Erisian Magazine: Various Authors Writers of Page 24, Page 15
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For the prettiest o n e . ERISIAN" H o w c a n I EXCOMMUNICATE PINEAL GLAND EXERCISES TO DO my friends?" WHILE QUARANTINED ...and more awkward questions answered i n s i d e ! R.A.W. Sexual Freedom: Why it is Feared HEALTH TIP! O n j o y o u s p a r t a k i n g 23 signs of hot dogs o f b e i n g a g r e y f a c e SHOCKING! Does Eris pad h e r c h e s t ? TABLE OF DISCONTENTS The Taiping Rebellion...............................................................1851 The Herzegovina Uprising........................................................1852 The Small Knife Society rebellion............................................1853 A revolution in Spain................................................................1854 The Eureka Rebellion...............................................................1854 The Red Turban Rebellion........................................................1854 The Miao Rebellion...................................................................1854 The Revolution of Ayutla..........................................................1854 The Panthay Rebellion..............................................................1855 The Indian rebellion..................................................................1857 The Mahtra War........................................................................1858 Pecija's First Revolt...................................................................1858 The War of the Reform..............................................................1858 The Second Italian War of Independence................................1859 The Sioux Uprising...................................................................1862 The Muslim Rebellion...............................................................1862 The New York Draft riots..........................................................1863 The January Uprising...............................................................1863 The Mejba Revolt......................................................................1864 The Morant Bay rebellion.........................................................1865 The Fenian Rising.....................................................................1867 The Glorious Revolution...........................................................1868 The Grito de Lares....................................................................1868 The Red River Rebellion...........................................................1869 The Paris Commune.................................................................1871 Who smugly devised a ploy The sky isn't even blue A gold wedding gift For half the day That opened a rift You brainwashed idiots. And prepended "Des" to "Troy" I've got a predilection Wistfully gaze I the sea for filling my thought-bubble with contradiction. Upon my final breathing hour Am I a cabbage growing in soils of fiction? Never one to live or be Will I break free from this black iron constriction? My flight consumed and grounded dour Perhaps lack of conviction The skies have naught but flighty dreams Is my only real affliction. The phantom pain of lost desires Never played out Icarus' scheme Dead on birth a constant liar There never was a palace. She was never fair. Nor grew her golden malus Mirror, Mirror, upon the wall, Not even nothing there. Who is the fairest of them all? Discordia, aye! Her words remain unspoken. The giver of the special apple. She no promise wrought. Discordia, ave! Her oaths unsworn, unbroken. Chaos is the fairest of all. What Eris is, is not. A poetry slam? I wish to make prose anew, About our spiteful goddess? Hey /eris/, check this. Yet this limerick is three lines too few... Look I don't think that one rhymes unless you are in New Zealand. spectacles testicles brandy and cigar i can see kallisti written across the stars Such for life to have a girl her locks are unfurled Curious desire within golden curl in parallax views Holding nothing of her claim but there aint no cure It is tither my life seeks aim for the excommunication blues I only wish to give her my pearl! Hello, this is the editor here, I made this poem as I do fear that these rhymes from the five recent years In peaches i seek may seem original Yet golden apples i find but alas I can't call Least she's crazy hot many mine; they were made by my peers. There once was a man who said "Damn. Jesus saves– For I've discovered I am, I spends– A creature that moves, Eris steals (my heart) In determinate grooves, Oh for fucks sake you just stole this from a website you unoriginal turd. So ride waves— Break trends— be assured, Make meals (and art) the lord of discord shall soon grow bored I follow her these days—- of our civil accord As it ends—- and draw her golden apple Someone's given up on trying, to leave the world slack-jawed to sell me things, that I ain't buying (and something that rhymes with heart) as chaos is restored fnord. among the collapse we move toward will you mourn, abhorred, If a Pope rhymes, is he a Pome? or will you rebel and applaud? 