COMMUNICATING RISK Interviews with scientists and journalists on the challenge of communicating risk accurately. Page 10

“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1487 FELIX 06.05.11 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 NEW WEBSITE £40 million MECH ENG BLUNDER budget shortfall £3 million exhaust system built with wrong type CEO of Imperial NHS Trust, Stephen Smith, warns of fund- ing gap due to ‘funding with- of steel; responsibility for error undetermined drawals’ from local Primary Care Trusts. Page 2 Kadhim Shubber supposed to ventilate toxic gases from mistake was discovered, “it was felt that engine test labs to the roof, and is part [the exhaust system] wouldn’t stand up We redesigned our A team of technical experts is currently of a wider £13.5 million refurbishment to long-term use”. He emphasised that Science investigating how a £3 million exhaust of Mech Eng being carried out by the the liability for the mistake was still website. Check it out! system, in the Mechanical Engineering construction fi rm ISG. unknown and didn’t rule out the possi- Challenge starts building, came to be built with galvan- The refurbishment was originally bility that Imperial would have to meet felixonline.co.uk ised, instead of stainless steel. The Col- planned to have been completed in some of the extra costs. Funding diffi culties mean this lege were reluctant to reveal the cost October 2010 but has faced delays and He said that other work, in addition year’s delayed Science Chal- of fi xing the error, saying only that it rising costs due to the exhaust system to the original £13.5 million contract, lenge is vastly scaled-down in was less than half of the original cost, mistake and other additional work. The was also ongoing and said that the fi nal comparison to previous years. meaning that whichever party is found refurbishment is now intended to fi nish cost of the refurbishment was still to be Page 2 liable could face a bill of up to £1.5 in the summer. agreed. BOOKS million. Steve Howe, Director of Capital Proj- ISG did not respond to a request for The heavy-gauge exhaust system is ects and Planning, said that when the comment. Football team fi ned Football team sanctioned by Facebook fraud befriends freshers Amateur Football Association and Sport Imperial after fans fi ght with UCL players at ULU This year, Cup Final. Page 4 Interview with unsuspecting novellist David freshers became Campus Mitchell: Page 25 friends with ‘Demi’. demonstration But she doesn’t exist Anti-Ethiopian government protestors descend on and the photo is campus to protest an Ethiopian HANGMAN government conference in the stolen. Page 2 Great Hall. Page 4

Imperial mourns The Summer Ball 2011 Anthony Soh Friends hold memorial service A new-look Summer Ball has been in memory of 1st year Me- chanical Engineering student announced, with more live acts and a Looking back at Anthony Soh, who lost his life this Easter. Page 5 festival feel. But what do students think? ‘SexyOsama69’:

Page 7 Headliner Laura Marling Page 30 2 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus Sylvester goes to Union Notice Lunchtime Concert the Himalayas Union Elections If you are looking for a break during all those hours Nominations open Monday 9th May of revision, or simply to enjoy something a little bit different on campus, this lunchtime concert, with From the people who brought you ‘The Sabbatical Elec- Imperial performers, is just the right thing for you. tions’ last term, get ready for this term’s epic ‘Central The programme is yet to be decided, but it’s free Union Elections’. The positions are all about contributing and open to all. Contact Andrea Robins – a.robins@ positively to the Union and to your fellow students’ experi- imperial.ac.uk – for more information about the ences at Imperial, and span a range of welfare and rep- programme. resentation roles. They include: Council Chair, Court Ad- vocate, Community Action Group Chair, RAG Chair, Equal Read Lecture Theatre, Sherfield Opportunities Offi cer, Disabilities Offi cer, LGBT Offi cer, International Offi cer, Interfaith Offi cer, Gender Equality 12 May 13:00–13:45 Offi cer, Healthy Living Offi cer, and Environmental Offi cer. More information about these positions and running for election can be found at www.imperialcollegeunion.org. Get involved! Swarm of Robots Dr Frantisek Stepanek Exam Calendar Centrefold discusses the role of microscopic robots in We hope that you’ve all been revising extremely hard this drug delivery in the past Easter and... oh, you haven’t? You’ve been frolicking body. These robots are in the sun, drinking Pimms and fantasising about Pippa being designed to adopt The library gets really weird after midnight... Middleton? Well not to worry, there’s still time! And to the characteristics of help you organise your revision schedule and remember swarms of birds to what day your exams are on, we’ve made you a lovely deliver drugs in new You may have exam calendar. It’s on the opposite side of the Naked ways. £3. Contact Centrefold. Good luck Imperial! Jill Cook – admin@ spotted Serge friendsofimperial.org.uk – for more information. Vasilechko, pictured, G16, SAF Building running around Lolcat of teh week 12 May 19:00–20:00 campus this Easter, climbing stuff and generally acting Better, Stronger, Faster silly. Fortunately it’s not because exam

Lower back pain will affect some 80% of us at some stress has got to him. He’s raising money point in our lives, but our ability to treat this problem is limited at best. Professor Alison McGregor talks for an epic 18-day, 660km cycle across about why our backs have not been built to last and how environment, lifestyle, injury, and genetics the Himalayas. The money raised will go to affect the spine. Registration in advance. Contact Kathleen Weeks – [email protected] – to community development projcets through reserve a place and for more information. ChildReach International. Find out more by Glenister LT, Charing Cross Campus searching ‘Sylvester goes to the Himalayas’ 12 May 17:30–18:30 on Facebook.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011.

Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Reporters Katherine Bettany Charles Betts Sophia David Maciej Matuszewski Deepka Rana Aemun Reza Ian Wei Umair Aasem Genevieve Pugh Haralambos Dayantis Madhura Ghosh Victoria Druce Catherine Lu Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Thea Cunningham Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam Comment Editors Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Jade Hoffman Ed Knock TV Editors Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova Food Editors Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Books Editor Guo Heng Chin Photo Editors Miles Robertson Thomas Welch Travel Editor Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta Zainab Ali Shruti Mishra Sophia Man Tim Arbabzadah Jamie Fraser Veli Akiner Illustrators Luca de Benedetti Hamish Muir Benjamin Kennedy Amanda Diez Joshua Yerrell FELIX Friday 06 may 2011 3 NEWS £40 million shortfall in Imperial NHS Trust budget Facebook fraud Mike Finn-Kelcey/Imperial College London Christopher Richardson

With her big bright eyes, a selfl ess de- sire to help those in need, and an unri- valled passion for the sounds of obscure bands you’d have to Google just to maintain conversation, Demi Atkinson certainly ticked all the boxes. And to your average Imperial fresher, confi ned to our beloved South Ken bubble with a less-than-ideal male to female ratio, perfect she did seem. We’re lucky to live in a time and age university life. dozens of faux accounts they’d created. where new students no longer face that When her best friend Lara announced One has to wonder what kind of motive Imperial NHS Trust CEO Stephen Smith daunting prospect of showing up at uni- the tragic news of her death we were all someone would have. I mean, Imperial versity and having nobody to talk to: devastated. Demi had died of sudden freshers are hardly the most robust or thanks to Zuckerberg and his cronies unexpected death syndrome due to the interesting targets in the world. Perhaps Ben Scally West London; and includes Charing one can muster up a whole jamboree of unbearable stresses that life had bur- someone has a deranged ex-lover look- Cross, Hammersmith, Queen Char- acquaintances before arriving on that dened her with. As is the custom in this ing to keep tabs on them. Imperial College NHS Trust faces a lotte’s & Chelsea, St Mary’s and West- rainy day in October. And that’s what bizarre and often cringe-invoking age, The whole situation seems like an budget shortfall of £40m next year, ac- ern Eye hospitals. It is one of the biggest I and countless other schmucks spent countless messages bombarded Demi’s Aesop’s fable for the Facebook genera- cording to CEO of the Trust and Pro- acute trusts in the country, with more hours doing in the months preceding wall, and amongst the dozens of fresh- tion: we should certainly be more careful Rector Stephen Smith. than one million patient contacts each moving-in day last year. ers who knew her, several tears were about who we’re trusting online. I’m sure Recently published board papers have year. It is not yet known which services Like many, I’d had my fair share of shed. those involved will be a lot more scepti- revealed, for the fi rst time, the state of will be affected by the cuts. However, regular conversations with Demi, most- But by pure serendipity it was un- cal: a well-established Facebook profi le ongoing service level agreements for they will add pressure to currently con- ly about her woeful life. Her mother veiled that Demi didn’t actually ex- doesn’t make anybody more ‘real’. And Imperial NHS Trust in 2011-12. Ste- strained services – the Trust already has was dying of cancer, so she’d selfl essly ist. Her mother hadn’t died of cancer. as our social interactions diminish and phen Smith announced the £40m budget a backlog of orthopaedic and trauma fl unked out of university to be by her There was no record of a deferred place we irreversibly dive further into depen- gap in a speech to the trust’s board of cases. A spokesperson for the college side. Although her father had walked for her at Imperial. Sudden unexpected dency on such sites, perhaps we should directors and explained it was “due to was not available to comment on wheth- out yesteryear she wasn’t entirely alone, death syndrome is genetic and gener- also be asking what kind of responsibil- volume and funding withdrawals” from er the cuts would have any impact on and had both her older brother and close ally affi liated with young Laotian men. ity the site owners should be taking. the services commissioned by local Pri- the quality of medical education offered friends from Exeter standing by at all Demi’s Facebook photographs had been Deceit on the internet is hardly a mary Care Trusts. to students across Imperial NHS trust. times to lend her a helping hand. taken from an innocent bystander from ground-breaking phenomenon, but it’s A spokeswoman for the trust said The announcement adds to the prob- October came and went but Demi’s Sheffi eld who an Imperial fresher just the nature of this incident and the fact that £40m was “not a defi nite sum” and lems troubling NHS London. As a result mother was too ill to be left alone, so so happened to meet. that it is so close to home that make it so would depend on the outcome of the of tough ongoing negotiations, hospi- Demi had arranged a deferred place When confronted, Demi’s profi le as interesting: how can a bunch of alleged- ongoing negotiations. She also refuted tals have become locked in arbitration, with Imperial. Unfortunately her moth- well as those of her elaborate friend- ly-bookish Imperialites be so blind and reports in the media that the trust is in though so far Imperial has managed to er passed away before Christmas, and ship and family circle vanished into foolish to something which in retrospect ‘turnaround’. The spokeswoman said avoid this fate. In March, Iain Duncan myself and others gradually became cyberspace. Somebody clearly had a lot seems entirely absurd? Be careful, kids: that the current fi nancial environment Smith, former Conservative leader, de- more concerned as Demi’s depression of time on their hands, investing hours there are sick perverts out there, and faced by acute trusts was “extremely livered a petition to Downing Street op- and cocaine use heightened, but spoke each evening not only talking to people, they want to have a long, hard gaze at tough”. She also described the size and posing local hospital unit closures. The to her less and less as we settled into but also talking to themselves from the your revision-orientated status updates. scale of the cuts that trusts have been strategic plan for NHS London has been asked to make as “very challenging”. under review since the coalition gov- A spokesman for NHS London said ernment halted the previous Labour ad- that there were always “robust discus- ministration’s plans, which were largely sions” about hospital budgets at this based on recommendations drawn up by time of year, and that it was “committed Imperial’s Lord Darzi. Scaled-down Science Challenge launches to managing constrained levels of fund- The coalition government has current- ing and using its budget more effi cient- ly put Andrew Lansley’s controversial ly”. He said that the NHS in London Health and Social Care Bill on hold for Kadhim Shubber the questions based on their fi eld of in- said that they were left scrambling for was “working hard” at this, and would a two-month ‘listening exercise’ follow- terest and then judge the entries, some- sponsorship after Shell pulled out in Oc- be “radically slimming down its man- ing widespread criticism. This has been The Royal College of Science Union thing that is not present this year. tober, but that they were unsuccessful. agement structures”. undermined by a leaked confi dential (RCSU) Science Challenge fi nally The prize money this year is also sub- The only funding for the competition The mounting fi nancial challenge memo from NHS chief executive David launched last week. The essay writing stantially smaller. In previous years the this year is £5,000 from the Faculty of comes at a time when Imperial will Nicholson, published in the Guardian, competition offers cash prizes of up to totally prize pot has been up to £16,000, Natural Sciences. also lose three of its senior executives. which drew a red line beneath certain £2,000 and is open to Imperial students while this year it is £5,000. It is also The uncertainty over funding meant Stephen Smith will leave Imperial in aspects of the bill that the government and students from schools in the UK. unclear what sort of awards ceremony that they were unable to confi rm that September to step up his involvement will not change. Labour opposition has However, the competition this year is there will be, if any at all, as the winners the competition would go ahead until in the newly founded Lee Kong Chian slammed the ‘listening exercise’ as a PR vastly scaled-down in comparison with will be announced at the very end of the April, by which point it was too late to Medical School in Singapore, a joint stunt. previous years and has faced delays due year on the 24th of June. book prominent judges. It was decided venture between Imperial and Nanyang Last month, the Royal College of Nurs- to funding problems. RCSU President Scott Heath ex- that running a down-scaled competition Technological University. In his place, ing passed an overwhelming vote of no Entrants have until 6pm on the 3rd plained that they faced diffi culties in would be better than not running the Mark Davies has been appointed as in- confi dence in the reforms after Lansley of June to submit an 800-word answer securing funding for the competition competition at all. terim CEO of the Trust. Chief fi nancial decided not to speak at its annual con- to one of four questions. The Science and that there was some doubt wheth- offi cer Tony Graff will also leave at the ference – the fi rst health secretary not to Challenge is not usually held during the er it would go ahead at all. Both Shell end of the month, while chief informa- do so in eight years. Lansley also failed exam period, in previous years it has and Winton Capital Management, who tion offi cer Alistair Shearin will retire in to turn up to make a keynote speech at been announced in January and held in have generously funded the competi- For more information about how to September. the launch of Imperial’s newly formed the Spring term. Additionally it is tra- tion in previous years, declined to spon- enter, go to: Imperial NHS Trust covers North- School of Public Health, in February. ditional for prominent scientists to pose sor the Science Challenge this year. He www.rcsu.org.uk/sciencechallenge 4 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX News Editors: Alex Karapetian Matthew Colvin NEWS [email protected] Sports Chaos at campus demonstration Football team fined after ULU Police prevent protestors from storming Sherfi eld Cup fight Ben Scally Ben Scally

The football team has been fi ned £100 by the Ama- Chaos broke out at a demonstration held on teur Football Association (AFA) after a fi ght broke campus when a fi re alarm was triggered and out at the 19th of March ULU Cup Final with UCL. forced hundreds of students to evacuate the The club was charged with failing to control its sup- central library. The demonstration was in porters, to which they pleaded guilty, and one indi- protest at an Ethiopian government confer- vidual, whose case has yet to be heard, has been ence being held in the Great Hall on Saturday charged with assault on a UCL player. 16th April. In the confusion that followed the The fi ght is believed to have broken out towards alarm, protesters breached police barriers and the end of the match between a small group of attempted to storm the Sherfi eld building. Imperial fans and UCL substitutes. Simon Kilroy, Almost fi fty people gathered to stage a dem- Imperial club captain, said that he didn’t condone onstration against the Ethiopian government, “any act of violence or physical intimidation per- which they accuse of human rights abuses. petrated by anybody associated” with the football Protesters were initially penned near the bio- club and that it was “disappointing that the actions chemistry building, with a police guard lim- of small minority of both universities have marred ited to only a handful of offi cers. At 2.43pm, a the game”. break glass panel was smashed in the southern He added that he and other members of the entrance foyer of the Sherfi eld building, trig- football club committee “worked continuously with gering the fi re alarm. The central library, which those inside and outside of the university to re- was packed with students revising for summer- solve the issue”. term exams, was evacuated and hundreds of students spilled out onto the Queen’s lawn. In the commotion, protesters broke past police James Pope Michiel Blokzijl “Two football club members barriers and tried to enter the Sherfi eld build- ing where the conference was taking place. have been banned from playing Police offi cers blocked protesters at the en- trance to the building and more offi cers arrived sport at Imperial again” at the scene shortly after. Hundreds of evacu- ated students gathered to watch the demonstra- tion outside Sherfi eld, with some complaining Accounts of the violence differ, with Mr. Kilroy about the disruption to their revision. The con- saying that the UCL substitutes turned a verbal ference was cancelled due to the escalation of confrontation into a physical altercation, while UCL the protests and all of the delegates left campus club captain Mike Tetstall said that the trigger was for safety reasons. The protesters followed to when an Imperial fan slapped a UCL substitute’s the Ethiopian embassy on Exhibition Road to head. It is believed that one of the Imperial fans continue their demonstration. The library was involved in the fi ght was wearing a red morph suit. eventually re-opened for students at 3.10pm, Mr Tetstall laid the blame entirely at the feet of after almost half an hour of disorder, when col- Imperial saying, “the blame for the incident has to lege security offi cers reset the broken alarm fall on the Imperial fans who went out of their way panel. The identity of the perpetrator who trig- to start trouble” gered the fi re alarm is not known. Some students were unimpressed with In addition to the sanctions imposed by the A delegation of Ethiopian government offi - having their revision disrupted Police reinforcements arrive Amateur Football Association, Sport Imperial has cials, headed by Minister for the Civil Service, banned two Imperial Football Club members from Ato Juneidi Sado, attended the conference on all Sport Imperial facilities for life, meaning that the Growth and Transformation Plan (GTP) for that “academic institutions can’t become pup- A spokesperson for the Ethiopian embassy they will not be able to play any sport at Imperi- Ethiopia. The Network Against Injustice and pets to a political agenda.” However, another claimed, “some of them [the protesters] are al- al again. One of these club members is facing a Repression in Ethiopia organised Saturday’s student complained, “we don’t know both lied to terrorist organisations” and cited a fl ag charge for assault from the AFA. The sanctions for demonstration. Similar demonstrations, organ- sides of the story”. Many students were un- raised at the protest that they attributed to a rebel that member could include a complete ban or a ised by affi liated groups, have led to the can- happy with the distraction from revision and insurgency group, the Ogaden National Libera- fi n e . cellation of GTP conferences held at two other crowded around the library entrance, starting a tion Front (ONLF). However, a key organiser of Two other club members have been banned from western universities in recent months. small demonstration of their own. the demonstration refuted these claims and said Sport Imperial facilities until the 1st October 2011. Ethiopia received 700,000 tonnes of food Protesters at the demonstration were of all that the fl ag belonged to the Ogaden region and Sport Imperial have also removed all funding from and £1.8bn in humanitarian aid last year ages, and included many women and children. its people, rather than just the ONLF. the football club for next year, although this is alone, more than almost any other country in They waved Ethiopian fl ags and raised plac- The embassy’s spokesperson also described mainly in the form of equipment like balls, so will the world. However, demonstrators claim that ards that read, “Great Britain Stop! Develop- Saturday’s protest as a “very violent demon- not affect the club’s activities adversely. Sport Im- the Ethiopian People’s Revolutionary Demo- ment Aid will be wasted!” One woman held a stration”, but failed to provide evidence to sup- perial did not return a request for comment. cratic Front (EPRDF) government is illegally picture of the Ethiopian Prime Minister, Meles port this. There were no reports of violence at The AFA have not issued any charges against UCL misusing it, by refusing aid to supporters of Zenawi, with a swastika printed on his face. the demonstration on campus. Football Club or its members. the political opposition. Their allegations are A protester, who had fl ed from the Ogaden Ethiopian satellite television covered the The fi nal was won 3-2 by Imperial. supported by Human Rights Watch, which has region of the country to the UK, called the demonstration and broadcast the events on Kadhim Shubber warned of an ‘aid-politics trap’ in Ethiopia. college “naive” for allowing the use of their campus live worldwide. The Ethiopian government denies any misuse facilities for the conference. On behalf of the A spokesperson for the college told Felix, of humanitarian aid. protesters, he told Felix, “we condemn Impe- “Imperial runs conference facilities that are Most of the students that gathered to watch rial College for allowing these killers to meet booked by a wide range of organisations for the protests had not previously been aware of here.” He wished to remain anonymous for private events every year. A booking of these Read the full match report in the Sports section, the situation in Ethiopia, and took an interest fear of retribution on his family, still living in facilities carries no endorsement by the Col- beginning on the back page. for the fi rst time. A second year ISE student Ethiopia. Later on, the same man said that to- lege of the aims and opinions of the event or- said it seemed like “a worthwhile cause” and day, “the truth prevailed.” ganisers.” FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 5 NEWS Imperial mourns death of Anthony Soh Friends hold memorial service in memory of ‘bright and ambitious’ fi rst year

