100 ` GAP GAP GIRL! GIRL! HAPPY HAPPY IT’S 4 AM! IT’S 4 AM! TASTE THE TASTE TASTE THE TASTE PANDEMIC PANDEMIC RELATIONS RELATIONS LIVING IN LIVING IN FEED YOUR FEED YOUR

JULY 2021 JULY GENERATION GENERATION CRAZY GEN-Z CRAZY GEN-Z

WANDERLUST WANDERLUST UNAPOLOGETIC UNAPOLOGETIC THE AMBITIOUS THE AMBITIOUS RELATIONSHIPS RELATIONSHIPS RELATIONSHIPS RELATIONSHIPS FROZEN TREATS FROZEN TREATS

WITH LOVE FROM MOTHER SPEAKING ARTWORKS PARENTING PARENTING SINGLE THE MINDEST GAME! WITH LOVE FROM MOTHER SPEAKING ARTWORKS PARENTING PARENTING SINGLE GAME! THE MINDEST

WOMANʼS ERA JULY 2021

JULY 2021 Vol 45, Issue No. 1115 womansera.com BUILDS HAPPY HOMES

10 Articles 16 18 32 IT’S TIME WE MADE SPEAKING ARTWORKS FROM MOTHER WITH THE MINDEST GAME! GOOD WITH THE WITH BANDANA JAIN LOVE A. MAHESHWARI SINGLE PARENTHOOD R. KRISHNARAJA SUJATHA RAO

34 COMFY LOCKDOWN 84 IT’S 4 AM! MALIKA ADITI MAHESHWARI LET’S TALK IT OUT! SUJATHO 35 THE AMBITIOUS GIRL! 88 FORWARD ‘SOCH KE’ SANDEEP HATTANGADI RAMA KASHYAP 36 HAPPY 92 INITIATING RELATIONSHIPS CONVERSATIONS AROUN DR. SANJAY TEOTIA MICRO AGGRESSIONS ADITI MAHESHWARI 40 45 THE ALLURE OF THE EVENING SKY 94 MEAT CONSUMPTION RENUKA KRISHNARAJA MANEKA SANJAY GANDHI 46 TATTO TRENDS IN 100 FIBROMYALGIA GENERATION Z DEVAYANI MEDHEKAR 52 ANANT RASA BY 102 PANDEMIC- RELATIONS AAMOD, MALIKA CHUGH UTTARAKHAND Frozen Treats! ● Ice Cream Bonbons 104 TEARS FROZEN ON ● 54 VENERATION GAP COLD STONES Fried Ice Cream Cookery I.M. SONI ● RAJSHEKHAR PANT Fluffernutter Milkshake ● Red Velvet Ice Cream Cake 56 START BUDGETING! 107 UNDERSTANDING ● Strawbeery soup with Ice Cream SUJATHA RAO ● Chocolate & Vanilla Ice Cream THE MIS- ● Cold Coffee Latte 76 PRACHEEN KALA UNDERSTANDING ● Cinnamon French Toast with KENDRA’S GOLDEN PREETHA RENGASWAMY Ice Cream JUBILATIONS ● Apple Cake A La Mode SUDIPTO MULLICK 110 HOW TO CHOOSE A ● Easy Frozen Mud Pie HOME INSURANCE ● Mochi Ice Cream 80 FEED YOUR POLICY ● Brownies with Chocolate and WANDERLUST SUBHASH DHALL Almond Ice Cream ADITI MAHESHWARI 68 64 LIVE-IN IS NOT LIVING IN SIN SANJEEV SIROHI 15 MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS AND ME 33 NEW LAUNCHES 44 THE INCIDENT I CANNOT FORGET 50 GREATEFULLY YOURS 51 HOW I SAVED MY MARRIAGE 67 PERSONAL PROBLEMS Fiction 6 75 I AM PREGNANT 48 THE STRANGER WHO 86 WHISPERS IN THE TAUGHT ME LOVE AND NIGHT 79 CHILD CHALLENGES VASUDHA MURTHY CINEPLEX LIVE LIFE 87 HOW I WAS DUPED RIMLI BHATTACHARYA 108 EXPECTATION AND 90 LOVELY DREAM (POEM) 60 THE CURSED GIRL REALISATION 97 YOUR BODY SUDHA VISHWANATHAN JYOTI GALADA 99 KITCHEN QUERIES 103 BEAUTY QUERIES Editor, Printer & Publisher OFFICES DIVESH NATH Mumbai: 1704, Lodha Supremus, 114 TEENACHE Dr E Moses Marg, Worli Naka, Published on behalf of Delhi Printing & Worli, Geeta Talkies Building, Publishing Co. Pvt. Ltd. Mumbai-400018 [email protected] Phone: 09810160122 Printed at: B-23, Site-3, Industrial Area, EDITORIAL, ADVERTISEMENT & Features Meerut Road, Ghaziabad, PUBLICATION OFFICE Uttar Pradesh - 201003 Delhi Press Building, E-3, Jhandewala Estate, Fashion Founder: Vishwa Nath (1917-2002) Rani Jhansi Marg, New Delhi-110 055. Phone: 011-47377777. 1. Contribution articles and stories [email protected] Title WOMANʼS ERA registered with Government of India as trade mark. 2. For advertising and product promotion queries: Copy sale, subscription, 30 all advertisers and writers can [email protected] 20 send mail to: 3. To participate in features: HANDCRAFTED WITH [email protected] Womanʼs Era Delhi Press ETHNICITY 4. Opinion on articles: E-3, Jhandewala Estate, [email protected] New Delhi-110055. INDIA 5. Subscriptions and others: [email protected] www.womansera.com

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TODDLER TRENDS The names of characters used in all ISSN 0971-1503 fiction and semi-fiction articles are No article, story, photo or any other matter can be reproduced fictitious. from this magazine without written Cover courtesy: permission. COPYRIGHT NOTICE This copy is sold on the condition that Sharat Chandra © Delhi Printing & Publishing jurisdiction for all disputes concerning 28 Model: Kasturi Rout Co. Pvt. Ltd. sale, subscription and published matter New Delhi-110 055. INDIA. will be forums/tribunals at Delhi. DIMONDS FOR RADIANCE Self-addressed stamped envelopes must be enclosed with all manuscripts, otherwise the rejected material will not be returned. No responsibility is assumed for material submitted for publication. EDITORIAL imagination. What is to come could either be more dreadful or a new Censorship or Upmanship? way of living, one’s With the pulling up of various social media bodies prospective will hold which are operated out of America, the BJP the key. The most government has set new rules in motion. It should be troubling factor during looked at both ways, as written earlier in edits column. the pandemic has been As far as social media is concerned it will be difficult for government policies all the government to let go of it since a lot of around the world. government, its politicians and functionaries depend Being in a state of flux the top government officials and upon the American system for any communication. The politicians are unable to decide what is best for the technical obsolescence of India of the coolie culture in country. Also the political opposition during these times the IT industry, has not let India develop any major have receded due to reasons of health failure, financial application, like the Chinese, that can replace the failure and the like. present American social media networks. As written In India even corruption has taken a backseat since earlier in my column, India will have to pay a price for it. there are not many tenders being floated and not many And it is not just in taxes but also in the unyielding political party leaders being able to conduct business. power that these media networks bring with them. And the bars are closed, so no DESH MUKH style Investment in media by foreign companies is restricted robbery. Most of the movements by NGOs and agencies by the Parliament. Cross-border media cannot be have taken a backseat. Pollution has been at its all-time restricted in this age of communication. Needless to say low, the weather has been strong and the harvest has the Indian government, and the present BJP regime is been rosy, all being topped by lower consumption. Silos paying the price for it. Even if they are taxed, their are overflowing. Hence an entire economy and a system voices cannot be suppressed. By taking away the of working which depended upon unreasonable intermediaries status, does not have any effect on the amounts of consumption has had to revert itself in functioning of the app or its audience. The only thing order to survive. To say that it will be survival of the that will be affected is the bill for a large law firm. It fittest will be wrong since the fittest pre-pandemic had appears that the BJP government has run out of clues a different fundamental, or was a different animal in on how to buy in to this newly developed social media this corporate world. People most affected during the power, which at one time was their chosen weapon pandemic are young student-children just out of school, against the spokesmanship of congress and coming employees at their first job and government servants back into power. The way things stand at the moment, recently have joined waiting to be assigned work. The is that the government is battling technology, of end to next big losses would be of policies and law which were end encryption for WhatsApp, and the twitterati, who invented for many subjects pre-pandemic but those cannot leave their fingers off the Twitter app, guided by subject matter do not exist anymore. It will take good the laws that were formulated by the same regime amount of time to learn and understand as to how new hundreds years back- that is the British. life will be led. If the third wave was to strike India, it In the days to come, the non-complying social media should be of a lesser proportion than the second in networks, will agree to the government’s proposition India, since people are prepared and also the and start backing the government again. The BJP has an governments are prepared to create an emergency war- uphill battle in the UP and the other eight states, which room. Hopefully the war room will play out properly go to polls. Even Gujarat is going to be a battle and it and not be limited to mudslinging between political appears that social media is not helping them this time. parties. The biggest loser in the during the beginning of In order to get their own rhetoric communicated the pandemic era has been the government and properly, through this media the government is simply political parties, which is quite clear. All over the world calling its power for the media networks to pay heed the parties which are in power have to remain in power and march as per instructions. no matter what their compulsion. And the amount of investment which has gone into public sector What holds in line for the third wave companies all around the world will have to remain intact so that the wealth of the nation remains intact. of pandemic? This is a certain paradox to the way we live life since Retrospectively speaking January 2020 must have most of the systems and law is designed to change, been the best year or quarter for most businesses in whenever there is a problem or need of the hour. India. Even if those businesses were making a loss, they During the pandemic populations of the world are stuck were funded by the banks and governments were with the same set of rules regulations and the elected behind them. 14 to 16 months of the pandemic has government that they may want to dislodge. changed many things beyond proportion and [email protected]

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 5 CinePlex

n an interview with Asian Age, IShilpa Shetty had revealed, “MrKundrahadafewthings of mine, and he flew all the way from London to Mumbai to give them to me. On the first day, he sent me a colourful bag, and the next day, he sent me another bag. I immediately picked up the phone and made it clear to him that nothing could happen between us as I was not interested in shifting base from Mumbai to London.” She had further shared, “At that point, I was planning to settle down, and he told me that he was planning to settle down as well. He gave me his Mumbai address and asked me to meet him. That’s how I ended up going on my first date with Mr Kundra.”

Kamya Punjabi slams Vikas Gupta for claiming that he dated late ikas Gupta has claimed that Pratyusha Banerjee Vhe had dated Pratyusha Banerjee for a short span of time. His revelation came as a surprise five years after her death. “Pratyusha isn’t there to tell the world whether it’s true or incorrect. She isn’t there to verify these claims. Why is Vikas talking about his past with her now? Fame chahiye ki kya chahiye? I don’t appreciate it at all. I didn’t read or watch the interview. I don’t want toknowkiPratyushakebaaremein sach likha hai, jhooth likha hai ya tareef likhi hai.” Earlier Pratyusha’s then-boyfriend Rahul Raj Singh had also revealed that Vikas has never dated Pratyusha and is just using her name for two minutes of fame. From Bollywood... Neena Gupta reveals eena Gupta is one such Satish Kaushik had proposed her when Nactress who never shies shewaspregnantwithMasaba away from speaking her mind. She recently launched her autobiography “Sach Kahun Toh” where she talked at length about her professional highs and personal lows. Neena had revealed that ace filmmaker Satish Kaushik had offered to marry her when she was pregnant with Masaba out of wedlock. Hehadalsoaskedhernotto worry even if the child is born dark-skinned, they will say that the child is his and eventually they will get married and no one will suspect a thing. The actress had revealed, “Don’t worry, if the child is born with dark skin, you can just say it’s mine and we’ll get married. Nobody will suspect a thing.” She had further added, “I have respect for him, he respects me and so, she has respect for both of us. It’s ushant Singh Rajput was born a very simple thing.” Sin Patna, Bihar on 21st of January 1986. He was very fond of his mother Usha Singh who passed away in 2002. ● Sushant had achieved 7th rank in AIEEE and also won the National First Death Anniversary: Lesser-known Olympiad in Physics. He also facts about Sushant Singh Rajput enrolled himself in the Delhi College of Engineering now known as Delhi Technical University but after completing three years he dropped out to pursue a career in acting. ● HecametoMumbaiand joined Shiamak Davar’s dance troupe which bagged him a chance to appear in the title track of Dhoom 2 as a background dancer. ● He finally made his acting debut in Ekta Kapoor’s daily soap titled “Kis Desh Mein Hai Mera Dil'' in a supporting role. ● His fascination with space and astronomy was no secret he also owned a top-notch telescope called Meade 14 LX600. He had also bought a piece of Lunar land named “Mare Moscoviense” or the “Sea of Muscovy”. Ranveer Singh’s reaction when Ranbir Kapoor said, “Watching porn is unhealthy and dark” ow we have stumbled upon Nan old video where Ranveer Singh and Ranbir Kapoor can be seen discussing casual sex, hookups, and porn. Ranbir left everyoneamazedwhenhesaid that he finds causal sex worse than masturbation. RK said, “Porn is not good. It is violent, unhealthy and dark.” After listening to RK’s answer, Ranveer Singh, who was sitting right beside him on the couch mockingly said, “You’re watching the wrong kind of porn bro.” On the personal front, Ranbir Kapoor is currently dating Alia Bhatt and the two seem to be going strong. Rumors of their wedding keep surfacing on social media every now and then. While Ranveer Singh is happily married to Deepika Padukone.

Third-time pregnant Lisa Haydon’s sassy reply to trolls saying, “You are pregnant all the Time s the actress is pregnant Afor the third time, the netizens are leaving no stone unturned to bully her. A few hours ago, she had shared a picture from her shoot with Harper's Baazar Magazine. In the picture, Lisa can be seen exuding a pregnancy glow and flaunting her baby bump. While some of the fans were really delighted to catch a glimpse of her, some of her fans left no chance to bully her. A user commented, “It seems like you are pregnant all the time!! Do you love being pregnant?” To which the actress gave a sassy reply, she wrote, “Yes, I do, it's a very special time. But also, no, not anymore. I look forward to life after childbirth.” engali actress turned Bpolitician Nusrat Jahan has Nusrat Jahan’s photo flaunting baby been hitting the headlines for all the wrong reasons lately. bump goes viral after controversy with And now a photo of Nushrat ex-husband Nikhil Jain flaunting a baby bump is going viral on social media. Dressed in a white maternity dress Nushrat can be seen exuding a pregnancy glow posing with actress Srabanti Chatterjee. Fans have flooded the comments section with congratulatory messages for the actress. Earlier there were reports that Nusrat’s estranged husband Nikhil Jain has claimed that the baby is not his. Nikhil Jain has claimed that he is not even aware of her pregnancy and has said that thebabycan’tbehisbecausethey are not in touch for months. The actress is allegedly dating actor turned politician Yash Dasgupta although the actress has denied such rumors.

Kareena Kapoor revealed that Babita Kapoor raised her and Karisma without any areena Kapoor and financial support from The Kapoors KKarisma Kapoor were brought up single- handedly by their mother Babita and they had no financial support from the Kapoor family. In a throwback interview, Kareena Kapoor had opened up about facing a financial crisis before Karisma made it big in the industry. In an interview, Kareena Kapoor had revealed that their mother has taken care of both of them single-handedly, “Mum was always doing something, she single-handedly brought us up. It was tough. Though my father is also an important factor in my life.” When asked if they had any financial support from the Kapoor’s she had revealed, “We were left alone to fend for ourselves.Butnowweseemore of our father, though we did not see him often in our initial years. Weareafamilynow.” It’s time we made good with the Single Parenthood

Surviving and thriving. By Sujatha Rao

ccording to the 'Progress of of One Parent Households (OPHs) in percent for the dual parent Athe World's Women 2019- India has doubled from 4% in 2015 to households. This is majorly because 2020' report by United 7.5% in 2020. Another report by only about 26% of these single Nations Women, an estimated 4.5 Euromonitor International has mother households receive an percent of all Indian households projected that very soon India is income of their own according to (which translated to 13 million in slated to have the fourth highest the Demographic and Health 2019) are run by single mothers. number of OPHs after the US, China Survey. Reportedly another 32 million single and Japan. mothers are living in extended At 38%, the poverty rate of such The following data from the said families. single-mother households in India is UN report gives an overview of the In the last four years, the number significantly higher than the 22.6 situation both globally and in India:

Household Classifications: Global & India

Global India Couples living with their Couples living with their children (of any age) 38% children (of any age) 46.7% Extended families 27% Extended families 31.2% One-person 13% One-person 12.5% Lone-parent families 8% Lone-parent families 7.5%

More than eight of every ten lone- 4.5% of all households are lone-mother parent houeholds are headed by households, this transiates int 13 women. Based on data fromm 89 million households where women live countries. It is estimated there are alone with their children. Another 32 101.3 million households where single million live in extende households. mothers live alone with their children.

Poverty in lone-mother Poverty in lone-mother households households is much greater than is 38% in comparison to in dual parent households with 22.6% for dual-parent households. children aged 6 or younger

Source: The figures of the World’s Women 2019-2020 : Families in a changing World (United Nations)

THOUGH THERE ARE NO BLACK AND WHITE children tend to become more POSITIVES OR NEGATIVES AS A FALL OUT OF THE creative as they tend to indulge in solitary pursuit hobbies such as SINGLE PARENTING, THERE ARE CERTAIN BROAD drawing, writing, painting, stitching, THEMES THAT CAN FALL INTO EITHER, THOUGH solving puzzles, reading, writing, THESE BUCKETS THEMSELVES ARE SUBJECTIVE craft work etc. out of necessity as well as individual interest. ONES WITH BLURRED BOUNDARIES. Responsibility: Shobita is the single parent of her two daughters. Reasons negative by the other and vice As Shobita works long hours, her The reasons for single parenting versa, as human reactions to events daughters have learnt to carry can be quite varied right from the happen to be extremely complex. themselves with greater death or separation of the spouse responsibility. to the one arising out of one’s own Positive Impact choice through adoption / Creativity: Pooja is the only Confidence: Shobita’s children surrogacy/ opting for a sperm daughter of her parents. Having are also more forthcoming in terms donor, or children born out of lost her father very early on, she of carrying out chores for the family wedlock etc., during the times that learned to spend time on her own such as buying stuff for the house we live in. through drawing, painting, craft etc., and hence are more confident. work etc. Like Pooja, many single Them of parentig Negative Impact Though there are no black and Void: Mother and Father are the white positives or negatives as a fall two most fundamental relationships out of the single parenting, there in anyone’s life and being deprived are certain broad themes that can of one of them leaves a void that fall into either, though these can hardly be filled. Saritha’s only buckets themselves are subjective son feels deprived of the presence ones with blurred boundaries. I of his father as he sees his peers must hasten onto add here that with two parents during the regular these are once again dependent on PTA meetings, annual functions the individual situations and etc., notwithstanding the children involved therein, since extraordinary efforts put in by his what is viewed as a positive by one mother to fill the same. could as well be deemed to be a Insecurity: Loss of a parent for whatever reason leaves the child feeling more insecure especially during their growing up years. The following lines from the very popular Broadway “Dear Evan Hansen” very poignantly sum up this feeling. That night, I tucked you into bed I will never forget how you sat up and said "Is there another truck coming to our driveway? A truck that will take mommy away" And the house felt so big, and I felt so small! Vulnerability: Single children may IT IS VERY CRUCIAL become more vulnerable as they are deprived of the protection of two FOR A SINGLE PARENT, loving parents while growing up. TO KEEP THE Due to this, they may fall a prey to COMMUNICATION various kinds of abuse from even CHANNELS OPEN WITH the close members of the family at times, as the unsuspecting single THE CHILDREN BY parent reaches out to these people TAKING THEM INTO for help. In certain cases, they may CONFIDENCE AND tend to become emotionally vulnerable too due to the lack EXPLAINING THINGS TO thereof of adequate authoritative THEM IN AN AGE- and protective environment at APPROPRIATE home during those confusing years MANNER. IT IS BEST TO of adolescence. BE HONEST WITH THEM Pressure: Anindita’s daughter ABOUT THE REASONS finds it hard to live up to the FOR YOUR BREAK-UP standards of her demanding father as there is no buffering of pressure WITH YOUR SPOUSE IF from the missing mother who THAT IS WHAT LED TO passed away when she was very YOUR SINGLE PARENT of your maid or baby sitter, sudden small. Many a time, she finds STATUS. sickness of yourself or your child herself to be the target of all that is can seem like insurmountable pent up inside her father. issues. This is when you need to neighbours, extended family draw from that strong support Handle the Challenges members friends so as to overcome system. Following are a few tips to all those daily challenges life throws But remember, even then, it’s handle the challenges that arise out at you. When you are working and you who has to be the strongest of single parenting from my own single parenting, even innocuous pillar of your support system, at the personal experience and from the events like transport strike, absence cost of stretching yourself beyond experiences of the friends I happened to observe from the close quarters.

Keep the communication Leading channels open: It is very crucial for a single parent, to keep the Fashion and communication channels open with the children by taking them into Glamour confidence and explaining things to them in an age-appropriate manner. It is best to be honest with them Photographer about the reasons for your break-up with your spouse if that is what led harat Chandra is a fashion unconventional lighting and to your single parent status. Sand glamour photographer angles. Children are more mature than we and film producer from Cover Picture was shot by give them credit for, and it’s better Mumbai. He has shot many Sharat Chandra fashion to deal with them with fashion brands and editorials. Photographer Kasturi Rout has transparency. He has developed an individual elegantly posed in this picture . style that’s artistic and The outfit has been designed by Build a strong support system: glamorous. He is known for his Sujata & Sanjay Mumbai. They say ‘it takes a village to raise a Contact details: 9820056198 child’ and this is so very true in the case of single parents. If you are a Instagram: @Sharatchandraphotography single parent, you need to seek help Email: [email protected] from reliable and trustworthy

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 13 Summing Up All said and done, while being very demanding and difficult, on a personal level, single parenting can also become the most rewarding and enriching experience for that parent as well as the child. It gives an opportunity of a lifetime bonding with each other, leaving in its trail a treasure trove of memories and shared experiences that might leave a lasting imprint of love on the children, even after the single parent is gone. More often than not, for the children, the single parent becomes their most favourite hero of sorts in life as they would have witnessed and shared the toughest journey of the single parent from the closest quarters possible. Whether we like it or hate it, single parenting is a growing trend across the globe and it appears as though it’s here not only to stay, but also to grow. What the single parents need your limits at times. One of my she does multiple jobs with flexible from the society, is not sympathy single parent friends once said, “I working hours. So it pays to choose but empathy, and the need to be save and spend all my leaves at a job that offers work from home treated without discrimination or work only for the needs of my option or flexible working hours for bias. child.” a while. Since it’s no longer something that can be ignored or brushed Take one day at a time: It Don’t try to be perfect: Those aside, it’s time we as a society becomes overwhelming when you family members or that baby sitter make good with single parenting think of the years ahead of you or that nanny will never be a perfect by building a conducive before your child becomes substitute for you. In fact, there can atmosphere for growth for all kinds independent. It is a journey into the never be a substitute for the parent of families – OPHs or otherwise. unknown with so many days that is missing – not even you. But The 2016 change in the passport throwing unforeseen challenges at it’s okay. Sometimes the best way application finally accepting one you. But focus on one day and one to bond with your child is to let him parent’s name in the children’s challenge at a time with the or her know that you are only passport application form is a small realization that with each passing human. Tough situations make case in point. As Robin Williams day, you are nearing your goal. children stronger, with proper beautifully put it in the concluding communication, understanding and speech in the movie Mrs. Choose a job with flexible hours, loads of love. Doubtfire, if you can: With her husband “There are all sorts of different working abroad, Vinita found it very Let the child bond with both families. difficult to continue her job in an parents: It’s the responsibility of the Some families have one mommy, MNC in Hyderabad due to long parents living separately not to some families have one daddy, or working hours with a skewed traumatize the child with their two families. And some children live gender ratio at her office, making it individual issues with each other. with their uncle or aunt. Some live all the more difficult for her to One of the difficult parts of the with their grandparents, and some tackle those meetings set up close single parenting is to let the child children live with foster parents. to the day end, or those month end breathe free and grow into an adult ………. But if there's love... those loads making work stretch into late without being constantly are the ties that bind, and you'll nights etc. bombarded with the bitterness that have a family in your heart, Hence, she took a break. Today exists between his/her parents. forever.” We

14 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 As a result, my husband has been relaxing My Family, My Friends and Me... and behaving as if he is on leave – especially since his ex-employer began taking his old staff back. & So, the atmosphere in our home is quite A without tension. Q This makes my husband’s recent behavior all the stranger. What happened was this. During the last week my company has been AM AN EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL STUDYING IN COLLEGE. I AM having its annual stock-taking and I have been rather IAN only child and pampered a lot by my parents. A few overworked. So, on two occasions I asked my husband to months ago, when we went to our native place, my help me by undertaking some household chores. father’s brother told my father that he was worried about The first time it was to go out and buy some provisions his daughter (who is, of course, my cousin) saying that I had run short of and the second time it was to bring in after she had completed her college graduation, she didn’t the washing that was hanging outside as it had suddenly know what she wanted to do next. begun to rain. The first time, he did not say anything and To my utter dismay, my father at once said that she he quietly did what I asked him to. But the second time, to should come and stay with us and that it would not be my shock, he exploded with anger and shouted that I was difficult for her to get a job in the big city in which we insulting him. He then threw things about and stormed lived. My uncle at one agreed and so did my cousin. out of the house. My dismay was because I did not want to share my I was very upset, but I had to leave for work and did so, parents with anyone, but after my father had offered to after leaving the front door key with my neighbor. That take my cousin with us to our home, I could not do whole day nothing went well at work and I grew more and anything and she came with us when we returned. more angry at my husband’s behavior. When I returned Now, I am angry because I have to share my parents that evening, my husband was at home. He didn’t say with her and am behaving very badly with my cousin. My anything to me and neither did I speak to him. parents are very upset with me but my cousin is behaving Three days have passed and the cold war in our home as if she doesn’t mind my behavior. Due to this I don’t is continuing. I am still furious with my husband. I have think that I need to change the way I am acting. Am I never asked him to do any household chores before this, right? but is it so wrong of me to do so? After all, I work harder I am sure that you know the answer to that question. than he does as I both earn and do housework. And I am Whether your cousin realizes it or not, you know that you just a year younger than he is. are behaving badly and that is surely reason enough for You have been doing housework as well as working in you to change your deplorable ways. Besides, your office all these years, but you have never asked your parents are unhappy with your behavior and that is a husband to do any household chores before this, have second reason for you to behave better. you? It is also more than likely that your cousin is more Then why did you ask him to do some now? Was it mature than you and, though she is upset with your because he was sitting idle and you, therefore, thought behavior she has decided that she should not show her that he may as well help you out? It was probably this feelings, because if she did it could cause a rift in the thinking on your part that upset your husband. family. You say that your husband’s boss had assured all the So, you should show more maturity and change your staff he laid off that he would take them back as soon as behavior. And since you do not have any siblings, you possible and that therefore your husband was relaxing should accept this gift of a sister gratefully. and having a holiday. ● That may be true, but it does not mean that your HAT WITH DEMONETIZATION AND ITS ACCOMPANYING husband was not worried or tense. After all no one likes Wproblems, many enterprises are either closing being laid off. This is probably why your husband down or downsizing and people are losing their exploded with anger when you asked him to do some jobs. Unfortunately, my forty-eight-year-old husband chores. worked in one such company and is one of those who was You should, therefore, take the first step now and laid off. That was eight months ago. apologies to him for having asked him to do some The situation, however, was not too bad for us since I housework. have a good job and we do not have any children to worry But after he is back at his job, you should raise the about. subject again and tell him that he too has responsibilities There is also the fact that the owner of the company towards the running of the house. my husband worked in is a very decent man and he has After all, besides doing housework, you have assured all the employees he laid off that he would take undertaken to help in bringing in the money you both them back at the same salaries as soon as possible. need to live a good life.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 15 Speaking Artworks with Bandana Jain Aiming to create thought-provoking artwork.

andana Jain is a Bcontemporary artist and a design expert. An award- winning personality strongly connects with the idea of sustainability. Her love for the environment is vividly visible from the kind of work she does. She is passionate about working with recycled materials to create something stunning. Her work is not just a piece of art but a cause to make the world a better place to live in. Her artwork has been highly recognized by the well-known personalities and art connoisseurs in the country. Having sufficient experience at hand she has also entered into art curation which gives her an opportunity to inform, Diversity & Inclusion: To create a sustainable change, diversity and educate and inspire the public. inclusion must be integrated. Always aiming to create thought- What’s the difference between paper, I curate my ideas from the provoking artwork. art and craft? visuals I see around me. It’s always a Craft is to show the creativity of start by clicking a picture, minds and intricacies of hands. It is converting that into a small about making some visually miniature, and then just trusting my appealing things. instinct for the best outcome. Bandana Jain is a While art is deeper, it is a contemporary concoction of emotional values and What’s the most Bad-ass artist and a design reflection of an artist’s experience inspiration you have had up till now? expert. through her creations. Art is Have you converted that to art? independent, art is powerful, it has How about I tell you that the depth and dimension to change the mindset of the society in a very subtle or a very strong way. That’s why art is neither bound to be beautiful nor meant to be silent. Art speaks!