00003 YER A WIZARDA , POPE! The following extract is from the concluding sentences of an informative article about Discordianism on a research-driven education website ( jesus-is-savior.com ) Clearly, Discordianism is witchcraft. I didn't wrote [sic] this article to refute all the details of Discordianism; but, rather, to EXPOSE Discordianism for what it truly is, WITCHCRAFT!!! Discordianism is an inherent part of modern witchcraft. As revealed by this pope’s thorough and dilligent research, it is now apparent that the Discordian followers of Eris are, in fact, witches. This is likely to come as a shock to most followers, especially the male ones. I propose that readers embrace this groundbreaking discovery and recognize our new, long-lasting history of witchcraft. Evidence of this forgotten past can be found throughout archaic literature, such as the tale of “Snow White”, wherein a supernatural woman maliciously bestows a special apple upon the fairest of them all. Even more proof is manifest within more modern works of art, including the famous tale of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” [sic]. In this story, a supernatural woman maliciously bestows a special apple upon the fairest of them all. Both of these influential works should be canonized as lessons in Discordianist Witchcraft for all popes to learn from, as founding works placed alongside the legendary epics of ancient Greece and those unoriginal remakes by the Romans. Furthermore, I endorse the author and have patronized them formally as the Patron Saint of Discordianistismology Studies within the ODLOLD cabal, and I call upon other popes to do the same in their own cabals, or in cabals that annoy them. As a Wizard of Es, I have become much better at making spells but am learning to do grammar more, 23 signs o f b e i n g a g r e y f a c e 1) you didn't look at the thread and post any 2) give me ideas 3) no stop reading this and do it. im not staying up all night i have to go fap before sunrise 4); their most accomplish ed album. Their undisp 5) look at next page for5 6) im not writing everyth 7) l|Il|Il|Il|Il|Il|Il|I 8) <-- me looking at the 9_) im sleep deprived 10) i bet youre not even If you didn't know this was page entire principia you just wa 5 book a doctors appointment today the gap between her teeth This is the 6th’d page. It is dedicated to the holiest of digits, not to be confused with 8 (the holeyest of digits). A digital handy guide to the Rule of Fives: 0: when you try to find numbers which do not obey the Rule of Fives, the answer is most often 0 1: when you pour 5 piles of sand onto the same part of a carpet floor, the result is 1 pile of sand 2: when you sum 2 with itself, the result is 5 3: when you take the factoral of 5, both the number of digits and the sum of digits is 3 4: when you count the number of letters in 4, it is the same number of letters in 5 (that is, of course, 0, as a digit is not a letter) 5: when you lay in your bed at night, Eris is watching you. 6: when you divide 23 by 6, the remainder is 5 7: when you multiply 5 by 23, the sum of digits in the product is 7 8: when you raise 5 to the power of 8, the sum of digits is equal to 5 5’s 9: when you take the quotient of 5 and 9, you get more 5s than you paid for. The Illuminati exploit this fact for profit 10: when you cut 5 apples in half, you hopefully have 10 fingers left 5ive 52/cfn/3186 (PD) 04:17:11 A short statement on the PentaPrinciple of Probability or the The Rule of Fives. It is said, by some rather unimportant people, that all things come in fives or in quantities divisble by five. I wish to demonstrate that this is true by showing you a case wherein it is false. Take for example the case of three objects. The Law of Quints would have you believe that there are actually five objects when this is clearly not true. Why? Because it is true. You can simply divide them by five, creating five objects of three fifths, to show that they were divisible by 5 all along and thus are a multiple of five. 5 This means the Quinary Doctrine holds true no matter the quantity in question 2 2 and is thus effectively meaningless or absolutely meaningful. You can take it to mean whatever you choose so long 3 as you know what you mean when you give it away. Did you know? 5 is a holy number in Discordianism because on the 5th of the month Eris - with the assistance of the Erinyes - gave birth to Horkos, the personification of oath. So every 5th of the month in the Discordian Calendar we celebrate Horkos's peculiar viciousness that day and see if our friends truly do hold to their truth by playing board games together! Whoever cheats is taken away by Horkos himself, and thrown off a cliff! no Do you ever worry that you're 23 signs secretly a greyface impostor? o f b e i n g a Luckily, that isn't a sign of being a greyface, but how can you be sure you're not a boring knob? g r e y f a c e Check out our guide to see if you might be one of the millions with the gross Curse of Greyface! 1) You can accurately write down a diary entry for tomorrow.