improvement in my learned what it is like to work with so sent to work up at the Benefits Depart.· who helped me very mucb in making me writing and my personality had changed many different people and to get 80 rnent. Here, I would answer phone calls, correct. my errors. Tbis per!IOn bed a sinoe the previous quarter. Whenever I much done in such a short time. tremendous amount of patience to bear would come to the Writing Center she send out checks to employees, and the witb me, I used to tell ber that sbe would jokingly try to hide from me and worst part . filing. I detest filing!! That I was happy to learn that I received an wasn't helping me and I should stop 'say "Here comestrouble". As the tenn week went by extremely slow. I thought "A" on my internship. Now that I am coming to the writing center. Every went on my compositions were being it would never end. going out again in the fall, 1 hope that week I would come back to the center marked more on content than on gram· Weeks went by of rotating between my second internship will be as pleasant and tell my tutor that my writing was mar errors. In the end of the quarter I the Employment and Benefits Depart. as the first. improving. She would tell me not to received a B for Basic Composition. This worry about me passing the ezit ezam. made me realize that if I push myself I My. goal in Fundamental Writing was to can succeed. My tutor was glad that I did pass tbe exit exam and not go back to well in t.he course. And she told me that I Monologue the writing center. had changed since I £irst came to the Near the end of the tenn I had taken center. Sbe has made me work on my Funny, I don't remember growing wish . always wishing. God, it's tl'te ezit ezam and made only three errors writing and if I don't see her ever again I old. The days seemed endless. They cold. Maybe tea will help to warm me on the paper. This made me feel very will remember everything she has taught passed so slowly. Then, I thought I up. I must get some mill" With pri. gdod about myself and this made my me. had more time, so many years to ex­ ces these days, I can barely afford tytor feel proud of me, My tutor al80 People who work in the Writing . helped me in my personality. She told Cenlet' are very courteaoue and helpful plore. Now, there's nothing left . my tea. God, I'm so cold. mer I'!.Ot to worry about something which to the students who come there. They all When did I lose it all? Time. It seems When did it end? The laughter. I I had no control over. She made me deserve recognition for doing a great job like just yesterday when I could don't remember it ending, I wish, thihk about how I should make myself and should keep up the good work. laugh so freely, laugh out loud. Now, There I go again. Never did any happy and how to be more patient with the laughter comes so rarely. I al­ good, all that wishing. For what? Oh people. Who find me to strong when I Donald Smith ways thought I was so happy, so well. Strange, how Ufe goes by you content. When did the laughter and you don't even notice. You think you have all the time in the world, The Constant Flow Ha, I remember once, when I was ' then it's over. young ... Forget it, it's gone. Too Funny, I don't remember growing bad, the memory was once so clear. I old. -Sandy Schubert

ATTORNEY Criminal and Civil Matters Fees Quoted Call 793-0303 or 225-1831 after 6 p m

I see these people I contact as a stream of faces which constantly flows. Each face carries a different message, a different statement., a different need. Some messages I read clearly. some statements I understand thoroughly and some needs I can relate to Isaiah's Dance Palace in deptb. Here is a message I can read; 80 I interpret, clarify, analyze and advise. Now comes a statement that I disect, rearrange and refocus. Needs are expressed in one way or ~ 64B Broadway, N.Y.C. (between Bleecker and Band) another, eitber verbally or non-verbally. I get involved with t hem, identify t hem, put them into perspective and offer some alternative. CD The Dreadest Sound System in Townl Reflecting on my day I feel I have done my part. in this helping profession so I begin ~ Telephone: 260·3494 to rew, satisfied and content. ' 'I'm glad I said such·and·such to so-and-so," when and how I did. I did the right things at the rigbt times." I say these things to myself o and 1 justify my actions. But yet, beneath it all there are things I ponder. "Did I read o Admission: $3 un1ll12, $4 aHer. that message clearly enough?" Did I understand that statement aa thoroughly as I thought?" "Did I relate deeply enough to that need?" "Did I offer the proper ~ alternatives?" There are satisfacttctDs of all kinds yet there are also doubts and hopes. So I end the >- day with this silent prayer: "Make me more sensitive to feelings. more aware of unstated needs and more "0 Now helpful to other; Dot only because it is the right thing to do but, because it is what that particular individual needs. Thank you for the opportunity to aerve-by giving of ";:: myself fo r as we give we receive." en Every Thursdayl Raul Sepulveda Co..,.).. JANUARY 1979 • FIORELLO'S flUTe· 13" JOE SHENKER: The Man Inside the Suit BY LAURIE BROCKWAY

Shenker, pl.ylng color comment. lor lor Unl.".. I!y S asketb.lI. Photos by Gene Lutlenberg

carefully He's also a fabulous mingier, and down? "Oh sure," he says," a number of J oseph Shenker is not your average gets around to everyone at parties and them ." American college president. In fact, receptions It's curious to know how one per­ People Make the Place he's a ra ther extraordinary man. At son can stay so nice all the time Shenker has been with LaGuardia from the 39, he's a lready been a co lle ge Shenker blushes at compliments, as a little start It's through his clever engineering, his boy grin crosses his face: careful choice of staff and his unending dedi­ presidenl for ten years and he's still cation that LaGuardia Community College You 're a very personable college president. one of the youngest in the nation. He is what it is today - a unique institution that /t 's amazing how you can be so on the ball all was even voted one of the top 100 has gained not only citywide, but nationwide lhetime. recognition as being a very good school educators in the country by Change " Well, why are you so ama~ed? " Shenker is proud of the college that opened magazine. Don', you ever feel like feffing people to get in 1971 with a class of 500 students and now At first glance, you'd never suspect Shenker lost? has an enrollment of 7,000. " LaGuardia is a is a college president Maybe it's because " O h sure. But it's two things It's part of the very special institution," he says, but Shenker you'd expect a stuffy old gent in a 1950's suit. job, and, I like talking to people, I don' t feel won't claim all the credit for its success. "I've or someone more of the Dean Wormer vanety pressure or tension talking to people. J enjoy it. said it so many times, I guess it's redundant," Perhaps it's his casual manner and boyish good It's fun " explains Shenker, " But I believe it's the people looks' that throw you off. There's something who make the institution - all the people I very unassuming about him. Shenker never seems to get angry and even when he's annoyed. he's in control think the vast majority of the people take a But Shenker is a powerhouse. He's smart. great deal of pride in being associated with the He's energetic. He knows what he's How do you deal with your anger, supress it? College - the cleaning staff, the faculty. doing - the man is a lways in control. Yet Are you not allowed to blow up because you 're sec retaries, administrators and the students, I there's an appealing quality about him that the Prez? think people are rea lly working together for a makes you feel comfortable around him. It's a common goa l, because they have pride in the mixture of se lf-assurance and innocence that " Yes. that's right: I guess you get used to it. I institution," hits you at once. don't believe I have the priviledge of exploding Shenker is pleased with LaGuardia There Unl ike many college administrators, and getting angry. but I think J will tell people are program expansions happening left and presidents in particular, Shenker is very acces- if I' m annoyed; tell them I want it corrected if right, enrollment figures prove that the College sible He meets with members of the college there's a mistake; ask them to come to my is providing a service that appeals to a diverse community regularly - student leaders office and we'll talk about it," number of students, and the reconstruction included - and he's always up for a chat, when Does he have a friend he can talk with about he's not locked- into his -schedu'-e .• .He - lis.tens. -~- - the..he.a.vo;..,tuff that-can get a college president .. 14A • FIORELLO'S FLUTE· JANUARY 1979 which once seemed as if it would never end, is Shenker says that within' the next year or so he 90 percent complete. "Yes, I am pleased," says wi!: try to purchase the Sony. building. At the Shenker, "I think we have reached most of our moment, LaGuardia just rents the first and goals." basement levels, and owns the parking lot on Changesl the roof. But, if LaGuardia has changed so much over Young Joe Shenker the last 6 years, how has Joe Shenker changed? Shenker grew up in Manhattan -106th Did he once run around, going bananas, trying Street and West End Avenue to be exact. As a to make a new college work? kid, he says that he wasn't much of a leader, "That's a hard question," says Shenker, and he had no particular goals to be a college suggesting that question may be better president - or a cop or a cowboy. Shenker was answered by those who have worked with him a jock. over the years. " I don't think I've changed that "I guess through most of my teenage years much. Oh sure, when we first opened, I was and partly into college I played a lot of basket­ nervous about every little thing 1 was con­ ball. That was the peer group that I moved cerned that we'd have chairs in the classrooms with and a number of us were fairly good," he for students to sit on. I was concerned that the says. blackboards wouldn't get here on time. At the Shenker .himself ended up playing basket­ beginning there were so many little details, ball for Queens College and then for Hunter. that now we all take for granted." One of his basketball cronies, Albert Hemnsey, "I remember one of the first requests of the wound up becoming Assemblyman for Forrest student body during the first year was for Hills. water fountains - we had totally overlooked What else did Shenker do as a kid? Did he them," he reflects, with a laugh " We had no like girls, or lust sports? water fountains in the college - it was just one "Oh sure, I liked girls," he says, with an I­ of those things. There are lots of little things wasn't-that-into-sports grin which are here and which everyone uses in its Shenker spent most of his summers as a normal flow which, when we first opened, had camper and then, working in summer camps. to be done to begin with" He was a waiter for a few years in camps in the A Certain Intim acy Catskills and then he became the director of a One of LaGuardia's most striking features small camp in Vermont. That was around 1952, has always been its intimacy. The intimacy that and then came college. For Shenker, it was fun has begun to diminish with the Increase of running a summer camp, but, " It was hard people, Though the school still has a certain work" Not as difficult, though, as running a personality about it, those who had visited or college who have been here for a while can still recall One Thing Led to A no ther the novelty of recogni~ing all the faces in the Shenker never decided that he wanted to be hall, of teachers and students dining in the a col lege president. There was no bolt of light­ same cafeteria. Shenker doesn't like to admit ning accompanied by a voice that said, "Joe, that feature is fading with increased enroll­ go to it, be a prez." Says Shenker, " I never ment but says: "It really depends on what deCided. It just happened." people expect and what they're used to. I know As Shenker explains, it was a case of one students who've come back here after going to thing led to another. Shenker attended Hofstra some other Colleges around NYC and say 'that University for a year, until financial difficulties place ;s enormous. I'm lost and LaGuardia is a propelled him to Hunter, in the Bronx. After nice place to be: Si?e is a relative thing in getting his masters degree from Hunter, he terms of what you get used to. What I'm saying began w6rking on his doctorate in Economics is, a feeling of clO1eness and warmth and at Columbia and was "really having a difficult attitude toward si?e is dependent upon, I think time financia lly." to a great extent, what you come from and "By chance, I was the first student to get an what you come to expect. economics deg,ee at Hunter," says Shenker. "Yes, we are bigger than we were three years "Since I was the first student to go through the' ago, but we're not going to get much bigger. program, I got to know the Dean of Faculty We're pretty much going to level it off." there very well." Through that connection, he Wilf LaGuardia start turning people away or got a job as a research assistant in, what was what? then. the very beginnings of the Universities "Well the university has pretty much indi­ Doctorate Program. cated to us that it doesn't want us to get any Shenker's financial difficulties were helped bigger. Also, our physical facilities are just by the job, but the job became conflicting with about where we should be. In fact, one area classes. we're missing badly is lounge space for ~'At that time, Columbia graduate faculty students. scheduled all their courses in the middle of the To facilitate the unexpected growth, day, which made it pretty impossible to have a job," Shenker says. "For a while, the people I worked with were pretty nice and flexible about it. But it became clear that if they were paying me a salary, they couldn't be flexible forever. So, I switched over to Teachers Col/ege, which offered courses in the evening and I sort of had a bacherlori?ed degree in the Economics of higher education " In 1965 Shenker began working for Chancellor Bowker, who was CUNY' s chancellor prior to Kibbee and, according to Shenker, one of the greater influences in his professional life He began with CUNY as a research assistant and then did a number of different jobs, for a while he was Assistant to the Chancellor for Community Colleges, and later became the Dean for Community Colleges. He worked very closely with Bowker, who is now the Chan­ cellor of Berkley, in California. During l IO"'lrdll'l Ilrtief ),llrs, StMnklr looted morl IIkI I Itudlnt. ExClpt lor I fl. dllUnvul.l'Mocf.lootcl nv vrl)"­ "It was a different era than what we're living he tllln't Ctllnged mueh. in now," .says Shenker of his beginning yeerS"in JANUARY 1979 • FIORELLO'S FLUTE. 15A education. " It was an era of expansion and he'd like to try, something that excites hi m. growth and the possibility of open admissions. Politics, maybe? The University was getting lots of money and With a long pause, Shenker admits that " It's higher education was looked upon with great a possibility." " I'm not trying to avoid your favor by the public and the private sector." question, but, I rea ll y don't know," he ex­ A New College a nd A New Prez. plains. " I really don't think in those terms. I While Shenker was Assistant to the Chancel­ don't say to myself that I want to do that in lor for 'Community Colleges, a resolution four or five years. I think that, as life goes on, authori~ing four new community coll eges to things will and things do happen. Offers are be added to the existing six was passed. Those made and you judge them upon their merit, colleges turned out to be Medgar Evers, based upon what's important to you in life and Hostos and LaGuardia. " We never got to you accept them and turn them down." number 10," says Shenker with a chuckle, "but But there's got to be something: a movie somewhere in the archives of City University is star, a sports comentatorl " Nope, don't want a resolution authori~ing number 10." At least · to be a movie star," says Shenker, "I also they got around to number 9. don't want to be a sports commentator. Well," Shenker would have been more involved with the actual planning of LaGuardia, but at he reconsiders, " that would be fun - on a part­ that time he was taking a trial run at being a time basis." college president. When the President of Kings­ Aspiring Arbitra to r boro Community College resigned on short But the truth comes out, because there is notice, Bowker asked Shenker to step in as one particular professional area that seems to acting president for " a month or 2." " That turn him on That's the area of arbitration and month or 2 ran into close to 8 months" says mediation Shenker, " then they asked me to be president " I'm a certified arbitrator for the American of LaGuardia " Arbitration Association," announces Shenker Would he have stayed at Kingsboro if he rather proudly " I haven't done any-but I'm hadn't been appointed president of trying to get myself in positions where I can LaGuardia? " I don't think 50," says Shenker, start doing that. It goes back to one of the who probably would have ended up at goals I had years ago, as a doctorate student." LaGuardia anyway. " The excitement of Shenker seems to be intrigued by the field of starting a new institution was a tremendous arbitration and mediation, leaning towards the draw, as opposed to being at Kingsboro - which arbitration side. (The mediator is more of a go­ is a fine institution; but when you start some­ between who has to try and get two parties to thing from scratch, it's very exciting. As you agree, the arbitrator has the final decision.) said before, you get ne rvous about it and " When I negotiated a contract with the . tense, but still, it's very exciting." University a year and a ha lf ago, I enjoyed I Never Plan My life that," he says. " It was fascinating. It was a He saw the question coming: Can you see brand new experience that I'd never done yourself here for . .. "The rest of my Hfe" he before." interjects. "No" explains the P r e~ . "I never "So if you're talki ng about goals and things, plan my life that way. Maybe you can, maybe I'm trying to get myself into slowly," some people do, but I never have. I never concludes Shenker, " It is the field of arbitra­ planned to be the president of the coll ege. I tion and mediation II However, his position entered a move in that direction and oppor­ prevents him from getting into any heavy tunities developed and you make decisions arbitrating right now. based upon what's available. I don't have a A Celebrity goal - that I want to be something or other Shenker is always up for some fun and he within two years." reall y got a kick out of being a color But everybody's got a dream or two, stashed away in their hats. Isn't there something that

