SCIENCE EDITORIAL THEATRE Space holidays A great big Bond is back Page 14 t k you Page 23 Page*** 6

where £49 sold The Cambridge Issue 542 Student Newspaper 11th May 2001 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk ECSTASY DEATH:

MAN• Court appearance for Cambridge teenager CHARGED • APU death makes national headlines • Cambridge clubs tighten drug policies

officers and students have been Julian Blake told to be aware of similar tablets. Lesley Parker of the Cambridge A man is set to appear in court University Counselling Service today, having been charged with warned Varsity readers of the dan- supplying ecstasy in connection gers of drugs. “Some people can with the death of Lorna Spinks. use drugs occasionally with no Aaron Strange, a 19-year-old man problems, but a few people can from Cambridge has been only use them once with unpleas- charged with supplying a Class A ant and dangerous effects.” drug to a named person. Police Detective Superintendent Tony are keen to add that Strange did ECSTASY TABLET: ROGUE BATCH Southern echoed these senti- not supply the drug to Lorna, but ments: “We now know that Lorna to a third party. around Cambridge, and all clubs had taken ecstasy before and there The prosecution came after in the Cambridge area have put will be thousands of people out Lorna, a 19 year-old APU stu- up signs warning students of the there who will think that it won’t dent, died from taking an excep- dangers of using the drug. Bogan happen to them. We accept that tionally high strength ecstasy told Varsity that The Junction people will still take ecstasy irre- tablet, before going to The “Will be displaying posters in the spective of what has happened to Junction nightclub in Cambridge. venue warning the public of the Lorna, but this goes to show that Lorna was attending the Good dangers of these particular you can never be sure what you Times club at the Junction along tablets”. Toxic8 plans to random- are putting into your body”. with friends from APU. She ly check clubbers at the door in an CUSU President Mat Coakley became ill at around 12.30 am attempt to prevent the use of said, “We do hope that people and was taken to the toilets by her drugs on their premises. The par- make informed decisions about boyfriend. The Junction staff ent company of Life and Fifth the use of drugs”. helped her to the front door to get Avenue, Luminar Leisure told The family of Lorna are keen to some air. She then started fitting Varsity “We disapprove of drug highlight their pain as a warning and an ambulance was called. misuse and its associated culture. to students considering taking Paul Bogen, Director of The We deploy the services of drug drugs. “She was so, so pretty and Junction told Varsity “I am deeply sniffer dogs and our venues when she was dying she looked shocked and upset by this event. recieve visits from a company like a monster. It looked like she On behalf of everyone at The who supply both active and pas- had been run over by a truck” said Junction, I offer my extreme con- sive drug dogs”. Mrs Spinks. She added that Lorna dolences to the parents, family The tablets are small, lime “is a lovely girl. Her granny called and friends of Lorna Claire green and have a Euro Dollar her The Golden Girl, the lovely Spinks”. symbol on them. The police have Lorna. She was very, very popular The news has shocked students issued warnings to college welfare and had lots of friends”. Lorna as her family will remember her. Photo: Mason’s of Cambridge Broaden your mind Semenal Varsity football Obscure departments that “A member as small as “Electric atmosphere, house crumbling Fellows pre-dating a wilted strawberry.” The best (and unbridled passion”: Cambridge Peterhouse worst) sex scenes in literature smash Oxford after 12 years 2 News 11 May 2001 Vox-pops Correction In our issue dated 4 May 2001 (541) Are YOU going to vote? we referred in the article on the May ELECTION ROUNDUP Day protests to students being involved in destroying a telephone box by using it as a toilet. This was mistakenly attrib- uted to Cambridge students and we unreservedly withdraw the same. The ‘taunting’ of policemen attrib- uted to Mr Mika Minio was also incor- rect and we therefore withdraw it unre- servedly. Varsity would like to apologise and expresses regret for any distress or inconvenience caused by the publica- “None of the candidates really has tion of these statements. We also apol- any relevance to me.” ogise to contributors James Burlton My Best Friend, Varsity Offices and Jack Fleming for any inaccuracies that may have arisen from the use of their contributions. RESULTS Rob Jenrick

“I’ll probably be sleeping through the Last year’s results : Anne Campbell MP David Howarth Graham Stuart election.” Labour Liberal Democrats Conservative Rend’s Bitch, Posh College Labour 27,436 (53%) Anne became Cambridge’s first woman David went to Clare in the 1970s and Graham came to Cambridge as a stu- Conservative 13,299 (26%) MP in 1992 when she narrowly won the then on to Yale to study Law. He’s since dent and was President of the Lib Dems 8,287 (16%) election. At 1997 she increased her become a fellow at Clare and lectures Conservative Association – now he Turnout 51,339 (72%) majority to 14,000. She has worked in regularly in Law and Economics. As an going for the real thing. He is a council- Parliament as Parliamentary Private advisor to governments, he sat on the lor and runs four local businesses as well All sides are fighting for student votes, Secretary to Patricia Hewitt – the minis- prestigious Federal Policy Committee as working on the local Enterprise which are believed to have been crucial ter for e-commerce. Recently she has between 1989 and 2000 and has led Agency board. He has campaigned in the 1992 and especially the 1997 helped launch a campaign to fight glob- Cambridge Council this year and has against tax rises and supports radical elections. In 1997, Campbell’s increased al warming. Anne Campbell denies that been a local councillor since 1987. changes to the University system to majority was significantly due to the she lied about her attitude to tuition fees Howarth is no doubt buoyed by his make Cambridge and other top univer- support she received from students. in the 1997 general election, though she party’s sensational win in the council sities more capable of competing on the When origianlly elected MP in 1992, it did vote for them in Parliament. elections last May, which saw them take world stage in the future. “Everyone should use their vote was estimated that 2,500 students voted control from Labour. responsibly.” via postal votes and that 7,000 voted Angela-I-don’t-fancy-Tom, Curry House directly. This was despite the election had being held out of term-time, which is believed to have cost 46% of the stu- dent vote. At 1997, postcards designed to mobilise students to vote provoked an Stuart slams Campbell angry reaction when they were seen as being rascist. The cards issued by the international campaign targets Coca- prospects of victory. He told Tory activists Ministry of Sound showed Neo-Nazis Alex Barden Cola, one of the conglomerates who at the Union that the Conservative policy and huntsmen. bankrolled ‘Dubya’s’ drive for the White of “freeing universities from the state sec- At Trinity, a student was threatened As the “phoney war” became real this House, by mass emailing and threats of tor” would be a vote-winner, despite their with a fine of £1 an hour for displaying week, the major parties set their boycotts, aiming to “get the President’s reservations about “selling” the policy to “Socialism. Can’t you tell from my a political poster in his window. Theo Cambridge campaigns in motion, differ- friends to change the President’s mind.” Cambridge students. He insisted that beard and jacket?” Bertram was ordered to remove it by ing strongly on environmental issues. Some present expressed concern that the “Blair’s complacent government” would Glenda Newton, Ed Hall porters, despite CUSU warnings to col- Labour MP Anne Campbell addressed a government had not condemned Bush’s pay the price for raising the tax burden: leges not to restrict student’s democratic Cambridge Labour Students meeting on actions more strongly, but around 60 the Tories oppose the Climate Change rights. the Kyoto agreement on Monday, while a Labour Students present signed the peti- Levy introduced by Labour in an attempt At both 1997 and 1992, crowds of stu- day later Tory candidate Graham Stuart tion, while Campbell backed her party’s to reduce Greenhouse Gas emissions as dents gathered in the bar of the spoke at the Union Society. environmental policy and the pressure “damaging to industry”. Cambridge Union Society to watch the Campbell was joined by Edinburgh MP being exerted on the US cabinet, styled by While Campbell was quiet on the forth- results come through. At around 3am Nigel Griffiths in support of campaign Griffiths as a “boardroom of smokestack coming election, saying she stands by her Anne Campbell, almost in tears, spoke against George W Bush’s withdrawal from industry”. government’s record, the Tory candidate from the balcony of the Guildhall to the Kyoto climate change accords. Stuart, meanwhile was upbeat about his ended ebulliently, urging his followers to those gathered in Market Square to Griffiths described the “Toxic Texan” as chances of overturning a 14,000 majority, “slap it to ‘em good”. Whether such con- thank her supporters after having been having “bought the presidency and trying stressing that voters switching from the fidence is justified, only the next few confirmed as the MP for Cambridge. to sell the world”. They explained how the Labour to the Lib Dems enhanced his weeks will tell.

“I’m going to buy my OWN coun- try.” Ian Caulfield, Lucy Cavendish Inter-Varsity

University of Virginia torted face caused by a botched ‘plastic- Finale The news that 122 students could be Warwick, New surgery’ operation told ‘friends’ that he “We don’t know how to vote.” expelled for internet cheating has Jersey intended to become editor and that the And so, we must part company – the Tom & Sarah, Varsity Offices rocked one of the most revered univer- current staff “would get their comeup- Inter-Varsity of Rob and Lucy is, alas sities in the US. The possible expul- Reporters at the top American uni’s pance”. Concerns for her sanity have no more. Our term at the helm is over sions are all physics students who have student newspaper have become been raised when she claimed to have and we must move on. To our increasingly turned to the internet for increasingly concerned by a physcotic interviewed the President and was later esteemed colleagues at the Bore, to all research – and plagiarism! The ironi- student who has developed a dangerous seen dancing on top of bollards at 3am, those who helped create (or fabricate) cally named university’s “honour com- obsession with taking over the paper. while singing “I am the one and only” and of course to all the members of our mittee” has been put on the case. The The News Editors discovered only too by Chesney Hawkes with a man resem- fan club – a long, long kiss goodnight. news comes just after a survey, suggest- late that Dorean Hoggart-Smythe, a bling Louis XIV. Her feeble attempts at ed that one in ten students cheat on a first year economist had become set on world domination were brought to a Compiled hilariously (as ever) by Rob regular basis. Prof Bloomfield ruefully dominating the paper when they speedy end when she was found dead Jenrick & Lucy Pogson told the Washingotn Post that “it was a realised that he was stalking them, tap- under ice of the local river, with a rusty little more common than I had hoped”, ping their phone-calls and taking over ice-pick in his head. NYPD have sug- ‘Warwick Bore International Satirists of rather euphemistically under-stating every article they attempted to write. gested that her death bore remarkable the Year 2001’ “We don’t believe in democracy.” the endemic state of cheating in the The student, who has a distinctive similarities to another universally hated Roland & Andrew, Varsity Offices university. effeminate voice and a hideously dis- subversive – Rasputin. 11 May 2001 News 3 NEWS IN BRIEF

Scandal at Union reciprocal sex” and one Union member Chris Kelly, Corpus Senior Tutor Cum” Phillips, battle tactics were cancel the debate scheduled for last Peter Tatchell was issued a harsh rebuke suggested they implement these lessons accepted the JCR’s proposals, no doubt devised. The Green Monsters made night. Protests had been planned by by students when speaking to the at Cambridge, perhaps as a replace- relieved that the college’s spell of bad their way across a cricket match and students in Oxford, and David Cambridge Union this week. Tatchell ment for SPS. Tatchell thanked the publicity could reach a quiet end. The then through St Johns, at which point Triesman, general secretary of the came to the Union to speak on lower- Union for holding such a debate, he protestors settled for the agreement, they began to sing their opinion of the Association of University Teachers ing the age of consent for both gay and said “I have been accused by the press despite the fact it does not completely college to a well-known traditional (AUT) predicted a national boycott of straight couples to 14. He wanted to and others of promoting sexual abuse eradicate academic prejudice, and a five tune, “I’d rather be at Oxford...” When the Oxford Union this week, should “challenge the criminalisation of young so I thank the Union for holding this to one majority in favour of the new it came to actually waging war, the bat- they persist in holding the debate. Mr people under 16 who have consenting debate”. These sentiments were echoed scheme passed the motion. Current tle was really more of a good natured Irving, “racist” and “anti-semitic” sex”. He explained that sexual rights by Wu-Meng Tan, the Union President JCR President and former JCR com- wrestle, described by one of the warrior acording to the high judge involved in are human rights, and probably the who told Varsity “having Peter Tatchell mittee member, Adrian Ellis, said that participants as being a match of “supe- his libel case last year, had been invited most important things in our lives. can only help advance the many issues students accepted the compromise rior numbers and pincer movement to speak on the motion “This house “The idea that the right to make those he stands for and help get them across because “it was beginning to feel as if tactics from Girton” versus “raw spirit” would restrict the free speech of choices is not a human right is a scan- to the student body”. the protest was meeting a dead end. from Jesus. In the aftermath of the war extremists” but the idea that this could dalous oversight”. Tatchell went on to Although the cause retained a lot of there was a reconciling Pimms session go ahead has since been described as “a try and convince students that they had support outside college from across the and the first year Green Monsters, in real tragedy” and a “travesty” by protes- sexual desires at a young age, claiming Corpus compromise University, support within college was Girton drinking society tradition, were tors. “I’m sure a number of you have played The crisis at Corpus during the Lent wavering.” made to swim the Cam, according to Labour peer Lord Janner, secretary of doctors and nurses and mummies and term over the academic-based room Hugh Collins a “fucking cold” experi- the all-party parliamentary war crimes daddies and got a bit carried away, ballot has been tranquilized by a truce ence. The final score stood at one group has said: “It was disgraceful that exploring your sexuality”. His talk between the JCR and the College. The Booze & blood police warning, two hospitalisations, the union was proposing to provide a sparked great debate, with the majority compromise, put forth by the old JCR Cesarian Sunday saw 60 people dress in eight vomitings, 14 passing outs and platform for a man who has been con- of students attacking Tatchell’s assump- committee at the end of last term, is togas, gather on Jesus Green and roll many hangovers. demned by a high court judge not only tions. His talk was dismissed as “half- now based more on a prize room around for ten minutes last Sunday in as a Holocaust denier, but also as some- hearted libertarianism” by one member scheme, such as at Pembroke and the age-old grievance between the Jesus one who misrepresented and manipu- and others were concerned about its Christ’s. This means that a certain Cesarians and the Girton Green Irving slammed lated historical evidence.” implications for sexual abuse. Some number of rooms are still set aside for Monsters. With the aid of drink, heat Fury over the controversial scholar and were attracted to his idea of “teaching automatic allocation to those in the stroke and suitable warrior nicknames author David Irving speaking at the Compiled By: Lucy Pogson, Julian Blake students how to have good sex and college with Firsts and scholarships. such as Michael “I Drink My Own Oxford Union forced the University to & Michael Phillips PRIVACY INVASION Jones was telephoned by Special Branch. you that you are provided with this facil- Rob Jenrick Jones told Varsity he was questioned ity for academic and academic-related about his plans for May Day, specifically purposes. The College is of course entire- A Queens’ second-year has been threat- whether he was “planning to storm ly happy for you to pursue any lawful ened with suspension from the Buckingham Palace, armed with a activity in your own time, but the use of University’s computing facilities and machete.” your University email address must be quizzed by Special Branch for participat- The head of the University Computing limited to the purposes described above. ing in e-mail discussions about last week’s Service (UCS) Pat Steward told Varsity Please do not post any further such mate- May Day demonstrations in London. that she didn’t “believe it [the story] to be rial from this address; if you continue to Hugh Jones was sent a letter by his tutor true” and that she had no knowledge of do so, your suspension from this facility warning him that he would be banned it. Mr Jones’ tutor refused to comment. will have to be considered.” from using the University Computing But the letter Jones was sent, below, rais- Varsity was unable to find any other Service, including his Hermes e-mail es concerns for student privacy and for example of a student being accused of account, if he didn’t remove himself from their rights to use the computer services breaking university rules by using their mailing lists associated with the protesters for private uses, free from university Hermes account for ‘non-academic’ pur- planning to attend the events. It is not intrusion. poses. Jones has been cleared of all crimi- known how the University discovered “It has come to my attention that you nal allegations but has received no apolo- Jones’ perfectly legal participation, or have been posting material relating to gy from his college, the Police or the UCS how widespread the monitoring of stu- planned May Day anti-capitalist protests for his treatment. He told Varsity that he dent email is in Cambridge. in London on the web using your is considering making a formal complaint Following the letter from his tutor, ‘cam.ac.uk’ email address. I must remind over the incident.

Lucy Pogson

The biggest event for students in the whole of the University’s 800-year history is due to explode on June 14. Featuring Roni Size, Timmy Magic of Radio 1’s Dream Team and the Ministry of Sound’s Creation Tall Paul, the headlining acts of CUSU’s Creation Event are unparalleled for MENTOR HELPS WOMEN Cambridge. As well as welcoming back social network. It follows the May Week veterans Dan Bailey, Fabio and Julian Blake Schneider Ross University Equality Grant Plant, Creation will also be playing Audit that concluded the University host to Cambridge virgins The EZ Rollers A mentoring system for women at has a macho culture that excludes and the Plump DJs. The event will be Cambridge was launched this week, women. It suggests that as historical- divided between five main tents around with the help of The Gender Studies ly the University has been male the centre: the House Tent, Drum and Working Group and CUSU. The dominated, very few women have Bass Tent, Garage Tent, Hip Breaks and concept goes back to a seminar in entered academia. It is hoped that if beats Tent, and the Comedy Tent. With November entitled “education female academics share their experi- the likes of DJ Luck to satisfy Garage fans, involving women” and the decision ences and advise graduate students, the EZ Rollers of Lock, Stock and Two was made to take practical steps to there may be more women entering Smoking Barrels fame in the Drum and aid issues that women in the higher levels of the Cambridge Bass room, and comedians such as Craig Cambridge, whether they are under- academic system. CUSU Women’s Charles of BBC’s Red Dwarf, the event is a graduates, graduates or teaching Officer Laura Timms told Varsity sure winner. Varsity is offering readers the staff, are concerned with. The “The aim of connect is to provide chance to win tickets to the event. Two scheme, known as ‘Connect’ is women at all levels of the University, tickets are up for grabs, going to those intended to share expertise and with the opportunity to share and readers who suggest the funniest outfit for experiences as well as creating a learn from each other’s experiences”. Mat Coakley to wear to the bash. E-mail suggestions to [email protected] .uk. 4 News Features 11 May 2001 anti-capitalists are “winning the war, but forget that Western European and US Gillian losing every battle”. anti-capitalism is not the be all and end It is exceptionally easy to ridicule the all of the Movement. It is of a certain Anna Gunn ‘naive, idealistic’ campaigners or to symbolic value, but the main battles will Evans claim that their points are either totally not be fought on Oxford Street. Instead, invalid, uninformed, plain unrealistic or we should be looking at countries such a combination of the above. Not in the as Nigeria, Honduras, Columbia and on May Day last place, this can perhaps be attributed Ecuador – all of which have seen gener- to the somewhat unusual (publicity) al strikes against IMF/World Bank plans tactics used. A case could be made, that over the last 12 months. The equal opportunities and anti- Whoever concocted the May Day ban- entirely unprecedented, but the fact that certain bits of the Movement are not so Activists should be careful not to grow discrimination juggernaut in the ner reading “Overthrow capitalism and environmentalists are working alongside much political, but more artistic in lazy and get into the habit of putting University (the Schneider Ross replace it with something nicer” is a Turkish Communists and women’s nature – a modern day Arts and Crafts everything and anything down to the Report last term) is to roll forward genius and I salute them. At first glance, rights groups is positive. On the other Movement, specialising in artistic catch all ‘capitalism’. If they do, they another inch. On 21 May the Vice- it looks like the dim-witted result of a hand, activists must make sure that this leaflets, acronyms and impressive props. will soon find themselves fighting a Chancellor is addressing the troops late night prop-making session. new found cooperation means some- One of the major attractions of for huge, amorphous heap of evil, which no in the form of the Heads of “Socialist environmentalism is great, but thing substantially more than just show- example Reclaim The Streets was to one will be able to make head nor tail of, Institutions. He still has no training is there any chance we can work ing up in the same place at the same many people the chance to let their cre- let alone change. Now that anti-capital- himself, mind, and the whole thing is Anarcho-Feminism, small fury animals time to demonstrate with lots of differ- ativity run riot, or, as they may put it, to ism has got itself some kind of voice, we being run for staff only. That is to and Ken Livingstone in there some- ent placards. reclaim their existences. But perhaps should be seriously looking for some- say, they think they can improve con- how?” “Oh bollocks, lets just put ‘some- The second major achievement of the this is in itself a legitimate political thing to say with it. In other words, it is sciousness about discrimination thing nicer’ ”. Movement, is to partly realise its goal of action? time to work out what ‘something nicer’ against staff separately. Students can In actual fact, this simple slogan putting capitalism, as opposed to, say, At the end of the day, we should not actually is. come later perhaps. betrays one of the key points of the cur- globalisation or the free market, back on I am a member of the Advisory rent Anti-Capitalist Movement. It has the agenda. Again, a degree of caution is Committee on Disability and I asked been mentioned before that this called for, but the very fact that a num- if I could go to this briefing. But no ‘Movement’ is basically made up of var- ber of anti-capitalist ideas are actually one from that committee is to be ious campaigns around a number of filtering through into the main stream, allowed to go and the Disability (interconnected) themes and issues. It is with people agreeing that multi nation- Resource Centre, funded primarily not the case that there is some kind of al companies are ‘out of control’ is no for students, was not brought in on it fixed and shared ideology, and so to say small matter. Furthermore, the either. that the common denominator in anti- Movement has made some progress in capitalist thought is the laudable and ‘unmasking’ the institutions of capital- The commisary, the legitimate wish to create ‘something ism. Many more people now actually nicer’ isn’t even that far off the mark. know something about the roles played white knight Still, as people somewhat gleefully keep by for example IMF or the World Bank, pointing out, it doesn’t actually say very and this has to be one of the first steps glimpsed on the much at all. in making these institutions more dem- To date, the Anti-Capitalist ocratic. horizon in this col- Movement has been spectacularly inef- These have been real political steps, fective in overthrowing global capital- and contradict the idea that what the umn once or twice ism. Had we really expected otherwise? entire Movement comes down to is a What it has done is achieve two impor- couple of anarchist Wombles in boiler last term, has been tant things. Firstly, it has started the suits getting whacked by police batons. process of ‘cross campaign’ cooperation. Someone on an Independent Media sighted again. Such a united front is perhaps not Website put it nicely when he wrote that