Please describe to us your process of working? Also which part of it do you enjoy the most? I am a visualizer, so I take inspiration from things or circumstances I see around me. The world is a canvas for me. When I work I take a portion of it, which I really want to develop.Hence, more Perfectly Imperfect: Embrace your than the creation of my thoughts on imperfections! simple creases and folds of my bed telling your story. Vibrant street art sheet made me win Elle Décor decorates buildings all around the International Design Awards and I world. Artists are a vehicle to voice was a star overnight. Yes, I believe universal emotion. in the beautiful Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi. Beauty lies in You are going international, what imperfections. This gives me a will be your approach? blissful feeling of embracing my I have often been told that the imperfection. The title of my kind of work I am doing has a larger artwork was Perfectly Imperfect. market for it overseas. Art has wider audience internationally What do you do when you feel People are still being made aware of short of inspiration? How do you the novelty of art. I aspire to be a recover from it? part of the biggest International Art It is hard to gain a perspective Exhibitions like Venice Biennale, Art when you are in the midst of such Restoration of Humanity: Basel, etc. I would like to be uncertainty, to make sense of what Depression can ignite inspiration! associated with reputed architects is going on and how the future will A visual representation of us, & contemporary art galleries across emerge. If asked, “what did the in the pandemic. the world. pandemic eventually teach us?” I would only say how stronger and experience of garbage segregation What advice would you give to evolved I have come out of this at the source. Where all the emerging female artists entering the critical period, wherein each day we discarded material directly goes for art world? have all evaluated ourselves on so upcycling or recycling without any There is one thing that has got many aspects and tried to hassle. And here we are still me where I am. For you to conquer overcome our weaknesses. I think struggling to maintain just 2 dustbins the world, you need to have a strong of this period as the golden period. for dry and wet waste. It is so far- thought process. People should It’s the period when everyone has fetched for us that we don’t even respect you for what you believe. In taken out time to introspect think of giving any space for a 2nd the end, it’s all about how you can themselves. Isolation ignites dustbin in the kitchen. It was then communicate, show depth in your inspiration. Take Einstein, for when I understood the vitality of this work. Originality is a must! example, who proved his theory of word and now it’s a part of me. relativity during the Spanish Flu when a quarter of the world’s 9 Years and you have made a population was wiped away. I for mark in the industry, how did you myself observed things very manage to do it so fast? differently compared to when I 9 years seem a lot to me. Though wasn’t quarantined. It made me from an artist's point of view I think create one of the most stunning I am blessed. One thing I can say is pieces of art, the Restoration of that there are three keywords: Humanity. This artwork is inspired confidence, uniqueness, and by my isolation in the pandemic. awareness which made it possible for me. I was always confident Sustainability became an industry about my work although it is quite buzzword now, you are encouraging unconventional. it since a decade. How did you first come across sustainability? Why Public art? I remember 9 years ago I was in I knew how strong public art was #ThrowItToGrowIt: A Christmas tree: Switzerland when for the first time in terms of expressing! But I was A satirical visual of the landfill. I encountered 6 dustbins inside the assured when I did it. It was a kitchen with an instruction note on Christmas Tree that gave a satirical What is that one quote you live the wall. There were different visual of the landfill, made out of your life by? dustbins for glass, paper, plastic, 700 plastic bags at the Mount NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. food waste, bio waste, and others. Mary’s church Bandra. Can you believe this, I had never As an artist, I believe Public Art is Instagram Profile: used more than one dustbin in my an excellent form to convey instagram.com/bandanajain_ entire life in India. And there were powerful social messages to our Website: bandanajain.com/ six. That was my first-hand audience. It's all about creatively Linkedin: bandana-jain-2470a662/

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 17 Mother of three generation. By R. Krishnaraja

t’s quite startling to recall the THANKS TO THEIR willing to explore the cuisines of Iculinary journeys of our PERSEVERANCE, WE’VE different regions. grandmothers. To put forth a Well, frankly speaking, present- basic meal, they had to literally toil GROWN UP ON day mothers have all the desired in the kitchen with modest HEARTY DOSES OF means and gadgets, and endless resources day after day. Blowing recipes are at their fingertips too. into the firewood chulha in profuse SOFT IDLIS, HOT PURIS, Yet, catering to individuals who are heat and smoke, pounding on the DELIGHTFUL PULAVS, spoilt for choice is no easy task. Ask grinding stone, fetching water from AND WHATNOT. AND any mother, she would agree with a reliable source were all parts and that. Yes, there are eateries around parcel of their daily rituals. THE ARRIVAL OF every corner and there are ready-to- Nevertheless, the colossal pot COOKING GAS, eat packs as well, but that is not a brimming with rice and the MIXER-GRINDER, rooted solution. Even so, there cauldrons of flavorsome curries that could be no match to fresh home- ensued were profoundly REFRIGERATOR, INTO cooked meals. sumptuous. How we would hog it HOUSEHOLDS PERHAPS Thus, to array an assortment of all, up to the last morsel, after our MADE THE MUNDANE dishes upon the table, mothers uninhibited play sessions during the venture into the realm of baking, summer holidays. CHORES LESS boiling, roasting, simmering, That satiating taste still lingers DAUNTING AND MORE sizzling, steaming, and frying with a on the palate. Those were the times EXCITING. lot more enthusiasm than their when everything on the plate – predecessors. So what if the from pickles to papads – was idlis, hot puris, delightful pulavs, noodles get burnt at times or the homemade. Starting on as little girls and whatnot. And the arrival of cookies turn out to be like their who matured into adulthood and cooking gas, mixer-grinder, distant cousins? With such chronic pitched towards old age whilst refrigerator, and water filter into trial and error sessions, today’s feeding their humongous extended households perhaps made the mothers can dish out anything from families, our grandmothers were mundane chores less daunting and instant noodles to multi-course women just two generations prior, more exciting. Special treats were meals. yet it seems like worlds apart. not just reserved for festive To conclude, mothers of every Moving on to the next occasions. As kids, home-made generation have their own share of generation, raised in conventional cakes and storable snacks were challenges, but what is common families, they apparently inherited completely habitual for us. among all is the abundance of the the legacy of their diligent mothers. Likewise, with new recipes being secret element called ‘love’ that Thanks to their perseverance, we’ve put out in magazines and makes mothers’ recipes second grown up on hearty doses of soft newspapers, our mothers were to none. We

18 Woman’s Era ● July 2021

Handcrafted with Ethnicity

Select the shiny ethnic from your life.

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Imagine your girl in this blue jumpsuit with contrasting pink clogs, the scale of coolness is hard to handle. The Mindset Game! Habits of People with Remarkable Mental Toughness. By A. Maheshwari

ental Toughness has Malways been an essential skill to learn and Covid has even more highlighted the importance of mental toughness. Mental toughness is the inner ability to endure the process to achieve greatness. To withstand any temptations, you need to be brave and courageous to say “No” to all the distractions. Easier said than done. But if you have the guts to stay determined you will always win. Overcoming fear is the no. one quality that needs to be developed. Everyone fears something, but you don’t need to let it rule you. Take steps to overcome it strategically. This will give you wings of freedom to leverage your best self. Another hurdle that creates trouble is that people are often confined and limited by their past. Never let your past make you believe you can’t have a bright future, whether it relates to your personal life or professional life, you can any minute change it for the better. An individual is not always completely aware of his/her potential. They need to be made aware of their hidden treasures by giving them an environment of nourishment and freedom to experiment. This will in turn illuminate their hidden qualities and talents.

Grit Rules Adversity and Failures are part of life. You simply can’t avoid them. But let grit rule the season of weaknesses and you’ll see what you are truly capable of. You’ll discover your true self in this process. You will realize just how brave and resilient you are. Failure doesn’t mean you are not Embracing Uncertainty “YES” to a life that others don’t good enough, or you lost your Mentally tough people are hard understand. They have the power to opportunity of a bright future. to break simply because they know stand alone for something they Instead, failure has many life is not a bed of roses and to truly believe in. They don’t get meanings, sometimes it means as achieve greatness, you need to swayed by the masses, instead they simple as to try again. Another time, endure the process and develop and are the game changers who are it could mean redirection to improve yourself to handle the initially exiled and not accepted by something far better. Other times, it greatness when you receive it. the societal conditioning. could mean work harder and deeper Gratification does not attract Their satisfaction lies in the into the concerned project to know them. Short term sacrifices for long efforts they have put in executing and understand the hidden aspects. term gains are their motto. They on their vision. What truly matters is you make themselves available to learn Their vocabulary has no place for understand the truth behind failure and grow on a constant basis. dis-empowering words like “I can’t” and navigate your way out of it. Just Creativity is their entertainment. or “I wish I was able to”. Stephen as we train our physical body while Risk taking is part of their Hawking is a real-life example of exercising, similarly we need to lifestyle, for they know life can’t mental toughness. train our mind to endure the tough offer them the best it has from the You have to be clear on what’s process of being resilient. Self-belief place of their comfort zones. They the “WHY” behind everything you and creative problem-solving skills understand what it means to say do. We are the working equipment’s of a truly resilient individual. Believe in Yourself! Confidence comes when you know “what” you are doing and Matching Feet With “why” you are doing it. Clarity is a super power. Remember, you need Grand Daughter to realize the difference between Everyone’s eyes are set on you, profession and restarted learning where you have control and where watching you dancing and at the Kathak in the late ’40s. you can’t control and then put your end, the sound of claps is the Life had changed a lot but time and energy only on things you payment of the hard work you did Kathak is constant. Between all my can control like your efforts, to learn that. I feel the same when busy schedule at my clinic, discipline, time management, etc. I did Kathak with my marrying of my son and There is no point procrastinating by granddaughter daughter, and now a focusing on things outside your Shanaya at her school. grandmother, I never control like weather conditions, The performance title gave up my dancing. economy, etc. Be mentally flexible was “Khana So Ja Kathak is an to give yourself the gift of Jara” choreographed undetachable part of acceptance. Accepting the reality by me. my life. for what it is will help you leverage The love for Kathak Today my your energy and resources on areas emerged inside me granddaughter Shanaya where you can truly make a almost ten years ago, I is about 5 years old and difference. Dr. Rekha Suman got we both performed Mentally strong people don’t inspired by one of my together at her School’s take rejections personally. Because daughter’s friends, cultural program they understand that they can’t be Richa who was function. The feeling for everyone, but they are definitely pursuing Kathak. was awesome. for someone. Mentally strong When I saw her Your passion gives people have a trait to connect with dancing on the stage, a little spark you wings to fly, and learning has like-minded people. People who can generates in my heart, I couldn’t no age bar. Today, I am a proud help them shine their true light and stop myself. I move my chair and woman to inspire others, to keep also help them learn and grow in the child inside me came over, I going, keep learning and always be the process. They don’t entertain flutter my eyes like a teenage girl young at heart. Learning Kathak is negative, small thinking, and in love and said “I also want to do a realization of freedom to me, narcissist’s traits and distance this”. She suggested to me a practicing Kathak after a stressful themselves from such people who kathak dancer and teacher Rachna day at the clinic and home is pull them back. Yadav. I am a cosmetologist by extremely liberating.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 33 Comfy Lockdown Wardrobe musts for this lockdown season. By Mallika

he pandemic has forced all of Comfortable pajamas Tus to stay indoors. Most of Comfortable pajamas are a must the people are operating their in this lockdown season. Pajamas work from their homes. It makes it a can be worn all day long with any must to have these clothes in your shirt. The work from home office wardrobe: workers also tend to wear pajamas with a good top because it is comfortable, cost effective and durable. Different color of pajamas can be bought to add variety and color in the wardrobe. They can Soft slippers even be mixed with Indian attires Soft slippers are a must. As most such ad long Kurtis. Pajamas are of the people are inside their airy and comfortable for the hot homes. The sole of the slipper summer months. They allow the should be soft. Hard slippers can skin to breathe and prevent any create medical issues such as corn. kind of skin infections in the hot Slippers with a rough sole can give humid weather of Indian summers. cracks on the heal which can be really painful. The best slippers for spending long hours indoors are slipper with a soft sole allowing the proper movement of the foots.

Smart watches Smart watches are the need of Semi formal shirts the hour while talking about the Semi formal would be a good buy lockdown season. The smart for the lockdown season. They can watches would count the steps be worn by office goers. They can taken, calories burned, calories combine the semi formals with consumed and so on. This would comfortable lowers for their online help the people monitor their office meetings. This would help activity and the calorie intake while them being a smartly dressed they have been restricted to their executive in their office for being domestic realms. It would act as a dressed to the occasion and not healthy solution for people to looking too casual in the work from prevent them from gaining home regime. Semi formal shirts excessive weight and maintaining a can be purchased in a variety of healthy lifestyle in such difficult colors to provide adequate choice times. and variety to the individual. The Ambitious Girl! Lofty dreams and high expectations. By Sandeep Hattangadi

wapna belonged to a middle HER MOTHER TRIED TO said, “I want to model first by going Sclass family but she had lofty to Mumbai and become a dreams and high expectations PUT SOME SENSE INTO filmmaker.” Pradeep was surprised from her though she was plain HER BUT TO NO AVAIL. and praised her that she was indeed looking with average intelligence FINALLY SWAPNA planning a big dream and said, but she was hell bent on bagging a “Your dream and ambition is good groom who was rich and had a well MOVED ON TO MUMBAI but its too unrealistic. You need a paying job. Finally the day dawned AND STARTED HER lot of contacts and hard work for when an expectant groom with his that.” Swapna replied confidently, family came to see her. Swapna and STRUGGLE. WHAT SHE “Once I reach Mumbai I will achieve her sisters had all prepared her for ACHIEVED IS QUITE A all my dreams.” the ‘Interview’ and she came with a MYSTERY BUT SHE Pradeep asked, “So what about good saree draped and carrying tea our marriage?” Swapna said, “What in a beautiful tea set, she served the CERTAINLY PUT HER is your current job like?” Pradeep family of the groom. The groom’s BEST INTO HER. replied, “I am a clerk in government family was satisfied with the first service which is a well paying and a look of Swapna and immediately Swapna replied, “It’s my traditional stable job and I can get a transfer to said yes to the bride in waiting. house built by my grandfather when Mumbai to be with you.” Swapna When the discussions went further he was a big post engineer in the then met her mother downstairs the two families discussed the British company.” Pradeep queried, and said that she was not happy salary of the groom and their “What about your sisters?” Swapna with the match as she wanted expectations of dowry which they answered “My eldest sister is a someone in a higher position. Her said was not much. successful banker and married to a mother tried to put some sense into Finally Swapna and the groom finance consultant who is well her but to no avail. Finally Swapna were left alone to discuss their placed and my middle sister is an moved on to Mumbai and started views. Swapna said, “How did you advertising professional and her struggle. What she achieved is like the house?” The groom Pradeep married to a highly regarded ad quite a mystery but she certainly said, “It’s beautiful and I have never filmmaker.” Pradeep queried, put her best into her. Que Sera Sera! seen such houses in Indore before.” “What about you?” Swapna loftily Vive La Queen! We

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 35 The different ways to love your partner. By Dr. Sanjay Teotia

ifferent people bring out and Dactivate varying traits and alternate sides of each of us. As in, with one partner or friends, we might be one way. While with another different partner or friends, we may find whole other parts of ourselves emerging into the spotlight to even our own surprise. Every love, connection and reaction between two people is different. Layered with varying nuances, complexity and feeling. Is emotional availability something that we can choose consciously to turn on or off or is it and automatic reaction, instated determined by past experiences and inner temperament? SIT AND TALK ABOUT FUN AND ROMANTIC TIMES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, WHEN YOU WERE DATING, FIRST MARRIED ETC. ENJOY THE MEMORIES AND THINK ABOUT HOW TO BRING SOME OF THAT INTO THE PRESENT. MAKE SEDUCTIVE COMMENTS TO YOUR PARTNER THROUGHOUT THE EVENING. SEX CAN BE AN UNCOMFORTABLE TOPIC FOR COUPLES. True, genuine love begins prolonged, be creative in being about sex and put the relationship after the spell wears out sexually and sensually loving. Call first, despite the demands of work After the honeymoon ends and your partner unexpectedly during and kids. They discover sexual real life begins. This is great news, if the day or at night if they are out of pleasure through a variety of we know that actually loving town and talk sexy to him or her, methods, not just intercourse. someone starts at the end of the telling them how much you long to Sexually satisfied couples are buckling knees then we are touch his or her body, feel him or emotionally attuned to each other prepared, we don't give up. We her etc. inside and outside of the bedroom. don't think, oh, no it's over. My The Key to long term happiness heart doesn't flutter anymore. Is Conversation is the key then, sexually and otherwise, is for your relationship suffering from Sit and talk about fun and both partners to support and value boredom, stagnation or just a case romantic times in your relationship, their friendship. Love is one of the of the blahs, do you feel like you when you were dating, first married most universal human experiences have fallen out of love with your etc. Enjoy the memories and think of all-yet it's still not easy to define. spouse or life partner? While about how to bring some of that women tend to wait for the man to into the present. Make seductive Spend some quality time initiate romance, men often feel like comments to your partner together it is all on them and they like their throughout the evening. Sex can be Often, you just know it when you spouse to initiate. an uncomfortable topic for couples. feel it. A simple glance at the person Many of us feel embarrassed about may cause strong feelings of Appreciate your significant our bodies or have been sexually affection and attachment. You may other rejected at some point. Not to also feel an overwhelming need to It makes them feel loved, desired mention our culture and life make that person happy because and special just like it does for experiences which have created love is also an action, not just a women. Call your partner feelings of sexual shame, making feeling. Truly loving someone unexpectedly just to say you love romantic and intimate sex a scary means caring for them in the ways him or her and were thinking of him endeavor to even talk about. that they need to be cared for, with or her. Call your partner just to tell no strings attached (That's why them one thing you appreciate Embrace each phases of life they call it unconditional love). about them. When you come home, Researchers have found that There's not a one size fits all find your spouse and just hold him couples who have a great sex life instruction kit for how to love or her close for a moment, make sex a priority rather than the someone. What are love languages, prolonged hug, no words necessary. last item of a long to do list. They we all give and receive love in five Try a new way to make your love create space for intimacy and different ways, words of making more sensual and connection. These couples talk affirmation, acts of service,

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 37 nitpicky, critical and less accepting of their partner's individuality and freedom. Sexual connection While the quality of the relationship may be deteriorating, a fantasy bond still offers an impression of unity that gives us a certain sense of security. When we have formed this type of bond, being kind to our partner actually threatens to disrupt the sense of safety we experience. It forces us to acknowledge our partner as a separate person. Sexual connection is a vital aspect of most romantic relationships but it's not always as central as people may think. Partners have sex for self- interested reasons, it feels good and can boost self esteem and for receiving gifts, quality time and THAT IS NOT ALWAYS relationship focused reasons, it physical touch. So, you find enhances closeness and pleases someone you love and who loves TRUE, SOMETIMES someone they love. Over the long you back. Well played, hopefully you YOU HAVE TO GIVE A term, most couples will face sexual like them enough to want to keep LITTLE MORE THAN challenges as bodies change with them around for a long time. age and individual's desire for sex YOU TAKE FROM waxes and wanes (and generally Keep the romance alive RELATIONSHIPS AND declines). Unfortunately, it can sometimes THAT'S ANOTHER WAY be a little too easy to fall into a rut TO LOVE YOUR You know the saying, and to even mistake it for routine. relationships are fifty-fifty Luckily, there are plenty of things PARTNER. INTENSE That is not always true, you can do to show your love, keep LOVE DOES NOT sometimes you have to give a little the romance alive and make your MEASURE, IT JUST more than you take from beloved feel special. Just be kind is relationships and that's another the most important action we can GIVES. ONE OF THE way to love your partner. Intense take to improve our relationships MANY WAYS TO LOVE love does not measure, it just gives. and stay in love but it's actually YOUR PARTNER IS TO One of the many ways to love your really hard for most couples to take partner is to talk to each other daily. at a certain point in their TALK TO EACH OTHER This is a serious problem in relationship. Many couples make DAILY. THIS IS A relationships. We are too busy with the mistake of overly connecting to SERIOUS PROBLEM IN social media, with our kids or with each other and losing a sense of RELATIONSHIPS. friends. Yes, we may spend time themselves as separate people. together but are you really They begin to form an illusion of other. Without realizing it, couples communicating every day. Ask them fusion or fantasy bond. They start to form a fantasy bond in order to feel how their day went and really listen. overstep each other's boundaries a sense of safety. However, what Make eye contact or hold hands replace substance with form and they end up feeling is resentment while you chat. Think about when diminish real, personal interactions. and frustration. Instead of seeing you were dating and you wanted to their partner as someone they know everything about them. Make The fantasy world chose, they may feel like their a point to communicate often.º Although it is not a conscious partner is someone they are stuck Tell your partner that you think process, when a couple forms this with. The behavior between the they look hot, smell good or type of fantasy, they stop engaging couple deteriorates. One partner whatever the case may be. And do in small acts of kindness or even may become withholding or so in the moment, you serve as your showing care and concern for each controlling. Both can become more beloved's best mirror.

38 Woman’s Era ● July 2021

Let’s Talk Out! Reviving the art of conversation.ItBy Sujatha Rao y toddler is already mobile phones day-in-and-day-out.” Mreaching out for the mobile These are the common refrains phone!” we have been hearing over the last “My one-year-old doesn’t eat, few years. During the last one year, unless I show him videos from the following got added to this list: YouTube.” “What else should I do? There is “My son knows how to operate no school and I cannot go out and the mobile phone better than I do, play.” though he is only five years old.” When you go through these one- “My 12-year-old threw a tantrum liners by the parents from all walks for his own mobile phone. Finally, I of life, don’t you notice an gave in.” evolutionary progression in them? “My teenage children hardly talk Sadly, in most of such cases, it is the to us. Both of them are into their parents who start their child off on the device for reasons better known to them. However, the initial pride in the technical proficiency of their kids slowly gives way to frustration, as the so-called talent gets into an out-of-control obsession. This is not the malady that is afflicting the children alone. This is something that has taken a deep root in our society across people of all ages and has uprooted the art of holding a meaningful conversation. The Problem those photo-shopped perfect selfies One of the major things that screaming for appreciation on WE’RE TRAINING seems to have contributed to this Facebook/Instagram. Unable to AND CONDITIONING A dire shortage is our fast-paced strike a real-world, meaningful lifestyles and the constant feeling conversation with either their WHOLE NEW that we are racing against time all friends or family, their craving for “GENERATION OF the time. Though there are many attention becomes insatiable as PEOPLE THAT, WHEN more reasons for this affliction, the they feel more and more insecure following two are significant and frustrated. WE ARE enough to be discussed in detail: As Tristan Harris, former design UNCOMFORTABLE OR ethicist at Google and co-founder of LONELY OR UNCERTAIN (a) Digital Media the Centre for Humane There were >4 billion internet Technologies quotes in the OR AFRAID, WE HAVE A users in 2019 as per Global digital Documentary “The Social DIGITAL PACIFIER FOR report, with 1 million new users Dilemma”, OURSELVES. THAT IS getting added every day. More than “We’re training and conditioning KIND OF ATROPHYING 5 billion people own mobile devices a whole new generation of people in the world. 98% of Generation Z that, when we are uncomfortable or OUR OWN ABILITY TO (people born between mid-nineties lonely or uncertain or afraid, we have DEAL WITH THAT. and early 2000s) own a smartphone. These statistics highlight the fact that we are bombarded with a ” swarm of digital distractions which we get addicted to, sooner than later. The allure of burgeoning ubiquity of interaction modes over various digital platforms such as texts, WhatsApp messages, emails, tweets, posts etc., is so strong that even the free minutes of talk-time over most of the telephone service providers are going unused. Unfortunately, these social media platforms indirectly favour one-upmanship over equality of exchange. And they are always on. Always judging. Tuning out these distractions is a digital pacifier for ourselves. That is view. This tendency is totally something the present young kind of atrophying our own ability to backfiring with children as they are generation is unwilling to do. It’s a deal with that.” neither capable, nor interested in sad state of affairs that with Isn’t it ironic that the very people engaging with the adult parents in hundreds and thousands of friends who were instrumental in shaping this kind of battle of wits, driving on their Facebook pages, the these social media platforms as they them into a fight or flight mode. present generation is busy stand today have come up to inform In an environment where both hankering after attention chasing the world in the documentary that his parents have dominant trivial things like number of “likes” they restrict their own children’s personalities, Saatwik has been online, as they distance themselves hours on social media with some of growing silent over the years. At more and more from the more them even reducing it down to zero? first, his parents brushed aside the important interactions of the real worry telling themselves that their world. (b) Ego son is an introvert. But when it What they actually need is a In a world full of inflated egos came to a level when his presence in heart-to-heart and face-to-face and the resultant need to prove a the house stood out only by his chats with their friends, sharing point, everyone is only keen on total silence, his mother started to their inner vulnerabilities rather talking with hardly anyone listening panic. Even his texts got reduced to than keep themselves busy posting to really understand the other’s monosyllables.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 41 It was heartbreaking to Saatwik’s listen with some conscious efforts. the parents have started a ritual and mother to see her son in this In the bargain, you would get an seem to have struck something psychological lockjaw, unable to opportunity to tailor the positive towards creating a lasting talk about the everyday experience conversation around the listener bond. of living. To her, it felt as though creating the magic of that she and her son were on two sides connection between you both. Put the devices away: Ritwik’s of the unbreakable glass wall of family has spelt the ‘out of the silence between them, as they both Eat together as a family: bound’ times clearly for their family stared at each other helplessly from Believing in the age-old adage “the during which times they turn the either side. Saatwik’s father who family that eats together stays notifications off and put their had always been in denial had to together” Anil’s family makes it a devices away. Instead, they play wake up to the reality of something point to sit together as a family on some word games. Take turns being amiss, when Saatwik started the dining table. By asking their concocting some funny stories. to flare up in uncontrollable rage, as children about how their day was. Open the family albums and share all the bottled-up frustration and by telling them about theirs, some interesting anecdotes around erupted over very small squabbles. them. Share the news. Share WHILE IT’S TRUE THAT anything. They make it a practice to A Few Useful Tips towards SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO talk, however silly it might be, and a solution HAVE THE INNATE let the conversation channels flow Following are a few useful tips to uninterrupted by the buzzing help us revive the art of holding a TALENT OF GOOD devices during these times. meaningful conversation. CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS, LET’S NOT Create an environment of inquiry: Listen, Listen and then listen In Gautam’s household, they are some more: Most important part of FORGET THAT IT’S A trying to foster an atmosphere that any conversation is in fact less SKILL THAT CAN BE encourages the spirit of inquiry by about talking and more about MASTERED BY ONE AND trying to answer the “why” of their listening not only to the verbal talk ALL WITH PROPER 3-year-old daughter through but also being receptive to the non- conscious efforts. I don’t know verbal cues. As Stephen Covey, the FOCUS TOWARDS about the cat that was killed by writer of the best seller “The Seven LEARNING AND curiosity, but curiosity and a Habits of the Highly Effective PRACTICING. SPRINKLE beginner’s mindset can extend the People” said “Most people do not lives of human beings. Instead of listen with the intent to understand, YOUR CONVERSATION wallowing in negative thoughts, it they listen with an intent to reply.” WITH HUMOUR OF THE would create a sense of wonder Curb that urges to retort. Pause to RIGHT KIND. about things around, kindling an urge to share your enthusiasm with others thereby creating a ripple effect.