JOE SHENKER: The Man Inside the Jeans On campus, the Prez is a suit man - but there's reaso n to suspecl him of having a closet full of jeans for weekend wear. He co nfirms it: "Sure, o n the weekend, I wear jeans," But unlike Jimmy Carte r, who likes to emphasize his down home image by wearing - jeans o n the White Ho use lawn, Shenker doesn't wear them o n campus. He ex plains: I "One of the first years we were open, I came to the Co llege o n a weekend wearing jeans and a turtleneck something or other. I hadn' t shaved and t pretty mu ch wa nted to come to the office 10 do paperwork. It was a Saturday and I wa nted to catch up a little. " I met some students - especiall y some of the older ones - in the hall and I said good morning and so fo rth. Then, the nex t week, I Shenker In "'lsl.lns- on lOin from t"'.'lmlty I'bum. go t feedback that those students were in­ sulted; tha t they fe ll their president important that thier president be dressed in shouldn't look li ke that. They fe lt there waS ,a a certa in way to sy mboli ze something dignity to the offi ce th ai I should maintain important to them. I didn't ex pect it and I and they just felt it was inappropriate. So was surprised." I've never do ne it si nce." One gets the feeling that the student s who "From the point of view of coming (in spotted Shenker in his jeami .. nd fl ipped are jeans) on a Saturday morning. I still think it's of the nasty·letters-to-the-editor va riety, But o kay to not shave and to sneak in to do Shenke r respe cted their feelings a nd, paperwork , But that was the sense I got from besides, he says that suits and ti es aren't all the stude nts. From their perspeclive it's that bad. 18A • FIORELLO'S FLUTE. JANUARY 1979 commentator for CUNY basketball a couple of The problem is, where do yO!J find people who danced." years ago. will put up with my lousy playingl" He's think­ He's definitely not a disco animal and he's " The first time, I was a little nervous," says ing of polishing his serve with a course through not dying to get into . Disco music is Shenker. " Not only was I nervous that I wa s on Continuing Ed or Recreation. tolerable if " it' s not too loud." TV - I've been on TV interview programs - but Shenker's not much of a movie buff, and " I've been to some discos and I guess, some on this one, there were so many things that you he's no t particularly keen on television. but he of the dances here. The music is so loud, it's had to do simultaneously. A whole new range does like to read a lot. overwhelming. That's my own feeling. It's fun, of senses were being tested and I was n' t used but it's too much nOise, somehow." to it." He's not particularl y fond of rock 'n roll, not Shenker laughs as he remembers the experi­ rock ' n roll a la the Rolling Stones, anyway. " I ence. " The ear phones are so that the direc tor remember the rock ' n roll from when I grew ca n give you instructions on the cam eras up - Fats Domino, Chuck Berry - I like that, w here you're si tting and then, ri ght under the it's fun music." camera, is a person with signs - also telling A t ho me, he f avors t he mellow to the you w hat you're su pposed to be doing. So classical or maybe a few show tunes - Peter, you' re ei ther making comments about t he Pau l and Mary, Si mon and Garfunkel, The Wiz, ga m e o r in terviewi ng so meone and w hile Jesus Chr is t Superstar. " I wouldn' t go out and you' re interviewing the person the direc tor is buy the record Grease" he says, which doesn't say ing to you, " O kay, 30 seconds to go, start matter because his d aughters convinced their wi nding down And, there's this person out grandmother to buy it for them. there writing you a note: " move over to you r Who is Joe Shekerl left ' And you' re supposed to have an intelli­ W ho are you? Shenker is uncomfortable gent conversa tion with the person you' re inter­ w ith the directness of the question He paused, viewing " takes a deep drag on his cigarette and leisurely " It takes time to get used to all those signals exhales. gomg on becau se you tend to get confused. " Who am I? I think I' m lots of people " But after a while you get used to it -like any­ Like who? thing else - and after the game you're more " "m trymg to res pond to your question, but relaxed there are so many things that are me. that I Shenker did this about eight times and the enjoy I enJOY the excitement and creativity of ga me was broadcast on Channel 13 He says it my profession and what I'm dOing At the same was " enjoyable and different," but he time, I very much enJoy going out to the ocean wouldn't really want to make a career of it. for the day out o n long Island and sittll}g and " I could do it," he says. "but I don't think I watching seagu lls catch fish" cou ld do it as a permanent, full-time thing. I Shenker's a pretty easy going guy, bu t this wouldn't mind doing it in addition to some­ ques tion isn't one of hiS favorites. However, " Who 1m I ... Ithlnk I'm loll olp41opl • ." thing else - it was f un. But it's· very hard to he manages to avoid it with a story that seems make a ga me exciting for the audience if it's a " A lot of the reading I do is escape reading­ to say more about him than a direct answer boring ga me It's hard work . You have to try to spy stories - love those," he says . He us ually could. make up things to talk abou t." polishes off a book a week, but rea lly hits the " I found a new seagu ll I always thought Presidential leisure Time a II -t he-t h i ngs- I' ve-w a n ted-to-rea d-bu t-ha ven' t­ that seagulls sk immed the water - at least the Shenker's days are generally lo ng and yet list during vaca tion peri ods ones I'd seen - and sort of looked for fish and va ried. His sc hedule is generally full. w hether Does he think he might sit d own and peck plucked them out. I was sItting by the bay and it be dr jv m~ up to Albany to all-day meetings out a book of his own someday? Mulling it this seagull dove into the wa ter I was a m a~ed . or buni(lg In and out o f conferences and over, he says, " I might. I used to write a lot ­ I thought the bird had beenshot, f irst off So I appointments on ca mpus. There IS rea lly no not novels - but my job has taken me in dif­ was si uing there, lust looking at the water, typical d ay-in-the-lif e-of-a-college pres ident. ferent directions. I've thought about it. M aybe relax ing, rea lly enjoying it and thIS poor bird But Shenker d oes like to unw ind from a day someday I'd like to " comes right down and I just stared at it. A packed w ith p res identiai chores by swimming. He d oesn' t get to the movies much, but moment later, it popped up aga in and I sa t He hits the water about two or three times a Grease was one o f his recent favorite$. " I there for an hour just watching these birds week at the " Y" near his home in New Jersey . ' thought it was ve ry well done" he comments fish." Shenker likes to relax w ith sports, but his " there were a lot of little things in it which I "So I'm 10 t of different people_" basketball days are pretty much pas t. He sort remember and could pick up. The kids saw it Tell mealf o f them. of misses not being able to get down to the on one level, but I saw other things in it that " I' m no t sure I know all o f them." gym to shoot a few baskets now and then, but were very funny. The dancing was terrific." A re you sensitive? lack of free time, and a combination o f " no t But does the Pre? like to boogie? " Do I like " I think so. I think I'm reasonably perceptive. doing it and smoking too much" prevent him. to dance?" he says with a knowing grin. '" I think I listen ve ry ca refully." '" enjoy tennis" he sa ys, though. " I'm not can 't dance. Oh, I like to shuffle around to " It's mu'c h eas ier if you ask other people." very good at it, but I like to ge t out and play. some slow music and pretend, but I've neve r Author's Note Admittedly, I am a Joe Shenker f an. As editor of the Flute, I got to know the guy, to Daddy's Little Girls work w ith him I respect and admire him a lot. He's always been very supportive of the Flute. Asked about his daughters, a daddy-like Even though he's probably flipped out over gl ea m comes to his eye. O f Debra. 11 , and some of the stuff that has ended up in the Karen, 8, he sa ys this: " They're terr ific. They're paper, he never w ro te nasty letters to the smart and they're Just very enjoyable to be editor He's got a sense of humor w ith. They' re both very much interes ted in His door has always been open and he's dance and music. 80 th reasonably good ath­ always tried to answer questions, even if letes - they like gymnastics. I think they are they're kinda weird or sorta personal (like bo th sensitive and have a good sense of them­ where he got the nea t si lver braclet that he selves. They're a lot of fun to be with." wears on his right wrist and what his first name " They fight like sisters often do from time to rea lly is -which I'll never divulge.) time, but basically they're very good co mpa n ~ Of course, a college president IS gonna want ions for one ano ther." to stay on the ins w ith the co ll eg~ press.!- and And o f course, they're both m ad ab'out student Ivad ers in general. But Shenker is Shaun Cassidy and John -Travolta, as well as different. He really likes us guys. their dad. I hope that through thiS article you've gotten And Shenker has a witty explanation for his to know Joe Shenker. You ca n see how it's a 11 year old's sudden growth and appea rance little impOSS Ible for him to ge t out there and of being older. "She could be following the make f riends with 7, O students. " The ma,or same growth pattern that I had when I was a part of the student body doesn't know me," kid," he sa ys. " I reached my si!!e when I wa s says the Prez. " And there's no way to correct twelve or 13 and then I stopped growing." that that I can think of - except by saying over and ove r aga in to TIleiilany groups I meet with: If you want to stop by for a chat -I'm here.(' JANUARY 1919 • FIOREllO'S flUTE • 17~ on the ahow, interviewing them so t.hat By LAURIE BROCK WA Y t.he host would have questions tD ask Mary Pat Kelly is the type of name when he interviewed them. and making that makes you think of freckles, braids M.P.K.: Superstar sure that they were on camera on time. and Sunday mass. It', got that unmis· Through that job sbe got to meet a slew takable Irish ring to it and if you eay it of interesting, talent.ed, famous, and three times faat, you wind up with Mary even not «J famous people. She also got. Kat PelJy. It's an interesting name, one tD experience all the glamour, along with that you won't ea!Jily forget. And Mary &11 the pressure. that comes with work· Pat is a lady you jU!Jt can't forget. ing in television. Eventu&1ly. she'd bad Mary Pat Kelly is one of LaGuardia'a enough. That's not. where she wanted to resident faculty celebrities. She's a full· be. of -energy. always·into·something per. "Talented people are re&1ly interesting son, and anyone who's been in one of her to talk with and work with,' says Mary fllm, theater, or media production cour· Pat. "but succeu: does funny things to ses can contest to that. You've probably people," At one time, Mary Pat was as seen the 34·year·old Scorpian zipping star·struck as anyone, but. t.bat's all around the college. rushing off to dau or faded away now. Doe5 she have any busy with one project or another. She's idols? "No," she says. " idols never tum been an instructor in LaGuardia's Com· out ~ be what you think they are. any· munication!J Department for 3 yeaa, W'Y though !Jhe'. only been a full·timer for a Teaching vs. Televieion year and a half. A native Chicagoan. Mary is one in s Mary got turned on tD teaching coUege family of six kids, the girls out·number· a few years ago, having taught. at CCNY ing the guy by five. The Kelly's are • for a year. When she carne to laGuardia close·knit clan. but Mary Pat is prob. t.hree years ago, she was still trying t..o ably closest with her sister Micki .• free· decide between teaching full·time or lance television and film producer. Our· staying in television full·t.ime. ing the summer- quarter of 1977, the two "You have to put so much into tele· vision and you hardJy get. anything ~isters taught a Media Production course together at LaGuardia. back." she eays. " With teaching. you Mary Pat has been a New Yorker for get back flO much more-more t.han you bout eight years and for seven of thoae put in. With teaching. there's more of a : ears she's been living in a spacious five flow t.han with the media." room apartment on the Upper West So, it looks like the classroom is here Side. The decor is Morroccan and to stay for Mary Pat. Though she st.iIl Indian. The walls are full of photos, art does freelance work in television (this and hanging things. But the moat inter· year she was a consultant for the Ecuter­ &als esting part of her apartment is probably Telethon and Channel 13'8 " We the long. glass·covered table that docu· Interrupt Th~ Progrom") she knows ments her life with photos pressed be· she'lI be back in school on Monday neath the glass. morning. Besid6:!ll. she generally gets her students involved in all her projects and ANun? oHers them on.the.spot experience in the Seventeen years ago. Mary Pat Kelly areas she teaches- theater. film, acting. thought she wanted to be a nun, "A media production, etc. nun?" "Yes." she says, " but that was a long time ago." Keeping Busy At the age of 17. Mary. vulnerable and Mary Pat's first hand knowledge of innuenced by the changing times, decid· the business and her oontact.a with peo. ed that she "definitely didn't want to get pie in television. film and theater have married." She thought that the church been of great. benefit to her student.s. and would be a rewarding alternative. It the college community in general. wasn't a decisIon sparked by a high She's the faculty advisor for the school heartbreak, nor was it a sudden Drama club and the director of the impulse. This was what she wanted to LaGuardia Repertory Player!, who have do, she t.hought. "At seventeen," she perfonned on campus a number of tim6:!ll. explains, " I'd lived what. I con!Jidered to Last spring the students in her Actor! be a real full life." and Acting course perfonned scenes She spent fiv e years studying at. from Pygmalion. Saintl of Ola Woods and then anot.her She turned "Going To Loolt Por year at Silter o{ Prouiden(;f! in Chicago. Am.rico" into a clus project and a While at Prouiden~ ,he began teaching learning experience for her student.a, and black kids in the ghettD area. Amidst. the also helped organiu t.he Arts Conference roaring rebellion of the 60's. growing on campus in the fan quarter of 1977 . more sware of the problems of the poor. Mary Pat has had Gilda Radner speak the black, the changing times, she be· at the College twice. She got. the Michael came active in the Civ il Right.s Move· Sullivan Dance Company to perfonn ment. She protested. she marc:hed for here and ahe got a whole class into the peace, she even got. Lear gassed at "t.he Stanley Siegel show, when it was broad· Chicago Convention. cast from a small ABC studio. The nuns at Providence weren't very While she was working as a consultant pleased by her anti·establishment activi· for the Easter Seals Telethon !8Jjt. spring. ties and Mary Realized that the church many of her students worked as produc. was not really her calling. "What they In troducing thelaGuardl. Repertory Player,. In a rellectlve mood before cia". tion auistants on the show. She got. two said they were doing and what they were of those students internships on ABC's actually doing were two difrerent PtIoI_tI1l_"_.~ "Kids ARe People Too," which subse­ things." she says. Out of the 55 novices sponded with a 15 page, single·spaced could not attend. he said "She is the one quenLly led them to gett.ing full·time who entered the convent with her, there letter that. "was almost like a legal docu· person who could present my work be· paying jobs on t he production. She also were only 4 remaining when she lef". ment." The young filmmaker was Mar· cause she really understands it." arranged internships for a few student.s Mary jumped right out of the habit tin Scorsese, later to become one of with NBC's "America Alive." and into the act.ion. After her six year America', most popular film direct.or! Getting Into the Busines8 So, Mary Pat has been keeping herseU stint with the convent., she joined t.he ("Mean Street.s. Taxi Driver. The Last. After NYU, Mary Pat began doing and her Itudents pretty busy for the last. Chicago War and Poverty Program as an Walu"l. freelance fllm and TV work. In t.he early couple of year!. Urban Life Advisor. There she incor· A frienship began. They continued to 70's she worked as an assistant to the as· Wh.t'.NextT porated community work with communi· correspond and. the rlT8t time Mary met sociate produce!" of the Dick Cavett cations, involving the people in t.he Marty. 'he was still wearing her habit. Show-booking talent. writing, etc.. Mary Pat is looking forward to ex· ghetto community with filmmaking and Her interest 'continued to grow and while (What was Dick like?-That's off the panding the Communication Arts Pro· theater act.ivit.ies. she was in Chicago she made a few films . record.) She did work on the Interna· gram even DlOf'e and developing new Though the Poverty Program was a One of them was a 20 minute. 16mm tional Childrens film festival, Channel courses in fibn and media. very positive experience for Mary Pat., called "Beside the Singing Riv.r" and it 13's American Dream Machine. the UJA Right now .he·s working on her disser· she bega.n to get restless and curious. starred , Bill MutTBy, Brian Telethon and has been involved with a tation through t he CUNY Graduate Cen· Looking to explore and be free, she left Doyle Murray and Mary's boyfriend number of different shows. ter. Having chosen the theme of images the program and spent t.wo years in Eur· Dennis. She also worked on t.he "National of women in Irish literature, she went to ope, "just bumming around." She had .. Marty told me that. Chicago was not Lampoon Radio Hour" a few years ago, Irela nd to work on it last summer. She no positive direction, but &1$0, no real reo t.he place to be if I wanted to get into the where she teamed up with her old pals aI!IO has written a book on her experien­ strictions-a &eedom she'd yet. to exper· business." says Mary Pat. So in 1970. John Belushi. Gil da Radner and others ces in t he convent and is hoping to pub­ ience. she packed up and moved to New York. who went on to become "The Not REady lish it lOOn. Another book, in the works, is a documentation of "Going To Loolt An Interest in FUm In New York , Mary took graduate for Prime Time Players" on "Saturday courses at NYU and worked with Scor· Night. Live." People were amazed that Por America. " While Mary Pat WIUII still at t.he con· sese. At. one point. they went. to a fil m my voice was real, and not just a put.· Mary Pat. is certain of her career, but vent, she'd developed an intere8l in film. festival in Italy together. on," says Mary of that experience. thinks. perhaps, it.'s about time to settJe She'd heard about a young filmmaker in Through t.he yean, Mary had main· Around this time, two years ago, down. A family might very well be on New York who'd won an award for his tained a friendship with Scorsese and she Mary was still working as Associate the agenda for the near future. Of course senior thesis project at NYU. 1m· even co·produced and created LaGuar· Producer for the "Good Morning Ameri· her work will always be an important pressed, she went tD 8ee his firat film, dia's Spring 1977 film festival. "Going ca" show. a job t.hat. eventually got "too part of her life, but there's also this ador­ "Who', Thot Kruxlting" and was in· to Look for Americ:a"-which viewed, cra%Y." She was the show's talent. ooor· able and huggable private investigator trigued by his work. So, she wrote him a explored and discussed Scorsese's work. dinatDr, which meant: gelt.ing the talent named Dennis that Ihe'l just. mad Ietter.expre88ing he, in~rtit aqd NJ reo • ;rhough ,he was fJ.b.Jljve .t. "he .tjme and .bout. 18A • FIOREllO'S FLUTE • JANU~RY 1979

Gartleld Krider Arthur STein Carmen Laguerra Andrew Scarpulla The following Is a list of students who received George LaMarca Robert Schuler ; honors from the College by being placed on the Gisela Marcano Mildred Smith Dean's list during the summer quarter of 1978. Carmelyn Martini Pamela Schecter There are, aside from these 237 students, hun· Marie Martino Francine Shein is dreds of others who ranked the Dean's list Susan Mayer Douglas Solomno during the 1978 calendar. However, due to 50lmaria Maysonet Enis Marie Swarm spacial limitations, we could only publish the most recent list. Judith Mazzarella Mary Vetrano The list comes from the office of Dean Martin Linda Medina John Wilson Moed, LaGuardia's Dean of Faculty, and to be Ofelia Megia Celestine Wiley chosen from the list the student must have a 3.5 Elizabeth McCarthy Na Yu Man grade point average or over at the end of that Dana McCormich Joseph Zingale ~lt$ specific quarter. Dora Mendoza Yin·Hung Chan Excuse us for not alphabetizing the names. Dibbie Meyers Ismael Mejias The order In which they appear is the order In Shonia Moore Frank Monzon Jr. n which they were submitted to us by the dean's Constance Morris Cheung Ng yat office. Judith Motto Richard Raggio Catherine Nelson Michele Shoemaker Hector Nieves Mary Sampson Theresa Nozzu Irene Sullivan Beth Oates Sweetie Calvert ~-~. John P. Alloggiamento Alan Epstein Marlene Padilla Annamaria Saluga Bernice Aptacy Frances Evans Elizabeth Oleary Kenneth Herbert r Michael Balaga Maureen Connoly Jeanne Orozco Oscar Salazar Maud Bette Jimmy Coullouros Marilza Pena Dorothy Sander Joyce Beamon Frances Crowley Camille Piccolo Elaine Gehnich Ursula Bogart Joann Cuesta Michele Pitta Klnkeung Chan Kathy Brisson Donna Damico Jane Planken Thomas Papcopoulos Mary Calabro Herman Diaz Rodney Prince Ida Schreiba Joan Canalini William Oeninger Miguel Puerto Gladys Ayala Philip Cardamone Gerald Duffy Wally Khan lydia Arce n Judith Browne Miriam Gonzalez Norleen long Ann Finkel ~"t Edwin Carpenter Maxine Greenidge Marcia longmore Vivian Hill Elaine Chirichella Patricia Grirtin Patricia Manzi Mary Mehling Peart Chartes Martin Esses Heddy Morales Hedwig Matuszewski France Cheverette linda Flederteln Lucy Medici laurence Peggy Compenati Dorothy Finnigan Sandra Marius Patricia Gray Eugenia Abramopaulos Mary Fallon Norma Mercado Irma Garcia Ruth BeneU Lorraine Flguereo Alfonso Molina Mary Franklin Betty Carceran Erwin Erker Horst Nareyek Jacqueline Freeman Carmela Bowden Kathline Flannery Paulina Szandrowskl Andrea Rudzwlck Esther DePaola Yolanda Artleda John Galvin LuzVazquez .~,;;;:;. Frances Corso Steven Gounardes Posemary Waikuny Christopher Vavlilis Ronald Cicalese Evelyn Gruber Wilbur Wiggins Eva Carroll Monica Clarke Thomas Gilmartin Alexandria Yepez Bernadine Gray Daisy Correa Edy Gonzalez Yvonne Zacharewlcz Kwan Kwong linda Dandrea Edward Gwisdalla Laura Ventrella Margret Mahoney " Ernesto Delamerced Isola Greaves patricia Ward Nancy Ocasio Marie Delco William Gresham Lester Austin Marsha Schnee ~ti ~ Robert Dillingham Gerellne Jones Barbara Baumb Iris STeiner r Ramona Garcia Marina Hunt Milady Batista Lucy Vega Lorraine Goldlszewskl Carol Fitze Indrid Bayas Michael Westbrook Yvonne Hackett Barbara Kertellcs Carmen Rivera Marjorie Peebles Gina Bellolo Fryma Mantel Irene Rodriquez Johnny Eng .If Carmen Berrios Emma Mims Aida Rosado Siu Fan Lai Bing Kenneth Bird Gertrude Pinto Rose Rudolph Theresa Gallo Richard Barbosa Annie Poole Kenneth Reynolds Jean Falzon·Gomes Chartes Abene Thomas Quinn Carla Rodriquez Sarah Gerogianni Cathleen Billone Betty Reyes Sandra Raffanl Kathie Newman Helen Bnd Christine Roland Partalte Remou Joy Oppdlsano Robert Browne Thomas Young Rosa Robinson Antoinette Papa Llnnette Brown Carolyn Alston Donna Remson James Quaranta Denise Carson NazilAlayo Maureen Shea Patricia Reyes Stephanie Bussl Edith Allen Oespina Skabardonls Carols Rivera Joyce Calhoun Jerri Humbles Steven Smith Cheryl Seemayer Laura Condon Alicia Isenberg Grace Spahn Lucia Santora Diane Cardona Randy Jablin Elaine Spencer Theodore Solomon R5chard Devlccaro Jane Jaworski Rose Stines MarySlazyk joyce Esquerre Cathy Kender Gustavo Suarez 1/11 ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTA'NMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION SECTWN ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ~tl· ~.r"II~. ~S SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION . 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RT AI N M ENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT SECTION ENTERTAINMENT C:I\ITC:I>TIIII\IMC:I\IT C:C:I'TlOt.J c:t.JTC:I>TAIt.JMC:NT C:C:I'TtOt.J c:t.JTJ'RTAtNMJ'NT ~J'r.TION I=NTI=RTAINMI=NT 28 • FIORELLO'S FLUTE. ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • JANUARY 1979 LaG's Talent Comes Out of Closet PHOTOS AND TEXT BY LAURIE BROCKWAY curricular activitIes and whereupon we also THE COMEDY OF EDMOND AND CURLEY realized the not so vast, but present, non·lalent as well. We were also treated 10 the likes of Edmonds and Cu rley, whose uncanny comedy saved the show. For, were they not there to M.C., organize and entertain, we fear the show would have flopped or, would have never even got off the ground. Typically, the event was an unorganized affair and, for a fee of 1000 bucks, Edmonds and Curley worked miracles. (That's 1000 bucks for 3 hours of being everything from comedians to fl unkies.) However, S.A.C. Is to be congratulated for their choice In professional entertainment and for giving the Talent Show a go In general. Anyway, where S.A.C. lacks in coordination, they make up for in talent. Sending their very talented talents out on stage in the form ot the S.A.D S.A.C. (their name representing the Student Activities Department and the Student Actlvitles Committee) they really knocked us On June 3rd, LaGuardia's locals (and locos) out. The sounds of their after-work, in·the· came out of the closet and on to the stage to S.A.C·office rehearsals had been echoing participate In S.A.C.'s Second Annual Talent through the corridors for weeks prior to the Showcase. We were Ireated to an assortment show and even then they were great. But when of entertaining acts, whereupon we realized the they hit the stage, they rea tly knew their stuff. vast talent that had layed for too long beneath So, again, another successful event. 2 points the witherin9 wastelands of typically unextra· for S.A.C. It really was a good time. L.B.

STRANGER THAN TRUE: PRINCE BILLY KELLY

Donned in red satin, yellow satin and the latest in net, Prince Billy Kelly looked rather strange-and, in fact, was rather strange. Nevertheless, though he nearly got booed off the stage, he was indeed the most interesting and original of the acts pre· sented. A singer, dancer, actor, comedian and model, the Prince displayed his talents with a passion. However, had the audience had a few ripe tomatoes in their rude little hands, the Prince would have been licking tomato off his face (instead of licking his shoulder, which he does for no apparent reason). Disheartened by the audience's dis· couraging response, Prince Kelly was later seen sobbing in the wings. Perhaps the audience was hot for a fix of disco and perhaps Prince Billy Kelly's en· tertalnment was a bit too sophisticated for the crowd, because he happened to be rather funny, in his own strange way. Anyway, Prince Kelly's specialties include portraying the lives of shopping bag ladies and other unfortunates. He is showcased extensively in New York and he can be seen appearing outside of Studio 54 on any given night.

Appar8h.ly not Just LaGuardia's answer to Ashford and Simpson, but the new Stan and Larri, the duo of Judith Odum and Kevin Starkes got the audience all deja·vued and riled up singing: " Too Much, Too Little, Too Late" (Mathis and Williams) and " The Closer I Get To You" (Flack and Hathaway). The audience went wild. JANUARY 1979 • ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • FIORELLO'S FLUTE· 38

~ ~\• - . th //1r_ .~ Denise Ansam, of the duo of Ansam and Payne, sang and strummed her way through a couple of solos and was later joined by Mr. M.P. himself.

Lisa Marco really had It rough. As the final act, she played to a rest· less and rather obnoxious audience. Thus, her Barbra Sirelsand take·off Mayra Martin treated us to Debbie didn't take off too well- people Boone's biggie, "You Light Up My started to leave, someone screwed Life ,~' for the third time (which was up her slide presentation and some fortunately the last). Mayra was joker jumped onto the stage to great, but we've had enough of that Raque' Paz and Chris Capanlonas danced to Chuck Mangione's "The Hand dance, right In the middle of her acl song. of Make Believe" - until Raquel cracked up and the duo ran off the stage. She tried real hard, though.

