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The Student Newspaper?of Imperial College N ews 5th October 1992 Felix 942 Imperial to be medical 'Super School'

Imperial College is set to become Governing Body, discussing 'the with some 2,000 engineers and over bodies were 'addressing the one of four medical 'super schools' wider effects of this merger on 1,700 scientists. Both Professor provision of health care in London' within the University of London. students and the students' union'. Richards and Sir Eric Ash, the within the framework of recent The plan follows discussions at The author of the merger College Rector, regard the move as NHS reforms. He was specifically meetings of the College Board of proposal is Professor Peter Imperial 'becoming the focus for instructed to take account of Studies and Governing Body Richards, Pro-Rector of Medicine medical research and education in London's health needs, purchasing Executive Committee, and is and Dean of St. Mary's. Professor West London'. The proposal to plans of local health authorities, and detailed in a document submitted by Richards said in May that he had merge is the basis of the submission the need to maintain high standards the University of London to the submitted a report to the College by Imperial College to the of medical teaching and research government appointed Tomlinson Board of Studies on a possible Tomlinson Enquiry. In a letter to and development. Enquiry. The Enquiry, under the merger. Copies of the minutes of Sir Bernard Tomlinson, Sir Eric The University of London direction of Sir Bernard Tomlinson, the Executive Committee meeting says that the proposal to form an document details three other is looking at the provision of health of 20 March 1992 show that integrated Medical School has 'been mergers between multi- faculty care in London with a view to Professor Richards had discussed accepted in principle by the colleges and medical schools. This widespread rationalisation. the prospect of a merger with the Governing Bodies of Imperial is expected to lead to eight of The centrepiece of the 'super Dean of Charing Cross College and Charing Cross London's nine medical schools school' plan is a possible merger Westminster Medical School in Westminster Medical School.' Sir being consolidated in four groups. between Imperial and the Charing August 1991. Professor Richards is Eric adds that 'it is our firm These groups would be focused on Cross Westminster Medical School, recorded as saying that the pre- intention to work towards the Imperial in west London, currently based at Charing Cross clinical staff of Charing Cross formation of one integrated Medical University College in north Hospital in Hammersmith. This will Westminster had agreed to the School. We are confident that we London, Queen Mary Westfield in be the second medical merger in formation of a single unit on the would succeed.' east London, and Kings College recent times. In 1988, Imperial South Kensington campus. The submission by Imperial is London in south London. The College of Science and Technology Professor Richards also added that, part of an overall submission by the University of London document merged with St. Mary's Hospital after discussion with the Chief University of London to the shows that University College is to Medical School in Paddington to Executive of the Universities Tomlinson Enquiry, which was set merge with the Royal Free Medical form the Imperial College of Funding Council (UFC) and Sir up in October 1991. The then Schools, Queen Mary Westfield is Science, Technology and Medicine. Bernard Tomlinson, it had been Health Secretary, William to merge with the Medical Colleges The possibility of a merger with agreed to cover the cost of the Waldergrave, appointed Sir of the London and Barts Hospitals, Charing Cross Westminster was merger in part with funds raised by Bernard Tomlinson as a special and Kings College is to merge with first revealed in May this year by the sale of buildings 'elsewhere'. advisor to the Departments of the United Medical and Dental the then Imperial College Union A merger between Imperial and Health and Education. Sir Bernard, Schools of Guy's and St. Thomas's president, Zoe Hellinger. Ms Charing Cross Westminster would a former chairman of the Northern Hospitals. Hellinger said at the time that she result in a medical school of 1,500 Regional Health Authority, was would produce a report for college students. This compares in number asked to advise on how health I—News in Brief

TWL Kerb crawling case dropped Registrar Imperial College Students are to Accusations of kerb crawling been listed to appear before appear in the West End in a limited Peter Mee, the College Registrar, against Professor Martin Harris, the magistrates on Tuesday. Greater run of the play 'Teechers'. The play will be available to see students on Vice Chancellor of Manchester Manchester police said that an is being staged by the Union Mondays during term time between University, have been dropped. The enquiry was under way into how the society, 'Theatre West End' lpm and 2pm. The Registrar, who Crown Prosecution Service said that case was listed before a decision on (TWE), and is a repeat of the deals with a host of issues ranging it was not in the public interest to prosecution was taken. (The Times) production they staged in August at from fees to visas to exams, can be prosecute. Professor Harris had the Edinburgh Festival. 'Teechers' found on the third floor of the can be seen at the Bloomsbury Sherfield building in room 339. Theatre, Gordon Street on Tuesday Speaking to /'CNN, Mr Mee said Oxfam breaks fast at 6.45pm and Friday at 4.30pm. that he will see students who wish Oxfam are inviting students to pint for anyone raising.over £x^ Tickets are available from the box to discuss any matters, and that no fast 'with thousands of others' on sponsorship. A spokesman for office on 071 387 9629. appointment is necessary. Friday 6 November. The fast will Oxfam said that, 'by skipping a few International end with a 'Breaking of the Fast meals and pints, you will raise vital Party' at Firkins Pubs, with a free i money '. House The International Students' Scientists'lack hope' House has set aside a number of bed Many British scientists have no advice, Sir Michael Atiyah, the Commem Day spaces for students looking for career prospects in research and Society's President said. Securing permanent accommodation. The should seek alternative work, says a job in research was a long and beds will be available until 15 The College will be closed on the a recent report from the Royal uncertain business, and while the October, and cost £10 per night. afternoon of Thursday 22 October, Bookings can be made by phoning Society. Too many postdoctoral number of PhDs had increased, for the annual Commemoration Day Kevin Coyne or Paul Patch on 071 researchers were chasing too few there were fewer permanent celebrations. All lectures will cease 631 3223, or by calling at 229 Great jobs and lacked proper career university posts. (The Times) at 12 noon. Portland Street.

Page 2 N ews Felix 942 5th October 1992 Lord Mayor vists Imperial

The Lord Mayor of London, Sir Brian Jenkins visited Imperial College on Tuesday. The Lord Mayor came to visit students involved with the Pimlico Connection at Imperial Voluntary membership statement soon Declan Curry The Department for Education couldn't possibly comment. This is Kenneth Clarke on the subject accepted the principle of voluntary has refused to comment on reports a similar argument used to deny the during his tenure as Secretary of membership. that a ministerial announcement on existence of a students' charter in State for Education. /CNN The Sheffield document was voluntary membership for college January. Since then, a succession of understands the minister stoped attacked by other student unions, student unions may be made on students' charters have been receiving consultations a week ago Conservative Students, and the Wednesday. published by higher education Following the Commons debate, NUS. The University of London Such an announcement would end institutions. the Adam Smith Institute, a right Union (ULU) is still trying to over eighteen months of speculation Senior figures in Conservative wing policy group, published a formulate a response. Mark on the Government's intentions, Students have privately hailed the student charter. The National Union Samuels, ULU President, called an and would come just three weeks reports as a 'significant victory', of Students(NUS) claimed that the informal meeting of sabbaticals and after a Freedom Association poll and will be participating in the Adam Smith document conceded others on 21 September to discuss showed that 71% of the public Conference education debate on the 'right of student representation'. the document. Non-binding draft favoured the ending of compulsory Wednesday. The NUS is believed to be submissions from London colleges student union membership. The reports follow a frantic considering a policy review. In are expected later in the term. Conservative Party sources have summer for the student union particular, Lorna Fitzsimons, the Imperial College Union is currently indicated to the Imperial College movement. In June, a backbench NUS President, has publicly working on a set of Documents to News Network, iCNN, that Nigel Conservative MP, Graham supported a graduate tax, whereby be disscussed in the future. It is Forman, the Higher Education Riddick, initiated a Commons university graduates pay additional believed that a final document may Minister, may tell this week's debate on voluntary membership on taxes to cover the costs of their be submitted to the Higher Conservative Party Conference that student unions. Mr Riddick said that education. Ms Fitzsimons has also Education Minister. he intends to legislate against it was 'indefensible' for students not had discussion with an offshoot of Imperial College Union compulsory membership of college to have choice in joining student the Saatchi and Saatchi Executive Committee is currently student unions. Currently, all unions. Mr Nigel Forman the organisation, centring on the public working on a set of documents to members of a college or university minister for Higher Education also perception of the NUS. be discussed in the future. It is are automatically members of the a intimated that he would welcome The principle of voluntary believed that a final document may student union. consultations on the matter of membership was discussed by be submitted to the Higher Jan Moore, a press officer for the voluntary membership, though no several college unions throughout Education minister. Department for Education, said that official announcement of the summer. Sheffield University the Conservative Party conference consultations was made. These talks Students' Union published a draft was completely separate from were expected to merge with disscussion document for the departmental business, and that she ongoing consultations, initiated by Higher Education Minister which

Page 3 Unmoi n 5th October 1992 Felix 942 The best time of your life?

Fresher's Week '92. Do you want comedy. to see top bands at ridiculously In the Concert Hall on Friday Above: Sunscreem, headlining on Monday night in the Union Concert Hall. cheap prices? Top comedy, night will be the Nutty Boys. This fairground attractions, cocktails, band consists of two former casinos and lots and lots of fun? members of Madness, fresh from Well, read on .... We've got three their two sell-out dates at Finsbury large events on the Monday, Park this summer, and with their Travelling Wednesday and Friday of Fresher's own unique blend of Ska, this Week (5th - 9th October). year's party band are bound to set Headlining in the Concert Hall on the house on fire. They'll be Monday night will be Sunscreem. supported by the Time Wasters, a The Mind! Hot on the heels of their recent chart fresh London soul band who'll be smash 'Love U More' (as seen on sprinkling their set with choice CTS TRAVEL...Reduces the Cost! TOTP), and with their new single Blues Brothers Numbers. 'Perfect Motion' set to be an even In the Lounge on Friday night are NORTH AMERICA EUROPE LONG HAUL bigger smash, they'll be playing a The Rockingbirds. Straight from 071-323 5180 071-637 5601 071-323 5130 live set crammed full of frantic their headlining performance at dance music. Described as 'the Reading festival and a recent HTV OW/TRN OW/RTN OW/RTN ultimate indie-dance crossover, special, they'll be playing their intBtQMt "Waiter FROM they'll be supported by hot new unique mix of pop, country and ATLANTA 108 218 AMSTERDAM 37 487 789 dance act Hysterix, with Dave rock music. So get your stetsons BOSTON 108 218 ATHENS 67 N ,KOK 235 412 Valentine and Vicky Red playing and cowboy boots out kids, and the latest club tunes into the early remember there'll be space to park CHICAGO § !S 869 HWI* 62 BOMBAY 253 418 hours at Club Atmosphere. your horse. Again, there'll be DALLAS BRUSSELS 37 CARACAS 202 398 Downstairs on Monday will be cocktails, casinos, late bar and disco Perspex Whiteout, often compared 'till 3am. LOS ANGELES * 4! 210 420 to Alex Chiltern and Teenage Tickets for Monday and Friday MIAMI 133265 GENEVA B4 Hi 267 528 Fanclub and in fact often night are £6 each and tickets for the NEW YORK 109 203 MADRID 61 JO-BURG 264 485 namechecked by Norman Blake Comedy night (if any seats are himself. They are one of our hottest available) will be £4 on the door. ORLANDO 133 265 MILAN 65 NAIROBI 206 407 up and coming bands on the indie But, a special offer is available - SAN FRANCISCO 147 294 37 RIO 287 499 circuit. Don't miss them. buy a week ticket for £12 and get Also on Monday we'll have a late into all three events (a saving of £4). TORONTO \\ 128 239 ROME 62 SINGAPORE 256 450 bar, disco 'till 3am, cocktails and These tickets usually sell out VANCOUVER m*9m TEL AVTV 99 SYDNEY 408 755 fairground attractions. before the events, so buy your WASHINGTON 109 218 VIENNA -.\\ 73 TOKYO 299 588 On Wednesday you'll have a tickets now or read this and weep. chance to laugh off the hangover If you've ordered Fresher's Week blues with three top comedians tickets by post, remember to pick ROUND THE WORLD from the London comedy circuit - them up at the Union office no later £787 Ian Cognito, Mark Maier and than 5.00pm on Monday 5th Wilty. Ticket holders for this event October. must arrive no later than 8.15pm 44 Goodge Street 220~Kensington High St. 1 I §"% otherwise we cannot guarantee your Andy Kerr London W1P 2AD London W8 7RG entrance. There will be a late bar Ents Chairman '92-'93 e GOODGE STREET © HIGH STREET KENSINGTON and disco 'till lam after the IATA Licensed

Page 4 BECAUSE COLLEGE LASTS FOR MORE THAN A YEAR, SO DOES YOUR INTEREST FREE OVERDRAFT.