Learn the skill: Holding a conversation, as we know, is also a skill that requires constant practice. While it’s true that some people seem to have the innate talent of good conversational skills, let’s not forget that it’s a skill that can be mastered by one and all with proper focus towards learning and practicing. When you are in a group, don’t talk only to a few in the group. Sprinkle your conversation with humour of the right kind. Handled well, self-deprecatory humour can serve the purpose of connecting to the audience well. Real life conversations can be messy with a lot of pauses and

42 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 Beauty with Purity

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www.facebook.com/Manik-Chand-Jewellers-96975243149007 9678068937 incomplete sentences. But the continents. It has its chapters Human Libraries across the world messiness is what lends it across all major cities in India too. shows that meaningful authenticity and life. At the Human Library, people conversations can become the most serve as open books on loan to powerful tool in breaking Unjudge: We often tend to judge readers, having conversations they stereotypes, and helping us in people through the external would normally not have. Deep understanding different manifestations of their colour, conversations between people are perspectives, leading us towards creed, caste, religion, appearance encouraged in these libraries with building a community of greater etc. More often than not, our pre- no subject being a taboo. tolerance. conceived notions make us view a In total contradiction to the certain human being who is so very normal book libraries, the above Conclusion different from us with disrespect. sign is put up in human libraries, In a world being torn with To open our eyes to this very encouraging discussions around conflicts, biases and prejudices, shortcoming in us, Human Library challenging questions, leaving the what we need right now is the was started in 2000 in Copenhagen, reader impacted profoundly. revival of having healthy and Denmark with a motto to “Unjudge It’s a place where the true egalitarian conversations, which is Someone”. essence of the saying “don’t judge fundamental to our human A Human Library is a concept a book by its cover” is slowly experience. where human beings are lent unraveled to the reader, as the Linda Lambert said “One great instead of books. Presently Human stories narrated in flesh by these conversation can shift the direction Library Organisation (HLO), a not- unique human books from their of change forever.” Let’s work for-profit entity holds its events in own lives, come to life. towards creating a better world, 80 countries spread over 6 The very popularity of the one conversation at a time.

asked whether that was his money. After much thinking, we came When the driver stepped out to to conclusion that those thieves check, the other two men took the must have followed my husband bag from the back seat and the from the ATM thinking that he three of them fled on their bike. All would have kept the money in the this happened within seconds and bag. Fortunately, he had kept it in so the driver was unable to make his wallet. The students were like out that he was fooled. My angels and we would always be husband, on hearing this, straight grateful to them. away went to the police station and – Shanti Chandrasekhar High Street Robbery lodged an FIR. He came home and How can I forget that day! My narrated this incident to us. We daughter’s exams were going on. were very upset as the bag had Also we were very excited, as important bank documents. after her exams, we had planned At around 9 pm, when we were for a trip abroad. having dinner, my husband got a That evening my husband had call, from some students who said Has something an appointment with an that they had found his bag dumped happened in your life that has left an indelible impression orthopaedic. While returning from near the university ground. They on your mind? Some experience that the office, he first went to an ATM further explained that they gladdens your heart or which makes and withdrew Rs.10,000 and from contacted him with the help of the you shudder with pain or there he went to the doctor. After bank documents which had his embarrassment even after years! getting down from the car, he contact number. Why not share it with the readers of Woman’s Era? All published asked the driver to take care of his My husband and I rushed to the incidents will be paid Rs 200. Send bag. After showing the doctor place where they were waiting with your entries to: when he came and sat in the car, the bag. They asked us to check the INCIDENT the driver said that his bag has contents .The students had found been stolen. On asking, he said the bag an hour back but were a E-3 Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110055. that a few minutes back, three little hesitant to call us as they felt Womansera.com men were passing near the car. that we would consider them as the Name: One of them showed the driver a culprits. We appreciated their Mobile: few notes fallen near the car and honesty and thanked them. E-mail:

44 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 A day to remember. By Renuka Krishnaraja very evening, just as the WITH GUSTS OF rare to see some of these winged Eelegant sun is about to BREEZE THAT FEEL beauties wandering solitarily as ceremoniously descend down well. From far and near, their beneath the contours of the BALMY, THE AMBIENCE chirrups rhythmically pierce into the western horizon the celestial IS PERFECTLY space. spectacle appears to be The way they spread out their resplendent. The azure sky PLEASANT. LIKEWISE, wings and reveal amusing transforms into a kaleidoscopic AS THE SUN RETREATS, maneuvers is exemplary. As flocks palette of indiscriminate hues. ITS SUPPLEMENT OF of distinct sorts emerge one after Brilliant blues, vivid oranges and THE DARK – THE the other, their arrays splash a pearly pinks illuminate the heavens graceful charm against the endless piously at most before the explicit APPEASING MOON – blue vault. The exhibit is akin to and murkiness surfaces upon. COMES INTO VIEW AND reminds us of the painstakingly With gusts of breeze that feel WITH EVERY PASSING organized aero show. In the interim, balmy, the ambience is perfectly while gazing at the sky, one could pleasant. Likewise, as the sun MOMENT, IT MAKES ITS easily lose track of time. retreats, its supplement of the dark PRESENCE And after a bit, prior to the – the appeasing moon – comes into INCREASINGLY nightfall, while the last hint of view and with every passing EVIDENT. twilight fades, the final flock too moment, it makes its presence flutters homewards rather briskly. It increasingly evident. is indeed intriguing to behold them Over the next half hour or so, we as they swoop farther, beyond all can witness several flocks of birds bounds, gradually seeming smaller nimbly gliding across the wild blue and smaller, down to tiny speckles yonder. Having concluded their and finally vanishing into thin air. work hours, these agile creatures fly Such a glorious vision of a typical back to their nests to retire for the natural phenomenon, when day. Drifting in big and small flocks, discerned with all senses, can be the similar ones can be spotted in absolutely soothing, just like an individual groups, although it is not earnest prayer. We TattooTrendsGeneration in Z Attribute to Nikhil Bhanushali, Co-Founder of Ace Tattooz, Indiaʼs premier tattoo studio.

Nikhil Bhanushali, attoos in India have certainly to honor their hometown, to honor Co-Founder of Ace Tattooz Tchanged leaps and bounds, God, to remind themselves of hard from the traditional Art form times or humble beginnings. which came down from all the All the sports like Cricket, cultures and believes, have come Football, Basketball, rugby, down to a new face of Acceptance Baseball, MMA, Tattoos have and Creativity from Taboo & just become an accepted part of fashion sign of a rebel. statement that has influenced All The Fashion trends in the people from all walks of life and has world are predominantly dominated also played a major role in by the most influential people in boosting the tattoo industry at Bollywood, Hollywood & now large. moreover by Sports personalities. In India Cricket is considered Sportspersons get tattoos for sacred & sportsmen like Virat Kohli, several reasons: to have a sense of Rahul Chahar, Hardik Pandya, K.L. belonging, to alter their public Rahul, Shikhar Dhawan, and many image, to feel powerful, to bring more... have been very bold and good luck or ward off bad luck, to outspoken about their tattoos & honor family, to honor their team, responsibilities as a public figure. SPORTSPEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF DIE HEART FOLLOWING AND PEOPLE BLINDLY FOLLOW THE NEW TRENDS OF FASHION, HAIRSTYLE, TO SHOES TO LUXURY WATCHES AND CARS & NOW WE CAN CERTAINLY SAY TATTOOS IS ONE MORE SECTION ADDED TO THEIR FANS TO FOLLOW...

Tennis player Bethanie Mattek- blindly follow the new trends of SPORTS Sands adds color to the court in a fashion, hairstyle, to shoes to luxury PERSONALITIES variety of ways. The American has a watches and cars & now we can The new generation of sports tattoo of a large flowery design, certainly say tattoos is one more personalities are more aware of which features honeybees, on the section added to their fans to their appearances and at the same inside of her right arm. follow... time more Daring & experimental. UFC star Conor McGregor has They also act very responsibly by Perhaps the man who started the clearly been a regular visitor to the not doing such tattoos and things trend. Former Manchester United tattoo studios, He has a large tattoo but to inspire them and the youth midfielder David Beckham was one across his abdomen and his left who follows them. of the first high-profile footballers forearm, and a silverback gorilla Trends will come and go, at the to make tattoos a fashion wearing a crown on his chest. Which end tattoos are something that will statement, is reported to now have has a lot of influence over people stay with you forever, so don't just more than 40 tattoos. getting the same tattoo as their get carried away with the short Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron favorite sportsperson does. fantasy of a certain celebrity (it James is another major athlete with NBA star Carmelo Anthony is one doesn't mean you don't get their major artwork on his body. The of many athletes who sports a tattoos done) but do something world's most famous NBA player sleeve -- a series of tattoos covering that you will cherish forever and has "Chosen 1" on his back, to name his arm. On his right arm is a flaming that touches moves and inspires just one, a tattoo he had done after basketball with his initials, you for the rest of your life or you becoming a cover star on a Sports representing his commitment to his have the commencement & courage Illustrated issue while still in High sport. Sportspeople have a lot of to stay with your decision for the School. die heart following and people rest of your life.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 47 Short Story The Stranger Who taught Me Love and Live Life

My eternal enigma. By Rimli Bhattacharya

t was just another busy under the cold water, all No, I won’t wear my walked towards me and Iday for me, the morning the while feeling glasses; they are only for said, “Lonely? Can I give blues, sitting on my exhausted. I stepped out of reading and writing. But you a company?” I gave a study desk I was making the shower, reached for my why do I need to do such a quick look, a tall guy in his the list of chores I had to cupboard, pulled out that lot of make-up for these forties (may be, my guess), finish today. Bank, grocery, polka dotted red gown of mundane chores? No, I will had a moustache, electricity bills and then I mine. I don’t step out never improve. somewhat fair, unshaven have to run to my work. I without my trademark kohl Wearing the stilettos I cheek, looked like an had taken a half day today and lipstick; I sat in front of left my house. Something athlete. ‘How did he read to finish all these stupid the mirror for my dose of is wrong with me today. I my mind, am I looking errands. make-up. am not feeling that good, desperate, I should have Sigh! I need a break, Oh damn it! Lipstick and but why is it? Anyway, life been careful’ I thought. lifting that coffee mug I kohl are getting over, I has to go on, and I am Without even waiting for went for a shower. I stood need to buy them. Two single, so I need to do all by my answer he sat next to more additions in that myself. Plugging my me and looked at my errand list of mine. I looked earphones, tuning to some sketches I had made in the I sat in front of the mirror for at the mirror and felt like an songs I stepped out of the sand. “Do you want to my dose of make-up. Oh ogre. I had dark circles damn it! Lipstick and kohl are house. It is a windy day, the make sand castles?” he getting over, I need to buy under my eye; I had not sky is overcast and it might asked smiling. “I used to them. Two more additions in slept well for the last week. rain, no I won’t carry an when I was a kid, now I that errand list of mine. I Sluggishly I applied that umbrella today. Let it rain have forgotten to make looked at the mirror and kohl, my maroon lipstick, let me get drenched and them,” I told. “Never late, felt like an ogre. applied a little mascara, fall sick and lie on that bed you can start making those some blush on my cheeks. for a week. castles even now with me,” I didn’t realise I had he replied. He is a complete reached the beach and stranger, has not even have forgotten the market introduced himself and route. Fair enough, I will now he speaks of sand break my rules today, I castles, that’s my destiny, won’t even go to my work how funny. Okay, if that is and there is no need to my destiny to make castles inform my office. I am with a stranger, so be it. I done, exhausted. I sat on agreed. We made sand the sand; made circles with castles and I laughed at a stick, made a few how messy I am in making sketches when I got a feel those castles. He was someone is watching me. excellent in making castles Women have a powerful when he said, “Get up, let’s sixth sense; it’s a gift to us enter the sea.” I forgot and to me that sense is very everything and ran with dominant. him towards the waves. I laughed when I realised I es, I was right, he was haven’t laughed so much Ywatching me. He was for a while. He played with in his casuals and was the waves; I was slipping puffing a cigarette. He when he lifted me and said, “Try to live life We reached my chair closer to me, without love, if that calls for dangerously.” I liked the home, handing him giving me a chance to wasting a day playing in the saying, so I did that. I speak he said, “Enjoy your sand, then do that; if that played with the water, I a towel to dry company, you came alone, calls for reading a book the slipped several times, and himself, I went for a you will go alone, we have whole day, then read; if the salty water passed my shower. I changed been sent by the almighty that calls for bird watching, throat when I told him. “I my clothes, fixed for a purpose and we don’t then do that. Explore your am tired now, I am all wet, two cups of know when we will be hobbies. You need not be my chores are unattended, called by HIM. So live your so harsh on yourself. Live and I need to go.” “Where cappuccino and life and that too in a your life. ENJOY!” I couldn’t do you stay?” he asked. returned. “I am buoyant way, love hold back my tears. “Not very far, just a 10 sorry, you are wet everyone including Breaking into silent sobs I minutes walk,” I said. “Can I but I don’t have strangers, because when told him, “I find it difficult join you?” he asked. I don’t any clothes to offer you truly love, there will be at times, I struggle to find know how I could agree to a no strangers. I am a my existence, I feel hollow stranger by inviting him for except my gowns, complete stranger to you and completely lost, I need a coffee. and you will look and you must be thinking love and to be loved.” We walked together, I like a female,” I why I am advising you so “That’s natural, you are was peeping at my dress, I told him laughing. much? Don’t get me wrong, a human and it’s a need to was wondering if I was please, I just felt I could talk love and to be loved. Look looking filthy, when he replied suddenly getting to you; even I am alone, so I around you, there is love in again said “Oh come on, no angry. thought two alone can add everything. The path you one is watching you, all are “No, I don’t have any and make a happy day by walked gave you love, busy, and just be yourself.” business, so I was watching just playing and laughing. those flowers you watch How is this man reading my you, happy now?” he Life is short and happiness gave you love, those waves mind? This day is certainly replied smiling at me. is a mysterious high, it you played with gave you different. Good heavens! I This time I could not makes the young laugh and love, if you speak of human had met someone who is stop laughing. He pulled his the old cry. Do what you love, you will get that too. reading my grey cells.We reached my home, handing him a towel to dry himself, I went for a shower. I Certificate Course changed my clothes, fixed two cups of cappuccino and Alkaline Diet - A Natural Diet returned. “I am sorry, you are wet but I don’t have any Benefits: clothes to offer except my ● Learn the Scientific Way gowns, and you will look ● Helps Builds Strong Immunity like a female,” I told him ● laughing. “So you know to Helps Prevent Diseases laugh as well,” he grinned. ● Minimises Medicine Sipping the cappuccino Learn from - Award Winning Dietician and pulling a new cig he Dr Vidushi Agrawal asked, “What do you think With Hospital (11 yrs) & the whole day?” Clinical (21 yrs) Experience What a silly question! What do I think? “Umm, nothing, Connect on: 9969526918 anything, I really don’t (whatsapp for query) know, why,” I replied. “You were looking very serious, I saw you making sketches and you looked confused,” he smiled. “So you were watching me? Don’t you have any other business apart from Eat Health Live Healthy Be Health watching a female?” I

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 49 Wait for your time, each gently said, “Now I need to is what you call love.” lie in my hands with love has it’s time, you need go, it’s very late, it’s almost I couldn’t speak. I smashed words broken, I not wait for your Prince midnight, you need rest, go watched him walk away. I remember his lines, “You Charming, maybe some to sleep after I leave and didn’t ask his name, neither need not wait for your day he will come knocking eat something, you haven’t did he. Gradually he faded Prince Charming, maybe at your doors when you are eaten anything since we in the dark night; I could no someday he will come least expecting him.” He met.”I watched him tie his longer see his shadow. knocking at your doors replied. I was still weeping shoe laces, when he held I entered my room, I when you are least when he reached out to me close to him for one last could feel him everywhere. expecting him.”So that’s me, touched my hands, time, he lowered his face I sat down at my study desk me waiting for him with my lifting my chin and pulled and planting a soft kiss on and wrote a poem for him. I closet full of poems which I me closer to him. I could my lips he said, “Goodnight didn’t know where he is, have written for him and I smell the musk of his and sweet dreams, fairy, who he is, but what I have is know I need no Prince perfume. Gently rubbing don’t forget to laugh, play the lesson he taught me Charming. What I know is my eyes, softly brushing the foolish games you about love and life. only to love him. I still visit my sleek hairline covering loved once, don’t be harsh I went back several the shore with a hope that I my forehead he whispered on yourself. Your chores times on the shore to see if will see him, I still wait in “Stop weeping. Look, you can wait and also your he was there. He was not to my balcony looking at that are in my arms, I am loving work. But love! that cannot be seen, he never came. I road where he walked you, so why do you cry?” wait, so fall in love each saw him in my dreams away, yes I know I want him I didn’t know how long I day, don’t get lazy in love. several times. Each night I even more. was in his arms, I was lost, I The more you love the write to him, my closet is That stranger who clutched his Tee, I wished more you get. Lay the full of poems which I have taught me how to love and him stay tonight when he foundation of love and that written for him. The poems live life.

It was hard to figure out my being, the bus conductor was location as I was a new girl in the constantly observing my city. No wonder there are many expressions. directions one can follow to reach After some time he came one place. However, I was shocked towards me and I started having and couldn’t gain control over my all the incidents that can occur at mind. the moment. He said, “Relax, you Further, one female passenger are just like my daughter and need helped me figure out my route when not worry”. it was already 9:00 clock in the Subsequently, the bus night. She explained to me that conductor made sure that I set my Okhla Vihar station is where I will be foot on time. Now it was already able to catch a rickshaw for Shaheen 10:30 and there was no rickshaw Bagh. At that time, she reluctantly to reach my place. The bus asked me if had a place to spend the conductor then offered to drop night and asked me to join if I don’t me near my location. Normally, One Fine Day have one. no one does this for passengers The window for the bold She went on to say that, “please but he asked me if I wanted any take care and don’t stay out this more help or need some money. gesture is open! late, it’s not safe here”. At that moment these people The next moment, her station collectively made me feel like It all happened in May 2019, arrived and while leaving, she asked home in an uncanny situation. It when I started my training in Delhi, the bus conductor to drop me safely made me realize that maybe the the heart of India. It was my first at the station. Now I was the only windows for bold gestures have day; I was rushing over to catch a girl left on the bus with few men. not been officially closed. I will bus not knowing where to go to There were a bunch of thoughts never forget the indelible reach home after my office ended. striking my mind regarding the impression they left on my mind In the meantime, when I boarded a safety issues. It was already 9:45 that “not all men” and “not all bus bus it was too late to realize that and I had no clue where would I be if conductors” are bad by offering it’s not the same route to reach my something goes wrong. I was spontaneous help. destination. overwhelmed because for the time – Asifa Khan

50 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 house begging for forgiveness, as he now knew that he is going to be a father. So, he wanted to put all the broken pieces together and save our marriage. I too wanted the same for our child but how could I trust him that he will not do this again, so we consulted a marriage counselor and after the counseling, we understand Marriage on strings was pregnant I can’t wait to tell him each other in a much better way and that news but I wanted to share this decides to give our marriage a I was just 20, enjoying my college with him personally face to face, so I second chance and that’s all what life, I belonged to a Rajput family waited till he came back, but when was needed. Things started getting they wanted me to get married early he returned his behavior was better with time I started trusting and even started finding a groom, I changed, he started ignoring me and him again and leave our past behind at least rejected 19-20 proposals was busy in himself I didn’t even us with the hope of a bright future. before I accepted Pratap’s, family know the reason of it, but when I We were now a family ready to have was good, he was a sailing officer told him that I am pregnant life again a baby and to give him all the and had a home in Jaipur, that was gets normal, but I wanted to know happiness of the world. nothing like first sight love but I have what had happened so, one day I Today it’s about three years of to select one and after talking to checked his phone and after reading our marriage, we have a kid and we him, I felt he was perfect. his texts I was nearly unconscious he are happy in our lives, I can’t believe But before decided anything I was having an extramarital affair, I that I saved my marriage through wanted to be sure so, I decided first fought with him, he gave excuses those tough times, when everything to know him and then went to any but all unbelievable. I leave him and was broken down but with the right conclusion this was about my future, goes back to my parents, I was also moves and the contribution from so we started talking to each other thinking of filing a divorce, I can’t live both sides make our marriage and over the phone, he seemed to be with a man who didn’t care about life beautiful built with trust and caring and loving. We even met for me, but when my mother told me love. Today also if I think that what few times and every time we met, he that how will you raise your child would have happened if we hadn’t used to take care of everything like without a father what will you given our marriage that second what’s my favourite food, what’s my answer when he will ask “where is chance how badly this would have favourite restaurant, he those my father” and that strikes me. I affected our child and us, I actually qualities won my heart. So, I told my can’t snatch away my child’s thanked to God daily, that scary family that I liked him a lot and happiness, he deserves a complete nightmare is now over and we are wanted to marry him. Everyone was home, he deserves a father. living a happy life together. very happy with this news and The next day Pratap came to my –By Mamta started preparing for our marriage. Yes, how did you? I was very excited for my marriage on one side of the paper. A declaration We see many marriages floundering that it is your own true personal story that was my dream to get a fairy tale but we also see marriages between the must accompany the contri bution. If you wedding and Pratap did everything unlikeliest of spouses, not only surviving so desire, your name will not be to compete this dream. By the next but growing stronger with the years. published and you can use any pen- month I was married to him I had a Thanks to the tactics of one wise partner! name. All contribu tions accept ed and ` lot of dreams for my married life as Truly, a person’s successful marriage published will be paid 500. he was a sailor, he had to spend six just does not happen, it has to be Send your entries to: worked at. months on the ship and for another We would like to know as to how you WOMAN'S ERA, six months he was on leave, he took overcame the crisis of a break-up or Delhi Press Building, me with him to the ship for the first discord in your married life. E-3, Jhandewala Estate, three months and that was the most Did your husband (or wife) have an New Delhi-110 055 beautiful time of my life all dreams infuriating habit, a hot temper, miserly or click to www.womansera.com ways, a roving eye or a lazy were becoming true he was caring, for submission disposition? Since he is your husband, loving and overall, the perfect how did you cope with the situation Name husband which I ever wanted, we and keep your marriage happy and spent a very nice time with each home safe? Address other. Share your secret with us and millions Then after three months I came of our readers all across the world. City Pin back to Jaipur and found out that I Contributions should be neatly written

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 51 Anant Rasa by Aamod, Uttarakhand Wellness begins with Nature.

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Woman’s Era ● July 2021 53 Veneration Gap A Frustrating Barrier By I.M. Soni

frustrating barrier of silence He is drawing attention. A nineteen- of the world but when the time Aand misunderstandings year-old boy threw a table knife at comes for the junior to plunge, he between teenagers and their his younger brother. The boy says, says, “He is too young and parents is quite natural today. The “I can’t talk with my family because inexperienced.” Neither permits the degree of difficulty varies. Even they never let me finish an idea. other to sit in judgement, conflict is where serious issues exist, When I threw the knife, I was the result. We tend to dismiss this adolescents are inclined not to fighting it out in my own way.” as ‘generation gap or ‘veneration confide in their parents. A growing His father was stifling him. The gap’. It’s a conflict of perceptions number of cases of personality lack of communication was and of value systems. ‘Old order damage and social and moral symptomatic of tension and changeth yielding place to the new.’ disorders are attributed to close- conflict. Ask a teenager why he Not for the ‘dynamic’ old order. mouthed family relationships, are can’t talk things over with his father The new generation is eager to attributed to motor-mouth families. and chances are he answers, “He is dustbin the ‘restrictions’ of the Some damage occurs to both sides. too conservative, holding old past; the old generation leashes the We see this daily. It indicates fashioned ideas and is incapable of colts straining at the leash. They that something is wrong in the understanding my generation and think this freedom threatens their family. Sometimes a boy its aspirations.” authority and power hence they ‘communicates’ with his father A self-created illusion is at the must retaliate and re-assert through an act of defiance. By root of this malady. The father themselves. It is a generational playing truant, driving without a spends years in grooming the son or conflict or gap, in either case it licence; he is saying, “I need help.” daughter to face the harsh realities erects a wall of silence. This is best illustrated by a spark subjects? Lies, acts of talked down to. They want to be mother and her unmarried son, vandalism, infractions of moral talked with. They need parents in a living in the same house, ‘inviting’ rules, late nights, drinks and drugs standby capacity than as moral him for dinner! The most significant are common. Poor academic judges. Like beginning swimmers factor is the concept of growing performance is another factor. with more courage than experience, self-reliance. Parents want to make Parents see a poor report card as a they want to know that someone is him independent and be able to personal affront! ready to step in if called upon. cope with life. Then, this very Youngsters refrain from When they call for help, they want independence becomes a stumbling confiding when they are unable to help, not a sermon! block. express their feelings. A barrier Teenagers prefer to use parents Breaking away from dependence comes up when a youngster is for checkpoints on such questions on parents, the young adult puts criticised for spending his money as physiology and proper sexual the restrictions of childhood behind unwisely. They are inhibited when it behaviour. They really want to him. Parents find this hard to adjust. comes to discussing drinking and understand their parents’ real They view this as a threat to their smoking, how to dress, reticence in values, their ethics and social power. Parents think that they must the use of the family car and relationships, the difference assert themselves. This results in a entertaining friends at home. between lies and truth. clash and a consequent wall of The young want to talk with silence. parents. They do not want to be WHAT DO YOUNGSTERS WANT? THE MOST SIGNIFICANT THE SPARK SUBJECTS What do youngsters want? They Parents fail to give their children FACTOR IS THE want a chance to be heard. Yet, enough opportunity for a true CONCEPT OF GROWING their urge to communicate is often interchange of ideas when they do SELF-RELIANCE. brushed off. They must also go into a huddle. Sometimes PARENTS WANT TO understand that although parents parents are confused about lived in the past, they too faced whether to talk to a teenager as a MAKE HIM most of the same problems that ‘child’ or an ‘adult’. INDEPENDENT AND BE they have now. Trust parents, they This shows that we are limping in ABLE TO COPE WITH can be a help, not a hindrance. It is time- it is a veneration gap. My when you act too immature that grandson says, “Let’s have a drink LIFE. THEN, THIS VERY you are denied the status of an and listen to Mehedi Hassan.” I INDEPENDENCE adult! It is for you to prove that you could not have said this to my BECOMES A STUMBLING are an adult. father or grandfather. But my On the other side of the fence, grandson crashing the barriers of BLOCK. BREAKING parental attitudes have to change generation gap, gladdens my heart. AWAY FROM too. Often, troubles can be traced It is like playing the non-traditional DEPENDENCE ON back to faulty rearing. So adults card. PARENTS, THE YOUNG should begin as early as possible in a We may call it veneration gap, child’s life to talk freely with him, the fact is that differences do grow ADULT PUTS THE answering his questions good- between two, even three RESTRICTIONS OF naturedly. They should take interest generations. The chasm is widening CHILDHOOD BEHIND in what the youngster says. Listen, which has to be bridged because even though they disagree. Avoid families cannot be allowed to HIM. sarcasm or ridicule. Be slow to disintegrate. criticize but quick to appreciate. To bridge the veneration gap, Don’t let a cold power struggle generation gap has to be narrowed. develop. If there is a cold war Just as the bridge spawns to the between two generations, banks of the river, this ‘emotional’ break the barrier. Discuss. river needs connect on both sides. Where there is The big issue is whether the communication, there will youngster has the right to be be reconciliation. Silence is a a person. Unless the basic stone wall; communication problem is brought out wall has holes (openings) in it. in the open, there will Whatever the gaps, they be conflict. can be bridged. But it takes What are the two banks to be spawned! Start Budgeting! Budget for a better future. By Sujatha Rao

very year, when the nation’s financial independence by the time I it is exactly what is needed, when EFinancial Budget gets retired. My career being one in we are walking on a tight rope with announced, a big chunk of the Banking definitely helped me in this what we perceive to be frugal population in the country is either regard. earnings. oblivious or impervious to it. By and Most of the people I talk to often No matter which generation one large, a similar disinvested approach say that they don’t earn enough to belongs to, or how much money is applied to creating a “Budget” for plan for a Budget for themselves. one earns, Budget gives a personal use in life too. For me, this comes across to be very foundation, a plan with which one When I had started working, I unconvincing. can work towards the achievement used to be one such person. But I For one thing, nobody feels their of one’s goals. took a turn for the better a few earnings are enough. If we agree for Now I understand what Mr. Joe years into my work-life, and that a moment that it could be true, then Biden, the President of America made me diligently work towards planning a Budget and adhering to meant when he said “Don't tell me what you value; show me your MOST OF THE PEOPLE I budget, and I'll tell you what you value.” TALK TO OFTEN SAY So, how does one create a THAT THEY DON’T budget at an individual or at a family EARN ENOUGH TO level? Is it really rocket science it is often made out to be, against the PLAN FOR A BUDGET backdrop of the frenzied annual FOR THEMSELVES. IF discussions by the experts over the WE AGREE THAT IT national budget of the year? For our personal consumption, COULD BE TRUE, THEN let’s try to simplify this through the PLANNING A BUDGET following six step process. For easy AND ADHERING TO IT IS recall purpose, the process is coined out of an acronym for the word EXACTLY WHAT IS Budget: NEEDED.