Jeff Soh remembers his ‘passionate’ brother

'There is no great genius with- the age of 14, which came to be out some touch of madness.' known as a 'rail gun' a few years (Seneca) later. His prediction that electric Anthony was always active and cars/motorbikes would dominate often 'hyperactive' in all positive future travel at the age of 16 is senses of the word, ever since also looking to come true... In his childhood (after all – there my eyes, he was a true genius were always three boys in the and we had always had a pact to house). Brotherly competition start our business as the three was always healthy in the house, of us... competing in strength, in speed, Socially, Anthony was always in eating watermelons, in aca- full of energy and excitement. He demics... was a friendly character and was Anthony was amazingly bright able to get on with everyone. He and ambitious; he always looked was always the life of the party - to excel, and was passionate his energy was contagious. He al- about mechanical engineering. ways tried to live by his favourite His mind was full of creativity fi lm: 'Yes Man'. Indeed he was and he was always experiment- a 'Yes Man', saying yes to life ing in all aspects of his life from and trying all sports and activi- tic tacs to magnets, in martial ties from riding on his motorbike, arts and in engineering. He was ballroom dancing, violin, martial Anthony in Metric with his friends on the night that he was last seen always one step ahead of the arts, piano, American football, game when it came to mechani- football, tennis, rock climbing cal engineering, before KERS in (the list goes on!)... Friends of fi rst year Mechanical Engi- to Wilson House, his hall of residence. nal injuries, or any water in his lungs and formula 1 had come out, he had I have no fear to say that he neering student Yen Soh, also known as His disappearance sparked a massive said that he had died from sudden cold already thought of the idea of lived his life to the fullest (a qual- Anthony, laid fl owers at the Serpentine response online, with over 3000 people water immersion, in the sense that the storing wasted energy in a car ity that I hope to learn and fulfi ll) last Thursday in his memory. His pass- on Facebook raising awareness about shock of the cold water stopped his heart. from coasting (when your foot is – so much so that he was never ing during the Easter holidays shocked his disappearance and volunteering to His brother, Jeff Soh, described him off the accelerator) in the form of one to go in the conventional Imperial’s community. help fi nd him. Search parties were or- as “full of energy and excitement” and electricity to be used (aged 15). manner, but always in what he The laying of fl owers followed a me- ganised and his brother, friends from “a friendly character [who] was able to He also had a passion for mag- loved doing best at that moment morial event in the Mechanical Engi- home and Imperial, and even students get on with everyone.” nets and had experimented with in time – and in that moment it so neering building, during which friends who didn’t know him directly, roamed Anthony will be remembered fondly devices to shoot out metallic ob- happened to be swimming in The read eulogies to him and recited the South Kensington and Bayswater put- as an intelligent and popular student. jects using magnetic energy by Serpentine. poem “Death is nothing at all” by Henry ting up posters asking for information Facebook was fl ooded with messages of Although I am not religious, Scott Holland. about his whereabouts. condolence on the Facebook page: ‘Rest a statement that was taught to He originally went missing on the The police, who searched the Serpen- In Peace Anthony Soh’ and others. me has always stuck with me 22nd of March after leaving Imperial tine without success for four days fol- Dr Michael Bluck, Lecturer in the and that is that man has always College Union at around 11pm, after lowing his disappearance, launched a Department of Mechanical Engineer- wished to live as a God (for as a a night drinking with his friends. He missing persons investigation. Sadly, ing and Hall Warden at Wilson House, God you can live for eternity) and was last seen turning into Kensing- however, on the 6th of April, he was which was Anthony’s student hall, told the Gods have always wished to ton Gore and it was speculated that he found in the Serpentine by a boat worker. Imperial’s Reporter: “Anthony was a live as man because when life had headed through Hyde Park back The coroner found no external or inter- very popular resident of Wilson House is limited – life is sweeter. And I and his many friends will miss him am confi dent to say that Anthony dearly. He was well known for his effer- lived a life so full - that the Gods vescent nature and was always around if would indeed be jealous. there was fun to be had. Anthony had a I like to imagine Anthony, the sharp technical mind, was a bright and genius and cheeky character that diligent student of the Mechanical En- he was, as having fi gured out the gineering department, and had already secret – cheated life and skipped shown great promise.” to the ending, forever living in the heavens above as the hyperac- tive 18 year old, full of energy “[He was] full and mobility... whilst for the rest of us – we will reach heaven in of energy and old age, barely walking... so let the sadness go as once again, I excitement” he has fi gured it out and is one step ahead of us :) Friends of Anthony put up posters in Bayswater – Jeff Soh

FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 7 NEWS

he Summer Ball, a chance for staff and students to Gauging student celebrate the end of their exams (sorry Chemistry, NO CINDERELLA, YOU opinion Biochemistry, and Biol- Togy), the end of another academic year, To suggest that all Imperial stu- and for some, the end of university life, dents are against the changes has always been a highlight of the Im- to the Summer Ball would be perial social calendar. However, when ridiculous (see Tim Arbabza- the details of the Ball were announced SHAN’T GO TO THE dah on page 18 for proof), but during the Easter holidays, the response similarly to deny that there was mixed and for some the radical has been discontent would be changes to the format have changed wrong. their end-of-year ball into an end-of- Hundreds of students were year festival. In a comment echoed by suffi ciently unimpressed to many, one student wrote on Facebook: SUMMER BALL... sign an online petition demand- ‘It’s simply not a Ball anymore’. ing a formal dress code and a The changes to the Ball include mov- look at the discussions on ing it to earlier in the day (with the Facebook shows a broad range event starting at 1pm) the removal of But you can go to the summer festival. Jovan of students expressing their the formal dinner as well as the formal discontent. Indeed a Facebook dress code. The Ball is also no longer Nedic balances the debate on the new look Ball poll of around 600 students, an Imperial-only event. It’s being held though not statistically rigor- in conjunction with King’s College flickr/rowl images ous, indicated a lack of enthu- Union and Goldsmith’s Union, and will siasm for (or knowledge of) the be open to all London university stu- changes, with only 35 saying dents. Offi cially, the Summer Ball will they preferred the new format. fi nish at midnight where an after party Whether you can plausibly for 1000 people will be held in Metric decide between the new for- for an extra £5. mat and the old format if you In a sense, however, this year’s Sum- haven’t experienced the new mer Ball is the best in recent years. With one yet is debatable, but it’s an extremely strong lineup (in spite of too easy to simply write this a Chase and Status DJ set) and no in- off as ‘Imperial students com- crease in price from last year. plaining again’. The truth is Still there has been a signifi cant that most people who go the amount of controversy over the chang- Summer Ball have a really es, with students discussing the changes good time. There is every rea- extensively on Facebook and differing son to believe that students over the signifi cance of the changes. will like the new format when Some want there to be a formal dress- they experience it, but it’s code, but are looking forward to the fes- easy to see why some stu- tival format, while others have lamented dents don’t think it needed to the loss of the dinner but are looking be ‘fi xed’; it wasn’t necessarily forward to mingling with students from ‘broken’ last year. other universities. Indeed it seems that Mercury Prize-winner Laura Marling is headlining with the full lineup now released, head- liner Laura Marling has softened op- position to the changes, with the same before launching”. No more dinner What will you wear? student who said ‘it’s simply not a Ball The new format anymore’ declaring that Laura Marling Sharing with other universities The loss of the formal dinner has also The bulk of the anger has been reserved ‘pretty much makes up for everything’. For £40 (rising to £45 mid- created a stir. The Union argue that it’s for the ambiguity of the dress code. However, a common complaint has night Monday 9th) you get a The response to sharing the Ball with not a fi nancially viable part of the Sum- With the previous evening format, the been that students feel that they weren’t range of live acts including other universities has been mixed. mer Ball. They argue that it is “immor- dress code was straightforwardly black consulted about the changes. Laura Marling, Chase and Sta- Opinion is split between those who al” to subsidise the dinner tickets, which tie. However, with an all-day festival it’s tus, Nero, and Ian Brown. It feel that it is no longer a special event last year cost an additional £45 on top of not clear if that’s practical. The Summer Were students consulted? starts at 1pm, until midnight, to celebrate the end of their year at a standard entry ticket and say that the Ball website says that the dress code is when a £5 after-party starts Imperial and some cheeky chaps who number of students attending the dinner “Dress to Impress!” but leaves the fi nal Questions have been raised about the in Metric, until 4am, when the are looking forward to girls from other is too low to continue running it. In his decision to the discretion of students, poor communication between the Union Survivors’ Photo will be taken. universities balancing the male-female initial blog about the changes, Deputy “Fancy dress, black tie or casual – what- and the student body, with a lot of stu- There will be funfair attrac- ratio. The Union has said that having a President Ravi Pall, who also promised ever you think is best”. Students have dents feeling like they have been blind- tions throughout the day. joint ball will mean that there is more moving the event to after exams in his lamented what they see as the loss of sided with the changes. There was ini- money for live acts. However, all of the manifesto, claimed that only 300 tickets their main opportunity to dress up with tially little effort to explain the changes. funding has come from the Union – the were sold last year, however that fi gure their friends at the end of the year, or One of the fi rst questions put to Felix by extra money coming from more ticket has now changed to 158. After the back- indeed at the end of their time at Impe- a Chemical Engineering student was: that there was little communication with sales. It remains to be seen how many lash against the changes on Facebook, rial, and the demand for a formal dress “why have they made such a dramatic the ‘outside world’, with no mention in students from King’s and Goldsmith’s the Union said that they would consider code was so high that an online petition change? Was anyone pushing for such the Union’s all-student email, or on the will attend but there is concern that Im- holding a dinner and opened a poll to was set up demanding that the dress a change? Did they consult with many Union website or Facebook page. A short perial students won’t be able to attend see if there is enough demand for a £38 code be changed. It remains to be seen students before pushing these plans article was published in Felix towards the the after-party in Metric because of the per person dinner in the SCR. The din- what will happen on the day, whether through?” The Union have strenuously end of last term and publicized on the Fe- limited capacity. Deputy President Ravi ner will be quite unlike previous years, students will all telepathically decide to defended the process behind the changes, lix Facebook page and Twitter account, Pall admitted that this might be an issue students will dine at different times de- dress similarly, or if the event will see pointing out that the changes were dis- but by this point the changes had been all on his blog, saying “it is expected more pending on when they prefer. Accord- ripped jeans rubbing up against cum- cussed in the Union Council and that the but decided. Union President Alex Kend- than 1000 people would want to attend ing to the Union, less than 150 students merbunds and bow-ties. Similarly, will Ents Committee, which has three mem- all admitted that “people are concerned” the afterparty” and that the £5 charge for have said that they would want to go to the new changes be a breath of fresh air bers, was involved. However, the wide- and that they “probably needed to do the after-party was aimed at controlling the dinner, making it fi nancially unvi- or the death of a formal ball that was spread surprise at the changes shows more to get the changes across to people numbers. able. loved by many? 8 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX

TUTORS & EXAMS Union Page

The tutorial system By Alex Dahinten and Charlotte Ivison Exam Stress and other issues Who to contact if you’re in need of help How the Tutorial System works who will work to ensure that the per- duration of your course to offer help As an Imperial student, you have ac- son is more contactable/responsive in and support and follow your personal By Charlotte Ivison cess to dedicated staff members whose future and who can offer an alternative progress. MSc students can contact their job it is to make sure that any problems source of help. Course Coordinator/Convenor if they’re you have during your course, be they Especially now during the exam pe- having issues with their Personal Tutor. academic or non-academic, are re- riod, it is important that your let your MRes students will each have a project solved. They have different names de- tutors know should you encounter any supervisor and can contact the Post- pending on your course level; you have diffi culties or circumstances which im- graduate Tutor in their department as an probably met some of the tutors during pinge upon your revision or report writ- alternative source of support. meetings scheduled by your Depart- ing. They will be able to advise you on Postgraduate Research (PhD) students ment. You can talk to them about any how to go about resolving this or point have a mentor and a supervisor (and and all problems you’re having, and you in the right direction. possibly a second supervisor). Their it’s a good idea to keep in close contact Postgraduate Tutor also has a welfare with them as they are a valuable source Who’s there for me? role and will normally be the fi rst source of support and guidance. This person Most undergraduates should know who of advice if there are diffi culties with should be easily contactable and avail- their tutors are, however, postgraduate (or between) supervisors. Research stu- able to meet with you. If you have a tutors are listed below. dents who are unhappy with these can problem and can’t contact them, or if Masters students also each have a Per- contact the College Tutors, especially if they are diffi cult to contact you can sonal Tutor. This is usually a member of the nature of the diffi culty extends out- talk to a more senior member of staff academic staff allocated to you for the side your home department.

Engineering Physical Sciences School of Public Health Professor Marjo-Riitta Jarvelin Aeronautics Chemistry (PGR) Professor Sergei Chernyshenko Dr Sophia Yaliraki [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Dr. Paul Aylin (PGT) [email protected] Bioengineering Mathematics If you have any issues in the run up The Chaplaincy Professor Rob Krams Dr John Gibbons Surgery & Cancer to exams make sure you tell your tu- www.imperial.ac.uk/chaplaincy [email protected] [email protected] Professor Catherine Williamson tor or another member of staff in your [email protected] catherine.williamson@imperial. Department – they may be able to help. Chemical Engineering & Chemical Physics ac.uk If you think there’s anything that could The Chaplaincy is a quiet space where Technology Professor Danny Segal affect your exam performance (other you can just sit and relax for a while, or Professor George Jackson [email protected] than a lack of revision) it’s a good you can talk to a faith adviser about any [email protected] idea to fi ll out an extenuating circum- problems you’re having, whether you’re Other stances form before your exams so that religious or not. Civil and Environmental Engineer- Life Sciences it can be considered when your exam ing Business School is marked. The form is available from Counselling Dr Ahmer Wadee Biology Dr Mike Brocklehurst your department. www.imperial.ac.uk/counselling [email protected] Dr Gerard Bishop [email protected] Don’t forget that it’s never too late [email protected] [email protected] Dr Benita Cox to improve your exam chances (until, Computing [email protected] well the exams). Think about studying The Counselling Service offer free ap- Dr Naranker Dulay Cell and Molecular Biology smarter, not harder. Do all the obvious pointments with professional counsel- [email protected] Dr Ed Hendriks Humanities (Languages) stuff like taking care of yourself and lors for you to talk in confi dence about [email protected] Professor Charmian Brinson making sure you don’t have too many any issues you’re facing. Earth Science & Engineering [email protected] or too few breaks, and have another Dr. Lorraine Craig Molecular Biosciences look over Imperial’s study guide, avail- Disability Advisory Service [email protected] Dr Stuart Haslam Humanities (Science Communica- able as a PDF at: http://www3.imperial. www.imperial.ac.uk/disabilityadvisory- Professor Robert Zimmerman [email protected] tion) ac.uk/students/studyguide for revision service [email protected] Dr Stephen Webster techniques you might not have thought [email protected] Centre for Environmental Policy [email protected] of. Good luck! Electrical & Electronic Engineering Dr. Tim Cockerill The Disability Advisory Service can or- Dr Imad Jaimoukha [email protected] Humanities (Science Medicine & ganise extra exam arrangements for you [email protected] Technology) The Health Centre if you have a diagnosed disability. They Dr Andrew Mendelsohn www.imperialcollegehealthcentre. can also arrange for you to be diagnosed Materials Medicine [email protected] co.uk/exam.php if you think you may have a disability. Professor Eduardo Saiz Gutierrez 020 7594 9375 Their in house Dyslexia tutor can offer [email protected] Institute of Clinical Sciences Humanities (Translation) one to one support for anyone with a Professor Anne Soutar Dr Jorge Diaz-Cintas If you’re feeling worried about ex- learning diffi culty. Mechanical Engineering & Energy [email protected] [email protected] ams to the point where you’re feel- Futures Lab ing ill, book an appointment with the English Language Support Pro- Dr Maria Charalambides Kennedy Institute Health Centre. There are even walk gramme [email protected] Professor Patrick Venables in appointments available the same www.imperial.ac.uk/humanities/engl- [email protected] day (0830hrs until 1000hrs Mon-Fri, ishlanguagesupport 1500hrs to 1600hrs Mon, Weds, Thurs [email protected] National Heart & Lung Insti- and Fri) so you can fi t it in amongst all tute that revision. The Health Centre also The English Language Support Pro- Professor Sara Rankin has a great section on their website gramme offers a range of classes and [email protected] dedicated to exams, including looking one-on-one support for students whose at what kind of student you are and a fi rst language isn’t English. Visit them on list of useful resources. Level 3 Sherfi eld to see what’s available. Full credit for the redesign goes to Jonathan Kim, with additional thanks to Chris Birkett

www.felixonline.co.uk IT’S FRIDAY... *may not be true WE HAVE A NEW WEBSITE... REBECCA BLACK APPROVES* 10 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX Features Editor: Lizzie Crouch

FEATURE [email protected] The Scientists

Layton Thompson/Imperial College London Professor Robin Grimes is the Di- rector of the Imperial College Rolls Royce University Technology Centre. He was featured in TV and radio cov- erage of the disaster. COMMUNIC

How did the media contact you and what was the process? Through the [Imperial college] press of- fi ce if I remember rightly. Most of the TV stuff has been through the press of- fi ce here at Imperial, who are very, very good! One of the criticisms that’s been lev- In the fi rst few hours how hard was elled at the coverage is that, people it to get information about what was who are funded by nuclear compa- going on? nies have an interest in downplaying I was able to get information about what the danger. Is that fair? was going on, so I had a fairly good I think it’s inevitable. [But] there’s all idea. The biggest problem was that the the difference in the world, in my mind, events were changing fairly rapidly and between getting money that supports the way that an incident like this occurs research, and getting money that goes is there’s such a rapid evolution of the into your bank balance. I don’t have to engineering process. do [research] on nuclear power specifi - cally. I take money from companies spe- So if you know what is likely to hap- cifi cally to fund PhD students, but that pen, how do you go about trying to doesn’t affect my career actually. And put across the risk? that’s a big difference from someone in I think you just tell the truth. You can’t the industry who’s paid a wage. say ‘I don’t know’ in a fl appy kind of ‘oh well’ sort of way, you have to be Do you think any researchers were a able to give possibilities. But it’s dif- little wary about talking to the me- fi cult. Academics are at a tremendous dia? advantage. I don’t receive any money Very much. People are very wary. A re- for these appearances at all, so I can just searcher spends a long long time really Anna Perman Lizzie Crouch tell it like it is. I think that’s what people polishing up a piece of work. It’s a very and speak to s need to see; they need to see a calm, col- measured, thorough approach. Talking lected measured response. to the media is not. of the disaster in Japan and the challenges the

Sir John Beddington is the Government Chief “My job is Scientifi c Advisor. He was responsible for con- P r o f e s s o r has been handled well in this situa- vening the ‘Scientifi c Advisory Group for Emer- [to be as Gerry Thomas tion? gencies’ (SAGE), which drew on expert knowl- is chair in I think the scientifi c advice has been edge to provide advice to UK citizens caught factual] as M o l e c u l a r out there, the problem is the media up in the crisis. Pathology in reports in headlines, and its headlines I can. If I the Department are what the people remember, not What does SAGE look like? of Surgery what the scientists say. I had a lot of Well fi rst of all SAGE is going to have key gov- don’t know, and Cancer at feedback from people, expats living in ernment departments and agencies in it. But also I Imperial College. Her research is on Japan, who were watching the interna- believe that it’s important that SAGE has indepen- I say I don’t the medical effects of the Chernobyl tional media as well as listening to the dent people from outside government who are able disaster, and has appeared on Japanese media, and a lot of them said to provide some not quite peer review, and are an know” radio and television broadcasts to thank god someone is actually saying independent voice beyond government. There’s a talk about the potential dangers of what it is instead of blowing it out of variety of networks and for a good approximation, scene is set for SAGE. That’s the background. radiation. proportion. for most issues we have a bit of a yellow pages of people who know about different issues. So in the An issue that was raised about the advice that How did you get involved in talking to Do you think honesty is the best pol- case of (this) SAGE, one of the key players within was coming from scientists was about scientists the media, and what was the process? icy? government would be the Offi ce for Nuclear Regu- getting their funding from nuclear. Was that [My head of department] passed [the Absolutely. But you need to put it over lation nuclear inspectorate, the health and safety ex- something that you had to take into account with media] onto me because he knew that to people in a way [the public will] un- ecutive, the health protection agency. But also be- regards to potential bias? this was my area. From then on, it just derstand. cause there are issues to do with actually predicting Well I don’t think there’s a bias in that sense be- snowballed; the phone did not stop ring- what’s happening, you need the Met Offi ce, because cause you’re actually doing calculations. If there ing. Do you think that researchers if you’re having radioactive release, the weather’s was anything wrong with the calculations then that are reluctant to talk to the media important. can be assessed. If we were talking about the wider Wow. So you think that it’s something for fear of their remarks being So that was the government side. On the non- issues of how one should develop a nuclear build that is important then. misinterpreted? government side, we have a national nuclear labo- within the UK, or how we should be operating at an I think it’s important to get the right mes- Oh yes, there will be a lot of people like ratory which is arm’s length from government. And International level in terms of nuclear safety, that’s sages across. It’s better now than when it that. What you fi nd is what gets report- also I wanted some independent academics so there a different matter. We were there to say, ‘what is the started but [the media] was not getting ed, particularly in the foreign media, were three we got for this particular job; one was worst case in terms of radioactive dosage that might the right messages across at all, and it’s is the English without the qualifying from Imperial, Robin Grimes; one from Manches- accumulate in the population?’ I don’t think there’s actually misinforming the public. words that we use in English, so things ter, Richard Wakeford, who was an expert both in an issue there. like ‘it is highly unlikely that’, will be nuclear and in health issues; and the other was an Do you think that scientifi c advice twisted. independent lady called Sue Ion. That’s SAGE. The So going on to the media reporting of the crisis. FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 11 FEATURE The Journalists