Ross Singletary, a regular partlcl· pant In laG's extra-cunicular actl· vities, knocked 'em dead with his vocal & performing talents. ~ 48 • FIORelLO'S FLUTE. ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • JANUARY 1979 SCENES FROM PYGMALION: A WILD AND CRAZY TIME Photos & Text by Laurie Brockway On J une 1st the LaGuardia Repertory Players. a.k.a Mary Pat Ke ll y's Drama With no disrespect to Shaw. the Repertory Players definately presented us with a class. presented u.s with two smashing performances of George Bernard Shaw's spicier version than his own. They did a bit of rearranging and modern izi ng. The play (wi th a twist) Pygmalion. As Is typical wi th activities at LaGuardia. the theater was opened wi th a jazzy lune. as o ne young lady (Robin Short ) gracefully..covered the nowhere near filled to ii's capacity. bUllhe show went on splendidly jusl lhe same. stage with a dance. and tapped each character into mOlion - as they all stood Particularly impressive were Roman Iwaslwka, portraying a dashing Henry mollonless on the stage. walling !o be tapped Into action. Well done, Indeed . . Higgins and Pedro J . Guerrero In Ihe role of Colonel Pickering. Higgins partner in Not having the stage facilities to recreate the race track scene where Eliza forgets crime, or so to speak. Marl K Kelly gave a smashing portrayal of Eliza Doolitt le. the herself and gets a bi t rowdy wi th the snooty high society folks. the scene was cleverly slum-bred nower girl that Higgins and Pickering lake on as their challenging project changed into a garden party. wi th scenery provided by the almost incomparable and ultimately make into a "lady," indeed. Together the trio provided a laugh a Bruce Brooks The party. t h~own by Higgin's snobby socialite mom (effectively por­ minute, especially with a few nifty improvised tidbits. For instance: When Higgins trayed by Harriet Mesulaml. was allended by all the local snobs. It was there that and Pickering wonder aloud as to where they might get some lady like clothing for Eli za. not doing too well discussing the weather, began telling some gross story about the rather un-ladylike Ms. Doolittle. Pickering brainstorms ~ith "\ know. althe other an aunt she thought was killed by her family . And she forgol that she was a "lady" Korvettes" - a spoof on the over· aired TV commercial. BUI undoubtedly the scene Higgins and Pkkerlng Slarted gelling nervous. lind tried to subtly remind her of an that stole the show was where Pickering badgered Higginsr trying to talk him Into appointment that did not exist but that she ought to leave for anyway. hint·hlnt going to Spain Higgins kepi Insisting: "Bul why?"' Then the two broke Into a per· When Freddy asked if he could walk her home. she lashes out "Fuck no. I'll take a fec tl y timed "Why? Because we are two wild and crazy guys." making Ihe selling for cab." a funny. Martinesque mood All in a ll . LaGuardia's answer to Pygmalion was a hit. and an excellent opportun­ Terry Parker proved thai he actually does have a sense of humor. and drama as ity to showcase student talent One of the most amazing discoveries made while well, In his portrayal of Alfred P Doolittle. Eliza's ale-drinking Daddy. He delivered promoting the event was that most students had never heard of George Bernard his lines without a twinge of nervousness and really was rather enjoyable. Shaw and thought that Pygmalion had something to do wi th farm animals My Fai r Kim Blackstock really hammed it up as Freddy Eynsford-HIlI. a fellow of hig h Lady didn't even ring a bell . society who had the hots for Eliza - L.B.

The LaGuardia Repertory Players present GEORGE BERNARD SHAW'S "PYGMALION" Directed by Mary Pat Kelly Starring: Belinda M. H ernandez, Kim Blackstock, Mari K. Ke ll y, Pedro J. Guerrero, Roman Iwasiwka, Terry M. Parker, Yolonda Tirado, Ross Singletary, Vidal Pabon, Harriet Mesu­ lam, Vera Fogelman , Claude Talley, Michael Munoz, Gerri Burman, Chris Capadonis, Ann Korzenko, Eileen Zuk , Harry Lopez. Technical Staff: Victor Brock, Vidal Pabon. Set Design: Bruce Brooks Higgins and Pickering; a.k.a "'''''llan and Pedro: "We are two wild and crazy guys." Dance: Robin Short JANUARY 1979 • ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • FIORElLO'S FLUTE· 58

00000000000000000000 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, 00000000000000000000 IT'S LAGUARDIA STUDENTS PHOTOS BY l AURIE BROCKWAY

When lhe Easler Seals Telethon went on Ihe ail 10 score a few million lor the cause last awake. 10 cover the 20 hour telelhon. Though this all happened a lew months ago. we stili Spring, students Irom Mary Pat Kelly's Media Production class were on hand, working as thoughl it merited a mention in the Flute production asslSlantS. Ms. Kelly, a consultant fOf the show, arranged lor students to wOlk on All the students involved. their Instructor. and many 01 the celebrities who came to plug various aspecls of the live produclion as part 01 her coulse lor Easter Seals worked some long. hard hours. BUill was fun and a very intelesting learn,ng 01 course, the Flute!ln the 101m 01 L.B. and Sandy Schubert) was on hand and. amazingly, ellperlence, indeed. live television is very eliciting and being a pari 0111 allis even mole so oaaaaaaaoaoaoaocaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa000000000000000000000000000000000000 THE CELEBRITIES

Storm Fields - ABC Eyewitness News

Stanley Siegel - our host

Andrea MarcovlCCI . Chuck Scarborough - The Front Anchorman NBC News Joan lunden - ABC Eyewitness News

Rick Sauseato · Elvis on Broadway Danny Aiello · Gemini Lanle Kazan - Singer THE STARS

Student Man K. Kelly takes a LaGuardia Student, Roman Instructor Mary Pat Kelly, brings Students Pedro Guerrero and Pete break from escorting cetebrities twasiwka walts tor his cue. to the stage lanle Kazan Sanchez go over production notes to and from the Plaza 88 · FIORELLO'SFlUTE · ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • JANUARY1979 BOOGYING AT THE STUDIO

Studio 54 is a real neat place to dance and there's no reason why you can't take off your clothes if you get too hot. You can wear anything and do anything. The atmosphere is loose. Exciting. Wild. If you're not into non·stop dancing, you can hang-out upstairs and watch all the action from above. There are a bu.nch of comfy mattresses stashed in the back. You can't get near the bar-and can't afford it. Men bang out in the ladies' bathroom until they get kicked out by mucho macho bouncers with big American muscles. There are a lot of cute little boys-19 or 2O-with no hairs on their chests, running around in skimpy gym shorts, cleaning up glasses and stuff. Things are constantly coming down from the ceil· ing-like the silver streamers you can wrap around yourseU and a friend while you dance, like the velvet ropes that you can swing from and the flashing light pole that you can bang your head into if you're too spaced out to notice. There are celebs and all sorts of weirdos wandering around the place. And the only way to get in is if you're a celeb, you're dressed weird, or are noticeably gay­ Needl ••• to • • " thl . gu, h.d. r•• II, . wlngln' time Stevie just loves the boys. - L.B. JANUARY1979. ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • FIORELLO'SFLUTE • 78

Billy Joel was no Ilrlnger In town. but he wei on the wrong Ilreet. 88 • FIOREllO'S FlUTE· ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • JANUARY 1979 PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFI PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFORMANCE PERFI PERFORMANCE PERFOF MUMl\iEN"SCHANZ E PERFORMANCE PERFI Would you like to attend a theater per. and monsters, Legs become arms, heads formanee and afterward stand up and become bottoms and backs become beJ· cheer and yell bravo? lies, until the various parts of the body See Mummenschanz and after you are no longer identified and you can't tell have, gather up all the superlatives you which end is up, Their movements are 110 can imagine and you still won't be able graceful and well·timed, they put we to explain why it moved you so, Mum· out-of·shape·Americans to shame. It's me.nscham is a unique tbeater experi. fascinating. ence that simply soes beyond words. Mummenscbanz keeps its audience in. Mummenschanz is a program in visual volved with their performance at all communication, a series of pantomimed times, During intermission, a time when interpretations of the beginning of man most performers prepare for the next from the single cell to the primates, with act, the Mums are busy amusing and en. emphasis on human communication, tertaining their audience with their an. The Mums, as they are refetTed to af· tica, invitiRg them to join along in the fectionately, are three Swiss·bom per. fun, While Andre and Bemie invite the formers (Andre Bossard, Floriana FlU' audience into the lobby (and later disap. set.to and Bernie &hurchl who build pear without a tracel, Floriana remains their act in Swiss folk tradition which in· inside the theater, offering a roll of volves the use of masks, They have over· masking tape to anyone interested in stepped t he boundaries of conventional creating an expression on her faceless pantomime to create a new form of thea· ma.ek. trical expression, unlike any you've seen Mummenschanz, deriving iv name before. The three become faceJess entities, reo from the German "Mummen," meaning maining masked at all times, succ::ess· game or play and "schanz," meaning fully communicating their humor and chance, is a delightfully different kind of their meaning through movement. They entertainment. It is amusing and at the perform in black body stockings and same time, profound; but, it can be land other nuible wrappings. They also de· will bel appreciated by anyone. sign and construct all their own maska, Mummenschanz is easily enjoyed, yet costumes and props. it's diffICUlt to explain just why. See In using these various body garbs and Mummenschanz, and yes, etand up and masks, they become animala, inaects cheer and yell bravo. - L.B.

Soturday Night F.uf!r glorifi8d Brook· got Anerexia Nervosa. And , the rellIIOn lyn's middle claa., and Blood Broth.r. for Paulie's condition can be attributed does the same for the BroDJ[. IIOmewhat to his slightly neurot.k mother At the end of Soturday Night P.vu, (Lelia Goldom), who rants and ravt!8 at Tony Manero (John Travoltal showed the kid when no one elae is home. promise that be might 80meday riM up And you thought your family was from his n.tive rut. And, for Blood Bro· strange? Well, back to the De Coco's. thers'Stony De Coco (Richard Gere) the There is hope for the struggling family, same holds true. namely in the person of Stony De Coco. Based on the Richard Price novel SLony , who's about 18 and the oldest of about blue collar workers, t he fUm Blood Tommy's sona, fll"8t sppean to be the Broth.,.. depicts the livea of con.truc· Tony Manero of t he construction work· tion workers in the BroRll. The story ers set. As the movie progreasea, you are evolve. around brothers Tommy and treated to 80IIIe of Stony's more endear· Chubby De Coco (Tony Lo Bianco and ing qualities and you begin Lo think: Paul Sorvino) snd takes us through their "Hey, this kid's alright." probleme in dealing with Ute, which Stony likes kids and works well with include cheating on their wives, etc. In them. However, he's tom between fol· fact, Chubby'S wife has experienced but lowing the family tradition (being a con· a few orgasms in all their married life struction worker and a sad case in gener· and the fll"8 t time.be had one she called all and going after his own desires. He it "a doctor" - not knowing what it waa opts for tradition and becomes a hall and therefore not knowing what to call buating construction worker. But then it. Chubby and his mate abo had a 13 things change, precisely when Stony pound baby, but it seerJ1!I to suffocate sees his father heating the bejesus out of every time Mrs. De Coco feeds it. his mother because 811. cheated on him. However, Chubby's brother Tommy Stony realizes that tradition is not. for naJJy hat probleme. He's still hung up him and he aplits. He takes his little on IIOme oriental chick he met in Korea. brother, Anerexia Nervoaa and all, with So, to soothe his aching heart, he goes him, to boot. out end picke up oriental call girls that In the end, we see Stony and brother reeemble the one he loved and lost and Paulie riding off into the Manbattan tella them to pretend their name ill Suki. skyline via check.er cab, Scene one, fo Aside from that, he's got a 10 year old the aspiring middle class. lIOn named Paulie (Bruce Frenchl who'. Sandy Schubert

Take nole, lair readers, 'cause Ihe fellow plclured above is soon to become a very big slar. ThaI's right. Frank Hall has kept a low profile for s while, but he's takan his show on the road­ and you're all gonna hear from him real soon. In December, Frank look his show to the cozy TIME AND SPACE LIMITED THEATER on 23rd Street and was nothing lesathan a smash. In his one·man show, Frank shares his feelings lor acting with his sudience, tracing his IlrsllncUnallon to hit the stage and bringing them up 10 date with a heartfelt ballad (Sung very nicely, at thst.l His performance included hilarious conversallons with people like the leacher who keeps talking .bout now much Frank lalks. "Frank Hsli, you lusl lalk and lalk and lalk ..." and there are scenes wllh lhe crotchety .unt wl"lo has a rather low opinion 01 actors In Ihe family unlit her nephew SlarlS making II . Frank Hall Is 100 percent talent. But perhaps you caught him during hla 2 year run In the stage version 01 One Flew OYer the Cuckoo', Nest. Well, keep your eyes open folks , because Frank Hall witt again be appesrlng Live Irom New York real soon. JANUARY 1979 • ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • FIORellO'S FlUTE. 98 The Rocky Horror Picture Show

by Sandy Scbubert Furter puts a permanent end to his When was the last time you went question. . to the movies and the audience par­ Then the old professor Brad and ticipated? Usually you sit back and Janet set out to visit, Dr. Scott munch popcorn. I have a movie for (Jonathan Adams), turns up at the you where you can throw popcorn at castle looking for rus delinquent the screen. Or if you prefer wearing nephew, 'Eddie. He knows Frank is fishnet stockings and rrunestone an alien from another galaxy and in­ platforms go ahead. Nobody at this tends to turn him in. But he is a lit­ movie will think you are strange or tle late. Frank N. Furter has already out of place. In fact you will fit right made rus move seducing Janet, then in. Brad. Janet with a new hot libido at· I know you're dying to know t.he tacks Rocky Horror while Frank is name of this flick. It. is The Rocky with Brad. And you thought the Horror Picture Slww. But you knew soap operas were something. that, right.? Before Dr. Scott can bring order In case you don't, it is a film about back to this transylvanian orgy, Transvestites from the planet of Frank N. Furter has t.urned his cap­ Transexual in the galaxy of Transyl­ tives to stone. in preparation for a vania. The Rocky Horror Picture new experiment, a drag revue. The Show audience like to get right into show is interrupted by Riff·Raf( and the swing of things. They dress like Magenta in space togs. They have the characters and perform onstage come to take control from Frank along with the movie. If you're a who's lifestyle has become too ex­ true follower, you know all the treme. Frank mistakenly thinks he words to the movie and what actions will travel back to Transylvania to take during different scenes. with his new commanders, but in­ I'll give you some examples: What stead is shot down. Rocky runs to do you throw when a bride and the aid of his creator and is also groom leave the church? Rice, of blasted to outer space. course. The opening of The Rocky Brad, Janet and Dr. Scott are left Horror Picture Show is a. wedding incapable of readjusting to nor­ scene. Guess what the audience maley, after they have tasted deca­ throws? Be prepared to dig rice out dence in trus Time Warp. of your hair. A Lou Adler/M ichael Whjte musi· In the next scene, two characters, cal production for 20th 'Century Fox, Brad Majors () and The Rocky Horror Picture Show was Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon) are produced by Michael White and di­ walking in the rain holdi~g news­ rected by Jim Sharman from a pape~s over their heads, singing, screenplay by Jim Sharman and TlJ.ere's Light Over At Frank,en· Richard O',Brien. Starring Tim steins Place. Nat.urally the audience Curry, the film is a screen version of st.ands, newspapers over their a rut musical with book, music and heads, waving flashlights and sing­ lyrics by Richard O'Brien. ing right along with Brad and Janet. Mr. Richard O'Brien, being a fan It goes on and on throughout. the of "B" movies, bad science fiction whole movie. No matter how you try licks, Dr. Strange comics and you can't help but join in tpe fun. rock'n'roll, drew on these elements The Rocky Horror Picture Show is when he decided to write a piece that an assorted crazy mixture of stereo­ would draw people like himself into typed science fiction movies, comics the theatre. For The Rocky Horror and rock'n'roll of every vintage. Picture Show, where he makes his The story follows t.he sexual con­ motion picture, act.ing and writing fusion of two middle American kids debut, O'Brien recreates the role of caught in the complications of the the ghoulish hunchback Riff Raf£. a decadent morality of t.he '70's, repre­ .. part he wrote for himself to play in sented by a mad doctor, Frank N . the original London and subsequent FurLer, a t.ransvest.ite from the Broadway productions of The Rocky planet. Transexual in the galaxy of Horror Picture Show. Transylvania. Created by Richard O'Brien, this On their way to visit an old college homage to the horror film opened in professor, the two kids, Brad Majors London at the Royal Courts experi­ and Janet Weiss run Into trouble mental theatre upstairs as a six· and seek help at "the Frankenstein week workshop project in June, place." 1973. The show received such ac­ OJ:. Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry) is claim at trus S().seat theatre that it in the ~mjddJe of one of his experi­ was quickly moved to larger ments. He's created the perfect man, quarters. The show found a perman- a gorgeous hunk of blond beefcake 1 ent home at the 500-seat King's called Rocky Horror (Peter Hind· Road Theatre, where it is still play­ wood), who he intends to use for his ing to a packed house. 18 months . own kinky devices. His household ) later, it was a major motion picture . help includes a hunchback named I Five years later the film has a cult Riff Raf( (Richard O'Brien), his in­ foUowing that could outdo James cestuous sister Magenta (Patricia Dean, or Elvis Presley. People that Quinn), and a tap dancing groupie walk, talk and impersonate the named Columbia (Little Nell). Rocky Horror characters so closely, Shocked in this world of science you wonder where reality ends and fiction fantasy, Brad and Janet fantasy begins. 'l'hen what is the don -t know what t('l expect next. The harm in a little science fiction flick bad result of a previous experiment. fantasy? Okay guys, if you want to a biker named Eddie (Meatloaf) get lost in a little old fasruoned fun, rides througb the lab wall. wailing check out The Rocky Horror Picture on sax, wondering What ever hap" .... Show and give yourself over to ab- pened to' Saturday Night? Frank N. The monster, Rocky HorrOl', Is examIned by Frank N. Furl er, Janet and Brad. sol'~t.e pleasure.• 108 • FIORelLO'S FLUTE -. ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • JANUARY 1979 Shaun Cassidy: Not for teenyboppers only