At Midland, we know how difficult it is to make your grant last the whole term. That's why we can offer all our student customers an interest-free overdraft of up to £400. And, unlike other overdraft facilities, it remains interest-free the whole time you're at college. You'll also enjoy free banking too. Which means you won't pay a penny in bank charges regardless of whether or not your account is in credit. However, on the occasions when it is, you'll be pleased to learn that we pay you a handsome rate of interest on the balance. (Just compare our rates to other banks.) Naturally we'll also give you an Autocheque card so that you can get cash 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, STUDENT SERVICE from any one of a network of around 5,000 machines. And if you can handle credit, there's also the option of applying for a fee-free Visa or Access card. So if you're looking to open your first bank account call in at any branch of Midland and ask about our special services for students. We'll give you all the help and advice you need plus a cash bonus to IDLAND get you started. The Listening Bank

This offer is only available if you are opening your first Midland Student Current Account and are starting a higher education course in 1992 for which a mandatory award is available and are personally eligible for such an award. You will also qualify if you are a student nurse beginning a 1st level nursing preparation course. Cash bonus offer expires 1st November 1992. Credit facilities are subject to status. Written details are available from any Midland branch or Customer Information Service, Freepost, Midland Bank pic, PO Box 2, Sheffield SI 1AZ. © Midland Bank pic 1992. u nion 5th October 1992 Felix 942

Sabbaticals are students elected to your behalf to College managment some sort of awe, so cannot be Below are descriptions of run and represent students for a and running the students union for approached. This is rubbish. , Imperial College Union sabbaticals, year. They are paid to do various your service. Sabbaticals cannot represent'you written by themselves about each jobs in the students union, out of Unfortunately, very few people unless they know what you are other, read what they have written money that you pay to the college actually know who these mysterious thinking. So, talk to them, harrass and see what you feel about those in fees. Every day you are at sabbaticals are. Others believe they them, demand to know what they who claim to represent you. college, a sabbatical is speaking on are figures that must be held in have done for you the student. Chris Davidson President- By Jonty Chris Davidson is a giant of a man; elect him president, they made a when he enters a room grown men wise choice. Skilled as a diplomat, cry, women faint and Julian Clary an orator and a business man, each feels ambiguous. How can the day we spend in the Union is English language contain the praise guarded over by his watchful eye. due to this pillar of our community? How can those that do not know What a sad thing it is, that he is only him appreciate what my feeble the President of a Students Union. utterings mean. My advice is go out Surely greater things are calling to meet him, share in his him, or is it that he chooses to magnificence, before it vanishes illuminate our lives with his from all our lives when he moves presence? on to bigger and better things. When the Students of Imperial Can I have my Imagesetter now College spoke with one voice to please? Rick Bilby Deputy President - by Chris

What can I say about Rick that has at colour matching. He has not already been said, mostly by me managed to match his clothes, it's behind his back? Well despite being just that he is wearing a bright pink a relative man mountain he has a shirt and boots???. This I think is warm and considerate inner self that something to discourage in future. he reserves for special occasions, in This style guru of the 90's is fair fact so special that I have never seen chomping at the bit to look after you it. in the year ahead. (Just bring your A worrying recent development shades.) in Rick's persona is today's attempt Dominic Wilkinson Hon Sec - by Rick

Dom's greatest aspiration is to be with junk. This all adds to the a graphic designer. Doubtless you friendly atmosphere Dom tries to will see some of his handiwork on cultivate in his office, which is Union publicity throughout the sometimes referred to as 'The Glory year. Hole'! You may find yourself in Dominic can usually be found in there if you wish to book a room the company of a black three-piece- in the Union Building, so beware. suite near the entrance of the Union Your safest bet is to sit on the floor. Office. The three-piece-suite is Dominic is a very sensitive young rarely used for its intended purpose man, so always be polite to him! as most of the time it is piled high Jonty Beavan Felix Editor- By Dom

A Jonty Poem He has a nose for stories, He said I had to write something is keen to know your views. explaining what he's like. He'll stick them in his paper, His girlfriend is called Emma that is bumper packed with and he doesn't have a bike. news.

His hair is long and tousled, So in four lines of conclusion his eyes are deep and set. about someone I don't know. He spends his time in Felix, I'm sure he's rather lovely, have you guessed who it is yet? or he may just be a complete bastard. Win a trip to Vietnam and your

travel writin career cou

Do you want to break into journalism? six will write a further piece, and the winner will be If you're 25 or under, you'll have a great chance on commissioned to write at least three or four pieces Saturday October 10 when we announce the details of by our Travel Editor at our offices in Canary Wharf. The Daily Telegraph/Cathay Pacific Airways 'Young Last year's winner ended up in Namibia, the Travel Writer Of The Year' competition. Himalayas and Alaska. So if you win, your career will All you have to do is submit a 500 word article on really be on the map. a travel theme - real or imaginary. For further details and an entry form, see The We'll be sending the six finalists on a press visit to Daily Telegraph on October 10, or write to The Daily Vietnam. And as they'll have scheduled Cathay Pacific Telegraph Young Travel Writer Of The Year Award, tickets, they'll be able to stay on for a holiday. Then all PO BOX 2243. London E14 9ZY.

CATHAY PACIFIC die Oattf (Megtap b 1 eature 5th October 1992 Felix 942 So You Want To Have Fun? This is the place where the fun streets of London. You have the begins. Here to relieve the tedium amazing opportunity to play this and drudgery of normal college life classic board game on the largest is RAG. What's that then I hear board in the UK. Get a team of 4 you cry. RAG is Fun. RAG is to 6 together and run around Crazy. RAG is Big. RAG is Free. London trying to visit all the RAG is about Tiddlywinking down locations on the board, answer the Oxford Street, Live Monopoly, clues,and collect treasure whilst Beer Festivals, Bungee Jumping, avoiding the roving jail van. Freebies and Excellent Prizes. RAG There's Chance and Community is about having a laugh and doing Chest cards around to help too. it for charity. Just to prove it take Mencap throw a party in the a look at the line up for the first evening for all the days collectors term. and prizes are handed out. Fancy Tiddlywinks 10/10/92 winning a skiing trip in Andorra? Yep, that's this weekend! Join This is the event for you. hundreds of crazy students (that RAG Raid 24/10/92 means YOU) armed with RAG cans Another great freebie from RAG. and tiddlywinks and set off down RAG raids involveing jumping in a Oxford Street. Tiddling under feet, minibus and whizzing off to another round lamp posts, across roads, part of the country to collect there. over Taxis and amazing tourists into You get a free trip to wherever, see handing over loadsa money. Follow the sites, terrorise the locals, un- this up with Ring-a-ring-a-roses used to IC RAG antics, then whizz round Eros and round the day off back to the safety of the City Smog. with a mammoth attempt to drink This RAG raid will be followed by a pub dry. yet another storming free party Live Monopoly 17/10/92 courtesy of UNICEF featuring three The second event of term will see live bands and a disco. you joining thousands of students Pavement Climb from across the country on the If you thought Tiddlywinks was

crazy you are not going to believe stunning prizes. We also run an this. Its quite simple and straight incentive scheme with exclusive forward even a Civil Engineer can mugs, T-Shirts, Sweat-shirts, and understand it. Attached precariously tankards available only to to your climbing partner with collectors. nothing more than a piece of If you want to know more come rope/string/elastic you will attempt and see us at freshers fair (we're in to climb a shear horizontal the union building) or come up to pavement. Sounds strange? Just the RAG office (2nd floor, east wait 'til you see it! This event will staircase in the union building) also be followed by a party - A otherwise any lunchtime come to a Rocky Horror Disco with a reduced RAG meeting at 1:10 on Friday in price ticket available to the days the Union Building. Best yet turn collectors. So be there or be a up to your CCU office on Saturday lemming! 10th October at 10:30am and experience RAG first hand. Well that's October finished with Prizes will be up for grabs for the and if you're still alive after that best hall and best CCU for the year little lot the rest of the term is set so get together with your hall RAG out opposite on your wonderful cut- rep. and see what other crazy ideas out and keep RAG Term Timetable you can come up with. We're game - the only timetable worth having. for anything and maybe your hall Don't forget that RAG isn't just could win an end of year party on free but that you can also win RAG. BE MAD! BE SILLY! BE PART OF IT!

Page 8 Feature Felix 942 5th October 1992

DAY DATE EVENT Saturday Oct 10th Tiddlywinks down Oxford St i drink-a-pub dry 2 Saturday Oct 17th Live Monopoly + Party for collectors

Saturday Oct 24th Big Rag Raid + Party

Saturday Oct 31st Pavement Climb + Rocky Honor Disco Thursday Nov 5th Collection at Battersea Fireworks 33 Saturday Nov 7th Poppy Day Raid to Maidstone + Pub crawl & party

Saturday Nov 14th Halls Dirty Dozen

Saturday Nov 21st Sponsored Event

Sunday Nov 22nd Covent Garden Collection (Mines CCU}

Saturday Nov 28th Great Sightseeing Challenge

Sunday Nov 29th Covent Garden Collection (RCS CCU)

Saturday Dec 5th Rag Raid

Sunday Dec 6th Covent Garden Collection (City & Guilds CCU) 2 Saturday Dec 12th 03 BIG CHRISTMAS STUNT r- Wednesday Dec 15th Pub Carol Singing rn

Page 9 ou y are invited

to the STUDENT

GRAND OPENING of. inciB

SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER cheap drinks 5.30-1.00am freebies its FREE be there.