M ark available, was to get good nuclear ex- Henderson is perts etc to get give a range of possible CATING RISK the Science outcomes and opinions. Then, tell the Editor for The readers the differences between the dif- Times ferent possibilities and the likely out- comes based on what was known. How do you go about obtaining How easy is it to get an accurate story scientifi c information for your ar- across? ticles? Can you give any examples of Everyone is learning as they go along this from Japan? to a certain point. The responsible thing There was a number of sources of infor- to do is refl ect the range of outcomes in mation coming out of Japan. For exam- any case. You do have to take a degree ple the Japanese atomic industry forum of judgement on what expert opinion to was regularly posting information. take to help this process. Compared with the volcanic ash – it was easier to get information then as Do you think that any researchers organisations were less secretive. How- were reluctant to talk to the media for ever, in that instance, it was harder to fear of their remarks being misinter- judge what the risks were from the in- preted? formation! In the Japan story, there was no reluctance; Because it was diffi cult to know what they felt the need to get the information was happening in Japan, what we could out into the public. [Scientists talking to do, and did do, from the information the media] has got much better and the Science Media Centre has helped also. It used to be the case that scientists “The responsible just ignored the media and wouldn’t dignify them with a response. But re- thing to do is refl ect alised that it wouldn’t stop the media reporting the story, and that they were the range of out- losing their voice in the debate. So now they are, more often than not, keen to comes in any case” speak with the media. scientists and journalists about the reporting ey face in communicating science and risk Robin McKie is the Science Editor for The Observer

Did you fi nd the coverage measured or were dressing that? It has been said that during the fi rst there any concerns there? Well I didn’t think of it in that context. I think that few hours that the details coming out I think that there was a mixed reaction. I think that my job is to answer questions when they arise of Japan were unclear – how diffi cult some of the reporting was absolutely factual and ap- as factually as I can. And if I don’t know, I say I was it to get information? propriate. I think that in the early stages there was don’t know. For example, in the early stages, one It was patchy. Sometimes you just have a lot of confusion and that there were mixed mes- of the things we didn’t have really good informa- to put your hands up and say you don’t sages coming out in terms of different reactions to tion on was on contamination of food, seafood in know. You have to be honest about what the crisis. particular. The sort of advice we were giving is that you know. The broadsheets were good The thing that I [did], and I’ve never done this be- the Japanese are monitoring it, their standards are at this; for example, the Guardian and fore, was that I start[ed] having a series of telephone rather more stringent than what we have in Europe Times were responsible in their report- Do you think scientists are reluctant conversions with the embassy in Tokyo. First of all and that certain things were at risk. And the sort of ing what was or wasn’t known. to talk to the media for fear of their I would give a briefi ng and say “this is the analy- advice we were giving was: ‘if in doubt don’t take remarks being misinterpreted or mis- sis, this is what we are estimating for ourselves in vegetables from an area you don’t know where it How important is the amount of sci- used? even a series of worst case scenarios” and basically is’. Certainly don’t take seafood, in particular sea- entifi c detail you include in a piece? Scientists will always speak to the we gave that reassurance. What I then had as part weed and shellfi sh, from these areas. If you have more than three salient facts media. The American scientists will an- of that process was a question and answer session then there is too much for the feature. swer questions straight away, whereas from embassy staff, people from businesses, people I know you recently joined Twitter (@uk- [A science specialist reporter] is bat- the UK researchers (in a terribly British from schools and from individual families phoning sciencechief), and you’ve used this website to tling more than any other specialist with way) will have a think and come back to in and asking a whole series of questions. Then a have a more personal interaction, is that some- reader ignorance. There is a desire to you in a few hours. I have been in this transcript of these conversations was put up on the thing [social media/personal interaction] you’re know about science but there is a fear of role for 29 years and the situation has embassy website. Remember the focus is on British going to look to continue? it being complicated. improved. nationals in Japan and having those conversations I don’t know really. This was a one-off in the Scientists now have to justify grants really worked. So [for example] when the Japanese sense that it really seemed sensible to talk to the The media has seemed to focus on the etc in ways that never did before, so tested the water they found that there was some people in Tokyo. It’s alright issuing some form Fukushima situation at the expense of they will speak to the press to raise their trace of Iodine-131. I had a question, should I bathe of press release from here, but actually people in the earthquake damage and tsunami profi le. my baby in bottled water? And the answer is no. So Japan mainly having access to Japanese media victims; do you think this is fair? you can be reassuring. I think the important thing is which, even if you speak Japanese, is.. well I don’t The coverage of what was happening Do you think that scientist’s quotes be completely open for a Q&A, and when we didn’t know what the Japanese for millisievert is and I at Fukushima skewed the story away are always used in the right context in know, we said. don’t suppose many of the British population in from what was an actual disaster. Ini- science reporting? Japan does. So I think that was a worthwhile thing tially it was made to look like nuclear They aren’t always used in the right con- There is a sense that as a government body, once to do. disaster was imminent when it wasn’t. text, and it is very diffi cult to put them you address people’s fears, if you anticipate what In terms of how I deal with an emergency in the There was too much emphasis on nu- in the right context. You are condensing they might be afraid of, you could be seen to be future I think I would probably say that I would al- clear and not enough on what else was complex situation into about 800 words, endorsing that viewpoint. Is this a way of ad- ways try to be outward looking. happening. people forget how diffi cult that is. 12 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX Science Editors: Charlie Harvey Kelly Oakes Thea Cunningham SCIENCE [email protected] You won’t believe it.. The rise of consumption Beauty isn’t in the eye of the Amberley Stevens beholder, it’s in the eye The infected individual wastes away with fe- ver, sweats and a chronic cough. The disease appears to consume them from within. It is the same disease that consumes Satine, played by Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge!, and has been a big killer for centuries. Even today con- sumption, known now as tuberculosis or TB, is still the biggest killer out of all bacterial diseas- es. TB is caused by Mycobacterium tuberculo- sis (Mtb) and, unlike other European countries, infection rates are on the rise in the UK, with 40% of cases here in London. This unexpected rise appears to be linked to the increasing num- ber of internationals entering the country with Oh yes, defi nitely a bad case of Bieber fever undetected TB. TB is hard to treat partly due to its complex cell wall which prevents many drugs from en- on the cell surface of Mtb. A few possible transmitted from person to person usually tering the bacterium. Standard antibiotic treat- candidates have been thrown up; there are through the air from the cough of an infected ment lasts between 6-24 months. This poses a currently 12 vaccines in clinical trials. Glaxo- patient. Last month, Imperial published fi nd- Are you looking at me? problem in many developing countries where SmithKline’s Mtb72f vaccine contains two ings that MMP-1, an enzyme regulated by clinics are few and far between and where pa- surface antigens, one of which is a protein monocytes in the presence of Mtb, damages tients often do not return for repeat prescrip- named PPE18, currently being researched in the collagen in lung tissue. This can result in Yes, maybe it’s true that there are differing opin- tions. Treatment is becoming increasingly dif- the Centre of Molecular Microbiology and In- coughing which can spread Mtb through the ions on who we think of as attractive. Indeed, fi cult with the increase of multi-drug resistant fection here at Imperial. Most vaccine candi- air. As there are drugs to supress MMP-1 we some people think Simon Cowell is good look- strains. Vaccination, therefore, is seen as the dates have little chance of making it through may be able to reduce the spread of TB and re- ing; still can’t get my head around that one, but best method to prevent infection and the spread the vigorous clinical trials with preliminary duce immunopathology. I digress. Yes, people have their own personal of TB. The current vaccine, Bacillus Calmette- data showing little more protection than BCG It is unlikely that the vaccine candidates in prefernces – blonde or brunette, brainy or brawny, Guérin (BCG), which has left many of us with already offers. clinical trials at the moment will come out of etc. However, numerous studies have shown that an ugly scar on our arm, is a live attenuated In March, Imperial announced that the Tuber- the pipeline to become vaccines. The current there are a significant number of traits that we version of M. bovis, the cow version of Mtb. culosis Research Group in the National Heart method of taking any protein that elicits a all find attractive, no matter who we are. These BCG has been in use for around 90 years but and Lung Institute had discovered a novel tar- strong immune response and using it as a po- include big eyes in women, big jaws in men, and the many problems with this vaccine have led get protein called EspC that may have use as a tential vaccine without knowing its function or symmetrical faces. These features are all signals to a quest for a replacement. BCG only offers potential TB vaccine. The Veterinary Laborato- structure is slightly worrying. It has clearly not to potential partners of good genetic stock. A sym- protection for around 10 years and protection ries Agency pointed out in 2008 that EspC was been the correct method for fi nding potential metrical face, for example, shows that you are able wanes in adults. It also has different effi cacy in highly immunogenic. The authors also stated vaccine targets due to a lack of new vaccines to fight off parasites, which can distort the normal different countries. A trial in India, for exam- that it was only secreted by Mtb, not M. bovis in the last century. One of the main problems development of the body. ple, showed no protective properties at all. This BCG, making it potentially useful for new di- facing vaccine construction is the incomplete Well, one more trait has been added to the list may be due to a reduced protection in people in agnostic tests. New diagnostics are needed due knowledge of what constitutes protective im- of more-or-less universally attractive features – Asia and Africa who may have been exposed to BCG interfering with the current test used munity. bright, white eyes. The white part of the eye – the to other Mycobacterial species and may have and giving false positives. The Tuberculosis Until there is a good understanding of Mtb sclera – is made of tough fibres, protecting the eye genetic differences which reduces the vaccine’s Research Unit have further shown EspC to il- infection it is unlikely there will be a better vac- from various assaults. This white canvas, however, effectiveness. licit a strong immune response from T-cells iso- cine than the BCG. The best option at the mo- is rather delicate, and can be stained depending In the past 90 years there have been no other lated from patients infected with TB, therefore ment is to make a better BCG vaccine of which on various ailments one might suffer from. Yellow successful candidate vaccines. Research into this makes it a potential vaccine candidate. there are three potential candidates in clinical eyes, for example, can be caused by fat deposits as new TB vaccines is currently largely based on There are three main ways of tackling TB: trials now. Only time and rigorous clinical trials we age, or may indicate jaundice (a build up of biliru- the search for highly immunogenic antigens (a diagnosis, vaccination, and drugs that reduce will tell if one of these three will be the knight bin). Red eyes are caused by dilated blood vessels substance that induces an immune response) spread and pathology of the disease. TB is in shining armour of vaccines. in the eye and can be symptomatic of anything from infection to allergy. The scientists behind the study, published in the journal Ethology, doctored 100 of pictures of eyes to make them appear bloodshot. Together with 100 healthy white eyes, the scien- tists asked people to rate the pictures on sadness, Gene linked to alcohol intake found healthiness and attractiveness. Unsurprisingly, the white eyed folk did best on all three counts. The sclera is an interesting part of the body to Charlie Harvey tion of AUTS2 is, it is known to be expressed in notes “There are a lot of factors that affect how test beauty on because it is something that hu- neurons that regulate reward behaviours and in much alcohol a person drinks, but we know mans have which we don’t share with our closest A gene associated with increased alcohol drink- neurons that determine alcohol sensitivity. The from twin studies that genes play an important relatives – chimpanzees. All non-human primates ing behaviour has been identifi ed, and may researchers believe that people with the more role. The difference that this particular gene have brown or dark brown sclera. It is thought to be lead to a better understanding of the biological common gene may have to drink more to gain makes is only small, but by fi nding it we’ve this colour (similar to the iris) so as to mask which mechanisms that control drinking. the same amount of reward. Fruit fl ies have a opened up a new area of research into the bio- direction you are looking. In humans, the eye seems The research, published in the journal PNAS, similar gene, and in tests researchers found that logical mechanisms that control drinking.” to have gained a secondary function (besides pre- identifi ed the gene known as autism suscepti- blocking the effect of this gene made the fl ies Alcohol related diseases are a major burden venting you bumping into things) – communication bility candidate 2 (AUTS2) as the likely can- less sensitive to alcohol. As the name suggests, in the UK, with 15,000 people dying from con- with others. As well as attractiveness, the white eye didate. A variant of this gene, present in three AUTS2 has also been linked to autism and ditions such as liver cirrhosis, cancer and heart can signal gaze direction and emotion. Vital mes- quarters of people studied is connected with ADHD – both of which are known to be con- diseases each year. The researchers hope that sages in an increasingly social species. higher levels of alcohol consumption. People nected with higher levels of alcoholism. a better understanding of the genetic mecha- Charlie Harvey with this gene drink, on average, fi ve per cent Clearly, there can be no single gene respon- nisms that govern alcohol consumption may more alcohol. sible for such a complex behaviour such as al- lead to the development of individually tailored While it is not known exactly what the func- coholism. As lead author Professor Paul Elliott treatments for alcohol abuse and addiction.

14 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX Technology Editor: Feroz Salam

TECHNOLOGY [email protected] The Best of the Rest Have your cake and eat it too Dell Streak 7 Feroz Salam

This Easter heralded a slew of new tablet an- nouncements, and the brightest of the latest generation of iPad contenders finally brought some variety and innovation to the tablet mar- ket. One of the best of these was the Eee Pad Transformer, a device that combines ASUS’s netbook prowess and a bit of detachable- screen goodness to offer a tablet experience that doesn’t necessarily mean sacrificing on productivity. Felix was present at the UK release of the de- vice, and we managed to get a first hand look at what looks like one of the strongest iPad alter- natives to hit our shores yet. At first glance, the Eee Pad appears to be a simple netbook, but its selling point revolves around a clasp that Dell’s own contribution to the Easter tablet bonanza allows you to pull away at the screen and use has unfortunately not gone the way the company it independently as a tablet in it’s own right. would have liked. The Streak 7, 2 inches wider The Transformer could prove a much more than it’s older brother the Streak, was positioned convenient way to get your music and docu- by Dell as a firm step into the tablet market after ments into university without having to drag the device stems from its battery life. While that has been reported by others reviewing the the neither-here-nor-there Streak. Disappointingly your laptop the distance, while keeping a neat the tablet alone offers 8 hours of performance, device. While it didn’t kill my experience with however, the device sports the same resolution as keyboard and touchpad arrangement at home. ASUS has also managed to cram a supplemen- the device, I suspect it’s something that could the 5-inch Streak, with reviewers reporting that you ASUS hasn’t gone to town on the design of tary battery into the keyboard that activates build into a nuisance if it happens too often. can see individual pixels on the screen from nor- the tablet, but the dark brown metal casing it when you slot the tablet into it that adds an- If the Transformer’s solid construction and mal viewing angles. With reviewers also panning its comes in feels solid to the hand and decid- other 8 hours, taking it’s total performance to neat keyboard arrangement aren’t enough to poor battery life and lack of USB charging options it edly high quality. The keyboard itself is a neat a solid 16 hours. drag you away from the iPad, you might just seems as if Dell has merely repackaged the Streak chiclet-layout offering and the combination of On the software side, the Transformer was be convinced by the price. Starting at £379 for with a bigger screen and little else. So what does a 1080p screen resolution and the manifold widely touted as the first tablet to land in the the tablet itself and £429 with the keyboard the Streak 7 have going for it? Price and price alone input options (even including multi-touch on UK sporting Google’s Honeycomb version of dock, it’s a highly competitive offer from – going at £299 it’s one of the cheapest 7-inch tab- the touchpad) makes the Transformer a re- the Android operating system. The tablet-ori- ASUS for a product that’s pulling a Jekyll and lets out there. markably versatile device. The response time ented OS was reported to offer a much better Hyde act surprisingly well. It’s worth keeping between slotting the screen into the dock and experience than prior Android tablet offerings, in mind, though, that 3G isn’t offered on the being able to use the keyboard is virtually un- and it doesn’t disappoint. The UI looks a lot device yet. noticeable, which makes the experience of us- better now that it’s been calibrated for a wid- ASUS has turned out a solid, competetively Motorola Xoom ing the tablet as seamless as ASUS promises. er screen, and ASUS has added just the right priced product that carves out its own niche in The display, boasting the IPS LCD technol- number of widgets to improve the device with- what’s quickly becoming a crowded market. ogy that promises power saving over standard out causing it to look overburdened. The software on the device did seem a bit slug- LCDs, was deliciously sharp. That said, one of the more puzzling moments gish at times, but considering the regularity of On the inside, the Transformer is very com- during the hands-on came when I tried to move updates it’s possible that the issues have been petitive, sporting the massively popular Tegra between home screens on the device and it fixed at the time of writing. If you’re a student 2 dual-core chip, 1GB of RAM and 16/32GB stopped responding completely for a few sec- on a tight budget who needs the flexibility of a of storage (with microSD expandability if you onds, both in my hands and those of the dem- full keyboard but also wants to pick up a tablet require it). One of the most useful features of onstrator. Delayed responsiveness is an issue on the cheap, this is the perfect device for you. ASUS Eee Slate: tablet workhorse

The Motorola Xoom is by all reviewer’s accounts a Chris Bowers state drive, which is an impressive specifica- Asus isn’t trying to market this to the “surf-on- well designed product that achieves what it prom- tion. It’s got the room for all of that though, as the-go” consumer. I can easily see the majority ises on the tin, but its Achilles heel lies in the pre- Currently, the tablet market is undeniably it has a 12 inch capacitive touchscreen and is of those who buy this tablet being business- mium that Motorola expects you to pay for it. Sport- dominated by Apple, with Google’s Android almost three quarters of an inch thick. And at people – taking notes in meetings and working ing Android’s spanking new Honeycomb operating looking to take some share with Honeycomb. almost 1.2kg, this isn’t something you’re go- on software they’re used to on their commute. system, the Xoom can do everything the iPad 2 can, The tablet OS that has seen far less of the lime- ing to forget is in your pocket. And when they get to the office, they can eas- with the added bonus of native Flash support and light so far however is Windows 7. Known of With that screen though, you also get a digi- ily transfer their files to their main PC and con- possibly future 4G expansion. Where it fails, as course as a desktop and laptop OS, it’s also tising layer and a stylus to go with it, allowing tinue work. most reviewers seem to be complaining, seems to perfectly useable on a tablet, and this is what for easy note-taking and similar tasks as well On the other hand, the fact that this tablet al- be in the general lack of apps for tablets in the An- the Asus EEE Slate EP121 brings to the table. as the ability to draw on the EEE Slate like a most acts like a mini, touchscreen laptop means droid market. While this is a situation that’s bound As Windows is so associated with that desk- graphics tablet, with what you’re drawing right that you can’t expect a huge battery life. But for to improve given time, the Xoom’s hefty price tag of top/laptop usage paradigm, you would expect under your pen. This brings the tablet into a those using it for meetings and short journeys, around £480 (WiFi only) to £560 (WiFi+3G) means a tablet that was to use it to its full effect to different niche, especially when matched with this probably won’t be an issue, and the con- it’s wise to remember there are other tablets out pack some punch, and on paper, the EEE Slate the ability to run full Windows applications, venience of using the programs you’re used to there (and more coming soon) that will probably of- certainly looks to be shaping up. The tablet such as Photoshop. on the go will be a huge advantage. Therefore, fer more bang for your buck. holds an Intel i5 dual core 1.3GHz mobile pro- The EEE Slate isn’t trying to compete with despite a fairly hefty price tag, I can see the cessor, sporting Hyper-Threading and Turbo the iPad on its home turf. To really prove this EEE Slate selling, and possibly bringing some Boost, 4GB of DDR3 RAM and a 64GB solid point, there is no 3G version of the tablet, so of that limelight to Microsoft’s offering. FELIX Friday 06 may 2011 15 TECHNOLOGY Miles ahead and still racing Sorin Cioban fi nds the iPad 2 delivers consistently

n February, right after using my “They say it can fi lm fi rst generation iPad for about six months, I knew Apple would 720p. If movies in soon launch its successor so I sold it in order to buy the new 720p looked like Ione whenever it came out. Not long passed before the end of term came, and that, I’d cry” I started queuing for the iPad 2 about 17 hours before it was offi cially launched in the UK. The second generation iPad packs and it would take too long to pull the a 1GHz dual-core Apple A5 proces- smartphone out to take a decent pic- sor which is fronted fronted by a 9.7” ture. And they say it can film 720p. If LED-backlit screen with a 1024 by 768 movies in 720p looked like that, I’d resolution (same as first generation) cry. protected by what Apple claims is a fin- The front-facing camera, on the gerprint-resistant oleophobic coating. other hand, is decent. It does its job For all your photographic and telecon- of a video-call camera. I can’t really ferencing requirements, there’s the front complain about its quality. It’s decent and rear-facing camera; both with video enough to allow the person I’m doing a recording (with the rear capable of 720p Skype/Facetime call with to see my face recording). clearly. This overview of the iPad will be split into 4 sections – Speed, Screen, Cam- eras and Battery life. Battery life

Like the battery of the first iPad, the bat- Speed tery in the iPad 2 allows for quite a lot The iPad 2, looking much like the iPad. And the iPod. And the iPhone. Revolutionary design from Apple as always... of browsing/music/video/gaming. Sim- Having a dual-core chip on the de- ply put, I bought the iPad on the 25th vice certainly makes application start of March, used it through the weekend, a lot faster and work more smoothly. iMovie for iPhone before, I’ve just done er than on the iPhone 4 as well. Overall, the job by cleaning half the smudges charged it and went to Spain for 10 days. Among the ‘made-for’ apps I tried were a side-by-side speed comparison and I the new chip has improved the speed of on the screen whenever you open/close I did some revision (reading PDFs), lis- the mother-Apple written iMovie and can say it starts quite a bit more faster the device and I’m looking forward to it, not adding them on the entire cover tened to music on my flights and played Garageband. Although I hadn’t used on the iPad, and processes projects fast- trying more apps designed to take ad- was a bit of a mistake on Apple’s side, some games. I didn’t browse because vantage of the A5. since they tend to leave 3 lines of fin- the hotel didn’t provide free WiFi so I gerprints behind. bought a Vodafone USB dongle which The screen is certainly pretty, but as I could only use with my Macbook Pro, Screen opposed to that of the iPhone 4, it sure hence no internet on the tablet. Thus, the needs a lot of cleaning. iPad 2’s battery lasted until I came back When Steve Jobs presented the iPad on to the UK. Then I charged it again and March 2nd, everyone was disappointed went home for 2 weeks. This time, the by the fact that it didn’t feature a retina Cameras battery died around the 7-day mark be- display. I assume that happened for two cause I’d also used it on the internet. So, reasons. One is the cost of such a screen. People nowadays seem to want cam- overall, I’d say it lasted for about 13-14 The other is the fact that its implemen- eras on everything. Before the iPad hours with no WiFi on, and about 10 tation would bring another resolution 2 was announced, I had some doubts with WiFi. In my opinion, that’s quite a to the crowd of iDevices, requiring all Apple would add a rear-facing camera deal-breaker when deciding whether to apps to be modified to look pretty on the to the 10-inch device. But they did. take the laptop with you on vacation or new resolution. Unfortunately. the iPad. While there is no retina display and it Why am I disappointed? Let’s put it is not as pretty as that of the iPhone 4, this way – you have a device (regard- the screen of the second generation tab- less of its size) with a camera on it, let is so much better! The trick behind right? So, even for the few times you this is the simple removal of the metal will actually use it as a camera (or does Conclusion edges from the iPad 1, thus bringing the anyone actually use their tablet – not glass closer to the screen. necessarily an iPad – on a regular ba- Overall, the iPad is an amazing device; As for Apple’s claims that it has a sis?), you want it to take good-quality obviously, it’s not perfect. But with fingerprint-resistant screen: simply pictures. Not DSLR-quality pictures, these specs and the base model at just put, it does not. After hours of continu- obviously, but not poorer than my first £399, it’s certainly the number one tab- ous usage (obviously not while eating), 1.3MP digital camera 11 years ago. I let on the market – at least at this point it certainly needs to be cleaned so as would’ve liked Apple to put at least a, in time. I will most likely be unable to not to look like you used it as a tray say, 3MP camera on the tablet. Again, give up my laptop; but for people who at McDonald’s. Sure, they made the I definitely wouldn’t use it as my main just need a device for entertainment, smart-cover with the “micro-fibers” camera, but it would’ve been cool to reading, writing, taking notes, this is, I that wipe the screen when you open/ have it for those moments when you’re believe, what they’ll probably be using Now sold with matte black triangle close the cover. While they do part of using the iPad, something comes up in a few years’ time.