I am pretty unclear, too, why they think that making encouraging nois- es to “Heads of Institutions” is going to make any difference. That is not the way you change the culture in All is forgiven Get yer top off this University. The Commissary, the white knight Ed Hall harks back to Mat Coakley’s glory days Natacha Simon bears her chest for charity glimpsed on the horizon in this col- umn once or twice last term, has Do you remember where you were rents up again, to the levels originally London is preparing to be engulfed by a Prepared to go to extreme lengths in been sighted again. The Council may during the rent riots of 1999? laid out in the Bursar’s report. The stu- sea of topless women on Saturday night. support of the fight against breast cancer, even let us get a proper look at him Approximately a third of the people dent reaction? They quietly bowed 8000 women and 16,000 breasts, includ- we will be braving the elements in the 26.2 in a Report this term. It is rumoured reading this probably have no idea down to the almighty wisdom of the ing several from Cambridge, will set out to mile overnight marathon, wearing only that he is going to be deprived of what I’m talking about. But I can’t bursars and anyway the rises wouldn’t walk the London marathon overnight wonderbras and shorts. As I found out last most of the weaponry with which he be enforced for another two years. Of armed only with wonderbras. Is this some year, this a strangely liberating (and at might have been able to offer a full course this is exactly what Kings’ were feminist march for liberation, a personal times rather cold) experience, as thousands and proper ‘ombudsman’ and ‘last expecting. A large numbers of the desire to free ourselves from the constrains of proud women let the world take note of resort’ service to students and will be strike organisers have now graduated, of propriety, or are we just saying “Hello their assests. For other participants howev- hopelessly restricted in his jurisdic- and the few left over are obviously Boys” to the world? er, toplessness will be a terrifying experi- tion, just when the wider Higher missing their inspirational, but now The Playtex Moonwalk aims to raise ence. While we unashamedly march up Education scene is beginning to departed, peers. awareness about breast cancer. Currently Shaftesbury Avenue to the whistles of men think very seriously about setting up If only Cambridge students had some one in 11 women in Britain will get breast leaving clubs, women recently recovering a proper national ombudsman serv- sort of inspirational leader. Someone cancer, until recently, the biggest cancer from breast removal surgery will take the ice for all universities. Will who could rally the troops into battle killer of women in Britain. There has been admirable psychological step of exposing Cambridge be saying, “but we’ve got once more. Someone who understood a fall in deaths from breast cancer over the their scars and their losses. And they were one of those”, and trying to opt out? the access issues and had been involved past 20 years, but nonetheless 30,000 the lucky survivors. In the Reporter of May 2 are a cou- last time around. And then it dawned cases are still detected each year. 15 members of the women’s university ple of pieces of University legislation on me. “Isn’t Grand High Access Annually, 500 women undergo volun- hockey club are taking part on May 12 for to keep an eye on. The first is the Wallah Mat Coakley, now Grand High tary breast removal. Women such as Stieve a night to remember. Kicking off in Notice on Data Protection. The CUSU President?” I asked myself. And de Lance, who at the age of 28, decided to Battersea, our Blue bras, hula skirts and University is leaving it until the last sure enough, on examining the CUSU have both her breasts removed to pre- balloons will join the other thousands of minute to implement the new legis- website I found that it was so. empt the disease striking her family again: decorated bras to walk the main streets of lation which gives you the rights But unfortunately, it seems Mat of 11 female relatives on her maternal side, London. Whether we finish may be a (from October 24) to request copies Coakley has lost his inspiration. Gone nine have died of cancer. function of the distractions along the of all electronic and paper informa- are the days when he was telling Breakthrough Breast Cancer is a charity route, but if you’re in London, come along tion the University is holding on Charles Larkum “If you think we’re committed to fighting breast cancer. Their and see the spectacle. you. The new guidelines are going to believe the rest of you have forgotten going to sit back and let these rent work includes setting up the first breast The ‘Bluetits’ would be grateful for any be given secretly to a few (again). E- the campaigning and the marches. I, hikes happen, then you can think cancer research centre in the UK in sponsorship. Please contact Natacha Simon mail Dennis Barrington-Light (data- for one, remember vividly the night again, sunshine.” Now his attitude is December 1999; an important step for (nks23) or send donations in the form of a [email protected]) in spent standing in the middle of Great somewhat more conservative. When Britain, which has one of the highest mor- cheque made out to ‘Breakthrough Breast droves if you want better published Court while the Grand High Access asked about the report announcing this tality rates from breast cancer. Cancer’ to Natacha at Pembroke. information for students. Wallah Mat Coakley led us all in a year’s rent rises he replied that “it is up The second item is the one on soft- rousing chant: “They say rent hikes, we to the students to judge it. But CUSU ware policy. The Computing Service say rent strike! They say bigger loans, will fully support them in whatever produce some sensible explanations. we say Tristan Jones!” Stirring stuff action they decide to take.” And since The Council and the General Board indeed. then, we have heard nothing. announce that users are “expected to So you would assume that now all the Of course when pushed on the sub- comply” with rules which have not violence has died down, the whole ject, he is bound to tell you that been put up for Discussion in the rents issue has been sorted. At the end advances are being made all the time: it Senate. It is unclear what disciplinary of last year, most of the strikers were was only last month that Cambridge penalties may follow for students relatively content. They had received voted its first Access Officer onto from failure to do so. It is time we confirmation, not that the rents would- CUSU. Unfortunately it’s too little too got our legislative act together and n’t be raised, but that all intended rent late for rents initiatives. If momentum made sure that rules are properly cre- rises would be first put to the relevant for direct action against rents was slow ated on proper authority and that student access committees. this year, next year it will be non-exis- everyone knows what they are and Of course the heads of our colleges tent and so it looks like now the excite- what will happen if they are broken. are not actually stupid people. And so ment value has worn off, the Bursars I leave it to you to write the novel they agreed to our demands, and, in can write whatever they like on their which will outsell Kafka. the case of Kings’ at least, waited carte blanche. Bring back the placards exactly 12 months before hiking the Mat, your university needs you! 6 Editorial 11 May 2001 Weekly cartoon by Edam to its commitment to equality. The fact that only 12 black undergraduates were admitted to the university as a whole in no way incriminates Magdalene as an elitist institute. As an applicant who was pooled into Magdalen, I was not particularly encouraged by the impression I received of the college from various Ethical journalism sources. The truth is that Magdalene Varsity’s days in the CUSU building may be numbered. Their new does suffer from a bad image, and that its past (like that of so many other col- 4,000 word ethical policy, to be ratified this coming week, threat- leges) is not a shining example of ens, “All companies that publish, print or produce pornographic equality and democracy. However, material shall be excluded”. Blast. But special pleading aside, its when I arrived here, I found that all principles are truly commendable. It would be a fine thing to see my preconceptions were false, and that the community and atmosphere I the provisions on positive action, for example, the purchasing of was entering were as open and diverse Fair Trade goods, extended to JCRs and beyond. as I could imagine. However, as ever with student actions, the value is largely symbol- Raihan Akhtar ic. Although advertising in CUSU publications will now be subject Secretary, Magdalene College Islamic Society to said rules, huge and evil multinationals are not lining up to buy our sabbaticals. The GKN CUSU President is, let us face it, only a Wrong distant threat. “Companies that produce nuclear weapons systems” With reference to your review of will hardly be seeking to control the running of the laminating Anatolia’s last week, your reviewer obviously does not appreciate that machine. Turkish coffee, if made properly Rather than allowing CUSU committees to become bogged down should have a distinctly muddy con- in trivial internal detail, as the distinctly pompous verbiage of this sistency, and should, indeed, have a rather stony, muddy flavour. new policy risks, let attention be focussed on changing – or rather, Moreover, I would inform you that it creating – a University ethical policy. It is even rumoured that con- is considered particularly greedy to sideration is currently being given to such matters in the Old have more than one of the pastries. Schools. While flowery rhetoric may soon flow, the chances of such The review seems just to be silly, to me, not to mention ill-informed. Why a policy signalling a real new approach to securing corporate fund- not send someone who actually appre- ing are small. But all great things start somewhere, and this is as ciates Turkish food? good a starting point as are we are likely to get. Patrick Driscoll Wrong We love Zadie Your editorial about the ADC is based The May Anthologies have become a great Oxbridge institution. on an assortment of hearsay and factu- al inaccuracy – a practice that might Certainly the 2001 editions set new standards in student literature Wrong be forgiven of failed auditionees and provide a stiff challenge for the next committee to live up to. Your music reviews section is crap. I bemoaning their fate in the college The impact of Zadie Smith’s involvement should not be underesti- am not a Shed 7 fan, but the review of bar, but surely not of journalists who mated. It is easy to get sick of hearing about their album last week, while claiming aspire to professional standards. Your to be funny, was just indicative of the main error is to confuse the role of the Ms Smith’s achievements and perhaps her success has tended to general style of journalism of the sec- ADC Theatre manager (an employee overshadow the presence of other equally talented, equally deserv- tion which is to either love or hate of the University) and the many stu- ing voices. Yet beneath the hype, Smith’s story really is inspirational Wrong something, and above all, be contro- dent-run groups who stage shows at for Cambridge writers. Having cut short a trip to the States, her FMD is no more than a light flu. Well versial, cos that'll impress future the venue, of which the ADC is just done. In sheep. In cows it is a serious employers. What is wrong with Shed one. Both theatre and club work commitment to the Anthologies is unquestionable and forms an disease that certainly lowers the quali- 7? OK, they haven’t progressed musi- exhaustively to promote the accessibil- acknowledgement of how necessary it is to provide student writers ty of life and causes permanent scar- cally or socially, but they don’t pretend ity of Cambridge drama, but a key with a forum where their work will be scrutinised impartially. ring in the mouth and on the hooves to be a prog-rock art band. They are a part of this mission is the lack of an whilst lowering the meat price and good band within their field, but, of artistic director. milk yields of the animal on the world course, if the writer had written that, James Seabright, Magdalene So long and thanks for all the letters market. On the other hand vaccina- it would not have made the front Take a long look at this copy of Varsity. Treasure it. Remind your- tion (without the later culling of vac- page. I was a little concerned by your edito- cinated animals) will allow FMD to be Dave Fawbert,Trinity Hall rial snippet on the ADC Theatre in self of the role it has played in your life (as toilet paper, we are so endemic in our country again crip- last week's Varsity. The article pre- often told). For Varsity, like lesser mortals, has exams, and is off to pling the industry making exports vir- Wrong sented drama at the theatre to be on a the UL. tually impossible. Yes, FMD conta- I am really disappointed that rather precarious footing, both artistically Varsity may not be the best paper in the world. It may be the gion can be reduced with betterfarm- than celebrate the immense honour of and financially. This is not the case. ing methods but these better farming receiving a visit from one of the great- The ADC Theatre currently hosts far worst. But then, a university gets the newspaper it deserves. Those methods with cause price increases est men of our time, Varsity has more shows and a more varied reper- of you who have been our impassioned correspondents on a weekly disproportionate to what even a large instead chosen to focus on slagging toire than virtually any other basis will, no doubt, be applying to be the section editors and edi- number of britishconsumers will be Magdalene off. You criticise our access University playhouse; it is also flour- tors of our Mayweek specials and Varsity next year – though many able to afford, again crippling the policy, when in fact we are the only ishing more than ever before, both industry if it were forced in this direc- college apart from Catz to have a financially and in numbers of patrons. of you seem to have been those who failed in that attempt last time tion. higher percentage of state school stu- In fact, the outgoing theatre manager round. In the meantime, try to fill that Varsity-shaped hole in your Nico, Jesus dents than applicants. should be strongly praised for the Furthermore you criticise the lack of qualities mentioned in the article, and lives. Wrong To all the small-minded people in Cambridge, from CUSU to black students here without making indeed, the challenge faced by her suc- I found the photo of the naked any attempt to reason that there is a cessor will be to find a way to better CUCA, from the ADC to the Union (it nearly begins with a Zzz) a woman that was used to illustrate Ed very low amount of applications from such a strong position. big thank-you. We are proud of the fact that, at all times, our minds Hall's article last week quite offensive. this sector, something GEEMA is Jon Pendergast,Christ's have been easily the smallest. Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s 3am. I thought both photo and article were working on. completely gratuitous. Worse, she was Lucy Banks-Marrison, Magdalene No one even slightly Thank-you and goodnight. black – probably not representative of deserved to win Letter of “Naked News”, and definitely not rep- Clearly your biased views about the Week this week. No Varsity Publications Ltd resentative of Cambridge students. Magdalene cannot be the result of any Varsity till May Week, Second Floor, 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge CB2 1QA Oluwatosin Ojumu, Pembroke personal experience, since the number so don’t bother writing Varsity Online: www.varsity.cam.ac.uk of different nationalities and ethnici- more complaints. Advertising: 01223 353422 Editorial: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 352913 ties represented at Magdalene testifies

The Varsity Team We were, indeed, as bad as all that. So apply today to be a section editor in Michaelmas or May Week. Ah, go on. You must be better than us. Evil Editors THE BASTARD AND THE BINT [email protected] News Editors Lord Lucan, The Warwick Bore, Libel [email protected] Business Manager Legal call-girl [email protected] News Features Editor Who? [email protected] Technical Director The 3am Boy Interviews Editor Mrs Elliston-Ball [email protected] Company Secretary Lady Di Science Editors The Science Sirens [email protected] Fashion Editors Fetish Queen, Mrs Sharp (retired) [email protected] Production Manager Noodfucius [email protected] Outlook Editors AJ Ayer, Alan Clark [email protected] Creative Director Watch my trousers! [email protected] Sport Editors The Dark Side [email protected] Chief Sub-editors Lolita Buttercup [email protected] Photos Editor £££££ [email protected] Arts Editor Hegel [email protected] News Photos Editor Keats Theatre Editor The real Jennifer Tuckett [email protected] Sport Photos Editor Now understands rugby Film Editors Jeremy, Beadle [email protected] Online Editor Please call Varsity urgently [email protected] Music Editors Shed ‘Fuck, Cunt’ Seven [email protected] Classical Music Editor ‘Two-pages’ Taylor [email protected] Page Design ‘Two Minutes’ Simon, Glutton for punishment Literature Editor Zadie Smith [email protected] Sub-editors None. Can yew tel? Visual Arts Editor Captain Scroope [email protected] interviews.fashion.outlook.science

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A Night to Remember FASHION 8 Knock them dead a

A new take on the Cinderella-style ballgown: this girl ain’t gonna scrub no floors. Little touches - here we used a bright, car Rectangular blocks of gold foil (available from Heffers Art Plus, King Street) painted onto the eyelids and spiked-up hair comp with make-up which is more like graffiti. Having a

elessly tied sash - transform princess to punk.

letely transformed the dreamily romantic dress. Forget pretty-pretty and subvert the traditional look

White dress, $250, Monsoon; Sash, $14.99, Accessorize; Suit: Jacket, $150, trousers, $80, all French Connection. Nice formal dresses are so boring. And yet everyone will be wearing one, you included. You might think that tuxes are for him only, but team one with killer stiletto heels and smouldering make- up (and not much else), and you’ll instantly have one of the sexiest and most striking out- fits of the evening. FASHION d Mayweek Punk 9

BallSimon Elliston

Stylists: Lucy Caldwell, Alice Carey and Heather Tilley Photographs: Dan Lambert Model: Nina Rajan Make-up: Alice Carey OUTLOOK 10 s Education, knowledge, academia. Work? Certainly not. s Hideous(ly) Kinky Hot and Fragrant Kate Norgrove (not Winslet) rocked Morocco he temperature was 35˚C struck by the number of children run- ous as a young woman. There was very when I arrived in Marrakech ning around, and new buildings out- little staring, only a few canny winks, Tthis Easter. The heat mingles number the old. and I didn’t feel I had to wear baggy T- with, and seems to grow out of, the Though a developing country, shirts all the time. By the end of the exotic colours, smells and sights of Morocco appears relatively prosperous. week my cynical preconceptions had the city. The wet East Anglia spring- As I arrived I braced myself for being disappeared, replaced by a realisation time suddenly feels like a distant stared at and attacked by roaming beg- that for the most part, the local people memory. gars and salesmen. I also assumed a are genuinely friendly and welcoming. Marrakech is May Week with nice bright red headscarf I last wore at the The central square, Place Djemmaa weather. It’s a busy and growing place. age of 12. However I did not feel par- el-Fna, is the site tourists are first Just walking through town you are ticularly uncomfortable or conspicu- drawn to, and with good reason. It’s a mysterious fairy-tale place that I didn’t believe could still exist. Our guidebook informed us that at night people con- gregate, listening to storytellers from the hills. My skepticism disappeared when I saw little pockets of lanterns illuminating old men muttering in Arabic to crowds of attentive listeners. Then there were the henna women, the tiny streets. It reminded me of a set lush enclaves of beauty. A mere wander the snake charmers and stalls selling for The Phantom Menace, with low from the hotel found us in a Berber orange juice DelMonte can only aspire lying ceilings, cool alleyways, no win- village drinking mint tea in the tooth- to. The numerous food stalls were dows and cobbled streets. less chief’s house. But even if you find incredibly good value at £2 a meal. It’s incredibly easy to venture further on your return that you lack tales of The food was varied and delicious, and afield and head out to the country, tribal villages and bus adventures, you the cooks were entertaining (if a little which is well worth the effort. West of can at least impress your friends with lecherous – see the photo). There are Marrakech, you’ll find a surreal your excellent taste in rugs and trans- numerous tourist sites but Marrakech’s expanse of desert and hence a wealth of form your grey Cambridge room into a architecture is also captivating so I camel-riding opportunities. Go South, plush desert tent reminiscent of The Photo: Kate Norgrove highly recommend wandering round and you reach the Atlas mountains, English Patient. Library of Babble Tim Fisken realises he still hasn’t started revising. Oh fuck t’s easy to forget in these troubled (gasp) walk on to your heart’s content. tists, including all the atom-splitting stuff weeks of revision, but Cambridge You can even look at the various exciting used in the old Cavendish Laboratory. “In IUniversity is supposedly an institu- research projects and thank god you’re not 1996 approximately 1,000 botanical tion dedicated to learning for its own a Plant Sciences student. Unless you are a teaching diagrams were transferred to the sake, not just exams and tripos classifica- Plant Sciences student, in which case the Museum from the Department of Plant tions. This is why the University is full botanic gardens will probably provoke Sciences.” You have been warned. The of obscure departments which probably flashbacks to Dr Grubb’s Plants and Whipple Museum is particularly good for served some academic purpose at some Temperature lectures. Scary shit, dude. distracting HPS students passing through point but which now exist only to house If you can’t be arsed going all the way on their way to the department library. crumbling Fellows who pre-date out to the Botanic Gardens, you could You can easily pretend to be revising the Peterhouse. It’s at this time of year when instead take a trip back in time 100 or so scientific revolutions, when you’re actual- these places come into their own, years, to when Oxbridge was the preserve ly giggling like a small child at the collec- though. What everyone needs right now of posh kids so stupid universities had to tion of vaguely phallic retorts. is somewhere to absorb general ‘educa- invent special subjects just for them. Unfortunately, there is no companion tion’ instead of actually doing any work. Oxford invented Modern Greats for a Philosophy of Science museum. It’d be The classic place to go to avoid work, of rich American who wanted to study clas- great: over here we have the last known course, is the Tea Room at the University sics without actually learning Greek, example of a Popperian, carefully stuffed Library. Those of you doing courses while Cambridge introduced much the just before it was put out of its misery; where literacy is considered a privilege same thing with Art and Archaeology over there is an an extremely rare example rather than a right may not be aware of (which is these days studied as a proper of a book published in the humanities in this, but the single best thing about subject as part of Classics). You too can the last thirty years which doesn’t spe- Cambridge University is its fantastically take part in this taxing intellectual work- ciously cite Kuhn’s Structure of Scientific Borges-esque library. Wandering around out by wandering around the Museum of Revolutions. Sadly, no, but we can dream. the book stacks you continually expect to Classical Archaeology, (first brought to If none of this interests you, I guess be attacked by some deranged cleric your attention by Varsity) looking at the you’ll just have to revise. But before you intent on preserving the secrets of some plaster casts of famous statues gathered take that route, you might want to see hitherto-untranslated fragment of around the middle of the Nineteenth cen- what your college has to offer. The archive Aristotle. Or that may just be me. But the tury. Actually, it’s pretty cool. There are center at King’s contains a cornucopia of master-stroke of the library is its tea room, copies of statues from top Greek sites like (probably) salacious letters from the particularly the fact that you are not the Acropolis and Epidouras, as well as Bloomsbury set. I’ve heard there are some allowed to take books in there. Just imag- well as the treasures of, for example, the obscure William Blake paintings in ine: so close to so many books, yet pre- Vatican’s archeological collection. Trinity Hall. And imagine what you vented by University statute from reading Genuinely fun, remarkably enough, could squirrel away in John’s; whole any of them. You too can savour this par- although less so than going to Greece or pygmy tribes have probably gone missing adox. Pretend you have to go and revise Italy, obviously. there. Have fun broadening your mind. an early critical notice by T S Eliot, pop in If your knowledge of history starts a lit- for a quick cup of tea, and you’ll never tle later, you could try a quick look round The UL Tea Room is open Monday to leave. the Whipple Museum in the History and Friday, 10-5, and Saturday 10-11.50. The If you don’t fancy being stuck indoors, Philosophy of Science department. The Botanic Gardens, on Station Road are open you could head off to the Botanic museum houses a collection of scientific daily from 10. The Museum of Classical Gardens. It is, as you might expect, full of instruments from the medieval period to Archaeology, on the Sidgewick Site is opeen plants: pretty ones, interesting ones, rare the present day, particularly mad equip- 10-5 Monday to Friday. The Whipple ones, as well as nice big lawns you can © The Tate Gallery ment used by famous Cambridge scien- Museum, on Free School Lane is open 1.30- OUTLOOK s Work avoidance, not evasion a Get Pissed – again s The best restaurant in Cambridge? 11 Bang Bang, You’re Dead TRIED &