PRINCE CONSORT ROAD find us here. IT 'eature Felix 942 5th October 1992

have been called 'pioneers in the handed.' committee. This year's chairperson, Declan Curry appliance of science', 'role model Students, pupils and teachers all Anita Ellis, says that tutors benefit students' and 'fuel for staying tell of the benefits of tutoring. from regular newsletters and power'. Tutoring is also seen as a method subsidised social events such as got his passport Working individually or in small of promoting science and dinners and guest speakers. She groups, the tutors assist teachers in technology, and of increasing the adds that the committee provides 'a local secondary and primary numbers of children staying on in well defined back up in case stamped for schools. In almost all cases, this is education after 16. Industry is also problems arise'. done on Wednesday afternoons for convinced of the value of tutoring. The back up starts with training. between one and two terms. The In 1990, BP appointed John Hughes Throughout Freshers' Week and the Pimlico and tutors provide extra help within a as Fellow for Student Tutoring at week after, John Hughes will be class, working under the direction Imperial College, and charged him running, no obligation training and joined some and supervision of the class teacher. with developing the scheme. briefing sessions. The briefing 'It's not a case of being thrown in The organisation of student tutors sessions will tell you about the at the deep end,' says Chris Riley, at Imperial is done by the tutors Pimlico Connection. If you like Imperial a former tutor. 'Tutoring does not themselves. The Pimlico what you hear, you can come back mean looking after a class of Connection is an Imperial College for the training. Students going between 20 and 30 children single Union society, run by an elected continued next page. back to the classroom. Returning he brought with him tales of undergraduates being tortured by under fives

Now that you've finally finished with school, you might want to try something different. You might want to go back. Last year 130 Imperial students returned to the classroom. They did not go as pupils, nor as teachers. They were different. They were Pimlico tutors. They taught and learned. They learned about interaction, about communication, about science. By getting out of college, most tutors thought they had reinforced their knowledge of their subject. Over 90% of these Imperial students felt practised in the communication of scientific ideas. Almost all felt they were doing something useful with their subject. These were Imperial's Pimlico tutors. Under the Pimlico Connection, Imperial students have gone back into classrooms right across London since 1975. The Pimlico Connection has been widely acclaimed. The 'Independent' tells us that 'student tutors have livened up lessons for pupils in London'. Pimlico tutors

Page 11 Feature 5th October 1992 Felix 942

continued from previous page. John Hughes says that the staggering of the sessions is deliberate. The Pimlico Connection offers new horizons not only to first years, but also to other undergraduates and postgraduates. The training timetable is as flexible as possible to accommodate these students, and of course, they only have to attend one of the sessions. After that, he says, they will be able to try something different. The Pimlico Connection is running three briefing sessions and four training sessions throughout the next fortnight. Volunteers need only attend one of each. All sessions are in Mech Eng, room 703. Follow the signs out of the lift. Wednesday 7 October: Briefing 1.00pm - 1.15pm Training 1.30pm - 5.00pm Friday 9 October: Briefing 1.00pm - 1.15pm Monday 12 October: Special Evening Training 5.00pm - 8.00pm Wednesday 14 October: Briefing 1.00pm - 1.15pm Training 1.30pm - 5.00pm Monday 19 October: Special Evening Training 5.00pm - 8.00pm

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Page 1 2 Imperial College Computer Sales

We have a sales counter on level 4 in the Mechanical Engineering building.

We are open Monday to Friday, except College and public holidays, from 9:30am to 12am and again from 1pm to 5pm.

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We look forward to seeing you. 'eature 5th October 1992 Felix 942 Careers-Why worry now?

Dear Fresher. Vac jobs can be most they are normally over-subscribed emerge with a degree and nothing Welcome to Imperial College. informative. Ideally they give you many times. else. Of course a degree is The next three or four years should the chance to try out some type of Stop! I'm only a fresher—why important and must be your first be among the most interesting and work or future employer in which are you telling me ail this? priority, but not your only priority. enjoyable in your life, provided you you are interested. They give you I'm telling you because you need In the meantime, enjoy yourself. make the most of the opportunities experience in job hunting, letter to start planning your degree now, John Simpson, Director, IC available at College. This letter writing and interviews, as well as don't just drift through College and Careers Service. aims to give you some ideas for a real insight into what it's like to your own self-development. work for a particular type of You can probably recall one of employer. Some even pay you quite the significant steps in your life well. Jobs abroad are popular and when you entered the sixth form or early applications are essential. went to sixth form college. Coming Start by visiting the IC Careers to College is an even more Service which has a good range of significant step. You have freedom, reference books and addresses. more independence and more At the start of the second year you opportunities to do your own thing raise your sights higher. Now is the Jm and to succeed or fail. If you do not time to test your skills in organising make some mistakes you will not something—a social evening for have learnt anything, learning from your department, looking after the one's own mistakes is an important finances of a society or fixtures part of experience, but don't waste secretary of your team. That sounds time reinventing everything—build too much like hard work I hear you on the experience of others—take say. Yes, it does take some effort advice (it's usually free)—ignore on your part but generally speaking some of it, test it out accept it or the more effort you put into reject it. something the more enjoyment you You have already demonstrated will get out of it. some planning ability by passing Committee work is excellent 'A' Levels—or their equivalent— preparation for life after College. sufficiently well to be at College. You learn to set agendas, run How are you going to plan the next meetings, agree actions, persuade three, four or six years? And I'm other students to do things, work Careers Information not talking just about your academic within budgets and end up with a Final year undergraduates and Scholar and now in Chemical studies, I'm talking about the start successful event—a party, a visit, postgraduates should have received Engineering. of the rest of your life. a play or a newspaper. (Think how a personal copy of the Graduate Warning—There are unlikely to What do you want to achieve this much effort went into producing Recruitment Programme which be more vacancies in 1993, and term? Making friends is usually this edition of 'Felix') includes the Programme of competition will be as severe as it high on most people's list. How? You should start thinking Events/Careers Talks. has been in 1992. Join clubs and societies, attend seriously about your future career Careers Talks There are two Advice—Apply early and use the meetings, take up a new sport, before the end of the second year. Careers Talks this week in LT213 Milkround. For further information develop a new interest—any of Even if you haven't a clue what you Huxley at 1.00 to 1.50pm. No come to the Careers Service, Room these are likely to bring you into want to do, that's no excuse for booking is necessary, just turn up. 310 Sherfield—open from 10am to contact with like-minded students. delaying finding out about the Tuesday 6th October. 'Introducing 5pm Monday to Friday. A duty And there's always the bar to prop possibilities. You are surrounded the Careers Service' by John adviser is available daily between up while seeking inspiration. with sources of information- Simpson, Director, IC Careers 1.00 and 2.00pm, or you can book By the end of the summer term friends, family, tutors, careers Service. Thursday 8th October. an individual discussion by phoning in your first year you are feeling the advisers, libraries. Start looking. It 'Graduate Study in the USA' by Dr 3251. financial pressure—in other words may be a long process but so is life, David Stuckey, a former US you're broke! So how about earning so it really is worth spending more some good money in the long time thinking about your career than vacation. If you leave job hunting planning your next weekend or until the vac starts you may be too holiday. late. All the interesting and lucrative The IC Careers Service is a good jobs have been filled already and starting point. Pop in and speak to you will be lucky if the local council the information staff. Find out about cue (xir wants some grass cutting or the 'GRADSCOPE' and 'PROSPECT' garden centre needs a dirty pair of and all the information booklets and 'Bottled beer and the Brocolli hands. It's well worthwhile doing reference files. Have a look at some some preliminary job hunting of the videos, attend some seminars Brothers??!!' between Christmas and Easter. Call on careers, get yourself sorted out. 'That's the right combination!' in at the IC Careers Service (Room The Milkround visits by 310, Sherfield Building) where you employers are in the spring term of Join us at the Precinct—we're open Monday to Friday from 6pm. will find information about your final year. Draught Catling Black Label and Worthington Best Bitter are Vacation Training, write to Christmas vacation courses are a £ 1.20 a pint—same price for bottled Becks and Bud. employers with your CV, call in to popular way of finding out about some local shops and hotels and see We're at 100 Cromwell Road careers such as marketing but only toff Gloucester Road Tube! who's advertising in the local press. a few major recruiters run them and

Page 14 A Gliding Tale

It's official—Imperial College ourselves into the glider and in a Gliding Club is the best university short time we were airborne, being gliding club in the country after towed to 2000 feet by the small tug successfully capturing the inter- aeroplane. The air was turbulent university shield from Cambridge and convective and after releasing University. The competition was the tow rope we rapidly climbed to attended by seven college gliding cloudbase which was already at clubs and was held at Saltby in 4000 feet and rising. The thermal Lincolnshire. The soaring lift was strong at 5 to 8 knots (1 knot conditions were poor all week- = 100 feet per minute). typical inter-university task week We started at 11.18am on the first weather. leg of the task; Lasham to the A week later and our splendid disused WW2 airfield at Westcott, new two seat glider was in action about 70km due north. We soon again for the 1992 Lasham passed Aldermaston on our left and regionals, a nine day competition then the M4 motorway. On a day held at our home airfield. Lasham like this we could zoom at 80 knots in Hampshire. In the best soaring between thermals and then pull up conditions of the year so far, many the lift, slowing to 45 knots and thousands of competition kilometres only bothering to circle in the were clocked up by the field of 50 meatiest bits of lift. This highly gliders. efficient cruising technique is called I now describe a flight made by 'dolphining'. We covered the myself and Martin Judkins, and ground quickly and arrived at ICGC instructor around a 367km Westcott at 12.23. The next leg task on 28th July—a day to took us west 50km to another remember. disused airfield, Moreton-in-the- The day dawned clear and dry, Marsh. This leg took us over Upper and soon the temperature was Hey ford air base whom we had to climbing rapidly. By 10am small call on the radio—acknowledged by puffs of cumulus cloud appeared the usual American 'Roger, have a overhead—the ideal start to a super nice day'. It was here that we met soaring day. After attending the about 15 gliders coming the other customary briefing we strapped way from a national contest out of

Bristol. As they flashed by on our The chances of a win were slipping left we exchanged greetings as is away. We continued south, crossing customary in the gliding world, and the M40 at about 2000 feet and BIZMINGTHAH LEICEST& carried on. After Moreton we were looking at fields to land in turned NE towards Leicester, via when as luck would have it we the motorway junction at Rugby. found another stubble fire. We Flying around here one realises just needed 6000 feet to glide the 50km how many military installations back to Lasham, into a sea breeze there are—definitely not a place to induced headwind. Controlled land at except if you like prisons! airspace limited our climb to 5000 After the old V-bomber base at feet which meant we had to grovel Gaydon slippe beneath our wings around for the last few kilometres. Rugby was reached. Next was the The finish is very exhilarating— short leg to Leicester and then home nose down and speed on to via Westcott again. Easy, or so we 120knots, pull up over the trees on thought. As we headed south the the airfield boundary and cross the sky looked distinctly less line at 50 feet before peeling off and promising—it was going 'blue', that landing. is where the thermals do not reach Overall we placed third for the the condensation level so no clouds day and, but for the grovel at the form. Glider pilots have to be more end, we might have won. We had wary when his happens and look for covered 367km (see map) in 5 hours ground features for sources of lift. 55 minutes—not bad without an Then, south of Silverstone racing engine. circuit we found a stubble fire—the I hope this article has given you glider pilot's friend. The variometer a taste for what gliding is about. It's (rate of climb instruments) went off cheap (this trip cost only £32) and the clock as we rapidly climbed to it's great fun. Join the gliding club, 5,400 feet in the acrid, smokey we meet in Aero 266 on Thursdays column. We still had 90km to go at 1.00pm. See you there. and our groundspeed had slowed. Afandi Darlington. The route followed bx the Gliding Club during the Lasham regionals