Understanding 2 where you stand Developing 3 your skills Balancing Balancing your Assets & 1your Assets and Liabilities Liabilities The simple act of drawing up a Going for personal balance sheet will 4 your Goals definitely relieve us of the underlying tension that we live with, even when such a calculation Budget is a basic “back-of-the-envelope” kind of one. For arriving at this, you may want to know what are your

Enabling (a) Assets 5 Eventuality/ ● Liquid Assets - These are things Contingency Tracking your Target owned by you that can easily be Plan 6 Achievement turned into cash – such as your savings accounts, Liquid funds, etc. ● Fixed Assets – These are major items such as house, car, furnishings etc. ● Investments - Your financial investments such as Mutual Funds, Bonds, Stocks etc.

(b) Liabilities Liabilities are what are owed by you such as loans, credit card bills, payments to be made etc. You can arrive at your net worth by subtracting what you owe from what you own. This simple exercise would keep in check your tendency to overdraw, if any. Do remember that a healthy balance sheet will always have a positive net worth with sufficient liquidity for smooth navigation.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 57 the limit if you really want to update yourself on any area in this Internet age. What you need is the will to invest in lifelong learning through the experiences of studying, observing, and practicing the application of such learning’s. Going for your Goals A goal-based approach requires you to first identify and prioritize your important goals along with their respective timeframes for fruition. Once you identify these, the next step is to choose specific investments suitable to meet each of these goals. Write down the goals. Calculate how much money is needed to achieve that goal and then calculate backwards to arrive at how much money needs to be invested each month at an expected rate of return along with the time to achieve that goal. Understanding where THERE ARE A LOT OF For example, if your goal is to you stand FREE ONLINE accumulate Rs.20 lakhs in 15 years Once you have drawn a rough for the purpose of your child’s personal balance sheet, you get to CALCULATORS THAT education, you would need to invest know where you stand not only in ARE AVAILABLE FOR Rs.9,949/- per month at an terms of your net worth, but also YOU TO ARRIVE AT THE estimated 10% p.a. return, about your focus areas. You may considering an annual inflation rate want to question whether your AMOUNTS THAT ARE of 5%. expenditure is really in line with REQUIRED TO BE There are a lot of free online your earnings. INVESTED EVERY calculators that are available for you On probing further, do you find MONTH FOR REACHING to arrive at the amounts that are some of those expensive items on required to be invested every your “want” list worth sacrificing in YOUR VARIOUS GOALS. month for reaching your various favour of what you really “need”? ROPE IN YOUR FAMILY goals. In this connection, it’s worth MEMBERS AT THE Rope in your family members at drawing from the wisdom of the planning stages itself for their George Washington who said “we PLANNING STAGES inputs so that you have their buy-in must consult our means rather than ITSELF FOR THEIR right from the beginning. This is a our wishes” while creating our INPUTS. THIS IS A must, as the budget is at a family budgets. level and each member’s MUST. commitment and involvement is Developing your skills Most of us might have been required to make it a success. Once you get to know what is it “saving” for tomorrow, while what that you need to do, you may want we really need to be doing is to Enabling Eventuality/ to focus on how to develop your “invest” for tomorrow in order to Contingency Plan skills in the area that you are gain from inflation adjusted returns. As the famous adage goes “Man required to focus on. So it may be prudent for you to proposes and God disposes,” For instance, if there is hardly polish your investment skills, so as there’s a lot in life that we don’t anything that you can cut down on to reap better returns out of your know. So, the Budget has to make the list of your expenditure items, is investments. provision for that uncertainty by there something that you can do in With so many learning avenues creating an emergency fund for any terms of creating a second revenue available online and with most of untoward eventuality that might hit stream for yourself? them being offered free, the sky is us in future.

58 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 direction. For techno-savvy people amongst us there are a lot of free online Budget apps out there. While all of them perform the basic functions of tracking the savings and spending, many of them go beyond that. Just do your research and pick the one that you are comfortable with, meeting most of your needs. You may want to note that though the examples herein are drawn from the financial perspective, the six step process applies almost to anything that we

While we are on this topic, make sure to have adequate life as well as health insurance coverage for you EVEN WHEN WE ARE as well as the other members in the YOUNG AND CAN family. AFFORD TO TAKE Tracking your Target SOME RISKY CALLS, Achievement WE STILL NEED TO Once you have carried out all the KEEP A HAWK’S steps from 1 to 5, you would need to track your achievement against the EYE ON THE specific targets. As we know, some PERFORMANCE OF of our financial goals may change in OUR INVESTMENTS, line with our life stage needs. Depending upon our life stage, LEST WE SHOULD BE the kind of investments we make CAUGHT UNAWARES have to change too. For instance, at AND FALL TERRIBLY the beginning of our career, we can afford to veer towards a greater SHORT OF MEETING proportion of somewhat riskier THE VARIOUS GOALS and higher yielding equity WE WOULD HAVE SET investments in our asset allocation strategy. However, as we age, FOR OURSELVES. this needs to get rebalanced in favour of a greater percentage towards the safer debt investment direction of our budget may remain wish to have, with assets and options. more or less the same, there is a liabilities standing for our strengths Even when we are young and can need to keep tweaking the nuts and and weaknesses. afford to take some risky calls, we bolts within in order to reach our While presenting the budget for still need to keep a hawk’s eye on ever evolving targets. 2021, close on the heels of the the performance of our gloom and doom year of 2020, Mrs. investments, lest we should be Conclusion Nirmala Sitharaman, our Finance caught unawares and fall terribly Each one of us can work towards Minister, quoting Mr. Rabindranath short of meeting the various goals living the life we wish to live, by Tagore said, “Faith is the bird that we would have set for ourselves, be nudging ourselves towards feels the light, when the dawn is it to meet the needs of our achieving what is truly important to still dark.” children’s education, or the planned us, instead of regretting about We can have faith in such a light repayment of the housing loan, or where we ended up. Creating a when we, armed with a strong will building a retirement corpus for budget and meticulously acting on and a well planned Budget, work ourselves etc. each of its details with great self- towards creating a better future So while the basic tenets and discipline are critical steps in that for ourselves. We

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 59 Short Story The Cursed Girl

She escaped to a new love. By Sudha Vishwanathan

Some wistful ife is an exam with an tea. Some wistful words of related to an exam and Lunknown syllabus advice were carefully then, after Chottu returned, words of advice and no question whispered into his ears. The uncle would check a white were carefully paper set. decibel levels of those sheet of paper that they whispered into his I loved to hear Chottu precious words were very termed as ‘question paper’. revise his lessons. Pressing too low to penetrate They said he had some ears. The decibel my ears close to the wall through the wall and hence exam called ‘Moral levels of those that bifurcates his study I was never able to decipher Science,’ the following day. precious words from my room, I tried to what she said. Then there I got a bit baffled by hear him read. was too much excitement what Chottu read out just were very too low Exam was something as Chottu left for the school now. to penetrate that brought frenzied in the morning. “Exams, syllabus and through the wall activities in the house. It Devender Uncle who question paper were all a and hence I was was only during those times was the only person to have part of some place called that father used to visit had the qualification of high school,” that had been my never able to Chottu’s study once in the school pass, in our contention all these years; decipher what morning and in the evening. immediate neighbourhood, but today he was reading of she said. Chottu’s mother would would come and ask Chottu life being associated with all treat him with a bonanza of if he had thoroughly revised this. ‘Hmmmm,’ I sighed. hot samosas whose aroma the entire syllabus. That is For someone like me who came piercing through the when I concluded that had never had the wall and some hot coffee or syllabus was something opportunity to attend school, it would be difficult “Get her ready. to comprehend so many The muhurtham is at 8 am,” my things. granny cautioned The birth of a girl child in my aunt and in another 15 the house did not exactly minutes I was draped in a long call for celebration and sari that had to be taken round when I was born it called for and round me to somehow get no jubilation at all because I the edge on as ‘pallu.’ was supposed to be born cursed since my mother passed away upon delivering me, leaving me all alone to struggle in this world outside her cozy womb. Apparently my father remarried soon. My stepmother gave birth to three children. Chottu was the eldest one and was two years younger to me. Then it was Lakshmi and Shoba, twin sisters who were born a month after my marriage when I was eight. My stepmother had nothing more than an abhorrence for me. My father who worked for the “We will take you home soon,” she had said during her last visit. Three days after that there was jubilation in the house. At 15 I panchayat hardly had any had attained puberty. It was time to see me struggle celebrated with pomp. every day under her tyranny. My grandparents too seemed to nurture the same idea that I was a cursed child and the sooner I leave the house the better. However, my grandfather had a soft corner for me, but had to keep his feelings under wraps fearing the wrath of others in the house. Poor old man!

remember in trances that Iwhile I was half asleep one fine morning, my aunt came and shook me out of the reverie that an eight- year-old girl was enjoying and put me under a shower of water that was poured by my granny. My teeth chattered as the cold water mercilessly rubbed against my tender skin. “Get her ready. The muhurtham is at 8 am,” my granny cautioned my aunt and in another 15 minutes I was draped in a long sari that had to be taken round and round me to somehow up with her for another few “You are married now, next to me at the altar get the edge on as ‘pallu.’ years till she comes of age got it? It is our responsibility came with his parents. I A boy was already sitting and then send this to make sure that you are liked them because they near the sacred altar when I wretched girl to her handed over to your in-laws got jingling bangles for me was dragged there. Then husband’ s place.” My in one piece, so stop that I loved to wear. They some rituals followed. I stepmother was looking running and jumping also got sweets and the vaguely remember the boy upwards with folded hands around. If you break your boy’s mother seemed to be tying a yellow thread and probably talking to hands or legs we are an adorable person. She around my neck and ladies someone up there in the doomed for good.” My always hugged me while blowing the conch. It was vast firmament. stepmother found a new leaving. actually frightening. It all sounded too way to harass me. “We will take you home I sat through the ordeal complicated for my little I thought I had been soon,” she had said during terrified to the core, even to head and I fell asleep at the playing and jumping all her last visit. stir. I longed for some sleep, earliest possible these years without Three days after that but was asked to touch the opportunity. Life which was breaking a bone. Maybe there was jubilation in the feet of every other person even otherwise miserable at after what they call house. At 15 I had attained starting with the boy who the hands of a stepmother marriage, girls have a puberty. It was celebrated had been sitting next to me had turned horrendous chance of damaging their with pomp. I heard my smiling sheepishly. after this ritual they termed bones, I deduced using my granny and aunt discuss “We are blessed that as marriage. I was expected tiny logic. along with my step-mother someone agreed to take her to keep myself draped in Needless to say days how matters should as their daughter-in- law. that nine- yard sari. Neither and nights were too proceed. This cursed soul ate up her was I allowed to play nor stretched and never “We should inform them mother no sooner than she was I allowed to jump seemed to move. A few to come and take her. Let was born. Now I have to put around. times the boy who had sat them have the nuptials

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 61 there,” my aunt chuckled probably thinking thus. transformations in the apparent reason or mistake much to my amusement as I “No going out from universe brought no of mine? Why was she not found ways and means to today, you understand?” significant change in my erasing my ill luck? find out what nuptials my dad who hardly spoke to life. Chottu hardly spoke to The couple said to my mean. me, instructed. “You can me these days. Lakshmi father that they had seen And then all hell broke have your bath in our house and Shobha were warned me in the verandah drying loose. That very night we pond, no moving around to against visiting my room. clothes and had taken an had a visitor from the boy’s the local pond and meeting My life was mostly instant liking for me. My village who came rushing friends. No one wants to restricted to this small area, attire and shaven head in, “He is dead, he is dead. A talk to you. The neighbours except when I went to the stood testimony to the fact snake bit Vithhal when he have already told us to keep verandah to put my clothes that I was widowed. They had gone for an evening you indoors. Better stay for drying. Here too I had had a 24-year-old son who bath in the pond,” he here.” Then, looking at my been strictly warned not to had lost his wife a couple of screamed. Everyone in the step-mother, he said, “Ask loiter around or laze about years ago and they wanted house screamed. her to apply sandalwood on for too much time. A world to take me as his wife. her shaved head and give bright and cheerful beyond They spoke at length to his only gave my step- her those white saris that I this window had stopped all the elders in the house, Tmother a fresh have got. And I hope you existing for me long ago. but I, who was the main opportunity to vent her The discrimination in the subject of discussion, was anger on me. It would be an Hours turned into house was obvious because not considered important understatement if I said I days and days the two girls were allowed enough to be present there. was subjected to physical into months and to attend school though and mental torture. there were talks that it eedless to say, “Cursed girl; now how years. However, would be only for a couple Nmayhem broke out in will they take her? We are these of years then their the house once they left. “I doomed, will have to bear transformations marriages also had to be had warned you not to with her for the rest of my fixed. By that time Chottu allow her to loiter in the life. The same snake to bite in the universe would be a high school pass verandah,” my father was her too.” She ardently brought no and well qualified to find a screaming at my prayed that the same snake significant change rich wife. stepmother. Timely bit her too as if her prayers in my life. “Only this cursed soul intervention by my would be answered with will continue to haunt us,” grandfather put an end to immediate effect. know at twilight you have my step-mother often all apprehensions about Ten days after that, they to remove the yellow chided. My heart bled as what people would say if I decided that I don’t deserve thread around her neck.” there was no one to speak was married off. to have the long cascading My step-mother nodded in my favour. Some times “Listen, Jayendra,” he black hair. That is how a muttering all the while, “If my grandfather did stand boldly told my dad, “Be widow has to live, they the boy had died after she by me, but his voice was happy that your daughter taught me. had spend – a few nights submerged in the has got a new lease of life. The village barber was with him, she would have vociferous echo of the Do not bother about what brought in. I was made to sit been their property and female of the house. our kith and kin will say. on a stone in the backyard they would have retained Then one day when I was Will they come to take care while he allowed his scissors her there itself. It is my ill 19, a middle-aged couple of her later? Now she will to ruthlessly wander over luck it should happen like came home. They were have a family of her own.” my skull. I stifled my sobs as this”. She slapped her strangers no doubt. No one Grandfather was long tresses of hair kept forehead hard with her had seen them in the village fortunate this time falling on the ground. palm. It hurt me to see her before. because my step-mother “We will call for you as punish herself thus. What They had come to seek was on his side of the and when needed,” my was she up to? the blessings of our village argument, more so father told him after Everything sounded so deity whose fame as a because she wanted to see handing over some money very weird. However one benevolent goddess having me off from this house. and food to the barber. He thing was assured; if life the power to erase Grandfather was therefore looked at me rubbing his was worse after marriage it everyone’s ill luck, had able to press on this palms greedily. ‘This girl is was dreadful after the boy spread far and wide. demand of marrying me only 15 and will need died. I am not an atheist but if off. cutting of hair often, my Hours turned into days the goddess of our village A heated argument regular income from this and days into months and had such powers why was I followed and a debate that household is set,’ he was years. However, these being punished for no lasted for hours. My step-

62 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 mother pointed out that I was 19 and far more aware of this kid but did not intimate to me that I would Chottu’s marriage mature than an eight-year- find it necessary to tell me be married off at the age of proposals were getting old bride. I therefore sat that I was crossing a new eight? Was this predicted hindered because there through the rituals patiently threshold not only as a wife that I would be widowed at was a widowed sister in the and touched every elder to a widower but as a 15? And then did I know house. Lakshmi was person’s feet meticulously mother to a two-year-old that I was to be married off already married and was before my husband asked child. Too many betrayals in again at 19 to nurture a kid? waiting to join her husband me to accompany him to his life had taught me how to Where does the need for soon while Shoba’s room maintain my composure. a question paper arise? No marriage was on the cards. With mixed feelings and Gathering myself I lifted one ever paid attention to Disregarding of what some kind of excitement, I the kid while he flashed a my answers which were others would say it was walked with him to a room radiant smile living up to his unsaid words by far. finally decided that my in the first floor of the name, Abhisumath; marriage would be house. He opened the door. radiance of the sun. I held he soft touch of the tiny conducted in their house A small child was sleeping him close to my bosom. Tpalms triggered the with only close family on the bed. Some lines I had heard a pent-up affection in me. people. “This is my son few years before Deep down my heart I was a “What about the Abhisumath,” he said reverberated into my ears. female yearning to give and horoscope matching?” my pointing at the kid. “My “Life is an exam with an accept love. Only someone grandmother blurted out wife, Sumati, was suffering unknown syllabus and no who had gone through the much to the annoyance of from jaundice during the question paper set.” harsh experience of having her husband and daughter- time of delivery and soon How truly said! The been denied the warmth of in-law. succumbed to it.” significance of the lines had a maternal hug would “What did we achieve by In a flash of a second failed to influence a small understand the lacunae. matching it in her first many hitherto unknown girl, but today at 19 I was in In a way I should express marriage?” I think my step- facts dawned upon me. a position to grasp the my gratitude to my step- mother had a valid point People in my house were complete connotations. mother for having taught - there; so the chapter was Yes, my life indeed had me this bitter lesson in her closed. No one asked me been an exam with an own resentful manner. It what my opinion was. It “This is my son Abhisumath, unknown syllabus. Was I had fortified the female carried very little or no ” he said pointing at the kid. aware that I would lose my instinct in me today to “My wife, Sumati, was value whatsoever in this suffering from jaundice mother at birth and be nurture a motherless child. household. during the time of delivery subjected to ill treatment at That would be my only I was once again made to and soon succumbed to it.” the hands of a step- exam in life now, but I sit in the altar next to the mother? Did someone would set my own syllabus guy. to keep him cheerful and nurture him to become a good and honest man, never giving him an opportunity to yearn for a mother. No one need set any question paper for me. I would give this exam unblemished, without one. I had to tell my husband soon that I did not wish to share my love and affection for Abhisumath with another child. I was afraid that the advent of another prodigy might dilute my love for him. Certain facts in life are learnt the hard way. Who says I am a cursed girl? I am blessed to shower my affection on a motherless child. We Live-In Is Not Living In Sin Legality Of Live-In Relationships In India By Sanjeev Sirohi

ive-In Relationships May Not LBe Acceptable To All But Living Together Without Marrying Doesn't Constitute An Offence: P & H High Court. It is really good to learn that the Punjab and Haryana High. Court has just recently in a latest, laudable, landmark and learned judgment titled Soniya and another Vs State of Haryana and others in CRWP No. 4533 of 2021 (O&M) heard through virtual conferencing and delivered on May 18, 2021, has set the record straight by making it abundantly clear that a live-in relationship may not be acceptable to all but it cannot be said that such a relationship is an illegal one or that living together without the sanctity of marriage constitutes an offence. It must be mentioned here that the Single Judge Bench of Hon'ble Ms. Justice Jaishree Thakur of Punjab and Haryana High Court observed thus in a matter pertaining to a live- in-relationship couple, who are both major and decided to enter into such a relationship and approached the Court seeking protection of their life and liberty as against the immediate family members of the Girl. Perhaps even more significantly, the Bench then observed, "It would be a travesty of justice in case protection is denied to persons who have opted to reside together without the sanctity of marriage, and such persons have to face dire consequences at the hands of persons from whom protection is sought. Very rightly so! To start with, this notable judgment authored in oral by Justice Jaishree Thakur sets the ball rolling by first and foremost observing that, "The petitioners, having attained the age of 18, are seeking protection of their life and liberty at the hands of the private respondents, who are none other than the immediate family members of petitioner No. 1." While elaborating on the facts of the case, it is then put forth that, "In brief, the facts as stated are, that Ms. Soniya, petitioner No. 1 is aged 22 years 4 months with her date of birth being 01.01.1998, whereas Mr. Anil, petitioner No. 2 is younger and is 19 years 6 months old, with his date of birth being 26.09.2001. The parents of petitioner No. 1 wanted her to family members of petitioner No. 1 marry a person of their choice and have threatened to kill the threatened her with dire petitioners, the instant criminal writ consequences in case she did not do petition has been preferred." so. Petitioner No. 1 left her parental To be sure, it is then stated that, home and called upon petitioner "Notice of motion to the official No. 2 (whom she had known for the respondents only." past one year) to save her from her As we see, it is then envisaged parents, who wanted her to get that "Mr. Vishal Kashyap, AAG married to a person who was much Haryana, who is appearing through older in age. Petitioner No. 2 the medium of video conferencing, requested her to go back, but being Hon'ble Ms. Justice Jaishree Thakur accepts notice on behalf of the fearful for her life and that she official respondents-State and would be forcibly married to a submits that the couple seeking person much older than her, she THE SUPREME COURT protection are not married and refused to do so. IN A CASE RENDERED IN according to their pleadings are in a Consequently, she shifted in with live-in relationship." petitioner No. 2, The petitioners S. KHUSHBOO V. decided to live together till they KANNIMMAL, (2010) 5 could solemnise a marriage, i.e., on SCC 600 HAS HELD NOTABLE JUDGMENT petitioner No. 2 attaining the age of THAT A LIVE-IN To put things in perspective, Ms. 21. It is also stated that the Justice Jaishree Thakur while relationship would never be RELATIONSHIP IS staying the purpose of the petition accepted by the private PERMISSIBLE AND THE observes that, "The petitioners respondents, as both belong to ACT OF TWO ADULTS have approached this Court under different castes. Petitioner No. 1 Article 236 of Constitution of India belongs to the Kashyap caste LIVING TOGETHER seeking protection of their life and whereas petitioner No. 2 belongs to CANNOT BE liberty at the hands of the private a Rabari caste. The petitioners have CONSIDERED ILLEGAL respondents, with. A further prayer already approached the SP, Kamal OR UNLAWFUL, WHILE that they be restrained from vide a representation dated interfering in the peaceful live-in 12.05.2021 (Annexure P-3) seeking FURTHER HOLDING relationship of the petitioners. The protection at the hands of the THAT THE ISSUE OF petitioners have not approached private respondents, but there has MORALITY AND this court either seeking permission been no response. Fearing a threat to marry or. for approval of their to their life, as the relationship was CRIMINALITY ARE NOT relationship. The limited prayer as not acceptable to the parents and CO-EXTENSIVE. noted is for grant of protection to

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 65 them, fearing the ire of family couples who are not married. Again, held that a live-in relationship is members of petitioner No. 1 on reference can be made to a recent permissible and the act of two account of the parties belonging to judgment rendered by the adults living together cannot be a different caste and their decision Allahabad High Court in Kamini Devi considered illegal or unlawful, while to reside together without the vs. the State of UP, 2021 (1) RCR further holding that the issue of sanctity of a valid marriage." (Civil) 421 and in Bhagwan Dass v. morality and criminality are not co- Be it noted, while mentioning the State (NCT of Delhi), (2011) 6 SCC extensive. relevant case laws, it is then 396." If the petitioners herein have not worthily stated that, "This Court in As it turned out. Justice Jaishree committed any offence, this court the past and also recently has then holds that "The petitioners sees no reason as to why their allowed protection to those herein, who are major, have taken a prayer for grant of protection runaway couples, even though they decision to reside together without cannot be acceded to. Therefore, were not married and were in a live- the sanctity of marriage and it is not with due respect to the judgments in relationship, and in cases where for the courts to judge them on rendered by the Coordinate the marriage was invalid (as one of their decision. The Supreme Court in Benches, who have denied the parties though a major, was not a case rendered in S. Khushboo v. protection to couples who are in a of age as per Section 5 of the Hindu Kannimmal, (2010) 5 SCC 600 has live-in relationship, this court is unable to adopt the same view." Finally, it is then held in that, "Without entering upon an exercise to evaluate the evidentiary value of the documents placed on the file, I dispose of this petition with directions to respondent No. 2 to decide the representation of the petitioners (Annexure P-3) within a period of one week from the date of receipt of this order and grant them protection, if any threat to their life and liberty is perceived. It is made clear that this order shall not be taken to protect the petitioners from legal action for violation of the law if any committed by them." IN ESSENCE, THIS In essence, this exceptionally EXCEPTIONALLY brilliant, brief, bold, and balanced Marriage Act). Reference in this judgment authored by Hon'ble Ms. regard can be made to the BRILLIANT, BRIEF, Justice Jaishree Thakur of Punjab judgment rendered by the Division BOLD, AND BALANCED and Haryana High Court deserves to Bench in Rajwinder Kaur and JUDGMENT AUTHORED be emulated in all similar such cases another Versus State of Punjab, by all the Judges. It is certainly a 2014 (4) RCR (Criminal) 785 where it BY HON'BLE MS. path-breaking, powerful, was held that marriage is not a must JUSTICE JAISHREE progressive, and a par excellent for security to be provided to a THAKUR OF PUNJAB judgment! The bottom-line of this runaway couple. AND HARYANA HIGH notable judgment is: Live-in The police authorities were relationships may not be acceptable directed to ensure that no harm was COURT DESERVES TO BE to all but living together without caused by anyone to the life and EMULATED IN ALL marrying doesn’t constitute an liberty of the couple. Similar views SIMILAR SUCH CASES offence. have been taken by the Coordinate In other words, this judgment Benches in the matter Rajveer Kaur BY ALL THE JUDGES. IT rightly conveys that we must be Versus State of Punjab, 2019 (3) RCR IS CERTAINLY A PATH- more tolerant. Why should two (Civil) 478 and in Priyapreet. The BREAKING, POWERFUL, consenting adults not live as they Kaur Versus State of Punjab, 2021 (1) PROGRESSIVE, AND A like? It is high time and family RCR (Civil) 604 amongst others. members must also learn to accept Different High Courts too have PAR EXCELLENT their children's choice and not allowed protection to runaway JUDGMENT! thrust their own choice on children! We

66 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 I got married and went to live in my Personal Problems husband’s small, crowded home. When I was taken to meet my father-in-law, I realised that he was paralysed and hardly aware of what was & going on around him. I felt sorry for him but was A also worried as I did not have any experience in Q looking after such an ill person. My first year of marriage was full of tension am one of three children, two sisters and one brother. as I tried to get used to life in my new home and to do IMy brother is the eldest and is in army. My sister is the house-work that I was allotted. After that I became 23-years-old and has completed her postgraduation pregnant and my life became a nightmare as my mother- and I am 19 years old, youngest in the family. I am an in-law decided that I should have the “light” work of undergraduate. looking after my father-in-law because of my pregnancy. All of us in the family adore my brother and eagerly Now, my son is nearly one and I am still doing this. look forward to his visits home for his annual leave. My It was not difficult for me to learn what I had to do for sister and I also look forward to the guests, smart my father-in-law, but I found and still find the work of armymen like himself, whom he brings home on visits. looking after an almost completely paralysed man, When he came home a few weeks ago, he brought sickening. home an army officer from his own batch who won all I feel like throwing up when I have to clean him up our hearts. He stayed two days with us and my parents after he had soiled himself and when I have to wipe him were very taken by him, and the fact that he was an only down and change his clothes. son and unmarried. None of the other daughters-in-law of the family have Both my elder sister and I fell for him! Now, my done this work as my mother-in-law has done it since parents are trying to arrange a match between my elder my father-in-law fell ill and it was only because she had sister and him, but I am head-over-heels in love with begun to find it difficult to move my father-in-law, that him. she had given the job to me. I don’t feel that my sister really loves him as much as I I have not told my husband how I feel, but I just do. How can I make my parents realise this and get me cannot continue to look after my father-in-law. I would and not my sister married to him? also like to move out of my in-laws’ home and live with This is a very tricky situation and you should proceed my husband and son. carefully. Why do you say that you love this man more I know that if I tell him this, he will be furious with than your sister does? Actually, it is likely that both of me. But I cannot continue to live like this. What should I you are just attracted to this young man and not “in love” do? with him at all, because you really don’t know him! After Though there is nothing wrong in a woman looking all, he stayed just two days with you! Besides, he didn’t after a male patient (nurses do it all the time) young show that he was specially attracted to either of you, daughters-in-law are usually not asked to do the job of did he? cleaning up their sick fathers-in-law, changing their If you talk to your parents and tell them that you are clothes, etc. in love with this man, you will put them and your sister in Sons usually do this, not only because it is an awkward position since you are four years younger embarrassing for a young daughter-in-law to do it, but than her. also because an untrained woman may not be able to So, it is best that you keep quiet. And don’t worry. lift and turn a heavier man. The army is full of smart, eligible young men and your So, tell your husband that you are finding it difficult to brother will surely bring others home. lift and turn your father-in-law and ask him to help you. ● Once he helps you and sees what you have to do, he will hree years ago, when I was 20 years old, my probably realise that this is a job for him and his brothers Tparents got me married to a 30-year-old man who and tell you that you need not do it any more. had a good job. I met the man just once before I If he doesn’t, you should tell your mother-in-law that married him and in that meeting he told me that I would you can’t lift and turn your father-in-law by yourself and be living in a joint family with his parents, three elder that one of your sisters-in-law should help you. brothers and their families. Wanting to leave your joint family and live separately When I heard this I felt relieved that I would be the is a completely different issue and one that you should youngest daughter-in-law and would have to just follow discuss with your husband. instructions the elder daughters-in-law gave me. I felt Have you a personal problem of any nature, like this because I had no experience in running a home. which you hesitate to discuss with your family or friends? My husband-to-be also told me that his father was ill Share it with us. WE will try to help you. Address your letters to: and bedridden and would not be able to attend our WOMAN’S ERA wedding. E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 67 Frozen

Treat yourself to delicious scoops.

