Vo l u m e CXIV Nu m b e r 16 Pa s a d e n a , Ca l i f o r n i a Ma r c h 7, 2011 Two student-led groups win KISS funding for space-oriented projects By Stanford Schor Ed i t o r -i n -Ch i e f
In mid-February, two groups of Caltech students each won $20,000 grants from the Keck Institute for Space Studies. The purpose of these grants is to enable students to carry out a large-scale space study of their own design, as well as increase awareness of space initiatives around the Caltech campus. Thus, while each group focused on a different aspect of astro- nomical science, the initiatives shared a common goal of edu- cating the Caltech community with their mini-programs. The first group is led by grad- uate student Prakhar Mehrotra. Tying into President Obama’s goal of sending astronauts to a Near-Earth Object (NEO, ie. an asteroid), Mehrotra’s program Karol and Lee’s first set of balloons captured breathtaking photographs. will bring together students of -Provided by Robbie Karol many disciplines in an attempt to plan out a feasible NASA number of preparatory workshops in space studies.” Mehrotra hopes accelerometer, and wind data to Lee noted), but received “some NEO mission. Students who par- and classes on “conceptual mis- that students will come out of steer itself back to the launching absolutely amazing pictures.” ticipate will be equipped with the sion design, human spaceflight the experience with a heightened site for easy retrieval. They also After the competition, the two necessary tools and invited to a challenges, and recent advances sense of what it takes to plan and hope to explore cheaper meth- students knew that they wanted carry out a space mission, and ods of atmospheric analysis than to continue their experimentation that their ideas will “serve as a those currently available. but lacked the necessary finan- starting point for a NASA NEO For Lee, interest in the use of cial backing. The Keck grant was World News: mission or help identify poten- high altitude ballooning to ex- their answer. Snippets from CNN, NYT, BBC, et al “ NASA’s unmanned Glory spacecraft and Taurus At first it just seemed like a cool idea, but XL rocket fail to reach orbit and lands in the Pacific Ocean. - CNN once I was actually holding the finished work
Two U.S. troops shot and killed outside Germany’s in my hand and let go, I felt exhilarated. You get Frankfurt Airport by radicalized Muslim. - CNN a funny whimsical feeling...
South Koreans send helium balloons dropping leaflets and DVDs promoting freedom and democracy into the North. – CNN - Josh Lee
Libyan rebels locked in battles with Gaddafi forces on two fronts, accidental blasts in a Benghazi arms depot tial international or commercial plore the Earth’s atmosphere be- The two undergraduates hope kill at least 17. - BBC collaborations capable of such a gan during the summer when he that their project will inspire oth- mission.” heard that Karol was being fund- er students to find a subject” about The second group is led by un- ed for a competition that ranked which they are passionate, and Thousands join anti-government protests in Bahrain. – dergraduates Robbie Karol and competitors’ balloons in terms pursue it to the fullest. Lee admit- Al Jazeera Josh Lee. Their mini-program is of cost-effectiveness, retrieval ted, “at first it just seemed like a essentially split into two sections: speed, and payload weight. Said cool idea, but once I was actually experimentation with various Lee, “By the end of the summer holding the finished work in my Yemeni army fires on protesters. – Al Jazeera cost-efficient balloon and data we had to send up a weather bal- hand and let go, I felt exhilarated. retrieval designs, and a series of loon to take pictures of the curva- You get a funny whimsical feeling Protesters rally for unions in Wisconsin and around seminars and workshops that are ture of the Earth and get at a high when you realize that the project designed to give students “access enough altitude so that the sky you’ve been working on for so country. – NY Times to the information and materials was black.” long is floating 60,000 feet above necessary to create their own bal- The duo was only able to re- your head.” Both projects are still Supreme Court rules funeral picketing to be protected looning projects.” For the experi- cover one of the two balloons in their planning phases, but it is mentation portion of their pro- that they had launched as the GPS expected that a schedule and bud- by freedom of speech. – NY Times gram, the group hopes to design failed on both (“[We] cut one too get for each will be finished in the a balloon capable of using GPS, many corners to lower the cost,” near future.
