The History of O-Week
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THE HISTORY OF O-WEEK THE AMAZING TRUE STORY OF A GIRTHIER MAG THAN NORMAL. MOSTLY HOW CAMPUS WATCH CAME TO BE ADS THOUGH. EXTRA SPECIAL EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW CRITIC EDITOR WEEPS SOFTLY BEHIND WITH INTERNATIONAL SEX-SYMBOL HIS DESK AS HE WRITES HIS FINAL JAMES HEATH EDITORIAL. REST OF CRITIC STAFF PRETEND NOT TO SEE. PHOTOS OF THE CLIMATE MARCH THAT CRITIC CULTURE EDITOR MANAGES TO BRING DISSERTATION ARE BETTER THAN ANYTHING ANY OTHER UP TO WORDCOUNT BY USING THE WORD “VERY” 10,000 TIMES MEDIA GOT BECAUSE OUR PHOTOGRAPHER BEFORE THE WORD “BAD” (FOR EMPHASIS) IS WAY TOO GOOD FOR US. CRITIC DESIGNER PRETTY EXCITED TO HAVE TIME TO BAKE SOME A CENTREFOLD THAT DEMONSTRATES QUALITY SOURDOUGH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SEND US CRITIC EDITOR BOOKS TICKETS TO KYRGYZSTAN TO LIVE OUT REST THOUSANDS OF EXTRA LARGE, ABOUT OF LIFE IN EXILE TO EXPIRE CONDOMS 2019 CRITIC IS OUT. SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE: TERRY GRANT, THE LONG-AWAITED RETURN OF THE HAMISH MCNEILLY, ELENA MCPHEE (LUV U XX), ARCHIBALD CAMBELL, MATT CUTLER, HARLENE VEDA HAYNE, BONNIE HARRISON, CEDRIC QI, DAVID HASSELHOFF, BOB ADAM SANDLER COLUMN (LOL JK) BARLIN, CATHERINE PAGE, BARRY “BARRY” STEWART, HANNAH MORGAN, MADELEINE CHAPMAN, GREGOR WHYTE, HAMISH MCKENZIE, MADDY PHILLIPS, SAM MCCHESNEY, TWO WHOLE PAGES OF MOANINGFUL DAVID SEYMOUR, THE VIT-CS, NAT MOORE, AND JOEL MACMANUS. CONFESSIONS YOU CAN RUB YOUR GENITALS TO IN THE BACK OF YOUR LECTURE. EDITORIAL: GOODBYE By Charlie O’Mannin Critic has been around for 94 years. Over that three words in 96 point font: DON’T BE BORING. the World Nomad Games, the Olympics of tradi- time we’ve changed dramatically in every Despite the impressive font size, some Critic tional Central Asian sports, which include firing way possible. We’ve gone from a journal to a editors clearly didn’t read this. There were arrows with your feet, riding a horse while on newspaper to a magazine. We’ve been wildly years where Critic was fucking boring. In fire, and a team sport where you’ve got to get a successful and we’ve been mediocre and 2014, Harlene Hayne told the OUSA Exec that dead goat into a paddling pool from horseback. we’ve been absolute shit. she was “now comfortable to leave a copy [of Mostly just the Central Asian countries enter, I’ve worked at Critic for the past three years. I Critic] on an airline whereas previously I would but a bunch of others send teams, including was sub-editor in 2017, and seeing the amount not”. The ‘previously’ she’s referring to here is the Philippines and the United States. New of issues that came back unread every week was 2011/12 Critic, which was the fucking best. Zealand has never sent anyone, so qualifying heartbreaking. If I physically saw anyone reading 2014 was the start of three years of decline in shouldn’t be too hard. Anyone who wants to the magazine it would make my week. It felt like Critic’s readership. Turns out Harlene doesn’t join my team, tryouts will be on the Union Lawn we were just making a magazine for ourselves. have great taste in Critics. 2pm Tuesday (byo horse). But these last two years have been a wild ride. There’s no way that Harlene would have left any I love Critic, I love the people who make it with We’ve almost doubled our print run, our stories of this year’s Critics on a plane, if she’d even me, and I love all of you for reading it. It has regularly make national news, and people are have taken it on in the first place. If this is my been an honour to work for you. actually reading the magazine. only achievement in life, I’ll die a happy man. It’s in your hands now. Keep Critic alive for me. The first page of the big document that gets This is the last issue of Critic for the year. It is In five years when I’m flying back from Kyrgyz- passed from Critic Editor to Critic Editor, starting also my last issue as Editor. I’m stepping down stan, I don’t want to find that Harlene’s left a with 2002 Critic Editor Patrick Crewdson, is just to concentrate on my dream of competing at copy of the latest issue on the plane. 