FREE Lodging • Shopping The Conch Republic Dining • Entertainment OCONUT ELEGRAPH TCHE COCONUT TELEGRAPH IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL NEWSPA T PER OF THE NORTHERNMOST TERRITORIES OF THE CONCH REPUBLIC

101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • www.theconchtelegraph.com • August 2015

Inside:

Attractions Hunk of the Month: “Video Dave” Kay Artist of the Month: Lucy Garcia-Romeu

What’s Hot & What’s Not Buck Dharma of Blue Oyster Cult Aug. 16 at Gilberts A Bittersweet Love Story: The McGuril Family Monroe County Sheriff’s Office Marine Theft Prevention

Maps Key Largo Locator Map Getting from Here to There

All the Buzz Coco-Nut Funnies Mangrove Galley Conch Characters Business in the Keys Sounds of the Keys The dog days of August are a great time to lie back in the shade, admire the view, unwind with a cocktail, and contemplate how lucky we are to live in paradise. Saturday, August 22th • 7pm

"Take two pints Springsteen, one pint John Mellencamp, add a heaping spoonful of Beatles, a pinch of Stones, a sprinkle of Rod Stewart, a dash of Bruno Mars, beat well, bring to a boil, simmer. That's the recipe for The Livesays." 12/11 DP Studios ©Donna Paul, ON THE BEACH • MM 99.5 BAYSIDE Tim Murphy • Cuqui Berrios • Billy Livesay • Eddie Zyne • Jorge Laplume KEY LARGO • 305-451-3380 Key Largo’s Live Music • Happy Hour • Sunset COMING 4th Annual OCTOBER Top Hit World class entertainers, in Key Largo on the beach. Songwriters It doesn’t get any better than this! 9, 10 & 11 Music Festival Look for ad inside or check the calendar at keylargo-baysidegrill.com for all of our live music on the beach. 2 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 3 Coconut Telegraph Cast of Characters: Articles August 2015 Editorial: Ponderings for August...... 2 Volume 9 Issue #102 Editor/Sales/Distribution Stay Clear, Crocodiles Hatching...... 4 Prestige Publishing, Inc Denise Malefyt Adopt An Animal, Key Largo Shelter...... 6 101425 Overseas Highway 305-304-2837 Hunk of the Month: “Video Dave” Kay...... 7 PMB #628 [email protected] Limits of the Human Body...... 7 Key Largo, FL 33037 Conch Characters...... 8 Deadline Advertising Production Monroe County Sheriff’s Office Marine Theft Prevention...... 9 for the Sue Beal A Bittersweet Love Story: The McGuril Family...... 10 Coconut Telegraph’s 305-451-4601 Buck Dharma of Blue Oyster Cult, Aug. 16 at Gilberts...... 11 next issue is beal_s @bellsouth.net Getting from Here to There - Keys Map Page...... 12-13 Wednesday, Mangrove Galley: Texas Bean Salad...... 14 August 21, 2015 Pineapple! Who Knew?...... 15 Contact Denise at Notice: We do not mail out Sounds of the Keys...... 16 the Coconut Telegraph and Artist of the Month: Lucy Garcia-Romeu...... 17 305-304-2837 we do not sell subscriptions. [email protected] Coco“Nut” Funnies...... 18-19 It is available for free online at Key Largo Locator Map Page...... 20 www.theconchtelegraph.com. Classified Ads...... 21 For comments please visit The Daily OM: Knowing When to Let Someone Go...... 21 Conch Telegraph on Facebook. Business in the Keys...... 22 Redskins and Foreskins...... 23 Key Largo Animal Shelter Mile Marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088 Editorial: Ponderings for August We got it wrong in July -- Free Spay & Neutering is only found at the Animal Shelter at MM 106.