ASCIT Minutes In This Issue Laura Decker makes Page 2 10-year-old’s diss of Lil’ Wayne is justified Page 3 NCAA finals Page 7 Dabney and Ruddock Interhovses photos Page 5 Th e Ca l i f o r n i a Te c h 2 Ma r c h 7, 2011 Ne w s We’ve Moved! ASCIT minutes The Financial Aid Office has moved to 383 Hill Street, 2nd Floor. ASCIT Board of Directors Meeting – Minutes Mail Code: 20-90 March 1, 2010 Officers Present: Chris Hallacy, Laura Conwill, Juan We look forward to seeing you there. Diego Caporale, Mario Zubia, Margaret Chiu, Prakriti Gaba Guests present: Brian Merlob
Call to order: 10:11 pm
Funding Requests:
Brian Merlob requested funding for opening an organization similar to bookmart on campus.
President’s report:
- Health meeting: Hallacy is meeting with Kevin Austin for campus health related issues. - Hallacy will meet regularly with Laura Conwill and Tom Mannion.
V. P. of Academic Affairs (ARC Chair):
- Chiu is having interviews for ARC positions. She wants to improve the ARC website and is willing to have individuals work for her, especially Dev Team members. She also wants to start updating Bookmart. Chiu has also been able to organize a student-faculty lunch.
V.P. of Nonacademic Affairs (IHC Chair):
- The IHC has officially elected Christian Rivas as IHC secretary. They also want to work on improving communications with the trustees. Conwill will also be reviewing the pet policy with Peter Daily.
Director of Operations:
The California Tech - Diego went through the SAC to organize some of the Caltech 40-58, Pasadena, CA 91125 advertising e-mail: [email protected] club/ASCIT rooms. Diego has been approached by some editorial e-mail: [email protected] individuals/clubs about SAC space and club funding. He will send out emails to the student body to make sure that Editors-in-Chief some of the unused rooms can be evacuated and utilized Jonathan Schor for productive meetings, etc. Stanford Schor Treasurer: News Editor Sandhya Chandrasekaran Write - Zubia still has a decent amount of money left over from club funding as well as some funds left for social events. Sports Editor Amol Kamat opinions Social director: - Prakriti is exploring venues for ASCIT formal this Business Manager Jenny Yung spring term and will talk with Tom Mannion soon as well as the student body (via email/survey) to finalize the location of the formal. for the Staff Secretary: Sadaf Amouzegar Yang Hu Casey Jao - Sign-ups for secretary were put up last week and Rebecca Lawler ASCIT will now begin the interviewing process the Joel Nikolaus Tech position. Pradeep Ramesh Neha Samdaria Gloria Tran Scheduling: James Wu Caroline Yu - ASCIT secretary interviews: ASCIT will get in contact Wesley Yu with the candidates to set up interviews this week. Chris Zheng - Budget meeting: will be scheduled some time soon to review the budget for club funding and other ASCIT expenses.
Circulation Discussion: Arjun Ravikumar - ASCIT Movie Night: The BoD is discussing whether or Advisor Tom Mannion not to hold it this year. - Endowment: The BoD talked about how to spend the The Tech is published weekly except dur- endowment and also how to increase the endowment. ing vacation and examination periods by the Associated Students of the California - Connection of BoD with ASCIT: Hallacy suggests Institute of Technology, Inc. The opinions that the BoD be more open and available for the student expressed herein are strictly those of the authors and advertisers. body. Letters and submissions are welcome; e- - Staff members: People who are interested in assistant mail submissions to [email protected] as plain-text attachments, including the au- get paid up to $20 positions for the BoD. thor’s name, by Friday of the week before - Take faculty to lunch: ASCIT wants to promote student- publication. The Tech does accept anony- mous contributions. The editors reserve the faculty interaction and wants to encourage students to right to edit and abridge all submissions for take faculty out to lunch with a voucher with which any reason. All written work remains prop- erty of its author. students can take faculty out to lunch for free. The advertising deadline is 5 PM Friday; - Midnight Donuts: will be held this Wednesday March all advertising should be submitted elec- tronically or as camera-ready art, but The 2nd at midnight. Tech can also do simple typesetting and arrangement. All advertising inquiries should be directed to the business manager at [email protected]. For subscription Meeting adjourned: 11:30 pm information, please send mail to “Subscrip- tions.” Submitted by Prakriti Gaba ASCIT Secretary/Social Director Op i n i on Ma r c h 7, 2011 3 Free flute concert in Dabney Hall strikes a beautifully brilliant chord By Michael Lauria of the Vienna Philharmonic and commissioned