18 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX Comment Editors: Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski COM M ENT [email protected] FELIX A load of balls Nothing wrong with a Wear whatever you want to the Summer Ball – I will few arts students – for Ben Kennedy decorative purposes

There has been a great hullaballoo about the Summer Ball. The old adage that the more trivial the matter, the more vicious the invec- tive has been proved true once again by the arguments over the changes to the Summer Ball. Or Summer Festival, as it should prob- ably now be called. Whilst students at other Tim Arbabzadah universities occupy lecture theatres to pro- test the effect of government cuts on their degrees, Imperial students suggest calling “Here is my advice an Extraordinary General Meeting to de- mand that the dress code of the end-of-year to you: if you want to party be obligatory black tie. That is not to demean the desire of what wear black tie, do it.” seems to be the majority of students to have an event where they can dress up with their he Summer Ball is once friends and celebrate the end of the year. In more drawing ever closer. fact, Felix would advise students to consider The time when the girls get the dress code to be black tie, regardless of to wear expensive dresses, the event’s ‘Whatever you think is best’ label. and the guys get to wear But unfortunately, amidst the furore over Ttuxedos with a real bowtie, (not one of whether having Goldsmith’s students within those pre–tied ones, which don’t allow a 100-yard radius has the potential to ruin you to wear it with the knot undone for an evening, the core reason why the Sum- that cool after party look). But wait, mer Ball is so cherished has been forgotten. what’s that in the sky? Is it a bird? Is We love the Summer Ball because we it a plane? Yes, it is a plane. It’s actu- Fine I’ll wear black tie, but I draw the lineine at monochrome spend it with our close friends (and it must ally several planes doing a flyby for be said, not a small amount of alcohol). The the Royal Wedding, but the plane I was novelty of wearing a cummerbund may add referring to is the metaphorical one be- dressed. Think about it guys, how manyy Think about it guys, how many to the fun, but no amount of archaic dress hind them. It’s here to drop a bomb, a women have you heard say that Georgee can make you have a good time on your own. metaphorical bomb; this year the Sum- Clooney needs to tone it down on thee women have you heard say that In any case, anyone who has attended pre- mer Ball isn’t officially black tie. stylish, suave suits as they make him re- vious Summer Balls knows that the adher- The decision to not officially make pulsive. What about James Bond? You George Clooney needs to tone ence to the dress-code is far from universal the summer ball a black tie event has think he’d be a top secret agent if he to say the least. caused about as much debate as the AV walked around in shorts, flip-flops and a it down on the stylish suits? No convincing argument has been put for- referendum. If you don’t get that refer- hat that ‘makes him look well indie and ward as to how the new format destroys this. ence then basically that’s a referendum unique’. Now any women reading this,“ Last year’s formal dinner was so sparsely at- that, no matter what way you vote, will how many guys said that Pippa Middle- after party in Metric. I haven’t heard tended that it simply did not factor in the vast literally end in Nick Griffin being per- ton was a bit too dressed up at the Royal anyone complain about the price but majority’s experience of the Ball. The dress- sonally called upon to choose who the Wedding. I’ll tell you how many, none. I’m sure someone somewhere will. If code, although bungled, has not banned next Prime Minister is. He will say Don- She even got an appreciation group on you ask me the ” cost is pretty reasona- black tie dress, and in truth the incongruity ald Trump and all of the UK’s GDP will Facebook, and so could you. ble, considering the length of the event. of bow ties and an all-day festival is quite be put into trying to disprove Obama’s Another change you probably didn’t Think about Cambridge, the May Ball appealing. The selection of live acts seems birth certificate (Sorry, a bit off topic notice or care about is that this year it tickets are usually about £100. They do better than ever and the cost has remained there. This just shows the harm revision is not just an Imperial event. It’s joint have open bar, but still, with the won- stable from last year. We would urge the Un- does to my mind). with other universities, although it is ders of pre-lash, ours will end up cheap- ion to allow students to remain in the Quad This year the dress code for the Sum- held at Imperial. This is actually not a er. If you are complaining about the ex- through to the Sunday as usual, but we un- mer Ball is ‘whatever you think is best’, bad idea. If you think about it, getting tra £5, then good luck going to a club derstand the pressure the Union faces from and that caused some debate. There are some mixing of universities and more and getting in for that. I guess it’s like the Council with regards to their license. obvious solutions to stop the debate. The people could only be a good thing. Spotify – you want the music, but don’t The Union has certainly handled the pro- first being just change the bit on the logo/ There is a minor flaw though. Now, call want to pay. Although I have already posed changes very badly. The new sched- event invites that says ‘whatever you me sceptical, but I doubt many people locked myself out of songs on Spotify, ule came as a largely unwelcome surprise, think is best’ to ‘black tie.’ You could from the other universities will actually so fuck you Spotify. and most students heard the news through also say ‘why don’t you just wear black bother coming. No offense to the Union, I will end this by borrowing a phrase negative responses on facebook rather than tie anyway, you arsehole.’ You shouldn’t but we haven’t exactly got a reputation from Angry Geek. It’s not that I love or directly from the Union. Students have been say that, as it is unnecessarily rude. Your for throwing amazing parties. Although don’t love black tie being officially a right to make their voices heard, and all criti- point still stands though. When you read I don’t mind that other universities dress code – it’s just that I don’t give a cisms and suggestions should be publicly the two back-to-back it’s clear that they won’t be there, you can’t force people fuck. Once more, if you want to wear it, aired and discussed. But when the day in are just swings and roundabouts. So here to come. I guess it means we get more wear it. I will be. If you want to come question comes around, we hope that more is my advice to you – if you want to wear money for the Summer Ball, so why Have your say on over and thank me for my wisdom, time is spent having a good time than playing black tie, do it. not? please do. I’ll be the guy with my bow- spot-the-fine-arts-student. It is an old saying, probably, that it The ticket prices are £40 if you buy this article at tie undone surrounded by women telling is better to be overdressed than under- them this week, with an extra £5 for the felixonline.co.uk me I look suave. 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

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If you still have exams scheduled after this point, you’re probably doing resits...

Hopefully using this calendar will help you remember your exams and organise your revision schedule. Good luck Imperial! Whatever helps you revise... Photo by: Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] EXAM CALENDAR MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY 2 May 3 4 5 6 7 8

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30 31 1 June 2 3 4 5 FELIX Friday 06 may 2011 19 COMMENT

It’s all an Take up arms to defend freedom Olympic waste of time pain, 1936. As civil war America to aid in the American Revolu- We all insist on the values of a lib- sweeps through the country, tionary War, and the citizens of the US eral and democratic government, but volunteers from all over Eu- reciprocated in both World Wars. it would appear that we are also in too I have been in two minds about rope flock to the standards So where are today’s Byrons? As much of a lethargic state to provide any buying my Olympics tickets for of the Republican and Na- the fiery Arab Revolution blazes on, practical help to people who are trying some time. This is a chance Stionalist armies. Made iconic through one is left to wonder if the citizens of to form one of their own. Since the fall to see some great riding. But Hemingway’s dry prose and Picasso’s our nations will ever heed the call to of the Berlin wall, only religious ex- champing at the bit, I am not. chilling canvas, the Spanish Civil war arms. A stunningly cynical apathy is tremism seems to be able to mobilize As one may expect, tickets was probably the last real instance in rife amongst the members of our gen- our complacent generation to the ulti- are not cheap and of course which thousands of individuals across eration, as if the seventy-five year gap mate sacrifice. The political organisa- I want good value for money. Europe took up arms to defend their ide- which separates us from our grandpar- tions formed the only internal political Seeing good horse-and-rider als in a foreign state regardless of their ents’ situation in Spain had bred noth- structures which allowed British and combinations strut their stuff Alessandro Guazzi own nation’s views on the matter. ing but a contemptible attachment to the other foreign nationals to take a stance is great, but it may be better Almost every country in the EU hails easy lifestyle our ancestors shed their in Spain against the express wish of their value-for-money to invest in from the blood of foreign nationals who blood for. governments, and these no longer exist. training with one of those rid- risked their lives to free them from their This is not the first time the citizens In 1848 democrats all over Europe took ers. However, regarding tick- oppressors. From the Hungarian Legion of democratic nations have failed their up arms and readily offered their lives ets, as you may well know, one in Italy during its Risorgimento to the neighbours. As part of a wider blaze for the cause of freedom, while today’s cannot simply buy them. It is “In 1848, democrats British citizens, most famously Lord By- of protests in Eastern Europe and the liberals can scarcely be bothered to lift a sort of lottery in which one ron, fighting for the freedom of Greece, Caucasus which accompanied the death their pens. has to register, ask for what- offered their lives modern-day Europe was born of a sense of Stalin, the Hungarian Revolution of Ours is a generation of cowards, more ever tickets one wants and of brotherhood common to its people. 1956 bears many resemblances to the interested in flicking between channels hand over intimate financial/ for freedom. Today’s Nor was this a phenomenon which was current situation in Libya. There too a to satisfy our perverse curiosity than personal details, all in order to limited to the Mediterranean: in South whole nation spontaneously rose to rid to actually take any affirmative action wait with bated breath at the liberals can scarcely America, the British Legion fought for itself of a hated government. But a dis- ourselves. Too comfortable in our well prospect of being allocated the the independence of Colombia, Venezu- illusioned and spineless West simply planned–out lives, we will always be ‘requested’ tickets. be bothered to lift ela, Ecuador and Peru, while Garibaldi stared on, not lifting a finger in the hyp- too busy with our own petty problems I can easily add to this the ne- defended that of Uruguay. Lafayette and ocritical attempt to preserve a freedom to occupy ourselves with defending a cessity of having to use a VISA their pens” other French volunteers sailed to North they let others lose. freedom we do not deserve. card to pay for such tickets. It looks like a revolting sponsor- ship deal. This does not recon- cile with the otherwise rather sensible explanation currently doing the rounds. This is that due to a unique rule governing How to be British, apparently the use of VISA accounts, the tickets bought with them can- not be sold on to ticket touts here was a wedding last age, in this cosmopolitan melting-pot stereotypes. If you conform to a certain and thus the price not be in- Friday. One of slightly of a city? The English Defence League number of hallmarks of Britishness, flated or used as a vehicle for more importance than nor- and the British National Party have maybe that makes you British? So, being insalubrious activity. Of course mal. Did you see it? very strong ideas of what being British British includes (but is not limited to) it is perfectly possible that I’m afraid I missed it. means. They define themselves as true drinking tea, queuing, talking about the such a sensible rule and such WhichT was a shame because I had a per- Brits so being British must mean being weather, a stiff upper lip and poor dental a nauseating sponsorship deal sonal invitation to Westminster Abbey bigoted and xenophobic, short–sighted hygiene, driving on the left, throwing are not mutually exclusive. If it but a very important engagement came and small–minded, and being painfully, vowels in words with reckless abandon were a combination of the two, up at the last moment. There was a wall painfully white. Somehow, this doesn’t and…royal weddings. While I know a I think it would reflect well on that had been recently painted and they seem correct – and not just because I few people like this, it’s a narrow and the organisers. needed someone make absolutely cer- don’t want to live in a universe where rather twisted definition of Britishness. Commentators have been Rhys Davies tain that it dried. Like I said, a shame, the EDL and BNP can be right. Stereotypes simplify trends into absurd- rather negative about the but I’ll catch the next one. They are both very keen for immi- ity. That’s why the BNP love them so Olympics up to now, moaning Say what you like about the Royal grants to go “home” as well, positing much. While we do love tea in this coun- that “It’ll be crap because it is Wedding (And I believe Angry Geek al- that Britain is for the British. Does that try, we also drink coffee. Can drinking in London and not anywhere ready has, should you care to look at Fe- mean that you’re only British if you’re coffee be a sign of Britishness too? else”, which is itself a relief. lix’s brand-spanking new website...), it born in this green and pleasant land? Is This might be getting a bit too academic. Perhaps the sort of furtive was quite popular. Central London was nationality something that boils down to If you’re British (Proud or otherwise), stubbornness we have seen filled with people cheering and waving just a bit of luck and geography? Again, you don’t need someone to tell you, from the Olympic organisers flags as minibuses of royals drove by. I don’t think so. Though an island na- it’s something you feel, something you is the result of such attacks. And bunting. What the hell is bunting? tion, throughout history, Britain has know intuitively. It doesn’t matter if The side-effects of having peo- After the ceremony, once everything had played host to a thousand colours and breathe tea (not an advisable way to im- ple tough enough to organise devolved into a general good time, a lot creeds. Some have moved on afterwards bibe it) or can’t stand the stuff. It doesn’t the largest sporting event in of people were saying how proud they but many more decided to stay, a testa- matter if you were born in Bolton or Bei- the world are a revolting logo, “Central London was were to be British. ment to our accepting nature. Except the rut. If this strange land, of Buckingham a nauseating sponsorship That’s nice for them but what does it French. I draw a line with the French. Palace and Chicken Cottage, of Pimm’s deal and a peculiar ticketing filled with people mean? I’ve never considered myself to Extremists want those who are different o’clock and Tennant’s Special Brew, of system. It all leaves me with be British. I am a Prince of Wales, and to them to go home but what is home? red, white and blue – and every other a feeling that it is not quite cheering. And will be until I die and my heart will al- Isn’t it somewhere where we feel wel- colour under the sun, means something cricket. ways belong to the land of my fathers, come? For many people, that’s right to you, maybe that’s what makes you bunting. What the that old land where the minstrels are here, regardless on what’s scribbled on British. Samuel Furse honoured and free. But what does it their birth certificate. And if you’re still confused, have a hell is bunting?” mean to be British, especially in this Maybe being British is a matter of look at your passport. 20 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX Arts Editor: Rox Middleton

ARTS [email protected]

Check out our new Books Book Review section on Page 24! Is it time to rethink the The Echo Chamber By Luke Williams watercolour painting? Luke Williams’ debut novel, The Echo Cham- Tate Britain challenges preconceptions about this medium ber, is a beautifully woven refl ection on a life of regret and unre- solved identity. Across continents and gener- ations, our misunder- stood protagonist Evie Steppman crosses paths with many re- markable people that serve to shape her his- tory, and the history of the world. That wealth of cacophonous memories, heavy on our heroine’s heart, is recounted through a curious medium: sound. ‘Sometimes I have the feeling my memory is a mausoleum of broken sounds.’ From page one, Evie Steppman laments her ‘power of listening’ that has defi ned and haunted her since conception. She ex- plains how, content in the womb, she resisted birth, leading to the death of her mother and to a child- hood searching for the love of a reproachful father. In the house where her father took his last breath – ‘Inspired by the din in the attic, the sounds of my past begin to rise to a clamour’ – Evie struggles to unleash her skeletons by writing her memoirs, alternating between fantasy tales and the histories of others as if to avoid committing to her own. In rich detail, heavily reliant on acoustics, Evie describes her Lagos childhood in the dying days of the British Empire. The characters surrounding her express their confl icting views about Nigeria with bit- terness and racism on all sides. However, Evie grows up blissfully unaware of the racial tension. She and her father are optimistic that independence will ush- The Blue Rigi Sunrise by J. M. W. Turner er in a ‘new era for Nigeria’. In reality the transition is rife with violence and the family fl ee to Scotland. Adulthood follows for Evie as a sequence of ups Rocío Molina Atienza “Your conception remarkable piece is The Blue Night and downs. Her father descends into madness, by Arthur Melville, where an uncom- and she meets her equally addled grandfather. She Tate’s attempt at redefi ning our vision of of watercolours will mon vision of Venice is displayed: an mimes and works behind the stage in Oxford, and a medium, watercolour, so commonly as- intensely dark blue night surrounding attempts to document the sounds of the United sociated with amateurship and spinsters drastically change” the warm red lights of the Most Serene States. But most importantly her adult life revolves trying to show off their artistic talent is Republic. around a failed relationship with the beautiful ac- defi nitely successful. After viewing this The highlights of this exhibition are tress Damaris. Evie’s obsession with sound and exhibit your conception of what can be watercolours to transmit and record the the fact that it caters for a wide range of Damaris’s selfi sh character doom the relationship done with watercolours will have drasti- fruit of its study. tastes, since as we move on more mod- and appear to put a seal on Evie’s romantic life. cally changed, and you may leave with The exhibit is well-structured, the ern artwork is on display. A particularly Ironically, in her later years Evie starts to go deaf. a feeling of greater respect towards what onlooker is guided fi rstly through the disturbing piece, The Cry Of The Gland The struggle to document her history culminates in may seem at fi rst an easy medium to mas- most ancient uses of watercolours, by Jitish Kallat, greatly contrast with her plan to burn the completed memoir as well as ter. which apart from the above mentioned the pre-Raphaelite gouache is it sided the artefacts of her past that fi ll the attic: diaries, The nature of watercolours, fast to dry, include meticulously detailed portraits by; hence, there is no time for boredom postcards, maps of Lagos, ‘a thousand useless cheap and portable, make them a very made during the middle ages. Their or repetitiveness on this show. Another possessions’. As if hearing her memories ‘hissing appropriate medium to do preliminary opacity and exactitude will undermine reason for the success of the exhibit is and snapping, cracking like crinoline’ on the funeral works aimed towards preparing a greater the preconception of watercolours as the insight it provides into how waterco- pyre will alleviate her regret. piece. This is the place to which the aca- being only used in free hand roman- lours are actually used. There is a room Luke Williams’ new voice has the potential to be demic art had relegated watercolour, as tic landscapes. Moving on through the in which the technical advancements of treasured by many. His evocative fi rst novel of fam- a mere in-step towards the creation of a rooms, a wide variety of landscapes is the technique are displayed chronologi- ily, memory, empire, love found and love lost, is in greater work. Nonetheless, watercolours displayed. Turner’s The Blue Rigi Sun- cally as well as explanations of a few many ways a triumph, but at times felt long-winded. have had other uses through human his- ‘Watercolour’ rise is a coquette piece; one which has to techniques with paintings to exemplify However, Williams’ narrator possesses a vibrant in- tory not so closely related to our modern be approached to fully enjoy it. The size them. This room helps bridge the fi nal ner monologue to inspire many an immersive imagi- conception of art but to more prosaic. at Tate Britain of the pieces, around the dimensions of product we admire to the obscure work- nation. The Echo Chamber may have sometimes Detailed botanical drawings were lit by until 21 a sheet of paper, will stir the observer ings of the artist. Experiencing the chal- lacked focus on the character of Evie, but remains the use of watercoulours providing XIX August. to move closer, creating a feeling of lenge of creating an art piece yourself, an engaging tale of interwoven histories. century scientists with a catalogue of the intimacy not usually achieved with the in spite of all the dishonoured role of the Hannah Tullett most exotic creations of nature in faraway £10.90 with great oil masterpieces that dominate the amateur, can be a fulfi lling task which territories. Topography did also rely on student card collection of most museums. Another defi nitely helps to better understand art. FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 21 Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Christopher Walmsley [email protected] MUSIC