Page 1 5 Clubs & Societies 5th October 1992 Felix 942 The Balloon Club tempt you to the clouds Which Imperial College club would the envelope is filled with cold air. ask its members to get up at sunrise Then the burner roars and the and then subject you to standing envelope begins to lift off the grass. 1.000 feet up in a basket? Well. A few minutes later you're Balloon Club for starters...! But is airborne. it worth it? I certainly think so. Takeoff in a balloon is very Many people find that ballooning is gentle, unlike the noise and ear- the most spectacular experience popping of takeoff in an aeroplane. they've ever had. It's a uniquely Standing in the basket, there's only f peaceful and exciting way to fly. a sort of surreal awareness that the A brightly coloured balloon ground is slowly dropping away floating by always attracts carloads from you. The ground crew, of spectators and the envious waves meanwhile, get back into the of early-morning dog walkers. minibus to follow the balloon's it Inside the basket, you can watch course along the roads, which takes them all, wave back and enjoy the some skilled navigating. feeling of the slight breeze on your I won't kid you that you just pay face. Ballooning makes other forms your membership fee and then of flying seem sterile. that's all the effort the club will ask The early morning starts are a you to put in return for flights. necessary evil if you want to catch Balloon club manages to fly the calmest flying conditions. Most everyone so cheaply because of the year it's possible to fly twice everyone is asked to play their part a day. once in the early morning in getting the balloon airbourne. and once in the early evening. It You may well find yourself acting takes half an hour to rig up the as ground crew and not flying. But balloon ready for flight. When the you won't be forgotten. The real pilot (and sometimes a traineer bonus about flying with Imperial pilot) have completed their list of College Balloon Club is the chance safety checks, the lifeless shape of to train as a pilot. Last year saw one

club member begin pilot training on the streets of London. A friend and one former Imperial student is and I make it at least one a day. now an official pilot instructor, with Balloon Club could be your best over 100 hours chalked up in his log chance to experience the thrill of HAIRDRESSERS book. ballooning for yourself. Just take a look around you and If you're interested, contact Mark 15A HARRINGTON ROAD, see how many balloons you will see Atthey, Physics 2. SOUTH KENSINGTON 071-823 8968 We have a fantastic offer for all you Watersports students, a cut wash and blowdry by our top stylist (which normally costs around £21) For only £11 Men £12 Women Check us out!

The Swimming and Waterpolo Club strong team, taking part in both is one of the largest and most university competitions and the successfuly clubs at College. We local Middlesex league. New train twice a week, Mondays and players, beginners or seasoned Fridays from 6.30-7.30pm. Train veterans are always needed and is probably the wrong word as we most welcome. There is also an cater for all tastes, from those who active ladies team. just fancy a paddle to those with Socially each evening is rounded more masochistic tendencies. off with a trip to the college bar, Waterpolo training takes place each term with a club dinner and straight after and we encourage each, year with a waterpolo tour. If anyone, even vaguely interested to you wish to find out more contact stay and give this exciting, fast Gavin Davies, Physics PG II on moving game a try. We have a extension 6779.

Page 16 Clubs & Societies Felix 942 5th October 1992 The Dance Club sum up

1991/92 was an extremely As well as winning all the successful year for IC Dance Club. competitions; some of our team We continued to hold well members were lucky enough to be attended lessons in Latin American, able to go and represent the Club Rock 'n' Roll and Ballroom dancing at the 5th Annual USA/Britain for all levels of ability. These University Dance Festival in culminated in June when those Clearwater, Florida last year. members who wished to take (and The Club is also active in passed!) dance 'exams'. Dance fundraising for charity and last year Club isn't about passing exams the Club raised £2,100 for the though, most people attend simply Children in Need Appeal through a because they enjoy dancing. 24 hour sponsored dance. Dance Club has a thriving social The year was rounded off with life (we're one of the few clubs to our Annual Dinner & Dance, held have an almost l: l ratio of men to in college at the end of May which women) and last year we held a was a very enjoyable evening with series of social dances so that excellent food, excellent dancing members could practice and get to and an impressive demonstration of know each other outside of lessons. our teams winning form. These have proved to be very We can look forward to an even popular and we shall be continuing brighter future this year under the them this year. guidance of our new committee. The club has a competitive side We'll be hosting the IVDA ball at too and last year was a particularly the Grosvenor House Hotel, Park successful year for our dance teams. Lane (which we'll win of course!) They won practically every dance and we hope to increase the number competition going, including the of classes and introduce new dances Inter Varsity Dance Association too. (IVDA) competition of which we Whatever happens, it's sure to be lessons (see What's On and look out Jose Ramos-Turnes, are champions for the second year great fun so if you're at all for our posters) or else we'll see IC Dance Club (Publicity). running. interested come along to one of the you at the Freshers' Fair.

FELiX ^V waqamama

offer you the chance to win... A MEAL FOR TWO AT WAGAMAMA ONE OF 4 DESIGNER T-SHIRTS WORTH £9

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WAGAMAMA MEAN I Department: ; Contact Number: , < Answer: Fill in the form and return it to the Felix office by Friday 9th October and you could be a winner.

Prize winners will be announced in lllf the Felix following the closing date.

Page 17 'eature 5th October 1992 Felix 942 Libraries and the working student Do you know that IC has a 9.30am to 5.30pm on Saturdays, Humanities and Music library? This during term and Easter vacation. In is the Haldane Library, currently Christmas and Summer vacations it j|ilg| situated on level 2 of the Central is open from 9.30am to 5.30pm Libraries, but to be relocated to Mondays to Fridays. The library more spacious premises on level l card, obtainable from the III during the Christmas vacation. registration desk on level 1 of the Open to all members of College, the Central Libraries, permits the Haldane Library provides general borrowing of up to four books cultural and extracurricular reading, (including maps and music scores), and supports the teaching and other two records or cassettes (or one of activities of the Humanities each), and two compact discs. For Programme. The collection has CDs a contribution of 50 per issue grown from the time when H.G. is requested: this is to provide for Wells urged students 'to show that further purchases and security in the they were not barbarians', and now collection, which was set up by numbers some 35,000 volumes, 70 means of grants and voluntary newspaper and periodical titles, and contributions. Most books may be 10,000 sound recordings, as well as borrowed for one term, and sound maps and music scores, most of recordings for three weeks; issue which can be borrowed. The library and return are handled by the main is named after R.B. Haldane, issue counter in the Central politician, philosopher and Libraries entrance. educationalist, who was The Haldane Library aims to instrumental in the merger of IC's cater for all tastes—from Aristotle constituent colleges. His portrait to Amateur Photographer—and it above the current periodicals would be impossible to describe its display adds some historial contents exhaustively. Most atmosphere to the otherwise modern conspicuous are such subjects as and informal reading area. politics, history, travel, biography, The library is accessible from the music, art history, philosophy, main Central Libraries entrance literature, but there is much more from 9.30am to 9.00pm on besides. There are, for example, Mondays to Fridays, and from well-used sections on consumer

The new entrance to Imperial's libraries matters, sport, genealogy, and Frankfurter Allgemeine transport, feminism, religion, and Zeitung) are taken, as well as a humour. Beyond this it is well wide range of magazines and worth a browse to discover some of periodicals (including Autocar and VISIT the curiosities, which, quite apart Motor, Private Eye, New Left from the fringes of psychology, Review, Newsweek, Great range from giants to Egyptian Outdoors and Which?), some of THE grammar. Particularly popular them financed by the Union. Some authors include Nostradamus, as subscription support taught courses, well as, more predictably, Umberto notably history periodicals, Sfern, Eco and Tom Wolfe. There is a and L 'Express. There are ordnance wide range of fiction, from classics survey and other maps, atlases, and to the latest Booker prizewinner, a good reference collection. In financed by the Students' Union and addition, the library receives a usually selected by a student buyer. selection of publicity material of TANDOORI RESTAURANT The Music Library includes both theatres, concerts and other events printed music—especially a good in London. The library also hosts selection of chamber music parts occasional poetry readings. and miniature scores—and sound It remains to say that we welcome recordings. The classical music new users, and are always glad to collection—on record, cassette and assist with enquiries—tracing that The home of authentic Indian cooking increasingly CD—is intended to elusive quotation, for instance—and —Fully Licensed- stimulate the new listener as well as to consider suggestions for new Nearest Tube, South Kensington to satisfy more specialised taste. purchases; we forward request for Jazz, folk and popular recordings new fiction titles and popular sound on record and cassette are financed recordings to the Union buyers, Open Monday-Sunday 12 noon to 3pm by the Students' Union, and are who are still to be appointed for this 6pm to 11.30pm incl. Bank Holidays usually selected by a student buyer. year. The Haldane Library staff are There are also language courses, Janet Smith, Haldane Librarian; mostly on cassette, and some Jane Agnew, Senior Assistant; and 38 THURLOE PLACE spoken word recordings, including David Lascelles, half-time Music- Shakespeare. Assistant. We look forward to LONDON SW7 Daily newspapers (The Times, meeting you! Financial Times, Guardian, Janet Smith. Tel: 071-589 3663 Independent, Telegraph, Le Monde

Page 18 ROYAL BROMPTON HOSPITAL City & Guilds Do you suffer from Freshers' Buffets ASTHMA? Electrical Engineering Monday 12th Oct If you would like to help us in our research Civil Engineering Wednesday 14th Oct into understanding this disease, please Chemical Engineering Monday 19th Oct contact the ASTHMA LAB at the Brompton Hospital (3 mins from Sth Ken tube) Computing Tuesday 20th Oct on: Aeronautical Engineering Wednesday 21st Oct Mechanical Engineering Monday 26th Oct 071-351 8051 (24 hrs with answerphone) Expenses Paid All Buffets 7pm for 7.30pm Tickets £5 available from Guilds Office Ethics Committee Approved (level 3 Mech Eng)

THE RICHMOND MBA LONDON "The Richmond MBA has all the hallmarks of best educational provision - experiential learning, modularity, credit for prior achievement, and the flexibilityo f two tracks to the MBA Most important of all, it offers a genuine international perspective essential for managers." CIBIII COWEDERATION OF BRTTTSH INDUSTRY Roy Harrison. Head of Training Policy. CBI. YOUR NEXT STEP TO CENTO FOR COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE:- INTERNATIONAMANAGEMENTL TELEPHONE +44 (0)71 938 1804 (24 hours) or +44 (0)71 938 1761. FAX US ON +44 (0)71 938 3037. WRITE TO - Richmond College, MBA Office, 16 Young Street, LondonW8 5EH, UK. NEW MBA LOAN SCHEME FOR UK RESIDENTS AND GRADUATES.