to write several in G major. Indeed, the second lifted hopefully to portray a scene Contributing Wr i t e r an instructor at the Universität pieces of chamber music for the movement was the highlight of of flowers growing from the grave für Musik und darstellende Kunst flute, in 1778 he wrote a letter to the show. The slower passages of the young man. Wien,” but you’d be wrong. his father expressing his inability allowed Flury’s round, melliflu- After the performance, the As far as classical concerts go, No, the best part was the per- to continue writing for the ous tone to transcend the music in sheer scope of applause was such Monday’s Viennese Classics for fect interplay of sound joyfully instrument. its clarity. After this breathtaking that Prinz and Flury returned for Flute and Piano was one of my produced by the performers, However, Flury and Prinz were piece, Prinz and Flury followed two encores: “Maria’s favorite,” favorites. That’s not saying much, whose genuine smiles brightened quick to dismiss this letter on the it up with Schubert’s “Trockne the second movement of Mo- since I’m more of a Jazz enthu- the room as they received their basis of Mozart’s many pieces Blumen,” a piece which, accord- zart’s Sonata in C major, and a siast, but to my surprise, the best applause after each piece. written for flute. Putting the ing to the performers, was written minuet to round off the evening. question to rest, Flury soon before Schubert’s untimely Despite my own genre prefer- smiled and said, “Well, death, and which tells the story of ences, this concert, provided free it wasn’t the Magic a young man in love who knows of charge by Caltech and the Aus- Bassoon.” death is imminent. trian-American Council of North Then, before intermis- Here Prinz showcased her dy- America, was well worth attend- sion, two lesser-known namism, sending ripping chords ing. works by Beethoven, into the air to buoy the piercing The beauty of the music and the “The Beautiful Minka” notes of Flury’s flute. Towards joy expressed eclipsed any and all (Op. 107, No. 7) and a the end, the melancholy melody genre biases. “Sonata for Flute and Piano in B-flat Major,” were played. In the first, Flury expounded upon a folksy theme, beau- tiful in its simplicity, while Prinz played in impeccable coun- terpoint. In the sec- ond, however, the performance seemed to lose a bit of its groove, as while the musicianship remained excellent, Flury and Prinz enthrall the crowd. the piece lost some -Provided by Veronica Reinelt, President Austrian-American Council West of the emotion that had energized the part of Dieter Flury and Maria The first number, a sonata in B- previous songs. Prinz’s performance was not the flat major by Mozart, K. 378, was Luckily, the performers nonexistent cost of attendance. composed for piano and violin, regained their footing in the You might think, “Ah, then it and led to a discussion by Flury first piece of the second part must have been the incredible and Prinz about Mozart’s purported of the concert: Haydn’s “So- An emotional .Prinz accepts numerous bouquets. virtuosity of the Principal Futist dislike for the flute. Having been nata for Flute and Piano VIII” -Provided by Veronica Reinelt, President Austrian-American Council West Lil’ girls speak out against Lil’ Wayne lyrics By Sandhya Chandrasekaran These cute little girls are voic- girls are young and do not under- its way into becoming the norm. candy, whether it be licking a lol- New s Ed i t o r ing a concern that has been sur- stand the situation properly, what Instead of chastising the trio’s lipop or shaking a Laffy Taffy, as prisingly silenced in this day and they do not realize is that the girls attempt, the critics should be re- a fundamental aspect of the rap of age. While the occasional fight are in fact some of the very few evaluating their own perspective our era. “Fighting crime trying to save for censorship flashes across people bold enough to speak out on the matter. Furthermore, Lil Wayne is not the world. Here they come just in headlines, the concern somehow against what has slowly wheedled Personally, I value music and the only one to blame. These sort time… the PowerPuff Girls.” manages to die down in the rhythm over lyrics, of degrading comments are no- But instead of Blossom, Bub- midst of the artists’ fame and so a good beat toriously abundant in the main- bles and Buttercup, we have the and fortune. How- and harmony is re- stream pop music of our era. Watoto From the Nile trio: Nia, ever, the fact ally all I need to de- It is quite evident that profanity 10, Nya, 9, and Kamaria, 5. And that three cide whether or not and sex is what really sells these in this episode, Lil Wayne hap- young girls a song is worth lis- days. In fact, it is almost