Christopher Richardson José González teams up with orchestral collective The Göteborg String Theory to great success

flickr/halfmadhalfinsane José González with The Göteborg String Theory The Barbican Monday 11th April Camilla Nicholson

Little Scream opened the show for José González with The Göteborg String Theory. A fairly unknown art- ist; at fi rst shy and inverted, and very much in front of a judging panel as I doubt many of us in the audience had come for her – but who, immediately, grabbed our attention with her vocals. Quivering and modest, and then living up to her stage name, her songs were quietly powerful and deeply stirring. As part of a solo live show which more than fi lled the Barbican hall, Little Scream performed with a stamping foot as a And I thought Arcade Fire had a lot of band members... drum, a cocktail of pedals as a band and a high tech microphone as backing sing- ers. With a few awkward jokes thrown young conductor; who was dressed in cent crescendo as more strings joined in, and some humble comments about sloppy chinos and torn white plimsoles the tune at higher pitches and louder ‘playing a rough show’ and jetlag, and and who boasted dance moves compa- volumes. I could write about how The music that could cut to the heart of us, rable to the most recent version of Thom Göteborg String Theory enhanced we had all fallen in love with her by the Yorke; the orchestra struck up a tune every single song on the setlist, but the Keeping it ‘disco’ at the Air Hockey World Championships... end of her short set. which no one could resemble to any one that roused the most emotion in me Left reeling by Little Scream, no one González song. However gradually (as was Crosses. Always a favourite track was quite prepared for the spectacle the backdrop slowly lit to reveal an up- of mine, the staccato violins and faster to follow. González opened solo, with side down Swedish forest landscape at tempo added newer heights to the cli- Fuck Buttons is the Hints – just him and his acoustic guitar, dusk) the violins and cellos quietened to maxes and steepened the falls. The ef- as we best knew him. Already we were allow for González’s track, Far Away. fect was overpowering. As they closed being reminded of how deeply mov- They slowly began their contribution to with Teardrop, I felt unsatisfi ed. Every music scene’s saviour ing his music is in person. But then he the piece; starting with soft female back- single audience member gave a stand- was joined on stage by The Göteborg ing vocals and a thumping bass drum, ing ovation – we were hungry for more. String Theory orchestra – who turned building to violins; wavering on two But the encore was to surpass all that Fuck Buttons “The perfect out to be the perfect catalyst. Led by a notes, off time and reaching a magnifi - had been done that evening. Starting HMV Forum, Kentish Town with Down the Line – a number fi lled Thursday 21st April accompaniment to a with pumping bass drum, sharp string Christopher Richardson Sponsored Editorial accompaniments and feel-good trumpet Sheen-esque shindig” riffs – the pace and mood of the evening In a decade unfortunately masked by the was lifted to a new elevation. The con- lousy sounds of David Guetta and The ductor (who was a show in himself, re- Black Eyed Peas, we should be praying to my bedroom over the past few years More student cuts ally) conducted the audience into a syn- to the likes of Fuck Buttons as our rare was well overdue. In spite of the sticky chronised clapping and stopped us with saving grace. If you’ve been living in fl oor everyone was moving in sync, a single hand signal, fl awlessly, in time the chart bubble let me bring you up to accompanied by an impressive light for González to start vocals. Finally, the speed: the London-based experimental display that added to the cosmic atmo- Discount haircuts for Imperial show was closed with the classic Heart- electronic duo have been tearing up the sphere. beats – a song which brought me close scene with their unique blend of mini- The set ran perfectly as each track students at Fresh Hairdressers to tears with its sincerity and beauty, en- malist sounds extracted from miscella- paved the way for the next in bursting hanced by the rising and gentle violin neous children’s toys, and already have crescendo. Rather than being exposed to accompaniments. a few of those coveted Pitchfork ratings their iTunes library we were watching More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a The night was as magical as it was under their belts. the melodies being built from scratch, students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your genius. After each song I could hear The duo appeared on-stage to greet a which included crackled yelping into FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. audible gasps and mutters as people table full of electronic gizmos: with the toy microphones and belting tribal Men’s cuts £22 Cash only. struggled to come to terms with just how retro Game Boys and Fischer Price key- drums. Their delivery was so energetic, Women’s shampoo and cut and good this was. What The Göteborg boards it looked like a messy children’s which defi nitely had a lasting impact on shake dry £28 String Theory did was add a new di- room, but they clearly knew what they the audience engagement. Women’s shampoo, cut and mension to González’s one man music were doing. As they faced each other in Fuck Buttons were defi nitely worth blow-dry £38 – it did what one guitar and one male a head-on standoff we experienced an the wait, and I’ll be bulk-buying tickets All of our cuts are done by highly voice could not. The violins took the unusual form of audience interaction: to their next London show as soon as experienced stylists. crescendos soaring, softening the mo- rather than bowing to the crowd, they it pops into existence. If your life is in Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to ments of truest sentiment and raising the instead invited us in to look at some of need of a new soundtrack, I suggest you 4.30 (sorry no discounts on climaxes, whilst the double basses took the creativity that goes into the tracks go and download Street Horrrsing and Saturdays). us diving to the most intricate depths of we’ve come to love. Tarot Sport, or at least check out some We are only 70 metres from González’s compositions, and rocked us As my girlfriend so succinctly put it, tracks on YouTube: their lyricless ep- South Kensington tube station with their steady drones. José González “it was like watching a spaceship land”. ics are guaranteed to be the perfect ac- To book an appointment, call quietly stunned us with his compositions An uninterrupted hour or so of those companiment to your study session or and skill in delivering them; and the con- anthems that have been the soundtrack Sheen-esque shindig. ductor, meanwhile, took us dancing. 22 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX

Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Ed Knock FILM fi [email protected] Bollywood Bite Valhalla’s fury A monthly column dedicated to the Indian film industry by Aamir Shamsi It has its faults but Marvel’s Thor descends from the heavens to wreak havok amongst us mere mortals Out on DVD

3 Idiots **** Starring: Aamir Khan, R Madhavan, Sharman Joshi, Kareena Kapoor Director: Rajkumar Hirani Synopsis: 2 friends go down memory lane as they find a lead to track down their college buddy

It’s finally here! If taken individually, Hirani’s third film is a heart-warming story packed with laughs, emotion and great acting. But not long into the film tat you start to realise how similar the themes are to the director’s first film (Mun- nabhai MBBS): arduous student life, a cruel college dean (played by the same actor), parents’ expecta- tions, rebel student conflicting with the professors, bringing joy and compassion to a somewhat militant- run campus, mocking the “geek” and mistakenly fall- ing for the dean’s daughter. I suppose two films with such similar themes and settings can work if treated differently but when they share the same tone and look too, it becomes difficult to differentiate. I also fail to see why Rancho (Khan) needs to hide his true iden- tity from his friends and the woman he loves, and dis- appear as if he never existed once his master’s plan is fulfilled. There is no logical sense as to why, when there is no longer any real risk to his “mission” per se, he would sacrifice such meaningful relationships. And so I can’t help but see this as a more refined Odin never regretted trading his eye for wisdom, look at his bitchin’ patch! version in parts of his first with a different core plotline and that, along with the strange plot, I feel, takes away from its brilliance. Nonetheless extremely enjoyable! Thor father’s orders by the cunning Loki who is an action. Hemsworth emerges as a steady lead expert when it comes to twisting words, Thor’s actor, managing to breeze through the action Director Kenneth Branagh reckless behaviour threatens to destroy the un- whilst also handling the comedy well. Screenwriter Ashley Edward Miller, Zack Stentz, Don Payne stable peace between the two races, and for this Problems arise as we constantly go back- Cast Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, he is banished to Earth. wards and forwards between Earth and Asgard. Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins Scenes leading up to Thor’s exile is compre- It’s an indisputable fact that Asgard is much hensively compact with some smooth voiceo- better to look at, and is filled with far more John Park ver work from Hopkins, and the first half-hour interesting characters and events. Hopkins has or so has an admirably focused tone that throws many memorable scenes as he speaks his lines Now that Joss Whedon’s The Avengers is of- in some great action. The choreography is ex- with conviction, a standout scene involving a ficial, it’s about time we met some of the new cellent, demonstrating just how a single ham- heated argument between Odin and Loki, with Marvel superheroes. First up is Thor, the Norse mer can be used for all sorts of creative fantasy the son questioning his true origins. It takes God of Thunder who wields his trademark fighting skills. Side-kicks worth rooting for time for Hiddleston’s character to build but hammer to fight evil. Unlike the many super- also appear, although their developments are when it does, the actor’s portrayal of insecurity, heroes we’ve seen who originate from Earth, kept to a bare minimum (we’ll just have to set- vulnerability and instability combine to pro- Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is from a wholly tle for being told that they have been Thor’s duce one complex villain. Even Rene Russo, Snippet Reviews different world, and has a lot of background friends for years and are utterly loyal to him). playing the wife of Odin, is given the chance information that needs to be explained. For- The Warriors Three (Ray Stevenson, Joshua to pick up a sword and take a swing at a Frost Game ** tunately director, Kenneth Branagh, is not Dallas, Tadanobu Asano) and Sif (Jaimie Al- Giant. Things down on Earth seem a lot more Starring: Abhishek Bachchan, Kangna Ranaut, Jimmy afraid to jump straight in here, and show the exander) form one heck of a team, taking on tepid than that: Thor’s journey for redemption Shergil magnificently designed universe of Asgard. an army of Frost Giants just because Thor asks is not clearly mapped out, and despite the ac- Director: Abhinay Deo We see Thor’s father Odin (Anthony Hopkins) them to. tors’ chemistry, the romance between Foster Synopsis: Crime thriller involving 4 strangers invited the ruler of Asgard, his brother Loki (Tom Hid- It’s on Earth where events take a shift in tone. and Thor is underdeveloped. to play a game by a wealthy tycoon dleston) and some lavish gold-painted set that Thor meets Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) a But as a way of introducing a superhero we Review: Interesting concept that eventually becomes truly raises the bar on what is now possible smart astrophysicist and her companions Erik have never met before, Branagh has a respect- very tedious and predictable with modern day computer graphics. (Stellan Skarsgård) and Darcy (Kat Dennings) able stab at the material. He involves all the Thor is an arrogant but talented warrior who who provide some priceless comic relief that right characters, sets the film up in the most Thank You * enjoys nothing more than charging into bat- was lacking in the more serious first section of gorgeous landscapes, and has found the right Starring: Akshay Kumar, Bobby Deol, Sonam Kapoor tle. For years the people of Asgard have been the film. Thor obviously has trouble finding his leading man for a challenging part. At the end Director: Aneez Basmee in conflict with the Frozen Giants and after a way around the new planet and his overtly con- of the credits, a caption reading “Thor will re- Synopsis: A private detective aims to break up the long period of war their leader Laufey (Colm fident attitude declaring to everyone that he is turn in The Avengers” pops up. And we can’t marriage of his employer after falling for her Feore) called an uneasy truce with Odin. As the great son of Odin (as if that is supposed to wait to see Hemsworth standing alongside of Review: Once again I’m praying this will be the last is common for any film plot that involves two mean anything to the citizens of New Mexico) Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Jo- of Akshay’s nonsensical and cringe-worthy comedies. gifted siblings, Thor’s problems stem from his works well to loosen the reins a little and give hansson, Mark Ruffalo and Jeremy Renner in jealous brother. Manipulated into betraying his our protagonist a breather from all the heavy May 2012. FELIX Friday 06 may 2011 23 Television Editors: Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova [email protected] TELEVISION Swords, incest, blood and babes Guo Heng Chin on HBO’s show with more epic beards than level 5 of the library

few years ago, picking “So far, the amount fl ashing character labels upon the intro- up ‘A Game of Thrones’ duction of each character, I really can’t started a love affair that of blood spilled think of a way to familiarize the charac- kept me up through the ters to a new audience effectively. The deep hours of midnight, seems promising” fi lmmakers of Game of Thrones wisely andA ended 5000 pages and 4 books lat- picked artistic integrity by opting to er. I was swept away into the world of reveal characters by slowly trickling Westeros George R. R. Martin created behold. The castles, the medieval stone down the identities as the story unfolds. and was entangled in the intricate plots rooms, the busy, muddy courtyard, all Importantly the TV version stayed and characters that the story is lived brought to life in an opulent and de- faithful to the books. Story and charac- through. tailed set. The CGI panorama of King’s ters are all as they are in the book (at A Game of Thrones is the fi rst Landing is stunning as well. It all feels least till now). The more adult themes book in the epic fantasy series that like a movie! of the story- the incest and the sex -are is A Song of Ice and Fire, which fol- Most of the characters were done to undiluted. HBO has its experience with lows the struggle for the Iron Throne satisfaction. Sean Bean plays a wonder- sex and nudity in Rome and its great to of the Seven Kingdoms, set against a ful Ned Stark, Lord of Winterfell, while see that they did not shy away from it backdrop of political conspiracy, war- Mark Addy excels as King Baratheon, in Game of Thrones. Some reviewers ring Houses and incest. The death of a bashful and merry spirit trapped be- complain about the excessive nudity the King’s Hand (the Prime Minister) neath the responsibilities of govern- in the show. However I think its great triggers a cascade of events that would ing a kingdom. Lena Headey graces that those scenes were done with no usher the end of the peaceful era, and the screen as the cold-hearted, darkly punches held, not just because I’m a threaten House Baratheon’s place on ambitious Queen Cersei Lannister and guy, but because it is the way the book the Iron Throne. Across the Narrow Emilia Clarke bares all and yet retains a was written and they are pivotal to the Sea, the last two remaining bloodline helplessness and innocence as Daenerys characterization and plot. The example from the deposed House Targaryen Targaryen, who would be interesting to of The Golden Compass, where the re- are now of age and plot to return to watch as she grows to fulfi l her destiny. ligious theme is watered down to cater the Seven Kingdoms with vengeance Harry Lloyd is absolutely irritating as to US audience, testifi es that compro- to seize the throne they believe to be Viserys Targaryen, the naïvely ambi- mising the central elements of a story rightfully theirs. tious older brother of Daenerys, which in the name of political correctness or A Song of Ice and Fire is no doubt is how the character is supposed to be mass appeal results in a fi lm that is but one of the most captivating epic fantasy as par the novel. a lame shadow of its source book. It series of our generation: it weaves a co- The TV series do fall short on the now remains to see if HBO would stay lourful cast of characters, a complex, character development section. But true to the goriness of key events in the mind-boggling plot that never cease to what could we expect, the TV show is book. In the two episodes shown so conjure up new surprises, and a highly already condensing so much content far, the amount of blood spilled seems sophisticated world and its equally intri- into ten 1-hour episodes. Some part promising. cate politics, altogether in a trademark may be a bit hasty, but generally, the A Game of Thrones is a captivating dark realism: people die in this story show’s pace is all right. Its already an read for its spectacular world, charac- and the fact that you are a main charac- achievement for the show to circum- ter and politics. HBO seems to have ter does not spare your head at crucial vent with some success what could be got it right, and hopefully, as Game of moments. It was one of those books that considered the sole fl aw of the book, Thrones unfold, it would captivate its is good enough to make you feel as if I’d love to hold onto that fl owing mane and ride her all day... what? I’m more of a necessity rather than a fl aw audience as the book does. It’s a reality (a.k.a. moments spent not read- talking about the horse, you dirty so-and-so! in writing: the fi rst 50 pages are a high call for a series of books ing the book) is an aching dream and the bit of a drag, because there are written by an author hailed real world is whenever you get back to so many characters to introduce, as ‘the American reading the book. was disappointing. last 3 on its way) into a trilogy would nothing much happens! But it’s Tolkien’, but if So it is to some disappointment initial- However, during the build-up to the require cuts so deep it makes austerity essential in order to populate the Peter Jackson ly when I heard that A Game of Thrones release of the fi rst episode, I realized Britain seem generous! How about one stage with such a large cast and could do it, would be made into a TV series. Where that being made into a TV series may movie per book, ala Harry Potter? With to lay the ground for such an those guys is the honour of being translated into actually do the books better justice than the staggering cast of protagonists and elaborate plot. at HBO (Be- the silver screen in an epic 400- million a fi lm trilogy. To think of it, the fi rst ultra-complex politics in A Song of Ice While fans of the book nioff and dollar trilogy that was bestowed to the book itself (A Game of Thrones) is as and Fire, to make a movie out of just watch with glee as each of W e i s s ) reigning fantasy book of the last gen- thick as all three Lord of the Rings put one of the book would abridge the story George R. R. Martin’s cre- b e t t e r eration? I won’t be able to witness the together. Hollywood cut out a substan- into such simplicity it loses its essence. ations are brought to life do it as glory of Winterfell and King’s Landing tial amount of content to fi t LOTR into Unless of course each movie is a 6-hour in the TV show, those well! and watch the battles unfold in Dolby a trilogy. To fi t the whole of the Song long epic fi lm, which I wouldn’t not who have not read the Surround Sound and 3D? Damn that of Ice and Fire series (7 books, with the mind sitting through, although I am not books might struggle sure if the rest of the people who have to keep up with who’s yet to read the books share my senti- who in the enormous ment. Anyway the TV series would be cast of characters. made by HBO, who churned out TV Show, not tell, goes Dr Who greats like The Sopranos, Boardwalk the adage for good Empire and the wire. scriptwriting, but Read our reviews of After watching the fi rst two episodes it is a dilemma of Game of Thrones, I am of opinion when you have the new season of that the TV series is set for an epic win. such a vast Doctor Who at The CGI and set is good enough to number of felixonline.co.uk/tv transport the audience into a believ- protagonists. able fantasy world, and is stunning to Short of 24 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX Books Editor: Guo Heng Chin

BOOKS [email protected] Once upon a time in Dejima A beautifully realised historical fi ction

Guo Heng Chin clerk attached to the Company under a “No less skilled fi ve-year contract at the end of which One of the joys of reading David Mitch- he hopes to return to Holland wealthy hands could bring ell is the way his intricate prose im- enough to take the hands of his sweet- merses you into the rich, luxuriant and heart in marriage. to life the story with complex worlds he crafted; his intrigu- However, de Zoet’s time in the Land ing plots and and ability to get beneath of a Thousand Autumns would prove to such poetic grace” the skin of a diverse cast of characters be more than what he expected as he be- combinres to create some of the most gins to unravel corruption rife through engrossing read in modern literature. the Dutch East India Company ranks Mitchell grabbed the bull by its horns His latest book, The Thousand Au- in Dejima. A chance encounter with and turned the lack of a common lan- tumns of Jacob de Zoet brings us back to the mysterious Orito Aibigawa sets Ja- guage into plenty of humourous word- Japan during the turn of the 19th century, cob on a besotted pursuit for her love plays and puns with meanings lost (or where a isolationist Shogun decree kept and draws him into an adventure which muddled up) in translation, the gems it as one of the last bastions of the Orient would embroil him with sinister forces that contribute to the novel’s ingenuity. untouched by expansionist western pow- in the Japanese ruling elite and an ad- The many years David spent in Ja- ers of that time. The forbidding policy, in venture of murder and deceit. pan as an English teacher and the me- which even the act of teaching the Japa- In The Thousand Autumns David ticulous research (he once spent hours nese language to foreigners is punishable Mitchell conjures an exquisite stage of researching whether men of that time by death, preserves the unique cultural Edo Japan, and fi lls it with a colourful used shaving cream just to complete a heritage and independence of Japan, but cast of characters who leap out of the sentence about shaving) during the four at the same time pickles the island nation page with the energy and grace of a years spent writing the novel shows in and dooms it to a gradual decline as it re- nimble ballerina. It is also the work of the depth of portrayal of the Edo Japa- Read an mains stagnant while the world beyond a master prose stylist at his fi nest, for no nese culture, down to the quintessential its seas progresses. less skilled hands could bring to life the qualities of the Japanese language. interview On the bay of Nagasaki, lies Dejima, story with such poetic grace. All in all, The Thousand Autumns is a with David the sole trading outpost of the powerful Setting a story in which the charac- satisfying, immersive read which trans- Mitchell on Dutch East India Company and Japan’s ters are divided by a mutual language ports the reader to an almost fantasy- the opposite only window to the outside world. Jacob barrier may be an obstacle to effective like world. de Zoet is a young twenty-something interaction between the characters, but The book is now out in paperback. page Sex, drugs, and a pair of pink boots A provocative debut novel

Celia Usero Navarro almost be described as a force of habit: surrounding it, will leave you wanting an unbalanced structure of dependency. more. Reading the book feels as if I was living Jamie is about to lose every last ounce The second part of the book blew me the story through the eyes of the char- of self-respect while Maya freely en- away. It’s fi lled with so much raw emo- acters. gages in her weird sexual endeavours. tion. Jamie's anger and pain, her sense of The fi rst character you are introduced And that’s when Jamie meets Tayel in not belonging to anyone and the kind of to in The Pink Boots is Tayel. He sleeps a park. loneliness no one can really fi ll. Getting with girls just because he can. Listening Tayel made me laugh out loud sev- to know her story and then seeing her to the girl’s shallow blabber and put- eral times: he's such a typical guy in a life spiralling downwards, and watching ting up with lame TV shows in return way, so stubborn and set in his opinions. Tayel through his own struggle, until he for mediocre sex suits him fi ne. He is But as you get to know him better, you fi nally realises what needs to be done miserable but he just can't stop, because realize these strong convictions come but it is already too late, it made me cry deep down he knows, the girl who re- from a genuine place which he still like a little girl. The story reminds me a ally is worth fi ghting for is a lot more fi nds overwhelming. It's the place that lot of Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem for complicated and he's not sure he's ready. keeps him far from letting anyone in to a Dream, only that The Pink Boots left Jamie has a heart of gold but she just his heart. On the other hand, the sweet me with a lot more memories of laugh- hasn't yet met the manager of the "Good bundle of love that is Jamie wants noth- ter. Each character in the book is lov- Luck" Department in Life. It seems like ing more than to fi ll that void between able in their own little way, even Virgine all she ever does is give and give and them with all that she's worth but her the wannabe "artist", and Maya the lost in return life and other people deal her chaotic lifestyle and friends keep get- junkie. one slap in the face after another. She ting in the way. When she fi nally goes I recommend this book to anyone escaped from various foster homes in Interested off the coke, he decides to go on a bend- who enjoys the insight to both the male her early teens and after a series of di- in reviewing er. Reading the fi rst part of the story was and female mind and likes it spiced up sastrous events ends up with Maya, the books? Email like watching friends of yours doing the with a lot of sex, a lot of drugs and quite dead gorgeous but psychotic drug ad- mating dance but never quite getting some rock'n'roll and rave folk. dict. What was once a passionate and books.felix@ down to the real business, only in The For more information go to: intense relationship turns into what can imperial.ac.uk Pink Boots the wait and the characters www.thepinkboots.com FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 225 BOOKS A maestro of modern literature Two-time Booker fi nalist David Mitchell talks about his latest book

avid Mitchell is a major fi gure in contemporary English literature. Two of his nov- els, number9dream and Cloud Atlas were shortlisted for the Booker Prize. His Dlatest book, The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet follows the adventures of a young Dutch clerk in 18th Century Edo Japan in a tale of clash of cultures, cor- ruption, love and redemption set amongst a rich backdrop of an empire shut off from the rest of the world. Guo Heng Chin had a chance to speak with David about The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet and his writing.

