The Inbetweeners Screenplay
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THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE Written by DAMON BEESLEY & IAIN MORRIS SHOOTING SCRIPT 2 (04/02/2011) INCORPORATING PINK AMENDMENTS DATED 05/02/11 Young Bwark Ltd 35-47 Bethnal Green Road London E1 6LA Tel. 020 7749 9510 (c) 2010 Young Bwark Ltd These script pages are highly confidential and intended only for the recipient whose name they are watermarked with. In accordance with Bwark Productions Ltd and Young Bwark Ltd's Data Protection Policy, commercially confidential data must not be disclosed to any unauthorised person(s) and must be kept securely. Please only print a hard copy of this script if absolutely necessary, and ensure that they are not left where they can be read by any third party, nor the digital file copied or emailed to any third party. The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 1 1 EXT. HELICOPTER SHOTS MOVING OVER SUBURBIA - DAY 1 1 WILL V/O Suburbia. The place we called home. Safe, comforting, leafy. And I fucking hated it and couldn't wait to leave. The camera flies towards a suburban house (as a red people carrier pulls out the drive) and swings round behind the house to a back window. It moves through the window and settles on a full E45 cream tub, a large packet of wafer thin ham and a ski-glove picking at the ham. 2 INT. JAY'S BEDROOM. DAY 1 2 JAY is kneeling on his bed wearing only a football shirt and the glove. The E45 and ham are next to him. Over his shoulder we can see a partially clothed woman on the screen, wearing what might best be described as 'Matalan lingerie chic', - cheap underwear worn without any real attempt to sexily 'fill' it. We move round to see JAY's face. He’s wearing a diving mask and snorkel (snorkel not in, but hanging loose). JAY (NERVOUSLY EXCITED) You promise this’ll be properly filthy? WOMAN ON COMPUTER (DEADPAN, FLAT, BORED,EASTERN EUROPEAN) Oh yes, very sexy, like bomb explode in penis. So sexy, like finger up bumhole. JAY seems slighty unsure about this. JAY Mmm, i’m feeling sexy. WOMAN ON COMPUTER Take off mask baby, let me see you. JAY I can't, I'm shy. WOMAN You not shy, you big boy. i need you in me, really bad, so you pay now or I go. JAY Oh Christ, you make me so erect. The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 2 WOMAN Yes, you also make me erect... JAY has momentary confused reaction to this. WOMAN (CONT’D) ...now put in card details. Oh i’m soooo horny. Don’t forget security number on back. JAY rushes into his wallet and starts typing in a number. 3 INT WILL'S DAD'S HOUSE - DAY 1 3 WILL is sitting on a large tasteful sofa. A bookshelf is behind him and the place gives off an air of class and money and is markedly different to all the suburban houses we flew over. WILL's FATHER sits opposite WILL on another large tasteful sofa, whilst SUSIE fusses around. WILL is mid-flow, his father making 'hmm' noises throughout. WILL …but if I defer and try again for Oxford, I'll probably lose the place at Bristol… WILL'S FATHER Hmm WILL …which is a good university, but not my dream. Do you think it matters in the long term, or is the subject and the standard of degree more important? WILL'S FATHER So I got married. WILL What? WILL'S FATHER To Susie. We got married. WILL You mean re-married. SUSIE This time it's for keeps though. WILL When did this happen? The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 3 WILL'S FATHER Few weeks ago. I was going to invite you but I know how you are around people. WILL How am I? WILL'S FATHER Awkward. Weird. WILL I don't live in a cave, I live in suburban London. I spend my entire life around people. Much as I'd like to, it's almost impossible to avoid them. WILL'S FATHER See, this is what I mean. BEAT WILL Well, was it a big wedding? WILL'S FATHER No. Just a couple of hundred close friends and family SUSIE And it was perfect. They kiss, WILL grimaces. WILL I can't believe you didn't invite me to your wedding. WILL'S FATHER So, what are you up to this summer then? WILL Oh, you're changing the subject? WILL'S FATHER Um-hmm. WILL Fine. I don’t know, I guess i’ll be going on holiday. WILL'S FATHER Oh, this’ll be good, what’ve you got planned; The Trans-Siberian express, fossils hunting in Dorset? * Or something even weirder? The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 4 WILL No, actually, something normal. I'm going to go somewhere normal, with my normal friends to a place full of normal people. WILL'S FATHER And you of course. WILL looks at his father. 