as if there pens to be their Mojo Jojo, an an- took the ef- tening to. is a tacit competition to see who imalistic, primitive being whose fort to com- And because can make the highest number of sole purpose is to promote bad pose and produce some of the crude references or promote the morals and corrupt society. a video challenging more alluring most substance abuse. But what exactly is their su- the attitude of the tempos I hear Sure, the music is catchy. perpower? The sisters recently Young Money tend to stem from I love myself some Pitbull and fought music with music and re- CEO has caused a the Billboard Top Akon when I’m in the mood to leased a song entitled “Letter to lot of buzz. While 100, I have come party, but the message these songs Lil Wayne”, requesting that the close-minded on- to accept the are promoting to upcoming gen- artist reconsider his choice of line critics com- concepts of guys erations is not one that we should songs about substance use and fe- plain that the getting some ac- be actively propagating. male inferiority. tion or messing Making the occasional drug ref- The song is set to an instrumen- with some sort of erence or gender stereotype might tal version of Lil Wayne’s song be humorous once in a while, but “I’m Single” and is straight to the allowing it to become ingrained point in telling its message. in our culture is a mistake. “This message is for Mr. Unlike the PowerPuff girls, the Wayne/I’m sorry but I must com- Watoto From the Nile sisters are plain/About what you do and inspiring for their natural ability what you say.” It goes on to say, and courage to tackle a perpetual “People say, ‘Say no to drugs’/So issue in our society. tell me Sir who should I trust/You But their powers are only as or them?’” strong as the number of people One of the lines even asks who are willing to listen to them. Wayne if he also speaks disre- Unless people become less per- spectfully to his own daughter. “I missive of such loaded language, Provided by www.thatgrapejuice.net hear you got a little girl/Does she - rappers like Lil Wayne will quite get the same referral/ You call the literally “drop the world on our world/Not trying to lean/I hope f***in heads”, and with no out- you call her little queen,” the girls spoken opposition, there will be sing. no one to lighten the load. 4 Ma r c h 7, 2011 Op i n i on The California Tech
Unsigned Editorial Are you going to do something wild and crazy for Spring Break?
Zewail’s activism to Take photographs of your experience and send them into the Tech! The best submissions will be published so that you can be applauded show everyone just how awesome a time you had! Early this past February, bulent period of change, and Caltech’s own Chemistry Caltech students and faculty Nobel Laureate Ahmed Ze- alike can attest to the fact that wail returned to his home no one fills this role better than country of Egypt to urge for Zewail. a peaceful transition of gov- As a pioneer of femtochem- ernment. In an article writ- istry, Zewail has been praised ten for the Herald Tribune, for his work at femtosecond in- Zewail explained, “Mubarak tervals. He must now focus his must step down, a new con- efforts to a much larger scale, stitution must be drafted, and a political reconstruction that the country must hold free could take years to complete. and fair elections.” Recently, Nonetheless, we place the ut- Mubarak has done just that, most faith in Zewail’s diplo- surrendering power to the matic manner and drive, and military and agreeing re- are certain that he will bring the move himself from the seat same unwavering persistence of power. he shows in scientific research Though the road ahead is to aid in Egypt’s recovery. uncertain, Zewail remains It is not uncommon for committed to establish- the Caltech community to be ing a stable government in graced by scientists of inter- Egypt, with such safeguards national renown, pioneers and as a “council of wise men innovators in their field. But and women” to oversee the in the tradition of Linus Paul- amending of the Egyptian ing, Zewail has shown us that constitution. Ever humble the most talented scientists can concerning his role in the also channel their ingenuity transition, Zewail insists that into social activism. Zewail’s he is only “an Egyptian who passion for his country stands is concerned about what is as an example for the Caltech going on in his mother coun- community and the world as try.” a whole, showcasing a patrio- For his effort and resolve, tism and love for freedom that the Tech would like to offer knows no bounds. our gratitude and support for Again, the Tech salutes Ze- all that Zewail is doing for wail for his actions and eagerly his fellow countrymen. It is awaits a peaceful and benefi- certain