CHOOSING MINDFULNESS

Photo Credits: Casey Fogarty Romantic Love …….. Universal Love …. Platonic Love…….

A REFLECTION ON LOVE

February 2019

Different Faces of Love Tabling Event February 27, 10:00am -2:00pm Vanderclute Hall

The month of February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Black History Month. February is a time to celebrate love and diversity in our communities. Take the time to reach out to your friends, family, coworkers, and classmates. After all, there are different faces of love!

When you take little steps to #LoveBetter, you have stronger, healthier relationships and communities. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. Be Kind. Be Safe.

Please join us to learn more about healthy relationships and STI/STDs. We will have STD testing throughout the day and a special presentation on HPV.

Screening and Discussion of “You” Seafarer’s Wellbeing Workshop One Love Escalation Workshop February 20, 5:30 pm February 21, 3:00 – 5:00pm February 28, 4:30 pm MAC 311, Food will be provided. Library, Food will be provided. MAC 311, Food will be provided.

YOU asks, "What would you do for love?" The Seamen's Church Institute Following a college-aged couple, this film When a brilliant bookstore manager empowers us to tackle the issues of shows how unhealthy behaviors can crosses paths with an aspiring writer, his seafarer’s mental health. We will discuss escalate into abuse. Learn about early answer becomes clear: anything. ways to ensure your wellbeing and warning signs of abuse and what you happiness while on a vessel. can do if you witness or experience them.

1 February CHOOSING MINDFULNESS 2019

Newsletter from the Office of Title IX

2007 – Courtney Gibbons . Self Love by Casey Fogarty . Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs: the ones who accept you for who you are, the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what. – Maya Angelou

Family The Quality of Having a Good Family By Amber Chang By Joshua Burris

I have always wanted to be an exchange student before I went to Being from a small town in college. My family always knew that I had this dream. It is not easy Folsom, Louisiana, I was for me to leave them and study abroad. Since I am the oldest child raised by a single mother in my family, I feel that I have a responsibility to take care of with support from my everyone. I don't know if they are doing well or not since I am not grandparents. They by their side. It is also a tough decision for parents to let go of their instilled in me morals and child to study abroad. But I think the biggest love between family values but also work ethic. members is to give support and trust. Growing up my grandparents would They believe that I can do it. They always told me not to worry always value the meaning about them. They let me know that even if I failed, I still have a of a good name for yourself home to go back. So be brave enough to complete my dreams! and the significance on Maybe your family doesn't know all your secrets like friends. But being a man of integrity. they are the one who will be around you no matter what happens. As an adolescent, I had the Even for heroes, the place to return at the last minute is still family. opportunity to work with my family. Whether it be in the nursery or cleaning By Mrs. Kim Alfultis floors at offices, those experiences contributed to my having a great attitude as well as an understanding of the value of hard This is one of my favorite quotes pertaining to life and love from work. Speaking on these life lessons today, those characteristics former president Ronald Reagan. were the foundation that prepared me for the success I have today.

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, Being a young father, I have the same opportunity to instill those leave the rest to God.” same characteristics in my daughter to prepare her for greatness. The significance of having a quality family benefits you when your Love was made to be shared. I have always found that when I take adventuring into the world as an adult. You may not always agree these words to heart and try to live by them, I can make not with what they are saying but they always have the best interest for only my day better, but someone else's as well. your life. The quality of a good family will equip you for challenges as well as success. So when it’s time for you to leave the nest, you are prepared to soar towards your purpose.

By Mate Gill

I have accomplished a lot of great things in my life but by far the best thing I ever did was becoming a father. The hardest thing about being a parent is disciplining the “YOU” out of your child.

Athena – Andi Russo .