4 INT. SUBURBAN SUPERMARKET, FISH COUNTER. DAY 4 - EARLY EVENING 1 NEIL SUTHERLAND is working behind the fish counter at a supermarket. It's almost six o'clock, it's busy, and there is a queue of people behind the CUSTOMER he's currently serving. The CUSTOMER is a bit tricky and NEIL is going back and forth from the prawns to get exactly the right weight for them. NEIL (TAKING IT IN HIS STRIDE) It's a bit over, is that okay? CUSTOMER Hmm, not really JAY's MUM walks by with a shopping trolley. NEIL Alright Jay’s mum. Where's Jay? JAY'S MUM Oh hello Neil. He’s at home, updating his CV. Her phone rings. She answers looking worried, and walks off. JAY'S MUM (CONT’D) Excuse me. Hello, oh. Oh. NEIL How about now? CUSTOMER Not really. NEIL's taking a few prawns away when he sees the clock on the wall behind him click over to 6pm. He drops the prawns, which scatter everywhere, throws off his hat, and walks over to the doorway behind the counter where there's a girl, NICOLE, also in supermarket uniform, waiting. CUSTOMER (CONT’D) Excuse me, my prawns? NEIL (WITH A SHRUG) Sorry mate, I finish at six. The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 5 NEIL grabs the girl (NICOLE) and in full view of the customers they start snogging long and hard. The waiting customers look on disgusted. Eventually they break for air. NEIL (CONT’D) Cheers for that. NICOLE You don't have to thank me every time. NEIL Oh right. Cool. NICOLE You stink of fish. NEIL Yeah. It's the fish. You're so fit. They start snogging hard again. 5 INT CARLI D'AMATO'S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING 1 5 SIMON and CARLI are sitting on her bed, snogging. He looks very into it, her not so much, and as his arm goes up to touch her boob she pulls away. CARLI Simon, we need to talk. SIMON Oh not talking. CARLI It’s been great so far, but... SIMON It’s been amazing. Literally the best year of my life, my spots clearing up, not moving to Wales and now you. And i’m definitely getting better at kissing aren’t i? CARLI I think we should break up. SIMON What? CARLI We're both going away to Uni in a few weeks, and it'll be too hard to keep going long distance. It won't be fair on either of us. The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 6 SIMON I don't mind. CARLI You will mind, though. You will. SIMON I bloody won't. CARLI And I'm going on holiday too, so there's that. SIMON Why? What are you planning to do on holiday? CARLI It's for the best, honestly. SIMON Okay, so we'll just get back together again after we finish Uni? CARLI Well, probably not. SIMON But that's not a 'no', is it? CARLI Maybe you should go home, i just need some space to think at the moment. SIMON Cool. Fine. See you later then? CARLI looks at him, then looks away. SIMON shrugs and leaves SIMON (CONT’D) Or whenever. 6 EXT CARLI’S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING 1 6 SIMON leaving CARLI's house looking perfectly upbeat, even happy-go-lucky. 7 INT SIMON’S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING 1 7 SIMON walks in to his house, practically skipping. He shouts into the kitchen as he heads upstairs. SIMON Mum, i’m back, when’s tea? The Inbetweeners Movie - Pink amendments 05/02/2011 7 SIMON’S MUM (O.S.) In a bit. SIMON It’d better be delicious. SIMON gets into his bedroom, switches on the telly, flops on his bed and suddenly bursts into helpless tears. 8 EXT SUBURBAN ESTATE - EARLY EVENING 1 8 We see the red car from earlier pulling back into the drive. JAY's MUM and JAY’S SISTER get out in tears. They walk quickly to the house and open the door. 9 INT JAY'S BEDROOM. - EARLY EVENING 1 9 From what we can see over JAY's shoulder, he is now fully masturbating in a very involved manner. He's kneeling on the towel and completely naked but for a pair of white socks and the snorkel and goggles. We can almost see the woman doing something to herself on screen. Occasionally JAY reaches with his free hand for some more ham.