that Egypt will need cial resolution to the transition leaders of vision in this tur- in Egypt. Cedar Rapids is hilarious, believable film By Faith Manary titute while remaining blissfully Some of his lines are unbeliev- Contributing Wr i t e r ignorant of what she’s trying to ably obscene, but Ziegler is the sell him (the prostitute is played heart of the movie. It’s the clas- I must admit, as pretentious by the girl who plays Maebe on sic archetype of the foul-mouthed as I can get about movies, I truly Arrested Development, in case showoff who is a total sweetheart do have a soft spot in my heart for anyone cares). underneath, but I’ve never seen a ridiculous comedy. Cedar Rap- Tim then, of course, gets it played more convincingly and ids is just that – it’s a pleasantly subsumed into a group of friends honestly. Watching Ziegler mouth silly (though somewhat predict- from various Midwestern states off to the head of the insurance able) story of an awkward guy who are all old hats at insurance convention was like watching a doing awkward things. conventions, and they teach Lippe person I knew all too well. Our awkward guy here is the ways of the “big city.” The script doesn’t go too far named Tim Lippe (played by This movie is really funny, over the top, and instead keeps Ed Helms from the Office / The with all four of the lead actors every interaction plausible but Hangover), and he’s never ever managing to create characters that still extreme enough to be hilari- ous. In the end, this familiarity with the charac- ters and scene makes the movie “ hilarious. The script doesn’t go too far over the top and The mes- sage of the film, instead keeps every interaction plausible but though, is a little sketchy. Tim is still extreme enough to be hilarious. uptight and awk- ward, but when his new friends get him drunk he opens up and lets loose. That ” seems accurate left his small town. He’s still in don’t only spout jokes, but also enough, given how the real world love with his grade school teach- have real personalities. Some- works, but I would have liked to er, is still working at the same times it’s easy for comedies to get see a movie where Lippe doesn’t insurance firm that he got a sum- away with one-dimensional char- need tons of alcohol to learn a mer job in at age 16, and he seems acters, but “Cedar Rapids” makes lesson about “how to have a good perfectly happy. a point not to. The result is a fun- time” or whatever. Then of course, he’s asked to nier film, with characters to which But of course, in the end, go to Cedar Rapids, Iowa for an nearly everyone can relate. T h e small-town values triumph, as insurance convention, and every- real star is John C. Reilly, who is they always do in movies, no thing is new to him. He has never one of the funnier actors currently matter how much fun we have seen a hotel before, or a black in the business. He plays Ziegler, just had laughing at small-town person, and he befriends a pros- the party animal of the group. ignorance for two hours. -Provided by www. imbd.com The California Tech Fe a t u r e Ma r c h 7, 2011 5 A Jurassic OPI-Drop Day Snippet
Clockwise from left: In case partiers forgot where they were, OPI had an enormous sign at the entrance (provided by Sadaf Amouzegar); Students get down at OPI (provided by Sadaf Amouzegar); The OPI dance floor featured numerous flashing lights to enhance the experience for visitors (provided by Andrew Gong); Ruddock House spared no expenses for decoration during OPI and even had a waterfall flowing out of one of the walls (provided by Andrew Gong); At Dabney’s Drop Day Interhouse party, visitors were treated to psychadelic images, such as the one below that was housed in a maze of tents (provided by Jennifer Greco); Drop Day had a serenity garden where visitors could take a few moments to get in touch with their zen and share a few peaceful moments absorbed in deep thoughts (provided by Jennifer Greco); As visitors danced at OPI they were eyed by a fierce tyrannosaurus (provided by Andrew Gong). 6 The California Tech Ma r c h 7, 2011 Fe a t u r e Caltech Y opportunities: MAD Day Make a Difference day offers volunteering at museums, gardens, and natural animal habitats