2 February CHOOSING MINDFULNESS 2019

Newsletter from the Office of Title IX

Five Love Languages Test By Dr. Gary Chapman Read each pair of statements and circle the one that best describes you. 1. A. I like to receive notes of affirmation from you. E. I like it when you hug me. 2. B. I like to spend one‐on‐one time with you. D. I feel loved when you give me practical help. 3. C. I like it when you give me gifts. B. I like taking long walks with you. 4. D. I feel loved when you do things to help me. E. I feel loved when you hug or touch me. 5. E. I feel loved when you hold me in your arms. C. I feel loved when I receive a gift from you. 6. B. I like to go places with you. E. I like to hold hands with you. 7. A. I feel loved when you acknowledge me. C. Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me. I just love you so much I wanna eat you - Catanacomics . 8. E. I like to sit close to you. A. I like it when you tell me that I am attractive. This is also an opportunity to grow as 9. B. I like to spend time with you. Growing in Love an individual and strengthen your C. I like to receive little gifts from you. Dr. Chapman found that we tend to relationship. You don’t have to be 10. D. I know you love me when you help me. give and receive love in five main perfect. You simply have to show up and A. Your words of acceptance are important to me. ways: words of affirmation, quality try. 11. B. I like to be together when we do things. time, gifts, acts of service, and A. I like the kind words you say to me. physical touch. It’s important for a Words of Affirmation. Every day you 12. E. I feel whole when we hug. couple to understand what love should aim to give your partner a few D. What you do affects me more than what you say. language they prefer. Couples genuine compliments and words of 13. A. I value your praise and try to avoid your criticism. rarely share the same love appreciation. It can be as simple as C. Several inexpensive gifts mean more to me than language and often do not thanking them. You can also say things like “I’m here for you”, ‘Your support one large expensive gift. communicate their love in a way that their partner responds best to. means a lot to me,” “I’m lucky to have 14. E. I feel closer to you when you touch me. you in my life.” In response to a B. I feel close when we are talking or doing For instance, my preferred love compliment, accept it graciously. something together. language is quality time followed 15. A. I like you to compliment my achievements. by physical touch. However, I Quality Time. Make time for your D. I know you love me when you do things for me show my love through acts of partner. It is important to be present in that you don’t enjoy doing. service. I cook almost every day your relationship. Your full undivided 16. E. I like for you to touch me when you walk by. and take care of the errands. In attention communicates your love. So, B. I like when you listen to me sympathetically. contrast, my partner’s love put down your phone. Turn off Netflix. 17. C. I really enjoy receiving gifts from you. language is physical touch. While Look them in the eye and pay attention D. I feel loved when you help me with my home he may appreciate my efforts, he to them and what they’re saying.

projects. prefers back rubs and head Gifts. We all like to receive gifts. It’s 18. A. I like when you compliment my appearance. scratches. not about the gift itself. Rather, it’s B. I feel loved when you take the time to understand We meet in the middle by having about the thought and effort behind the my feelings. regular discussions about religion gift. You can buy your partner’s 19. E. I feel secure when you are touching me. or history or watching a movie favorite beverage or save up money to D. Your acts of service make me feel loved. together on the couch while I give buy something special. It can also be as 20. D. I appreciate the many things you do for me. him a foot rub. Since I prefer simple as making a handwritten note. C. I like receiving gifts that you make. quality time, we often select 21. B. I really enjoy the feeling I get when you give me restaurants that are quiet and have Acts of Service. We’ve heard the your undivided attention. excellent food and service. Over mantra “actions speak louder than D. I really enjoy the feeling I get when you do some the years, we have made simple words.” For some people, they show act of service for me. adjustments that fit both of our their love by doing something helpful for their partner. Maybe you offer to do 22. D. I feel loved when you help me out with my chores. needs. their laundry. Do something because C. I know you are thinking of me when you give me a you can and because you care. gift. Everyone appreciates receiving all kinds of love languages. 23. C. I appreciate it when you remember special days Everyone also likes to feel that Physical Touch. For most people, with a gift. they are appreciated and valued. touch is an important aspect of any B. I appreciate it when you listen patiently and don’t If you take to the time to relationship. It’s not simply about sex. interrupt me. communicate with your partner in You can hold hands, sit close to one 24. E. Kissing me unexpectedly makes me feel loved. the way they prefer, you are another, or hug each other. Physical C. Giving me a gift for no occasion makes me feel telling them that you value them touch can strengthen emotional bonds. loved. and respect their needs. Respect That being said, it’s important to 25. A. I like to be told that you appreciate me. and communication are at the core respect your partner’s space. Even now, sometimes I will ask my partner if B. I like for you to look at me when we are talking. of any healthy relationship. I can kiss him. Communication is key. Add Total Number of Answers