A welcome from CITIBANK® THE LONDON CHAMBER THIINSTTTUTT OF THE OF AMERICAN CHAMBER OF PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT COMMERCE (UK) IOD INDUSTRIAL SOCIETY COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY 1 nslitute ol Directors 'eature 5th October 1992 Felix 942 Local Sports Centres

IC Sports Centre is closed until January 1993 for refurbishment. If you are wondering where to work out during the closure, try one of the centres listed below. Most places have reductions for students as long as they are in possesion of a valid student card. However, it would be advisable to ring and check with the venue concerned before turning up, in case of changes.

VENUE TELEPHONE FACILITIES TRANSPORT Balham Leisure Centre 081-871 7196 Weights, pool, tube: Balham Centre squash, Elmfirled Road SW17 classes

Chelsea Sports 071-352 0366 Weights, tube: Sloane Centre. Chelsea squash, pool, Square Manor St.. SW3 classes, health suite

Jubilee Sports 081-960 9629 Weights, pool, tube: Queens Centre, Caird St, W10 squash Park

Kensington Sports 071-727 9747 Weights, tube: Latymer Road Centre, Walmer Road Wl squash, pool, health suite

Kings College 071-333 4268 2 squash courts tube: Campden Hill Road, W8 and changing Kensington High Street

Latchmere Leisure 081-871 7470 Squash, tube: Sloane Centre, Burns Road SW11 weights, pool, classes Square, Clapham Common, Clapham South Marshall Street 071-287 1022 Squash, tube: Oxford Circus Leisure Centre, 14 weights, pool, Mrshall Street Wl classes

Porchester Centre, 071-792 1372 Squash, pool, tube: 225 Queensway W2 health suite, weights Queensway

Portobello Green 081-960 2221 Squash, tube: Ladbroke Grove Fitness & Snooker Contact: Paul Taylor weights, Centre. 3-5 Thorpe CI. W10 snooker

Putney Leisure 081-871 7072 Weights, pool tube: Putney Centre, Dryburgh Road SW15

Queen Mother Sports 071-798 2125 Weights, pool, tube: Victoria Centre, 223 squash Vauxhall Bridge Road SW1

Roehampton 081-871 7672 Classes tube: East Putney Recreation Centre, Laverstoke Gdns SW15

Seymour Leisure 071-798 1421 Weights, pool, tube: Edgware Road Centre, Bryanston Place Wl squash, snooker

Tooting Leisure 081-871 7176 Weights, pool, tube: Tooting Broadway Centre, Greaves Place, off health suite Garrett Lane. Tooting Bdy SW17

University of 071-580 9551 Weights, pool, tube: Russell Square London, Malet Street WC1 squash, classes Goodge Street health suite

Wandle Recreation 081-871 7674 Classes, tube: Wandsworth Town Centre, Mapleton Road SW18 weights, sunbeds

Page 20 R eviews Felix 942 5th October 1992 Reviewing the Reviewers

The greatest bonus of being words of your own opinions on involved in a section of the reviews to get in contact. This could be the involved in Felix is reviews. Most what you saw. and is described in either their own last time someone offers you the Film, Theatre, Art and Music This offer is open to every student words or the words of someone who chance to see all the free films, events in London can be seen for at Imperial if you want to take wishes to stab them in the back. theatre and art possible with not a free if you will write a review for advantage of it. Below are the The Felix Office is open most of penny cost to yourself. Felix. All we ask of you is 150 people to contact. Each one is the week, so there is no excuse not Mario —Film Catherine Mario is by far and away the most and see Alien 10 or Dr Who, the tastefully dressed of any reviews movie, this is the knee at which you editor, sneering down on those clad must fawn. Reviews in traditional student garb, the Unfortunatly his hectic clothes sartorial power of this man is shopping timetable means he cannot Intrepid fresher chap or chapess, demanding, in fact, every attribute matched only by his position in go and see every new film in prepare yourself for an introduction you can apply to a perfectionist Felix. Quietly, with a cutting wit, London. This means there are lots to an enigma; do not be dissuaded applies to her, whether she achieves this dapper gent wields the most of spare tickets for anyone who by others who would tell you that perfection or not. She is deceptively prized of reviews posts, that of film wants to become involved in Catherine is a monstrous engaging, is also excellent reviews editor. If you want to go reviewimg films. dominatrix, who would render you company, likes a good chat, a to a jelly in comfortable non- sexist smoke or a beer. You couldn't have shoes with one steely stare. She is your head bitten off by a nicer Poddy —Music like that, but you know to prepare person. now. Catherine is discerning, Welcome, and you've heard that THE CATCH word before, to what could in all There had to be one, of course. But likelihood, be the worst three, four, it's not that big. No really. All we five, then years of your life. They want is for you, the freebie Sam —Books could be. They don't have to be, but endowed student, to write about it. YOU, (You there, at the back. Sit We want you to be a journalist. We Once described as a 'little pixie', have money to spend to buy me a up and listen to me), yourself have want you to write a review. Pause often described as 'bubbly' I would pint or two. No, but seriously, due to do something about it. The world for effect. Food for thought. class myself as one of the louder to the amount of alcohol I drink I isn't going to come and entertain members of the Felix crew. What am not a fast reader and do need you. You're in London now, and SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? more can I say? The red head some people who would like to read London doesn't give a fuck. It is Unpack your suitcase. Buy an A to nymphomaniac of IC in general books, review them and keep them quite prepared to endure without Z. Tune your radio to XFM 100.5. although I am not actually a student for totaly nothing except having to any cognizance of your very Ask someone what they got in their here at the moment. Well known in put up with me breathing down their existence. And this is where we A-Levels. Get your grant cheque. such places as the bar, the bar, the neck on Monday mornings (oeer, come in, to notify you of what's Then, preferably during daylight bar and of course under the table in oeer). Please pop in and say hello happening (dude), and what has hours, wander into the Beit Quad, the corner of the bar I would say I anyway. happened, what's worth spending cast a discerning eyeball around was easy to approach as long as you your gift from the government on, until you espy the word Felix, and conversely, what's not. enter, and say something along the Of course, you don't actually lines of 'Where's Mr. Poddy?' I Art-? have to splash out to get records, wish to become one of the elite CDs, tickets, videos, beer, sex, throng that is a Felix musoperson.' Felix receives many oportunities to to go and see them. Anyone drugs, rock, roll, etc. You can get Poddy, Music Editor, Financial see Art Dance Scuplture and Opera. interested should contact Felix. them free. That's where we come Advisor. All it needs is a cultured individual Theatre

Lady Aoi torment of two women's souls for Lady Aoi is a modern Noh play. It the love of one man. Undoubtedly is an adaptation of an 11th century the best performance is due to Kate traditional Japanese play made by Richmond as Lady Aoi. Although Mishima in 1950. He explains these she doesn't say a word all through works as 'a modern interpretation the play her dance and movements of the situations found in the dramas ' build up the tension in the fifty of Noh'. It is presented by minutes that the performance lasts. Chardonnay productions which is a It is an interesting play overall unique international company ami very contemporary. combining Japanese and European Zorbas actors and staff. On at the New End Theatre The production incorporates until October 11. Tuesdays- music and movement to the play Sundays at 9.45pm, tickets £5, whilst maintaining the essence of its cones £4. Box office: 071-794 original spirit. The theme is the 1900.

Page 21 R eviews 1 5th October 1992 Felix 942 I

Books Escher —The Complete Graphic Works Reaper by Graham Hurley This book claims to contain all of HUMANITIES PROGRAMME The IRA are planning revenge. M.C. Eschers paintings and Something big, something drawings, and by the huge number 1992-93 unexpected in order to make the of pictures within its covers, I can Brits sit up and think about the ten well believe this. It is truly a EVENING LANGUAGE CLASSES men that they let die in the Hunger wonderful anthology of all of his Strikes. Reaper is the mind behind works, and as an Escher fan. I Open to all members of Imperial College it all. Out for their blood are MI5, found it hugely interesting. The the RUC, 19th Army Intelligence accompanying text covers his life as and every other British intelligence well as the drawings themselves; all FRENCH - from Near-Beginners to Advanced agency. It doesn't help that they are this being broken into useful against each other as well. Dragged chapters in a chronological order, GERMAN - from Beginners to Advanced forcefully into all this is Buddy encompassing his travels and Little, who determined to somehow working life giving an insight into ITALIAN* - Beginners and Intermediate find new life for his beautiful but this master of perspective. crippled wife. I found that the book The book is in portfolio form SPANISH* - Beginners and Intermediate was well written, with new and with a paperback cover. It is fairly interesting characters becoming expensive for a paperback, but the involved in the plot as the story quality of reproduction of all the Advanced classes will be run in Italian and Spanish moves on. It puts a new light upon 600+ prints is very commendable, if sufficient numbers enrol. the IRA showing them to be clever several (36) being in full colour. If as well as ruthless, with a fierce you are interested in Escher prints love for their country. I recommend then this is the present definative ENROLMENT that you read this book and add little work of his work and is well worth interest to your time. the investment here. Brilliant. You can enrol from the beginning of September in Room 320, Mech. Eng., GBH. Alex Mondays to Thursdays, 10.00am-3.00pm if you know the level at which you wish to study.

Advice and Enrolment Thursday 15 October level 3, Me ! h > i > .,u'V and Ft.. > '., (i < tctobi Level 3,Mi < > ng ' ling - 1 OOpi

The enrolment fee is £50

Out to Lunch by Tania Alabama, the hard working Kindesley playwrite, falls for Max, a young Tokaido by Lucia St Clair The Rector's Wife by Joanna 'Sex and shopping' said the Felix actor, whom she discovers in Robson Trollope Book Editor, Sam, as she passed me Croydon. Obviously a party is Set in the time of Old Japan, the This book was about how Anna 'Out To Lunch'. It's a wonderful called for and Oliver is the man to story is about Lady Asano, the Bouvrie stuggles against the description. Venice and Alabama throw it. daughter of Lord Asano who was prejiduce inflicted by the small are two sisters who live at opposite But do the sisters know what they disgraced into committing ritual parish in which she and her family ends of the London scene. really want, and why are there very suicide. Lady Asano sets off on a lives. Her husband, the Rector, Devastating Venice, having been few places in London that really journey down the Tokaido Road to retreated into an isolated bitterness fired from her third job in a month, know how to make a Bloody Mary? Kyoto, to find her fathers old after failing to gain his promotion. decides that she would simply have I loved this book - go and read it lieutenant, seeking revenge on her Her daughter, being constantly to find a sugar daddy! now! fathers enemy.. bullied at her school, caused Anna Toby Jones. However, I found that the book to rebell. She took a job in a local wasn't just another revenge story. supermarket in order to send her The CIA—A History by John the book very simple to read. The It shows the change of Lady daughter to a private school and Ranelagh book has been divided into blocks Asano's character from a proud and escape the boredom of her home After reading this book I am sad of years which Mr. Ranelagh pretentious samurai, to a cleverer life. that I missed the BBC series of the obviously thought played very and more humble person. She The new Anna was admired by same title. For someone like myself important roles in the forming of the changes from being a respected three men, newcomers to the who knew nothing on the subject of CIA and in these sections has also courtesan to a hunted runaway, who parish, giving her the opportunity the CIA, I now feel that I can hold described what was occuring in the disguises herself as a disciple, a to explore her sexuality, something my own in any discussion regarding rest of the world - helpful for those pilgrim, a priest and a peasant as she had been unable to do with her them. It starts from the very basics, of us whose history is rather weak she travels on. husband. the very beginning and goes in places. For anyone with even a The book is well written, with The plot was of no particular through to record the events that minimal interest in the workings of pieces of Zen and other wise, old interest, to any one or anything, yet lead them to become the the secret services world wide, I sayings dotted everywhere vaguely interesting. Not a book I organisation that they are today. would recommend this book. It was throughout the book. It does, would readily recommend to The author has assumed that his informative, enlightening and however, get tedious at times but it anyone, yet for a long train journey readers have no current knowledge generally an all round good read. is still a book worth reading. it'll do. of the CIA workings which made DBC. GBH. FBF.