Tim Fisken uses computers to increase his productivity TESTED xams lurk just around the cor- written at the University of Essex in quickly became the most popular game ner. Is that an essay question 1979, was called MUD (short for on the Internet, and a commercial FORMAL HALL Ebehind the window? Yes, there it Multi User Dungeon, a reference to the product (although you can still down- You may think that there is not much is. I’ll just sneak up and deal with it. Dungeons and Dragons game), and load it for free). You play the part of to be said about one of the university’s There we are, easy does it. Argh! It’s had Compsci’s of the day typing ‘KILL either a terrorist or a counter-terrorist, finest traditions, as there are only so got an AK-47. Where did that smoke DWARF’ and ‘TAKE GOLD’ in an taking part in a variety of scenarios, many ways a fellow can say grace, and bomb come from? “Enemy spotted! attempt to gain the 300,000 points from hostage rescue to assassination once you have “downed” filthy white Enemy…” Oh dear, I’ve been playing necessary to become a ‘Wizard’. attempt. More importantly, you get to wine before entering a world of vomit, too much Counter-Strike. Bizarrely, this sort of game is still run around with a big gun, shooting you have done it a thousand times. All As work piles up, we start looking for extremely popular. ‘The MUD people. the same, here is a brief round up of the more creative and exciting ways to Connector’ (www.mudconnect.com) This sort of game has been popular good, the bad, and the downright ugly. avoid it. After an afternoon making lists 1,800 games currently running. for a while – you might have heard of intricate spider diagrams and incom- Try Crimson Lust, where “the plague of Quake, which some helpful person has John’s prehensible summaries, it is important, the Crimson Lust tears the Realm even installed in the computer room at Probably the best of the lot, with con- as your careers teacher told you, to have asunder. Where the Taken vie for ulti- King’s. However, Counter-Strike sistent high quality food, even if the some way to relax. You could go to the mate control of the Realm using their refines the general ‘run about and blow rolls are a bit “herbal”. Also by far the college bar, but you know you’ll just Legions to do Battle and carry their people up’ model. You can decide cheapest at around £3. It may not have come back pissed and throw up all over Holy and Unholy wars ever onwards, whether to spend money on a big gun, as grand a hall as Trinity, but who cares, that painstakingly highlighted set of and ending always in Bloodshed.” They or save some for a bullet-proof vest to as you don’t have to pay corkage on lecture notes. Luckily, the University promise “Carnal Enticements” and stop yourself getting killed. You can wine. Be there 7:20 pm. have given us the best form of relax- “real vampirism.” charge straight into the thick of the ation apart from drugs, in the form of This could all be a bit too engrossing, action, or lurk about in the shadows, Trinity the University network, the CUDN. though. Spending all night searching picking people off with a sniper rifle. If you’ve seen the hall you could be for- Free, fast Internet connections, just for the Key Of Power to save the Realm Each game is limited to only five min- given for thinking that the food is a five waiting to be abused. Of Light isn’t going to do you any good utes, which forces everyone into a fran- course gourmet meal, but you would The Internet was designed by a group come exams. What you want is some- tic dash to kill the other side. Much, be wrong. At the best it could be of American universities back in the thing quick and fun. Mindless fun, and one assumes, like being a real counter- described as variable, most of the time seventies, so students have a long tradi- possibly violence. What you want, in terrorist. it looks like bad school dinners. To add tion of using it to waste time and fact, is Counter-Strike. The game was More information about Counter-Strike insult to injury £1 corkage must be resources. The original Internet game, created by a group of volunteers, but at www.counter-strike.net paid per bottle not bought from the buttery. 8pm start. Restaurants Jesus Memory of this one is a little hazy. It is waffle had a curious texture and the dressing had an the smallest of the halls, so its harder to uncommon taste, but this was more surprising than get away with lecherous drunken More exciting than the name suggests offputting. behaviour but the overall atmosphere Roland Swingler dines at the elegant 22 Chesterton Road For the main course we both chose the Roast was fun, and the food was good on the Avocado and Goats Cheese with Tomato and Chilli night (however other sources have indi- o. 22 Chesterton Road is situated on the edge The menu is set, with four options available in each Salsa. Presented in pastry and with accompanying cated otherwise). One bottle of wine of Jesus Green and is an elegant, exclusive of the three courses. This might seem limited, but vegetables, the only verdict we could return was excel- limit per person, be there 7:20 pm. Nand intimate venue. Unashamedly rooted in Number 22 concentrates on crafting meals using lent. Having said that, the chilli did seem to be curi- tradition, we were greeted politely by the proprietor quality, seasonal ingredients, and it is inevitable that ously lacking from the salsa. New Hall in dapper pinstripe. choice should suffer slightly. In a similar vein, the ginger seemed to have absent- You have probably heard of the leg- With only five or Before our first course, we were treated to canapes ed itself from the Warm Chocolate and Stem Ginger endary system which brings the food six tables in the and a selection of breads. These small squares of Fondant I had for pudding, although this didn’t real- out of the floor! Overall the food was plush, subdued din- salmon and tomato and the tiny red lentil samosas ly detract from the dish. My partner chose the very tasty. However if you are a bloke ing room, we were were both packed with flavour. The breads were var- Rhubarb Fool, which she assured me was impressive. hoping for a cheeky evening with just made to feel like ied and delectable, including sweet, aniseed flavoured No 22 have an extensive wine list (over 80 bottles). you and 200 screaming girls, think private guests carroway bread, sage foccacia and malty Guinness They offer a selection of currently recommended again – its usually closer to 50 – 50, but instead of cus- loaf. options, and we chose a red (Dogajolo) from this. still a good night out. tomers. In fact, one For the first course, I chose the Cumin Flavoured Although quite expensive, it was surprisingly good for of the best elements Rump of Lamb with Green Leaves, while my partner a wine in a restaurant, and went well with our meal. Queens’ of Number 22 is chose the Minestrone Soup. The lamb was tender The desert wine I had was equally enjoyable; sweet Consistently of a reasonably high stan- the service – unob- and ever so slightly rare – in my opinion, cooked to without being cloying. dard, although salmon is served more trusive yet friendly, perfection. However, I found the green leaves very bit- Although too expensive for the average student often than seems fair. Not cheap at neither rushed ter. This course, like all the others was presented night out, for an exceptional occasion or if your par- £4.25, and the hall is modern, but through our meal beautifully, in a classic style. ents are with you, 22 Chesterton Road is an exempla- capacity is large and the chocolate cake nor left wanting for Between courses we ordered mixed salad with a sliv- ry choice. to die for. Pennying is strictly forbid- anything. er of potato waffle balanced precariously on top. The Set three course menu £24.50, Wine £15.95 den; Smarties are offered as an alterna- tive. Starts at 7.30pm sharp.

The Varsity crossword is sponsored by Joti and Debbie, graduate advisors at Natwest, who hope you’ve had a good term so far, and wish you all the best for the rest of it. To win a £10 music/book voucher return the completed puzzle with your details to the Varsity offices by 12 noon Thursday. Last week’s winner was Richard Cohen, Christ’s; collect prize from Varsity offices.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down Across Down 1 Delicate cheese eaten, without alcohol, at fifty (7) 1 Made a mess of bed, having spilt hot choco- 8 1 Wodehouse character (7) 1 Furrow (7) 5 One in a hundred (4) late at first (7) 9 2 Cuts (4) 2 Bizarre behaviour (4) 9 Piece of asparagus among the lettuce – the start of 2 Priest’s mission to get impersonators (14) 9 Between academic institu- 3 Ripped a hole in (4) a problem! (3,2,3,7) 3 Beard-grass? (4) tions (15) 4 Plant foundation sys- 10 11 12 10 Pay attention in the educational establishment (4) 4 Plays hex for drinks but doesn’t hold breath 10 Persian governor (4) tem (7) 11 Beg for a penny, some metal (5) (7) 13 14 11 Noted (5) 5 Striking (7) 12 Passport to start head-to-head (4) 5 Bridge near Lake Michigan (7) 15 16 12 Tide (anag) (4) 6 Salary (4) 15 Stops saint’s head being taken by believers in God 6 Require first name of daughter (4) 15 Support (7) 7 Monarchic emblem (7) (7) 7 Dead weight in suitcase (7) 16 Sauce served with fish (7) 8 Child’s doctors (14) 16 Use periscope? (7) 8 Lawyer from Hell, he only wants to argue the 17 18 19 20 17 Venerate (7) 13 Strain (5) 17 Company right to hesitate over Yankee’s food (7) case (6,8) 19 Flat liquorice cake (7) 14 Dirt (5)

19 Handicaps devil, the wrongseed (7) 13 Questioned over a desk (5) 21 22 23 21 Sandbank (4) 17 Extremist (7) 21 Edge of a hat – the second edge! (4) 14 Brushes away first wet drips (5) 22 Of the utmost impor- 18 Dry (7) 24 25 22 First man’s second choice as president (5) 17 Pudding of the ministry? (7) tance (5) 19 Clearer (7) 23 A piece of turf and a type of fountain (4) 18 Eyed old dance and sang (7) 26 23 Survey (4) 20 Climbing organ (7) 26 Well-off, Ann got holy black representation 19 I’m more than a man – a downright giant! (7) 26 Unrealistic hopes 24 Aspersion (4)

(3,2,1,4,5) 20 Tie and get a second feather in your cap (7) 27 28 (7,2,3,3) 25 Cook (4) 27 Weak person’s drug (4) 24 Cremation location (4) 27 The three in cards (4) 28 On edge once meter broke (7) 25 Southern explorer, we hear, from the north (4) By Boadicea 28 Act of declining (7) OUTLOOK 12 s There’s a light at the end of the tunnel… No bollocks, just balls

Friday 15th “onstream DJ music” and even karaoke colour will play a large part in the Tuesday 19th Wednesday 20th Robinson – Misbehavin’ in the bar. transformation of the college. There is Queens’ Magdalene Robinson traditionally prides itself on Tickets £65 dining, £55 non-dining a range of food from around the world Queens’ only has a ball every other year. Almost unbelievably, Magdalene May Ball being the best value for money in May before May 15th – including Peking duck, Cajun shrimp Which means, of course, that it’s so big, boasts that it “is unique in having Week. This year, they promise “the mcr.hughes.cam.ac.uk/Mayball bites and Bangers and Mash, DJ’s pro- it takes you two whole years to recover. remained true to the original ideal, con- hedonistic world of Golden Age viding hip-hop, cheese, drum n’ base, Details are scarce – the theme and line- tinuing to insist on White-Tie and provid- America.” Expect glamour and sophis- Monday 18th house, funk, 70’s, soul as well as live up are kept secret till the day of the ball. ing an exquisite banquet dinner and tication straight out of roaring twen- Clare music from Samba and Jazz bands. We do know, however, that the music breakfast.” The Magdalene ball regularly ties Hollywood, and a “bebop beat” to As ever, Clare seems to be going for the Tickets £69 – www.jesusmayball.com “suits the varied tastes of the guests.” It’s appears in Tatler. Yes, it’s that kind of affair keep you on your toes. traditional romance of a Cambridge likely to be very, very drunken, featuring – exclusive, elegant, exquisite. Which, let’s Sold Out – www.robinsonmayball.co.uk ball, no doubt to show up the riff-raff Trinity bands, comedy acts and some famous face it, is what May Week is all about. at King’s Event. The theme this year is Trinity ball is so popular Varsity has names. It will be the surprises, however, Sold out, but five VIP double tickets will Exploration, and we are promised a agreed to help them keep a low profile which really add the magic. be auctioned on Tuesday 15th May – Saturday 16th view of Clare “as you have never seen it – 2,600 people had applied for double Tickets £115 dining, £88 non-dining – www.magdaleneball.com Hughes Hall before.” Wandering minstrels, lutes, tickets when counting stopped. But if www.queensball.com More Americana at Hughes Hall, this and African drums will make the you are one of the lucky few with a time on a Deep South Mardi Gras College grounds more splendiferous ticket, you can look forward to the John’s Friday 22nd theme. You can experience an “100% than ever, until the morning finds you zenith of Cambridge excess. They plan A top-secret communique from the Corpus Christi – Avalon New Orleans” festival experience, with floating calmly in a punt to to serve 3,000 oysters, and of course a committee fell into our hands. It reads: At this year’s Corpus ball you can return to music from jazz to grunge, taking in Grantchester. range of fine wines, with Champagne “The kilts have been gathering dust a mythical time in England’s past; very Sold Out – www.claremayball.com served from dusk till dawn. Details of while the whisky has been gently ageing. much like coming to Cambridge in the the music are under wraps until a The spirit of Scotland is silently stirring, first place, in fact. But this is a paradise, Jesus – Carnival week before the ball, but last year and soon all will be awake in full glory where King Arthur lives it up while await- An endless parade will carry you from boasted the Lightning Seeds and to celebrate the 19th of June. ing the day he is called to return to Venice, to New Orleans, to Rio de Elastica, so expect something impres- Continuing in the fine tradition of St England. Fine food, fine wines, wandering Janeiro and to Notting Hill. Light and sive. John’s, the May Ball this year will cer- musicians and jesters. A classic Cambridge Sold Out. Well, obviously – www.trinity- tainly be a night to remember. Long for- ball, in fact. Smaller than the ‘big three’ of ball.co.uk gotten favourites will mingle with new John’s, Queens’ and Trinity, but promises pleasures and still the Ceilidh goes on, to be all the more intimate for that. And bringing life to the dead of night.” we’re all looking for a bit more intimacy by Sold Out – www.joh.cam.ac.uk/soci- the end of May week, aren’t we. eties/mayball Tickets £115 dining, £85 non-dining – www.corpusmayball.com Photo: Abi McLoughlin Photo: Elizabeth Day and Ed Thaw By permission of Trinity May Ball Committee By permission of Trinity

Photo: JET Photographic

Photo: Simon Poliakoff INTERVIEW s Sebastian Faulks: on love, sex and poetry 13 NOT FAULKING ABOUT

Sebastian Faulks told Sarah Brealey why it’s hard to get anything out of sex scenes Photo: Angela Grainger Photo:

ebastian Faulks seems an irritable are about how people’s experiences of love are living in a very closed world, these two “Reactions to it were astonishing. An most important thing in the world, bar sort of person. To be fair, this may cause them to look again at their whole people. It’s a very intense thing, but it enormous number of people say, you nothing. I remember having this argu- Sbe because he has a cold, for which lives, how very intense experience reflects doesn’t take you anywhere, in a sense it’s know, I never knew that; only now do I ment, a discussion with one of the dons, reason he is sniffing constantly through- back on ordinary days and months, and like something in a pressure cooker, and understand how my grandfather or broth- tutors, fellows? I never quite know, well, out the interview. Nonetheless, he is makes you think it through again.” that is paralleled by what happens in the er felt. It’s amazing how little people seem some bloke anyway. About whether it was courteous, albeit in a comic semi-celebri- On a more prosaic note, he won the war scenes, which is essentially about how to have known about their families. I’ve more important that one syllable of poet- ty way – asking his minder to buy us Literary Review’s ‘Bad Sex’ award for his far people can go in war.” The book was filled in gaps for them.” ry should be right, or the war in Vietnam drinks – and is also, according to the earlier novel Charlotte Gray. At the men- nearly called Flesh and Blood. “It’s about Faulks’ fame has been reflected in some should come to an end. And he said it was photographer, quite attractive (although tion of this, he looks irritated, again. how far you can go and stay human.” All she later claimed she was joking) “Auberon Waugh, who was the sole judge this seems like a rather long-winded way He is especially irritable about journal- and arbiter of the thing, was a friend of of justifying what is, essentially, still shag- “Everyone thinks of me as the man who ists. He is speaking from experience here: mine and he rang me up and said it would ging. this month marks the tenth anniversary of make a sort of publicity splash for his Though Charlotte Gray, the final instal- wrote Birdsong, but that’s fine. David his departure from The Independent on magazine, if I would let him give me this ment of his wartime trilogy which began Beckham may be your best player, but Sunday (he likes to say he was fired, prize. So I said, ‘alright, if you have to’. I with The Girl at the Lion d’Or and though in fact, he took voluntary redun- suppose I felt Auberon had been quite Birdsong, sold massively more than either Manchester United’s still a good team.” dancy – “I hated it.”) He tells us that jour- nice to us, he used to write for The of the others, it is still Birdsong by which Faulks is remembered. Asked if he fears it will become his literary tombstone, he unexpected ways. Last year a Cambridge more important that the poetry should be “At Cambridge I met people who thought says, “I’d love it if it did; I’m proud of it.” don, Mark Hogarth, registered Faulks’ right. And that was very inspiring in a Though surely not the only monument of name, along with a number of other writ- way; clearly a bit bonkers. But it was the literature was the most important thing in his writing career he would wish for? “I ers, as a domain name. Jeanette first time I’d met people who had a simi- the world, bar nothing.” just feel very positively about it, it was a Winterson, who was also targeted in this larly serious view of literature, and I’m …I feel in a way it was like a chance, it fell way, told journalists, “I just want to chase sorry I didn’t learn more from them.” into my hands the idea to write it. An idea him around the common.” Academia never appealed as a career nalists get everything wrong, “All the time; Independent – it was a way of helping comes from you don’t know where…And Faulks sounds almost as vitriolic. “I choice, however. If he couldn’t sell any everything is just slightly wrong.” He him...I suppose I was sort of mildly irri- it was a very big, a very operatic and quite wrote him a letter telling him to fuck off. more novels, he’d love to do something especially hates it when the journalists tated.” an ambitious book. And I just really did- I can actually remember the letter because different. “I suppose, realistically thinking, who get things wrong complain that he Was it bad sex? “I don’t think it was a n’t want to mess it up. And I feel that on he was a Cambridge philosopher, so I just if I couldn’t make a living out of writing gets details wrong in his books, which he bad description, but then obviously I balance I didn’t mess it up and I just feel wrote him a letter saying ‘Dear Dr So- books anymore, I have three children and never does, apparently (he has a full-time wouldn’t, or I wouldn’t have published it.” very grateful.” and-so, re your letter about cybersquat- a huge mortgage…I’d have to get a salary researcher). We are only two minutes into If On Green Dolphin Street is anything to Even though everyone thinks of you as ters: sorry to see that you are teaching cheque in very quick. So realistically, I’d the interview and already I worry that this go by, he hasn’t learnt much from his mis- the man who wrote Birdsong? “Yeah, but Philosophy – how the old place has gone have to go to a newspaper and see if I is doomed. takes. “I’ve only written two more scenes down since my years!” could get a job there.” But in his fantasies, He is irritable about promoting his since then I think. It’s something that’s “I hate signings. Faulks read English at Emmanuel. “I he’d be an architect. “I am very interested book. “I started today in Norwich for a very hard to get much out of. With sex didn’t really work very hard and I didn’t in houses and exteriors and interiors. I am signing – I hate signings – then Heffer’s scenes they have to tell you something This is like one of take my studies seriously, which I regret. I interested in why they work and how they for a reading, then home tonight. It’s like about the characters. There’s absolutely no should have worked harder and I should work and in atmospheres and so on. So, one of those awful second rate rock star point in just discussing people mating, those awful second have joined more societies. My memories yeah, an architect and builder would be tours, Tuesday night Leicester De like cats; you have to learn something. In of Cambridge are of wasted opportunities what I’d really like to be. But it’s too late Montfort, Wednesday night Charlotte Gray, in the first sex scene, noth- rate rock star on my part. I should have worked proper- for that.” Nottingham…” ing really happens. But you discover from ly, and should have done journalism and “I have a sort of vague hankering, He is on tour, of course, because his new that she’s never slept with a man before. tours.” acted in plays. Ok, so it hasn’t done me because the writing’s so lonely – not lone- book, On Green Dolphin Street, has just And you discover their very different much harm, but then Cambridge is a very ly, solitary – for something rather sort of been released. “A departure for Faulks”, expectations. It’s a very dramatic way of that’s fine. David Beckham may be your short time in your life; a matter of weeks. community or family based, to run a according to the blurb, the book is set in putting it.” best player, but Manchester United’s still a “I got a second – in my year it wasn’t small company in an incredibly enlight- late 50s America, and is as swirling and I suggest that the sex in Birdsong is per- good team, you still have 11 great players. split into 2:1 and 2:2 – which was ened or benevolent way. To run a hospital layered as the jazz music which is its haps a little random, too, and he sudden- But I think that what people like and remarkable. I think I went to four lectures or a school or something.” For a moment soundtrack. Like all the others, it is a love ly comes over all precious. “In Birdsong, what critics like and what you yourself like in two years. he softens. Perhaps the irritability is just a story, heavily punctuated with sex scenes. what the book is really about is the sort of and what people will read in 50 years, He doubts that the English course façade. But then he seems to come to Asked whether all his books are about limits of human experiences. In the first they’re all different things, they’re all dif- helped to train him as a writer, though he himself. “I’d probably get rather fed up love, he replies, “I think they are, to some part, the love story, it’s about how far you ferent judgments. I don’t feel worried remembers the experience fondly. “You with it!” extent.” He becomes rather distant. “They can go in this sort of physical passion, they about it. met people who thought literature was the With thanks to Angela Grainger SCIENCE a Astro-tourists d Engine noise s It’s written in the stars