for a long t.ime. ~ his music grow" it', lege and jerking back and forth from his hoped t.hat his fana grow with him crotch. II heard one mother tell an in· Iwhich It8e.mI a reasonable hope, ,ince quisitive youngater that. "he ha..s an he'a got an incredibly devoted foUowing itch. "I I Wat ex))ElCti.n& to see the moms that. has persisted for 3 yeara. whicb is and dad, of America drag t.heir ga.p rather promising considering the here· offspring out. of the Garden and back to today-gone-tomonow status of many the shelter of home and the "Hardy Boys" CUJTet1t. day teen idola). One of Shaun'a show. Shaun Cas,idy seems too ad­ first. big bite was an awful. and old, lit.tle vanced for teen idoldom_ He really is tune called "lJG Do &n Ron" (which went. gold. by t.be way) and his major sexy at all hell, not to ment.ion genuinely hite have basically been the same type of talented, smart., articulate, and pro­ songs. Cassidy'a got a good. rich voice fessional (being a fledgling superstar at. - above average for the teen idol type, age 20 is of this), This is Cassidy's in fact - but he's relied too much on "adult. appeal." flrst generation rock n' roll tunes. Now Caaa idy's singing silhouett'e opened th his music seems to be seeking a more the show to t.he tune of "That.'s Rock eophist.icated level and his original ma­ N' Roll," as he stood, pelvis in motion, terial is generally much better than his behind a large, thinly sheathed hoop. rooordinga in t.he top-ten-variety. Then, as we all sat. on the edge of our Though Cassidy, on plastic, baa never seata (me. with my camera on t.beedgeof done much for me, his latest LP. "Und~r my nose), Catsidy burst. through t.he Wnzps" is probably the best of all three hoop with a firework of smoke exploding albums. He shows his songwriting around him. talente in a nice ballad called "Tai He began with expio,ives and got Don"r" and in a poppish, yet cute and more volatile.as be went. on. Donned in a catchy tune called "She'. Right.." He akin tight black leather outfit t.hat. didn't B, Laurie Brockw.,. David Cassidy when we 20iah types were doea an especially nice job with Peter )ook safe to bend over in, he sweptacrasa Shaun Caaaidy is just about the hard-core teenyboppers. Being a teen McCann'a beautiful ballad, "Midnight the stage and swept up his audience with hottest male recording artiat around idol can be a pretty riaky buainess. Sun." However, to see that. Shaun in·t.he-air hump" bumpa. jerk, and these days - perhaps a hard fact for we Inevitably, t.eensgers grow up, though Cassidy is more than every little girl', 5Ong. His rich and strong voice carried collegiate disco animals to swallow, but teen idols IIOmetimea do not grow with fantasy induced orgasm, and before through the Garden as he sung the true nonetheless. Cassidy, just-turned- them. Michael Lloyd, another of t.he you'll probably even consider listening favorites, "Lonely Girl, Our Night, Do 20, hb to his credita 1) gold ainglea, S music business' young wonders, has to one of his albuma. you've got to 888 You Beli4v.ln Magic, Sh4l'. Right, Hry gold albums which have already aur· produced all of Shaun's records, as well this guy live. on ,tage. [)eani., Tai Dancer" - which he pasaed triple platinum atatua and a hit as having produced one for David a few dedicated to his family - and more. television aeries, "The Hardy Boya." years ago_ In comparing the two bro· The In-Concert Cuaidy When he took off his jacket, he caused And though a weekly i.elevision aeries t.hers, Lloyd say.s: "David ju.st. didn't I have seen the Stones, the Beat.lee a massive teenage orgasm; when he took has been a boost in the general direction have t.he opportunity to grow or do anrl the Beach Boys in cnn,. ...rt and J can off his shirt (he had a light, white T-shirt of his recording career, Ca88idy's first anything different.. He had to do t.he still report t.hat. Shaun Cassidy really underneathl, I spotted a few potentia} passion is indeed music, The lIOn of same songs each week on "The Partridge pute on a 'how. Unlike the toned down faintel'1 - Bye-Bye Birdie style - in the actress Shirley JOne8 and the lai.e Jack Family." He had to put out certain boy wonden who have ranked as teen audience. When he took off his pante, he Cassidy, and brother of one-t.ime teen albums at certain timea - IIOngs he idols (David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman, couldn't get them off at. t.he ankles. but idol David Casaidy, it would be fair to really had no control oves-. Shaun can do etc.) Shaun performa with a seething sent. the audience ~ing juat the same. say that. Shaun is a star in his own right., anything. Shaun has a great ,it.uat.ion. sexuality that. totally contradict.IJ hit Look, a guy who publicly dedicates a Shaun's following consiste of just It. just wasn't the right. type of environ· image. He had his dominantly female 50ng to his family and announces how about. every normal·blooded American ment for David." audience of moonstruck teenagen very proud he is of t.hem can't. be totally teenager and their pre-pubic sisLers. His Perhapa David got a bad break back creamin' in their jea..ns. His stage pre­ X·rated. Underneath t.be skin tigbt. face omamente practicalJy every teen then but., even if his recordin& career aeJ1ce is, to say the least. powerful and black panta, he had on an even sIrin magarine on the stands. His ,ugary aeems to be at. a st.and,till. he was hi, pelvic movements out·beat Conrad t.ight.er pair of white panta. However, his image makes him the !IOn that any recently nominated for an Emmy for his Birdie'a anytime. Although they ate it at.tempt. to get t.he black ones off was mot.her would love, the perfect date for role in an episode of "Police Story" and up, J doubt his little lady friends had t.he foiled at. t.he ankles. He looked up at. the daddy'a little girl and the aU·American Mil result. he'll be starring in a series. ,lightest idea about wbat was going on band and shrugged. Got down on the teen idol. And indeed he's got t.he Sbaun Cassidy hb every intent.ion of on stage. He did wicked things with the floor and tried to pull t.hem off via an makings. He's adorably cute, clean·cut, sticking around on the top of t.he charts microphone, bringing it up between hit emergency aomersault. And then, in the sweet as can be and offers a perfect set of Continued onpage36 white teeth when he amiles. Ah. but aside from being adorable, sweet and the picture of all·American innocence, Cas· Michael Lloyd: Renaissance Man sidy is in possesaion of the lngredienta "As a producer/composer/singer/ Michael was "just playing in banda, that will make him more than just a teen musician/actor Michael Lloyd is a true writ.ing songs. singing and doing lit.tle idol. He is, without a doubt, talented, Renaissance Man of his time," say, parts" when he found his wsy into the smart, articulate, very professional and publicist Pat. Ravalgi, adding: "and he music business. At about 18. he was ... sexy. However, Cassidy's smarta hat managed to remain completely unaf· already working professionally. At 19, and suinesa get toned down in t.he teen fected by success." he was vice president in charge of artista mags, they don't. come across on the At. 28, Michael Lloyd has successfully and repertoire at. MGM Records. He tube, and they aren't that. obviou, on endeavored into just. about every aspect. hooked up with Mike Curb of Warner plastic. But. on stage, Caasidy's sui· of t.he music busines, and he is still quite Curb Records over a decade ago and has ne88 becomes inendibly powerful, his sane, good natured and sincere. He's been working with him ever since. "We intelligence obvioua. And it', t.here, on produced records for bigg~ like Donny juat. always got along." say, Michael of stage. that you realize that Shaun and Marie Osmond, Lou Rawls, Debbie Curb, "He was like my big brother,!IOrt Cassidy is no kid. But we'll get to that and Pat Boone, Lief Garrett. the Sup· of." later. remes, David Cassidy and Shaun Cas· Michael lives in Beverly Hills and Cassidy, a graduate of Beverly Hilla sidy. He's compo$ed the acorea for major ,pends a good deal of hit time working in High School, began writ.ing aonga when motMln pictures and a number of made­ the recording,tudio he's built in t.he rear pretty well he W&5 11 and was playing with the first for·TV movies. He', put together Shaun of his home. "All you have to do." he this and a litUe bit of that." in a aeries of rock banda by t.he t.ime he Cassidy's sLag9show, performs with him "ya, "is roll out. of bed and into the But what about. all those an·night. was 13. While brother David was enjoy­ at. weekend concerts. ,ings on aD of st.udio, It.', got. everything I need, &5 far parties the music bu,iness is notorious ing his hey·day in teen idoidom, Sbaun Cassidy's albums and has releaaed his as equipment and instrument. and all for? "You get tired," he saya, "t.here's was preparing for his own af.lia,h in t.he own single. "H4Iy Rod. N' Ro1l4lr, .. as t.hat. kind of 'tuff." only 80 much you can t.ake. There are music business. Back t.hen, remembers well. But still, Michael Lloyd seems to Though most. of Michaels t.ime and partiea, but. not wiId ones. We don't ,Lay an editor of "18 Maguine," "Shaun was shrug off his many accomplishmenta and energy is devoted to pnxiucing records, up till four, hanging from chaodelierea." all pimpiea and hair." lAnd even now, mult.i-talent as stuff t.hat.', just hap. he enjoys performing with Shaun in his What. profeasional venture would this the Cassidy tradition has no end. wit.h pened in his life. 'pare time. It', 90rt of like a relaxing very successful, young record producer younger brother Patrick in t.he wings, MichaeJ and music got together at age extra curricular act.ivit.y. "It. isn't really like to take on, if he could: "I'd want. to waiLing to take over.} Shaun hooked up 4 when he learned to play classical piano, performing," he says, " it.'sjust fun ,tuff do the Beat.les reunion album." he says with recorder producel'1 Michael Uoyd prompted by bia mom (a music.. l lady t.hat. I do. That's where I started, with a grin, "I'd say that that.'s probab­ and Milr.e Curb of Warner/Curb Records who once starred in "Olll4homa" on playing in bands, a long t.ime ago." In ly not. possible, but it. would be fun ." in 1975 and signed wit.h that. label. He Broadway) and "a whip," he jokes. But. performing. he explain" "you get a Any other aspirat.ions? says Michael, wa, 17 when he recorded hit fU'St. album, he can't quite ftgureout what. it was that different perspective. It 's real good to do "I think t.hat J would aspire to be totally "Shaun Cassidy," which immediately prompted him to pursue mu,ic. "I can't. occasionally because you get a good feeJ rested and t.ot.alIy healthy &. and that. !lew to the top of the chart.l. imagine," he says, " It', really wiard. I for what.'s happening with the audio would probably be enough at this Shaun Cas,idy is big, but. so was ,t.arted to play guit.ar, anything." ence." Michael keeps his "spare t.ime point..'· -L.B. JANUARY1979 . ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • FIOREllO'SFlUTE • 118

Abhrams, onto the scene. "They sug· gested to us." says Ade, "that the bests thing we can do is try LO get more WKTU RADIO CASHES IN familiar and upt.empo, and bridge the gap between real soft and PL.I (type of By Laurie Brockway prognmmingl. " In between the endless chaLter of bor­ ON A The station realized that the new 25·34 ing D.J,'s and t.he repetition of nerve· year olds (which they had heen appealing wracking top ten selections, WABCAM to mostly) were not just Woodstock !lli~ in some popular disco tunes. On generation. that radio is still dominated FM, WXLO, WPLJ and especially GOLD MINE by the 18·24 year old group, who know WBLS give disco II good amount of air nothing about Vietnam, Woodstock and play. However. WXTU has cornered 8 Joan Baez. The concensus was that gold mine of II market. which surprising­ they're not really into the mellow stuff. ly. had just been t.oyed with in New York "They wanna boogie!" says Ade. up tUi now - pure disoo. The "new" In lieu of Miller's resignat'on, the WKTU offers II non-nop di!lCO inferno station brought in Sonny Fox (not the with little chatter and Jots of music, to Sonny Fox of Wonderama famel , who sooth your Sat.urday night. fever at. any was al90 the program director of WYSP time or day. in Philadelphia. Trying 1:(1 wear two hats Now, New York's disco animals get. up at once didn't work out for Fox. how· dancing in the morning and go to bed ever. when he left his assistant. Mat· boogying aL night. Probably only we thew Clenott. wu hired as full·time hard-core "Mellow Music" freaks recall program director. but. up until last August.. WKTU was The station began to pluck out the New York's "Mellow Music" staLion - 8 • more obscure, slower melrow tunes and far cry from it's current disco status. began to put in some of the more popular The switch came as II surprise. There stuff: heavy Billy Joel. Fleetwood Mac, waa little notice, except for a few the Eagle!!, etc. Though your basic announcements for three days prior. James Taylor, Joni Mitchell. Niel Young sLating that: "On Monday, at. 6 PM , tunes were still programmed. WKTU there will be a change." Ovenight. started to pick up the beat a bit. Though "Mellow 92" became "Disco 92," Van· lhere was "a bit or an outrage" from their ished were the relaxing, euy going. to ultra·mellow listeners, Ade contends smoke-pot·and·sip.wine·LO tunes and that "the format was damned good." zap ... insLant di3co. right in your living "So what did we accomplish?" asks room. Disco that got an angry adreneline Ada, "We accomplished going from a 1.9 pumping in WKTU's true blue listeners. to a 1.2 (share) and WYNY went from a Some people first thought it was a joke. 1.4 to a 1.1." The station bad LO quickly they were confused. People were curious: decide on what it was going to do next. "Was it a special disco wedf(>nd7 HtLd The decision was, explains Ade: "00 WKTU gone mad!"" No. WKTU ha~ we continue to progmm what we felt was gone disco and the change had been s very good radio station and wait until brewing for some time. more people liked the station, to make it WKTU officially went on the air in profitable so we stay in business? Or, do June of 1975. But, for 2 or 3 months we go with a format which now seems to prior to that. they were operating rather be t.he rage?" precariously as station WHOM. They After discussions about various for· began airing a midnight program which mals and different ideas, going on the was a half simulcast with a Latin station premise that they. again, wanted to do and the rest of the time they were something different that no other atation progmmming in 5 Of" 6 different langu· was doing, WKTU decided to go disco. ages. Soon they started programming "It was a very hard decision," says contemporary music between 6 and 10 in Ada. T he station decided it would be the morning hours. Nobody was quite unfair and unprofessional to make the sure just what WKTU was then. includ· change gmduaUy and figured that if they ing the station. They were experiment· were going LO do it, they had to do it in ing with hard rock and country rock. one shot. A total changeover. slipping in a little Frank Sinatra or During those first few weeks, the here and there. while phones did not stop ringing with ques· trying to pick music. tions and complaints. The letters were "At the time this happened," says piling in . The station sent out a letter of WKTU's Assistant General Manager explaination falong with a recommenda· J ohn Mackin Ade." most of us averaged tion of other mellow stations) to all bard· an age of 28·30 . old Woodstoc:k genera· core "Mellow 92" listeners who had tion. We knew musical taste!! in our quiried and complained. ahout the heads, hav~~g nothing to do with pro· change. Of course, WKTU has lost a gramming good deal of their mellow listeners. but Since New York's radio progmmming there are many Who've been fans for 80 is so disected, it was dimcult to comer long that their radio dials remain on 92 an untouched market.. something fresh. FM . The disc jockeys are basically the Larry Miller. then Program Director for same, and people have certain favorites WKTU. brought up the idea of station that they stick with. And now. of course, WKNX PM in , which WBll WKTU has captured a vasw audience. programming mellow music. So be it. Program director Matthew CJenott. Mellow rock was decided upon. who had reprogrammed the "Mellow 92" WKTU wanted to do something In the beginning of 1976, station had a 104 . And nobody was winning. sound, say,s that disco's "time is more "classy." "They decided to program it WYNY began broadcasting their answer It was n't that W )'NY was berlfillg than here , nd tbat it's amazing that it fonnatically," says Ade. "with limited to "MeUow 92" - "Ea~y Moving WKTU. but with both of them on tht> took somedne in New York so long to do oommercials. a IittJe bit of talk, no Mu,ic. "Though Format.ical1y they were air, coupled with the fact that there are it." : hype." So. they came up with a station quite different, the music they were many localized mellow rock programs Meanwhijle, "Disco 92" can be heard that did not play top 40's, that was programming was of the same genre. (Toms River, N.J ., Connecticut, Schen· blasting in practically every boutique in softer than WPL.! but nowhere near "M ellow 92" had competition - but ectady. etc.) in the tri·staLe area, the New York, ,as people boogie their way dentist office music and that only played WKTU was now able LO determine juSl entire mellow area was being deteriorat· through the. clothing racks. "D~ 92" the down-to-, blue jeans·type that whal the New York share for mellow ed.. It became apparent to WKTU, says bas people d,ancing in the stl'eets, on the WNEW onJy dabbled with. And it was music was. Ade. "that we're not going to reach an trains, and .through lAGuardia's corri· an immediate success. " I never aaw At that point, WKTU experienced a area of profitability here." Something dors too. It'. a free disco patty. and you anything catch on as quickly in Nev.' amall dip in ratings - whic h was LO be had to be done. don't have Wkn ow anyone at the door LO York." aays Ade, " Mellow 92" was expected - b ut they were still doing "Through a series of disc::ussions and get in. Disc4;l 92, as once was "mellow unique. rather well. They generally maintained research, we reaUzed we weren't going 92" in its day, is a success! Within the fi rst few mont.hs of opera­ an sudience double that of WYNY and it anywhere. we had LO move the sLation in But now that it's adjusted, will Lion. the aLRtion had captured s 2.4 shlll1' was pretty well estimated I,hat the 80ft Mother direction," says Ade. At. that WKTU remain a disco sLation forever? of the rat-inGs in New York and was rock are had gone from a 2.8 to a 3.5 point, program director. Larry Miller, "Nothing is forever," answers John already building a loyal audience of share in New York. resigned, deciding he didn't want to be Alackin Ade. " but one thing we'll always listeners. But, since it was the only radio In January·February of 1978 it be· the person LO move the station in it's new be is distinctive. One thing you'll always station of it's kind, it was difficult to reo came obvious that the market. for mellow direction. remember about WKTU is t.hat yOU aearch just what the mellow market was rock was slipping. Research showed that WKTU then brought their program always knew wlwt it was!" _ there was nothing to compare it LO. WKTU had a 1.9 share, while WYNY consultants. Ken eerkhart and Lee 128. FIORELLO'S flUTE • ENTERTAINMENT SECTION • JANUARY 1979 New York, d New York o Text by Gabriel David Photos by Laurie Brockway

Fast! Quick! Exciting! Jazz! Country! Blues! EI Barrio! Harleml Chinatown! Flushing and Flatbushl Staten Island Ferry! Uptown and Downtown! Blackouts, Blizzards and Strikes I Discoteques! Museums! 59th Street Bridge! Broadway and the Waterfront! Isn't this what New York City is all about? "They" say we have the highest crime rate in the world - you know the old Joke, take a walk in Central Park and get mugged," And yet, once you leave New York City, you leave a country, a renaissance of peoples and their cultures, a multing pot of the poor and Foich Hving and working together. . How many Indian restaurants can you find in ... Kansas City, or where else can you sent out for p,zza 2:00 in the morning? Where do you have a wide variety of schools to choose trom, or where etse can you spend 50¢ and travel from borough to borough? It's all right here, In the City. While some small, quiet little town In Connecticut literally shuts down at 11 :00 pm (except for the local bowling alley/pool room which closes at 11:30 pm), allhe same time you can get all decked up and " boogie the latest gryatlons" unlll4:oo In the morning al Studio 54, hobnobbing with New York's social elite. Perhaps you might want to catch a Broadway play and dine at an "American·Chinese-Hlndu· italian" restaurant. Or maybe you would just rather catch a lale movie and then ex· plore 42nd Street and take In some city air while munching on Gyro's pizza. Of course, Manhattan Is just one of many ptaces to hit the city scene. In Brooklyn there are over a dozen theatre, dance, and cultural happenings to attend. In Queens there are some small, isolated, but together night club pix, as each borough of the city Is like a facet, part of a diamond which makes up New York. Right now is the best of times because New Yorkers are leeting gOod about themselves and their city. Turn on the radio and hear the latest tunes, "I Love New York" and " Native New Yorker", attest to the Big Apple. And although we are amls! financial difficulties, strikes on end, blizzards and blackouts - no matter what - l1's not enough to stop the city, completely. The city Is restless, it never sleeps. And New Yorkers, how do they react to such matters? "A blizzard? Shucks - 1"11 ski down Fifth Avenue to work." "MTM Is going to strike? I'll just bike to school." Oh yes - New Yorkers have solutions to everything. Or do they? Walk down those same streets of glitter - Broadway and 42nd, 34th Street, 5th Avenue, and check out the vast paradoxes and contrasts you lind as you "bop" you city strut Bums from the Bowery shuffle uptown to try breathless garments tease relenllessly as men stroll by, with their eyes gaping, mouths smack, drOOling lor luscious delights. A lonely figure. grasping tightly to a cardboard suitcase walks apart from the city strut. and lis continuous beat, In awe of city lights, searching for new adventures. A stranger lurks on eyeing the foreign beauty carefully, nodding knowingly of her fate, her destiny. A drunk man begs for a money. A blind man in dirty swads 01 clothes huddled on a street corner with an old, dirty dog and a can propped on Ihe curb, plays the harmonica. A sign alongside him indicates help and pity. A lady suited in well dressed aUire walks by, turns back feeling guilty, drops a coin into the can and without lifting her head brushes past the blind man, quickly. A man sleps out from the shadows, from a big expensive car - looking a little out of place, wearing a long coat with a spilt all the way up to his waist, white fur high heeled platform boots and a white lur, widebrlm· med hat, lopped with a long; pink leather. He takes long, jagged, careful strides as he approaches a woman dressed in a tight piece 01 cloth, generously annolnled with loud, cheap perfume and cheap jewelry. She places her hands on her hips and guides them from side to side, swirls and rocks them to and fro, as her breasts Jig· gle to the beat of Ihe street. Children walk by holding onto their quarters tightly, preparlnt to spend them ceremoniously on pinball machines at the Broadway Ar· cade. A man with grandfatherly Instincts steps out of a nudle/go-go girl/massage parlor, cautiously, fearlul that he might be recognized, that passersby may take not of his presence. An old lady, a "bag woman," fishes into the garbage cans looking for second hand objects which may prove to be usefuL The expresseion on her face Is sad, twisted, fearful and shamed, as she must depend on these sources as her only means of survival. To her, the city Is not a friend. but an octopus, which has swallowed up her goals, her dreams, her lile. She Is too old to start anew, but looks on sadly, shaking her head. Perhaps New Yorkers don't have solutions to everything - not to the poverty, dis· crimination and injustices that are stlll being experienced by people Jiving in the city. It is our lault that these problems still exist. Then again - maybe these same elements are necessary to make a city what It Is today. Close your eyes and 1m· agine Broadway with no pimps, no beggars, no prostitutes, no con artists - then what would It be? It wouldn't be exciting because the "dancer" would be missing. New York as a whole is rellected in American culture as well. Flip on the tube and watch "BareUa" and " Kojack" fight against "evil" crimes committed In New York. Archie Bunker, as usual,teils his wile, Edith how "horrible" the subways are, or maybe you saw the two girls on a show called "On Our Own" try to make it In "tough" New York In the advertising business. Spend $4.00 to see a movie, and you get to see a guy named "Tony" stepping in tune to the disco beat on a Brooklyn street in "Saturday Night Fever." Or perhaps you'd rather see the American Batlet Theatre perform In " Turning Point," or a couple try to work out their problems in "The Good·bye GirL" Pick up ten books and at least fourol them will either mention New York, or describe a city " just like" New York. Let' lace It - you don't mean New York City - you mean New York country! Whether It's business, fashion, the arts, poverty, rich, bad, good - you are talking about New York. Oh yes, I'll attest to the tune "I Love New York"!!!! Photography: The Universal Language

by Neil Trager with the fact that the object. event or person pictured at one timE' In his book Creative Photography. Helmut Gernsheim writes. existed. Through this unique characteristic. coupled with the absol "Photography is the only language understood in all paris of the ute accuracy with which the subject can be rendered. photography world and bridging all nalions and cultures. it links the family of provides us with some of our most important educational. psycho­ man." Beaumont Newhall. another historian. has described the logical. historical and sociological documents. It's most casual camera as a mirror with a memory. and has called photography practitioners have prOVided us with an endless supply of "folk art' the "faithful witness." Invented simultaneollsly in France and Eng­ in the form of the snapshot. It's most skillful have been able tc land (1839) even in its early years ils praclice spanned the globe. integrate its aesthetic and informational characteristics in the Significant wurk was produced in France. Germany. England. creation of fine art. Egypt. Brazil. Swilzerland and America since the 1850's. Today ils At LaGuardia the photography program is a vital and growing practice knows no bounds. force. Both credit and non-credit courses provide students and stafl The camera has proven its unparalleled ability to record "reality ,­ with the opportunity 10 learn aboullhe materials and techniques 01 The range of camera vision far exceeds that of the human eye. The this medium . The photography club provides a valuable service 10 camera captures events in a fraction of a second and preserves the school by maintaining and operating the photo lab after classes them indefinitely. It records sequences and arrests action with when all members may make use of the facilities . An ongoing equal facility . It lends itself to expressive application through its series of workshops sponsored by the club provides a valuable versatility. and deals with the elements of art on terms equal to resource for all those who would seek to know more about photo· those of any other medium. graphy as a profession. a means of expression. or as a hobby. The What sets photography aRart from the other visual arts is its photographs in Ihis supplement were done by students In the "authenticity." When we look at a photograph we are confronted school. It is with greal pride that they are presented. 2C • FIORELLO'S FLUTE· PHOTO SECTION • JANUARY 1879 JANUARY 1979 • PHOTO SECTION • FIORELLO'S FLUTE· 3C - 4C. FIORELLO'SFLUTE • PHOTOSECTrON • JANUARY1979

My personal past and present experiences In photography has expanded my life. thinking and creativity. I learned the basis of photography In the year 1974 During this time. I was doing an Army tour In Korea I did not. however. think that photo­ graphy was considered to be a form of "Art." but with the guidance and support of Professor Neil Trager I was able to redirect my direction in photography. I feel that photography is an unique form of communicating With other people. Through an array of techniques I can create and convey a message to anybody regardless of his cultural background, Most Importanl of alii am allowed to share my feelings and ex­ periences with others. Ralph Ferreira.

I was really interested in photography as a hobby. then I took a photography course with Mr. Nlel Trager. who. to me Is a very good photographer. The course was great. because I learned a lot of photo techniques from him - bOth in picture· laking and developing and enlarging. Photography is really a very good hobby. Vak••• (bran.