Page 22 Reviews Felix 942 5th October 1992

REM: Drive Music I had really fallen out with REM. I remember the Christmas of 1987, HUMANITIES PROGRAMME two songs paramount in my head. One was 'This Corrosion', typically enough; the other was 'The One I LUNCH-HOUR CONCERTS HT 12.45 Television Love', a gorgeous wounded love Fuck off Television. If it's not bad song full of bitterness. I bought AUTUMN TERM 1992 enough that the British Punk 'Eponymous' soon after. A 8th October - YORK PIANO TRIO pensioners (Shaw 69, Chelsea, UK beautiful and beguiling love affair Subs, Vibrators, 999) are fast ensued; I discovered 'Fables of the 1J5th October - DUKE STRIN6 QURATET wending their way onto the same Reconstruction', and lost myself in social club circuit as Gerry and the it. 'Out of Time' was a complete 22nd October - COMMEMORATION DRV - Pacemakers and the Marmalade, we betrayal. NO CONCERT now get a new album from Tom So, it was a harder, more bitter Verlaine and his American mind that demanded REM to 24th October 80RRNTE PIANO TRIO compatriots. engage it. 'Drive' is typical Always THE seminal (fruitcake simplicity, delicate and basic, 5th Nouember - SI6AUN QUETES (soprano) and PAUL HAMBURGER (piano) covered with marzipan) punk band Michael Stipe reciting in an echoing (By arrangement with the from across the big pond (you can monotone of forced calmness. It's Austrian Institute) keep your Ramones, Cramps, and their best single since 'The One I your Blondies), Television will Love', as awkward, bitter and 12th Nouember - HELLIEA STRING QURRTET always haunt if only for the brilliant jarring as 'Feeling Gravity's Pull', 'Fox Hole' and the accompanying as simple and beautiful as 'Maps 19th Nouember - I.C. PERFORMERS footage shown on the Old Grey and Legends'. Making up is half the Whistle Test back in '78. And, fun, isn't it? This is a truly great 26th Nouember - DUNCRN PRESCOTT (clar.) fourteen years on, they're back. song, and a truly great band. May and SCOn MITCHELL (piano) Verlaine returns with a Lloyd Cole- I never wake up. 3rd December - RRNKO MRRKOUIC (piano) ish lilt (or is that the other way David Spooner. (By arrangement with the round), and on 'Call Mr Lee', Austrian Institute) caresses with a cactus guitar. Bedazzled: Sugarfree It's a sad indictment to the dearth What a wanky name. Yeah, right, 10th December - RRCRDIRN PLAVEAS of Great Songwriters that the only Bedazzled. So bewildered you two decent albums to come out this couldn't even play your I M P E R I A L COLLEGE year are from XTC (another instruments. This album is an Bastard Punk offspring) and absolute horse's arse of a record; Television; this is a good but not not even music by numbers, more great album. And yet, '1880 or so' like join the dots. It's been displays a dangerous emptiness, described as 'seminal'. Well, kids, whilst 'Shane she wrote this' just... so are the stains on your duvet. ... .Oh Fuck off Television. You I really am not inclined to give this put us all to shame. crap the time of day, and if I hear Crippledick 'teenage mother superior, why don't you just switch off your television set and go out and do Bananrama something less boring instead' (they Very. The absolutely. Those crap don't sing that. It would be funny adolescent fantasy maidens are if they did) I'm going to make them back, relaunched, (sic) as a Duo. eat this sugarfree, which, by the The pertinent question, the one way, translates as saccharin we're all asking, is, 'have the gals overload, fuckfest. Humbug!! broke free of Stock Aitken and Sic. Ed. Waterman, to pursue new heights David. of artistic integrity and challenging musical forms?'. Ha. Like fuck Fetch, The Railway Children they have. Big surprise there, eh Amid the cackles and whispers of readers? 'arselicker', as I believe is the Surprise no 2 is the record, current P.C. term for a fawning another biggie here, kids. Yep, lackey, I must say that this review you're right, it's bollocks. They've comes to you on behalf of one also opted for what must be their prepared to do 'the decent thing'. worst career move yet, and learned I think Fetch deserve a break. Fetch: eerie haircut, spooky likeness. to sing. They, no doubt, perceived They deserve more than they've Cranes. A few post-goth industrial 'charismatic' with competence the deficiency left by Anne got because they're the best band on types had turned up to have a wank rather than charisma), but they piss Hathaway, or was there a tonight. For your benefit, the others to them. Not me. I'm a Steely Dan all over any one of five hundred sad Shillileagh Sister in there too? were former indie favourites the man. fuckwits I could name. Speaking of Maybe we'll never know... Perhaps Railway Children, and another The point is that for all this which... You need teeth to take a it's best not to. 'Bye, Bananas, you much lauded band whose... whose supposed nobility, Fetch are the bite of the cherry, and the Railway will always, have always been, name escapes me, but whose only band who actually project a Children can but suck. These twats could never be anything but... fondness for swirling noise mood, engage their audience, play disgust me. sic. Ed. sculptures was as conspicuously an intelligent set. They aren't sic. Ed. David evident as their rip-off of the brilliant (One might say they play David Spooner

Page 23 What's On What's On 5th October 1992 Felix 942 Felix 942 5th October 1 992