7 FINAL ISSUE EDITORIAL EDITOR Chazza O’Mazza NEWS EDITOR Ezme Perfection Hall FEATURES EDITOR Chelle 'rock hard' Fitzgerald CULTURE EDITOR Henething is Possible our land, rivers and ocean. $12115 a week, which is an unrea- SUB EDITOR Jamie CoolCunt MacTaggart Single use plastics and polysty- sonable standard of living for us to CHIEF REPORTER renes are a massive issue for us, expect of our dear Vice Chancellor. Shinaid Gull for your children and mine, our Cutting the Humanities was widely STAFF WRITERS grandchildren, great grandchil- regarded by many to be a positive Caroline Mormoney, Erin Gourbestwriter, Nina Missyoual- dren, and all our ancestors for move. I propose that we addition- ready, O-when you coming back the next 500+ years. Our super- ally cut the Commerce budget in CONTRIBUTORS markets, restaurants shops, order to fund Harlene’s lifestyle, as Sophiamerican girl, Condom Jacket Designer, Cacklemeister, manufacturing plants and our commerce students know how to Wyatt Ryot DESIGN homes are full of them. Now our handle their money and won’t be green spaces, rivers, beaches, affected by the change. Further- DESIGNER Letter of the week wins Dough man and definitely our oceans are also more, Health Science students a $30 voucher from ILLUSTRATORS full of them! could do with a hearty slicing to The elusive Sasquatch, University Book Shop! Plastic also adds to greenhouse their budget. We all know that Asia not the continent gas emissions at every stage of its doctors end up rich anyway, and CENTREFOLD Sarah Walton Letter of lifecycle, from its production to its the other health sciences are Dayna Charlesworth the Week refining and the way it is managed essentially irrelevant. PHOTOGRAPHER This magazine uses many foul lan- as a waste product. Ai-the fucking MAN Amerul Muner guage. You are all too young for it. The sad thing is that we already Science is defined as “the study of PRODUCTION Grow up please. have sustainable alternatives the structure and behavior of the ONLINE that could replace these single physical and natural world through Alex McKetamine use items. observation and experiment”. This DISTRIBUTION Please apply for distributor To the law student who looked out If all the students who marched observation requires zero funding, 2020-Sullivan the window at the people gath- to highlight the issue of climate as one can easily go outside and ering for the Strike for Climate change signed this petition (and look at a rock for free. We don’t Advertising Sales Tim Couch Protest and condescendingly said shared to other students and need a Zoology department when Jared Anglesey Peter Ramsay "Pretty shit excuse for a protest if friends) - our government would one can just go to the Botanical [email protected] you have to practice your chants have to at least take note, and, with Gardens and grab a duck. Rid of Phone: 03 479 5361 beforehand." This is why people enough pressure, plan and imple- the Sciences entirely. Connect hate us. Also that happens at ment the change we need to stop Read Online Critic.co.nz, every protest ever. allowing more plastics to come Law students can stay, as law stu- Issuu.com/critic_Te_Arohi into, or be produced, in our country. dents are famously beloved by all, GET IN TOUCH [email protected] ~ Not as much of an elitist as you I am asking you to share this peti- and they would probably try to sue Facebook/CriticTeArohi Tweet/CriticTeArohi tion in any way you can to fellow us otherwise. 03 479 5335 P.O.Box 1436, Dunedin students in support of a clean NZ Dear Otago Uni Students’ Association without plastic, and to help with We should not allow Harlene to Following the huge student cli- climate change. Here’s the link: wallow in poverty any longer. It’s Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student mate change marches, I hope http://chng.it/yZPMnnRn time for us to make a change. Press Association (ASPA) you will encourage your friends I say to my friends - Share if you care! Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent and fellow students to continue Thanks to all of you for being leaders. the views of the Editor, PMDL, or OUSA. pressure on the NZ government. Vicki NZ Media Council: People with a complaint against a magazine should first complain I want to share with you one way to in writing to the Editor and then, if not sat- isfied with the response, complain to the push for one small practical step 1:59am NZDT, Sunday 7 April: I NZ Media Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, info@medi- with a huge impact to create the In 2017, Harlene Hayne received eagerly await the end of daylight acouncil.org.nz. change we need - and to clean up $630,000 in a year. This is only savings and the extra hour I’ll get Artwork by Sinead Gill in town, only to get my hopes crushed by a bouncer telling me the DCC instructed them to close at their original time. 4:38am AEST, Saturday 14 Sep- tember: I enter the world’s most gacked Thai restaurant while I’m travelling, leave there at 8am, and arrive at my uncle’s place at 10am seeming slightly too upbeat.