If cholangiocarcinoma is so around them and they create that will help musicians in Please see the article on page rare than why do I know 4 a barrier so visitors can’t see need. There would be a board 10 about the McGuirl family. people who died from it ? our businesses. of directors and criteria set Jim McGuirl played many Come Hungry! so that it will be fair. It is benefits over the years, help- Miami Dolphins Football player Mini Lobster Season. I am getting closer… anyone want ing out the community. They 10% OFF WITH THIS AD Jim “Mad Dog” Mandich in all for bringing business to to help? really need our help now. 2011, my friend George Dod- the Keys but this is getting son in 2012, Entertainer Kim ridiculous. I made the mistake Bankston, and most recently of going out in my car the It's clean, it's fast, it's delicious!!! Jim McGuirl in 2015. That weekend of July 22nd. I made Great breakfast, great lunch, great everything!! seems like a lot for just the it one mile and was stuck in COC-TEL Open 8 am - 10 pm daily. 6 am - 2 pm • 7 Days ones I know of in South Flor- bumper to bumper traffic for MM 99.7 Bayside ida. miles going south. I turned 99696 Overseas Highway, Key Largo around and went home. I feel docsdinerkeylargo.com • 305-451-2895 What do you call a big yel- sorry for all the locals who low truck by the side of the couldn’t get to work on time road that sleeps 6? DOT. I and I wonder if all the tour- We Come to You! Locals’ Discount! am hearing lots of complaints ists here for the first time about the Key Largo Overseas think that is always how the KEY LARGO, FL Highway Forest. The trees traffic in the Keys is? Is that New Tire Sales and plants aren’t the prob- good for business in the long Available 24/7 lem, it’s where the trees are run? placed that’s the problem. Who is paying for them and My Bucket List. Publish the 35 Years Experience their upkeep? They are un- book we have ready and use safe for drivers trying to see the proceeds to form a fund Why don’t we have a Lionfish mini season instead? BRYAN WHEATON Disclaimer B && B Cell: (305) 942-6325 The Coconut Telegraph © 2006-2015 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, INC. All Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial and advertising material submitted are B B Home: (305) 453-0815 rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent of the original property of the advertiser. The Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written articles, photos, and artwork of for errors, omissions, or for circumstances beyond our control that may affect the distribution local interest to be used and/or edited at the discretion of the publisher. The Coconut schedule. MOBILEMOBILE TIRETIRE SESERRVICEVICE Mastercard & Visa Accepted 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 5

Stay Clear: Crocodile Nests Hatching Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill brings MM 101 Behind Dollar Tree tradition home, every last Sunday • Teak Furniture 50% off of the month. • New Retail Shops • Bakery Stop B FREE Pool Admission for Locals We are nearing the incubate for about 85 days,  with Monroe County ID. crocodile nest hatching hatching in late July or early • Amish Cheese Local Food & Drink Specials, period. August. • Tiki and Nautical items Weeken! The principle nesting site The is usually the time Local Discounts & of course, of the American Crocodile in the female Crocodile returns • Boutique Live Local Music!! Florida is Florida Bay but to her nest site to assist the there are some nests along hatchlings in reaching the Open Fri, Sat. and Sun. 9 to 5 • Air Conditioned Featuring the Florida Keys. water. If you notice a large Vendors Wanted/Table Space $50/weekend Stereo Underground Nesting is a wet season Crocodile watching a specific Call Alice 609-287-1767 activity occurring around the area (nests aren't always and DJ Joey Naples end of April and the begin- easily recognized) stay clear ning of May. Females lay and if your concerned call (No coolers or outside food between 20 to 60 eggs per the FWC at 866-392-4286 or beverage permitted.) clutch and the eggs will or email [email protected]. MM 104 Bayside • Key Largo • 305.453.9066 • www.jjsBigChill.com

Vintage postcard sent by Scott Youngberg. 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 7

4-7 Voted Best Happy Hour in the Keys! Daily Hunk of the Month

Check out our Local’s Loyalty Program: Get your Pilot’s License today!

VISIT THE NEW Glass Bottom Bar™

The MARC Thrift Shop at the No trailer, No traffic, No hassle! Coral Isles Church SMALL BOAT SUMMER SPECIAL! $250/mo. (25ft or less) (next to Coral Shores High School) Stored in our brand new racks — no long term contract. Dine outside at our waterfront Glass Bottom Bar™ is in need of clothing and You enjoy the water — we do the work! overlooking our five-star marina. Or, if you’re Limited number of small berths available. looking for a more private experience consider household items – anything Call for reservation soon: 305-747-4359 dining indoors in air-conditioned comfort. new or slightly used, 13 Seagate Blvd., Key Largo, MM 99.6, 305-451-3142 excluding large furniture. www.pilothousemarina.com fb.com/pilothousekeylargo If you don't have the time to personally “Video Dave” Kay deliver it to the store, give the MARC folks a call and they will schedule a volunteer to come to you and pick it up, from Ocean Reef Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet to Islamorada – 305-852-3282. THE LIMITS OF THE HUMAN BODY Meet a few of the animals who are currently available for adoption at the Key Largo Animal Shelter. If you are interested in taking one of The Monroe Association for ReMARCable Citizens is a When a person's core body temperature hits 107.6° F heatstroke can't these adorable furry friends home, stop by or call. The Shelter is located at mile marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088. non-pro t agency that serves adult clients within Monroe BODY HEAT be reversed and will prove fatal. County who have developmental disabilities that include 107.6° F mental retardation (I.Q. 69 or below), cerebral palsy, spina bi da, Prader-Willi Syndrome, and COLD WATER: Water saps body heat. traumatic brain injury sustained prior to 40° F A person would last barely 30 minutes in a 40° F sea. age 18. HOT AIR: In a burning building or a deep mine adults can survive 10 minutes at MARC provides numerous 300° F 300° F. Although children soon succumb in a 120° F car. services for their clients. These Consciousness fades for most people at 15,000 feet. Although services are designed to HIGH ALTITUDE: highland dwellers have adapted to have larger lungs and more red insure that each client 15,000 FEET blood cells so they can survive. receives training and support If a person loses 30% of their body weight, death is imminent. Cookie Dixie Butterscotch Homer Smokey that enhances his or her STARVATION: Although, disease would probably kill a person before they have a individual abilities to under- 45 DAYS chance to starve. stand daily community DIVING DEEP: When diving deep without equipment most people black out before routines and learn social, reaching 2 minutes once they are below 60 feet. The best free diver self-care, vocational skills and 282 FEET made it to 282 feet before blacking out. help to increase a client’s ability to develop friendships with non- LACK OF OXYGEN: Typically, a person would pass out after 2 minutes without oxygen. disabled persons. 11 MINUTES With training, people can hold their breath for nearly 11 minutes. M.A.R.C., Inc. is a 501(c)(3) Non-Pro t Organization providing life services A person can survive after losing 30% of their blood. After losing 40% for Monroe County residents with Developmental Disabilities. BLOOD LOSS: of your blood a person would need an immediate blood transfusion. “A copy of the of cial registration and nancial information may be obtained from the 40% Division of Consumer Services by calling toll-free (800-435-7352) within the state. Registration does not imply endorsement, approval, or recommendation by the state.” DEHYDRATION: Every cell in a person's body needs water. Without being able to Chloe Mickey Bart Melinda replace the quart of water a person loses per day, a person will not 7 DAYS last more than a week at most. 8 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 9 Conch Characters