By Yang Hu Caltech to learn Lifeline for Pets, and the Boys & Contributing Wr i t e r more about the Girls Club of Pasadena. community and Caltech undergrad, Xida Zheng even discover worked for North East Trees, an Volunteering, for those of us their passion for organization that helps promote who aren’t involved in service volunteering. urban forestry. An account of his organizations, tends to be infre- In the past, experience follows: quent in our daily campus life. 200 people par- However, Make-A-Difference ticipated in 1 of My group went to help North Day (MAD) is an annual event of 20 different proj- East Trees plant trees in a park in community service that is open ects, each rang- LA. After we saw a demo, we were to all of the Caltech community. ing from 5 to 20 off to get some tools and start The event has been taking place participants and digging! The ground was made for al¬most a decade and has from 3 to 6 hours of hard clay and we toiled for 45 been one of the many exciting ac- in length. minutes before we could put the tivities organized by the Caltech Projects include tree, which was taller than all of Y, helping Caltech come together planting new gar- us, into the ground. to volunteer in our neighborhood. dens, cleaning pet After planting the tree, we went From teaching kids to spending shelters, maintain- to sit on the lawn as a live band time with the elderly, distributing ing hiking trails, played, but the main attrac–tion food to the needy or just help- painting, and was still to come. A group of ing out with day-to-day chores, visiting nursing Mexican dancers came dressed in volunteers get the opportunity to home residents. full ceremonial costumes adorned contribute to our community. Participants can with giant feathers. The seven of This year MAD Day is on also work with them formed a ring and danced as Saturday, April 9, 2011. Anyone environmentally a drummer banged on his drum. part of the Caltech community conscious groups The seven smoothly changed is encouraged to volunteer. Sign- on projects in the formation many times like a ups begin at decompression this Performers dance in native Mexican garb after students helped plant trees. outdoors, at the marching band. Their ankle Saturday. A campus-wide email -Xida Zheng beach, and in the bracelets added to the rhythm with more information will also nearby canyons. of the drums as people gathered be sent out at a later date, though Participants will receive a free the Caltech Y from 4-6 PM. This This year’s sites include LA Ar- around to watch. After the im- you can also sign up directly at t-shirt for participating. Activi- event only happens once a year, boretum, Heal the Bay, Eaton pressive performance, we had a the Caltech Y. ties will end with a barbeque at and it’s a chance for people at Canyon, Kids Space Museum, lunch of tamales and horchata. Sarah surviving A little advice to live by... senior year Helping Techers, one by one By Sarah Marzen By Supriya Iyer, Nerissa behavior, and he’s not even that find that my face is often unable Hoglen, and Vivian Zhang Co p y Ed i t o r Em e r i t u s nice. to be seen amidst all the bright Contributing Wr i t e r s - Paranoid Patty lights, so I need to rely on cutting- edge fashion in order to woo the Do you remember senioritis? Dear Patty, woman of my dreams. I sort of skipped senioritis in my So, at the interhovses, I often - Sexy Samuel high school senior year, in the find myself standing in dark cor- In general, it’s a good idea to go same way that some kids man- ners by myself watching everyone to a party with friends you trust, Dear Sexy, age to skip their rebellious teen around me mingling and having a so you can watch out for each years. good time. How can I get some- other. You should tell them about You have two options: However, rebellious teen years one to dance with me? your concerns. One is to wear a t-shirt with are never delayed indefinitely. - Awkward Allen If need be, they can help you athletic shorts. Similarly, four years after the end remove yourself from any dan- There is nothing a girl loves of high school, I’m taking only when the TSA agent looked at me Dear Awkward Allen, gerous situations. Even if he’s more than a guy who is ostensi- four courses-- and only one of and said, “Man, they messed up. just being obnoxious but basical- bly sweaty because he is pretend- these courses is something that I I thought I told them to send all Wait until the party is crowded ly harmless, your friends can pro- ing to have just worked out, while absolutely need to take in order to the models down that line.” enough, then press your crotch vide a good excuse to get away in reality it is obvious he has nev- graduate. Thank goodness. Graduate school visits, by the against someone’s butt. Once from him. er been near a gym (nor taken a Many of my weekends now are way, are far better than college there are enough people on the You should also be prepared to shower, though that’s a different spent far, far away from the love- visits, if you like talking about dance floor, the butt concentra- tell him that you would rather he issue) since he hit puberty. ly Pasadena. Instead, I travel to science. tion (buttcentration) and crotch did not follow you around (since Nothing screams “desirable some random graduate school to However, if you’re going to