Good day to you. We are your window on the world, our curtains My Father is Coming. 6.30. newly washed and opened for your benefit. What you see before you House Party 2. 9.15. Spicy Mix double: is the most up-to-date, at-your-throat information regarding what goes What Scala Masala. 1.55 5.30 9.00 down in this Bigtown-like city, in and around College. 'Time Out' BC) by Euripides, translated by College top D.J.s + Perspex Whiteout + Loot by Joe Orton, presented by Doing Rude Things triple: The Philosopher's Stone. 3.50 7.20. use our What's On page as their own template, you know. Even so, Kenneth McLeish, directed by Da Vinci's Fairground Attractions + Bar Import Theatre Company of UCL Eskio Nell + Sin City. 2.30 5.50 we still need people to help produce this groundbreaker, and we need Laurence Boswell. Student Opening of Da Vinci's Cafe extension till 2am. Tickets available at 9.00. 9.10. Theatre people from clubs and societies to make amendments as and when Lyric Hammersmith bar. Bar extension, disco, cheap from Union Office. Lyric Studio Carry On Camping. 4.15 7.30. Bloomsbury Theatre necessary. King St, W6 (081-741 2311) drinks and Freebies gallore! Perf. 8pm (not Sun), Sat mat Theatre King John, presented by the King's Hammersmith tube. Tickets 5.30pm-1.00am. TUESDAY 4,30pm. Gate Theatre Players of King's College at 6.30. FRIDAY 6705) Notting Hill Tube. Seats £5. £7.50-£15. Performances Mon-Sat Cinema To end Oct: Six plays for Europe. To mid Nov, Loot by Joe Orton, presented by the Cinema This week: 7.50pm, Wed/Sat mat 2.30pm. SUNDAY Electric Cinema Thirteenth Night by Howard from Spain: The House of Bernardo Import Theatre Co. of UCL at 9.00. Camden Plaza Unforgiven. 2.45 5.30 8.20, except This week, from Edinborough Cinema 2 double bills: Brenton, directed by Chris Fisher. Alba by Federico Garcia Lorca. National Theatre, Cottesloe 211 Camden High St, NW1 Sat: 1.10 4.00 6.45 9.30. Festival: Electric Cinema Caravaggio. 3.30. National Theatre, Lyttleton College Street of Crocodiles at 7.30. (071-485 2443) Camden Town Odeon Kensington The Madras House by Harley Straight out of Brooklin. 1.00 3.00. 4- Edward II. 5.15. Performances 7.30 (not Sun), Ents' Comedy Night National Theatre, Olivier Tube. Seats £5, 1st show daily 263 Kensington High St (071-371 Granville-Baker, directed by Peter Double bill: and The Icicle Thief. 7.15. Sat/Wed mat 2.15. featuring Ian Cognito, Mark Maier, Pygmalion at 7.15. £3.80, cones. 1st show only £2.30. 3166). Seats £5.50, £6. James. The Beast. 5.00 8.50. + Volere Volare. 9.00. To Sat: Wilty. Tickets available from Union This week: This week: Lyric Studio La Belle et la Bete. 7.00. Prince Charles An Inspector Calls by J.B. Office. Unforgiven. 12.30 3.05 5.40 8.20. Just Like a Woman. 2.00(not King St, W6 (081-741 8701) Prince Charles Nikita. 1.30. Priestley, directed by Stephen Chelsea Cinema Sat/Sun) 4.30 7.00 9.30 Late night Hammersmith tube. Tickets £6.50, High Heels. 1.30. Big Blue. 4.00. Daldry. THURSDAY Cape Fear. 6.30. 206 King's Rd (071-351 3742). Fri/Sat 12.00. £5 cones. Performances 8pm, Sat The Big Blue. 3.45. WEDNESDAY Cinema If you want to advertise an Seats £5.50, £5, 1st show daily Peter Pan. Sat/Sun only 2.15. mat 4.30pm. Enchanted April. 6.15. House Party 2. 9.15. Electric Cinema event on these pages, drop a £3.80, cones. 1st show only 2.30. A League of their Own. 3.20 To Sat: Thelma and Louise. 8.45. Scala Cinema Polanski triple: note in the What's On pigeon This week: 6.20(not Tue) 9.20 Late night Orlando, based on Virginia Woolf. Scala Bertrand and Gerard Double: Electric Cinema The Tenant. 1.50. hole in the Felix office. Bitter Moon. 3.00 5.45 8.30. Fri/Sat 12.20. adapted by Robin Brookes, directed Fiends and Fairies Double: Les Valseuses. 5.00 8.45. Double bill: Two Men and a Wardrobe. 4.10. Deadline is Monday prior to Electric Cinema Bitter Moon. 3.00 6.05 9.10 Late by Johnathan Holloway and Les Diabolique. 5.00. Tenue de Soiree. 3.25 7.10. The Company of Strangers. 1.50. Repulsion. 4.25. publication. Weekly meetings of 191 Portobello Rd (071-792 2020) night Fri/Sat 12.15. Charlotte Humpston. La Belle et la Bete. 3.15. Theatre Fried Green Tomatoes. 3.40. Double bill: clubs and socs will not be listed. Notting Hill or Ladbroke Grove California Man. 2.30 4.45 7.00. National Theatre, Cottesloe Orson Welles Double: Bloomsbury Theatre Polanski triple: 77te Company of Strangers. 6.35. Thank you. tube, 7, 15, 52 buses. Seats £4.50, Alien cubed. 9.15 Late night Fri/Sat South Bank, SE1 (071-928 2252) Macbeth. 8.45. 15 Gordon St, WC1 (071-387 9629) The Tenant (Polanski). 6.15. Fried Green Tomatoes. 8.25. P.S. We really need people to £3 cones. 12.05. Waterloo tube. Tickets £11.50, The Stranger. 7.00. Tickets £4, £3.50 cones. Two Men and a Wardrobe. 8.35. Prince Charles help with the production of this Straight out of Brooklin. 3.00 5.00 The Player. 1.30 6.50. restricted viewing £7. Teechers by John Godbar, Repulsion. 8.50. Enchanted April. 1.30. section. 7.00 9.00. Bob Roberts. 4.20 9.40. Performances 7.30 (not Sun), MONDAY presented by Theatre West End Prince Charles Cape Fear. 4.00. Gate Cinema Carry on Columbus. 2.10 4.35 7.00 Wed/Sat mat 2.30. Cinema Productions of Imperial College at Meet the Feebles. 1.30. My Father is Coming. 6.30. 87 Notting Hill Gate (071-727 9.25 Late night Fri/Sat 11.50. To Wed: Electric Cinema 6.45. Naked Lunch. 4.00. House Pary 2. 9.15. 4043) Notting Hill Gate Tube. Seats Prince Charles The Rise and Fall of Little Voice by 2 Double bills: £5.50, £3 cones Mo-Fri before Leicester PI, WC2 (071-437 8181) Jim Cartwright, directed by Sam Icicle Thief. 3.30. 6pm, Sun mat £4, £3 cones. Piccadily or Leicester Sq tube. Mendes, designed by William + Volare Volare. 5.15. This week: Seats £1.20. Dudley. and Caravaggio. 7.15. Bitter Moon. 3.00(not Sun) 5.45 Cape Fear. 2.00. National Theatre, Lyttleton + Edward II. 9.00. 8.30 11.15(Fri & Sat only). Thelma and Louise. 4.45. South Bank, SE1 (071-928 2252) Prince Charles ST. ITMRU'S HOHPlT/tl mFDIfMI SCHOOL. J\ Student Television 1flsT "jtOw MGM Chelsea My Father is Coming. 7.30. Waterloo tube. Tickets from £8, The Commitments. 1.30. 279 King's Rd (071-352 5096). House Party 2. 9.30. mats from £6.50, standby avail. Frankie and Johnny. 4.00. IF IR IE $111 IE IRS WIEIEIK 312 J of Imperial College Seats £6, Mon-Fri before 5pm The Rocky Horror Show. 11.45. Performances 7.30 (not Sun), My Father is Coming. 6.30. EULniriG TimETVIBLE £3.50. Scala Sat/Wed mat 2.15. House Party 2. 9.15. STOIC is transmitted to the Union Building and Bar, the This week: 275-277 Pentonville Rd, Nl Fri, Sat, Mon: Scala FRIDrlU 2nd OCTOBER JCR and all Prince's Gardens Halls of Residence. Carry on Columbus. 2.10 5.00 7.20 (071-278 0051) King's Cross tube. The Madness of George III by Alan Pink Programme: BBQ AT TEDDINGTON SAT 10.00am Live broadcast from Prince's 9.40. Seats £4.50, students £3 before 4.30 Bennett, directed by Nicholas Pink Narcissus. 2.50 6.05 9.30. CCMCHES LEHUE ITIED. SCHOOL 7:30 P.m. Gardens with news, reviews, A League of their Own. 3.40 6.25 Mon-Fri. Hytner, designed by Mark Tell Me No Lies. 5.25 8.50. UISIT OUR SPORTS GROUDO <1T TtODinGTOn FOR FOOD AT\D features, music from HMV. 9.15. Prison Triple: Thompson and Paul Pyant. L 'Amour Fou + Ecce Homo + The ORION PLUS THE mySTIC.1L SOUnOS OF BOBS DISCO. 'STOIC—the movie'—complete with The Player. 1.40 6.50. Ghosts...of the Civil Dead. 3.30 National Theatre, Olivier Place Between Our Bodies + Boys our own Anneka Ricecake SHTURDHy 3rd OCTOBER 1.00pm STOIC Lunchtime NEWS Bob Roberts. 4.30 9.30. 9.00. South Bank, SE1 (071-928 2252) Life + RSVP. 4.00 7.25. Much of the same with our wittyl?) California Man. 2.10 7.10. Runaway Train. 1.20 7.00. Waterloo tube. Tickets from £6.50, IBAN1DS Nil'GIUIF 'intelligent' presenters trying to pre- Lethal Weapon (3). 4.25 9.25. Prison. 5.10. standby avail. Performances 7.15, Theatre REC CEP.TR.E 8:00 P.m. tend they have a clue (honest guv!) come Knightsbridge (071-325 4225) Gate Theatre Cape Fear. 5.00. 2.00. UJE HOPE THAT yOU'LL T/tHE EUtRlj OPPURTunmj TO GET STOIC Lunchtime NEWS Knightsbridge or Hyde Pk tubes. above Prince Albert Pub, 11 My Father is Coming. 7.30. To Wed: 2.00pm Freshers' Fair muoLUED in AS mmy EUERTS AS you CAn. TO ERCOURHGE 7.30pm Nostalgia Night Seats £6.50, students £3.50 first Pembridge Rd, Wll (071-229 House Party 2. 9.30 11.45. A Midsummer Night's Dream. THIS SELL inG A BULM TICKET, UJE'RE WHICH COUERS EnTRy THU 1.00pm STOIC Lunchtime NEWS show Mon-Fri. 0706) Notting Hill Gate tube. Scala .

Page 24 Page 25 opinio n 5th October 1992 Felix 942 A Waste of Talent And the game this week is 'You are him that he was a filthy pig the lead singer of Fetch and I claim capitalising on the need for dental my ten pounds'. Very funny. hygiene. Alan Ayckbourn was Which of you self-congratulatory right, too, and his teeth were well bastards is it then? Let us look at decayed, rotting in his mouth they the facts here; some twat wrote that were. Christopher 'Superman' shitty lard thing a few weeks back. Reeve and Steve 'Crystal Palace' The same week I sent in my piece Coppell had similar problems too. on the origins of the surname Lewis 'Bodie' Collins would've 'Humphries'. Which got published? done both jobs better, had he not got Exhibit A. involved with the Gay Serum Affair Next, it was that Oh, so terribly and turned queer overnight. That's funny and not a bit in-jokey at all another thing: who authorised that 'Who's run off with my centre page spread filled entirely Wednesday'. Clever use of Tom with Oscar Wilde's maxims? That Baker, too; never heard that one was certainly a little girly, and before, honest. Is it mere wouldn't have happened if Peter coincidence that at the same time I Duncan, Janet Ellis and Simon send in a piece concerning Douglas Groom had been there to add that Adams' ideas on the Blinovitch little Blue Petery touch. Only they Limitation Effect? Exhibit B. could tell such stories as Art Exhibit C is your front page story Garfunkel's secret desire to be a concerning Stanhope. You medium pace bowler for Pakistan, or Glenda Jackson's longing to be deliberately stuck in some untruths A typical martian reaction to it. just to fill out space, and you had a pizza chef in a busy Italian the added bonus of printing an me 'Yeah, yeah. Next decade' a mate and agrees with me lots, takeaway? Completely untrue, apology in the next issue. Guess every time I came into the office; thanks to splutter for his probably, but only Janet Ellis and what? more space filled. I bet that always fobbing me off, always extraordinary bottom, and thanks to Simon Groom can lend the most fucker who always wears Sisters of placating me. Well, it never ahem for his comforting bad breath. wicked fibs a degree of sincerity Mercy T-Shirts has something to do happened, did it? What about the poor jobbing writer? and a sense of conviction. with this. But it's not just him, is Now, I have been accused of Well, I'll tell you. My new book's This is the kind of stuff that gets it? You're all in on this. As far as dealing with the public in a manner called 'Mickie Most: a life in pop' ignored in the media, but these you and your sickeningly to which they are not accustomed. and is a touching tale of his life, people don't become stars for sycophantic world is concerned, It is true, there have been love and hardship at the forefront nothing. Congratulations, by the I'm an outlaw. I'm controversial; misunderstandings. A notable being of the pop industry. He discusses way, on hitting the national I represent a radical challenge to my submission to the 'Confessions' frankly the rivalry between Tony consciousness again, this time in the your recidivist nonsense, and you series of novellas, relating the tale Hatch and Derek Hobson as his Times Higher Education don't like it. You're all so hacky of the cloakroom attendant. It was reason for leaving the cast of 'New Supplement. The Editor's a mate of and chummy, you media types, lots rejected, as the mystery of the Faces', and the commercial disaster yours, is he? of 'Dahling Clarissa! How's dear missing 17p and the half-pack of of his updated hip-hop version of little Tigger and Smudge?'. It's like mints was deemed too flimsy, but the Goodies 'Funky Gibbon'. It'll Phil Collins selling millions of I wanted to show how big a thing show those bastards at 'Woman's Credits records on his reputation as 'an guilt can be. You just don't Realm' who refused to publish the Cover; Someone who cannot be ordinary bloke', or rubbing tan shoe understand, do you? Your credits serialized version of 'the Derek named, Chris, Ian, Steve (with polish into your hair. It doesn't will read, Thanks to Blurb for his Hobson Story', detailing his gross apologies) quite gel. You wouldn't publish my prolific talent, thanks to Hack for friendship with Peters & Lee, and News; Declan, Emma, Kevin hilarious and rip-roaringly funny being a terrific sounding board, the making of 'That's My Dog'. In Features; Rachel, Ian 137-part 'Adventures in thanks to cough for coming into the the pipeline, also, 'The Further Reviews; Sam, Alex, Emma, Underpants', would you? You gave office and doing fuck all, but he's Adventures of Wayne, Topov, and Cath, Mel, Toby and any other Hartley Hare' of T.V.'s 'Pipkin' reviewer whose name I have fame. There are still copies mislay ed. available of my biography of Giant Whats on; Boris Haystacks, entitled 'It's only a Job', Union; Andy Kerr and the Ents and deals mainly with his marriage crew (have a good week!), Dom, to Sheila, his 'Bad Guy' image and Rick, Chris, Mandy (Because, I his weight problem. know you love seeing your name I don't care if you don't publish in print!) and all the rest of the this; I'm a superstar who's both Union staff for patience under marvellous and less fat too. extreme duress last week. No, you don't, you bastards! I Advertising; Emma (big thank didn't write that. Play by the rules, you for making sure Felix can run yeah? How can I be a self-publicist this year!), Sam (for the if I don't generate my own competition page), Simon and publicity? Eeh, you'll be the death Simon, Joe, James, Jeremy. of me, all you Maeve Binchy/Irwin Andy and Rose because they've Shaw acolytes, and the death of seen it all before, David because quality literature, too. John Osborne this magazine would be blank was right about writers; they're all pages without him and anyone rotten sports. I was talking to a else who was hanging round the writer the other day, a chap that did office and got roped into doing Brian Cant before his extermination. ads for Crest toothpaste, and I told something.