3 scoops Pure Coconut ice semisweet chocolate chips and 1/2 ICE CREAM cream cup butter, stir until smooth. Stir in 1 tablespoon instant coffee BONBONS granules until dissolved, cool To make your Sundays more METHOD completely. Working quickly and flavorsome, we are here with a Line a baking pan with waxed in batches, use a toothpick to dip mouth-watering and simple recipe paper, place in freezer to keep ice cream balls into chocolate - Ice Cream Bonbons. cold. Working quickly, scoop out mixture; allow excess to drip off. INGREDIENTS balls of Pure Coconut Ice Cream Place on a waxed paper-lined pan; with a scooper, immediately roll in remove toothpick. Return to 1 cup finely-crushed cookie 1 cup of finely crushed cookie freezer, freeze until set. For crumbs crumbs. Place on the prepared longer storage, transfer bonbons 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips pan; freeze at least 1 hour or until to a covered freezer container ½ cup butter firm. and return to freezer. 1 tbsp instant coffee granules In a microwave, melt 2 cups Your dessert is ready FRIED ICE CREAM This homemade fried ice cream has everything the normal version has to offer, but it lacks all the tedious steps, lengthy prep times and oily mess that come along with the real deal. INGREDIENTS 6 cups cornflakes ½ cup salted butter Fried Ice Cream 2 tsp powdered cinnamon 2 scoops Pure Vanilla with deepen and begin to smell lightly to re-solidify ice cream, keep Assorted Nuts and Black Raisins toasty and corn flakes should be frozen until ready to serve. ice cream crisp), for about 2 minutes. Garnish with chocolate sauce, Remove ice cream from freezer, caramel sauce, whipped cream, scoop out desired serving and cherries. METHOD size of Pure Vanilla with Assorted Take a bow all you master Pour 5-6 cups cornflakes into a Nuts & Black Raisins Ice Cream chefs! Your gourmet dessert is re-sealable bag and then use a and shape into a ball with clean ready. rolling pin to crush cornflakes to hands. small bits. Melt 1/2 cup salted Immediately drop shaped ice butter in a pan over medium heat. cream ball into corn flake mixture Stir in crushed corn flakes and add and roll to evenly coat, while FLUFFERNUTTER 2 tsp. cinnamon. Cook mixture, pressing corn flake mixture stirring constantly until golden around outer surface for a thicker MILKSHAKE This dessert isn’t just delicious brown and fragrant (color will coating. Freeze for 10 - 15 minutes — it’s simply DIVINE! And the best Fluffernutter Milkshake part is, it’s super easy to make! Prepare to have your taste buds blown away. INGREDIENTS 2 cups Pure Vanilla with Assorted Nuts & Black raisins Ice Cream ¼ Milk 1/2 Peanut butter 2 tbsp Marshmallow crème 4 Nutter butter cookies

METHOD In a blender, combine 2 cups of Pure Vanilla with Assorted Nuts & Black Raisins ice cream, ¼ cup milk, and 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter. Blend until just mixed. Add 2 tbsp. marshmallow crème, 4 Nutter Butter cookies and blend until smooth. Divide among glasses. Serve with whipped cream. Your Sunday delight is ready. Serve it right away!

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 69 STRAWBERRY SOUP WITH ICE CREAM This is a dessert soup, easily made with fresh strawberries, sugar, and our very favorite- Handcrafted Ice Cream. INGREDIENTS A scoop of Pure Almond Marzipan Red Velvet Ice Cream Cake Ice cream 2 cups Fresh strawberries 3 tbsp Sugar RED VELVET ICE Strawberry Soup with Ice Cream CREAM CAKE INGREDIENTS 2¼ cups flour 2 tbsp cocoa powder 1 tsp salt ½ cup butter 1½ cups sugar 2 eggs 2 cups buttermilk 1 beetroot, boiled and puréed 1 tsp vinegar 1 tsp baking soda 2 scoops Pure Coconut Ice Cream

METHOD Line three 9-inch cake pans with parchment paper, and then spray with non-stick cooking spray. Preheat the oven to 350F. In a bowl, whisk together the cake batter. Divide the batter 2 tsp Lemon juice flour, cocoa powder, and salt. In evenly between the three pans. 1 cup Water another bowl, beat together the Bake until the cakes spring back butter and sugar until light and when lightly touched, about 20 METHOD fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, minutes. Let the cakes cool for 10 In a saucepan, bring 1 cup beating for 30 seconds after each minutes in the pans, and then turn water, 2 cups strawberries, 3 tbsp. addition. Add in a quarter of the out onto a cooling rack to cool sugar, and 2 tsp. lemon juice to a flour mixture, followed by half of completely. Assemble the cake: boil. Let simmer for 5 minutes. Let the buttermilk and another Place one cake layer on a cake cool to room temperature. Blend quarter of the flour. Add the stand or cake plate. Add two together then strain through a remaining buttermilk and then the scoops of pure coconut ice cream sieve. Chill in the refrigerator, remaining flour, beating until just and place another cake layer, covered, for 3 hours. Place a combined after each addition. Mix followed by the second ice cream scoop of Pure Almond Marzipan in three-fourth cup of freshly- layer, and then add the last cake Ice Cream in a chilled bowl and pureed beets for that amazing red layer. Frost the cake with more ice surround it with the chilled colour. In a small bowl, combine cream. Decorate as desired. strawberry soup. the vinegar and baking soda. The Freeze the cake until ready to Your easy and healthy soup is mixture will bubble. Fold into the serve. ready!

70 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 CHOCOLATE & VANILLA ICE CREAM Scoops of chocolate and vanilla ice cream get ladled with chocolate sauce, then topped with toasted peanuts and coconuts in this Rocky Road- inspired sundae that's smooth sailing. INGREDIENTS ½ cups cream 200 gm chocolate 2 tsp sugar 1½ tsp Vanilla 200 gm strawberries

Cold Coffee Latte

METHOD start by making a strong and Combine 1/2 cup cream, 200 gm heavenly cold coffee latte topped chocolate, 2 tablespoons sugar with an equally rich scoop of Ice and 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla in a Cream saucepan. Stir over low heat until melted and combined. INGREDIENTS Transfer chocolate sauce to a 2 cups of chilled milk jug and cool to room 2 tsp sugar temperature. Hull 200 gm 2½ instant coffee powder strawberries, cut into slices. Place a scoop of Pure Chocolate Ice 4 scoops of pure coffee ice cream Cream into base serving dishes. Sprinkle with half the berries. METHOD Now place the scoop of Pure Pour 2 cups or 750 ml of chilled Vanilla with Assorted Nuts and milk, 2 tablespoons sugar, 2.5 Black Raisin Ice Cream into the tablespoons instant coffee dishes and top with chocolate powder, 4 scoops of pure coffee sauce, remaining berries, mini ice cream into a blender. marshmallows, toasted peanuts Blitz until it is the consistency and coconut. Serve immediately. of a smoothie. Your decadent dessert is ready! Dress up a glass with chocolate syrup or ganache. Pour the coffee straight into the glass. Top with a scoop of pure coffee ice cream COLD COFFEE and chocolate shavings. Serve LATTE chilled. Now make your own cup of Treat yourself to this simple coffee is the way to go. So let’s and delicious coffee!

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 71 ½ cup black or white sesame seeds a pinch of saffron ¼ cup of olive oil METHOD Preheat oven to 350°. Melt 2 tablespoons unsalted butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Remove from heat and mix in 2 tablespoons sugar, 1 tablespoon honey, and 1/2 teaspoon salt, and then 3 Cinnamon French Toast with Ice Cream tablespoons flour. Add 1/3 cup black and/or white sesame seeds CINNAMON Transfer dough to a parchment- FRENCH TOAST WITH ICE CREAM This large stack of cinnamon French toast covered in ice cream breakfast will surely give your day a great head start. INGREDIENTS 1 cups fresh blue berries 2 tbsp sugar 1 tbsp Lemon juice and butter 2 eggs 1 cup cream 1 tsp Vanilla essence 1 tsp cinnamon powder 1 tbsp maple syrup

METHOD Place 1 cup fresh blueberries, 2 tbsp. sugar, 1 tbsp. lemon juice and butter, as needed in a medium saucepan and simmer on Apple Cake a la Mode low heat for about 30 minutes, or until thickened. Set aside your lined rimmed baking sheet and blueberry compote to cool. Beat 2 flatten with a spoon until dough is eggs, 1 cup cream, 1 tsp. vanilla APPLE CAKE A no more than ¼ inch thick. Bake essence, 1 tsp. cinnamon powder until wafer is golden brown and and 1 tbsp. maple syrup in a LA MODE smells like caramel, 9–11 minutes. shallow bowl. Heat a large skillet This little Apple Cake à la Mode Let cool. Place saffron in a small over medium heat and add a pat is a haphazard mix of apple cake, bowl and pour in 1 teaspoon of butter. Dip each slice of bread Pure Vanilla with Assorted Nuts & boiling water. Let sit until saffron into the custard mix, soaking both Black Raisins in ice cream and releases its colour, 10–12 minutes. sides. Add the bread to the skillet caramel drizzle. Stir in 1/4 cup olive oil. Break wafer into large pieces. Scoop and cook for about 3 minutes on INGREDIENTS each side, or until golden brown. Pure Vanilla with Assorted nuts 2 tbsp unsalted butter Serve French toast with blueberry and Black Raisins Ice Cream into compote and scoops of Pure 2 tbsp sugar bowls; drizzle with saffron oil and Chocolate Ice Cream. 1 tbsp honey top with wafer. Your dessert is Your perfect breakfast is ready! ½ tsp Salt ready, take out your spoons Just dig in. 1 tbsp flour and dig-in.

72 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 EASY FROZEN MUD PIE It is a very simple recipe and if you love chocolate, this pie recipe is perfect for summer! INGREDIENTS 1½ cup of cookie crumbs 1½ tsp sugar ¼ cup butter 3 cup of pure coffee ice cream ¼ cup of chocolate surup

METHOD In a small bowl, combine 1-1/2 cups cookie crumbs and 1-1/2 syrup on the top. Freeze until teaspoons sugar if desired. Stir in firm. Remove from the freezer 10- MOCHI ICE 1/4 cup butter until crumbly and 15 minutes before serving. Garnish well blended. Press the mixture with whole cookies if desired. CREAM into a 9-inch pie plate. Refrigerate Woah! So simple and such a Deliciously refreshing ice cream for 30 minutes. Spoon 3 cups of delicious pie! Anyone can make it on the inside and perfectly soft Pure Coffee Ice Cream onto the and everyone should try it out. and chewy mochi (Japanese rice crust. Drizzle 1/4 cup chocolate cake) on the outside. INGREDIENTS 1 cup sweet rice flour ¼ tsp sugar 1 cup water 1 scope of pure coffee ice cream

METHOD Combine 1 cup sweet rice flour, ¼ cup sugar, and 1 cup water in a large microwave-safe bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Microwave for 1 minute. Stir the rice flour mixture with a whisk to get rid of any lumps, then cover with plastic wrap and microwave for 1 minute. Dip a rubber spatula in water and stir the rice mixture again. Cover the mixture one last time and microwave for another 30 seconds. Place a large piece of parchment paper on your counter and cover it with a generous dusting of corn-starch. With a wet spatula, scrape the dough out of the bowl and onto the corn-starch. Dust the top of the dough with more corn-starch. Roll the dough into a rectangle shape, no less than ¼-inch thick.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 73 Make sure you keep dusting melted butter and 1/2 cup cocoa the top and bottom of the dough and 1 cup sugar, stir until fully with corn-starch to prevent any BROWNIES dissolved. Add 2 eggs (one at a sticking. Once rolled out, place time) then 1 tsp vanilla essence the dough into your refrigerator WITH and stir until well combined. To to set. This will take around 30 CHOCOLATE this add 1/2 cup flour and 1/4 tsp minutes. After the dough has set, salt until the flour is fully cut circles of the dough using a AND ALMOND combined. cutter. If you don’t have a cookie ICE CREAM To make your brownies extra cutter, use an empty tin can or Try out a recipe which is loved delicious, you can add 1 cup of drinking glass. by all, Brownie + Ice Cream! It’s a nuts, raisins, chocolate chips or Brush off any excess corn- match made in heaven. anything else that you desire. starch. Now, working quickly, take Spread the mixture in the pan a scoop of Pure Coffee Ice Cream INGREDIENTS and bake for approximately 20-22 and place it in the center of the ½ cups melted butter minutes or until the center is circle. Press the dough’s edges ½ cup cocoa slightly set. around the scoop of ice cream, 1 cup sugar Be careful not to over-bake! forming a ball, and squeeze to Cool completely. seal. 2 eggs Top it with a huge scoop of To help preserve its shape, 1 tsp Vanilla essence Pure Chocolate with Almonds Ice wrap the mochi ice cream ball in ½ cups flour Cream. cling wrap and place them seam ¼ tsp salt Done! side down back in the freezer to 1 cup nuts and raisins chocolate We told you it will be super set. Allow the mochi to freeze for chip easy yet super delicious. a minimum of 2 hours. When ready to eat, let the mochi ice cream sit out for a few METHOD minutes to soften. Done! So Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a Recipes by: Ms. Prerna Puri, simple and such a delicious square pan or line with foil and set Founder and CEO of Prerna’s Handcrafted dessert. aside. In a bowl combine 1/2 cup Ice Cream

74 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 On the other hand if the BPS is poor will be I am Pregnant admitted and strict monitoring done if the baby is premature so that it can grow big enough to & survive outside the womb. A USUALLY HAVE DELAYED PERIOD AND DID NOT REALISE Q Ithat I was pregnant when I got a X ray of my tooth done for some dental problem. I do HIS IS MY FIRST CONCEPTION. AS MY TIME DRAWS NEAR MY want to continue with this pregnancy but do not know if it is Tfears are getting compounded as people have told me wise to do so after the exposure to X rays. Please advise. that small women have a small pelvis and this makes it Inadvertent exposure to X ray, during pregnancy, difficult for the baby to pass through. As a result there are especially in an area remote from the uterus (the tooth in increased chances of cesarean delivery. I do so want to your case) is relatively harmless so do not panic or think of an deliver normally. abortion on this account. One X Ray exposure does not This is a blanket statement and not entirely true. A lot warrant such a drastic step. depends upon the size of the baby for the space available in ● the pelvis should be adequate in relation to the baby you are ECENTLY I ABORTED A TWO AND A HALF MONTHS OLD BABY carrying. If the size of your baby too is small, the small pelvis Rdue to some internal problem. I want to know if I can will not be an impediment to delivery and you may very well get pregnant again and have a healthy baby. What if have a normal delivery. However one must remember that I abort again?. CPD – cephalo-pelvic disproportion – difficulty of the baby’s One in twenty five pregnancies end up in an abortion, head to pass through a narrow pelvis, is not the only reason for usually due to a chromosomal anomaly that is incompatible cesarean section. Quite a few tall women with an adequate with life. This is because 10-20% of the millions of sperms pelvis end up in a cesarean section for a multitude of other produced during each ejaculate are abnormal and one of reasons like fetal distress, breech presentation (baby is bottom these must have fertilised the ovum. In that case in all first) etc. probability you will have no difficulty in having a healthy ● pregnancy and a normal baby next time. On the other hand if SMOKED TILL I WAS THREE MONTHS PREGNANT AS I DID NOT KNOW you have repeated abortions, you will need a host of Ithat I was pregnant. Now I have tried stopping but when investigations to reach a diagnosis and management will be I don’t smoke I become very irritable and moody which done accordingly. Repeated abortions could occur due to makes things unpleasant at home. I take a few drags now conditions such as genetic, hormonal, immune problems, and then but do not smoke as I used to do. Will this affect infections and congenital abnormalities of the uterus. my baby? Usually there is no difficulty in conceiving after an abortion Not only is smoking harmful to your baby, but being unless you develop blocked tubes due to infection. It is around people who smoke is as bad, if not worse for the advisable to wait at least six months after an abortion before nicotine is passed on to the baby as carbon monoxides. The you try for another pregnancy. risks of smoking to the baby include stillbirths, prematurity, ● low birth weight, asthma and sudden infant death syndrome. AM EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT AND HAVE DEVELOPED SWELLING Ideally you should give up the habit before you get pregnant Iaround my ankles and feet. What is it due to and what but if that has not occurred do so now, no matter how should be done to prevent it? irritable or moody you have become. Take professional help Swelling, or edema, is a very common discomfort of if needed to do so. pregnancy. When the weather is warm, or you have been ● standing on your feet for awhile, or even by the end of your AM IN THE EIGHTH MONTH OF MY PREGNANCY AND THE BABY’S day, you may notice that your feet feel tight and swollen. In Imovements have decreased considerably over the last general swelling is nothing to be alarmed about. week. Is this a cause for concern?. The swelling usually subsides after a good night's rest. It is indeed a cause for concern. You should visit your doctor Increase your intake of water to at least eight glasses of water at the earliest. She will perform a check up, hear the fetal a day. While people believe that swelling is caused by heart and get an NST done. NST is a simple, non-invasive test excessive intake of salt in the diet, the opposite is also true so, that gives a fair idea about the baby’s well being. If this is moderation is the key to balance. To reduce the swelling you normal you will be sent home and asked to keep a kick count. should wear comfortable shoes, slip on types are best. Put This entails counting the baby’s movements for one hour after your feet up when possible. If you stand at work, try to move every meal. If there are 3-4 movements each time all is well. If around slightly or get a stool to prop a foot up. Don't wear the NST is abnormal or inconclusive further surveillance is elastic topped socks; try support stockings. If the swelling is required. An ultrasound with a BPS (biophysical score) will be accompanied by increased blood pressure and albumin in done where the baby gets a score out of 10. Sometimes you do the urine, it is not normal and needs medical management. not perceive the movements but they are well visualized on an ultrasound and you may be sent home after being reassured. – Dr. Amrinder Bajaj

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 75 Pracheen Kala Kendra’s Golden Jubilations Celebrating Golden Jubilee of All India Bhaskar Rao Nritya and Sangeet Sammelan. By Sudipto Mullick

railties in intentions are its conference, held at Tagore Theater, his end and Paarth Koser, a cub Ftrue defeat. Despite the alongside his son, Salil with a duet. drummer, to render a mash based mandatory shelving of the However, senior Bhatt was held on raga Bhopali, pahari and folk- golden jubilee celebration of prisoner to an unanticipated health music, in succession. Pracheen Kala Kendra, Chandigarh issue. He did air a congratulatory During this week-long turnout, initiated All India Bhaskar Rao Nritya video message, after which, junior Odissi danseuse, Vidushi Sujata & Sangeet Sammelan last year — Bhatt took to a solo Satvik Veena Mohapatra — disciple & daughter- for which huge losses were factored rendition launching into raga in-law of the legendary guru — they nonetheless, powered Jogeshwari, but not before rueing Padmavibhushan Kelucharan through to reprise it albeit in the the lack of prevalence of rare ragas Mohapatra, and her troupe had phygital format this year. Inevitably, like Gangeshwari, Kameshwari, and essayed Mangalacharan — a the original celebratory tone of Parameshwari — all of which, terpsichorean oblation to Lord pairing the illustrious exponents including the one he staged, being Jagannatha followed by Jayadeva's who had previously illuminated this Pandit Ravi Shankar's own Gita Govinda, choreographed by her prestigious stage with their inventions. One wished him to have mentor, Hansadhvani pallabi and practicing progenies had to be subsidised the posturing and allied items. She then soloed an greatly rethunk owing to the instead extended the equivalent evocative abhinaya-steeped Shabari ongoing pandemic. earnestness to performing. He and before bringing in her troupe to The vestige of that schema was tabla player Abhishek Mishra, both conclude with Moksha contiguous almost an eventuality with Padma were then combined by Rajasthani with a hymn to the president Bhushan Pandit Vishwa Mohan folk artist & khartal player Kutla goddess. She and her troupe were Bhatt billed to inaugurate this Khan — who handsomely held up an incarnation of applied

76 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 Vidushi Mahalakshmi Shenoy singing Raga Kalavati Vidushi Purnima Bhatt rendering Raga Puria Kalyan

A JOURNEY NAVIGATING NADA, BINDU, KALA AND RASA, PREMISED ON SHIVA TATTVA DEPICTING SHAKTI, BIRTH OF NATURE & CULMINATING IN AN EXISTENTIAL EUPHORIA, EMPLOYING VO & AV EFFECTS CAME ACROSS AS {CORPORATISED. } Dr Samira Koser presenting Shudh Kathak of Jaipur Gharana mathematics stimulated by melody. journey navigating nada, bindu, kala before winding up. Durjay Bhaumik Be it core engagement, sharpness, and rasa, premised on Shiva tattva on tabla and Paromita Mukherjee individual/group symmetry and depicting shakti, birth of nature & on harmonium both complemented spatial exploration, it was blinding, culminating in an existential her judiciously. none more so than the lady at its euphoria, employing VO & AV Enchanting with raga Kalavati, heart. effects came across as Vidushi Mahalakshmi Shenoy The authentic showcasing of gat, corporatised. initiated it with an aalap nikas thaat, aamad, uthaan, ganesh progressing to a bandish (sajan ghar paran, chakradar paran, and upaj — aaye) in vilambit ek-taal. Applause left leg more impactive than the EVIDENT N TARANA was thick as her drut teen-taal right, per instructions — of Jaipur AND HORI bandish (tumhare bina main toh) gharana by Dr Samira Koser was Vocalist Vidushi Purnima Bhatt of came to rest; a couple of bhajans appreciable. Dharwad district, Karnataka, including one in her mother-tongue, Demonstrating restrained exuded brilliance via raga Puria Konkani, yet to be proferred before thespianism in Madhab Prasad's Kalyan (bandish: 'hovan lagi sanjh she'd exit along with Pt. Abhishek creation, Ahilaya, she successfully bhai' in vilambit ek-taal), upping the Mishra, and Tarun Joshi, her drew empathy to the protagonist's pace in a drut bandish (dhan dhan symbiotic tabla and harmonium travails. tero bhag). Her assertive gain and accompanists, respectively. Her This edition's only other tankari-laykari control were just as poised vibrato, simulation of danseuse, Guru Kamilini Dutt and evident in tarana and hori in Mishra Krishna's frolicking in 'Nari nayan her troupe's kathak-bharatanatyam Khanbaj (khele nandlal sang chakora' (in Ahir Bhairav) and amalgam, Rango'ntaratma — a rangbhari hori) she intonated anoesis-induction in self-written

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 77 Mallick Brothers Prashant Nishant of Darbhanga Gharana Pt. Rakesh Chaurasia lipping Raga Durga

Meera's bhajan in Bhinna Mishra duo, 'friends' in their associative Self-composed raga Shadja was lost to none. nomenclature withstanding, are Janasammohani (aalap, jod, gat, 'Kajra kaise dalu' in vilambit ek- siblings — Madhu and Gopal on jhap-taal, teen-taal, sawal-jawab) – a taal; 'avgun na kijiye guni sang' tabla and srikhol, respectively. The rather flippant tune – was Pt. Tarun (drut), and 'aae mayi aaj aaye ghar Barman Bandhus' filial nexus was Bhattacharya's presentation with mitwa' in teen-taal were the palpable as they unwove their tabla maestro Pt. Ramdas Palsule in bandishes intrinsically harnessed by engrossing instrumentation with tow, closing with a bhatiyali dhun Ambareesh Das to portray raga rela, kaida, palta and likes in Rupak- and an overall perfunctory effort. Yaman Kalyan. And when he delved taal, additionally benefiting from Sitarist Dr.Harvinder Kumar into a Basant raag bandish (ayo Hiranmoy Mitra's harmonious Sharma's cantabile predicated on pagwa brij dekhan ko chalo ri), his harmoniuming. khayal-ang in raga Pahadi peaked tabla catalyst, Pt. Debashish Only through the father-son through alaap, jod alaap and the Adhikary, came into his own. sarodists duo — Pt. Alok and gats — masitkhani (slow) and Abhishek Lahiri did the initial razakhani (fast). Emulating ideation witness fructification. Imdadkhani gharana's Ustad Vilayat 13TH GENERATION Mesmerising from onset, they Hussain Khan's late-career habit, he CONCATENATION commenced with raga Rageshri broke into singing (rangi sari gulabi; Raga Jog was the opener for (aalap, jod, jhala, jhap-taal and teen- payoji maine ram ratan) which for Prashant and Nishant Mallick, the taal gat) and concluded with a bit some could slump the sublimation. contemporary flag-bearers of thumri-mannered Mishra Kafi, Ustad Akram Khan supplied him Darbhanga gharana. An elaborate tailing into a Suddha-Zila Kafi with delicious counterpoints. aalap, segued through badat to ragamala. Their conflux of Flags of Punjab gharana flew blossom into their father Prem Shahjahanpur, Maihar and the happy and high as tabla-pair, Jaidev Kumar's bandish (khelan aaye hori Senia-Bangash gharanas had the (disciple & son of Pt Kale Ram) and kanhaai) set to Dhamar-taal. Mallick progenitor principally abandoning his disciple, Ravinder Singh Brothers, the 13th generation space for his virtuoso scion. disseminated quintessential reles, concatenation, sealed their Pt. Rakesh Chaurasia's solemn kaydes, paltes and the likes, thoroughly riveting session with raga Durga (aalap, jod in assisted steadily by Bhisham Kripalam Mahakal — a veneration madhyalaya), fluttered about the Sharma on harmonium. structured on the rare and brisk 10- audi, nonetheless soon he applied The conference, compliant to matra rhythm cycles attempted his rigorous embouchure. The Covid-19 protocol, was live- customarily only by expert concluding pahari dhun too lingered streamed on PKK's Facebook page drupadists. Pakhawaj player beyond its exhausted notes, all & YouTube channel where it's Rishishankar Upadhyay's Gaya while conversing with the archived as well. As valiant efforts gharana notations were congruent contemplative, though faintly go, this exposition backed up by a with the gravitas of the recital. stentorian towards end, tabla fierce intention despite such trying Incidentally, the other brother- voicing of Ram Kumar Mishra. times, was right up there.