14 udget airlines and package holi- human specimens days have made the world too qualify for their Baccessible. India is no longer the space visa. 300 gru- preserve of wealthy colonialists nor the elling hours in Andes the territory of great explorers. It shuttle simula- Dr Who? costs less to fly to Dublin for the week- tors are need- end than to take the train to Brighton or ed to quali- May Glover Gunn longs for a quiet life Blackpool. So where do you find the fy the cos- exclusive experience of a lifetime? monaut to pilot nn Dowling is a professor in varying pressure – sound – which can Dennis Tito, a 60 year-old Californian a mission into the Department of further alter the fuel-air ratio and multi-millionaire, went into space. the night skies. AEngineering and Vice make the combustion even more Hailed as the first space tourist, the ulti- Trips in the President of the Royal Academy of unsteady. This feedback can result in mate thrill seeker, Tito returned on ‘vomit comet’ Engineering, leading research into the the oscillations becoming larger and Sunday from an eight-day vacation on which reduction of unwanted transport- larger, and “eventually damaging the the International Space Station (ISS). It is plunges 10,000 related noise. Her work is at the combustion equipment”. rumoured to have cost him $20 million, feet to create 20 boundary between acoustics and Does that mean the engines could and at $2.5 million per night the ISS seconds of con- combustion – “a very vibrant field”. start to break up? ‘hotel’ is star-rated by the background of weightless- gestion in What kind of noise? Yes. Understandably, there is a lot of the Milky Way. The expedition into orbit ness are part of the chests and sinuses. It One aspect of her research is into the interest from industry in the research was organised through Space Adventures, the procedure. only abates during vigorous noise that tyres make when a car is being carried out by Dowling’s group – an American company that offers sub- The space exercise… driving along a road. When a car is “it’s probably the first area I’ve worked orbital flights with weightless experience tourist won’t The changes in hydrostatic pressure going faster than about 35 miles an in where you can read about it in the for a snip ($98,000) and is taking reser- completely also cause the kidney to over-function hour, the main source of the noise we financial pages!” In fact, just last week, vations for future missions to orbiting escape this and by changing the concentration of the hear from the outside is the contact the group entered a new partnership ‘leisure resorts’. torture of blood plasma, induce anaemia. between the tyres and the road surface with Rolls Royce, which will be direct- – not, as you might expect, the roar of ed by Prof Dowling and will provide the engine. Prof Dowling’s group are funding for new academic posts with- looking at ways of reducing this noise in the department. by varying the pattern of the tyre tread. Have they found a way to reduce So this could reduce the noise that the instabilities yet? 2001: A space holiday cars make, then? One idea is to feed the fuel into the In theory, yes. However, it’s not only combustor unsteadily. This may seem Jenny Hogan wouldn’t mind being weightless the tyre tread but also the nature of the counter-intuitive; but by studying the road surface that affects the sound pro- unsteadiness of the combustion, the Until the Hilton Hotel chain gets training. The musculoskeletal system works to duced, so a ‘quiet tyre’ would only be fuel can be fed into the chamber so round to building their outpost in orbit, So after months of preparation, a week support the body against gravity and quiet for certain surfaces. But it’s not that it is out of phase with the oscilla- opportunities will be limited. The in the silence of space. A week in the con- weakens in its absence. The composition only cars that Prof Dowling studies: tions and cancels them out – a process Russians flew Tito to Mir in their Soyuz fines of a space station. Will the radiant of muscles changes, with slow-twitch she also investigates the noise pro- known as active control. Another capsule, in defiance of opposition from orb of the Earth and the complexities of endurance fibres replaced by super-fast duced by helicopter blades. “Making option is to find ways of better mixing NASA. The ISS is an international col- the station technology take your mind off fibres which are easily tired. Bones lose design changes near the blade tips can the fuel and air “so that the fuel-air laboration, and the the space sickness? On Earth we are con- calcium when they are not loaded by reduce the characteristic noise of a hel- ratio stays constant even though the air friction stantly pulled down by gravity, which body-weight. The resulting increased icopter in flight.” might enter the chamber unsteadily”. gives us clues about our orientation and concentration of calcium in the system So our lives might be getting qui- Or acoustic absorbers could be used to movement. Pressure sense in the skin on may lead to painful kidney stones. eter? increase the damping in the system, the base of our feet signal that we are on Although bone deterioration stops when Yes, and safer. Prof Dowling’s research removing the energy of the sound the ground while the vestibular organs of the astronaut is back in the weighty grav- has other applications. Because of the waves so that they cannot further the inner ear detect motion. The otolith ity of Earth, they may remain softened need to meet new targets for reducing increase the oscillations. organs are gel-filled sacs containing and susceptible to breaking forever. the levels of damaging emissions, So Prof Dowling spends a lot of crystals of carbonate which Although over 700 people have spent a methods of combustion are changing. time testing these ideas in the lab? respond to linear acceleration. total of 58 years in space, the physiologi- Nitrous oxides are by-products of “Not as much as I would like to.” These gravity receptors cal trauma suffered by the body in space combustion which are believed to be Climbing her way up in the depart- are confused by the is still being investigated. Of particular partly responsible for causing asthma; ment from PhD student to profes- constant free-all of orbit. concern is exposure to high-energy radia- to reduce the quantities of these com- sor (“I’ve been here forever!” she Astronauts may feel as tion. Outside of the Earth’s protective pounds, the fuel and air which are laughs) has brought with it increasing though they are con- atmospheric blanket, the radiation inten- burned in engines are mixed together administrative duties. However, she stantly re-orienting, sity is ten-fold stronger. Radiation causes to burn at as low a temperature as pos- enjoys the variety of her work, “my job relying on their damage to DNA, which in turn may trig- sible. So combustors now need to be constantly changes, it’s never boring”. eyes to detect ger cells to turn cancerous. designed to cope with a premixed And her other commitments include between the major partners has strained motion. Over In 1995, Valeri Polyakov combination of fuel and air. At the being Vice-President of the Royal the project. NASA claims that the pres- half of all space returned to Earth after 483 moment Prof Dowling’s group are Academy of Engineering. ence of an amateur astronaut on a com- travellers suffer motion days on Mir, setting the record focusing on gas-fired power stations, Sounds like a lot of work… what mercial mission jeopardised the safety sickness. for the longest continuous res- but the next generation of aeroplane does she do to relax? and scientific integrity of the $95 billion Gravity usually pulls the fluid in our idence in space. He has proved engines will also have to meet stringent Well, it may sound like a bit of a bus- space station. bodies (and people are mostly water) that long-term living in low emission targets. man’s holiday, but Prof Dowling But even if the ISS were to open its towards the feet. In space, there is no space is possible, if Sounds good so far… enjoys flying her own aircraft. hatches to tourist space travellers, money pressure difference head-to-toe and your not altogether com- But Prof Dowling explains that there is And are the engines especially no object, would you want to go? legs will lose a litre of water each to your fortable. Tito had to a “hiccup” in the introduction of this quiet ones?! Professional astronauts pass through a torso. Train of thought: hmm, newly- be carried away from the new technology. Problems arise when Surprisingly rigorous selection procedure – subjected slender legs, holiday romance, 1000-mile capsule. But on $2.5 the fuel and air aren’t well mixed: vari- not…in fact, to tests of physical and mental high club? Perhaps, but the accumulation million per night, few ations in the concentration of the mix- they’re “terribly endurance, challenged to handle crises of fluids in the head causes cold-like astro-tourists will be ture result in different rates of com- noisy!” But not, and emergencies, trained in the academ- symptoms and a puffy face. The astro- staying more than a bustion. And the blend of fuel and hopefully, ics of space science – only the finest naut will have a permanent snivel, with week anyway. air which is burned in engines is now going to fall leaner – that is, there is a higher ratio apart. And challenged by the lights, All the planets, and our star, of air to fuel – than it was a few years Which make up our gigantic Universe. Were built upon a graveyard, ago, meaning there is only just A cosmic remnant of another age, enough fuel for com- Stellar Each tiny star you’ve sighted, Where once stars lived and died, bustion to take place. When sitting in your room, Is a ball of gas ignited, And revealed with their last sighs, So if one part of the Revising through your gloom, Powered by its massive nuclear core, An abundance of the metals from which mixture has less fuel Wishing that the work seemed more And when its life is over, we’re made. than the average, it worthwhile, It will form a super-nova, may not burn at Take heed of my advice, An explosion that releases so much more. So when pondering on your title, all, whereas if For when working late at night, Trying to make it to your finals, another part is I have a plan which ought to make you For all the elements you see, Just stop. And take a moment to adjust. fuel-rich it will smile. And the molecules you breathe, You’re a part of something bigger, burn more Were formed in an explosion such as this, And you never knew now did you! quickly. This Your essay is so small, Mother Nature’s only method, For you’re built from nothing less than unsteady com- It will hardly count at all, Of creating heavy metals, pure star dust. bustion pro- Quite minuscule and of such little worth, And the oxygen, and carbon, which we duces waves of When taken out at night, need. Stephen Ball

1 million: the number of children who die from measles each year • 750000: the money, in dollars, spent on dried seal penises – considered an aid to male sexual performance in traditional Chinese medi- cine – in 1996 • 1x10-9: the displacement, in metres, of an air molecule which can be detected by hair cells in the human ear • 9: Mark Lowrie’s shoe size • 3 billion: the number of bases in the human genome SCIENCE s Fill the Varsity Science hole a The last ever listings s Lovely numbers 15 Messing about in lab coats Listings ** re Last week you missed… Varsity finishes this week. But we have compiled a mini-book of experiments so that you won’t lose the science excitement in your life. Instead of eating chocolate in your revision break try one of these. Follow the instructions (the experiment), amaze your friends with your understanding (the science), and A major problem facing research into don’t forget to mention the (buzz) words to sound extra-clever. Text: Jenny Hogan. Photos: Jenny Hogan and May Glover Gunn the mind is the increasing distinction between psychology and neurophysi- ology. Dr Bussey explained why it is Teaspoon Tornadoes necessary to bring disciplines togeth- The experiment: Another tea break? Stir in the milk and wait for the tea to calm down. Hold the teaspoon upright so er and how this can be achieved. that the tip is submerged. Gently draw it through the tea from one side of the mug to the other with a stroking motion. Passing around a human brain pre- Observe the two dimples which escape from the edges of the teaspoon, run to the side of the mug and slide around the served in fomalyn, Dr Bussey edges. explained how the complex nature of The science: Fluid mechanics. Each dimple is a vortex, a circulating pattern of flow like that found in a tornado, where the brain means that neurophysiolo- the velocity varies inversely with distance. A boundary layer of fluid is attached to surface of the teaspoon, as the spoon gists need psychologists to tell them moves through the tea it is pushed away. The shedding of the boundary layer into the surrounding fluid generates the vor- which areas of the brain to map. The tices. These move forward with the momentum imparted to the fluid until they reach the sides of the mug. The flow pat- precise discipline of neurophysiology tern means they are attracted to the walls, but by moving sideways along them the ‘Magnus force’ cancels the attraction interacts with the vaguer qualitative and stops them self-destructing on the china. predictions of psychology. Buzz: Vortex. Boundary layer. Research is being carried out into the perirhinal cortex – an area of the brain thought to be a centre for the Cartesian Diver memory of objects. Computer mod- The experiment: Collect a team of condiment packets, the little plastic sachets of ketchup, vinegar or mustard that els of the brain provide quantitative you find in greasy-spoon cafes. Trial your athletes in a bowl of cold water, the best sit upright in the water, just float- predictions for the effect of lesioning ing. Now fill an empty water/squash bottle with water and add your chosen diver. Screw on the bottle lid firmly. (inactivating) the perirhinal cortex Squeeze the bottle and watch the diver sink, release the sides and it will bob back happily to the top of the bottle. which are being used to test this Repeat ad infinitum. hypothesis. It was proposed that The science: Archimedes’ principle states that the upward force acting on an object is equal to the amount of fluid it monkeys with the area inactivated displaces. The sauce packet floats because the amount of water it displaces weighs more than the ketchup. The condi- would not be able to remember ment packet is LESS DENSE than the water. When you squeeze the bottle, you increase the pressure and compress the whole objects but only generalised air bubble trapped in the sachet. (The water can’t be compressed because its molecules are already close together, not features, such as colour or pattern. free-flying like in a gas.) The diver is then DENSER than the water and it sinks. The computer predictions were Buzz: Archimedes’ principle. Density. strongly supported by the results of the experiments. Ellen Marriage Blue Rose Möbius Strip The experiment: Use something sharp to trim the The experiment: Take a strip of paper about 2cm wide and put one half-twist Coming up… stem of a white rose. Prepare a vase of cold water, in its length, then glue or tape the ends to make a loop. 1) Start on the outside adding drops of blue food until the colour is dense. of the twist, and trace with a pen along the surface. Keep going, keep going. The Dr M Lynch Stand the flower in the vase for a few days. Result: line reaches right round to where you started… over both sides of the original Technology and Entrepreneurship blue rose. Very funky. piece of paper. 2) With a pair of scissors, cut around the loop. You’d expect two Wed 16 May • 4.30pm • Pippard loops, after all you’ve cut it in half. But no. Just one big twisted loop. Magic. Lecture Theatre, Cavendish The science: There’s no particular trick to this. The Möbius strip may appear to Laboratory have two sides, but topologically it has only one surface and one edge. It is A Cavendish Physical Society Seminar impossible to define inside and outside. Topology, the study of surfaces and con- nections, is an interesting area of mathematical research. Knots, tangles, Prof J M Pearce, University of maps…There is even a three-dimensional equivalent of the Möbius strip: the Cardiff Klein bottle. The discrimination of structure Buzz: Möbius. Klein. Topology. Fri 18 May • 4.30pm, Lecture the- atre, Dept Experimental Psychology (ground floor) Mouldy Jungle The Zangwill (Experimental The experiment: Probably an experiment you are already running. Psychology) Club Retrieve the festering coffee cups or brave opening the bag of bread left over from last term. Behold the mould. Nancy Lane The science: Spores in the air settle on abandoned food, find the New ways forward – Women in temperature and humidity to their liking, germinate and start to Science, Engineering and The science: Water evaporates from the leaves of grow. Sprouting a mass of tendrils (hyphae) the mould takes nutri- Technology the rose, sucking a continuous column of blue- ents from the food and grows into the familiar greeny-white-blue Thu 17 May • 5–6.30pm • stained water into the plant. The water is trans- mass (mycelium). The mould secretes chemicals to decompose the Palmerston Room, St John’s ported through the stem along narrow, hollow food so that it can be more readily absorbed by the fungus. It is these Lectures are followed by seminars: tubes called xylem. The combined process is called secretions that make mouldy food bad for people; although not all Fridays 2–4pm, Boys Smith Room, evapo-transpiration. moulds are evil (like the one that makes penicillin) it’s best not to eat St John’s Buzz: Vascular tissue: xylem and phloem. Evapo- contaminated food. Into the bin. The Gender Studies Working Group: transpiration. Buzz: Spore. Hyphae and mycelium. Disinfectant. Gender, Women and Science

Prof John Lekner Lava Glass Frightening Pepper Properties of focussed light beams The experiment: Two-thirds fill a tall, The experiment: Lightly dust a bowl full of Wed 23 May • 2.15pm • Unilever narrow glass with warm water. Pour olive water with ground black pepper. (In a series of Centre (top floor, U2-O2, access via or vegetable oil into the glass until there is controlled trials in the Varsity kitchens, this was the Chemical Laboratory in Lensfield a layer about a centimetre deep above the seen to behave more dramatically than flour or Road) water. Fill one hand with salt, and gradual- chili powder.) Hold a wetted bar of soap verti- Theoretical Chemistry Colloquia ly pour it into the oil. Watch the lava trails cally and touch to the water in the centre of the plunge to the bottom of the beaker and bowl. See the pepper flee in fright. The Foreign Policy Centre and bubble back to the surface. Add food The science: Soap molecules have two parts, a New Statesman writing competi- colouring to the water for a more dramat- hydrophilic (water-loving) head and tion ic effect. hydrophobic (water-hating) tail. When the Write 2000 words on the question “Is The science: Oil is less dense than water soap is touched to the water the molecules line Science Good for Us?” – the winning and the two fluids are immiscible – they up over the surface of the water, with the tails entry will be published in the New don’t mix. Hence the oil forms a separate pointing out and upwards. This has the effect Statesman. First prize is £1000, sec- layer on top of the water. The salt is heav- of reducing surface tension, so the central ond prize £500 and third prize £250. ier than both and sinks to the bottom of soapy region can spread outwards. The pepper The competition closing date is 28 the glass through the layer of oil, dragging around this region is displaced to the edges of September 2001. Competition rules ‘lava’ with it. As the salt dissolves the oil the bowl. available at www.fpc.org.uk. escapes back up through the water. Buzz: Hydrophilic and hydrophobic. Surface Buzz: Immiscible. tension.

3000: the number of chemicals in a cup of coffee • 3: the number of cigarettes’ worth of toxic pollutants which are ingested each day by the average infant under the age of two in urban America • 10000: the number of neurones which you can feel dying during a hangover • 9: the number of our friends who contributed to the science pages • 90: the percentage of British homes which are carpeted 16 LISTINGS Lounge”: A night of live jazz and • Ballet Society: Intermediate Class • St John’s Films: Cecil B. Demented funk. Also featuring magic, comedy (roughly grades 4-6). Kelsey Kerridge, (18). St. John’s College, Fisher Building. and food. St. John’s College, Boiler £2.15 for entrance to KK. 2:30pm. £1. Sunday | 13.05.01 10pm. £1.80. Friday | 11.05.01 Room. 9pm. £3. • The Pembroke College Winnie-The- • St John’s Films: Talamasca Film Night: Theatre Pooh Society: Elevenses - See Film a showcase of Cambridge student film- Film • MWW Productions: Edward Albee’s http://www-stu.pem.cam.ac.uk/pooh/ • ARTS: 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00: Captain making. St. John’s College, Fisher • ARTS: 1.00, 4.15, 7.30: 2001 – A absurd comedy ‘The American Dream’. or email [email protected] for Corelli’s Mandolin (15). 8.00: 2001 – A Building. 7:30pm. £3. Space Odyssey (U). 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, ADC Theatre. 11pm. £3. more details. Pembroke College. 4pm. Space Odyssey (U). 1.00: Virgin • Trinity Films: CASABLANCA Classic love 8.00: Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (15). Music Machine (18). 3.00: The Sea Gull (PG). story starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid 10.30pm: Charlie’s Angels (12). 12.45, • Queens’ Ents: Es Paradis! Ibiza 7.00: Monika Treut – Q & A. 12.45, Bergman. Trinity College, Winstanley 6.15, 8.30: The King Is Alive (15). Anthems and Club Classics. Queens’ 6.15, 8.30: The King Is Alive (15). Lecture Theatre. 9pm. £2. 3.00: Gendernauts (18) members only. Saturday | 12.05.01 College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 9pm. £4. Didn’t Do It For Love (18) members Misc 10.40pm: Fight Club (18). • St John’s College Music Society: only. 4.30: Female Misbehaviour (18). • Buddhist meditation - Samatha • Churchill MCR Films: Small Time Film Saturday lunchtime organ recital series. • Queens’ Films: Charlie’s Angels. Association: Introductory course in Crooks (no late show). Churchill • ARTS: 11.00am: Merlin The Return St. John’s College, Chapel. 1:15pm. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. traditional Thai breath meditation. All College, Wolfson Hall. 8pm. £1.80. (PG). 1.00, 4.15, 7.30: 2001 – A Space • The Duke’s Men of Yale: Nationally 10:30pm. £1.50. welcome. Darwin College, Old Library. LesBiGay Odyssey (U). 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00: acclaimed men’s a cappella singing • Queens’ Films: Charlie’s Angels. 8pm. • Town & Gown Disco: Pop and dance Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (15). group from Yale University. Clare Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 8pm. • C U Yoga Society: Iyengar for all lev- until midnight. Mixed crowd - students 10.30pm: Charlie’s Angels (12). 12.45, College, Chapel. 4pm. £3/£4/£6. £1.50. els. New Hall, Vivien Stuart room. and townies. Town and Gown. 8pm. 4.00, 6.15, 8.30: The King Is Alive • UNIQUE (8:30pm till 1am): a night • Robinson Films: Snatch - 7 & 10 PM - 5:30pm. £3.50 or £10 for 4 classes. Misc (15). 10.40pm: Fight Club (18). of extra-large cheesy dancy pop (last Admission: £2. Robinson College, • CU Kickboxing: Kickboxing, suitable • SALSA DANCE CLASSES WITH NELSON LesBiGay entry 10:30pm). University Centre, Auditorium. for any standard, including complete BATISTA: Absolute beg/improvers:6- • Town & Gown Disco: Pop & dance until (granta place. mill lane). 8:30pm. £4. 7.30pm. All levels:7.30-9.00pm. St. midnight. Mixed crowd - townies and Theatre Columba’s Hall, 4 Downing Place (opp students. Town and Gown. 8pm. • MWW Productions: Edward Albee’s Crowne Plaza). 6pm. £5/4. Misc absurd comedy ‘The American Dream’. Music • Ballet Club: advanced class (grade 6 ADC Theatre. 11pm. £3. • John’s Cabaret Presents “Linehan’s upwards, no pointe). Kelsey Kerridge. Final Year Students/ 4:30pm. £1 + £2.15 on entrance to KK. Airport Lynx Graduates Cambridge Cambridge University DOOR TO DOOR AIRPORT TRANSFER SERVICE Chamber Orchestra NatWest Graduate Service can help CARS ¥ MINIVANS ¥ MINIBUSES you take control of your finances. Pembroke Hse, Wilsons Rd, May 12th 8pm Longstanton, CAMBS CB4 5DA Available to all Graduates who have finished Fax 01954 201427 West Road Concert Hall email [email protected] their degree course within the past 2 years. www.airportlynx.co.uk Stravinsky Ð 01954 201350 Concerto in D for Strings Mozart Ð Clarinet Concerto www.kettlesyard.cam.ac.uk/students Lindberg Ð Away GRADUATE PACKAGE Mozart Ð Symphony 39 2001 Richard Hosford Ð Clarinet Douglas Boyd Ð Conductor Interest-free borrowing, Free Internet Banking KETTLE'S YARD GALLERY & HOUSE Tickets available Graduate Adviser available to give you advice on Contemporary art exhibitions, all aspects of managing your money. talks, music, 20th century art Arts Theatre Box Office and objects. 01223 578933 Come up for air, headspace and on the door and daylight. www.kettlesyard.cam.ac.uk/students Please call into the NatWest at Cambridge or telephone 01223 353711 EDINBURGH FESTIVAL WORKSHOP and ask for ON THE PROCESS Solve your accommodation problems by calling OF STAGING A PLAY Joti Madlani your Graduate Adviser Carole Smith/Anne goring on 01620 810620 10Ð12 noon, 18th May “YOUR HOME IS AT RISK IF YOU DO NOT KEEP UP REPAYMENTS ON A MORTGAGE OR OTHER LOAN Homerton College SECURED ON IT. Credit is only available to persons aged 18 or over and is subject to status and conditions. email address: [email protected] Written quotations are available on request from National Westminster Bank PLC, Registered Office 135 Bishopsgate, London EC2M 3UR. Registered Number 929027. Overdrafts are repayable on demand. Regulated by the Personal Investment Authority and IMRO for investment business. or write to To register contact Collette on Member of the NatWest and Gartmore Marketing Group advising on the life assurance pensions and unit trust products Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages, Gifford, EH41 4PE, East Lothian 01480 457141 only of that Marketing Group.’