Plenty to do at Gilberts Resort! Photo by Ron LeBrun. Gravity always wins! Gilberts Resort dock near the beach by Rob LeBrun.

As if US1 wasn't scary enough!

COLOR Mabel of the Dropouts and a friend get photo-bombed while watching "3RG" perform Murray Franklin and Bill Hoebee at Gilberts. at Gilberts on July 5th. Photo by Ron LeBrun. Photo by Rob LeBrun.

GET WELL, BOB THOMAS! Our thoughts and prayers are with colorful Conch Character Bob and his Bob from Bob's Buns sings wife Kristie, owners of Key Largo Chocolates. Lava light show at theBig Chill on the 4th of July. karaoke at the Elks 4th of July party. 10 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 11 A Bittersweet Love Story Buck Dharma of Blue Öyster Cult August 16th at Gilbert’s by Rob LeBrun JIM McGUIRL In the annals of classic rock, once you get past the obvious heavyweights (Led Zeppelin, the Resort on August 16th with They were a match made Stones, The Who), none had a greater run of The Regs. The party starts in heaven. Soul mates James albums than Blue Öyster Cult. Here was a band at 1pm, and there is no cover (Jim) and Aleisa McGuirl that churned out great rock tunes, workmanlike, charge for Gilbert‛s patrons. married July 19th, 1984 and for over fifteen years. For perspective, note that life couldn't be better. Jim Led Zeppelin could only worked days as a hair stylist, pull eleven (due to a and nights and weekends he common affliction: played drums with many great drummer death). musicians over the years. And those first He was named the Coco- Donald Roeser, also four BÖC albums are nut Telegraph's Entertainer known as Buck Dharma, has back-to-back awesome. of the Month with the JK written some of the great- . On average, a Blue Project in December 2008, est rock lyrics of all time. Öyster Cult album will Entertainer of the Year in Everyone knows “I‛m burning, have at least six legiti- December 2009, and Enter- I‛m burning, I‛m burning for mately great songs. tainer of the Month again, you.” How about “Baby take Don‛t miss your solo, in February 2013. Jimmy (James Jr.) McGuril, his bride Elizabeth Collier, Pastor Ralph Pratt, Michelle’s new husband Michael my hand... don't fear the chance to see a living Jim taught percussion to Najalis, and Michelle McGuril. reaper. We'll be able to guitar legend in person, 10 to 16 year olds at the fly... don't fear the reaper. singing some of his Montessori School while also They sent him home to the where Pastor Ralph Pratt Baby I'm your man...”? Yep, greatest hits, and quite working at the 305 Salon in family's tiny apartment above performed the double wed- that‛s another Buck Dharma frankly, some of the REST IN PEACE Tavernier. a Key Largo plaza with the ding. Jimmy lovingly held his song, sensationalized by the greatest rock hits of Gustavo of Miami’s 3RG Aleisa McGuirl has been prognosis that he would live father‛s hand through the Saturday Night Live skit Band, who passed away all time. on July 24th, from a heart well respected for her man- but only 2 more months, with ceremony as he took Eliza- featuring Will Farrell as the Buck Dharma will be attack, while onstage at agement skills and friendly help from hospice, if he was beth Collier to be his wife. excitable cow bell per- Hog Heaven. performing at Gilbert‛s customer service over the lucky. His sister Michelle wed a former. years, most recently at Coral The McGuirl's are a very tearful Michael Najalis as Medical. Together she and close, loving, and religious their baby boy Carter looked Jim were blessed with two family and this hit them hard. on. wonderful children, James They were completely devas- The young newlyweds left (Jimmy) Jr. and Michelle. tated and didn't know where for another ceremony and Just a few weeks ago Jim to turn. As Jim's health dete- reception with a few of their wasn't feeling well and went riorated more rapidly than friends at a local park. to see his doctor. After a was expected and his voice Jim had fulfilled his barrage of tests, the diagno- became but a whisper. he told dream, and the hospice nurse Aleisa that he had always said he probably would not sis was grim. He had cholan- The family...early days. giocarcinoma, which is a rare looked forward to the day live another day. It had been cancer of the bile ducts. It that he could give his beauti- only one month from Jim's occurs in approximately 2 out ful daughter Michelle away at diagnosis! of 100,000 people, and it had her wedding and was sad that Three days after the metastasized and was inoper- now he would not live to see wedding on July 22nd, Jim able. He was terminal. that day. passed away, surrounded by When the kids heard that, his loving family... and heaven they decided now was as good gained one hell of a drummer. a time as any to get married As of this writing, a ben- as they were both in commit- efit to help with the medical ted relationships. They told expenses from Jim's illness their mom and she helped was scheduled for Sunday, organize a double wedding. August 2nd at the Caribbean On July 19th, just a few Club in Key Largo. This publi- close friends and family cation comes out the day gathered in the McGuirl's after, so if you missed it tiny apartment. They there is a fund set up. wheeled a groggy but Anyone who would like to Aliesa and Jim McGuril on July 22 groomed and happy Jim into contribute may still do so at at their kids’ double wedding. the decorated living room, www.gofundme.com/yd4v9e4c Steve Najalis holds grandson Carter. 12 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 13