A. ______Words of Affirmation Now that you’ve committed to discovering what love language Remember love is something we do B. ______Quality Time for someone else. Step outside your C. ______Receiving Gifts you and your partner prefer. The next step is to actually try and use comfort zone and try to connect with D. ______Acts of Service them. This will require patience your partner. I promise you won’t E. ______Physical Touch and some trial and error. regret it.

3 February CHOOSING MINDFULNESS 2019

Newsletter from the Office of Title IX

The Importance of Self Love How do I set boundaries?

The concept of self-love can make Any healthy relationship is about setting us feel very uncomfortable and boundaries. It’s important for both evokes strong feelings in people. individuals to be on the same page. This For some people, it’s an excuse not applies to any relationship, including with to push yourself, for others it sounds friends, family, and partners. like a euphemism or a pretext for narcissism. It’s easy to think that You should feel comfortable honestly this concept is new and a reflection communicating your needs. That doesn’t of our current society. In fact, the mean it’s going to be easy. In fact, it may be concept of self-love has been uncomfortable and create tension. But being around for a very long time. vulnerable and open is a necessary part of growth. Aristotle found that philautia or self- love can enhance our lives and Your partner or family member may not expand our capacity to love. Have agree with you or even understand. That’s you ever heard of the phrase, “make ok. All they need to do is be open to you and sure your love tank is full?” It’s this your needs. If they tell you that your needs idea that you cannot truly love others are stupid or pressure you to do something without first loving yourself. you don’t want to do, then they may not be showing you the respect you deserve. In that I know it sounds a bit corny. But think case, it’s important to communicate to them about it for a second. When you how you feel. “I feel disrespected when board a plane, the flight attendant you…” “It hurts my feelings when you say…”

always says that you should put your PTSD by Carol Ann Gennaro . safety mask on first. Life isn’t that Sometimes you may not know what you want. much different. It may be easier to figure out what you don’t What Self Care Means to Me like. Maybe you don’t like it when your By Danny Robinson How are you supposed to help friends text you all the time. Communicate to anyone else if you’re not taking care them that you won’t answer texts after a To me, self-care and self-love are of yourself? Maybe that works in the certain hour. If they care about you, they will intertwined. Without taking care of yourself - short term. But it’s not sustainable. It’s respect your wishes. body, mind and spirit - you can't properly really important to take care of take care of what you have to do or anyone yourself. That could mean you sleep You should never feel that you are else. This means something different for in an extra hour or reschedule plans sacrificing your sense of self. Your every person. to fit in your workout. It also could relationships should be empowering. They mean learning to say “no.” should make your feel brave enough to take Self-care can be unplugging and taking time risks, grow as an individual, and pursue your to catch up on reading or getting to the gym Make a commitment to do one thing passions. They should be life affirming. You and getting an intense workout in. It can every day just for you. Every shouldn’t settle for anything less. mean binge watching your favorite show on morning, I make time to drink really Netflix, listening to music or hanging out with good coffee. I have a friend who looks friends. into his mirror and declares, “You are enough!” Figure out what works for

In a time where we are always running from you and do it every day without apologies. one thing to the next, we hardly take time to ourselves and are constantly sleep deprived.

A healthy diet and proper sleep habits are just as important to my self-care as my workout routine. If I'm not rested I don't perform as well in my job, I’m not as responsive to my students and I’m not on par at home with my family.

What I say most often to others is 'give yourself a break'. A lot of us, myself included, are extremely hard on ourselves. Always feeling that we are expected to do more or better, either for ourselves or for others.

The work, responsibilities, etc. aren't going to go anywhere and aren't going to go away. So put your priorities in order. YOU first and realize that you are worth it.

The Cost of Freedom - Student; Breathe in Nature by Kako Art .

4