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BOX ADSCOST FROM £20.00, DEADLINE 3PM MONDAYS. TO BOOK, COME TO THE VARSITY BUSINESS OFFICE AT 11-12 TRUMPINGTON STREET PAYMENT (BY CHEQUE OR CASH) SHOULD BE MADE WITH BOOKING LISTINGS17 beginners. Parkside Community College. story starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bull pub). 5:45pm. £5/3. & A with Agnes Jaoui and lead Jean- 7pm. £2.50. Bergman. Trinity College, Winstanley • Barbara Harding Yoga: For beginners Pierre Bacri. • Jsoc: RELAXATION - de-stress before Lecture Theatre. 9pm. £2. and people who’ve spent too much Wednesday | 16.05.01 • Queens’ Films: Meet the Parents. exams, aromatherapy, crystal healing, LesBiGay time revising... Newnham College, Old Queens, Fitzpatrick Hall. 8pm. £1.50. massage and chocolate. L’chaim centre, • LesBiGay Grad Pad: Regular mixed Labs. 6pm. Film • Queens’ Films: O Brother, Where Art 33 Bridge Street. 7pm. social. All welcome, regardless of gen- • C U Yoga Society: Iyengar Yoga class. • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Captain Thou?. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. Music der or sexuality. University Centre, Mill All levels. Arrive early to ensure a Corelli’s Mandolin (15). 2.45, 5.00, 10:30pm. £1.50. • Cambridge Room-Music Ensemble, Lane. 9pm. place. Pembroke College, New Cellars. 7.15, 9.30: The King is Alive (15). • Robinson Films: Dogma - 9.30 PM - conductor John Reid, soloist Stephen Misc 5:15pm. £3.50 or £10 for 4. 3.00: Hamlet (PG). 1.00, 5.30, 7.20, Admission: £2. Robinson College, Varcoe: Percy Grainger - choral and • Barbara Harding Yoga: Beat stress the • CU Meditation & Buddhism Society: 9.20: But I’m A Cheerleader (15). Auditorium. 9:30pm. orchestral music. In aid of Christopher fun way. St Marks church (behind Red Introductory instruction & 8-week LesBiGay Misc Rutter Memorial Fund. Clare College, Bull pub). 8pm. £5/3. course: “Going Deeper in Meditation.” • Vac Bar: Mixed social. Under- and • Contemporary Dance: AFRICAN-STYLE Dining Hall. 9pm. £8/£4. • Barbara Harding Yoga: Beginners Yoga Email [email protected] post-grads equally welcome. Cheap RELAXATION Classes (Special Exam term • CUSO: Programme includes Stravinsky, (suitable for all levels). Beat stress the or ring 577 553. Sidney Sussex College, cocktails. King’s College, Mumby Room. treat!). Magdelene College, Buckingham Dvorak. Conductors: John Clement fun way! Darwin College. 4:15pm. £5/3. Knox-Shaw Room. 7:15pm. 9:30pm. Room. 7pm. £3. Power, Dominic Grier. Trinity College • Barbara Harding Yoga: Rowers Yoga. Talk Misc • CUTAZZ: Beginners Jazz. Emmanuel Chapel. 8:30pm. £3-£7. Darwin College. 5:30pm. £5/3. • Hughes Hall Research Seminars: • Barbara Harding Yoga: Astanga Yoga - United Reformed Church. 7pm. £2. • Downing College Music Soc: Tom “What Really happened in the South for people going to more than 1 class • CUTAZZ: Intermediate/Advanced Jazz. Leech (organ) Bach, Byrd, de Grigny, China Sea?(USA v. China)”.Demetrius per week. St Mark’s Church (behind Red Emmanuel United Reformed Church. Frescobaldi. Downing College, Chapel. Floudas, Tea 5.45pm, Talk 6.15pm. Bull pub). 5:40pm. £5/3. 8pm. £2.50. 2:30pm. Tuesday | 15.05.01 Hughes Hall, Seminar Room A. 5:45pm. • CUTAZZ: Advanced Tap. Queens’ Music Talk Theatre College, Bowett Room. 7pm. £2.50. • Oxford University Japan Society: • Cambridge MethSoc: Main Meeting: Film • Footlights Smoker: Late night comedy • CUTAZZ: Beginners/Intermediate Tap. Charity club event in aid of UNICEF. @ Holy Communion in Reformed Tradition • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Captain with Cambridges finest comedians. ADC Queens’ College, Bowett Rm. 6pm. £2. Jongleurs, Oxford. 9pm. £5 pounds. - Revd. Keith Riglin. Wesley Methodist Corelli’s Mandolin (15). 2.45, 5.00, Theatre. 11pm. £3.50. Music • St John’s College Music Society: Church, Christ’s Pieces. 12am. 9.30: The King Is Alive (15). 7.20: But • Oxford University Japan Society: Weekly lunchtime recital series. St. I’m a Cheerleader (15). 1.00, 3.30, Charity club event in aid of UNICEF. @ John’s College, New Music Room. 5.30: But I’m a Cheerleader (15). 9.15: CU G&S Society Jongleurs, Oxford. 9pm. £5 pounds. 1:15pm. Salvatore Guiliano (18). Monday | 14.05.01 • Corpus Christi College Pictures: National Lampoon’s Animal House. AUDITIONS Film McCrum Theatre, Benet Street. 8pm. £2. for a May Week Concert Thursday | 17.05.01 Friday | 18.05.01 • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Captain • Queens’ Films: Austin Powers 2: The Performance of Corelli’s Mandolin (15). 2.45, 5.00, Spy Who Shagged Me. Groovy Baby! Film Film 7.15, 9.30: The King is Alive (15). Queens’, Outdoor Showing! 9pm. £1.50. • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Captain • Churchill MCR Films: What Lies 3.00: Hamlet (PG). 1.00, 5.30, 7.20, Misc Corelli’s Mandolin (15). 2.45, 5.00, Beneath (no late show). Churchill 9.20: But I’m a Cheerleader (15). • Barbara Harding Yoga: Beat stress the The Yeomen 7.15, 9.30: The King Is Alive (15). College, Wolfson Hall. 8pm. £1.80. • Trinity Films: CASABLANCA Classic love fun way! St Mark’s Church (behind Red 1.00, 5.30, 9.40: But I’m a Cheerleader LesBiGay of the Guard (15). 7.10: Le Gout Des Autres (15) Q • Town & Gown Disco: Pop and dance PEMBROKE PLAYERS AUDITIONS invite applications for for a May Week Production of Sat 12 May, 12.15 – 2.00 Cambridge Student Community Action ‘Lysistrata’ Sun 13 May, 1.15 – 3.00 Michaelmas Term Newnham Old Labs in Clare Gardens 2001 Shows 12Ð6 Saturday May 12th bring something to sing if you like Assistant Co-ordinator Contact Laura (lca28) 12Ð6 Sunday May 13th or Alex (adw31) Robinson College The performance will have Part Time with Good Holidays (room will be signposted) a non-auditioned chorus as soon as possible Applications for all production Flexibility needed for more details team positions also invited Email Clare (clg36) or to submit your application contact ed (emdr2) for information Starting salary NJC point 22–24 (£15,700–£16,167 pro rata) (rising to NJC point 28 – £18,372) MADHOUSE ACTORS REQUIRED (pay award pending) for the roles of Jack and Maggie (New Hall Drama Society) invite applications to September start DIRECT/PRODUCE SHOWS in First Move Theatre Society’s in week Five and Seven of invites applications Camfest Production of Michaelmas Term 2001 Closing date for applications 1st June for funding to to be staged in DIRECT or PRODUCE Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ College Brian Friel’s Applications need to have financial skills, be computer literate, very flexible, and enjoy the opportunity to work with student volunteers DEADLINE 27TH MAY ‘Dancing at Lughnasa’ Contact: Alison amf35 (22Ð29 July at the ADC) Please contact Lucy Aldham Please send A4 sae to SCA, 10 Pembroke Street, Cambridge, CB2 3QY Ursula ues20 [email protected] for details Please contact Collette Nicholls on 0796 7021050 Brickhouse Theatre Company invites Also required: Technical Director, Lighting DIRECTORS invite applications to Designer, Sound Designer, to apply with a Musical or Play Props Manager, Costume DIRECT and Make-up Designer for their 7th Week in Michaelmas Term Michaelmas Show DEADLINE 11TH JUNE Contact Lydia Nelson production posts also required Applications to Bruce Douglas on 07971022171 Apply to Beckie Mills at Robinson (Christ’s) (e-mail: lenn21) Fitzbillies is best (email rgm30) by 5th June Information: BMD21 for more information For take-away Pembroke Players AAG auditions for (makers of Autobahn) Filled baguettes, wraps ‘LE MISANTHROPE’ ANNOUNCE AUDITIONS and Hot Panini a comedy or May Week by Molière for a film and theatre project Free coffee with any to be performed in Pembroke Gardens ‘DYLAN MAKES FILMS’ to be staged at the Edinburgh Fringe Sat 12th and Sun 13th May purchase before 10.30 Sat 12th 12 Ð 4 3 - 6 Fitzwilliam, Music Room See Pembroke Porters’ Lodge for venue On the corner of Trumpington St. and Pembroke St. Sun 13th Producer and set designer also needed 11 - 4 Trinity Hall, Music Room contact Yascha (ym221) for details Contact Daniel on DPL22 18 LISTINGS until midnight. Mixed crowd - students Music • Queens’ Ents: Jingles + Naughty = and townies. Town and Gown. 8pm. • Cafe Studio: Malcolm Guite performs FIESTA! The Best of Cheese, end of Misc poetry, Mystery Train performs Rhythm term party. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick • SALSA DANCE CLASSES WITH NELSON and Blues. Emmanuel United Reformed Hall. 9pm. This is the last issue of BATISTA: Absolute beg/improvers:6- Church, Trumpington St. 7:30pm. £5/£3 • TCMS Professional Recital: String 7.30pm. All levels:7.30-9.00pm. St. • Oxford University Japan Society: Music to include Handel, Bartok, Columba’s Hall, 4 Downing Place (opp Charity club event in aid of UNICEF. @ Mozart and Dvorak. Trinity College, Varsity before May Week. Crowne Plaza). 6pm. £5/4. Jongleurs, Oxford. 9pm. £5. Chapel. 9pm. £4, £2 & £1 (members).

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Musique pour l’été. pour Musique Page 24 Page Nouvelles pièces de théâtre. Nouvelles VISUAL ARTS 20 s The colour of words a Anywhere out of this world s Charlatan exposed Colourful Language Oliver Biskitt-Barrell

The Dialogue between Painting and Poetry, 1874-1999 at the Fitzwilliam museum Stephen Wright his exhibition catalogues the witness at the former’s wedding, while a tendency, in both media, towards development of an intimate the Man Ray photographs which fracture, collage, an upsetting of per- Tand fertile relationship illustrate Eluard’s ‘Facile’ are of the ceived ideas of order and spatial rela- between artists and poets over a peri- photographer’s model, whom the poet tionships, (of words on the page for od of 125 years. Centred almost exclu- later married. the Surrealist poets, of objects on a sively on Paris, it presents a substantial The most striking exhibit is Blaise canvas for Picasso, Matisse et al), and selection of livres d’artiste, essentially Cendrars’ long poem ‘La Prose du of the protean, ever-changing nature collections of poetry offset by visual Transsibérien’: a wide-eyed, frenetic of existence. art or art accompanied by poetry. This account of a journey on the famous Another enormously important tension, the ‘dialogue’ of the exhibi- Vladivostok-Paris route. The work, an development for both these forms was tion’s title, is crucial. enormous creation on four sheets of that of cinema. Artists and poets alike The opening exhibit is Mallarmé’s China paper, comes in different colour proclaimed the influence of this medi- David Liddicote Oliver Biskitt-Barrell poem ‘L’après-midi d’un faune’, illus- typefaces according to the stages of the um upon their work, and poetry and Could they possibly be related? trated by Manet (and later set to route, and is accompanied by bold, art both sought to emulate the repre- music by Debussy). Manet’s delicate kinetic swathes of colour from Sonia sentational possibilities of film and its woodcuts offset beautifully his friend’s Delaunay. Both parts, in their furious capacity for presenting several view- dreamy, impressionistic account of a motion, echo the train’s movement; points and situations simultaneously. young faun’s woodland wanderings. and one of Delaunay’s vivid splashes Apollinaire and Cendrars produced The artist also illustrated Poe’s ‘The depicts the Eiffel Tower, alongside the poems that functioned as a series of Raven’, with Mallarmé as translator poem’s ‘homecoming’ section. The snapshots, instant images which this time; these stark, black, attenuat- intention was to sell 150 prints which, reflected the chaos and restless nature ed forms are not the Manet you see on when placed end to end, would equal of contemporary urban life, while the the chocolate boxes. the height of the tower. In reality only pictures juxtapose elements such as EXPOSED It is no surprise that the period to 50 were shifted, the rest being sold off painting, typefaces, numbers and pat- which most attention is devoted was cheap. terns on a single canvas. Both sought t has come to Varsity’s attention the use of violence has not been during the twenties and thirties. when This, alongside other exhibits, shows to render something like the cinemat- that our regular columnist, ruled out. Varsity would like to apol- most furious and experimental activity how far poetry was, for these artists, ic image with its myriad simultaneous IProfessor Oliver Biskitt-Barrell ogise for this oversight and would in both these media took place. susceptible to visual representation. centres of action. does not actually exist. advise that it takes no responsibility During this peak of Dadaism and Miró, for example, evaluated poetry in This exhibition gives a fascinating for the accuracy and quality of the Surrealism, the arts scene in Paris was terms of its “plastic possibilities”. It insight into the close harmony in Varsity sleuths can reveal that the Oliver Biskitt-Barrell series. Varsity one large coterie, encouraging bound- illustrates, too, the similarity of the which art and poetry have worked in much acclaimed ‘Bluffers guide to became suspicious when it was dis- less cross-fertilisation. Artists such as trajectories along which Western art France during this period (although the art and architecture of covered that Biskitt-Barrell was not Picasso, Matisse, Miró and Chagall, and poetry were moving. The fascina- nowhere else, it seems) and its most Cambridge’ has not been written by listed on the Department of Art and and poets like Apollinaire, Eluard and tions of the new technological age, absorbing exhibits manage to pose the a highly qualified academic but by a Architecture’s academic role. The Breton worked and socialised inter- with its multiple possibilities (travel, question of where exactly the bound- student. The student in question has man above was seen delivering this changeably. Breton’s poem ‘L’air de artistic experimentation) and impres- ary between visual perception and even employed dubious methods in week’s article (which we feel unable l’eau’ was written for his wife and sions (the dehumanising yet irre- mental evocation lies. researching and writing for this col- to print) to the Varsity offices. If you illustrated by Alberto Giacometti, a sistible chaos of the metropolis) led to See Listings for details. umn, including persuading genuine know this man, and can lead us to Art History student Alex Faludy to his whereabouts, please e-mail suck- Front Page Image: La Fin du monde filmee par l’Ange N.D. by Blaise CENDRARS (1887-1961)/Ferdnand LEGER (1881-1955) © ADAGP, Paris and DACS, write an article on Degas for him: [email protected]. London 2001 Little girl lost Anywhere out of the world by Philippe Parreno and No Ghost Just a Shell by Philippe Parreno and Pierre Huyghe Lucy Moore he has fragile wide eyes and the portrayal of Ann Lee as a victim angel lips. Projected against of Manga commercialism. S the gallery wall of the Institute The success of their attempt to free of Visual Arts, she says softly, ‘I am her can, however, be questioned: no ghost, just a shell’. French artists Ann Lee will never have her own Philippe Parreno and Pierre Huyghe identity (whatever that might be), bought Ann Lee for 46000Y from but must surrender to the interpre- by kind permision of the Institute by kind permision Visual Culture, Cambridge Kworks, a Japanese company that tations of Parreno, Huyghe and specialises in the industrial produc- other artists that work with her tion of Manga characters for anima- ‘shell’ including Douglas Gordon tion use. As a cheap design, she was and Dominique Gonzalez-Foerster destined to exist only briefly in a are currently producing Ann Lee few pages of comic strip, without films. specific history, personality or feel- Although bizarre, this work is ings. By purchasing Ann Lee and original and provocative in its giving her ‘a voice’, Parreno and nature and realisation. Parreno’s Huyghe claim to have rescued her. and Huyghe’s portrayal of a virtual In a two minute film, ‘Anywhere girl freed from comic strip death is out of the world’ Ann Lee is typical of work shown at the allowed to tell her story. This narra- Institute of Visual Arts, which tive, haunting because it is coldly showed ‘Geocruiser’ last term. The virtual yet poetically human, raises contrast between the Institute as a questions about the commercial project space in which new artists nature of art. Art is becoming an are working and its setting in increasingly influential industry in Cambridge – traditional and histor- which artists are forced to consider ical, works positively to accentuate stylistic trends in order to sell work, the qualities of work shown at the and the buyer, dealer and critic Institute. have increasing power. This view of the art world is implicit through See Listings for details. VISUAL ARTS s Turner prize artist’s book reviewed 21 Listings

Fitzwilliam Museum Kunisada and Kabuki Part I – Until 3 June, Shiba Room. The first of a series of exhibitions for Livre d’artiste the Japan 2001 festival based around Suzanne Dimmock Kunisada, the artist and the Kabuki theatre. nlike your typical exhibition little boy in fancy dress as a military chical page numbers and the arrange- The Dialogue Between Painting catalogue, Turner Prize winner tank, nationalistic UK tabloid cover- ment is haphazard in its juxtapositions and Poetry 1874 – 1999. Artists UTillmans’ book is a thoughtful age of the Gulf War, and a Tillmans – a marked characteristic of Tillman’s Books from the Bibliothèque volume, an eclectic, compulsive mix of photograph of an army recruiting offi- gallery exhibitions where images range Littéraire Jacques Doucet, Paris – the artist’s own photographs and press cer’s door, bearing the marketing leg- non-sequentially and ramshackle until 24 June, Adeane Gallery. images from newspapers. Presented in end ‘pride is a uniform feeling’. across expanses of wall. lo-fi black-and-white, it is a contrast Through re-printing and magnifying His apparent underlying theory to the (now) glossy hip of i-D maga- press images and their captions, shares an ethos with Renaissance Kettle’s Yard zine, which has featured Tillmans’ Tillmans could be as guilty as the press printmakers, which today seems oddly Mono Ha. May 26 – July 22 best-known photos of friends, fashion- of glamorising war, or making martyrs un-precious: reproduction does not Mono-Ha is the name given to a shoots and clubs. The ‘Soldiers’ proj- out of individual soldiers. However, necessarily dilute the power of an number of artists working in Japan ect is a sombre departure, but a fasci- the intentionally grainy reproduction image. Though his wide-eyed appro- in the late 1960s and early 1970s– nating one revealing another side to shows Tillmans’ awareness of the priation of other photographers’ although radically different, their the artist. Having been accused else- potential risks in the interpretation of images may seem strange, his re-issu- work shared certain fundamental where of staging spontaneity, in mass-distributed images. ing of them within the context of visu- characteristics. Using mostly found ‘Soldiers’ Tillmans addresses the Due to its retrospective objectivity in al art rather than the newspaper forces or natural materials, their works unmitigated reality of war. covering topical issues, any artistic us to re-evaluate rather than discard sought to question not only the tra- Compiled between 1990 and 1999, genre (but particularly the livre them as illustrations. ditions of Western art the East had the images he has chosen cover con- d’artiste), distances the viewer without Thought-provoking and skilfully so recently inherited but by exten- flicts in the Middle East and the Gulf, compromising its ability to convey constructed, Tillmans’ book has a sion to challenge conventional but do not constitute an overt attempt meaning presence and value above the mass-dis- notions of art. to make a political point. Rather, they Tillmans is well aware of other tributed words and images, but it does are a striking and moving collection of unique advantages of the medium of so in a book without the words-as-jus- images resembling a scrapbook of clip- the book, but using his status an artist, tification redolent of other livres Institute of Visual Culture pings. Material includes a photo of a subverts its rules. There are no hierar- d’artistes. Anywhere out of the world by Philippe Parreno and No Ghost Just Soldiers: The Nineties by Wolfgang Tilmans a Shell by Philippe Parreno and Pierre Huyghe – until 20 May 2001, Tuesday to Sunday 12 noon – 6pm. THEATRE 22d Carol Ann Duffy s The American Dream s Amy’s View Poetry in motion Theatre not quite dead Louise Wetheridge Nick Britton Mrs. Darwin (7 April 1852) he theatre is dead”, pro- the noticeably more mature audience took on an added poignancy. observed, and was movingly realised Went to the Zoo. claims Dominic, the of the Arts Theatre, and watching a To be fair to Amy’s View, however, in this production through some very I said to Him – “Tmedia-obsessed husband play whose social outlook and manner the central relationship between strong acting. Susannah York, as the Something about that Chimpanzee over of the title character. Sitting amongst seemed ever so slightly passé, the line mother and daughter is very sharply mother, Esme, was superb, even con- there reminds me of you. sidering her added advantage of being an actress playing an actress. Behind arol Ann Duffy dislodges the her wild gestures and flamboyant women of history and myth emotions lay a masterly grasp both of “Cfrom their stone setting and the wisdom and the folly of her char- injects their voices with new life in this acter. Rebecca Lacey, as Amy, gave a dazzling collection of poems”. High praise less conspicuous performance, indeed from Metro, London and I was remaining something of an enigma intrigued to find out how director Anna throughout the first two acts, but Jones plans to transform these witty poet- picking up some of York’s energy and ic monologues into dramatic form. conviction in the third. These two Where did you get your inspiration gave the audience something to from? believe in, though the performance of I first bought the collection of poems as a Antonia Pemberton, as an elderly lady present on Mother’s Day. Reading them gradually losing her grip on life, was for myself, I immediately sensed the dra- also excellently done. matic potential within them. The words If Hare had focused more on the cried out to be brought to life on the crucial human relationships of the stage. play, and not been quite so concerned It’s an unusual idea. How do you plan to with grandiose comments on English dramatise the poems? society, or rather, upper middle class We’re adapting them into two shows, the commuters to the metropolis, it might first rooted in everyday life. Set in a chat have had more impact. Too much time show environment we see characters such was devoted to ostentatious speechify- as Mrs Faust describing her own voyage of ing; too many rather tired themes self-enlightenment to the Oprah style were skated over and underdeveloped. host. The main part of the stage, howev- Nevertheless, I can say fairly confi- er, is a magical space in the past into dently that if you like Hare, you will which the characters intermittently retreat like this production. If you think the to enact what they are describing in the theatre is dead, however, search else- chat show. where for instant conversion. And the second show? Fantastical! Full of surprises which con- Amy’s View stantly dupe the audience’s expectations making it a highly interactive experience. is on at the Arts Theatre until tomorrow at 7.45pm & 2.30pm Saturday matinee The cast’s portrayal of strong characters and powerful images combine with live music, spectacular lighting and projec- tions to create a treat for all the senses. How are you rehearsing? The rehearsals are proving to be very exciting in their collaborative nature. The cast are continually inspiring new approaches to the poems. Are you previewing before the Edinburgh festival? BEST TO BE BITTER Gillian Carr On 8 and 9 June at 8pm in Newnham Old Labs – the perfect place in which to t 11pm, it takes a special sort of Edward Albee’s American Dream prom- an offer to slip out of her dress in the The American Dream is an excellent play see the world premiere of The World’s person to appreciate this satire on ises to blend absurdity with wry satire, in same breath as being asked if she wants a with a fine and ably directed cast. I rec- Wife! A the murky depths of American this disillusioned examination of subur- coffee. And there’s no shortage of satire, ommend it especially for those who har- The World’s Wife by Carol Ann Duffy is suburbia. It’s not that I’m lazy, you ban life. Well, it certainly is absurd, never brought out well by Laura Lewis- bour buckets of bitterness towards our available in all good bookshops. understand, it’s just that trying to deci- more so than when Mrs. Barker takes up Williams’s chirpy ‘Mommy’. Basically, friends across the pond. pher the meaning of life, whilst recover- ing from a night at LIFE, is not an easy job. After a slow start, the play moves at an intriguing pace, but to a strangely dissat- isfying conclusion. A sense of emptiness pervades the whole show, well represent- ed by an austere set of empty black boxes. Nowhere is this more apparent than at the end, where Grandma concludes “everyone gets what they want – or at least what they think they want”. The American Dream, as personified by Charles Anson, is shown to be hollow, banal and superficial, showing up each character for exactly what they are. What, I hear you cry, of the accents? – the make or break of any transatlantic production. A script can be as deep as it likes, but when it’s delivered with a dodgy accent, one might as well not bother. Well, the accents are fine, and in the case of Lucy Fletcher (Grandma) and Jemima Thewes (Mrs Barker), exceptional.