Page 26 opinio n Felix 942 5th October 1992 editoria If you want to

If you are reading this magazine as of this statement. The 'Voluntary your department or joined one of a new student at Imperial College, Principle' is the right to choose the clubs and societies. Just think become involved I pity you. I have been here for whether you join a students union, how far your 'extra' £80 would three years, and in that time, had when you go to university. Sounds stretch if you tried using equivalent the trust that even though College innocuous enough, but if the facilities outside of your union. A with Felix, we and Government were messing with statement was re-worded 'Do you trip to a local pub should prove the students, at least someone was want £80 more grant or to join the point. standing up for the your point of students union?' Which would you I cannot say that students unions have a meeting view. You have lost that guarantee. go for? are perfect, they are not, but at least As reported exclusively on the How are you, who have just if you are given a. choice you have news pages of Felix, the Minister arrived at university and in most duty to make an informed decision. at lpm on for Education will make an cases never been near a students Make sure you get involved in some announcement on Wednesday about union, meant to make a sensible level of the students union. Then how student unions will be funded. choice on this? You have never make the choice whether it is worth Monday 5th It is expected that the 'Voluntary needed to see a welfare advisor, the money that college has invested Principle' will form the major part been to the bar, had a problem with on your behalf. October. If you can't make this, Felix is on display in the Union Building during the Freshers Fair. Contributors are The external genitalia and vagina with diagrams of the anal sphincter, by Leonardo da Vinci. Would you name a bar after this man ? reminded that Thanks for all the stuffing the absolute Dear Jonty, Can we please say a big thank you Paul Thomas and Martin Heighway Springborne, David Spooner and to everyone who helped us with the from the Royal College of Science, Steve Newhouse from Felix. deadline is collation of this year's handbook, Gina Mortley from the Royal Sorry if we forgot anyone. and with the stuffing of all the School of Mines, If you are a fresher and you didn't envelopes for the mailing to this Jacob Tompkins and Karen for some reason receive a handbook 12.30 Monday. year's freshers. Woodhouse from Third World in the post before you arrived, they Those who helped were: First, can be obtained from the Union Alistair McCollum, James Leyland, Andy Kerr from Ents, office on production of your Union PLUMBER Darren and Andy from West Dominic Wilkinson, Hon Sec card. R.A. BENNETT London Chaplaincy, (Events), Yours sincerely, Kate Dalton, Sarah Welsh, Trigger, Rachel Mountford, Rag Chair, Beccy Land and Stef Smith 081-959 2702 Zayeed Alam and Chris Browne Jonty Beavan, Emma Keeling, Sam Handbook Editors 92/93 from the City and Guilds Union, Cox, John Furlong, Boris

theatre, film arts exhibition tickets 0 records, compact discs entrance to opera or ballet performances see your reviews in print F Rl E E felix also requires writers & artists come into the felix office anytime to find out more or phone 3515 and speak to jonty

Page 27 Freshers' Week Timetable

SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY

AM Postgraduates, Rector's and Registration Lectures Lectures Lectures 11.15am coffee CCU addresses in JCR Begin in Consort Room Registration Sherfield in JCR Building Overseas PM Students Departmental Freshers' Sports & Lectures Lectures 12.30pm Arrangements Fair Clubs Buffet Lunch in Main EVE Opening of Dining Hall New Year's C&G Union Comedy Freshers' Da Vinci's Party Funky Chicken Night Ball in the Union 'Sunscreem' Party featuring featuring cheap drinks + top DJ's Union Lounge Ian Cognito 'Nutty and freebies + Disco Boys'

THE UNION offers a minibus back to halls for single REMEMBER carry your Union Card at all times, women. Service starts at 12 midnight. Any reasonable You cannot enter any event without it. destinations considered. College Phone Numbers

Dailing From Dailing To Code South Kensington Silwood Park 96 Deputy President Office 3502 South Kensington Southside Halls 94 Home 3511 South Kensington Evelyn Gardens West 98 Hon Sec (Events) Office 3503 South Kensington Bernard Sunley 97 Home 3513 South Kensington St. Mary's Medical School 23 042 Felix Editor Office 3515 Bernard Sunley Evelyn Gardens West 71 Home 3516 Evelyn Gardens West Bernard Sunley 71 Constituent College Unions Bernard Sunley South Kensington 72 City and Guilds Office 8673 Fisher Hall South Kensington 72 Royal School of Mines Office 8674 Silwood Park South Kensington 6 Royal College of Science Office 8675 Southside Halls South Kensington 0 St. Mary's Union Office 23 042 HEALTH SERVICE OTHER USEFUL NUMBERS Emergencies 999 Welfare Adviser Emergencies (9am-5pm only) 3333 Stefano Ruis 3507 Reception 3099 Nightline 6pm -8am 071 436 5561 SECURITY & SAFETY College Tutors To report a crime 3372 Prof J S Higgins 8308 Security Reception 3370 Dr D M L Goodgame 4549 Swipe Card Enquiries 6999 Student Counsellor Key Enquiries - 5999 Don Adlington 3041 Fire Officer ' 7999 College Chaplins Residences Three Anglican, one Methodist 8633 Accommodation and Conference Manager 3605 College Assistant Register Student Accommodation Officer 3604 Tony Cullen 3223 Police Stations STUDENT'S UNION Gerald Road 071 823 1212 Reception 3500 Lucan Place 081 741 6212 President Office 3501 Home 071 373 6468 Freshers' Fair is held on the Queens Lawn and in the IC Students' Union Building. Below is a list of all the clubs and societies at Imperial. Use this guide to search out those that interest you.

Alumni Office Ante Room Sherfield Building Health Centre UDH Riding Club MDH Amnesty International MDH Hellenic Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building Rock Soc Concert Hall Association Football Club MDH High Level Hard Ware Ante Room Sherfield Building RCS Union Outside Library Audio Soc Ents Lounge Hot Air Balloon Queens Lawn RSM Union Outside Library Barclays Bank And room Sherfield Building 1CCAG Ents Lounge Rugby Club Beit Quad Badminton Club MDH Imperial College Computer Sales MDH Sailing Club Queens Lawn Basketball Club MDH Indian Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building SCI-FI Soc Concert Hall Boardsailing Queens Lawn Industrial Soc MDH Scout and Guide Beit Quad Boat Club Queens Lawn Intercity MDH SEDS MDH Broomball Club Outside MDH Iranian Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building Sikh Soc Queens Lawn BUNAC MDH Islamic Society Ante Room Sherfield Building Shaolin Kung Fu Outside MDH Caving Club Beit Quad Jazz and Rock Club Concert Hall Ski Club MDH Canoe Club Beit Quad Jewish Soc UDH Socialist Worker MDH Chamber Music Soc Concert Hall Judo Club Union Gym SPLOT Soc Queens Lawn Chinese Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building Karate(Shotokan) Union Gym Sporting Motorcycling Outside MDH Choir Concert Hall Latin American Soc MDH Sports Centre MDH Christian Outreach Queens Lawn Lawn Tenis Club MDH Squash Club MDH Christian Union Queens Lawn Lloyds Bank Ante Room Sherfield Building Sri Lankan Ante Room Sherfield Building City and Guilds Outside Library London Shotokai Union Gym STOIC Ents Lounge Conservative Soc UDH Malaysian Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building Swimming and Water Polo Club MDH Cricket Club MDH Methodist Soc UDH Taiwan Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building Cross Country MDH Micro Club Concert Hall Ten Pin Bowling MDH Cycling Club MDH Midland Bank Ante Room Sherfield Building Third World First UDH Cypriot Soc MDH Mountianeering Club Queens Lawn Time Out/Kiss FM MDH Dance Club Outside MDH Nat West Bank Ante Room Sherfield Building Turkish Soc Ante Room Sherfield Building DramSoc Concert Hall Netball Club MDH Underwater Club Beit Quad Endsleigh Insurance Ante Room Sherfield Building Nightline Union Lounge University of London Air Squadron MDH Ents....: Ents Lounge Operatic Soc Concert Hall University of London Royal Naval Unit MDH Enviroment and Applied Technology UDH Orienteering Club MDH University of London Union MDH Felix Beit Quad Pakistan Soc MDH War Games Ents Lounge Fitness UDH Parachute Club Outside MDH West London Chaplaincy \ UDH FilmSoc Union Lounge Photography Club Da Vinci's Wine Tasting ; Ents Lounge Finance Soc Ante Room Sherfield Pimlico Connection Concert Hall Wing Chun ". Union Gym Freewheelers MDH Pro Life Soc UDH Yacht Club MDH Gliding .Club Queens Lawn RAG Ents Lounge Youth Hostel Association MDH Golf Club Queens Lawn Refectories MDH HamSoc Outside MDH Remote Control Modeling Soc Outside MDH

Freshers Fair-The Names i The Places THE UNION BUILDING THE COLLEGE CAMPUS

Toilets GROUND FLOOR Kensington Gardens

Kensington Gore Da Vinci's Union Bar FELIX Lounge Cafe Bar

Lift mm Toilets Beit Quad Games Room ICU

FIRST FLOOR BQ

Prince Consort Road

O Physics T3 Oi RCM RSM ~e Aero

THIRD FLOOR Lib QL «-, Civ Eng 170 QT BCR-Brown Committee Room | 170-170 Queens Gate OS BCR CCR IE CCR-Clubs Committee Room Imperial College Road BQ -Beit Quadrangle Toilets Snooker Table Tennis GCR-Green Committee Room lCU-Studcnt Union Building IE -International Enrichment' Biochem QL -Queen's Lawn GCR STOIC Lift OS -Operatic Society Chem QT -Queen's Tower STOIC- Student Television RAH-Royal Albert Hall RCM-Royal College of Music RCS RCS-RCS Union office RSM-Royal School Of Mines

t ] Supermarket: Sainsbury's, Cromwell Road

Q Late night foodstores: Harts—Old Brompton Road & Gloucester Road Cullens^Fulham Road & Gloucester Road 7/11—Gloucester Road Finding Your Feet

g[ Cinemas: Chelsea Cinema, MGM Fulham Road, MGM King's Road & in Odeon High Street Kensington South Kensington Q Halls: Montpellier Hall, Evelyn Gardens, Prince's Gardens & Beit Hall

Q Union Building, Bars etc:

IMPERIAL A large amount of the information contained in this edition of Felix can be found in the COLLEGE Imperial College Union Handbook. Every incoming student should have one, "but if you do not or you are not a first year but want to read it anyway, copies are available in the HANDBOOK Union Office. Simply produce a Union card, ask politely and a handbook will be yours. 1992-1993