“The Place where Nutritious Meets Delicious” Southern Fried THE MINDFUL MERMAID CAFE Tuesdays & Wednesdays NOW SERVING BREAKFAST at Ballyhoo’s AFTER 5 PM Come by Land or Sea • In the Garden Cove Marina Succulent, crispy deep-fried chicken Enjoy Casual Waterfront Dining at its Finest! OPEN MON-SAT, 9 to 5 • Open 7 Days • served piping hot with cool spicy Chicken Waterfront Dining • Indoors or Ourdoors FEATURING Champagne Sunday Brunch watermelon, and Honey-Tabasco FEATURING • Fresh, Local Seafood Breakfast Sandwiches sauce for dipping, plus your FRESH FLORIDA • Steaks & Ribs • Conch Chowder & Burritos choice of a side, LOBSTER & Key Lime Pie homemade Make Your Own Omelette breads, 305-453-3746 • buzzardsroostkeylargo.com butter MM 106.5 Oceanside Bacon - Sausage - Ham & jam. 21 Garden Cove Dr. • Key Largo Veggie Omelettes

FRESH FRUIT SMOOTHIES & JUICES 1/2 Chicken ORGANIC TEAS & COFFEES Dinner $18 SALADS ORGANIC GF & UEGAN All-You-Can Eat FRESH SOUPS EGG SALAD, MENU ITEMS SANDWICHES HUMMUS & We now have gluten-free Chicken & your choice KIDS MENU TABBOULEH bread & wraps! of unlimited side $22 RUNS THROUGH OCTOBER 15TH Call in your order! 305-451-2929 305.852.0822 • MM 97.8 in the Median MM 101.4 IN THE PUBLIX PLAZA BallyhoosRestaurant.com Menu & More: WWW.THEMINDFULMERMAID.COM

Come by Land or Sea • In the Garden Cove Marina Enjoy Casual Waterfront Dining at its Finest! Waterfront Dining • Indoors or Ourdoors • Open 7 Days • Champagne Sunday Brunch FEATURING • Fresh, Local Seafood FRESH FLORIDA • Steaks & Ribs • Conch Chowder LOBSTER & Key Lime Pie

305-453-3746 • buzzardsroostkeylargo.com MM 106.5 Oceanside 21 Garden Cove Dr. • Key Largo

BEST WINGS TUESDAY SPECIAL IN Every Tuesday 5pm to Close TOWN Enjoy an 8-to-9 oz. Ribeye Steak, 50% OFF Florida Lobster Tail All Liquor Drinks and Loaded Baked Potato Monday-Friday 4-6pm Beer & Wings Specials Daily for just $12.99

Join us for Superbowl! STONE Florida Keys Jewelry 14 Draft Selections CRABS 305-453-0177 • fl[email protected] ARE HERE! & Import Bottled Beer Trade Winds Shopping Center Custom/CAD Jewelry • Watch Repair • Jewelry Repair • Engagement Rings Mile Marker 102.3 • Bayside • Key Largo • 305-451-4105 • www.D-Hooker.net 101427 Overseas Highway, Key Largo, FL 33037 Hours: Mon-Thu 10-5:30 • Friday 10-6 • Saturday 10-4 14 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 15