The American Dream is on at the ADC until tomorrow at 11pm THEATRE a Stephen Unwin interviewed s Saved s Playroom update a Previews 23 Dramatic Lives Jennifer Tuckett

Bond’s babe tephen Unwin returned to I ask Unwin what would be his own Tom Hodgson Cambridge recently to give a approach to directing a Shakespeare Sseminar on Hamlet. I didn’t go. production. “I think it’s important to Nor did most of the other Cambridge concentrate on the simple questions”, directors and actors I have spoken to. he replies. “What is the story? Break According to Unwin, this is the the play down into scenes. Establish problem with Cambridge theatre. “It who each character really is. It is only instils you with an unwarranted degree once you have got to the heart of a of arrogance”, Unwin tells me, “people play that you can set about creating a leave Cambridge thinking that they three-dimensional reality for the audi- know everything there is to know ence”. about directing or acting. This simply “One of the weaknesses of isn’t true. When I left Cambridge I Cambridge Shakespeare productions had directed over 20 plays, but I had is the way in which verse is delivered. very little understanding of the practi- Verse speaking is a very hard thing to cal skills required to make a successful teach, and there is a great difference director. Cambridge directors are able between an actor who can speak to talk about plays very convincingly, Shakespeare’s language and an actor but I’ve noticed that their practical who can only read it. It’s a distinction ability rarely lives up to expectations”. that won’t be resolved during the I ask Unwin how he would define course of an English degree”. Jennifer Tuckett grills the great names in theatre. This week, Stephen Unwin, director ETT

these missing practical skills, and am “Of course, I think it’s a very good rewarded with a candid insight into thing that Cambridge doesn’t have a his approach to directing. “Firstly, you formal drama department. The prob- need to know how to communicate lem with university drama depart- with the actors”, he tells me. “Talking ments is that they are invariably staffed about theory is guaranteed to isolate either by people with performance ith the publication of Saved in 1965, Edward Death), however, was able to create a suitably threating air you from your cast. Actors hate dis- skills who are second-rate academics, Bond became the enfant terrible of the English with a considerable stage presence. Sarah Campbell pro- cussions of Stanislavsky or Brecht – or people with academic skills who are Wtheatre. He pushed the boundaries of taste to the duced the right blend of petulant rage and almost endearing what they are really interested in is get- second-rate performers. However, that limit and got his work banned by the Lord Chamberlain in naivety in her portrayal of Pam, a mother who abuses and ting an insight into their roles, and it is doesn’t remove the fact that the process. The play is set in a culturally deprived 1960s eventually abandons her baby to its fate. The star of the show your job to give them this insight”. Cambridge directors will need further London, in which the blame for a brutal murder of a baby in was Micha Colombo who played the role of Mary with com- “Secondly, you need to know how to training. I’ve been told that people a London park – which forms the dramatic centrepiece of the mendable vigour. Her frequent arguments with her husband focus the action. This is about working involved in Cambridge drama today play – lies not with the delinquent killers but with society (Stefan Golaszewski), got to the heart of the play in their with the designer and about control- are very career-orientated. I think this itself. frank demonstration of a loveless marriage. ling the staging of the play, but it is is awful. There’s no point coming to The problem with this production, unfortunately, is the Saved is an ambitious play to stage by any stretch of the also about controlling the pace and the Cambridge and thinking ‘I want to be sheer lack of menace. Len (David Pearson) looks decidedly imagination. The director should be congratulated for energy of the production”. the next Director of the National out of place in his chinos, tailored shirt and a bottle green attempting to mount such a project, but the stilted dialogue “Finally, one of the basic require- Theatre’, because, if you think like jumper, resembling an ensemble from a Jermyn Street cata- and failure to create a convincing moral vacuum meant that ments of a director is acquiring the that, the chances are you won’t succeed logue of casual menswear, severely undermining credibility as the hopelessness of these characters’ lives was in question ability to know how to cast. Too many in directing. Directing has never been the poverty-stricken character that Bond surely intended. from the beginning. Regrettably though, the much-vaunted productions are let down by inappro- about pursuing a career path. It is Of the youths who perpetrate the crime in question, Ben baby murder was beset by an undue levity. This couldn’t priate casting, or casting for the wrong about creating something artistic”. Power deserves praise for his portrayal of Colin, whose cal- compensate for the half hour of bum-numbing boredom reasons – for example, the old cliché of Given that Unwin has dedicated his lous one-liners were delivered to great effect. Only Fred (Carl leading up to it. the director who casts his Juliet solely life to directing, I am rather taken on the grounds that he’d quite like to aback by his concluding remark: “I Saved go out with her”. truly regret having spent so much of “In the end”, Unwin tells me, “a my time directing plays at is showing at the ADC at 7.45pm, until tomorrow director should direct a play because Cambridge”, he tells me. “I directed he believes in it as a work of art, and too many productions. I wish I had for no other reason”. spent my time doing something else”.

Not all fun & games Waiting in the Wings… Skye Wheeler ! Morning Glory • Arts Theatre • Mon 14 - Sat 19 • 7.45pm and 2.30pm t would be journalistic shit-stirring made the place very much a University now looking for help from external Sat matinee to suggest that The Playroom is in venue. Jo Phillips, President of the bodies (colleges and faculties). It would Three aged ex-Resistance members take on delinquent youths. New comedy- Icrisis, but none-the-less, there is Corpus Christi Fletcher Players suggest- be especially appropriate, given the drama from Sarah Daniels. indeed some toil and trouble afoot. The ed to me that the problems The nature of the activities of most of its stu- Playroom is owned and run by Corpus, Playroom is suffering from may in part dents, if the English Faculty were to step ! kept alive and kicking by the very at least because it “has grown too quick- in. Until the structure of The Playroom Year’s Last Smoker • ADC • Tue 15 • 11pm enthusiastic and long-suffering Fletcher ly”. The ADC don’t put on many more itself and of its administration are better Catch the comics before they depart! Your last chance to enjoy the stalwart come- Players and the college’s bursar, who is shows than this each term but they have able to deal with University-wide status, dy night this year – be there. the licensee. Perhaps surprisingly, con- a full time Theatre Manager to keep the the philosophy seems to be that it is bet- sidering the reputation The Playroom terrors of commercial manslaughter at ter to take a step back rather than fall on ! has for being exciting and experimen- bay. your face. At the moment the fate of the Cloud Nine • ADC • Tue 15 - Sat 19 • 7.45pm tal, the success it has seen recently on a Yet the college authorities are under- theatre hangs in the balance, although Caryl Churchill fans rejoice as this cracking postmodern comedy comes to town. University-wide scale is rather new. The standably unwilling to fund a university The Fletcher Players expect to invite Prepare to face your issues. venue was originally for Corpus events, venue and can’t expect a part-time stu- applications in the coming weeks. This and while we’ve still got access to the dent committee to efficiently manage a will undoubtedly be a battle won, not See May week Varsity issues for all the theatre this summer – what to see and inventive creations of the prolific col- full-time theatre. The Heath and Safety just for theatre but for the determina- what to flee (from). lege itself, the seasons of recent years Council shut The Playroom down at tion and will-power behind one of the involving students from all colleges has Christmas, and The Fletcher Players are most important theatres in Cambridge. MUSIC 24s We love the summer spectaculars a Single reviews

In his idler moments, Richard ‘Echoboy’ Since their mini-album Watch it Glow Warren must well muse on what might was released last October, the ever elu- have been. He might now be engaged in sive Simian have provoked compar- the lucrative and undemanding task of isons as wide ranging as DJ Shadow, replicating the bass-line of Wonderwall in the Beach Boys and the Beta Band, stadiums across the world, as back in and their unusual sound conjures the 1999, Warren gained himself brief infamy magnificent image of these three as the man who turned down the vacant artists defying time and space to ‘jam’ bass player role in Oasis. together. The Wisp – the first single to Yet in musical terms, he is unlikely to be taken from the album – is essen- regret his decision. While Oasis have tially four choirboys suspended in become increasingly moribund, Warren space, delivering heavenly harmonies has opted for an experimental approach, against a modern ambient backdrop of Elastica at last year’s Trinity May Ball Photo: Joanna Sedar fusing elements from diverse genres. clitches, glitches, bleeps and bloops. Turning On could have quite easily Equally at home with both new and become an exercise in muso self indul- old-fashioned technology, Simian veer gence. Driven by a pounding drum loop, comfortably between analogue synth gut wrenching bass and Echoboy’s effects- and glockenspiel, organ and flute on laden vocal, it creates a monumental wall The Tale of Willow Hill. Gothic but STAYING UP FOR THE SUMMER of sound that simultaneously recalls both electronic, trip-hoppy yet acoustic, Kraftwerk and MC5. Never has sonic Simian are the blissed-out offspring of chaos sounded so effortless and blissful science and nature and the visionary Varsity may be taking a break until May Week but, contrary to popular opinion, that and Noel Gallagher should be green with helmsmen of Space Folk… has that doesn’t mean the rest of the world stops. Dave Thorley and Tom Catchesides attempt envy. been invented yet? to get their heads around what’s in store for the rest of the term. Echoboy Simian Turning On The Wisp he obvious starting point is May claims that it ranks as the third-largest val’s reputation for showing underrepre- (Mute) (Source) Week, that orgy of post-exam ball in Cambridge, behind Trinity and St sented musical brands precedes it. On Release On Release Trelease that encompasses both John’s. Other events on offer include: What’s more, being seen there, obvious- Suicide Sunday and, of course, a whole Downing’s Ground Zero (Monday 18 ly comfortable with the fact that you’re Jim Hinks Nat Davies host of May Balls and ents. If the June, £35, www.downingevent.com), not heavily bound and chained in the prospect of free alcohol being pretty whose bill includes DJ Zinc and Pascal UL dungeon, plays merry hell with the much on tap at many of the Balls weren’t from Ganja Kru as well as The Scratch confidence of all your peers. Come to enough to tempt you to part with your Perverts and Cut La roc; Pembroke Strawberry Fair and top the exam tables. cash, most put on a whole range of (Wednesday 20 June, £36), with a repu- Meanwhile, the Corn Exchange is not musical treats as a central part of the tation for “enjoyable music that you can deterred by the students preparing to evening’s entertainments. dance to”; the Homerton May Ball stay home in their droves, maintaining Being big and rich, Trinity (Monday (Friday 15 June, £75), offering a mix of its usual blend of the devastatingly 18 June, £180 for double non-dining, jazz, classical, garage, drum & bass, expensive but devastatingly trendy and completely and utterly sold out) and St cheese and indie to suit all tastes; the probably-quite-good-but-not-really- John’s (Tuesday 19 June, £189 for dou- Robinson’s “hedonistic” 1920s-America- for-students. This month, it boasts the ble non-dining, don’t even think about themed Misbehavin’ (Friday 15 June, company of the glow in the dark cone- trying to get hold of them now) natural- £64, www.robinson.cam.ac.uk); and heads, Orbital (May 17) and acoustic ly offer some of the biggest names in Trinity Hall’s Odyssey (Wednesday 20 chap of blues pedigree, Eric Bibb (May town. Not everyone at John’s ball last June, £39, www.thjuneevent.com, sold 20). Increasingly turgid though Orbital’s year may have enjoyed the charms of out). Apologies to anyone we’ve missed recent material may be, live, they always Toploader, but they are a big name. out. promise well. That said, the major pre- Trinity offered an impressive line-up, But if you’re looking for a combination gig talking point is usually whether the including headliners Elastica, The of spectacle and value, you’d better look brothers Hartnall and their four tame Lightning Seeds and Hepburn. beyond the boundaries of Cambridge to glow-worms will play their much famed Continuing our stroll up the length of CUSU’s gargantuan Creation (Thursday rendering of the Dr Who theme. The the Cam, we come to Clare (Monday 18 14 June, £37, www.creation2001.com). altogether less spectacled (and therefore, June, £174 non-dining, sold out) and Last year saw students being shuttled to less spectacular) Bibb, meantime, splen- King’s (Wednesday 20 June, £36, and from the Creation site in the depths didly brings genuine torpor to the bur- www.kingsevent.com). While Clare’s of Cambridgeshire by a special bus serv- geoning man-on-stool-with-guitar recent line-ups – including the James ice, and this year’s line-up encompasses a movement. Taylor Quartet in 1999 and Herbaliser range of big names in house, drum & The Junction, this June, in keeping in 2000 – are nothing to be ashamed of, bass, garage and hip-hop. If none of that with its fine reputation for attracting King’s ent boasts a formidable reputa- appeals, it’s probably worth the price of important new music whilst maintain- tion which can only be enhanced by a ticket just to see the “new adult show” ing old favourites, is concentrating on naming this year’s extravaganza appearance from Keith Harris and the latter. June 4th sees the return of the Apocalypse. While an appearance from Orville touted on the website. once ridiculed, now ignored, fraggle the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse May Week aside, revellers will doubt- punks EMF and is followed swiftly by had not been confirmed as Varsity went less be glad to learn that no cows have June 5 when rarely missed fishnet terror- to press, the event includes the drum & been grazed on Midsummer Common ists, Sigue Sigue Sputnik storm the cas- bass, hip-hop and garage rooms of the this year and that Foot and Mouth poses tle. Over-shouty grunge types the regular Mingles, plus a selection of jazz no threat to livestock or to the ritual Wildhearts reaffirm their still percepti- and funk acts. insanity of Strawberry Fair. Saturday 2 bly moving pulse on June 18 and on the Queens’ May Ball (Tuesday 19 June, June this year will be the date 26, it’s the just-about-twitching £88, www.queensball.com) completes Midsummer Common opens its pasture Proclaimers. So, plenty to look forward our riverside tour. While no details of to exhibitionists, clowns, stilt-walkers, to, plenty to look wistfully back on and the acts, or indeed the theme, will be musicians and lunatics of every stripe. an excuse to stage a bomb attack with released before the day, the committee No acts are confirmed yet but the festi- mum’s old drawers on your head.

Looking beyond May Week, Ministry of Sound is putting on Knebworth ’01 on Saturday 11 August. Varsity has one pair of tickets (worth £45 each, www.ministryofsound.com/knebworth) to this one day event which boasts Jamiroquai, Fabio, Roni Size and Judge Jules, amongst many others. All you have to do is answer the ridiculously easy question: how many arms does Jay Kay have? Easy as one-two-three. Email answers to ‘[email protected]’. This is a real competition. The winner will be drawn at random and – Varsity editors being the sole arbiters of success – our decision is final. The Dandy Warhols, who played at Caius May Ball last year. Photo: Tom Catchesides MUSIC s Album and single reviews d Keep schtum s Tête-à-Tête a Varisty is infallible 25 Come the revolution…

While Varsity’s theatre section has his- acceptance and patronising insistence torically been criticised for its to others, ‘less enlightened’ that all cliquishness, the music page has genres and styles are equal”. The basked in the relative freedom world is full of god-awful music and it afforded by an apathetic readership would be neither rewarding for us nor and a non-controversial editorial remotely interesting for you to write stance. But one can only take so much and read about how it’s alright in its tedium: there’s an awful lot of shit out own soullessly contrived little way. In which Grant Nicholas proves that he Ah, just what the disillusioned goth kidz After a career hiatus that would make there and most of it seems to end up There are musicians, from all has a useful contribution to make to of Blighty need; another nu-metal act Elastica blush, Stereo MCs find in our in tray. Man cannot live by Lisa musical backgrounds, active in society. Despite having to accept replete with death-level guitars, schmip- themselves in the unenviable position Stansfield alone. However, a staple Cambridge but the unusual suffer – responsibility for Feeder’s rhyming hop beats, and a bloke doing something of having to adapt to a music scene diet of nourishing hate mail gives him in the main – from marginalisation couplets and [shudder] pop metal between rapping and roaring over the top. unrecognisable as the one they left in a half decent start of a morning. It’s and from the heavy majority of bands sound, he proves his worth by harness- This record certainly has its moments – 1992. However, on the evidence of nice to know that you care. who have founded long careers solely ing black-clad guitars and a positively the grinding bass riff merges with funky Deep Down and Dirty, their first single The more-or-less non-existent on being ‘good in their field’. More brutal bass line to Mark B & Blade’s drums to create some seriously moshable for nearly a decade they appear University music scene has lead us to and more, people are going to brassy polemic. As an exercise in results (you can almost hear the wallet content to revisit past glories and vent our repressed anguishes on a Cambridge ents not for the music but catharsis it’s wholly successful but, by chains clanking together) but the interest appeal to the thirty-somethings who broad spectrum of mediocre meat ‘n’ for the atmosphere and, while there’s indulging in a blatant attempt to create just isn’t maintained for three-and-a-half remember them from last time veg records. all equally offensive in nothing whatsoever wrong with this a crossover hit, the animated bluster of very samey minutes. Raging Speedhorn around. their utter pointlessness. To say that standpoint, one of its consequences is the original is lost under the muddy certainly make a passable attempt at tap- Of course in today’s climate Deep these bands “are good bands within the rise and sprawl of music which power-chords. Fortunately, the single ping into the ‘crossover’ zeitgeist which has Down and Dirty sounds hopelessly their fields” (see letters page) simply nobody particularly cares about. includes both versions, so you have a so popularised Limp Bizkit, Korn et al, outmoded and begs questions as to isn’t good enough. There’s plenty to Equally, there’s a reason for alternative choice: a sharp and bright rant about but The Gush undeniably lacks the crucial quite what Stereo MCs have spent the be cheered about, as today’s page music being called ‘alternative’: most hip-hop’s geographical elitism told hooks, dynamics, and slick production 1990s doing? It is pitiable that these attempts to show, but that’s no reason people don’t like it but this is no from the British point of view which favoured by their peers. Equally, it’s not one-time pioneers have been reduced for – as one writer put it – “bland reason to stifle it. Fight the power. descends into an extended display of really innovative or interesting enough to to such witless self-parody. If this turntable skills; or three and a half be filed next to, say, One Minute Silence. squalid, meaningless effort is in any minutes of pure volume (with occa- Sadly, unless they decide what they want way representative of their forthcom- sional bursts of scratching). Those who to be fairly soon, it’s unlikely that the ing album, we can only hope that they fail to identify with either half of the Speedhorn will ever get beyond support- take another nine years over the fol- rap-metal synthesis need not apply. ing the bands they sound a bit like. low-up. Mark B & Blade Raging Speedhorn Stereo MCs Ya Don’t See The Signs The Gush Deep Down and Dirty (Wordplay) (Green Island) (Virgin) Out May 14th Out June 4th Out May 14th Tom Catchesides Kit Ballantyne Jim Hinks

UM’S THE WORD FOURTET FINDS HIS FORTE Nat Davies review Um at the Portland Arms Dave Thorley again fails to say much about the record. We suspect he didn’t listen to it.

espite all attempts to cate- twisted mind. he complicated infrastructure whole lot of PR bluster about “its things Mancunian (except Northern gorise Um, the crazy songster Which is all perfectly enjoyable and of bands, side-projects, side- more confident and distinctive range Uproar). With his band, Fridge, Ddefies every pigeonhole in the certainly very silly behaviour for the Tside-projects, alter egos and of sonics” than his previous, releasing an album later this year, vicinity. The new John Shuttleworth? excitable Portland audience to witness. spare incarnations kept aside for a Dialogue, but as far as I can make Kieran will have accumulated a CV Too out there. Another John Hegley? But Um’s no inconsistent crowd-pleas- rainy day, is particularly dense in out, the “wild mood shifts and of six albums well into the first half Too drunk. His weird hybrid of styles ing chancer. Last year he was awarded a Manchester. Scarcely a gig goes by abstract-jazz sax and horns” which of his twenties. But this is not the is probably best described as Shakin’ Year of the Artist grant, regularly sup- without support from someone were so derided in that first instance half arsed over productivity of most Stevens meets Alan Parker Urban ports bands at local venues and has claiming to be Grandpa Gallagher’s are not missing here. What’s more, I DIY pretenders (anyone remember Warrior, possessing the sensibilities of DJed at the Q Club’s electronica night weekend pursuit or Badly Drawn can’t see that either record is any the Baby Bird?). Pause’s electrical an ‘80s casual and the social conscience Retro Electro. He’s also hoping to Boy’s beard consultant finally taking worse for that. Fourtet’s sound over tinkling and rat-a-tat boom is of Lord Sutch. Happy to sing/rap/howl showcase a short film and is perform- himself seriously. Friends of friends two albums has consistently been the actually rather well structured. It’s about subjects ranging from tigers to ing in various strange locations in June of second cousins of ex-Fall session clatter of a hundred Pied Pipers of got a beginning, a middle and an end unemployment, Um’s intentions are as part of the Leaps Experimental musicians seem to proliferate around Hamlin skipping through the town as any primary school teachers listen- invariably unclear, but one thing is Music Festival. Phew. And, tireless cru- the city in ever growing numbers. in wrought iron wellies. His genius ing would no doubt comment. But if indisputable; he’s bonkers. With a sur- sader that he is, he’s also making an Their brief, primarily: to confuse. lies in the ability to distort the half- there should happen to be any But fine things come from small way conventional into the wilfully primary school teachers in Fourtet’s and ferociously complicated obscure and still emerge sounding audience, for heaven’s sake don’t try “Um. Um. What is Um? I am Um.” beginnings. Kieran Hebdon’s second remotely coherent. and draw his family tree: strong men solo album (as Fourtet) comes with a It’s complicated, but so are all have lost their wits in the pursuit. realist artillery comprising four-track, appearance at Strawberry Fair on the mixer, mini-harmonica, loudspeaker 2nd June, so drag your desk-weary arse and glove puppet, he grapples valiantly down there and reduce the boredom with the inanities of life, mysteriously quota of an otherwise bald and unin- quoting a snippet of his impenetrable teresting Cambridge existence. If you’re poetry before falling over or dancing really keen, there’s always the Um web- like an over-enthusiastic dad at a school site (www.umbusiness.co.uk), contain- disco. Behind him, an imaginary skiffle ing frenzied scribblings and silly draw- group (all pre-recorded) bleeps, burps ings. And for all those academics out and groans dark chords which swirl there, it’s even got Um’s recommended around the torturous warblings of his reading list attached. Enjoy.