an density are high enough that no it is ultimately not your friends’ mate” like someone who doesn’t get wined and dined and wooed. interview rather than to an open one will object. After a couple of responsibility to solve your prob- care enough to put on real clothes This past weekend, I visited MIT. house, graduate school visits can songs, you can have your dance lems). before going to a party. Getting there was a bit of a hassle. be super stressful. partner turn around and press It’s possible he just doesn’t Your other option is to wear The taxi that I took to make my I visited MIT Computational your crotch against his/hers. If know how uncomfortable he an unnecessarily elaborate, irrel- 8 AM flight to Boston was a di- and Systems Biology’s interview your partner doesn’t like your makes you. Tell him clearly (but evant get-up. You will be the life saster (never again am I taking a weekend, which has an admit rate face and stops dancing with you, try not to be mean!) that you of the party with your hilariously taxi). of roughly 25%. you can just turn slightly to find would rather dance with other incorrect interpretation of some It showed up thirty minutes One of the other interviewees a new butt for your crotch. You people, and he should try other aspect of the theme. late and took the longest possible was Max Libbrecht, Caltech Pro- should probably make some at- options where he might have The party is based on a movie route (it seemed) to LAX (not the fessor Ken Libbrecht’s son. As tempt to move rhythmically so more success. about fighting Greek gods? Well, 110, but the 605 to the 105). it turned out, Max knew my lab it doesn’t look like you’re just If he still doesn’t listen and it your kilt and codpiece will be per- As a result, I paid 125 dollars partner for Ph77, which Professor standing there crotch-to-crotch, seems like the problem is escalat- fect, because Scottish highlanders to rush into the airport a mere 20 Libbrecht instructs. making him/her do all the work: ing, tell the security at the party. are warriors, too! minutes before my flight depart- Learning that, plus meeting after all, foreplay is a two-person If there isn’t any, you should Party on a boat? Wear your Big ed. MIT Professor Jeff Gore, was game. leave. You will always have more Bird suit. No one will be able to I frantically tried to make it probably the highlight of my in- opportunities to dance, and your tell the difference between that onto the flight for about five min- terview weekend, although being Fortune Cookie safety is incalculably more im- and a seagull. utes, but then some nice customer wined and dined at Legal Sea- portant. As long as you’re dressed up, service rep said, “Sweetie, you’re foods wasn’t so bad either. it doesn’t really matter: after all, not gonna make it.” At this point, I’ll abandon my How do I deal with a drunk guy Your Big Sister any party with a theme besides Well, shoot. I paid another $75 active procrastination to finish who keeps following me around “get wasted” is also obviously a to switch to a flight that would up my very last Caltech math set. on the dance floor? He makes me costume party. land in Boston at midnight. The Even with senioritis, the work really nervous because he doesn’t What type of clothes impress only good part of my morning was doesn’t seem to stop. seem to have any control over his the ladies the most at a party? I Madame Olga The California Tech Sp o r t s Fe b r u a r y 28. 2011 7 Caltech women and Upcoming Events men’s tennis teams March 8, 2011 Women’s Water Polo vs. St. Francis College lose 5:00 PM March 10, 2011 Women’s Water Polo vs. Chatham 7:00 PM March 11, 2011 Track & Field at Occidental Distance Carnival 6:00 p.m. Women’s Water Polo vs. Chatham @ Claremont Convergence Tournament 10:00 AM
Women’s Water Polo vs. Vanguard @ Claremont Convergence Tournament 3:20 PM Two Caltech players wildly celebrate being able to play tennis outside of Pasadena. - Provided by Caroline Yu March 12, 2011 By Caroline Yu worthy fight against Redlands, to be part of the winning trend is Men’s Tennis Contributing Wr i t e r losing 1-8. Freshman Rebekah satisfying.” Kitto rallied to a decisive victory Support the Beavers when they vs. Sewanee Caltech has never been known in number one singles. Overall, return to the courts March 19 to 9:00 AM for athletic prowess, but this year Kitto has a stellar 5-1 singles take on Pacific University. has yielded some unexpectedly record. Redlands is ranked 29th The Caltech men’s tennis team Women’s Water Polo good records. Like the men’s bas- by the Intercollegiate Tennis As- (0-5, 0-2) also lost this week, fail- vs. Wheaton @ Claremont Convergence ketball team, the women’s tennis sociation (ITA), making this an ing to defeat Biola University, Tournament team is achieving exceptional extremely challenging match for 7-2. 