KEYS ADVENTURES Pineapple! Who Knew? WATERSPORTS Submitted by Trader Dick HOME OF THE ORIGINAL TUNA NACHOS No method of storing them development of strong bones Waverunner Boat Paddleboards Guided will help ripen them further. and connective tissue. A cup Rentals! Rentals! & Kayaks! Tours! Color is relatively unim- of fresh pineapple will give portant in determining ripe- you nearly 75% of the rec- We Deliver! • Great Rates! • Large Ride Areas! Stop by the ness. Choose your pineapple ommended daily amount. It is by smell. If it smells fresh, particularly helpful to older HOURLY, DAILY OR WEEKLY! Island Grill! tropical and sweet, it will be adults, whose bones tend to (Reservations suggested, but not required) a good fruit. become brittle with age. It’s a Keys tradition! The more scales on the Bromelain, a proteolytic I thought this infor- pineapple, the sweeter and enzyme, is the key to pine- moation was fascinating ... Let’s Get juicier the taste. apple's value. Proteolytic Lunch & Dinner served daily at both locations. perhaps you will too. I had no After you cut off the means "breaks down protein,” idea the pineapple we pick up Wet!! Breakfast served daily at the top, you can plant it. It will which is why pineapple is at the grocery store had an Islamorada location only. grow much like a sweet known to be a digestive aid. diet. It is commonly used in amazing story. potato. It helps the body digest Europe as a post-operative The pineapple is a member Pineapple is a remarkable proteins more efficiently. measure to cut mucous after Check in at the Island Grill of the bromeliad family. It is fruit. We find it enjoyable Bromelain is also considered an sinus and throat operations. extremely rare that bromeli- and say hello. because of its lush, sweet effective anti-inflammatory. Those individuals who eat ads produce edible fruit. The Two Key Largo Locations and exotic flavor, but it may Regular ingestion of at least fresh pineapple daily report pineapple is the only available Gilberts Resort Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill We look forward to seeing you! also be one of the most one half cup of fresh pine- fewer sinus problems related edible bromeliad today. MM 108 MM 104 healthful foods available apple daily is purported to to allergies. In and of itself, It is a multiple fruit. One 904-235-9247 305-731-9472 today. It offers many ben- relieve painful joints common pineapple has a very low risk Island Grill at Mandalay • MM 97.5 • Ocean View pineapple is actually made up NOW Island Grill at Snake Creek • MM 85.5 •Beach Setting efits to our health. to osteoarthritis. It also for allergies. WITH TWO of dozens of individual flow- www.keysadventureswatersports.com Key Largo Islamorada Pineapple is valuable for produces mild pain relief. In Pineapple is also known to LOCATIONS: 305 852-0595 305 664-8400 eret's that grow together to easing indigestion, arthritis Germany, Bromelain is discourage blood clot develop- form the entire fruit. Each and sinusitis. The juice has approved as a post-injury ment. This makes it a valuable scale on a pineapple is evi- an anthelmintic effect; it medication because it is dietary addition for frequent dence of a separate flower. TEXAS BEAN SALAD helps get rid of intestinal thought to reduce inflamma- fliers and others who may be Pineapples stop ripening The Mangrove Galley worms. tion and swelling. at risk for blood clots. the minute they are picked. by Sandi Mieszczenski For the dressing: Let‛s look at how Orange juice is a popular An old folk remedy for 1 cup Canola oil pineapple affects liquid for those suffering morning sickness is fresh Sandi’s recipes are featured monthly in the Coconut Telegraph. 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar For previous issues go to http://www.theconchtelegraph.com. other conditions: from a cold because it is high pineapple juice. It really 1/2 sugar Pineapple is in Vitamin C. Fresh pineapple works! Fresh juice and some 1/2 teaspoon salt high in manga- is not only high in this vitamin, nuts first thing in the morn- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper nese, a min- but because of the Bromelain, ing often make a difference. For the salad: eral that is it has the ability to reduce Pineapple is also good for 1- 16 ounce can of black-eyed peas, drained critical to mucous in the throat. If you a healthier mouth. The 1- 16 ounce can of pinto beans, drained have a cold with a productive fresh juice discourages 1- 10 ounce can of white corn, drained cough, add pineapple to your plaque growth. 1 chopped red pepper 1/2 cup chopped onion to 1/2 cup chopped celery American Legion Post 333 - Key Largo Miami