Pause by Fourtet , is released on May 28th through Domino LITERATURE 26s Semenal Stories d Buzzwords s May Anthologies Uncovered s Woeful Walker Semenal The real May Day riot Fabian Watersnake won’t be seduced by smut as Adrian Ellis toasts the talent in this year’s May Anthologies Seminal turns semenal

wheelchair-bound aristocrat, unusual entrance – or, as he puts it, dead from the waist down; an “I’m going to bugger you!” A oppressed wife, pining for sex- It isn’t simply that as a romantic hero, ual attention; a simple, rugged game- Vincent, boasting “a member as small keeper, “in her, turgid and quivering” – as a wilted wild strawberry”, falls only DH Lawrence could think of stuff absurdly short of the standard set by like this and only Lady Chatterley’s Don Juan and leaves the reader feeling Lover could spend so much time cheated. More serious is the flaccid describing it. Under the book’s covers, impotence of Kundera himself, there once lay enough sex to outrage a attempting to ground Vincent’s comic nation. Even today, Lady Chatterley’s sex in philosophical discussion, but irritating tendency to feel her ‘womb’ withering under his protagonist’s relish stir on the slightest pretext can seem to “stick my cock through you and nail gratuitous. Yet the real revelation is not you to the wall!” Ideological motifs the “withdrawing and contracting”, the that do make it to the surface are “strange, small boy’s nakedness” of strangely specious. Kundera contrasts Lady Chatterley’s first lover, nor the his condemnation of the vagina, “a touching description of how “he would noisy crossroads where all chattering slip out of her and be gone”. The real humanity meets”, with the mystery of revelation of Lawrence’s notorious the anus, “whose taboo even porno- novel is just how boring it is. graphic films respect”. He thus exposes Which is why I’m going to talk about his ignorance of the Maxi Anal-Crad esterday I was asked how I felt. Not a policy. There are half a dozen magazines and now, having won awards, more than a Milan Kundera’s Slowness instead. series, video classics that reveal rever- generally, but in relation to the May that don’t attempt to negate nepotism by quarter of a million paperpack copies of Kundera and Lawrence, in fact, share ence for the ass hole as being seriously YAnthologies and more specifically asking for names to be left off work. We White Teeth have been sold. That is the the problem that wider themes in their misplaced. So I’ve been told by my my co-editorship of the 2001 books. My received 294 poems (I know because I dream for most students who write; she’s work are sometimes swamped by friend. Ahem. answer would be that I’ve somehow counted) and almost 100 stories and all got the secret and everybody wants a piece explicit descriptions of sex. Critics can If Kundera fails to rise above a sloppy skipped any sense of joy and gone straight the work had to fight for selection by itself, of it. She was the perfect guest editor, disagree. The Independent applauded one night stand, then who does write from relief to reminiscence – a similar sen- not be propped up by any familiarity that recognising the significance of the books Kundera’s novel as “Rapid, brief, intel- seminal sex, sex that makes you want sation to what you feel when you’ve and coming to both launch parties ligent, amusing”; The Guardian found to rub the pages against your hot naked spent months putting a play togeth- Zadie was first published in – the first to invite submissions, the it “…rippling with philosophical jokes body whilst deliberating the deeper er and you sit there on the last night second to show off the product. and satirical sketches”. Yet to your aver- philosophical implications of such an and NOTHING IS WRONG. All the Mays...now more than a And I, for one, am pleased with age reader Slowness is about one thing action? Gabriel Garcia Marquez, that’s the neuroses are the same – people the product. It’s been almost a year and one thing only – and that thing who. And Gabriel’s greatest work to won’t submit, people won’t come to quarter of a milion copies of since I got the job and there have happens to be ass holes. Never mind date, Love in the Time of Cholera, is the launch, the posters should have been certain turbulences that I’ll the writer’s plea of existential analysis, bursting with seminal semenal materi- been out sooner. In the end, of White Teeth have been sold. conveniently leave out but also a it is Kundera’s obvious preoccupation al. The moment when aged Florentino course, people do come and it all works whole number of successes – getting the with “the supreme portal” that steals Ariza beds lifetime love Fermina Daza and you feel a tingle of bemusement committee members had with the authors. guest editors we got, running two packed the show in a novel where sad and and finally persuades her to touch his somewhere in there as well. The other ‘best thing’ was Zadie Smith. launches with enthused audiences, receiv- inept Vincent decides to reject the now “almost hairless pubis”…Well, One of the best things about the Mays is In her introduction she writes “maybe in a ing more submissions than ever before, the vulva and pleasure his lover via a more words just aren’t enough. that submissions are anonymous (the sec- few years this lot will have me out of a job” cover designs, interest from national retary removes the attached cover sheet). I and I have no doubt that those published papers. All that’s left is for you to read the can’t think for the life of me why all new would like nothing more than to usurp Anthologies yourselves, and discover what writing in Cambridge doesn’t follow such her. Zadie was first published in the Mays all the fuss is about... Under the Moon Sarah Savitt

tephen Walker’s new novel, Mr There are attacks on school dinner- about Landen Has No Brain, is good for ladies (one roasts kids), Americans cows, Srevision. After ten pages, even the (they pronounce aluminium and the idea of reading the entire Faerie Queene “aloominum”), the Turner Prize chapters’ sounds thrilling. (an artist wallpapers cows to divisions are The book purports to describe charac- win), BSE, Stephen Hawking marked by ters at a Wyndham-on-Sea caravan park (he might be wrong!), the cow cartoons. I that is trying to win a national contest quest for celebrity (by wrap- found myself for being safe. Safety is hampered by the ping one’s head in sweet- wishing for a androids, brainless-brain surgeons, wrappers), nuclear holo- good funeral pyre floating cows, horny rabbits, and killer caust, management con- to drop the book cooks on the loose. The most dangerous sultants (they hire a and its cows onto, occupants, however, may be the ‘suici- cow), post-modern just like Walker drops dals’ who – get this – “sit alone in their feminism (in its Spice these ‘humour topics’ caravans listening to Radiohead”. Girls incarnation), into a story which lacks Buzzwords Terrifying. Riverdance, lesbian tension, interesting char- Cambridge (and Oxford) literature came alive this week with the launch of the The park obviously wins the contest, bondage, origami acters, and stylish writing. May Anthologies. The event was fantastic. A packed Waterstones was hushed to despite Radiohead. But neither story (bloody impossi- I’ll leave you with the best reverential silence as various contributors read out excerpts of their work – most nor characters seem to be the reason for ble, eh?), easy lis- bit, about Cthulha, who has of it disturbingly good. Zadie Smith was on top form, and wore a particularly the book’s creation, though Walker has tening music... been stiffening her nipples: fetching bandana / kitsch ’60s tea-towel head-dress. Marvellous! token chapters documenting the inspec- No doubt, if “She had a clitoris like a beach The slithering underbelly of Cambridge literature was also exposed this week, tor’s journey through the town’s caravan Walker was ball, a cervix like a cooling tower however. A sinister publication emerging from Fitzwilliam College has been parks, as well as various sci-fi subplots. writing and nipples that still hadn’t come roundly condemned by several members of the University, shocked at the appar- Walker appears to be not a novelist, now, foot- down from her second bout with ently over-liberal content. Sam Dobdins, one of the editors of the title in question rather a stand-up comic who believes and-mouth Davey Farrel’s ices box.” If you real- (which is cunningly known as FitzBitz), is reported to have said very little. Former humour is simply name-checking would be includ- ly want to read the rest, you can have Fitzbitz editor Lee Kern, however, has meanwhile consolidated his reputation as sources of modern angst. ed. Much of Landen is my copy – I’m off to the library. the godfather of Cambridge macabre (see last week’s letters page). Responding to accusations of tastelessness, he has announced the publication of his latest work Mr Landen Has No Brain by Stephen Walker by the Cambridge University Creative Writing Society – My Mum’s got Cancer and Other Fun Stories will be in the shops soon. Don’t let it slip you by... is available in paperback priced £5.99 CLASSICAL a Bloke in a Roman outfit s The College Cat d Previews a Review 27 Musical Politics REVIEW Emilia Galotti assesses the institution of the college music society Last Sunday’s concert marked the last s all of us are told repeatedly, between colleges. Musically however, the ty is not just for players either, but for wealth of musical talent and incredible appearance of Rory Macdonald and Cambridge University and the result is less than desirable. In week eight, conductors, orchestral managers and concert venues lies with inventive and his straVinsky ensemble in Cambridge. A collegiate system has the advan- all societies skilfully arrange their con- composers also. Other colleges, however, original programming and planning The opening Scherzo Russe from the tage of providing everyone with “a small certs to fall on the same night, at the widen their umbrella somewhat to con- from college music societies, and just a orchestra’s namesake was notable for its and friendly community”, “the chance to same time, and also decide that they will struct performances of works which little communication and co-ordination rhythmic energy and a panache that get involved” – so on and so on. all have the same programme. Then it is require more in the way of numbers, between each other. To start with, con- steered cheerfully through the healthy However, I have increasingly noticed the the concerts which have flashy posters, quality and range of performers than the certs could be scheduled at different vulgarity inherent in the work. At one subtle disadvantages for music which take place in the more famous chapels, or college alone could ever hope to conjure times of term, each focusing on different or two moments individual violin parts arise due to the over-prevalence of that genres, works, and composers. It seems sounded momentarily imprecise, but most wonderful of institutions, the col- Colleges which could do with a few extra that contemporary music is left to the that is carping. lege music society. University New Music Society and Owen Cox’s performance of Perhaps ‘over-prevalence’ is unfair: sure- quid get seven keen first years, a bored Kettles’ Yard – how about one of the col- Prokofiev’s Second Violin Concerto ly, the existence of so many individual, senior tutor, an over-enthusiastic master leges devotes itself entirely to one cause showed remarkable assurance. The enthusiastic groups of music loving stu- for a term? Perhaps societies could widen opening of the slow movement was dents can only be good for the music and the college cat for an audience their scope further, and present more poised and perfectly judged, his vibra- scene of a university the size of productions away from the purely ‘classi- to finely graded and intonation spot- Cambridge. Maybe so, but sometimes boast the best after show party which get up. So an orchestra is assembled which is cal’ music world. Music societies could on. Macdonald’s accompaniment was more can be less. For example, looking at the all-important bums on seats, and made up of players from across the present their own college’s talent in the again full of energy; a slightly loud bas- the concert calendar for any week of any make the most money. Usually, these University, or even beyond, which con- jazz and popular fields, encouraging soon and a few mishaps in the trum- term, although a choice of at least three concerts are put on by the richest col- tinues to masquerade as the ‘college more of the college to get involved, losing pets aside, the orchestral contribution concerts, recitals or extravaganzas of leges, and the colleges which could do orchestra’, even though all the players can the edge of exclusivity, and generating was of the highest student standard. some sort per night exists, the variety of with a few extra quid get seven keen first be seen again the next night at the college more money for their cause. Certainly, it Sibelius’ Seventh Symphony was what’s on offer just does not reflect the years, a bored senior tutor, an over- down the road. Quickly, players are would help smaller college societies to given a magisterial performance. The quantity. enthusiastic Master and the college cat sucked from supporting their own col- stop trying to compete with the antics of string playing was imbued with an Why is this? Probably because of our 30 for an audience. leges, as better opportunities lie else- the larger ones, and instead be impressive inner life and intensity that is rare or so colleges, almost all are beset with a Different colleges use the bracket of where. As a consequence, the college then by supplying a more original alternative. nowadays, and almost always absent dangerous, indestructible pride which ‘college music society’ to encompass dif- builds itself a nice little reputation as an There is such enthusiasm, such poten- from student concerts. The answering somehow means they try valiantly to per- ferent things. Firstly, there are the col- “excellent music society” whereas, in real- tial and so many resources that the littlest wind phrases seemed to grow out of form the same functions as a whole uni- leges where the music society exists pure- ity, the smaller and less ambitious music imagination could transform the the texture organically, with both versity on their own, with ruthless com- ly for music making within college – giv- society serves its purpose better, as it Cambridge concert scene into something atmosphere and latent dynamism. The petitiveness. This manifests itself in many ing college members the chance to play holds on to that “chance to get involved” far more inclusive, original and exciting manifold tempo changes were man- ways, from boat club to May Ball, and is orchestral works in wonderful chapel or which is so important in order for music than what currently graces the music aged with the utmost ease. Overall a naturally responsible for the likeable garden settings – for many, it is the only to be available to all. notice-boards week after week after remarkable performance. atmosphere of jocular banter which exists chance they get to do so. The opportuni- The key to taking advantage of the week… PREVIEWS Orlando Superbo! Liz Fleming, Richard Latham Phantastikon Mumford Theatre, East Road • Fri andel’s Orlando, first per- English translation. Translation is not 11 • 1.10pm formed in London in January favoured in the eyes of the opera Period instrument ensemble H1733, is a daunting prospect world but has the advantage of clarify- Phantastikon in a recital of Baroque for any director due to the difficulty ing the intricate details of Handel’s music as part of APU’s lunchtime con- of staging the magical elements which musical settings. cert series. Admission free. dominate the opera, involving compli- Many of the amusing moments cated transformations and spectacular would have gone unnoticed; similarly Chamber Choir dramatic effects. the real emotion of the most touching Trinity Chapel • Fri 11 • 8pm Handel opera is becoming a more arias required an immediacy of com- CUCC in Handel’s Acis and Galetea, common occurrence on the operatic prehension. The overall effect of the conducted by David Lowe. Tickets stage but the Cambridge Handel student orchestra was good; particu- £10/8/5 Opera Group stands alone in its com- larly magical was the viola duet in the mitment to an eighteenth-century third act. Some other subtle moments CUCO inspired performance, both musically could have benefited from a more West Road • Sat 12 • 8pm and dramatically. inspired accompaniment. World famous oboist Douglas Boyd The use of a ‘baroque’ orchestra of Of the singers (professional) conducts CUCO in a programme many other modern productions Angharad Gruffydd Jones, a former including Stravinsky’s Concerto in D seems to be the only concession to choral scholar at Clare, was a favourite for Strings, Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto performance practice. The Cambridge with the audience. Her portrayal of (Richard Hosford) and Symphony 39, Handel Opera Group, however does the naive shepherdess was expressive and Lindberg’s Away. Tickets £12/10/5 not conform to the current trend of and accomplished, providing light ‘real life’ staging, preferring to use a relief and yet not without deeply emo- Robot! The Musical more gestural form of acting. This tional substance. The cavatina and Cambridge State Opera • North by supports the static nature of the da aria at the beginning of act two were Northwest Road • Sat 12 • 8 BC capo aria tradition rather than working particularly notable. Kay Jordan han- Following on from their award-winning against it – a flaw of many modern dled the more stately character of Broadway version of ‘A la recherche du Handel revivals. Angelica with poise and grace, offer- temps perdu’ and the sing-along ‘Decline Richard Gregson’s production was ing an expressive interpretation of the and Fall of the Roman Empire’, the extremely consistent as well as being wealth of slow arias written for this Staatsoper presents Alwa Schön’s surre- an aesthetically beautiful conception, part. alist ‘entertainment’ for his self-styled combining a modern set with this ges- In the title role, Catherine Griffiths’ ‘Chatereuse’ and chamber orchestra. tural style. He used simple means to coloratura and breath control were Featuring Lord Byron’s pet bear in a create the magical essence of the work. stunning during the heroic arias and cameo role, Robot! draws heavily on the Orlando is typical of opera seria with she captured the intimacy of the act musical traditions of Wienerknödlfanger, its tale of love tensions and their reso- three sleep aria. Richard Strivens had a besides cultural-cross references to the lutions but the ever-increasing mad- strong and commanding stage pres- indigenous shinty music from Outer ness of Orlando is only reversed by his ence, vital to the role of Zoroastro Mongolia that has proved such inspira- renunciation of amor to maintain his who presides over the unfolding tion to Schön in the past. Well known glory and honour. events on stage. man-about-town Dan ‘Corleone’ The opera is musically outstanding The convincing and exciting live Lambertini waves his hands about ran- with its manipulation of the da capo performance much outweighed some domly. Tickets 1000 AS; evaders are aria convention to represent the hero’s of the less polished moments. Overall. liable to be clamped. descent into insanity, though some of a highly impressive production and a Monsieur Croche, with help from the most delightful arias adhere to the welcome change for the Cambridge Eusebius traditional form. Andrew Jones pre- musical scene. The 2003 offering is pared both the musical score and the definitely one to look foward to. STUDENT FILM a Godwin is dead s Trinity May Week Mafia a The merits of short films 29 Up close and personal Rob Sharp isn’t near the knuckle host of student films have been small budgets and a crew not fully convey the variegation of memory put to the not so assiduous appreciating the intricacies of their sequences (Heaney is ‘more real than ACambridge viewing public in craft. With a handful of professional my own breath’) whilst the screenplay the past months. Responses have cer- crew and the obvious benefits of a parallels White’s terminal situation. tainly been mixed. Oh, how we handsome 13k budget received from The dialogue is kept to a minimum, laughed when we saw The Eddie Effect. various Oxbridge bursaries, the results allowing the painstakingly constructed How we cried when observing the guf- are undeniably impressive. visual imagery to work wonders. There faw-a-minute hoots of Dan Wilde and However, director Sebastian Godwin isn’t a need to overdo speech when the his Trinity chums swigging champagne is keen not to let the 35mm and pas- locations are as sensitively shot as this, and insulting people who aren’t clever sionate classical soundtrack (or the the technical proficiency not out of enough to push the red button (“yeah schoolboy sycophancy of the John’s sorts with the imagery and vice-versa. – natural lighting, see”). This latest termcard) sway your opinion. With But don’t go selling your stories just work from Talamasca films isn’t prop- such elements, the film could certainly yet. It isn’t edge of your seat stuff (an erly comparable to the former lack- win festival entry, but this surely isn’t invalid although populist criticism). It adaisical forays into ‘the world of the point. Godwin states with typical probably is at the edge of the spectrum movie-making’. They share little in hubris that the piece, looking at the produced by filmmakers not on a common. final autobiographical reminiscences media/film BA though, and marks an Talamasca was founded “almost liter- of Allon White, should be judged on impressive addition to anyone’s ally in the second week of arriving in its artistic merits. showreel. Hopefully Godwin and asso- Cambridge” by a group of old school- Talamasca have moved on in leaps ciate producer Tom Perrin have set a friends and has consistently teamed up and bounds since The Lost Domain, as precedence for people to follow in to produce interesting, if not always many of the original criticisms have their footsteps. technically understated, short films. obviously been taken to heart. Actors So go on. Lay off the self-congratula- Where the previous short The Lost now have personas lending themselves tion, over-zealous advertising and Domain was criticised for not knowing to the big screen and the experience to Moët before you know what you’re its limits, Too Close to the Bone breaks carry themselves effectively whilst on doing though. Unless of course I’m through ceilings often imposed by it. Characteristic slow tracking shots invited.