What inspired you to write The Thousand came back. So they at least they could speak Autumns of Jacob de Zoet? Dutch, and I had the same really implausible Finding Dejima in 1994 during a trip to Na- ideas to increase the Dutch characters’ level gasaki. I was 25, and not yet published, nor of spoken Japanese. Just so I can avoid the even that disciplined about teaching myself problem. But of course readers are intelligent how to write, but when I came across the mu- people and they can tell when a book has been seum on the site of this partly reconstructed bent out of shape because the author is trying outpost of the Dutch East Indies Company, a to dig himself out of a hole! sort of onboard Geiger-counter crackled, and Then I realized that this isn’t a problem at I fi lled several pages of my notebook with all, it’s actually an addition to the book. There notes. About 12 years and 4 novels later, it is a sort of humour; there is a lot of potential was time to bring ‘My Dejima Book’ into land. in miscomprehension or incomprehension. So really it wasn’t an idea to use the wordplay of Do you put in much of yourself or people mutual language barriers, it was an act of sur- you know into the characters you create? render, I gave up trying to avoid the problem. Your own personality leaks into all your characters, no matter how you try to insu- Which authors would you cite as having in- late them. Characters take DNA from other spired or infl uenced you? sources too – people you know, other fi ctional Always a tricky one, literary genealogy. The characters, but a lot from the creator. Jacob is closer you look at the verb ‘inspire’, the fog- probably more principled than I am, and his gier it gets, and ‘infl uence’ is a cause-effect faith in God doesn’t come from me, and his relationship I'd rather leave to anyone willing rectitude is less fl exible than my own: on the to spend time thinking about it. To do it my- other hand, sure, he spent a long time living self seems a bit impure. But for whatever it's in Japan, not always understanding what he worth, the books I read as a kid which made me was seeing, and that's something I can cer- ache to write in a similar vein were Ursula le tainly relate to. Guin and Isaac Asimov, plus Susan Cooper, plus ‘The Sword in the Stone’, and some of One of the gems of the novel is the way you Penelope Lively’s children's books. At Uni: raries whom I enjoy include Sarah Waters, ous light-bulb is better than the present one" is transformed the lack of common language Borges, Calvino, John Fowles, Angela Carter Michel Faber, Hari Kunzru, Nadeem Aslam funny. The borders between mainstream and between the Japanese and Dutch charac- and Kundera all fl oated my boat. It was the and AL Kennedy, but there are lots of others. genre fi ction are getting hazy these days, and ters and their effort to learn each other’s 80s and unless you had POSTMODERNIST Outside literature, I'm working through the I think that's a good thing. language into a treasure trove of wordplay. written on your face with a big marker pen, box-set of ‘The Wire’, too – it's a mighty What gave you the idea for all those witty the doors at my university (Kent) wouldn't achievement, and serves as a reminder to Do you plan all aspects of your the story be- puns and humorous ‘lost-in-translation’ actually open. up my game. Oddly enough (or not) I think fore you start writing or do you ‘free write’ moments? In more recent years I try to keep my diet that Kate Bush's songs work like short stories like Stephen King? With the wordplay in A Thousand Autumns, more omnivorous. I enjoy Sylvia Townshend and mood poems. I don't know if she'd like to Not all aspects, no, because that would pre- it was a necessity. I realized why nobody had Warner, Forster, the 19th century crew, Har- be thought of as an honorary writer as well as clude the happy accidents, and happy acci- ever done a Dejima-Nagasaki novel before: uki Murakami, older-school Japanese writers a singular musician, but that's how I do think dents are often the best bits. If I ‘free wrote’ they (the Dutch and the Japanese) couldn’t like Juni’ichiro Tanizaki and Shusaku Endo. of her. Mustn't forget Kazuo Ishiguro, either. I'd be afraid that I'd always make the same de- really speak each other’s language very well! I never tire of re-reading Chekhov. He's And I’ve just ‘discovered’ Anthony Trollope cision at the same junction, and so my novels Leiden University had the daily journals that just great. John Cheever, and an American – ‘The Way We Live Now’ is a gorgeous great would come to resemble each other. I think of all the Dutch East India Company’s chief resi- poet James Wright. Primo Levi. Contempo- hairy thing. a novel as a road-trip, where I set off at point dents of Dejima kept and they were translated A, will end at Z, and mean to pass through into English. You can actually read what the Ursula le Guin and Asimov! Do you read points D, K, O, R and V, but how I get to and problems were on Dejima in 1798. One thing much fantasy and sci-fi ? from those points is something I won't know they complained a lot is that “None of these “When I came across the Not so much, these days, but I've digested until I'm en route. Furthermore ‘Z’ may look translators speak Dutch! This is hopeless!” a lot in my life, and as you know, once Sci- very different when I get there to how I antici- Even if they can, they sometimes pretend not museum on the site of this partly ence Fiction and Fantasy are absorbed into pated if beforehand. Mmm. This metaphor's to speak Dutch. And it was technically illegal the body they are there for good. Neil Gaiman gotten out of hand. for the Dutch to try to learn Japanese, but they reconstructed outpost of the is a superlative writer, I think. Ballard really did because the Dutch were very ingenious had something, too. I know ‘1984’ well and Lastly, any words for aspiring authors? linguists. Dutch East Indies Company, a think about it often – perhaps the best-realized The crucial stuff you need to know you can For the fi rst manuscript I made these tortu- political novel in the canon. Mostly my SF only know by writing. Get to it, and when ous, diffi cult subplots where I thought it would sort of onboard Geiger-counter is administered visually, in the form of box you look back at what you've read and think, be a good idea to have a couple of the [Japa- sets. I know my Borg from my Romulans, and ‘Jeez, this is awful', know that that is prog- nese] translators smuggle themselves out and crackled, and I fi lled several pages understand why the joke “How many Doc- ress. And avoid sentences that have ‘that that’ gone to Batavia [modern day Jakarta] to learn tor Who fans does it take to change a light- in them, though it is perfectly okay to begin a Dutch, and they learned it really well and they of my notebook with notes” bulb? Only one, but he’s sure that the previ- sentence with ‘And’ now and again. 26 FRIDAY 06 MAY 2011 FELIX Travel Editor: Chris Richardson

TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing You Were Here A weekend in scenic Prague Maksim Mijovic Maksim Mijovic

“Not many people know this, but the Nazis had lined the tunnels underneath Prague with dy- namite and were prepared to destroy it as they retreated in the face of the Red Army. Were it not for a small group of Russian monarchists who opposed them for 5 days and managed to foil the plot, all of Prague’s beauty wouldn’t exist.” We sipped our tea as Miloš continued his story. “And are they remembered today? There’s a small memorial to them, about knee- high, somewhere in the city. That’s justice for you.” As we sat in Miloš Gavrilović’s tiny antique shop hidden in a side street off the old town square, hearing stories of the city of Prague If you squint into the distance you can almost see the fi nal resting place of Bin Laden and its past, there was a feeling of unspoiled novelty, as if we have found something truly new and special. However, it was not just the All of these venues and many more accept an an effect of smells, sights and sounds merg- smiling, bespectacled old man who generated Imperial College card for a student discount, ing into one living hubbub and the food is well this impression – the whole city in cold grey usually in the region of 40%. worth the price, with two eating a two course February is like a fl ower waiting to blossom. Prague boasts many glorious landmarks, but meal with drinks for about £25. Naturally, the All its treasures are there, aching to be discov- equally it hides none of the scars of its history. selection of beers on tap is large: Svijany is ered. In Wenceslas square stands the memorial to recommended, whilst Kozel and Staropramen The treasures are truly endless. The obvious, student Jan Palach, who burnt himself alive in are ubiquitous. A pint shouldn’t be bought for but deservedly revered, Charles’ Bridge and protest of the 1968 invasion of Czechoslovakia more than £1.50. Prague Castle, both jewels of the gothic style, by the Soviet Union. Further north in the Span- Not far from the old town square is Potre- cannot be missed. There are also countless mu- ish synagogue in Josefov, the Jewish Museum fená Husa, a branded pub chain run by Staro- ‘Sparks fl y in Kathmandu’ by Navesh Chitrakar seums showing an incredible variety of exhibi- of Prague presents an informative but chilling pramen brewery that is also hot on the food tions: on the old town square an exhibition of account of the lives of Czech Jews during the front. Set in a more modern, bar-like ambience Want to see your travel photograph featured here? watch-making including information about the Second World War. it offers an equally appetizing menu but a more Send it to [email protected] Prague Orloj (the 600 year old astronomical After a day’s walking on the cobbled streets restricted choice of lagers. Staropramen of all clock) faces a building housing photos and let- it was time to indulge in an altogether differ- varieties are defi nitely worth a try, especially ters documenting the life of Salvador Dali. Not ent form of tourism. In Kozi street, the restau- Staropramen Dark (Cerný). a stone’s throw away is the Sex machine mu- rant Kozička boasts a wide range of European Despite only spending 2 days in Prague, the seum featuring, among its many quirky exhib- food including Czech specialties such as beef experience has succeeded in embedding in our its, a pornographic fi lm from 1925, allegedly goulash with potato pancakes in an enviable hearts a desire to return there many more times Travel On Your Doorstep commissioned by King Alfonso XII of Spain. environment. The smoky cellar look creates – I’m sure it’ll be even prettier in the Spring!

flickr/bluebeart World Cup woes for the residents of Rio

Leuvis/MundoReal.org Chris Richardson “The effects will

2014 will no doubt arrive in the blink of an eye Brick Lane market on a Sunday be devastating and it’ll be time again for that most glorious of sporting events. And with rocketing tem- for hundreds of Get there: District line, east to Aldgate East peratures, minimal living costs and the nearby See: The markets and vintage stores Copacabana beach boasting hot latina girls thousands across the Eat: Street food or a tasty bagel wearing next to nothing, what better venue for Cost: £2-5 for a meal the World Cup than Rio’s towering Estádio do country” Maracanã? If you’re looking to pick up a new (well, old) bike, Legendary football manager Bill Shankly is cheap clothes, miscellaneous bric-a-brac or even incessantly quoted as saying football is more protesting the illegal forced evictions are as just have a cheap bite to eat and a beer in the sun, important than matters of life or death – if only of yet making little progress: it seems that for then head over to Brick Lane this Sunday. And it’s the soon-to-be-ex-residents of Rio’s favelas now the children and elderly waiting to be re- just a stone’s throw from Shoreditch and its exciting were in the position to be able to take such a housed will have to put up with the rats and nightlife! shitty attitude towards what is, after all, just a “Go compare! Go compare!” whatever else the desiccated area is attracting. game. But for the sake of a game, it seems, the Hopefully this will change with added pres- government has been bulldozing such areas sure from high profi le groups like Amnesty. Planning a trip? Want some quick advice from ex- and forcing out their long-standing residents the hundreds of thousands across the country I’m not suggesting we fl y out to Rio and perienced travellers? Have a travelling tale to share in favour of, amongst other things, car parks. who will be affected For years families have form a human chain, but it should be food for with Imperial? It is a move that is anticipated to be repli- worked hard on building the community in thought. Most of us care to at least to some ex- cated in several Brazilian cities, and already such favelas, and in the space of days have tent whether our clothes and food are produced Drop us an email at [email protected], or has alarm bells ringing for Amnesty Interna- watched them crumble for the sake of football in an ethical manner, and in an age of increasing send us a tweet using #FelixTravel tional, who are currently meeting with activ- and the Olympic games. moral consciousness, perhaps some consider- ists in Rio. The effects will be devastating for Current campaigning efforts by residents ation here wouldn’t put us out all too much. FELIX Friday 06 may 2011 27

Games Editor: Simon Worthington [email protected] GAMES Portal 2? Like Portal but better, dummy! CEO Cave Johnson on why you should hand over your money

ello Felix readers, Cave department has somehow managed to Johnson here, founder convince me to try and tackle some of and CEO of Aperture these issues head-on. Boost the compa- Science. Now I’m sure ny profi le or some junk like that. One of you’re all wondering, the biggest complaints we’ve been get- “Cave,H why are you writing about Por- ting from you big babies is the game’s tal 2? Why are you breaking the fourth length. Stop and smell the ROSES peo- wall?” I’ll tell you why, it’s because I’m ple! I didn’t spend thousands of dollars Cave Johnson and I don’t let silly little out of my own damn pocket to bring in things like rules and regulations get in writers and voice actors and only have MY way. I’ll do whatever I damn well one-tenth of their dialogue listened to! please and damn the consequences. Slow down, open your eyes and ears, Here at Aperture we believe in striv- it’s not like you young people have any- ing for the best. We took the original thing better to do besides watching por- Portal and thought, ‘What would make nography or washing your hair anyway. this bigger? Better? BOLDER?’ And If you moaning minnies are STILL let me tell you, THAT was a hefty chal- going on, guess what? This summer lenge. Multi-award-winning product, we’ll be giving you all FREE extra seamless design, revolutionary game- content. You hear that over your blub- play, it had our best eggheads scratch- berin’ and bawlin’? FREE STUFF. ing their shining bald domes for hours. Would Black Mesa do that? Hell no They came back and said, “Cave, we they wouldn’t! New levels, new chal- can’t make this game better. Please Despite what it might look like, these robots are programmed for something other than interpretive dance lenges, new leader boards, all for noth- don’t fi re us.” Did it anyway, no room ing, NOTHING. I had to fi re HALF MY for failures here. Got some smarter guys STAFF just to afford this. Are you still in, cranked out Portal 2. injunction). It’s got thrills, twists and bridges, plates that fl ing you about the solution? ROBOTS. Not only do robots crying now? I should damn well hope Science has proven that short games turns and so much action it’ll make the room and more dynamic surface-coat- give you a guaranteed six extra seconds not! Why the hell am I even answering are bad, no two ways about it, so we sappier amongst you soil your diapers. ing gels than you have fi ngers (provided of co-operation versus human subjects, these God-damn letters, don’t you think made Portal 2 even longer than Portal. No, seriously, our story writers have you only have two fi ngers, that is). All you can’t kill ‘em. Just try, totally im- I have better things to do?! Twice as long in fact. If you’re dim wit- told me those of you with weak hearts of these have been proven to be 100% possible. Perfect solution to co-operative So anyway I had a meeting with PR ted it might even take you three times as need to stay away from this game. We safe for human use! (A note from the testing. We’ve gone and designed thirty and Carol, and they said that I ought long, maybe more, we don’t know. We really can’t afford another lawsuit. boys in the lab says that Aperture Sci- fi ve new test chambers, and all require to just go right ahead and chuck those at Aperture only test with the best of the We’ve also gone ahead and thrown in ence takes absolutely no responsibility the use of two sets of portals and par- letters down the incinerator chute. Best best, no dunces allowed. some new gameplay elements. I don’t for any damage or injury that probably ticipants to complete successfully. If you thing for ‘em if you ask me. To sum up, “What about story Cave? Have you pay my lab boys $100,000 a year just to will occur when you use our products). manage to do it alone I will personally more challenges, more story, more fun. skimped on that?” Who do you think we sit on their thumbs and suck up coffee. Fact – the key to any successful co-op- come to YOUR door and refund you the Just slow down and if we’ve not fi led are, Black Mesa? Of course we haven’t No sir, Cave Johnson makes sure my erative test is trust. Now we understand cost of the game, provided we haven’t for bankruptcy we’ll be getting out skimped on story. Portal 2 has at least boys work ten hours a day, seven days you can’t just trust anyone. Hell, I trust already spent it. some more test chambers this summer. 65% more story than Portal 2, and you a week to churn out fresh new chal- the next man just as far as I could throw Now we’ve been receiving some com- Cave Johnson, we’re done here. can go ahead and quote me on that lenges. If they get exhausted, fi re them him. Turn around, next minute he’s stab- plaints of late. Normally I’d respond to (Disclaimer from the suits in PR: quot- and bring in new guys, simple as. We’ve bing you in the back or pushing you into these in the usual way and throw them Dictated but not read to Laurence ing me on that WILL result in a court got asbestos funnels, lasers, hard-light a crusher. Boom, dead, end of story. The down into the incinerator, but our PR Pope. Service stoppage since Sony server security scandal

Simon Worthington is all 9 million accounts registered in Although specifi c details on the at- employees recently laid off in massive users can use a verifi ed e-mail address the UK. Further information was also tack have not yet been released, the job cuts at the company. to change the password instead, under- It’s been a frustrating fortnight for Play- stolen from the servers of Sony Online basics of the procedure used to gain Sony has announced that it aims to lining the need for any PSN users that station 3 owners everywhere. PlaySta- Entertainment, a PC gaming service access to PSN servers have now come get fundamental PSN services – that’s re-use their passwords on other sites to tion Network, the service used to play which runs the likes of EverQuest and to light. It was revealed a vulnerability online play, account management, chat change them as quickly as possible. online on the PS3, was closed almost DC Universe Online, where the hack- with the PSN application server, sit- and PlayStation Home – up and running In what is surely a move to prevent as two weeks ago leaving gamers without ers accessed an ‘outdated’ database ting between the web server and the before the end of the weekend, no doubt many disloyal PlayStationers from turn- access to any online content or multi- from 2007, containing 12,700 credit database, allowed the hackers to inject to coincide with peak revision/pro- ing to Bad Billy Gates and his Xbox as player games. It was revealed that the card numbers in addition to a further malicious code. Once they were inside crastination time for Imperial students. they can, Sony are also going to be offer- service was closed not for maintenance 24 million usernames and passwords. the internal PSN network, they attacked PS3 users will have to apply a manda- ing a ‘Welcome Back’ package of treats. but as an emergency security measure. Although Sony has confi rmed that only the database server and gained access tory update to their console and will be Every user will receive 30 days free ac- Sony’s PSN servers were the target 900 of these cards are still within the rights to the databases. Some com- forced to change their password as they cess to ‘PlayStation+’, PSN’s premium of a successful malicious attack by un- expiry date, it has quite rightly advised mentators have claimed that the vul- log into PSN, but this option is only pay-only service, and there will also be known hackers, who compromised PSN all users to pay special attention to their nerability was due to the servers using available on the console on which they a selection of free content available that servers and made off with personal de- statements. The internet has been awash an out-dated version of Red Hat Linux originally created the account in order has yet to be announced. Rumours have tails, including passwords and e-mail with rumours that credit card data is that hadn’t been updated with security to prevent anyone with access to the also surfaced that Sony will be slashing addresses, from over 77 million PSN now up for sale to the highest bidder fi xes, whilst others claim that the intru- hacked data from doing the same. In the the price of PS3 consoles worldwide at accounts. Included in the data stolen after Sony rejected a deal to buy it back. sion was an inside job by disgruntled event that this console is unavailable, around the same time. 28 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX Food Editors: Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash FOOD [email protected] Gastronomical Musings Convenience for the poor? Dana says: Samuel Furse explores why we dump our dosh in Greggs The memorable scenes of Brad Pitt licking peanut butter off a spoon in Meet Joe Black is exactly how I’d like to imagine the grim reaper. Suave, suited and darn right fi t.