9:00 AM results this year. The record cur- the girls, who all rose to the occa- Devashish Joshi and Luka rently is 4-3, with sound victories sion. This was the Beaver’s first Mernik (one doubles) and Alex against Masters College, Hope conference match. Runkel (six singles) posted the Baseball International, Mills College and Coach Mandy Gamble com- only Caltech wins of the match. vs. Alumni (Conference win?) Notre Dame de Namur Univer- mented that, “This is the most vi- The Beavers return to action on 2:00 PM sity. On Saturday, the Caltech brant time in the history of Caltech March 19th when they play Se- women’s tennis team put up a Athletics and for women’s tennis wanee. Women’s Water Polo vs. Macalester @ Claremont Convergence Tournament 2:20 PM This week in sports quotes Weekly Scoreboard A lot happened this week in Caltech sports, and I think each event can be best March 5, 2011 summarized in an all new “This week in sports quotes.” Also, I’m as lazy as Baseball a panda during breeding season. double header at Whittier L, 12-0 Final - 7 innings “Paige Logan broke the school shot put record.” L, 12-2 Final - 7 innings “The girl’s or guy’s?” Men’s Tennis at Biola “I don’t know, they were probably the same” L, 7-2 Final -Two Techers talking about the track meet Women’s Tennis vs. Redlands “Laura Decker’s going back to the NCAA championships.” L, 8-1 Final “How did it happen?” February 28, 2011 “Same thing as last year. You should write an article.” Baseball -I’m not going to lie, this happened at The Tech double header vs Occidental L, 13-8 L, 3-1 “I forgot how boring baseball was. It’s not like basketball.” -A Caltech basketball player at a Caltech baseball game
“Alex Lapides is a prime example of manhood.” -Sports Editor of a major newspaper talking about the track meet. (see photo for proof) 8 The California Tech Ma r c h 7, 2011 Hu m o r Techers fight for strawberry donuts despite slippery conditions A fabricated article that’s actually not too far from the truth
By Mary Nguyen season. As a result, in addition er circumstances, students push successful.“If I can get a straw- undergraduates out of the way. “It No t A St a f f Wr i t e r to being fresh and delicious, on each other to reach the boxes of berry donut, I will gladly get hit was so hard walking on the Olive campus, they are rarer than gold. fried dough. However, because of by those wooden boards,” said Walk,” said a drenched, black- The only other way to get one the wetter circumstances they slid one ecstatic student, gobbling up eyed Techer. “The ground was so LLOYD - Due to drizzle, otherwise is to drive or take a past each other. his fresh red berries. slimy from all the water and ol- Caltech students waited on the long trip on After his state- ives smashed into it. I fell at least Olive Walk in their soaked shoes the Metro. ment, he hobbled four times.” for last Wednesday night’s Mid- Realizing toward the whole She continued, “I got a straw- night Donuts. the value stu- “ milk provided on berry donut though! It was so “The trench foot was horren- dents placed the sheltered RF good!” dous,” said one student, airing on the glazed The trench foot was horrendous...but it was walkway. After she finished her last bite, out his wrinkled feet, “but it was snack, ASCIT worth it Others used old hives started forming on her face. worth it.” chose to con- ME72 robots to She noticed the concern of other Once a term, ASCIT delivers tinue handing sneak to the car people in Lloyd’s lounge and The Donut Man’s eponymous them out de- - Anonymous student protecting the do- scratched her throat. pastry at precisely midnight to spite the copi- nuts. The Techer calmly but hoarsely undergraduate students on the Ol- ous amount of If a machine was commented, “I don’t know why ive Walk. rain. lucky enough to re- people always give me that look However, most undergradu- Because of ” main undamaged, right after I eat a donut.” ates prefer one kind over all oth- poor draining on the Olive Walk, Being creative Techers, some it transported many boxes back ers, fruit-filled strawberry donuts. students had to stand in the river undergraduates used plywood to it creators, who hoped at least ASCIT only gives these Glendora separating the North from the surfboards to coast toward the one would have the six prized Mary Nguyen wrote her report donuts during winter and spring South Houses to invoke their donuts and keep their feet dry. strawberry donuts. Most chose and then stabbed a Lloydie with terms, when strawberries are in right to free donuts. Under dri- However, the platforms were not simply to slide and punch other an epi pen.
By Alexandra The California Tech Souverneva Caltech 40-58 Pasadena, CA 91125