Combine all of the ingredients for the dressing in a sauce pan. Burger King Traffic Bring to a boil, stirring often. Remove from the stove top and RESTAURANT Light Support Walgreens let cool. While cooling, in a bowl, mix together the ingredi- U.S. 1 -ATLANTIC OVERSEAS HWY BL. our Veterans... KITCHEN UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT. CVS ents for the salad. Pour the dressing over the salad, stir well, support Flashing Ah, the dreaded month of August with its incredible heat and cover and refrigerate overnight. DELICIOUS DAILY SPECIALS Yellow your Post Light

humidity. This time of the year we all attempt to find ways to ALONG WITH OUR REGULAR MM 99.2 Bank Capital HOMESTEAD AV escape a hot kitchen by limiting our time using the stove or oven. EAST DRIVE Use a slotted spoon to drain the liquid when serving. LOW PRICE MENU. American Look for dishes that are simple and cool. One of my favorite The Post Fire sides is a bean salad. If you are a fan of three bean salad you needs your Legion Riders Station Open to the Public! Canteen will find the recipe below delicious. Not only is it easy to support! to Key assemble but it is also very healthy. Serve it with some prepared West ★ chicken from the grocery store and you will have a tasty meal Happy Hour 4-7pm daily Sunday Breakfast 8-11am $7 Bottomless coffee included SEAGATE BLVD with little work. Try it and enjoy an escape from the heat!

OCEAN BAY DRIVE OCEAN BAY Pilot 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 • Key Largo • 305-451-0307 House 16 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 17

JON & JOANNA DREAVER Art Box Artist of the Month: Lucy Garcia-Romeu

Born in Miami, Lucia Garcia-Romeu was ART CLASSES • ART SUPPLIES raised in a family that supported critical RESTORATION • MATTING & FRAMING thinking and appreciation of the arts. Growing FRAMING SUPPLIES • CANVAS STRETCHING up in the city with the exposure to so many cultures and people helped her to understand Checkout our FEATURED ARTISTS both the diversity and the unity that make our lives as humans different but the same. FULL ONLINE STORE: www.ArtBoxKeyLargo.com Lucy spent her high school years study- ing classic piano and vocals, until graduating WITH KEY LARGO PACK & SHIP and being accepted into the University of West Florida. After an unforgettable time Women’s • Men’s • Plus Size living/partying/studying in Pensacola for Trust a Professional! most of the 2000s, she returned to South CLOTHING LOW COST PACKING MATERIALS/BOXES Florida with a Psychology degree and a Savvy SHIPPING: FREIGHT & INTERNATIONAL desire to continue her creative output with • Kid’s • Jewelry an eye towards Art Therapy. • Swimwear • Gifts CRATING & SHRINK WRAPPING Lucy moved to Key Largo, into a house CONCH ...and so much more!! that her grandfather built. Living here,she Plus! FAX • PRINT • SCANNING • LAMINATING has grown to appreciate not only the Keys‛ Like us on COLOR COPIES • DIGITAL ARCHIVING natural tropical beauty, but also the live- New Arrivals Weekly and-let-live lifestyle. 100650 Overseas Hwy 305-451-5461 Central Plaza 103200 Overseas Hwy. Suite 6 Key Largo, FL 33037 Key Largo 33037 [email protected] [email protected] 305-440-3714 savvyconch.com

Lucy feels fortunate to have landed a job working for the MARC Sounds of the Keys House. Working with special needs clients has been a gift in and of itself for her; she says she learns something new every day about both them Joey Gilmore Band Eclipse Band warms up the ‘Johnny O" of the Mr Nice and at Bayside Grille. crowd for the special Guy Band with his flute, her- Joe Lynn Turner show performing the classic at Gilberts in July. Jethro Tull song "Locomotive Lucy and MARC client Eric Vihlen, painting. self. Mike "Salty" Breath" at Gilberts. Lanigan of Swingin Lucy also enjoys her work with Harpoon gave a the youth co-op as a tutor helping harmonica clinic at Gilberts last kids achieve their GEDs. month. Colbert the Band at the Big Chill.