78 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 in your arms or in the pram. If he wakes up Child Challenges after he has settled down, gently soothe him back to sleep. Do not take him to the hustle bustle area of the house that will provoke him & to wake up. A Such rituals may take up to an hour initially Q but after a month or so you baby will get the ‘it’s time to sleep’ message and will LEASE TELL ME WHAT SORT OF NAPPIES SHOULD I USE FOR MY miraculously fall asleep within minutes. If you Pchild? The disposable ones are too expensive and I do need to wake your baby up for whatever reason do not do not know if cloth ones are good enough. Also please so by shaking him. Such rough handling can be dangerous. tell me how often should I change the diaper and what is Instead tickle is toes or blow gently on his cheek. the right way of doing it? ● You could use cloth nappies, disposable ones or a Y NEW BORN DAUGHTER PASSED BLOOD FROM HER PRIVATE judicious mixture of both - the latter while going out and Mparts a few days after delivery. This has alarmed cloth ones at home. You would probably need 10 diapers a us terribly. What could be the cause? day. Before changing the diapers make sure that everything Maternal hormones circulate in the baby’s blood while you need is at hand so that you do not leave the baby she is in the uterus. At delivery the sudden withdrawal of unattended. After each bowel movement or if the diaper is these hormones lead to a menstruation like situation which wet, lay your baby on his back and remove the dirty diaper. is entirely harmless. It does not require treatment and will Use the water, cotton balls, and washcloth or wipes to not recur. gently wipe your baby's bottom and genital area. When ● removing a boy's diaper, do so carefully because exposure WAS SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT MY SISTER’S NEW BORN SON to the air may make him urinate. When cleaning a girl child, Ihas developed jaundice! Where could he have caught wipe her from front to back to avoid infection. Do not the infection? My siser does not have jauncide? powder the local area. Wash your hands thoroughly after This is not an infection but is physiological and occurs in changing a diaper. If you are a new mother and are still approximately 50% of newborns. It is characterised by recovering from the strain of child birth make sure that your yellowish discoloration of the skin and the white of the working level, be it in the kitchen, wash basin or nappy eyes and usually appears on the second or third day of changing should be high enough so that your back remains birth, disappear within 1 to 2 weeks. The yellowing begins erect while performing these chores. Repetitive/constant in the upper par of the body and spreads downwards. Why back bending can lead to chronic backache. does it occur? A baby in the womb has higher heamoglobin ● levels than a newborn because the former has to extract E WERE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT MY NEWBORN CHILD oxygen from the maternal blood while the latter gets it Whad lost weight on discharge on the 3rd day, directly from the air. As there is no need for the extra red instead of gaining it as expected. blood cells after birth they are destroyed. Jaundice is A newborn loses about 5-10% of his body weight in the caused by the accumulation of bilirubin (a waste product first few days of life as the swelling subsides. This is produced by the breakdown of red blood cells) in the normal. The weight is regained within the next 7 -14 days. blood, skin, and other tissues as the immature liver of the Thereafter there is a gain of 25-30gms per day. Standard newborn is unable to remove this substance effectively charts for height and weight are available and your baby’s from the body. It is different from the jaundice that adults height and weight will be marked on a graph on every visit suffer from, which is due to the inflammation of the liver. to the pediatrician. Generally, a baby doubles his birth If the jaundice appears earlier or the bilirubin levels are weight in 4-5 months and triples it in one year. high, the baby may need phototherapy or even exchange ● transfusion. During phototherapy the child is kept under HAVE AN EIGHT MONTH’S OLD SON AND AS YET HE HAS NOT blue lights for days with the eyes and genitalia covered for Ideveloped sleep pattern. This is making all of us protection. Exchange transfusion is required when the irritable. Please tell me how to make him sleep properly bilirubin levels are so high that there is a possibility of the at proper times or is it too early to start doing the same. brain being affected. The baby’s blood is replaced by fresh This is the right time to develop a proper sleep pattern. blood to bring down the biluribin levels with immediate To help him do so you could set a routine for every night effect so that brain damage is minimized. and adhere to it. Put him to sleep at the same place so – Dr Amrinder Bajaj, MD. that he associates the place with sleep. Keep the area dimly lit and quiet so that he understands the difference Readers are invited to send their problems of child care and child rearing. WOMAN’S ERA will provide the answers, between night and day. Do not switch on the lights while solutions to problems usually encountered by mothers, young feeding. Quickly burp and change his nappy without talk or and old. Address your letters (neatly written on white paper) to: play as you would do in the day. You could put him to sleep WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055. by patting, singing to him, rocking or walking him around

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 79 Travelling generates ideas and learnings. By Aditi Maheshwari

ravelling is known as a source Tof rejuvenation and refreshment. Some people travel with the intention of spending quality time with their family and friends, some with the purpose of celebrating special events of their life like destination weddings, honeymoon, etc. Some travel with a simple view to explore new places, some in search of peace, some to reveal their status and rich lifestyle, some travel to learn about various cultures and backgrounds, some to learn peculiar skills, some to learn cuisines of different locations of the world. Everyone chooses to travel for their personal reasons which continue to vary from time to time. When we feel we need a break to attain peace and to rejuvenate ourselves, what we are actually seeking is change for the good that penetrates an extra dose of excitement for life within us. We are basically seeking a resurgence of optimism that we may have not felt lately, an opportunity to sing the happy song and expect miracles in the world around us. We seek the ability to view new horizons. Our mindset expands when we free ourselves to notice in detail the various aspects of the world which in turn ignites passion and creativity and the will to experiment things. Travel and creativity are magically interlinked. Multi-cultural engagements naturally give birth to creative ideas. When we involve and adapt something new, even if for a short time, it increases our understanding and broadens our perspective which makes us modest. Also, it caters the moment of curiosity. The first inklings of new growth happen in an atmosphere of freedom uninfluenced by any limited perception. Creativity is an experimental learning where you understand what works and what does not. It flies on the wings of imagination. Travelling gives us the opportunity to talk to the locals and learn about their practices, their thoughts and their heritage in all. Great wisdom lies hidden in the most ordinary DO THE THINGS IMPROVE things and places. YOU HAVE ALWAYS YOURSELF FIRST Our unfulfilling existence gets WANTED TO DO BUT Learning how to learn is the first replaced by one rich adventure, step to limitless success. Travel mystery and excitement. We DIDN’T BECAUSE YOU makes us realize why change is become vibrant again. Doing TRICKED YOURSELF constant. The wise embrace the fact something with a mindset that we INTO BELIEVING THAT that change is the only thing that is have to, makes us lose our spark of permanent, so instead of fighting it excitement and curiosity. However, YOU WERE TOO they welcome it, which allows them if we choose the attitude that we YOUNG, TOO OLD, to expand and broaden their mind want to do something, that we TOO RICH OR TOO allowing them to learn and update want to do because it’s the right their skills and mindset with the thing to do we get a bounce in our POOR. TRAVEL MAKES changing times. Zen tradition steps naturally, liberating us from YOU YOUNG AT speaks of a beginner's mind: those our shortcomings and winning over HEART AGAIN, who are open to new concepts, ourselves. We enable our restricted IGNITING THE SPIRIT those who are willing to learn, will vision to become wide open, always move to higher levels of leading to innovation and new ways OF A CHILD WHO GETS achievement and fulfillment. of doing things. Be a perpetual EXCITED FOR Questions are the most effective learner for life as life has amazing ANYTHING NEW. method of eliciting knowledge. gifts and insights to offer us and The biggest mistake is when we travel provides great teachings. limited to our self-serving assume we have no time to work on Remain spirited, joyful and curious. ruminations. Our society is ourselves. Self-improvement and Stop majoring in minor things. Enjoy conditioned to label the ignorant as personal expansion are the best and relish the beauty of diversity. weak and submissive, but the truth thing you can do for yourself and in Celebrate different ethnicities. Let is that the one who has the courage turn the society at large because passion rule the game of life for to express their lack of knowledge true learning means to improve you. Every experience no matter and seek instructions find the path yourself first and help others next. how small offers lessons, if we keep to enlightenment before anyone When you take time to build a ourselves open to acknowledge. else, we have examples of great strong character full of discipline, Reclaim the joy of waking up scholars, who travelled across the energy, power and optimism, you every morning full of energy and globe in search of knowledge and can have anything and do anything unbridled exhilaration as if you are enlightenment. Their honest you want in life. Travel highlights on vacation to your favorite place in questions reveal they are open to the importance of taking the time the world. To absorb the ageless learn, experiment and grow indeed, to master your mind, to care for philosophy, we need to develop our letting the fresh ideas bloom and your body because you will not get exploration skills and not get take space. another and to nourish your soul as

3 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 3 beautiful night makes us see things we could never have seen in the routine course of mundane activities. Watch the sun rise, dance in the shower, experience life to the fullest, be the person you always dreamed of being. Do the things you have always wanted to do but didn’t because you tricked yourself into believing that you were too young, too old, too rich or too poor. Travel makes you young at heart again, igniting the spirit of a child who gets excited for anything new. Example, if you fear travelling alone, by all might do that and the fear disappears. If you fear starting a new business or getting out of a toxic relationship, muster every ounce of your inner resolve and do it, solo traveling brings the it will put you in a position to superior or inferior in any regard opportunity to feel independent develop more vitality in living. As requires immense inner strength and see the world through a new wisely said by Epictetus- “No man is and courage to be transparent and perspective. This might be the first free who is not a master of vulnerable to the realities of life. taste of real freedom that you may himself.” Remember, freedom gives All the new aged theories have have experienced over the years. birth to innovation, imagination and the roots of tradition and cultures Fear is simply a negative stream of creativity, so gift yourself a tour to previously practiced and upgraded consciousness that has crept into unleash the freedom to live fully. with time. Nothing is a coincidence your mind over the time. Balanced lifestyle is the or happened on its own. Everything Methodically search for and destroy foundation of achieving inner is connected and so to learn the every fear that has secretly slid into peace. Reckless living will never let new, you cannot ignore the old. the fortress of your mind. This alone you learn the deep truths of Experimentation leads to will give you enormous confidence, purposeful life. When we travel to upgradation, but we need to be happiness, peace of mind and zest far off places and see the struggle flexible in our approach and not for life. Fear is the greatest obstacle of people living in those lands yet rigid in our patterns of thinking and in the road of experimental smiling and striving to live living. Practical illustrations that learning. The fears we don’t face completely and enhancing their happen locally cannot be replaced. become our limits. Our natural state skills and contributing to the There are hundreds of people who is of indomitable strength and society, we become modest and go unacknowledged for their unlimited potential and travelling humble. remarkable skills simply because of makes us realize this fact. Our self- living in far off humble places. neglect and unbalanced thinking Travelling is always a fascinating never lets us enter into our RUN YOUR OWN RACE experience that helps us step powerful natural state. Self-love is Courage allows you to run your towards self-mastery. When we the foundation of anything healthy own race. The degree of courage learn to tap into our internal and beautiful. you live with determines the resources, we equip ourselves to Dipping into the zone of the amount of fulfillment you receive. It experiment, learn and expand our unknown alerts our senses naturally allows you to truly realize all the creative skills. We give ourselves leading to differential thinking, exquisite wonders of life. All those permission to travel both into our leading to sharper creative skills. who master themselves have an inner world and the external world Now it’s up to us to decide whether abundance of courage. Travelling to at large. We become open to we are willing to accept the call on certain places is an act of courage, receive the richness that the our life and say yes to greatness. but having said that being open to universe offers. Practicing the art of However, travel during Covid the wide diversity of cultures and “Kaizen” prepares us to live a times is not recommended. But traditions and learning from soaring, fully alive life. Simple acts soon when all will be well and everyone who you come across of being high atop the mountains thereafter, we can restart our without being entitled to feel gazing at the starry and gloriously growth pursuits.

4 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 4

It’s 4AM! Roll up your sleeves. By Aditi Maheswari

hen you are up a few be your best self always but still The cut-and-dried monotony Whours early each morning show up and do as much as you can. A river flows through the huge before your standard time Don't just go around in circles, rocks of obstacles and through the to wake up, you get a good time to doing the same thing over and over dirt thrown by other fellow smash at the activities that relate to again. Be hyper intentional with passengers of life, peacefully in its your passion. The result will be how and when you start your day. complete glory fighting the external you'll feel more inspired during the Out of bed straight to walk or negative influences and yet day. 4 AM is that time of the day exercise or work, do as you feel like retaining the source of purity; is a where there is no kind of distraction and if you prefer to exercise around great example for us to look up to. and you can solely focus on your 7 AM so be it. Focus on your It starts so young that we fail to goals. It’s the best hour for deep priorities instead, but be actively realize the impact of our thinking that you need to execute in engaged in doing something surroundings on us and thus as a your creative projects. meaningful to you is a dominion in roller coaster ride, we need to learn manifesting your reality. to balance ourselves both internally The golden hours and externally so that we can The value of life is fully extracted 4 Am – The pilot pour of execute complete passion to our by discovering the potential of time creators! purpose. The cut-and-dried and making wise use of it. If you Don’t underestimate the power monotony will not help you succeed pass by the golden hours sleeping, of consistency and desire. There is in life. Time is a fair and equal you are simply losing the one irrefutable law of the universe: opportunity employer; now it’s up opportunity to propel yourself we are each responsible for our to us to show our commitment and towards strategic growth. The next own life. It’s like opening a gym earn the rewards of the moment. level will demand more from you, so called resolutions. It will be exercise program yourself for greatness. If for the first two weeks and then it Dancing on the splinter of you keep waiting for the execution turns into a bar for the rest of the glass of your dreams: ‘For a while’, this year. Remember, you can’t be The promise to perform in the phrase and phase will never end. devoted and distracted at the same future is a hollow promise if it is not You create your own value by time. Commitment leads to backed by the small meaningful managing your time effectively, consistency. The smell of possibility actions of the present time - The because otherwise you'll waste it in the morning is very alluring. I NOW. You need to be intoxicatingly without being truly awakened to its personally prefer getting up at 4 AM insane while pursuing your dreams presence and authority and here is rather than working till 2 AM as if you are dancing on the stars where the casualty takes place. because after a peaceful night's while in reality you may be dancing Don't let your life go by as an sleep and the freshness of the on the splinter of glass. Grind now accident, show up always whether morning hours, I happen to operate so later your dogs can have the you feel like it or not. You will never with more enthusiasm and focus. backyard they deserve. Nothing

84 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 THE VALUE OF LIFE IS FULLY EXTRACTED BY DISCOVERING THE POTENTIAL OF TIME AND MAKING WISE USE OF IT. IF YOU PASS BY THE GOLDEN HOURS SLEEPING, YOU ARE SIMPLY LOSING THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROPEL YOURSELF TOWARDS STRATEGIC GROWTH. THE NEXT LEVEL WILL DEMAND MORE FROM YOU, SO PROGRAM YOURSELF FOR GREATNESS.

comes from worrying or self-pity, keep showing up no matter how hard it feels. You have within you the power to overcome anything. You can be vulnerable and still be powerful. You can have a gentle heart, but still be rock solid at your core. You can be as calm as a breeze, but as fierce as a tiger. The best people embody both sides. Never let others dictate who you are. Get honest with people about who you are, what you want and how you expect to be treated. Standards only scare off people not meant for you. Maintain a balance between working hard and not giving up but at the same time giving adequate rest to your body and taking care of yourself which includes emotional, spiritual and mental health, because only when you take care of all such aspects of yourself can you truly set yourself for greatness. Be both the dreamer and the doer. It all starts within you; your internal world is the driver of your external behavior. 5 minutes is enough to view your whole life differently. So just imagine how powerful a few extra hours will have on your life if you use them wisely. The wisdom of being annoyed at the loss of these beautiful golden hours can help you extract the wisdom of your inner power. Short Story Whispers in the Night

Covid Fears By: Vasudha Murthy

hanks to Covid-19 words. “I am fed up of her early morning not Television or the Laptop Tand the lockdown, (that’s me). She was a withstanding the diet or the mobile. She hops sleep had eluded nice friendly soul till the food on some days and like a frog from one to me and would come over virus hit. Now she has cheat diet on the other. I another. As if suggestions to embrace me only after gone overboard on the shudder when her phone for movies appearing on a lot of tossing and workouts. It is spot rings and a new recipe is the TV is not enough she turning boisterously in jogging, Zumba one day born. gets messages from all bed. The other day I woke and the other day it is I was used to a certain over to watch this or that up with a start hearing Yoga and belly blasts and diet of hers and there she and there she goes babbled voices talking in the next day it is belly goes throwing without a blink. whispers late in the night dance gyrations. I huff consistency to the I have lost my very when the whole world and puff but she still winds.”Listening to this I close pal whose warmth was asleep. I walked over doesn’t heed. All sorts of cringe looking at my would bring me rest and to where the sounds were online fitness workouts in stomach. My eyes were sweet dreams. I wonder coming from and was a day to boot” cried the next in line. “Listen to my why the virus chose to shocked to see most of overwhelmed heart. Next sorry tale. I am dazzled kidnap him. His name was my organs sitting on the was the stomach to speak the whole day what with sleep and I am still waiting dining chair and were “My plight is still worse. I the array of movies she for him.” Hey! that’s my having a panel discussion. have lost count of the watches. It is either the face and hair in unison, I peeped in and tried to types of herbs, powders, “Just look at us. We have eavesdrop on what they juices veggie soups She was a nice friendly never been plain and were saying in disgruntled coming inside which starts soul till the virus hit. normal from the day the Now she has gone lockdown started. Veggies overboard on the supposed to be in the workouts. fridge and in the food are smeared on us in the name of packs. Yew! The smell makes us want to puke. Why doesn’t she let us be? We would enjoy the warm un rays on us during her morning walks and glow. The glow is now lost in the midst of so many packs.” Angry tones came from my hands, “She is torturing us with all those washing and cleaning, sanitisers et al. We refuse to do any more maid or no maid”. My brain spoke vehemently, “I have let the virus take away her sleep”. Now I could hear my whole body screaming, “I more and tried to close Whatsapp messages are recommended for our am sick of her wearing the my ears only to be rudely flooded with self- stable digestion but then same old clothes day in awakened by the alarm. immunity home remedies that too is not good when and day out. Where have Whew! it was a dream! which makes one want to taken in overdose. all her lovely drapes But was it really?…..But try this or try that. Any Dearest readers, this gone?”.The last one to then some dreams are home remedy for article is neither a fantasy speak were my legs, “I am too close for comfort. example, Turmeric which nor a fancy to just read the lucky one here. I am Coming back to reality, we have been using for a and brush it off but a enjoying my siesta either how I wish we could hear long long time in our small alarm ring for all on the couch or on the our organs speak so that kitchen is to be taken only those who have become bed. How I wish this we do not overdo what in required quantities and immunity freaks to just lockdown never ends!” we are doing through the not through the day. take every message with I couldn’t bear hearing lockdown and further. Ginger also is a pinch of salt. We

only at 12 midnight madam, but I been able to find out how the man have to travel to the other end of had gathered information so the city where I live. Please do not meticulously and tricked me. let your husband know you Some neighbours say, “You received it hours earlier.”I felt were discussing this with us that sorry for him and assured him that your husband never really bothers I won’t divulge the timing of to shower you with gifts and delivery to my husband. wishes on your birthday. He must “Anyway I won’t be calling him have been hovering around and right now. He must have fallen eavesdropped on us.” asleep. It is 11.30 pm in Hong Kong. “Your kids might have I will call him tomorrow and tell discussed with their friends that him I received it at 12 midnight.” I their father is in Hong Kong and he The Birthday Gift was actually bubbling with gathered that information too.” All My husband worked in Hong excitement over this gift wrap and that may be true but the fact that a Kong and I stayed in Mumbai with was eagerly waiting to open it. trickster had been tracking our day my two school going sons. My However the man stood there not to day activities is something birthdays were never celebrated handing over the packet and said, genuinely bothersome. with too much fanfare. We had a “Sorry madam but you need to – Sudha Viswanath small cake cutting amongst the give me Rs 3348. The money for three of us. I must admit that my transportation has not been husband is not the kind of charged.” romantic guy to shower words of The packet looked pretty huge love on a birthday. Gift was and the kind of amount the man something that I definitely hadn’t stated sounded perfect to me. If you have, at an received from him. However I had Without second thoughts I handed time, been taken in by no complaints because he never it over to him. He left after wishing a smooth-talking trickster stopped me from purchasing me, “Happy birthday, madam. or a clever impostor, share your whatever I wanted. This year I got Have a great one.” I and my son experience with our readers. surprised on my birthday in a spent a good 15 minutes trying to Contributions should be about 500 different style. open the packet. The wrappers words typed or neatly written on ` A well-dressed guy knocked at kept peeling around waning sized one side of the paper only. 200 my door at around 9 pm on the eve boxes and the last box had a small will be paid for each accepted of my birthday. He had a huge gift- rubber ball in it. That is when I and published reminiscence. Send wrapped packet. Requesting to realised I had been duped! it to: verify my identity he said, This guy definitely had made a HOW I WAS DUPED “Madam, this gift has come from thorough study. He knew that my Hong Kong,” he confirmed the husband was away and he knew E-3 Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110055. name of the sender as my my birth date. Very shrewdly he Womansera.com husband. quoted an amount as Name: Then he added apologetically, transportation fee that would Mobile: “We were instructed to deliver it evoke no suspicion. I have still not E-mail:

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 87 Forward 'soch ke' Think before you forward By Rama Kashyap

herd of giraffes is walking down majestically to Athe diving board. One by one the giraffes pull off acrobatic dive into the swimming pool.’ An awesome video going viral on social media with the claim that it is a real show in Australia! The fact is it is not a real show, but computer graphics, an award- winning animated video. Sample another widely shared image which is of an elephant carrying a lion cub with its trunk and a lioness walking by the side. The picture is going round in social media with the back-story that the elephant is coming to the rescue of a cub in harsh Sahara Desert. Fantastic! Animals forgetting animosity in the times of adversity! However, the photo is not real, but a doctored image. These are tall claims, fake kind of factual inaccuracy videos and photos, but indicating extensive abuse of absolutely harmless. WhatsApp for election However, there are many campaign in India. The study manipulated stories, videos reveals that out of these13 and pictures being percent of images that forwarded on WhatsApp and contained false news; about circulated on other social 34 percent were old images media platforms that can be that were taken out of dangerous- pitching context, fake quotes and community against false statistics made up 30 community, religion against percent of a person's images religion- spreading hatred, and 10 percent of images fear and mistrust through were photo-shopped or divisive messages. A large number doctored. Besides politically of these malicious posts are sham, THANKS TO MINDLESS motivated posts, fake information not based upon facts, but made SHARES, INCESSANT and WhatsApp forwards are adding purposely by the dedicated fake FORWARDS AND RE- to coronavirus myths. Ever since the news industry to serve vested outbreak of the pandemic, scores of interests. Earlier the virtual world TWEETS; SOCIAL MEDIA self-styled experts have emerged on did not exist, but in the age of social IS A BLACK-HOLE OF social media giving unmasked media, rumours and hatred spread UNVERIFIED NEWS. TO advice on treatment of the virus. fast like a wild fire. There have been There is no dearth of medical advice instances when fake forwards have CURB THE VIRUS OF - all kinds of cures -allopathic, led to riots and mob lynching’s in MISINFORMATION, homeopathic, ayurvedic, recent years by giving leverage to WHATSAPP HAS TAKEN naturopathy- are going round the existing prejudices at the mass social media. Taking a dig at (mis) level. We have been witnessing to CERTAIN INITIATIVES. information galore on social media, the enmities of the virtual world SINCE LAST YEAR THE a WhatsApp post says, “I have just getting translated into violence, FORWARDED MESSAGE finished my post-doctorate on arson, loot, destruction, killings in CAN BE FORWARDED corona virus treatment from the real world when riots broke out WhatsApp University.” in East Delhi in 2019. TO FIVE USERS AND In fact, there is an industry FREQUENTLY backed by political parties churning FORWARDED THOUGHTLESS SHARES out fake messages. Parties create In this game of mindless shares and spread messages to suit their MESSAGES TO ONLY and fake forwards, great thinkers, agenda, to influence people and ONE CHAT AT A TIME. leaders, historical personalities are sway elections. Never mind if being blatantly misquoted. Many history is distorted, facts are quotes credited to Chankya, an twisted, stories are planted, news is adviser to Chandra Gupta Maurya manipulated, pictures are morphed on social media are not his. “If there and images are used out of context is unrest among intellectuals and but political agenda must be served. criminals assume that the king is A study titled ‘Images and doing right,” is his widely circulated misinformation in political groups: fake quote. It is farfetched to evidence from WhatsApp in India’ believe that Chankya, an intellectual conducted by two researchers from himself would have been critical of Massachusetts Institute of his own clan of intellectuals. A viral Technology (MIT) from the end of quote on the impact of coronavirus 2018 to mid-2019, the period leading on Indian economy written in a up to the 2019 general elections in motivational tone has been falsely India finds that image attributed to Ratan Tata, “2020 is misinformation is highly prevalent the year to survive, not to make on WhatsApp public groups. The profits….” The WhatsApp forward study states one out of eight images is false. Ratan Tata had to take to shared in politically oriented twitter to clarify the quote was not WhatsApp groups contained some his. Sometimes one can attribute agenda behind a post, but is encounter fake messages on-line, from misinformation and sift truth baffling why poets and writers have the highest among the 22 countries from lies. Thanks to mindless become victims of fake forwards. surveyed. Another study by three shares, incessant forwards and re- Many second-rate poems which are MIT scholars has found that false tweets; social media is a black-hole nowhere near the work of Gulzar news spreads more rapidly on the of unverified news. To curb the are being attributed to the veteran social network Twitter than real virus of misinformation, WhatsApp poet. He has written ‘Adetein Bhi news does- and by a substantial has taken certain initiatives. Since Ajeeb hoti hain’ but he says he margin. last year the forwarded message would certainly not write ‘Aurtan “We found that falsehood can be forwarded to five users and bhi ajeeb hoti hai’ which has gone diffuses significantly farther, faster, frequently forwarded messages to viral in social media under his name. deeper, and more broadly than the only one chat at a time. WhatsApp Recently the celebrated Punjabi truth, in all categories of has introduced yet another feature poet Amrita Pritam too became a information, and in many cases by in certain countries that allows the target of fakes going viral. The an order of magnitude,” says Sinan users of certain advanced poems which are too simplistic to fit Aral, a professor at the MIT Sloan applications to verify authenticity of into oeuvre of Amrita Pritam, School of Management and co- any frequently forwarded message. neither having her diction nor her author of a new paper detailing the But right now, the feature is not vision, are being celebrated as hers. findings. Millions of people in India available in India, hence not easy to Pranksters have spared no one, not today may be hooked on to social verify the correctness of the even legends like Ghalib, Iqbal and media and messaging service message but to surf google. Iqbal, Harivansh Rai Bachchan, WhatsApp for their daily dose of It has always been important to Munshi Prem Chand and also the news, views and entertainment, but exercise caution while speaking Bard of Avon–Shakespeare. Great the fact is the pandemic of fake ‘Zabaan sambhaal ke’ since words men like Mahatma Gandhi, news has turned these into once spoken cannot be taken back, Vivekananda and Einstein too have platforms of misinformation. but today in the age of social media become victims of new epidemic of The staggering number of it is even more important to false forwards. disembodied messages and videos forward ‘soch ke’ as a post can The extent of misinformation on doing rounds of social media become viral within no time. It is social media can be gauged from platforms and credulous WhatsApp imperative to exercise restraint and the result of a 2019 Microsoft study circuits like headless chickens make think before sharing and pressing which found that 64% of Indians it hard to distinguish credible facts the forward button. Lovely Dream I look out from my window, A beautiful bright morning, Lovely breeze, Birds chirping The sun is rising... Dadi, Dadi walks in my grandson I have made tea for you. I hear a long ring... Holding nanny's hand, smiling Alarm, my wake-up call, A tray with a cup of tea I open my eyes slowly Thank you, my dear, Was I dreaming? Lovingly picking up the cup What a lovely dream, I start sipping... I look out of the window, Dark, cloudy, It’s raining heavily, Slowly I get out of the bed, To kitchen I go to make.. A cup of tea. – Urmilla Ramrakhiani.