Dana Li

Joe Black, I pay homage to you

Why this photo is not a true representation of Greggs: there is only one chav. In reality, they gather in herds... It’s not Brad I wanted to talk about really, though, it’s the love of peanut butter. The legume delight. Peanut butter ice cream, as I discovered this t is just fat pikeys that shop in Greggs. “I am not going to wax graph neither I, nor they, have the idea that Spuntino week is a heaven-sent tastebud delight. , Surely? I mean, it must only be they their clientele is a single-market for shoppers, hidden behind panel windows and a wooden sign who demand an opening time of 0700 lyrical about their wares of whatever waist measurement, on a budget. that screams renovation more than a tapas bar, on weekdays, freshly-baked multi-grain However, I am not going to wax lyrical about has been a food blogging sensation for the past loaves, Empire biscuits, and roasted in a Marks and Spencer their wares in a Marks and Spencer ‘food two months. Opening in March, and affi liated with Ichicken sandwiches complete with delicate porn’ advert sort of way. What I will say is its more sophisticated Venetian bars, Polpo and slivers of red onion. Must be. There is no other ‘food porn’ advert that freshly-baked baked goods, sandwiches Polpetto, it offers simple Italian-American comfort answer, clearly. that are 10% cheaper than Sainsbury’s and a food such as ‘Mac and Cheese’ and the not-so- Think for a moment, how often you buy sort of way” range that allows some ‘proper’ shopping on tiny ‘Slider’ burgers. That’s just a detour, though, lunch. We have all done it – either a result of the side, gives this lot a corner of the market of what I really wanted to share with you. The ‘Pea- poor planning the night before, greed, or be- that they are not really being challenged on. nut Butter and Jelly’ is fast becoming Spuntino’s cause colleagues were going out to buy and no less than £7. That is even if we take one off At least, not nationally. Local competition to trademark dessert, boasting a decent-sized sand- it was just easier to go with the ‘it’ crowd. In the list for the sake of a conservative estimate, Imperial would include the Sandwich shop wich of the smoothest peanut butter ice cream case you thought you were getting off lightly and because not everyone has two sandwiches on Gloucester Road, which probably has the with fl avours at full whack, and a fi lling that verges by being the last one to decide and appear as and morning coffee from Moonquids-Caligu- widest range of fresh made-to-measure budget between a jam or syrup of some kind with a hint of the most reasonable-sounding, I am afraid that la-Kingdom-coffee-cottage in the same day. £7 sandwiches I have ever seen in one place. So raspberry sourness. Peanut butter love to the max! reason can easily be boiled down to simple la- is not that much though. If it is once a week, one way or another it can be done on the cheap, I say, if it’s the grim reaper’s choice of food, it’s ziness. that makes £210 per year. On an Undergrad but the total is still the fat side of £5 per day. good enough for me. If you are thinking that you might do this term-table that is. If you are a postgraduate Undoubtedly none of this costing business It feels like a terribly apt moment to go get myself more often that you can remember, you might who eats out like this 3-4 times a week, this is looks good. I can feel it too. I suppose what a peanut butter Ben’s Cookie now to sort this PB like to consider the following: an annual bill of £1,400. The average bursary I should do now is extol the virtues of eating love out. Yes, we’re on initial terms. PB and I. That, – Sandwiches now cost about £2-3 per pack of an Imperial College postgraduate is now ap- some of last night’s leftovers for lunch every Ed’s Diner or a peanut butter milkshake at (which on average. I want to eat two of these, and I proaching £12.7k/annum. day. The rough cost of cooking-a-bit-more-for- make the best, creamiest, heart-attack-inducing am not alone; This does go much further than sandwiches tomorrow’s-lunch is probably no more than milkshake, end of)... Oh, the choices. – A drink. Another £1; I am afraid. Would you spend £5 on a packet £5/week, so it sounds as though it will work – A chocolate bar or cupcake, something of coffee that would make only 8 cups worth? fi nancially. But how often have you seen a col- If you’re feeling the love, check these out: sweet, £1-2, because, it is not a meal without Of course not. That works out to 63p/cup. Not league or friend or whoever eating their lunch Spuntino 61 Rupert St, London W1D 7PW. something for dessert now is it?; so expensive compared to the £2 one from As- out of one of those zipped cool-case things Ed’s Diner Unit 34b London Trocadero, 19 Rupert – The coffee you had on the way in, £2. Did teroidfrancs-Augustus-principality-whatever- with a plastic fork, in what is surely an utterly St, London W1D 7PA. you think you had got away with that one? coffee, though. joyless manner? Too often. This is something Nice try: it costs money too. You may be wondering exactly why Gregg’s of a paradox, then. Do let me know if you That makes a monetary total in the region of is relevant though. Based on the opening para- solve it. Answers on a postcard, please. FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 29 CLUBS & SOCIETIES

he idea of a chess-related Thorainsson managed a victory against event at Imperial isn’t a Venkat Tiruchirapalli and Charles McA- new one: the last major IMPERIAL H O STS leenan held Andrew Stone to a well de- open tournament held at served draw on bottom board despite Imperial was the 1st Chess- being 46 points his junior, for the match masterT British Blitz Championships to be decided 2.5-1.5 in Athenaeum’s back in 1999, which Hackney famously CH ESS TO U RN AMEN T favour. This resulted in Kings Head and dominated en-route to a well deserved Athenaeum having a joint-lead for the victory. Going back even further, Impe- next round, with Barford a single point rial is quite a famous venue for week- behind and ready to pounce. end congresses, as often as three times Photos and words by John Sargent The fi nal round saw Barford in prime a year, spanning from the 70s to the position to pounce, playing Kings Head 90s. The current students and indeed the I and pulling off a victory. However, organiser had no idea of this when the Athenaeum A won their match as well thought of hosting a chess event crossed which clinched fi rst place outright, so our minds, and once we had booked Barford had to settle for second place the beautiful activity rooms on the fi rst after leapfrogging Kings Head I, who fl oor of the Union, the pressure was on put in a great performance to fi nish 3rd to live up to our reputation. overall. Setting up on the Friday night was an Other notable mentions that won priz- interesting affair, particularly with the es include Cereal Imperial which won Union (despite being equipped with an the best-academic-institution prize, as awesome dining hall) seemingly only well as a storming tournament from having ten tables in the entire building. juniors from Wilson’s School who de- The meeting rooms in the east wing servedly pick up the best-average-U150 basement were duly plundered, a pro- prize as well as keeping all the univer- cess taking approximately four hours sity teams on their toes! Finally, the best and ending in several hearty drinks on game prize (which was offered on-the- Friday evening. The end result, though, day) as judged by English IM Thomas was spectacular: the well lit event hall Rendle went to the Round 3 encounter was set up and players would fi nd them- between Chris Tandy of the Mush- selves competing against each other in Vrooms who played against Tom Slater the shadow of the Royal Albert Hall the of the Southampton Cheetahs. next day. After packing up, the day ended with Saturday morning proved both pro- a lot of the Imperial crew celebrating ductive and hectic, with everything at the event organiser’s residence, with being set up but chaos when it came the daunting Team Barford, arriving as “I attempted to have and the chess was a tad quieter. For the special guests Postman Patzer (Kishan to putting individuals into new teams. the team to beat with an average grade record, this event organiser attempted Pattni) and DJ Hippo (Justin Hadi) When the dust settled, the event started of 211! the [Cricket] World to have the World Cup Final moved to keeping the party going into the early only twenty minutes late, with nineteen Extra tables and analysis boards were another date to accommodate the chess, hours. teams taking part. The fact that there available near the entrance of the room, Cup Final moved but they rather rudely never got back to The event was an overwhelming suc- was an odd number of teams was actu- which players used in the gaps between my e-mail… cess and thanks must be given to all ally a blessing in disguise: teams with rounds but almost not at all during to another date to Rounds one and two started slightly parties involved in setting up before players departing during the day were lunchtime, with most of the hall taking late but with an awesome turnaround and after as well as all the team cap- able to ‘steal’ players to fi ll in during advantage of the longer break to get a accommodate the thanks to our guest arbiter Alex Holow- tains and players who made the day a rounds – this meant no boards were proper meal in, in the many nearby res- czak, by the start of the third round after fantastic one over-the-board as well. defaulted, and even players receiving a taurants and cafes. chess, but they lunchtime (which was a generous hour, Special thanks must be given to Adam bye could participate in a rated game! The day was regularly interrupted not common for a chess rapidplay event!) Raoof and Sean Hewitt, who helped tre- Among the event’s guests included the with muffl ed screams and shouts of joy rather rudely never the day was looking like it could be back mendously with the organisation of the esteemed kingscrusher (Tryfon Gavri- from the downstairs student bar, where on schedule by the end of the day. event beforehand, as well as John and el), famous for his chess videos and a large number of cricket fans (mainly got back to my Barford were sole leaders after second Christine Constable who generously of- thousands of followers on YouTube. At Sri Lankan) were congregating to watch and third seeds Athenaeum A and Kings fered to lend us top-quality equipment a “measly” ECF rapidplay rating of 208 the Cricket World Cup Final. After e-mail...” Head I drew their match in Round 3, but for the day’s proceedings. We look (for those unfamiliar with chess ratings, lunch (during India’s match winning the afternoon got especially tense when forward to seeing you at Imperial Col- this is comfortably Master strength), he innings: say that three times fast!) the Team Barford were spectacularly beat- lege’s events in the future, which will was playing as the lowest rated player in attitude was somewhat more subdued en by Athenaeum A in Round 4! Paul hopefully be soon and frequent! 30 Friday 06 may 2011 FELIX

HANGMAN [email protected] Ohbitchuaries

We’re sorry to say that Twatter will have to take a break because we’re in mourning for Osama/revising for exams. It’ll be back when our OSAMA: THE LOLZ WE HAD exams finish/Osama comes back from the dead.

Barack_attack_l33thaxor

It’s not my fault! Dey were asking me to give da go-ahead for ‘Operation Turn-Obama’s-bedroom- into-a-bouncy-castle’. It was a srsly misleading name for a mission. Who’s goin to turn up to dinner in nothing but my Shelly’s underwear? Who’s goin to steal my Shelly’s underwear? Who’s goin to host the Disney Teen star themed parties? I’ll miss ya Osama Montana :’( xx wasn’t quite right. Before he had time to say 47. “As long you as you live under my ocean, The true story of “These low-grade rubber latex knock-off you’ll live by my rules!’’ shouted Osie. The gloves wouldn’t last two plates”, twenty five seals were so taken aback by this unexpected SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 how he died Hawaiian warrior-monk seals belly-flopped quote from Disney’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ that from a Chinook into his outdoor pool, which they momentarily lost concentration and Osie He was a great guy. Perhaps a little This week we tragically lost one of our most was commissioned during his bid for the unloaded rounds of indiscriminate fire towards misunderstood. Ppl look at him and beloved heroes of Twatter. Osama bin Moham- 2016 Olympics. The seals stampeded/rolled those fucking asshole seals. just think ‘9/11’ – he must be a ter- med bin Awad bin smokin bin Laden, more through Osie’s French windows and pulled out If poor Osie had watched the Blue Planet rorist. People are like so judgmental, commonly known as ‘Osie’ to his closest their battle rifles. episode on Hawaiian monk seals, which he and that was the central theme to friends, was savagely murdered by a bunch of Heroically, Osie utilised his nearest and had sky-plussed, then he would have known our hit broadway musical, ‘Toppling seals on the morning of May 2nd, 2011. Osie least-attractive wife as a human shield and sur- that the species are notorious for their bul- towers and economies’, which we was just having his morning ‘Bonne Maman vived the first barrage of gunfire. Using this let-proof blubber. As Osie lay cradled in the co-wrote. Everyone remembers the Wild Blueberry Conserve’ on toast and catch- ingenious wife-shield tactic, Osie managed to arms of the traveling salesman seal with 25 classic tunes like ‘that’s what over- ing up on the latest developments in ‘The only hold his ground for at least fourteen seconds bullets in his body and head, he managed to drafts are for’ and ‘Waiter! There’s way is Islamabad’, which he had sky-plussed, until he was down to his last wife. With a heavy say one last thing before his final breath… a plane in my trade centre!’ x <3 when he was rudely interrupted by a huge heart, Osie bravely stood behind his 15th and “Tell Cleggman it was me all along… I stole seal disguised as a travelling salesman. Mid- most attractive lover, whilst he tried to think his Petis filous from the fridge... lol”. And the way through browsing the seal’s selection of of a plan B. As the seals were all reloading, seal wept a small tear, for he had managed to Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! marigold gloves and Scotch-Brite™ scourers, Osie took his chance and double-back-flipped grow quite fond of Osie in those four minutes it suddenly dawned on Osie that something behind his Caliph-sized bed to grab his AK- of knowing him. Osie was a fuckin laugh! There was this time when we gatecrashed a night at Tiger Tiger. The theme was superheroes and Osie was dressed as wonderwoman. He was wasted and got with this fresher dressed as Osie’s Best Bits batman. He was so fucked he was actually convinced he was wonder- woman. When we got home he just Most Memorable Occasions AN ANGLE PERPENDICULAR started ironing our clothes. Not sure TO THE AXIS OF THE WATER what happened to Batman. xxx When Osie suicide paint-bombed the opposi- SLIDE’ tion team, along with the entirety of his own team, at Milton Keynes paintball centre. He When Osie turned up to the The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 was subsequently banned. Oscars dressed as Steve Buscemi’s wife. (Picture below). I guess he was alright, but there was When Osie invented the car, only to later fi nd this night when all the guys stayed it had already been invented. When Osie received his Blue at mine, and Osie was like just iron- Peter green badge for saving a ing all our clothes. In the morning I When Osie broke Disneyland’s Downhill dou- shrew from an eagle. opened the fridge and all my petit ble dipper water slide by going down sideways. filous were gone! He denied it, but The warning sign clearly stated ‘ATTENTION he was running the round the house CHILDREN: PLEASE DO NOT TRAVEL AT Most Memorable screaming ‘WONDERWOMAN NEEDS HER SUSTENANCE!’ before asking Quotes where I keep the little spoons. I’m still one little spoon down ‘‘That’s not C4! They’re platforms for my shoes! I’m bringing back the 70s!’ ‘FFS! Gor drove willyoujoinmymiliband? us off the cliff. LEARN TO DRIVE A ‘‘Obie... since when were you black?’’ FUCKING WARTHOG’’ Whu? What? Who’s dead? Am I dead? SHIT! WHAT!? AM I DEAD!? I ‘‘WHO STOLE MY ALADDIN COSTUME!? ‘‘Feel my head, Gor! I’ve got a temperature!... knew those 12 tabs of acid were a WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY - Oh, lol, I’m It’s BIEBER FEVER! LOL!’ bad idea :( :D :D wearing my Aladdin costume.’’ ‘‘WONDERWOMAN IS SUSTAINED!’’ FELIX Friday 06 may 2011 31 the turnip Horoscopes Hangman’s Finest College News Source Environmental Physics exam to become more Aries Taurus This week, you’re seriously considering This week, the Union lift is finally offering your lecturer sexual favours working again. But the question on environmentally friendly in return for exam questions. Like a everyone’s lips is “Did Donald Trump true entrepeneur, you make a slide really abseil from an eagle and dick n a drive to “practice what they nights over the guilt of doing other- All problem sheets, solutions and presentation before talking to him. Your Osama in the face?” Like the mystery of preach”, several changes have been wise. The final straw came at the end handouts will henceforth be only avail- proposal is called “Ass for Questions.” Obama’s mother’s birth certificate, I’m Iintroduced to the optional course in of last term, when a class was delayed able online and printing discouraged; He agrees, you hurt. worried that we’ll never know the truth... the Physics syllabus – effective imme- by half an hour because the lecturer had students who find it difficult to read diately. The overhaul was a culmination boycotted petrol. In protest, several dis- text off a computer screen are advised of a series of incidents such as lecturers gruntled students retaliated by leaving to buy a kindle or use the printer while refusing to print off handouts, teaching their lights on at home and linking her nobody is looking. The syllabus itself Gemini Cancer in unlit rooms and suffering sleepless to live streams of their rooms. will remain largely unchanged: apart from the occasional panda bear in pres- This week, you’re all ready to go to the This week, you decide to take a break entation slides to contextualise the pub- Summer Ball wearing leather chaps and from revision and have a beer in the Un- licity aspect of environmentalism, the a gimp mask when people start clam- ion. Before you know it you’re on a one- course will continue to teach about cli- ouring for black-tie. Sigh. Fine. You way flight to Mexico with a greasy-haired Welcome mate modelling and alternative energy go to the Ball wearing leather chaps, a Swede called Hussain. He calls you beau- back, and resources such as the methane farts of gimp mask AND a black-tie. Fucking tiful. You call your Senior Tutor and tell obese women. whiny twats. him you won’t be sitting your exams. enjoy the The most important change is how Summer the course will be examined. Students will now take a test on Blackboard in term... the computing suite. Not only will this Leo Virgo save paper, but also put an end to stu- dents write in massive letters in order to This week, you suddenly wake up in the This week, you’re in the library, use up as many answer booklets as pos- exam room. Fuck, how long have you studying as hard you as possibly can. sible, as some sort of joke. Views from been asleep? You lean over to the guy You’ve been going for 12 hours solidly the students are mixed: on one hand, the on the next table and ask loudly, “Hey when your brain gives up and shuts- potential for cheating is a definite plus. Human, what year is it?” Nobody is down. It’s a weird sensation. It’s as if However, Saul Russo, a student cur- amused. You get kicked out of univer- you... DON’T... GIVE... a... SHIT... rently on the course, isn’t so optimis- sity. You still don’t know what year it is. ANYMORE... trolololololol tic: “I spend enough time on Facebook when I should be studying. What makes anyone think I won’t be on it during the exam? It’s torture.” Libra Scorpio This week, you’re staring out of the This week, you have an existential library windows, at the smug bastards crisis. It preoccupies you for a few outside enjoying the sunshine. The minutes but unfortunately existential heavenly sunshine. You shake your fists crises aren’t useful revision tools so DRUNKEN MATE at them. You suddenly wake up in the you ignore the majesty, strangeness, and middle of a biology exam. You don’t do complexity of existence and go back to OF THE WEEK biology... doing algebra. Sigh... Sagittarius Capricorn This week, you’re chewing on your This week, you meet a Prince. A nails. They actually taste quite good. fresh prince. He tells you he’s from Kind of like candy floss. A dinosaur Philadelphia. You tell him you don’t sized gummy bear suddenly walks date soft cheese. He tells you that by, chatting to John Lennon... Wait a you’ve misunderstood him. You tell him minute. You’re asleep again, aren’t you? that you’re a Imperial dropout and not to Goddamnit!!! “use fancy words with me mister!” Aquarius Pisces This week, you’re wholly convinced This week, you realise that the Royal that all the exam-related jokes in the Wedding didn’t change your life one horoscopes are the funniest thing bit. You call up the Queen and say “Oi since Prince William came too soon. bitchface! I want my money back!” The Mostly because you don’t have exams examiner takes your phone off you and “You can fucking well step over me! I’m not moving from this paddling pool until Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, to revise for. Oh wait, that’s just me. kicks you out of the exam room. You’re Rihanna, and the now deceased Shah of Iran come and lick my balls...” MWHWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA still waiting for your money... 32 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions Crossword Across Down 1 2 3 4 4 5 6 7 8 1. Trigger (5,3) 1. Act of putting under 9 Slitherlink 5. General reptile (6) water (10)

9. Rough estimate (8) 2. Trouble or affl ict (3) 9 10 10 10. Lack of interest (6) 3. Jungle book author (7) 2 2 3 12. Breed of dog with a 4. Scottish river estu- 11 3 213 long, mostly white coat ary north of Edinburgh 2 2 2 (7,6) (5,2,5) 1112 13 12 15 2 2 1 123 2 3 15. Slightly raise one’s 6. Drive (7) 2 2 3 2 2 shoulders (5) 7. Device for augmenting 14 2 2 2 2 16. Edible item (9) thrust of a jet (11) 151316 1417 1618 1915 2016 2 2 3 3 3 17. Go past a point unin- 8. Rotations of Earth (4) tentionally (9) 11. In an unfair manner 3321 19. People’s republic, (5,3,4) 21 2 121 2 formerly Zaire (5) 13. Nickname of New 1722 2318 1824 19 1925 2 2 2 3 3 3 20. Quickly aroused to Jersey (6,5) anger (5-8) 14. Reasonably priced 22. Irritable; clever (6) (10) Nonogram 23. Soak up again (8) 18. Constellation which 262220 20 21 22 23 25. US northwestern the sun enters on Octo- state (6) ber 23 (7) 21 2 3 2 2 5 4 5 6 1 26. Cheapest part of a 19. Having ability to 1 1 1 2 1 1 1 5 1 1 1 2224 25 23 24 2 1 8 1 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 ship for passengers (8) achieve something (7) 1 21. Norwegian city (4)

5 24. Eggs (3)