This photography course is the joint! Any student that ever thought about taking pictures should definitely take Beginning Photography. The 'Course was a fantastic experience for me. Mr. Niel Trager and Mr. David Scheinbaum are very good Instructors and they relate to the students very well Conrad Strldlroa

I enjoyed my photog,raphy class very much, especially enlarging and painting photos. I think that the class worked out very well by having Niel Trager and DaVid Schienbaum co-teach the course, This way. Ihe students gol 2 opinions on their work I'm really glad thaI I took the course and wish Ihat I could take the advanced course in the faU butI'm graduating C he ryl S e e.aye

I alway enjoyed taking pictures - Ihat was one of the reasons I look photo· graphy The real expo?rience was developing and printmg the pictures myself Debra Love ly

To me, photography Is more than learning to operate a camera effectively, ~evel. oping film and making prints. Photography is a creative art thai can be used to ex­ press how you feel and see your ever-changing world Photography Is a tool used to capture precious moments of time whkh otherwise may have been 1051 forever George Wiley

The photography course, for me. was really fatlulous , I learned many Ihlnkgs and discovered photography as an art, Now. I won', Jusl take pictures because I wont to, butI'm going to try 10 make my photos say someihing, to demonstrate something 10 the rest of ttfe world. Sonia

Photography taught me to see things In It different way . not jusl to look at tho?m. but to find something elsde beyond the pure object, It's a good feeling and you just want to take a picture of it .10.1 Caro

Photographers Nell Trager, LaGuardia's photography Instructor, and David Sh"n­ blUm, who recenlly resigned to pursue his eareer In Callfornl.. Photo bf AobiM It-. 1iorello's :follies Number 2 Volume 1 The UnoHk:I.1 Student Newspaper of L. Gu. rdl. Community College January 1979

INSidE This ISSUE ... WAfI""HG : Thl'''orirgll'l.l''_~purv-'ed ..... '''''.l.ln~word •. Jt>.IIoI.MI. Ass Kicking for an A Herbert the Pervert ... How some students would · .. A story about how one pervert gets snagged .. . . Page 9 rather beat up their teachers than go to class...... • • •• ...... Page 2

Student Becomes Pregnant Bitch, Yell or Burp · . . Students get to express themselves and FromKiss talk to a real reporter...... Page 12 .. . "But I only did it once," claims mother·l&be Mary Ann Malarky...... • ...... Page 6

Dear Lavern Jagger to Join LaGuardia Staff · .. Follies editor Lavern is still giving advice ... From rock star to singing proCessor...... Page 7 to the lovelorn and the horny...... Page 13

WRITTEN, PHOTOGRAPHED AND DESIGNED By LAURIE BROCKWAY 20 • FIORELLO'S FOLLIES • JANUARY 1179

1iorello' s 10llies LAVERN .•...•••...... •...... •...... Edltor·ln·Chl.f FirNe//o 's Follies Is a whenever·lt-happens·lt-happena ancllf-you-clon·t-I lke-It·thal'a LAVINIA BONNY N. CLYDE STEVE MARTIN'S DOG tough-ahlt publication. The matarlal herein la supposed to be funny and II yOlJ clon't (Lnem'. SI,te" Business Ma"ager FecultyAdv;SOf think It la. thal'a tough ahlt too. Also. aU this stullia p!.Irely organic (I.e. bullshll) a!'lel Ass/stant Editor II you believe any of II. you're probably an ..shote . The Follle. has been written for LACEY LATEL STAFF people Wllh a aense of humor. II you don' t ha .... ona of thoae, yOlJ shoulcln't be read· OlliceFflflt·up Ama"daClap Ing It. Thla la a limited edlUon and we have cleverly devised a way to publish It with Gfeta L. Momme PISTACHIO ROSE stuclent monle. which have been palcl solely by students who want 10 r.ad it. So. NOffisNash JOSE SCHWARTZ olt our case. get POrf/Critlcs Fknt~'. Follin ... cr.aled, wrillen, photographed, edited, dummied and b4'"ought HIM NERDO NONDULLO Who 10 B/ame to In. prlnl .... by Laurie Brockway. who I.k•• aba"'ulely no respon.lbility tor any 01 ROCKY ROSA FANNY PANTS " Some/hlng the m.t.... I.1 heraln. So ther • • Violence Ellpert Photographefs Goes Wrong ASS KICKING FOR AN A By ROCKY ROSA Go to clases. Smile when the teacher cracks a joke. Sit in the front of the room. Take notes and parliclpate In class discussion. 00 homework Most students don't partlcuarly like to fall courses. But many don't partlc­ and hand term papers In time. Study for tests. Read the text book. Make uarlv like to attend classes or work hard In those classes, eUher. Instruc­ the teacher think that you're smart. tors are generally aware of this, but will fl unk certain students Just the SEDUCE selme. Some students get especially ticked-off when they flunk for petty reasons like: cutting, fucking up on tests, forgetting to do term papers or Have an affair with your Instructor. Be very affectionate, even If It leaves Just being lame-outs In general. a bad taste In you r mouth. Have an affair with a teacher who Is your In­ Some students Just accept F grades, lake the class over, fall it again, structors friend or with your Instructor's spouse (someone who can put In and go through life with pent up anger. Some students ask for Incom­ the good word for you). Go out with yoor instructor's son or daughler. If pletes and walt till the last minute of the next quarter to hand in a boring you do It right, U's almost guarenteed that you 'll be excused from class by term paper, which they've copied verbatim from a book that they did not the second week of the course. Though you will have to continue with the Include In the bibliography. Some students appeat the.grade and just curse private lessons. a lot. But some studenls wJtl just kick ass on their Instructors. This Is BLACKMAIL fast becoming a popular sport which serves more than one purpose: Al It helps the angry student to eliminate pent up anger, via creaming a teach· If you can', bare the thought of an ongoing relationship: Seduce your In­ er_ BI It helps persuade instructors to change F grades by pretending to structor In the little theater when there is no one there and have a friend the Reglstra that there's been a mistake. C) It makes other Instructors take pictures from the wings. Do not tell the Instructor that there Is a think twice before they fall students, because they see that their photographer about until afterward. Suprlse! collegues have black eyes or are In traction. D) It Is good exercise. Or, have a girl-friend or boyfriend seduce your Instructor. Then you will You see, lame-out students aren't always totally lame. At least they are have something Shltty to dredge up from his/her past. smart enough to know that since they can't use their heads, feet and fists MAKE FRIENDS are just about effective. And It might eveil look good on a resume, If a Establish a friendship with the Instructor from the start ot the class and •••·.r. n'.wlla.n.'s.'o.. b-;:-e . a boxer. •

BE A GOOD·GOOD Even though you'd rather play ping pong and hang out, you might change your mind some day when you discover Ihal you are getting stupider and can't get a job. JANUARY 1879 • FIOREllO'S FOLLIES. 3D O.T. STUDENT CHARGED WITH FROG THEFT V.D. SPREADS ON CAMPUS 8y AmaDda Clap

Though t he College expected the V.O. t heir 1.0. carda validated but refuse t.b problem on campus to blow over by the produce tbe proper documents. summeT quarter, t.be problem is getting "Students tend to yell a lot. kick their wane. In a aurvey taken by an indepen­ feet, t.hrow tantrums and sometimes dent student raeareh team last. week, it throw books and other heavy objects wu concluded that one out. of every teo when they cannot get their carda val­ studenta ia affected by Validat.io~ Dis· idated," added the J.D. coordinator's agreementa. u.aistant. Though many students have been Tbough the t. D. people keep t.elling coming to LaGuardia for years, they atudents they must bave their green still claim that no one ever told them bW'8lU' receipt to get their cards validat­ they need their green Bursar receipt in ed, the V D. problems continues to order to get their I. 0, carda validated. apread. The only known cure for the dI. "The situation ia nWly getting out of order is to counteract it with a foreign hand," atated tbe I,D. coordinator who cnndition called communication. The is suffering from verbal abuse, caused I.D. Coordinator aaid that abe would try by angry and loud studenta who need to order some from beT supplier.

SEARCH FOR COLLAZO CONTINUES

Spuir.y, the IWHtheart of the edeaee lab. Bete an .neetlo_te kIN from atud("nt The frantic search for missing SFA prior to hi. abduction. accountant: Manny CollaZ(), continues without a clue to his whereabouts.. He By HBDS F. Isher was last seen lunching in the Roadway A first year O. T. student hal! been Ms. Frid ia now under further investi· at 1:00 on Monday, July 3rd and his ehaTged with lIt.eal.ing an especially large gation, and ia also suapected to be the friends and c»workers have absolutely and particularly dead bullfrog named leader of a drug smuggUng drugs out of no idea where he might. be. Spanky from the Science lab, last week . the country in dead animals and baby's When Collazo didn't show up for work The atudent, Myra Frid, was aaid to diapers with babiea in them. during the week of the -4 tho the B usineaa have Laken the frog home for penonal The Science Department. waa glad to nffice became concerned and called his use. It. was discovered, discreetly locate Spanky, though he is still being home. After a week of fruitless efforts, it. wrapped in an old issue of this neW8' held as evidence. A spokesman for the became apparent. that his wife and children were missing also. peper, in her refrigerator. last night. department commented: "This all SUlpieion was aroused when Frid seems very fishy to me." Concerned for the well· being of reported to a Isb session yest.erday after­ Collaz.oand his family, the College called noon. Her instructor noticed that "she in the FBI last week t.o investigllte the seemed to be awfully familiar with the case. However, Lhey have no leads ss of anatomy of 8 frog - for someone who yet. SIIys ahe'. never even seen one before." A spokesman for the FBI commented The instructor notified the authorities that, "We just CIIn't find a trace of this The Business Orrice and the yesterday afternoon. and her home 1'(1111 Collazo fellow anywhere," and specu. administration are especially an.dous to searched last nighL Iated that Collazo may have been find Collazo. In all the confusion and Frid claimed to know nothing at aU abducted by aliens after lunch on the prfHlsure of the new fi!Cal year, eomeone about a dead frog named Spanicy being 3rd. "Yeah, and then they coulda gone seems to have mi.alaid 150,000 of the in the refrigerator: however, ahe later and picked up the wife and kids, on t.he SFA reserve fund and Collazo is confessed that. she had merely borrowed way," added a city suditor that hap­ probably ·the only person who might it. for B scientific experiment which pened to be eavesdropping. know anything about it.. would turn the frog into a prince. Authorities reported that lhe frog was found in a badJy diseeted stat.e, with many of ill! vital organs missing. PROJECT COOP BABY Authorities also reported finding • kilo of cocaine in Ms. Frid's stove. "The Birth of an Internship" However, Ms. Frid denied knowing any· thing about the drug being there and re­ By GRETA LaMOMA probably be no problem in finding a portedly thanked the investigaton for female student to conceive the chlld, locating it, explaining, "Gee, I would The Coop Department and tbe Science since tbat'sprobably the best part of the bave cooked it right along with dinner if Department are now working on a whole deal." A badly diuected Spanky-u uhibit proposal submitted by the Woman's O~her problems they foresee a1'& find­ you guyl hadn't spotted it." A-afterbc!ing found In Frid's fridge. Committee which involves childbirth. ing a Coop daddy with good genes and "Tnstead of hsving one woman spen­ there is a speculation that they might ding nine months on one pregnancy," find one outside the CoUege, However, stated Albina Boner, Chairperson of the potential fathers will be screened at La­ RUBBERBAND WAR ERUPTSJN SONY CAFE Woman'a Committee, "we propose that Guardia, but will not be entitled to any nine women work collectively on having credits for their services. There might al· OOW( BUILDlNG, June 8 - A fierce the-groin injury after his reckless one child." so be a bit. of a problem in finding a fe­ rubberband war errupted in the cafe­ rubberband snapped Follies Editor If tbe proposal ia accepted, a special male student who'll be willing to carry teria at 11:15, injuring 2, irritating 9 Lavern, in the behind. She was re­ committee will be designated to select for the nine mODths and actually give and causing 15 Middle College strained from the action by a nearby nine femsle students for this ISpecial birth to tbeehild. students to have a hell of a good staffer and a security officer arrived project. Each woman will receive the Aside from that, the coop Bsby should time. shortJylhereafter. traditional three coop credits and will be an interestiDg and educational 8J:­ Most of [be teenagers scattered upon serve a one month term of pregnancy (in­ perience for an. However. no.body is The incident was said to be provoked sl.e4d of working a 13 weeks internship.) quit.e by a gang of wild Middle College sighting the man·ln·blue. However, four sure what they will do with the remained to cballenge the guard and However, the student who is designated child, once it is born. students who ent.ered the cafeteia wit.h were subsequenUy caught and taken to to actually give birth to tbe coop baby three large bolles of reportedly s&.olen the office of the Security Director. will receive an additional one credit, for rubberbanda and the intention to kill The leader nf tbe gang. a tall blond labor, one another in celebration 01 their up­ ooming aummer vacation. male with a face like a monkey and a Though all departments involved are manner to match, wall reported to have rather optimistic about the Coop bsby Annoyed college students who were stolen the rubberbands from the Middle endeavor, there are a few minor compli. studying for final nams got caugh~ up College office while the secretary was cations involved. Says Chairperson Bo· in the cross·fire and two were rushed to not lpoking. ner, "It will be very difficult to cboose the·nurtun office, where Lbey were Nt­ Tbe four stu~c.nts who wete captured who will be a$signed to which sta!{e of ported to be sufiering from $evere skin were reprimanded for rubberbllnd dis­ pregnancy. We don't expect tbat anyone Irritation due to rubberband snapping. turbance and tbeir parents were will quite leap at the chance to serve for None of the Middle College students notified. They have been charged with the fll1lt three months of pregnancy, were harmed and tbere were no other rubberband theft, with their case and we'd hate to have to fotee it on injuri8!l repo'1«l. However, one Middle pending with the Middle College review anyone. College lad almost. suffered • Knee-to· Board until fall. "Then again," sbe continued, "they'll 40 • FIORELLO'S FOLLIES. JANUARY 1171 Student Gets Pregnant From Kiss

"But I only did it once," whined Mary Ann Maladey IU she discussed ber kiu-induced pregnancy at a Press conference which was held in the HtUe theater today. REMOVE YOUR FACE Ms. Malarky, a second year stu­ dent at LaGuardia, is the fU'St wo­ OOPS! • Have you ever found yourself asking friends, or even casual acquaint.ances: man in recorded medicaJ history to "Hey. can I borrow your face? I have a date tonight and mine's just a ever become pregnant through the WE mess." How often do you look in the mirror and notice how ugly you are and mere act of kissing. think, or even say to yoursel£: Cee. I wish I didn·t. have this face." Do you With her parents. Margret and FORGOT spend oodles of money on pimple creams, moisturizers and make up, to try John Malarky, the family priest and THE to make the face on your head look different, or at least a little better than her older brother by her side. Ms. it is? Do you ever dream about not having the face that you do have. or Malarky spoke before an audience of PICTURE have night.mares about. the one that's presently residing? reporters and noted scientists, while cameras nashed and curious stu­ • If you answered yes to any of these quest.ions, it's t.ime to face up to facts­ dents and faculty peeked in to see you're ugly and yuor face has got to go. what t.he commotion was all about. • Now you're probably thinking: "Am I doomed to a life of the ugru.! Will Ms. Mal.arky, though not over­ I ever be asked for a date, or even propositioned on the subways? What. can joyed wit.h her condition, was enjoy­ I do about my face? " ing all the at.tention and said: "If J .. Photo by NERDO NON·DULLO • Well, theanswerissimple. REMOVE IT! knew it. would have happened, J would have used protection. It was she started feeling queasy a few • For $1.98, you can order LADY PRESTO'S FACE REMOVER and it wiU very innocent, you know. I met Paul weeks back and gaining weight.. I eliminate every t.race of your face. Poofl - and it's gone. No more face, no in my health class and he asked me took her to the doctor for a checkup moreuglies. That's right,justll.98. out. on a date. But my father doesn't and .•. well, you know t.he rest. • And, for a Lim ited time only, we'll send you a new face for a mere $10,000 allow me to date yet, so I told him we Mrs. Malarky said that., at first, ext.ra. That.·s right. just $10,000 extra. could be friends in school. I don't the family was rather disturbed that know, it all happened so fast. We their daughter had been involved in ORDER YOURS NOW, WHILE THE SUPPLY LASTS! the "disgusting" of premarital started spending time during breaks act And. why not stock up? LADY PRESTO'S FACE REMOVER and together. One thing led to another smooching. However, t hey never optional new face make dandy Christmas gift.s. and, before I realized it.. we were questioned the cause of the pregnan­ sharing a locker." cy, being firm beLievert! in babies .clipthiscoupon ..• , .• _ __ • _.:. At this point, MnII. Malarky began without sex. to weep and was comforted. by the Mrs. Malarky stated: "Indeed, MAIL TO, LADY PRESTO·S FACE family priest. this is the Lords doing and he'U look REMOVER AND NEW FACE BANK "Then," continued Me. Malarky, kindly on my daughter and forgive 10 Ugly Street "one day while I was getting a book her for her actions." Cleveland, U.S.A. out. of the locker, Paul carne by. The It was later learned that the family locker was open and we both went for does DOt believe that the kiss had I WANT MY FACE REMOVED our books at the same time. Our fin­ anything to do with the pregnancy genii touched, our eyes met and . and t.hat they think it was a simple ~yNameis ______suddenly, he kissed me. act of God. 1 Live At ______Ms. Malarky was becoming ob­ Cont.rary to that, the scientific viously distressed as she spoke. Her communit.y is inclined to believe that father suggested she'd said enough, the pregnancy had undoubtedly been Enclosed is my $ for _____ o( but she insisted on continuing her caused by the kiss, leaning more LADY PRESTO'S FACE REMOVER tale. toward the theory that .lome pbyai· "Yes, he kissed me and it caused a contact had to be involved. Also Enclosed is. _____ for my new face(s) tingly sensation to shoot through my In an interview with world re­ body. Having been warned of this nowned scientist, Harold J . Furd, I Look in the Mirror _____ times per waking moment. (Optional) sensation when I wu in high school Dr. Furd commented: " It's simply ...... at Sister of Virtue Preparato,y, I reo arnating, and only comparable to the cognized it as sexual excitement and mating habits of "Kissing Guamie." stopped Paul immediateJy. Well , .al­ Kissing Guami. Dr_ Furd explained, most immediately. I told Paul that I are a tropical fish which are blue with could never see him again and little white dots on them. In his demanded that he rent his own lock­ book. THE KISS OF THE GUAMI. er." Dr. Fun!" 8%plains that t.he flSh, Ms. Malarky, teart! welling in-her which matures to about five inches eyes, reiterated the fact that she'd long, mate by joining in a kiss-like only done it once and began getting a position, whereupon the male IOrt of bit shaky. Her parenta helped her off spita his male seed into the female. the stage and shed promptly threw who reciprocates b)!' sucking. Very up in t.he wings. interesting, indeed.. We spoke briefly with Mrt!, Mar­ Close sources to Ms_ Malarky gret Malarky, who explained how have revealed that she will appear on the phenomenon was discovered: the Johnny Carson show and make a "Well, Mary Ann never told us guest appearance on America To­ about t.he • • . incident. She was night. to discuss her kiss-induced scared her fat.her would beat her. But condition. Laguardia: All Shook Up May 10th-An earthquake, causing ahock." the deaths of thousands of mice. ra t.8 Studenta rel8lling in the Main lounge and roache!l located in the basement of and cutling dasses in ~he M.in cafet.eria the cafet.en. In thll'l Main building. and were among th08fl most seriously .ffll'lCt.- completely dev.ataLlng the new wing. ed by the tremora. Student number 007- was reported by reliable 1OUrce8 to bave OHM)? complained of severe vertigo re- a 0 rating on the Richter 8C81e. aultlng from inner ear damage due to The adminiaw-ation's educated com- students screaming: "Cla.. ea can- ment on thll'l quake wa~ "It was quite a celled!" JANUARY 1979 • FIORELLO'S FOLLIES. 50 NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS.BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS NEWS BRIEFS Idol in the Raw Gets S.F.A. Pissed Campus Pranks: What A Gas The Follies' Idol In The RaU). Pablo "Macho" Cruz. pulled a real Zinger the other day at a Student-Faculty Association meeting. The board was heavy Into fruitless debate when Pablo ca!>ually strolled in an hour late. wearing nothing but his sneakers and an old beach hal. Gee. were the board members pissed ... they hale when people come In late to meetln~.

What would college be without all those wacky ole pranks we see In all those dippy old movies about colliglale life that run on the late show. Well. 'On August 16th. a few of the gang got together and organized a fun · filled day of merry ole pranks and had themselves a wacko lime. Wow! They started OUI by dressing up In womens clothing and having a wild pea fight in the cafeteria and went on to see how many people they could cram Pablo: Took his sneakers off, but covered up - In case his mom sees into a phone booth. Then they snuck Inlo the Social Sdence office and made this Issue. breathers to all the deans. From there. they trucked on down 10 Ihe girls locker room and staged a nifty panty raid and then breezed through the corri­ dors with panties on their heads. After that. they stopped for a rest, parked themselves at the fool of a stairway and checked oul the scenery - under the As The Stiffs Come Marching In skirts of women descending the stairs. Boy, did they have a plssa And If that wasr'i't enough, they dug a hole in Well. actually it's a bit difficult to front of the. Main bulldlng - just for kicks - to see how many people would get a corpse to march. It's more likely fan In. When College officials made a stln'" about ii, they refilled ihe that they'll be rolled In. once the hole - with freshman Danny McOoodle and cement. Boy. did they have a College's new Mortuary Science pissa! Program gets off the ground - or should we say. goes undergrourtd BUI don'l look so grim. dead bodies are relatively harmless. And just think . we'll all get to go to school with Groovin' Bunko Band Rocks LaG. the future fun eral di rectors of the world - a connection that might just come in hand y some day.

Aspiring mortician, Marina Blna and a friend. This one was 100 far· gone for an educational autopsy, though.