90 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 Printing Coffee Table Books Upto 500 Copies in short time

Many Samples to Choose from Delhi Press Printers since 1938 Call to Discuss 9810160122 Initiating Conversations Around Micro Aggressions What appears to be small, is in real sense BIG! By Aditi Maheshwari

icro aggressions are basically small and subtle acts of Mexclusion or misbehaviors. Example: cutting a particular individual from a group photograph, purposely pronouncing someone’s name wrong, being unfair in routine activities, excluding someone on purpose in a particular setting, disrespecting by not acknowledging the individual, making fun of an individual’s attire and many other such ways. Game of Meanness correct it. Continuing with the same justice. Disrupting some of the These micro aggressive acts are negative attitude of downgrading patterns surrounding usually done with the intention to microaggression will not let you biased behaviors is a service to break a person’s self-belief and develop healthy relationships and humanity. Never let the problem confidence. When people can’t will also prevent you from achieving creators go unchecked. Inculcate a handle an individual’s individuality, the success and happiness you culture of constructive criticism they resort to such petty activities, deserve. where the issues are raised in a in order to make them appear less decent, kind and fair manner. than others and also with the Subject: If you are the recipient Where equality and not biases is the intention to humiliate and dis- of the negative micro aggressive foundation of decisions. Where respect them, so that they start acts, don’t take things personally, truth prevails and not falsehood. doubting themselves and lack the voice the injustice. Remember, confidence to shine their true light. whatever the other person does to Dignity: Dignity should be the Micro aggressions are the mental you, has nothing to do with you, it end and means of finding a solution games people try to engage you in, simply is a reflection of their and conveying it to the concerned so that you lose focus from your insecurities and fear that they are parties. No offensive behavior must goals. It’s the subtle act of dumping on you. We cannot change be entertained in the process. detriment, where people lose their people in our strength and our Civility: Civility is what people confidence to show up and rise. timeline always, but we can take the need to learn in the current Even though they might be initiative to work on it without scenario. People are losing their unintentionally executed at times, needing to prove ourselves correct moral ground and behaving they still harm the individual recklessly. Some believe being concerned. Pointing out the offense MINDFULNESS IS AN ART thick-skinned means tolerating the can raise hackles but still it’s OF PRACTICING wrongdoings of others with important to address this issue. HUMANITY AT CORE patience. However, if Being constantly exposed to thoughtfulness is infused in our microaggressions can act as slow LEVEL AND NOT WHEN culture and the more people poisoning and thus dangerous for IT'S COMFORTABLE TO practice it diligently, the faster the the individual in the long run. DO SO. WHEN YOU transformation towards a Initiators of microaggressions structured and culturally strong usually defend themselves by TREAT PEOPLE FAIRLY society emerges. excluding an individual by AND RESPECTFULLY YOU Honour is not for a select few. highlighting their intentions behind SHOW THE WORLD THAT It’s equally deserved by all their acts but they fail to notice and YOU ARE CONFIDENT irrespective of their background, take responsibility for the impact of religion, educational and financial their microaggressions on that ABOUT YOURSELF FROM status, etc. No religion teaches to individual. Speaking up and voicing WITHIN AND NOT JUST disrespect an individual’s sense of against microaggressions can be ON A SUPERFICIAL identity. This is a practice chosen by hard but it truly is effective and people who operate based on their necessary. It’s a moral responsibility LEVEL. personal insecurities and shallow to be fair and just. It’s a spiritual and without any revenge from our mindedness. It takes courage to responsibility to voice what is vital side, but with the only intention to play fair with integrity as the basis and often ignored because of save people from destruction of operation whether it relates to societal conditioning. caused by petty behavioral personal or professional life. Your patterns. Small minds cannot actions reveal who you are more Speaking up and voicing understand greatness and you have than the words you chose to speak. against microaggressions nothing to prove them. However, Mindfulness is an art of practicing Make note of the following to creating awareness is needed for humanity at core level and not have a decent and smooth making people responsible and when it's comfortable to do so. conversation around accountable. When you treat people fairly and microaggressions: respectfully you show the world Witness: When you witness any that you are confident about Initiator: If you are the initiator micro-aggressive acts, voice your yourself from within and not just on and someone points at you when non-acceptance and support the a superficial level. Establish an you showed microaggression, subject in gaining justice. Don’t be environment of manners and instead of being defensive, listen silent on the things that matter. morals; be more concerned about and try to understand the impact of Your voice counts and you have the practicing principles rather than your actions and then resolve to power to confront and achieve gaining false sense of security.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 93 Meat Consumption Is eating animals cruel or not? By Maneka Sanjay Gandhi

n India most animal welfare Ipeople are vegetarians. We, in People for Animals, insist on that. After all, you cannot want to look after animals and then eat them. But most meat-eaters, whether they are animal people or not, have a hesitant relationship with the idea of killing animals for food. They enjoy the taste of meat but shy away from making the connection that animals have been harmed grievously in the process. This moral conflict is referred to, in psychological terms, as the 'meat paradox'. A meat eater will eat caviar, but he will refuse to listen to someone telling him that this has been made from eggs gotten from slitting the stomach of a live pregnant fish. The carnivorous individual simply does not want to feel responsible for his actions. Meat eaters and sellers try and resolve this dilemma by adopting the strategy of mentally dissociating meat from its animal origins.

94 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 For instance, ever since hordes of young people have started shunning meat, the meat companies and their allies in the government, and the nutraceutical industry, have deliberately switched to calling it “protein”. This is an interesting manipulation of words and the last- ditch attempt to influence consumer behaviour. For centuries meat has been a part of people’s diet in many cultures. Global meat- eating rose hugely in the 20th century, caused by urbanization and developments in meat production technology. And, most importantly, the strategies used by the meat industry to dissociate the product, is concealed. The process: harming of animals from the loading of animals into the flesh on the plate. overcrowded trucks, the dragging Researchers say “These into killing chambers, the killing, strategies can be direct and beheading, removing of skin, explicit, such as denial of cleaning of blood, removal of animals' pain, moral status, or FOR CENTURIES MEAT intestines and cutting the meat into intelligence, endorsement of a HAS BEEN A PART OF pieces, is all secret and the eater is hierarchy in which humans are left with neatly packed, ready-to- placed above non-human animals” PEOPLE’S DIET IN cook pieces with few reminders of (using religion and god to amplify MANY CULTURES. the animal. No heads, bones, tails, the belief that animals were created GLOBAL MEAT-EATING feet. solely for humans, and had no independent importance for the ROSE HUGELY IN THE planet, except as food and 20TH CENTURY, INDUSTRIAL products). The French are taught, CAUSED BY MANIPULATION for instance, that animals cannot URBANIZATION AND The industry manipulates the think. mind of the consumer so that he Added to this is the justification DEVELOPMENTS IN does not think of the once-living of meat consumption based on MEAT PRODUCTION and intelligent animal. The language spurious nutritional grounds. TECHNOLOGY. AND, is changed concealing the animal. Doctors and dieticians, who are Pig becomes pork, sausage, ham, unwitting tools of the “nutritional MOST IMPORTANTLY, bacon, cows become beef and science” industry, put their stamp THE STRATEGIES USED calves become veal, goat becomes on this shameless hard sell. The BY THE MEAT mutton and hens become chicken most important of all these and white meat. And now all of strategies, and the one that has a wilfully and changes his/her them have become protein. profound effect on meat perception of the world. Then come rituals and traditions consumption, is the dissociation of In earlier hunter-gatherer and which remove any kind of moral meat from its animal origins. If a agricultural societies, people killed doubt. People often partake in person holds two conflicting or or saw animals killed for their table. rituals and traditions without inconsistent pieces of information, But from the mid-19th century, the reflecting on their rationale or he feels uncomfortable. So the mind eater has been separated from the consequences. Thanksgiving is strives for consistency between the meat production unit. Singer (1995) turkey, Fridays is fish. In India all two beliefs, and attempts are made says that getting meat from shops, rituals were vegetarian. Now, many to explain or rationalize them, or restaurants, is the last step of a weddings serve meat. Animal reducing the discomfort. So the gruesome process in which sacrifice to the gods is part of this person distorts his/her perception everything, but the finished ritual.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 95 want to associate the meat they ate with a living animal, and that reminder would make them uncomfortable and sometimes even unable to eat the meat. The supermarket customer group preferred products that did not remind them of animal origins, and showed a strong motivation to avoid any clues that highlighted the meat-animal connection. What emerged was that the females felt that contact with, and personification of, food producing animals would sometimes make it impossible for them to eat animal products. What are the other dissociation techniques that In 2002 it was found that high companies and societies use school students had difficulty in to make people eat meat. For connecting the animal origins of men, the advertising is direct: different meat products, suggesting Masculinity, the inevitable fate that dissociation was deeply of animals, the generational entrenched in their consuming traditions of their family. For habits. Simons et al. found that women it is far more indirect : people differed in what they just simply hiding the source considered meat: while red meat of the meat and giving the and steak was seen as meat, more animal victim a cute name to processed and white meat (like THIS IS AN IMPORTANT prevent disgust and avoidance. chicken nuggets e.g.) was FINDING: BY Kubberod et al. (2202) compared sometimes not seen as meat at all, INTERRUPTING THE groups from rural and urban areas and was often not considered when MENTAL but found little evidence for participants in the study reported differences between these groups. the frequency of their meat eating. DISSOCIATION, MEAT- Moreover, both urban and rural EATING IMMEDIATELY consumers in the study agreed that WENT DOWN. THIS meat packaging and presentation ANIMAL-MEAT LINK functioned to conceal the link If the animal-meat link was made EXPLAINS HOW, between the meat and the once- obvious – by displaying the lamb for DURING COVID, THE living animal. Both groups of instance, or putting the word cow PICTURES OF THE respondents also stated that if instead of beef on the menu – the pictures of tied up pigs, or pigs consumer avoided eating it and CHINESE EATING installs, would be presented on the went for a vegetarian alternative. ANIMALS IN WUHAN’S packaging of pork meat, or pictures This is an important finding: by MARKETS ACTUALLY of caged hens on egg cartons, they interrupting the mental PUT OFF THOUSANDS would not purchase the product in dissociation, meat-eating question. immediately went down. This OF CARNIVORES AND Are people who are sensitive to explains how, during COVID, the MEAT SALES WENT disruptions of the dissociation pictures of the Chinese eating DOWN. process (or, in plain English, open to animals in Wuhan’s markets actually learning the truth about the lies put off thousands of carnivores and consumption, substantial they tell themselves) more likely to meat sales went down. differences emerged between become vegetarians? Probably. Do gender differences exist females and males. Men were more Everyone has a conscience. The when it comes to not thinking about aware of the origins of different meat industry has tried to make you the meat one eats? types of meat, yet did not consider bury it. We, in the animal welfare In Kubberød and colleagues’ the origins when consuming it. world, should try to make it active (2002) study on disgust and meat Women reported that they did not again.

96 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 ✿ Systemic diseases such as diabetes, Your Body ✿ Personal behavior such as smoking and alcohol use, and & ✿ The environment such as prolonged exposure to sunlight (ultra-violet, or UV, rays). A ✿ How is cataract treated? Q The symptoms of early cataract may be improved with new eyeglasses, brighter lighting, AM A 56-YEAR-OLD TEACHER. MY HUSBAND IS AN ENGINEER, anti-glare sunglasses, or magnifying lenses. If these I58. We have two children, a 37-year-old doctor son measures do not help, surgery is the only effective and an executive daughter, 29. All the four of us wear treatment. spectacles. Every two years we visit the eye clinic, and Surgery involves removing the cloudy lens and are issued a fresh prescription for glasses. My question is replacing it with an artificial lens (IOL). A cataract needs as to what should normally be the time-gap for going in to be removed only when vision loss interferes with your for change of glasses? everyday activities, such as driving, reading, or The usual rule for a patient to undergo is an eye watching TV. examination on yearly basis; and if there’s a sizeable You and your eye doctor can take this decision change in your eyewear Rx, then, too, go for a change of together. If you have cataracts in both eyes that require glasses. However, there are some exceptions to this rule surgery, the surgery will be performed on each eye at which are as follows: separate times, usually six weeks apart. Many people ✿ Should your handling of glasses be not ideal, and who need cataract surgery also have other eye there be scratches on lenses and/or the frame gets conditions, such as age-related macular degeneration or broken or defaced, then it’s time to change the eyewear, glaucoma. ✿ In children, there is likely to be more frequent If you have other eye conditions in addition to change in Rx, and in some cases, it may be advisable for cataract, talk with your eye doctor. Learn about the refraction check-up every six months, and change of risks, benefits, alternatives, and expected results of glasses, if need be, cataract surgery. ✿ If you are an elderly suffering from, say, cataract or ✿ What is cataract surgery? diabetes, the change in your spectacle Rx may be more A small incision is made on the side of the cornea, frequent, necessitating eye examination at shorter the clear, dome-shaped surface that covers the front intervals. of the eye. ● Your doctor inserts a tiny probe into the eye. This AM A 65-YEAR-OLD RETIRED BANK EMPLOYEE. I HAVE READ device emits ultrasound waves that soften and break Ithat Cataract is the commonest cause of curable up the lens so that it can be removed by suction. blindness. Lately, I have been experiencing some Mostly, cataract surgery today is done by frequent changes in my eye-sight. My blood sugar is on phacoemulsification, also called "small incision cataract border-line. I would like to know about cataract and its surgery." treatment in detail. ● Cataract is the clouding of the lens inside the eye, AM A 41-YEAR-OLD ACCOUNTANT, AND HAVE RECENTLY that affects vision. Most cataracts are related to aging, Istarted having difficulty in seeing figures in the and cataracts are, thus, very common in older people. ledger clearly. I want to know about the age-related By the age 60, many persons either have a cataract or change in eyesight? have had cataract surgery. With the advancement of age, the lens inside the Cataract can occur in either or both eyes. But, it eye becomes harder, or less flexible, resulting in cannot spread from one eye to the other. weakening of the power of accommodation. Some ✿ What is lens? weakening of the ciliary muscle also occurs. All this The lens is a clear part of the eye that helps to focus makes it more and more difficult to see near objects light, or an image, on the retina. The retina is the light- clearly. sensitive tissue at the back of the eye. In a normal eye, light passes through the transparent The change is gradual, and eventually a time comes lens to the retina. Once it reaches the retina, light is when it becomes difficult to, say reading a newspaper, changed into nerve signals that are sent to the brain. at the usual working distance, necessitating to hold the The lens must be clear for the retina to receive a sharp reading matter away at an uncomfortable distance. image. If the lens is cloudy from a cataract, the image Treatment, or management, of presbyopia is with you see will be blurred. convex, or plus, lenses, and eye care professionals ✿ Who is at risk for cataract? usually prescribe the weakest lenses that provide good The risk of cataract increases as you get older. Other vision (but no magnification). risk factors for cataract include: – Dr Narendra Kumar

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 97 AM A 25-YEAR-OLD WORKING WOMAN. ONE WEEK AGO I doses of a phobic object or situation is an effective IGAVE birth to a female child. This is my first child. I technique and one that the patient can practise want to know about the breast feeding. Whether outside the therapy session. breast feeding alone is sufficient to the child or some Emotive imagery, wherein the patient imagines the other supplements are required along with breast anxiety-provoking situation while at the same time feeding. learning to relax, helps to decrease the anxiety when Postnatal care offers an excellent opportunity to find the patient faces the real-life situation. out how the mother is getting along with her baby, Physiologic symptoms in panic attacks respond well particularly with regard to feeding. For many children, to relaxation training. breast milk provides the main source of nourishment ● in the first year of life. Y HUSBAND IS ABOUT 40 YEARS OLD. SINCE LAST TWO In some societies, lactation continues to make an MTO THREE months he is suffering from itching important contribution to the child's nutrition for 18 and rashes on the scrotum and gluteal region. months or longer. We have consulted a skin specialist for this problem. In the world's more affluent societies, breast feeding After examination and investigation, doctor told us appears to have become a lost art and the feeding that he is suffering from tinea cruris (jock itch) and bottle has usurped the breast. advised treatment. What is your opinion about the When the standard of environmental sanitation is disease? poor and education low, the content of the feeding Tinea cruris lesions are confined to the groin and bottle is likely to be a nutritionally poor as it is gluteal cleft. Intractable pruritus ani may occasionally bacteriologically dangerous. It is therefore very be caused by a tinea infection. Marked itching in important to advise the mothers to avoid the feeding intertriginous areas, usually sparking the scrotum. bottle. Itching may be severe or the rash may be A great asset in India is that an average Indian asymptomatic. mother, although poor in nutritional status, has a The lesions have sharp margins, cleared centres and remarkable ability to breast feed her infant for active, spreading scaly peripheries. Follicular pustules prolonged periods, sometimes extending to nearly 2 are sometimes encountered. The area may be years. Longitudinal and cross-sectional studies indicate hyperpigmented on resolution. Hyphae can be that poor Indian women secrete as much as 400 to 600 demonstrated microscopically in potassium hydroxide ml of milk per day during the first year. preparations. No other food is required to be given until 4 to 5 The organism may be cultured readily. Treatment months after birth. When breast milk alone will not be consists of drying powder (eg. miconazole nitrate) sufficient to sustain optimum growth of the infant, at should be dusted into the involved area in patients the age of 4 to 5 months, breast milk should be with excessive perspiration or occlusion of skin due to supplemented by additional foods rich in protein and obesity. other nutrients – eg. animal milk, soft-cooked mashed Underwear should be loose-fitting. Miconazole, vegetables etc. These are called supplementary foods clotrimazole, butenafine and terbinafine ointment or which should be introduced very gradually in small cream may be used and have a beneficial effect. amounts. Terbinafine cream is curative in over 80 per cent of ● cases after once daily use for seven days. YMOTHERISABOUT60 YEARS OLD AND SUFFERING Oral griseofulvin ultramicrosize is reserved for MFROM anxiety disorders since last 3 to 4 yrs. She severe cases. Give 250-500 mg orally twice daily for 1- is taking medicines for this disorder but this 2 weeks. One week of either itraconazole, 200 mg disorder is progressing slightly. We have consulted a daily or terbinafine 250 mg daily, is also psychiatrist for this problem. He advised behavioural effective.Tinea cruris usually responds promptly to therapy along with medicines. I want to know about topical or systemic treatment. It may leave behind the behavioural therapy. postinflammatory hyperpigmentation. Behavioural approaches are widely used in various anxiety disorders, often in conjunction with medication. – Dr Sanjay Teotia. Any of the behavioural techniques can be used beneficially in altering the contingencies (precipitating Readers are invited to send in any health and medical factors or rewards) supporting any anxiety-provoking queries they would like to be answered. Woman’s Era will behaviour. provide answers to your questions and offer solutions to Relaxation techniques can sometimes be helpful in your problems. Individual replies cannot be sent. Address your letters (neatly written on white paper) to: reducing anxiety. Desensitisation by exposing the patient to graded WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055. Womansera.com

98 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 vegan meat, meat substitute, mock meat, meat Kitchen queries alternative, imitation meat or vegetarian meat or sometimes fake meat. Seitan also known as fake meat, is a high protein food item prepared from & wheat flour. The dough is washed with water to A remove the starch granules and sticky insoluble Q gluten is left behind. Once cooked it is very close to the taste and texture of real meat and it also E THINK THAT TOMATO PUREE OR PASTE IS INDISPENSIBLE absorbs seasoning flavours. Wfor our cooking, but when it is not available, what ● all can be used as a substitute? CAN WE USE SUGAR SUBSTITUTES TO MAKE FLAVOURFUL AND Tomato paste, unlike tomato sauce, consists only of delightful desserts? concentrated tomatoes. It doesn’t contain preservatives Sugar is a highly consumed ingredient in India and now or sugars. When it is not handy we have many ingredients a days we have many healthier alternatives to it. In natural which can be used. Tamarind is one of them which comes forms we have jaggery, beet sugar, coconut sugar, palm closest to the full-bodied flavour of tomato paste. Another sugar and honey. Stevia is also a natural plant-based sugar. ingredient easily available at home is yoghurt which comes Though all these options are yet to be commonly used to handy while cooking Indian dishes with gravies. Another make mithai in India. Adding natural sugar substitutes to popular replacement for tomato paste is kokum. We also desserts gives a very natural and refreshing flavours to use dry mango powder which replicates the tomato paste them. ● flavour while cooking. ● WHAT ALL FLOURS CAN WE USE TO MAKE CAKES, MUFFINS, COOKIES ANY OF US ARE THOROUGHLY CONFUSED BY THE WIDE ETC? Mrange of breads that have suddenly become We are always told dump the no-good maida and that available in the market. Please elaborate and tell cakes made with healthier alternatives too bring refreshing us about whole wheat bread and brown bread. flavours. We mostly use maida or refined flour for our The list of types of bread available in the market is baking purposes owing to it’s easy availability. Apart from endless: sour dough, baguette, ciabatta, focaccia, black offering health benefits, alternative flours like amaranth bread, brioche, multigrain bread and grissini. The main flour, coconut flour, almond flour, buckwheat flour and competition is between brown bread and aata bread for banana flour are versatile and are easy to be experimented the common man. Now whole wheat bread is widely with. Made from fruits, nuts and seeds they are all rich in available though most of them still contain at least a little fibre with high amounts of amino acids and vitamins. maida or refined flour. Some people are under the Amaranth and buckwheat flour are rich and have an earthy impression that brown bread is equivalent to aata bread. flavour. cassava flour is gluten, grain and nut-free. Coconut But the brown colour comes from caramel or molasses and and almond flour are the most popular alternatives to it is falsely suggested that it is more nutritious than the maida. ● white bread. So just make your choices based on taste and not on the names. ● AS THE SUMMER SEASON IS HERE PLEASE TELL US ABOUT WHAT ARE MOCKTAILS AND HOW THEY CAN BE PREPARED. WHAT ARE DALGONA AND PROFFEE TYPES OF? An appropriate question for the present times. A Dalgona and Proffee, both are types of coffee. Dalton mocktail is a cocktail without the liquor. Instead juices, was a hit in the lockdown, but now it’s time for Proffee sodas, infused waters and many other ingredients, mixed the new food craze. Dalton coffee is a beverage made by in just the right ratio. With a little imagination, one can whipping instant coffee powder, sugar and hot water until mix and match a variety of fruits such as strawberry, wild it becomes creamy and then adding it to hot or cold milk berry, kiwi, orange, grape, pineapple and pomegranate to topped with coffee powder, cocoa or crumbled biscuits. create vibrant colours and flavours. Poffee is basically a combination of protein shake and These drinks create a visual treat and a refreshing coffee, mixed to perfection with a slight hint of sweetness. retreat and are not unhealthy. Served in unusual colours It not just tastes good but also has a good amount of they add a bit of charm too. The idea of preparing protein content thus making it a healthy drink. It is a smart mocktails is simple. One remains fresh and also gets to choice for those who want to increase their protein intake enjoy whole bunch of seasonal fruits. without letting go the amazing taste of coffee. — SAVITA BHARGAVA ● WHAT IS A MEAT ANALOGUE AND HOW CLOSE IS IT’S TASTE TO THE If you have any problem in cooking or kitchen, write to real meat? Woman’s Era. We shall try to help you sort it out. After vegan milk and vegan cheese we now have vegan Address your queries to: meat. A meat analogue is a meat-like substance made WOMAN'S ERA, E-3, Jhandewala Estate, Rani Jhansi Marg, from plants. More common terms are plant-based meat, New Delhi-110 055. Click womansera.com to lodge your queries.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 99 FIBROMYALGIA A chronic disorder. By Devayani Medhekar

chronic and painful disorder body that become painful when Other associated symptoms Athat does not have a cure pressure is applied to them. These with Fibromyalgia are: but can be managed with tender points or trigger points also ● Severe Fatigue massages and exercises is called have shifting points of pain. ● Disturbed sleep Fibromyalgia. Mostly affecting Trigger points were used in the ● Not feeling fresh on waking up, women in their middle age, past to diagnose Fibromyalgia. The always feeling tired fibromyalgia causes immense American Rheumatology ● Sleep apnoea musculoskeletal pain (that is Association no longer believes this ● Depression persistent and chronic pain in the to be true. The persistent pain along ● Anxiety muscle and the bones). with other symptoms and also the ● Concentration and memory issues The exact cause of Fibromyalgia excursion of other diseases can are known as” brain or fibro- fog” is not understood. At one time make one diagnose Fibromyalgia. due to which a person finds it considered a psychiatric disorder, it Trigger points are found on most difficult to focus and pay is now believed to be a neurological patients though. attention disorder where the brain wrongly Fibromyalgia symptoms are not ● Mood swings interprets and amplifies pain the same for every person, though ● Headaches sensations. the common symptom is ● Numbness or tingling in the While the symptoms of widespread pain that is more in the hands and feet fibromyalgia may resemble arthritis, back and the neck region and may ● Itching, burning, and other skin in reality, it affects the soft tissues range from an ache to shooting problems and there are tender points on the pain. ● Muscle twitches or cramps