Joe Lynn Turner, formerly of Deep Purple, looks on while Scotty Migone of the Regs Popular local Trop Rocker shreds on his guitar. Captain Josh will be back Dwayne McGregor at Sharkeys. 3RG lead singer Wayne sings and at the Pilot House on Gilbert’s photos Joe Lynn Turner hits a high by Rob LeBrun. Photo by Thad Bowling. walks through the crowd at Gilberts. August 15 from 6-10 pm. note on "Smoke on the Water.’ This chair was donated to MARC and Lucy painted it. 18 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 19 The Pope’s Crossword Overheard in a Bar Did I read that sign right? A guy meets a hooker one One day, a shy gentleman was Coco‘Nut’ Funnies night in a Key Largo bar. preparing to board a plane when “TOILET OUT OF ORDER. Notice in health food shop win- he heard That the Pope was on She says, “This is your PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.” dow: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS. the same flight. “This is exciting,” THE BUTCHER lucky night. I’ve got a special thought the gentleman. “I’ve al- game for you. I’ll do absolutely In a Laundromat: AUTOMAT- Spotted in a safari park: ways been a big fan of the Pope. A Russian woman married an anything you want for $300, IC WASHING MACHINES: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in Australian gentleman and they as long as you can say it in PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR YOUR CAR. person.” lived happily ever after in Key three words.” CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT Seen during a conference: FOR Suddenly, the man realized his seat Largo. The poor lady was not very The guy whips his wallet GOES OUT. proficient in English, but did man- ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN was right next to the Pope himself. out of his pocket, and one at a age to communicate with her In a department store: BARGAIN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE Still, the gentleman was too shy to time lays three hundred dollar speak to His Holiness. husband. The real problem arose bills on the bar, saying slowly... BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.. IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST whenever she had to shop for FLOOR. Shortly after take-off, the Pope “Paint. My. House.” groceries. In an office: WOULD THE PER- took a crossword puzzle out of his Thank you Thad Bowling! SON WHO TOOK THE STEP Notice in a farmer’s field: THE carry-on bag and began penciling in the answers. One day, she went to the butcher LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO and wanted to buy chicken legs. BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, “This is fantastic!” the gentleman She didn’t know how to put for- STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. BUT THE BULL CHARGES. mused. “I’m really good at cross- ward her request, and in desper- words. It crossed his mind that if His ation, clucked like a chicken and In an office: AFTER COFFEE Message on a leaflet: IF YOU Holiness got stuck, He’d ask me for BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET assistance.” lifted up her skirt to show THE COFFEE POT AND STAND WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET Almost as if providence struck, her thighs. UPSIDE DOWN ON THE LESSONS. the Pope turned to the man and Her butcher DRAINING BOARD. said, “Excuse me, but do you know On a repair shop door: WE CAN a four letter word referring to a got the mes- sage, and Outside a secondhand shop: WE REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE woman that ends in ‘unt’? The EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICY- KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - three Cardinals traveling with the gave her Pope, in front of and beside him, the chicken legs. CLES, WASHING MACHINES, THE BELL DOESN’T WORK.) shrunk down in their seats, as far as ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR possible, all looking for something THE AMERICAN WAY The next day she needed to get WIFE ALONG AND GET A Proofreading is a dying art, on the floor. chicken breasts, again she didn’t wouldn’t you say? JOHN McKINNA is a local musician, a best-selling author, A golfer walks into the pro NICE BARGAIN? and a published, syndicated cartoonist. We feature his The man was in shock. He couldn’t shop at the local course and know how to say it, and so she cartoons every month in the Coconut Telegraph! breathe and after almost a minute, asks the golf pro if they sell clucked like a chicken and un- the dark clouds of evil parted in his ball markers. buttoned her blouse to show the LOCAL’S FAVORITE! Best-kept secret for 30 years! mind. The golf pro says they do, butcher her breasts. The butcher and they are $1.00. understood again, and gave her Keys Eating at Its Finest... Turning to the Pope, the gentle- Overlooking the Water man said, with reverence and po- The guy gives the golf pro some chicken breasts. Dolphin Golfin FRIDAY FISH FRY liteness, “I believe Holy Father, a dollar. Family Entertainment Center that you’re looking for the word, On the third day, the poor lady ALL YOU CAN EAT The golf pro opens the needed to buy sausages. Unable Miniature Golf ‘aunt’…” register, puts the dollar in, The $12.95 to find a way to communicate Noon to 9pm • 7 days and hands him a dime to use “Of course,” the Pope mused, this, she brought her husband to Hideout 5-9 PM • Bev. Incl. not taking his gaze off the cross- as the marker. the store. MON thru FRI: word, “You wouldn’t happen This economic model is also LADIES PLAY FREE! Restaurant to have an eraser, would you?” —Daily Specials— used by the government. Hey! Get your mind out of the BIRTHDAY 305-451-0128 Breakfast Served ‘til 2PM Daily gutter!!! Her Keep your cool! PARTIES! husband could Sprinkler System SPECIAL 7 Days a Week - 6 AM to 2 PM & Friday Nights 5-9 PM speak English! EVENTS! MM 103.5 • Oceanside (Transylvania Ave. to the End) Heavenly Cafe VIDEO Noon to Midnight Late night menu 9-12 ARCADE! IRS PROBLEMS? REVELATION Are you in trouble? LIGHT CLUB/DISCO HAPPY HOUR Leins • Levies • IRS letters • Non-filing 2 for 1 SPECIALS 9pm to Midnight 4-7 pm We have solutions! Serving Beer & Wine Jerry Gaddis MBA CALL NOW TO BOOK YOUR PARTY! ENROLLED AGENT / NTPI FELLOW 305-731-7505 • 305-766-0871 IN THE CEDAR TOWERS 99353 OVERSEAS HWY, SUITE 214 www.DolphinGolfin.com TROPICAL TAX KEY LARGO, FLORIDA 33037 100694 Overseas Hwy, MM 100.7 Bayside Key Largo SOLUTIONS 