10 2625 41 26 9

6

2 2

2 2

2

2 1 Nonogram - Royal Wedding Slitherlink 6

1 1 222 1 3 2 3 3 1 1 1 1 5 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 4 1 1 4 3 3 2 2 3 1 1 3 3 2 5 2 2 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 2 8 1 1 1 1 1 3 1 3 5 9 5 3 1 1 1 22 3 3 4 1 322 3 2 Crossword 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 31 2 2 2 QUICK - Apologies for the omission at 9ac - answer 1 1 1 4 was myopic, lacking foresight. How fi tting! Across 132 3 1. Test Tube 5. Upshot 10. Loose 11. Cryptonym 3 3 1 212 2 12. Microchip 13. Egypt 14. Rebukes 16. Coin-op 2 18. Ignore 20. Affably 22. Nihil 23. Time Limit 25. Steadying 26. Aerie 27. Stereo 28. Crayfi sh Down 3 1 231 2 12 3 1. Telemark 2. Stoic 3. Tree Of Knowledge 4. Bac- 1 1 3 chus 6. Pathetic Fallacy 7. Honeycomb 8. Tomato 9. 31132 2 1 1 2 1 1 Myopic 15. Big Cheese 17. Eye Teeth 19. Entail 20. 3 3 2 2 2 Armiger 21. Gnosis 24. Marri 1 1 1 3

5 3

CRYPTIC - Apologies for the poor numbering, 5 5 the clues did still work! Across. 1. Encompass 1 5 ChessSoc Chess – White to play and win 6. Moses 9. Alias 10. Speculate 11. Iceberg 12. 2 7 Tangent 13. Three Piece Suit 17. Charles Dickens 21. Shampoo 23. Speckle 25. Discourse 26. 6 1 1 Infra 27. Palsy 28. Potentate Down. 1. Emaciate 2. Crime 3. Musketeer 4. Assegai 5. Sceptic 6. Mourn 7. Space Time 8. Sleuth 14. Rehearsal 15. Secretion 16. Ussenate 18. Ego Trip 20. Used up 22. Phony 24. Kafka

Going Underground

B O R O U G H

2 15 18 15 21 7 8 CLASSIFIEDSFELIX Friday 06 May 2011 33

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Horny-as-hell postgraduate look- ing for hot-as-hell 1st year to lis- Post online! ten to sexy RnB through the night You can also place free adverts on- and talk about emotional issues. line! Simply head to iconnectimpe- If interested, post sexiest RnB rial.ac.uk, create an account and song you know on Felix Facebook post on their online marketplace! page. 34 Friday 06 MAY 2011 FELIX Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League sponsored by Men’s and women’s fencers crowned BUCS Champions Team P W D L F A Diff Index ...Continued from back page nor changes to the team, whereas St Andrews leaders from Sport Imperial and both teams 1 Fencing W1 9 9 0 0 1210 607 603 5.00 Gilliam and Robert Shaw, had a similar start were completely unknown to the men. Both started cheering loudly. The girls had another 2 Fencing M1 10 10 0 0 1229 919 310 5.00 to the girls as their opponents, University of had the order foil, sabre, epee and fenced in change of fencers before Emily ended the in- 3 Table Tennis M2 11 11 0 0 156 31 125 5.00 Edinburgh, had a team consisting of no foilists. parallel with the Sport Imperial leaders sup- security with another round of cheering. From 4 Water Polo W1 8 7 1 0 102 24 78 4.63 They won their match by 45-26, a good index porting from the stands. here, the girls almost gave up in their relief, 5 Volleyball M1 11 10 0 1 22 4 18 4.18 for the others to work with. The epeeists Mar- The women won their foil match 45-21 and combined with tiredness and the knowledge 6 Volleyball W1 11 10 0 1 21 4 17 4.18 cello Colombino, Ed Gilhead and Miles Gan- the men repeated their result from the semi- of Cambridge being the only epee team they 7 Basketball M1 12 10 0 2 917 735 182 3.50 dolfi met a stronger team than their foil fencing fi nal: 45-26. From here it continued, sabre be- had lost to. As their match fi nished 39-45 the 8 ICSM Netball W1 12 10 0 2 493 312 181 3.50 friends and lost by one hit, 44-45, after a thrill- ing up next. The male sabreurs improved their fi nal was over and the total score 123 – 96 for 9 Lacrosse M1 11 9 0 2 154 85 69 3.36 ing last period. From here it was down to the score from the previous match and won by Imperial. Meanwhile the men were still at the 10 Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 24 3.25 sabreurs Maiyuran Ratneswaran, Didier Nohl- 45-20, leaving it to their epee team go get one end of their match. This one had been much 11 Table Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 14 3.25 mans and Henry Gann to make sure the men point to get the gold. For the women the chal- more even as St Andrews refused to let Impe- 12 Basketball W1 9 7 0 2 464 348 116 3.00 followed the women in to the fi nal. To ensure lenge got slightly bigger, some of the fencers rial win with more than necessary. Challenging 13 Netball W1 13 10 0 3 546 367 179 2.92 this they could lose by a maximum of eight for Cambridge being unknown. Nevertheless, them all the way to the end they brought it up 14 Squash W1 11 8 0 3 31 12 19 2.55 hits. Though, keeping in mind that the team they stayed strong and won by 45-30, and the to 44 – 44 when Marcello put an end to it and 15 Hockey M1 12 8 1 3 46 25 21 2.50 has had 45-15 (victory) as their worst result, women were now 6 hits from becoming cham- got the fi nal point. With this the men won by 16 Rugby M1 14 10 0 4 344 191 153 2.43 no one was really worried. Edinburgh decided pions. From this position, the competition was 135 – 90 and did it in the best way possible: a 17 Hockey W1 13 9 0 4 67 24 43 2.23 to put up a greater fi ght than any other team so turned into something different. Both teams clean sweep. 18 Lacrosse W1 9 6 0 3 110 64 46 2.00 far, and managed to get 29 points. The overall would win, anything else would be a massive The prize ceremony was a happy moment for 19 Table Tennis W1 6 4 0 2 20 10 10 2.00 score was 134 – 100 and the foilists found it failure, and the goal was now to win before Imperial Fencing, collecting many gold medals 20 ICSM Football M1 9 5 1 3 28 18 10 1.67 highly amusing to point out to the sabreurs that the other IC team did. The women’s match and smiling broadly at a successful season. In 21 ICSM Hockey W1 20 10 3 7 54 48 6 1.40 their score had been better, always having been started a bit earlier than the men’s, meaning addition to the already impressive double gold. 22 ICSM Rugby M3 10 6 0 4 252 266 -14 1.40 the other way around. that they’d reached four hits by the time the Hannah and Maiyuran were awarded woman 23 Football M1 13 7 1 5 34 20 14 1.31 In the fi nals, the men faced St Andrews Uni- guys started. While Alice was trying to get and man of their respective matches, an award 24 Badminton W1 13 7 1 5 44 60 -16 1.31 versity and the women Cambridge University. the fi nal hits Marcello was rushing it a bit too decided by the referees. With the fi rst team 25 Hockey M2 12 5 3 4 22 26 -4 1.25 For the women Cambridge were known oppo- much in his excitement. Eventually Marcello together collecting 200 BUCS points the club 26 Football W1 7 4 0 3 19 19 0 1.14 nents from the Premier League, with only mi- managed to score the striking hit and both the has had its most successful season ever. 27 Tennis W1 7 4 0 3 42 42 0 1.14 28 ICSM Hockey M3 7 4 0 3 11 27 -16 1.14 29 Netball W3 9 5 0 4 291 217 74 1.00 30 Hockey M3 11 4 3 4 17 13 4 0.91 31 Badminton M1 11 4 3 4 44 44 0 0.91 32 Fencing M2 10 5 0 4 1122 1128 -6 0.90 33 ICSM Hockey M1 10 5 0 5 25 20 5 0.50 Premier League 1 34 Netball W2 12 6 0 6 445 483 -38 0.50 35 Badminton M2 10 4 1 5 43 37 6 0.20 36 ICSM Hockey M2 11 3 3 5 19 29 -10 0.09 37 ICSM Netball W2 11 5 0 6 341 360 -19 0.09 Bin Laden 0 38 Squash M4 6 2 1 3 8 7 1 0.00 39 Ice Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 With all the Osama excitement, you could almost 40 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 41 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 forget that Chelsea could win the league 42 ICSM Football M2 5 2 0 3 14 16 -2 -0.40 43 Fencing W2 10 4 0 6 1142 1170 -28 -0.40 Middleton is and who shot-gunned her fi rst… the Red Devils at Old Trafford. 44 Fencing M3 10 4 0 6 1146 1201 -55 -0.40 Charles Betts is that a dodgy goal line call and an offside have United fell foul of an unsuccessful counter- 45 Football M3 11 3 2 6 22 30 -8 -0.45 sent Chelsea storming down Manchester Unit- attack strategy against Arsenal, losing 1-0 46 ICSM Badminton W1 9 2 2 5 32 46 -14 -0.67 udging from the BBC’s “Most Viewed” ed’s neck. If only Jose Mourinho – and not Har- last weekend and reducing Chelsea’s gap to 3 47 ICSM Badminton M1 10 3 1 6 24 56 -32 -0.70 online articles, it seems the big story this ry Redknapp – were at the helm of Tottenham, points. And yet there were signs that this tac- 48 Squash M3 9 3 0 6 17 26 -9 -1.00 week is that Obama Bin Laden is fi nally we’d have heard the question “Why?” repeated tic would fail earlier in the year, during their 49 Tennis M2 10 2 2 6 40 79 -39 -1.00 dead (complaints directed to the Editor a few dozen times, thrown in with the occasion- Champions League clash against Chelsea. 50 Hockey W2 12 3 1 8 13 41 -28 -1.25 please). And so the excitable conspiracy al mention of miracles, and how the whole of United won the fi rst leg 1-0, however Chel- 51 ICSM Rugby M1 11 2 1 8 144 427 -283 -1.82 Jtheorists are out in force, claiming that the chap UEFA hates the poor little moaning shit-stirrer. sea’s 16 attempts on goal to United’s 5 showed 52 Water Polo M1 3 0 1 2 23 30 -7 -2.00 died years ago from kidney failure (yes, sugary Football is normally the reserve of beer- how lucky they were. Had Torres not been tak- 53 ICSM Rugby M2 12 2 1 9 200 438 -238 -2.00 Afghan sweets and not a 24 Jack Bauer style bellied men that need to so badly demonstrate ing a siesta, and Rooney not been so bullish, 54 Rugby M2 14 3 0 11 194 356 -162 -2.07 shoot-off caused the demise of the world’s most the extent of their insight, the clarity of their the score line could have easily been reversed. 55 ICSM Hockey W3 5 1 0 4 4 17 -13 -2.20 wanted terrorist) and that the news was not re- judgement, the supremacy of their knowledge, Ancelotti has been here before. In February 56 ICSM Hockey W2 10 2 0 8 21 42 -21 -2.20 leased until now for one of two reasons. that they come up with the most awful clichés of 2005, his Milan side were 12 points behind 57 Rugby M3 10 2 0 8 71 357 -286 -2.20 (a) Mr Gaddafi is still in power, alive and – it was a game of two halves, a player fouled Juventus. But by April, with three games to 58 Hockey M4 11 2 0 9 15 32 -17 -2.36 kicking, and hence the clearly logical thing an opposition member in the box and “paid the go, they were lagging by just 3 points. Has he 59 ICSM Badminton M2 6 1 0 5 16 32 -16 -2.50 was to divert everyone from this fact using the penalty”. But this season’s Premier League has learnt from that experience? His record isn’t 60 Squash M2 12 2 0 10 16 44 -28 -2.50 most absurd distraction technique since Adolf become, forgive the expression, a belter. promising, during his eight seasons with Milan, 61 Rugby M4 8 1 0 7 59 325 -266 -2.88 Hitler decided to grow a moustache. Or: Back in February, Ferguson wrote off Chel- he only managed to win the title once. Only on 62 Football M2 12 1 0 11 14 36 -22 -3.25 (b) There was fear Donald Trump would sea’s chances as they lingered 12 points adrift two other occasions did the team come close 63 Squash M1 7 0 0 7 5 30 -25 -4.00 start clamouring for Bin Laden’s death certifi - from leaders United, and at the time saw Arse- again to winning the Serie A as they fi nished 64 ICSM Netball W3 9 0 0 9 186 352 -166 -4.00 cate, and those in the know claim the evidence nal as their only contenders. But in a comeback second in both 2005 and 2006. The excitement 65 ICSM Netball W3 7 0 0 7 134 257 -123 -4.00 would have raised a few beards. as good as any Lance Armstrong, Zinedine Zi- of it all has got me churning out those despica- 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss But the real news, the thing everyone should dane, or Niki Lauda could muster, the Blues ble clichés right, left, and through the middle. be talking about… no, it isn’t how fi t Pippa will go top of the league on Sunday if the beat At the end of the day, it’s the goals that count. FELIX Friday 06 MAY 2011 35 SPORT James Brown Cryptic Crossword 1,487 1 2 3 4 4 5 6 7 8

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26 26 27 Football: Men’s 1st team win 28 29 ULU Challenge Cup Final 30 31 Across Down ...Continued from back page 3-4-3 position. The quality of the Impe- style, to cap a stunning comeback and 1 Put an end to juice game (6) 1 Burning to hold a note while giving ward in an attempt to level the score rial midfi eld began to show, and when take a 3-2 victory. Not even a misplaced 4 Celestial body is a drug (8) voice (8) before half time. They were rewarded Weedon played the industrious Robin- trophy could dampen the enthusiasm of 9 Neighbours on either side make 2 Inform us about costumes (8) handsomely when Benincasa played a son through on goal in the 86th minute, the Imperial contingent, who headed animal noises (6) 3 Chase around London delightful through ball to Eshun, who he took his chance beautifully – slotting back to South Kensington as champi- 10 Portuguese count in Western coast of neighbourhood (4) raced onto the pass and delicately lifted home to level the scores at 2-2 and spark ons. Ionian province (8) 5 North country measurement from the ball over the UCL keeper’s head mayhem on the touchline. Imperial 12 God with sore back (4) police HQ (8,4) with remarkable calm. were in the ascendancy and, with the 13 Distorted facial expression in the 6 Throw out, so as to measure up (4) Towards the start of the second half indescribable support of the fans behind In the next few hoods (5) 7 Empty lives of Greek fruits (6) Imperial looked to lose some of their them, dug deep to try and fi nd a win- 14 Hear hear? (4) 8 Jackass has master key (6) early impetus. This changed somewhat ner. Hearts were in mouths when Fryatt weeks... 17 Sex addict can champion many 11 Calm hometown somewhere in the when Hill, forced off by injury, was made a desperate goal line clearance, movements (12) Empire (12) I’m not going to lie to you guys, replaced by Wilson – an inspired sub- but Imperial pushed on. 20 Christian ship on the run crashes, but 15 Confusion over no money runs riot (5) but it has been a busy Easter! stitution which restored a good deal of Entering the 93rd minute of the match, brings them back dead or alive (6,6) 16 Cherish the radioactive material Sport at Imperial is getting bet- composure and shape to the Imperial when weary legs were all but resigned 23 Significant work stirring soup (4) found in the valley. (5) ter and better every year and as side. Both teams pressed on, but the two to extra time, Benincasa again played 24 Looks at the gentry (5) 18 Exclusively non-drinking lyrics in such, more and more teams are strongest defences in the league helped Eshun through on goal. All present held 25 Steady business (4) disarray (8) making it to various BUCS and to keep the scores level until the 75th their breath as Eshun – 1st XI POTY, 28 Dizzy Prime Minister (8) 19 Compressed tread contains enough ULU fi nals that all happen after minute. Imperial were slightly overex- and with more than 50 Imperial goals 29 Past elements include faded colours to be flattened (8)t our last issue of the Spring Term. posed at the back when UCL crafted a under his belt, powered toward goal – (6) 21 Bird in an apartment over the If I put everything in this week, slick move – culminating in a headed but he made no mistake. Pandemonium 30 Indication to stop in a seedy part of riverhead (6) there would be 10 pages of sport, goal for their striker. ensued. town (3,5) 22 Tightened wallet is dead (6) so keep an eye out, I promise Aware that time was running out, Imperial gathered themselves and saw 31 Remained boring-sounding (6) 26 Malign head of African state (4) your report will go in. Imperial switched to an aggressive out the last agonising seconds in good 27 Massive Virginia highway (4)

Lindsay Hennah up to in excess of 34 hours of matches. This was the fi rst time we’d progressed below us. Incidentally, we also beat the In that time, we’ve scored more than so far in this competition; we were the Imperial team 46-25 at Varsity. Not re- Medics With all the excitement of Varsity out 1400 goals. That’s more than a goal under-dogs...! People are often fooled ally as close a game as they might’ve the way, with the BUCS season fi nished, every 90 seconds. And if that doesn’t by our team – we often turn up in dribs hoped... We also got to the fi nal of the and with no fi xtures left until October, make for exciting viewing, I don’t know and drabs, with mismatching kit and oc- ULU cup and were unlucky to lose what Netball it’s about time that Medics Netball had what does! casionally we have to start with 5 play- was a close-match, with the other team some of the limelight. Of those 34 games, we’ve lost only ers. And I think that Brighton might having an 8th player in the form of their Netball is one of those sports that lots four. (One of these was started with only have fallen for this disguise. We ended umpire. Though we can’t really com- round up of boys claim not to like, mostly be- fi ve players (traffi c on the way there) up the proud owners of shiny gold med- plain about another medal, even if it is cause they don’t understand it. Despite and we only lost by one goal.) If I may als, having beaten Brighton 41-25. silver! not being able to run with the ball, net- say so myself, that’s pretty impressive! This season has been one of our most So I just want to thank all of the season ball is an extremely skilful, fast paced Last term, the team went to Shef- successful yet. We are the top of the girls who’ve been so committed this sport. And the Medics happen to be fi eld for the BUCS South-East Con- ULU Premier League; the Manchester year, particularly Cat Atkin, our oh-so- rather good at it. ference cup fi nal. 128 teams enter this United of netball. (Proud owners of 2 nearly-a doctor! Playing as much as we with gold This season, the Imperial Medics net- competition, so even to get this far was gold medals!) We are also joint top in have, and as well as we have, and fi tting ball 1st team have played netball three an achievement. Our rivals in the fi nal our BUCS league. And we’re in the in all of the other medical school obli- medal times a week since the beginning of the were Brighton 1s, whom we had both league second from the top. The Impe- gations is tough. I’m the proudest and season, almost without fail. That adds lost to and beaten during the season. rial team are in 3B, which is 3 leagues most grateful captain ever! ISSUE 1487 06.05.11

SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by

Jack Patten Imperial wins ULU Cup with last minute goal Tom Fryatt ULU Football Cup Final Men’s 1st 3 – 2 UCL 1st

The team celebrate their tremendous season with champagne The end of spring term saw the 1st XI clash with UCL in the ULU Cup Final. The two teams had been head and shoulders above the competition throughout the year, with Imperial denied the league title by a single point after suffering their only defeat of the season against UCL’s. This only strengthened Imperial’s resolve, and the squad Best in the UK went into the game in high spirits, and with a le- gion of fans to help them on their way. Imperial suffered an early setback when centre- half Farag failed a late fi tness test and was ruled Charlotte Levin Starting the semi-fi nals the ladies faced Durham Charlotte Levin and Emily Bottle, with the goal to out. Despite this Imperial began the game well, BUCS Fencing University, the team Clare Harding (Imperial sa- simply keep Durham on a score as low as possible dominating the fi rst 20 minutes with composed Men’s and Women’s @ BUCS Finals breur), used to fence for. It was already known to facilitate it for the sabre team. Facing a bit more play. On the break however, UCL threatened, and that Durham had a strong sabre team, but were not challenge in this weapon Charlotte managed to with Hill picking up an early booking in the centre Imperial Fencing’s fi rst teams came to the BUCS as strong in the other weapons. As they had won hold it fairly alright at the end with the fi nal score of the park – presumably for appearance’ sake, the Championships semi-fi nals with an amazing sea- against Oxford University with only a single hit, a 43-38. This meant that the sabreurs Clare, Hannah back four could no longer rely on the usual degree son in the bag. Both of the teams were undefeated team that Imperial had beaten convincingly twice, and Zoe Robinson needed no more than seven hits of protection. After 25 minutes, Imperial paid the in their leagues and had confi dently gone through the girls concluded that they had a fairly good to win, a task they accomplished early but then price for allowing a UCL forward a moment too their knock out rounds. In everyone’s mind were chance. Up on piste fi rst were Hannah Bryars, found the opponents one step stronger and lost 33- long on the ball, as he threaded the ball behind the the double silvers from last year, where both men Outi Supponen and Alice Mitchell, ready to fence 45. Imperial defence to his strike partner, who duly put and women were close to grabbing the gold but in foil. No one from the Durham team was an actual As the women had advanced to the fi nal with the his team ahead. the end were defeated. For the women this year foilist, which meant that even though there was overall score 121-95, the men were going a simi- Imperial were buoyed by the belief that they was of extra importance, having ended up second nervousness involved our team could win comfort- lar route. The foilists in the team, Ed Collier, Chris had the better of their opposition, and surged for- two years in a row. ably with 45-12. Epee coming up next with Alice, ... Continued on Page 34 ... Continued on Page 35 TECHNOLOGY FILM TELEVISION GAMES FOOD

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