Campus Survey:

In a recent campus survey. we dis· covered that a 10 1 of students do drugs. Out of 2 ,000 students survey· ed. we found Cocaine to be the over· all favorite However. out of the 85% that prefer Cocaine. only a small percentage can afford It and the rest smoke pot Instead. 9% do Coke on a regular basts and buy It with income received for dealing pot on campus and with their BEOG checks. 68% smoke pot daily. 17% On Augusl23rd. ihe mavin' tunes of the Groovtn' Bunko Band rocked the smoke just on weekends. 10% just red carpet area and echoed through the main corridor, disturbing m,my stu · smoke on pay days. 3% just smoke II dents who were taking crucial final exam!> which would determine whether or If someone throws them a joint or not they would graduate on September tenth with the rest of us who had before tests and 2% don't smoke at finished final exams on August 22nd. all . 25% are rather fond on MixIng bubblegum rock with solid blues, the Groovin' Bunko Band was a Quaaludes and 14% steal their real blast and a half, and we. predict Ihal they lire del>1lned to make the bottom mothers diet pills to make it through 40's chan of an unknown slallon, someday. They were absolutely mediocre! daily life and to do term papers. 1 % If you were in the middle of finals while the Bunko's were doing Iheirthing, are junkies on a Methadone Main· follies reporter, lma Head, as she you'lI probably get to see. em again in the faU when they return for a repeat tenance Program . gives us her survey results performance - so don't sweat. 8D • FIOREllO' S FOLLIES· JANUARY 1979 Flute Editor Goes Bye-Bye By LAVERN

Services for Laurie Brockway, a 21· Day Care Kiddies Find True Love year-old laGuardia .tudent from Queens. were held aU over New YOf'k today at By NORRIS NASH lAter that day, their parenti began to .unriM. Ratber unconventionally, the worry wben they could not Ioc.te the ceremony took place aboard a stolen hell children and notified police.. Tbe pair eopter, which was flown by an ex-beau, Wedding Bella rang last Monday for WII eventually picked up at LaGuardia and was at~ded by a close friend of the tit.tJe Nellie May Hender when ahe eloped Airport, wbere they were about to departed_ A. they passed over Man­ witb ber Iong·time beart·throb, Bobby depart. for a honeymoon in Hawaii, via hattan's muggy .kyline, Ms. Brock­ J oe Bender, Nellie May, the darling of the bagpge department of an island· .... ay'. ashes were strewn aCl"OSS thecity. tbe Day Care Center, met Bobby Joe bound 747, A native N_ Yorker, M.. Brock...,ay, when ebe ,.,aalix months old and he WII Wben the Parent Bendera and t.he we were told, didn't go for the thought four, three montha ago. She developed Henden tried to separate the two. the of being "laid to reat." She decided, an Instant cue of the hot.s for him and children threw wild temper tanLnima prior to ber death, that .he'd rather be was heartbroken wben his mother and t.hreatened to O. D. thl!nllleivea on eattered. graduated and Bobby didn't come to the aapirin if they oouJd not remain together. Mil. Brockway, wbo died yesterday at center anymore. They were meeting aec­ Touched by tbeir deep devotion to one another, tbe elders relented and flSUred .undown for no apparent reuon, Ia p~ retJy for montba before their parenLa bably best remembered at LaGuardia found out.. tried to convince them it was they couldn't beat Jove. for writing stories with alot. of dirty puppylove and epank.ed them, respec­ Asked if she thought the age difference word. in them snd laking photographs tive1y. would 8V1!IItually effect. t.h&irreiatiooabip, In H ..... AII.. With PI •••u,. " Last ...,eell:, borrowing Monday's lunch Nellie May commented that "I've.1waye of men with their panLa down around T·Shlrt - 1M Irony of It All their knees or with no panLa at all. for 20 Day Care Kiddies, Nellie May and liked older boy•. " agenda of subsequent eventa. And, aince Bobby Joe anuck off to form the Hender­ When bubby, Bobby Joe, was quieried In an Interview witb Mil. Brockway's the dead peraon is generally not around Bender union, The ceremony was beld at a. to how be would support his wife. be close friend, who waa responsible for to make sure that all goes accordingly, Adventurers Inn and was performed by aaid that be bad a few bucks saved In his executing tbe departed·s final plan, we the dead person must arrange for ber a free-lance praacher of 12, wbo u· piggy bank. Asked what he would do inquired as to her- reason for carrying friend to be. Then, the dead peraon wID changed his aervicea for two sandwicb.. wben the babies came, be said, "Well, them out aa sucb. Said the friend. "be­ be able to real or, aa it were, scatter in anda chocolate bar. we've been lucky 80 far , . , " cause Brock said ahe'd come back and peace," make me mi8enlble if I didn 'L" That Ia why Ma. Brockway's friends The friend, wbo chose to remain name­ snal.c.bed her- body, "before ber mother Ie.. ia someone elae obituary, told us could get her bands on it." that Ms. Brockway did believe that she "Brock knew tltat. her- mother- ...,ould would die someday and bad put. ber ltave popped her up in an open coffin for requeat in two yean ago, just in cue. public view," said the friend, "Sbe The fri~d also suggested t.ltat. perltaps would bave bad her hair defriued and the deceased's early prepanLiona were pulled back into a funky halr-do and she in aomeway tied in with the movie/owl, would ltave dressed bet in a polyester her passion for the ocean and her aecret pantauiL" Continued the friend: "Brock feer that ahe would be IIOmeday eaten by waa sure t.ba.t her mother would stand sabark. oller the coffin and cry a lot. And Brock "I guess it'. just II well," said the tbought she'd just bave t.o lay there and friend, "since it came in ltandy anyway," wat.e.h her bu,Ung and not be able to The friend then wenton to explain Ma. tel1bertocan it, Brockway's views on deeth and dying: In concluding, Ms. Brockw-ay's friend "Breek felt that dying was a very commented.: "Well, I'm sure ahe'a doing private event. She ...,as not. Into aharing alright now. I acattered a Uttle utra it witb an audience of mourners. who over- ABC ~tudioe btause she .1 .... ay. were of abeolut.ely DO UM to a dead per­ said that she wanted to get into the net­ ton, anyway. She felt t.bat, since dying work .. ABC Is the tapa In the Neil8on .. did not alway. occur accordi.ng to per- you know. I just bope that she was 8Ona1 t.a.at.e and Limin&", tbe dMd penon really dead when we bad ber- cremated. should at Jeaat be able to chooee the It all happened so fllt.." THE HAPPY COUPLE Fairy Tales for Big Folks SOIIIma. that tbey ",ru drop tbe age old chargee being an " unfi t mother" and a "bad IJt. NATIONAL against Ma, Locka if she relmbureea f1 uance on children" in general, lince . • 1II111T ...... them for previous damages and tbe there ltad DeVer been any evidence of a NEWS porn .... father in b« tale. At any rate, recent Though it was reported that t he Bean reporta ltave It t.ba.t sbe'a now goins l1li ••1' .1 C.II11 agreed to allow Ms. Locke to compen· through menopauae and tbe story might U.' ..te by washing diahes f« 60 years. a be dropped a1togetber .. By NOAH ARK close eoutCe to this newspaper hae r& 8n"-White's hubby, Prince, is luing * * * vealed that Mil. Locke Aid: "Damn if for divorce on the grounds of adultery, NEWS FLASH - Today, on the ou,," I'U w«k for tboee animaIa.. I'd ntber DI, Clre I.dd •• , •••• He claims tbe fu ll-term, seven inch chUd sklrtl of the Enchanted Foreet, aD aging eaU my ftrat ch.i.ld to Rumpl8lulakin in ebe gave birth to last montb couldn't ...... I.IIII·'IIIIICI ... Goldie Locka waa ,potted In the com­ order to retain my freedom." possibly be hi .. At a preas conference .... mn_1IIY pany of tbe notorioua Abby Hoffman. Our aource also reported tbat Ms. earlier Lhil month, Prince ia quoted as Ms. Locks, wbo was later apprehended Locka baa contacted Little Red Riding saying: "I knew she was etill me.ulng by an undercover Oak tree, coDfeaeed Hood, in an effort to locate the nearest arond wit.h tbose demn dwarfs, but tbis that ahe'd been hiding in en unfamiliar wolf so that. tbe baby deal can be ia jult totally unacceptable." folk tale since ber fabled encounter with promptly arranged .. , * * * Snow White doesn't &earn lO be loG the Three Bears. She furthermore sd­ perturbed by the divorce and Is planning mitted to having illicit relations with -Flnll n COOP Castle reporta have it lrn..t Cinderella to continue ber national crusade against Mr. Hoffman, who had s88umed the end In h10VIhII is recovering nicely and will be up singer Randy Newman. We bear ber 0r­ law I'rIIInm Identity of Prince Charming and bad, around ahortly. It's been quite some said Ms. Locks, "Swept meoff my feet." ganization, "Save The Short.iee" is quite time since she'sltad a ball, having taken succesaful these days .. *** Mr. Hoffman w ... not apprebended by that nasty falloff ber- platform glass autborities and they have claimed that elippers two months ago. It's been re­ The tale of Repunz.e! bas been cancelled. he "simply disappeared." ported that tbe Prince is plsnning to It 8el!1II!I Ihe grew tired of washing her The Phlnlom Pop ScooDer Later reporLS revealed thst he bad give her a big one II eoon as she long locks and wu getLing headaches cltanged into a toIId and just hopped off, recoVerti fuUy , ,. and unsigbt.ly split enda. Sbe hal decided -:..~ The Forest Patrol baa posLed under­ to step up to style and get a fashionably "* cover in88Cta on II; number of local lily The story of The Little Old Lady Who short hair cut. However, her etory baa Who'. Scre.lnG Wbo I' pads in hopes of capturing tbe fugitive. Lived In A 8boe have been altered aom& been optioned for TV and she is now As for Goldie Locka: The Three what" aince she di9COV~ the pill Aa working on a pilot to be aired this fall, . l11U11'd11 Bears, who now own and operate a you might recaI.I, tbe PTA made a big alee%y diner in Long Island City, contend atink a rew yean back, aocusing ber- of More to Come •.••.•..••• . ..• JANUARY 1171 • FIORELLO'S FOLLIES. 70 JAGGER TO JOIN LAGUARDIA STAFF British rocker, Mick Jagger. will be joining laGuardia's Ing ripped 011 by star·struck females whenever he Is with my knickers down, dldn', ya .. now, hOw can I Instructional staff this lall to teach music and rocJ<·re· spotted In public, no one at laGuardla has seemed refuse that?" leted courses. Mr. Jagger, lead singer of a relatively Ia­ to recognize him at all. As 8 matter 01 fact. the ooly As she walked with Mr. Jagger ;0 his new office, PIs­ mous rock band called the Rolling Stones. has been people who seem to be at all elicited about Mr. Jag· tachio said she OY9fheard one female LaGuardlan COOl' hired as an adjunct Instructor In the Music Department, ger's new appointment are Mr. Jagger himself and the ment excitedly: "Wow, there goes that reporter, with the option of becoming a full·llme, singing profes­ female staff of this paper. Pistachio Rose. And Isn't that whalshlsname7' sor In the spring quarter, maybe. Main Building last w~ and dashed back to the ofUce to Mr. Jagger Is already busy gatting settled into his new grab a tape recorder and put on some make·up. She later Pistachio said that Mr. Jaooer was very adorable, office and preparing for his winter courses. Though he tracked him down In the men's room and got him 10 suI> bright and friendly and that he will probably take us 10 Is In the habit of being attacked and having his cloth- mit to an Interview. Commented Mr. Jagger: "Caught me Studio 54. - Editor

what's it called, a .. , oh yeah ... the Curricular Committee, yeah, I hear Folllu: So. wbat briD,' YOll t.o they're all in a huff about it. Goe. back ....Guardt.f to what I said before. I'll set up there Mr. Jagger: SUiCIIlly, the caah. But and unroffle 'em one of these days. I I've alwaYI wanted to t.each,you know, think I 'll invite 'em to one of my and no other college would hire me. ",,,,",,,. FoWee: Ob, wby t. that? FolliN: Well, it all &ounda putty lood. Mr. Jagger:WeU, you know. I've done What will you uped of your atudent. drugs and stuff and 1 can't shake the aDd bow will you grade them'!' bloody etigma. And t got. arrested for Mr. Jagger: Of course, I 'll expect them piaaing on a wall once. that 80ft of thing. all t.o become famous like me someday Most people think that rock singers are but. of couree, not anywhere neu aa wild eort of bloku. They don't want talented. That's impoaaible. I'll their Idddlea to come to. lKhool wher.. probably give aU the birda A's, if they're rock singer ia teaching. 80 the ecbool not too fat or ugly or bave pimples IX' don't want any part of you. They t.b.i.nlr. anything. 1 won't be too bard on the you're gonna drop your lmiclr.erl! or some blokes, as long as they don't act like sort t.b.i.ng ••• in front of the kiddiea and puffs about it. I won't stand (or all. you know. My agent said maybe I anybody wbanking off in the back of the ought not to put it on my r8!1ume, you clusroom or anything like that., if that's 1mo1t-. that I'm a rock singer. what you mean. FoWe.: Well. you're a pretty fllmou, Follies: Well, It &Odda real good. J'm performer. They'd probUly fiDd you out aa.re you'll be a great tMeber, aad that eVeDtuaUy. )'ou'll make a valuable contribuUoa to Mr. Jagger: Yeah. might be. It'l M)CKJAGGER the CoUqe by bei.ng Ollila .Wf. I doo't amazing, any old alag they'll hire. but euctly know why, but you probably once they know you're a rock .inger, FoW ..: So wbat COIlI'MtI will you be FoW..: What other ideu do you have'!' will. they set. all uptight, you know. They're Mr. Jagger: Well thank you, hlv. You t.eaebI·l? Mr. Jagger: Plenty) luv . .. 'speclaIJy more into the diaco type in New York Mr. Jagger: Well, oorne winter, 111 be are a aweet one, aren't· you. with a nice bird like yoursell sittin' univeraltiu, you know . . . or the teachln, a course in rock and roll. They before me very eyes. Fom.. : Jll.It oae ... ore quetltJon, Mr. inUlllectual type. But there'a alot of say I ahould start off meuow, They've Jaage:r .·· kiddiea out there who want to learn how even called the bloody thing " Basic Follla'; Well, J'm aure, but I ...e_ Mr. Jaager: You can me Profeuor, to be rock stars ..• it just doesn't make Rock and Roll", or something as boring c.all ~kI_ aelUl8 to ll.ave di.8co typea or amart onea as that. But., it'll be good and raunchy, sweets. teaching them, right? you know. I'll sing moet of it., I will, but Mr. Jagger: Yeah, well, I put in one of FollietI: Oltay, Prof_ Jaaler, cu you FOWN: You do have a point there. Wby tbere'll be some lecture and a bit of them proposals for a courae caUed let me ad my editor b:llto Stu.dio641 do you think LaGuardia blred you? bullshit too. College kiddiee like Lhat, I "Rapid Pelvic Movement." Tbat's real Mr. Jagger: Well, aura Yeah, maybe we Mr. Jqger: Well, there are two reuona. hear. I'm gonna go into atuff like. you important, 'apecially if you wanna do can work IKlmething out wben Bianca Baaically becauae t ean set into Stu.dio know, why d.i.aco suclr..a and what punk concerts and all. 'When you're in the and Jeni aren't in town. Me and BiaDCa 64. 1 really can't tell you the second rock il: too. We 'll have gueata too. recording studio, it doesn't matter are getLin divorced, you know, don't reaaon. Blokes like Keith Ricbarda and Johnny much, but it'a an essential stage want to aee her around. Sure. Wh,y don't Follies: Ob,comeon. Let meln on It. Rotten and the like. I'll think of technique. All npiring rock singers you tum off that nJCOniing machine, and IKlmething good by then. ahould know it. I hear that tbe ... a, we'll talk aboutit .. Mr. Jagger: Sorry luv, just can't. FolliN: Wby cu't you tell the &eeond lie..... , Mr. Jagger; It'll probably get m~ fired. AS WE WERE GOING TO PRESS is why? Aa we were going to press, we were of muaical atyle. and trends. He also aaault with deadly food.. We eould not Follie.: Caa you tell .. oU the reeord? notified that a leml'masa raUy was tried to uplain that, since Mr. Wonder obtain their namee at the Lime of this Mr, Jagger: Well, linee you're INch a being held in the Maio Cafeteria to bad won 10 many awards and bonors for writing. protest Mr. Jagger's recent hil work, that "his price was too damn cute little bird ... paasallt "pasut .. . The cafeteria stated that they would appointment to the Music Departme.ot'a hiJ:h." He continued to say that., aince paaaasaat. not charge for the loIS of good. if they, instructional .taff. In a "follow that they already have The Bee Gees, Donna FolliN: You're ldddingi in turn, were not charged for the carl" fashion, we frantically lICl"8aJned Summer, Eddie Palmieri and Barry spokesman being food poisoned. Mr. Jagger: Nope. Whlte on staff, "We need 8Omeone to ;;:::. ~he preaaeal" and rushed to the In a seriee of very quick interview, FolliN: You mun ... '!' teach rocIr. and roll." with innocent bystanders, we received Mr. Jagger: Yeah. Ain 't' that Wben we anived, we found a hand and The spokeaman's 'ttempt to make the following commenta: " Man, it wss something? a footfull of angry studeou in an uproar peace was met by violence and the awful, tbere wall food flying all over the Fom.: Goah. I Dever beard uythiDs becaull8 Stevie Wonder had not been studenu began to barrage him with two place. They got some on my new panta" . Ukethat.. appointed to the poeition instead. The atudents claimed that tbey bad day old cafeteria putries and ... "It waa real fun; haven't aeen any Mr. Jagger: Yeah man, it'a a freaking bambursers. One of the hambUrger rolls good action around th.eae parte in a long submitted a petition bearing 2,000 bust. huh? hit him in the head and he was knocIr.ed time" .. , " Like, t waa kissing my signsturts in favor of giving Mr. FolliN: Yeah..I'mlladyou told me. unconscious. Not eatisfied with the girlfriend - she kisses real good, you Wonder a teaching post in tbe Collese to damage done, the students splattered know - yeah. I was in the cafeteria but I Mr. Jagger: Yeah, but juat cool out tbe Music Department laat quarter. bim with the cafeterla'a version of didn't see nothing." And " Who ia Mick about it.. Keep iI. in your lmiclr.en, you The department claimed they had Chinese fried rice. Jagger?" know., never aeen such a petition. However, it Mick Jagger commented: "Jeez, all FolliN: Wowl Well anyway, wbat you waa later diacovered by a eec:retary in a Soon after, six policemen and two that happened oos of me, did it? I'd do you think of LaGuardia this fu? sluab pile of old petltiona - which ambulances arrived. The spokesman better not find any of the ,uclr.ers in any Mr. Jagger: Well, ueept for tltat., it'a included petitions regarding teaching was immediately taken to Altorla of my claasea. Who'a Stevie Wonder, pretty neat. A good place to chat up the post. for the BeatIes, the original General Hoepital. along with a eec:urity anyway?" birds ... got a decent office and all It'a Supremes and Jose Feliciano. guard who bad aUpped on some rice and alright.. I'm pretty excited about it an A spokelman for the department, who frsctured his ankle while attempting to Stevie Wonder commented: " What au.. Never taught in a university before. never did get a chance t.o tell us ~s name come to the apokesman's aid. The the hell would I want to teach there ya know. Well, yeah, you do, coa I just because the ambulance men took him spokesman is reported to be suffering for?" And " Wbo', Mick Jagger, told you. The place looks good. I don't from the acene so swiftly, attempted to from a head concusaion and food anyway?" it;no,. about thoM plante tbey got in the calm the group down. He tried to uptain poisoning, which is a result of some of Donna Summers' educated oomment hallway, but it's cool. They don't have that Jagger had been appointed to hia the fried rice slipping into hill system via was: "Ooh, )ave La )ave ya, baby." caviar in the lunch bar, but me old lady poaition ill an attempt to broaden the hill mouth. There were many other commenta. but canpaclr. some up for me if I want. Yeah, Muaic Department" inatructional range The police anuted four atudenta for none of them are worth printing. 1 like It. Yeah,it 'acool. I gueu. 80 • FIORELLO'S FOLLIES. JANUAR Y 1979

FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLI ES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLI ES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES REVIEWZ FOLLIES American Grafuifie$ By JOSE SCHWARTZ their families and go to Hollywood to 1>& Produced by tbe Associstjon for Well­ come movie stars. (However, judging Endowed But Under-Tipped American from their performances, theY,oughta Barmaids and Waitresses, this film ia really give waitressing a whir!.) the biggest bore to hit Screening Room The whole thing is, they're both as B since Barry Lindhorn 8eJIt me into spastic 88 hell and can't get good tips. nodsville three years ago. Director B.M. whoee initials appropria~ Directed by Bit! Moan (of Sillgillg in Iy deacribe the quality of this film. the RGin Nude non-fame), AmericGn makes a sad attempt tQ.giye the film a Gratuities is supposed to be a ~re film, semi-suspenseful edge by making you designed to frighten eI cheapo Americana think that the chicks are gollll8. provide into leaving better tips for waitresses ya with some pop-socking, aoft-core and barmaids. But shit, we work for a actioq - at least. So, the first 1~ min­ living too. ya know! utes gives your senses a little tingle of We're supposed to think that they're anticipation, waiting to see what kind of all a bunch of cutsie little innocents, who wierd things they're gonna resort to. By PISTACHIO ROSE it is. Anyway, by letting her have a taste have to resort to all sorts of wierd things to make enough money to live on. After 16 minutes. you couldn't give a Tla. D.vil/II Mil. JOII'" the second in of. of ... everything, he's seasoned her shit what happens and ya just want the a series of porn flicks to be presented by BUsty Amanda Murk plays a cute for the perfect hell. damn flick to end. You don't even want the St.udent Activities Committee, is little waitress named Bobbi Jo who has So, Ms. Jones is shitting a pickle to stay for free drinks and ya definately defmitely a classic. For those of you who to support her invalid mother and fight about going to hell and she goes back to off her lecheroua stepfather. She meets can't handle the press conference. hunger for a little hard-core sex in t.he Lust Land to get her last licks in. Sud­ cinema, this one's a treatl This film is up with a barmaid named Penny Sue, ao­ I mean, the mm ends with the biggest denly, she's in this room with some other little chestful devil, played by anti-clirn4lt in the world, carries nn mes­ chocked full of goodies - I mean, it's freako who's sitting there trying to one hour and twelve. minutes of every­ Cheryl Tiggs. who's running away from sage and just sucks in general. The catch flies that aren't there and an alcoholic husband who beats her at chicka wind up babySitting on Saturday thing you alwsys wanted to do, but mumbling something about being never knew how. whim. The two hook up and try to con· nights and getting fat. And Moan says invaded. And the guy, aside from being jure up ways to bring in the bucks, the motto is that "if you don't tip, you The plot is pretty simple. Ms. Jones, a a nut job, is a total asexual who sits librarian·type, goes through her whole which will ultimately allow them to chance losing the beauty of America." I around talking to himself and trying to dump all their commitments, payoff life being Little Goddie-Two-Shoes. catch flies all day. There she ia, strung­ Never does a damn thing to anyone and out for se:s; and trying to talk him into it. never lets anyone do s damn thing to He doesn't even hear what she's saying. her. Instead of just going out and She goes nuts and realius she stuck getting laid. she decides to do herself in there for eternity and after. This is her - real dramatic-like, you know. She gets hell. A real tea .....jerker. Wbada way to into the bath tub and does a number on go. her wrists. Real gross, too. Then, even though she's been a goody­ Tla. Devil in Ms. Jones Is a must-see! goody all her life, she goes to the Devil If you're a pervert at heart, but a shy for doing herself in. But, the guy is sort pervert at heart, come incognito, most of of sympat.hetic and lets her get her last tbe administration will. I mean, every­ licks in. So what does she want to do? body's there for the same reason as you She wants to e:.:perience pure lust - and are - to tingle their senses, or have their I mean pure lust. senses tingled as the case maybe. For Man, this flI..m is a sb:z.ler. Ms. Jones those of you who are regulars, there will covers just about everything there is to be a raincoat rental stand on hand to cover and then some. I mean, it's real provide discreet transactions. This film e:.:plicit. None of this simulated garbage. is 8 siuJer, guaranteed to give you hot SUGGESTED READINGS So what. happens? She gets hooked on pants. You will see the Devil in Ms. it. I mean, she's strung out for the stuff. Jones. on top of Ms. Jonea and all over Student Go Home. Anson Narf's heart­ Sally Won't Be Home Tonight. Bryan But she forgets that. this is juat a wI. Ms. Jones. Seating and raincoats are warming tale about a young medical Nurry's sensitive story about love on fling and freaks oat whe' the Devil limited. First come. first served. student who gets kicked our of medi­ a college campus, and a girl who could­ comes to get her. He Lakes her for a walk Remember, plesse, this film contains cal school for accedental1y killing a n'tget enodgh. (she's climbing all over even him), and super mature viewing matter. I mean, patient while serving as an intern at a tells her that she's had her jollies and don't bring the Oay Care kiddies. In all hospital. now she's got to go straight. to heD. But. seriousneas, if you are unable to keep If A Dog Barka, Sboot it, LaZeU LaPaifa Dick ADd Jane Hllve Desires Too, An she don't want to go. It's like she can't control, don't come. We don't want to first novel is a thrilling, spine tingling eroUc classic written by the Follies live wit.hout what she's been getting. get you all ove ..... heated and revved up. mystery about a pack of wild and in­ st.aff. Detailed pictured and amazing But the Devil's not into giving seconds Let us remind you, illicit se:s; acts are not visable dogs that hang around a college revelations about the "wholesome and he figures he's been nice enough ae permitted on campus. campus and eat female students. twosome. JANUARY 1171 • FIORELLO'S FOLLIES. 10 HERBERT THE PERVERT By PENELOPE SLUDGE This Is a true account about a close personal friend of the author

Herbert the Pervert was leaning about to depart, had acknowledged Herbert quietly and casually re­ porary deviation, rather than volun­ against the doors of a Manhattan it too. Herbert decided thai it might placed the panties back over the teer for almost certain pain. bound train " doing his thing" for the be best to put It away for a while, organ, which was now salutlng him, So Herbert, awkward as it was, benefit of the young lady seated fearing he might send the woman politely excusing the awkward mis­ was about to perform an illicit, and directly across from him. Herbert Into a fit of witd and uncontrollable understanding. However, He/She, certainly unbecoming sex act when manipulated his tongue in the passion. Atterall, he did not want to not please with the thought that he suddenly there was heard a shuffling manner which perverts are notorious create a scene on public transporta· had gotten all the train for nothing, of what seemed to Herbert to be for and followed up with a succes­ tion. Herbert began having very displayed his displeasure when he saintly leet. A shopping bag lady sion of pelvic movements. The dirty, very private thoughts. withdrew a knife from a small case appeared, schlepplng her shopping that was attached to his garter. woman simply looked at him In dis· Herbert tucked his private parts bag, and ·having great intentions of Herbert was quite distressed, de­ gust, which meant, of course, that Into a more socially acceptable usIng the facilities. fenseless and, addIng assault to she was interested. So, Herbert con­ place - his pocket. When the train The woman was taken abaCK Injury, disappointed. Herbert vainly tinued to practice his sensuous· came to a halt, Herbert escorted his upon sighting a woman with a peniS attempted to explain an urgent ap­ circling· tongue· technique, while Intended onto the platform and into and a pervert about to engage in pointment on the A train which he engaging In a dry hump with a (as of the ladies room therealler. However, some kinky sex act. When the had suddenly remembered. HelShe yet) non·exlstent humpee. This was It was indeed unfortunate for the moment of supr:se wore off, she was in no mood for games. Herbert's M.D. elated pervert, who was still abo began swinging her shopping bag at Herbert's performance was sorbed in his In1llal state of euphoria, Within moments, He/She wielded the two. She got the astounded He/­ indeed effective and, to the pervert's that he hadn't been more observant two weapons before the helpless She in the head and, lucky for delight, the woman gestured her in­ 01 the lady he was about to become Herbert, and assured him that the Herbert, she had previously been terest with a reCiprocal tongue Intimate with. Had he not been so In· choice was his. Recovering slightly scrounging around through some motion, adding a suggestive drool. valved with plannIng how he would Irom his faint condition, Herbert trash cans which were rich with This got Herbert hot. He knew he enhance the lady's carnal know· firmly refused both, recited an shopping bag lady·type treasures. was giving her a real thrill and as· ledge, he might have noticed that assortment of profanities and in· Old shoes, cigar boxes and rotten sumed that she was about ready for she, in fact. was a he - In drag. It eluded a short lecture on abnormal apples. While He/She went down, the ultimate turn·on: a peek al the was even more to the pervert's mls· behavior. He/She was not at all Herbert tore-off. But the shopping penis which he was about to release fortune that he did not discover this pleased with this tiresome delay, bag lady came after him, hor lethal from his trousers and expose lor her until, al a most deSirous moment, he while Herbert was not exactly de­ shopping bag SWinging wildly viewing pleasure frantica1ly ripped off the lady's lighted with it ali either. The pervert through the subway corridors. Then, Upon Sighting the pervert's penis, panties. found both options rather distaste­ the apples (as always, being unable the young lady was barely able to ful, yet could not help notice He/· to defy gravity), toppled out of her contain herself, and, with a motion This was quite an awkward mC» She's kOlfe, which was a fraction bag and she decided to chase after that could not be Ignored, she sug· ment lor the pervert and, at that away from the nose, of which her foremost concern, rather than gested that the pervert depart with point, he was In no mood for quaint Herbert was rather fond. Herbert. her at the upcoming stallon. This suprlses. Herbert was quite dis· Herbert noticed this and saw thai gave Herbert a rush of great excite­ mayed by his findings and did not The blade glimmered beneath the she no longer pr~!~('nted a threat. He ment, which meandered its way to quite know how to deal with II. Life dull subway lighting, and Herbert's stopped at a safe distance. Herbert th e penis which was no longer had never treated him to any more favorite nose, and seemed to sway the pervert waited for her to look up tucked away In his trousers. With a dramatic a dllemna than having to Herbert's Intention to remain a com­ after "she'd captured all her :.pples slight blush, Herbert acknowledged bar a knee that had intentions tc» mon subway pervert. Alas, finding and, as a gesture of his apprec,atlon, his present condition and noticed wards his groIn. This business got not much choice In the matter, lIashed the old girl a peek al his that the woman, with whom he was Herbert rather shook up. Herbert decided to submit to tem· privates . • 100 • FlOREllO"S FOlUES • JANUARY 1'''' FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FliNGBACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK F FLING BACK FLING BACK FLiNGBACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLINGBACK FLING BACK F FliNGBACK FliNGBACK FLINGBACK FliNGBACK FliNGBACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLiNGBACK F FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK FLING BACK F FLING BACK FLING BACK FLINGBACK FliNGBACK FLINGBACK FLINGBACK FLING BACK FliNGBACK F FLINGBACK FliNGBACK FLiNGBACK FliNGBACK FLINGBACK FLINGBACK FLING BACK FLINGBACK F Fllngbaclt Is a column In which th. college communlly can exchange .lth. r. But, " you do ",rite, ",.'11 withhold your name upon requ.st. " you th.I, ,,'.ws and ",rU. stupid 1.II.r. to th. Edllor. How. ".r, the Folli. s sfa " don't sign your I. " .", w.'" find out who you are and we'll c, ..m ya. Got I. not ,.a"y Inter•• ted In "'hat you ha". to say and "'. don't r.a", o'"e a It? So do whate ... r the h. " you ",ant to do, We don't gl ... • shit. Just type damn "'ho you ar. or ",ha t your probl.m Is • and protnbly no on • • ,•• does or prInt n •• " y. All unused I. rr.,. wlll.nd up In me 13.

GUYS COMMITTEE BITCHES DEGENERATE SEEKS HELP CORPSE OFFERINGS BASIC TOILET TRAINING o.rEditor. Dear Editor, Dtar Edl tor, On page 00 of the le.t. iNue of t.he Last week my unemployment. insur­ What.'. a ll thia fuss I hear about PollEe. you printed an IdvertiHment ance ran out and Welfare 86ed me when corpse offeringl? I Cln't underatand which listed vlrlous worklhopl and they found out. I was collecting while I wby everybody II lIying that there acUvlt.ies lvaUable \0 student.a. was mouching off of t.hem. And now the lren't any good on.. this ~l1lJJ'I«"f , And Four drawin&' of men ena-ged In dif· City ia on my tail to ply back.. On top of what ",ould anybody want to LIke a ferent domeatic. Ic:t.ivltiea accompanied that. my TAP hu been cut off because COf'pM for any1lVay. I think t.heae people the liIItins. You claimed that the work· they found out I '" only accumulat.ed 3 Ihould concent.rlte more on the live ahopt and activities were open \0 ewry­ ttedill in two yean Ind BEOG got wi5e onea.Ukewedo. on.. However, though you advertlaed to me about a month ago. I'm really in M s. EmUl' L.tela workahopa auc.h as. No Me" CooAin : the pits financlally. Saturday Night Uve No Stin, Nftd/epoint. Sewin, Modi"e I'm not-really into ac:bool, but I don't twhlch will resume in the fall) T.cllniques and /Wpid Hou .. Cleaning, want to get a job either. I can't get any you offend no drtIwinga of men engaged money from my parent.a, who are very Not 10 b. di,re. p,ctful, but tllot'. In theee activltiea. Since all the d ... wlnga rich, because they kicked me out. wben I cour,. off,ril'l" , Moybc you 'lie , 0 1 it of the women depicted tAem enlPgecI in got busted for robbing I candy atore wt conlu,ed witll our loo ,, · t o-co m ~ 1010'" the.. activitiel. It could ulily lead May. 'IIQryScle" c. Progrom. - Editor people into believlng that theae work· Anyway, I Will wondering If you could Dear Editor. shops .... open to women only, write an artJde about nw and uk people May I suggest that, when nut quar­ W. hive been auured tholt the work· to seod in donaUona. • ter'a COUt .. offeriDgl are Ii , Led. you Ihops .... open \0 both men and women, Sincerely. BODY FOR HIRE include a course in baaic toilet. training? however, we feel that this Id will en.­ OUver Priac:eton the ani DMrEditor. I am l beoIut.ely IPpalled by the condi· courage men from joining said work· t.iona of the bathrooma In thia college. No lOCI)', you "gen.rot. I 1m 42 YMnl old and have just gradu· lhop. and make them Chink that. they ated from t..Guardia. All I want to be B_idee the fact. t.bat they are bardly dMned by the people who Illedgedly .... only allowed to p.artklplte In lporta when I grow up ia 43, but my parent.a -Editor tlean them, the women who use tbe oriented wo rklhopa. Women already and my counaelot'l ..y I should do lOme­ know that t.hey are welcome. They al· t.hin, elae, like get a career. facilitiea are pigs. ready know that God made them to do • The only other tbing I like to do Every time I entes' I stall. I find left­ derMatic: chorea and take worklhopa to besidea Mt and day dream is write per­ over tinkle on the HIt. Ia t.hat La· help them lMrn to do them bettes'. Men MOONER MADNESS verted hlikua. My counselor Hid I Guardia'alDSw.,. to modem decor? It 'l diagust.ing. There'l alwlY. a pool of piaa need a little more encounl~t. aince Dear Editor, lhouklaalcyou forajob. on the floor. into whkb the iDnClCftlt they .... 10 conditioned to belleve thlt Could you p-" teU Fio,..llo'l Flut. With Foodeat Thank .. ofteD atep. One t.ends to feel like one is in they are auppoeed to do ~ and be that if they ever have another MOOIIl'r 01 Heariet LlJ.Smltb a wading pool bread winnen and let mac.ho and Iluff. tAl' Mo"tl&, I.hey lhoukl pc. OM that You just can'tpin J)MCearound hera. Aa the Editor" of thia newspeper, you doesn't Nve bemmoroid. and that is a Stop by tile Felli" olfice ony Sotu,.. You never know wbat'a going to llide lhould encourage men to get out of the girl? doy oltllr midtti,ht- 1iH! ·,-cl.ocated iN til' baaketball court and into the kitchen. 14-... , end oll/, ttic., Ca. - Editor lround your bottom. attach I(MI( to Aalibent.ed hUlbandl Ind boyfrlendl, your rear or jump out of the bo"IVl for we feel It il our reaponaibllity to make 1111 11 1111111 111 111 that matter. It 'l reaJly awful. au", that the fellal around her. don't pc. • Something mUlt be done in tho.. aIlght.ed. It ia our job to make I stink Dear EcUtor. bathrooma, something other than every lime IOmelhing like this N ppena. ON WRITING HUMO R (Lett.er wi thheld by requeat.) It.andardproceclure. our point, V. I.P, You understand doo'tyou? Dear Edit«. The College A cotleft1Ied aad coutJpat.ed student To write bumor, you hive to be in the aIgned.: ~moId Ho-:!; Gu.y. Commlt lee mood. When you're not in the mood end r------, you write It anY1lVlY it cIoun't come out. TEACH THEM HOW TO 00 IT A ND DO IT W ELL J)kkSmaU too funny. When it dOHll't come out too BobBMker funny, nobody laugha at it and therefore Is your lover .,.thetica1ly aon'lUuat, unelldtln,lnd Inupef'ienCftl? Tommy Snotgra.. it il DOt bumor. Get thepoint1 DoH be or I be lae:k the IUl ly, l.. dvlo ul and downrisbt lewd t.ec:Jt. Paul PitJe .lquH It ukes to mue you tingle and twitch? JuanVltoViaul l l1 Someone wbo I. aot laugbln, Doea your Lo v

GEARED TOWARD FEMALES AGES 20-60

Your man has done you wrong. How will you make him repent? (Choose the method most suitable for you.) You would ... A. Cut orr all of his sexual privileges. B, Cut oU all of his sexual privileges at the worst possible momenL. C. Grin and t.e1I him you've never had an orgasm. D. Tell him you are pregnanL and that you are taking up a coUection from all possible candidates for father. E. Drop a cigarette in his lap - after he geta out of the shower. F. Spike his Chocolate Mousse with Haley's M.O. and Lhen hide Lhe K08.pectate and the toilet paper.

Part II A man approacbes you on the street. He is wearing nothing but a raincoat and a big grin. He nonchalantly shows you the lining of his raincoat. You are a mature woman and you will handle the situation by ... A. Fainting. B. Screaming and running away, C. Saying nothing, moving Quickly from the area and reporting him to the police thereafter (which might be difficult since he may very well be a cop himselO. D. Standing there and staring. E. Toe dancing on his lower extremities. F. Remaining calm and simply saying, .. Put that silly thing away." "ThIs leg'. Christmas. G. Totally ignoring the man (you have had experience with flashers before). This leg's Easter. Why don't you come up and see me between the holidays?" Survey: Part III

Some evening. when you just happen to be sitting around doing nothing, WHAT TURNS YOU you receive a phone call from some nut·job who says he wanta a date. 1n be­ tween his heavy breathing and sexual descriptivea. you find out that he found your number above the second urinal in the fll'St floor bathroom and you're OFF MOST SEXUALLY? astounded to hear about Lhe message Lhat accompanies your name, The nut-job will not tell you who he is. You will: You know how all Lhose girlie magazines are always printing stuff like: What tufhs you on most sexually? Well, we decided to do someLhing like that A. Hang·up immediately and plan to invade the fnt floor bathroom wiLh a -with a twisL We sent our sex specialist, Pistachio Rose, out to interview of Ajax:. about 200 guys and gals on campus and she came back with a crock or inter­ B. Stay on the phone long enough to tell him he is a pervert and that his in· eatingtum-oUs. Here are the ones that were fit to print. By the way, ir you're formation is incorrect. into it., thejucier ones can be obtained by sending an S.A.S.E. to our office. C. Listen to him because you have nothing better to do and try to figure out what creep yon know might write something like that in the men's room. The Gals Say . _. D. Feel flattered and make plans to meet him. E. You will decline his offer. but spend the rest of your life trying to figure 1. Untrimmed toe nails. 2_ Guys who come up to you and say: " Haven't I seen you somewhere be­ out who be is. rore?" B. Men who pretend to be cool and who pretend to know everything and who actually are uncook and know nothing. 4. Men who brag. 5. Guys who tell everyone about itart.erward_ FUNNY, HA·HA 6. Guys who start attacking you in public, and can't wait till you get some- where private. 7. The type of guys that ask you out to dinner and take you to Burger King. H/lRRf t.Jflnr /)0 rJlEY • 8. Men that upect you to go home with them after a date. 9. Guys with small penises and extra hairy bodies, or bad breath. ellu /l/1/Il# tvIlOPOeSAI/" 10. Guys who are too short or too tall. 11. Men who smell like they haven't showered tn two days or who smell like BGtJEYE //1 B/,.f/JiCO/l/l(ot..? they took a baLh in Aramis. 12. Guys who wear a lot of gold chains and rings. 13. Guys that won't use birth control. 14 . Guys who are animals or who talk dirty to you in Spanish.

What The Guys Say .. I. Women that. don't shave t.heir legs or armpits,· 2, Women who you have to spend money on before you can get. anyLhing out of Lhem, 3. Girls who pretend LhaL they're fast, up until the last minute. 4, Virgins. 5. Females thaI. tell you all abouL the boyfriend Lhey jUsL broke up with. 6. Cock teasers. 7. Gold diggers. B. Girls who make you feel guilty by saying: "Well, I've never done this on' the firstdat.e before, I JUSt wanLyou to know Lhat.·' 9. Women who don't use birth control. 10. Women who get knocked up and make you t.hink it's yours 11. Women who need to be seduced and who ..... on't make the first move. 12. Girls who talk too much. lB. Females who drink too much and wind up getting sick in your car. 1,._ Women who caU you by someone else's name while you're in bed. IS. Women who leU their..Jirlfriends every last detail and who say Lhat Lhey canL stand men who brag. 12D • FIOREllO'S FOLLIES. JANUARY 1171 BITCH, YELL, OR BURP AND NOW­

Bitch, Ye)) Or Burp is a student speak--out and is based on an idea that WIS stolen from "the Inquiring AMAZING Photographer" in the Daily News. h. ia a special FoUies feature. where articulate students get to talk to an official Follies reporter and Sly intelligent things and get their picturea in the paper. Then you get to SUMMER lee your friends in the paper and then you can teU people that you personally are friends with someone who was in the paper and then you can make more friends, because people will think you are cool. And FEATS then maybe,someday, we'D put you in the paper, but probably not.. The above was writ'ten by Nerdo Nodullo Students were approached by Nerdo Nondullo Photos were taken by Nerdo Nondullo " I got V.D. thi, SUrnrntr and inlac::ted 14 Questions were asked by Nerdo Nondullo WlSI,I'pectl.". females." Romeo GlIclr Question was made up by Nerdo Nondullo Brought to the Printer by Nerdo NonduUo " I I_pad taU mounLainl .t I ain«le bound this summer, &Upped on a dMd racoon and broke my ankla In tbrea QUESTION: Wby did you c:ome to IAGuardia? placea." -HaroJdSpita

"I w .. a camp c:ouDMler t.M. lummar NiDo Mo"""" Third year 'reUmu, Meatal and perfonMd a marcy kUUn« on a Help major camper with an advUlOld cue of Poison Like. 1 came to thia achool caU8e, like, I IvylllKl verbaldian-hea." - Nancy Yam wanted to meet. some (ozy chicks, you know. like the ones 1 .as eeeing on the subways and like. my friend. you know, he like. was coming .. J 1IJeDt to school this summer and here and like. one dtiy, I was hanging out here piac:bed my math t.aKbet', a.. in the with him and like, he said, "Like, why don't cafeteria one day." -PabklSchwart& you come here everyday and meet lozy chiclu with me, man," and I said. "Yeah. weU, yeah, okay man," and like, I did and then. like, you "I went to Ewope lhia summer and pt know, like I figured 1 would register. you prepantlnFn.~" -AUceFul know. So like. you know, like, that's why I'm we. "I stayed In ac:::hooI this summer. ate 24 cafet.en. hot dop and tJu..w-up In front. of the SONY buUdina." - John Dump

- " I organized a witch hunt on campus thiasummer." - S.1em LonS

"I capt-urea 1& w.d, and three (1'011 up In the country tbi. summer and baTbecued them for my ret.t.Iv... a joke. They ate t.hem." - Alfred E. Newman

