AN EXISTENTIAL-PHENOMENOLOGICAL APPROACH TO UNDERSTANDING THE EXPERIENCE OF ROMANTIC LOVE by KAREN EVE LECOVIN B.G.S., Simon Fraser University, 1984 A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES Counselling Psychology We accept this thesis as conforming to the required standard THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA August, 1990 © Karen Eve Lecovin, 1990 In presenting this thesis in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an advanced degree at the University of British Columbia, I agree that the Library shall make it freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for extensive copying of this thesis for scholarly purposes may be granted by the head of my department or by his or her representatives. It is understood that copying or publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without my written permission. Department of Counselling Psychology The University of British Columbia Vancouver, Canada DE-6 (2/88) Abstract The purpose of this existential-phenomenological study was to investigate the meaning of a romantic love experience. Six adult co-researchers discussed their romantic love experience with the researcher. The co-researchers were asked to recall the time before, during, and after the love experience. Two interviews were conducted. The initial in- depth interviews were tape-recorded and transcribed. The transcripts were analyzed according to the method outlined by Colaizzi (1978). Twenty-two themes were explicated from the transcripts. These were written into an exhaustive description of a romantic love experience. The essential structure of the experience was culled from the exhaustive description. The transcripts, the themes, the exhaustive description and the essential structure were validated by the co-researchers. The description of a romantic love experience is a starting point both for future research and for the development of appropriate counselling techniques to be used with clients who are romantic by disposition or by situation. iii Table of Contents Page ABSTRACT ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS V I. INTRODUCTION History 1 Modern Period . 5 Significance of the Study 6 Purpose of the Study 8 Definitions 10 II. REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE Table 1 - Models of Romantic Love 13 The Cultural Model Assumptions of the Cultural Model 14 The Limerent Model Assumptions of the Current Model 19 The Chemical Model Assumptions of the Chemical Model 24 The Addiction Model Assumptions of the Addiction Model 27 Romantic Love and the Clinicians 31 Freud Assumptions of Freud 32 Froitira Assumptions of Fromm 34 Maslow Assumptions of Maslow 37 Branden Assumptions of Branden 41 Social Scientists and Romantic Love Assumptions of the Social Scientists .... 44 iv Critique 51 III. METHOD Method 55 Co-Researchers. 57 Selection of Co-researchers 57 Demographic Information 57 Phenomenological Interview 58 Analysis of Protocols 60 IV. RESULTS Application of Themes 62 Themes 65 Clusters of Themes 77 Three Phases of a Romantic Love Experience. ... 78 Concept of Viewing Exhaustive Description .... 79 Exhaustive Description 80 Concept for Viewing the Essential Structure ... 88 Essential Structure 88 V. DISCUSSION Theoretical Implications 93 Limitations of the Study 98 Implications for Counselling 101 Implications for Future Research . 103 SUMMARY 104 BIBLIOGRAPHY 106 APPENDIX A: Letter of Introduction and Consent. ... 121 APPENDIX B: Protocols 122 V Acknowledgements I wish to express appreciation to my co-researchers for their willingness to share their romantic love experiences with me. I also wish to express special thanks to Larry Cochran for his helpful guidance. A warm thank-you to special friends Susan Landau, Pamela Biela, Harriett Wolfe, and Lillian Maurice for their support and encouragement. Finally, thank you to my family for providing me the space to complete this thesis. 1 CHAPTER 1: Introduction What is this thing called love This funny thing called love Just who can solve its mystery Why should it make a fool of me (Porter, 1929) The aim of this thesis is to investigate the meaning of romantic love by studying human experience. Throughout history every Western civilization has had its own concept of romantic love. The threads from these concepts have been interwoven to form the fabric of romantic love as we know it today. It is important, therefore, to understand each thread and how it changed or refined the concepts of romantic love previously held. History The origin of romantic love in the West is generally traced to courtly love in feudal times (Beigel, 1951; Hunt, 1959). However, an examination of the literature shows evidence of it as early as Plato's symposium (1951), which contains a systematic discussion of romantic love. Plutarch, a Roman in the first century B.C., expressed concern that romantic love was a threat to the family (Hunt, 1959). He feared that a love based on personal attraction was an antagonistic relationship which could exist only outside of-marriage. The