100 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 ● Stiffness in the joints and muscles in the mornings Fibromyalgia symptoms to never ignore ● Irritable bowel syndrome ● ● Restless leg syndrome Sleep Issues ● ● Stiffness in the Jaw and facial Dattime Fatigue (“fibro fog”) muscle and tissue ● Depression and anxiety ● Extreme sensitivity to heat and ● Headache cold ● Painful Periods Jaw and facial pain ● Temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders Digestive issues Fibromyalgia has risk factors too, in the sense that it tends to be hereditary, and people with Sensitivity to touch rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis and, auto-immune disorders like lupus tend to get fibromyalgia. Pelvic floor dysfunction Doctors say that heredity is a possibility and there is yet, an unsubstantiated possibility that the Widespread pain (feels genes may be transmitted. It is felt like it affects muscles that fibromyalgia symptoms may rather than joints) develop due to surgeries, physical trauma, or stress. Otherwise, it develops over some time due to various other causes. Because of its varied symptoms that may resemble other ailments, Fibromyalgia was not easily CONCENTRATION AND the most important. Nothing works diagnosed. better for Fibromyalgia than regular The disorder was not known MEMORY ISSUES ARE exercise. It not only reduces the initially but over time it was. KNOWN AS “BRAIN OR pain and stress but also keeps you Earlier the focus was on trigger FIBRO- FOG” DUE TO in a feel-good mode and not points but now the presence of depressed and fatigued. chronic widespread pain is WHICH A PERSON FINDS Also, the intake of anti- considered more imperative for the IT DIFFICULT TO FOCUS inflammatory foods may help diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Now the reduce pain. . symptoms accompanying pain are AND PAY ATTENTION Over the counter pain also given more importance. by no means an easy task! medication like paracetamol and There is also a belief that the However, doctors say, that, anti-inflammatory agents may be level of pain sensation in this besides medication and exercise, if used but caution has to be followed disorder is felt to a greater degree, people with fibromyalgia follow a as these can cause side effects. as fibromyalgia, affects the way the few disciplinary activities daily, it Medicines should never be taken brain interprets the pain. may make their life easier. without a doctor’s prescription. For people with this condition, Promising new medications for pain can be debilitating and more so They recommend: Fibromyalgia include medicines due to the other symptoms that Following a healthy lifestyle and used for depression and seizure accompany it. However, a better reducing stress by doing disorder. Fibromyalgia is a vastly understanding of how to deal with meditation, yoga and, pranayama under-diagnosed condition and it is essential. (which are deep breathing even doctors very often may not Medication, acupuncture, a exercises) is recommended. consider this diagnosis even if change in one’s lifestyle, massages, Regular sleeping and waking up patients are present with the exercises, counselling sessions, and pattern are advocated. A night of symptoms already explained above. cognitive-behavioural therapies may good sleep keeps the body relaxed Both patients and medical go a long way in easing the pain and and the mind refreshed. Caffeine is practitioners need to be aware of improve the quality of daily life. known to affect sleep so it is better this condition so that it is not Some medicines help too. to avoid a regular intake. missed and the patient be forced to Living with this condition daily is Exercise and fitness routines are run from pillar to post to get relief.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 101 2 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 LTHOUGH I HAVE VERY ATTRACTIVE FACIAL Beauty Queries Afeatures, I DO not like the shape of my lips, for it is too thin. It makes me look like stern school teacher! I know that this is a & hereditary feature….my mother and two sisters A have this issue too, but while they are not Q bothered by it, I am keen to do something to rectify this. Can I resort to plastic surgery? I am a 15-year-old girl. FRIEND SUGGESTED TO USE COLLAGEN TO DEAL WITH THE To go under a cosmetic surgeon’s knife at your age is Awrinkles on my forehead. What is this and where do not a good idea, as you are still in the growing age. It is I get it from? I am a 40-year-old woman in only around the age of 20 or thereabouts that your face will Aurangabad. settle into a final adult format. Collagen is present abundantly in the body as the main You can use cosmetics to cleverly create the illusion of structural protein in various connective tissues. It makes up fuller lips. Outline the contours of broader lips with a lip from 25 to 35 per cent of the whole protein content in colour pencil outside the edges of your lips; use lip gloss on mammals. It helps muscles, joints, skin and tendons. It is the lips and extend the gloss to reach the outer edges you used pretty extensively to help skin regain its elasticty. have penciled in. As we age, collagen is lost steadily from the skin and Dab lips with tissue to remove extra gloss. Now use this causes skin to wrinkle, thin, and sag. Collagen lipstick over the natural and extended lip lines carefully, supplements in the form of powder help to increase its seamlessly and smoothly. Now, your lips will look naturally presence in the body, and there are creams to use topically broader. too to improve sagging in skin and smooth out wrinkles. Fillers are usually used by cosmetic surgeons to plump Nowadays, the use of collagen supplements has up thin lips. Botox is the most common filler used. The decreased considerably as its effects are not very effect is not permanent and you will have to opt for consistent. In fact, many take recourse to botox instead, another session as your lips begin to shrink again. Anyway, although this causes stiffness and partial paralysis of the you are advised not to go in for such procedures now. muscles. Avoid dark colours of lipstick as these make lips look ● thinner. Use pale shades, light pinks, ruby or rose, for AM 30 YEARS OLD AND AM SURPRISED BY A PATCH OF pimples example. ● Iwhich has sprouted on my face.I have always had a smooth, acne-free complexion all my life, even during LEASE TELL ME HOW TO REMOVE THE HAIR FROM INSIDE MY my teens. How has this happened? And, how do I deal with Pnostrils. I have a thick growth which does not look this? Please advise. good, although I tweeze the hairs which I can reach. I You are having adult acne which affects women, and am a 20-year-old woman living in Madurai.Can I use a sometimes men, due to several reasons. Stress, excessive depilatory? smoking or sudden change of climate could cause an Do not tweeze hairs from your nostrils as this could lead outburst. Could one of these conditions be the culprit in to infection, boils and eruptions, as the inner nostril skin is your case? fragile and moist. To trim large hairs, use a pair of scissors, Some cosmetics could have caused allergic reactions taking care not to nick yourself. on your skin. If you have started to use a new beauty Never use a depilatory as it can harm the skin and also product, this could be the cause. you may inhale it and cause health issues. A diet which is rich in fats, non-vegetarian items, greasy Nostril hairs can be removed very efficiently with a ingredients could cause an increase of oiliness in the skin trimmer, which has either a rotary or oscillatory blade. It is layers, to trigger an attack of pimples too. for you to decide which kind you are more comfortable Recently, research has revealed that poly cystic ovary with. syndrome( PCOS) and certain hormonal imbalances affect You have to guide the trimmer carefully into your nostril skin adversely, usually due to excessive tetestorone or and switch it on. Then bring it out and blow into a tissue to some other androgens in the body, to cause acne. get rid of the cut hairs . For a start, avoid cosmetics, especially foundations, and Follow the instructions on the trimmer pack carefully. It keep your face clean and scrubbed. Use only a light is advisable to learn to use it first from a beautician, after moisturiser containing SPF 30 to keep offharm from UV which you can do it at home very easily. rays. Avoid fat and oil-based soaps; use a glycerine soap instead. Readers are invited to send their beauty problems and If your condition does not improve visibly within a questions regarding face, complexion, hair, skin, eyes, etc to this column. fortnight, do consult a dermatologist to access your Address your letters, written legibly or typed on white paper, to: problem. You may need hormonal therapy to get relief WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055. from your problem.

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 103 Nainital, Uttarakhand to Bhimta

hile driving on the 20 Km Wlong stretch of the mountain road connecting Nainital with Bhimtal, my eyes are often riveted to a sloping expanse below the road, around five km downhill from Nainital. It is thickly dotted with the age-old cedar trees, shady cypresses and the Himalayan pines. Hundreds of those following the Christian faith have been put here for eternal rest. Official records state that this graveyard was opened for burial in 1895. However, a handful of graves of the Tears Frozen On sixth decade of the nineteenth century, with easily readable epitaphs are also there. A few of these have been made part of the Cold Stones arched entrance. It appears that Cold Stones quite a few family vaults must have existed here well before it was officially designated as an open burial ground in the referred year. Reminiscences of old warriors. Obviously the ritual burial must By Rajshekhar Pant have been initiated here in the early years of the second half of the nineteenth century. Crossing a glum arched gate – a The arched entrance. witness to the continual flow of separation and sobbing – I arrive at a small glade covered with pine needles. A handful of youngsters is seated on the lower slope close to the gate with a bottle of vodka, cold drinks and chips. Right in front of me is the modest looking grave of Mark Darrell James. Its headstone, the text of which must have been devised by his beloved wife, is all covered with moss and lichens. Born on 8 November, 1896 at Bermuda, Darrel was a young captain in the 83 field battery of the Deliberately opened grave. Royal Artillery. He had a fatal fall from the horse back on 15 September, 1936 while playing polo at the ‘flats’ in Nainital. An old-timer from the town had narrated to me in my infancy the story of the autumn polo tourney in the colonial Nainital. Visuals from that tell-tale narrative begin to surface before my mind’s eye. The horse of Darrel, falling from whose back he died, led his funeral procession with his spurs turned upside down on the saddle. Following the completion of the burial it was taken to the edge of a deep gorge called toota-pahar, one of the entry points of the town. It was here that he was shot dead from a point blank range. Heaven only know whether it was a tribute to the then orphaned horse or a Liquor bottles. punishment for being instrumental in effecting the death of his master. disease in the Boer War camp at However, following this fatal Bhimtal. Around 1900, as goes the accident polo was never played in documented history, Boer War Nainital. Grave of darrel. prisoners were brought all the way from Africa to the remote corner of THE HORSE OF DARREL, Bhimtal in the Central Himalayas. A A PROLONGED HUNT FALLING FROM WHOSE tented colony was raised for them I move ahead a bit on the in the flat expanse close to the ensuing slope. A series of graves BACK HE DIED, LED HIS upper end of the Bhimtal Lake. built in the initial years of the FUNERAL PROCESSION These prisoners as forced labourers previous century is there. I recall WITH HIS SPURS contributed a lot in developing that till a few decades back, these public and private properties in and graves were decked with ornate TURNED UPSIDE DOWN around Bhimtal region. tombstones and crosses chiselled in ON THE SADDLE. A prolonged hunt for the graves Meerut or Allahabad. Nothing of it FOLLOWING THE of the war prisoners results into is left now. The entire slope is discovering heaps of liquor bottles littered with broken pieces of COMPLETION OF THE here and there. Underneath a clump crosses and deliberately uprooted BURIAL IT WAS TAKEN of trees are thrown a half cut lemon headstones. I remember reading TO THE EDGE OF A DEEP smeared in vermillion, a fistful of somewhere about the burial of flour, broken earthenware and a three prisoners of the Boer War GORGE CALLED TOOTA- throttled white pigeon. It is quite here, who died of some incurable PAHAR. weird to be a part of this landscape

Woman’s Era ● July 2021 105 Strangled piegon. death and destruction. Those who GRAVES OF WAR were condemned to get buried in PRISONERS obscure places like these Close to the dilapidated mountains, miles away from their boundary wall of the cemetery I homes and dear ones, often get lost suddenly find myself standing next in the haze of the decades rolled by. to the grave of one RB Beusch, a The evening breeze rustling Boer War prisoner. He breathed his through the droopy branches of last on 26 Dececember, 1902 at hoary cypresses has made the Bhowali, half way to Bhimtal from entire ambiance look quite elegiac. Nainital. Nobody knows whether Lines engraved on the pieces of the graves of his two other broken marbles littered all over are compatriots could survive the still vocal enough to convey the vandalism of our times or not. agony of a wife whose beloved History does record but the names husband was killed in a battle in Grave of a Boer war Prisioner. of the conquerors and those who some far off continent; or that of a succeed in leaving behind a trail of father the life of whose 14-years-old left centuries behind the daughter was lost in some contemporary times. Strolling here THE EVENING BREEZE epidemic; of the cutting short by and there I happen to notice an untimely death the dreams of an open grave. Its heavy vault was in RUSTLING THROUGH adolescent to touch the pinnacle of pieces and the chamber was dug THE DROOPY glory. All this in an incongruous quite deep. The scenario is BRANCHES OF HOARY combination with the brutally dug suggestive of a deliberate effort to graves, the empty liquor bottles, look for something deep into an old CYPRESSES HAS MADE cruelly mutilated pigeon, and a half and somewhat huge grave of the THE ENTIRE AMBIANCE cut lemon smeared in vermillion – is first half of the nineteenth century. LOOK QUITE ELEGIAC. potent enough to disturb me to the I try, though in vain, to read the core. I want to come out of this epitaph piecing together the LINES ENGRAVED ON weird world. sandstone slab. An elderly person THE PIECES OF BROKEN Bare roots of a tree that has selling grilled corn-cobs at the MARBLES LITTERED ALL come up on the battered arch at the arched gateway of the cemetery entrance have clung to the cold later informs me of the frequent OVER ARE STILL VOCAL stones tightly as if an effort to tell- raids by the drunken youngsters in ENOUGH TO CONVEY we won’t let you sag... let you the lull of night to dig the old graves THE AGONY OF A WIFE crumble. I feel good and relieved – deep under the belief of finding at least someone... something is gold coins and other valuables WHOSE BELOVED there to care for the tear drops buried with the dead. HUSBAND WAS KILLED. frozen on cold stones. We

106 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 Understanding the Mis-understanding Towards a healthy relationship. By Preetha Rengaswamy nderstanding' is the ability of MIS-UNDERSTANDINGS Many a times, mis-understanding Ua person to sympathise and leads to a better understanding too. empathise with others, CAUSE GREAT MENTAL Whenever a conflict occurs, people comprehend and deal with the STRESS AND AGONY, involved in the conflict, for the fear situation skillfully. Good of bitter words spoken, avoid understanding results in a strong CREATING DRASTIC talking to each other and so the gap bonding between persons. Lack of HEALTH ISSUES, WHICH between them grows and hatred understanding results in wrong COULD HAVE BEEN accumulates with the passage of interpretation of words, ending up time, bringing the friendly in mis-understanding and break of EASILY AVOIDED BY relationship to a stand-still. relationship. COMMUNICATING Mis-understandings cause great VERBALLY AND mental stress and agony, creating drastic health issues, which could OPENLY. have been easily avoided by communicating verbally and openly, without pilling up imaginative grudges against each other. If the misunderstanding is resolved at the earliest, the relationship is sure to grow stronger, healthier and happier as mis-understanding is a 'platform' for better understanding. Raghu and Neeraj were thick friends since early school days. During college, due to the intervention of a third person, a conflict occurred and both abused each other with filthy words without analysing the truth ,which resulted in their separation. Years rolled on and after about 30 years they happened to criss-cross each other on the roadside of the city, both had moved on to. Struck with anxiety, both hug each other with guilt of having missed this lovely relationship and days of fun. They spoke for hours on how immature, kiddish and foolish they had behaved, without solving the issue by a verbal talk. Having resolved their mis-understanding, better late than never, an inseparable bond got created between them. Its high time we realise that life is short and enjoy it peacefully, to the fullest! We Short Story Expectation and Realisation

Expectation and realisation. By Jyoti Galada

She got busy in her t was her special day. clashes between Prema expensive gift for her on daily routine. While IPrema turned 65 years and his wife. Prema was a her birthday. If he did so old today. She was widow. She lost her then their monthly budget saying her morning excited since the moment husband two years back to would get disrupted. But prayers she she woke up because she heart attack. As soon as she it’s not that he never tried. remembered her hoped that today she woke up on her birthday He started saving little would get to see her only late husband. Every the first thing she did was every month every year to son and grandchildren. Her to check her mobile phone buy Prema a nice birthday year her husband son had recently shifted to for any messages. Actually gift. He would get her a sari would sing her another house on rent in she had expected her son or artificial jewellery set or birthday song with a the same city to avoid to wish her birthday at 12 bag or make-up. But all this midnight but shrugged her too did not fulfill Prema’s bunch of roses and Being a middle class guy with own thought thinking it to expectations and she would a smile on his face a simple accountant’s job it be too childish. There was crib about the same every the moment she was difficult for him to buy no message in her mobile time. an expensive gift for her on phone. She felt Two hours had passed woke up in the her birthday. He started saving little every month disappointed. since Prema woke up. She morning. every year to buy Prema a She got busy in her daily kept checking her phone nice birthday gift. routine. While saying her often. There was no call or morning prayers she message from her son. She remembered her late started feeling sad but husband. Every year her convinced herself thinking husband would sing her he would give her a surprise birthday song with a bunch visit with his family after his of roses and a smile on his office hours. She thought face the moment she woke of making kheer and up in the morning. But samosa loved by her Prema was never happy grandchildren. While with flowers. She wanted cooking she again passed him to be more romantic through her memory lane. and buy her some Her husband every year expensive gift. She never would bring rasogullas on saw the feelings behind the her birthday. After offering flowers and birthday song one to god and praying for from her husband. After a her wellness, he would few years of marriage force Prema to eat one big she started grumbling rasogulla in one go. If she about the same to her was not able to do so then husband. he would put another one Prema’s husband in her mouth. He would was in deep love with laugh and hug her after her. He would do all that. Prema never paid that he could to make heed to the depth of his her happy. But being a love nor reciprocated in the middle class guy with a same manner. She always simple accountant’s had something or other to job it was difficult for crib about. him to buy an Prema was materialistic. She herself belonged to a middle-class family but, as an unmarried girl, dreamt of living with a rich guy with a lavish lifestyle. But this never happened. She was married to a simple junior accountant. His salary was just enough to meet the daily expenses. But this did not stop her from dreaming. She cultivated friendships with ladies living a luxurious and modern lifestyle. Going for an outing and attending kitties became a part of her lifestyle. And to be at par with them she would save She missed her husband money from monthly dearly. She went near his expenses to buy branded photo hung on the wall and clothes and accessories. cried loudly asking for Her husband was not happy Prema was forgiveness for all the the way she managed and happy life together materialistic. She neglect and pain she had finances. He did raise this with him by her husband. caused him. His smiling topic many times but She had not even glanced herself belonged to face in the picture looked seeing Prema get at the picture when it was a middle-class as if he was forgiving her emotional and disturbed posted leave alone reading family but, as an and asking her to be happy. would give up. She always the message but today she unmarried girl, He would have never liked cribbed about the zoomed in on the image if Prema cried on her unbranded and simple gifts and kept staring at it dreamt of living birthday. brought by her husband on longing for him to come with a rich guy with Prema thought of her birthday since she back. a lavish lifestyle. forgiving her son. She wanted something trendy. By now she was sure realised that all her life she that her son would give her But this never had expected too much heer and samosa was a surprise visit. She thought happened. She was from everyone and that’s Kready for her of making her special raw married to a simple what caused grief to her. grandchildren. She relaxed mango chutney along with She picked up her phone, for a while on the sofa to samosa instead of serving it junior accountant. gave a call to her son and check her mobile. There with tomato ketchup. She that may be her son forgot reminded him of her was an email from got down to working in the her birthday. She switched birthday. Her son whole someone wishing her on kitchen again. It was on the TV to divert her heartedly apologised for her birthday. Her face lit evening and time her son mind and pass her time but forgetting her birthday. In up. She curiously opened often returned home. She her mind was unable to next one hour her son, the mail to find Facebook was excited that he would concentrate on any daughter-in-law and wishing her birthday! She be there anytime. She programme. As time grandchildren arrived at her sighed and checked for changed her sari, wore the passed the thought that her house with a cake and a messages but there were piece of artificial jewellery son forgot her birthday branded dress. They all no birthday wishes. She which was the last gift of grew stronger. sang the birthday song for opened her Facebook her husband to her before Tears rolled down Prema as she cut the cake. account that showed a his departure and awaited Prema’s eyes. It was two They relished the samosa birthday posting made by her son’s arrival. Almost an hours past since her son and kheer prepared by her. her husband five years ago. hour passed but no one was must have returned home. Then all went out to It had a picture of him there. There was neither a But he did not bother to call Prema’s favourite serving rasogulla to Prema. message nor a call from her or meet her. ‘He could have restaurant for dinner. Tears rolled down her face son. Prema’s confidence saved my birthdate on his Later, Prema slept on as she read the message started breaking. She mobile,’ she thought as the bed carrying a smile on below wishing her a long heavy heartedly thought mobiles give reminders. her face. We

102 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 109 How to Choose A Home Insurance Policy A guideline for safety. By Subhash Dhall

n India, most home owners do even aware of home insurance. unwanted, unforeseen causes that Inot bother to insure their Even though India witnesses natural can damage it, such as fire, smoke homes, even though it is often calamities each year, home damage, floods, earthquakes, the biggest asset that one can own, insurance remains a low priority. lightning strikes, storms of all kinds, attributes the low demand for Even the people who are aware explosions, riots or civil commotion, home insurance, to ignorance, that a home can be insured, are not burglary, break-ins, vandalism, etc. saying that Indians are not even doing so, as they consider it a waste People generally believe that aware of the risk associated with of money. They feel that any threat home insurance is expensive and their lifetime investment. to their house is rare and may the process of settlement of claims, Currently, unlike a car insurance, happen once in 10 years. In many is complicated. The scenario has home insurance is not mandatory. places, people may have not now changed, with the entry of However, banks are making it experienced any threat to their many insurers and the regulatory mandatory for a borrower to obtain home in their lifetime. authority keeping a strict vigil on home insurance, while opting for a This ignorance can expose them the operations of these companies. home loan. In home insurance, the to high risk, which can be avoided The premium payable towards cover is provided for the structure by paying a small annual premium. insuring a home is around Rs 50 for and contents. There needs to be A home insurance is a safety net coverage of one lakh rupees and more awareness about such that provides cover, in case of when the policy is taken for a long products, as a lot of people are not damage. It protects the house from term, then, the insurance premium can even come down to `25 per What does a home Not all types of damages are ` one lakh coverage. insurance cover? covered by all home insurance While a home insurance policy In home insurance, the coverage policies. Different types of home provides risk cover only for the is generally limited to the insurance policies provide cover for constructed property, what if you construction cost and contents of different types of damage. Hence, it have bought an under-construction the apartment. “For the structure, is essential to do one’s homework, property? In this case, experts the insurance cover is based on the before selecting a home insurance suggest that it is the duty of the area of the apartment and the Check the list of risks and natural builder, to get a project insurance approximate construction cost. calamities that are included in the policy, to cover the threat to an Thus, one should avoid taking policy. Read the policy carefully and under-construction property from excessive insurance, as one will not understand the terms and natural disasters. So, before you get the claim for more than the conditions. Make note of the buy an under-construction property construction cost of the company. exclusions. Get all doubts cleared, on a home loan, check whether the Check the claim history and track before buying the policy. Check the builder has taken a project record of the company, before financial ratings of your home insurance cover. buying the home insurance. Check insurer. An ‘A’ by CRISIL, is a good A comprehensive home the inclusions and exclusions of the indicator of strength. insurance policy product, may give policies. you the benefit of risk cover for the Claiming home insurance contents, as well as the structure. Ensure that you have all However, before buying an BEFORE BUYING AN information, like policy number, insurance policy, the applicant INSURANCE POLICY, name, address and ID proof ready, if should check out the list of THE APPLICANT required. “When filing a claim, inclusions and exclusions, to figure mention the type (theft/fire/water out what risk hazards the insurance SHOULD CHECK OUT damage, etc.) and the description of product covers. THE LIST OF loss or damage to the personal Besides the basic protection, an belongings and home. Call the insurance policy can also offer add- INCLUSIONS AND concerned authorities, in case of on covers, such as the cost of living EXCLUSIONS, TO fire or pipeline burst. If possible, in a rented accommodation while FIGURE OUT WHAT RISK take photos of the damaged area your house is being repaired. If the and also keep the receipts from house is rented out, the owner can HAZARDS THE services used or purchases made, take cover against the loss of rent, if INSURANCE PRODUCT because of the damage/loss. The a natural calamity renders it unfit COVERS. insurance company will deploy a for occupation. However, these surveyor and have the damaged covers are for a limited period of up goods inspected thoroughly. The to a few months after the disaster. claim is settled, after the losses are A landlord insurance covers assessed,” Chandani elaborates. the financial risk to a property, It is advisable to do an caused due to earthquake, online search and compare flood, fire, damages due to different policies and their a tenant’s actions and so scope, before buying. on. When the landlord Check everything, incurs such financial including the extent of loss due to damage to the cover, the exclusions insured property, then, the and increase in insurer pays for the replacement annual premium. cost, to the extent of damage, Homeowners buy after adjusting the deductible as insurance to protect per its terms and conditions. For against disaster. But when example, if, due to fire, the disaster strikes, your kitchen is damaged, then, the insurer might not live up to insurance company will pay for your expectations. the cost incurred in repairing The greater the the kitchen. However, before damage, the higher the you get the claim amount, the likelihood that there will be a insurance company may ask you to disagreement over the value of the pay the deductible sum. damage. The best test of an insurer

Woman’s Era ● April 2020 111 is how well it handles claims. Some jewelry, silverware, or artwork, payment is limited to the cost of major insurers provided significantly they’re subject to coverage limits. construction. better satisfaction when it comes to You’ll need to purchase a special ✿ Always take a home insurance handling claims than others. Don’t endorsement or floater to cover policy for the long term, so that be afraid to make a small claim. their full value. the premium can be minimised. If the dispute is over the damage Fire, lightning, and debris ✿ Opt for add-on covers like amount, request a sit-down with removal lead to the highest claims earthquake/terrorism. the contractor and adjuster to go of all insured perils. Cooking ✿ In order to hedge the inflationary over the estimate line by line, which equipment is a leading cause of impact on construction price, is standard practice. home fires, so never leave a stove always opt for the escalation If you’ve been misled by an unattended, and keep a fire method of insurance. insurance salesperson about policy extinguisher in the kitchen. ✿ The inclusions and exclusions are wording, contact a lawyer who In earthquake-prone areas, treated differently by each specialises in insurance law. make sure your home’s building insurance provider. Therefore, Lawsuits were rare among our frame is properly bolted to its one must carefully go through subscribers, courts have foundation. Get more information the policy document, before consistently ruled in favor of on reducing risks from earthquakes, selecting any insurance. policyholders on such ambiguities. freezing weather, lightning, Arbitration is another option. wildfires, and more What is title insurance? Even if your coverage level is In order to protect the buyer of correct, a standard home owners What to see for opting for the property – whether a flat, or policy still leaves you insufficiently home insurance land, or even a developer who is protected. If you want to protect ✿ The policy should only be taken buying a land – an insurance against the surge in material and for an adequate sum, because company promises to indemnify the labour prices that often follow a under home insurance the claim buyer against any loss caused, due natural disaster, you’ll have to buy to any defect in the title of the seller an “extended coverage rider.” COOKING EQUIPMENT in the property. Under title Additional policies for flooding IS A LEADING CAUSE OF insurance, the insurance company and earthquakes, which aren’t pays you for any loss in the market covered by a traditional HOME FIRES, SO NEVER value of the property, for expenses homeowners insurance policy. Also, LEAVE A STOVE which you may incur due to the you may need separate policies for defect in the title of the property hurricanes, wind, and hail if you live UNATTENDED, AND acquired by you. in a high-risk zone. Coverage for KEEP A FIRE The defect in the title may be your furniture, electronics, clothing, present at the time of buying the and other belongings is standard, EXTINGUISHER IN THE title insurance and which, neither but if you have expensive furs, KITCHEN. the insurer nor the insured are aware of. The RERA has mandated that all developers obtain title insurance for their projects. We examine how this will impact under- construction and completed projects and the benefits that title insurance offers, to home owners Section 16 of the Real Estate (Regulation and Development) Act, 2016 (RERA), requires all developers to buy title insurance, for the project to be undertaken afresh, as well as for projects that are incomplete as on the date of enactment of the law. This requirement will help mitigate the hardship caused to innocent flat buyers, in case any defect is detected in the title of the land on which the building was constructed.

112 Woman’s Era ● April 2020

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better. Things will surely look up., there are significant Teenache & A signs to show that the pandemic is getting controlled with Q vaccines and happy days are just around the corner. UR SCHOOL HAS CLOSED DUE TO COVID 19 AND WE ARE ● Ohave our classes on-line. Although I was quite fine AM IN A TERRIBLY DIFFICULT SITUATION---AND FOR NO FAULT OF in the early days, nowadays, I feel a strange sense Imy own. Last month, my sister who is three years of hopelessness and despondency. I feel as if we will not older got engaged to a very handsome lawyer and a ever go back to normal again, as if there is no light at the marriage date too has been finalised in the coming end of the tunnel, as if the pandemic will never go summer.It is an arranged match. I have to admit honestly away.This frame of mind is affecting my studies too; my that I felt very drawn to this young man and soon we grades are falling too. I think what I miss most is my discovered a wonderful rapport with each other. friends. I am an extrovert person and this forced isolation A couple of weeks after the engagement, to my is making me very,very unhappy.Can you help me astonishment, when we were alone with each other ,one understand all this? afternoon, he declared that he had fallen in love with me. The present situation is evidently affecting you You can imagine my shock…and secret delight too, adversely, especially since you are deprived of your unfortunately. I fled from the room and have since then friends’ company. Social distancing restrictions are avoided meeting him. hardest on people who love socialising. In fact, mental Although I will never ever cheat and betray my sister, I health has taken a bashing in the year and depression am having serious concerns about this man’s integrity. has been the most frequently seen mental disorder My sister trusts him completely. What if he begins to occurring due to pandemic conditions. It looks as if you harass me later on when he becomes a part of the family? too are suffering from mild depression. Take heart, If he can flirt with me, can he not flirt with other girls too? though. You can feel much better if you take some Should I talk to my parents about this? Please tell me positive steps to lift your mood. Eat better, exercise and what to do. Please advise me. go outdoors frequently, taking all necessary precautions. This is , indeed, a issue which you cannot keep to Talk to friends, especially cheery, positive ones, take up a yourself as it has a lot to do with your sister’s life and hobby you enjoy or even get a dog. future happiness. Confide in your mother, or father, if you Going to your family doctor to get a mood enhancer is think he will be more calm and sensible. Maybe a serious also a very good idea and can help tremendously in feeling talk with the young man is in order.

114 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 Curated Art for your Spaces

Sunil Das Untitled, 30x30 inch Charcoal on Paper

Jogen Chowdhury Untitled, 5x7 inch Ink & Pastel on Paper

The 10, Southern Avenue, Maharani Bagh, New Delhi 110065 +91 9560528881 LexiconArt [email protected] [email protected] TheLexiconArt.com (REGISTERED) RNI 25561/1973 DL(C)-14/1417/2021-23 P.O. SRT Nagar, ND-55. Posting Dt. 03 to 10. Published on 01/7/2021. Pgs. 116.