305.451.4829 “I have to admit, Catwoman, you are not what I expected.” CONSULTATION • PREPARATION • REPRESENTATION WWW.TROPICALTAX.COM 20 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 21 IF YOU WANT RESULTS - - - CALL US - - - WE GET THE JOB DONE!!! Knowing When to Let Someone Go The Wasmund Team Tropical Realty Of The Florida Keys, Inc. Freeing Yourself MM 103 bayside Tina’s Terrific! BROKER/OWNER We’re a Mother-Daughter Team OWNER Knowing when to end a rela- and we handle your real estate needs with integrity and professionalism. Let our 30+ tionship and acknowledging years of combined experience work for you! that the pain will pass can 522 Caribbean Drive • 305.453.1905 Specializing in often prevent greater pain Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Jane: 305-451-2214 Wendy: 305-394-1376 in the long run. Featuring Fresh Local Fish CRS, GRI, Short Sale Specialist GRI Color & NOW IS A GOOD TIME GET STARTED... Highlights TO LIST YOUR HOME CALL US TODAY! 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MM100.6 Bayside • Key Largo www.D-Hooker.net location or yours. Tuesdays. 10:00 to 6:00 The UPS STORE www.animalcareclinickeylargo.com Call Bill at 305.451.1141 101425 Overseas Highway, MM 102.3 • Bayside, Key Largo Next to Publix at Tradewinds (We buy, sell & consign) F ON THE MAP E ON THE MAP 305.942.0911. Questions? Call 305•304•2837. 22 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015 August 2015 • The Coconut Telegraph • 23 A good friend of mine recentlySalvation had one of Armyhis legs Family Store Redskins and Foreskins amputatedMM 99 Bayside at Doctor's Hos- SHOP • DONATE Business in the Keys pitalKey in Largo Miami. John Timiri- Sports fans will get a kick out of this letter asieff, known as John T to written to the Chicago Tribune.This is an his friends, had injured his Larry‛s Mobile RV Service e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the ankle while working for Serving the Upper Keys Chicago Tribune after an article he pub- Monroe County. Duri LUNCH $1 Sushi all the time! 31 Years Experience • Licensed and Insured 11:30-3 lished concerning a name change for the (Mon.-Fri.) Special Dinner Menu starting at $6.99 (5-7:30pm) 630-460-7676 Washington Redskins. DINNER Larry Zinser 5-10 Lunch Specials from $5.95 (Every Day) Private Room Available [email protected] Voted Best Asian Food Dear Mr. Page: 305-451-5955 15 years in a row. www.floridakeysrvservice.com [email protected] Like us on FACEBOOK I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted 103200 Overseas Hwy, Key Largo, MM 103 Bayside by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One Visit the store, or call 305-872-5744 for prompt and courteous pickup might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. Structural/Civil • Structural Evaluations We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political Advertise Here Residential/Commercial Design correctness and courtesy, we must move forward. $30 per month WE CLOSE PERMITS Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) Michael F. Padula P. E. Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the Drop off check and biz card to Seacoast Engineering & Design reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns. The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside KD CONSTRUCTION & CONSULTING Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305.509.7695 • fax 305.509.7635 The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. [email protected] • Seacoast Engineering and Design on Facebook 7085 SW 47TH STREET MIAMI. FL 33155 of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to white folks. The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many Patrick Neil * Corpora on Set Up * Sales Tax * Sales Audits young men's lives. Business Development/Account Executive * Accounts Receivable * Accounts Payable * Payroll PHONE: 305.661.2533 Sole Proprietors to Corpora ons, Big or Small I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic Cell: 786.385.7251 religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to FAX: 305.661.2032 have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San EMAIL: [email protected] Diego Padres. www.kdconstructionmiami.com Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates! Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children. The Legion is now an official The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote American Legion Riders Canteen. obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our $25 membership fee, join now. children.

The Conch Republic The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong mes- 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 COCONUT TELEGRAPH sage to our children. Key Largo • 305-451-0307 Independently Owned Local Newspaper Advertise Here Advertise Here The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong $30 per month Denise Malefyt $30 per month PUBLISHER message to our children. (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) 305.304.2837 So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes Drop off check and biz card to www.TheConchTelegraph.com [email protected] Drop off check and biz card to out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely Bushwacker’s The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside 101425 Overseas Hwy., PMB #628 LAWN & LANDSCAPE MAINTENANCE Key Largo, Florida Keys 33037 The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. thing the do-nothing Congress loves.. Hire a LOCAL As a die-hard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name with EXPERIENCE of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other and a GOOD REPUTATION Advertise Here than "the Beavers (especially when they play Southern California. $30 per month Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???) who does PROFESSIONAL WORK (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for and does it ON TIME at a FAIR RATE! the Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the Drop off check and biz card to Key Largo to Lower Matecumbe “Foreskins” to better represent their community, paying tribute to • Maintenance • Tree Work The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside the dick heads in Congress." next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. • Installations • Hardscape 305-451-5586 24 • The Coconut Telegraph • August 2015

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