adulterous, passionate indulgence of desire was also emphasized by Ovid in his Art of Love 2 (Ovid, 1959). During the decline of the Roman Empire, influenced by the Christian Church and its asceticism, the newly emerging idea of love emphasized sexual restraint. St. Augustine urged Romans to abandon romantic love in favour of a "broader conception of love that places emphasis on everlasting responsibility between husband and wife" (Lantz, 1982, p. 448). Courtly love in the middle ages deserves particular mention because it is central to modern understanding of romantic love. The ideals of Christian love (agape) and the passionate feelings of Hellenic Rome (Eros) were combined into a new conception of love. Men attached their spiritual longings to women who were sexually unreachable (Hunt, 1959). The prototype for this model of ennobling love is that of Dante's devotion to Beatrice, with whom he had no physical contact. However, in northern France, the version of love which developed was more tolerant to consummation of attraction. Capellanus (1941) in The Art of Courtly Love codified rules governing it. Love, he claimed, was necessarily adulterous, while feelings of affection were more appropriate to marriage. There remains, however, a controversy as to whether this accurately describes the rules of courtly love or if it was meant as a spoof (Singer, 1984) . This period of history has come under considerable debate throughout the ages. Many historians believe that 3 the courtly influence was positive and that love was purified by the troubadour influence (Hunt, 1959). Denis de Rougement (19 56), however, maintains that courtly love had a devastating influence on Western society and its legacy is the source of much unhappiness and the high divorce ra.te. Biegel (1951) disagrees, concluding that romantic love, inherited from the courtly love tradition, "provides one of the few positive factors in mate selection, allowing relief and emotional gratification in the enormous stress of civilization" (p. 334). Other theorists emphasize different aspects. Murstein (1974) describes courtly love as an "ennobling, burning passion" impossible between husband and wife (p. 108). Singer (1984) emphasizes the importance of frustrated sexual desire in courtly love, and Beigel (1951) points out the similarity between the experience of the courtly lover and that of a modern adolescent who impresses his girl with peer-defined feats. Because of the range of emotions which come under the classification of courtly love, it is difficult to describe it by a single component. However, it does appear that this period introduced the possibility of mutuality in attraction. This concept too is central to the modern understanding of romantic love. • Another theme, which emerged during the Renaissance, was the dichotomy of man's attitude toward women (Hunt, 1959). Woman was idealized for her beauty, yet lusted after 4 and despised for her sexuality. Perhaps related, persecution of witches grew to a feverish pitch because of the belief that certain women had cohabited with the devil in order to gain power over men (Hunt, 1959). In 16th Century England, King Henry VIII placed passion over reason, thus establishing a break from traditional concepts of love and marriage. For love of Anne Boleyn, he defied the Roman Catholic sanction against divorce. While sex and love were not tolerated outside of marriage, both were acceptable within it (Hunt, 1959). The Enlightenment, which dominated 18th century thought, saw the aristocracy and upper middle-class scorn emotion. The ideal was to separate love from sex by allowing free play of carnal desire (Hunt, 1959). Yet, it was the era which fostered an obsession with the social rituals of gallantry, flirtation, seduction and adultery. These excesses found literary expression in the myths of Don Juan and the violent eroticism of the Marquis de Sade. The modern version of romantic love began to flower in the pre-modern world of industrialization and urbanization. Stone (1977) and Trumbach (1978) documented the decline in patriarchy and the rise of domesticity which resulted in greater value being placed on individualism (Lantz, 1982). As a result, in early 19th century Europe, it was acceptable for both sexes to choose their mates on the basis of romantic attraction. In North America, where the rights of 5 the individual and romantic love were interlocked, even greater emphasis was given to choice. Victorian love was considered to be a defence against the changes brought by the industrial revolution (Hunt, 1959). Romantic feelings towards woman tended to merge with filial love. This caused a prudish attitude to re-emerge in the face of potentially incestuous temptations (Hunt, 1959). However, as in other eras which separated sexual feelings from a love object, there co-existed a perception of a decadent class of women with whom men satisfied their sexual attitudes. Freud's analysis of love in this period identified a direct relationship between frustrated sexual feelings and the tendency to idealize (Hale, 1985).