Deneck Didmll, 81*'8 Major ~.bo lhlDb be'a If you smoke cigarettes, allhealrport. you taste lilce one. Well gosh. Oh wow. Gee. Gosh. are you reaDy Your clothes and hair a reporter. Oh wow. I've never been interview­ can smell stale and ed before. Gee. is my picture really lOnna be in the FoIli.,. Oh gosh. my mother will be 80 ex­ Reaala Peridlta Litwak. Coop Ed aad unpleasant, too. cited. Wow. this is really luper. Hi Mom. Hi ClaMroom Major- You don '( notice it, but Dad. Gee, Is that okay. I mean. can I say hi to To satisfy my intellectual curioeily and pro­ people close to you do. my folks. Gee. J don'l know what to do with fessional abilities by utilizing the Especia By if they don't myself. GoUy, I've never had anything like this opportunities availed by the Cooperalive smoke. happen to me before. Gee-wtm, this is such a Education Program in conjunction with ciaS1)­ And non-smokers thrill. really. Oh wow. what was the question room enhancement. And, because aU the other again? schools rejected my applications. are the best people to love. They live longer. JANUARY 1971 • FIOREllO'S FOLLIES. 130

OearLavem, When 1 go out looking for chicks to pick up and take home with me and do stuff with - if you know what 1 mean -I usuaUy get lucky - if you know what [ mean. The only thing is, when I get all excited and aroused and all. I fart. This isn't such a wonderful thing to have happen to you if you're gonna get laid - if you know what I mean. I don't know what it. is about women that. etirs up my gastric juices and aU, but I can'tcontrol it. You know, it's at the point where I can't blame iton the dog anymore. It's like. when I fart, you know that. it's me farting. You know it has nothing to do with Rover. if you know what I mean. So what's 8 guy supposed to do? -All Gassed Up

Dear Gassed Up. My. my, glad I haven't met with you. All I can suggest is to try eating a light meal prior to any anticipated activities-if you know what I mean. Or try not to anticipate the activities too much. Calm down. - Kisses. Lavern

Dear Lavem, Is it true that you can die from excess sex? -Dying lo Know Drop your letlers off to Lavern In the Flute mailbox In room 12, Dear Dying, Dear Lavem, My Aunt Josie used to tell me that a person could die from excess any· There are tulips in the garden. thing. The woman never did a damn thing in excess and she wound up dying There are tulips in the par~. anyway. Now, my uncle Mort. Josie'e hubby. did everything in excess­ But the tulips I like most of all but he's dead too. The difference is, she died worrying about him and he died Are the two-lip.s in the dark. doing it. .. , and you know whose I mean, baby, If you can die from excess sex, I know a lot of potential corpses. Then Love. Admiration and Potential Sex, again, what better way to go ... "! - Kisses, Lavern Horace

Dear Homca, Dear Lavern, Go eat cardboardl - Kisses, My boyfriend's penis is as big as his foot Isize lSI-or so he claims. I'm Lavern afraid that this will make intercourse, with a small woman like myself, virtu­ ally impossible. Whatever shall I do"! -About to Climb a Wall OearLavem, My 80n goes to LaGuardia and I'm very concerned.. He i8 23 and a very good Dear Wall Climber, looking young man, He looks just like his father, God. rest his soul. and he was a Well dearie, I really wouldn't worry about a little thing like that. However, beautiful baby. I cou1dn't get him on the toUelt until he was SIA, but that's if all else fails. try a shoe-horn. Good luck. besides the point. -Kisses, Lavern Now. the reason I'm 80 coneened is because he acrat.ches all the time. He's an A student and loves college, but seems to always be itchy. I just. can't under­ stand why he should scratch so much. And. I'm concerned to say, I noticed that he 80metime8 8Cl'8tche8 his private parts. Db, not in public of course-we Dear Lavem, brought him up, Herbert and I. to know better than that. But, he scratches A few weeks ago J fell into bed with some creep and now, oddly enough. the them just the same. Does this mean he's not well·adjuste9? I'm veryconcemed. whole Goddamn school seems to know about it. What should I do? - A ConcernedMotherofa LaGuardia Student -Pined Off

Dear Concerned Mom. Dear Pissed, Maybe your son has Jungle Rot or 80mething skeevy along those lines. Per­ J would be too, dearie. Ah, but for the sweet smell of revenge. First of all, haps he doesn't bathe enough. Perhaps you are just over-reacting. It's very don't try to deny it. However, make it a point to announce the fact that he common for young men to be itchy in the summer months. Let the poor boy was absolutely rotten in bed, thereby making him look like an asshole and scratch in peace. ruining his chances with other unsuspecting females. Take out a full page ad - Kissea, Lavern in our next edition and really do a number on him. Use words like itsy-bitsy. sloppy and nerdish, if you know what I mean. - Kisses, Lavern Dear Lavern. If you have twins, is it possible for one to be black and one to be white? Dear Lavern, Aristotle was a cat Like, I knew this chick I used to go out with was pregnant, with somebody • If you voted for Nixon you else's kid. But now she's trying to pin one on me. What do ya think? I have never written to a diS­ can't shit here-your asshole is - Possibly Paternally. tinguished news publication before and feel that. even after writing this in California, CUriOUII George letter, my record will still be intact.. Perhaps it is your writer-reporters who are at fault. Dear George, Have you read any good grafitti Lavern. when was the last time I'm not a fucking doctor, you know. But, sounds like this chick is trying to lately? If so, I'm sure it was not at LaGuardia. One can tell the you sat on the john. pulled down snow you. - Kisses. your zipper and whipped out a . Lavem academk level of a community by the writing on their bathroom walls. pen to scrawl a pleasantry on the Don't take my word for it. check out waU? Dear Lavem. tbe other institutions of hi'gher - Yours truly. Because I weigh 450 pounds and look like a whale. I'm starti~g to get de­ learning in the city. Compared to Sydney Carton or, pressed. And when I get depressed, I try to 0.0. myself on M & M's. And these, LaGuardia bat.hrooms are the Chari"" Darnay when I do that. J only get fatter and more depressed, etc. I don't know what pita. to do anymore, I don't want to be fat, but I can't stay on a diet or anything. A sample of the things that pass P.s. I prefer that you didn't use My friends even goof on me and once, when I was walking down the street, for grafitti here are the foUowing: my pseudonym, but if yOU must, you some guy shouted" harpoon the whale!" • Yolonda & Bobby must. I can hardly find clothes to fit me anymore, so my mother had to go and • Dianna & Ben - True love for­ buy me a pup tent and make a coat for me. And I never have any boyfriends. ever. Dear Mr, Carton or Mr. Darnay, 90 my brother bought me an innatable "Sammy Stud" doll for Christmas, • Need a date for sex-call You do have a point, what what Last year, my father had to extend the bathtub so I could fit in it, Johnny at 900-786-9008 were you doing picking up grafitti in Lavern. I'm just about at the end of my rope. What should I do? • For a clean blow job, call Tom the womens bathrooms, anyway? -Fat person 800-678-2345 Listen, I checked you out under • MY ___ is17- both names and you just don't exist Dear Fatty, Can this really compare to: in this college. However, I love your If I were you, I probably wouldn't even leave the house to mail this letter, • LSD consumes 47 times its style, no kidding. Please get in toucb But don't give up hope. There's always-are you ready for this- a diet. Just weight in excess reality with me for possible writing think, if you stick to it, you might be skinny in 12 years or so. Good luck! • All cats die assignments. - Kisses. Lavern Aristotle is dead - Kisses. Lavern 14D • FIOREllO'S FOlliES. JANUARY 1979 DO YOU KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE? Well ·folks, it's time for another special Follies feature. Can you guess the names of the individuals pictured below? Well, if you can, you get absolutely nothing­ but think of what fun it could be. ·We'li even give you a hint. .. The various parts of the bodies pictured below belong to various bers of the college community-students, faculty and administration. Good Luck! JANUARY 1171 • FtOREllO'S FOLLIES· 15D FUNKY POETRY BY LAVERN & THE GANG

B.O.E.G. This I wished upon a slar I hope my check Is at Bursar. ONE MORNiNG No. It's nol, the cieri( told me, You have to check al L&P. The sun .... hlnlng brightly W.lked 6 blocks to L&P. Grass Is good, Grass Is cool, and I could hardly .alt Oh how could these people do this to me. Grass makes you aclilke a foot To ponder oul my window Got to the building feeling fine. It makes you freak out, And gaze .t my •• tat. But had to walt with hundreds on line. It makes you bug out, The breeze w.. blowing brfMJ" But, soon that money would be mine. Of things you don't know about. It made the flower. sway Got my eheck and I went fast. It makes you laugh and gets you excited The garden wa. enchanting To tum It In and get some cash. When your head spins On this Inspiring day Went to my favorite store. you know you had It. Some call II ree'er, Some ealiit smoke. My ey •• feU on a little bird And spent, spent, spent until my If the gr.. s's good, lt'li make you choke. with. beautiful yellow bill check was no more. There's the green and there'slhe gold. I beckoned him to come and sit Ilel money get the best of me. upon my window sill Butl'm not sad about my shopping spree. Th.t's the one th.t's good I'm told. Gr... Is good If It gets you high. 'smiled al him cheerfully Sometimes I feel like a sap. Bull have a new wardrobe, and I stili get T.A.P. But there's the " Whick" thlll won't buy. And gave him a crust 01 bread I smoke It now and I smoked It In the past, Then I quickly closed the window When you're stoned, time sure goes fist. And smashed his luckln' he.d When you smoke grass, you 'eel like a King, But deep Inside you Iin't I thing. Smoking gress doesn' t make you big, But what else can I say, Marijuana RubbER STASh Something I can dig •

. oee my dad I. ,.. lIy pl •••d about the good time he jUl' missed you .... he got some condoms from the .tor. and I sort. borrowed them from his dr.w him and mom were carrying on ha r ••ched lor a bag and they were gone I didn't think he'd get so mad ON ThE FiRST DATE but man, he l ur. did take It bad On the IIrst date he looked at me like I was diseased Allow him one kiss but my ole lady looked klnda pleased Make him walt she sorta smiled at his disgust Ignore his hiss but he went ranting on about lust You must stili my ole lady said "without protection POEM That lustful play we ain't making no connection" Don't give him all but he stili wanted bad to get laid This land Is your land On the very first day This land is my land and to have the condoms for which he paid For If you give him But my body Is mine they asked me what I needed 'em for All you've got So fuck off and I told 'em 'cause I wanted to seore And cater to his whims mom w .. glad I was conscientious He'll love you not dad said he ought to knock me out of my sensas Once you prove mom finally c.lmed the old boy down Your lewd desire but I figured I ought to get out of town He will try to soothe then mom said she w .. going to bed And c.lm th.t fire Honeybabes, I love ya so but I think dad made her blow him Inste.d Th.t Is when so much thai you'll never know In the morning he looked refreshed Respect gets lost there's Just one thing th.t's IrI(lng me and 'started thinking about Incest Is • moment Ihen th.t's why won't you have sex with thee but soon that Incident faded .way Not worth such a cost? All we do Is neck all the time and since then, I've turned gay II's the second d.te .nd surely, klssln you Is sublime and now I don't need myoid man's bags Th.t the clothes will f.1I but honey, a 'ella needs a little more 'cause I only screw around with fags Don't have to Wilt honey, a fella needs to score Istlll smoke myoid man's hash Go .he.d and ball but I never touch his rubber stash Now, l've been patient for a year but to walt any 10nger, I Just can't be.r so II your people stili get It on so why don't you Just drop your pants god help you If your bags are gone and let's get down to some r.al romance. and the reason they use 'em when they screw Is cluse they sure don't want another you GoodbYE, MR. GoodbAR THE BIRTH OF A CANDY BAR One day, Mr. Goodbar wlnted e Blt·O·Honey, So he took Mrs. Hershey up to the Powerhouse on Fifth Avenue. He st.rted unwrapping her Reese's cups and feeling her Mounds. This turned out to be pure Almond Joy. As she Snickered, his Butterllngers went up her Milky Way. She screamed "Oh·Henry" and grabbed his Nutty Buddy The fln.1 result was a Baby Ruth. leo. FIORELLO'S FOLLIES. JANUARY 1879

STUDENT B.S... AND OTHER CRAPOLA

PERSON AL PERSONALS Very funny, warm, wonderful, smart, Desperate freshman, male, seeks equal. Positions stili open. Be a Follette. We' classy, carefree, sexy broad looking lor ty desperate female student to loin In need people to sweep the floors, shine Fora friend, one (or more) of the same 10 carouse the pleasures of "discovery" at Plato's our desks. pick up our mall, get us Thanks lor the Jaqcobolzl. I· ... e singles scene with on weekends. Or, Retreat. Canl'lOt go stag. Please contact coffee and fight 011 the huns. Sound like always wanted 10 have an affair with a ona 01 the same. except of opposite soon. Anyone will do. Box 69. a lob for you? Sure It does. Wonderful wine bolUe. It tasted biller·sweet and sex, Instead. Then w. can stay at my Brilliant female Instructor. willing to opportunity for advancement. Check It sorta funky. But .... en when the bottle Is place. Box 160. tutor students In In return lor un· out. Drop by the Fo""$ office on any empty.I'1i kl'lOw it tasted good. need, Very handsome, actually, .xtremely mentional and possibly, educational Saturday, aller midnight. Located In the DNr BoBo. handsome fellow, mlddle·aged, slim favors. Male speclea preferred. Box ItH 1 west.end of Venice. canfornla. Looking I'm keeping the couch warm, lust 1000ard to seeing you. and In good shape male who doesn't Very attraclive, ext remely horny, a waiting lor your bod. They say absenca like himself at all and ha...... ery poor sexual student seeks one the Be a door·lo-doof bedpan sales person. makes the heart grow fonder, but It 01 same, self Image seeks woman to make him but of opposite sex, to get fruslrated Work on commission. Make big bucks. makes other things grow colder. What feel good about himself. Or, lust sam. with Box IO().I Great career opportunity. Write: P.O. do you think? - Boo Boo one to be miserable with. Box .a,s. 2. Adorably cute, huggable, klnda married, Box '1 or It2. Bed Pan Alley, Oahplsh, Dear Super Stud. hot·to-trot male student, who is "'ery, Finland. Are you an unobtainable they say as very sexy, seeks extremely beautiful. Are you tired of college? 8:00 classes you are? - The Couch ultra·horny blonde with splll.end and getting you down? Cafeteria prices Down boy_, downl other minor Imperfeetlons for afternoon making you hungry? Student life gl... lng The Girl. funslea. Meet me by the lockers In the you cdlla? Looking for something ex­ Sony basement. First come,' first ci ting and stimulating? Fulfill your Deary.·Va. served. Box no -In case. Old I leave my pantl.s at your plac.? Ill• ... Become a cashier. Get to touch N a· N a· M a~Y .. money all day long and be hasseled by GARBAGE ~permarket shoppers. Vegllate behind DNr Na·N ••M.~y ... a register and enloy standing on your No, bul you can. Ya·Y. worshipper of Aborigine, ... Irgln pigeons feel for hours on end. Make 2.10 an Honey Pie. seeks others Interested In popular new hour, or 53 - II you go upstairs with the You say bullshlt .nd I say cow turd, Cfaze. Need 15 signatures to get club manager. An equal opportunity employ· bullefs call the whole thing on. Charter and funds from S.A.C. Planning er. Gooserile Supermarket, China Town, R.. pectlve'y, Pooh Bear II on safarI sometime In near future, to liSA. HorliChild, capture enough of the wonderlul You ar.drl... ing mecr8ZY. speclea to fill the first floor lounge In Main Building. can train them to shit on ...... all persons we don't like. Contact very FOR SOME Dear Pumpkin, soon. Pleas. call. I stili lo... e you, .... en lor sale, 0 - 0 - safe. ltiGltdAss though you threw up In my new red Druos Cheap· teoaJ · Guaranteed to do something. camaro, which cost my father a pretty ltuMiliATioN, penny and which was a bummer to HEY EROTIC FEMALESI Coma and get Join S.A.M. - Society for Ad ... ancemenl clean alterwarda. SWM tuma me, I'm a" yours •. of Moon.ra. Meetings on Wednesdays bOOGiE ON dOWN TO at 12n In the "Naked Club Space." Plan­ Dear D l m~ .a: We promise 1'101 to tell anyone that Very demented female freshman seeks ning field trip for July. you're going to the Hamptons wf1h all very demented male freshman or, e ... en, Admit It! You're stupid. That's okay, lOin us "Irls until you get your tenure. sophmore. You and me babe, w.'11 show the Stupid Society. Meetings on Wed­ STUDIO ~~ -TheGlria the world how great Ills to be a sickle. I nesdays. In the Stupid club space. We know you're out there somewhere. Box forgot what time. SnookIe·Okuma. I2s.l.c. CUARANT U d you When are we gonna ha ... e some can you dance? Probably 1'IOt. So don't nookle woo-woo with yousle wosl. I bet you stopped belle ... lng In Prince .... en bother trying to join the LeRoug. WON' T GET iN! Charming .. long lime ago. Bet you aoalnsle whensle? We're all holsle-trot· LaPudge Dance Company. Don't e... en Baouc;hT TO yoo by ThE OWNEItS sle lor whatsi. goltsle. Lets do It soon­ thought that all the dashing men In this try to talk to us. we're too busy being STu dio ~4 , ~~ is sle-woonsle. Ok um-S~I •• world had been swooped up by girls graceful. of STudio d'E that are prettier, and more smarter Ihan MOST EXclusiVE d isco iN TOWN­ PookIe B, you. Well, I bet you're wrong because Kids for sale. Assorted shapes and Uf. Is one fucking bowl of cherry pits .. . I'm perfeet, really. I lake uglles and sizes. In good condition. Very good M)T EVEN ThE OWNEItS CAN GO ..... without you. L.fs try again. Blppy Boy fatties and sklnnlea too. Contact me, prices. Conlact Mr. Rabbit at 696-6969. Dear John, baby, I'll shOw you a good time. Inmate Heard of Pet Rocks? Pel Peeves? How h 's Tin h OTTEST pUCE iN TOWN 15364750. Rikers Island. NewYOfk, Last night was wild and wond.rful. I about some Pet Kids? They come TO GET aEj lCTEd r .oJlll -so was filled with untold passions. Ah, It Weird laGuardia person seeka anyone housebr,*en and In their own cages. GET fUN k y booqiE ON d OWN. was pur. eestasy, my darling. II's a with webbed toes. Prelers the Man Very loyal. Some even cute and lovable. ,\Nd shame you w.ren't there. From Allanlia, but anyone accepted. All are free. Contact Fred. - t(1 .... from Jane Ducks welcome. Box "-O-e. Gay guy seeks gay girl to go out with lor Are you urlOfganlzed, aloppy and In­ appearance sake and no-threat relation­ competent? Then this is for you . BABY CAKES, ship. No fakes, unless you 're really become an administrator. No gorgeous. Box two·two. ex:perience necessary. illiterates Ac· Ple ase come home, I'll let Sex starved, pathelically non-sexual cepted. Wart·lace School of Business you be the dominant one. male seeks the ultimate turn-on. You and Such. Wart·face, New Jersey, No have to show me what that la. Pleasel ZIp Code. - MACHO MAN Box Iy·u-k. Become a psychoanatlsl. Enroll In Or. Two wild and crazy guys, Illegal aliens, Fraud's School Of Psychoanalytic Psy­ seeks two wild and crazy chicks with chOlogy. Recel ... e a diploma within four Yak·Yak, big American breasts to marry and lI ... e hours. Job Placemenl Guaranteed. What's wrong with being a Virgin, In In Amerika with. career girls or mil· Write for more Info. Dr. Fraud. Patient' anyway? The one who I. llonalres daughters preferred. Actresses 101010169, Institute for the Very, V.ry accepted. Models are out. Ha... e a wild Nervoos and Strange. The Part 01 Cali­ Dear SUgar·fa~, and crazy, swinging and hlp life. Con· fornia that fell Into the Ocean or, cl o FOfgot 10 lake that darn pili again. Is tact Gorgle and Hugo real soon, baby· Atlantis. C.O.D. ,*ay? The Rabbit pie. Oh yeahl 86 Fromhunger Lane, In Are you coofused about your career. 00 HeyOad, theelty. you even know what a career ia? Would Is oral S< wh.t you do with your Dr. Demento seeks a glrllrlend. Am you Ilk. someone to make decisions lor denUst? Your Son, Bobby famous person. Ha... e money. Hard-up. you sa that you don't have to be hassled To you know Who, Contact quick. Box I. by ha ... lng to deelde for yourself? Are Put a live chicken In your underwear. you Into boredom? Become a toothpick Lonely female admlnlatrator seeks Sieve Martin, almoat personalty engraver. If you enroll In our swIft and From strong-bodled male to read poetry on easy Toothpick Engravers School lor weekends. Must have experlence with two swift and easy weeks snd gl ... e us klssln and caressln.' Serious replies OESPERATES two swift and easy thousands dollars, only. Box (that's not my age, I 152 we'll guarantee you a job for two swift swear). and easy weeks. Think about II, or let us Ex·LaGuardla sludent looking lor aflee· Attractive, married laculty member think lor you. Write to Toolhplck En­ lion and companionship. Am bald male, seeks voluptuous lemale student with gra ... ers School, 000 Plckyourl eeth have no teeth, two glass eyes and one sexual baCkground for intensl... e schol­ Road, Sluckinthemiddle, Ohio 10100. wooden leg, but lots of warmth. Not too arty, intellectual Intercourse. All entrants Experienced lIals wanted. Crappy pay, Send two thousands dollars and a cule, but r.. lfun to be with. Box Itx86. ~bleet to entrance exam. Send your but good opportunity to blackmail for S.A.S.E. (that means, sell·addressed, Very foxy female virgin, 27, seeks very transcript to " Get An A O .... r Inter­ big bucks. Proctor and tabulate quarter· stamped envelope and $2,000.00 IN foxy male who's not Into sex or any­ session," care o f the English De· Iy laculty e ... aluations. Contact the CASH please). We'll gel back to you real thing like It. Bod -1'10. partment. College.