Talamasca Film Night is at St John’s Fisher Building on Sun 13 May at 7.30pm School’s out TAKING SHORT CUTS Spike Jonze Daniel Lambert believes brevity is best s exam fear started to bite, it experience. here is often something of a that the film was produced by Boyle, Chien Andalou. In addition to this, the was with some intrepidation Despite displaying some wry stigma attached to short films and commissioned by BBC Northern CSAE Film Competition offered Athat I approached May humour, this film has the unfortu- T– usually by those not familiar Ireland, the violence would seem many fine examples of short film. Week. It’s bad enough to be locked nate effect of showing off our with the medium – but from Buster almost abstract. As it is, Boyle makes a Shorts seem to be the best way for stu- indoors, vampire like, hiding from clichéd Cambridge best. The actual Keaton’s one-reelers to Aronofsky’s subtle and powerful statement about dent filmmakers to reconcile their the healthy sun alongside piles of May Ball footage itself doesn’t con- recent award-winning efforts, they the banality of terrorist violence. His ambitions with scant resources (the supposedly reassuring books. But vey how truly weird it can be to have played a key role in the history of film is totally unique, and terrifying – young Scorsese’s reputation was estab- having to watch a documentary have your college transformed so cinema. Many of the most accom- and a statement of intent for later lished with shorts like about such a carefree time really radically. It seems to be filmed long plished directors began their careers in works like Shallow Grave and Italianamerican). takes some nerves. We all know and before the night really kicked off, film by producing shorts, and have Trainspotting. Comparing full-length Cambridge- love May Week, well, maybe not leaving it strangely devoid of peo- returned to the medium throughout La Jetée is probably the most well- based feature The Eddie Effect with the the week itself but definitely the ple or any atmosphere. May Week is their career due to the unique oppor- known short, and deservedly so. shorter Too Close to the Bone illustrates concept. That is all of us except for an enjoyable enough home video tunities it offers. Mostly set in a post-apocalyptic this. Too Close to the Bone marks the clueless first years, to whom a May but that is all. Its primary, well For example Krysztof Kieslowski – future, and almost totally composed philosophical and artistic height of Ball seems a fairytale, joyous expe- only, audience will surely be Daniel best known for the outstanding Three of individual frozen pictures – a student film in Cambridge. Original rience unblemished by drunken Wilde’s friends. Colours trilogy – directed over 30 photo-montage with sparse narration and concise, the effectively sparse reality. It may really be all about shorts in his lifetime; amongst them – it deals, in 30 minutes, with themes script and vivid imagery linger in the excess, drunken pulling and sun- ten short films commissioned for as complex as mortality and time. By mind. In contrast, The Eddie Effect burn, but Cambridge is better off Polish TV: The Dekalog (1988). Based stripping down traditional cinemato- struggles to make an impact, despite with it. After all, we can’t wear col- on themes inspired by the ten com- graphic conventions and structures, being seven times as long. Cambridge lege scarves in the summer. As a mandments, they mark the beginning La Jetée also makes a vivid and power- shorts like Autobahn and Robot (both phenomenon it is inevitable materi- of the creative peak of Kieslowski’s ful statement about the nature of film shot on DV) have proved that success- al for a documentary, thankfully for career. Intensely moving and mean- itself. ful work can even be made on a shoe- us this film is no Cambridge ingful, the brevity of each film is King’s films took the initiative last string budget. Let’s hope there’s more Uncovered. played upon as an asset – the points term by showcasing shorts like Un in the pipeline. Set in the May Week of Ali G are made swiftly and certainly. Each fame, Daniel Wilde’s film presents episode is self-contained, from a slight and superficially fun look Decalogue I (I Am the Lord Thy God), into the lives of some crazy Trinity the story of a boy who starts asking kids. What we get is some glib the questions of life from his rational- footage of May Week’s greatest hits: ist father and religious aunt, to Suicide Sunday, the May Ball etc. Decalogue X (Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy We are led through this by Wilde’s Neighbour’s Goods), a comic tale of friends who, with time, inevitably estranged brothers who bond through grate. There are some nicely- an ordeal involving their father’s observed moments such as the sub- priceless stamp collection. Two of the titled dialogue of an annoying Jesus shorts were later expanded upon to boatie, and some very strange gar- produce the seminal works A Short den party games, but this is mostly Film About Killing and A Short Film padding and voiceover. The sound- About Love. track helps build a menacing, Short films often produce real oddi- debauched atmosphere but the ties. Danny Boyle’s Elephant (1989) is finale is let down by the lack of any neither a documentary nor a story. interesting material, the filmmakers The film follows – from point-of-view predictably sacrificing integrity in camerawork – 16 successive killings of order to enjoy their May Week anonymous characters in a faceless urban environment. If we didn’t know FILM 30d College cinema s Cambridge in the Cannes s Summer film preview a Bergmans’ last fling Listings Cambridge film festival Faithless Snatch Chris Heath joins the programme Kate Coggins Robinson • Sun 13 • 7pm, 10pm Guy ‘Mockney’ Richie serves up ow that the Arts Picturehouse Allen’s Crimes And Misdemeanours, and and eductional programmes. his is a film about love and dam- another slice of Laaandaan gangster has such a hegemonic grip on Peter Greenaway’s The Pillow Book. The festival is outside of term time so age. Faithless is based on a pie, complete with side order of ‘Brad Nexciting new cinema within Sounds exciting? Well then you’ll be you may be wondering why it matters to TBergman screenplay, directed by Pitt does Irish Accent’. I really didn’t Cambridge, it is difficult to remember glad to know that after a five year break you. Well, for anyone wishing to work in his one time lover, Liv Ullmann. This want to laugh but I did. See if you can that it was born from the ashes of anoth- the Arts Picturehouse is resurrecting the film it promises to a be useful introduc- suggests a work painfully close to the sit through the whole thing without er popular cinema. Back when there was festival, running from 12 to 22 July. tion to the industry. Applications are bone, not least as the ‘audience’ figure of wanting to disembowel Vinnie Jones. a Haagen-Dasz and an Eaden Lilley’s Festival organisers are currently in now being accepted for festival volun- the old man is Bergman himself. There is It’s tricky. department store there existed the Cannes signing up talent but have teers. They are predominantly looking a slightly uneasy unreality to the structure Julia Blyth Cambridge Arts Cinema. The short term already fulfilled the ‘controversial’ pic- for people to work in any of the follow- of the film. The boundaries between ‘real memory of a quickly-evolving student ture role by holding the premier of ing areas: marketing, press and publicity, life’, as narrated by Lena Endre, and the Casablanca body means that few will recall that Patrice Chereau’s Intimacy. This intense hospitality, events, film transport and internal world of the dramatist and the Trinity • Sun 13, Mon 14 • 9pm Cambridge used to hold a prestigious drama, depicting a woman’s solely sexual front-of-house. For anyone with some relation to his muse become blurred. A great chance to watch a classic of cin- film festival. And prestigious is no mere adulterous relationship, has been passed internet experience the role of festival Biography aside, this is a stunning film. ema, and Humphrey Bogart at his euphemism; cinema greats such as Wim uncut by the BBFC despite its very Webmaster and website administrator is Endre’s portrayal of a woman caught up best. During World War II, Casablanca Wenders, Philip Kaufman, Jack Cardiff graphic depiction of oral sex. Staring up for grabs. If you’re interested please in a love affair with her husband’s best becomes an important stepping stone and Krysztof Kieslowski have all passed Kerry Fox and Mark Rylance, director of send your CV to Becky Innes at the Arts friend is powerful and extremely moving. for Europeans seeking safety in through town since it was first held way the Globe Theatre, it promises to be an Picturehouse, 38-39 St Andrews Street, The anguish she feels for the conse- America. And everyone seems to pass back in 1977. Film premieres have involving experience. Other highlights Cambridge, CB2 3AR, indicating which quences of her actions on her young through Rick’s bar.. Just as Rick man- included Ridley Scott’s Thelma and including a weekend of films presented areas you would be most interested in daughter is heart-rending. ages to obtain two valuable papers of Louise, the Coens’ Barton Fink, Woody in 70mm, the inevitable retrospectives working in. This, of course, is to be expected from a transit, a Hungarian resistance fighter film of the Bergman pedigree, Liv and his wife step into the frame, with Ullmann claimed in an interview that she huge consequences. The film was worked in the sunshine of his influence, never expected to be successful, and not his shadow. If you like Bergman films had no great budget or backing. But it then you will certainly enjoy this film. It demonstrates a source of magic that is shares the grim intensity of films such as no longer present in cinema: the magic The Silence, and has the guts and voice to of Hollywood. A great, twisting plot, say something about how (in)fidelity top performances, and leads you can stays with you for some time. It suggests really root for – what more do you that life is sometimes constructed want for an evening’s entertainment? through compromise, whilst avoiding Play it, Sam. bitterness in its representation of three Tom Armitage lives that destroy each other. Reminiscent of Jules et Jim, and equally tragic in its Dogma ending, Faithless explores what it means Robinson • Thu 17 May • 9.30pm to attempt to work against society’s A moderately funny Kevin Smith yarn. boundaries. Winner of ‘bizarrest casting of God’ What is facinating about this film is the award. Hollywood buddies Damon role of the shadowy ‘Bergman’ who draws and Affleck play fallen angels or some- out the story from the sometimes reluc- such. It takes a theologian to explain tant Marianne (Endre). It is never clear if the religious bits. Not suitable for the whole episode is merely a figment of Daily Mail readers. his imagination or if he is a character Julia Blyth himself linked with the events of her life. Yet this is hardly the point. What it National Lampoon’s Animal House does do is give the film a certain poetic Corpus • Tue 15 • 8pm quality, and means it will withstand as In all its tasteless glory, Animal House is many viewings as you can give it. probably the best of National Lampoon’s movies. The plot is merci- fully brief: new kids arrive at Faber College, in 1962, and end up in the only frat house they could get into – Summertime, and the livin’ is easy… and they learn why that was fairly quickly. The film follows the antics of The ultimate revision plan courtesy of Chris Heath the members of Delta Fraternity, and e’re sorry to say that Varsity Bruckheimer, the master of high con- exciting kid’s learning programmes, but sion. The film’s star Ayesha Dharker Pinto and Flounder’s induction into Film is packing up to do its cept and the Three Act film, tried to an excuse for Hollywood to play Full impressed so much that she has been the way of the frat. What ensues is a Wfinals. But don’t youworry convince us that he gone all serious Metal Jacket again. Throw in some cast in the new Star Wars film where she collection of fabulous set pieces and we’re not going to leave you lost in a with Remember the Titans, but this bloke from Bally K and Mr Batman & can express her talent by talking blankly base gags, including much underage wilderness of bad cinema, well only if promises to be a return to form with Robin, Joel Schumacher, as director and to computer images. Meanwhile the sex, toga parties, and John Belushi’s you like it that way. Just to spite our- lots of Americans dying in prettily let the blandness commence. Finally, director of the acclaimed French come- priceless “impersonation of a zit”. It’s selves with what we are going to miss, pyrotechnic ways. Talking of pretty, also from America, comes Series 7 (1 dy Le Gout Des Autres, Agnes Jaoui, will crude, funny, highly anti establish- here is a roundup of upcoming promis- every Goth’s favourite pin up, Johnny June) a reality TV spoof where contests be visiting the Arts Picturehouse (Thu ment, of its era, and caps it all with a ing films. Depp stars in Blow (25 May) a film that are forced to kill one another. This is no 17 May, 7.10pm) along with its star wicked ending. Brainless and brilliant. The first of the big summer block- tries to do to cocaine what Boogie Running Man though, the heroine is Jean-Pierre Bacri to take your ques- Tom Armitage busters is The Mummy Returns (18 Nights did with porn. Director Ted heavily pregnant. tions. The highlight of this term’s view- June) It promises babes fighting in biki- Demme aims for Martin Scorsese’s Moving into Arts Picturehouse terri- ing though promises to be Amores Small Time Crooks nis spray painted gold. Throw in the Goodfellas but gets Brian De Palma’s tory The Terrorist will no doubt appear Perros, (Arts Picturehouse 18 May) This Churchill • Fri 11 • 8pm Rock and you realise how profoundly Snakeeyes. If you like crazy American sometime this term. Championed by film has won much critical acclaim, but Woody Allen’s most recent release, this films understands its demographic. seventies fun then there is also John Malkovich in the US this film is controversially includes a dog fighting starring Allen and Tracey Ullman as Another big Hollywood blockbuster is Tigerland (18 May) This is not a safari an intense drama about a pregnant Sri sub plot. Definitely something to get Ray and Frenchie Winkler, was greeted Pearl Harbor (1 June) Jerry park set in deepest Wiltshire, promising Lankan terrorist facing a suicide mis- your claws into. by critics as a return to form. The film resembles many of his older, most well- loved films, foregrounding a quirky love story over a New York backdrop with Allen as the (unlikely) love inter- est. Revealing a seedier side to Allen’s New York, Ray and his fellow less- than-competent crooks plot a bank robbery while Frenchie sets up a cook- ie shop to act as cover. As Ray’s crimi- nal genius fails him and the ‘robbery’ descends into farce, Frenchie’s cookies become rather more successful than planned... Eithne Staunton 11 May 2001 Sport 31 Cambridge cock-up Ball Gaemes

Gaelic football points, before full-forward Shane Horgan was pulled down in the penalty 3–10 Cambridge area, and the referee signalled a penalty kick. It was Horgan who steadied him- 0–5 Oxford self to take the penalty, and he coolly slotted the ball under the Oxford goal- Tim McKeown keeper to the obvious delight of himself and his teammates. Oxford never recov- Cambridge University Gaelic football ered from that blow, only managing team have won back the Moynihan one point in the whole of the second Cup with an overpowering perform- half. ance against their Oxford counterparts Cambridge continued to dominate, at Horspath Athletic Grounds, near and soon had the ball in the back of the Oxford, two weeks ago. net again, with Shane Horgan continu- The first half was a tight affair, with ing his excellent display by punching both teams making a cagey start, but it the ball home. This, along with some was Cambridge who got off the mark well-taken points from frees by Adrian first with a point from play. Oxford Harrington and continued good shoot- equalised soon after, but Cambridge ing by the Cambridge forwards, meant then went in front with a well-finished the visitors ended the game as comfort- goal from Aidan Campbell. The teams able winners, with a final score of exchanged scores until the referee’s Cambridge three goals and ten points, a whistle went for half time, with the total of 19 points, to Oxford’s tally of score at Oxford four points, Cambridge five points. Photo: Catherine Harrison one goal and two points (a goal is worth After the match, Cambridge captain three points) so a slender one point lead Tim McKeown agreed that his side Men’s cricket bowlers found most intimidating stand- Women’s cricket for the Light Blues at the break. were probably the better team on the ing like the Jolly Green Giant at the However, the second half was a differ- day and deserved their victory, and Cambridge UCCE lost to crease, and the Ronnie-Corbettesque- Cambridge UCCE lost to ent story. Cambridge were suddenly added that he hoped that Gaelic foot- Brown opened the batting for Durham much more able to find free men with ball will continue to grow in popularity Durham UCCE by 6 wickets and put on 96 for the first wicket in Oxford UCCE by 18 runs their passes, and had Oxford making within the University, and that the only 26 overs with Cambridge’s bowlers tactical changes to try to compensate. Varsity match will continue to be an Toby Hughes and fielders alike being a little undisci- Ellie Martin The Light Blues took some very clever annual fixture for many years to come. plined in the field. With Durham get- After Cambridge’s performance in the ting off to a flier Cambridge were always Once again, owing to the weather, BUSA championship last year the cur- going to struggle to pull them back and Oxford were drawn as the first fixture of rent season offered an opportunity to despite two late wickets by Joel Cliffe the season. Once again Cambridge right that wrong and actually try win- and Toby Hughes, who had previously somehow managed to lose a game that ning more than one game. Entering the dropped two catches earlier in the day, should have been theirs. Running free match against Durham UCCE after a and a very tight spell from Pyemont Oxford won the toss and chose to bat resounding victory over Leeds/Bradford with his twirly off-spin, Durham com- first. Cambridge started well, with a dia- UCCE Cambridge were highly opti- pleted a comfortable six wicket victory. mond duck, swiftly followed by two mistic that they could beat a very strong A disappointing result for Cambridge, more wickets. Unfortunately for them Durham side. but skipper Ben Collins was not entire- this brought two players to the crease Durham won the toss and put ly pessimistic about losing against a who, with a selection of hockey shots Cambridge into bat on a slow wicket Durham side that included several and more lives than a cat, made a sub- that offered less bounce than the M25. county contracted players. Cambridge stantial stand. Oxford comfortably bat- Openers Stuart Block and the highly will hope that they can perform better ted out their 40 overs, finishing on 135 experienced Graham Dill fell early after in their remaining BUSA matches and for 6. Dill had belied his years and hit some that their one-day form does not follow With Cambridge’s top six in great excellent shots. Vikram Kumar and the same vertical slope that it disap- form in the nets, this still looked a com- James Pyemont then put on 87 for the peared down last year. fortable target. However, in the face of third wicket, Kumar scoring another Cambridge UCCE’s season continues mediocre bowling, they proceeded to fine half century, before a middle order with a three-day game against Sussex get out in a variety of silly ways. The collapse saw Cambridge fall to 145 for beginning on 16 May and don’t forget notable exception was Eve Henshaw, 6. Only some fine scoring and scamper- that this year’s one-day Varsity match is with an outstanding innings of 40. In ing from Adam Johnson pushed the to be played at Lords on 28 June with the end a staunch innings from new- total to a below par 179 for 7, disap- entry being free for students. Come comer Kendra Butlin brought them pointing and somewhat short of the along and support Cambridge as they closer than expected, but they just mark. try to reverse their current one day form couldn’t quite make it. All in all, a very The gigantic Will Jefferson, whom the and beat Oxford. disappointing loss for Cambridge.

Ballroom dancing Women’s football The 28th Ballroom Dancing Varsity The Cupper’s Final between Girton SPORTS Match takes place at Kelsey Kerridge and Newnham will be played this on Saturday 12 May. Teams of eight Saturday 12 May. Due to be contested couples will compete in all four of the last term, it was postponed owing to standard dances: Waltz, Quickstep, waterlogged pitches. It should be a SHORTS Cha Cha and Jive. Peripheral contests closely-fought encounter as both teams in Rock ‘n’ Roll and Salsa, amongst stormed through their halves of the Women’s tennis others, will also run throughout the draw. However, Girton enjoy the The Ladies Blues beat The Hurlingham day. advantage of playing on their home Club last weekend with some convinc- Ballroom dancing has half-Blue status pitches. Kick-off 4pm. ing doubles play from the Cambridge at both Oxford and Cambridge, Rachel Sheridan & Hilary Weale side. The Blues won seven of their nine reflecting the dancers’ huge commit- matches, drawing level in the remain- ment to training and practice (over ten

ing two, with Emily Dowdeswell and hours a week in some cases, according Archery Image courtesy of CUAC Amanda Janes dropping only two to Cambridge Captain Paul Walker). On Saturday 19 May the 52nd Annual Athletics 1.30 100m (W, M) games in the course of the afternoon. 1999’s Varsity match at Kelsey Archery Varsity Match will take place Discus (M) Bizzy Stubbs and Lucy Begg overcame Kerridge attracted over 400 spectators, at Oxford on the University Parks. 1.50 3000m Steeple-chase (M) some tough opposition to win two of and with Cambridge 14 behind in Cambridge are confident of victory for Hilary Weale 2.10 100m Hurdles (W) their three matches, increasing in con- other inter-university competitions this both the Blues and novice teams. 2.20 110m Hurdles (M) fidence as the afternoon progressed. year, the Light Blues clearly have a Ian Caulfield This year’s Varsity Match is taking place 2.30 Discus (W) The fast courts and gusty winds seemed score to settle. Admission is free, and on Saturday 19 May at Wilberforce Triple Jump (M) to suit Sarah Howell and Jenny for more information see Road. With the match at home and the 2.40 400m (W, M) Burrage, who triumphed in some close- www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cdc/varsity/. Cricket timetable shown below, do take a break 3.00 1500m (W, M) ly fought rallies and quick exchanges at Cambridge University cricket club from revision to go and support the 3.15 High Jump (W) the net. 10.30 Doors Open continue their match against Essex Light Blues. 3.30 Javelin (M) A winter of indoor play and the hard 11.30 Competitions start today, the third day of three. Shot (W) work of the Blues trip to Marbella seem 12.20 Performances by XS Latin 11.30 Hammer (Men) 3.40 200m (W, M) to be paying off, but Cambridge need Formation Team 12.00 Long Jump (M) 4.00 Triple Jump (W) to maintain their present form over the 3.00-5.00 Ballroom Varsity Match Rowing 12.30 Hammer (Women) 5000m (M) coming weeks. The Varsity match, on 3.45 Cambridge University The first event of the college rowing Pole Vault (W, M) 4.25 200m Hurdles (M) 16 and 17 June, will hopefully see a Offbeat Team term takes place on Sunday 13 May. 400m Hurdles (W) 4.30 Shot (M) repeat of last year’s win, this time on 7.20 Presentations The head to head race will give an early 12.45 400m Hurdles (M) Javelin (W) home territory. 8.30 Last Waltz indication of Bumps form. 1.00 High Jump (M) 4.45 4 x 100m Relay (W, M) Amanda Janes Hilary Weale Adam Joseph Long Jump (W) 5.00 5000m (W) 800m (W, M) 5.30 4 x 400m Relay (W, M) After twelve years, Cambridge wrap up victory inVarsityAfter twelveyears,Cambridgewrapupvictory football CLIMAX CAMBRIDGE only justremoved thewhistlefrom his halcyon daysinDivision Two. that wasreminiscent ofOxford Utd’s unbridled passionofa Varsity match atmosphere, roar ofthefansandpure, and there wassomethingintheelectric the terracesseemedalmosttosparkle renewed vigour, theflakingveneer of changed: thefloodlightsshonewith However,ruins. lastFriday things desolation hangingover itsrusting United’s Manor Ground hasanairof Cambridge, itdidnotshow. Oxford to provide adauntingchallengeto wasmeant If 12years withoutavictory Tim Hall Football Premiership referee Paul Durkin had Cambridge 3 Oxford 1 from 20yards seemedtobesailing an unexpectedequaliser. Aloopingshot spurned, untilOxford suddenlystole chances were created by bothsidesbut ferociously atOxford’s heels.Half and theterrier-likeHarding snapping Paxton intheair winningeverything Harding excelled for Cambridge,with midfielders Graeme Paxton andDave a midfieldwarofattrition.Central the sameasgameinevitablybecame ful, about70strong, wildwithdelight. no chanceandsentthetravelling faith- spot kicklefttheOxford ’keeperwith didn’tcertainly ashisexpertly-taken but don’t listen:strikerDamian Kelly vage somepridefortheirfallenheroes, Student will betheverdict ofTheOxford opening. “Ball tohand” and“disputed” which wasmeritedby theirenterprising himself awarding Cambridge apenalty, mouth afterthekick-offwhenhefound For halfanhourthescore remained and Cherwell as they try tosal- as theytry logical minute” before half-time. ter timetoscore thaninthe“psycho- Atkinson wouldagree, there isnobet- nent professor ofthegameRon side intheirhomestadium.Asthe emi- Academy side3-1andscare anational teams don’t pasta cruise West Ham wilted underthepressure. But lesser tile crowd, alesserteammighthave equaliserinfront ofahos- unfortunate show theirmettle.Stunned by an repeated Oxford efforts. looked asimposingever instifling and man-of-the-matchHepburn in thecentre ofdefencewhere Treharne of pressure butheldfirm,particularly Cambridge hadtowithstandatorrent voicefound new andhope.Briefly again inthebalanceasOxford fans Madden. 1–1andthegamewasyet stranded Cambridge’keeperDan before dippingsharply over theheadof harmlessly over theCambridge goal It wasnow thatCambridgehadto game continued. It is testamenttothe confidence wasvisiblygrowing asthe amongst theCambridgeplayers, whose for thecausewasclearlyevident 45 minutesoftheseason.Such passion strength inthelastandmostimportant players of tocommitalltheirreserves his ments briefathalf-time,exhorting ing room forCambridge,kepthiscom- stroke ofstealingthehomesidedress- er pulledoffthepsychological master- er. the ballpastflailingOxford ’keep- Hardingever-alert tostealinandtuck referee Durkin waved playonforthe brought down intheensuingmêlée, yards from goal.Ashewascynically falling tostrikerGoran Glamocak six met by theheadofPaxton before cally-assured rightbackBen Challiswas the first.Alongthrow from thetypi- ond strikefollowed asimilar courseto Cambridge dulyobligedandtheirsec- Coach John Drabwell, whohadearli- Varsity footballforalengthy period. Cambridge have thechancetodominate future conquests.Now, atlonglast, Cambridge side,thoughtsturned to was muchappreciated by allofthe their loyal whosepresence supporters, team paradedthetrophy infront of end toahighlysuccessfulseason. As the jubilation thatfollowed were afitting penaltykick. superbly-struck Cambridge’s third withanother Kelly tonotchhissecondgoaland close. However, itwaslefttoDamian Maluza, Hall andGlamocak allgoing created numerous chanceswith Dan Madden. Cambridgemeanwhile shot well-blocked by thelegsofkeeper entirety ofthesecondhalf, askidding created onlyonereal inthe opportunity captain Paul Dimmock, thatOxford player-of-the-season andnextseason’s rate, exemplified by figures suchas team’s organisationandtireless work- 3–1 itremained, andthescenesof

Photo: The Oxford Student